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Middle-aged creepster: She was a slut in middle school, so she's my type of girl.
Gentle Bens Brewery
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: a middle school slut
Guy #1: Hey, cool! Harry Potter bookmarks! You think they have one for Hufflepuff?
Guy #2: Probably not.
Guy #1: Oh... Do you think it's because nobody cares?
Borders
Tucson, Arizona
Girl: I'll have the chocolate peanut butter car crunch.
Cashier teenage boy: Ummmm... Yeah, the "car" actually stands for "caramel".
Gelato Spot
Scottsdale, Arizona
Overheard by: Fake Blonde
Woman in cereal aisle: Where's the one that makes you poop?
Fry's
Tucson, Arizona
Student: What are you eating?
Teacher: My bracelet... it's made of anti-depressants.
Tucson, Arizona
50-ish white lady: He's a Christian rapper, but during the day he sells insurance.
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Ashley
Angry guy to girlfriend at an art festival: How can you be allergic to a color?
Tempe, Arizona
Freshman: Are Arby's sandwiches any good?
Junior: Arby's sandwiches are Jesus Christ!
Gilbert High School
Gilbert, Arizona
Teacher: Come, take a journey with me into *David's pockets.
MDN High School
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Jamie
Female college student: Do boys still really have cooties at thirteen?
Male college student: Nope. That's when they get penises.
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Meghan
Tween boy #1, carrying skateboard: So, I got cleaning detail at school tomorrow.
Tween boy #2: That doesn't sound like something I'd want to do.
Tween boy #1: No, man, it's awesome! You get out of literacy class!
Tucson, Arizona
Meathead: Those guys are steroid monkeys.
Girl: Oh... So, you don't do steroids?
Meathead: No, girl, I eat grilled chicken.
1400 East 6th Street
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: dana
Dude: Oooh, they're so warm. I like to put it to my ear after they get out.
Chick: Yeah... It smells like carrots.
Dude, scoffing: I don't know what kind of carrots you've been eating!
Chick: The kind that smell like paper.
1401 University Boulevard
Tucson, Arizona
Skinny sorostitute: Every time I see him he just makes me want to throw up.
Arizona State University
Arizona
Overheard by: Lindsay
Guy: So, I tore my ACL.
Over-enthusiastic friend: Tell 'em how you did it!
Guy: Masturbating!
University of Arizona
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Victoria
Four-year-old boy: So, girls have 'ginas, and boys have penises?
Mom: Um, yes, hon.
Four-year-old boy: You have a 'gina?
Mom: Yes, honey. Shhh.
Four-year-old boy: Girls at school have 'ginas? Teachers have 'ginas?
Mom: Yes, honey. Now shush.
Four-year-old boy, contemplating: I always wanted to see one of those.
Phoenix, Arizona
Teen girl: Hmmm. Nixon. I'd strip for Richard Nixon.
High school football game
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: At least our children know their American history.
Rich girl #1: This one's 'the juxtapositioned couple'? What's juxtapositioned?
Rich girl #2: I don't know... Like, without their skin?
Phoenix, Arizona
Dad to table full of preteens: If everyone's good, they can get one tattoo and one piercing.
Pei Wei, 7th Avenue
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: Ken
Frat boy #1: What is pink eye, anyway?
Frat boy #2: I dunno.
Frat boy #1: Well, I don't see how it can be that contagious.
Palm Walk, Arizona State University
Arizona
Overheard by: oh, trust me...
Little boy at hand-drying machine: Dad, aren't you going to smell my hands so you know they're clean?
Dad: No, it's okay. Let's go.
Little boy, getting angry: Smell them. Smell them! Smell them!
Restroom, Scottsdale Fashion Square
Scottsdale, Arizona
Overheard by: mine were clean
Italian exchange student: Why do you celebrate Thanksgiving in America?
Teacher: Because of the pilgrims! Anyone want to explain?
Student: The pilgrims can suck it!
Marcos de Niza High School
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: J.
Dude #1: Hey, man, you okay?
Dude #2: Yeah, I was just in that... hot... shit... What's that called?
Dude #1: The sauna?
Dude #2: Yeah. That shit is hot, man.
Rec center
Gilbert, Arizona
Husband: Do you want any strawberries?
Wife: No.
Husband: Do you want any pears?
Wife: No.
Husband: Do you want any peaches?
Wife: No [walks away].
Husband, to clerk: I'll take some strawberries, pears, and peaches.
Payson, Arizona
Hyper girl: Hey, I'm just really happy that I could identify Joe Pesci's forehead!
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Mevans
Bartender: I can't believe she rides her bike to work.
Waitress: Well, she lives just around the corner.
Bartender: I don't care. If I lived in the parking lot, I would still drive to work.
Phoenix, Arizona
Mom to little kid: Shhh! She can't help it if she's fat!
Wal-Mart
Tucson, Arizona
Little boy looking at swim trunks: I can't get one with a small hole because my penis gets stuck!
Target
Tempe, Arizona
Boy: Dad, why do toilets flush?
Dad, irritated: I don't know.
Boy: I think it is so no one can steal the poop.
Bathroom
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: Pooper Snooper
Student, discussing paper topics: I'd kind of like to do prostitution... Is that too easy?
Professor: Why not? Prostitution is fun! Everybody likes doing prostitution.
Arizona State University
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Auntie Maim
Bimbette: Sex makes everything so complicated. Seriously, I'm going back to being a virgin.
Friend: Honey, you're never going to be a virgin again. It's impossible.
Bimbette: What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!
Tucson, Arizona
Hotel guest exiting meeting: You know, in a case like this I would typically use the phrase, 'I wouldn't trust it as far as I could throw it,' but I could throw that chicken pretty far.
The Phoenician Resort
Scottsdale, Arizona
Overheard by: Accurate...
Dad: When I came in it smelled really great, but it actually tasted really disgusting.
Daughter: Same with poop.
Arizona
Little girl: What do you think, Mommy?
Overenthusiastic mom: That's a cute little wife beater!
Target
Fayetteville, Arizona
Overheard by: D00M5D4YCH1CK3N
Black guy on cell: Man, I just stepped outside and saw, like, ten elephants walking down the street!
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: John Edward Hills
Chick: My vagina is a galaxy.
University of Arizona
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: star
Chick: So, what's so special about this phone other than making millions of people shit their pants simultaneously?
Guy: It hasn't got any buttons, or some-such. It can tell who you want to call by reading your mind. Also, it smells like flowers and tastes like bacon. Which is handy, since it can regrow its own skin. And fly.
Chick: Well, I'll be.
Scottsdale, Arizona
Overheard by: I did NOT shit my pants.
Pretty boy: Andy! I thought you not-gay-loved me!
Chandler, Arizona
Overheard by: Meghan
High chick spotting dirty hippie: Oooh! He's cute!
Drunk chick: No, he's dirty!
High chick: He looks like Jesus!
Sober chick: He might look like Jesus, but he smells like shit!
Arizona
Overheard by: Designated Driver
Daughter: What's the dog barking at?
Mother: Jesus.
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: smellmyknee
Passerby: Oh my god! Look at that woman's outfi-- Oh, never mind. She's ethnic, it's okay.
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Rasputin
Stoner chick on cell: Yeah, he's just gonna want to get high and do stuff to my ass.
Wendy's
Scottsdale, Arizona
Overheard by: Jon
Boy watching Indiana Jones: Why are the Nazis always the bad guys?
Thug: Who are they supposed to be?
Flowing Wells High School
Tucson, Arizona