Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | People | Yeahhh, college!

Ever Heard Of Grand Theft Autoerotica, Sally?

Nerdy frat boy #1: You know what we should do? Just go buy a video game, sit down, and fucking beat it.
Nerdy frat boy #2: Yeah!
Sorority girl, guffawing: Why would you buy a video game to jack off?!

Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Charlie G.

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The Song?

Sorostitute: Like, ohmigod, Africa is like so cute!

Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Ladle

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"...Use Your Afterlife Rollover Minutes"

Sorostitute, about bender: So what time does it start?
Frat boy: I've set my alarm for 9 am. We'll start then. We've got two kegs in and two cases of tequila.
Sorostitute: I'm such a lightweight. I'll probably be passed out by 11. My roommate said "please don't die. If you die, call me."

Penn State University

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...Even You with Your Thunder Thighs, Zeus.

College girl to friend: the nice thing about a toga is that you don't have to wear Spanx with it.

Metro State College of Denver
Denver, Colorado

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I Have Standards; They're Just Substandard

Sorority girl #1: Yeah, I'd give him a blow job him if he gave me $100.
Sorority girl #2: So you'd prostitute yourself for low 3 figures?
Sorority girl #1: No! It's not like I would ever have sex with him, no matter how much he paid me! He's disgusting!

Indiana University Southeast

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Oh, Brother.

Sorority girl, upset: And then her other sister had sex with my sister!

University of Florida
Gainesville, Florida

Overheard by: really curious about the rest of that conversation

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...On Local Dining Options.

Ditzy college girl, interrupting class: Do you live in Penn Yan?
Professor: No, I live on Bluff Point.
Ditzy college girl: Oh... Did you know that Sarassin's delivers?
Professor: No, I didn't, but do you mind if I get back to my lecture?

Keuka College
New York

Overheard by: Rachel Bz.

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Always Making Generalizations About Particular Groups

College chick: Oh my god! Girls are, like, so racist.

University of Washington
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Jackie

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Not During?

Incredibly drunk sorority girl to boyfriend: Sweetie, can we throw up before we do it tonight?

UBC
Vancouver
Canadia

Overheard by: The only sober guy on the bus

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All the Other Races Do It!

College girl to college guy: So you won't marry me but you'll procreate with me?

Glendale, Wisconsin

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For the Last Time, It's Called a "Tax Audit"

Party girl: It's a pow-wow!
Party guy: Dude, everyone knows it's not a pow-wow without a fire.
Party girl: I have a sombrero.
Party guy: No, no, that's a fiesta!

Salisbury, Maryland

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Does That Explain Your Face-Condom?

College girl #1: Makeup is like a sock for your face: it covers it, but doesn't really protect it.
College girl #2: Wow... That's deep.

New Mexico

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When Culinary Students Have Orgies

Tiny college girl waiting in line: The cookies are soooooo good!
Tall male friend, confused: The ice cream?
Tiny college girl: The penises!
Tall male friend: Oh!
Tiny college girl: We just didn't let them cool!

Stop & Shop
Manhattan, New York

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I Was All, "But I'm Texting You!"

Young college girl #1: How was your date last night?
Young college girl #2: Okay. I don't think I'm going out with him again, though.
Young college girl #1: Why?
Young college girl #2: He was weird. He asked me to quit texting while we were having dinner.
Young college girl #1: Rude!

Starbuck's
Fayetteville, Arkansas

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Now If Only I Could Marry Louis Vuitton

Really skinny sorority girl: I paid my rent and then I spent the rest, $700, on this new Louis Vuitton (squeals and hugs the purse). But now I have 30 bucks to last a whole month. Looks like I'll be dating for dinner or eating crackers.
Sorority friend: You spent twice as much on your bag as you did your rent! At least you paid your rent on time! Don't worry, you'll find dates. That purse is totally worth it!
Really skinny sorority girl: I know, right, I should just live in my purse. I think that is why married women get fat: they can finally afford to eat. You know my ass is getting fat when I get married.

IHOP
Dallas, Texas

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There Is a Downside to Thong Underwear

Concerned-looking sorority girl, walking out of bathroom stall: Oh my god guys, do you really think my butt smells like ass?

Bathroom
University of Idaho

Overheard by: CrayonCake

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The Two Guys Loved It, Though

Sorority girl to another: That has to be the worst way to lose your virginity.

Murray State University
Kentucky

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Whomever It Is, Thank You!

Drunk sorostitute to group of friends: I'm getting boned in the butt! Who's boning me in the butt?

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: pob

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And That's the Last Time We'll Discuss This, Dad.

Sorority girl to another: All I'm saying is that it would be a lot better at home if you used less tongue.

CU
Boulder, Colorado

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How About "Bacterial Infections Are for Pussies"?

College girl #1: You know how that rumor got started? Because you denied him. It happened to my mom in high school.
College girl #2: "Just because I didn't sleep with you doesn't mean I have chlamydia!" I so need a shirt that says that.

London
Ontario
Canadia

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... and a Coal Miner?

Sorority chick, discussing Shroud of Turin: Jesus was 14 feet tall?

Philosophy of Religion Class, Lycoming College
Williamsport, Pennsylvania

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At Some Point, Sex Starts to Feel Like Surgery

Slutty girl in college dorm: Yeah, I know four or five guys who wear Magnums... Bitches are huge!

Lubbock, Texas

Overheard by: Maximagnum

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For Some Reason, It Rarely Happens the Other Way Around

College girl, surprised: You went on a blind date last night?
College boy: Yeah, she was nice. She's gonna be a nurse.
Sketchy friend: Dude, that's awesome! Y'know, nurses make the best porn stars.

Coffeeshop
Burlington, Vermont

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Your Editors Googled "Lesbian Triplets" and Got Distracted by Porn

College girl #1: So it turned out that he was one of the lesbian triplets!
College girl #2: No way!
College girl #1: Yeah, the tranny!
College girl #2: Owen? I love Owen! I knew him when he still identified as a girl!
College girl #1: Yeah, and it turned out the midget was trans too.

Hampshire College
Amherst, Massachusetts

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Why Is That Always Your Question?

College girl: I really want to go as Superman!
Friend: You aren't going to stuff your crotch, are you?

Melbourne University
Australia

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Ironically, This Conversation Happened at Arby's

College girl #1: Look, there are two things in this world that I don't believe in: Cannibalism and butt sex.
College girl #2: I'm pretty sure both of those exist...
College girl #1: Yeah, but there is no way that they happen as much as people say they do! I mean, have you ever cannibalized or butt sexed? No, I didn't think so.

Charlottesville, Virginia

Overheard by: busting a gut

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When Semesters and Trimesters Conflict

Bleached blonde sorority chick: If she doesn't abort it, we're totally throwing her a baby shower!

University
Midwest

Overheard by: GDI

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Where Would Either Industry Be Without Silicone?

College girl: The way I see it, chemistry is just like prostitution.

Northern Michigan University

Overheard by: everyone gets screwed?

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Alice Passed; Her Liver Failed

Girl, walking across campus with friends: I think two beers and a shot is the perfect amount for that class!

University of Arizona

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Mind If I Feed Her This Pot Brownie?

Sorostitute: Oh my god! Your baby is so cute! How old is she?
Single mom: One.
Sorostitute: Oh my god. She is so precious! I love children, I keep the nursery in church and I used to babysit, like, all the time. Do you think I could...
Single mom: No.
Sorostitute: Hold her?
Single mom: No.

University of Alabama

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If She Needs to Have That Many Of Them, Maybe She Shouldn't Stop?

Sorority girl: Well, she should stop having abortions then!

University of Michigan

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...She Put Two Drinks Up There?

Sorority girl to another, sitting in booth: Girl, I was double-fisted all night long last night!
Gay dude #1, quite loudly, to gay dude #2: Oh my god! That is so nasty! Who on earth would ever say something like that out in public! I wouldn't want anyone to know that anyone could do anything like that to me, let alone enjoy it! Nasty bitches!
Gay dude #2 to gay dude #1, very quietly: Um, I think she meant she had a drink in both hands, you idiot.
Gay dude #1: Oh.

Chinese Restaurant
Lexington, Kentucky

Overheard by: j-we

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You'd Best Not Be Bringing That Bag to Our Next Orgy!

Sorority girl #1: That whore stole my coach bag!
Sorority girl #2: Did you call her out on it?
Sorority girl #1: Well, no, it wasn't actually mine yet, but I told her that I was going to get that one like a week ago, and now she's carrying it. (walks past coach girl, who has iPod headphones in one ear, phone up to other ear) Whore!

Central Michigan University

Overheard by: Central Girl

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...After What Happened Last Time?

Sober sorostitute with heavy smoker's voice: Like o-m-g, I just decided on my Halloween costume!
Drunk sorostitute, stamping feet: Oh my god! What?! What what what?
Sober sorostitute: Wait for it...wait for it... Little ho peep!
Drunk sorostitute: Can we have sex with the little ho sheep?

Duke University
Durham, North Carolina

Overheard by: Disgusted

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Um, Okay.

Sorority girl #1: Oh my god! I am like, not okay. I am not okay.
Sorority girl #2: Oh my god, are you okay?
Sorority girl #1: Yeah, I'm okay. But do you see me? I am not okay!

Bathroom, Gettysburg College
Gettysburg, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: just trying to pee

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Ooo, Let's Get T-Shirts Saying That.

Sorority girl #1: What did he die from?
Sorority girl #2: Cancer.
Sorority girl #1: Gawd! Cancer sucks!

CVS
Charlottesville, Indiana

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I've Been Waiting for the Perfect Time to Share That with You.

Sorority girl #1: Are you gonna go?
Sorority girl #2: Like, I don't know. Like, I think I'm gonna go.
Sorority girl #3: Like, I think I'm gonna go, but like I don't know yet.
Sorority girl #2: Oh my god, like after I came back from Vegas, I gained some weight, so like I took Adderall for like two days!

UT
Austin, Texas

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...Before They Would Give Us a Home Loan.

Sorority girl, walking from class with a friend: Yeah, so they made us cook naked.

Kent State University
Kent, Ohio

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Or Why We Have Matching Engagement Rings

Male tour guide: So, this building is wh...
Sorostitute: Oh my god! Mike! (hugs tour guide)
Male tour guide: Hi...how are you?
Sorostitute: I'm great, but I gotta run, call me!
Mom in tour: I thought you said your name was Josh!
Male tour guide: It is...I don't know who that was.

Eastern Michigan University

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...And That He Watches According to Jim??

College sorostitute: Well, I thought we'd been dating for, like, 3 months. But then I looked at his Facebook profile, and it said "single."
Non-slutty college friend: You had to use Facebook to...
College sorostitute: Also, did you know he had a kid?

Charleston, South Carolina

Overheard by: Nuddles

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Alice Looks Forward to Being Alternately Larger and Smaller

College girl holding two bottles to friend, dreamily: These pills are gonna make me a better person...

Amherst, Massachusetts

Overheard by: shay

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Leave It to the Ivy Leaguers to Really Get to the Crux of an Issue

Frat boy: That's all I want, a girl from, like, some poor village in southern Italy, doesn't speak a fuckin' *word* of English, and I can bring her home, and she can lie in my bed all day, and fuck me, and make me gnocci.
Plain blonde girl: Do you really like gnocci?

Yale Berkeley College Dining Hall
Cambridge, Massachusetts

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Which Is Why I'm Taking This Class

Cute, innocent-looking college girl on cell: And, well, I guess I just don't think I know enough about porn to make a well-informed decision!

Ann Arbor, Michigan

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Next Time You Should Totally Come With Me!

Sorority girl on cell: I was so horny and swallowing back puke...it was like I was a freshman all over again.

Tuscon, Arizona

Overheard by: DoingTooMuch

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And All These People Were Lying on Me

Sorority ditz: It's not that I didn't want to do the homework, I was just too drunk.

USC
Columbia, South Carolina

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We've All Been Burned by Facebook Applications, Marcie

College girl: I don't want to spam twenty people! I just want to know what fucking Disney princess I am!

Hofstra University
Long Island, New York

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If Our Disastrous Trip to Thailand Was Any Indication

Frizzy-haired college girl: Are you seriously asking me to to sell myself so you can hitchhike to Sicily?
Friend #1: There are so many things wrong with that sentence.
Friend #2: Yeah. Like first of all, no one in Italy would want to pay for you.

UC Davis
Davis, California

Overheard by: Passing Student

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Where Weather Girls Come from

(after the rain)
Sorostitute #1, just arriving at her car: Oh my god, someone totally washed my car!
Sorostitute #2: No way! Who do you think it was?
Sorostitute #1: I don't know, but that is so awesome.

Parking Lot, Cal Poly Dorm
San Luis Obispo, California

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I Long to Feel the Pleasant Tingle of Arthritis

(at 4:30 pm)
College girl #1: Well, we could go get dinner now, but it's really early for that.
College guy: Well, it's not too early if you are old.
College girl #2: Yeah, they always start rolling into the restaurant about this time.
College girl #1: Really? I can't wait to be old!

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: I'm not in that big of a rush

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Just Wait

College girl #1: And I want to see babies running around soon.
College girl #2: Yeah, I definitely want children. I'm *so* horny. I want babies.
College girl #1: Yeah, they're starting to grow on me. I mean, I definitely want kids. And I want to be a young mom, like I want to have kids by 25. I don't want to be one of those moms who just throw their kids outside and tell them to have fun.

Washington, DC

Overheard by: Danielle

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It's Said Such Hardship Makes One Stronger

Sorority girl: Yeah, there is no bread at the house, so I had to make my sandwich on a bun... a bun. (closes and blinks eyes slowly)

overheardatnu.blogspot.com

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...In the Complete Absence of Underwear

Young college girl to group of boys and girls: We're already sluts cause we pants each other.

Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com

Overheard by: that's not the only reason

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She Has to Pee Sometime While She's in There Looking for Her Career

College girl: If anyone ever tried to tell me not to pee outside, I'd take it straight to the Supreme Court! I mean, I'm not gonna pee in someone's face or on a baby or anything, but if I wanna pee in a dumpster, then I will! (pause) Rosie O'Donnell would be with me on this. I don't know why, but she would.

East Lansing
Michigan

Overheard by: Everyone should have a cause...

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Eli Whitney: I Swear, Sir, That Was Never My Intention!

Drunk college girl: She doesn't use tampons because she doesn't want anything up there except her husband's dick? So, if she used tampons she'd be like, "Oh, I'm sorry honey, I lost my virginity to a cotton stick?" What a retard!

Nashville, Tennessee

Overheard by: Megan

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Tonight on Fox: Rapunzel--the True Story

College chick to friend: With my luck I'll be the girl with the twenty-foot clitoris.

Boulder, Colorado

Overheard by: ORLY

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Next Time She'll Sing The Beatles' "Ticket to Ride"

College girl: Can I have one ticket for the midnight train, going anywhere?
Ticket vendor: (blank stare)
College girl: Not so funny out loud as it is in my head, huh? One ticket to Rome, please!

Amtrak Station
Buffalo-Depew, New York

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But Somebody Shit in That Box

Angry college girl: It's either art or the cat!

Artsfest 2008
State College, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Kat

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The Artistic Temperament, You Know

College chick #1: Where are we going?
College chick #2: I think he just draws stuff and has freaky sex...

Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York

Overheard by: Russ

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This Argument Makes Your Editors So Tired We Must All Take Naps Now

Sorority girl to lit class: So she was all saying that I was totally against feminism if I insisted on shaving my legs. And I said she was totally against feminism if she insisted on being a whore!

University of Nebraska
Lincoln, Nebraska

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I Swear On This Stack of Flannel Shirts

Drunk sorority girl: I swear, I'm not gay! I just crush a lot.

Cornell University
Ithaca, New York

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And P.S.- You Might Want to Wash Your Face

Frat boy: Hypothetically speaking, if you were on your period, would you invite a guy to go home with you? Like, if it was your third day and you weren't having a very heavy flow?
Sorority girl: Justin, this doesn't sound very hypothetical.

University of Iowa Library
Iowa City, Iowa

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There's Never Really a Good Time to Come Out of the Closet

College girl #1: (laughs hysterically)
College girl #2: Yeah, and while he was balls deep in me too, can you believe that?

Pennsylvania

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What About "Sunday, Bloody Sunday"?

College girl, while listening to Hang Me Out To Dry: Dude, I just pictured my tampon singing this song!

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: a. Lil

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Those Were Different Times--There Was a War On

College girl #1: If I'm pregnant, the father is either him or his cousin.
College girl #2: Wait, you slept with David* and his cousin?
College girl #1: It wasn't a big deal, it was a threesome!

Barnes & Noble
Cary, North Carolina

Overheard by: Jennifer

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Somewhere There's a Live, Cheerful Half of a Rat, and No One Knows How Heavy He Is

Girl #1: And I was like: "How many depressed lab rats do you have to weigh and kill to figure that out?"
Girl #2: What?
Girl #3: 37.5, apparently.

Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota

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The Pope: Perhaps I Haven't Been Clear...

Cool college chick to friends: Ya know, birth control is the thing that makes sex okay.

Mexican Restaurant
Virginia

Overheard by: KMCV

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It's Hard to Be Sure, but I Think I Won

College girl: And then she got all high and mighty about it. She was like: "Remember when you passed out in my bathroom? I do!" And I was like: "Remember when you were born and looked like a man? I do!"

Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York

Overheard by: Russ

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The Question Every Rock Of Love Contestant Must Eventually Face

College-aged girl on cell: How am I supposed to date him if I'm afraid he's going to kill me and keep my vagina in a jar?

Grocery Store, Kentucky

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And Letting My Baby Steer

College girl to friend: He's a really scary driver. He'll go fifty on gravel roads. I mean, I go fifty on gravel roads, but only if I'm really, really drunk.

El Rancho
Columbia, Missouri

Overheard by: RW

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Your Editors Fear This Conversation May Reduce Ms. Bilson to Tears

College girl #1: So did I tell you I'm going on a celibacy kick this semester? To cleanse myself.
College girl #2: Oh, really?
College girl #1, picking up GQ magazine with Rachel Bilson on the cover: Ugh, I've lost all respect for her. She's such a slut.

Melbourne
Australia

Overheard by: Lindsay

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Those Poopyheads Have Already Exhausted Their Five Minutes of Fame

College girl: There, I've belittled and insulted The View without using the word "bitch" or the c-word.

Student Center, Montclair State University
New Jersey

Overheard by: ...and that itself is a feat

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I Eat It Before Those Orgies with the Football Team

College girl #1: Eating raw fish makes you super fertile.
College girl #2: Really?
College girl #1: Yeah, thats why I get pregnant so much.

Japanese Restaurant
Richmond, Virginia

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How Jessie Got Us Arrested

[Three intoxicated college girls are walking along the street. One trips, falls, and all three laugh hysterically. An unmarked police van passes by]
Cop, yelling out of the window: Looks like three underage drinking tickets right there!
Girl #1: We're all 21!
Cop: Well, it looks like you're 4!
Girl #2: Looks like you're 37 and looking for a boyfriend!

Madison, Wisconsin

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I Am One With My Car

Young woman to girl, after car accident: Do you have car insurance or anything?
College girl: Blue Cross Blue Shield.
Young woman: ... Uhh... That would be health insurance.

South Burlington, Vermont

Overheard by: Charlee

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And I Need Lipstick for Medicinal Purposes

College girl, handing heavy basket to boyfriend: I'm all for feminism, but I don't like carrying heavy things.

Target
Towson, Maryland

Overheard by: Kay-ren

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Fool Me Twice, Shame on Morton's

Freshman girl: Never snort salt.
Other freshman girl: I know, right! It burns so bad!

Bethesda, Maryland

Overheard by: Shelby

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Luckily So Many Other Things Taste Like Them

College girl: Just think about all the chickens that get killed every day, like just by McDonald's.
Friend: Yeah, but you know... I don't really care.
College girl: Oh no, I don't care about them either, I'm just scared they're gonna run out of chickens.

Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Curlee

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Oh Honey, a Sorority Girl Doesn't Need a Personality

Sorority girl #1: I should, like, just wear mini skirts all the time.
Sorority girl #2: Why?
Sorority girl #1: I have great legs, they're my best asset. [quiet pause] But I don't like my personality.

Dressing Room at Buffalo Exchange
Austin, Texas

Overheard by: Yes! She just redeemed herself

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And Uncle Walter Won't Stop Poking Me

Distraught sorority girl: My mom won't accept my friend request on Facebook!
Sisters, collectively: Awwwwww.

Social Psychology Class
Florida

Overheard by: Dr. Ian Maxwell von Indypants

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Me and My Cocaine Fork Will Be Just Fine

Girl: But I'm graduating soon, so I don't need spoons anymore!

Montclair State University
New Jersey

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The Gerbil Was Menstruating!

Sorority girl: Well, yeah, but that doesn't change the fact that you have a tampon in your butt.

Dickinson College
Carlisle, Pennsylvania

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From the Three's Company Cutting-Room Floor

Female roommate, discussing broken toilet: It's funny how the tampon goes but not the poop.
Male roommate: I should have stayed in my room.

Montreal
Quebec
Canadia

Overheard by: should've stayed at the library...

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Only When I'm Drunk

Chick #1: I miss my car.
Chick #2: I miss my car too. Not like, driving it or anything. But I miss my car. We've been through so much together --four accidents, hitting a mailbox, and a lot of repairs. But I'm not like, a bad driver or anything.

George Washington University
Washington, DC

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I Had a Roommate Who Bleached the Bathroom Three Times a Week. True Story

Chick on cell phone: My roommate was rolling a lint roller all over her head for like ten minutes and finally I was like: "What the fuck are you doing? You're gonna pull all your hair out!" ... Haha yeah... She threatened to kill me if I asked her anymore questions... She probably watches me sleep.

UB Bus
Buffalo, New York

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And That's Not Even Including the Millions of Unborn Babies

Girl to friend: I swear to god, if there is semen on my shirt, I will kill everyone.

College Park, Maryland

Overheard by: Tom and Laura

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From Containing All That Evil?

Girl #1: Do you think anyone's like... Actually a good person?
[long pause]
Girl #2: Ugh, my stomach really hurts today.

Drew University
Madison, New Jersey

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God, I Miss College

College girl: Remember that girl who admitted to stealing my clothes from the laundry room?
Friend: Yeah?
College girl: Well, she finally gave me my clothes back at the end of the semester before she mysteriously disappeared. I was like going through them and I found not just my clothes, but like other people's clothes too. Not just girls either. I found tighty-whities and shit. But the weirdest part was at the bottom of the basket. There was a plastic bag of jewelry ranging from like cheapo rhinestone shit to like semiprecious stones, a tv remote with no batteries, a crazy-straw, some masking tape, an empty lipstick tube thing, and a handful of Canadian money.

Newark, New Jersey

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From the New FBI Thriller Silence Of the Shams

Girl #1: You can't just not smell his pillow.
Girl #2: I know, right? Just smell as hard as you can!

Macalester College
St Paul, Minnesota

Overheard by: isa

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America, Encapsulated.

Sorority chick #1: Hey, you know there's Bible study in my room at eight tonight?
Sorority chick #2: Hmmm, eight? Okay, I guess I can come.
Sorority chick #1: And then we can go get wasted!

Ladies' locker room, University of Tennessee
Knoxville, Tennessee

Overheard by: New Yorker

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And I Don't Like the Way the Air Is Looking at Me

Sorority girl: I just hate water... It hates me back.

Dinkytown
Minneapolis, Minnesota

Overheard by: Karolyn

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So I'll Stay with Him Until I'm Skinny Enough to Do Better

Skinny sorostitute: Every time I see him he just makes me want to throw up.

Arizona State University
Arizona

Overheard by: Lindsay

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Boys Are So Frightened of Wolf Titties

Sorority girl: Yeah, he like, totally judges me for having fourteen nipples.

Georgia Tech
Atlanta, Georgia

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Just about Thingamajiggies and Doodads

Sorostitute on cell: Like, I don't know, we hook up every now and then, and we talk... But, like, not about stuff.

Johns Hopkins University
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: LabCat

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I Call It Comparison Shtupping

Chick: So, what did you and Kev do last night?
Sorostitute: We got drunk and had sex.
Chick: You're a walking fucking disease.
Sorostitute: What? How am I supposed to know what I want unless I drunkenly sleep with a bunch of people I don't want?

Ohio State University
Columbus, Ohio

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And No Tequila As Underwear

University girl: So tonight -- no tequila, and we wear underwear.

Waterloo
Canadia

Overheard by: Regretting the bottle of tequila in my backpack

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That Would Be Like the Government Lying

Sorostitute: But it was on his Facebook! Facebook doesn't lie!

Textbook return, University of South Florida
Tampa, Florida

Overheard by: bunguin

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Skid or Stretch?

Sorostitute yelling at friend: I can see the marks on your butt from over here!

Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com

Overheard by: yix

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He's Part Woodpecker

Sorority chick, from across room: Hey, do you wanna go steady?
Frat guy: Sure, when?
Sorority chick: I dunno... Let me ask my boyfriend and get back to you.
Frat guy: Sweet. Just as long as I get to tap that.

Iowa

Overheard by: confused and disgusted

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How People Get a Zero on Their SATs

Sororitard #1: Oh, genius, I spelled 'cheese' wrong.
Sororitard #2: That's nothing. Sometimes I spell my own name wrong!

Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com

Overheard by: twombly

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And He Told Me He Was Saving the Good Roofies for Me

Sorostitute #1: So, he tried walking me back to his frat house and he was holding my hand... I should've fucked him, right?
Sorostitute #2: What? You just met him! And he's hooked up with Patricia*. I mean, hellooo -- bad taste.
Sorostitute #1: I totally should have. I mean, he was holding my hand, after all.

Duke University
Durham, North Carolina

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Or Am I Just That High?

TA: You'll need a watch to keep track of how long your stories are.
Sorostitute: I have one!
TA: Is it analog or digital?
Sorosititute, after looking at watch for a few seconds: ... It has diamonds!

Broadcasting Journalism lab, University of Florida
Gainesville, Florida

Overheard by: Don't rush for HER sorority

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Complexion, Teeth... Is There Anything Spunk Can't Do?

Sorostitute: I hear seminal fluid makes your teeth whiter.

Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com

Overheard by: doug

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Pat's Her Dustbuster

Sorority chick #1: Pat* and I hooked up last night, and now I have a hickey...
Sorority chick #2: What is he, in junior high? I didn't know people still did that.

Colgate University
Hamilton, New York

Overheard by: Evie

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Really? Show Me.

Sorority girl #1: She's from Missouri.
Sorority girl #2: Missouri... Is it even civilized there?

Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com

Overheard by: annoyedbutamusedtesttaker

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Something Tells Me That Wasn't Actually Random

Ugg-wearing sorostitute #1: So, this is totally random, but if a gay black man has anal sex, do you think he can see if he has shit on his dick when he's done?
Ugg-wearing sorostitute #2: Uh...
Ugg-wearing sorostitute #1: How sick would that be? I mean, they're black. Well, actually, they're brown. And shit is brown, you know? So how can they tell?
Ugg-wearing sorostitute #2: I would hope they'd notice.
Ugg-wearing sorostitute #1: Think about it! Walking around with shit on your dick? Nasty.
Ugg-wearing sorostitute #2: Maybe that's why some black people smell bad.
Ugg-wearing sorostitute #1: Oh my god! You're so right. Ew! If I were a gay man, I'd never take it up the ass from a black guy.

530 Church Street
Ann Arbor, Michigan

Overheard by: Caryn

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Hmmm... Ulysses. That Sounds Good.

Sorostitute #1: Yeah, the handbook says I can either take two foreign language classes or two literature classes... So, like, I took the literature classes because, like, at least I can read that, y'know?
Sorostitute #2: So true...

Patterson School of Accountancy, University of Mississippi
University, Mississippi

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I'm More of a Brawny Gal

College girl #1: Ew, why does it all run out?
College girl #2: Well, it is a liquid.
College girl #3: And your vag isn't exactly full of Bounty paper towels!

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

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Just because I Lead a Life of Vise

Sorostitute, excited: All my friends back at home have me on their phone as tool whore!

Governor's Square Mall
Tallahassee, Florida

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Gays: Oh, Honey, Nobody Would Steal Any of That!

Sorority girl: Guys! Anybody! Help! I just woke up on a couch and I can't find my jacket, my purse, my shoes, my phone, my wallet, or my gays!

Sorority house
Texas

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I Used to Wear the Wonderbra, but I Kept Needing to Get Abortions

Sorority girl #1: So, like, you still get your period when you're on the pill.
Sorority girl #2: Yeah, but not when you're pregnant.
Sorority girl #1: So what's the point of the pill, then?
Sorority girl #2: It totally makes your boobs bigger.

Airport
Lexington, Kentucky

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Um, Did He Give You Money?

Sorostitute: You know how I got my coke whore status?
Roommate: Ummm, how?
Sorostitute: I snorted a line off of Jared's penis with a hundred dollar bill.
Roommate: Wow.
Sorostitute: That's not that bad, is it?

Dinning hall, Florida State University
Tallahassee, Florida

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Way to Be Empathetic, Bitch

College girl #1: You know how you tell yourself, 'It's okay to spend a lot of money on clothes, because then I won't have enough money to buy food so I'll be able to fit into my clothes'?
College girl #2: I never tell myself that.
College girl #1: Oh. Well, I do.

Newbury Street boutique
Boston, Massachusetts

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Really? I Couldn't See It behind Your Asscheeks

Sorority pledge #1 walking in on another: Oh my god, I'm so sorry! Don't worry, I didn't see anything.
Sorority pledge #2: Haha, it's okay, I don't care -- I have a thong on.

Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com

Overheard by: victoria's true secret

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They Usually Ask You to Do It for Them

Sorostitute: Hey, you guys, can police just, like, pull cars over?

Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com

Overheard by: pineapple girl

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And Also That I, Like, Have a License to Practice Medicine

Chick on cell: I mean, I feel kind of dumb, like, registering to vote and, like, not knowing what's going on and then, like, voting anyway. But, I mean, it's cool that I can vote.

Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com

Overheard by: rv

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Which in Turn Depends on Whether You Speak English or Not

Sororitard to business classmates: Well, I guess it depends whether you consider a dog a person or not...

Alabama

Overheard by: liz

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Which Is a Fancy Word That Means 'Requiring a Splint'

Sororitard: I mean, he has, like, clinical depression. That's like breaking your arm. It's, like, hereditary.

Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com

Overheard by: dek

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Except with a 10-Foot Pole

Horny girl: I'm scared! I don't want to get turned on by a tampon! I don't want to lose my virginity to a tampon... It's just, like, vagina creeps me out so bad, like, I look for excuses not to touch it.
Friend: Yeah, vagina is gross. I avoid touching it.

Stauffer Library, Queen's University
Kingston, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: andrea

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