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Um, Why Does Your Sippy Cup Smell Like Martini?
Two-year-old, holding plastic dinosaur up to ear: Uh-huh, mommy, it's been a really hard day.
Teacher: It's been a hard day, huh?
Two-year-old: Excuse me, I'm on the phone!
Preschool
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Lee
You Have to Put Balls in a Lot Of Faces Before Your Find Someone Who Likes It
13-year-old boy in pool: Guys, let's play water Pokemon!
Friends: Okay!
13-year-old boy: I'll be Scuba Scott. Scuba Scott uses ball-to-face! (hits friend in face with ball)
Friend: Owwww! Scott, why'd you do that?!
13-year-old boy: It's super-effective!
Recreation Center Pool
Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Friends | Pop culture | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2011-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
According to This Late-breaking Report from Fox News
Professor: Obama is a white supremacist just like all of you and me and everyone else.
University of Colorado
Overheard by: I missed something
What?
Father to son, on golf course: Yeah, while you were away I though about hiring someone to rape me.
Son: What?
Father: It's supposed to really improve your golf swing!
Eagle, Colorado
Gay Marriage Should Be Legalized Just for the Ceremonies
20-something hot girl to friend: He tore off all his clothes, threw him on his back on the bar, then covered his nipples in whipped cream.
Denver, Colorado
...Without Me.
Girl on phone: I was like, "you're already drunk. You're using the death of Osama Bin Laden to get drunk at 10 in the morning."
University of Denver, Colorado
Categories: About celebrities | Colorado | Death & dying | Drinking & drunks | Girls | On the phone | Posted 2011-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unless You Count Wisconsin Ladies' Upper Thighs
Loud drunk guy on bus: You're from Oklahoma? Oklahoma has the best cottage cheese in the world!
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: I would have believed Wisconsin...
I Hate My Children
40-something woman on cell: I am going to live to be one hundred, just to be a bitch.
Fort Collins, Colorado
Overheard by: Jpov
From My Big Book Of Things to Say Before Bursting Into Tears
Girl on phone: But I don't have a mustache...
Colorado State University
Categories: Beauty | Body parts | Character | Colorado | Gender issues | On the phone | Posted 2011-01-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's How Studying Is Done, Right?
Frat dude to another: I'm going to the library and I'm going to study my little nipples off.
University of Colorado
Overheard by: OMH
Categories: Colorado | Education | Frat boy types | Nipples | Weirdness | Posted 2011-01-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stupid SPCA
20-something to another: If you want to sacrifice a horse, do it in your backyard.
Metro State College of Denver
Denver, Colorado
There Were Complaints About My Moaning
Girl: My boobs are fun to play with.
Guy: You're just now figuring this out, after 30-some years?
Girl: Hey, I haven't had my boobs that long!
Guy: Okay, 20-some years?
Girl: No, I remember discovering they were fun in the 6th grade. I was in the middle of class, though, so that was kind of awkward.
Denver, Colorado
Now I Know How the Earth Feels
Girl: It seems like every time I see you these days, you're being raped.
Guy: I know... And now I'm not even getting paid for it.
University of Northern Colorado
It's the Code Of the West
Teen girl to teen friends in checkout line bumping into each other: Stop it, you guys, this isn't the Dollar Store, we're in Wal-Mart, you gotta act classy!
Wal-Mart
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Overheard by: Shawna
Isn't That The L Word's Go-To Plot?
High school girl on phone: Wait... How do I rape you?
Denver, Colorado
Two Girls, One Pop-Pop Did Not End Well
Girl #1: I'd totally tap your grandpa!
Girl #2: Thanks?
Girl #1: You're welcome!
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Family ties | Girls | Sex | Posted 2010-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...According to This Snapple Cap.
Teacher to class: You never know what you're going to find stuffed in the head of a mummified crocodile.
Metro State College
Denver, Colorado
...In 3...2...1...
Girl: There will be a beautiful rainbow of racial harmony coming out of my vagina.
Aurora, Colorado
That Guy Is Always Purple Raining on Our Parade.
Museum employee: I'm from Minnesota, originally.
Guy: I lived in Minnesota for a while, a long time back. Nice place, but there was way too much of that one guy. You know, that guy? The little guy? With "purple ..."?
Museum employee: ...Prince?
Guy: Yeah, that's the one.
Art Museum
Denver, Colorado
The Cautionary Tale That Elizabeth Taylor Has Taught Us All
Girl to friends: I mean, think about it: a girl that's pretty now could be ugly in ten years.
Crested Butte, Colorado
Overheard by: Wow.
I Stay Vegan One Day at a Time
Man working in garden: Let me tell you, bacon is the gateway meat.
Community Garden
Boulder, Colorado
Overheard by: omh
Categories: Colorado | Compare and contrast | Food | Guys | Posted 2010-08-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Did the Pizza Guy Even Apologize for Walking in on You in the Shower?
Chick #1: I was like, "I thought that shit only happened in porn!"
Chick #2: Or movies.
Chick #1: Oh. Yeah.
Cafe
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Chicks | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Porn | Stupidity | Posted 2010-04-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That, or Being Attacked by Giant Serpents.
Teacher to class: What is your number one fear surrounding public speaking?
Student: Assassination.
Universtiy of Colorado
Overheard by: Owl is a hairstyle
Yeah, I've Heard That Promise Before
Sobbing man with black eye, on cell: I love you so much, baby. I'm gonna squeeze you so hard you're gonna shit. (continues weeping)
Coloradp Springs, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Feelings | On the phone | Poop | Posted 2010-04-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Psh, Paula Abdul's Been Trying to Get Away with That Excuse for Years
Security guy: You fell down the stairs.
Girl, trying to convince him that she's sober: Okay, have a gander at these heels.
Security guy: You were also making out with a man on the couch.
Girl: I'm promiscuous!? All your evidence is circumstantial! See, I'm using words like "promiscuous" and "circumstantial." Have you ever met a drunk person who uses such vocabulary?
Security guy: You exhibit all the signs of intoxication, you are underage, we must ask you to leave.
Girl: For the last time, I'm not drunk! This is just my personality!
Beta Nightclub
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Character | Colorado | Cops | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Sexuality | Words | Posted 2010-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And Clear High Heels
College girl #1: I washed this shirt and it got, like, bigger!
College girl #2: Well, at least you can wear it with tights now.
College girl #1: I know, but I don't want to look like a slut.
College girl #2: I feel like I look less slutty when I wear my sunglasses.
Boulder, Colorado
Whoa, Is My Face Red
Jock: Dude, I went to our professor's office yesterday, and you know what? She has a giant bottle of lube just sitting there on her desk!
(pause)
Friend: You jackass! That's hand sanitizer on her desk, not lube!
University of Colorado
Overheard by: I keep the lube in the drawer
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Jocks | Sex | Stupidity | Posted 2010-02-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Jigsaw Killer from Saw Sings "Blue Suede Shoes"
20-something hipster guy: There was the big drill for the alcoholic... Then they busted out the small drill and it was like... woah!
Coffee Shop
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Overheard by: Vanessa
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Colorado | Drinking & drunks | Hipsters | Weirdness | Posted 2010-02-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And That's the Last Time We'll Discuss This, Dad.
Sorority girl to another: All I'm saying is that it would be a lot better at home if you used less tongue.
CU
Boulder, Colorado
Categories: Advice | Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Licking | Sorority types | Posted 2010-01-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...As General Custer Clearly Stated at the Time.
Student: But why would someone do that?
Teacher: For the LOLs.
High School
Englewood, Colorado
Overheard by: Lee
Shhh-- You'll Give the Poor Flying Squirrel Body Image Issues
Girl, about woman who had gastric bypass: Dude, she has bags of skins. If she jumped out an airplane, she'd glide.
Aurora, Colorado
Overheard by: Lee
Categories: Body parts | Colorado | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Posted 2010-01-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gin?
Middle-aged father to waitress, about loud toddler daughter: It's an emergency. We need some happy juice.
Restaurant
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: silver
Categories: Baristas | Colorado | Dads | Food | Kids | Offers and requests | Parenting | Restaurants | Should have used a condom | Posted 2010-01-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So at the Very Least, She Hates Freedom.
Woman #1: No, I don't know for sure if she's a vegetarian or not.
Woman #2: Well, she wouldn't drink coffee this morning.
Woman #3, nodding head: True, true.
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Overheard by: anabanana
Categories: Colorado | Diet & weight | Food | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2010-01-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, Right: "I'm a Smoker Now."
Guy #1: Dude, how do you blow smoke rings!
Guy #2 jokingly: It is the same as sucking dick.
Guy #1: Oh, okay! (blows smoke rings effortlessly)
Guy #2: Do you need to tell me something, man?
Hookah Bar
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Categories: BJs | Bars & Clubs | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Guys | Penis | Questions | Sexuality | Smoking | Posted 2009-12-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Is a Gluestick, Sweetie.
Guy: I've been using the same deodorant stick for the last eight years. I'd replace it, but I think they discontinued the brand.
Wal-Mart
Ft. Collins, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Sensory experiences | Stores | Posted 2009-12-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But You're the One Who Keeps Calling the Social Worker, Billy.
Mother to screaming child: Look, if it were up to me, you could watch all the porn you want.
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
...You All Have Your Paper Mache Assignment.
Professor: Okay, guys, let's stop talking about penises.
Metro State College
Denver, Colorado
What Will Thailand Think Of Next?
Dude on phone: You have a post-coital gift shop?!
College Campus
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Gifts | Guys | On the phone | Questions | Sex | Shopping | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Portrait Of the Foreign Policy Advisor As a Young Girl
Little girl: Ah, Mexican and Chinese food. Two great European tastes.
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
Overheard by: Julia
Great Motor Skills for a 1-Year-Old, Though.
Suit #1, referring to scar on suit #2's throat: What happened to you?
Suit #2: My daughter is batshit. What of it?
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Julia
Categories: Body parts | Colorado | Family ties | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Suits | Posted 2009-11-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Hope I Get a Piece with Hair!
Chick #1: Do you want some peanut M&Ms?
Chick #2: No, thanks.
Chick #1: They touched my crotch.
Chick #2: In that case, sure!
High School Bus
Englewood, Colorado
Overheard by: Julia
You Could Just Steal the Boxed Set, Sweetie.
Teenage daughter: Mom, I have a plan for my future.
Mother: And what's that?
Teenage daughter: Save someone's life so they are indebted to me and will buy me the complete Twilight Zone boxed set.
Mother: Between this and your brother who I haven't seen in four days, I don't think I screwed up at all.
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
Overheard by: Julia
Categories: Colorado | Compare and contrast | Family ties | Moms | Parenting | Stupidity | TV shows | Teens | Posted 2009-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In the Immortal Words Of Khrushchev.
Chick giving presentation: Because this is Russia, bitch.
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Overheard by: Julia
Accurate, Yet Still Depressing.
Man: Chicago is not one of the 49 states.
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Overheard by: Vanessa
Categories: Colorado | Geography | Guys | US Geography | Posted 2009-11-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Knew This "Ellen" Haircut Was a Mistake
Two-year-old: Mommy!
Tired teen girl: I'm not your mommy.
Two-year-old: Daddy?
Preschool
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teens | Posted 2009-11-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because I Buy You Drinks?
Girl: Dude, she digs you, why don't you ask her out?
Guy: She's fat.
Girl: You are so fucking pretentious and shallow.
Guy: I'm okay with that. It means I only fuck hotties.
Girl: We fucked, does that mean you think I'm a hottie?
Guy: No, that just means I was drunk and you were willing.
Girl: Why am I friends with you?
Guy: I have no idea.
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Beauty | Colorado | Comebacks | Diet & weight | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Guys | Insults | Sex | Posted 2009-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So It's Likely He's Very Drunk.
Little girl: He's drunk, I swear!
Teenage sister: He's not drunk, he's a foreigner.
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
Overheard by: Julia
Categories: Colorado | Drinking & drunks | Kids | Kids | Language barrier | Siblings | Teens | Posted 2009-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Had Two Cups Of Earl Grey This Morning!
Student: How can you tell that it's "the walls have ears" and not "the ears have walls"? I mean, I guess that would make sense if you were drugged up...
Professor: Are you implying that I'm not drugged up?
Latin Class
Denver, Colorado
It's Hard to Be Fast When You're Really Husky
Chick, seriously: Corn's one of them slow motherfuckers.
Friend, upset: Whores.
Aurora, Colorado
Overheard by: Leevee
Categories: Chicks | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Friends | Insults | Posted 2009-11-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Does China Have All the Time?
Drunk gamer #1, about Warhawk: Those Japanese were amazing!
Drunk gamer #2: But you know, in Japan there's so many people, and so much time.
Boulder, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Compare and contrast | Drunks | Games | Stupidity | Time Management | Posted 2009-11-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Her Weight Gain Cowed the Electorate Into Submission
Mom to five-year-old: I don't like Oprah Winfrey, because it's her fault Obama is President.
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: David Leech
But This New Biography Proves Me Wrong!
Freshman boy: I don't think Helen Keller was too concerned about dick.
High School
Colorado
Overheard by: clur
Categories: About celebrities | Colorado | Health & Hygiene | Penis | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Posted 2009-10-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Would've Been Great Fodder for Our Dr. Phil Appearance
Teen girl: My brother got released from the loony bin today. Same day as he got a new roommate, who kills animals and has an extra Y chromosome. I'm like, "Goddamn!"
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
Categories: Animals | Colorado | Health & Hygiene | Mental illnesses | Murder | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why R.E.M. Established an IQ Prerequisite for Their Fans
Michael Stipe to crowd: This next song is set in the state of Ohio.
Drunk dude: Go Chicago, woooooo!
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Geographically Inclined
Categories: Colorado | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Music | Stupidity | US Geography | Posted 2009-10-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like, I Notice You're Wearing a Nike Shirt...
50-something female to Native American presenter in elementary school: Is it true that the arrival of whites changed your way of life?
Denver, Colorado
Focus, Britney!
Female student: I came home last night and found my roommate sitting on the kitchen floor, crying and holding a bottle of Jägermeister and a recipe for homemade enchiladas.
Dumb friend: I didn't know you made enchiladas with Jägermeister.
University of Colorado, Boulder
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Drinking & drunks | Food | Friends | Idiots | Students | Stupidity | Posted 2009-10-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Ever Since She Became a Character on Laguna Beach
Latin professor: Can anyone use a Latin interjection in a sentence?
Student: Lo! Look at that angel!
Latin professor: Yes, that is a very common interjection.
University of Denver, Colorado
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Education | Language barrier | Students | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-10-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Note to Self: Don't Try to Bond with Teenagers.
Teacher to girl: I like your shirt!
Girl: Oh, yeah, but it's from a show, so I'm not, like, just wearing a shirt... randomly or whatever.
Boulder, Colorado
Just Bursting With High-Fat Custard
Chick #1: She's on a date with a French guy.
(pause)
Chick #2: I bet French cock is like an eclair.
University of Denver, Colorado
Categories: Chicks | Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Food | Penis | Posted 2009-10-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Naturally, She's Going on to Smith
Senior girl #1: Ugh! I feel like I've seen Katie's vagina way to many times.
Senior girl #2: Everyone has seen Katie's vagina. I don't know if you can graduate if you haven't.
Colorado
Overheard by: will be graduating...
Categories: Colorado | Education | Sensory experiences | Students | Vagina | Posted 2009-10-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So I'll Vote for Him, Too.
Middle-aged male Wasp: I'm voting for Wil Armstrong.
Middle-aged female Wasp: Isn't "Wil" only spelled with one l?
Middle-aged male Wasp: Uh, yeah.
Middle-aged female Wasp: That's kinda gay.
Denver, Colorado
What-- Too Soon?
Teenage daughter: I had some caffeine pretty late tonight, so I'm gonna take an extra 50 milligrams of Seroquel.
Mother: I'll be sure to call Mary-Kate if anything bad happens.
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
Categories: About celebrities | Colorado | Family | Food | Health & Hygiene | Moms | Parenting | Teens | Posted 2009-09-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Can't Wait for the Swallow-or-Spit Discussion
Instructor, during wine tasting: So swirl the glass and tell me what you smell.
Student: It smells like oak?
Instructor: Yeah! I'm definitely getting wood from this.
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: me too
Categories: Colorado | Drinking & drunks | Education | Sensory experiences | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-09-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Didn't I See This in Kindergarten Cop?
Teacher, pointing to female student: You have ovaries. (pointing to self) I have testes.
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Categories: Balls | Body parts | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Education | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-09-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dan: "Wrong Enough to Be Right?"
Girl in class: Dan, can you spread me out? (pause) Oh, that sounded wrong.
University of Northern Colorado
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Offers and requests | Sex | Students | Words | Posted 2009-09-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If the SATs Were Actually Useful for Life
Teacher: What word do you think would fit there?
Student: Uh... "clusterfuck"?
Denver, Colorado
Another Ticket and I Lose My License
Pilot standing at door to plane after pulling into gate: Shit! I totally didn't mean to park here!
Airport
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Categories: Airports & flights | Colorado | Pilots | Public Transportation | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Anything With Diane Keaton
Woman #1, coming out of movie theater: I want to see Zombieland when it comes out.
Woman #2: That's way too scary for you.
Woman #1: No, it's not!
Woman #2: You couldn't handle Coraline.
Woman #1: Because that movie is terrifying! (shudders)
Denver, Colorado
Smells Fishy to Me
Lady #1: Yeah, she's going out tonight with some giiiirrrl.
Lady #2: Like... a friend girl... or like... for a date?
Lady #1: Oh, I can't ever tell with kids these days. Probably a date. They were going to the aquarium.
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Overheard by: Vanessa
Categories: Colorado | Kids | Questions | Relationships | Women | Posted 2009-09-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Told You It Was a Lousy Safe Word
Little girl on playground: Ow! Ow! Ow! Doesn't this word mean anything to you?
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Kids | Language barrier | Questions | Words | Posted 2009-09-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, Books About Dildos?
Janeane Garofalo incarnate, walking past adult bookstore: What more does a feminist need than dildos and books?
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: A. N. Cargo
That's a Description Best Saved for Molten Chocolate Cake
Chick #1: That's the best episode of SpongeBob ever.
Chick #2: I knooow!
Chick #1: It's like an orgasm!
Chick #2: No. (pause) No, it's not.
Littleton, Colorado
Categories: Chicks | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Orgasm | TV shows | Posted 2009-08-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Filled with Marijuana
Security agent: What's in the box, sir?
Guy with cardboard box: Pot. (long pause, then slowly) A ceramic pot.
Durango Airport
Durango Colorado
Except No One's Posing As Gay
Woman, waiting for Two Gentlemen of Verona to begin: This is one of Shakespeare's comedies, right?
Friend: Yes.
Woman: Someone will cross-dress, there will be mistaken identity, and love triangles, and everything will turn out well. All Shakespeare comedies have the same plot.
Friend: Yeah, pretty much.
Woman: They're all just episodes of Three's Company.
Boulder, Colorado
Categories: Books | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Feelings | Friends | Questions | Relationships | TV shows | Women | Posted 2009-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Piano: "I Had Poison Ivy!"
Girl, bitching to friend: She was scratching my piano! I wanted to throw her down the stairs!
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Soko
That's Your Shadow, Britney.
Translucently pale white girl staring at cop car, to equally pale friend: My god, we've turned into black people!
Aurora, Colorado
Overheard by: Lee
The Real Secret Behind Jared's Weight Loss.
Girl #1: I haven't kissed him in over a week because he has mono. But a couple days ago we went out to Subway, and then to my house to eat it and watch a movie. Well, he went home and I saw what I thought was my Subway cup, so I took a big swig out of it.
Girl #2: Oh, no!
Girl #1: Yeah, and I said "screw it!" and I just decided to make out with him, since I missed it so much. But I've been feeling a little crappy lately.
Girl #2: (stares)
Girl #1, thoughtfully: I hope I'm not getting sick. (pause) Oh, this shirt is cute!
UCCS
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Overheard by: Dazeys
Aaand... I Rest My Case
Guy at party: What are you studying in that class?
Psychology grad student: We're learning how to administer and score intelligence tests.
Girl at party: I don't believe in intelligence.
Fort Collins, Colorado
Kindly Extract the Lens from My Rectum
Teen boy: Look, you're being molested! It's a Kodak moment!
Humanex Academy
Englewood, Colorado
Depends -- Is It 1987?
Goth girl, looking at poster: Do you think that singing Weird Al in the middle of the train counts as suspicious behavior or unusual behavior?
H Line
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Compare and contrast | Goths | Music | Public Transportation | Questions | Train | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Baby Doesn't Understand You, Derek.
Dude, with narrowed eyes: I know your kind. I bet you're sticky.
High School
Englewood, Colorado
Categories: Character | Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Sensory experiences | Stoners | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Perhaps I'm Mis-Remembering Sesame Street
Guy, singing: He'll only be your friend if he touches your breast...
Girl: What?!
Guy, not singing anymore: It's like my favorite song.
Metro State
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Squid
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Default | Girls | Guys | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2009-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mr. Kong's Actually a Tender and Selfless Lover
Girl on phone: No, no, he's not bad news; he's just really tall.
Boulder, Colorado
Nothing But The Chicken Dance for Me and My Posse
White geek girl: I swear, if it's the goddamn Macarena, I'm gonna cap a bitch!
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
NewsFlash: Happy Feet Director's Cut Startles Movie Patrons
Scary-looking older woman with two teenage girls: Well, they only skinned and hung up one man by his ankles.
Movie Entrance, Chapel Hills Mall
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Sorry, I Temporarily Lost Consciousness When You Said "Tasty Man Snack"
Goth girl getting stitches: When I want a tasty man snack, I have me a PB&J!
Skyridge Hospital ER
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Goths | Offers and requests | Words | Posted 2009-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
On the Plus Side, She Was Doing Some Pretty Nifty Baton Tricks
Security guard to woman who just drove over the curb: Are you drunk?
Woman driver: No, she (points to passenger) was distracting me with my vibrator!
Hospital Parking Lot
Denver, Colorado
I Blame the Vast Fixodent Conspiracy
Guy: I've heard that old people have the stickiest fingers.
Arvada, Colorado
Categories: Age and ageing | Body parts | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Posted 2009-06-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Was That Baby!
Three-year-old girl: Did you hear about the baby that ate shirts?
Three-year-old boy #1: Did you hear about the baby that ate hats?
Three-year-old boy #2: Did you hear about the baby that ate people?
Denver, Colorado
My Autobiography Features Some Great Tips.
Chick to cop interrupting honor students' discussion: Oh, um, we were just talking about how we would cover up a murder.
Cop, laughing: Oh, you would not believe how many times I've heard that...
Metro State College
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Cops | Default | Girls | Jobs & Careers | Murder | Posted 2009-05-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Does Hallmark Make a Card Saying That?
Girl to friend: Sorry about your vagina, but I'm sure the dog is okay.
Bar
Colorado
Okay, Partial Credit.
Chick: How can free will and divine preordination coexist?
Dude: Smack da shit out dat ho?
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Words | Posted 2009-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah, They're Always Sitting in the Front Of the Bus
Dude: It's not racial profiling, because every black person breaks the law.
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Race | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Stupidity | Posted 2009-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Isn't Wellesley
Prospective student's mother: I hear there are a lot of lesbians on this campus.
Student tour guide: Well, it isn't like they jump out of the bushes and convert you or anything.
College, Colorado
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Gossip | Moms | Sexuality | Students | Women | Posted 2009-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...in My Socks!
College girl: And spectacularly, there is cheese.
Denver, Colorado
Dressed As a Boy!
12-year-old: She's such a slut. She went on a date alone with a boy!
Mother: I don't believe that.
12-year-old: It's true! I was there!
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Compare and contrast | Default | Kids | Kids | Moms | Relationships | Women | Posted 2009-05-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stop Referring to Juicy Juice That Way, Sadie.
Little girl, seriously: This is what I like best about elevators. But it's not the blood of Christ.
Cherry Creek Mall
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Lee
And Get Your Desks Out Of That V Formation
Teacher: Sit the fuck down and stop acting like a bird!
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Categories: Birds | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Default | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Posted 2009-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Totally Struck, but Only Partially Killed
Girl #1, hearing lightning beep: What was that?
Girl #2: It's totally the sound that goes off when you're about to be killed by lightning.
Girl #1: Oh my god, I would totally laugh about that, except for my friend totally got struck by lightning this summer.
Fort Collins, Colorado State University
Overheard by: J-Rock
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Death & dying | Default | Girls | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2009-04-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is the Professor Actually Bugs Bunny in Disguise?
Undergrad, explaining why he can't answer a question: I'm just tired today. I'm sorry.
Very old professor, non-native English speaker: You are tired?
Student: Yes, I'm sick.
Very old professor: What disease do you have?
Student: I...uh, it's just a cold.
Very old professor: Yes, a cold is not considered disease. You are healthy. You are alive!
Classroom, University of Colorado
Boulder, Colorado
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Default | Feelings | Health & Hygiene | Maladies | Questions | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-04-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Suppose the Holes in the Balls Are Also Off Limits?
Vice principal: Listen up, everyone! The rules of the school also apply at the bowling alley. If you smoke, drink, or do drugs, we will call the cops. If you break anything, you will have to pay. If you hump the ball machine for the sake of irony, you will be sent home. That means you, Aaron*!
Aaron*: Aw, man!
High School
Englewood, Colorado
...Is the Moral Of Every Law and Order Episode
Chick: We just have to accept that people are crazy-ass bitches.
Friend: Apparently.
Aurora, Colorado
Overheard by: Leevee
And, in an Unrelated Coincidence, No One's Asked Me.
Chick: Lately I've been hypersensitive to other people's energies. Anyway, that's why I haven't been out much lately.
Mate Factor
Manitou, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Rug Really Ties the Room Together
Girl student: So, the Federal Government is like, a puppy, like (giggle) they're so cute... And like, you want to just cuddle them, then they're naughty and it's bad.
Teacher: Kelly, could you please explain a bit more? I'm not getting your reasoning here.
Girl student: Well...they do good things, and it's cute, then they like pee on your rug, and it's bad.
Teacher: I promise you, the next time a member of the Federal Government pees on my rug, I will go bonkers.
Boulder, Colorado
Overheard by: Tizri
Well Did I Say You Looked Good in It?
Aspenite to friend trying on jacket: I like white on you.
Friend: This is ivory.
Aspen, Colorado
Overheard by: GGary
And Lip Rings Are Less Work Than Babies
Customer to cashier with lip rings: Okay, two questions. One, did that hurt?
Cashier: Um, not as much as I thought it would.
Customer: Second question, why did you do that?!
Cashier, speechless: Uhm...honestly...
Friend of customer: Ah, hell man, because she likes it. Shit!
Music Store
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: I've got metal in my face too...
Economics Really Is a Dismal Science
Professor just before class starts: There's no sporting events this weekend, right? We need something to bet on. (pause) I've got it! How about the hurricane?
CSU Classroom
Fort Collins, Colorado
Just-Kidding-napping Is Still Illegal
Marathon runner: Do you suppose that if I grab that kid and take off running, that his parents would pay more attention to him? But then again, what do I do? Drop him off and say "just kidding"?
Pearl Street
Boulder, Colorado
He's Gone So Many Places No Man Has Gone Before
Aging dork #1: I like Star Trek, but not Star Wars because they never pay attention to physics.
Aging dork #2: William Shatner is a pimp.
Peterson Air Force Base
Colorado
Categories: Airports & flights | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Default | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Movies | Names | Words | Posted 2009-02-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's So Difficult to Pick Up a String Quintet in Colorado
Shabby looking 50-something woman to herself as group of guys walk by: No, that's three guys, I need five.
Fort Collins, Colorado
Overheard by: fortunately one of only three
Thoughtful and Creepy, That's You
Suit: Well, no, I've never had an STD before...why, do you want to give me one?
Aurora, Colorado
Overheard by: wallflower
I've Got the List Whittled Down to Me, You, and Anderson Cooper
Punk dude: I have the ability to decide who deserves a soul.
Manitou Springs, Colorado
Overheard by: Nathan Brauner
The Main Problem Is the Language Barrier
Young man: I love living in Honolulu, but everything's so expensive. I can barely afford just to live. It's actually pretty common to buy milk for eight dollars a gallon!
20-something girl: Wow! Really? What's the exchange rate there?
Young man (looking rather baffled): It's about one to one.
20-something girl: Oh, well, that's not too bad.
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Brian
Just Like the Queen Of England Has.
20-something #1: Let's get into publishing.
20-something #2: Only if it's porn.
20-something #1: Well, of course.
20-something #2: For women. Graphic pornography for women.
20-something #1: I think they already have that.
20-something #2: Giant diamond encrusted wangs, artfully displayed on wedgewood.
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Coworkers | Default | Fashion | Gender issues | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Porn | Posted 2009-02-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Smell an MTV Reality Show!
Chick to others, holding up picture: What about this guy?
Male vice principal, walking by: I'd hit that.
Englewood, Colorado
While Black Eyeliner Is the New Jersey State Bird
Goth girl to friend: You have to know your ChapStick! ChapStick is the Colorado state bird!
Aurora, Colorado
Overheard by: Lee
Little Frasier and Niles Were Quite the Handful
Teen boy: (glares at brother, bites thumb)
Younger brother: Mom! He's non-verbally quoting Shakespeare at me again!
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Lee
One More and She Gets a Set of Steak Knives
Guy on cell: The trial's today... Um... No...for the last time mom was in jail.
16th Street
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Crimes | Default | Family ties | Guys | On the phone | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Fantastic That You're Keeping That Cultural Reference Alive
History professor, lecturing on the early 1900s: I mean, the problem of being the only person with a telephone is, well, who you gonna call?
Class, as one: Ghostbusters!
History professor: You kids scare me.
CU
Boulder, Colorado
Overheard by: They know their history, alright
She Was Just Fucking with Him--She's Actually a Figure Skater
Girl, giving tour: Here is my favorite, one of our the weight training rooms.
Guy on tour with Australian accent: Do you train here as well?
Girl: Yes, this is my event.
Guy: What? Weightlifting?
Girl: Yeah. I'm training for the snatch.
Guy: What?
Girl: It goes like this. (demonstrates weight lifting move)
Guy (not suppressing grin): And how much is your snatch?
Girl: I start with 83 pounds.
Guy (snickering): Reeeally...
Girl: Yep. Also the clean and jerk.
Guy: (leaves tour group, unable to suppress laughter)
US Olympic Training Center
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Overheard by: TK
Categories: Colorado | Default | Foreigners | Gender issues | Girls | Guys | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Valid Alternate Plan.
Mother: What time do you need to get up tomorrow?
Teen daughter: 8.30.
Mother: Well, I'm going to be leaving a little before that.
Teen daughter, offhandedly: "Wake me up/before you go-go."
Mother: I will kill you.
Aurora, Colorado
And Stop Pulling the Pork!
(five-year-old boy is slapping and punching packages of beef and pork)
Father: Josh! Stop slapping the meat.
Bystander: (laughs out loud)
Father (hissing): No! Not that!
Safeway
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Overheard by: TK
Categories: Bartenders | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Dads | Default | Kids | Offers and requests | Words | Posted 2008-11-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Long As She Passes the Talent Portion
Teenage girl walking with friends: Oh, she's pretty, I can be friends with her.
Denver, Colorado
According to a Priest and a Rabbi I Met in a Bar Once
Goth girl wearing blue beehive wig: So Morgan Freeman, a college professor, and a hot guy walk into a ska club.
Friend: And?
Goth girl: Oh, there's no punchline, that actually happened.
Denver, Colorado
The Same Issue Carmen Electra Has Every Saturday Night
Professor about poem A Wife's Lament: The real issue we are dealing with with this woman is how many guys are involved and in what kinds of positions.
Univsersity of Colorado, Denver
And Stop Slouching. You Know Who You Are
Flight attendant: Please refrain from smoking for the rest of your life.
Flight over Denver, Colorado
Categories: Advice | Airports & flights | Colorado | Default | Flight attendants | Health & Hygiene | Offers and requests | Smoking | Posted 2008-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Can't a Girl Do an Underwearless Can-Can Without Public Scrutiny?
Ghetto lady to two young boys: Stop lookin at my pussy!
20 Bus
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: nightfallcub
Then Why Have I Seen Paintings of It?
Psychology professor, on the topic of conditioning: Well, you can't spank a dolphin!
UCCS
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Overheard by: really?
Tonight on Fox: Rapunzel--the True Story
College chick to friend: With my luck I'll be the girl with the twenty-foot clitoris.
Boulder, Colorado
Overheard by: ORLY
Oh, Leave Pippi Longstocking Alone.
Sister: I fucking hate her.
Brother: Why? Because she's getting more action than you or because she's corrupting our youth?
Denver, Colorado
And Their Well-Tempered Claviers
White construction worker yelling into house under construction: Hey Miguel, what are you listening to in there?
Miguel, yelling back: Bach's Goldberg Variations.
White construction worker, muttering: Crazy Mexican drywallers.
Longmont, Colorado
Overheard by: Landscaper
As Friends
White guy: So, is it true that when you die you go to heaven and get forty virgins to do whatever with?
Muslim guy: No, that's wrong. It's heaven: you get as many virgins as you want.
Liberty High School
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Compare and contrast | Guys | Questions | Religion | Religious fanatics | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Whiteys | Posted 2008-10-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Beats a Cat in a Hat and a Big Red Dog
Chick: I should write children's books based on those stories: the volleyball girl with bad luck, and the girl with the feet of a black man.
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
Overheard by: Lee
But We Ate at Taco Bell Anyway
Freshman, loudly walking through dorm lobby: It wasn't an STD! ...just, like, a germ-filled cesspool...
CSU
Fort Collins, Colorado
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Default | Health & Hygiene | STDs | Students | Posted 2008-09-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Only Our Current Administration Could Grasp That Principle
Teacher: Hey! Who was screaming?
Three-year-old: I was.
Teacher: Well, stop screaming inside.
Three-year-old: Sam* was screaming.
Teacher: Look, important lesson for the future: keep your lies consistent.
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Lee
For the Last Time, Those Strippers Were There to Help Make a Quilt
Six-year-old boy: What happens at grandma's stays at grandma's!
Mother: Ssssshhhhhhhhh!
Wal-Mart
Grand Junction, Colorado
Overheard by: Vanessa
Whoever Cares the Least Wins the Fight
Woman (sarcastically): I'm sorry, I'm such a bitch.
Man: Hmm...
Woman: You think I'm a bitch, don't you?
Man: I didn't say that.
Woman: You didn't disagree with me.
Man: You know yourself better than I do.
Woman: I can't believe you called me a bitch.
Man: I didn't call you a bitch, you called yourself a bitch.
Woman: But you didn't tell me I'm not a bitch.
Man: Because you're acting like a bitch.
Woman: See? You think I'm a bitch!
Man: I said you were acting like a bitch.
Woman: Whats the difference?
Man: Dustin Hoffman acted like a retard, but it doesn't mean he is one.
Woman: I don't know what that's supposed to mean, but you're a dick for thinking I'm a bitch.
Man: Do you mean I'm acting like a dick or I am a dick?
Woman: Fuck you! (storms out)
Man: Too easy. Caramel Macchiato please!
Starbucks
Westminster, Colorado
Categories: About celebrities | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Insults | Movies | Offers and requests | Questions | Restaurants | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-09-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Think We Could Get That Classified As a Learning Disorder?
Guy #1: Sometimes it's hard being a guy.
Guy #2: Why is that?
Guy #1: Well, I try to stay focused and get shit done, but every time a female walks by I feel obligated to turn around and check out her tits and ass. I just want to get through a project without being distracted by tits and ass.
Guy #2: Yeah, but don't you worry you might miss the world's greatest tits and ass?
Guy #1: Exactly!
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: sean
Categories: Beauty | Body parts | Colorado | Default | Fears | Gender issues | Gripes | Guys | Questions | Posted 2008-09-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's a Great Idea!
Goth girl: So by working to benefit communism, they started to think that communism wasn't actually so bad!
Creepy guy: You know, some people say that young people aren't deep. You've proved them wrong. (leaves)
Fat friend: Good thing he didn't hear us talking about how Sims should be able to sell drugs.
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Creepsters | Default | Drugs | Fat people | Goths | Guys | Office politics | Posted 2008-09-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Care About Different Bears
Guy with clipboard: Do you have a minute for human rights?
Guy walking by: No. (pause) Wait, did you say humans rights?
Guy with clipboard: Yes.
Guy walking by: Oh, I thought you were one of those crazy environmentalist people.
Guy with clipboard: No, we're crazy gay rights people.
University of Colorado, Boulder
Overheard by: Violentvixen
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Offers and requests | Office politics | Questions | Sexuality | Posted 2008-09-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And So Short-Sighted
Girl to gay man: Well, if you're going to be a whore, be a classy whore!
Gay man: That's so hot.
Grand Junction, Colorado
Mini-Meanie, We'd Call Him
Freakishly tall chick: Could you imagine a primordial dwarf in my family? The kid would kill me as soon as they could wield a weapon of some kind, because I'd laugh at them so much.
Friend: Or he'd turn the hatred outwards, and be a serial killer. Oh man, could you imagine, a primordial dwarf serial killer?
Freakishly tall chick: That would be awesome.
Aurora, Colorado
Overheard by: Lee
Translation: They Rejected Me
Loud man on cell: Harvard is the crusty nipple of liberalism.
Colorado University
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Guys | Nipples | On the phone | Philosophy | Politics | Words | Posted 2008-09-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Only Because They're Twins
Guy #1: I am in love with her, do you know how I know that?
Guy #2: Because she reminds you of your mom?
Guy #1: Dude, gross! (pause) She does remind me of my sister a bit.
Devner, Colorado
Can We Write a Theme Song About You with That Lyric?
Lady, bumping into female cop in crowded elevator: Oh! Excuse me.
Female cop: Hey, if my boobs don't getcha, my ass will.
Justice Center
El Paso County, Colorado
Nice Kevlar Shirt, by the Way
Dude: That guy totally has a gun.
Chick (offended): Just because he has sunglasses doesn't mean he has a gun!
High School
Englewood, Colorado
Without Warning, It Leaped Out of Its Hiding Place
Girl to cross-dressing friends: ...and then my butt scared him.
Gay Club
Denver, Colorado
A Plague on Both Their Home Courts!
Chick #1: Mike Dunleavy went to a Catholic school, and Troy Murphy went to a Jesuit school.
Chick #2: They're star-crossed lovers! One is a Catholic, the other a Jesuit!
Pepsi Center
Denver, Colorado
Categories: About celebrities | Chicks | Christianity | Colorado | Religion | Posted 2008-08-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Game, Set, Match
Flat-chested girl (grabbing box of energy bars): Here, get some of these for tomorrow.
Guy: I don't know. Um... it says here that they're for girls.
Flat-chested girl: Yeah, let's get them.
Guy: But... Huh, well, haha, they're not going to make me grow tits, are they?
Flat-chested girl, staring: Hasn't worked for me.
Guy (putting box in carriage): Hm-mmm.
Safeway
Colorado Springs, Colorado
But Then You Have to Live with It Haunting Your Dreams
Chick: You have never truly lived until you have been surrounded by drunk Welsh rugby fans singing I Touch Myself.
International Airport
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Airports & flights | Chicks | Colorado | Default | Drinking & drunks | Gripes | Music | Posted 2008-08-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Don't Quite Get It, But We Like It
Girl standing in front of a pro-life poster: Well, if that's true I owe god a lot of child support.
Colorado
Do Us Both A Favor and Just Roll Me Into Traffic
Guy on wheelchair to person standing next to him: I've never really been into downers.
Outside Mayan theatre
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Astrid
Unfortunately My Trail Of Breadcrumbs Is Hard to See in the Snow
Pilot over PA, after taxiing to the gate for ten minutes: Let me know if you guys see something that looks like an airport.
Denver International Airport
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: they're not kidding about being the country's biggest airport
Categories: Airports & flights | Colorado | Default | Offers and requests | Pilots | Public Transportation | Posted 2008-08-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Let's Get Some Chewing Tobacco to Spit
Girl, to two guys smoking in a bar: Oh my gosh! Smoking? Gross! (walks away, disgusted)
Guy #1: You wanna follow her and smoke?
Guy #2: Hell yeah, I do.
Denver, Colorado
That, and All the Hors D'Oeuvres Were Sprinkled with Lithium
Chick #1: But everyone was happy. It was a happy funeral.
Chick #2: Wow, your grandma must have been a real bitch.
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Categories: Chicks | Colorado | Death & dying | Family ties | Happiness | Insults | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-07-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Joke's on You--I've Got Some in My Purse
Waitress: What kind of dressing would you like on your salad? We have French, Thousand Island and Italian.
Gorgeous blond: I'll have Ranch.
Waitress: No.
Glenwood Springs, Colorado
He Was Made Out of Gingerbread and Frosting
Suit to other: Then he kept trying to sell me this little boy for a dollar...
Taco Bell
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Overheard by: Brandon
Guess Which One's from Jersey
Chick #1: The problem with buying a house seized by the police? Someone could have been murdered there.
Chick #2: That's not a problem, that's a bonus!
Aurora, Colorado
Let's Just Say She's in Shape
Dude: You have a sister, right?
Chick: Yeah.
Dude: Is she hot?
Chick: She's 12 and shaped like a rectangle.
Dude: That doesn't answer my question.
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Overheard by: Julia
Categories: Age and ageing | Beauty | Chicks | Colorado | Family ties | Guys | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Does That Include the Sombrero?
Tall chick: I wish I could find a nice, tall guy.
Friend #1: My brother is 6'5".
Tall chick: Is he cute?
Friend: Well...
Friend #2: He looks like a Mexican pedophile.
Tall chick: 6'5", eh? I'll think about it.
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Categories: Beauty | Chicks | Colorado | Default | Family ties | Friends | Relationships | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Wishes | Posted 2008-07-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Power Corrupts, Short-Lived Power Corrupts Immediately
Teacher: I'm leaving for a few minutes. Ted*, you're in charge.
Ted*: Alright, everyone get naked.
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Categories: Body parts | Colorado | Default | Guys | Names | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sex | Teachers | Posted 2008-07-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is It Your Time of the Math?
Puzzled teen: I swear I've never seen so much math on a napkin before.
Women's Bathroom, Wynkoop Brewery
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Bathroom Goer
I Don' Even Wanna Think About What They're Not Being Taught in History Class
Teen girl, to friend: I'm tired of being stuck with a bunch of 12-year-olds who think Knight Rider and Batman are the same thing!
Steamboat Springs, Colorado
Later, They'd Vomit Up Quarters
Drunk girl #1: I'm Wells Fargo!
Drunk girl #2: Really? I'm Wells Fargo, too!
(they gleefully skip off together)
Pearl St Mall
Boulder, Colorado
And Stalk All My Classmates Before September
Mother: You got into college!
Teenage daughter: I can finally join Facebook!
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
And Lacoste Was So 1998
Homeless woman to preppy kid in pink shirt: Don't mix your reds and your whites!
Boulder, Colorado
Care Bears: Oopsy Does It! Is Exactly Like That
Really hot girl: Dude, it's like the Care Bears came and puked on my face!
Denver, Colorado
The Professor Appreciated the Eight-Sided Paper
Excited student: I got a B+ on my Nietzsche paper!
Friend: The one based on a Dungeons & Dragons joke?
Auraria Campus
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Default | Education | Friends | Games | Philosophy | Pride | Questions | Students | Posted 2008-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dating MacGyver Scars You for Life
Chick to friend: Oh, yeah, this doesn't look suspicious. A taco wrapped in a Dollar Tree bag, a baby, and a grill lighter.
16th Street Mall
Denver, Colorado
Why You Gotta Ax So Many Questions?
Jackie O. lookalike: If I can't sneak cigarettes into my house, what makes you think I can get an ax?
Starfest Sci-fi Convention
Denver, Colorado
Anybody Have Any Bread?
(student coughs violently into hands, spewing fake blood)
Lit professor: Oh my god! Are you okay?
Student: (coughing up more blood) Can I go to the bathroom?
Lit professor: Oh my god, go, go!
(student leaves)
Lit professor: (realizing it's April 1st) Haha... His consumption smells like raspberries.
Colorado University, Boulder
Overheard by: In the back of the classroom
Categories: Class | Colorado | Default | Food | Health & Hygiene | Holidays | Maladies | Offers and requests | Questions | Sensory experiences | Students |