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The Sad Thing Is, Not Everyone Thinks You're Crazy.
Attractive teenage girl on cell, visibly upset: Man, not even my therapist understands my concerns that I'm not emotionally ready for Harry Potter to end. It's all just very sad and everyone thinks I'm crazy. Goddamn.
Alabama
Categories: Alabama | Character | Feelings | Girls | Pop culture | Posted 2011-08-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Mean, Like, Jersey Shore?
Marine with no game to clearly uninterested sales clerk: And we marines say "semper fi" to each other, do you know what that means?
Sales girl: Yeah, it...
Marine, interrupting: It means "always faithful." It's like Russian or some shit... No. Maybe Italian... Yeah, it's Italian.
Mall
Birmingham, Alabama
You Said You Loved My Steak Fry With the Skin on
Guy: Man, there's too much ketchup on my plate, it looks like my fries committed suicide.
Girl: I often think about that before I stick you in my mouth, too.
Guy: Fuck off , Andrea.
Northern Alabama
Last Time I Tried That, I Ended Up at the E.R.
Man gassing up his pickup truck to screaming woman inside: Goddammit, Delores, I cannot unfuck that woman!
Gas Station, Alabama
So Many Rules, Though
Girl #1: Me and my boyfriend play this game called jeep, and it's when you see a jeep you say "jeep," and I will win.
Girl #2: That sounds like fun!
Birmingham, Alabama
Overheard by: No I will
Divorce the Second Woman and Marry the First, Guys
Woman #1: I love the smell of rain.
Woman #2: The only thing I smell is elephant shit.
Alabama State Fair
Overheard by: Wendy and Joe
Categories: Alabama | Animals | Poop | Sensory experiences | Women | Posted 2010-09-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Aww, That's Cold.
Obese teenager to mom: I wish I had an ice cream maker built into my steering wheel.
Mother: Stop.
Mobile, Alabama
Categories: Alabama | Diet & weight | Fat people | Food | Moms | Parenting | Teens | Wishes | Posted 2010-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stay Away from Drugs, Kids!
Teen ordering at Subway: Yeah, I want mustard.
Teen friend: No way. Mustard?
Teen ordering: I like mustard.
Teen friend: Omigod, I'm telling Paul* and he's never gonna talk to you again.
Teen ordering: What? Omigod! No, don't!
Teen friend, pulling out phone and dialing: Too late.
Teen ordering, almost crying: I like Paul*!
Teen friend, answering phone: Hello? Paulie! Natasha* loves mustard. (pause) Oh. Never mind, Paul* likes mustard.
Cashier: Um, are you two drunk?
Teen ordering, wide-eyed: Do you like mustard?
Subway
Alabama
Overheard by: they were drunk.
One Downmanship Is Fun!
Woman #1: Sorry I'm late, I had bad anxiety.
Woman #2: I have bad allergies and a hangover.
Woman #1: Well, I'm pregnant.
Woman #3, looking up suddenly: What!?
Woman #1: Top that!
Barnes & Noble
Birmingham, Alabama
Ignorance + Ignorance = Ignorance
Girl: So I hear that all Puerto Rican women are like models.
Guy: What?
Girl: Like they're all really hot and stuff.
Guy: I'm sure some are...
Girl: Yeah, they are, and they wear like thongs and stuff for underwear too.
Guy: I always heard Puerto Rican women were fat.
Girl: No, that's Hawaiian women.
Guy: Oh.
Lecture Hall
University of Alabama at Birmingham
Categories: Alabama | Beauty | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Girls | Guys | Stupidity | Posted 2010-05-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Seem to Have No Friends, Only Interests
European history professor, discussing WWI: And of course, with Germany's resumption of unrestricted submarine warfare, the United States had its reasons to join the war against Germany.
World-weary student: Not to mention all the loans American bankers needed England and France to win to pay back.
Professor: Some of you are too cynical for your own good.
Montevallo, Alabama
It Really Doesn't Age Well
Guy to another: Don't shake my hand, dude, it's still got pussy on it!
Men's Bathroom
Bar, Alabama
Overheard by: So glad I don't live here anymore
Um, Why Are They Playing Naked Leapfrog?
Professor, showing slide: And here we have another example of a seal or stamp, with a procession of men along the bottom. However, they could be aliens. (pause) Anyways...
Art History Class
University of Alabama
Overheard by: Bennett
Categories: Alabama | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-02-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Does Whatever the Easter Bunny Tells Her
Customer, looking at strange photograph: Wow, that baby sure does have a lot of hair!
Cashier: I told my wife not to put a wig on that baby, but she just wouldn't listen.
Birmingham, Alabama
It Also Slices, Dices, and Makes Julienne Fries
Shopper: I don't think I would trust a pregnancy test from a dollar store.
Cashier: Oh, it works. Trust me.
Montgomery, Alabama
Overheard by: not pregnant
Well, Did You Give Them Prozac?
Guy: My mountains aren't blue anymore. I want a refund.
Tuscaloosa, Alabama
Overheard by: Mary
Which Was Also Wrong, But Seemed So Right at the Time
Girl, about test: Um, I got number 34 right and it's marked wrong!
Rest of class: Yeah.
Professor: I know. I already gave you all credit. Just ignore that, it must be some leftover meth use from my college years.
Auburn, Alabama
Ooo, Now Tell Me the Plot Of Unbreakable!
Teenager #1: Wanna rent Untraceable?
Teenager #2: Oh, that's like that movie where they can't trace him.
Vestavia Hills, Alabama
Overheard by: Keith
But I Can Always Use an Extra Set Of Eyes
Teen girl #1, drawing faces on napkins with sharpies: Look! I named this one Mr Toastpuff!
Teen girl #2: Wonderful.
Teen girl #1: He's my best friend!
Teen girl #2: You replaced me with a napkin?
Teen girl #1: Well, you replaced me with a potato!
Teen girl #2: True...
Birmingham, Alabama
Well, As Long As You've Thought This Through.
Woman #1: So you're going to name your son Jesus?
Woman #2: Why not? People name their kids "Messiah," and it means the same damn thing.
Alabama
Overheard by: Matthew Roberts
Why Yeast Infections Exist: A Short Story.
Girl #1: Do you think I could wash my clothes with fabric softener? I don't have any detergent.
Girl #2: That should probably work.
(30 minutes later)
Girl #2: So, did it work?
Girl #1: Yeah... I think... they don't smell anymore, at least. Good enough, right?
Laundry Room, University of Alabama
Birmingham, Alabama
Overheard by: I don't think it is
Categories: Advice | Alabama | Cleanliness | Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Girls | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-12-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Rappers Take SAT Prep Courses
Crazy lady to college kids making fun of her: You got finesse, use it! Don't you be so nonchalant.
Krystal
Birmingham, Alabama
In Alabama It's Kind Of Hard to Tell
Older woman #1: I really need to get my flu shot this week.
Older woman #2: I got mine last week.
Older woman #3: Ya'll better watch out getting those flu shots, haven't you heard that vaccines cause autism?
Birmingham, Alabama
Categories: Advice | Alabama | Health & Hygiene | Maladies | Mental illnesses | Old folks | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2009-11-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Adam Sandler's Comedy Hasn't Evolved Much
Lady talking to friend: My little boy just loves balls. All I hear is balls,balls, balls...
Wal-Mart
Anniston, Alabama
Overheard by: Tyler
He Hangs Around Outside Weight Watchers Meetings, Just Waiting
Girl #1, reading aloud from a magazine: Did you know there are only 13 blimps in the entire world?
Girl #2: What's a blimp?
Girl #1: I don't know, but Liam wants to be killed by one.
Birmingham, Alabama
Mind If I Feed Her This Pot Brownie?
Sorostitute: Oh my god! Your baby is so cute! How old is she?
Single mom: One.
Sorostitute: Oh my god. She is so precious! I love children, I keep the nursery in church and I used to babysit, like, all the time. Do you think I could...
Single mom: No.
Sorostitute: Hold her?
Single mom: No.
University of Alabama
Categories: Age and ageing | Alabama | Beauty | Biotechs | Colleges & Universities | Compliments | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Parenting | Questions | Sorority types | Posted 2009-09-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Won't Know 'til We Take the Bar Exam
Law student: The professor was late the first day because he couldn't find his keys until he realized they were in the ignition of his car, and then he came in and sat cross-legged on the desk and talked about Woodstock. So it could be worse, I suppose.
University of Alabama
Tuscaloosa, Alabama
Overheard by: Jennifer
Categories: Alabama | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Music | Students | Stupidity | Posted 2009-09-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is This Any More Stupid Than the Political Interpretation? Discuss.
Teenage girl #1, explaining Shakespeare to friend: So, basically, Romeo is, like, a man whore. As soon as he knows some chick won't have sex with him he gets all pissy and emo and goes after someone else.
Teenage girl #2: So, like, he just wants to make babies? Man, I always thought it was more romantic!
Teenage girl #1: Nope. He just wants to hop into bed with whoever's available.
Birmingham, Alabama
With Sex, You Either Have a Good Time or a Good Story to Tell
Teenage girl: Yeah, he just couldn't orgasm! I spent like three hours on that shit, and after about an hour I was so thirsty I wanted to say "hold up, I'm gonna go get a big gulp." (friend bursts into laughter)
Birmingham, Alabama
Lindsay Lohan's Bedside Table?
Lady, looking bewildered at companion: Well, where would you be if you were a sex book?
Bookstore
Birmingham, Alabama
Overheard by: Knows exactly where he would be
Fine-- Pop Quiz, Bitches!
German instructor: Today is a bad day to ask me questions.
Several students at once: What's the meaning of life?
Montevallo, Alabama
Or "Dy-no-miiiiite"?
Kooky English professor, leading discussion: Now, what if the raven had said "chicken soup"?
Birmingham-Southern College
Birmingham, Alabama
Overheard by: lenore
Your Editors Are Unaccountably Aroused
Girl in restroom #1: I just found an eyelash in my bellybutton!
Girl in restroom #2: Is it yours?
Girl in restroom #1: Yeah...I think.
Auburn University Student Union
Auburn, Alabama
Categories: Alabama | Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Questions | Restroom | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2009-05-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Not Gay If It's About Video Games
10-year-old boy to GameStop guy, after purchasing Mario Galaxy: Bye, I love you! I mean...wait. I meant "thank you." I didn't mean it! (runs away)
GameStop
Vestavia Hills, Alabama
Overheard by: that's what they all say
That's When I Realized I Was Hog-Tied.
Redneck: So then I woke up, and she was hitting me in the head because I passed out and she couldn't wake me up, even though she pulled my eyelids back and everything. So then I was like "Why are you so mad when we just went to the best rodeo of our life?"
Auburn, Alabama
Categories: Alabama | Body parts | Default | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Rednecks | Posted 2009-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Seriously, Just Kill Us Now
Pre-cal teacher to apathetic senior students: Now we're getting into the fun stuff--exponential growth of fruit flies!
Prattville, Alabama
Overheard by: Lindsey
To the Maximum Extent Practicable
20-something to friend: How much next are you?
Wal-Mart
Tuscaloosa, Alabama
His Parents Say That About Any Place That's Not Alabama
3rd grade girl, about essay: I am writing about taking a vacation to heaven!
Teacher: Okay, but why don't you pick a place you can actually go on vacation? You can't really just visit heaven.
3rd grade boy: Yes you can! I went to heaven once to visit my aunt!
Auburn, Alabama
Now We Both Feel Sick, Sir
American Government professor: And our second candidate for class president was born to a military family in 1990, which almost makes me sick to my stomach when I think about what I was doing in 1990. See, you could be my baby!
Auburn University
Auburn, Alabama
Categories: Alabama | Colleges & Universities | Default | Family ties | History | Politics | Stomach | Teachers | Posted 2009-03-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wouldn't the Dragon Own You?
Girl on bus: I've always wanted to ride a motorcycle.
Guy on bus: Yeah, I don't have one but I'm pretty good at driving them.
Girl: Oh, I don't want to own one, just ride one.
Guy: Yeah, that's how I feel about dragons.
Auburn, Alabama
They're a Bit Behind the Curve
Girl shouting across room to guy at soda fountain: Hey Doug*! Hey, Doug! Come over there, they want to hear your song about buttsex!
Montevallo, Alabama
Colonel Sanders Was Mad Pimpin' in His Heyday
Girl #1: So how much older is this guy exactly?
Girl #2: Only like 9 years. He's 37. But I mean, I really like him, and he has chickens.
Auburn, Alabama
Wait'll We Hit Corporate America
Jock #1: I felt like such a whore today.
Jock #2: I can imagine.
Montevallo, Alabama
Aristotle's Really More Of an American Eagle Dude
Girl #1, leaving the mall: Go to Aero... Ari... Aristotle.
Girl #2: Aristotle is not the same thing as Aeropostale.
Girl #1: Then where did I...?
Girl #2 (interrupting): History. You learned about Aristotle in history.
Tuscaloosa, Alabama
Overheard by: Ashley
It May Be the First Test I Pass This Semester!
Girl: Where you going?
Guy: I am gonna go get tested for AIDS!
Girl: What?
Guy: You know, HIV! It's free!
Auburn University
Auburn, Alabama
Thanks, Airfone!
Girl to friend: So on the way here, I joined the mile high club...by myself!
Auburn University
Auburn, Alabama
Categories: Alabama | Colleges & Universities | Default | Euphemisms | Girls | Names | Public Transportation | Sex | Words | Posted 2009-01-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well That's Harsh.
Girl on cell: Until you are whatever about whatever, then I am all just whatever!
Birmingham, Alabama
A Happy Outcome Of the War on Pubic Hair
Guy exiting art class to female friend: I sleep through that whole class. It's all I can do.
Girl: What about when she asks attendance questions?
Guy: Well, I wake up for that part. It's just... God, I hate her! She's always talking about vaginas! And I'm just like, "Hello! I know what a vagina looks like!"
Auburn University
Auburn, Alabama
Americans Are So Cute
Whiny five-year-old: Mama! I'm soooo hungry!
Frustrated mom: Well, I don't care! And do you know why? Nobody ever died from hunger!
Tuscaloosa, Alabama
Besides, Your Rendition of "Gettin' Juggy With It" Was Not an Appropriate Oral Report
Sociology professor: It takes a sociologist to take the fun out of jugs--but it's a living.
University of Montevallo
Montevallo, Alabama
Categories: Alabama | Colleges & Universities | Default | Jobs & Careers | Nipples | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gin and Sour Defeat, in Particular
Hungover guy #1: Dude, you smell like alcohol!
Hungover guy #2: Bro, I feel like alcohol.
Elmore, Alabama
Categories: Alabama | Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Feelings | Guys | Sensory experiences | Words | Posted 2008-12-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Animal from The Muppets Was a Poor Student Indeed
Professor: I want you to think of your education like bread.
Student in back of room: It's delicious!
Auburn University
Auburn, Alabama
Overheard by: War Damn Eagle
Categories: Alabama | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Education | Food | Offers and requests | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-12-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ah, the Great American Pastime
Young man: Female curling is awesome to watch with your eyes closed.
Hoover, Alabama
Overheard by: tony jones
Categories: Alabama | Default | Feelings | Gender issues | Guys | Sensory experiences | Posted 2008-12-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Editors Just Threw Up
Soccer mom #1: I heard once that the reason animals don't live as long as humans is because they come into the world knowing how to love, and we have to learn.
Soccer mom #2: That is so true.
Lee County Humane Society
Auburn, Alabama
Overheard by: Gee
Categories: Age and ageing | Alabama | Animals | Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Default | Feelings | Moms | Posted 2008-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
From Daisy's Adventures in Mathmagic Land
Professor: There are only going to be 28 questions on this test.
Blonde girl: So, how many points is each question going to be worth?
Professor: Each question will be worth one point.
Blonde girl: Out of how many?
Auburn University
Auburn, Alabama
Their Births Were Heralded by a New Star
Man to date: Kim Jong-il is one. Your stepfather is another.
Birmingham, Alabama
Overheard by: Joy
Categories: Alabama | Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Guys | Names | Posted 2008-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some of Which Also Wound Up on Her Thigh
Frat boy #1: ... And it just came out on her thigh. He didn't even get it in. Just wound up on her thigh.
Frat boy #2, mumbling: Dude! I hate when that happens.
Frat boy #1: What?!
Frat boy #2: I said I ate some chicken.
University of Alabama, Alabama
Overheard by: CB
Categories: Alabama | Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Cum | Feelings | Food | Frat boy types | Posted 2008-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Want the Human Race to Pack This Planet Like a Sausage
English professor: Just think of all the eggs that are wasted every time a woman doesn't get pregnant... That's what I do.
Montevallo, Alabama
Categories: Alabama | Cum | Default | Education | Euphemisms | Pregnancy | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Posted 2008-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or When Tyra Had the Realness of Her Breasts Verified
Girl #1: Tyra will never be as good as Oprah. The Tyra show just doesn't have the credibility that the Oprah show has.
Girl #2: Well, Tyra does serious shows sometimes; like when Hilary Duff is on.
Auburn University
Auburn, Alabama
Categories: About celebrities | Alabama | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Feelings | Girls | TV shows | Posted 2008-05-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Bright, White Light, on the Other Hand...
Gamer dude: ... and the game comes with like, real guns.
Wannabe goth chick: They're actual guns?
Gamer dude: Well like, real models. And it comes with this mirror that lets you see yourself and like, shows what you look like if you get shot in the face.
Wannabe goth chick: That's nice. That's not something you would normally get to see if you got shot in the face.
UAB
Birmingham, Alabama
Overheard by: Kitty-Jack
Categories: Alabama | Chicks | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Death & dying | Games | Goths | Guys | Violence | Posted 2008-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then Wouldn't "Tight Asshole" Be Kinder?
Girl: So then I was about to call him a giant asshole, but I figured he'd take it as a compliment...
Guy: I get it! It's because he's gay!
University of Alabama
Alabama
Categories: Alabama | Assholes | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Girls | Guys | Insults | Sexuality | Words | Posted 2008-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But the Make-a-Wish People Laughed at Me
Drunk guy to two girls: No, really! My ultimate fantasy is to have sex with a ridiculously hot girl while you two are on the futon eating cheetos!
Aburn University
Auburn, Alabama
And I Still Don't Think "Bloody Mary" Had Anything to Do with Aunt Flo
Guy: The professor talked about the uterus for 20 minutes. Who talks about the uterus in a history class?
Stone Center, Jacksonville State University
Jacksonville, Alabama
Remember What the Judge Said!
Six-year-old boy playing in shipping carton: You can't mail me! I'm your son!
Deatsville, Alabama
Overheard by: Don't Tempt Me
Categories: Alabama | Family ties | Kids | Posted 2008-02-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unless You're Willing to Back It Up with a Spanking
Professor on first day of class: Hi, my name is Jerry Anderson*. You can call me Jerry, you can call me Anderson... You might want to call me Bastard Ass-fucker, but I'd prefer if you kept that to yourself.
University of Alabama
Tuscaloosa, Alabama
And I'd Stay Away from Nestle's, Too
Little girl reaches towards a sheep as it poops.
Little boy: Nooo! Stop! Don't touch those raisinets! You can't eat a sheep's raisinets!
Birmingham Zoo
Alabama
Sleepy's Always Been the Most Mysterious of the Dwarves
Girl #1: So... He's gay?
Girl #2: Well, I'm not sure if he's gay so much as he just, like, sleeps with anything that moves.
Auburn University
Auburn, Alabama
Also Known As "Wind"
Grad student #1: That waiter is wearing a toupée!
Grad student #2: No, he isn't!
Grad student #1: Yes, he is! Some people have gay-dar -- I have toupée-dar!
5 Points South
Birmingham, Alabama
Overheard by: Eric
You Know What to Do
40-year-old virgin #1: Did I tell you I beat Mortal Kombat?
40-year-old virgin #2: Uh-uh.
40-year-old virgin #1: Well, I did, and now my life has no meaning.
Birmingham, Alabama
Categories: Alabama | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Games | Posted 2007-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Better to... Ah, Fuck It.
Black guy kissing his girlfriend, looking into her eyes: Mmm... Your vagina's so juicy.
Leaning on a school bus
Alabama
Overheard by: Joe
That's Too Bad, He Was Such a Great Guy
Jock: Wait... Are you talking about Kim? I thought she was dating that guy.
Bimbette: Oh, you mean Fuck-face?
Jock: Yeah.
Bimbette: No, that's over.
Auburn University
Auburn, Alabama
After a Nasty Court Battle, She Got the Egg Back
Crazy English professor: Now, Herrick -- his poems are like eggs... I used to have an ostrich egg... I knew the ostrich, too... Not that it makes any difference.
Birmingham-Southern College
Birmingham, Alabama
Overheard by: poetrywhat?
Categories: Alabama | Animals | Colleges & Universities | Teachers | Posted 2007-06-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Old Good Cock/Bad Cock Routine
Chatty lady: So, did I tell you I was getting married?
Man: That's great. I'm happy for you.
Chatty lady: Yeah, I'm having a hard time giving up my old boyfriend, though. He really understands the way I like to be dominated in bed. The sex is just sooo good, I'm not sure I can stop seeing him.
Man: Uhhh, yeah, I guess I can understand that.
Chatty lady: Yeah, I guess I'm just in a monogamous relationship with two men.
Birmingham, Alabama
Which in Turn Depends on Whether You Speak English or Not
Sororitard to business classmates: Well, I guess it depends whether you consider a dog a person or not...
Alabama
Overheard by: liz
Categories: Alabama | Philosophy | Sorority types | Posted 2007-04-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
