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A Damsel in Distress Can Count on a Guy Peeing on Her
Teen girl #1: I wish a jellyfish would sting me so some handsome guy would run along the beach, whip out his dick and pee on me.
Teen girl #2: What?
Teen girl #1: To neutralize the sting, dumbass.
Teen girl #2: I know that. But still: what?
Carleton University
Ottawa
Canadia
The Cherry Poppin' Daddies Are on Tour Again
Teacher, on first day of school: So, did anything particularly exciting happen during your vacation?
Loud teenage girl at back of room: I lost my virginity... three times!
Edmonton
Alberta
Canadia
Earlier Today?
Teenage boy: Hey, James, don't you remember when you stuck Smarties down your shirt and rubbed them on your nipples?
On the Bus
Canadia
Overheard by: Kels
But I'm Sure You'll Locate Your Suitcase-- Bwahaha!
Passenger trying to find lost baggage: Excuse me! Do you work for United?
Airline steward: No! Oh no! Thank god!
P.E. Trudeau Airport
Montreal
Canadia
Categories: Airports & flights | Canadia | Clients | Flight attendants | Jobs & Careers | Public Transportation | Questions | Posted 2009-09-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's an Old Version Of My Medical History
Guy: I do not have seven sets of penises!
Calgary
Alberta
Canadia
U.S. Citizens Will Either Not Understand This or Be Hurt by It
Gay guy to another: Yeah, cuz there's nothing like listening to Americans talk about their feelings to let you know what's really going on in the world.
Starbucks
Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Canadia | Feelings | Queers | Stupidity | Posted 2009-09-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Get Your Velma Over Here and Let's Party.
Man on cell, about his genitals: Yeah, it's shaped up like a 'fro on a Scooby Doo Chia Pet.
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Balls | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Guys | Hair | On the phone | TV shows | Toys | Posted 2009-09-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But You're Drunk Now, Amber.
Girl #1: So, yeah, when the cops like think you're kinda drunk or something, they'll get you to do the ABCs.
Girl #2: What? I can't even do that when I'm sober! I'll try now. A, b, c, d, e, f... then j, maybe?
High School Gym Class
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Myr Myr
Categories: Canadia | Crimes | Drinking & drunks | Girls | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Stupidity | Posted 2009-09-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Explains the Sweatpants
Drunk girl to guy she just met: I'm not having sex with you!
Drunk guy: That's okay, I'm on my period.
Montreal
Quebec
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Health & Hygiene | Sex | Sexuality | Posted 2009-09-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Today, Young Tommy, You Are a Man.
Panicked child, between gasps: Why... do I... keep... burping?
Vancouver
Canadia
Categories: Burping & farting | Canadia | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Questions | Posted 2009-09-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All He Knows Is "The Girl with the Binoculars"
Eleven-year-old girl to friends: I know him but he doesn't know me.
The Drive
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Fred
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Friends | Kids | Relationships | Posted 2009-09-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The One in Your Office Is for You to Explain
Guy in hallway on cell, in Arabic: Next time, tell her it was my riding crop in your bedroom.
Halifax
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Guys | Kink | On the phone | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mating Season Can Be Brutal in Canadia
Girl: This entire city smells like vagina.
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Girls | Sensory experiences | Vagina | Posted 2009-09-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, Yes, and by 'Yes' I Mean 'No.'
Girl: If Mary was a virgin, wouldn't Jesus have had to kick through the placenta to be born?
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Can't stop thinking about that now at Christmas
Plus I Took a Cab
Skinny chick with cigarette on bike to friend she just met up with: Hey! Guess how I got here so fast?
Friend: How?
Skinny chick, enthusiastically: I drink a tonic of strychnine and brandy! Every day!
Mt. Pleasant
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Lance Wriststrong
Categories: Canadia | Chicks | Drinking & drunks | Friends | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Skinny people | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Dear Watson, I Believe We've Found Our Culprit.
Private junior high school boy #1: Oh my god, so the other day someone hacked onto my Facebook account and changed everything to gay. My activities were gay, my favorite movies were gay, I was even interested in men!
Private junior high school boy #2, without irony: Dude, that's so gay.
Toronto
Canadia
Further Evidence That Some Wood Is Wiser Than Others
Teacher, handing out candy to class: They're really sweet.
Student #1: And they make the roof of your mouth bleed.
Student #2: That's the best part.
High School
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Candy | Gifts | Health & Hygiene | Mouth | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sensory experiences | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-09-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Prelude to This Season's Greatest Love Story
Hobo sitting on sidewalk: Hey, can you spare some change?
Student: Sorry, man. I'm as broke as you right now.
Hobo: Grab a seat.
Guelph
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Hobos | Money | Offers and requests | Panhandling | Students | Posted 2009-09-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Really Need Better Facebook Pictures
Girl: Can you poke the Mars Bars?
Guy: They don't feel white.
Girl: Do they feel brown?
Guy: Yep, they feel brown.
Calgary
Alberta
Canadia
Like Everyone in That Detrol Commercial
Guy, suddenly getting up from table: Gotta go!
Girl #1: Where's he going?
Girl #2: Maybe he's Superman.
Wilfrid Laurier University
Waterloo, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: mookie
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Girls | Guys | Pop culture | Questions | Posted 2009-08-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, Willingly?
Chick to makeup artist: I want you to make me look like someone who just lost their virginity.
MAC Store
Toronto
Canadia
Oh, You'll Just Look for Any Excuse to Wear Tights
30-something guy : Growing up sucks. If I knew it was going to be like this I would have put on some tights and run away to fucking Neverland.
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Age and ageing | Canadia | Gripes | Guys | Posted 2009-08-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...By Mixing Glue With Sawdust
Ten-year-old girl walking on cut down tree: Oh, I bet this is what they make wood out of!
Cambridge
Ontario
Canadia
Isn't Canadia Where TV Shows Go After Death?
Fab teenage girl with huge pink sunglasses: I fucking loved Sue Thomas: F.B.Eye! I have no fucking idea why they canceled it!
Teenage boy dressed in all black, munching cookie: Me neither. That was show was kickass.
Fab teenage girl: Probably 'cuz all the old people were like, "this show's really fucking gay." But I think that that one guy was really hot. Stupid fucking old people.
Ottawa
Ontario
Canadia
The "Physics Fiesta" Failed to Draw the Crowds They'd Anticipated
Alpha nerd to friends: We should kidnap more people for parties.
Ottawa
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Friends | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
With Just a Hint Of Chlamydia
Drunken teenage girl, dancing down the street: I taste like fucking condoms!
Toronto, Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Condoms | Dancing | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Sensory experiences | Teens | Posted 2009-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sorry, the Windows OS Makes Me Crabby.
Dude: That's why I love Macs, install windows XP and it's like (snaps fingers) twenty minutes and you're done.
Dude #2: That's not good! That's like saying (snaps his fingers) you've got VD!
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Guys | STDs | Technology | Time Management | Posted 2009-08-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then There Are the Things I Pretend to Forget
Older lady to friend over lunch: When I remember things, I remember them. But when I forget them, I forget them.
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Having breakfast nearby
Categories: Age and ageing | Canadia | Friends | Memory lane | Old folks | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2009-08-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Perhaps a Brandy Snifter Full Of Ocean Water, Then
Old woman at restaurant: What do you have to drink?
Exasperated waitress: Everything except root beer and chocolate milk.
New Brunswick, Canadia
Categories: Baristas | Canadia | Clients | Drinking & drunks | Offers and requests | Old folks | Posted 2009-08-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Mean, They All Act Kinda Retarded
Customs officer to woman with a cat: Can you prove that this cat is Canadian?
Canadian Customs
Pearson Airport, Toronto
Canadia
Creatures Often Crawl Out Of the Lake to Matriculate
Girl #1: Jane*'s nice.
Girl #2: Yeah. But she smells like a dirty used tampon.
Girl #1: Yeah, makes me sick a bit.
University of Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Beauty | Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Compliments | Girls | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Beanstalk Giant Always Had Trouble Fitting In.
Teenager, chasing after young boy on bike: I'm gonna eat your children!
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Li'l Bit
Notice: This Quote Not Endorsed by Morgan Freeman
Blonde: Um, no, actually, a penguin is a mammal. I learned that from Morgan Freeman.
Halifax
Canadia
Categories: About celebrities | Birds | Canadia | Girls | Stupidity | Posted 2009-08-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Early-Morning Orgy Totally Messed with My Schedule
Underage girl, at 6 pm: Man, I knew I should've started drinking at 2!
Glengarry Highland Games
Canadia
Overheard by: is it that boring?
Categories: Canadia | Drinking & drunks | Teens | Time Management | Posted 2009-08-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If We Could Transcribe Chimpanzee Conversations
Angsty teen #1: Why do you hate him?
Angsty teen #2: Because he's always putting shit in my hair.
Angsty teen #1: There are a million better reasons you could hate him for.
Angsty teen #2: Like what?
Angsty teen #1: Being him.
Bus Stop
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: She should be a therapist.
Or He Was in This Porn I Once Saw.
Super gangster teen guy, looking at Victorian book: Yo, why there so many pictures from Greece and Rome?
Super gangster teen girl: Greek is in Rome!
Bedford
Nova Scotia
Canadia
Overheard by: Heather
A Slope Made Slippery by Extra Butter
20-something chick, gravely: I'm having severe intrusive thoughts about buying a medium popcorn.
Friend: So go buy a popcorn.
20-something chick, gravely: No, you don't get it. I'm serious.
Vancouver
Canadia
It'll Be a Nice Compliment to Your Bowel-Movement Streaming News Feed
Girl #1: I'll check back. I'll continue to burp regularly and tell you about it.
Girl #2: Please do.
Brock University
St. Catharines, Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Burping & farting | Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Girls | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Has Sex In Very Unusual Places
Crazy drunk lady, whispering: I think I got asbestos on my hands. (in louder voice) Or maybe it's sperm! Heeheeheeheeheehee!
Toronto
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: EdgingAwayFromHer
More Important Than You Knew
Brazilian guy to American: Pleeeeeaaase? Say it. Say it. Say "fucker de matriz" in English.
Brazilian girlfriend: He wants you to say (whispers) "motherfucker".
American guy: Okay. (blandly) Motherfucker.
Brazilian guy: No! Like an American, please!
American guy: Huh? Oh, "muthafucka!"
Brazilian guy, laughing giddily and clapping: Yes! Yes! Muthafucka, excellent!
ViaRail Train
Canadia
Overheard by: Jim
Categories: Canadia | Couples | Foreigners | Insults | Offers and requests | Train | Wishes | Words | Posted 2009-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Drag Queens Are Treated Like Livestock in Canadia
Four-year-old boy, dancing happily down sidewalk: I'm like a princess! I'm like Cinderella!
Mother: Except you stink. So more like stinkerella.
Calgary
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Sensory experiences | Sexuality | Posted 2009-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tell Anyone, And I'll Burn You With This Acid Exfoliant
Guy #1: What is that?
Guy #2, holding sunscreen: Oh, it's sport sunscreen. My mom made bring it.
Guy #3: Dude. Why do you have so many ointments?
Guy #2: The back of my legs get burnt.
Guy #1: You moisturize?
Canada's Wonderland
Vaughan, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Shan
Categories: Body parts | Canadia | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Parenting | Questions | Posted 2009-07-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Hindsight, the Bible Could Have Been a Lot Worse
Young teenage girl with pink furry boots, rainbow hair, and seven facial piercings: Hey, if you were god, what would you do?
Young teenage boy with shaggy hair, acne, and a little boy face: I'd kill my foster parents.
Young teenage girl, totally ignoring her friend's response: I would totally make the world flat, so we could travel just by folding it in half. Imagine how much time and money I would save everyone!
Packed Train during Rush Hour
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia
Clearly You've Never Had to Deal with a Crying Five-Year-Old
English teacher: Literature just isn't exciting unless people suffer. Like Dora the Explorer, nothing bad ever happens to her. The show would be a lot better if her monkey got hit by a car and died, wouldn't it?
High School
Calgary
Canadia
Overheard by: mcoo
Categories: Animals | Books | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Education | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Posted 2009-07-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But They're Also Mother and Daughter
Airhead #1: Are you cousins with her?
Airhead #2: Not really... her mom and my mom are sisters.
Toronto
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Family ties | Idiots | Questions | Stupidity | Posted 2009-07-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But It Makes a Cool Gurgling Sound
10-year-old boy to another: Yeah, if you smoke it that way you can still get cancer. But if you smoke it through a water bong... yeah, about the same.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Lauren
From Stephen King's The Passion Of Christine
Little girl: Where is Jesus?
Bored babysitter: Umm, I don't know... In your heart?
Little girl: Well, then guess what?
Bored babysitter: What?
Little girl: I'm going to punch him! (starts punching herself in the heart)
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Babysitters | Body parts | Canadia | Feelings | Jesus | Kids | Kids | Questions | Violence | Posted 2009-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Don't Bite the Hand That Grades You
Annoying professor, about optical illusion on slide: What do you all see here?
Student: A moron with tenure.
Carleton University
Ottawa
Canadia
Nobody Who's Been to England Ever Has to Ask
Pretty tween girl, looking around on busy street: What's with all these ugly people taking up all the space?
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Beauty | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Questions | Tweens | Posted 2009-07-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Was Alvin and the Chipmunks Banned in Canadia?
Lady #1: So we have these squirrels in our backyard, and I don't know if the rabbits got to them or what, but they don't have any tails, just these stubs.
Lady #2: (laughs loudly)
Union Station
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Animals | Body parts | Canadia | Violence | Women | Posted 2009-07-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Beginning to Suspect They're Not Twist-Off
Girl #1: Yeah, bananas cost less than apples.
Girl #2: No way, I'd totally choose apples over bananas.
Girl #1: Really? I'd choose bananas, they fill me up more.
Girl #2, thoughtfully: I can't open bananas.
Canadia
Let's Ask the Jews to Be on Our Side, Though
Teen girl to friend: We could be like the next Hitler, but cooler!
Friend: Oooh, awesome!
Toronto
Canadia
Especially Since It Was Wii Sex
Guy #1: So are you seeing that girl now or what?
Guy #2: No, man, she has a boyfriend.
Guy #1: But didn't you sleep with her last weekend?
Guy #2: Dude, I slept with you last night. It doesn't mean anything.
Winnipeg
Manitoba
Canadia
Overheard by: Steph
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Guys | Questions | Relationships | Sex | Sexuality | Posted 2009-07-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Confusing
10-year-old boy #1: You're a douche.
10-year-old boy #2: Oh, yeah? Well, you're a pickle and a radish in a jar full of lemonade.
10-year-old boy #1: That's mean.
Mississauga
Canadia
In Canadia, Even the Pedophiles Are Kinda Quaint
Lounging suburban man to passers-by: Your kids look like they want to do the chicken limbo.
Toronto
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: The cool aunt
Penny-Pinchers Are Born, Not Made.
Little girl reading plastic bag: "Value village." Value village? Do you know what that is?
Mother: It's a store.
Little girl: It just makes me so happy.
Toronto
Canadia
...But, Um, the Essay Topic Was "My Favorite Pet"
College student #1: So I was thinking I was going to write about Hitler, and how he was like...bad?
College student #2: Totally.
Edmonton
Canadia
Overheard by: dumbfounded
In Smell-O-Vision
Professor, trying to motivate class: Sometimes, you just need to...to look up, and...and smell...the big picture.
Carleton University
Ottawa
Canadia
Time to Start Talking About Gay Rights in More PC Terms
Voice over intercom: So, come out and buy some juice and support a good cause.
Girl #1: Um, what good cause?
Girl #2: I dunno. Fruit?
High School
Calgary
Canadia
I Can Only Tolerate the Illusion Of Clean
Semi-drunk girl in pub crawl attire: I hate Windex, but I fuckin' love Febreze!
Toronto
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: History Major
Categories: Canadia | Cleanliness | Compare and contrast | Drunks | Feelings | Girls | Gripes | Health & Hygiene | Posted 2009-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Editors Pray She's Not from the U.S.
Tourist woman to wheelchair-bound local: Can you point me in the right direction?
Wheelchair-bound local: Yep, it's straight down that way.
Tourist woman: Okay...but is it walkable?
St. Lawrence Market
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: kingdubby
And the Local Deer Keep Trying to French-Kiss Me
100-pound, totally fit wife: I am pretty sure I have elevated sodium levels.
Husband: Your sodium levels are fine, honey.
100-pound, totally fit wife: No, I really think they are high enough to put me in the at-risk category.
Husband: What are you basing that on, exactly?
100-pound, totally fit wife: My tongue feels oversalted.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: kingdubby
Categories: Canadia | Couples | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Sensory experiences | Stupidity | Posted 2009-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Like Whales.
Guy with burger to friend, loudly: Penguins are fish, and fish don't eat fish!
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: kib
Since I Dispensed with My Beehive Hairdo
Female salesperson: I keep all my secrets in my Furby!
Toy Store
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: i keep mine in tupperware
Yet You Know When Jennifer Aniston Changes Her Hair Color?
Mexican drag queen hosting a show: It's St. Patrick's day tomorrow...
Crowd: It's today!
Mexican drag queen: Is it tonight? I never know these things, I don't watch the news!
Gay Bar
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Canadia | Latinos | Queers | Strangers | Stupidity | TV shows | Time Management | Posted 2009-06-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only If He Promises Not to Perform Auto-fellatio Again
Bus-riding teen #1: Fully grown adult males are, like, five inches! I'm telling you!
Bus-riding teen #2: No way! Tom is, like, ten inches when it's hard and, like, eight when it's soft!
Bus-riding teen #1: Do you want me to get my dad and check?
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Age and ageing | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Family ties | Penis | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hey, I'm Still Trying to Figure Out the Color Of My Aura
Girl to friend: There's a book you might be interested in, called What Color Is Your Parish.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: mine's ultraviolence
It Didn't Start Out As a Skirt
Loud high school chick in back of the bus: Remember when Amanda was wearing that skirt and she farted? It sounded like she dropped a fucking bomb! Wheeee-boom! Everyone applauded, it was that fucking cool.
Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: bitingontinfoil
Categories: Burping & farting | Canadia | Clothes | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Memory lane | Students | Posted 2009-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sleepover!
Mother: These sheets smell weird.
Child, enthusiastically: Yeah, like other people's houses!
Thrift Store, St. John's
Newfoundland
Canadia
Overheard by: Sandy
A Long-Handled One, If You Follow Me
Drunk student: I want nothing more in life than to be able to turn into a shoehorn.
Vancouver
Canadia
Sylvia's Whole Life Is a Word Problem
Annoyingly talkative woman: I got my pumpkin t-shirt at Old Navy eight years ago. I wear it every year. But I've only worn it... eight times!
Commuter Train
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: M@
Her Case Made It to the Supreme Court.
Woman, passing We Will Rock You theater: I mean, how can they *guarantee* to blow your mind?
Yonge Street
Toronto
Canadia
Smurfette: "I Paid a Lot Of Money to Even-out These Puppies."
Blonde girl #1: It's like we've tried countless times to get her to stop, and she just calls us "anorexic whores" and tells us she'd rather be "doming up" guys.
Blonde girl #2, laughing: You need a ruin Smurf plan.
Blonde girl #1: But we've tried everything! It's like "get over yourself! You look like a 1980s cartoon character, with uneven boobs and a crazy tan!"
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: BJs | Body parts | Canadia | Character | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Offers and requests | Words | Posted 2009-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Counting the Nuts, Of Course
Young ice cream customer: I'm going to get a large sundae.
Competitive young ice cream customer: Oh, yeah? I once had a sundae that was so big it was...it was... (thinks about it) up to the top of Jesus!
Dairy Queen
Victoria
Canadia
Overheard by: bemused in Dairy Queen
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Customers | Default | Food | Jesus | Kids | Kids | Offers and requests | Questions | Posted 2009-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Shouldn't Marry Anybody Who's the Boss Of You, Honey
Little girl to dad: Daddy?
Dad: Yes?
Little girl: Why can't brothers and sisters get married?
Toronto
Canadia
Hey, I Tried Pilates for You Guys.
Beefy tattooed inmate: Hey, does anyone know how to play twister?
(rest of unit groans)
Vancouver Island Maximum Security Prison
Canadia
As Opposed to Those Infuriating Sign Language Songs
Hipster to friends: They have really cool songs, 'cause you can, like, listen to them.
Hipster friends: (nod and mutter in agreement)
Corner Brook
Newfoundland
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Default | Hipsters | Music | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Too Realistic, Huh?
Teenage girl on bus: Oh, fuck. What is this world coming to? It's like it gets worse and worse.
Teenage guy sitting beside her: What? No. This wouldn't be the worst thing that's happened. Bad things happen all the time. Think about worse things going on right now, or that have been going on, for like, forever.
Teenage girl: It feels like it's getting worse, though.
Teenage guy: But it's not, though.
Teenage girl: Yeah, but, these bad things keep happening. It always keeps happening.
(pause)
Teenage guy: I wanna go see Watchmen.
Teenage girl: Don't, I heard it's not that good.
Bus
Ontario
Canadia
I Prefer to Think Of Them As My "Solar Panels"
(blind shuts in lounge area, blocking really bright sunshine, everybody quickly looks up)
Hot Chinese girl: Hey!
Friend: And finally they drop the blinds. My eyes were starting to hurt.
Hot Chinese girl: But I like the sunshine! It's so bright and warm and it emphasizes my boobs by casting shadows on my chest!
University of Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Asians | Body parts | Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Friends | Girls | Weather | Posted 2009-05-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Fucking Paperwork
20-something client: How do you spell "Matthew?"
Confused staff: Matthew? As in a person's name? Like "Matthew Perry" Matthew?
20-something: Yeah, it's my middle name and I want to put it on my resume. Does it have two t's or one?
Unemployment Centre
Ontario
Canadia
So I Gave Debbie Does Dinosaurs an Enthusiastic Two Thumbs Up!
Guy: Nothing, nothing turns me on more than Jurassic Park-themed role play.
Queen's University
Kingston, Canadia
Overheard by: Kat
See That Guy in the Tiny Daisy Dukes?
Teen girl to friend: Oh! I finally figured out whose pants I'm wearing.
Brantford
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Clothes | Default | Friends | Girls | Memory lane | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2009-05-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You'd Know Why If You'd Ever Dipped One in the Toilet
Tipsy guy to girl beside him: What are you doing later?
Girl: Going home to Scotchgard my bathrobe.
Duke & Duchess Bar
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Cooper Street Relic
She Always Wanted a Boy.
Girl to friends: I've always wanted to dress up like Jesus... My grandmother would be so proud of me.
St. John's
Newfoundland
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Clothes | Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Girls | Jesus | Offers and requests | Posted 2009-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Family Reunions Are a Bit Different in Canadia
Girl to friend: I know, it'll be so uncomfortable I can't wait! Though if someone licks me this time I'm not gonna be okay with it.
Red Deer
Canadia
Overheard by: Intrigued
I Couldn't Be Any Prouder Of Myself If My Nipples Were Fountains Of Blood!
Blonde teenage girl: I already burnt my vagina today. Now my butt is bruised, too!
Brantford
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Jayme
Categories: Ass | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teens | Vagina | Weirdness | Posted 2009-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They're Foot-Shaped Holes in the Fabric Of the Universe!
Girl: Socks aren't socks.
Fort McMurray
Alberta
Canadia
...Have You Ever Considered an Exciting Career in the Hobo Arts?
Hobo: Spare some change?
Lady suit: No.
Hobo: Fine. Well, at least it's sunny out today.
Lady suit: Yeah, it's so nice. But I only get to stare at it from inside the office. (looks sad)
Hobo: I feel for ya.
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Caesara
From Goonies?
Girl #1: So you got drunk in a church?
Girl #2: Yeah, sort of. There's a bar in the basement.
Girl #1: But isn't that, like, sacrilegious? I mean, isn't slosh one of the seven deadly sins?
Girl #2: Uh, I think you mean "sloth."
Ronnie's Local
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: LB
Categories: Canadia | Christianity | Default | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Questions | Words | Posted 2009-05-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What You Said About Barry Manilow!
American Apparel-wearing teen: I bet if the Jonas Brothers were indie, you'd totally dig them. Like same music, just less known.
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: About celebrities | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Music | Teens | Posted 2009-05-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah, That "God" Bit Was a Slick Cop-Out
Girl to pregnant friend: You're just like Mary, mother of Jesus...except she knew who the father was.
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Girls | God | Jesus | Posted 2009-05-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which I Saw a Magician Do Once, Disturbingly Enough
Guy: It was like trying to pull candy from a baby.
West Island
Montreal
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Candy | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Pop culture | Posted 2009-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Know How I Pine for It
McGill student in cafe, on phone: Don't you dare talk to me about softwood lumber!
Montreal
Quebec
Canadia
Overheard by: j.leung
Her IPhone Cover Looks an Awful Lot Like a Klan Hood
Teen girl: What a bitch! Like seriously, why can't I buy an iPhone cover for my BlackBerry?
Friend: I bet she was being racist.
Toronto
Canadia
Who Isn't Picturing Rod and Todd Flanders Right Now?
Small child #1: Hey, daddy, can we go get some ice cream?!
Small child #2: Yeah, daddy, let's have ice cream!
Father: Uh, no. But you can have yogurt drinks. They're basically the same!
Small children: Yay!
West Edmonton Mall
Canadia
Overheard by: Dr. Ruth
Categories: Canadia | Dads | Default | Family ties | Food | Guys | Kids | Kids | Malls | Offers and requests | Posted 2009-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well I Certainly Hope So
Film student: Brittney spears is going to kill herself one day.
Film professor: Well, I see her more like a Liz Taylor, slowly bloating up and taking a long time to die.
Winnipeg
Manitoba
Canadia
Overheard by: Sean_G
Categories: About celebrities | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Default | Music | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-04-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Which Is a Great Lead-In to My Lecture on Gonorrhea
Blonde girl: I hate horror movies, because then I get scared that those things are going to happen, cause they really do happen.
Teacher: You can't live your life like that! Those things are really rare! Like, I've been in all sorts of sketchy situations, and I'm still here.
Guy: You're just too sheltered.
Teacher: Like, when I was in Rwanda, this guy was giving us a ride and he was like "do you want to stay overnight at my house?" and we were like "okay," and I immediately regretted that one...
Toronto
Canadia
Fewer Errors
Girl, watching baseball: Ugh, I'd rather have anal than watch baseball!
Waterloo
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: me too.
I Named My Cat "Velutinous."
Teenage queer: How do you say 'fluffy' in science?
Random young boy: Fluffology?
Pretty woman: What?
Teenage queer: Velutinous?
Random young boy: Oh, that's sciencey.
Aurora
Ontario
Canadia
Which Is the First Rule Of Lesbian Fight Club
Artsy emo: It was like lesbian Fight Club! First Leema liked Holly, then she liked Tracy, who liked Nicola, who also liked Holly. So Nicola and Leema got in a fist fight and in the end, Tracy and Holly had sex in the woodshop classroom!
Toronto
Canadia
There Are Men Out There Who Would Pay Top-Dollar for the Privilege.
Girl: Yeah, I brushed my teeth! (pause) You want to lick my gums and see?
Chinatown
Edmonton
Canadia
Overheard by: Laura
Categories: Body parts | Canadia | Default | Girls | Offers and requests | Questions | Posted 2009-04-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Wrote "Blow Job" in the Comments Field
Guy on cell phone: I think it would look really bad if you gave me a check for $1000.
University Library
Montreal
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Money | Offers and requests | Posted 2009-04-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
According to the MLA Handbook
Girl in library #1: My intro and conclusion are really bad.
Girl in library #2: It's okay... an essay with a bad intro and conclusion is like a hot guy in dirty clothes.
Dalhousie University
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Girls | Posted 2009-04-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wait 'Til They Do "The Thong Song" in Middle English
Girls, singing: My milkshake bringeth the lads in the square, prithee, 'tis better than yours, 'tis better than yours, I could teach thee, but I'd levy a fee.
4 Bus
Victoria
Canadia
Overheard by: Fair maiden Juliet
Categories: Bus | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Music | Posted 2009-04-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Imagine That.
Smokin' hot Filipina girlfriend: My friend said that I should use Photoshop and imagination to do this. I have Photoshop, but where can I get imagination? I've never heard of it.
White boyfriend: You're kidding me, right?
Smokin' hot Filipina girlfriend: What?
White boyfriend: There is no software called "imagination." Just use your imagination. Duh!
Smokin' hot Filipina girlfriend: You're so not getting a blowjob tonight.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: The white boyfriend
I Knew This Antique Taffy-Pull Would Come in Handy One Day
History prof: This is the toughest late policy I've ever developed. And...it makes me feel good inside.
Mal-U
Canadia
Overheard by: Punctual student
And Then People Will Comprehendify You.
Husband: Yeah, I think that's because of the...the...
Wife: The what? Spit it out!
Husband: I know, I've been having so much trouble lately coming up with the appropriate word for what I'm trying to say.
Wife: Yeah, that's your problem. You just need to be able to think of what you need to say in advance so you can articulize it.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: King Dubby
And by That I Mean Exactly What You Think I Mean.
20-something hot girl to friend: I'm afraid of steamed broccoli and robes.
Montreal
Canadia
This Is Your Brain on Subway Conducting...
Subway conductor, as train lights go out: Ladies and gentlemen, we are currently experiencing a delay because some yahoo cut the power lines walking at track level at St. George station. (ominously) Do you know where your children are?
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Jtf
Categories: Canadia | Default | Employees | Family ties | Guys | Kids | Public Transportation | Public transportation | Questions | Posted 2009-04-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do We Really Want to Waste a Bag Of Crack, Though?
Guy #1: I know how to get your kid back, easy! I'll just put a bag of crack in your mom's car and call the cops and say "there is this old lady with a bag of crack and a baby in her car!" (laughs)
Guy #2: That would be so cool.
Bus Stop
Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia
Their Humps Are Actually Human Skulls
Boyfriend looking at stone sculpture of camel: Yo, what do camels eat?
Girlfriend: Camels eat people.
Boyfriend: I think they eat grass.
Girlfriend: No. Camels eat people.
Boyfriend, turning to passersby: Excuse me, what do camels eat?
Passerby #1: Uhh...I think they eat plants.
Girlfriend: No! Camels eat people!
Passerby #2: But, look, they don't have any claws or fangs. They can't eat people.
Passerby #1, disgusted: They eat plants.
Girlfriend, scoffing: There's no plants in the desert! That's why they eat people. Camels eat people!
Royal Ontario Museum
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Camels should eat some people...
Yada Yada Yada, See You at 5 A.M. Saturday
Professor: I know, I know. Worst exam period ever. You don't want to be there. I don't want to be there. I'm not sure how we got that one...maybe the dean has a daughter and I was drinking and I said something. I don't know.
Dalhousie University
Halifax, Nova Scotia
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Education | Family ties | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-04-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like That Salt-n-Pepa Song
Botany professor, lecturing on plant reproduction: Now, I'm sure you all know plenty about sex in humans by now. (pause) Because of the Ontario school system. (pause) And...stuff.
University of Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: The Shrew
And Fighting Scares Off Daddy's Dealer
Tough-looking guy with eight-year-old: Don't go over there! Dirty, gross stuff over there, dirty people go there.
Kid, climbing through railing bars: Druggies!
Dad: Don't say that around here! Daddy doesn't want to have to fight anyone.
Chinatown
Downtown Winnipeg
Canadia
Overheard by: al
If It's Bobbing for Saviors, Count Me Out.
Sunday school teacher: We're going to play a fun game next! Does anybody want to guess what it is?
Five-year-old student: Take of our shirts and pants?
Sunday school teacher: No!
Sunday School Classroom
Fredericton
Canadia
Overheard by: Andrew
Even Tree Surgery
Lawyer to another: So if you're ever having surgery on a limb, make sure they mark it with a marker.
Toronto
Canadia
We Really Need Internet Access for This Sort Of Thing
Girl on subway to friend: It'd be weird to have sex with a girl.
Friend: Yeah, you wouldn't know where everything goes.
Girl: Nothing would fit. (pause) This is probably not a subway conversation.
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Default | Friends | Girls | Public Transportation | Public transportation | Sex | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2009-04-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Don't Get Enough Fiber in Our Diets, Anyway
Hipster guy: Hey guys, this shirt's 100% organic. This shirt's made outta food! (quiet pause)
Hipster guy's friend: That is like, amazing.
Clothing Boutique
British Columbia
Canadia
Overheard by: Lauren.
Lear Has Something for Everyone
Strange curly-haired girl: Make sure you make Edmund really hot.
Morose pale dark-haired girl: Why?
Strange curly-haired girl: Dude! Did you not read King Lear? Bitches were all over his dick!
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Anneliese
But How Do You Feel About It?
Gossip girl #1: Oh my god! Did I tell you that I got accepted for my exchange to Paris next year? I'm going second semester.
Gossip girl #2: Oh my god! That's amazing!
Gossip girl #1: Yeah, I'm really excited.
Gossip girl #2: That's so exciting!
Gossip girl #1: Yeah, it's gonna be amazing.
Gossip girl #2: That is so amazing.
Gossip girl #1: Yeah, I'm super excited!
Gossip girl #2: That is just so exciting!
VIA Train
Montreal to Toronto
Overheard by: The zoe
As I Told Her During My Proposal
Guy describing girlfriend to friends: The best thing about her is that there's nothing extraordinary about her at all. (pauses) Yep, the thing I like the most about her is there's absolutely nothing special about her.
Calgary
Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: whibs
In the Nightmares Section
Man to salesperson in hippie bookstore: Hi I'm looking for a children's book about how chemicals and global warming are destroying the earth.
Salesperson: Oh, sure, it's right over here!
The Bookshelf
Guelph, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: The zoe
In the Meantime, Would You Like to Take My Card?
Wildly bearded hobo riding rusty bicycle and wearing only one shoe and parachute pants: Why, hello miss. Would you be interested in entering into a mutually beneficial body massage arrangement?
Surprised, redheaded woman: Uhhhhh, not today, thank you.
Hobo: I'll try back later.
Queen West
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Body parts | Canadia | Default | Hobos | Offers and requests | Questions | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-03-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who'd Leave Anybody for Mom?
Blonde #1: So wait, your dad was still married when he asked your mom out?
Blonde #2: Yeah, and I mean I hadn't thought about it until my sister pointed it out, but I guess my mom was a homewrecker. So I asked her about it and she was like "oh, yeah...I remember the divorce papers going through."
Blonde #1: That is so weird!
Blonde #2: Yeah, no kidding.
Toronto
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Not the Daughter of a Homewrecker
Categories: Canadia | Default | Family ties | Girls | Questions | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Too Bad He's a Gateway Drug on the Road to Rush Limbaugh
Student: I agree with everything Bill O'Reilly says.
University of Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Names | Pop culture | Students | Posted 2009-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Canadian or Retarded? The Controversy Continues.
Girl #1: So how is your new class going?
Girl #2: I don't know yet. We just found out there's a presentation that's worth 20%.
Girl #1: That sucks.
Girl #2: Yeah, and like, it's not easy either, like we have to think!
Ryerson University
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Lookforthewoman
Since My First Name Is "Whatta"
Blonde chick to guy friend: Oh my god, so last night the bouncer made me pull out like three pieces of ID because he didn't believe my last name is "Pansy."
Guelph
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: sarah
She's Old-Fashioned That Way
Male hipster to another: So, I was jerking off into this vagina...
Gastown
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: DagnyTaggart
Categories: Canadia | Default | Guys | Hipsters | Masturbation | Memory lane | Vagina | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Professor Monica Lewinsky Knows Whereof She Speaks
Professor: So, when you walk out of here in four years with a BJ under your belt, you'll be more experienced and know the basics.
Journalism Class
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
And It Wasn't Easy Being Green
Trophy wife, very sincerely: I think that in a past life...I was Ralph Nader.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: lauren mcgoldrick
I've Barely Clotted from the Last Time
Socially awkward math professor: And now I will attempt to get the same solution using method #2, and if I don't get the same answer, I'm just going to go slit my wrists. (writes on the board for a few minutes, gets a different answer) Well, shit.
University of New Brunswick
New Brunswick
Canadia
Overheard by: yeah, multivariable calculus does that to me, to
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Gripes | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-03-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
TV Has Been Slow to Catch on in Canadia
Older white woman, excitedly: And he just bought the electronic device that's going to save their marriage!
Restaurant
Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: Both disgusted and yet intrigued
Categories: Canadia | Default | Old folks | Relationships | Restaurants | Shopping | Technology | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-03-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm a Man Of Higher Education and Lower Taste
Film studies professor, after screening Eadweard Muybridge, in which animals and naked humans walk together: So what did you all think?
Student #1: I liked the tiger!
Student #2: I thought the way the elephant was filmed was fantastic.
Film studies professor: Yeah...I just like all the naked ladies.
Concordia University
Montreal
Canadia
Overheard by: In a class of 100 and disgusted
At Least Now You Know Enough to Keep the Jewelry
Teenage girl to friends: So at first I just really liked him but now I think I love him!
Bored friend: Here comes the breakup.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: JDowntown
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Friends | Girls | Relationships | Teens | Posted 2009-03-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Until He Discovered Super Princess Peach
Flamboyant Starbucks supervisor: I call Princess Peach!
Amused female employee #1: Be gayer, dude.
Flamboyant Starbucks supervisor: That was it. I don't think I can get any gayer.
Amused female employee #2: Yeah, he just plateaued.
Ottawa
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Gays | Girls | Pop culture | Sexuality | Posted 2009-03-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Sad That It Has to Come Back Down
Drunk girl, pointing to apartment across the street: Look! The elevator goes up and down! It's so cool!
Sober girl: Yeah...they tend to do that.
Drunk girl: Shut up! (pause) But this one lights up! Oh, look! There it goes again!
London
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: The D.D. for the night
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Technology | Posted 2009-03-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jesus Rocks!
Guy: Dude, he gets so much pussy and he doesn't even want it.
Skytrain
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Arthur
Most Kids Learn About Socks from Their Peers
Girl #1: I like socks
Girl #2: Oh! Me too!
Girl #1: Yeah. Sigh--they're like bags for your feet.
Girl #2: Yeah, bags...warm bags.
Calgary
Canadia
Overheard by: bitingontinfoil
Categories: Body parts | Canadia | Clothes | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Posted 2009-02-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...That I Just Blew Him and He Fell Asleep
Blonde: Did you sleep with him?
Brunette: (nods)
Blonde: What!? But you're my virgin friend!
Brunette: I can pretend...
Toronto
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: The Shrew
No One Would Know!
Teenage girl to friends: They don't let the kids wear makeup at my sister's school! What if you're emo and you can't wear makeup? Then what?
National Ballet
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Encino Man Is Her Porn
20-something girl to another: I love hairy West Coast men. If they look like they haven't showered or shaved in a good week, send 'em my way.
Calgary
Alberta
Canadia
Baby: Have You Seen the Crap They Call "Baby Books?"
One-year-old: Bah, bah, bah, bah, bah! (starts whimpering)
Mom: Yeah, it's hard being a baby, isn't it?
Coles Bookstore
Abbotsford, British Columbia
Canadia
Overheard by: girl in line
Categories: Age and ageing | Canadia | Default | Family ties | Moms | Questions | Stores | Women | Posted 2009-02-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Fun Trying, Though
Confused looking girl: It's too bad about that, though.
Disappointed looking girl: Yeah. We can't make Owen pregnant.
University of Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Trying to not to laugh sitting beside them
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Default | Gender issues | Girls | Names | Weirdness | Posted 2009-02-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Parents Just Can't Bring Themselves to Leave Their Kids at College
Freshman girl: Why are we judging her for being crazy?
Freshman friend: Yeah, if we think you're crazy, then you definitely have problems.
Freshman girl: But I'm still pissed at her for taking the good side of the bed.
U of A Campus
Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: Alex
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Friends | Girls | Questions | Students | Stupidity | Posted 2009-02-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Been the Top Story on CNN All Week
White trash man to white trash woman: So did you hear the news?
White trash woman: No, what?
White trash man (sighing despairingly): Aggie broke her corn-broom.
White trash woman, looking stricken: Oh, no!
Giant Tiger Store
Napanee, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Rockbot
Like a University Professor Ever Has to Pay for It
Statistics professor: So let's say we ask a random question, such as "have you had unprotected sex with a prostitute in the last week?".
(class laughs)
Statistics professor: Most people would answer "no." Including myself. I'll leave it up to you to decide if that's the truth or not.
University of Guelph
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Danielle
You Can't Handle a Cookie!
Teacher scolding student: Do you want a cookie? Do you want a cookie? No, you don't deserve a cookie!
Canadia
I Guess We Could Try Smoking Them
Teen guy: Yeah, we got like, so wasted!
Teen girl #1: It was great, yeah. We got so high.
Teen girl #2: Where did you guys get the alcohol?
Teen girl #1: What?
Teen girl #2: If you guys were getting high, where did you get the alcohol?
Teen girl #1: That's drunk. You get high off weed.
Teen girl #2: Oh. Okay. Then, where'd you get that?
Teen guy: My sister. She's sixteen!
Teen girl #2: Can't you get high off books?
Teen guy: What?
Teen girl #2: Cause, can't, like...books get you high?
Teen girl #1: What?
Library
East Vancouver, BC
Canadia
Poleballing Is Huge in Canadia
Passerby to girl: They cut off my balls and taped them to a fucking pole.
Ottawa
Canadia
That's What You Said About Hannah Montana!
Man coming out of feminist art retrospective: So, what did you think of the show?
Woman: Not enough menstrual blood.
Vancouver Art Gallery
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: I would have to agree
Suicide Is the Clear Answer
Tween #1 waiting at bus stop: So, I wanna like him, but I don't want to, and I can't like him, 'cause I wanna like him, but I don't!...you know?
Tween #2: Wow, I know exactly what you mean!
London
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Great 'cause I sure don't
Dental Orgasms Are the Norm in Canadia
Kindly older woman on cell: No, no, no, ask him to be gentle, tell him it's your first time...it's beautiful. You're going to love it, Caroline. Okay, love you! Bye!
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Emma Middleton
Categories: Advice | Canadia | Compliments | Default | Feelings | Offers and requests | Old folks | Women | Posted 2009-01-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It'll Be Me He Whispers to
Girl to friends, very confidently: And I will be that horse!
Memorial University
St. John's, Newfoundland
Canadia
Overheard by: Mel
I Need Mine To Sign Contracts!
Professor: I'm still on the search for a contortionist, by the way.
Student #1: Aren't all contortionists like really young?
Professor: Are they?
Student #2: Yeah, I'm pretty sure the oldest contortionist is like, 15. Their flexibility has something to do with their age.
Professor: Well, what good would an underage contortionist be?
University of Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: an incredibly amused student
Categories: Age and ageing | Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Default | Offers and requests | Questions | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-01-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Did People Kill Each Other Before Cell Phones?
Loud man on cell: Yeah, 800,000 dollars. But let's just keep this between ourselves, okay?
Packed Commuter Train
Toronto, Canadia
Overheard by: M@
This Optometrist Asked Me to Identify Letters Of the Alphabet
Girl #1: Did you have to take a test in high school to prove that you weren't retarded?
Girl #2: Uh, no.
Girl #1: Oh...I did.
Dalhousie University
Halifax, Nova Scotia
Canadia
Overheard by: JSW
According to This Fortune Cookie
Professor: You don't want to have a thin-skinned Prime Minister who's afraid of puffin poo.
University of Ottawa
Canadia
Just Remember: "There Are No Small Parts..."
Girl #1: Why is it that so many midgets end up getting into acting? There must be a shortage of midget actors...
Girl #2: Shortage?
Sault Ste Marie
Ontario
Canadia
Here, I Brought Some to Share With You
Laughing girl: So I was smelling his dirty socks and stuff...
Friends: What?!
Acadia University
Wolfville, Nova Scotia
Canadia
Overheard by: wondering why...
Nice Recovery, Boyo
Six-year-old child to teacher, upon seeing her new haircut for the first time: What's wrong with your hair?
Teacher: What do you mean "what's wrong with my hair"?
Child (with eyes downcast): It just looks so beautiful.
Teacher: Well, thank you.
New Westminster
BC
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Hair | Kids | Questions | Teachers | Posted 2009-01-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Wouldn't Share!
Lady carrying huge crate of Girl Guide Cookies to campus rent-a-cop: But they're just kids! They were just trying to have fun!
Campus rent-a-cop, genuinely surprised: They were smoking pot on my campus!
McGill
Montreal, Quebec
Canadia
You Can Cut the Irony With a Knife
Guy: She's pregnant? Isn't she like 16?
Chick: So?
Guy: That's so ghetto!
Chick: So what? Every pregnant 16-year-old is some ghetto welfare mama? For all you know she could be a great mom! You're too fucking judgmental!
Guy: (stunned silence)
Chick: Anyway, she found out it's a girl last week. She's naming her "Sequins."
Toronto
Canadia
Just A Small-town Girl // Livin' In This Lonely Worrrrrllld
H&M worker: Hi, how are you?
Customer: Great, thanks, and you?
H&M worker: I'm okay.
Customer: Only okay? You're listening to a Journey remix in H&M! These are great times!
H&M
Toronto
Canadia
There's a Thin Line Between Orthodox and Lesbian Shoes
Girl #1: So I was talking to Ashley yesterday...
Girl #2: Which one?
Girl #1: Ashley, the lesbian who keeps trying to hook me up with gay guys.
Girl #2: Oh, Jewish Ashley!
Calgary
Alberta
Canadia
If They Want To Help the Economy
Drunk guy: Everyone in this room should get hair extensions.
Toronto
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Meech
And I Only Eat Things in the Primary Color Wheel
Girl #1: Hey, you wanna grab dinner in a bit?
Girl #2: Sure, want to go to Risley?
Girl #1: Okay, I'm just going to warn you now, though I'm like a reaally slow eater...I only use my front teeth.
Halifax
Nova Scotia
Canadia
Tonight's Movie: Merde on the WestJet Express
Flight attendant: So I'm gonna let the lady in the box [the recording] take it away in French, then I'll finish up in English, because we like to save the best for last!
Entire plane: Oooooooooooooh!
Lady at the back (in French): We're still in Quebec, you know!
WestJet Flight
Montreal
Canadia
Categories: Airports & flights | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Default | Flight attendants | Geography | Insults | Language barrier | Public Transportation | Women | Posted 2008-12-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Man Found Suffocated In Bed
20-something girl: Like, he's such a nice guy...I don't even suck in my gut when we're lying next to each other in bed anymore.
Friend: Aww...that's true love.
Yorkville
Toronto
Canadia