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...As the Terms Of the Game Go for the Black Guys Require.
Girl to friend, heading to bar: I'm going straight for the black guys!
Toronto
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: StellaEllaOla
Categories: Canadia | Friends | Girls | Race | Relationships | Posted 2009-12-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But with a Better Sense Of Meter.
Student: I think that Eminem is like a modern-day Hamlet, you know?
Memorial University
Newfoundland
Canadia
Categories: About celebrities | Books | Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Music | Students | Posted 2009-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At the Pachydermatologists' Convention
Scruffy, hurried foreman with clipboard, on Bluetooth: It's the elephants. You've got to dial in the elephants. It's interfering with your microphone!
Financial District
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: PerplexedPachyderm
Why Ball-Gags Exist.
Girl #1: You should get you some.
Girl #2: I don't think I could handle the stupidity. I ruined my fantasy by talking to him.
Bus
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: always a problem
It Was More Like Milking the Bull
Drunk girl: I thought the first time I had sex it would be like milking a cow. You know: squirt, squirt, squirt... a little at a time.
Kingston
Ontario
Canadia
Like We Did to That Little Make-a-Wish Girl
Boyfriend to girlfriend: Yeah, I'd throw a snowball at the Princess of Sweden. Knock that tiara right off her fucking head.
Girlfriend: Totally. You'd be like, "who's Princess now, bitch?"
Vancouver
Canadia
Ever Been to the U.S., Suzy?
Psych class guy: Dolphins are the second smartest animal.
Psych class girl: What's the smartest?
Psych class guy: Humans.
Psych class girl: Wait, humans are animals?
Psych class guy: Yep.
Psych class girl: Really?
Psych class guy: For real.
Hamilton
Canadia
Overheard by: Jayme
Once Again, She's So Lucky I'm Not a Bitch!
Teenage girl with bad haircut: Ugh, I so just want to punch Lauren* in the face... She's lucky I'm not a bitch.
Overweight teenage boy: I know!
Teenage girl with bad haircut: I mean, seriously, all the time from here it's all "blah blah blah, I got raped." So annoying!
Overweight teenage boy: I know!
Teenage girl with bad haircut: I'd understand if it was once in a while... but dude, she talks about it all the time!
Edmonton
Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: Lisa
The Gay Guys Just Criticize Your Outfit
Prof: Ladies, I'm just gonna give it to you straight: I guarantee you that almost every straight guy you see today is going to picture you naked.
Techie guy, fixing projector: Fuckin' A!
University of Calgary
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Education | Gender issues | Sexuality | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When It's Time to Move to New York, I'll Be Ready, Baby!
Girl on cell: Well, I took your advice and I didn't smile at anyone today. I even scowled at a few!
Calgary
Alberta
Canadia
Categories: Advice | Canadia | Girls | On the phone | Stupidity | Posted 2009-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Knew It Would Be Anthrax, Though?
Goth girl: Typical, I come to your party and end up wiping white stuff off my ass.
Withrow Park
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Alex
Elena's the Most Creative Pimp in Canadia
Oldish Ukrainian woman: How you have babies with hips like this? How you do this? So skinny. Tsk, tsk.
Skinny chick: Huh?
Oldish Ukrainian woman: Here, eat my husband's sausage. He fill you up. Eat! Eat!
Edmonton
Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: not so skinny
You're Gonna Love Detroit, Sir
Social worker talking to hobo: What can I get for you, sir?
Hobo: How about a 9 mm semi-automatic gun?
Social worker: Well, I can't do that, but do you need bus tickets? Where are you going?
Hobo: Hell.
Social worker: Okay, I'll get those bus tickets then.
Hobo: Your hair's much nicer than mine.
Hospital
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: yooo
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Employees | Evil | Hair | Hobos | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Promise the Social Worker Isn't Watching
Oblivious 12-year-old in pool, surrounded by floaty toys: Hey, hold my noodle while I mount this whale.
Victoria
Canadia
I Am So Not Interested in Your Personal Hygiene
Teenage girl: I want to stop keeping it in my pants.
Effeminate teenage guy: No! Keep the stuff in your pants... in your pants!
Teenage girl: Yeah, it needs washing anyways.
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Cleanliness | Clothes | Teens | Wishes | Posted 2009-11-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Every Day's a Roll Of the Polyhedral Dice
12-year-old boy: You see?! Dungeons & Dragons applies to real life!
Calgary
Canadia
Overheard by: cubicle slave
At the Bad First Date Olympics
Woman eating Chinese food to man sitting across: Why don't you try some? It's good.
Man in creepy English accent: No, I get equal or more pleasure watching you eat.
Vancouver
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Food | Guys | Offers and requests | Sensory experiences | Women | Posted 2009-11-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Once You Invoke Hitler, Rational Conversation Ceases
Girl #1, playing Tetris: Stop moving your feet, it's distracting me.
Girl #2: I wasn't trying to distract you! I needed to crack my ankles.
Girl #1: I bet Hitler just needed to crack his ankles too, he didn't mean to kill all those Jews.
Calgary
Canadia
Overheard by: Estelle
Categories: Body parts | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Games | Girls | History | Murder | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Also Sad, but for Different Reasons
Girl #1: It so sad that racism is still a problem in Canada.
Girl #2: I know what you mean, the other day my mother-in-law went to a variety store, and she, like, couldn't get served in English.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Sad York Student
Categories: Canadia | Family ties | Girls | Language barrier | Race | Shopping | Stupidity | Posted 2009-10-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Pita Chips Have Thrown Canadia Into Confusion
Brunette girl: I love whole wheat nachos.
Blonde girl: They should make whole wheat potato chips.
(silence)
Brunette girl: Ohmigod! You're serious? There is no such thing as a whole wheat potato! (laughter)
Blonde girl: Wow! I am really not that dumb.
Nova Scotia
Canadia
Overheard by: nicole
Because You Ate Them?
Man beside pen with goat: I am not paying that much for that! I am not buying your goat!
Goatkeeper: Nobody's buying the goat.
Man beside pen with goat: That's it, I'm taking the goat!
Goatkeeper: Nobody's taking the goat, we're not selling the goat!
Large passerby: There are no goats in Cameroon.
Toronto
Canadia
I Blame the Dora the Explorer Movies
Guy on cell: I would be walking, and suddenly the word "vaginas" with a massive smiley face beside would pop into my head, as if my brain was trying to tell me it's fun... like a children's book.
Winnipeg
Canadia
Overheard by: Chad
Categories: Books | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Guys | On the phone | Vagina | Words | Posted 2009-10-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Start Blowing Things and See What Comes Out
Hipster guy: I can't tell if I'm horny or it's just my sinus infection again...
UBC
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Health & Hygiene | Hipsters | Maladies | Sex | Posted 2009-10-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Ahem, "Sylbs"
Female college student: Yeah, I tod did that too!
Guy college student: Did you just say "tod" instead of "totally"?
Female college student: Yeah, I never say any words that are more than two syllables!
College
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Cat
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Students | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-10-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only on Thursday Nights.
Old man on phone: I am a beautiful woman.
Calgary
Alberta
Canadia
Categories: Beauty | Canadia | Gender issues | Old folks | On the phone | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Why We Should Buy You Gelato?
Five-year-old boy: I'm a sensitive soul!
Little Italy
Toronto
Canadia
A Dicktatorship?
Professor: So Russia had this really phallus-oriented system of government...
University
Newfoundland
Canadia
Overheard by: Mel
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Education | Gender issues | History | Penis | Stupidity | Teachers | Posted 2009-10-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...I Was Born to Be a Reality-Show Contestant
Skinny girl: My sister is on a diet now, I don't like it. First she's taller than me, but that's okay, I got over it. I just don't want her to be skinnier than me.
Guy friend: You should be happy for her.
Skinny girl: No way! I'm below that.
Vancouver
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Diet & weight | Family ties | Friends | Girls | Guys | Happiness | Skinny people | Stupidity | Posted 2009-10-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sometimes the Tooth Fairy Makes Extra Special Visits
Boy standing in line for smoothie: That better not be sparkle lips gloss.
Girl standing with him, applying lip gloss: It is, but it has like too many sparkles.
Boy: That's even worse! (pause) My one friend woke up with a ring of sparkles around his... well, you know...
University Fair
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: ashley
Categories: BJs | Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Fashion | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Penis | Posted 2009-10-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Get Thee to a Nunnery!
Strange man to lightly-dressed girls sitting on bench: Thank you! Have a good night!
(leaves)
Girl to friend: Oh my god. He licked your hand. Ohmigod! He. Licked. Your. Hand!
Montreal
Quebec
Canadia
Overheard by: And it tasted like humus.
You Never Know Which One Will Be Your Last One
Drunk young girl: Whatever. She could have had sex whenever she wanted.
Drunk mother: Well, she's beat you by a few years!
Drunk grandmother: I haven't had sex in such a long time.
The Keg
Vancouver
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Drunks | Family | Family ties | Moms | Parenting | Sex | Time Management | Wishes | Posted 2009-10-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, Have You Seen It Pole Dance??
Giggly blonde teen: Ew, you know bestiality is illegal, right?
Giggly brunette teen: It wasn't bestiality!
Giggly blonde teen: And yet you know that your cat is good in bed?
Ontario
Canadia
And My Statue Collection Is Really Suffering
Brunette: I don't have ear wax.
Blonde: That's impossible! Your ears can't not produce wax.
Brunette: Well, I get a little bit of yellow on the q-tip like every 2 weeks, but it's just not as satisfying.
Calgary
Canadia
Overheard by: mr. mitch
Categories: Body parts | Canadia | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Stupidity | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And the Passengers Know a Lot More About Star Trek
Friend #1: He actually has had sex before.
Friend #2: What! I thought he was on the V-boat with me!
Friend #1: The V-boat?
Friend #2: It's like a U-boat, but sadder.
Montreal
Canadia
Overheard by: Not on the boat
Thanks, Lifetime Movie Marathon!
Girl: Did you just get a vagina?
Boy: I think it's bleeding.
Vancouver
Canadia
...Yada Yada Yada, E. Coli.
Guy to girlfriend: I thought it would be funny to eat an O'Henry while pooing.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Alywishus
Categories: Canadia | Couples | Food | Poop | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-10-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sometimes We Find It Makes More Sense to Read Your Quote Submissions While Drunk
High-school girl #1: Caveman.
High-school girl #2: Arm-sex!
High-school girl #1: That never gets old.
High-school girl #2: Yeah!
Edmonton
Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: SpamiKami
But When We Say That About Canadians, We Get Angry Letters
Girl #1: Hey, you smell great!
Girl #2: Really?
Girl #1: Yeah, you smell like that nice soap.
Girl #2: I don't use soap.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Justin
Categories: Canadia | Cleanliness | Compliments | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-10-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Processed Beef Is My Anti-Drug
Stoner #1: But what if he isn't there, or doesn't have any to sell to us?
Stoner #2: It's cool, dude, he's always there and he always has some.
Stoner #1: For sure?
Stoner #2: Yeah, man, and if we can't get any pot we will just get a hot dog instead. Stoner #1: Okay, that sounds good.
Fat Franks
Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: Had Pot, and hot dog!
You Sure Those Were Judas's Last Words?
Professor: And he's like, "Jesus, I wish I was pagan!"
Memorial University
Newfoundland
Canadia
Overheard by: Mel
Meet Debate Club Barbie
Idiot girl #1: Well, like, Brad is like one of your favorite toys, so you wanna play with him a lot. But Adam is like your most favorite toy, so you wanna play with him all the time! So when Ashley wants to play with him you're all, "Bitch, drop it!"
Idiot girl #2: That is the best analogy.
Guelph
Canadia
Ah, the Ever-Effective Nuremberg Defense!
Guido to skinny guy on métro: So you weren't really grabbing her boobs. That's just following instructions. (pause) You were just being a team player, man.
Vendôme Métro
Montréal
Canadia
I Only Have Room in My Heart for Bacon
Hipster in "Vatican Chainsaw Massacre" t-shirt: And the thing is, dude, I just... (sighs) ...I just don't really care about waffles, you know?
Queen Street West
Toronto
Canadia
Why Genies Are Wasted on Blondes
Red-headed friend to blonde friend: If I had a special power it would be to fly!
Blonde friend, seriously: If I had a special power I would have a microwave in my mouth so that I could cook anything I wanted, whenever I wanted.
Red-headed friend: You could never get salmonella again!
Blonde friend: I know, right? It's my best idea yet!
Canada's Wonderland
Toronto
Canadia
A Damsel in Distress Can Count on a Guy Peeing on Her
Teen girl #1: I wish a jellyfish would sting me so some handsome guy would run along the beach, whip out his dick and pee on me.
Teen girl #2: What?
Teen girl #1: To neutralize the sting, dumbass.
Teen girl #2: I know that. But still: what?
Carleton University
Ottawa
Canadia
The Cherry Poppin' Daddies Are on Tour Again
Teacher, on first day of school: So, did anything particularly exciting happen during your vacation?
Loud teenage girl at back of room: I lost my virginity... three times!
Edmonton
Alberta
Canadia
Earlier Today?
Teenage boy: Hey, James, don't you remember when you stuck Smarties down your shirt and rubbed them on your nipples?
On the Bus
Canadia
Overheard by: Kels
But I'm Sure You'll Locate Your Suitcase-- Bwahaha!
Passenger trying to find lost baggage: Excuse me! Do you work for United?
Airline steward: No! Oh no! Thank god!
P.E. Trudeau Airport
Montreal
Canadia
Categories: Airports & flights | Canadia | Clients | Flight attendants | Jobs & Careers | Public Transportation | Questions | Posted 2009-09-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's an Old Version Of My Medical History
Guy: I do not have seven sets of penises!
Calgary
Alberta
Canadia
U.S. Citizens Will Either Not Understand This or Be Hurt by It
Gay guy to another: Yeah, cuz there's nothing like listening to Americans talk about their feelings to let you know what's really going on in the world.
Starbucks
Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Canadia | Feelings | Queers | Stupidity | Posted 2009-09-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Get Your Velma Over Here and Let's Party.
Man on cell, about his genitals: Yeah, it's shaped up like a 'fro on a Scooby Doo Chia Pet.
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Balls | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Guys | Hair | On the phone | TV shows | Toys | Posted 2009-09-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But You're Drunk Now, Amber.
Girl #1: So, yeah, when the cops like think you're kinda drunk or something, they'll get you to do the ABCs.
Girl #2: What? I can't even do that when I'm sober! I'll try now. A, b, c, d, e, f... then j, maybe?
High School Gym Class
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Myr Myr
Categories: Canadia | Crimes | Drinking & drunks | Girls | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Stupidity | Posted 2009-09-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Explains the Sweatpants
Drunk girl to guy she just met: I'm not having sex with you!
Drunk guy: That's okay, I'm on my period.
Montreal
Quebec
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Health & Hygiene | Sex | Sexuality | Posted 2009-09-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Today, Young Tommy, You Are a Man.
Panicked child, between gasps: Why... do I... keep... burping?
Vancouver
Canadia
Categories: Burping & farting | Canadia | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Questions | Posted 2009-09-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All He Knows Is "The Girl with the Binoculars"
Eleven-year-old girl to friends: I know him but he doesn't know me.
The Drive
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Fred
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Friends | Kids | Relationships | Posted 2009-09-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The One in Your Office Is for You to Explain
Guy in hallway on cell, in Arabic: Next time, tell her it was my riding crop in your bedroom.
Halifax
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Guys | Kink | On the phone | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mating Season Can Be Brutal in Canadia
Girl: This entire city smells like vagina.
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Girls | Sensory experiences | Vagina | Posted 2009-09-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, Yes, and by 'Yes' I Mean 'No.'
Girl: If Mary was a virgin, wouldn't Jesus have had to kick through the placenta to be born?
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Can't stop thinking about that now at Christmas
Plus I Took a Cab
Skinny chick with cigarette on bike to friend she just met up with: Hey! Guess how I got here so fast?
Friend: How?
Skinny chick, enthusiastically: I drink a tonic of strychnine and brandy! Every day!
Mt. Pleasant
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Lance Wriststrong
Categories: Canadia | Chicks | Drinking & drunks | Friends | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Skinny people | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Dear Watson, I Believe We've Found Our Culprit.
Private junior high school boy #1: Oh my god, so the other day someone hacked onto my Facebook account and changed everything to gay. My activities were gay, my favorite movies were gay, I was even interested in men!
Private junior high school boy #2, without irony: Dude, that's so gay.
Toronto
Canadia
Further Evidence That Some Wood Is Wiser Than Others
Teacher, handing out candy to class: They're really sweet.
Student #1: And they make the roof of your mouth bleed.
Student #2: That's the best part.
High School
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Candy | Gifts | Health & Hygiene | Mouth | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sensory experiences | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-09-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Prelude to This Season's Greatest Love Story
Hobo sitting on sidewalk: Hey, can you spare some change?
Student: Sorry, man. I'm as broke as you right now.
Hobo: Grab a seat.
Guelph
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Hobos | Money | Offers and requests | Panhandling | Students | Posted 2009-09-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Really Need Better Facebook Pictures
Girl: Can you poke the Mars Bars?
Guy: They don't feel white.
Girl: Do they feel brown?
Guy: Yep, they feel brown.
Calgary
Alberta
Canadia
Like Everyone in That Detrol Commercial
Guy, suddenly getting up from table: Gotta go!
Girl #1: Where's he going?
Girl #2: Maybe he's Superman.
Wilfrid Laurier University
Waterloo, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: mookie
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Girls | Guys | Pop culture | Questions | Posted 2009-08-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, Willingly?
Chick to makeup artist: I want you to make me look like someone who just lost their virginity.
MAC Store
Toronto
Canadia
Oh, You'll Just Look for Any Excuse to Wear Tights
30-something guy : Growing up sucks. If I knew it was going to be like this I would have put on some tights and run away to fucking Neverland.
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Age and ageing | Canadia | Gripes | Guys | Posted 2009-08-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...By Mixing Glue With Sawdust
Ten-year-old girl walking on cut down tree: Oh, I bet this is what they make wood out of!
Cambridge
Ontario
Canadia
Isn't Canadia Where TV Shows Go After Death?
Fab teenage girl with huge pink sunglasses: I fucking loved Sue Thomas: F.B.Eye! I have no fucking idea why they canceled it!
Teenage boy dressed in all black, munching cookie: Me neither. That was show was kickass.
Fab teenage girl: Probably 'cuz all the old people were like, "this show's really fucking gay." But I think that that one guy was really hot. Stupid fucking old people.
Ottawa
Ontario
Canadia
The "Physics Fiesta" Failed to Draw the Crowds They'd Anticipated
Alpha nerd to friends: We should kidnap more people for parties.
Ottawa
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Friends | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
With Just a Hint Of Chlamydia
Drunken teenage girl, dancing down the street: I taste like fucking condoms!
Toronto, Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Condoms | Dancing | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Sensory experiences | Teens | Posted 2009-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sorry, the Windows OS Makes Me Crabby.
Dude: That's why I love Macs, install windows XP and it's like (snaps fingers) twenty minutes and you're done.
Dude #2: That's not good! That's like saying (snaps his fingers) you've got VD!
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Guys | STDs | Technology | Time Management | Posted 2009-08-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then There Are the Things I Pretend to Forget
Older lady to friend over lunch: When I remember things, I remember them. But when I forget them, I forget them.
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Having breakfast nearby
Categories: Age and ageing | Canadia | Friends | Memory lane | Old folks | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2009-08-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Perhaps a Brandy Snifter Full Of Ocean Water, Then
Old woman at restaurant: What do you have to drink?
Exasperated waitress: Everything except root beer and chocolate milk.
New Brunswick, Canadia
Categories: Baristas | Canadia | Clients | Drinking & drunks | Offers and requests | Old folks | Posted 2009-08-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Mean, They All Act Kinda Retarded
Customs officer to woman with a cat: Can you prove that this cat is Canadian?
Canadian Customs
Pearson Airport, Toronto
Canadia
Creatures Often Crawl Out Of the Lake to Matriculate
Girl #1: Jane*'s nice.
Girl #2: Yeah. But she smells like a dirty used tampon.
Girl #1: Yeah, makes me sick a bit.
University of Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Beauty | Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Compliments | Girls | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Beanstalk Giant Always Had Trouble Fitting In.
Teenager, chasing after young boy on bike: I'm gonna eat your children!
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Li'l Bit
Notice: This Quote Not Endorsed by Morgan Freeman
Blonde: Um, no, actually, a penguin is a mammal. I learned that from Morgan Freeman.
Halifax
Canadia
Categories: About celebrities | Birds | Canadia | Girls | Stupidity | Posted 2009-08-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Early-Morning Orgy Totally Messed with My Schedule
Underage girl, at 6 pm: Man, I knew I should've started drinking at 2!
Glengarry Highland Games
Canadia
Overheard by: is it that boring?
Categories: Canadia | Drinking & drunks | Teens | Time Management | Posted 2009-08-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If We Could Transcribe Chimpanzee Conversations
Angsty teen #1: Why do you hate him?
Angsty teen #2: Because he's always putting shit in my hair.
Angsty teen #1: There are a million better reasons you could hate him for.
Angsty teen #2: Like what?
Angsty teen #1: Being him.
Bus Stop
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: She should be a therapist.
Or He Was in This Porn I Once Saw.
Super gangster teen guy, looking at Victorian book: Yo, why there so many pictures from Greece and Rome?
Super gangster teen girl: Greek is in Rome!
Bedford
Nova Scotia
Canadia
Overheard by: Heather
A Slope Made Slippery by Extra Butter
20-something chick, gravely: I'm having severe intrusive thoughts about buying a medium popcorn.
Friend: So go buy a popcorn.
20-something chick, gravely: No, you don't get it. I'm serious.
Vancouver
Canadia
It'll Be a Nice Compliment to Your Bowel-Movement Streaming News Feed
Girl #1: I'll check back. I'll continue to burp regularly and tell you about it.
Girl #2: Please do.
Brock University
St. Catharines, Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Burping & farting | Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Girls | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Has Sex In Very Unusual Places
Crazy drunk lady, whispering: I think I got asbestos on my hands. (in louder voice) Or maybe it's sperm! Heeheeheeheeheehee!
Toronto
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: EdgingAwayFromHer
More Important Than You Knew
Brazilian guy to American: Pleeeeeaaase? Say it. Say it. Say "fucker de matriz" in English.
Brazilian girlfriend: He wants you to say (whispers) "motherfucker".
American guy: Okay. (blandly) Motherfucker.
Brazilian guy: No! Like an American, please!
American guy: Huh? Oh, "muthafucka!"
Brazilian guy, laughing giddily and clapping: Yes! Yes! Muthafucka, excellent!
ViaRail Train
Canadia
Overheard by: Jim
Categories: Canadia | Couples | Foreigners | Insults | Offers and requests | Train | Wishes | Words | Posted 2009-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Drag Queens Are Treated Like Livestock in Canadia
Four-year-old boy, dancing happily down sidewalk: I'm like a princess! I'm like Cinderella!
Mother: Except you stink. So more like stinkerella.
Calgary
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Sensory experiences | Sexuality | Posted 2009-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tell Anyone, And I'll Burn You With This Acid Exfoliant
Guy #1: What is that?
Guy #2, holding sunscreen: Oh, it's sport sunscreen. My mom made bring it.
Guy #3: Dude. Why do you have so many ointments?
Guy #2: The back of my legs get burnt.
Guy #1: You moisturize?
Canada's Wonderland
Vaughan, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Shan
Categories: Body parts | Canadia | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Parenting | Questions | Posted 2009-07-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Hindsight, the Bible Could Have Been a Lot Worse
Young teenage girl with pink furry boots, rainbow hair, and seven facial piercings: Hey, if you were god, what would you do?
Young teenage boy with shaggy hair, acne, and a little boy face: I'd kill my foster parents.
Young teenage girl, totally ignoring her friend's response: I would totally make the world flat, so we could travel just by folding it in half. Imagine how much time and money I would save everyone!
Packed Train during Rush Hour
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia
Clearly You've Never Had to Deal with a Crying Five-Year-Old
English teacher: Literature just isn't exciting unless people suffer. Like Dora the Explorer, nothing bad ever happens to her. The show would be a lot better if her monkey got hit by a car and died, wouldn't it?
High School
Calgary
Canadia
Overheard by: mcoo
Categories: Animals | Books | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Education | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Posted 2009-07-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But They're Also Mother and Daughter
Airhead #1: Are you cousins with her?
Airhead #2: Not really... her mom and my mom are sisters.
Toronto
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Family ties | Idiots | Questions | Stupidity | Posted 2009-07-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But It Makes a Cool Gurgling Sound
10-year-old boy to another: Yeah, if you smoke it that way you can still get cancer. But if you smoke it through a water bong... yeah, about the same.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Lauren
From Stephen King's The Passion Of Christine
Little girl: Where is Jesus?
Bored babysitter: Umm, I don't know... In your heart?
Little girl: Well, then guess what?
Bored babysitter: What?
Little girl: I'm going to punch him! (starts punching herself in the heart)
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Babysitters | Body parts | Canadia | Feelings | Jesus | Kids | Kids | Questions | Violence | Posted 2009-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Don't Bite the Hand That Grades You
Annoying professor, about optical illusion on slide: What do you all see here?
Student: A moron with tenure.
Carleton University
Ottawa
Canadia
Nobody Who's Been to England Ever Has to Ask
Pretty tween girl, looking around on busy street: What's with all these ugly people taking up all the space?
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Beauty | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Questions | Tweens | Posted 2009-07-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Was Alvin and the Chipmunks Banned in Canadia?
Lady #1: So we have these squirrels in our backyard, and I don't know if the rabbits got to them or what, but they don't have any tails, just these stubs.
Lady #2: (laughs loudly)
Union Station
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Animals | Body parts | Canadia | Violence | Women | Posted 2009-07-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Beginning to Suspect They're Not Twist-Off
Girl #1: Yeah, bananas cost less than apples.
Girl #2: No way, I'd totally choose apples over bananas.
Girl #1: Really? I'd choose bananas, they fill me up more.
Girl #2, thoughtfully: I can't open bananas.
Canadia
Let's Ask the Jews to Be on Our Side, Though
Teen girl to friend: We could be like the next Hitler, but cooler!
Friend: Oooh, awesome!
Toronto
Canadia
Especially Since It Was Wii Sex
Guy #1: So are you seeing that girl now or what?
Guy #2: No, man, she has a boyfriend.
Guy #1: But didn't you sleep with her last weekend?
Guy #2: Dude, I slept with you last night. It doesn't mean anything.
Winnipeg
Manitoba
Canadia
Overheard by: Steph
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Guys | Questions | Relationships | Sex | Sexuality | Posted 2009-07-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Confusing
10-year-old boy #1: You're a douche.
10-year-old boy #2: Oh, yeah? Well, you're a pickle and a radish in a jar full of lemonade.
10-year-old boy #1: That's mean.
Mississauga
Canadia
In Canadia, Even the Pedophiles Are Kinda Quaint
Lounging suburban man to passers-by: Your kids look like they want to do the chicken limbo.
Toronto
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: The cool aunt
Penny-Pinchers Are Born, Not Made.
Little girl reading plastic bag: "Value village." Value village? Do you know what that is?
Mother: It's a store.
Little girl: It just makes me so happy.
Toronto
Canadia
...But, Um, the Essay Topic Was "My Favorite Pet"
College student #1: So I was thinking I was going to write about Hitler, and how he was like...bad?
College student #2: Totally.
Edmonton
Canadia
Overheard by: dumbfounded
In Smell-O-Vision
Professor, trying to motivate class: Sometimes, you just need to...to look up, and...and smell...the big picture.
Carleton University
Ottawa
Canadia
Time to Start Talking About Gay Rights in More PC Terms
Voice over intercom: So, come out and buy some juice and support a good cause.
Girl #1: Um, what good cause?
Girl #2: I dunno. Fruit?
High School
Calgary
Canadia
I Can Only Tolerate the Illusion Of Clean
Semi-drunk girl in pub crawl attire: I hate Windex, but I fuckin' love Febreze!
Toronto
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: History Major
Categories: Canadia | Cleanliness | Compare and contrast | Drunks | Feelings | Girls | Gripes | Health & Hygiene | Posted 2009-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Editors Pray She's Not from the U.S.
Tourist woman to wheelchair-bound local: Can you point me in the right direction?
Wheelchair-bound local: Yep, it's straight down that way.
Tourist woman: Okay...but is it walkable?
St. Lawrence Market
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: kingdubby
And the Local Deer Keep Trying to French-Kiss Me
100-pound, totally fit wife: I am pretty sure I have elevated sodium levels.
Husband: Your sodium levels are fine, honey.
100-pound, totally fit wife: No, I really think they are high enough to put me in the at-risk category.
Husband: What are you basing that on, exactly?
100-pound, totally fit wife: My tongue feels oversalted.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: kingdubby
Categories: Canadia | Couples | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Sensory experiences | Stupidity | Posted 2009-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Like Whales.
Guy with burger to friend, loudly: Penguins are fish, and fish don't eat fish!
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: kib
Since I Dispensed with My Beehive Hairdo
Female salesperson: I keep all my secrets in my Furby!
Toy Store
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: i keep mine in tupperware
Yet You Know When Jennifer Aniston Changes Her Hair Color?
Mexican drag queen hosting a show: It's St. Patrick's day tomorrow...
Crowd: It's today!
Mexican drag queen: Is it tonight? I never know these things, I don't watch the news!
Gay Bar
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Canadia | Latinos | Queers | Strangers | Stupidity | TV shows | Time Management | Posted 2009-06-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only If He Promises Not to Perform Auto-fellatio Again
Bus-riding teen #1: Fully grown adult males are, like, five inches! I'm telling you!
Bus-riding teen #2: No way! Tom is, like, ten inches when it's hard and, like, eight when it's soft!
Bus-riding teen #1: Do you want me to get my dad and check?
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Age and ageing | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Family ties | Penis | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hey, I'm Still Trying to Figure Out the Color Of My Aura
Girl to friend: There's a book you might be interested in, called What Color Is Your Parish.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: mine's ultraviolence
It Didn't Start Out As a Skirt
Loud high school chick in back of the bus: Remember when Amanda was wearing that skirt and she farted? It sounded like she dropped a fucking bomb! Wheeee-boom! Everyone applauded, it was that fucking cool.
Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: bitingontinfoil
Categories: Burping & farting | Canadia | Clothes | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Memory lane | Students | Posted 2009-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sleepover!
Mother: These sheets smell weird.
Child, enthusiastically: Yeah, like other people's houses!
Thrift Store, St. John's
Newfoundland
Canadia
Overheard by: Sandy
A Long-Handled One, If You Follow Me
Drunk student: I want nothing more in life than to be able to turn into a shoehorn.
Vancouver
Canadia
Sylvia's Whole Life Is a Word Problem
Annoyingly talkative woman: I got my pumpkin t-shirt at Old Navy eight years ago. I wear it every year. But I've only worn it... eight times!
Commuter Train
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: M@
Her Case Made It to the Supreme Court.
Woman, passing We Will Rock You theater: I mean, how can they *guarantee* to blow your mind?
Yonge Street
Toronto
Canadia
Smurfette: "I Paid a Lot Of Money to Even-out These Puppies."
Blonde girl #1: It's like we've tried countless times to get her to stop, and she just calls us "anorexic whores" and tells us she'd rather be "doming up" guys.
Blonde girl #2, laughing: You need a ruin Smurf plan.
Blonde girl #1: But we've tried everything! It's like "get over yourself! You look like a 1980s cartoon character, with uneven boobs and a crazy tan!"
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: BJs | Body parts | Canadia | Character | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Offers and requests | Words | Posted 2009-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Counting the Nuts, Of Course
Young ice cream customer: I'm going to get a large sundae.
Competitive young ice cream customer: Oh, yeah? I once had a sundae that was so big it was...it was... (thinks about it) up to the top of Jesus!
Dairy Queen
Victoria
Canadia
Overheard by: bemused in Dairy Queen
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Customers | Default | Food | Jesus | Kids | Kids | Offers and requests | Questions | Posted 2009-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Shouldn't Marry Anybody Who's the Boss Of You, Honey
Little girl to dad: Daddy?
Dad: Yes?
Little girl: Why can't brothers and sisters get married?
Toronto
Canadia
Hey, I Tried Pilates for You Guys.
Beefy tattooed inmate: Hey, does anyone know how to play twister?
(rest of unit groans)
Vancouver Island Maximum Security Prison
Canadia
As Opposed to Those Infuriating Sign Language Songs
Hipster to friends: They have really cool songs, 'cause you can, like, listen to them.
Hipster friends: (nod and mutter in agreement)
Corner Brook
Newfoundland
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Default | Hipsters | Music | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Too Realistic, Huh?
Teenage girl on bus: Oh, fuck. What is this world coming to? It's like it gets worse and worse.
Teenage guy sitting beside her: What? No. This wouldn't be the worst thing that's happened. Bad things happen all the time. Think about worse things going on right now, or that have been going on, for like, forever.
Teenage girl: It feels like it's getting worse, though.
Teenage guy: But it's not, though.
Teenage girl: Yeah, but, these bad things keep happening. It always keeps happening.
(pause)
Teenage guy: I wanna go see Watchmen.
Teenage girl: Don't, I heard it's not that good.
Bus
Ontario
Canadia
I Prefer to Think Of Them As My "Solar Panels"
(blind shuts in lounge area, blocking really bright sunshine, everybody quickly looks up)
Hot Chinese girl: Hey!
Friend: And finally they drop the blinds. My eyes were starting to hurt.
Hot Chinese girl: But I like the sunshine! It's so bright and warm and it emphasizes my boobs by casting shadows on my chest!
University of Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Asians | Body parts | Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Friends | Girls | Weather | Posted 2009-05-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Fucking Paperwork
20-something client: How do you spell "Matthew?"
Confused staff: Matthew? As in a person's name? Like "Matthew Perry" Matthew?
20-something: Yeah, it's my middle name and I want to put it on my resume. Does it have two t's or one?
Unemployment Centre
Ontario
Canadia
So I Gave Debbie Does Dinosaurs an Enthusiastic Two Thumbs Up!
Guy: Nothing, nothing turns me on more than Jurassic Park-themed role play.
Queen's University
Kingston, Canadia
Overheard by: Kat
See That Guy in the Tiny Daisy Dukes?
Teen girl to friend: Oh! I finally figured out whose pants I'm wearing.
Brantford
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Clothes | Default | Friends | Girls | Memory lane | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2009-05-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You'd Know Why If You'd Ever Dipped One in the Toilet
Tipsy guy to girl beside him: What are you doing later?
Girl: Going home to Scotchgard my bathrobe.
Duke & Duchess Bar
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Cooper Street Relic
She Always Wanted a Boy.
Girl to friends: I've always wanted to dress up like Jesus... My grandmother would be so proud of me.
St. John's
Newfoundland
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Clothes | Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Girls | Jesus | Offers and requests | Posted 2009-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Family Reunions Are a Bit Different in Canadia
Girl to friend: I know, it'll be so uncomfortable I can't wait! Though if someone licks me this time I'm not gonna be okay with it.
Red Deer
Canadia
Overheard by: Intrigued
I Couldn't Be Any Prouder Of Myself If My Nipples Were Fountains Of Blood!
Blonde teenage girl: I already burnt my vagina today. Now my butt is bruised, too!
Brantford
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Jayme
Categories: Ass | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teens | Vagina | Weirdness | Posted 2009-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They're Foot-Shaped Holes in the Fabric Of the Universe!
Girl: Socks aren't socks.
Fort McMurray
Alberta
Canadia
...Have You Ever Considered an Exciting Career in the Hobo Arts?
Hobo: Spare some change?
Lady suit: No.
Hobo: Fine. Well, at least it's sunny out today.
Lady suit: Yeah, it's so nice. But I only get to stare at it from inside the office. (looks sad)
Hobo: I feel for ya.
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Caesara
From Goonies?
Girl #1: So you got drunk in a church?
Girl #2: Yeah, sort of. There's a bar in the basement.
Girl #1: But isn't that, like, sacrilegious? I mean, isn't slosh one of the seven deadly sins?
Girl #2: Uh, I think you mean "sloth."
Ronnie's Local
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: LB
Categories: Canadia | Christianity | Default | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Questions | Words | Posted 2009-05-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What You Said About Barry Manilow!
American Apparel-wearing teen: I bet if the Jonas Brothers were indie, you'd totally dig them. Like same music, just less known.
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: About celebrities | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Music | Teens | Posted 2009-05-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah, That "God" Bit Was a Slick Cop-Out
Girl to pregnant friend: You're just like Mary, mother of Jesus...except she knew who the father was.
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Girls | God | Jesus | Posted 2009-05-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which I Saw a Magician Do Once, Disturbingly Enough
Guy: It was like trying to pull candy from a baby.
West Island
Montreal
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Candy | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Pop culture | Posted 2009-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Know How I Pine for It
McGill student in cafe, on phone: Don't you dare talk to me about softwood lumber!
Montreal
Quebec
Canadia
Overheard by: j.leung
Her IPhone Cover Looks an Awful Lot Like a Klan Hood
Teen girl: What a bitch! Like seriously, why can't I buy an iPhone cover for my BlackBerry?
Friend: I bet she was being racist.
Toronto
Canadia
Who Isn't Picturing Rod and Todd Flanders Right Now?
Small child #1: Hey, daddy, can we go get some ice cream?!
Small child #2: Yeah, daddy, let's have ice cream!
Father: Uh, no. But you can have yogurt drinks. They're basically the same!
Small children: Yay!
West Edmonton Mall
Canadia
Overheard by: Dr. Ruth
Categories: Canadia | Dads | Default | Family ties | Food | Guys | Kids | Kids | Malls | Offers and requests | Posted 2009-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well I Certainly Hope So
Film student: Brittney spears is going to kill herself one day.
Film professor: Well, I see her more like a Liz Taylor, slowly bloating up and taking a long time to die.
Winnipeg
Manitoba
Canadia
Overheard by: Sean_G
Categories: About celebrities | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Default | Music | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-04-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Which Is a Great Lead-In to My Lecture on Gonorrhea
Blonde girl: I hate horror movies, because then I get scared that those things are going to happen, cause they really do happen.
Teacher: You can't live your life like that! Those things are really rare! Like, I've been in all sorts of sketchy situations, and I'm still here.
Guy: You're just too sheltered.
Teacher: Like, when I was in Rwanda, this guy was giving us a ride and he was like "do you want to stay overnight at my house?" and we were like "okay," and I immediately regretted that one...
Toronto
Canadia
Fewer Errors
Girl, watching baseball: Ugh, I'd rather have anal than watch baseball!
Waterloo
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: me too.
I Named My Cat "Velutinous."
Teenage queer: How do you say 'fluffy' in science?
Random young boy: Fluffology?
Pretty woman: What?
Teenage queer: Velutinous?
Random young boy: Oh, that's sciencey.
Aurora
Ontario
Canadia
Which Is the First Rule Of Lesbian Fight Club
Artsy emo: It was like lesbian Fight Club! First Leema liked Holly, then she liked Tracy, who liked Nicola, who also liked Holly. So Nicola and Leema got in a fist fight and in the end, Tracy and Holly had sex in the woodshop classroom!
Toronto
Canadia
There Are Men Out There Who Would Pay Top-Dollar for the Privilege.
Girl: Yeah, I brushed my teeth! (pause) You want to lick my gums and see?
Chinatown
Edmonton
Canadia
Overheard by: Laura
Categories: Body parts | Canadia | Default | Girls | Offers and requests | Questions | Posted 2009-04-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Wrote "Blow Job" in the Comments Field
Guy on cell phone: I think it would look really bad if you gave me a check for $1000.
University Library
Montreal
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Money | Offers and requests | Posted 2009-04-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
According to the MLA Handbook
Girl in library #1: My intro and conclusion are really bad.
Girl in library #2: It's okay... an essay with a bad intro and conclusion is like a hot guy in dirty clothes.
Dalhousie University
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Girls | Posted 2009-04-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wait 'Til They Do "The Thong Song" in Middle English
Girls, singing: My milkshake bringeth the lads in the square, prithee, 'tis better than yours, 'tis better than yours, I could teach thee, but I'd levy a fee.
4 Bus
Victoria
Canadia
Overheard by: Fair maiden Juliet
Categories: Bus | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Music | Posted 2009-04-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Imagine That.
Smokin' hot Filipina girlfriend: My friend said that I should use Photoshop and imagination to do this. I have Photoshop, but where can I get imagination? I've never heard of it.
White boyfriend: You're kidding me, right?
Smokin' hot Filipina girlfriend: What?
White boyfriend: There is no software called "imagination." Just use your imagination. Duh!
Smokin' hot Filipina girlfriend: You're so not getting a blowjob tonight.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: The white boyfriend
I Knew This Antique Taffy-Pull Would Come in Handy One Day
History prof: This is the toughest late policy I've ever developed. And...it makes me feel good inside.
Mal-U
Canadia
Overheard by: Punctual student
And Then People Will Comprehendify You.
Husband: Yeah, I think that's because of the...the...
Wife: The what? Spit it out!
Husband: I know, I've been having so much trouble lately coming up with the appropriate word for what I'm trying to say.
Wife: Yeah, that's your problem. You just need to be able to think of what you need to say in advance so you can articulize it.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: King Dubby
And by That I Mean Exactly What You Think I Mean.
20-something hot girl to friend: I'm afraid of steamed broccoli and robes.
Montreal
Canadia
This Is Your Brain on Subway Conducting...
Subway conductor, as train lights go out: Ladies and gentlemen, we are currently experiencing a delay because some yahoo cut the power lines walking at track level at St. George station. (ominously) Do you know where your children are?
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Jtf
Categories: Canadia | Default | Employees | Family ties | Guys | Kids | Public Transportation | Public transportation | Questions | Posted 2009-04-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do We Really Want to Waste a Bag Of Crack, Though?
Guy #1: I know how to get your kid back, easy! I'll just put a bag of crack in your mom's car and call the cops and say "there is this old lady with a bag of crack and a baby in her car!" (laughs)
Guy #2: That would be so cool.
Bus Stop
Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia
Their Humps Are Actually Human Skulls
Boyfriend looking at stone sculpture of camel: Yo, what do camels eat?
Girlfriend: Camels eat people.
Boyfriend: I think they eat grass.
Girlfriend: No. Camels eat people.
Boyfriend, turning to passersby: Excuse me, what do camels eat?
Passerby #1: Uhh...I think they eat plants.
Girlfriend: No! Camels eat people!
Passerby #2: But, look, they don't have any claws or fangs. They can't eat people.
Passerby #1, disgusted: They eat plants.
Girlfriend, scoffing: There's no plants in the desert! That's why they eat people. Camels eat people!
Royal Ontario Museum
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Camels should eat some people...
Yada Yada Yada, See You at 5 A.M. Saturday
Professor: I know, I know. Worst exam period ever. You don't want to be there. I don't want to be there. I'm not sure how we got that one...maybe the dean has a daughter and I was drinking and I said something. I don't know.
Dalhousie University
Halifax, Nova Scotia
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Education | Family ties | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-04-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like That Salt-n-Pepa Song
Botany professor, lecturing on plant reproduction: Now, I'm sure you all know plenty about sex in humans by now. (pause) Because of the Ontario school system. (pause) And...stuff.
University of Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: The Shrew
And Fighting Scares Off Daddy's Dealer
Tough-looking guy with eight-year-old: Don't go over there! Dirty, gross stuff over there, dirty people go there.
Kid, climbing through railing bars: Druggies!
Dad: Don't say that around here! Daddy doesn't want to have to fight anyone.
Chinatown
Downtown Winnipeg
Canadia
Overheard by: al
If It's Bobbing for Saviors, Count Me Out.
Sunday school teacher: We're going to play a fun game next! Does anybody want to guess what it is?
Five-year-old student: Take of our shirts and pants?
Sunday school teacher: No!
Sunday School Classroom
Fredericton
Canadia
Overheard by: Andrew
Even Tree Surgery
Lawyer to another: So if you're ever having surgery on a limb, make sure they mark it with a marker.
Toronto
Canadia
We Really Need Internet Access for This Sort Of Thing
Girl on subway to friend: It'd be weird to have sex with a girl.
Friend: Yeah, you wouldn't know where everything goes.
Girl: Nothing would fit. (pause) This is probably not a subway conversation.
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Default | Friends | Girls | Public Transportation | Public transportation | Sex | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2009-04-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Don't Get Enough Fiber in Our Diets, Anyway
Hipster guy: Hey guys, this shirt's 100% organic. This shirt's made outta food! (quiet pause)
Hipster guy's friend: That is like, amazing.
Clothing Boutique
British Columbia
Canadia
Overheard by: Lauren.
Lear Has Something for Everyone
Strange curly-haired girl: Make sure you make Edmund really hot.
Morose pale dark-haired girl: Why?
Strange curly-haired girl: Dude! Did you not read King Lear? Bitches were all over his dick!
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Anneliese
But How Do You Feel About It?
Gossip girl #1: Oh my god! Did I tell you that I got accepted for my exchange to Paris next year? I'm going second semester.
Gossip girl #2: Oh my god! That's amazing!
Gossip girl #1: Yeah, I'm really excited.
Gossip girl #2: That's so exciting!
Gossip girl #1: Yeah, it's gonna be amazing.
Gossip girl #2: That is so amazing.
Gossip girl #1: Yeah, I'm super excited!
Gossip girl #2: That is just so exciting!
VIA Train
Montreal to Toronto
Overheard by: The zoe
As I Told Her During My Proposal
Guy describing girlfriend to friends: The best thing about her is that there's nothing extraordinary about her at all. (pauses) Yep, the thing I like the most about her is there's absolutely nothing special about her.
Calgary
Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: whibs
In the Nightmares Section
Man to salesperson in hippie bookstore: Hi I'm looking for a children's book about how chemicals and global warming are destroying the earth.
Salesperson: Oh, sure, it's right over here!
The Bookshelf
Guelph, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: The zoe
In the Meantime, Would You Like to Take My Card?
Wildly bearded hobo riding rusty bicycle and wearing only one shoe and parachute pants: Why, hello miss. Would you be interested in entering into a mutually beneficial body massage arrangement?
Surprised, redheaded woman: Uhhhhh, not today, thank you.
Hobo: I'll try back later.
Queen West
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Body parts | Canadia | Default | Hobos | Offers and requests | Questions | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-03-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who'd Leave Anybody for Mom?
Blonde #1: So wait, your dad was still married when he asked your mom out?
Blonde #2: Yeah, and I mean I hadn't thought about it until my sister pointed it out, but I guess my mom was a homewrecker. So I asked her about it and she was like "oh, yeah...I remember the divorce papers going through."
Blonde #1: That is so weird!
Blonde #2: Yeah, no kidding.
Toronto
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Not the Daughter of a Homewrecker
Categories: Canadia | Default | Family ties | Girls | Questions | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Too Bad He's a Gateway Drug on the Road to Rush Limbaugh
Student: I agree with everything Bill O'Reilly says.
University of Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Names | Pop culture | Students | Posted 2009-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Canadian or Retarded? The Controversy Continues.
Girl #1: So how is your new class going?
Girl #2: I don't know yet. We just found out there's a presentation that's worth 20%.
Girl #1: That sucks.
Girl #2: Yeah, and like, it's not easy either, like we have to think!
Ryerson University
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Lookforthewoman