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Roman Polanski's Legacy
Drunken, nostalgic girl #1: So, did you guys end up getting anywhere?
Drunken, nostalgic girl #2: No, I was thirteen!
Drunken, nostalgic girl #1: Yeah, but you didn't do anything? Like, not even touch his dick?
Drunken, nostalgic girl #2: I don't know, I was drunk!
Vincennes, Indiana
Overheard by: 202 Tavern Girl
Categories: Age and ageing | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Friends | Girls | Indiana | Memory lane | Questions | Sexuality | Posted 2008-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Card: I Miss You, Baby, in My Bed/ I Miss My Liver, 'cause It's Dead
Girl: So I asked him: "When are you going to come back for a reunion? I miss you!" and he was like: "I miss you so much I've had to replace you with alcohol." That's like, the biggest, best compliment ever! They should make a Hallmark card that says that.
West Lafayette, Indianapolis
Overheard by: Kolja
Categories: Compliments | Default | Drinking & drunks | Feelings | Girls | Indiana | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2008-06-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Really? Now All I Have to Do Is Master Shot Callin' and I Can Die Happy!
Teen cashier at checkout: Are you listening to music on an iPod?
Geriatric customer: It's an iPhone.
Teen cashier: Dude, you're ballin'.
Columbus, Indiana
Overheard by: Hoosier
Categories: Age and ageing | Cell phones | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Customers | Default | Employees | Gadgets | Indiana | Old folks | Questions | Teens | Posted 2008-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No Good Ever Comes of Communication
Wife: Do you like my new hairstyle?
Husband: Yep.
Wife: That's it? Just "yep"?
Husband: Looks very different. It'll be like having sex with another woman.
Wife: Asshole! Should have kept my mouth shut.
Husband: Yep.
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Golden Showers Count As "Animal," Right?
Mid-20s girl: So, I've been a vegetarian for about six years now and I'm trying to phase out all animal products.
Mid-40s woman: Oh, I could never be a vegetarian, I'd die. I like my potatoes too much.
Mid-20s girl: Umm... Potatoes are vegetables.
Mid-40s woman: Yeah, I guess you're right. But I mean like peas and stuff.
Kokomo, Indiana
Overheard by: Justin
Naturally, It's Huge
Young mom, looking disgusted at a paparazzi photo of Pamela Anderson: That's disgusting.
Four-year-old son: What?
Young mom: Honey, what's wrong with this picture?
Four-year-old son: I can see her penis.
Bowling Alley
Indiana
Overheard by: Aunt Oblivious
"Family Game Night" Has a Different Spin When Your Parents Are Psychologists
Chick: Yeah, he was just showing us random slides and told us to guess what they were. And there was this one slide -- at first I thought it was Jesus and some chick, but on the next slide the dude was turning into a horse and I thought, 'Jesus never did that!' so I just put down 'Man turning into a horse.'
Purdue University
West Lafayette, Indiana
Or They Frightened It into Submission with Religious Rhetoric
Lipstick lesbian #1: If we move into a house, we're going to have to get some new stuff...
Lipstick lesbian #2: Wait... How did the pilgrims cut their grass?
Lipstick lesbian #1: Um, I think they had cows.
Fox and Hound
Indianapolis, Indiana
Though I'd Always Pictured You As More of a Titmouse
Suit on cell: Wait, while I've got you on the phone, what's your animal spirit name? ... Ah, 'White Wolf' -- of course. All right, see you then.
Coffee shop
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Baffled Bear
Clearly You've Never Had Velveeta Mac N' Cheese
Professor: So, do you guys think fornication is man's greatest pleasure?
First year Humanities class: [Embarrassed silence.]
Brave student: Um... I don't know about greatest... I mean, I like to eat.
Professor, slamming hands down on desk: I've been eating for 62 years, and I've never gotten an orgasm from it!
Richmond, Indiana
And All Those Pills for Breakfast
Guy: I need some food.
Girl: You just had a cigarette!
Purdue University
West Lafayette, Indiana
It's the Universal Indiana Witticism
Guy #1, poked with pencil: Shit! That hurt!
Guy #2: That's what she said!
Guy #1: What?
Guy #2: That's what she said.
Guy #1: That doesn't even make any sense...
Guy #2: That's what she said!
Guy #1: Dude! You're not even using it right!
Guy #2: That's what she said!
Guy #1: Go fuck yourself! [Walks away.]
Guy #2, yelling back: That's what she said!
Carmel, Indiana
Overheard by: POS
The Legacy of Enron
Belligerent hobo: Hey, you! Get back here! Open up that bathroom door! Get back here, or I'll pull out my 401(k) on you!
418 East 34th Street
Indianapolis, Indiana
Going Down or Coming Up?
Lady holding bottle of Chardonnay: Does this taste like a white wine?
New Albany, Indiana
Overheard by: liquor store counter jockey
If You Play the Bible Backwards, You Can Hear Them Talking
Bimbette: Of course dinosaurs and humans lived at the same time!
Bloomington, Indiana
Overheard by: Mike
... Placenta
Skinny teen: Get over here, Uterus!
Pregnant girl: I'm coming!
MITS Bus
Muncie, Indiana
Overheard by: Emma
... As This Science Experiment Demonstrates
Queer: No amount of chocolate or Fosse will bring back my ass virginity.
Indiana University
Bloomington, Indiana
Overheard by: spunky
Buy Her Pinocchio and Have Him Lie to Her
Geek to friend: You need to get her something she can use in bed... Like a puppet.
Gen Con Indy
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Matt
Categories: Advice | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Indiana | Posted 2007-11-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Always Sucked at Bird Math
Dude: I was going to say, 'Kill one bird with two stones,' but that's not right. That's just stoning a bird.
Memorial Park
Lebanon, Indiana
Overheard by: Carie Jones
That Way I Can Put Both of My Talents to Use
Seven-year-old: You can't be a rock star. Everyone wants to be a rock star. You have to be something else.
Six-year-old: Fine! I'll be a fucking barber!
Indianapolis, Indiana
Categories: Indiana | Jobs & Careers | Kids | Posted 2007-10-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Current Exit Strategy for Iraq
Dude: I was trying to moon them with your butt without you knowing.
Lebanon, Indiana
I'll Nurse My Hurt Feelings Over by the Menopause Section
Little boy: Mommy, whats a M.I.L.F.?
Mom: Well, honey, it's a... Wait, someone called me a M.I.L.F.?
Little boy: No, Bobby's mom.
Mom: Well, then, it's not important. Go play.
Barnes & Noble
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: i'd like to see bobby's mom next PTA meeting
And Had Roosters Tied to Your Nipples
Girl: You were being cocky!
Upset ex-boyfriend: No, I wasn't!
Girl: You couldn't get any cockier if you had dicks coming out of your ears and eyeballs.
Elkhart, Indiana
Overheard by: ashley
There's a Lot of Smoke around Me, but No Fire
Thug filling out employment application: Hey, when you say, 'Have you ever been convicted of a felony?' do you mean found guilty, or just sort of accused and arrested?
Wendy's
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: maybe he shouldn't use the plastic silverware...
Or Maybe He's on the Evening News -- Whatevs
Queer #1: I saw this guy here yesterday who looked super familiar, and I couldn't remember from where...
Queer #2: Oh, yeah?
Queer #1: Well, finally I just gave up and walked over there and said, 'Hey, you look familiar. Didn't we have sex before?'
Queer #2: Oh, yeah?
Queer #1: He didn't answer, but I'm totally right about it. I think he was with his girlfriend or something, too, so maybe that's why.
Abbey Coffeehouse
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: can i use that as a pickup line?
Rather Distracted the Rest of Us
Male student: Yeah, that's what you get when all the assignments aren't due 'til the end of the semester.
Female student: I know, right? I totally just jacked off in that class.
Goshen College
Indiana
Overheard by: Marianne
Take Me, Mandingo!
Lady suit on cell: Yeah, I wanna just have wild, heathen sex sometime... Well, he is black...
Panera Bread
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: kat
I'm Going to Have to Regrade Your Test
Student: Man! Question number four on that exam? The one about chickens was so hard... It took me forever.
Teacher: Well, it seemed tricky, but the problem was really pretty straightforward. It just involved birds instead of mammals.
Student: ... Chickens are birds?
Bloomington, Indiana
Ma'am, You've Got Two All-Beef Patties There
Overeager mother: Sometimes when my boobies sweat, they smell like Big Macs.
McDonald's
Madison, Indiana
Categories: Indiana | McDonald's | Moms | Rack | Posted 2007-07-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Toss It Out the Window of a Moving Car
Mother: If a man ever hurts you, spit in his face, then cut his dick off and hand it to his mama.
Nine-year-old daughter: What if it's my brother?
Muncie, Indiana
Overheard by: rideabike
It's Shiny, but with No Waxy Buildup
Chick on cell: I don't know -- sometimes I'm just overwhelmed with a desire to smell my boss's head.
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Jason Carr
Categories: Indiana | North America | On the phone | USA | Posted 2007-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Switch Hands!
Drunk girl: I don't need a man. I need a sex toy. Shit, I got carpal finger.
433 4th Street
Columbus, Indiana
Fat People: Can't Argue. Eating.
Queer: If gay people can't get married then fat people shouldn't be allowed to have lunch breaks!
Carson Street
Muncie, Indiana
Overheard by: Cassie
Categories: Indiana | Philosophy | Queers | Posted 2007-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Should I Just Come on It?
Man whispering into cell: But honey, I didn't fuck her! I just came on her! ... Hey, you want that Polynesian sauce they got here, right?
Chick-fil-A, Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Categories: Cum | Indiana | On the phone | Posted 2007-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Kindly Fellate Me, You Promiscuous Female Dog
Old black lady to friend: He had shit all fuckin' dumped out all over the goddamned place, so I says, 'What the fuck is you doin', Raphael?' And that mothafuckah says-- [she looks around]. Shit, I forgot they's white people up in here! Sorry, folks. So, Raphael had made such a terrible mess, so I asked him what he was doing, and he said...
Circle Centre Mall Concourse
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Categories: Black people | Gossip | Indiana | Race | Posted 2007-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Saving My Mouth for Marriage
Middle-aged woman to friend: I will text the shit out of your ass, but I will not leave you a voicemail!
The Premiere Grill
Valparaiso, Indiana
Categories: Indiana | Ladies who lunch | Restaurants | Texting | Posted 2007-03-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
