Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | Places | North America | USA | California

Now I'm Bummed I Didn't Get His Name

Guy #1: Is he good at sex?
Girl: Yeah.
Guy #2: Wow. I'm surprised.
Girl: Honestly, I was too.

San Francisco, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

If I Don't, May God Have Mercy on Your Souls

(the road is closed for Chinese New Year parade)
Bus driver: Folks, we'll be alright. We're going to take a right on Sansome, a left on Broadway, and a left on Stockton. We'll rejoin the original route at Stockton and Sacramento. Don't worry. Everything will be alright. As long as I still get paid, it's okay.

San Francisco, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And I'm Running Dangerously Low on Reese's Pieces

Seemingly not-crazy lady on elevator: Have you seen any aliens today?
Man: Not yet, but it's still pretty early.
Seemingly not-crazy lady: I hope I don't see any; I don't have any spit.

Fox Plaza
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Uses spit for lube

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

So If Anyone Requires a Strip-o-Gram...

Law professor: I don't get paid very well at this job. And I need beer money.

SFSU
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: RL

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

We've Lived a Lifetime in This One Elevator Ride

Professionally dressed Asian girl (in a low voice): I can't believe you showed that girl your pubes, man!
Short, pudgy Asian guy (in a low indignant voice): Well *I* can't believe you showed her your innie nipple!

Elevator, Montgomery Street
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: McNasty

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Jenny Made the Same Observations About Every Church Fundraiser

Respectable-looking chick on cell: Not *nearly* enough trannies.

Vallejo and Powell
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Maybe Just Take It to a George Clooney Movie

Girl on cell: We're going to vibe her vagina. Well, not vibe it.

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: K

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

In an Abstruse Theological Way That Requires Nothing of Us

Mid-30s casual man to woman: Obama is our modern-day political Jesus Christ. He will save us.

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: babybug

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Are Public Rammings Unusual in San Francisco?

Cop on radio: We've gotten a report from race security that there is a large Viking ship being rammed repeatedly into some garbage cans in the park.

Golden Gate Park
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: geek whisperer

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

She'll Get Forgiveness, but Not Permission

Asian girl #1: They're doing it.
Asian girl #2: They're doing it a lot, it's like twice a week!
Asian girl #1: Man, and she wants it, too!
Asian girl #2: She's Catholic.

San Francisco, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Jenna Jameson: "Story of My Life, Honey"

20-something girl: My ass hurts and my throat is sore. I also feel very underwhelmed.

San Francisco, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

When I Think about You, I Smell Myself

Dirty hippy skater dude: Oh man! I can smell myself.
Dirty hippy skater girl: I love it when I can smell myself!

Golden Gate Park
San Francisco, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Gay Men Can't Drink Coffee? That's Crazy.

Crazy homeless lady to well-dressed businessman: Look at you with the coffee, you faggot, you just love dick in your ass!

Starbucks
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: trying to avoid her wrath

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

As My Plaques and Trophies Will Attest

Dude carrying Subway sandwich: My ass? No, I wouldn't expect a girl to be looking at my ass.
Chick carrying Subway sandwich: Oh yeah. Women will look at your ass. But they can't check out the other thing.
Dude: Well, under certain circumstances . . .
Chick: No, there's nothing equivalent. There's no cleavage shot.
Dude: A girl slapped my ass at the gym the other day.
Chick: Oh yeah. That's right. I have slapped lots of asses.

Howard and New Montgomery
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Cleavage Shots All Around!

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

In That She's an American in a Brit's Body

Guy #1, after British tourists leave elevator: Stupid British bitches.
Guy #2: Wow, you hate Brits?
Guy #1: You know it.
Guy #2: But Maggie is British, and you like her.
Guy #1: Yeah, well, that's because Maggie is a tranny.

Hotel Whitcomb
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Adam

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And Cute Buttplug!

Woman drying her hands, nonchalantly, to woman ball-gagged and tied to a toilet: "Oh, you changed your hair. It looks pretty."

Women's Bathroom, Bondage-a-GoGo
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Ladle

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Try Not to Taste or Touch Them, Okay?

Automated train station announcement: Castro street station.
Excited little girl: Yay! Castro!
Bystander: The dictator or the district?
Excited little girl thinks for a second: The rainbows!

Castro Street Station
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Dawn

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And He Was Like, "I Made My Choice"

Midget girl: So, I'm trying to talk to him, but he wouldn't stop checking out my body, and I'm like, 'Hello! My eyes are down here.'

San Francisco State University
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Ottsel

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Often His Holiness Feels the Best Response Is Silence

Asian chick: You feel used? I sent him a picture of my boobs and got nothing!

Nordstrom's cafe, Market Street
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Ladle

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Tall, Dark, and Bloodshot

Marathon runner #1: Yeah, I really like him, but he's been in rehab since he was fourteen.
Marathon runner #2: All the best ones are.

Nike Women's Marathon
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: shyinvisiblegirl was running with them just to hear this conversation

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Fine, but Could You Take Your Penis Out of That Bible?

Guy to girlfriend: It doesn't matter what we do! It's pervert weekend!

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: melissa

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

When Martha Stewart Has Nightmares

Naked guy with cock ring and whip: So, what are we doing later this evening?
Boyfriend with nipple rings, dog collar, padlock, and leash: We're going to my parents' for dinner, remember?
Naked guy: Oh, right. Your dad asked me to help him with the aquarium.
Boyfriend, looking at huge dildos: And I want to help my mom finish the quilt she's working on. And we should mulch the rose garden while we're there, too.

Folsom Street Fair
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: cultural tourist

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The Cell Reception Is Atrocious

Frustrated mom: For the love of God, stop crying! If you don't stop, I'm going to shove you back in my uterus, close my legs, and never let you out!
Crying little boy: No! I don't like it in there!

San Francisco, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Can I Be You?

Booth babe: So, you spent your day answering questions about free software, and you're going to spend your night answering questions about -- what -- genital warts?

LinuxWorld Expo
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Just don't confuse the two

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Although I Do Like the Nightlife

Queer, when Bible-thumping lady splashes him with holy water: I'm a faggot, not a vampire. There's a difference.

San Luis Obispo Gay Pride Festival
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Rish

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Could You Be More Specific?

Girl: Is there anything on my ass? You're a girl. You look and see and tell me. Oh my god, is there anything on my ass?!

San Francisco, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The Difference between Men and Women

Hippie chick on cell: ... So then I realized that's just how she is and I need to honor that.
Guy passerby: Just get it over with and call her a bitch already!

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: melissa

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Unfriendly Bug Spirits Are the Worst

Tween boy: Can you imagine what it would be like to spend the night here? All the unfriendly spirits...
Teen girl, horrified: And, bugs!

Alcatraz Island
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Casper the Friendly Roach

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Now, Sweetie, You Know I'm Against Condiment-Distribution to Children

Mom with sunscreen in hand: Give me your arm so I can put this on you.
Little boy: Ewww! What is that?
Mom: Sunscreen. What did you think it was?
Little boy: Mayonnaise!

Giants Game, AT&T Park
San Francisco, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Since She's Only Eleven

Old grump #1: Well, you know how women boast.
Old grump #2: I know that. But I still cannot take her word for it that she is the best lay in the city.

Bloomingdale's
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: the real deal

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

You Did Start Bathing with the Entire Football Team

Teen girl to friend: Did you really think it was a coincidence that the week after you started bathing regularly you lost your virginity?

The Urban School
San Francisco, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Frosted Tips Are Just Wrong

Bar patron: I might talk about it if I had a few drinks in me... But I'd never let someone do it!

Hawaii Bar
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: McNasty

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

We'll Get Ours When We Turn on Bill O'Reilly

Father to squirmy two-year-old looking out bus window: No, honey, that's a church. We can't go there -- they'll give you a lobotomy.

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Rebekah

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Man, What Isn't?

Drunk hobo: Got any spare change so I can buy me some pussy? [Sees man holding sign, "Jesus loves you."] ... It's in the Bible!

Powell and Market Streets
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Peggy

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

There's a San Francisco Men's Room without Lotion?

Suit #1: The ladies here really have it better than the guys.
Suit #2: Like how?
Suit #1: Like the women's restroom -- they've got nice stuff in there. They've got flowers and hand lotion and, like, free tampons! Why don't the guys get that?!

San Francisco, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Why Not Politics?

Student: I decided to be a speech communication major because I like to talk a lot, and I wanted to find a way where I could get a job that makes me a lot of money for using my mouth.

San Francisco State University
California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Or at Least on the Photos We'll Be Passing Out

Hot chick to another: You look so good! Guys will be jerking off on you tonight!

Vallejo Street
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Ladle

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

His Screenname Is BiggStudd4U

Late-20s blonde yuppie: I love him, and I think he loves me.
Late-20s brunette yuppie: That's cool.
Late-20s blonde yuppie: Yeah, I think his name's Paul or John or something.

North Beach
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: i love love

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Remember Our Talk about Leda and the Swan?

Mother, reading newspaper: Dear God, another rapist is loose...
Six-year-old daughter: Mom, what's rape?
Mother, uncomfortably: Um, that's when a man forces a woman to have sex with him.
Six-year-old daughter: What's sex?
Mother: Look! A bird!

Market Street
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Queen Of Spades

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

You're Not Still Pregnant?

Enthusiastic lady: Oh, you must be having a boy!
Very preggers: Uh, no... It's actually a girl.
Enthusiastic lady: Really? Because your face has changed!
Very preggers: What do you mean?
Enthusiastic lady: Oh, you know, it just looks bad. I was ugly, too, when I was pregnant with my son.

Clinic waiting room
San Francisco, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Yeah, I've Had to Tell Tommy Hilfiger's People No

Hobo #1, holding gallon of water: I've been trying to drink a lot of water. You need to clear that toxic shit out. You collect lots of, uh, what they called? Endorsements. Your body just builds up these endorsements, and they poison you! I think that's what they're called... You know what I mean?
Hobo #2: [Nods knowingly.]

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Rich

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?