Get the 10 best quotesby e-mail weekly!
Florida All Categories > Places > North America > USA > Florida
Recent | Best Of
Herman Cain's a Busy Man These Days
Guy in tire store uniform: I don't have time to walk through this whole store. Just point me to the scooters and the black barbies.
Toys "R" Us
St. Petersburg, Florida
Overheard by: got got got no time either
Categories: Employees | Florida | Time Management | Toys | Weirdness | Posted 2011-07-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mom's Been Running That Con on Dad for Years
Little girl, leaving church: We have to go to bed!
Mom: No, we're going home, and then we're going to eat dinner.
Little girl: And *then* we'll go to bed?
Mom: If you're good.
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Hazzenkockle
The Library? Nooooo!
Woman on cell: I'm at the library because I'm so fucking pissed off at you!
Library Parking Lot
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: ISPgypsy
Just Call Me Tweedle Diva
Fat black chick: Yo, real women got curves, nigga.
Black queer: Yeah, bitch, curves. You only got one big curve! (traces circle in air)
Bus
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: Dropper of Eaves
Categories: Black people | Body parts | Bragging | Comebacks | Florida | Gays | Posted 2011-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's So Hard to Find Cheap Storage in the City
Guy reading iPhone: IT sez here some gal in Fort Meyers was arrested and later found to have a knife hidden in her vagina.
Friend: I could go with that...
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Café con leche
Even If You Do Look Adorable in Communist Colors
Guy on phone: Look, now that you're an American you can't be doing that kind of stuff...
University of Central Florida
Overheard by: Michelle
Think Of It As a Cheap Facelift!
Old woman in roller coaster line: Does this one go upside down? I don't like it when they do upside down.
Little boy: You'll be fine, grandma. Come on!
Universal Studios
Florida
It's a Small Mind After All
Teenage girl to mother in annoyed tone: Everything in here is too Asian.
Japan Pavilion Shop
Epcot, Walt Disney World
Florida
Overheard by: I'm living in a world I do not understand
Amen, Sister
Coworker, about Dick Clark's New Year's Eve: For people our age it's just not New Year's until we see Dick.
Sanford, Florida
Categories: About celebrities | Age and ageing | Coworkers | Florida | Holidays | Posted 2011-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Crime Really Doesn't Pay
Black guy on side of street to car passing slowly in traffic: Yo, I see you, don' need to roll ya window up, it's just a Honda, only get three stacks for it at the chop shop. (to friends) Shit, I get in the car and have you drive to the ATM machine, pop ya in the face, get ya pin number, withdraw $500. Receipt comes out 'insufficient funds'. Now I got to kill you.
Miami, Florida
...Whilst I Watch, Eating This Popcorn.
Girl, carrying armloads of stuff: I don't have a free hand to lock the door with.
Boyfriend, in most sketch-ass tone imaginable: Use your mouth.
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Hazzenkockle
Categories: Couples | Florida | Mouth | Offers and requests | Relationships | Posted 2011-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thanksgiving's Not a Religious Holiday, but Whatever
Waitress: Are you going to celebrate Thanksgiving tonight?
Woman with thick Canadian accent: Oh, no, we're going to go home and worship Satan, if that's okay with you.
Cracker Barrel
Orlando, Florida
Michael Kors Drunk on Vacation Is Pretty Much What You'd Expect.
Man in the street, yelling: I need more pockets! Cargo pants!
Miami, Florida
...I Don't Have Enough Energy to Go Look It Up.
Mother: Honey, you're not lazy.
Four-year-old son: Yes, I am!
Father, smiling: No, you're not.
Four-year-old son: I am! I am lazy! What does "lazy" mean?
Coral Gables, Miami
Presenting This Year's Sweetest Rejection
Tall Hispanic woman to one-legged Hispanic man in wheelchair: Nigga, I get with you, I have triplets--got that supersperm!
Miami, Florida
Overheard by: chuck
Categories: Florida | Latinas | Pride | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2011-01-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sesame Street Has Really Diversified Its Curriculum
Guy: It was mostly about fucking goats, but I also learned a lot about libel law.
Miami, Florida
Overheard by: Nick
This Quote Is Better Birth Control Than a Condom
Scruffy ponytail dude on cell: Is the dog oozing or pulsing? Tell your brother to stop squeezing the guinea pig, I can hear it squealing! (pause) Yes I can! Yes I can, Ruth*! (pause) Oh, sorry, I guess grandma sneezing does sound like the guinea pig... Just wrap the dog in a towel and I'll be home in an hour.
Tampa, Florida
Categories: Animals | Florida | Health & Hygiene | On the phone | Weirdness | Posted 2010-12-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How to Enjoy Epcot: Explained
Man #1: Are you having fun?
Man #2: Yeah. Are you having fun?
Man #1: Yeah.
Man #2: Why?
Man #1: 'Cause this is the most sober we're going to be all night.
Epcot
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Maddie
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Florida | Guys | Leisure | Questions | Posted 2010-11-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Charles Dickens Had Gone to College in Florida
Girl: It was a land of chocolate and a land of Lego. It was glorious.
Random guy, walking by: Glorious!
University of Central Florida
Raise Your Hand If You Don't See the Problem
Agriculture student #1: So she starts screaming and I just knew, so I said, "did you search for "hot dog" without using the safety search?"
Agriculture student #2: Oh, no, hot dog without a fig leaf?
Agriculture student #1: Yeah! And you know how she is, so she starts screaming and freaking out. But it wasn't even a human, it was a dog...
University of Florida
Gainesville, Florida
Oh, Brother.
Sorority girl, upset: And then her other sister had sex with my sister!
University of Florida
Gainesville, Florida
Overheard by: really curious about the rest of that conversation
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Family ties | Florida | Sex | Sexuality | Sorority types | Weirdness | Posted 2010-09-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No More Hentai for You, Young Man.
Three-year-old boy: When I get older my penis is going to get so big, and then it will talk to me.
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Dr Banana Grabber
Categories: Age and ageing | Florida | Kids | Kids | Penis | Sensory experiences | Posted 2010-09-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gosh, I Miss The Osbournes.
Tween boy #1: I'm bummed. I grabbed my mom's iPod instead of mine this morning.
Tween boy #2: They look the same, how do you know it's not yours?
Tween boy #1: I have Radiohead and The Shins, she has Deicide and Cradle of Filth.
Tween boy #2: I love that woman.
High School
Florida
Overheard by: Sandy Paws
Categories: Compare and contrast | Florida | Music | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Technology | Tweens | Posted 2010-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Steve Miller: "Same Here."
Girl: How do you choose a good peach?
Guy: I go with whichever would make the prettiest vagina. Seems to work pretty well.
Produce Market
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Dr. Banana Grabber
Mickey Doesn't Care, Sweetie
Girl to family: Happy 4th of July, everyone!
Kid next to girl: But I'm Jewish!
Magic Kingdom
Orlando, Florida
Don't Expect a Hungry Man to Make Sense
Man to woman: The name "Pizza Hut" is so perfect, because it has "pizza" in the name, and they sell pizza!
Busch Gardens
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Faye
Let's Hope She's Kidding
Guy to girl: So, do you call him "camp" for short?
Girl dead seriously: No, I call him master. He is my boyfriend, you know.
English Class
Tampa, Florida
Or More Accurately, Not Having Sex With White Girls
White student #1: Yeah, it's a good thing I'm not going to that preppy high school anymore.
White student #2: Yeah, I agree.
White student #3: You'd probably still be having sex with white girls.
Deerfield Beach High School
Florida
I Think I've Seen This Daryl Hannah Movie...
Girl #1: Well, it doesn't bother me.
Girl #2: That's because you don't have to look at it!
Girl #3: You. Look. Like. A. Whore.
Girl #4: But a mermaid whore!
University of Florida
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Florida | Girls | Sex | Posted 2010-07-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Apparently You Can Be Too Casual
Gay guy in fake British accent: Isn't it funny how people who want babies so badly can't have them, and other people who have a casual fuck pop them out like Pez dispensers?
Panera Bread
Gainesville, Florida
Overheard by: Cristina
Baby Steps, Sweetie
Girl: I made out with a five-year-old orphan today.
Boy: Well, I guess that's a little better.
High School
Florida
Categories: Florida | Girls | Guys | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Kids | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Weirdness | Posted 2010-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oooh, Blood!
Mother: Hey kids, look at that woman. She's puking!
Kid: Mom, it's rude to point!
Mother: Move, she'll puke on you too!
Magic Kingdom
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: lolcopter
K-Fed: Explained.
Scruffy guy: Shit, I'd suck dick for money. I've always kind of wished I was a girl so I could be a stripper... or a whore.
Gainesville, Florida
A Girl Who Wears Her Thong As a Headband Has No Shame
Girl: She came in at 5:30 in the morning. Is she like trying to beat the walk of shame rush?
University of Florida
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Florida | Girls | Questions | Time Management | Posted 2010-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Can't Get Decent Sackcloth Anymore
Crazy-religious-dude, pointing at male student: Are you free from sin?
Male student: Yes I am!
Cray-religious-dude: Sure about that? (looks student over) Then why is your shirt so tight?
Florida International University
Categories: Christianity | Clothing | Colleges & Universities | Crazies | Florida | Questions | Religious fanatics | Posted 2010-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight's Movie: Good Will Cunting
Girl to friend doing geometry worksheet: If the answer's 27.5, my vagina is a genius.
Tampa, Florida
Divine Intervention?
20-something girl to friend: Why are there needles in my bible?
Orlando, Florida
And What About Cars?
Ditzy American girl: You're from Scotland?
Scottish girl: Yeah.
Ditzy American girl: So do they have like... Ducks over there?
Orlando, Florida
Plus I Feel a Little Gay Riding a Log
Intimidating black man on log flume: This ain't no romantic cruise!
Busch Gardens, Florida
Categories: Black people | Comebacks | Feelings | Florida | Thugs | Posted 2010-05-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Next: a Game Of "Just the Tip"
Not-very-smooth guy to attractive woman at bar: I just want to see it! I promise I won't touch your vagina.
Tallahassee, Florida
How Many Tons Of Vomit Does Disney World Produce a Year? Show Your Work.
20-something guy in the middle of a group: Guys, guys. I've got big news.
(group quiets down)
20-something guy: I just got a text from Ross. It says "Let's put it this way: they've stopped the ride, are cleaning up my vomit, and I'm leaving in a wheelchair. Spaceship Earth."
(group cheers)
Disney World
Orlando, Florida
Categories: Florida | Games | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Stupidity | Tourist attractions | Violence | Posted 2010-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Were Number Six!
Sex-ed teacher: This 16-year-old girl had nine partners.
Kid in the back: I want to be number ten!
Tampa, Florida
When Camel Toe Becomes Hammer Toe
Teacher: Pants so tight it could snap your vagina off!
Sex-Ed Class
Tampa, Florida
That's Someone in a Mickey Costume, Honey.
Redneck to wife: You'll never see a squirrel like that in Massachusetts!
Disney World
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Stephen
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Florida | Rednecks | Posted 2010-04-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Have You Learned So Little from The Sweetest Thing?
Teen girl in bathroom #1: I'd hate to be a guy and have to use a urinal.
Teen girl in bathroom #2: Oh yeah, that thing looks unsanitary.
Teen girl in bathroom #1: Not even that, but like if you had to go poop then everyone would know it.
Teen girl in bathroom #3: You can't poop in a urinal?
High School
Coral Springs, Florida
Categories: Compare and contrast | Florida | Gender issues | Pee | Poop | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Stupidity | Teens | Posted 2010-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Our Troubles Are Skin Cancer, Amber.
College girl: Screw it. Let's go soak away our troubles with UV radiation!
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Kailee
Categories: Florida | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Stupidity | Posted 2010-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Can I Live With You This Summer?
Chipper guy: Everyone in my family, except for my little brother I think, is suicidal. They're all just like "blah blah blah... kill myself."
Florida Atlantic University
Overheard by: Kiwi
Categories: Character | Colleges & Universities | Death & dying | Family ties | Florida | Guys | Posted 2010-02-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, What?
Tired restaurant patron: Why would Reese's Pieces put out rhesus monkeys? That's just wrong!
Restaurant
Ocala, Florida
Overheard by: Fully aware restaurant patron
Categories: Animals | Bosses | Candy | Florida | Restaurants | Posted 2010-01-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Don't Hold Your Breath Waiting for Divine Fireworks, Ma'am
Girl: December 27th, plenty of time to fuck someone for New Year's.
Crazy lady: I didn't hear that! I'm a Pentacostal! That's blasphemy!
Gainesville, Florida
You Lithuanian Girls Know What I'm Talking About
Anthropology teacher: All women are beautiful, whether they're tall and skinny or not. Including female Sasquatch.
USF
Florida
Categories: Beauty | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Florida | Teachers | Posted 2009-12-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What My Gymnastics Coach Used to Say!
Biology teacher: Today we are going to learn to make a wet mount.
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: the one chortling in the back
He's the High Bidder
Lady on cell: That Senator from Costa Rica or wherever said that our little Mandy* was the best strutter in the country!
Walt Disney World
Florida
Overheard by: Deeds
Categories: Bragging | Compare and contrast | Florida | On the phone | Women | Posted 2009-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...As Expressly Stated in the Terms Of My Employment.
Girl on phone: You can't just give me some Craisins and expect everything to be okay after you called me a Nazi!
University of Florida
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Florida | Food | Gifts | Girls | Insults | On the phone | Posted 2009-12-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Until She Finds My Letter-Bomb
Six-year-old, matter-of-factly when seeing fireworks go off at Magic Kingdom: They blew up Mickey... Now only Minnie is left.
Disneyworld Bus
Orlando, Florida
In the Same Way We Fail to Feel Bad for Cher
Coworker, on animal testing: I just can't feel bad for lab rats, cause they're man-made.
Friend: Seriously, dude.
Winter Park, Florida
Overheard by: Cassie
Multiple Origami
Little girl: And then we had orgies.
Mother, very calmly: No honey, we had origami.
Florida
Really More Of an Epcot Activity
Child eating skeleton fruit snacks: Mommy, look! I'm eating a boner!
Disney World
Florida
...As the Queen Said at Her Eulogy.
Teenage boy, about princess Diana: Dude, she was like Mother Teresa, just with better tits!
Palm Harbor
Florida
Overheard by: Jedtheavenger
Categories: About celebrities | Compare and contrast | Florida | Rack | Stupidity | Teens | Posted 2009-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Please Don't Get Angrified.
Cashier: Sorry, your credit card has been declineded.
Woman: Declineded?
Cashier: Um... Yes, the credit card people declineded it. Like, ya know, it's been denieded.
South Florida
Hey, My Vulva Gets Excellent Mileage!
Girl: What are you?
White pants: Jay Gatsby, old sport.
Girl: You know you're not supposed to wear white after Labor Day.
White pants: I can make out the bulk of your vulva at the moment, I believe it would be behoove me to consult someone else with regards to taste.
Halloween Party
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Dr Doctor
When You're Greeting a Female Dignitary, for Instance
Nerdy college guy #1: "Bitch" does have a negative connotation.
Nerdy college guy #2: But girls say it to each other, it's like the "n" word!
Nerdy college guy #3: And it can be used as a greeting! "Yo, bitch, what's shakin'?"
USF
Florida
Overheard by: SB
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Florida | Insults | Students | Words | Posted 2009-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Frightening Because the Photograph Is Screaming
Girl, nodding to human mess across the way: Is that girl burning holes into a photograph with a cigarette?
Guy: That is frighteningly erotic.
University of South Florida
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Florida | Girls | Guys | Questions | Sensory experiences | Sex | Smoking | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're That Guy Every Day.
Girlfriend: I'm gonna get a black wig and a skirt, and I'm putting body-glitter on you and doing your hair like you're in 90210 and you're going as Edward. It'll be like ironic.
Boyfriend: I'm gonna put some mayonnaise on my pants and go as that "jizzed in my pants" guy.
Girlfriend: No, you're not.
Gainesville, Florida
Portrait Of the Sound-Effects Guy As a Young Man
Biology teacher: Parvo disease is a disease in mammals that can be fatal; squirrels, cats and dogs can all get it.
Kid, whispering quietly to himself: Ruff! Ruff ruff! Kaboom!
Florida
I'm Sure Law Enforcement Will Understand
Female law student, after declining jello shot: No, I have to drive you home.
Male law student: I don't want a cranky sober person driving me home!
St. Petersburg, Florida
And Why Do You Say That About Everything?
Guy #1: Have you even seen Sophie's choice?
Guy #2: Yeah. Isn't the choice like, diabetes or a piano?
Guy #1: What?
University of Florida
Overheard by: Nick
Tonight on John and Kate Plus 9MM
Chemistry lab professor: Families work well only if they are close-knit. Unlike those people who went and had eight kids. Who cares about them? I wish someone would just go shoot them.
Edison State College
Fort Myers, Florida
Overheard by: Chikara
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Family ties | Florida | Kids | Murder | Teachers | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-09-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some DEA Plants Don't Even Try.
Hipster to another, after cigarette drag: So what do you think about heroin?
Gainesville, Florida
Overheard by: PJ
Wait-- Purge First!
Drunk girl: Okay... I had three sausages, I gotta go to bed.
Drunk guy: Three? I had like eight shots earlier!
Drunk girl: No. Not shots, sausages.
Drunk guy: Oh my god! You ate three sausages? Go to bed!
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Pukey
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Florida | Food | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Girls Next Door Workout Video It Is, Then.
Teenage girl: We can't rent anything with class.
Blockbuster
Orlando, Florida
The Debate About Renée Zellweger Rages on
Guy: That's an unfortunate-looking girl.
Girl: She has Down syndrome.
Guy: I'm going to hell.
University of Florida
Overheard by: Nick
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Evil | Florida | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Mental illnesses | Posted 2009-09-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
File These Documents? Really?
Girl to friend: Well, I guess I could, but my titties would hurt.
Theater Rehearsal
Bradenton, Florida
Overheard by: Hollie Corbitt
Categories: Florida | Friends | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Rack | Posted 2009-08-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What You Said About Uncle Walter!
Little girl: Mommy, can I have a bubble bath?
Mother: No, it makes your vagina hurt.
Plantation, Florida
Overheard by: i guess that's a valid reason.
...But Only If They're the Horny Type.
Wise eight-year-old boy to brother: Getting a girlfriend is the easy part. But you have to know how to keep them.
Attentive six-year-old: How do you get them to stay?
Wise eight-year-old: You have to find out what kind of food they like to eat. And give them a plastic unicorn.
Nature Park
Tampa, Florida
Categories: Advice | Compare and contrast | Florida | Food | Kids | Kids | Questions | Relationships | Siblings | Posted 2009-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Sending Me a Lot Of Mixed Messages
Cashier: Our credit card machine is down right now. Will that be cash or credit?
Customer: Gee, I guess cash... then.
Fast Food Restaurant
Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Overheard by: Kate
This Would Be a Lot Less Creepy If You'd Take Off the Nixon Mask
Driver, with boat in tow: How much?
Toll booth operator, in a sing-songy tone: Seven-fiftyyyyy!
Driver: What?
Toll booth operator, sing-songy: Highway robberyyyyy!
Toll Booth, Florida Turnpike
Sunrise, Florida
Overheard by: Broke Commuter
The Rare Combination Of Stupid and Geeky
GameStop employee #1: No, dude, I swear, Puerto Rico was the 48th state.
GameStop employee #2: No it's not, dummy! Puerto Rico is not the 48th state. It was the 49th!
GameStop employee #1: Well, why don't I just look it up on my cell phone, I bet I'll prove you wrong. How do you spell "Puerto Rico"?
GameStop employee #2: P-o-r-t-o R-e-e-c-o?
Fleming Island, Florida
Sigh. For the Last Time, I Could Never Date a Top.
Mom, to little kid: Is she your girlfriend?
Little kid: (shakes head emphatically)
Mom: Oh! I don't mean like that, I mean "friend that's a girl." I know Jenny is your girlfriend.
Little kid: Yeah!
Mom: And who's your boyfriend?
Little kid: I don't have a boyfriend.
Mom: But I thought Robert was your boyfriend!
Kennedy Space Center
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Isn't he a little young...?
These Cardboard Cut-Outs Were a Great Idea!
Grandma, with camera, to grandson (on Father's Day): Jordan! Go pose over there next to dad, dad, and daddy.
Macaroni Grill
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: SoConfused
Categories: Family | Family ties | Florida | Parenting | Restaurants | Posted 2009-07-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Something Approximately the Size Of a Baby Carrot
Old lady: I'm not very hungry, I'm gonna have something small.
Old man: If you wanted something small, we would have stayed at home and I would have given you something small.
Lester's Diner
Fort Lauderdale, Florida
President Bush Directs a Rendition Of The Wizard Of Oz
Tourist: Are you a good Muslim or a bad Muslim?
Haunted Mansion, DisneyWorld
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Eric
Categories: Compare and contrast | Florida | Questions | Religion | Tourists | Posted 2009-07-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unless You Got Johnny Depp to Lick It Out.
Mayo hater: If you kill one of my pets I'd be able to forgive you. If you put mayonnaise in my belly button, I would never talk to you again!
Universal Studios
Florida
Categories: Animals | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Crazies | Florida | Food | Murder | Posted 2009-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Gonna Ride This Science Project All the Way to Harvard
Enthusiastic teenager, waving hands emphatically: If you can deep throat a banana, you can suck a dick!
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: If you can wax a car...
What Kind Of a Boy Gives Hugs, Anyway?
Man to son, coming out of restroom: After what you tried to do to Tigger I'm not sure if you deserve that.
Disney World
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Tracy
Categories: About celebrities | Dads | Default | Florida | Guys | Kids | Offers and requests | Pop culture | Tourist attractions | Posted 2009-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All My Children Waits for No Man
Man in stall on cell: Hey! It's me, do you want to talk dirty? (pause) Oh, okay. I'll let you watch your show.
Coral Springs, Florida
He Caught Me and Said, "I Got You, Babe."
Random guy: I came out of the womb at Sonny's Bar-BQ!
Gainesville, Florida
Overheard by: heidi
Grim Reaper: "I Duck Into the Bathroom for Two Minutes..."
Flight attendant, after landing: If anyone left a black coat, please come to the front of the cabin to claim it. (pause) Or if anyone would like to take a black coat for free.
Orlando, Florida
Categories: Advice | Airports & flights | Clothes | Compare and contrast | Default | Flight attendants | Florida | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Posted 2009-06-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Slept My Way Into Advanced Paper-Cutting
Art teacher: The size of the square should be 13 inches...
Student #1, interrupting: Is that the length or the width?
Student #2: Uh, Krista, it's a square. The length and width are the same.
Student #1: Well, don't get mad at me just because I'm not all smart like you!
Marathon, Florida
Overheard by: Chey
I Like to Think Of It As Adding a Little More Magic to the Kingdom
Male golfer to 20-something son and his girlfriend: See, that's the problem golfing with a female. If there are no women here, the world is your toilet!
The Magnolia Golf Course, DisneyWorld
Orlando, Florida
Categories: Compare and contrast | Dads | Default | Florida | Games | Guys | Sexuality | Tourist attractions | Posted 2009-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Like, "Everybody Dies-- Walk It Off!"
Guy with mullet on cell: He's in that "oh, my wife just died" mood. (long pause) Yeah, I know. Boo-hoo, ya fuckin' pussy!
Plantation, Florida
Overheard by: Just wants to buy some Spaghetti-O's
Categories: Death & dying | Default | Feelings | Florida | Guys | Relationships | Vagina | Posted 2009-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Aced It!
Girl, after US history exam: How did you do on the essays?
Serious boy: Well, I drew hand turkeys on three pages of the answer booklet, and on the fourth I drew a picture of Samuel Glompers riding a tortoise while holding a marble cake.
High School Gymnasium
West Palm Beach, Florida
Whether You Deserve It or Not
New York liberal Jewish humanities teacher: You don't have to be all "ma'am" and stuff around me.
Student: Ma'am, I was raised in the South, you have to expect some non-ironic chivalry, sorry.
Florida State, Tallahassee
Overheard by: Dr Steve Manly
Categories: Default | Florida | Jews | Memory lane | Students | Teachers | US Geography | Words | Posted 2009-05-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not Today, Though-- I've Got Leg Cramps
Hobo: Hey baby, you ever had the back a yo' knee fucked?
Girl in line at the show: Once...it was okay, I guess.
Hobo: Shitdamn girl, you're a freak!
Ybor
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Gotta try that
So What If It Was During an Airport Body-Cavity Search?
Fag hag, about friend's boyfriend: Well, at least he has a nice guitar.
Fag: No one notices a guy's guitar on the first date...except maybe you.
Fag hag: Hey, at least someone fingered my g-string recently.
Jacksonville, Florida
Overheard by: Ari
Categories: Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Fag hags | Florida | Gays | Relationships | Sexuality | Posted 2009-05-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Actually, Crutchy Was the Only Crippled Newsie
Girl on cell: Wait! (pause) So, it's a gang for crippled people?
Orlando, Florida
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Drugs | Florida | Girls | Offers and requests | Questions | Posted 2009-05-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Or Me Having to Give It.
20-something woman preparing turkey to guy: I'm not sure what's worse, pulling all this out of the turkey's ass, or you taking it in the ass last night.
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: At least some one had a happy thanksgiving
What? I'm Bendy.
Boy #1: Does this taste good?
Girl #1: Yes, it doesn't taste plasticky at all!
Boy #2: Tastes like penis.
Hollywood, Florida
Overheard by: meaw
Well, We Do Have a Couple Of Pre-op Trannies
Girl: Oh, I'm doing Zumba today at five.
Guy: What's Zumba? Can I do Zumba?
Girl: Well...you can.
Guy: I can?
Girl: Yeah, it's not like there's a sign that says "No penises allowed."
Guy: But "no penises" is implied.
University of Miami
Florida
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Florida | Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Penis | Questions | Posted 2009-04-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Shaquille O'Neal Stars in The Emperor's New Brain
Little girl, right before fireworks begin: Daddy, I can see perfectly through that tall man's head.
Walt Disney World
Orlando, Florida
Categories: Body parts | Default | Family ties | Florida | Girls | Kids | Kids | Tourist attractions | Posted 2009-04-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He's Singlehandedly Filling the Void Left by Newlyweds
Teacher: If you could be any vegetable, what would you be?
Random black student: I'd be a strawberry.
University of Florida
Overheard by: amused greatly
Categories: Black people | Colleges & Universities | Default | Florida | Food | Questions | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Playing with Myself a Little
Pilot, during severely delayed flight: This is your pilot speaking, no word from air traffic control, but I just wanted to let you know...that I'm thinking of all of you.
Runway
Miami International Airport, Florida
Overheard by: Chelsea
Categories: Airports & flights | Compare and contrast | Default | Florida | Offers and requests | Pilots | Public Transportation | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-04-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now Sack Up and Stop That Screaming!
CPR class instructor: So when they sent the babies to us, they forgot to include the faces...
University of Miami, Florida
Overheard by: Zach
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Default | Employees | Florida | Memory lane | Weirdness | Posted 2009-04-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Was "FloralNosegay"
Guy on computer: Fuck, I always forget my student e-mail password.
Girl: Why?
Guy: I've always used the same password for everything for years but when I tried it on blackboard it was all "oh, you can't have 'gay' in your password."
Library
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: Who uses
Who Had Means, Motive and Opportunity?
Foreign dressing room attendant, opening all stall doors: It stinks in here! Who pooped? Someone pooped in here, and I'm gonna find it. Where is the poop? Who did it?
Ross
Melbourne, Florida
Categories: Default | Employees | Florida | Foreigners | Offers and requests | Poop | Questions | Posted 2009-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Time My Penis Had a Break
Very drunk girl: I'm going to go pee with my vagina.
Venice, Florida
...After Taking Me to the Movies.
Hot girl to random girl: Have you read or seen He's Not That Into You?
Random girl, to uninterested guy: No.
Hot girl: Well, I highly recommend you read it!
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: he really wasn't
Is That by Herbal Essences?
Bottle blonde: Oh my god, you have to tell me where you got your color done!
Natural blonde gentleman: Bitch, this comes from Adonis genes gifted from on high.
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Dr. Iniego Strangelove
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Euphemisms | Florida | Girls | Guys | Insults | Offers and requests | Science | Posted 2009-03-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Meet the Offspring Of Immanuel Kant and Kathy Griffin
Random girl in hallway: If you have a stuffy nose and are in an elevator with someone who just farted, but you don't know they did, does it still smell bad?
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Jen
Categories: Burping & farting | Default | Florida | Girls | Philosophy | Questions | Posted 2009-03-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Check Whether It's Honorable or Dishonorable
Girl to friend wearing a short skirt: Ooooooh girl, if you bend over I could see all your discharge!
Ikea Parking Lot
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: The Rex
I Rule This Men's Room!
Impatient father to 5-year-old girl in toilet stall: Mary, hurry up, what are you doing in there?
Mary: I was just thinking about how great I am.
Men's Room, Airport
Fort Myers, Florida
Categories: Airports & flights | Compliments | Dads | Default | Florida | Girls | Guys | Kids | Kids | Questions | Posted 2009-03-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let This Be a Lesson to You: Don't Do Lesson Plans High
Professor: I didn't have a picture of a termite so I just put a dragon.
Jacksonville, Florida
Um, Remember High School?
Girl to ex-boyfriend: You're dating someone already?
Guy: Yeah, we're not together anymore. I can date whoever I want!
Girl: So...do you think you'll stay with her for a long time?
Guy: Well, do you plan on breaking up with someone when you start dating them?
Orlando, Florida
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Florida | Girls | Guys | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2009-03-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ride My Big Thunder Mountain, If You Catch My Drift
Drunk girl to hot guy in "if you lick them they will come": Nice shirt!
Hot guy, turning around: How about you "come" with me tonight, baby?
Downtown Orlando, Florida
Who Says Kids Today Have No Goals?
Student #1: So you're only taking three credit hours this semester?
Student #2: Yeah. I figure as long as I take at least one class, I can live at home and mooch off of my mother indefinitely.
Student #1: You dreamed it, saw it and are going for it. Awesome, dude.
UCF
Orlando, Florida
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Family ties | Florida | Food | Questions | Students | Posted 2009-02-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Like They Were Trying to Get Us to Learn
Little boy leaving Epcot: Well, that was unpleasant.
Disney World
Orlando, Florida
You Poor, Deprived Creature
College girl #1: Have you ever smelled sweaty balls?
College girl #2 and #3: Oh my god! Yes, we were just talking about this yesterday.
College girl #4: No.
College girl #1: Really? Oh yeah...you don't like giving head.
University of South Florida
It's Not You, It's Us
Southwest Airlines employee: Mr Jones*, only one minute to be at the gate B5. We looove you, but we have to goooo!
Airport
Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Overheard by: Jake Conner
Categories: Airports & flights | Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Feelings | Florida | Public Transportation | Posted 2009-02-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hand Her a Magic Feather and She Can Fly, Though
Hipster girl to friend: Yeah, we were going to go to a bar last night, but, you know, Beth has awkward ears.
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Normal Ears?
Categories: Body parts | Default | Drinking & drunks | Florida | Girls | Hipsters | Weirdness | Posted 2009-02-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...No, Seriously, Check Out This Rash.
Four-year-old boy holding 20-something girl's hand: I've got jungle fever! I've got jungle fever!
Jungle Cruise Line
Walt Disney World, Florida
Pythagoras Is a Jealous God, People
Math teacher: If you fuck with numbers, you're fucking with god! And people get killed for that shit!
University of Miami, Florida
Overheard by: Tormented Math Student
Probably Underground
Girl #1: No! They separated!
Girl #2: It's okay, they'll end up together eventually.
Girl #1: What? That's like saying "it's okay to be kidnapped, you'll end up with someone eventually!"
Miami, Florida
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Florida | Girls | Relationships | Words | Posted 2009-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...I Wrote the Directions to the Bar on the Back
Middle aged woman: What is this?
Middle aged man: Oh. That's just a paper where Jesus explains the universe.
Middle aged woman: Do you need it?
Middle aged man: Yeah.
Sunrise, Florida
Overheard by: that one chick
And Be Sure to Return Your Babies to the Full Upright Position Before Landing
Airplane pilot: And just for sanitary reasons, please change your babies diapers in the bathroom, not on the pullout table in front of you, because people might stare.
Airport
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: nicole
Categories: Advice | Airports & flights | Default | Florida | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Pilots | Public Transportation | Posted 2009-01-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Page That Didn't Make It Into Oh, the Places You'll Go!
Professor: There's a reason to go to Pompeii: To see all the crazy penises!
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: Adam
Given Time
Queer #1: I can adjust to change, I think.
Queer #2: Yeah, but can your sphincter?
Leon High School
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: Deathly Confused
Categories: Ass | Compare and contrast | Default | Florida | Guys | Queers | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Posted 2009-01-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When You're Wearing a Cup, Is It Like Having Sex?
Guy to girl: So when you're wearing a tampon, is it like having sex 24/7?
University of Florida
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Florida | Guys | Questions | Sex | Posted 2009-01-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Eerily, He Did
Tourist baby: Bah bah bah bah bah!
Tourist dad, changing his diaper: I hear ya.
Tourist baby: Bah bah bah bah bah bah!
Tourist dad: Uh huh.
Tourist baby: Bah bah bah bah!
Tourist dad: I told you not to mess with those guys.
(tourist baby laughs)
Tourist dad: Yeah, you know what I'm talking about!
Restroom, Walt Disney World
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: The Normie in the Handistall
Categories: Dads | Default | Family ties | Florida | Happiness | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Tourist attractions | Posted 2009-01-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Martin Luther King: *Facepalm*
Boy: Why didn't black people just move back to Africa after slavery ended?
Girl: They didn't have the money to.
Boy: They could have gotten the money if they really wanted.
Girl: They didn't want to move back to Africa! They wanted to stay here, they just wanted equal rights. What's wrong with that?
Boy: I'm just saying that they could have moved back if they wanted rights and stuff.
Girl: That's the most retarded thing I've ever heard. Seriously, just stop talking.
(some time later)
Girl: This is why I hate white people, no offense you guys. I don't hate you personally, just as a race in general. They piss me off.
Boy: That's racist. Wow, this tastes good.
Panera at Fashion Square Mall
Orlando, Florida
Why Twitter Was Invented
Guy on cell walking past elephants: I'm watching elephants pour shit on their heads. Yeah, I'm watching elephants pour shit on their heads. Okay. Bye.
Busch Gardens
Tampa Bay, Florida
Categories: Animals | Body parts | Florida | Guys | Poop | Tourist attractions | Posted 2009-01-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Was Thinking More A Piece of Pizza
Guy: You know what you need? You need your asshole licked.
Girl, deadly serious: I've had my asshole licked. That is not what I need.
Planetfest 2008
Jacksonville, Florida
Overheard by: Raynay
Thanks, Girls Next Door!
Woman to friend: I was just wondering how I was going to get my panties on in traffic.
University of Miami, Florida
Overheard by: Tatiana
Someone's Always in the Kitchen With Dinah
TA on cell: No, I do not want to play "guess who's pregnant?" again.
University of Florida
Overheard by: nick
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Florida | Games | Offers and requests | On the phone | Pregnancy | Questions | Students | Posted 2008-12-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Myth Won't Even Let Him Buy It a Drink
Professor: We know CS Lewis likes myth. We know Lewis loves myth. We know he wants myth's babies.
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: Jessica
Joking in Florida Is Always Risky
Lost mother with child to employee: Excuse me, sir? Where can I find the exit?
Employee (bluntly): Um, you have to buy something before you can leave.
Lost mother with child: (blank stare)
Sam Ash
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Stole something instead
Together We Could Rule the World!
Pretty teenage girl #1: Why do all the geeks like me?
Pretty teenage girl #2: Why do all the alcoholic German boarders like me?
Boca Raton Mall
Florida
Would You Just Rob the Fucking Bank, Already?
Bank teller: (nods)
Customer: People have forgotten how to praise the Lord!
Bank teller: (nods)
Customer: Don't complain that you can't find a job! Praise god that there are jobs!
Bank of America
Palm Harbor, Florida
Overheard by: Serena H.
Categories: Compare and contrast | Customers | Default | Employees | Florida | God | Jobs & Careers | Religious fanatics | Posted 2008-12-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Even If It Does Have Perfect Pitch
Girl: I'm not gonna bend over and let you play my butt in front of other people!
Epcot
Florida
Overheard by: Pilbur
Categories: Body parts | Default | Florida | Girls | Offers and requests | Sexuality | Tourist attractions | Posted 2008-12-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I've Provided You All with Maps to Denny's and the Free Clinic
Professor: Okay, so everyone get your papers out. If you don't have your papers here with you then you can just leave. (class mumbles in disgust) That's right, take the walk of shame. Like you just got laid at a frat party, take the walk of shame.
Miami University
Florida
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Feelings | Florida | Offers and requests | Posted 2008-11-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Remember This When We Get Back to Detroit
Older man to wife, moving luggage into hotel room: Really, honey? You want to complain about that? You actually want to go to the front desk and tell them that your room is too nice?
Miami, Florida
Overheard by: I'm not complainin'
I Tried That at Sesame Place and Now That Damn Bird Won't Stop IMing Me
Four-year-old: I'm not here to make friends!
Disney's Animal Kingdom
Orlando, Florida
This Affair with the Other White Meat Has Gone on Long Enough
Man, pulling out salad on airplane: Now I can get back to what really matters. Chicken.
Flight over Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
Overheard by: Nic
That's Part of the Magic
Tramcar driver in Magic Kingdom: It has come to my attention that people use their panic button to help them find their car. That is cheating. You must wander around aimlessly for a while first.
Disney World, Florida
Overheard by: Kristen
Categories: Conductors | Default | Florida | Offers and requests | Public transportation | Tourist attractions | Posted 2008-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hard to Imagine You Two Have Time to Read
(40-something man was hitting on young clerk when his wife comes up)
Man: I honestly think man wasn't meant to be faithful. We're all so sexual.
Wife: Did you forget I was here?
Man: I'll be in the car in a second.
(she leaves store)
Man, after looking back at clerk: Please. She loves getting pimped out to my friends.
Bookstore
Ocala, Florida
Categories: Books | Compare and contrast | Couples | Default | Feelings | Florida | Gender issues | Guys | Infidelity | Questions | Sexuality | Stores | Women | Posted 2008-11-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight on The Don't-Have-to-Wonder-Anymore Years
Kid: Can we go yet? Why are we shopping for luggage here, anyway?
Mom: Because I'm leaving your father.
Department Store
Altamonte Springs, Florida
Overheard by: Voip
Categories: Default | Florida | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Questions | Relationships | Shopping | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's the STD for the New Century
Guy #1: What? Barely legal girls are hot.
Guy #2: Barely lethal?
Guy #1: What?
Guy #2: What?
Univeristy of Florida
Gainesville, Florida
Categories: Age and ageing | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Florida | Guys | Questions | Sexuality | Words | Posted 2008-11-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sweetie, You Weren't Even Born Then
Loud lady to friends over dinner: So how do you all feel about 69?
Ybor City
Tampa, Florida
All MacGyver Needs to Solve the Energy Crisis
New Yorker: Yo, gimme $30 on pump #2, a pack of Newports...and this banana.
Pembroke Pines, Florida
Overheard by: Inspectaneck
Categories: Default | Florida | Fruit | Guys | Offers and requests | Posted 2008-11-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But All It Tells Me Is When They're Ready!
Guy: Where did all the animals go? I don't know, why don't you go ask your microwave!
Art Camp
Tallahassee, Florida
What With Finding the Area Under My Curve
Dorky calculus prof: And do you want to know why I am going to show you this problem again? Because I have six minutes to kill and if the department head stops by and sees that I let you out early...he is going to spank me! (class laughs) And that's entertainment I am not interested in! (six minutes pass and the prof assigns homework) I bet that spanking sounds awful great right now!
Miami University, Florida
Overheard by: bad mental picture
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Education | Fears | Florida | Questions | Teachers | Posted 2008-10-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Takes a Talented Lady to Do Those Simultaneously
Girl: All she does is walk around and get knocked up.
Parking Garage
Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Overheard by: hhmm...
Categories: Default | Florida | Girls | Time Management | Weirdness | Posted 2008-10-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So I've Enrolled in Fiona Apple's Course at the Learning Annex
Artsy girl: I have not yet discovered the magic of anger.
Tampa Museum of Art
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: bunguin
A Man's Gotta Do What a Man's Gotta Perdue
Guido with cigar to girlfriend: I don't know baby, but I have to follow that chicken.
Key West, Florida
Overheard by: twattylant
Weirdest. Relay Race. Ever
Girl in car: Well, I guess Jesus is just going to have to go in between my legs.
Sunrise, Florida
Overheard by: Chez
He's Such a Pill Pusher
20-something female: He comes back Sunday. Oh! And Joe is giving me free birth control!
Orlando, Florida
She Took Music Class at Montessori School
Very white mom: "The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round..." Sing with me, honey.
Very white four-year old daughter: "Rollin' down the street smokin'..."
Walt Disney World
Orlando, Florida
I Knew I Shouldn't Have Dragged You to That Bathhouse
Little boy (jumping off fire truck on a giant spring): Let's go to wienerland!
Miami, Florida
"Adultland" Was the Most Lucrative Disney Attraction in Half a Century
Dad to son in stroller: Here's where we saw the sexy tree!
Disney World Animal Kingdom
Orlando, Florida
Categories: Dads | Default | Florida | Memory lane | Tourist attractions | Words | Posted 2008-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...After Those Pictures Surface of Him in the Cone-Bra
Middle-aged Jewish lady with thick Queens accent flipping through People magazine: So, what do you think about this whole thing with Madonna?
90-year-old man sitting next to her: Who?
Middle-aged Jewish lady: Madonna.
Man: Who?
Middle-aged Jewish lady: Madonna.
Man: Who?
Middle-aged Jewish lady: Madonna!
Man: Oh! The colored guy! Yeah, I don't think he'll win.
Jetblue Flight
Florida to New York
Overheard by: JoeQ
Categories: About celebrities | Airports & flights | Default | Florida | Jews | New York | Old folks | Questions | Posted 2008-08-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Don't Bite The Hand That... Never Mind
College girl to friends eating waffle fries: Yeah, and she had the "smelly hand syndrome." It was really serious. And smelly.
UCF Campus
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Jen
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Florida | Girls | Hands | Maladies | Sensory experiences | Posted 2008-08-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kiss Me, KKKate Runs Into Trouble in Rehearsals
Girl #1: Jane*, I've gotten worse...
Girl #2: At what?
Girl #1: At hating Jews.
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Laughing hysterically
Freddy and Michelle Kruger Decide to Seek Marriage Counseling
Girl: You know, you were in my dream last night.
Guy: Oh, really? What was happening?
Girl: Well, ...you were trying to kill me.
Guy: Oh... that wasn't a dream.
Oviedo, Florida
Overheard by: Um...
Professional Jello Wrestling Has Its Pratfalls, Sweetie
Girl: But I showered for you this morning!
Boyfriend: So you don't want to go?
Girl: I didn't say that, but you made me get cleaned up this morning, and now I'm just going to get dirty. You better pay my water bill, for all these showers you make me take.
Quiznos
Miami, Florida
Overheard by: Believes in no-strings-attached hygene
They Were Naked Already
Man in line for character photos: Crap, I just took a picture of someone else's kids, I'm not a pedophile, don't start thinking that!
Disney World
Florida
Overheard by: Chelsea
Especially With Their Eyes Shut
Guy: If someone was legally blind, it would be really hard for them to see in here.
Revenge of the Mummy ride, Universal Studios
Orlando, Florida
Categories: Default | Florida | Guys | Sensory experiences | Stupidity | Tourist attractions | Posted 2008-07-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why They Only Buy Button-Down Shirts
Mother admonishing her child for sticking his head through the bars in a fence: You do not put your head through anything. Ever.
Disney World
Florida
Overheard by: Becca
Categories: Advice | Body parts | Default | Florida | Moms | Parenting | Tourist attractions | Posted 2008-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Is Why My Boyfriend's Here at the Doctor's
Guy: Do you spit or swallow?
Preppy girl: I don't know. I just chew.
Florida
It's Oprah, Honey
Harried mom: Get off the stage now! It's time to go!
Obstinate toddler: No!
Harried mom: Who's the boss of you?
Obstinate toddler: ...you.
Harried mom: And who's the boss of me?
Obstinate toddler: Daddy!
Harried mom: No!
Barnes & Noble
Plantation, Florida
Overheard by: That Bookseller Chick
Categories: Default | Family ties | Florida | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Questions | Should have used a condom | Stores | Posted 2008-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Should Interview Her for That Vacancy in the Ugly Friend Department
Teen girl #1: Hey, you know the chubby girl in chorus, right?
Teen girl #2: Elizabeth?
Teen girl #1: No, I'm talking about the whale.
(teen girl #1 makes elephant noises)
Teen girl #2: The one that laughs like a jackal?
Teen girl #1: Yeah, her!
Teen girl #2: Oh my god, I love her.
Teen girl #1: Me too! She's great...
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: Drama Eavesdropper
On Today's Episode Of Skanky and the Brain...
Girl #1: Yeah, Dave*'s cute. Not super-attractive, but I'd sleep with him.
Girl #2: I wouldn't.
Girl #1: Why not?
Girl #2: I made a pact with myself that I would never date him.
Girl #1: Yeah, but did you say you wouldn't sleep with him?
Girl #2: No, I guess not.
Girl #1: So there's, like, a loophole. You can sleep with him, just don't date him.
Girl #2: Yeah, I guess so. Cool.
Girl #1: God, I'm so smart.
Valencia Community College
Orlando, Florida
You Didn't Include the Instructions
Left on voice mail: I wanted to talk to you about these cupcakes. They are making me a little nervous. Call me.
Clearwater, Florida
Overheard by: friend of the cupcake king
Did We Suddenly Become That Poor?
Mom: You wanna sleep in the bed with dad?
13-year-old boy: Why the hell would I do that? I'm 5'6"! That's gay!
Baldwin Park, Florida
Overheard by: hmm... point taken.
Categories: Default | Family ties | Florida | Guys | Moms | Offers and requests | Questions | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2008-06-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Old Mom Cop/Dad Cop Routine
Mother to son, after chatting with woman: I'm always extra nice to her because your father can't stand her.
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: Dentist
She'll Be All, "Help Me, Dr. Phil"!
Guy #1: I love getting Lisa* Taco Bell.
Guy #2: Why's that?
Guy #1: It's gonna get her fat! I'm going to get extra sour cream and she's going to be all like: "Damn, this is delicious!" Meanwhile, she'll be getting fat.
Kangaroo
Gainesville, Florida