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Did We Suddenly Become That Poor?
Mom: You wanna sleep in the bed with dad?
13-year-old boy: Why the hell would I do that? I'm 5'6"! That's gay!
Baldwin Park, Florida
Overheard by: hmm... point taken.
Categories: Default | Family ties | Florida | Guys | Moms | Offers and requests | Questions | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2008-06-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Old Mom Cop/Dad Cop Routine
Mother to son, after chatting with woman: I'm always extra nice to her because your father can't stand her.
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: Dentist
She'll Be All, "Help Me, Dr. Phil"!
Guy #1: I love getting Lisa* Taco Bell.
Guy #2: Why's that?
Guy #1: It's gonna get her fat! I'm going to get extra sour cream and she's going to be all like: "Damn, this is delicious!" Meanwhile, she'll be getting fat.
Kangaroo
Gainesville, Florida
Categories: Default | Diet & weight | Florida | Food | Friends | Guys | Offers and requests | Questions | Relationships | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2008-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some News Just Sounds Better from a Payphone
Loud man on payphone: He said they removed something like four pimples from his prostate. What? No! Pimples! Pimples on his prostate!
Florida State Campus
Overheard by: Dr. Ian Maxwell von Indypants
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Default | Florida | Guys | Health & Hygiene | On the phone | Words | Posted 2008-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...for Chip 'n' Dale
Little boy, covered in glitter: Mom! Casey's whompin' glitter on me again!
Little girl: I am not!
Mother: She's just tryin' to make you look pretty!
Magic Kingdom, Disney World
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Natalie
Categories: Beauty | Compare and contrast | Family ties | Florida | Girls | Gripes | Guys | Kids | Kids | Moms | Tourist attractions | Posted 2008-06-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wait 'Til You Hear "Total Ellipses the Sun"
English professor, going over punctuation: We can fix this sentence by putting a comma here... and here... and here. See? Comma, comma, comma. [Breaks into song.] Comma-comma-comma-comma-comma chameleeeooon!
Community College
Palm Bay, Florida
But Not a Real Green Dress --That's Cruel
Girl on phone: I'll go on MySpace and look until I die for a picture of you in a ugly green dress!
Orlando Ale House
Orlando, Florida
Categories: Clothing | Florida | Girls | MySpace | On the phone | Restaurants | Threats | Posted 2008-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're More Of a Honky Hut Family
Black student to white teacher: So we're going to Sarasota to visit a college up there. Do you know the easiest way to get there?
White teacher: Sure! You can take I-75 straight up, and if you want to stop for something to eat, there's Cracker Barrel all over the place.
Black student: Cracker Barrel? Umm, no, I don't think so...
Design and Architecture High School
Miami, Florida
Categories: Advice | Black people | Fears | Florida | Food | Names | Offers and requests | Questions | Race | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | US Geography | Posted 2008-05-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Good Thing Pluto Didn't Hear That
Chocolate store girl: You're a dicksucker. You know that? I mean, why bother with you? You seen my ass, you know I'm good-looking. You're-.
Guy in Goofy costume, muffled: Whatever. There are other tits. I'll be just fine regardless. And just so you know [lowers voice as kids approach] you're gonna get us both fired if you keep this shit up.
Chocolate store girl, loudly: Fuck you, and fuck your fucking ass! I hope you get fired! Then you can go home and suck your asshole!
Guy in Goofy costume, losing it: Better than sucking your ex's dick when you're supposed to be working.
Chocolate store girl, stunned: Who told you that?!
Guy in Goofy costume: Jen, after I fucked her!
[Girl walks into the shop quickly and goes into back room looking like she's going to cry. Goofy goes back to wandering around aimlessly, waving to little kids.]
Disney World
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: after that, my g/f and i applied for jobs there
Categories: BJs | Couples | Coworkers | Florida | Girls | Guys | Insults | Jobs & Careers | Relationships | Sex | Tourist attractions | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Depicted in All of My Paintings
Mother to daughter: I swear, next time you're going to smack your mouth on something and I'm just going to move you to the side and leave you there and watch the blood run down.
On Line for Space Mountain
Disney World, Florida
Overheard by: Kat
Since His Parole Officer Told Him to Keep His Ass Clean
Teen girl: Sam is so sexy. There's like, no poopy on him.
Palm City, Florida
Overheard by: I don't know about you
Categories: Beauty | Compliments | Florida | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Poop | Sexuality | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah, and I'm Not Sure He Has an Exit Strategy
Little girl: Where's Ben*?
Father: He's in heaven, honey.
Little girl: Still?!
Preschool
Fort Lauderdale, FL
Categories: Dads | Death & dying | Euphemisms | Feelings | Florida | Girls | Kids | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-05-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Don't Begin the Conversations with "I'm Naked and Wet"
Woman on cell: I just asked how's he doing and he actually told me that he's getting hard just talking to me. [Pause.] Well, what do you think I would say? "Oh ,that's nice"!? Hell no! I said: "Oh crap! Sorry, I have another call, gotta go". Yeah, that was definitely odd. Remind me never to be nice and try calling my exes again.
Florida
Categories: Compare and contrast | Etiquette | Feelings | Florida | Offers and requests | On the phone | Penis | Relationships | Sexuality | Women | Posted 2008-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do I Have to Rationalize for Everyone in This Family?
Fat kid: Mom, I wanna go on a diet.
Fat mom: You don't need to go on a diet, you're too young!
Fat kid: You aren't too young.
Fat mom: Shush.
Meat Section at Publix
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Trevor Allen
Categories: Advice | Age and ageing | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Diet & weight | Fat people | Florida | Moms | Should have used a condom | Stores | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Uncle Walter Won't Stop Poking Me
Distraught sorority girl: My mom won't accept my friend request on Facebook!
Sisters, collectively: Awwwwww.
Social Psychology Class
Florida
Overheard by: Dr. Ian Maxwell von Indypants
Categories: Class | Family ties | Feelings | Florida | Friends | Girls | Internet | Offers and requests | Sorority types | Posted 2008-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Case You're Curious...
Little boy: Dad, what's a "brer" rabbit?
Father: A rabbit with a lot of brer in it.
Magic Kingdom
Disney World, Florida
Overheard by: Natalie
Zeus Was Quite the Problem Child
Little boy #1: [Makes peeing sound, pretends to pee.]
Little boy #2: That's nothing! Feel the wrath of my penis!!
Macy's in Fashion Square Mall
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Stephanie
Categories: Bragging | Compare and contrast | Florida | Friends | Guys | Kids | Malls | Pee | Penis | Sensory experiences | Should have used a condom | Posted 2008-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thanks Sweetie, But That Was the Bedpost
Overexposed springbreaker: Well, since it was a communal dildo, I thought I would be considerate and clean it off.
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: Ew!
Categories: Cleanliness | Etiquette | Florida | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Toys | Yeahhh, college! | Posted 2008-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Being a Contestant on The Price Is Right? Really?
Morbidly obese man: It's like when you go dumpster-diving and find a whole bedroom set.
Wal-Mart
Gainesville, Florida
Overheard by: Andrea
Categories: Compare and contrast | Fat people | Florida | Guys | Happiness | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Slylock Fox's Puzzle: How Many Things Are Wrong with This Conversation?
Thug sitting in traffic yelling into cell: I moved you and the goddamn kids out here! I robbed muthafuckas for you! I'm facing five to ten goddamn years for you, and I can't even get a goddamn thank you?! Bitch, you drunk?!
Highway
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: scaredspectator
And Can I Use Your Leg As a Scratching Post?
Patron #1: Keith is really sorry to have acted like that.
Bartender: Does he even realize how drunk he was?
Patron #1: I'm just saying, that is not the Keith we know
Patron #2: [starts laughing].
Bartender: Well, he is a nice guy, he just gets too drunk.
Patron #1: I'm just letting you know, that according to all the cats he knows, you are the meow [makes a pawing gesture].
Bartender: Okay, how drunk are you?
Patron #2: He doesn't even know who Keith is.
Patron #1: Where are we?
Bennigans
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Chris
Categories: Animals | Bars & Clubs | Bartenders | Compliments | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Feelings | Florida | Guys | Questions | Posted 2008-04-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ever Seen a Cooch Do Three Snaps in Z-Formation?
Girl: Ryan, if you had a vagina, what would she wear?
Boy: She? What if I had a male vagina?
Boy #2: Oh, he would be so sassy!
Melbourne, Florida
Overheard by: Livi
Good to Meet a Gentleman Of the Old School
Dude: Hey I'm Eddie*.
Chick: Yeah, I know. I'm Lauren*. We've met before.
Dude: Oh. Yeah. Well I just thought we should know each other's name since we're talking about anal.
The Beta Bar
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: just here for the show
Categories: Backdoor | Bars & Clubs | Chicks | Default | Etiquette | Florida | Guys | Names | Relationships | Posted 2008-04-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then Turn Them into a Headband for Church
Ghetto woman #1: Oooh, I like them shorts.
Ghetto woman #2: I know, girl. My buttcheeks hang all out in them. I'm going to wear them to the club and find me a good man.
Wet Seal
Bradenton, Florida
Overheard by: Rae Crider
Categories: Black people | Bragging | Clothing | Compliments | Default | Florida | Women | Posted 2008-04-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dakota Works for Chris Hansen
Little girl singing in the aisle: Hide the wiener, hide the wiener!
Target
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Stephanie
Guy: Mind! I Said I Wouldn't Mind!
Drunk girl on cell: What? ... I'm so drunk I can't even hear... I want to do naughty things to you... So, you're saying if I were to lick and suck you, you wouldn't care?
Fiddler's Green
Winter Park, Florida
Overheard by: grossed out because she's not even cute
Categories: BJs | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Florida | Girls | On the phone | Sex | Posted 2008-03-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She's Decomposing Nicely in the Tool Shed
Creepster in poncho: I like your hair.
Hot chick: Oh, thanks.
Creepster in poncho: It smells like my grandma.
Bus stop
Gainesville, Florida
Categories: Bus | Compare and contrast | Creepsters | Default | Florida | Girls | Sensory experiences | Posted 2008-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now I Only Eat It
Dude #1: So, when the hell did you start smoking cigarettes?
Dude #2: Last week.
Dude #1: Why the hell did you do that?
Dude #2: I wanna stop smoking pot.
University of Miami
Miami, Florida
Overheard by: Stosh
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Default | Druggies | Drugs | Florida | Guys | Questions | Smoking | Time Management | Posted 2008-03-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Have a Jungian Query for the Hand-Dryer
Hobo: 'Scuse me, yo, can you tell me where the psychological bathroom is?
Bookstore
St. Petersburg, Florida
Overheard by: bookseller
... And I Love It!
Exasperated youth, holding water bottle: There's dinosaur piss in everything!
Tallahassee, Florida
I'd Recommend against Frying Bacon, Though
Chick on cell: You can do that naked?!
Dude: Honey, you can do a lot of things naked.
Blockbuster Video
Melbourne, Florida
Overheard by: Revulsion of People
That's What They're For, Kiddo
Little boy: I can feel it in my nuggets!
Wendy's
Florida
The Planner Inadvertantly Ordered from "Babes 'R' Us"
Girl: Wait, they had strippers at the baby shower?!
University of South Florida
Tampa, Florida
Why Some Churches Have Ejector Pews
Little girl to priest: Why is it called 'Good Friday' if that's when they killed Jesus?
Homestead, Florida
When She Lies on Her Back, She Makes a Great Snack Tray
Tween girl #1: I have to tell you something -- I don't think Rachel is that hot.
Tween girl #2: Oh my god, I'm so glad you said that, 'cause I'm afraid to talk to people about her because everyone thinks she is so pretty.
Tween girl #1: They were doing this rating thing where they rate people on a scale, and Ryan gave her a seven.
Tween girl #2: She is totally not a seven -- her boobs are inverted.
Premier Oaks Movie Theater
Melbourne, Florida
Overheard by: *shakes head*
Like What Happened to the Knights Templar?
Attending physician to resident: You'd be surprised what you can learn from someone's anus.
Tampa General Emergency Room
Tampa, Florida
Dad: You Know, Honey, He's Got a Point
Four-year-old to mom: Mom, you should get a new husband -- one that will do more stuff with us. And Daddy can get a new wife -- a skinny wife.
Orlando, Florida
Categories: Advice | Florida | Should have used a condom | Posted 2008-01-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Juvenile Alcohol Abuse Is in Everyone's Best Interest
Six-year-old boy screaming at parent: I want a beer!
Passerby: Get that kid a beer, quick!
Islands of Adventure
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: jessi
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Florida | Kids | Posted 2008-01-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Keep Walking, Beatrice
Older lady: What's a whiffy?
Man, confused: What's... a whiffy?
Older lady: Right there! It says, 'Free whiffy' -- W-I-F-I.
Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Overheard by: Jen