Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | Places | North America

Whatever I Can't Get from Miss Cleo, Anyway.

Professor: Temperature is an example of an invented reality. Temperature doesn't exist. It's all in our minds. It's either hot or cold out, but what are "degrees" really? Nothing!
Student: Actually, temperature is scientifically calculated by... (goes on to give long, technical explanation)
Professor: Really? I'm going to have to go look that up on Wikipedia. I get all of my information from Wikipedia.

University of Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: Glad you're teaching us then...

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It's the Greatest Thing Since... You Know

Girlfriend: I think my butt has gotten bigger.
Boyfriend: If that's true, hallelujah. I love big booties.
Girlfriend: David*, this is serious! I think I have been doing so many squats that my butt has lifted and risen... like bread.

Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: MoMo

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And It's Important to Know About Paula Abdul's Career Trajectory

Student: If none of this is going to be on the exam, why are we devoting a class to it?
Professor: Because I find it interesting, and you have to listen to me.

Carleton University
Ottawa
Canadia

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Every Time I Try That, I Lose Some Memory

Mom: Arrrrgh. My brain just isn't working today!
Eight-year-old (deadpan): Did you try turning it off and on again?

Steveston
Canadia

Overheard by: laughing sangria out my nose

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Perhaps Some Clove Cigarettes Would Help

Geek #1: But I'm a semi-Mac user! I can't have a beard and be a Mac user!
Geek #2: Yeah, I know what you mean...

Memorial University
Newfoundland
Canadia

Overheard by: Beardless Mac User

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

My Technique's Right Out Of The Shaolin Cookbook

Girl on bus: So, I'm like: "Bitch, you can't question my big fork usage!"

99 Bus
Vancouver
Canadia

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Stop Eating the Foil Containers, You Tard

Roommate: I don't eat leftovers. They make my throat hurt.

Brandon
Manitoba
Canadia

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Just When You Thought Canadians and Americans Had Nothing in Common

Guy #1: What are you gonna do for your spare?
Guy #2: I don't know, probably get a sandwich and beat off in the library.

High School
British Columbia
Canadia

Overheard by: Nick

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The Way I'm Stealing Your Bra

Student: So if I, like, read something in the library and I memorize it, am I, like, stealing it with my mind?
Instructor: Yes. You can steal things with your mind.

Copy Editing Class
Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Ever Wonder What Happens to the Child Actors on SVU?

Mother to impatient son: Do you want to show me how you count?
Five-year-old: Ok. One. Two. Three. Fuck.
Mother: What!? Adam*, you know you're not supposed to say...
Four-year-old: Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Mother: Adam*, I said stop! That's a very, very bad word.
Four-year-old, putting hands on ears: You fuck, you fuck, you fuck.

Holt Renfrew
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: M

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The Slippery Slope Leading to Marriage and Children

40-something woman on phone: Was that the time when we made cone bras or the time when we shaved our legs with a nail file?

Toronto
Ontario
Canadia

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Your Soul Is Irredeemably Banal

Spaced-out kid: And I think it was some kind of message in that out-of-body experience. Like, it was my soul trying to tell me that after I finished puking, I should take a shower.
Teenage queer: Your dreams are fucked.

St. Andrew's College
Aurora
Canadia

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Sorry, Just Taking My Neuroses for a Walk

Professor: And this means that... [Looks at two students in the second row wearing striped shirts.] I just noticed that you two are matching! Wow! Anyway, this means that... [Sees another student farther back.] You too! [Stands back, eyes class suspiciously.] That's almost too much of a coincidence.

Carleton University
Ottawa
Canadia

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Experimental Music Has Really Jumped the Shark

Little kid in stroller: Ouaf! Waf! Ggrrr! Ouaf!
Mom: Oh yeah! Yeah!
Little kid in a stroller: Ouaf! Waf! Ggrrr! Ouaf!
Mom: Yeah! That's it. Yeaaaah!

St Laurent Boulevard
Montréal
Canadia

Overheard by: Augustime

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Now as Lost to Us as the Age of Dinosaurs

Girl #1: You've written "2007" instead of "2008" on your exam sheet.
Girl #2: Yeah, so? It was a better time, ok?

University of Guelph
Canadia

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I Suppose I Could Have One of My Concubines Answer Them, Though

Student: Professor, will you be able to answer e-mails while you are away, since our final is in a week?
Uncomfortable Japanese professor with strange British/Japanese accent: No, I will not be able to answer students' e-mails because most of the time I come home I am drunk.
Students: [Incredulous silence. Laughter.]

Philosophy class
McGill University
Canadia

Overheard by: student who hated this prof until this comment...

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Wanna See Some Wallet Photos from the Huffing Years?

Girl#1: I mean, my parents have no money now. Dad lost it in his "snort" phase.
Girl#2: My mom had that phase, but now she's just into the "prescription" phase.
Girl#3: That's a great phase.

Banana Republic
Kitchener
Canada

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Some Of Ty Pennington's Ideas Are Rejected by the Network

Guy walking by the main library: ... And we could have, like, a Moroccan sex room, with pillows and draperies!
Male friend: Right on!

University of Toronto
Canadia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I'd Heard the Expression "Nose Candy" and Gotten Confused

Female student, looking at Valentine candy display: Oh, I love those little cinnamon hearts.
Male student: Oh, me too. When I was a kid I used to snort them up my nose.

Guelph
Ontario
Canadia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Just the Guy We've Been Looking For!

Scientologist: Excuse me, sir. Would you like a free personality test from the Church of Scientology?
Suit: I don't need one. My wife says I'm an asshole.

Outside Church of Scientology, Yonge Street
Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: lauren mcgoldrick

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You Never Did That When We Were Together, Either

Young guy on cell: You got a bikini wax?... Really?... How come you never did that when we were together?... Oh, so you're a woman now?

7-Eleven
Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia

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Kinda Misleading That His Name's Mario, Though

Teen girl #1: Your dad could be a plumber because of his moustache.
Teen girl #2: My dad doesn't have a moustache.
Teen girl #1: Well I wish he did.
Teen girl #2: Too bad, bitch!

North Bay
Ontario
Canadia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I Wondered What You Had Against Charlie Chaplin

Suit #1: I meant 'tramp' like a homeless person.
Suit #2: Ohhh. Well, that changes everything.

Yonge and College
Toronto
Canadia

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Canadian Ice Cream Is Not for the Faint of Heart

Guy: So yeah, our ice cream is good. It's not made out of cat.

Ontario
Canadia

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Sure, Rip Taylor Made A Living Out of It

Student: Is there really a job where you can just throw paper at people and then run away?

Canadia

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It Doesn't Translate Well

Muslim girl: Ramadan Mubarak!
Girl: What does that mean?
Muslim girl: It means, like, "Yay, it's Ramadan!"
Girl: So, like ... "Yay, I'm not eating or having sex most of the day!"?

Ottawa
Canadia

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Couldn't You Just Ask for the Air-speed Velocity of an Unladen Swallow?

Bouncer: I don't know... Do you have another piece of ID on you?
Blonde: No, but go ahead, ask me anything!
Bouncer: Why don't your shoes match your skirt?

London, Ontario
Canadia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

So You Can't Date Jews or Muslims

Girl #1: Hey, what's your shoe size?
Girl #2: Six.
Girl #1: I've got a pair of shoes that would fit you, if you want them. They smell vaguely of bacon.

Vancouver
British Columbia
Canadia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Disconcerting and Yet So Right

Middle-aged shopper: There's something so disconcerting about being poked in the tits by a kitchen fork.

Edmonton
Alberta
Canadia

Overheard by: disgruntled shopgirl

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From the Three's Company Cutting-Room Floor

Female roommate, discussing broken toilet: It's funny how the tampon goes but not the poop.
Male roommate: I should have stayed in my room.

Montreal
Quebec
Canadia

Overheard by: should've stayed at the library...

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Trust Me --That's My Schtick

Overly optimistic girl: He's kinda sketchy, but in a nice way.
Passing stranger: Not possible!

Concordia University
Montreal
Canadia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Disco?

Student at table: Yeah, so, I finally found out what was dead in my basement.

School Caffeteria
Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: Annie

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Ironically, the Skirt Has a Silver Lining

Girl in uniform: So when I went to pick up my uniform there were no skirts. So my mom was like "My daughter needs bottoms."
Friend: That sucks!
Girl in uniform: Yeah, the skirt I'm wearing now belongs to this girl who was deported to Trinidad.

Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: Myr

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Portrait Of the U.S. Policy Advisor As a Young Man

Small boy running down aisle: Stupid democracy!

Canadia

Overheard by: MNM

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It'll Pop Up Again in the Spring

Guy #1: Are you gonna get tested?
Guy #2: I think the Lauren thing pretty much takes care of it.
Guy #3: You should still get tested.
Guy #2: Yeeeah, but I don't like getting blood taken from me and I don't have any like, symptoms, so...
Guy #3: Well, I haven't seen your penis.

Simon Fraser University
British Columbia
Canadia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The More Absurd It Is, the Better. Like Christianity

Gym teacher, during stretches: If you do it this way, it makes it easier and also more challenging.

Henry Wise Wood High School
Calgary
Canadia

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90% of the Time, Your Kids Won't Even Appreciate Your Brilliance

Small child, pointing to an "eat pussy" graffiti painted on the side of a restaurant: Daddy, what does that say?
Father: It's a menu.

Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: Chikara

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Good Thing You Weren't in the Supply Closet an Hour Ago

Teacher: Oh wow, I just noticed that I'm not wearing my wedding ring. I feel half naked... You guys are lucky that I'm not.

Ontario
Canadia

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