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They Tend to Appear at Random, Rather Like Elves.
Girl to friend: Well, I woke up naked, again, with a quesadilla in my bed, again, so I say it was a pretty average night.
Eclipse de Sol Restaurant
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Default | Food | Georgia | Girls | Memory lane | Restaurants | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Even If He Does Host The O'Reilly Factor
Girl to friends: I'm 31 years old, for Christ's sake. My mom doesn't get it. I'm too fucking old to get excited about some guy that pisses himself, calls me up and acts like it's a fucking achievement.
Bar
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Age and ageing | Default | Family ties | Georgia | Girls | Gripes | Pee | Posted 2008-07-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not the First Time He's Had to Clarify That Today
Guy: That motherfucking cop has driven past here twice in the last fifteen minutes.
Cop (on car's loudspeaker): I'm not a motherfucker.
University of Georgia
Athens, Georgia
Overheard by: Anne
Which Just Means It's Ripe
Girl on cell: She said that she used her vibrator so much last week, she thought her vagina was going to swell up and fall off.
Walmart
Atlanta, Georgia
Or Do I Have to Play That Bobby McFerrin Song Again?
Mother to quietly weeping child: Can't you just... be happy?
Target Parking Lot
Cumming, Georgia
Overheard by: Caylin
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Georgia | Happiness | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Stores | Wishes | Posted 2008-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Can They Still Call It Martha Stewart Living?
Girl on cell: Wait... Wait! You're telling me she's not a zombie? You mean she's actually dead?
Emory College
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Zack
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Default | Georgia | Girls | On the phone | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Since It Conflicted with Their Weekly Swingers' Parties
Soccer mom #1: Is Cindy* coming?
Soccer mom #2: No, she broke up with Steve* today.
Soccer mom #1: She broke up with Steve*? Why?
Soccer mom #2: She called him and told him she wanted to play mixed doubles tennis, and he just lost it.
LA Fitness Locker Room
Buford, Georgia
Overheard by: trying not to laugh
Categories: Georgia | Questions | Relationships | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Freud: I'm Not Even Sure What She Wants
Girl #1: Yeah, that's not cool, but I understand. He sounds very immature.
Girl #2: He is. It's such a shame. I laid in bed last night reminiscing about the time I spent with him in bed. It's like I can still feel it. Too bad he's such an asshole, and too bad that good dick makes me so... not able to accept what a douchebag a guy really is.
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Compare and contrast | Compliments | Feelings | Georgia | Girls | Gripes | Insults | Penis | Relationships | Sex | Posted 2008-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least You Have Your Priorities Straight
Ten-year-old boy: You know what I would have if I could have four wishes?
Big sister: I don't know. What?
Ten-year-old boy: One: no drought in Georgia; Two: no global warming; Three: world peace; Four: a Komodo dragon that is really nice and fun to play with, is a vegetarian, lives forever and can grant eternal life.
Druid Hills, Atlanta
Overheard by: Miranda
Specifically, a Fatty Boombalatty
Guy: I learned something... What did I learn? I learned that my son is a fatty.
Chick-fil-A
Marietta, Georgia
Categories: Dads | Diet & weight | Family ties | Georgia | Offspring | Questions | Restaurants | Words | Posted 2008-05-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All I Asked Was, "Does That Come with Fries?"
Light-skinned black woman: I'm just saying, I'd have been in the home and not in the fields.
Taco Mac
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Black people | Georgia | History | Jobs & Careers | Race | Restaurants | Women | Posted 2008-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
God: Suddenly I'm Getting All the Attention I Deserve
Professor, whispering: What is god doing with female breasts?
Oglethorpe University
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Caylin
I'd Love to See That Resume
Cashier: Ok, you can step directly over to the salad tosser.
Surprised guy ordering: Her title is "Salad tosser"?
Arby's Marketfresh
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Employees | Euphemisms | Food | Georgia | Guys | Licking | Names | Offers and requests | Questions | Restaurants | Words | Posted 2008-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, That Self-Actualization Seminar Was a Bust
Nine year-old girl: I want that shirt and you are going to get it for me. Any questions?
Mom: Many. Shut up and put the damn shirt back.
Target
Atlanta, Georgia
I'm Fairly Aquiver with Anticipation
BBW: You wouldn't want to see me in pretzel-formation.
Skinny man: How would you know?
BBW: I mean it. You really wouldn't want to see me in pretzel-formation. It's not very pretty to watch. It gets stuck easily that way.
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Melissa
Categories: Advice | Default | Fat people | Georgia | Gripes | Skinny people | Posted 2008-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
'Cause, Hey, They Earned It
Professor: Usually people ride donkeys to the top of the mountain because it's really steep. Afterwards, you can go down on the donkeys, too, if you'd like.
Oglethorpe University
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Caylin
All Those Childhood Years of Only Doing It Missionary...
Guy : So, I was fooling around with your sister that night at the bar, and she was like--
Friend: --Dude, be careful. She's probably out of control in bed. You know -- sheltered life...
Atlanta, Georgia
That's My Poodle's Ass.
Disembodied male voice: That is not my ass!
Borders
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Caylin
That Is Correct.
Teacher: Did you hear Germany got a new polar bear?
German exchange student: Shiza!
Guy: What's wrong with polar bears?
German exchange student: Ugh... You have no idea.
Grady High School
Atlanta, Georgia
I'm Sick of Looking for a Place to Keep My Purse When I Go Out
Girl #1: I fucked in the ass last night for the first time.
Girl #2: Did it hurt?
Girl #1: Nope! But this morning when I shit it did! I think my hole got bigger!
Girl #2: That is sick!
Girl #1: You're just jealous!
Girl #2: Maybe a little.
Augusta, Georgia
Boys Are So Frightened of Wolf Titties
Sorority girl: Yeah, he like, totally judges me for having fourteen nipples.
Georgia Tech
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Georgia | Nipples | Sorority types | Posted 2008-02-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Mean, Just Look at Those Raggedy-Ass Sneakers
Black kindergartener to white teacher: You know, before you were my teacher, I didn't know white people could be poor.
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Black people | Georgia | Kids | Money | Posted 2008-02-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But All You Have Are Seven Cats and a Yarn Collection!
Grandmother: I had to write you out of my will.
10-year-old grandson: What? Why?
Grandmother: You never called. I can't give you money and things if you never call.
10-year-old grandson: But I love you.
Grandmother: You can't just say it! You have to mean it and show it! I'm keeping you out of the will!
Target
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Death & dying | Family ties | Georgia | Gripes | Kids | Kids | Money | Old folks | Posted 2008-02-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Brand Recognition Is So Important
Girl: In case they forget our names, they're right here on our vaginas.
1280 Peachtree Street
Atlanta, Georgia
Just Taking a Vacation from the Metric System
Guy, seeing a techno dance party: Hey! Are you guys in the circus?
Hippie kid with dreads #1: Fuck no!
Hippie kid with dreads #2: No, we're Canadian.
Atlanta, Georgia
If the Civic's A-Rockin', Don't Bother Knockin' -- Come On In!
Normal student: So, it looks like the five of us will go in the Honda Civic. The back seat will be a bit tight.
Skinny student: I'll sit back there. I'm used to being packed in the back.
College dining hall
Georgia
Overheard by: Still remember
So There Are Only a Few Girls He Can Physically Have Sex With
20-ish girl on cell: No, he's not gay! He's just really, really tall...
Marietta, Georgia
Overheard by: Sidlee
Categories: Georgia | Gossip | On the phone | Posted 2007-12-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And It's Scalding -- That Can't Be a Good Sign
Big black lady spilling drink on herself: Oops, I done baptized myself.
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Black people | Cleanliness | Georgia | Posted 2007-12-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just because He Likes His Pork Pulled?
Hipster girl: He eats pork, but he won't eat pussy. He's a really bad Jew.
Ponce de Leon Avenue
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: I'm a vegetarian
I Hope to Be the Best Piece of Ash She's Ever Had
Old hillbilly: I love my old lady so much, I told her that when I die, I want her to cremate me, put me in a douche bag and give me one more go 'round...
Athens, Georgia
I Wet the Bed One Too Many Times
Woman: My sister and I slept together in the same bed until we were three. That was when she tried to light the house on fire.
Dalai Lama public speech, Olympic Centennial Park
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Alice
Categories: Chicks | Family ties | Georgia | Gossip | Posted 2007-12-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Kind with Compassion Supplements in Every Bite?
Fireman: Yeah, so we were all standing around waiting for this suicidal guy to do whatever, and then we got hungry.
Girlfriend: So what did you all do?
Fireman: We went back to the station and made hot dogs.
Girlfriend: What about the guy?
Fireman: I mean, the cops were still there, and we got back before anything happened. Or, well, before anything eventful happened.
Girlfriend: What kind of hot dogs were they?
Target line
Atlanta, Georgia
Grandma Brought Me the Wrong Bag Lunch
Chick: I got, like, suspended three times in five days.
Coworker: I only got suspended once, but that was just 'cause I cut this bitch with a razor.
Chick, to customer: Thank you, sir.
McDonald's
Dunwoody, Georgia
Overheard by: blur
And They're Useless Against Alligators
Two-year-old boy, admiring his hands instead of the alligators: Look, Dad -- look at my nails!
Grimacing father: Yes, yes... Your mother is to blame for that.
Atlanta Zoo
Georgia
Categories: Dads | Georgia | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Posted 2007-11-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's a Tittyfucking Thing, Mom
Teen girl to mom: ... And that's why I have a big boyfriend -- because I have big tits.
Walmart
Georgia
Are You Going to Tell Me This Story or Not?
Man #1: I seen Jimmy the other day cuttin' grass at my brother's.
Man #2: Which brother?
Man #1: How many brothers I got?
Man #2: Two.
Man #1: Well, which one of 'em gets their grass cut by Jimmy?
McDonough, Georgia
Overheard by: lesley arango
Have You Been Watching FOX Again?
Eight-year-old girl: Asians are ruining everything.
Mother: What?
Eight-year-old girl: Yeah, the Japanese, the Chinese -- they ruin everything.
Georgia
Categories: Georgia | Moms | Race | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-08-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If All of the Raindrops / Were Lemon Drops and Crack Rocks / Oh, What a World This Would Be
Homeless guy: I have a dream like Martin Luther King. I have a dream that someday it will... rain crack.
Atlanta, Georgia
When the Line Is Really Long
Little girl pointing to handicapped sink: Mommy, do you know what that's for?
Mom: It's a sink for people in wheelchairs, honey.
Little girl: No! It's where boys pee!
Bathroom, JCPenney's
Forest Park, Georgia
Overheard by: Kelly
Unlike Nose Sex, Where It's Just Everywhere
Burly dude: No, seriously, the thing about anal is it's warmer, tighter, and you hardly ever get shit on your dick!
High school cafeteria
Lawrenceville, Georgia
Overheard by: we were scared for his tiny girlfriend
Categories: Backdoor | Creepsters | Georgia | Gossip | Posted 2007-08-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Couldn't I Do That without Getting Married?
Chick to friend: You should marry a fish! Then you can have sex and have mermaid babies!
High school
Marietta, Georgia
Overheard by: me