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Allison Took Silver at the Entitlement Olympics
Flight attendant to woman putting luggage in the only overhead compartment left: Ma'am, if you put your luggage there, but go way up front, when the plane lands, you'll have to wait to deplane until everyone else has because you can't go back here if you're up front when people are trying to exit the plane.
Woman: But this is my only option!
Flight attendant: You could sit in the back.
Woman: No!
Allegiant Airline
Ft. Wayne, Indiana
Overheard by: ISPgypsy
Why Do You Think They Called It "The Battle Of the Bulge"?
Old man to another, over lunch: And once one of the Germans got constipated, none of us could shit for weeks!
Valparaiso, Indiana
Is a Prejudice Bad Even When It's Good? Discuss.
Former roommate: Arabs smell good... No, I don't talk to stinky Arabs. All my Arab friends smell fantastic.
Bloomington, Indiana
Overheard by: Rachel S.
Categories: Guys | Indiana | Race | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Posted 2011-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Raise Your Hand If You'd Watch Their Reality Show.
30-something woman: I will never find true love.
Barely legal guy: Well, you've got a husband, you've got me, and you've got the two other guys you're sleeping with, so it's not for lack of trying!
Clarksville, Indiana
Categories: Compliments | Feelings | Guys | Happiness | Indiana | Relationships | Women | Posted 2011-03-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gee Thanks, Captain Buzzkill
Part-time firefighter: So the next time you feel chest pains, it may not be a good idea to tell 911 that you took meth earlier. And the next time you're in a car crash, keep your pants on.
Bloomington, Indiana
Overheard by: he has the most interesting stories...
We Don't Want to Think Dirty Things About This Quote, But...
Father: What will happen if mommy finds out?
Daughter: Total plutonic reversal.
Father: And?
Daughter: And I won't get any more suckers.
Bloomington, Indiana
Overheard by: Danzdman
I Have Standards; They're Just Substandard
Sorority girl #1: Yeah, I'd give him a blow job him if he gave me $100.
Sorority girl #2: So you'd prostitute yourself for low 3 figures?
Sorority girl #1: No! It's not like I would ever have sex with him, no matter how much he paid me! He's disgusting!
Indiana University Southeast
Your Hair Totally Spoiled the Sodomy
Gay #1, to gay #2 in passing: Your hair's getting so long!
Gay #2: Thanks!
Gay #1, cheerfully: It wasn't a compliment!
Muncie, Indiana
Categories: Compliments | Hair | Indiana | Queers | Posted 2010-07-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Of Condoms?
College guy, shouting out window: She makes me jealous. She's so hot!
Friend, mumbling: 48-pack!
Bloomington, Indiana
Overheard by: Rachel S.
Categories: Beauty | Feelings | Frat boy types | Friends | Indiana | Posted 2010-07-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...In the Soft Porn Industry
Pretty hipster to hipster friend with iPhone: Danny! Stop taking pictures of random girls!
Hipster friend with iPhone: I can't help it, I need them for my work...
Elkhart, Indiana
Categories: Cell phones | Friends | Hipsters | Indiana | Jobs & Careers | Posted 2010-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Perhaps Buy a Special Bra.
Girl to friends: Mine is, like, nubby!
Friend: You should probably get that checked out...
Culver, Indiana
Categories: Advice | Friends | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Indiana | Posted 2010-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I've Got a Case for Her
Guy to friend looking at beer: Yeah, I better get some if she's coming over. She's the only girl I've ever been with that can drink more than me. Which is kinda scary... and kinda hot.
New Castle, Indiana
Categories: Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Guys | Indiana | Sexuality | Posted 2010-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My New Cream Rinse Is Unstoppable!
Jiu-Jitsu guy #1, rolling around and trying to choke the other: Oh, your hair's soft today.
Jiu-Jitsu guy #2: Thanks, I used herbal essence this morning.
Indiana University
Overheard by: Rachel S.
Categories: Beauty | Colleges & Universities | Compliments | Guys | Hair | Indiana | Posted 2010-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Two or More People, Honey
Ten-year-old: Mom, what's "shagging"?
Mom: Um... It's like shedding. You know, like how the cat sheds hair on the couch?
Four-year-old: No, it's not. It's when two people have sex. Jeez!
Clarksville, Indiana
Um, Why Is the Horn Down Your Pants?
Bus driver: So, I heard the last 9 bus was full and a lot of you had to wait for this one. If you're angry about it, you can honk this bus' horn. Really. I don't want you leaving here mad at Bloomington transit.
Bloomington, Indiana
Overheard by: Honked the Horn
Categories: Bus drivers | Indiana | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Posted 2010-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Life Is Sweet; Don't Fuck It Up
Professor: No drinking and driving this weekend! No drugs! ...and no babies.
Ball State University
Muncie, Indiana
Overheard by: Sara
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Drugs | Indiana | Pregnancy | Sex | Teachers | Posted 2010-02-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And Be Granted Three Wishes.
Guy to girl: If I had an iPhone I wouldn't need a girlfriend, I would just rub that...
Valparaiso University
Indiana
Overheard by: Rachel Kaiser
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Gadgets | Girls | Guys | Indiana | Sex | Posted 2010-02-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Preferably in the Drawing Room With a Candlestick
Young woman shouting to older gentleman: Why can't Dr Molar do his own wife?
Olive Garden
Indianapolis, Indiana
Categories: Family ties | Guys | Indiana | Questions | Restaurants | Sex | Women | Posted 2010-01-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, It's Not Messy-- It's Calligraphy.
Preppy white boy: You're both women, and you're Asian! How can you have messy handwriting??
Professor: Wait, did I really just hear that?
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: The non-asian woman
Categories: Asians | Compare and contrast | Gender issues | Indiana | Preppies | Questions | Race | Stupidity | Teachers | Whiteys | Posted 2010-01-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Biology Teachers Really Know How to Make Learning Fun
Girl wearing "save a horse, ride a bride" t-shirt, during bachelorette party: I loved the penis toss!
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Kevin Gordish
The Difference Between Long-term and Short-term Thinking, Encapsulated
Girlfriend: How would you feel if I told you I was pregnant?
Boyfriend: Are you pregnant? Because if you are, I'm cumin' in you.
Indianapolis, Indiana
Reader Survey: What's Going on Here?
Man, chasing girlfriend after party was busted: Bitch, where is my money? Bitch! Where is my money?
Girlfriend: You can't go to jail again, get in my trunk!
Bloomington, Indiana
At Least Not Without an Audience
Waiter #1: We need to get this shit done and get out of here.
Waiter #2: Yep. I need to get to the bar. Molly's not gonna fuck herself tonight.
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Did I Stutter?
Six-year-old boy: Hey, look at this piece of bamboo!
Eight-year-old brother, taking bamboo, hiding it behind his back and then brandishing it like a staff: And now, with my mermaid magic, I pronounce you Sir Giraffetail! Ahoy!
Six-year-old boy: What?
Indianapolis Zoo
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Emily and Aaron
...to Our Lord Jesus Christ.
Librarian at info desk: How are you today?
Gloomy guy: Not very well.
Librarian: Why not?
Guy: Oh, my girlfriend's being mean to me... Are you single?
Librarian, unfazed: No, I'm married.
West Lafayette, Indiana
Overheard by: Rachel S.
Are We Giving Or Receiving?
Older man: You kids gonna come out and play?
Kid: Play what?
Older man: Cornhole.
Indiana
...Which Is Totally a Girl
Guy #1: Dude, have you seen this picture?
Guy #2: Nah, dude. Show it to me.
(guy #1 shows guy #2 picture of naked girl in a scenic background)
Guy #2: Dude, do you think it's gay that I think the scenery is the prettiest thing in this picture?
Guy #3, walking by: No, you just want to fuck the planet.
Carmel, Indiana
AndNone Of Your Trickery Is Going to Get Me to Admit That We Do
Patron: Double cheeseburger and small fries, please.
Counter boy: We don't have small fries.
Patron: What sizes do you have?
Counter boy: Medium, large and extra large.
Patron: Which size is the smallest?
Counter boy: Medium is the smallest.
Patron: Fine. I'll take the smallest, then.
Counter boy: We don't have small fries.
McDonald's
Bloomington, Indianapolis
Woody Allen Was a Tedious Child
Teacher to four-year-old boy: How do you like your teacher?
Four-year-old boy, frustrated: I don't. She's always yelling at me.
Teacher: Well, it will be okay. At least you'll be going home soon.
Four-year-old boy, throwing hands in the air: No, it won't! It's never going to end!
Indianapolis, Indiana
...While the Three Little Pigs Watched Through Binoculars.
Psych professor: Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a sexual encounter.
Purdue University
West Lafayette, Indiana
I Was Gonna Give Up the Baby Anyway
Teenage girl #1 in high school bathroom: I'm excited that I'm pregnant, it just sucks that I'll have to give up drinking.
Teenage girl #2: Why? I didn't!
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: not surprised
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Family ties | Gripes | Health & Hygiene | Indiana | Parenting | Questions | Teens | Posted 2009-07-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
With His Big Blue Ox
Drunk girl: St. Patrick's day is celebrating St. Patrick...who drove all the rats out of Germany.
University of Evansville
Evansville, Indiana
Overheard by: matt
Just the Check Then?
Waitress: Do you all need anything else?
Black guy: Do ya'll have some salvation back there in the kitchen?
Black girl: Are you for real? You makin' me laugh so much I'm gonna need a bucket, ya'll got a bucket back there too?
Perkins
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Deanna Gustav
Categories: Black people | Christianity | Default | Employees | Girls | Guys | Indiana | Offers and requests | Questions | Restaurants | Words | Posted 2009-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Elizabeth Taylor Would Soon Realize Her Goal
Girl to friend: If I'm 80 and still alive, I'm going to eat the whole world.
South Bend, Indiana
Overheard by: Carole
Categories: Age and ageing | Default | Euphemisms | Food | Girls | Indiana | Posted 2009-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why, Are Crocs Back?
Patron #1: How are you tonight?
Patron #2: Well, I'm currently disappointed in humanity.
Bar
Columbus, Indiana
Overheard by: Projection1234
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Bosses | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Guys | Indiana | Questions | Posted 2009-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Then Other Times I Vomit
Drunk guy walking past mirror: Man, sometimes I see myself, and I make myself horny.
Hanover College
Hanover, Indiana
Overheard by: Whitney
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Guys | Indiana | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or You'll Spill Your Wine
Spanish professor, as class leaves on Friday: Be careful driving when you drink this weekend!
Hanover College
Hanover, Indiana
Overheard by: whitney
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Indiana | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Raise Your Hand If You Know a Football Player Who Died Of a Heart Attack or Stroke
Football player #1: What are you getting?
Football player #2: I think I'm gonna get four hot dogs.
Football player #1: Dude! You're only supposed to eat three a week! It's like...the sodium or something. Three hot dogs have all the sodium you're supposed to have in a week.
Football player #2: You're fucking retarded! I'm getting four hot dogs and I'm gonna eat all four of them in their sodium goodness. Watch me.
Dining Hall, Ball State University
Muncie, Indiana
Overheard by: Colleen
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Food | Guys | Indiana | Insults | Offers and requests | Questions | Stupidity | Posted 2009-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In the Glass Box That Says "Break in Case Of Emergency"
Guy, walking into Planned Parenthood: Hey, I just locked my keys in my car that's just around the corner. Can I borrow a coat hanger?
Girl working front desk: Uh, do you know where you are?
Guy: No.
Girl working front desk: Well, we keep 'em in the back!
Bloomington, Indiana
Overheard by: Morgan Roddy
...for Your Final Project.
Spanish professor: Fuck Spanish.
Indiana University
Overheard by: Mierdita
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Indiana | Sex | Teachers | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-05-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
With a Little Cinnamon and Some Splenda. What?
Nursing student #1, about absent classmate: If she'd have kept her fucking mouth shut and not been a motherfucking snitch we wouldn't be in this mess!
Nursing student #2: Why'd she snitch on us?
Nursing student #1: I don't know, but she think she the best thing since apple sauce!
(long pause)
Nursing student #1: I really like applesauce!
Marian College
Indianapolis, Indiana
Ooo, Let's Get T-Shirts Saying That.
Sorority girl #1: What did he die from?
Sorority girl #2: Cancer.
Sorority girl #1: Gawd! Cancer sucks!
CVS
Charlottesville, Indiana
Categories: Death & dying | Default | Girls | Indiana | Maladies | Questions | Sorority types | Stores | Words | Posted 2009-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sweetie, I'm a Bottom.
Asian girl, holding out fist: Pound it?
Queer: Do I look like someone who pounds it?
Asian girl, giggling: Ummmm...
West Lafayette, Indiana
Overheard by: Kole
That Pretty Much Sums Up My Whole Spring Break
College girl: So, I was giving this guy a blowjob and a guy with a water gun walked by...
University of Evansville, Indiana
You Say That About Everything, Heather.
Girl: Biology is so interesting! I mean, like, the Golgi apparatus. It reminds me of sex toys!
IUPUI Campus
Indianapolis, Indiana
Why Assless Chaps Exist
Physics professor, talking about static electricity: So why does it work when I'm sliding in a car with carpet seats wearing my wool sweater and not work when I'm sliding in a car with leather seats in my leather outfit?
Students: (shocked silence)
Professor: I mean...I don't...ummmm, moving on...
University of Evansville
Evansville, Indiana
Categories: Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Indiana | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-02-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Without Protection
Professor: Everyone always thinks the answer is penetrance. Just let me say this right here, right now: I don't want to see any penetrance in this class. Learn it, but don't do it.
Genetics Lecture
Purdue University, West Lafayette, Indiana
Blood Feud-- Gotcha
Birthday girl: Not to be mean, but I'm kind of glad Jeff* can't come to my birthday party. Now I can invite Kelly*.
Friend: Why couldn't you before? Not enough seats?
Birthday girl (long pause): No. Because Jeff's brother got her sister pregnant.
Friend: Oh, yeah.
University of Notre Dame
Notre Dame, Indiana
Overheard by: iz
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Family ties | Feelings | Friends | Girls | Indiana | Questions | Posted 2009-01-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Good News Is, the Smell of Poop Makes Me Read
Girl: I shat my pants at a Barnes & Noble once.
Guy: Could it be because you ate scallops?
Girl: No, it's because the smell of books makes me poop.
Denny's
Vincennes, Indiana
So Do I Win the White-Trash Contest, or What?
Girl: Yeah...after he got out of prison he moved back in with us. He was always flirting with me and once tried to make out with me.
Guy: Ummmmmm, did you tell your mom?
Girl: No, I didn't mind, I thought he was cute.
Jeffersonville, Indiana
Categories: Default | Family ties | Girls | Guys | Indiana | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Questions | Posted 2009-01-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Just a Bestiality Fetishist?
10-year-old girl, excitedly, to 20-something woman wearing cat ears: Are you a furry?
GenCon 2008
Indianapolis, Indiana
But She Wanted Me to Go Tornado Bicycling With Her!
Guy to friend in a bar, after woman suddenly departed: What happened? Where'd she go?
Friend: I'm pretty sure she left. She kept on telling me she has no self-esteem at all and that she has a huge nose. So I just told her, "look, you really don't have a huge nose--you just have a Wicked Witch of the West nose."
Guy: Fuck. Why do I even bother trying to fix you up with my friends?
Franco's Bar
Highland, Indiana
Dear Gays and Lesbians-- Sure You Want This?
Sexy businesswoman on cell: No, I'll be here at the office for at least four or five more hours, honey. Love you. Bye. (sits down at bar next to young man and rubs his crotch) Husband's taken care of.
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Categories: Default | Indiana | Infidelity | Jobs & Careers | Lies | Malls | On the phone | Suits | Time Management | Women | Posted 2008-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Thought We'd Give Him Something to Make Him Extra Hyper
Five-year-old boy to barista: I'm getting my pee-pee cut off tomorrow so I get a treat today!
Barista: Umm...
Mother to child: You are being circumcised, not mutilated! (to barista) It's just a medical thing, he doesn't really get it.
Starbucks
Carmel, Indiana
Categories: Baristas | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Indiana | Kids | Kids | Moms | Penis | Restaurants | Posted 2008-12-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like High Explosive, Ignorance Has a Shockwave
Blond cocktail waitress, looking at a t-shirt of George Bush and his dad with Dumb and Dumber under photos: Who is that?
Chef: Excuse me! Are you serious?
Blond cocktail waitress (a few seconds later, with dumbfounded look): Ooooooh! Is that our President? Then who is that? (pointing to the photo of Bush Sr)
Chef (grabbing head in agony): Owww!
Lulu's Restaurant
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Ben
I Warned Him That Jumping While Dark Was a Felony in These Parts
Yuppie: So then this guy jumped out wearing a ski mask and at first I laughed, but then I realized he was black!
Goshen, Indiana
Overheard by: Dej
What Is It About Three Measures of Central Tendency on a Clean Sheet?
Prof: I like to click on the descriptive statistics checkbox in order to pleasure myself!
Ball State University
Muncie, Indiana
Overheard by: Can't believe she said that
Because I've Been Practicing That One-Foot-at-a-Time Maneuver All Week
Guy to another: So is it a pants party?
Purdue University
West Lafayette, Indiana
Overheard by: Alexa, Alicia, Eric
The Bambi Theme Party Was a Better Idea in Theory Than in Practice
Party host to guest: Watch out for the skunk in the bathroom.
Guest: What?
Party host: Seriously.
Columbus, Indiana
Overheard by: Projection1234
So the Liberal Media Would Have Us Believe
Woman: How old is that bible?
Clerk (picking it up): 1911.
Woman: Thats the first one?
Clerk: First what?
Woman: First bible.
Clerk: (astonished silence)
Resale Shop
Hammond, Indiana
The Clerks There Have Turned It into an Annual Sporting Event
Haughty woman: Oh yeah, he's getting a divorce.
Friend: Why?
Haughty woman: She stalks him ever since he left. She followed him into Walgreens and tried to beat him down with a toilet scrubber!
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: I would want a divorce too...
...So, Like, Can I Get Your Number?
Student: I'm as much like Hitler as Hitler was.
Ball State University
Muncie, Indiana
Overheard by: Kat
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | History | Indiana | Students | Posted 2008-07-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Roman Polanski's Legacy
Drunken, nostalgic girl #1: So, did you guys end up getting anywhere?
Drunken, nostalgic girl #2: No, I was thirteen!
Drunken, nostalgic girl #1: Yeah, but you didn't do anything? Like, not even touch his dick?
Drunken, nostalgic girl #2: I don't know, I was drunk!
Vincennes, Indiana
Overheard by: 202 Tavern Girl
Categories: Age and ageing | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Friends | Girls | Indiana | Memory lane | Questions | Sexuality | Posted 2008-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Card: I Miss You, Baby, in My Bed/ I Miss My Liver, 'cause It's Dead
Girl: So I asked him: "When are you going to come back for a reunion? I miss you!" and he was like: "I miss you so much I've had to replace you with alcohol." That's like, the biggest, best compliment ever! They should make a Hallmark card that says that.
West Lafayette, Indianapolis
Overheard by: Kolja
Categories: Compliments | Default | Drinking & drunks | Feelings | Girls | Indiana | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2008-06-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Really? Now All I Have to Do Is Master Shot Callin' and I Can Die Happy!
Teen cashier at checkout: Are you listening to music on an iPod?
Geriatric customer: It's an iPhone.
Teen cashier: Dude, you're ballin'.
Columbus, Indiana
Overheard by: Hoosier
Categories: Age and ageing | Cell phones | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Customers | Default | Employees | Gadgets | Indiana | Old folks | Questions | Teens | Posted 2008-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No Good Ever Comes of Communication
Wife: Do you like my new hairstyle?
Husband: Yep.
Wife: That's it? Just "yep"?
Husband: Looks very different. It'll be like having sex with another woman.
Wife: Asshole! Should have kept my mouth shut.
Husband: Yep.
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Golden Showers Count As "Animal," Right?
Mid-20s girl: So, I've been a vegetarian for about six years now and I'm trying to phase out all animal products.
Mid-40s woman: Oh, I could never be a vegetarian, I'd die. I like my potatoes too much.
Mid-20s girl: Umm... Potatoes are vegetables.
Mid-40s woman: Yeah, I guess you're right. But I mean like peas and stuff.
Kokomo, Indiana
Overheard by: Justin
Naturally, It's Huge
Young mom, looking disgusted at a paparazzi photo of Pamela Anderson: That's disgusting.
Four-year-old son: What?
Young mom: Honey, what's wrong with this picture?
Four-year-old son: I can see her penis.
Bowling Alley
Indiana
Overheard by: Aunt Oblivious
"Family Game Night" Has a Different Spin When Your Parents Are Psychologists
Chick: Yeah, he was just showing us random slides and told us to guess what they were. And there was this one slide -- at first I thought it was Jesus and some chick, but on the next slide the dude was turning into a horse and I thought, 'Jesus never did that!' so I just put down 'Man turning into a horse.'
Purdue University
West Lafayette, Indiana
Or They Frightened It into Submission with Religious Rhetoric
Lipstick lesbian #1: If we move into a house, we're going to have to get some new stuff...
Lipstick lesbian #2: Wait... How did the pilgrims cut their grass?
Lipstick lesbian #1: Um, I think they had cows.
Fox and Hound
Indianapolis, Indiana
Though I'd Always Pictured You As More of a Titmouse
Suit on cell: Wait, while I've got you on the phone, what's your animal spirit name? ... Ah, 'White Wolf' -- of course. All right, see you then.
Coffee shop
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Baffled Bear
Clearly You've Never Had Velveeta Mac N' Cheese
Professor: So, do you guys think fornication is man's greatest pleasure?
First year Humanities class: [Embarrassed silence.]
Brave student: Um... I don't know about greatest... I mean, I like to eat.
Professor, slamming hands down on desk: I've been eating for 62 years, and I've never gotten an orgasm from it!
Richmond, Indiana
And All Those Pills for Breakfast
Guy: I need some food.
Girl: You just had a cigarette!
Purdue University
West Lafayette, Indiana
It's the Universal Indiana Witticism
Guy #1, poked with pencil: Shit! That hurt!
Guy #2: That's what she said!
Guy #1: What?
Guy #2: That's what she said.
Guy #1: That doesn't even make any sense...
Guy #2: That's what she said!
Guy #1: Dude! You're not even using it right!
Guy #2: That's what she said!
Guy #1: Go fuck yourself! [Walks away.]
Guy #2, yelling back: That's what she said!
Carmel, Indiana
Overheard by: POS
The Legacy of Enron
Belligerent hobo: Hey, you! Get back here! Open up that bathroom door! Get back here, or I'll pull out my 401(k) on you!
418 East 34th Street
Indianapolis, Indiana
Going Down or Coming Up?
Lady holding bottle of Chardonnay: Does this taste like a white wine?
New Albany, Indiana
Overheard by: liquor store counter jockey
If You Play the Bible Backwards, You Can Hear Them Talking
Bimbette: Of course dinosaurs and humans lived at the same time!
Bloomington, Indiana
Overheard by: Mike
... Placenta
Skinny teen: Get over here, Uterus!
Pregnant girl: I'm coming!
MITS Bus
Muncie, Indiana
Overheard by: Emma
... As This Science Experiment Demonstrates
Queer: No amount of chocolate or Fosse will bring back my ass virginity.
Indiana University
Bloomington, Indiana
Overheard by: spunky
Buy Her Pinocchio and Have Him Lie to Her
Geek to friend: You need to get her something she can use in bed... Like a puppet.
Gen Con Indy
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Matt
Categories: Advice | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Indiana | Posted 2007-11-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Always Sucked at Bird Math
Dude: I was going to say, 'Kill one bird with two stones,' but that's not right. That's just stoning a bird.
Memorial Park
Lebanon, Indiana
Overheard by: Carie Jones
That Way I Can Put Both of My Talents to Use
Seven-year-old: You can't be a rock star. Everyone wants to be a rock star. You have to be something else.
Six-year-old: Fine! I'll be a fucking barber!
Indianapolis, Indiana
Categories: Indiana | Jobs & Careers | Kids | Posted 2007-10-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Current Exit Strategy for Iraq
Dude: I was trying to moon them with your butt without you knowing.
Lebanon, Indiana
I'll Nurse My Hurt Feelings Over by the Menopause Section
Little boy: Mommy, whats a M.I.L.F.?
Mom: Well, honey, it's a... Wait, someone called me a M.I.L.F.?
Little boy: No, Bobby's mom.
Mom: Well, then, it's not important. Go play.
Barnes & Noble
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: i'd like to see bobby's mom next PTA meeting
And Had Roosters Tied to Your Nipples
Girl: You were being cocky!
Upset ex-boyfriend: No, I wasn't!
Girl: You couldn't get any cockier if you had dicks coming out of your ears and eyeballs.
Elkhart, Indiana
Overheard by: ashley
There's a Lot of Smoke around Me, but No Fire
Thug filling out employment application: Hey, when you say, 'Have you ever been convicted of a felony?' do you mean found guilty, or just sort of accused and arrested?
Wendy's
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: maybe he shouldn't use the plastic silverware...
Or Maybe He's on the Evening News -- Whatevs
Queer #1: I saw this guy here yesterday who looked super familiar, and I couldn't remember from where...
Queer #2: Oh, yeah?
Queer #1: Well, finally I just gave up and walked over there and said, 'Hey, you look familiar. Didn't we have sex before?'
Queer #2: Oh, yeah?
Queer #1: He didn't answer, but I'm totally right about it. I think he was with his girlfriend or something, too, so maybe that's why.
Abbey Coffeehouse
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: can i use that as a pickup line?
Rather Distracted the Rest of Us
Male student: Yeah, that's what you get when all the assignments aren't due 'til the end of the semester.
Female student: I know, right? I totally just jacked off in that class.
Goshen College
Indiana
Overheard by: Marianne
Take Me, Mandingo!
Lady suit on cell: Yeah, I wanna just have wild, heathen sex sometime... Well, he is black...
Panera Bread
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: kat
I'm Going to Have to Regrade Your Test
Student: Man! Question number four on that exam? The one about chickens was so hard... It took me forever.
Teacher: Well, it seemed tricky, but the problem was really pretty straightforward. It just involved birds instead of mammals.
Student: ... Chickens are birds?
Bloomington, Indiana
Ma'am, You've Got Two All-Beef Patties There
Overeager mother: Sometimes when my boobies sweat, they smell like Big Macs.
McDonald's
Madison, Indiana
Categories: Indiana | McDonald's | Moms | Rack | Posted 2007-07-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Toss It Out the Window of a Moving Car
Mother: If a man ever hurts you, spit in his face, then cut his dick off and hand it to his mama.
Nine-year-old daughter: What if it's my brother?
Muncie, Indiana
Overheard by: rideabike
It's Shiny, but with No Waxy Buildup
Chick on cell: I don't know -- sometimes I'm just overwhelmed with a desire to smell my boss's head.
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Jason Carr
Categories: Indiana | North America | On the phone | USA | Posted 2007-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Switch Hands!
Drunk girl: I don't need a man. I need a sex toy. Shit, I got carpal finger.
433 4th Street
Columbus, Indiana
Fat People: Can't Argue. Eating.
Queer: If gay people can't get married then fat people shouldn't be allowed to have lunch breaks!
Carson Street
Muncie, Indiana
Overheard by: Cassie
Categories: Indiana | Philosophy | Queers | Posted 2007-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Should I Just Come on It?
Man whispering into cell: But honey, I didn't fuck her! I just came on her! ... Hey, you want that Polynesian sauce they got here, right?
Chick-fil-A, Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Categories: Cum | Indiana | On the phone | Posted 2007-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Kindly Fellate Me, You Promiscuous Female Dog
Old black lady to friend: He had shit all fuckin' dumped out all over the goddamned place, so I says, 'What the fuck is you doin', Raphael?' And that mothafuckah says-- [she looks around]. Shit, I forgot they's white people up in here! Sorry, folks. So, Raphael had made such a terrible mess, so I asked him what he was doing, and he said...
Circle Centre Mall Concourse
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Categories: Black people | Gossip | Indiana | Race | Posted 2007-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Saving My Mouth for Marriage
Middle-aged woman to friend: I will text the shit out of your ass, but I will not leave you a voicemail!
The Premiere Grill
Valparaiso, Indiana
Categories: Indiana | Ladies who lunch | Restaurants | Texting | Posted 2007-03-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
