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Knows All the Homeopathic Crab Remedies
Middle-aged creepster: She was a slut in middle school, so she's my type of girl.
Gentle Bens Brewery
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: a middle school slut
Categories: Arizona | Bars & Clubs | Compliments | Creepsters | Default | Education | Guys | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Pretty Much the Short Bus of Hogwarts
Guy #1: Hey, cool! Harry Potter bookmarks! You think they have one for Hufflepuff?
Guy #2: Probably not.
Guy #1: Oh... Do you think it's because nobody cares?
Borders
Tucson, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Books | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Guys | Pop culture | Questions | Posted 2008-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So "Oreo Cook" Isn't a Racial Slur?
Girl: I'll have the chocolate peanut butter car crunch.
Cashier teenage boy: Ummmm... Yeah, the "car" actually stands for "caramel".
Gelato Spot
Scottsdale, Arizona
Overheard by: Fake Blonde
Try the Cap'n Cramps
Woman in cereal aisle: Where's the one that makes you poop?
Fry's
Tucson, Arizona
She Keeps a Cyanide One in Her Desk for Emergencies
Student: What are you eating?
Teacher: My bracelet... it's made of anti-depressants.
Tucson, Arizona
His Life Is a Rich Tapestry of Loud Bullshit
50-ish white lady: He's a Christian rapper, but during the day he sells insurance.
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Ashley
You're My Last White Boyfriend, I'll Tell You That
Angry guy to girlfriend at an art festival: How can you be allergic to a color?
Tempe, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Couples | Feelings | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Can Feel Their Effects for Thousands of Years
Freshman: Are Arby's sandwiches any good?
Junior: Arby's sandwiches are Jesus Christ!
Gilbert High School
Gilbert, Arizona
Categories: Advice | Arizona | Compare and contrast | Food | Jesus | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teens | Posted 2008-04-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not Unless There's a Rocket in There
Teacher: Come, take a journey with me into *David's pockets.
MDN High School
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Jamie
Categories: Arizona | Clothes | Education | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Posted 2008-04-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If They've Been Naughty, Santa Brings Them Small Penises.
Female college student: Do boys still really have cooties at thirteen?
Male college student: Nope. That's when they get penises.
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Meghan
Categories: Age and ageing | Arizona | Compare and contrast | Default | Friends | Gender issues | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Penis | Sexuality | Students | Yeahhh, college! | Posted 2008-04-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like I Really Need to Have Better Litercism?
Tween boy #1, carrying skateboard: So, I got cleaning detail at school tomorrow.
Tween boy #2: That doesn't sound like something I'd want to do.
Tween boy #1: No, man, it's awesome! You get out of literacy class!
Tucson, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Compliments | Default | Education | Tweens | Posted 2008-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A.K.A. Sunburned Cock
Meathead: Those guys are steroid monkeys.
Girl: Oh... So, you don't do steroids?
Meathead: No, girl, I eat grilled chicken.
1400 East 6th Street
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: dana
And I've Been Drinking the Water That Smells Like Antifreeze
Dude: Oooh, they're so warm. I like to put it to my ear after they get out.
Chick: Yeah... It smells like carrots.
Dude, scoffing: I don't know what kind of carrots you've been eating!
Chick: The kind that smell like paper.
1401 University Boulevard
Tucson, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Girls | Guys | Posted 2008-03-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So I'll Stay with Him Until I'm Skinny Enough to Do Better
Skinny sorostitute: Every time I see him he just makes me want to throw up.
Arizona State University
Arizona
Overheard by: Lindsay
Categories: Arizona | Colleges & Universities | Default | Gripes | Health & Hygiene | Skinny people | Sorority types | Posted 2008-03-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Next on Mythbusters
Guy: So, I tore my ACL.
Over-enthusiastic friend: Tell 'em how you did it!
Guy: Masturbating!
University of Arizona
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Victoria
Categories: Arizona | Body parts | Default | Friends | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Masturbation | Posted 2008-02-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Latency Period, My Ass!
Four-year-old boy: So, girls have 'ginas, and boys have penises?
Mom: Um, yes, hon.
Four-year-old boy: You have a 'gina?
Mom: Yes, honey. Shhh.
Four-year-old boy: Girls at school have 'ginas? Teachers have 'ginas?
Mom: Yes, honey. Now shush.
Four-year-old boy, contemplating: I always wanted to see one of those.
Phoenix, Arizona
I'd Do Almost Anything for Dick
Teen girl: Hmmm. Nixon. I'd strip for Richard Nixon.
High school football game
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: At least our children know their American history.
I Juxta Barely Got My GED, So Don't Ask Me
Rich girl #1: This one's 'the juxtapositioned couple'? What's juxtapositioned?
Rich girl #2: I don't know... Like, without their skin?
Phoenix, Arizona
But We Are on a Budget, So You'll Have to Share Needles
Dad to table full of preteens: If everyone's good, they can get one tattoo and one piercing.
Pei Wei, 7th Avenue
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: Ken
Pink Is Pretty Gay, Though -- Why Chance It?
Frat boy #1: What is pink eye, anyway?
Frat boy #2: I dunno.
Frat boy #1: Well, I don't see how it can be that contagious.
Palm Walk, Arizona State University
Arizona
Overheard by: oh, trust me...
Categories: Arizona | Frat boy types | Health & Hygiene | Posted 2008-01-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Portrait of the Purell Addict As a Young Boy
Little boy at hand-drying machine: Dad, aren't you going to smell my hands so you know they're clean?
Dad: No, it's okay. Let's go.
Little boy, getting angry: Smell them. Smell them! Smell them!
Restroom, Scottsdale Fashion Square
Scottsdale, Arizona
Overheard by: mine were clean
Categories: Arizona | Health & Hygiene | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What the Native Americans Said, and What Was Their Fate?
Italian exchange student: Why do you celebrate Thanksgiving in America?
Teacher: Because of the pilgrims! Anyone want to explain?
Student: The pilgrims can suck it!
Marcos de Niza High School
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: J.
Dude, We're in Fucking Arizona
Dude #1: Hey, man, you okay?
Dude #2: Yeah, I was just in that... hot... shit... What's that called?
Dude #1: The sauna?
Dude #2: Yeah. That shit is hot, man.
Rec center
Gilbert, Arizona
Because I Plan to Smile the Whole Fucking Way Home
Husband: Do you want any strawberries?
Wife: No.
Husband: Do you want any pears?
Wife: No.
Husband: Do you want any peaches?
Wife: No [walks away].
Husband, to clerk: I'll take some strawberries, pears, and peaches.
Payson, Arizona
That Was the Extra Credit on Your Math Test?
Hyper girl: Hey, I'm just really happy that I could identify Joe Pesci's forehead!
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Mevans
Categories: About celebrities | Arizona | Chicks | Posted 2007-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In My Hummer
Bartender: I can't believe she rides her bike to work.
Waitress: Well, she lives just around the corner.
Bartender: I don't care. If I lived in the parking lot, I would still drive to work.
Phoenix, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Bartenders | Philosophy | Posted 2007-11-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Remember Those Manners We Talked About? Use 'Em!
Mom to little kid: Shhh! She can't help it if she's fat!
Wal-Mart
Tucson, Arizona
And No Zippers!
Little boy looking at swim trunks: I can't get one with a small hole because my penis gets stuck!
Target
Tempe, Arizona
Like a Scat Burglar?
Boy: Dad, why do toilets flush?
Dad, irritated: I don't know.
Boy: I think it is so no one can steal the poop.
Bathroom
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: Pooper Snooper
But If You'd Like to Come See Me about Fellatio, I'm Wide Open
Student, discussing paper topics: I'd kind of like to do prostitution... Is that too easy?
Professor: Why not? Prostitution is fun! Everybody likes doing prostitution.
Arizona State University
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Auntie Maim
So I Just Bought All Those Staples for Nothing?
Bimbette: Sex makes everything so complicated. Seriously, I'm going back to being a virgin.
Friend: Honey, you're never going to be a virgin again. It's impossible.
Bimbette: What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!
Tucson, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Bimbettes | Philosophy | Posted 2007-10-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Does "Chicken Salad Toss" Mean What I Think It Means?
Hotel guest exiting meeting: You know, in a case like this I would typically use the phrase, 'I wouldn't trust it as far as I could throw it,' but I could throw that chicken pretty far.
The Phoenician Resort
Scottsdale, Arizona
Overheard by: Accurate...
But You Shouldn't Talk That Way about Mom
Dad: When I came in it smelled really great, but it actually tasted really disgusting.
Daughter: Same with poop.
Arizona
Perfect for Showcasing Your Upper-Arm Bruises
Little girl: What do you think, Mommy?
Overenthusiastic mom: That's a cute little wife beater!
Target
Fayetteville, Arizona
Overheard by: D00M5D4YCH1CK3N
They Prefer to Be Called Elephant-Americans
Black guy on cell: Man, I just stepped outside and saw, like, ten elephants walking down the street!
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: John Edward Hills
Categories: Animals | Arizona | Black people | Posted 2007-10-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If It's Looking Milky, We Need to Talk
Chick: My vagina is a galaxy.
University of Arizona
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: star
Now You Can Watch Videos While It Drops Your Calls
Chick: So, what's so special about this phone other than making millions of people shit their pants simultaneously?
Guy: It hasn't got any buttons, or some-such. It can tell who you want to call by reading your mind. Also, it smells like flowers and tastes like bacon. Which is handy, since it can regrow its own skin. And fly.
Chick: Well, I'll be.
Scottsdale, Arizona
Overheard by: I did NOT shit my pants.
Categories: Arizona | Cell phones | Friends | Posted 2007-10-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Miss Our Platonic Sodomy
Pretty boy: Andy! I thought you not-gay-loved me!
Chandler, Arizona
Overheard by: Meghan
Categories: Arizona | Guys | Relationships | Posted 2007-10-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jesus: The One Guy Whose Shit Didn't Stink
High chick spotting dirty hippie: Oooh! He's cute!
Drunk chick: No, he's dirty!
High chick: He looks like Jesus!
Sober chick: He might look like Jesus, but he smells like shit!
Arizona
Overheard by: Designated Driver
They Can Sense Deities and Terminators
Daughter: What's the dog barking at?
Mother: Jesus.
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: smellmyknee
Wait, No, She's Just Really Tan! Oh My God!
Passerby: Oh my god! Look at that woman's outfi-- Oh, never mind. She's ethnic, it's okay.
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Rasputin
I Draw the Line at Branding, Though
Stoner chick on cell: Yeah, he's just gonna want to get high and do stuff to my ass.
Wendy's
Scottsdale, Arizona
Overheard by: Jon
The Rehabilitation Began with Starship Troopers
Boy watching Indiana Jones: Why are the Nazis always the bad guys?
Thug: Who are they supposed to be?
Flowing Wells High School
Tucson, Arizona