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"Remember?" Are You Fucking Kidding?
Guy sitting on bench: So can I borrow your crack pipe tomorrow?
Girl sitting next to him: No, it's dirty, remember? I still need to wash it out.
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Travis
Categories: Arizona | Drugs | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Offers and requests | Posted 2011-05-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Seems to Be a Common Theme
Guy on phone: So what are we doing after bible study? Beers? Ladies?
Arizona State University
Overheard by: Tiffany
Categories: Arizona | Drinking & drunks | Offers and requests | On the phone | Religion | Sex | Posted 2011-01-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just for Coffee, Not for Abduction
Girl eating pizza to friends: Like, do I want to meet aliens? Yes!
Pizza Place
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Felicity
The Curse Of IHOP
Man: There's Tucson for you, turning a great burger joint into a craphole.
Child: Yeah, I bet if you touched anyone in this restaurant, they would be sticky.
Tucson Arizona
Overheard by: Casey Stendahl
Too Damn Many Rude Honkies in This World
White guy with dreadlocks: I don't even know how many penises and swastikas are drawn on him. It's ridiculous! (walks by a parked pickup truck, reaches in the window, and honks the horn) Horn works!
Owner of the truck: What the hell?
Arizona State University
Overheard by: Felicity
Voters Are Evenly Split on My Ovaries
Girl to friend: But yeah, my uterus sucks. I wish I just had a vagina and it ended there. But I do love my pancreas!
University of Arizona
NASA's Committed to Mid-Century Chic
Lady on cell: No, no, no! See, the reason I bring this up is because her spaceship is covered in shag carpeting...
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Caleb
Categories: Arizona | On the phone | Stupidity | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2010-09-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least It's My Tuxedo Speedo.
Flamboyantly gay guy in teeny Speedo, looking at bride in hotel lobby: Ummmm... Is there a wedding here?
Front desk agent, also looking at bride: Yup.
Gay guy, disgusted: God, I feel so silly in my Speedo.
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: proud to be... an idiot?
Categories: Arizona | Clothing | Employees | Queers | Relationships | Posted 2010-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Kind Of Guy Who Takes Women's Studies Classes to Meet Chicks
Women speaking to crowd at rally: We're here to take a stand against violence towards girls and women!
Solo guy in middle of the crowd: Woo! Yeah!
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Can you yell innapropriate?
And When Did "Baby Got Back" Become a Wedding Song?
Black 20-something guy to friend: Sir Mix-a-Lot killed more black people in the 90s than heart disease and Aids combined.
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: I know his pain
Categories: Arizona | Black people | Compare and contrast | Friends | Maladies | Murder | Race | Posted 2010-05-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All Of Hef's Kids Have Asked This at Least Once
Little boy: Mommy, can we go back to the giant trampoline where you said you saw sexy daddy?
Sedona, Arizona
Overheard by: J
Categories: Arizona | Names | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Weirdness | Posted 2010-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Best. Sporting Event. Ever.
Weird young man, talking to himself: Those damn beavers and their rakes!
Sedona, Arizona
Dan Brown Totally Deserves This
50-something white-haired British guy: I know you!
Stranger: No sir, we haven't met.
50-something white-haired British guy: I remember you from before!
Stranger: I'm sorry sir, I just don't remember you.
50-something white-haired British guy: I was there too! We were both knights of Templar! You were Mary Magdalene's personal guard... How have you been all these years!?
Grand Canyon
Arizona
Overheard by: J
Categories: Arizona | Crazies | History | Memory lane | Strangers | Tourist attractions | Weirdness | Posted 2010-04-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
By Marriage, but Still
60-something man: I don't want to be with my first wife for an eternity! She is Satan's sister.
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Fluffy
Categories: Arizona | Evil | Feelings | Old folks | Relationships | Posted 2010-03-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Man Needs a Cool Head to Eat at Denny's
Cowboy #1, in cowboy dialect: One thing I can tell you, if one of them bites you on the lip, don't panic. Just wait till it starts to let go and then push it off of you.
Cowboy #2: You know, that's right.
Denny's
Willcox, Arizona
Overheard by: Alan B. Barley
Categories: Advice | Arizona | Body parts | Fears | Rednecks | Restaurants | Violence | Posted 2010-01-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
With Just a Little More Downtown
20-something trendy gangster: I'm just there for looks, you know? (pause) I'm like the sculpture of David, chiseled and beautiful.
University of Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Beauty | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Fashion | Thugs | Posted 2009-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Worst. Walk Of Shame. Ever.
Dude: How did I get dog food in my screw hole?
Tucson, Arizona
Seriously, How Many Times Can The L Word Do This Same Story?
Girl #1: Are you Jane Jones*?
Girl #2: Yes.
Girl #1: I'm you're math tutor, nice to meet you.
Girl #2: Oh, you're cute! I could totally date you, but I'm not a lesbian.
Girl #1: Thanks! I could date you too, but I'm straight, and I have a boyfriend.
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: Tsunoba
...Let's Relax with Some Margaritas.
Russian professor: Grammarlicious definition makes them "gringo locos." (pause) Now that you've all been permanently scarred...
Arizona State University
Categories: Arizona | Colleges & Universities | Education | Language barrier | Teachers | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stop Making Your Eyes Glow This Minute, Missy!
Three-year-old daughter, passing Catholic church: Dead people live there.
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Joe Oxford
Categories: Arizona | Death & dying | Kids | Kids | Posted 2009-11-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Living Bras Die
Trendy girl on cell: It was stuck to my boob this morning. I had to go clean it off... it was all bloody and gross. (pause) Right on my boob. I know... Eew!
University of Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: Sarah Neill
Categories: Arizona | Cleanliness | Colleges & Universities | Girls | Health & Hygiene | On the phone | Rack | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Though, to Be Fair, Masturbating to Hillary Swank Photos Could Go Either Way
Girl #1: She still thinks he's gay.
Girl #2: But he isn't.
Girl #1, laughing: And we have proof.
Girl #2, laughing also: Yes we do!
University of Arizona
Overheard by: Whats the proof
Alice Passed; Her Liver Failed
Girl, walking across campus with friends: I think two beers and a shot is the perfect amount for that class!
University of Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Education | Friends | Girls | Sorority types | Posted 2009-10-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In This Case, She Meant to Stun, Not Kill
Taxi cab driver: She ain't big, but she ain't little, you know. (pause) Broke that bottle over Anna head, but she mean well.
Sierra Vista, Arizona
Overheard by: K
Categories: Arizona | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Conductors | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Better Than Our Current Strategy in the Middle East
Crazy hobo, walking in office: Ecstasy! Ecstasy! Give every male one shot of ecstasy a day from the time they are seven to seventy, and that will end all the violence!
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: follylolly
That's True Of Any Cop, Though.
Boy: I should be a rent-a-cop.
Girl #1, laughing: You'd be the least believable rent-a-cop ever.
Girl #2: Yeah, they might mistake you for a gay stripper.
Tempe, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Compare and contrast | Crimes | Girls | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Sex | Sexuality | Posted 2009-08-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Lucky the Wildfires Keep Us Safe
Girl #1: There are these bees in Asia, and they like shoot venom at you and it like eats your skin or something.
Girl #2: Wow, that's crazy, man! Remind me never to go to Africa.
High School
Scottsdale, Arizona
Why Many People Start Fires.
Tourist chick, looking at rescuer on poster: Wow, if I knew I'd be rescued b a guy as hot as that, I would just jump.
Grand Canyon West Rim
Arizona
Overheard by: Long way down
That They Transport Illegally in Their Quilts?
Student: So wait, the Amish have, like, all natural steroids?
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: J.
Categories: Arizona | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Religion | Students | Posted 2009-07-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Given the Painful Inflammation Of My Chamber Of Secrets
Angry British guy on phone: My name's 'arry. No! 'arry! 'arry! Dammit, no! 'arry, like 'arry Potter! Thank you.
Girl nearby: You just made my life a little better.
Arizona
Overheard by: Meg:)
Categories: Arizona | Books | Girls | Guys | Language barrier | Names | On the phone | Posted 2009-07-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like, What the Hell Does "Whom" Mean?
Receptionist, explaining e-mail to coworker: Or she may have even did the grammar slightly off.
Library
Arizona State University
Categories: Arizona | Colleges & Universities | Coworkers | E-mail | Words | Posted 2009-06-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Are We Playing Hangman in Class, Anyway?
Criminal justice teacher: What do you mean "it doesn't fit"?
Student: The word doesn't match the blanks.
Criminal justice teacher: Hm...I probably wasn't sober when I made this.
Gilbert, Arizona
Overheard by: she's not kidding
Let Me Explain Mimes to You Again...
Guy: Dude! Your sister lives in a box!
Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Family ties | Guys | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Don't Want Any More "Filmstrip" Pregnancies on My Conscience
Teacher, setting up overhead: Okay, I'm going to turn off the lights. Keep your hands to yourself.
High School
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Always got groped during her tests
Categories: Arizona | Colleges & Universities | Sex | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wide Chicks Should Be Another Big Hit for the Wayans Brothers
Dude: And then we had to carry Elizabeth *three blocks* back to my place because she was too wide to fit in the car.
University of Arizona
Tucson, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Colleges & Universities | Default | Feelings | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Never-- Thanks, Labia Clamps!
Woman to friend buying panties: So, are you sure these aren't the ones that will give you cameltoe?
Peoria, Arizona
Overheard by: Giggling cashier
Categories: Arizona | Body parts | Clothes | Default | Offers and requests | Questions | Women | Posted 2009-06-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Reader Poll: Is This Gross?
Woman to husband: Honey, can you go to the bathroom so the seat is warm when I use it?
Tucson, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Default | Health & Hygiene | Offers and requests | Questions | Relationships | Women | Posted 2009-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Does That Sound Dirty to Anyone Else?
Teen boy to friends: Wait, how the hell did we start talking about the Swedish mafia?
Teen girl three tables away, leaping out of seat very excitedly: I want a Swedish muffin!
Cafeteria, Corona del Sol High School
Chandler, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Geography | Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teens | Posted 2009-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unless She Gets Knocked Up Again in the Interim
Girl #1: So do you have any friends who are total disasters like us, who would want to go to Vegas that weekend?
Girl #2: I have a friend who's getting an abortion next week.
Girl #1: Oh, good, so she'll be good to go by then.
Bar
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: Orkide
Categories: Abortion | Arizona | Bars & Clubs | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Questions | Relationships | US Geography | Posted 2009-05-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Guess Where
Guy #1: You walked back to your house naked last night?
Guy #2: Yeah, but I was wearing socks.
Arizona State University
Overheard by: Jayne
Categories: Arizona | Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Questions | Posted 2009-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Happy Hour Starts in 15 Minutes
Professor: Okay, let's review. What's it called when you put geological events in sequential order?
Basketball star #1: Calligraphy!
Basketball star #2: Naw dude, that's writing.
Basketball star #1: Oh yeah...that's what the Egyptians did, huh?
Basketball star #2: Naw, that's hieroglyphics, man.
Professor: The answer is "stratigraphy." Let's move on quickly.
Geology 101
Mesa, Arizona
Overheard by: YeahKey
So You're Saying Sex Is a Game?
Old religious woman to large crowd of highly amused students: Having pre-marital sex is like playing Russian roulette with your genitals!
Alumni Hill
University of Arizona
Overheard by: The girl who likes to live on the dangerous side
Categories: Arizona | Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Old folks | Relationships | Religious fanatics | Sex | Women | Posted 2009-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Translation: Sex With You Isn't Worth the Annoyance Of Your Company
Emo chick: So then she glared at me. In a mean way, not a happy way.
Normal looking boyfriend: I don't think that word means what you think it means.
Emo chick: Huh?
Normal looking boyfriend: You know, I just don't think this is going to work out.
Emo chick: Wait. You're breaking up with me? Here? Why?
Normal looking boyfriend: Well, I wasn't planning on it, but honey, you didn't like Watchmen and you've never read or seen The Princess Bride. Clearly we're just two very different people.
Flagstaff, Arizona
Overheard by: nayvera
The Kid Used to Yell "Boink Me, Daddy!"
Four-year-old boy: Daddy! I wanna get hammered!
(mom pulls out a toy rubber hammer, sighing)
Dad, to everyone around: Shhhhh, nobody heard that! If you did, little forgetfulness fairies will fly into your mind!
Airport
Phoenix, Arizona
Categories: Airports & flights | Arizona | Dads | Default | Family ties | Guys | Kids | Lies | Offers and requests | Posted 2009-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Doesn't Roto-Rooter Make Those?
Girl to friends: I'm normal when I'm single, but it's like my vagina is a dick-powered crazy machine!
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Herdy
Categories: Arizona | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Penis | Relationships | Vagina | Posted 2009-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As I Told Grandma at Grandpa's Funeral
Girl: I hate being single.
Friend: You're not single, you're just alone.
Eastern Arizona College
Overheard by: Lura
Categories: Arizona | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Friends | Girls | Relationships | Words | Posted 2009-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're an Ass Whore?
20-something girl #1: I can so control when he gets off now.
20-something girl #2: How?
20-something girl #1: I just bend over and tell him that my ass is jealous.
20-something girl #2: Oh my god!
Sushi Bar
Tempe, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Ass | Bars & Clubs | Default | Getting off | Girls | Questions | Posted 2009-03-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
On the Plus Side, Now I Get to Take Part in This Cool Study in Tuskegee
Frat guy #1: Dude, what is wrong with you tonight? You were all fidgety in there!
Frat guy #2: Yeah... You remember that blonde chick? She gave me syphilis, man. It's itchy as fuck!
Arizona State University
Overheard by: Just pretend like you didn't hear that...
Categories: Arizona | Colleges & Universities | Default | Frat boy types | Guys | Questions | STDs | Sex | Posted 2009-02-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How to Gain Great Face in a Sushi Restaurant
Waiter: Does anyone have a green Firebird?
20-something lesbian: I do, why?
Waiter: It's on fire in the parking lot!
(20-something lesbian and girlfriend go outside and return ten minutes later)
Waitress: Is everything okay?
20-something lesbian, matter of factly: Yeah, my car just caught fire. Can we have another plate?
Girlfriend, unaffected: Also, she ordered tempura.
Sushi Garden
Tucson, Arizona
SVU: Tucson Failed to Catch on with Viewers
Crazy man to woman walking to her car: Sir! Sir! There is evidence here that there has been sexual activity in this area!
Woman: (silence)
Crazy man (under breath): Lazy pig.
Parking Garage
Tucson, Arizona
But I Like to Imagine They're Like Little Pinatas
Girl studying with her friend: I love how you never learn about what's inside a boob.
Friend: Yeah, that's a shame.
Library
Arizona College
Overheard by: lura
Categories: Arizona | Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Compliments | Default | Education | Friends | Girls | Posted 2009-01-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The New 90210 Characters Are Just As Douchey As the Originals
Man on cell: Behold, Beverly, my codpiece is enormous! Praise be to Jupiter!
Flagstaff, Arizona
Overheard by: Freezair
Next Time You Should Totally Come With Me!
Sorority girl on cell: I was so horny and swallowing back puke...it was like I was a freshman all over again.
Tuscon, Arizona
Overheard by: DoingTooMuch
Categories: Arizona | Default | Memory lane | On the phone | Sexuality | Sorority types | Posted 2008-12-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...to Consider, When Purchasing Tropical Fish.
Professor: Do I want to be intimate? That's the important thing.
Arizona State University
Overheard by: Mallory
Which Is How the Girl Scouts Get Away with It
Professor: Nobody thinks they're eating brains!
Arizona State University
Overheard by: Mallory
Categories: Arizona | Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Default | Food | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're the Most Boring Imaginary Friend Ever
Emo-poser teen girl: Does this make me look like I exist?
Teen guy (looking): No.
Pinnacle High School
Phoenix, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Clothing | Default | Girls | Guys | Philosophy | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teens | Posted 2008-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
His Parents Banked on the Inadequacies of American Sex Ed
Overweight mom with toddler: Then he found out he was a hermaphrodite, a boy cursed with the body of a woman. He grew up never knowing...never knowing a thing.
Overweight friend: Wouldn't ya know?
Seattle's Best Coffee
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: All You Can Eat
Categories: Arizona | Default | Fat people | Friends | Gender issues | Moms | Questions | Restaurants | Sexuality | Posted 2008-11-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And You Didn't Invite Me
Sweet old lady: Well, when we moved to Gilbert we started up a garden and thought we had volunteer tomato plants.
Sweet middle aged lady: Volunteer?
Sweet old lady: You know, they came up without us planting them. So I started watering them and giving them fertilizer, and they got pretty big. Then one day I was eating dinner and I saw a boy jump over our fence in the back, rip out one of the plants, and take off with it!
Sweet middle aged lady: He stole a tomato plant?
Sweet old lady: Well, there was a sheriff down the street a few days later, so I told him about it. He came over to look at them, and told me they were marijuana plants!
Sweet middle aged lady: They weren't tomatoes?
Sweet old lady: I thought they were, but whoever lived there before us must have planted marijuana in their yard, and when I started watering they sprung up again.
Sweet middle aged lady: That gives me a funny feeling, knowing your house had drug users in it.
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Mia
I Carry This Pacifier to Remind Me of the Good Times
Photography professor: Yeah, I did this whole series about raves when I was in Tucson... I even dyed my hair yellow and shaved a daisy into it because, you know, I was "submersing myself in the culture." But that was a long time ago. Now I'm a teacher. Go figure, huh?
Photography Class
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: Katie
When God Closes a Tomb, He Opens the Doors
Lunching law firm girl #1: Oh god, when it comes to my track record... Seriously, I've dated two vampires and a guy who thought he was Jim Morrison reincarnated.
Lunching law firm girl #2: That's ridiculous. (pause) My junior year high school English teacher was Jim Morrison reincarnated. God!
Quizno's
Tucson, Arizona
Categories: About celebrities | Arizona | Coworkers | Default | Education | Employees | Girls | Relationships | Restaurants | Weirdness | Posted 2008-10-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In the Back, with I.C. Weiner and Amanda Hugginkiss
Customer, bursting through door: Is there a gentleman here named "male libido?"
Bartender: Yep!
Prescott, Arizona
Overheard by: The Colinator
Categories: Arizona | Bars & Clubs | Bartenders | Customers | Default | Names | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2008-10-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kid's Got a Point
Two-year-old girl: Fuck that. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck!
Orthodontist
Gilbert, Arizona
Overheard by: KBizz
Warren Beatty Should Stop Having Work Done
Tall, skinny kid: He's...like...suspiciously Asian.
Tall skinny friend: That's what I thought too!
Arby's
Tempe, Arizona
None Of Your Five-Dollar-Footlong Parents for Us!
Lady to guy eating a sub: But both mine and his parents' are life-sized!
Sub Factory
Tempe, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Default | Family ties | Restaurants | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-10-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Stop Shimmying Up That Pole
Mom in bathroom stall: Okay Michael, come on, you have to pee.
Son: Mom, I don't wanna play games with you!
Mom: What is wrong with you? At least put your clothes back on if you're not going to pee!
Tempe, Arizona
Which Was the Thesis of My Last Biology Paper
Thug #1: Everybody calls that girl "Orangutan titties."
Thug #2: What? Why?
Thug #1: She's the one that flashed everybody back in freshman year at that one assembly, and her titties be all pointy and shit.
Thug #2: I remember that shit, that was pretty fuckin' funny.
Thug #3 (after a long pause): Man, orangutans are fuckin' weird.
Thug #1: Yeah, monkeys be fucked up.
MDN High School, Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: I saw this whole assembly thing, too.
Categories: Animals | Arizona | Compare and contrast | Default | Friends | Names | Nipples | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Thugs | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Heidi Met Seal
Female suit: Do you know how scary it is to have a black man fall on you in the middle of the night?!
Mesa, Arizona
'Cause Then I'd Be Playing Dungeons and Dragons with Myself
Teen comic book geek #1: It's a good thing you're not a figment of my imagination. That would just be awkward.
Teen comic book geek #2: Yeah, totally.
Bookman's
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: adult comic book geek
I'll Be in Smoking in the Bathroom for the Majority of the Flight
Southern stewardess: In case of a water landing occurring in between Tucson and Las Vegas... (pause) If you are traveling with a spouse or ex-wife be sure to put on your own oxygen mask first so that you have an excuse to leave them on their own.
(later)
Southern stewardess: There are six bathrooms on this Boeing 747, feel free to use any of them if you don't like my jokes. (pause) Oh, and if you have any questions don't ask me, I'm new here.
Flight 280
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: kat
Categories: Airports & flights | Arizona | Default | Family ties | Offers and requests | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2008-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Keeps Trying to Stage a Comeback, Though
Hobo #1: No matter how you look at it, a swastika is still a swastika.
Hobo #2: (nods in agreement)
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Adam
If I Don't, I'll Become a Grouch
Huge black guy to other (in fake British accent): Sir Oscar! Are you attempting to take a break?
LA Fitness
Tempe, Arizona
Relationships Have Been Built on Less
Skinny girl to prettier friend: You can't toss him a mercy fuck every time his father dies.
Arby's
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Gwen West
Categories: Advice | Arizona | Death & dying | Default | Girls | Restaurants | Sex | Posted 2008-08-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What a Great Piece of Ash
(at the woodcarving tent)
Pretentious old lady to others: Mike does amazing things with his wood. (pause) I just *love* his wood.
Art & Wine Festival
Cave Creeek, Arizona
Overheard by: J-Kap
Categories: Arizona | Default | Drinking & drunks | Euphemisms | Old folks | Posted 2008-08-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're on to You, Kathy Griffin
Exceedingly pale college guy: You can't trust redheads. They don't blink their eyes at the same time.
Exceedingly pale high school guy: (nods in understanding)
Arby's
Tempe, Arizona
And Take Your Side Ponytail With You
Drunk (just thrown out): I bet if had really big boobs you'd let me back in.
Cop working security for the club: No, actually we wouldn't.
Drunk: What, you don't like big boobs?
Cop: Not on dudes.
Drunk: Huh? No, I mean if I was a chick.
Cop: You'd make a really ugly chick.
Drunk: Huh?
Cop: Get the fuck out of here.
Nightclub
Scottsdale, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Bars & Clubs | Beauty | Cops | Default | Drunks | Gender issues | Rack | Posted 2008-08-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do They Make Clearasil for Penises?
Girl: Nick's dick reminds me of being fifteen.
Marquee Theatre
Phoenix, Arizona
Categories: Age and ageing | Arizona | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Penis | Posted 2008-08-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Scientologists Say It, It Must Be True
Hobo woman: So if you stand with one foot on Venus, and one on Mars, it is possible to move earth with a hockey stick.
Eriberto's
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: Drew
Guess What I've Done with the Butter Dispenser
Popcorn hater: Oh my god! You're going to walk out of there with a popcorn-bag fashioned diaper, aren't you?
Popcorn enthusiast: It's supportive and delicious!
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Meghan
Categories: Arizona | Creepsters | Default | Food | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Please Don't Put Me Under Your Love-Handles and Carry Me Home
Young boy: I'm so hungry! Mom, I'm so hungry I could eat you! I'm so hungry I could eat a fat girl!
Mother: Don't call people fat, that isn't nice.
Young boy: I didn't mean you.
Yavapai Regional Medical Center
Prescott, Arizona
Knows All the Homeopathic Crab Remedies
Middle-aged creepster: She was a slut in middle school, so she's my type of girl.
Gentle Bens Brewery
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: a middle school slut
Categories: Arizona | Bars & Clubs | Compliments | Creepsters | Default | Education | Guys | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Pretty Much the Short Bus of Hogwarts
Guy #1: Hey, cool! Harry Potter bookmarks! You think they have one for Hufflepuff?
Guy #2: Probably not.
Guy #1: Oh... Do you think it's because nobody cares?
Borders
Tucson, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Books | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Guys | Pop culture | Questions | Posted 2008-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So "Oreo Cook" Isn't a Racial Slur?
Girl: I'll have the chocolate peanut butter car crunch.
Cashier teenage boy: Ummmm... Yeah, the "car" actually stands for "caramel".
Gelato Spot
Scottsdale, Arizona
Overheard by: Fake Blonde
Try the Cap'n Cramps
Woman in cereal aisle: Where's the one that makes you poop?
Fry's
Tucson, Arizona
She Keeps a Cyanide One in Her Desk for Emergencies
Student: What are you eating?
Teacher: My bracelet... it's made of anti-depressants.
Tucson, Arizona
His Life Is a Rich Tapestry of Loud Bullshit
50-ish white lady: He's a Christian rapper, but during the day he sells insurance.
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Ashley
You're My Last White Boyfriend, I'll Tell You That
Angry guy to girlfriend at an art festival: How can you be allergic to a color?
Tempe, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Couples | Feelings | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Can Feel Their Effects for Thousands of Years
Freshman: Are Arby's sandwiches any good?
Junior: Arby's sandwiches are Jesus Christ!
Gilbert High School
Gilbert, Arizona
Categories: Advice | Arizona | Compare and contrast | Food | Jesus | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teens | Posted 2008-04-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not Unless There's a Rocket in There
Teacher: Come, take a journey with me into *David's pockets.
MDN High School
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Jamie
Categories: Arizona | Clothes | Education | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Posted 2008-04-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If They've Been Naughty, Santa Brings Them Small Penises.
Female college student: Do boys still really have cooties at thirteen?
Male college student: Nope. That's when they get penises.
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Meghan
Categories: Age and ageing | Arizona | Compare and contrast | Default | Friends | Gender issues | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Penis | Sexuality | Students | Yeahhh, college! | Posted 2008-04-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like I Really Need to Have Better Litercism?
Tween boy #1, carrying skateboard: So, I got cleaning detail at school tomorrow.
Tween boy #2: That doesn't sound like something I'd want to do.
Tween boy #1: No, man, it's awesome! You get out of literacy class!
Tucson, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Compliments | Default | Education | Tweens | Posted 2008-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A.K.A. Sunburned Cock
Meathead: Those guys are steroid monkeys.
Girl: Oh... So, you don't do steroids?
Meathead: No, girl, I eat grilled chicken.
1400 East 6th Street
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: dana
And I've Been Drinking the Water That Smells Like Antifreeze
Dude: Oooh, they're so warm. I like to put it to my ear after they get out.
Chick: Yeah... It smells like carrots.
Dude, scoffing: I don't know what kind of carrots you've been eating!
Chick: The kind that smell like paper.
1401 University Boulevard
Tucson, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Girls | Guys | Posted 2008-03-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So I'll Stay with Him Until I'm Skinny Enough to Do Better
Skinny sorostitute: Every time I see him he just makes me want to throw up.
Arizona State University
Arizona
Overheard by: Lindsay
Categories: Arizona | Colleges & Universities | Default | Gripes | Health & Hygiene | Skinny people | Sorority types | Posted 2008-03-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Next on Mythbusters
Guy: So, I tore my ACL.
Over-enthusiastic friend: Tell 'em how you did it!
Guy: Masturbating!
University of Arizona
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Victoria
Categories: Arizona | Body parts | Default | Friends | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Masturbation | Posted 2008-02-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Latency Period, My Ass!
Four-year-old boy: So, girls have 'ginas, and boys have penises?
Mom: Um, yes, hon.
Four-year-old boy: You have a 'gina?
Mom: Yes, honey. Shhh.
Four-year-old boy: Girls at school have 'ginas? Teachers have 'ginas?
Mom: Yes, honey. Now shush.
Four-year-old boy, contemplating: I always wanted to see one of those.
Phoenix, Arizona
I'd Do Almost Anything for Dick
Teen girl: Hmmm. Nixon. I'd strip for Richard Nixon.
High school football game
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: At least our children know their American history.
I Juxta Barely Got My GED, So Don't Ask Me
Rich girl #1: This one's 'the juxtapositioned couple'? What's juxtapositioned?
Rich girl #2: I don't know... Like, without their skin?
Phoenix, Arizona
But We Are on a Budget, So You'll Have to Share Needles
Dad to table full of preteens: If everyone's good, they can get one tattoo and one piercing.
Pei Wei, 7th Avenue
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: Ken
Pink Is Pretty Gay, Though -- Why Chance It?
Frat boy #1: What is pink eye, anyway?
Frat boy #2: I dunno.
Frat boy #1: Well, I don't see how it can be that contagious.
Palm Walk, Arizona State University
Arizona
Overheard by: oh, trust me...
Categories: Arizona | Frat boy types | Health & Hygiene | Posted 2008-01-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Portrait of the Purell Addict As a Young Boy
Little boy at hand-drying machine: Dad, aren't you going to smell my hands so you know they're clean?
Dad: No, it's okay. Let's go.
Little boy, getting angry: Smell them. Smell them! Smell them!
Restroom, Scottsdale Fashion Square
Scottsdale, Arizona
Overheard by: mine were clean
Categories: Arizona | Health & Hygiene | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What the Native Americans Said, and What Was Their Fate?
Italian exchange student: Why do you celebrate Thanksgiving in America?
Teacher: Because of the pilgrims! Anyone want to explain?
Student: The pilgrims can suck it!
Marcos de Niza High School
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: J.
Dude, We're in Fucking Arizona
Dude #1: Hey, man, you okay?
Dude #2: Yeah, I was just in that... hot... shit... What's that called?
Dude #1: The sauna?
Dude #2: Yeah. That shit is hot, man.
Rec center
Gilbert, Arizona
Because I Plan to Smile the Whole Fucking Way Home
Husband: Do you want any strawberries?
Wife: No.
Husband: Do you want any pears?
Wife: No.
Husband: Do you want any peaches?
Wife: No [walks away].
Husband, to clerk: I'll take some strawberries, pears, and peaches.
Payson, Arizona
That Was the Extra Credit on Your Math Test?
Hyper girl: Hey, I'm just really happy that I could identify Joe Pesci's forehead!
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Mevans
Categories: About celebrities | Arizona | Chicks | Posted 2007-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In My Hummer
Bartender: I can't believe she rides her bike to work.
Waitress: Well, she lives just around the corner.
Bartender: I don't care. If I lived in the parking lot, I would still drive to work.
Phoenix, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Bartenders | Philosophy | Posted 2007-11-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Remember Those Manners We Talked About? Use 'Em!
Mom to little kid: Shhh! She can't help it if she's fat!
Wal-Mart
Tucson, Arizona
And No Zippers!
Little boy looking at swim trunks: I can't get one with a small hole because my penis gets stuck!
Target
Tempe, Arizona
Like a Scat Burglar?
Boy: Dad, why do toilets flush?
Dad, irritated: I don't know.
Boy: I think it is so no one can steal the poop.
Bathroom
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: Pooper Snooper
But If You'd Like to Come See Me about Fellatio, I'm Wide Open
Student, discussing paper topics: I'd kind of like to do prostitution... Is that too easy?
Professor: Why not? Prostitution is fun! Everybody likes doing prostitution.
Arizona State University
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Auntie Maim
So I Just Bought All Those Staples for Nothing?
Bimbette: Sex makes everything so complicated. Seriously, I'm going back to being a virgin.
Friend: Honey, you're never going to be a virgin again. It's impossible.
Bimbette: What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!
Tucson, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Bimbettes | Philosophy | Posted 2007-10-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Does "Chicken Salad Toss" Mean What I Think It Means?
Hotel guest exiting meeting: You know, in a case like this I would typically use the phrase, 'I wouldn't trust it as far as I could throw it,' but I could throw that chicken pretty far.
The Phoenician Resort
Scottsdale, Arizona
Overheard by: Accurate...
But You Shouldn't Talk That Way about Mom
Dad: When I came in it smelled really great, but it actually tasted really disgusting.
Daughter: Same with poop.
Arizona
Perfect for Showcasing Your Upper-Arm Bruises
Little girl: What do you think, Mommy?
Overenthusiastic mom: That's a cute little wife beater!
Target
Fayetteville, Arizona
Overheard by: D00M5D4YCH1CK3N
They Prefer to Be Called Elephant-Americans
Black guy on cell: Man, I just stepped outside and saw, like, ten elephants walking down the street!
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: John Edward Hills
Categories: Animals | Arizona | Black people | Posted 2007-10-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If It's Looking Milky, We Need to Talk
Chick: My vagina is a galaxy.
University of Arizona
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: star
Now You Can Watch Videos While It Drops Your Calls
Chick: So, what's so special about this phone other than making millions of people shit their pants simultaneously?
Guy: It hasn't got any buttons, or some-such. It can tell who you want to call by reading your mind. Also, it smells like flowers and tastes like bacon. Which is handy, since it can regrow its own skin. And fly.
Chick: Well, I'll be.
Scottsdale, Arizona
Overheard by: I did NOT shit my pants.
Categories: Arizona | Cell phones | Friends | Posted 2007-10-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Miss Our Platonic Sodomy
Pretty boy: Andy! I thought you not-gay-loved me!
Chandler, Arizona
Overheard by: Meghan
Categories: Arizona | Guys | Relationships | Posted 2007-10-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jesus: The One Guy Whose Shit Didn't Stink
High chick spotting dirty hippie: Oooh! He's cute!
Drunk chick: No, he's dirty!
High chick: He looks like Jesus!
Sober chick: He might look like Jesus, but he smells like shit!
Arizona
Overheard by: Designated Driver
They Can Sense Deities and Terminators
Daughter: What's the dog barking at?
Mother: Jesus.
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: smellmyknee
Wait, No, She's Just Really Tan! Oh My God!
Passerby: Oh my god! Look at that woman's outfi-- Oh, never mind. She's ethnic, it's okay.
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Rasputin
I Draw the Line at Branding, Though
Stoner chick on cell: Yeah, he's just gonna want to get high and do stuff to my ass.
Wendy's
Scottsdale, Arizona
Overheard by: Jon
The Rehabilitation Began with Starship Troopers
Boy watching Indiana Jones: Why are the Nazis always the bad guys?
Thug: Who are they supposed to be?
Flowing Wells High School
Tucson, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | History | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Should have used a condom | Thugs | Posted 2007-05-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
