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Which Is Why Everybody Loves Her
Middle school guy #1: Dude, look at Raymond and tell me he doesn't look like my dad's girlfriend.
Middle school guy #2: What? No way!
Middle school guy #1: It's true. She looks just like Raymond, except she has a woman's body.
Coal Hill, Arkansas
Categories: Arkansas | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Guys | Names | Posted 2008-07-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Went for the Preschool Pu-Pu Platter
Professor: Did those cops find you the other day? They were waiting outside the classroom.
Student: I know. You're not kidding.
Professor: No, I'm not.
Student: Yeah, I kidnapped the kids over Christmas.
Professor: Good for you.
Arkansas State University
Arkansas
Be Careful It Doesn't Squirt You in the Eye
Guy on cell: Now turn it on and set it to cow mode... Right, but be sure it's in cow mode... No, you'll know when it's in cow mode.
Kroger Grocery
Conway, Arkansas
Overheard by: Not sure I want to know
Categories: Advice | Animals | Arkansas | On the phone | Technology | Posted 2008-01-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Put Some Underpants on, Wouldya?
Santa: Remember, you have to be very good so I can bring you lots of presents.
Little girl: I have been! I have been!
Santa: I came by your house the other day. Did you know that?
Little girl: Really?! Wow!
Santa: I looked in your window, and I saw lots of messy toys on your floor. And clothes.
Little girl, crying: I was just going to get a glass of water and then go back to clean them up, I promise!
Santa: Whatever.
Park Plaza Mall
Little Rock, Arkansas
At Least, Last Time I Dug Up Her Grave and Checked...
Guy: Man, it's hotter than my mother-in-law back in '79. She's not hot no more.
Harvest Foods
Little Rock, Arkansas
You Guys Give Me the Willies
Teen girl: God, sisters can be annoying.
Single child: I don't have any. Hey, Abby*, do you have siblings?
Abby: Yeah... A younger brother who's always calling for advice.
Breeder: Andrew, right?
Abby: That's him. He's always calling me. 'Abby, I want to upgrade from dating stupid, ugly girls to pretty, ugly girls -- how do I do it? Abby, what color looks better on me, cream or salmon?'
Only male: Right, the not-exactly-gay brother.
Abby, ignoring him: 'Abby, I was watching porn and my penis twitched sideways -- what do I do?'
Purple-haired girl: What?
Teen girl: I hate to admit it, but if my penis was twitching sideways, I'd call you for advice.
Breeder: So, did you know?
Abby: Guys, I was 13! Of course I didn't know!
Only male: But you know now?
Abby, as entire group stares: ... Three possibilities.
Only male: I'll call you, then, if my penis twitches sideways.
Steak 'n Shake
Arkansas
I Don't Know How Much Longer I Can Conceal It behind My Napkin
Guy to hot date: I have a hard-on. We should get this to go.
Buffalo Grill
Little Rock, Arkansas
Overheard by: I should get mine to go, too
The Kids Will Eat Me Alive!
Chick looking into her palm, then at thug nearby: Man, I'm a preschool teacher! Don't sell me the wrong drugs!
Bar
Ft. Smith, Arkansas
Overheard by: her best friend
Something Was Put in That Wasn't There Before?
Wide-eyed girl #1 exiting class: Did he just--?
Wide-eyed girl #2: --Yeah.
Wide-eyed girl #1: But wha--?
Wide-eyed girl #2: --I feel dirty.
Wide-eyed girl #1: Yeah.
Wide-eyed girl #2: Do you... Uh, wait.
Wide-eyed girl #1: Did we just get mind-fucked?
Wide-eyed girl #2: I think so.
Arkansas State University
Jonesboro, Arkansas
Overheard by: What the hell just happened?!
Categories: Arkansas | Colleges & Universities | Education | Students | Posted 2007-04-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
