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Roman Polanski's Legacy

Drunken, nostalgic girl #1: So, did you guys end up getting anywhere?
Drunken, nostalgic girl #2: No, I was thirteen!
Drunken, nostalgic girl #1: Yeah, but you didn't do anything? Like, not even touch his dick?
Drunken, nostalgic girl #2: I don't know, I was drunk!

Vincennes, Indiana

Overheard by: 202 Tavern Girl

Card: I Miss You, Baby, in My Bed/ I Miss My Liver, 'cause It's Dead

Girl: So I asked him: "When are you going to come back for a reunion? I miss you!" and he was like: "I miss you so much I've had to replace you with alcohol." That's like, the biggest, best compliment ever! They should make a Hallmark card that says that.

West Lafayette, Indianapolis

Overheard by: Kolja


Categories: Compliments | Default | Drinking & drunks | Feelings | Girls | Indiana | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2008-06-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Really? Now All I Have to Do Is Master Shot Callin' and I Can Die Happy!

Teen cashier at checkout: Are you listening to music on an iPod?
Geriatric customer: It's an iPhone.
Teen cashier: Dude, you're ballin'.

Columbus, Indiana

Overheard by: Hoosier

No Good Ever Comes of Communication

Wife: Do you like my new hairstyle?
Husband: Yep.
Wife: That's it? Just "yep"?
Husband: Looks very different. It'll be like having sex with another woman.
Wife: Asshole! Should have kept my mouth shut.
Husband: Yep.

Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana


Overheard by: Shatmandu


Categories: Beauty | Compare and contrast | Couples | Guys | Hair | Indiana | Insults | Malls | Questions | Relationships | Sex | Women | Words | Posted 2008-05-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Golden Showers Count As "Animal," Right?

Mid-20s girl: So, I've been a vegetarian for about six years now and I'm trying to phase out all animal products.
Mid-40s woman: Oh, I could never be a vegetarian, I'd die. I like my potatoes too much.
Mid-20s girl: Umm... Potatoes are vegetables.
Mid-40s woman: Yeah, I guess you're right. But I mean like peas and stuff.

Kokomo, Indiana

Overheard by: Justin


Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Feelings | Food | Fruit | Girls | Idiots | Indiana | Stupidity | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-05-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Naturally, It's Huge

Young mom, looking disgusted at a paparazzi photo of Pamela Anderson: That's disgusting.
Four-year-old son: What?
Young mom: Honey, what's wrong with this picture?
Four-year-old son: I can see her penis.

Bowling Alley
Indiana


Overheard by: Aunt Oblivious


Categories: About celebrities | Feelings | Gossip | Guys | Indiana | Kids | Moms | Penis | Sensory experiences | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

"Family Game Night" Has a Different Spin When Your Parents Are Psychologists

Chick: Yeah, he was just showing us random slides and told us to guess what they were. And there was this one slide -- at first I thought it was Jesus and some chick, but on the next slide the dude was turning into a horse and I thought, 'Jesus never did that!' so I just put down 'Man turning into a horse.'

Purdue University
West Lafayette, Indiana


Categories: Animals | Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Indiana | Jesus | Posted 2008-03-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Or They Frightened It into Submission with Religious Rhetoric

Lipstick lesbian #1: If we move into a house, we're going to have to get some new stuff...
Lipstick lesbian #2: Wait... How did the pilgrims cut their grass?
Lipstick lesbian #1: Um, I think they had cows.

Fox and Hound
Indianapolis, Indiana


Categories: Animals | Default | History | Indiana | Lesbos | Questions | Stupidity | Posted 2008-03-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Though I'd Always Pictured You As More of a Titmouse

Suit on cell: Wait, while I've got you on the phone, what's your animal spirit name? ... Ah, 'White Wolf' -- of course. All right, see you then.

Coffee shop
Indianapolis, Indiana


Overheard by: Baffled Bear


Categories: Animals | Default | Indiana | Names | On the phone | Questions | Suits | Posted 2008-02-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Clearly You've Never Had Velveeta Mac N' Cheese

Professor: So, do you guys think fornication is man's greatest pleasure?
First year Humanities class: [Embarrassed silence.]
Brave student: Um... I don't know about greatest... I mean, I like to eat.
Professor, slamming hands down on desk: I've been eating for 62 years, and I've never gotten an orgasm from it!

Richmond, Indiana


Categories: Default | Indiana | Orgasm | Questions | Sex | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-02-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And All Those Pills for Breakfast

Guy: I need some food.
Girl: You just had a cigarette!

Purdue University
West Lafayette, Indiana


Categories: Comebacks | Food | Girls | Guys | Indiana | Smoking | Students | Posted 2008-01-31 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

It's the Universal Indiana Witticism

Guy #1, poked with pencil: Shit! That hurt!
Guy #2: That's what she said!
Guy #1: What?
Guy #2: That's what she said.
Guy #1: That doesn't even make any sense...
Guy #2: That's what she said!
Guy #1: Dude! You're not even using it right!
Guy #2: That's what she said!
Guy #1: Go fuck yourself! [Walks away.]
Guy #2, yelling back: That's what she said!

Carmel, Indiana

Overheard by: POS


Categories: Guys | Indiana | Stupidity | Posted 2008-01-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Legacy of Enron

Belligerent hobo: Hey, you! Get back here! Open up that bathroom door! Get back here, or I'll pull out my 401(k) on you!

418 East 34th Street
Indianapolis, Indiana


Categories: Hobos | Indiana | Threats | Posted 2008-01-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Going Down or Coming Up?

Lady holding bottle of Chardonnay: Does this taste like a white wine?

New Albany, Indiana

Overheard by: liquor store counter jockey


Categories: Bimbettes | Indiana | Questions | Posted 2008-01-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

If You Play the Bible Backwards, You Can Hear Them Talking

Bimbette: Of course dinosaurs and humans lived at the same time!

Bloomington, Indiana

Overheard by: Mike


Categories: Bimbettes | History | Indiana | Stupidity | Posted 2008-01-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

... Placenta

Skinny teen: Get over here, Uterus!
Pregnant girl: I'm coming!

MITS Bus
Muncie, Indiana


Overheard by: Emma


Categories: Chicks | Indiana | Names | Posted 2007-12-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

... As This Science Experiment Demonstrates

Queer: No amount of chocolate or Fosse will bring back my ass virginity.

Indiana University
Bloomington, Indiana


Overheard by: spunky


Categories: Backdoor | Indiana | Queers | Virginity | Posted 2007-11-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Buy Her Pinocchio and Have Him Lie to Her

Geek to friend: You need to get her something she can use in bed... Like a puppet.

Gen Con Indy
Indianapolis, Indiana


Overheard by: Matt


Categories: Advice | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Indiana | Posted 2007-11-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Always Sucked at Bird Math

Dude: I was going to say, 'Kill one bird with two stones,' but that's not right. That's just stoning a bird.

Memorial Park
Lebanon, Indiana


Overheard by: Carie Jones


Categories: Guys | Indiana | Stupidity | Posted 2007-11-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

That Way I Can Put Both of My Talents to Use

Seven-year-old: You can't be a rock star. Everyone wants to be a rock star. You have to be something else.
Six-year-old: Fine! I'll be a fucking barber!

Indianapolis, Indiana


Categories: Indiana | Jobs & Careers | Kids | Posted 2007-10-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Current Exit Strategy for Iraq

Dude: I was trying to moon them with your butt without you knowing.

Lebanon, Indiana


Categories: Ass | Guys | Indiana | Posted 2007-10-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I'll Nurse My Hurt Feelings Over by the Menopause Section

Little boy: Mommy, whats a M.I.L.F.?
Mom: Well, honey, it's a... Wait, someone called me a M.I.L.F.?
Little boy: No, Bobby's mom.
Mom: Well, then, it's not important. Go play.

Barnes & Noble
Indianapolis, Indiana


Overheard by: i'd like to see bobby's mom next PTA meeting


Categories: Indiana | Kids | Moms | Words | Posted 2007-09-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And Had Roosters Tied to Your Nipples

Girl: You were being cocky!
Upset ex-boyfriend: No, I wasn't!
Girl: You couldn't get any cockier if you had dicks coming out of your ears and eyeballs.

Elkhart, Indiana

Overheard by: ashley


Categories: Couples | Indiana | Insults | Penis | Posted 2007-09-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

There's a Lot of Smoke around Me, but No Fire

Thug filling out employment application: Hey, when you say, 'Have you ever been convicted of a felony?' do you mean found guilty, or just sort of accused and arrested?

Wendy's
Indianapolis, Indiana


Overheard by: maybe he shouldn't use the plastic silverware...


Categories: Crimes | Indiana | Questions | Thugs | Posted 2007-09-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Or Maybe He's on the Evening News -- Whatevs

Queer #1: I saw this guy here yesterday who looked super familiar, and I couldn't remember from where...
Queer #2: Oh, yeah?
Queer #1: Well, finally I just gave up and walked over there and said, 'Hey, you look familiar. Didn't we have sex before?'
Queer #2: Oh, yeah?
Queer #1: He didn't answer, but I'm totally right about it. I think he was with his girlfriend or something, too, so maybe that's why.

Abbey Coffeehouse
Indianapolis, Indiana


Overheard by: can i use that as a pickup line?


Categories: Gossip | Indiana | Queers | Posted 2007-09-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Rather Distracted the Rest of Us

Male student: Yeah, that's what you get when all the assignments aren't due 'til the end of the semester.
Female student: I know, right? I totally just jacked off in that class.

Goshen College
Indiana


Overheard by: Marianne


Categories: Education | Indiana | Students | Posted 2007-08-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Take Me, Mandingo!

Lady suit on cell: Yeah, I wanna just have wild, heathen sex sometime... Well, he is black...

Panera Bread
Indianapolis, Indiana


Overheard by: kat


Categories: Indiana | Race | Sex | Suits | Posted 2007-08-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I'm Going to Have to Regrade Your Test

Student: Man! Question number four on that exam? The one about chickens was so hard... It took me forever.
Teacher: Well, it seemed tricky, but the problem was really pretty straightforward. It just involved birds instead of mammals.
Student: ... Chickens are birds?

Bloomington, Indiana


Categories: Animals | Education | Indiana | Students | Teachers | Posted 2007-07-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Ma'am, You've Got Two All-Beef Patties There

Overeager mother: Sometimes when my boobies sweat, they smell like Big Macs.

McDonald's
Madison, Indiana


Categories: Indiana | McDonald's | Moms | Rack | Posted 2007-07-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Toss It Out the Window of a Moving Car

Mother: If a man ever hurts you, spit in his face, then cut his dick off and hand it to his mama.
Nine-year-old daughter: What if it's my brother?

Muncie, Indiana

Overheard by: rideabike


Categories: Advice | Indiana | Kids | Moms | Posted 2007-07-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

It's Shiny, but with No Waxy Buildup

Chick on cell: I don't know -- sometimes I'm just overwhelmed with a desire to smell my boss's head.

Indianapolis, Indiana

Overheard by: Jason Carr


Categories: Indiana | North America | On the phone | USA | Posted 2007-06-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Switch Hands!

Drunk girl: I don't need a man. I need a sex toy. Shit, I got carpal finger.

433 4th Street
Columbus, Indiana


Categories: Drunks | Gripes | Indiana | Posted 2007-06-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Fat People: Can't Argue. Eating.

Queer: If gay people can't get married then fat people shouldn't be allowed to have lunch breaks!

Carson Street
Muncie, Indiana


Overheard by: Cassie


Categories: Indiana | Philosophy | Queers | Posted 2007-05-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Or Should I Just Come on It?

Man whispering into cell: But honey, I didn't fuck her! I just came on her! ... Hey, you want that Polynesian sauce they got here, right?

Chick-fil-A, Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana


Overheard by: Shatmandu


Categories: Cum | Indiana | On the phone | Posted 2007-05-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

... Kindly Fellate Me, You Promiscuous Female Dog

Old black lady to friend: He had shit all fuckin' dumped out all over the goddamned place, so I says, 'What the fuck is you doin', Raphael?' And that mothafuckah says-- [she looks around]. Shit, I forgot they's white people up in here! Sorry, folks. So, Raphael had made such a terrible mess, so I asked him what he was doing, and he said...

Circle Centre Mall Concourse
Indianapolis, Indiana


Overheard by: Shatmandu


Categories: Black people | Gossip | Indiana | Race | Posted 2007-04-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I'm Saving My Mouth for Marriage

Middle-aged woman to friend: I will text the shit out of your ass, but I will not leave you a voicemail!

The Premiere Grill
Valparaiso, Indiana


Categories: Indiana | Ladies who lunch | Restaurants | Texting | Posted 2007-03-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook