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If It Could Happen to Lance Armstrong, It Could Happen to Anybody!
Girl #1: I'm all freaked out now! I bet you she's pregnant! My sister's pregnant!
Girl #2: I'm sure she's not pregnant, you're assuming the worst.
Girl #1: Oh my god! What if she has testicle cancer?!
Adelaide
Australia
Overheard by: monkey
How You Know This Wasn't Overheard in New York
Red-faced man, shouting furiously into cell: Now you listen to me you... (sees small children nearby) pluck-arsed parrot.
Gouger Street, Adelaide, South Australia
I Guess If You Want to Be Anal About It...
Teen girl with group of friends: But I don't get it... Why would you wipe it *that* way particularly?
(long silence, group of friends look at each other)
Friend, incredulously: Uhh... So you don't get shit in your vag?
Federation Square
Melbourne
Australia
Nietzsche Was a Shitty Roommate
Boy housemate #1: Ah! I feel so sick, my tummy hurts.
Girl housemate #1: Do you want some soup?
Girl housemate #2: Do you want some toast?
Boy housemate #2: Do you want some "harden-the-fuck-up"?
Gold Coast
Australia
The Kind They Blind You With
Girl #1: What's Scientology?
Girl #2: Isn't it like, you know, science?
Brisbane
Australia
Overheard by: Dave
Their Lips Say "Shut Up" But Their Eyes Say "Play On!"
Young woman, after graphic conversation about sex and drugs: Do you ever think, while we're talking: "Wow, the people on the train are so lucky to get to listen to us on their morning commute!"?
Older woman: Oh my god, all the time.
Train
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: catherine
Categories: Australia | Compliments | Default | Old folks | Pride | Public Transportation | Questions | Train | Women | Posted 2008-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Feel Like One of the Extras in Carrie
Female suit: Wow, it smells really bad in here... like old period. Yeah! That's it, old period.
Bridie O'Reillys
Melbourne
Australia
Categories: Australia | Bars & Clubs | Compare and contrast | Default | Health & Hygiene | Sensory experiences | Suits | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Editors Fear This Conversation May Reduce Ms. Bilson to Tears
College girl #1: So did I tell you I'm going on a celibacy kick this semester? To cleanse myself.
College girl #2: Oh, really?
College girl #1, picking up GQ magazine with Rachel Bilson on the cover: Ugh, I've lost all respect for her. She's such a slut.
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Lindsay
Categories: About celebrities | Australia | Default | Friends | Health & Hygiene | Sexuality | Sorority types | Posted 2008-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Usually by Their Owners
Woman on street: Dicks are overrated!
Brunswick Street
Fitzroy
Australia
I Told You When God Closes a Door, He Opens a Window
Father: So, any luck with finding a jacket?
Teenage daughter: No, but somebody tried to sell me drugs.
Father: Well, that's something.
Victoria Market
Melbourne
Australia
Also Why She Refuses to Play Musical Chairs
Girl #1: Isn't lap dancing anal sex?
Girl #2: Uhh, excuse me?
Girl #1: Well, if a girl sits on a guy's lap and he gets an erection, it would go [points up] up the ass, right?
High School
Australia
Overheard by: NinjaPirates
Categories: Ass | Australia | Backdoor | Compare and contrast | Dancing | Erections | Girls | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-05-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Drove Past Your House. And Made Cardboard Cut-Outs of You...
Bimbo #1: Hey I remember you! Oh my god! I haven't seen you in ages!
Bimbo #2: Yeah, I know! I totally stalked you on MySpace!
Sydney
Australia
If Platitudes Won't Sway Me, Nothing Will
Guy #1: Well, they do say life's short, gotta make the most of it.
Guy #2: I am pretty positive life is the longest thing I am ever going to do. And I am not going into that strip club, okay?
Sydney
Australia
Categories: Australia | Compare and contrast | Guys | Leisure | Offers and requests | Sexuality | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I'd Lose the Best Piano Teacher I've Ever Had
Guy #1: I woke up in her bed without any pants.
Guy #2: What happened?
Guy #1: I think we had sex.
Guy #2: You don't know?
Guy #1: I cant exactly remember. Luckily neither can she. She'd kill me if she knew.
Train
Sydney, Australia
Like, They Could Be Electronic or Something
Freshman, walking out of library: Geez, these books are heavy! They should make, like, lighter versions of books...
Melbourne University
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Eavesdropper...
Categories: Australia | Compare and contrast | Gripes | Sensory experiences | Students | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Thought Only Americans Knew This Little About Sex Ed.
[Line for ladies' room]
Girl #1: Hi, do you mind if I cut in front of you? It's urgent.
Girl #2: Sure.
Girl #1: Thanks, I have to change my tampon.
Girl #2: [Blank stare.]
Girl #1: I have to make sure I change it often. Not too often, because once I changed it too much and got chlamydia.
Girl #2: Oh...[Suppresses laugh.]
Western Australia
Australia
Categories: Australia | Cleanliness | Compare and contrast | Crazies | Etiquette | Gender issues | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Restroom | STDs | Threats | Vagina | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Lacked the Sweet Aroma Of Chemicals and Seared Flesh
Brunette girl: Well, they were blondes, but they were natural blondes, so not like, hot blondes.
Melbourne
Australia
New Jersey Tourists Are Easily Recognizable
Mother, about a TV: It's really heavy! It's as heavy as--
Four-year-old girl: --A dead body.
Bellingen
Australia
Categories: Australia | Compare and contrast | Default | Kids | Moms | Posted 2008-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's My Major, You Know
Loud girl on oak lawn: So, where do the midgets come into it? I want my midget porn.
University of Western Australia
Australia
Overheard by: don't we all
To Them, Your Aquarium Is Just a Raw Bar
Guy at computer: It's this whole thing with the penguins, man...
Friend: Yeah, I know. It'll work itself out, though.
Monash University
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Timothy
At the Sexual Deviants' Auction
Ballet girl: Do you know how much our feet are worth?!
West Leederville Train Station
Perth
Western Australia
Overheard by: Rose
But We Should Probably Spread That Rumor Just in Case
Skinny white guy: Yep.
Goth girl: No way.
Skinny white guy: Yep.
Goth girl: No way. Too royal.
Skinny white guy: I'm serious.
Goth girl: No way. Princess Di was way too perfect to be giving someone head while they're driving.
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Nick K.
Categories: About celebrities | Australia | BJs | Default | Girls | Gossip | Goths | Guys | Skinny people | Posted 2008-02-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Like How Some People Only Smoke When They Drink
Gentleman: See, this is the thing -- I have a couple of drinks, and then I think, 'Hmmm... Spiro's cock up my arse...'
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: Australia | Backdoor | Default | Drinking & drunks | Guys | Overheard in Melbourne's Journal | Posted 2008-02-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Plumber Says You Can Have It If You Want It
Girl on phone: Hey, honey, good news -- I can get you your hair back.
Fortitude Valley
Brisbane
Australia
Categories: Australia | Default | Girls | Hair | On the phone | Posted 2008-02-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Did It Bring the Boys to the Yard?
Girl #1: So, do you know what she told me? Her mother walked in and she was you-know-what-ing... with the milkshake maker!
Girl #2: Huh?
Girl #1: She was -- y'know -- using it down there!
Girl #2: What?!
Girl #1: Gross, I know.
Girl #2: ... Did she make a milkshake with it afterwards?
Newtown, NSW
Australia
Overheard by: buzzcut
Categories: Australia | Girls | Gossip | Masturbation | Posted 2008-02-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Was Essentially Like a Bumpy Car Ride
Movie-goer: It was, like, almost orgasmic... without the orgasm.
Nova Cinema
Carlton, Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Hayley
To Buy from Us Is to Be Royally Fucked
Cute chick on cell: No, I'm on my way to work. Come visit me there! ... No, it's not weird! ... Well, yeah, it's a sex shop, but it's a boutique sex shop!
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Want her business card
Categories: Advice | Australia | Chicks | On the phone | Shopping | Posted 2008-02-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Meant More of a Moral Worm
Father: ... But worms don't have arms and legs. You have arms and legs, don't you?
Young son: Uh-huh...
Charlestown Square
Newcastle
Australia
Categories: Australia | Body parts | Dads | Posted 2008-01-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All My Gentleman Callers Are Dead
Loud old lady on cell: Hello! Sorry about before. I was so shocked someone called me that I pressed the wrong button!
Belgrave Line train
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Kiri
Categories: Australia | Cell phones | Old folks | Posted 2008-01-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No Headline Could Improve Upon This.
Conductor, as train comes in: Ahem: Quack-quack-quack, quack-quack, quack, quack, quack-quack... A-whoo-whoo!
Eltham
Australia
Categories: Australia | Conductors | Words | Posted 2008-01-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Long As She Promises to Balance the Ball on Her Nose
Emo girl: Hey, when we get home we should totally creep up on my sister and scare her.
Emo guy: I'm not scaring your sister. I already made a bad first impression on her.
Emo girl: Don't worry, she won't care. Seriously.
Emo guy: Look, I'll throw a fish at her, but I'm not scaring her, okay?
Emo girl: Okay.
610 bus to Nambour
Australia
Overheard by: Aidan
Hey, Baby, How about a Little Doing Unto Others?
Blonde to bartender, about explicit music video on TV: Will you turn that off?! It's offensive! [To friend] I am way too fucking Christian for that shit!
Scruffy Murphy's Pub
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: bystander that was enjoying the video
When My God Fills Me Up, I Gain Five Pounds.
Lady #1: This cheese is sooo good.
Lady #2: Mmm, it is nice.
Lady #1: No, but it is really good. I mean, cheese is just amazing. I mean, it's not like you grow it or anything -- it's man-made, from just milk. And a bit of mold! It's incredible!
Lady #2: Wow, you really love it, don't you?
Lady #1: Cheese is my religion.
Palazzo Versace, Gold Coast
Queensland
Australia
Categories: Australia | Food | Ladies who lunch | Posted 2008-01-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Actually, I'll Need a Spiked Paddle to Properly Demonstrate
Four-year-old girl: I like sex! I like sex! I like sex!
Six-year-old sister: You don't even know what sex is!
Four-year-old girl: Yes, I do!
Six-year-old sister: No, you don't!
Four-year-old girl: Yes, I do! It's prawn dumplings!
Six-year-old sister: No, it's not.
Four-year-old girl: Sex is prawn dumplings!
Six-year-old sister: No, it's not! Sex is when mum and dad go into the bedroom and go like this...
Clayton
Australia
Because He's a Poorly-Drawn Character?
Teacher: Small things amuse small minds, Timothy.
Kid: Then why does Dumbledore laugh at such stupid shit?
Emerald
Australia
If That Isn't Already the Premise of a Porn, It Ought to Be
Guy: Hey, you coming to my place? Allison wants someone to hang with who doesn't have a penis.
Girl: Yeah, I'm coming, but I'm not sure if I fit those criteria...
Guy: Now I'm scared...
Girl: She thinks she's getting a friend to girly-chat with, but she may just be getting an ear full of cock.
Hobart, Tasmania
Australia
Didn't You Notice Mummy's Ominous Switch to the Third Person?
Mother weighed down with shopping bags: Mummy needs a coffee now, honey.
Six-year-old daughter: But Mummy, I wanna look at--
Mother: --Mummy needs coffee or she will die.
Greensborough Plaza, Main Road
Greensborough
Australia
New York Children Have Difficulty Fitting In Abroad
Teacher reading story to class: Little Bear hurt his head, and Big Bear kissed it better. Little Bear hurt his foot, and Big Bear kissed it better...
Six-year-old: Well, shit happens.
Sydney
Australia
Categories: Australia | Kids | Philosophy | Teachers | Posted 2007-12-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Not Even Close to the Strangest Thing in Australia, Honey
Goth girl: Everybody's speaking English! Everyone's speaking English! And I'm goth! And nobody's staring at me!
Train station
Perth
Australia
It Is When She's Blowing Me While I Cook
Dish hand: Did you fuck it all up again, chef?
Chef: Sure did.
Dish hand: You do this every fucking shift.
Chef: Yeah, but my wife's hot.
Dish hand: That is not a valid defense!
Adelaide
Australia
Not Until Lindsay Lohan Steps Down
Chick to friend: Well, it's not as if you were ever going to be elected president of the cock fan club, now was it?
Melbourne University
Australia
Overheard by: Wylis