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Don't Think I Didn't Learn About Heteronormativity in Preschool
Young boy to mother, after getting cup of tea: Oh, what's this? A cup of tea for me? Are you married? Pah! I don't want your married germs!
Akaroa French Fest
New Zealand
Categories: Health & Hygiene | New Zealand | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2011-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Can't Tell the Serial Killers from the Doctors Without a Program
Sally's* uncle: How did Sally enjoy her night observing an ambulance crew?
Sally's mum: She said it was pretty boring. Not nearly enough blood and gore. She did get to kill a guy, though.
Sally's uncle: She what?
Sally's mum: They picked up a guy who was having a heart attack. The paramedic had Sally do something with the patient, and he died. She says it took him too long to die and she got bored waiting.
Restaurant
Auckland
New Zealand
Overheard by: KiwiBloke
Categories: Death & dying | Family | Health & Hygiene | New Zealand | Questions | Posted 2011-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Cultured
English teacher, on how language features are used in advertisements: So in the end, this advertisement is making all the single women of the world think "hello? I wanna be like the yoghurt!"
English Class
Christchurch
New Zealand
Categories: Education | New Zealand | Teachers | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2011-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Editors Have Started to Hyperventilate
Upset girl to friend: Everything's not the way it should be, it's all wrong. I fail at life.
Friend: Oh, no, you don't fail at life! This is just one of those little things you will fix, along with other things you will fix, and in the end, you'll end up with a pile of little fixed things.
Christchurch
New Zealand
Overheard by: Julia
Categories: Advice | Chicks | Comebacks | Compliments | Feelings | New Zealand | Posted 2010-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...In Other Words, Pie
Blonde girl: I like summer fruits... Like strawberries.
Guy: What about others?
Blonde girl: Only if it's puree, or used in a sexual nature.
Masters' Room
University of Auckland
New Zealand
Categories: Bimbettes | Fruit | New Zealand | Sexuality | Toys | Posted 2010-11-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If We've Learned Nothing Else from There's Something About Mary, It's That.
Girl #1: It's my hair, isn't it?
Girl #2: Your hair is begging to be oversexed.
Wellington, New Zealand
Overheard by: Bea
Categories: Girls | Hair | New Zealand | Sex | Posted 2010-08-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Would Make Your Ears Ring, Sir
Lecturer, about over-sized earrings left behind in class: Yes, you put one around the left testicle...
Christchurch
New Zealand
Categories: Balls | Fashion | New Zealand | Teachers | Posted 2010-08-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight's Movie: The Long Goodbye
Nurse to elderly woman trying to escape from old folks' home: Come on, ma'am, we need to get you back inside.
Elderly woman: I don't need to get back inside, I need to get home! Rape! Rape!
Christchurch
New Zealand
Um, That's a Magic Eye Picture.
Architecture tutor critiquing students' poster: When you look at it, it starts making some irrational type of sense.
Unitec Polytech
Auckland
New Zealand
Categories: Education | New Zealand | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Professor Said It Was the Best Paper He's Gotten in Years
University student: But it must be true... I read it on the internet! I read it on Wikipedia!
Auckland
New Zealand
Overheard by: Louise
Categories: Internet | New Zealand | Students | Stupidity | Posted 2010-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Right in the Seabiscuit
15-year-old girl to friend: And then she tells me, like three weeks later: "You know how I was angry at you? Well, I punched your horse."
School Cafeteria
New Zealand
Categories: Animals | Feelings | New Zealand | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teens | Violence | Posted 2010-02-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Just Wait Here 'til It Melts
Tour bus driver to American girl: So you aren't doing the glacier hike?
American girl: No way! No one is making me walk up some icy hill!
Fox Glacier
New Zealand
Categories: Bus drivers | New Zealand | Questions | Stupidity | Tourist attractions | Posted 2010-02-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stop Wearing Those Stiletto Boots and Bra-tops and We'll Talk
Communications professor: I mean, I can offer you a dollar for sex or I can offer you a million dollars. You're still a prostitute. We're just haggling over price.
(some female students giggle)
Communications professor: What? Oh, you're laughing because I called you whores?
Otago University
New Zealand
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Insults | Money | New Zealand | Offers and requests | Questions | Sex | Students | Teachers | Posted 2010-01-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...From Your Leash.
Mother, chasing fleeing toddler across library: Stop! Come back! You have separation anxiety!
Christchuch
New Zealand
Overheard by: I suspect it's the other way around...
And What Kind Of a Lame-Ass Answer Is "Energy"?
Tutor: So what are some things you associate with lemons?
Student #1: Yellow!
Student #2: Energy!
Student #3: Gin-an-tonic!
Tutor: What? Genitalia? Who said genitalia?
Massey University
Wellington
New Zealand
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Fruit | New Zealand | Questions | Students | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-12-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Beginning to Regret Teaching You How to Use Anthrax
Teacher to chattering students: Quit discussing biochemical warfare!
Biology Classroom
Auckland
New Zealand
B.D. Wong Discusses His Performance on Law & Order: SVU
Student to friend: I was going for Asian and it came out pedophile.
Otago University
New Zealand
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Friends | New Zealand | Race | Sex | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Sentiment Behind the Casting Of Every Boy Band, Ever.
Girl: He's like my brother... that I occasionally have an incestuous relationship with.
Auckland
New Zealand
Overheard by: Lisa Arthur
Categories: Compare and contrast | Family ties | Girls | New Zealand | Sex | Posted 2009-12-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wasn't This a Steven Spielberg Movie?
Lady on the bus: So I was 17 and pregnant! He was a Nazi extremist, but a very nice man. Very charming. I was rebellous (sic) as a teenager. Very rebellous. But now I'm old-fashioned, and I've got lots of morals.
Wellington
New Zealand
Overheard by: dominic
Categories: Age and ageing | Bus | Character | New Zealand | Politics | Pregnancy | Weirdness | Women | Words | Posted 2009-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But She Didn't Use Their Blood As Paint This Time!
Sober girl: Look, all I'm saying is, I wouldn't fucking mess with her. She's clinically insane.
Drunk girl: But you know, I think she's really smart. There are those people, you know, that are so smart they're like actually crazy... Real mental, and we just think they're weird, but they're not! They have like, an IQ of 200!
Sober girl: You do realize that she drew pictures of her friends decapitated, right?
Wellington
New Zealand
Overheard by: Were they talking about the same person?
Categories: Character | Compare and contrast | Drunks | Girls | New Zealand | Questions | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nicely, Before I Get Out the Acid-Filled Squirt Gun.
Dry lecturer to class: Given the grades you got in the test, you should really be listening to what I'm saying. (pause) That's rather bitchy, isn't it? It's my way of saying: "shut the whatever up."
University of Auckland
New Zealand
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Insults | New Zealand | Students | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-10-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Me, Nature, and Judge Judy
Chemistry professor: Now, it may seem that nature has gotten it wrong--but like me, nature never gets it wrong.
University of Auckland
New Zealand
Categories: Bringing it back to you | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | New Zealand | Philosophy | Science | Teachers | Posted 2009-10-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Child Psychologists Exist
Father, explaining electrical cables to teenage son: Yeah, she's got a transvestite in her wall. But you can convert the tranny back to a female, using the thing in the wall.
Wellington, New Zealand
Overheard by: Jordyn
Categories: Compare and contrast | Dads | Gender issues | New Zealand | Parenting | Science | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2009-09-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Seen in Good Wool Humping
Irish girl, after sheep show: Well, that wasn't much, was it?
Irish friend: Yeah, just a lot of focking sheep shit.
South Island
New Zealand
Overheard by: fellow tour member who agrees
Categories: Animals | Foreigners | Friends | Girls | Gripes | New Zealand | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Explained in Thurber's The Wonderful O
Student to another: You're an asshole!
Science teacher: If you're going to say that, you should use the proper term, which is "anus."
High School
Auckland
New Zealand
Categories: Advice | Ass | Etiquette | Insults | New Zealand | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-08-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Worse, Move to Australia
Student: It's make friends or die.
Albert Park
Auckland
New Zealand
Categories: Death & dying | New Zealand | Relationships | Students | Posted 2009-08-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The New Apartheid
Teen girl driving car: I'm turning left because I'm ugly.
New Zealand
Overheard by: passenger
Categories: Beauty | Girls | New Zealand | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Needs Watering, If You Follow Me
Woman on phone: As long as she can wear it without showing her lady garden, then that's fine by me.
Christchurch
New Zealand
Categories: Clothes | Clothing | New Zealand | On the phone | Vagina | Women | Posted 2009-07-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Gotta Learn How to Pregame
Girl #1: I came really fast, apparently.
Girl #2: Wow, really?
Girl #1: Yeah. (sighs) If only we weren't talking about childbirth.
Auckland
New Zealand
Jerry Springer Expands to Foreign Markets.
Mother to teen son: Your hair needs a cut.
Teen son: Your face needs a cut.
Dad: Your face needs a punch!
Ebdentown
New Zealand
Overheard by: Schmitty
Categories: Body parts | Compare and contrast | Dads | Default | Family | Guys | Hair | Moms | New Zealand | Offers and requests | Teens | Violence | Posted 2009-06-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
With My Tongue
Asian woman: You know, I'm not normally a lesbian. I was just scoping out the competition last night!
Christchurch
New Zealand
Yadda Yadda Yadda, We Ended Up in the E.R.
Girl: Today at the Garden Centre, Bret did this amazing dance to cheer up a dog.
Wellington
New Zealand
But It Came with the ESP Feature
Teen guy #1: Fuck, my girlfriend hasn't texted me back in over two hours!
Teen guy #2: Do you even have your phone on you?
Teen guy #1: No, it's in the car.
Upper Hutt
New Zealand
Overheard by: Schmitty
Categories: Default | Gripes | Guys | New Zealand | Questions | Relationships | Teens | Texting | Posted 2009-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Male Equivalent Of a Douche Chill?
Teen girl, yelling at computer screen: Oh, you willy shiver!
Totara Park
New Zealand
Overheard by: Schmitty
Categories: Default | Girls | New Zealand | Technology | Teens | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Don't Sound Excited!!!
Girl #1: Are you excited?
Girl #2: About what?
Girl #1: About everything!
Girl #2: Yeah.
Girl #1: I'm always excited!
Christchurch
New Zealand
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Girls | New Zealand | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2009-04-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Not Right
Girl who always rides skateboard: And so we were playing ping pong, and he took his shirt off!
Friend: Right.
Girl who always rides skateboard: And then he let me hit stuff against him!
Rangi Ruru Girls' School
New Zealand
Categories: Clothes | Default | Friends | Games | Girls | New Zealand | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2009-04-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The High School Musical Outtakes Were Somewhat Shocking
Guy: Why were you guys talking about my penis?
Girl: We weren't.
Guy: Yes you were! I heard you mention it!
Girl: Zach! The world doesn't revolve around you and your penis!
Hagley Park
Christchurch
New Zealand
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Guys | Lies | New Zealand | Penis | Questions | Posted 2009-04-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Alice, I Think We Should See Other People for a While
Woman #1: He looks like Leonardo DiCaprio.
Woman #2: Niiiice. Wait, hot Leonardo from The Departed or crazy Leonardo from The Aviator?
Woman #1: Uhhh.
Woman #2: Or the mental kid from Gilbert Grape? Or Leonardo from Titanic? Ha, this is fun!
Woman #1: Actually, he looks more like Matt Damon.
Auckland
New Zealand
Categories: About celebrities | Compare and contrast | Default | Movies | New Zealand | Questions | Women | Posted 2009-04-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Think You Left It on the Holodeck
Tall brunette: Hey...have you seen my portable soup transporter?
Short blonde (in disbelief): You mean a cup?
Tall brunette: Yeah...that.
Lower Hutt
New Zealand
Overheard by: Seriously worried
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Girls | New Zealand | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2009-04-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Don't Let Windows Hit You on the Way Out
Lecturer: You just want to drag and drop this, like you would with your lover the next morning.
Christchurch Polytechnic Institute of Technology
Christchurch
New Zealand
Overheard by: I wish I took this class...
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | New Zealand | Relationships | Religious fanatics | Weirdness | Posted 2009-04-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How to Come Out As Trans in One Easy Step
Teenage girl to another: You know what I really hate? When your balls sweat.
Glenfield College
Auckland
New Zealand
Overheard by: Kelly
Categories: Balls | Colleges & Universities | Default | Feelings | Girls | New Zealand | Questions | Teens | Posted 2009-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like a Mating Ball Of Snakes
Girl #1, looking through clothes racks: We should spoon.
Girl #2: But then other people might wanna join in.
Girl #1: So?
Girl #2: It could get messy.
Girl #1: Oh, true.
New Zealand
Overheard by: Bianca
Terrorist!
Girl #1, walking out of exam: I'm free! I'm finally free!
Girl #2: I hate your freedom. I want to punch your freedom in the face!
Auckland
New Zealand
Categories: Body parts | Default | Feelings | Girls | Happiness | New Zealand | Posted 2009-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hope You Bitches Saved Me Some Weed
Mom: Why is the tv on with the mute on?
Daughter #1: Cause of the pretty moving pictures!
Daughter #2: Yeah! It's like an aquarium, but with Tom Hanks.
Upper Hutt
New Zealand
Overheard by: Kat
Categories: About celebrities | Beauty | Default | Girls | Moms | New Zealand | Questions | Technology | Women | Posted 2009-03-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wow, This Horoscope Is Dead On!
Girl to friend: You know, you should just stop face-fucking everyone all the time. Then you'd be fine.
Christchurch
New Zealand
Categories: Advice | BJs | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | New Zealand | Posted 2009-03-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Is the Happiest Day Of My Life
Emo kid carrying a toaster with two slices of bread: Everyone's looking at our toaster.
Glenfield Mall
Auckland
New Zealand
Overheard by: Kelly
Categories: Default | Food | Kids | Malls | New Zealand | Technology | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Clearly, You Are No Donna Reed
Hipster guy: I cried so much when I watched it.
Hipster girl: It's a Wonderful Life made you cry? Ha!
Hipster guy: Shhhh! (looks around furtively)
Wellington
New Zealand
Clearly You've Never Been to Wellesley
Boyfriend: What, forty dollars for a bra?!
Girlfriend: That's quite cheap for one.
Boyfriend: I'm glad I'm not a girl.
Girlfriend: Me too.
Boyfriend: Why's that?
Girlfriend: Because you'd be the dirtiest girl I know.
Farmers
Masterton
New Zealand
Categories: Clothes | Couples | Default | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Money | New Zealand | Questions | Posted 2009-02-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Only Surefire Way to Protect Your Money Nowadays
Teen: And when I woke up, everything in my purse was covered by a condom.
Auckland
New Zealand
Overheard by: At least it was protected
Grande Penis
Teenage girl: That's why I got a coffee this morning, because my mouth tasted like penis.
Auckland
New Zealand
Overheard by: Cassie and Chloe
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Feelings | Girls | Mouth | New Zealand | Penis | Teens | Posted 2009-01-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sounds Like a Good Rule
Girl to friend: And then this guy, I can't remember his name, he was like "hey, you want some cake?" But I've read his blog and he believes in creationism, so I was like "no, thanks."
Christchurch
New Zealand
Categories: Default | Girls | Names | New Zealand | Offers and requests | Philosophy | Relationships | Science | Posted 2008-12-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is What I Tell Myself Every Night, Cold and Alone in Bed
American physics lecturer: There's no shame in being fond of Star Trek.
University of Auckland
New Zealand
Categories: Default | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Feelings | New Zealand | TV shows | Teachers | Posted 2008-12-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And You Said I Could Have Whatever I Wanted for My Bar Mitzvah
Teenage boy to father: I've been talking to a Thai lady on the internet and, I'll bring her to New Zealand for only $50,000!
Father: Is she genuine?
Teenage boy: Genuine Thai lady-boy!
Auckland
New Zealand
Overheard by: Tessa
Categories: Dads | Default | Gender issues | Geography | Guys | Internet | Money | New Zealand | Offers and requests | Questions | Sexuality | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why New Zealand Girls Wear Monacles: Explained
Blonde girl #1: I really want those silver shoes from Moochi Lane. You know, those pointy ones? Even though they look a little weird.
Blonde girl #2: They look like crazy tuxedo man shoes. You know? Like those shoes that Mr Peanut wears...crazy tuxedo man shoes.
Blonde girl #1: Oh my god, they totally do!
Wellington
New Zealand
Overheard by: Felicity
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | New Zealand | Shoes | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2008-11-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nietzsche: What Does Not Kill Me Makes Me Wierder
(Mustang Sally is playing in background)
Guy: I dated a girl in high school who called herself Mustang Sally and me Cowboy Bill.
Girl: Is that the girl you kissed?
Guy: No, we just wrestled. She was weird. I was weird. It worked out...badly.
Video Store
Auckland
New Zealand
Categories: Default | Girls | Guys | Memory lane | Names | New Zealand | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Really More of a Woman's Perspective
Girl: Do you want me to kick you in the balls?
Guy: What?
Girl: Cause then you'd be all like, "Now I can't reproduce. What's the point anymore?"
Weir House
Wellington
New Zealand
Categories: Balls | Default | Girls | Guys | New Zealand | Offers and requests | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...at Scrabble?
Girl #1: So, if your boyfriend kisses another guy, is that counted as cheating?
Girl #2: Uhhh... What?
New Zealand
Categories: Default | Gender issues | Girls | Infidelity | New Zealand | Questions | Relationships | Sexuality | Posted 2008-10-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As It Is, There's No Way I'll Get American Citizenship
Girl (solemnly): My real barrier is that I don't like beer.
Dunedin
New Zealand
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Feelings | Girls | New Zealand | Posted 2008-09-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only I'm Smart Enough to Charge for It
Girl #1: Oh my god, Jen* is such a skank!
Girl #2: Yeah, but if I was that good-looking I'd be a slut too!
Upper Hutt
New Zealand
Overheard by: Kat
Then It Was really Sacrilegious When We Made Out
Teen girl #1: Remember when you were Jesus and I was Satan?
Teen girl #2: Yeah.
Upper Hutt
New Zealand
Overheard by: Schmitty
Categories: Evil | Girls | God | Memory lane | New Zealand | Questions | Teens | Posted 2008-07-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Living in a Little Island Country Exacerbates One's Eccentricity
Girl #1: Ask me what flavor my scarf is.
Girl #2: What flavor is your scarf?
Girl #1: Beef noodle!
New Zealand
Overheard by: Schmitty
Is the Moral of the Ant and Grasshopper Story
Lecturer: People who are happy, hopeful, and relaxed... are a pain in the ass.
Auckland
New Zealand
Categories: Character | Compare and contrast | Feelings | Happiness | Insults | New Zealand | Teachers | Posted 2008-05-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Produced Sitcom Pilots in the 80s
Blonde: I wish I was a dad. It would be so funny!
Wellington
New Zealand
Overheard by: Sars
Categories: Compare and contrast | Family ties | Gender issues | Girls | New Zealand | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ever Seen a Cat Goose-Step?
Teen girl: I put my new bra on my cat's head and he looked like a German soldier.
New Zealand
Overheard by: Schmitty
Categories: Animals | Clothes | Compare and contrast | Geography | Girls | History | New Zealand | Posted 2008-05-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He's Been Disgruntled Ever Since Discovering I'm a Bottom.
Fat guy: Sorry I'm late. Mr. Sphincter isn't being very co-operative today.
Nova Cafe
Dunedin
New Zealand
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Body parts | Etiquette | Euphemisms | Fat people | Guys | Health & Hygiene | New Zealand | Pee | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Shoes. Don't Forget Shoes
High school chick #1: Omygod, I totally love him.
High school chick #2: Omygod, me too.
High school chick #1: I mean, he is like easily the hottest guy at our school.
High school chick #2: Oh totally. Like he is soooo cute.
[pause].
High school chick #2: What does he look like again?
High school chick #1: Um, like, I think he wears jeans a lot.
Lambton Quay
Wellington
New Zealand
Categories: Beauty | Chicks | Clothes | Default | Feelings | New Zealand | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Students | Teens | Posted 2008-04-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Getting Closer to an Answer All the Time
Guy #1: How much have you had to drink?
Guy #2: Just beers.
Guy #1: But how many?
Guy #2: Just beers.
Guy #1: Yeah, how many beers have you had?
Guy #2: Yeah.
Guy #1: How many have you had though?
Guy #2: I'm only drinking beers tonight.
Pinehaven
New Zealand
Overheard by: Schmitty
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Guys | Idiots | New Zealand | Questions | Stupidity | Words | Posted 2008-04-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Toilet-Swirl Isn't the Only Thing That's Backwards in New Zealand
Dude: I wish all guys had boobs.
Girl: What?!
Dude: It's so much more appropriate to grope a guy than a girl!
New Zealand
Overheard by: Schmitty
She Didn't Die, but She Did Laugh Until She Wet Herself
Four-year-old boy to girl his age: Boom-chicka-boom-chicka-boom-chicka-boom! I take it out of my pants and then you die!
Christchurch Airport
Christchurch, New Zealand
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: New Zealand | Should have used a condom | Threats | Posted 2008-02-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only the Strong Survive a New Zealand Childhood
Toddler in stroller, after dad accidentally pushes him into a shelf: Uh-oh!
Dad: Yeah, uh-oh! Daddy's drunk, so he shouldn't be drinking and driving. [Toddler giggles.]
Mt. Eden
Auckland
New Zealand
Overheard by: Jon
Categories: Dads | Drinking & drunks | Kids | New Zealand | Posted 2008-01-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I'd Only Be a Truckstop Ho for Mad Cash
Rich white chick: Fuck, yeah, I'd be a car ho for some sweet cash.
Christchurch, Canterbury
New Zealand
Categories: Bimbettes | Jobs & Careers | New Zealand | Whiteys | Posted 2008-01-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Next Time I Advise You to Introduce Yourself First
Girl #1: Are you fucking me up the asshole without any K-Y?
Girl #2: Yes. Yes, I am.
Wellington, New Zealand
Overheard by: Ouch!
Categories: Backdoor | Chicks | New Zealand | Posted 2007-11-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Shuttling. Duh.
Teen girl to receptionist: Where's your giant cock gone?!
Badminton hall
New Zealand
Categories: New Zealand | Questions | Teens | Posted 2007-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
God, Asians Are Racists, Too?
Asian #1, watching Asian driver: Asian drivers suck!
Asian #2: Dude, you are one!
Asian #1: Oh, yeah.
Queen Street
Auckland
New Zealand
Categories: Asians | New Zealand | Race | Posted 2007-10-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Going to Need More Information.
Dude #1: ... And so I woke up, and I was naked!
Dude #2: What? Why were you naked?
Dude #1: Well, 'cause I was stripping, duh.
New Zealand
Categories: Gossip | Guys | New Zealand | Posted 2007-10-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And He Didn't Have Such a Small Dick
Drunk girl #1: I'd totally fuck your dad.
Drunk girl #2: Gross! Don't say that about my dad.
Drunk girl #1: What? He's hot, he's fuckable...
Drunk girl #2: Yeah, I guess he is hot... I'd fuck him if he wasn't my dad.
Wellington
New Zealand
Categories: Drunks | Family ties | New Zealand | Posted 2007-09-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Made the Best of the Situation
Teen girl: I just discovered my fly was undone when my hand was mysteriously near my crotch.
Subway restaurant
New Zealand
Categories: Gossip | New Zealand | Teens | Posted 2007-09-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When the Religious Right Goes Too Far
Teen #1: Did you know tumors can sometimes grow hair and teeth?
Teen #2, stunned: Um, those aren't tumors. Th-those are babies.
Wild Thyme Restaurant
Queenstown
New Zealand
Categories: Body parts | New Zealand | Teens | Posted 2007-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Do Not Think That Word Means What You Think It Means
Girl #1: Do you have a boyfriend?
Girl #2: No! I'm not gay!
Auckland
New Zealand
Overheard by: Louise
Categories: Chicks | New Zealand | Sexuality | Posted 2007-08-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's the Nature of the Therapeutic Relationship
Woman: Well, yes, of course I'm making it all up. But you know it's true.
Friend: Oh, yes!
Auckland
New Zealand
Overheard by: Ross
Categories: Ladies who lunch | Lies | New Zealand | Posted 2007-08-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Knows a Lot Less Than They Told Us
Middle-aged lady to friends: Hey, do you remember Santa?
Auckland
New Zealand
Categories: Chicks | New Zealand | Questions | Posted 2007-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What with All of the Licensing Revenue
Teen chick: You know, as long as there wasn't an intergalactic war or anything, I think it would be really cool to be an Ewok.
High school
New Zealand
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: New Zealand | Philosophy | Teens | Posted 2007-07-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hiding a Core of Transcendent Ignorance
Blonde: I'm only dumb on the outside!
Upper Hutt
New Zealand
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: Bimbettes | Gossip | New Zealand | Posted 2007-07-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Father Is by Far the Obvious Choice
Five-year-old girl to sister: Who would you rather kill -- Mummy or Daddy?
Mother: I don't want to hear you talking like that.
Auckland
New Zealand
Overheard by: disturbed
Categories: Moms | New Zealand | Questions | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-07-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Bureau of Rude Remarks Shall Hear of This!
Dude: You should know -- I'm into government intervention into every aspect of life.
Passerby: Such a fag.
Lambton Quay
Wellington
New Zealand
Categories: Insults | Jerks | Names | New Zealand | Posted 2007-05-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In a World Gone Mad, She Made Her Own Rules
Woman: If anyone ever hurts you tell them to stop that, because it's not nice.
Little girl: And then you kick them in the face!
Upper Hutt
New Zealand
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: Advice | Glad the condom broke | New Zealand | Violence | Posted 2007-05-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Was Absolutely My Favorite Doctor
Suit: ... And of course afterwards she ran up and down the hospital corridor naked, screaming at her husband.
Bakery
Christchurch
New Zealand
Categories: Gossip | New Zealand | Suits | Posted 2007-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
