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Wasn't That a Jason Statham Movie?
Old WWII man to another: If I was President of the United States, before I'd let anyone have a license to drive a car I'd make everyone drive a motorcycle for a year to learn defensive driving.
McDonald's
Southington, Connecticut
Overheard by: Raven
Categories: Connecticut | Old folks | Philosophy | Politics | Wishes | Posted 2011-08-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
After I Spent All That Time Photoshopping That Dick Into a Pacifier
Freshman girl: Well, like, this was from like 2 am the day it was due. I mean, the first one I submitted was of me with a pacifier in my mouth, and they told me it was inappropriate at the last minute. I mean, like, why couldn't they have told me that in January when I submitted it?
University
Connecticut
Overheard by: You really needed to be told?
Categories: Connecticut | Education | Girls | Stupidity | Weirdness | Posted 2011-06-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Masturman Rarely Dates
Guy: We're talking heroic amounts of porn.
Girl, laughing hysterically: Oh my god, what?
Guy: What?
Girl: How is "heroic" a unit of measurement?
Guy: No. I mean: if you met the guy, he'd be your hero.
Girl, still laughing, walking away: I can't.
Connecticut
Overheard by: LunaFish
The Original Miracle Worker Screenplay Was Less Than Inspiring.
Male teacher talking about student: Yeah, that ear infection made her go deaf. She wears one of those things in her head. The implant.
Meanest lady ever: Her life is over. You can't be deaf and ugly. That is too many things.
Male teacher: She's five!
Meanest lady ever: By six she'll barely be a person.
Fairfield, Connecticut
Categories: Age and ageing | Beauty | Connecticut | Gossip | Maladies | Teachers | Posted 2011-05-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Rip Taylor Was Born That Way
Guy about his brother: His only emotion is glitter.
Friend: That's true of all eight-year-olds.
Guy: No, dude, you don't get it. One. Emotion.
Fairfield, Connecticut
Overheard by: Harry
Categories: Character | Connecticut | Family ties | Feelings | Friends | Posted 2011-04-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, Because I Just Spent a Summer with the Peace Corps Doing That?
Pretty girl to boy: How is bottle-feeding a baby hedgehog not on your to-do list?
Fairfield High School
Fairfield, Connecticut
Categories: Animals | Character | Connecticut | Girls | Questions | Posted 2011-04-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only One Of Us Actually Uses Our Noodle.
Twin guy #1: This pillow smells like my dreams!
Girl, smelling pillow: Beef Ramen noodles?
Twin guy #1: I am awesome at dreaming!
Twin guy #2: This is why I hate that we have the same face.
Milford Mall
Milford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Layla
Categories: Connecticut | Feelings | Food | Girls | Guys | Sensory experiences | Posted 2011-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight's Movie: 2 Fast 2 Delicious
Girl on cell: Not only did she steal my car, she ate the fucking cupcakes!
Southern Connecticut State University
New Haven, Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Feelings | Food | Girls | Gripes | On the phone | Posted 2011-02-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Female Blacknerds Can Afford to Be Picky in Choosing a Mate
Hot, black female nerd on phone: No, I don't need you to explain to me why Batman can't be Asian. That's a conversation we only need to have once.
Connecticut
Overheard by: Bruce Lee Wayne
Categories: About celebrities | Black people | Connecticut | On the phone | Race | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2010-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And, in Our Lab Session, We'll Demonstrate It.
Professor: And tomorrow, we'll talk about the suck knob.
University of Hartford
Connecticut
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Connecticut | Education | Sensory experiences | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-09-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...When He Learns to Make a Decent Sandwich.
Black girl #1: He made me a BLT with avocado.
Black girl #2: And then he passed out?
Black girl #1: No. First, I told him to bang me like a screen door in a hurricane, then he passed out.
Black girl #2: You're always stressing out that skinny white boy.
Black girl #1: Haha, yeah. I should marry him.
Bridgeport, Connecticut
Categories: Black people | Connecticut | Food | Health & Hygiene | Offers and requests | Relationships | Sex | Posted 2010-09-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Smell the Plot Of a New Indiana Jones Movie!
Mini-skirt girl: Her name is Pearl, so she's either an 80-year-old white lady from Connecticut...
Suit: Or an 18-year-old, French-speaking lieutenant in an Asian motorcycle gang.
Mini-skirt girl: Yours is weirdly specific.
Bridgeport, Connecticut
Overheard by: Agreed
Categories: Age and ageing | Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Girls | Names | Suits | Weirdness | Posted 2010-09-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Was All, "Take, Eat, This Is My Foreboding"
30-something suit: He was like... The Jesus of bad news.
Train Station
Fairfield, Connecticut
Categories: Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Jesus | Suits | Train | Posted 2010-08-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Apparently You're Not the Only One Who Wants to Know
Tall girlfriend: Where did Batman go to college?
Tall boyfriend: That may be the best question ever asked.
Target
Milford, Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Couples | Education | Pop culture | Questions | Stores | Posted 2010-08-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...I'd Prefer Not to Be Thought Of As a Person.
Bad egg in sweater-vest: Gandhi was a Marlboro man, not Newport.
Friend in tight polo: You're the worst sort of person.
Bad egg in sweater-vest: That hurts.
New Haven, Connecticut
Categories: About celebrities | Assholes | Comebacks | Connecticut | Feelings | Friends | Smoking | Posted 2010-08-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Which Is What I Look For in a Gay Best Friend.
Lady who lunches to friend: He's very smart, but he's not ruthless.
Westport, Connecticut
Categories: Compare and contrast | Compliments | Connecticut | Friends | Ladies who lunch | Posted 2010-07-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Disney Movies Go Too Far
Tall girl: I find fault with your explanation of how penguins get the machete upgrade.
Hamden, Connecticut
Overheard by: Soy Bomb
Categories: Birds | Connecticut | Girls | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2010-07-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like Julie & Julia, but Without Food
Hot gay guy: My boyfriend won't let me watch porn that doesn't have a story.
Sympathetic gay friend: Poor baby.
Hot gay guy: All porn is acting... Intense acting.
New Haven, Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Friends | Porn | Queers | Relationships | Posted 2010-07-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Mmm, Okay, Leave the Shirt Off.
Girl #1, watching attractive guy: Du-ude, check that out!
Girl #2: Oooh. Yummy! (notices friend shamelessly ogling)
Girl #1: Elizabeth!! Put his clothes back on!
Yale University
New Haven, Connecticut
Overheard by: You Can Take Mine Instead
Categories: Beauty | Clothing | Colleges & Universities | Connecticut | Girls | Posted 2010-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...of Death!
20-something girl looking at picture: Isn't he so hot with his nunchucks?"
20-something guy friend: Those are called "muttonchops."
Bar
Connecticut
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Beauty | Connecticut | Friends | Girls | Guys | Hair | Words | Posted 2010-05-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They're Like the IPhones Of People!
Tall black girl with fauxhawk: I don't know why everyone doesn't have an Asian fetish! They're pocket sized and stunning!
New Haven, Connecticut
Categories: Beauty | Black people | Connecticut | Fashion | Hair | Posted 2010-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sacred Heart Boasts the Naughtiest Librarians in the Land
Librarian: Hello, Justin. I'd shake hands with you but my hands are very sticky.
Sacred Heart University
Fairfield, Connecticut
Overheard by: Jesse
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Connecticut | Employees | Hands | Weirdness | Posted 2010-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Don't Even Get Me Started on Jessica Simpson
Elderly man: This abstinence shit the Republicans get on about... Abstinence my ass! I've been looking at girls since I was 11. I mean: come on, the Virgin Mary is crying!
North Haven, Connecticut
Overheard by: Sara
Meet the Inventor Of Capri Pants
Girl in party: And then I said, "stop the car! I need to ask that midget where he got his pants!"
Connecticut
...But Then It Also Counts As Your Birthday Present.
Hostess: Your son and I were just talking about what he wants for Christmas.
10-year-old boy: Turkey bacon!
Gruff-looking father: You want turkey bacon for Christmas?
10-year-old boy, to hostess: He never buys any!
Gruff-looking father: Hey, if you want turkey bacon for Christmas, I'll get you turkey bacon.
Restaurant
Middletown, Connecticut
Categories: Baristas | Connecticut | Dads | Food | Gifts | Gripes | Kids | Restaurants | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Telepaths Mate
Old lady, walking up to old man: Hi there. Sorry I was just staring off at you. I had something on my mind and I think you were thinking it too. Bye!
Old man: Bye.
Sacred Heart University
Connecticut
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Old folks | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Doesn't Look Good
Young dude in car to children getting off school bus: You are the future!
Westport, Connecticut
Overheard by: Elisabeth
The Type Of Question That Should Be on the SATs
Teenage boy to school friend: Dude, why would you buy a pocket vagina and not use it?
High School
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Murray
Categories: Connecticut | Friends | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Shopping | Teens | Toys | Vagina | Posted 2009-10-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Would Explain a Lot About Our Foreign Policy
Boyfriend: I couldn't get a new movie. The good ones were all out. I got this other one, though. The guy told me it was really good.
Girlfriend: What's the name of it?
Boyfriend: Just Cuz!
Girlfriend, looking at jacket: You mean Just Cause?
Norwich, Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Couples | Movies | Names | Questions | Posted 2009-10-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or an Etch-a-Sketch Masterpiece.
Guy: So how's it going with Tom?
Girl: Good. He's stuck with me.
Guy: You're like a virus.
Girl: No, I'm more like something good you can't shake. Like a baby.
Derby, Connecticut
Categories: Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Girls | Guys | Kids | Maladies | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2009-09-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Hate This Country and Its Degenerate Cinema!
Frustrated man with heavy Arabic accent to wife: I got the most chicky-flick movies I could find!
Supermarket
Connecticut
Categories: Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Couples | Gender issues | Movies | Stores | Posted 2009-09-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Just Sat in the Waiting Room and Read Magazines
Girl #1: I got a lot of color without being in the sun very much; just in the car.
Girl #2: I'm so jealous!
Girl #1: Well, I also went to the tanning salon...
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Connecticut | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Lies | Posted 2009-09-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Best Boss I've Ever Had!
Girl: So Jack sucked my thumb today.
Friends: Really?
Girl: Yeah, he sucked my thumb, then wiped his snot on my arm, licked my leg, and told me he wanted to go to the office.
Simsbury, Connecticut
Overheard by: rehreh88
Categories: Body parts | Connecticut | Friends | Girls | Hands | Health & Hygiene | Licking | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yes, But It's Pronounced "Canadia"
Professor: Back then they actually had Hell located on the map. It was in the north.
Student: In Canada?
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
...as Salad Dressing.
Creepy mustached dude: Yep, so that's nine weeks of good urine testing. And about four weeks ago, I started using my own.
Dunkin' Donuts
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: All I wanted was a coffee
Categories: Connecticut | Creepsters | Health & Hygiene | Pee | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
More Like Interesting Fungal Formations
Teen: I don't know. I always have great art on my toes.
Choate Rosemary Hall
Wallingford, Connecticut
Categories: Body parts | Connecticut | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Asked If There Were Any Questions About the Midterm, Greta.
Girl: Do you ever feel like you have a feather in your pants?
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Clothes | Connecticut | Girls | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-07-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thank God I Live in Connecticut, Where I Avoid That Sort Of Thing.
Student #1: He went flying over the Rockies and they haven't found his plane.
Professor: Oh, good, good! I hated that guy.
Student #2: Who was he?
Professor: Some rich fucker.
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
At Least Five Times a Day.
Girl inside stall: I love my vagina!
Bathroom in Bar
New Haven, Connecticut
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Bringing it back to you | Connecticut | Feelings | Girls | Vagina | Posted 2009-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Can You Say "Paternity Suit"?
Five-year-old Spanish boy: Court! Court! Court! Court!
Frazzled grandmother: Yes, I know.
Courthouse
Waterbury, Connecticut
Overheard by: Colleen
Categories: Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Default | Guys | Kids | Moms | Women | Words | Posted 2009-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You're Gonna Fantasize, Go Big or Stay Home
Hot black chick: I don't know why you're so surprised... It's the same way I'd nail Lucy Liu and alt-world Neil Patrick Harris.
Nerdy friend: Alt-world Neil Patrick Harris?
Hot black chick: You know, where he's straight and really into black chicks.
Nerdy friend: Baffling.
New Haven, Connecticut
Categories: About celebrities | Black people | Connecticut | Default | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Feelings | Friends | Girls | Questions | Race | Sexuality | Posted 2009-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Still Love The View
Petite, hip girl: Honestly, it's not that controversial.
Drama club kid: Yeah, it's just a woman saying "vagina."
Connecticut
Overheard by: ernaynay
Categories: Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Default | Girls | Hipsters | Kids | Vagina | Words | Posted 2009-05-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In My Day, Substance Abuse Was a prerequisite for the Advanced Writing Seminar
Professor: Isn't Jim just a perplexing guy? I read his stories and I'm just like, "what's wrong with him?" Jim, you're just stoned all the time, aren't you? Are you stoned right now?
Jim: No!
Professor: But were you stoned earlier today?
Jim: Yes. But only because I was hungover!
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Connecticut | Default | Drugs | Guys | Offers and requests | Questions | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Have Bought His Ashes on eBay
Guy in Mexican restaurant: Have you ever met the Pope?
Girl in Mexican restaurant: No. He's dead.
Groton, Connecticut
Overheard by: Newt
Categories: Connecticut | Death & dying | Default | Girls | Guys | Questions | Religion | Restaurants | Posted 2009-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Even the Gardeners Wear Suits in Connecticut
Angry suit on phone: Listen, I don't care what you think, if you don't think I'm doing a good job, don't fucking ask me to work for you! (pause) No! No! No! I don't care, I'm doing more important things right now! (pause) I'm buying plant food!
CVS
Connecticut
Overheard by: Guy
Categories: Connecticut | Default | Feelings | Food | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Offers and requests | Stores | Suits | Posted 2009-04-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Two Girls, One Capri
Guy: Did you watch that Palin video I sent you?
Girl: Not yet. I have to take my pants off to watch it.
Bloomfield, Connecticut
...Is What I Tell Myself Every Time I Get Rejected for Tenure.
Professor: Sometimes it can be fun to be teased by not getting what you want for a while, as long as you get it in the end.
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Default | Feelings | Teachers | Wishes | Posted 2008-12-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Organic Chemistry Is a Squishy Mistress
Painfully dull professor: It's not rocket science, but it's also not a marshmallow.
Storrs, Connecticut
Categories: Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Default | Science | Teachers | Words | Posted 2008-11-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What She Said
Professor: Now, let's try smallening the interval.
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Connecticut | Default | Education | Teachers | Words | Posted 2008-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Most People Only Try a Couple of Times in College
Girl #1: Yeah, I hate when people talk about babies like they grow in your stomach. They're in your uterus!
Girl #2: Yeah, it's so dumb. Like, that's not even possible unless you swallowed a penis...or ate a baby.
Connecticut
Categories: Body parts | Connecticut | Default | Girls | Penis | Pregnancy | Stupidity | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Got My NASCAR Merit Badge!
Dancing girl #1: How do you know how to line dance?
Dancing girl #2: I was a Girl Scout!
Dancing girl #1: What? Are all Girl Scouts rednecks?
Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Dancing | Default | Insults | Questions | Posted 2008-11-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Can Fiddle With My Gear Shaft Any Time.
Girl cashier #1: So Tom*, how's your love life?
Tom*: My love life's in neutral right now.
Girl cashier #2: Mine's in reverse.
Tom*: That was too funny.
Clinton Crossings, Connecticut
Categories: Compliments | Connecticut | Default | Employees | Feelings | Girls | Guys | Questions | Words | Posted 2008-11-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I've Got My Surprised Face on and Everything!
Toddler being towed by mom, bawling: But I want that to be my surprise now!
Convenience Store
Greenwich, Connecticut
Overheard by: Tyrone
Categories: Connecticut | Default | Gifts | Kids | Offers and requests | Stores | Wishes | Posted 2008-11-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Any Time I Look Down
Student: Hermaphrodites have everything. They have the whole package.
Professor: Yeah, hermaphrodites have it all. I've seen it on the internet.
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Connecticut | Default | Health & Hygiene | Internet | Sexuality | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-10-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Scared to Take a Leak
Four-year-old kid: Everything I touch dies.
Rest Stop
Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Death & dying | Default | Fears | Kids | Kids | Murder | Weirdness | Posted 2008-10-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
God Only Knows What Goes on There at Night
Zookeeper, to penguin pecking at her shirt: Am I dirty? Am I a dirty little birdie? Do I need preening?
Mystic Aquarium, Connecticut
Santa Summers in Stamford
Conductor: Stamford, Stamford stop is...ooh, did you see those two baby reindeer?!
MetroNorth Train
Stamford, Connecticut
Categories: Animals | Conductors | Connecticut | Public transportation | Questions | Train | Posted 2008-09-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But It's Just a Cornish Game Hen
Professor: It must seem like I'm beating you over the head with a frozen chicken breast.
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Default | Food | Teachers | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2008-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Everyone Breathed a Sigh of Relief When She Began to Chew Ice
Girl: Ohhh, can I show you my sexual frustration?
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Connecticut | Default | Girls | Questions | Sexuality | Posted 2008-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Nunchuck Nipple-Tassels Are No Laughing Matter
Macho dude in Student Government Association: I'll smite you with my boobs!
Cafeteria
Tunxis Community College, Connecticut
Overheard by: Girl in Black
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Connecticut | Default | Guys | Threats | Words | Posted 2008-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What's This Baby Poking Out of Me?
Girl on cell: I can't tell if I'm losing weight from softball or gaining weight from being hungry all the time.
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Connecticut | Default | Diet & weight | Girls | On the phone | Stupidity | Posted 2008-08-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Abstinence Hip Hop Fails to Find Its Audience
Slutty chick: STDs!
Sluttier chick: I don't need one.
Slutty chick: STDs!
Sluttier chick: I'm on my period, yo!
University of Connecticut
Overheard by: Unwilling Audience
Categories: Chicks | Colleges & Universities | Connecticut | Default | Gender issues | Health & Hygiene | STDs | Stupidity | Posted 2008-07-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Compounded by My Inability to Tell Hot from Cold, It's a Logistical Nightmare
Guy: Leggings are fucking up everything. I used to know when it was winter because girls would stop wearing skirts, but now thanks to leggings they can wear them all year. It's bullshit.
Connecticut College
Categories: Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Connecticut | Default | Gender issues | Gripes | Guys | Posted 2008-07-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Simulated, Just the Way You Like It
Woman: ...and Scarlett Johansson is in it.
Husband: Really? Okay, let's go.
Woman (to ticket seller): Oh, now he'll watch it.
(they enter the theater)
Husband: And you said sex too, right?
Movie Theater
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: About celebrities | Connecticut | Default | Guys | Movies | Sex | Women | Posted 2008-07-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wanna Hold It?
Hippie using his pocket PC: It's very primitive -I use it for solitaire while pooping.
Bean & Leaf Coffee Shop
New London, Connecticut
Overheard by: Overand
Categories: Connecticut | Games | Hippies | Poop | Technology | Posted 2008-07-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just When You Thought This Cultural Reference Was Dead...
White, middle aged music professor: I don't do sevenths. Homie don't play that.
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
I Recycled Your Sister Without Batting an Eye
Little girl: You don't like me!
Mother: If I didn't like you, I'd throw you in the dumpster.
North Branford, Connecticut
But I'll Be Playing Magic the Gathering in Here
Girl, entering bathroom stall: Please don't judge me!
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Connecticut | Default | Feelings | Girls | Offers and requests | Restroom | Posted 2008-06-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Chyna's a Great Role Model for Girls
Seven-year-old girl: Mom, when I grow up I wanna be big and beautiful.
Mom: What?
Seven-year-old girl: You heard me, big and beautiful!
Target, Connecticut
...Is the Thesis of My American Lit Dissertation
Saxophone-playing dude: [About Huck Finn] You really think some ten-year-old white boy is gonna be running around with a crazy black man like "Woo hoo! Everything's cool!"? No way, man, they woulda ate him!
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Books | Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Default | Guys | Kids | Race | Violence | Posted 2008-06-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Delta Burke Saw His Point
Bum women: Do you have bus fare? I need bus fare.
Woman: Sorry, I don't have any change.
Bum: Well, fuck you, you fat, scheming, cheap bitches!
Main Street
Hartford, Connecticut
Categories: Bag ladies | Character | Connecticut | Grumpies | Insults | Money | Offers and requests | Public transportation | Women | Posted 2008-05-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Remember How I Said I Couldn't Come to Class Yesterday Morning Because I Was "Tied Up"?
Professor: Never spend the night with a Croatian! Those guys are fucked up.
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Oscar Meyer Was Never a Straight A Student
Instructor to student, during class debate: You look like you're deep in thought there. Anything you want to share with us?
Student: Dude, I was just thinking about hot dogs.
College class
Farmington, Connecticut
Overheard by: Student
Material Boy Though I Am
Male professor: I'm sorry, I just can't sing "Some boys kiss me". I know that's desperately heteronormative, but I can't help it!
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Connecticut | Feelings | Gender issues | Guys | Music | Sexuality | Singing | Teachers | Posted 2008-05-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You'd Like to Know How Sound Carries, Consult the School Nurse
Biology teacher: [badly draws a woman singing into a microphone, which looks suspiciously like a woman about to give head] If you take this, for example...
[class laughs]
Biology teacher: [steps away from board and sees what class is laughing about] Uh...[erases drawing]... We're just not going to draw today.
Connecticut
Categories: BJs | Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Education | Science | Teachers | Posted 2008-05-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If the Tagline Isn't "Gotta Fuck Them All" Then Someon Made a Mistake
Girl: The first Pokemon movie was really sad.
Guy #1: Oh, yeah! It made me cry.
Girl: I couldn't believe when Pikachu almost died...
Guy #2: Have you guys seen Pokemon porn?
Girl: Okay, let's just stop right there.
Guy #2: No, it's crazy. You know Misty? She'll do like anything!
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Connecticut | Death & dying | Feelings | Friends | Girls | Guys | Movies | Offers and requests | Porn | Questions | TV shows | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Called 867-5309 and Asked
Tween girl to crowd of loitering friends: Everyone's bisexual... except for Jenny.
Outside Starbucks
Avon, Connecticut
Categories: Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Girls | Restaurants | Sexuality | Tweens | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Through Binoculars.
Music History prof taking roll: Jane Smith?
Jane: Here.
Prof: Oh, there you are. I'm just used to seeing you from behind.
Hartford, Connecticut
Categories: Ass | Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Creepsters | Default | Education | Etiquette | Girls | Names | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-04-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
According to This Good Housekeeping Checklist
Dejected neighbor: Yeah, I know. I'm more suited to kill werewolves than produce orgasms.
Derby, Connecticut
Overheard by: j
Categories: Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Default | Guys | Orgasm | Stupidity | Violence | Posted 2008-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dooming You to Come on Time for All Eternity
Professor: When you're late, Eric* will take down your name. The first time he'll just tack a threatening note on your door. What did we decide you would do for the second tardy?
Eric: Slash their tires.
Professor: Right. And the third time we'll make pornographic images of you on Photoshop and put them on the Internet.
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Connecticut | Default | Internet | Porn | Students | Teachers | Threats | Time Management | Violence | Posted 2008-03-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whoever Threw It Knew What He Was Doing
Girl to friend: That's the last time I catch a falling baby.
Farmington Valley, Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Default | Girls | Gripes | Kids | Posted 2008-02-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How You Know You Watch Too Much Porn
Acting professor: Give me an action that would be the motivation for a police officer to ask somebody for their license and registration.
Student: ... He wants her number?
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Connecticut | Education | Teachers | Posted 2008-02-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ha-Ha, Made You Panic!
Professor: Now, in life there are rules. The school has rules, this class has rules... But some rules are meant to be broken. One of this school's rules is that teachers are not supposed to show their undergarments to their students...
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Connecticut | Education | Teachers | Posted 2008-02-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Snow White Has Strong Feelings about Little People
Guy #1: If I make a lot of money, I'm gonna hire a dwarf to stand on a stool and help me wash in the shower.
Guy #2: Why couldn't you get a full-sized woman to do that?
Nearby chick: I hope neither of you ever make any money.
Stanford, Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Idiots | Jobs & Careers | Stupidity | Posted 2008-02-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... And/Or If You Live in Connecticut
Professor: ... But then he said that maybe drag isn't a great idea before you're tenured.
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Connecticut | Education | Jobs & Careers | Kink | Teachers | Posted 2008-02-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now, Honey, You Know I Prefer Brushes with Metal Studs
Little girl holding up toilet brush: Hey, Mom, I could scrub your butt with this when we get home if we buy it!
Target
Enfield, Connecticut
Categories: Ass | Connecticut | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Shopping | Posted 2008-02-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Do You Tap Dance in One?
Frustrated neighbor: It's only gay if we do it outside a vagina!
Derby, Connecticut
Overheard by: Jess
Categories: Connecticut | Idiots | Sexuality | Vagina | Posted 2008-01-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Of Course
Frat boy: So, last night I had a dream, and I was eating pussy. Of course, it was a caramelized pussy...
Goshen, Connecticut
Overheard by: sweet and sour
Categories: Connecticut | Frat boy types | Gossip | Licking | Vagina | Posted 2008-01-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If the Dads Are Paying Tuition, That's Already Happened
Student #1: I gotta take Psychology next semester.
Student #2: Fuck no -- too much reading.
Student #1: Sucks, man.
Student #2: Yeah, who cares if we all want to fuck our dads?
Student #1: Not me.
Student #2: Me either.
Men's room, College
Farmington, Connecticut
Overheard by: hoppersitter
Categories: Connecticut | Education | Students | Posted 2007-12-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In That I Like Football Players
Chick: So basically I slept with this really hot Australian rugby player that I knew for less than 24 hours, and my dead friend watched.
Dude: We are so different.
Derby, Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Friends | Gossip | Posted 2007-12-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What the Hell's Going on in Hartford?
Professor: I went to college in Montreal, and one day I woke up on, like, the 16th floor of some high rise building with this beautiful Arabian girl next to me, and I didn't know where I was or what was happening. It was great.
Student: And then you woke up again from your dream.
Professor: Well, then she ruined the next six months of my life. I don't know why I told you this story.
Hartford, Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Memory lane | Students | Teachers | Posted 2007-12-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Totally Unrelated News, Party at My House Tonight
Professor: It's like giving kids gateway drugs, but for the greater good.
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Connecticut | Philosophy | Teachers | Posted 2007-12-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which May Be Why He's Sleeping with Me
Chick: Okay, so here's the story -- I don't know what to do about my crackhead boyfriend. He's, like, seriously on crack...
Friend: I really think you're over-thinking everything...
Green line bus, University of Connecticut
Storrs, Connecticut
Categories: Advice | Chicks | Connecticut | Gripes | Posted 2007-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Republican National Convention Is This Month
Woman to small child: Oh, yes, Satan is very busy. He's, uh... He's... Yeah, he's veeery busy.
Target
New Haven, Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Evil | Lies | Moms | Posted 2007-11-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But in a Nice Way
Nun: I just keep hoping that our governor gets assassinated.
Bradley International Airport
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Connecticut | Nuns | Violence | Posted 2007-11-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Crying Is My Cardio
Girl #1, in lunch line: What's wrong with him?
Girl #2: I mean, he seems like a really nice guy... And I'm not into nice guys.
Yale University
New Haven, Connecticut
Categories: Chicks | Connecticut | Relationships | Posted 2007-11-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ancient Order of Hibernians: Doh!
Chick: You see that banner? Okay, well, you see at the bottom where it says, 'Friendship, Unity, Christian charity'? Now, I can spell, but I still think that they should reconsider their title when the acronym turns out to be F-U-C-C... Oh, come on, I can't be the only one who finds that funny.
Connecticut
Overheard by: L. M.
Categories: Chicks | Connecticut | Words | Posted 2007-11-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Just Go Ahead and Freak Ou t-- Might Be Fun
Girl #1: If I see one more blonde girl, I am going to freak out.
Girl #2: You know what you should do? Move to Africa.
Hartford, Connecticut
Categories: Advice | Chicks | Connecticut | Posted 2007-10-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Know Someone Who's Waking Up with a Donkey Tomorrow Morning
Drunk guy #1: Yo, what are you doing?
Drunk guy #2: I don't remember.
Drunk guy #1: Those are the best nights, bro.
University of New Haven
West Haven, Connecticut
Overheard by: through the window
Categories: Connecticut | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Posted 2007-10-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Pig Anus Story Haunts My Dreams
Bookstore worker to friend: Will you stop saying things I'll remember the rest of my life?
New Haven, Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Friends | Questions | Posted 2007-10-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Every Time They Say "Nietzsche" We'll Do a Tequila Shot
Professor: Let's liven things up with a documentary about Nietzsche!
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Connecticut | Education | Teachers | Posted 2007-10-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Like Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boob!
College girl: My bra -- it's, like, magical! It mysteriously unclips itself throughout the day!
Fairfield University
Fairfield, Connecticut
Overheard by: GladMyBraIsntMagical..
Categories: Bimbettes | Clothing | Connecticut | Magic | Posted 2007-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In What Sense Have I "Got" Brad Pitt?
Professor: So, say that you've got Brad Pitt... And Angelina got eaten by a giant cobra. And it's maybe a year later and Brad's kind of eyeing Jen, and she's eyeing Vince, and maybe he has an affair with Claire Danes. And now Brad asks you to write an elegy for Angelina. What problems might you run into?
Medieval Literature class
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Connecticut | Education | Teachers | Posted 2007-10-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, Will This Be on the Final?
Professor: Oh, yeah, I went down to Virginia and hooked up with this girl... Y'know, her dad was dead and she was kind of freaky... I shot her dog!
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Connecticut | Gossip | Teachers | Posted 2007-10-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How to Make a Little Kid Faint Dead Away
Eight-year-old: You should never say 'Oh my G-O-D.' That's bad.
20-ish brother: Oh my god!
Eight-year-old: You can't say that! That's bad!
20-ish brother: Okay. Jesus fucking Christ!
Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Siblings | Words | Posted 2007-10-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Wouldn't Order That Here, Honey
Six-year-old girl: Ask me what my favorite thing in the world is!
Mom: Okay, what's your favorite thing in the world?
Six-year-old girl: Escargot!
Sherwood Diner
Westport, Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Food | Kids | Moms | Posted 2007-09-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Hung Jury
Guy: Well, I'm not gay.
Girl: The jury is still out on that.
Guy: Fine. Let me know when the jury gets in.
Girl: Let me know when you have sex again!
Derby, Connecticut
Overheard by: Jess
Categories: Connecticut | Friends | Gossip | Posted 2007-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Drag Queens
Mom to two kids: Now, you can both get one paperback each, but remember, they have to be normal paperbacks. Nothing about dragons.
New Haven, Connecticut
Categories: Books | Connecticut | Moms | Posted 2007-09-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because If So, You'll Have to Add the Sexy Dance
Little girl, singing: Hey! I'm a crazy bitch, but I fuck so good you're on top of it when you dream of doing me all night...
Father: What the fuck?! Are you trying to get taken by the social worker?!
Food Court, Connecticut Post Mall
Milford, Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Dads | Music | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-09-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For Love, Apparently
Little girl: I need a knife.
Concerned mother: What? Why?
Little girl: So I can cut your fingers off!
Concerned mother: Ashley*! Now, that's not nice!
Little girl: But I'm hungry!
Old Navy
Plainville, Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Moms | Should have used a condom | Threats | Posted 2007-09-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Great Finish, but Crappy Routine
Man jumping out of port-a-potty like a gymnast: ... And he sticks the landing!
Campground
Connecticut
Overheard by: only at DRAM
Categories: Bragging | Connecticut | Guys | Posted 2007-08-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dude, I Think That Might Be a Sex Crime
Fat guy: So, I was getting head when all of a sudden I got this case of explosive diarrhea! I shitted everywhere, dude!
University of Hartford
West Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Joa
Categories: BJs | Connecticut | Creepsters | Gossip | Poop | Posted 2007-07-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Here I Sit with the Stubble of My Dreams
Angry neighbor: Well, obviously he didn't appreciate the shaved vagina, or he would have called.
Elizabeth Street
Derby, Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Grumpies | Shaving | Vagina | Posted 2007-07-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Shit or Smoke Pot?
Woman: What's the phrase? 'Get off the pot or shit on the horse'?
Kohl's dressing room
Brookfield, Connecticut
Overheard by: Nik
Categories: Connecticut | Idiots | Questions | Posted 2007-07-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Charming Belief Has a One-Week Half-Life
Mom: But, honey, it's important that you look nice when you go to school and that everything matches.
Six-year-old girl: Mom, it's not how I look that's important -- it's about my education.
Wethersfield, Connecticut
Overheard by: too cute!
Categories: Connecticut | Education | Glad the condom broke | Moms | Posted 2007-07-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Make-a-Wish Foundation's New Ad
Lady: Hi sweetheart, how old are you?
Little girl: I'm four, and I'm too young to die.
Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Death & dying | Kids | Posted 2007-06-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Are You?
Teacher to Chinese boy who twisted his pen: How in the bloody hell did you do that?
Students: [Laugh and all try twisting.]
Chinese girl: I can't do it.
Teacher: But you're Asian.
Social Studies class, High school
Connecticut
Categories: Asians | Connecticut | Race | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Posted 2007-06-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That, and the Jar of Lube He Keeps Waving Around
Queer: Oh my god, did you see Andy in that hat?
Fag hag: Yeah!
Queer: Doesn't he know that a cowboy hat that big is an unequivocal call for anal sex?
New Haven, Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Fag hags | Fashion | Queers | Posted 2007-04-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your College Tuition Was Money Well Spent
Father: We went to the titty bar all the time when we were in Canada.
20-ish daughter: I wish you wouldn't use the word 'titty.'
Father: Why not? Titty, titty, titty. Titty, titty, titty.
20-ish daughter: Cock, cunt, pussy, balls, dick.
Father: Point proven.
Connecticut
Overheard by: JPatrick
Categories: Connecticut | Dads | Words | Posted 2007-04-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why the Bible's Endured
Kid: Mom, what's the last supper? Why is it called 'The Last Supper'?
Mom: Because it's the last meal Jesus had with his disciples.
Kid: Awesome!
Mom: ... Before one of his disciples betrayed him and he was killed.
Kid: Awesome!
Target
North Haven, Connecticut
Overheard by: Johnny Utah
Categories: Connecticut | Jesus | Kids | Moms | Stores | Posted 2007-04-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
