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And a Machete
Lady at fruit stall: Well, it's her birthday... I'd better buy her a coconut!
Brisbane
Australia
Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Tree
Woman at Origins of the universe sequence at screening of The Tree of Life: We should have seen Bridesmaids.
Companion: Shut up!
Brisbane
Australia
...Are You Fingering Me?
Drunk guy: Do you hate me?
Drunk girl: No, no, I really don't.
Drunk guy: I always thought you did.
Drunk girl: No. (pause) I mean you're not my favorite person, but I like you fine.
Drunk guy: So we're friends?
Drunk girl: Definitely friends.
Drunk guy: Hug? To celebrate our new-found friendship?
Drunk girl: Sure (hugs him)
Drunk guy: Awesome! I'm so happy we're friends!
Drunk girl: Me too! (pause) I'm so drunk right now...
Victoria
Australia
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: Australia | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Feelings | Questions | Posted 2011-07-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
To Be Fair, Dina Lohan Created Lindsay.
Girl on phone: Hi, mom, sorry I didn't call you back... I was busy having sex.
Melbourne
Australia
Categories: Australia | Character | Family ties | Girls | On the phone | Sex | Posted 2011-07-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Men Won't Be Men, Then Women Will
Emo boy to mother in women's clothing store: I'm more feminine than anyone in here!
Coffs Harbour
Australia
Um, It's a Shit Party in Your Pants, Dude
Girl at party: For the last time: I am not interested in you. You're too short, too fat and too drunk!
Guy, defiantly: I'm not drunk! If I was drunk, I wouldn't think you were so fucking ugly!
(girl storms off angrily)
Guy, to himself: It's a shit party when the ugliest bitch at the party ain't a sure thing!!
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Scotty
Pop Quiz: Who's She Talking To?
Woman: I'm glad all my friendships are online!
Melbourne
Australia
Meet the "Bad Companions" Your Mother Warned You About
Barefoot girl in red dress: Oh my god, what are we doing?!
Girl with partially shaved head and blue sweater: We're... (dodges car) We're running into traffic.
Melbourne
Australia
Is Anyone Else Kinda Aroused?
Bogan guy: Oh, I forgot to get you something for dinner tonight.
Bogan girl: I wish I could walk to the shops. It's alright for you, you wanna walk somewhere, you just go.
Bogan guy: You can't go to the shops, it's not safe.
Bogan girl: I really like walking. You know, I just go out on my own, and I'm outside...
Bogan guy: But it's not safe on your own, and it's so far away.
Bogan girl: Yeah, but I really like walking, walking is really cool. I really like it.
(pause).
Bogan girl: So, what, are you gonna have me eat two-minute noodles for dinner?
Bogan guy: For fuck's sake, I don't care what you eat! Walk to the fucking shops if you fucking want to! Just stop your fucking whinging!
Bus
Perth
Australia
Dear World-- We Apologize.
American tourist #1: What's your background?
Tourist guide: Aboriginal.
American tourist #1: No, as in "where were you born?"
Tourist guide: Here, in Australia.
American tourist #1: But you're black!
Tourist guide: Yes... I'm aboriginal.
American tourist #1: But I thought you guys were all extinct! Are you, like, the last one?
American tourist #2: Jay, shut up. It's idiots like you that make us look stupid. He's messing with you, there are no aboriginals.
Adelaide, Australia
Tomorrow's Lessons: What About Bob? and Chasing Amy
Girl #1: Oh, Kill Bill is on this week!
Girl #2: Yeah.
Girl #1: I wanna watch that. I think I'd really like it. I really like martial arts films.
(pause)
Girl #1: So, is Bill the name of the guy she wants to kill?
Girl #2, incredulous: Uh-huh.
Perth
Australia
...Bowser
Little boy to grandma: Once, when I was camping, I sat on my biscuits, then I put my biscuits on a rock and ate them like a dog.
Grandma: Oh, uh... That's nice...
Australia
That's What You Keep Saying About Your Pregnancies!
Teenager #1: Why does the train keep stopping?
Teenager #2: Because it has to stop at train stations.
Teenager #1: Ohmigod, train stations are so random!
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: Angela
Categories: Australia | Public Transportation | Questions | Stupidity | Teens | Posted 2011-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Told You the Whole Rugby Team Wouldn't Fit.
Youngish girl to pair of friends: My vagina is ruined after last night.
Melbourne
Australia
Why Do They Let Great White Sharks Shop Here?
Mum to small son: Stay with mummy or someone might take you.
Son, very excitedly: And eat me?
Target
Australia
Your Editors Liked This Quote So Much, We Were All, "We Like This Quote So Much!"
Woman on phone: I saw a greyhound in the middle of the road. So I told her, "there's a greyhound in the middle of the road!"
Sydney
Australia
Categories: Animals | Australia | On the phone | Sensory experiences | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2011-01-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...With a Hatred Of Great Strengthiness
Girl: You know, I'm usually a very wise person. Recently, with my situation, I lost a lot of my wiseness, but this trip has brought back that wiseness.
Boy: So, your wiseness never informed you it was called "wisdom"?
Girl: I hate you.
Banora Point High School
Australia
If I Returned You, I'd Only Get Store Credit
Mother to crying newborn: Wah, wah, wah! Your life is so hard!
Target
Australia
How Come My School's "Culture Day" Is Never That Exciting?
Teen #1: So he's running around with his dick like slapping his abs and he goes "what time you wanna come over?"
Teen #2: His Puerto Rican dick?
Teen #1: Yeah!
Teen #2, sighing dreamily: Oh yeahhhhh.
Flinder's Street Station
Melbourne
Australia
Whereas Mine Is Much More Of a Peeing Plum
Girl, smelling another girl's hair: You're right! It does smell like a sweaty peach.
Australia
Categories: Australia | Fruit | Girls | Hair | Sensory experiences | Posted 2010-12-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Steroids? Discuss.
Old sweaty guy to gym owner: Bob*, did you know there's something wrong with one of your balls?
Gym owner: Which one?
Old sweaty guy: The little blue one. It's half deflated.
Gym owner: Oh, that one. It's always had problems. People keep doing stupid things with it.
Gym
Blue Mountains
Australia
Categories: Advice | Australia | Gym rats | Health & Hygiene | Stupidity | Posted 2010-11-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like This Garland That Says "Happy Birthday, Mom"?
Teen son to mother: Whats wrong?
Sulking mother: Well, it's just that it's my birthday and you're all just buying things for yourselves.
Department Store
West Australia
Australia
Overheard by: linda
Categories: Australia | Bringing it back to you | Shopping | Should have used a condom | Wishes | Posted 2010-11-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What If It's All True, Though?
Teenage girl: But you don't actually believe god made the world in seven days.
Teenage boy: No.
Teenage girl: And you believe in evolution and the dinosaurs?
Teenage boy: Yes.
Teenage girl: How come?
Teenage boy: Because a world that never had dinosaurs is a world I want no part of.
Adelaide
Australia
When You Stick a Key Into It, All It Does Is Sputter.
60-something tourist holding map, looking bewildered: So why is it called lemon chicken anyway?
Canberra
Australia
Um, Isn't That a Burger King Crown?
Drunk aboriginal man to drunk friends: I just got out of jail. My mum's been crying for me, my dog's been praying for me, my uncle Bob's been praying for me, all to get me back to Narrogin. I tell you, I'm the king of that town.
Fremantle
Australia
And They Know
Teen girl, incredulously: But you don't call a fattie "fat"!
Teen guy: I know!
Australia
Overheard by: PCGoneWrong
Categories: Australia | Diet & weight | Names | Teens | Posted 2010-09-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now People Will Know We're Together
Obese little girl, singing: Where'd you get your body from? I got it from my mama! I got it from my mama!
Really obese mother: Shhh!
Charlestown
NSW
Australia
Categories: Australia | Diet & weight | Fat people | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Posted 2010-09-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For Good Teachers, Even Stupid Arguments Beat Silence
Tutor to quiet class: Are you normally this talkative? (silence) Rightie-o, then. You know, when I went to university I practically didn't say a word for four years. It was good.
University of Western Sydney
Australia
Or I'm Sure He Would If We Could Locate Him.
Mother to four-year-old daughter: You're forgetting mummy is mummy and not daddy. Daddy is the one who cares.
Target
Australia
Hence The Taming Of the Jew
Girl at history class: Ohhh, I get it! So, Shakespeare got his ideas from Hitler!
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: Toya Lah
It's an Excellent Movie, Excellent Movie
Boy: Have you seen Rainman?
Friend: Nah.
Boy: Ohmigod, I can't believe you haven't seen Rainman! I mean I haven't seen Rainmanbut I can't believe you haven't seen Rainman!
Newcastle-Sydney Train
Australia
...So I'll Steal Your Wallet Respectfully.
Hobo: Can I ask for a favor?
Man: Not today, mate (walks away)
Hobo, muttering: Well, at least you're honest.
Outside Mall
West Australia
Probably Time for Another Field Trip
Teacher: So what gets left behind when sea water evaporates?
Student: Fishies!
Melbourne
Australia
Why Casper the Friendly Ghost Has Difficulty Keeping a Girlfriend
Really stoned girl: Oh god, my first relationship was horrible. It was just six weeks of me being scared of his genitals.
Canberra
Australia
Overheard by: Boffins
Categories: Australia | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Fears | Relationships | Stoners | Weirdness | Posted 2010-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thanks So Much, You Obese Cocksucker! Love Ya!
Teenage girl to friend: You're pretty fucked up too. (pause) No, I mean in a positive way!
Melbourne
Australia
Australian Pornos Actually Have Plots
Lady in the cafe: I stole that woman's bra, that's why her boobs were exposed.
Opera
Melbourne
Australia
When Stabbing a Stranger Is Okay: An Overheard Everywhere Short Story
Indecisive young woman to stranger: It's just so hard to chose which wallet I want!
Stranger: Er, yeah. I'm shopping for a gift for a friend.
Indecisive young woman, holding up two wallets: What do you think, the red or the black?
Stranger: Ummmmm... The black.
Indecisive young woman: Hmmmm. It's just that red is so classy, you know?
Stranger: Then take the red one.
Indecisive young woman: But red doesn't go with everything... Black goes with everything.
Stranger: Then take the black one.
Indecisive young woman: I don't know. I don't like the way it looks inside. I liked that brown one over there (points) but it's a color that would just get dirty so quickly, you know?
Stranger: Mmmm-hmmm.
indecisive young woman, holding up two other wallets: What do you think, what suits me best?
Stranger: Um, they're both nice. It's hard to say which is best.
Indecisive young woman: Oh, I know... Choosing a wallet is such a personal thing, you know?
Mall
Australia
Overheard by: which is why you ask a complete stranger for their opinion
...When I Asked Them to Unplug the Faxierphone.
Ditzy new student: People don't think I'm smart. But I just don't, like, like big words. I don't use them. I used one of them once at work and no one knew what I was talking about!
University of South Australia
Categories: Australia | Colleges & Universities | Jobs & Careers | Students | Words | Posted 2010-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's the First Thing I Can Remember
Young teen girl: So he fucked both your mums, and that's how you two are related?
Boy #1: Yeah.
Boy #2: But he didn't start fucking my mum till after she had me.
Bus
Wollongong
Australia
Overheard by: definately not related
Categories: Australia | Bus | Family ties | Questions | Sex | Teens | Time Management | Posted 2010-05-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...This Is My Cardio.
Butcher, holding up mallet: Do you want me to tenderize that for you?
Customer: Oh, no, that's okay, thanks.
Butcher: Please?
Adelaide Central Market
Australia
And They Pay Me for It!
20-something girl: I love hairdressing, it's the best job. I get to talk about me all day long to everybody!
City Bus
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: Rose
Categories: Australia | Bus | Girls | Hair | Jobs & Careers | Posted 2010-05-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Little Kids These Days Are Snottier Than Ever
Man to two-year-old daughter: I drew a face with eyes, nose and mouth. Can you tell me what's missing?
Two-year-old daughter: The boogers in the nose!
Faulconbridge
Australia
Eh, You'd Say Just About Anything for a Slice.
Bogan girlfriend: You don't loves me! You don't loves me!
Bogan boyfriend: What do you mean I don't loves you? I fucks you and buys you a pie!
Armidale
Australia
...Until Paul Blart: Mall Cop
Lecturer, laughing manically: Okay, guys! I promise that is the last time I will mention poop this semester. (under her breath) Probably.
Film Class
Perth
Australia
Meet Australia's Only Posh Lady
Posh lady in loud voice: And then they ran out of mineral water! I was devastated... Devastated.
Tilley's Cafe
Canberra
Australia
Overheard by: Trish
Categories: Australia | Bars & Clubs | Feelings | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2010-05-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then Do the Romantic Thing and Sell It on the Internet
Ditzy teen girl to ditzy friend: Oh my god! I would never be able to live with myself if I died before I lost my virginity!
High School
Springwood
Australia
Categories: Australia | Death & dying | Girls | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Stupidity | Virginity | Posted 2010-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ignorance Stops Being Cute After Thirty, Though
Cute girl #1: Who's Hattie?
Cute girl #2: What?
Cute girl #1: Why do we have to help her?
Cute girl #2: You mean Haiti?
Cute girl #1: Yes, who is she?
Cute girl #2: You're so cute!
Dural
Australia
Overheard by: Hatter
Instant Coffee: Explained
Philosophy teacher: So, I've created a robot that knows how to go into my office and make me a coffee. But what if something goes wrong? What if the coffee's in a different place, or there's no milk? What if there's bees in the sugar?
Perth
Australia
Categories: Australia | Philosophy | Teachers | Technology | Weirdness | Posted 2010-04-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Tigger or Eeyore
Lecturer: No, seriously! I promise I won't talk about poo next week!
Perth
Australia
Overheard by: ellie.
...Who Refuses to Be Confined to a Single Cell.
Girl: I am not an amoeba, I'm a free man!
Chatswood Station
Sydney
Australia
How Many Words a Minute Can It Type?
Man to another: What's the street value of a giant frog?
Sydney
Australia
Some Flights Need a Two-Drink Minimum
Flight attendant: And if you have smelly, I mean "small" children with you, you may disembark before other passengers. Thank you for flying Jetstar, we hope to see your ugly, I mean "lovely" faces again.
Jetstar Flight
Australia
We Imagine Steve Martin in This Role
Dentist instructing dental students: And if it's your first time doing a certain procedure, don't tell the patient. Just do it without them knowing it's your first time. Don't ask them, 'cause they'll probably say no. It's just easier for everyone. (awkward pause) Am I the only one that does that?
Queensland
Australia
Now No One Can See My Tears
Emo teen boy #1 on whitewater raft ride: This ride is fucking shit! My shoes are like totally getting soaked.
Emo teen boy #2: It's getting in your hair.
(emo teen boy #1 pulls singlet over hair to protect it from the water)
Emo teen boy #3: Yeah, it's going all fucked.
Emo teen boy #1: No fucking way, it took us so long to straighten our hair this morning! This ride is fucking shit! Why is there so much water?!
Queensland
Australia
Overheard by: Dylan
How Come You Never Let Me Use That Excuse?
Teenage kid: Awww! Mum, not those, why did you have to throw them out?
Mother: I don't know. Sometimes my hands just do things...
Sydney
Australia
People Don't Know That Binky's Your Vagina
Mother: So, since I've drugged Binky this week, she hasn't made a single sound.
Daughter: This conversation doesn't sound suspicious at all.
Coles
Australia
Finally, a Version Of "You're Having My Baby" Your Editors Like
Nasty smoking girl on cell: So did your girlfriend cry when she found out that I'm having your baby? (pause) Haha, that is so funny, I so thought she would!
Adelaide
Australia
Overheard by: hayley
Categories: Australia | Infidelity | On the phone | Pregnancy | Posted 2010-03-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like Fat Elvis!
Grandmother to little boy: Elvis! Come here, we're going. (to store person) His mother was a big Elvis fan, so now he's a little Elvis.
Little boy: I have hair on my back!
Brisbane
Australia
Categories: About celebrities | Ass | Australia | Compare and contrast | Hair | Kids | Old folks | Posted 2010-02-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Maybe Zack Efron Will Win an Academy Award
Seven-year-old child: How do they get sharks into Sea World?
Tutor: I don't know, maybe they use nets.
Seven-year-old child: Maybe a wizard waves a wand and lifts them into the tanks.
Tutor: Maybe.
Gold Coast
Australia
One Which Perhaps the Parrot Can Answer.
Female student to another: So, are you a pirate or a ninja?
Teacher: That's a great question!
Brisbane
Australia
Overheard by: I took a test and I'm both.
I Felt Like I Was in an Episode Of Sliders
Hip girl to friend: So I went to this Vietnamese restaurant and apparently it's run by Chinese people. Can they even do that?
Sydney
Australia
Or They'll Get the Business-End Of Our Canes!
Seriously old lady: Tell the oil companies to piss off... We're taking over!
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: skeeta
Categories: Age and ageing | Australia | Old folks | Politics | Threats | Posted 2010-02-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Killing Time Before the Dance Party in the Romance Languages Section
Brunette: So, are you gonna get some studying done?
Blonde: No, not really...
Brunette: So, you're here just to kill time?
Blonde: Yeah, to play.
Baillieu Library
University of Melbourne
Australia
Categories: Australia | Colleges & Universities | Education | Girls | Time Management | Posted 2010-01-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We'd Be Doing Bad Things, Too, If We Didn't Have Our Own Continent
Girl, seeing Palestine poster: Who do you go for?
Guy: What?
Girl: You know, between Israel and um, Pakistan.
Guy: You mean Palestine?
Girl: Whatever. Which one is doing the bad stuff?
Guy: They both are...
Girl: Yeah, I can never decide.
Sydney University
Australia
Overheard by: Don't hurt yourself, honey.
Categories: Australia | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Girls | Guys | Politics | Stupidity | Posted 2010-01-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yay! Let's All Join the Army!
Girl #1, loudly in quiet library: And we thought we were going to the lecture on reasons to join the army, but we accidentally went to the wrong lecture theater, and it was a medical lecture on burns patients!
Studying girl: Shhhhh!
Girl #1, loudly: And this med guy who knew we weren't med students goes "This is a good lecture to come to! Lots of gory pictures!" and we were both thinking "Shit! Are these army people going to show us photos of people who have been blown up or something!?"
Studying boy and girl: Shhhhhhhh!
Girl #2: Can't be as bad as that lecture from first year. Remember the photo of the person's head who'd been run over by a train?
Girl #1, even more loudly: Yeah! And they showed us photos of a penis which had been bitten off!
(everyone in library, including studying boy and girl, burst out laughing)
Griffith University Library
Australia
Categories: Australia | Colleges & Universities | Death & dying | Education | Penis | Science | Students | Violence | Posted 2010-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But That Doesn't Mean I'll Tolerate Flogging and Spanking in My Class
Music teacher: Tenors like to dominate.
School
Western Australia
Australia
Categories: Australia | Jobs & Careers | Music | Roleplay | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Posted 2010-01-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Geeks and Sexual Experimentation Are Often a Perilous Combo
Student to friend: Could you imagine having a test tube shatter while it is up your ass, or worse? I know a girl that it happened to!
Cabra Dominican College
Australia
Categories: Ass | Australia | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Friends | Health & Hygiene | Science | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2010-01-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...So He Could Cut Up His Coke.
Confused junkie: There were these two Jewish guys called Gold and Frankenstein, and they gave Jesus a mirror.
Box Hill Central
Melbourne
Australia
And They Look Suspiciously Like My Uncles
Five-year-old boy: There are moles in my bed that are all named Leroy. They keep me warm.
Eltham
Australia
Overheard by: martinasnape
And You Thought SpongeBob Was Gay
Teenage girl to friend: Anyway, I think he likes me... He gave me a sponge bath last night.
Victoria
Australia
Overheard by: Ineke
A Porno?
Woman on BlackBerry: So what's cream cheese again?
Australia
Categories: Australia | Food | On the phone | Questions | Women | Posted 2009-12-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I'm Not Sure the Koala Enjoys It
Male student #1: Man, you can't get pregnant doing that.
Male student #2: Oh.
Monash University
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Assilem
Categories: Advice | Australia | Colleges & Universities | Pregnancy | Students | Posted 2009-12-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now at Least Describe the Butts to Me, Winifred.
Old woman in wheelchair being driven around busy food court: I hate this place! All I can see are people's butts.
Old man behind her: So why are you having me cart you around the city in a wheelchair for?!
Mall
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: I saw her later stand up...
It's Both My Greatest Joy and My Secret Shame
Babe: Don't look to me to be the voice of reason: I own roller skates!
Newtown
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: smu
I Should Think That Depends on the Person
Girl, looking at floor to ceiling windows in apartments: I love looking at these to see if I can see people.
Guy: There's someone.
Girl: Are they naked? It's not fun unless they're naked.
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: Cassie
...From the Sketchy Dude Gyrating Next to Me.
Teen princess to another, in changing room: Oh my god, she's so trashy. Who would ask their friends to a a pole-dancing class there? The pole dancing studios I go to in the city are like sexy and hot. But at that one, I got carpet burn.
Changing Rooms
Sydney
Australia
Categories: Australia | Compare and contrast | Dancing | Education | Questions | Sensory experiences | Sex | Teens | Posted 2009-12-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let's Hope That's a New Metal Band
11-year-old: Haggis is awesome!
15-year-old: Damn straight! High five!
(they high five)
NSW
Australia
Categories: Australia | Compliments | Teens | Tweens | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ah Yes, Spanish-- The Language Of Pretention.
Worker #1: So he told me to put my zapatos on!
Worker #2: Zapatos? What the fuck is that?
Worker #1: Apparently it's Spanish for "shoes." I mean, how pretentious!
Worker #3: What is it with Americans? Like 99% of Americans speak Spanish. It's not like they're anywhere near Spain!
Worker #2: Hang on, why weren't you wearing any shoes?
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: Not-American
Um, the One Where They Talk?
Teen girl #1: Do you think they have those other elephants here? You know, the old hairy ones?
Teen girl #2: Mammoths? No, I don't think they do. Aren't they extinct?
Teen girl #1: No, I'm pretty sure they have them at the Werribee zoo. Well, they were on that cartoon, with all the ice.
Zoo
Australia
Overheard by: Brydee
Check Your Calendar and Get Back to Me
Woman to husband: Can you run me over on Saturday?
Train
Sydney
Australia
It's Easier to Write the Paper Than Its Outline
Student, about assignment she's written: It's supposed to be (emphasizes with hands) that, that, then that, then that! But it's all blah blah blah blah! You know?
Friend: Is you introduction all dot, dot, dot at least?
Student: Yeah.
University of South Australia
Adelaide
Australia
Overheard by: fellow stressed out uni student
Did You Get Its Consent First?
Conductor, over speaker: Stop touching the train. Yes. You. I can see you on the security cameras.
Sutherland Train Station
Australia
Categories: Australia | Conductors | Public Transportation | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tell Their Pimp What You're Into, and Find Out.
Guy in jumper: What do hermit crabs actually do?
Pet Shop
Australia
Overheard by: Stunned
It's in the Microwave
20-something chick on mobile: How many times do I have to tell you? There is no cocaine in my fridge!
University
Queensland
Australia
Overheard by: how many times
Categories: Australia | Chicks | Colleges & Universities | Drugs | On the phone | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Is That Always Your Question?
College girl: I really want to go as Superman!
Friend: You aren't going to stuff your crotch, are you?
Melbourne University
Australia
Categories: Australia | Colleges & Universities | Friends | Pop culture | Sorority types | Vagina | Wishes | Posted 2009-11-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And Then Grade Him Candidly on a Scale from 1 to 10.
Girl #1: Honesty is the best policy.
Girl #2: Yeah, just sleep with the guy!
Barrack Heights
Australia
Overheard by: I think we might differ on our definitions of
Australian Sex Ed Is a Lot Different from Ours
Teenage girl: Orgies suck when they smell.
School
Brisbane
Australia
Overheard by: I worry about this girl
Categories: Australia | Gripes | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sensory experiences | Sex | Teens | Posted 2009-10-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now Explain Why You're Defecating on That Statue
Boyfriend on train: I always wanted to be a pigeon.
Incredulous girlfriend: What?
Boyfriend: Oh shit, I just thought that out loud.
Melbourne
Australia
Her Anti-Drug: Crime
Goth schoolgirl: So, I bought 500 feet of police crime scene tape today. Heheheh!
Adelaide
Australia
Overheard by: A vaguely worried teacher
Considering What We Did Last Night.
Girl #1: With the right emphasis, anything can sound dirty.
Girl #2: I'll jump on your trampoline.
Girl #1: I'll park in your car park.
Girl #2: I'll reverse up your back alley.
(pause)
Girl #2: I think it just got too literal.
Girl #1: Me too.
Sydney
Australia
Incestuous Cirque Du Soleil Porn Is a Joy to Watch
Guy: Yeah, and then there was uncle Marty, who was on his knees throwing balls at her...
Sydney
Australia
Categories: Australia | Balls | Body parts | Family ties | Guys | Sex | Posted 2009-10-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oooh, Lick Your Lips While You Say That!
Drunk girl #1: (blows kiss to construction worker)
Drunk girl #2: You *so* just made his day!
Construction worker: Slut.
Exhibition Street
Melbourne, Australia
Categories: Australia | Construction workers | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Insults | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Posted 2009-10-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Under "Skills".
Blonde: I have this theory that babies who were born late are like always late to stuff. And babies who were born early, like premature, are always early.
Friend: Really?
Blonde: Yeah, it's like, on my resume.
Brisbane
Australia
Categories: Australia | Compare and contrast | Friends | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Pregnancy | Science | Posted 2009-10-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When the "Toilet Paper Bride" Game Goes a Little Too Far
Older woman: So I said "Wrap her up. Wrap her up tight!"
Newcastle
Australia
Overheard by: Declan
Or Jail, Yeah
Teenage girl #1: Anyway, I just need to talk to him.
Teenage girl #2: Mmm-hmm.
Teenage girl #1: But I barely ever see him!
Teenage girl #2: Yeah.
Teenage girl #1: I have to meet him in a mutual place, y'know?
Teenage girl #2: ...like a box?
Perth
Australia
Having a TV on Every Seat Is Pretty Damn Great
Six-year-old girl: Mum, remember when we went on that airplane?
Distracted mum: Mm-hmm?
Six-year-old girl: Was that paradise?
Train
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Wishing I could go holiday there
While I'm Sober, for Once.
Suit lady #1: So how was your weekend?
Suit lady #2: Oh, it was really good. I went to a jail.
Suit lady #1: Really? I've never been to a jail.
Suit lady #2: Yeah, neither had I... it was really good.
Suit lady #1: I've always wanted to go to a jail.
Suit lady #2: Yeah, you probably will... I thought "Seeing as I'm putting people in there, I should probably find out what it's like."
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: Cassie Barlow
We Could Spend Hours Complaining to Them About the High Price Of Orange Juice, If We Wanted!
Lady, looking out the window at Mini Cooper: But it's no good for me--it doesn't have any backdoors for the grandkids!
Son-in-law: But that's great! Then they can't get out!
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: Cassie Barlow
When a Couple's Goals Conflict
Flamboyant gay guy #1, whispering discretely: I'm going to do you so hard when we get home.
Flamboyant gay guy #2, not whispering: I'm going to shit in your mouth.
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: MB
Really? I Was Just Talking About You!
Girl #1: Oh my god, I'm so glad Sammy didn't come tonight.
Girl #2: I'm Sammy.
Women's Bathroom
Adelaide
Australia
Overheard by: I was in a cubicle. Oh, to have seen their faces.
When I Finally Mastered Writing My Name in Urine
13-year-old boy, jumping all over the place: It was a feeling of pure urethra!
Perth
Western Australia
Australia
Overheard by: he didn't really think that one through
Categories: Australia | Body parts | Feelings | Tweens | Posted 2009-09-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Fabio's Kids Are Quite the Handful
Mother to daughter: I think it's time to cut your hair again.
Daughter: No! I don't want it cut! You only cut it a few weeks ago! It's not fair! Why can't I have long hair? (pointing at passenger) She has long hair! (pointing at girl) She has long hair. Everyone has long hair except for me!
Son, smugly: Except for boys. (pause) But daddy has long hair...
Daughter: Even daddy has long hair! She has long hair, she has long hair--everyone has long hair except for me!
Perth
Australia
Overheard by: Emily B.
Categories: Australia | Compare and contrast | Family | Family ties | Hair | Moms | Parenting | Siblings | Strangers | Posted 2009-09-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're the Worst Fairy Godfather Ever.
Sweet old man: How are ya, girls?
Teen girls: Better if we had some whiskey.
Gold Coast Big Day Out
Australia
Overheard by: yo bitch
Categories: Australia | Drinking & drunks | Old folks | Questions | Teens | Posted 2009-09-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And Did the Kangaroo See His Shadow or Not?
Teen boy: What month is it now? Like... spring or something, right?
Teen girl: Nah, I think it's still winter. Cause it's August.
Teen boy: Really? I swear winter ended, like, two weeks ago, ay.
Teen girl: Oh... maybe...
Teen boy: Yeah. So what is it now? Spring? Or autumn? Or winter?
Australia
And What's Written on the Box Makes No Sense at All
Bad-ass #1: What is Two and a Half Men about, anyway?
Bad-ass #2: Stop fuckin' askin' me, man! I told you, I don't know!
Video Store
Adelaide
Australia
Overheard by: behind the counter
Nobody Ever Asked Elvis That
14-year-old boy #1: Dude, try my sunnies on! They're super dark!
(boy #1 hands glasses over to boy #2)
14-year-old boy #2: Cool, they are pretty dark!
14-year-old boy #3: Hey, cool! They totally go with your hair!
14-year-old boy #2: Are you queer?
Perth
Western Australia
Australia
Maybe She's Good at It
Teenage girl #1: I don't understand how she has a boyfriend! She is so ugly!
Teenage girl #2: It's obviously because she puts out.
Teenage girl #1: So do I!
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: I'll be your boyfriend
That's for Him to Decide
New dad: Look! These clothes are cute. Oh, look at this dress!
New mum: You have a boy, not a girl!
Department Store
Melbourne
Australia
Australian Law Forbids Weekend Mourning
Teen girl #1: I think we need to get her a rebound guy.
Teen girl #2: Don't you think it's a bit soon? Paul died like two weeks ago.
Teen girl #1: Hmm. I guess. (pause) Maybe just for weekends then?
Teen girl #2: Yeah, okay.
Bus Stop
Brisbane
Australia
Overheard by: cara
Categories: Australia | Bus | Death & dying | Feelings | Girls | Questions | Relationships | Stupidity | Teens | Time Management | Posted 2009-08-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Were Sober Enough to Take a Facebook Quiz?
Blonde girl: I did this Facebook quiz the other day: "what kind of drunk are you?' It said that I was a "sexual, entertaining drunk." It knows me so well!
Melbourne
Australia
Is There a Toy for Me Anywhere in That?
Small boy: Dad! Dad! Can I have that?
Father: I've told you before, craving leads to attachment.
Toy Shop
Eastern Suburbs, Sydney
Australia
Will Strawberry Shortcake Never Learn?
Old woman to daughter: And now she's got no money cause she blew it all on muffins.
Supermarket
Sydney
Overheard by: Anny
Now That Metal Rods Are the Latest Fashion Craze
Teacher: Okay, now what you do think is the chance of being killed by being struck by lightning?
Bimbette: Ummmm... probably like, one in two.
Class: (silence)
Teacher: One in two?
Bimbette: Wait! Make that one in ten.
Classroom
Sydney
Australia
It's All the Hair in Their Ears.
Husband, reading aloud from newspaper: Honey, did you know that women use an average of 30,000 words a day, while men only use 15,000?
Wife: That's probably because we have repeat everything to men.
Husband: What?
Australia
Overheard by: Mikyla
Categories: Australia | Compare and contrast | Couples | Language barrier | Questions | Science | Sexuality | Words | Posted 2009-08-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She's Broken a Lot Of Gay Hearts
Asian teenage girl, about sister who just left: She's so cute. She looks like a guy.
Sporting Carnival
Australia
Overheard by: Ouch
Categories: Asians | Australia | Beauty | Compare and contrast | Family ties | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2009-07-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Perhaps the Most Important Thing We Learn from Our Fathers
Young dad, trying to put struggling kid in high chair: Come on, don't be a dick.
Restaurant
Brisbane
Australia
...Or at Least Make Out in It.
Teenage girl being pushed in shopping trolley, singing loudly: Nineteen! You're only nineteen, for god's sake, oh, you don't need a boyfriend!
Teenage boy pushing girl, monotone: Everybody is looking at you. They think you're a lesbian.
Teenage girl: I feel like such a rebel! But we should return this trolley, like dutiful citizens.
Geelong
Victoria
Australia
Categories: Age and ageing | Australia | Compare and contrast | Relationships | Sexuality | Stupidity | Teens | Posted 2009-07-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Australian Baseball Is a Bit Different from Ours
Teen boy to group of friends: So okay, all we need to take with us is some glue, feathers, some petrol, and a lighter.
Friend: Cool.
Sydney
Australia
An Excerpt from How I Knew I Was Gay
Tween: Glitter isn't a color, it's an emotion.
Perth
Australia
Categories: Australia | Compare and contrast | Fashion | Feelings | Tweens | Posted 2009-07-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Smuggle Something Spreadable, Like Whipped Cream.
Flight attendant, describing Australia's quarantine practices: And if you do not declare any foodstuff and you get caught you may face on-the-spot fines, or prostitution.
Flight to Sydney, Australia
Overheard by: Erik
Categories: Airports & flights | Australia | Crimes | Flight attendants | Food | Sex | Posted 2009-07-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
There's One in Every Family
Little boy: Mommmmmm, I want a pet mouse.
Mother: No.
Little boy: Please? It can live in my room!
Mother: No! You know what will happen. I'll spend a hundred dollars on cages and food and toys, and Terry will just eat the bloody thing.
Pet shop worker to little boy: Is Terry your cat?
Little boy: No, my brother.
Pet Shop
Greensborough
Australia
Overheard by: Suitably Impressed
Requiem for a Dream? Really?
Passenger to attendant: Excuse me? They turned the movie off.
Attendant: Yes, we're landing earlier than thought.
Passenger: Oh, but the movie wasn't over.
Attendant: Sorry about that, but we need to turn it off for descent.
Passenger: But I was watching it!
Attendant: I am very sorry, but since we have started our descent...
Passenger, interrupting: But now I don't know how it ends!
Attendant: They all lived happily ever after.
Qantas Flight to Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Seat 14 F
Categories: Airports & flights | Australia | Clients | Flight attendants | Gripes | Happiness | Movies | Public Transportation | Stupidity | Posted 2009-07-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I'm the Dairy Queen.
Seven-year-old girl #1: Hey! There goes Angus!
Seven-year-old girl #2: Oooh, you are falling in love with him.
Seven-year-old girl #1: I am so not falling in love with him. He's allergic to dairy!
Australia
Overheard by: hahamama
That Would Just Be Icing on the Cake
Woman to friend: I just want a sibling. I don't care if they're into sex.
Marrickville
Australia
Overheard by: Jaclyn
Categories: Australia | Default | Family ties | Offers and requests | Sex | Women | Posted 2009-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Without Menopause, We'd Have an Infanticide Epidemic
Grandmother, about tantrum-throwing child: I think it might be time to put her to sleep.
Mother: Yeah. Come on honey, we'll go home and have a nap!
Grandmother, under her breath: That's not what I meant.
Westfield Shopping Center
South Morang
Australia
Nothing Reaffirms My Masculinity Better Than Tasting the Rainbow.
Angry male: You don't have a couch! Where are the boyfriends and husbands supposed to think?
Tiny shop assistant #1: I really don't know.
Tiny shop assistant #2: Well, we don't have a couch. But we do have Skittles!
Angry male: That will suffice.
Supre Store
Australia
Along With Everything I Learned in Grade School
Drunken girl #1: Ah, that tubby boy kissed me.
Drunken girl #2: Doesn't matter, just remember the rule.
Drunken girl #1: "We don't share"?
Drunken girl #2: No, the other rule.
Drunken girl #1: "Your dress can be as short as you like, as long as you're wearing stockings"?
Drunken girl #2: No. The "if you don't remember it, it didn't happen" rule.
Drunken girl #1: Oh, I'm forgetting it now, then.
Sydney
Australia
Categories: Australia | Clothes | Default | Drunks | Fashion | Girls | Memory lane | Politics | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2009-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
According to the Very Reliable Hobo on My Corner
Girl: I didn't say I was a lesbian cyborg, I just said I was a cyborg.
Guy: All cyborgs are lesbians.
Townsville
Australia
Categories: Australia | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Guys | Sexuality | Technology | Weirdness | Posted 2009-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Could You Leave Me Alone with This for a Few Minutes?
Drunk man to man holding rolled-up newspaper: There's a kind of phallic-ness about it, a sort of masculine quality...
The Ship Inn, Southbank
Brisbane
Australia
Categories: Australia | Compare and contrast | Default | Drunks | Gender issues | Guys | Penis | Posted 2009-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She's the Best Boss Ever
Ditzy female student #1: How cute is it that she can bend all the way over with her elbows on the floor?
Ditzy female student #2: I know! Do you think she'll teach us how to do it?
Ditzy female student #1: Yeah! And then we can get someone to take a photo!
Murdoch University
Perth
Australia
Categories: Australia | Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Default | Gadgets | Girls | Questions | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2009-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Cut To The Chase. Will There Be Girl On Girl Strap on Action?
Lesbian: They think that just because I like girls, I think with my penis. It's rubber!
Sydney
Australia
"Gingivitis" Is Nothing You Want to Hear from Your Dentist
Woman to friend: And then he said the "g" word, which I never thought he'd say...
Footpath
Australia
Overheard by: Genophobia?
Especially If You Were Into Your Identical Daughter Cells
Microbiology lecturer: If you were a bacteria, this would be a highly pornographic image.
Melbourne University
Australia
Categories: Australia | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Porn | Science | Posted 2009-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...As My Grandma Always Said to Me.
Calculus lecturer: If I had 20 million dollars to give you as a gift...I would, just to see you fuck up.
Perth
Western Australia
Australia
Categories: Australia | Compare and contrast | Default | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Gifts | Money | Words | Posted 2009-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Was the Practical Joke Of a Lifetime
Year 8 student #1: So basically, if you stick your fingers up there, take them out and lick them, it tastes like strawberries!
Year 8 student #2: Cooooool!
Perth Modern School
Western Australia
Australia
Overheard by: Hannah
Categories: Australia | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Kids | Kids | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Posted 2009-04-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Plus It Was a Vibrating Train Seat, Not a Person.
Guy on phone: Nah, nah, it's not cheating! I didn't ejaculate, so it's not cheating!
King's Cross
Australia
Overheard by: highly amused
So I'd Like to Thank the Person Who Spray-Painted It on My Office Door
Professor: Flaccid. That's such a great word. Flaccid.
USC
Australia
Categories: Australia | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Teachers | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-04-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least, I Can't.
Grey-haired grandma to another: Of course, it was worse for him because she left to become a lesbian. (pause) And you can't help thinking of all that licking.
Norfolk Island
Overheard by: kk
My Dad Wants to See Me ASAP
30-something druggie girl: I know my dad's looking down at me, helping me and shit. That's how I got my handbag back.
30-something druggie guy: Yeah? For fuckin serious?
30-something druggie girl: Yeah! I feel like he's telling me shit sometimes. Sometimes I reckon he wants me to stop taking the pills and the smack, but then I'm like, "Nah, that's just the drugs talking."
Train
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: XPIOTOS
And No Pants!
Little boy: I wanna be a duck.
Mother: You wanna be a duck?
Little boy: Yeah, so I can walk around with my eyes closed.
Australia
In Her Basement
Woman #1: He's 41 and a millionaire, what's wrong with him?
Woman #2: He lives with his mother.
Geelong
Australia
Overheard by: laughing
Categories: Age and ageing | Australia | Default | Family ties | Money | Questions | Women | Posted 2009-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Wacky Gerbil!
Girl #1: I think he underestimates his strength sometimes.
Girl #2: Yeah, I agree. Like, he slammed my head into the coffee table last night.
Williamstown
Victoria
Australia
Overheard by: Kate
Categories: Australia | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Posted 2009-03-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Imagining Jackie Warner from Work Out
Woman walking out of men's barber shop to friend: I can't believe they wouldn't cut my hair. I'm a lesbian! That makes me a man.
Brisbane
Australia
From Nancy Drew and the Mystery Of the Bumpy Undies
Girl #1: Hey! I still have your bra from the other night. (takes bra out of her bag and hands it over)
Girl #2: Oh yeah, thanks! Wait, it has bumps in it! It didn't have bumps in it before!
Girl #1: Yeah, I wore it. It was cleaner than mine.
Girl #2: Huh?
Girl #1: Uh...no, of course I didn't wear it!
Girl #2: Well, someone did. With bumpy boobs. It didn't have bumps before.
Queen Street Mall
Brisbane
Australia
Overheard by: uh-huh
With That Cute Little Charlie Chaplin Mustache
Girl #1, about friend's makeup: This is definitely your color. Makes you look really classy.
Girl #2: Thanks!
Girl #1: Which is funny, because you're such a tramp.
Bus
Adelaide
Australia
Overheard by: plethora
Categories: Australia | Beauty | Bus | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Girls | Posted 2009-03-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Even Though It's Shaped Like St. Peter?
Girlfriend, excited: I know exactly what I'm going to get you for your birthday this year.
Boyfriend: Oh yeah? I know exactly what I am going to get you for your birthday.
Girlfriend: Really? Are you going to get that thing cut off your back?
Cafe
Sydney
Australia
Categories: Age and ageing | Australia | Couples | Default | Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Questions | Restaurants | Posted 2009-03-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Completely Unrelated News, Would You Like Some Homemade Cookies?
Guy passing pet store: I need a Labrador. Let's get one.
Girlfriend: What did you do with your old one?
Guy: I don't think you want to know.
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: XPIOTOS
That Baby Has Some Jaw
20-something to mother: She's really cute on the rare occasions when she has a tennis ball in her mouth.
Supermarket
Caroline Springs, Victoria
Australia
Exactly What Jesus Said in the New Testament Director's Cut
Girl praying at roadside cemetery to boys whistling and yelling out of car window: For fucks sake! I'm trying to fucking pray here you motherfuckers!" (returns to praying).
Sandgate Cemetery
Newcastle
Australia
No Australian Is One Of Those
Maths teacher: Girls, what you need to do is try and think like a mathematician.
Student: Why, miss? We're not mathematicians.
Maths teacher: Yes, you are. Whenever you do maths, you're a mathematician.
Student: What about when we're in English class? Does that make us engleticians?
Australia
Dad Won't Let Me
Girl #1: Oh, hey! I'm wearing a purple bra today!
Girl #2: Why is that a surprise? Don't you dress yourself?
Fitting Rooms
Morwell Shopping Centre
Australia
Overheard by: Ann
Still, Nobody Better Lay a Finger on My Buttfingerer
Teenage girl to friend: And then he stuck his finger up my butt, and said "Oh, yeah, do you like that, babe?"
Friend: See, there you go. If you don't sit a guy down and tell him not to go up your butt, he will. Look at you, you're butt-fingered.
Subway Store
Maitland
Australia
Ooh, and a Round Of STD Tests!
Girl #1: Hey.
Girl #2: Hey, what's wrong?
Girl #1: I fucked someone.
Girl #2: I fucked someone too. Let's get a coffee.
Bookstore
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Jaclyn
It's Easy for the Deaf to Maintain Friendships
Old woman #1: She tried putting it everywhere, in the lamp and the overhead light, nothing worked.
Old woman #2: The violin is not my favorite instrument. It's too high pitched.
Old woman #1: I'm worried someone might steal the soup from the church, you never know who's in there now.
Old woman #2: Of course Justin never paid that bill, so I covered it for him.
Train
Melbourne
Australia
With a Cool Aussie Accent, You Can Marry Anybody in the U.S.
Schoolboy #1: I hear there's this law in America where if you're a guy you can marry your brother.
Schoolboy #2: That's wrong.
Schoolboy #1: Even if you're a dude!
Adelaide
Australia
Some People Get Awfully Attached to Their Trial Judges
Agitated smoker on phone: I'm going to jail tomorrow! I just wanted to spend one night with you! What do you mean you can't be bothered?
Newcastle
Australia
Overheard by: Isabel
This From a Girl with an "Enter Here -->" Tattoo?
Girl #1: Did you hear John* is thinking about getting a new tattoo?
Girl #2: Yeah? What's it gonna be?
Girl #1: He wants to get a kangaroo wearing gumboots, with a shovel over its shoulder. How classy is that?
Sydney
Australia
The Perils of Kiddie Prozac
Dad to little girl: I'm going to feed you to a puppy.
Little girl: Dad! I don't want to eat a puppy.
Dad: I'm not going to feed you a puppy, I'm going to feed you to a puppy.
Little girl: Oh, that's okay, I like puppies.
Brunswick
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Claire
Survivor Finally Jumps the Shark.
Indie girl to friend: And then, as revenge, Jess urinated in her Nutella jar.
Train
Wollongong
Australia
How "What What (In the Butt)" Was Born
Teacher: Okay, I want you to write down twenty words relating to one of your hobbies, and then write a poem about it.
Girl: Can we write it on surprise butt sex?
Teacher: Errrmmm...if you want?
School Classroom
Australia
Overheard by: i wrote mine on sport....
The Title Of Ann Coulter's New Memoir
Hot 21-year-old: Do I look fat in this?
Hot friend: Are you delusional?
Hot 21-year-old: Yay!
Hot friend: Being delusional isn't a good thing.
Hot 21-year-old: I'd rather be delusional then fat!
Rose Bay
Australia
Overheard by: Abbey
Categories: Australia | Compare and contrast | Default | Friends | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Stupidity | Posted 2009-01-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like, It Takes a Village to Raise a Chomper?
Customer: Do you have any non-fiction books on vampires?
Dymocks Carousel
Perth, Western Australia
Australia
Overheard by: Richard
That's Where Everyone Does It, Isn't It?
Literacy lecturer with thick Russian accent: When you have a guest, you say to them "feel yourself at home."
Monash University
Australia
In Your Face!
Girlfriend throwing arms around boyfriend: I hope someone who is really lonely is looking at us right now!
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: James
Categories: Australia | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Relationships | Wishes | Posted 2009-01-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I've Only Recently Learned It Was Thomas Edison
Blond girl: I thought jesus invented sex.
Bar
Perth
Australia
Overheard by: jimbo
Categories: Australia | Bars & Clubs | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Jesus | Sex | Posted 2009-01-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Great Job with the Dismount, Sweetie!
Girl walking through park to friend: Oh my god, look! Those people are having sex on that bench over there! That's gross. (pause) Wait, that's my roommate! (yelling) Hi, Sarah!
(girl having sex on bench waves)
Australia
Do You Remember Half the People You've Slept With, Ashley? I Rest My Case
Father: I read a report where they have linked promiscuity to Alzheimer's.
20-something daughter: Don't be jealous, dad.
Sydney
Australia
But I Couldn't, So I Placed Blame on the Terrorists
Biochemistry lecturer, talking about his cholesterol issues: So I was trying to figure out how I could blame this on my wife.
University of Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: pink sunnies
Categories: Australia | Colleges & Universities | Default | Lies | Relationships | Teachers | Posted 2008-12-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Unfamiliar With That Game
Preschool boy: Can I play with you?
Preschool girl: Come near me and I'll stab you.
Playground
New South Wales
Australia
Overheard by: courtney
...Than a Cocktail Weenie
Sex ed teacher: Now, before I start this class, all of you remember that my penis is bigger.
Australia
Overheard by: Not so sure...
...But the Security Guard Was All, "Public Fountains Aren't Toilets!"
Drunk guy to friend: And it was like a mini-orgasm. I swear, it was the best pee ever.
Monash University Dorms
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Australian L
Categories: Australia | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Drunks | Guys | Orgasm | Sensory experiences | Posted 2008-12-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, This Label Says "For Skin"
Girl: Have you had glandular fever?
Guy: Yes, have you?
Girl: Yeah, the doctor gave me this cream to put on my mouth that was made from stuff that comes from uncircumcised dicks. I was like, "that doctor soooo didn't think I'd read the label."
Melbourne
Australia