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If It Could Happen to Lance Armstrong, It Could Happen to Anybody!

Girl #1: I'm all freaked out now! I bet you she's pregnant! My sister's pregnant!
Girl #2: I'm sure she's not pregnant, you're assuming the worst.
Girl #1: Oh my god! What if she has testicle cancer?!

Adelaide
Australia


Overheard by: monkey


Categories: Australia | Body parts | Default | Fears | Feelings | Friends | Gender issues | Girls | Maladies | Pregnancy | Stupidity | Posted 2008-06-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

How You Know This Wasn't Overheard in New York

Red-faced man, shouting furiously into cell: Now you listen to me you... (sees small children nearby) pluck-arsed parrot.

Gouger Street, Adelaide, South Australia


Categories: Australia | Default | Etiquette | Guys | Insults | On the phone | Words | Posted 2008-06-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Guess If You Want to Be Anal About It...

Teen girl with group of friends: But I don't get it... Why would you wipe it *that* way particularly?
(long silence, group of friends look at each other)
Friend, incredulously
: Uhh... So you don't get shit in your vag?


Federation Square
Melbourne
Australia


Categories: Australia | Default | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Poop | Questions | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-19 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Nietzsche Was a Shitty Roommate

Boy housemate #1: Ah! I feel so sick, my tummy hurts.
Girl housemate #1: Do you want some soup?
Girl housemate #2: Do you want some toast?
Boy housemate #2: Do you want some "harden-the-fuck-up"?

Gold Coast
Australia


Categories: Australia | Default | Friends | Girls | Guys | Maladies | Offers and requests | Questions | Wishes | Words | Posted 2008-06-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Kind They Blind You With

Girl #1: What's Scientology?
Girl #2: Isn't it like, you know, science?

Brisbane
Australia


Overheard by: Dave


Categories: Australia | Default | Girls | Questions | Religion | Science | Stupidity | Words | Posted 2008-06-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Their Lips Say "Shut Up" But Their Eyes Say "Play On!"

Young woman, after graphic conversation about sex and drugs: Do you ever think, while we're talking: "Wow, the people on the train are so lucky to get to listen to us on their morning commute!"?
Older woman: Oh my god, all the time.

Train
Sydney
Australia


Overheard by: catherine


Categories: Australia | Compliments | Default | Old folks | Pride | Public Transportation | Questions | Train | Women | Posted 2008-06-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Feel Like One of the Extras in Carrie

Female suit: Wow, it smells really bad in here... like old period. Yeah! That's it, old period.

Bridie O'Reillys
Melbourne
Australia

Your Editors Fear This Conversation May Reduce Ms. Bilson to Tears

College girl #1: So did I tell you I'm going on a celibacy kick this semester? To cleanse myself.
College girl #2: Oh, really?
College girl #1, picking up GQ magazine with Rachel Bilson on the cover: Ugh, I've lost all respect for her. She's such a slut.

Melbourne
Australia


Overheard by: Lindsay

Usually by Their Owners

Woman on street: Dicks are overrated!

Brunswick Street
Fitzroy
Australia


Categories: Australia | Default | Feelings | Gender issues | Penis | Sexuality | Women | Posted 2008-06-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Told You When God Closes a Door, He Opens a Window

Father: So, any luck with finding a jacket?
Teenage daughter: No, but somebody tried to sell me drugs.
Father: Well, that's something.

Victoria Market
Melbourne
Australia

Also Why She Refuses to Play Musical Chairs

Girl #1: Isn't lap dancing anal sex?
Girl #2: Uhh, excuse me?
Girl #1: Well, if a girl sits on a guy's lap and he gets an erection, it would go [points up] up the ass, right?

High School
Australia


Overheard by: NinjaPirates

And Drove Past Your House. And Made Cardboard Cut-Outs of You...

Bimbo #1: Hey I remember you! Oh my god! I haven't seen you in ages!
Bimbo #2: Yeah, I know! I totally stalked you on MySpace!

Sydney
Australia


Categories: Australia | Girls | Idiots | Memory lane | MySpace | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

If Platitudes Won't Sway Me, Nothing Will

Guy #1: Well, they do say life's short, gotta make the most of it.
Guy #2: I am pretty positive life is the longest thing I am ever going to do. And I am not going into that strip club, okay?

Sydney
Australia


Categories: Australia | Compare and contrast | Guys | Leisure | Offers and requests | Sexuality | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And I'd Lose the Best Piano Teacher I've Ever Had

Guy #1: I woke up in her bed without any pants.
Guy #2: What happened?
Guy #1: I think we had sex.
Guy #2: You don't know?
Guy #1: I cant exactly remember. Luckily neither can she. She'd kill me if she knew.

Train
Sydney, Australia


Categories: Australia | Fears | Friends | Guys | Sex | Train | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-04 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Like, They Could Be Electronic or Something

Freshman, walking out of library: Geez, these books are heavy! They should make, like, lighter versions of books...

Melbourne University
Melbourne
Australia


Overheard by: Eavesdropper...


Categories: Australia | Compare and contrast | Gripes | Sensory experiences | Students | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

We Thought Only Americans Knew This Little About Sex Ed.

[Line for ladies' room]
Girl #1
: Hi, do you mind if I cut in front of you? It's urgent.

Girl #2: Sure.
Girl #1: Thanks, I have to change my tampon.
Girl #2: [Blank stare.]
Girl #1: I have to make sure I change it often. Not too often, because once I changed it too much and got chlamydia.
Girl #2: Oh...[Suppresses laugh.]

Western Australia
Australia

They Lacked the Sweet Aroma Of Chemicals and Seared Flesh

Brunette girl: Well, they were blondes, but they were natural blondes, so not like, hot blondes.

Melbourne
Australia


Categories: Australia | Beauty | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Gossip | Hair | Posted 2008-04-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

New Jersey Tourists Are Easily Recognizable

Mother, about a TV: It's really heavy! It's as heavy as--
Four-year-old girl: --A dead body.

Bellingen
Australia


Categories: Australia | Compare and contrast | Default | Kids | Moms | Posted 2008-03-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

It's My Major, You Know

Loud girl on oak lawn: So, where do the midgets come into it? I want my midget porn.

University of Western Australia
Australia


Overheard by: don't we all


Categories: Australia | Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Porn | Weirdness | Posted 2008-03-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

To Them, Your Aquarium Is Just a Raw Bar

Guy at computer: It's this whole thing with the penguins, man...
Friend: Yeah, I know. It'll work itself out, though.

Monash University
Melbourne
Australia


Overheard by: Timothy


Categories: Animals | Australia | Colleges & Universities | Default | Friends | Guys | Science | Posted 2008-03-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

At the Sexual Deviants' Auction

Ballet girl: Do you know how much our feet are worth?!

West Leederville Train Station
Perth
Western Australia


Overheard by: Rose


Categories: Australia | Body parts | Default | Girls | Money | Questions | Train | Posted 2008-03-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But We Should Probably Spread That Rumor Just in Case

Skinny white guy: Yep.
Goth girl: No way.
Skinny white guy: Yep.
Goth girl: No way. Too royal.
Skinny white guy: I'm serious.
Goth girl: No way. Princess Di was way too perfect to be giving someone head while they're driving.

Melbourne
Australia


Overheard by: Nick K.


Categories: About celebrities | Australia | BJs | Default | Girls | Gossip | Goths | Guys | Skinny people | Posted 2008-02-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

It's Like How Some People Only Smoke When They Drink

Gentleman: See, this is the thing -- I have a couple of drinks, and then I think, 'Hmmm... Spiro's cock up my arse...'

Shout-out: community.livejournal.com

The Plumber Says You Can Have It If You Want It

Girl on phone: Hey, honey, good news -- I can get you your hair back.

Fortitude Valley
Brisbane
Australia


Categories: Australia | Default | Girls | Hair | On the phone | Posted 2008-02-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Did It Bring the Boys to the Yard?

Girl #1: So, do you know what she told me? Her mother walked in and she was you-know-what-ing... with the milkshake maker!
Girl #2: Huh?
Girl #1: She was -- y'know -- using it down there!
Girl #2: What?!
Girl #1: Gross, I know.
Girl #2: ... Did she make a milkshake with it afterwards?

Newtown, NSW
Australia


Overheard by: buzzcut


Categories: Australia | Girls | Gossip | Masturbation | Posted 2008-02-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

It Was Essentially Like a Bumpy Car Ride

Movie-goer: It was, like, almost orgasmic... without the orgasm.

Nova Cinema
Carlton, Melbourne
Australia


Overheard by: Hayley


Categories: Australia | Gossip | Idiots | Posted 2008-02-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

To Buy from Us Is to Be Royally Fucked

Cute chick on cell: No, I'm on my way to work. Come visit me there! ... No, it's not weird! ... Well, yeah, it's a sex shop, but it's a boutique sex shop!

Melbourne
Australia


Overheard by: Want her business card


Categories: Advice | Australia | Chicks | On the phone | Shopping | Posted 2008-02-04 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Meant More of a Moral Worm

Father: ... But worms don't have arms and legs. You have arms and legs, don't you?
Young son: Uh-huh...

Charlestown Square
Newcastle
Australia


Categories: Australia | Body parts | Dads | Posted 2008-01-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

All My Gentleman Callers Are Dead

Loud old lady on cell: Hello! Sorry about before. I was so shocked someone called me that I pressed the wrong button!

Belgrave Line train
Melbourne
Australia


Overheard by: Kiri


Categories: Australia | Cell phones | Old folks | Posted 2008-01-21 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

No Headline Could Improve Upon This.

Conductor, as train comes in: Ahem: Quack-quack-quack, quack-quack, quack, quack, quack-quack... A-whoo-whoo!

Eltham
Australia


Categories: Australia | Conductors | Words | Posted 2008-01-21 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

As Long As She Promises to Balance the Ball on Her Nose

Emo girl: Hey, when we get home we should totally creep up on my sister and scare her.
Emo guy: I'm not scaring your sister. I already made a bad first impression on her.
Emo girl: Don't worry, she won't care. Seriously.
Emo guy: Look, I'll throw a fish at her, but I'm not scaring her, okay?
Emo girl: Okay.

610 bus to Nambour
Australia


Overheard by: Aidan


Categories: Australia | Etiquette | Friends | Posted 2008-01-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Hey, Baby, How about a Little Doing Unto Others?

Blonde to bartender, about explicit music video on TV: Will you turn that off?! It's offensive! [To friend] I am way too fucking Christian for that shit!

Scruffy Murphy's Pub
Sydney
Australia


Overheard by: bystander that was enjoying the video


Categories: Australia | Chicks | Gripes | Posted 2008-01-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

When My God Fills Me Up, I Gain Five Pounds.

Lady #1: This cheese is sooo good.
Lady #2: Mmm, it is nice.
Lady #1: No, but it is really good. I mean, cheese is just amazing. I mean, it's not like you grow it or anything -- it's man-made, from just milk. And a bit of mold! It's incredible!
Lady #2: Wow, you really love it, don't you?
Lady #1: Cheese is my religion.

Palazzo Versace, Gold Coast
Queensland
Australia


Categories: Australia | Food | Ladies who lunch | Posted 2008-01-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Actually, I'll Need a Spiked Paddle to Properly Demonstrate

Four-year-old girl: I like sex! I like sex! I like sex!
Six-year-old sister: You don't even know what sex is!
Four-year-old girl: Yes, I do!
Six-year-old sister: No, you don't!
Four-year-old girl: Yes, I do! It's prawn dumplings!
Six-year-old sister: No, it's not.
Four-year-old girl: Sex is prawn dumplings!
Six-year-old sister: No, it's not! Sex is when mum and dad go into the bedroom and go like this...

Clayton
Australia


Categories: Australia | Sex | Siblings | Posted 2008-01-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Because He's a Poorly-Drawn Character?

Teacher: Small things amuse small minds, Timothy.
Kid: Then why does Dumbledore laugh at such stupid shit?

Emerald
Australia


Categories: Australia | Questions | Students | Teachers | Posted 2007-12-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

If That Isn't Already the Premise of a Porn, It Ought to Be

Guy: Hey, you coming to my place? Allison wants someone to hang with who doesn't have a penis.
Girl: Yeah, I'm coming, but I'm not sure if I fit those criteria...
Guy: Now I'm scared...
Girl: She thinks she's getting a friend to girly-chat with, but she may just be getting an ear full of cock.

Hobart, Tasmania
Australia


Categories: Australia | Friends | Penis | Posted 2007-12-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Didn't You Notice Mummy's Ominous Switch to the Third Person?

Mother weighed down with shopping bags: Mummy needs a coffee now, honey.
Six-year-old daughter: But Mummy, I wanna look at--
Mother: --Mummy needs coffee or she will die.

Greensborough Plaza, Main Road
Greensborough
Australia


Categories: Australia | Gripes | Kids | Moms | Posted 2007-12-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

New York Children Have Difficulty Fitting In Abroad

Teacher reading story to class: Little Bear hurt his head, and Big Bear kissed it better. Little Bear hurt his foot, and Big Bear kissed it better...
Six-year-old: Well, shit happens.

Sydney
Australia


Categories: Australia | Kids | Philosophy | Teachers | Posted 2007-12-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

You're Not Even Close to the Strangest Thing in Australia, Honey

Goth girl: Everybody's speaking English! Everyone's speaking English! And I'm goth! And nobody's staring at me!

Train station
Perth
Australia


Categories: Australia | Goths | Gripes | Posted 2007-12-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

It Is When She's Blowing Me While I Cook

Dish hand: Did you fuck it all up again, chef?
Chef: Sure did.
Dish hand: You do this every fucking shift.
Chef: Yeah, but my wife's hot.
Dish hand: That is not a valid defense!

Adelaide
Australia


Categories: Australia | BJs | Coworkers | Gripes | Posted 2007-12-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Not Until Lindsay Lohan Steps Down

Chick to friend: Well, it's not as if you were ever going to be elected president of the cock fan club, now was it?

Melbourne University
Australia


Overheard by: Wylis