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How Little You Wear Under It Is Up to You
Woman holding long sweater: Excuse me, do you work here?
Employee: Yes.
Woman: What is this? Is this a dress?
Employee: It's one of those... long... sweaters...
H&M, Water Tower Place
Chicago, Illinois
It's Easily Mistaken for a Leak in the Basement
Galveston woman: I swear, when I first met Sheila 20 years ago she looked middle-aged. She still looks middle-aged.
Guest from California: Maybe she discovered the fountain of middle age.
Galveston, Texas
Overheard by: Chas
Categories: Age and ageing | Default | Memory lane | Names | Texas | Women | Posted 2008-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So the Liberal Media Would Have Us Believe
Woman: How old is that bible?
Clerk (picking it up): 1911.
Woman: Thats the first one?
Clerk: First what?
Woman: First bible.
Clerk: (astonished silence)
Resale Shop
Hammond, Indiana
How I Met Your Mother
Drunk man to woman passing by: Fornication is evil! Thou shalt be kind to your neighbours!
Woman: Yeah, well, god built the Nevada desert and the Colorado River and then we came and built the Hoover Dam, leaving people without water or resources. So just by being here we're fucking over our neigbours.
Drunk man: Can I kiss you?
Outside The Flamingo
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Steph
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Evil | Gripes | Nevada | Strangers | US Geography | Women | Posted 2008-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Better Have to Swim Through Her Blood When We Disembark
Metro announcement: The Red Line is experiencing delays due to a sick customer at Farragut North... Trains will share tracks at Gallery Place and Metro Center.
Man on metro: How sick was this customer?
Woman on metro: She better be dead, I'll tell you that.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: jposkin
Categories: Death & dying | Default | Guys | Maladies | Public Transportation | Strangers | Washington, DC | Women | Posted 2008-07-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Your Left Water Wing Just Fell Out
Woman to man carrying giant innertube: You have to return that to the tube hut. Ha! You have a tube hut in your pants!
Man: I don't even know what that means.
Swimming Pool
Gardner, Kansas
Categories: Default | Euphemisms | Guys | Kansas | Offers and requests | Women | Words | Posted 2008-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Joke's on You--I've Got Some in My Purse
Waitress: What kind of dressing would you like on your salad? We have French, Thousand Island and Italian.
Gorgeous blond: I'll have Ranch.
Waitress: No.
Glenwood Springs, Colorado
But If Enough Rain Builds Up, You Can Watch Me Walk on Water
Angry traveler: The flight's canceled because of weather?!? Can't you do something?
Airline counter man: Ma'am, despite my godlike appearance, I cannot control the weather.
O'Hare Airport
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: He's not so Godlike
If Scientologists Say It, It Must Be True
Hobo woman: So if you stand with one foot on Venus, and one on Mars, it is possible to move earth with a hockey stick.
Eriberto's
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: Drew
The Clerks There Have Turned It into an Annual Sporting Event
Haughty woman: Oh yeah, he's getting a divorce.
Friend: Why?
Haughty woman: She stalks him ever since he left. She followed him into Walgreens and tried to beat him down with a toilet scrubber!
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: I would want a divorce too...
Ooh, Stool Softener--Perfect!
Middle-aged matronly looking woman: Well, while we're here I can get some of this stocking stuffer shit.
Walgreens
Chicago, Illinois
Comfortable Strapless Bras Are in a Storage Locker Somewhere in New Mexico, with the Water-Powered Car
Prudish-looking woman #1: It's a bra conspiracy.
Prudish-looking woman #2: I agree.
Coles Supermarket
Melbourne
Australia
Categories: Australia | Clothes | Default | Gender issues | Women | Posted 2008-07-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Fine Print on the U.S. Constitution
Woman: You should never kill people, especially if you're poor!
Halifax
Nova Scotia
Canadia
Overheard by: there goes my plan
If 8-Bit's Enough for You
Older woman: My first computer was a Commodore 64!
Younger woman: A what? That sounds like a sex toy.
Western Michigan University
Kalamazoo, Michigan
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Memory lane | Michigan | Technology | Toys | Women | Posted 2008-07-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Since He Kept Me Up So Late Last Night
Middle-aged woman to another: I said, "Let's go to church," and she said, "No, I'm going to stay in bed with Jesus today."
Outside Mexican restaurant
Hammond, Louisiana
Overheard by: Booksie in Bumfuck
Categories: Default | Friends | Jesus | Louisiana | Memory lane | Restaurants | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Any Excuse to Put Fruit on Your Bottom
Early 20-something woman on cell with boyfriend: I would love to dress you up as yogurt!
Potomac, Maryland
Overheard by: Nic
Simulated, Just the Way You Like It
Woman: ...and Scarlett Johansson is in it.
Husband: Really? Okay, let's go.
Woman (to ticket seller): Oh, now he'll watch it.
(they enter the theater)
Husband: And you said sex too, right?
Movie Theater
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: About celebrities | Connecticut | Default | Guys | Movies | Sex | Women | Posted 2008-07-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Named Them After the Kids on Seventh Heaven
Woman on cell waiting in line for lunch: Oh, to keep you in the loop, we are not getting pregnant any time soon. There is like no sperm. They said there were eight, but they were retarded.
Richmond, Virginia
Categories: Default | On the phone | Pregnancy | Virginia | Women | Posted 2008-07-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kids Are Easily Fooled by Short Haircuts and Baritone Voices
Mother holding small child as she sees a girlfriend: Sammi* look! It's Debbie! Say hi to Debbie!
Small child: Hi, ugly man!
Target
Traverse City, Michigan
From Your Belly Button and You: A User's Guide
Woman to friend: You just lift up your shirt, look down, and there it is.
St. Catharine's
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: J Menz
Mommy Lost Him During That Spring Break Trip to Tijuana
Mother (giving four-year-old a children's bible): Here, find Jesus for mommy.
Doctor's Office
Ashland, Kentucky
Overheard by: Lola
Categories: Christianity | Default | Jesus | Kentucky | Moms | Offers and requests | Religion | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2008-07-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ginger and Craig Live in a Candy House and Have Diabetes
Young woman #1: You know, Ginger and Craig, with the breadcrumbs and all that.
Young woman #2: You mean Hansel and Gretel!?
Young woman #1: Oh. Yeah, them.
Young woman #2: Wow.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Default | Friends | Memory lane | Names | Pennsylvania | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2008-07-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You're Gonna Be Wrong, at Least Go Top-Shelf
Bimbette, pointing to Che Guevara t-shirt: Jose Cuervo!
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: SP
Best. Tutor. Ever
Woman on cell: Okay. Well, do you want the blowjob first or do you want to study first?
Nashville, Tennessee
Categories: BJs | Default | Education | Offers and requests | On the phone | Questions | Tennessee | Wishes | Women | Posted 2008-07-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
See My Rattail?
Man at bar: What do you girls do for a living?
Attractive women: We're in sales, you?
Man: You're in sales? I think you need a career change.
Women: I'm sorry, what do you do?
Man: I'm with the carnival.
Country Bar
Fort Worth, Texas
That's the Last Time I'll Call the Psychic Friends Network
Ghetto girl on cell: I don't care what the fuck they said... They don't know shit 'bout my coochie!
McArthur Center
Norfolk, Virginia
Overheard by: wes
Categories: Black people | Default | Girls | Gripes | On the phone | Vagina | Virginia | Women | Posted 2008-07-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That PhD in Fingerpainting Didn't Earn Itself, Sister!
Woman #1: I can't believe they set you up.
Woman #2: I know. I mean, the guy did not even have a college degree. I don't want to sound like an elitist, but I am a doctor. What were they thinking?
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: dave
Categories: Assholes | Default | Friends | Overheard in PDX | Women | Posted 2008-07-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Really Should've Written a Shopping List
Wife to husband: There was something I was going to tell you, but it didn't have anything to do with strap-ons or racism. Oh well, it'll come to me.
Target
Murfreesboro, Tennessee
Categories: Clothes | Default | Memory lane | Tennessee | Women | Posted 2008-07-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Just Means It's Ripe
Girl on cell: She said that she used her vibrator so much last week, she thought her vagina was going to swell up and fall off.
Walmart
Atlanta, Georgia
There Were Also Doubloons in There
Female shoplifting defendant: I'm just saying I didn't have a vagina full of jewelry in 2005.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: woof
Categories: Default | Overheard in PDX | Vagina | Women | Posted 2008-07-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do It In My Mouth! I've Got Lucky Charms!
Guy: You know what's actually really good? Cocoa Puffs and bacon!
Chick: (blank stare)
Guy: Once I had them both and I ate one bite of Cocoa Puffs and one bite of bacon and they mixed in my mouth and it was good!
Chick: You make me want to vomit.
Harris Teeter
Bristow, Virginia
What With Mrs. Butterworth Morally Judging Me
Elderly woman: You know... It's so hard to eat pancakes in the nude!
Winchester, Virginia
Overheard by: SB
And Was Forced to Read the Congressional Record
Girl: Do you know what a pearl necklace is?
Woman: I didn't learn about any of that shit until I worked on the Senate floor.
Kokomo's
Linglestown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: M.J.M.
Categories: Default | Etiquette | Fashion | Girls | Jobs & Careers | Pennsylvania | Questions | Restaurants | Women | Posted 2008-07-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Not Pregnant!
Old Russian woman: You very strong girl!
Cashier: Thanks.
Old Russian woman: You will birth very easy!
Cashier: Than... wait, what?!
Hannaford
Yarmouth, Maine
Overheard by: Jade
I'd Suggest a Rollerblades Tour
Fat American female tourist to new best friend: If ya didn't like the Vatican, you're gonna hate the Louvre!
6th Floor, Hilton Arc de Triumph
Paris
France
Overheard by: Pope Andrew I
And He Was All, "But I'm Just the Babysitter!"
Lady to friend: So I told him... ten dollars for a hand job!
Friend: Good for you! What an asshole!
Ashland & North Ave
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Compliments | Default | Friends | Illinois | Insults | Money | Offers and requests | Sex | Women | Posted 2008-06-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unless I Can Have Someone Holding the Train Like a Bridesmaid
Old lady: I've lived with my body my whole life, but I don't want it down around my ankles.
Women's Gym
Studio City, California
Categories: Age and ageing | Body parts | California | Compare and contrast | Default | Old folks | Wishes | Women | Posted 2008-06-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Lady, You Live in the Wrong Fucking State
Older woman working out with personal trainer: I'm almost 70 years old. Ask me how much I care how I look. I don't even have a mirror in my bathroom. I was just interested in a chemical peel. They wanted to roll my skin up over my head, take out the fat, then roll it down again, not to mention take out my liver and kidney. And the woman that's dragging me around to this stuff? She's a gusher. I hate gushers. She says: "We'll go through this together". She says: "Ask the gods." Can you imagine me asking the gods for a facelift? What blasphemy. She says: "Tell me about yourself". I say: "You mean the heroin addiction?" She says: "Really?" I say: "Yeah, it was after my two daughters were born, when I started robbing banks to support us." Honestly, everything has to be so sordid before someone will listen to you. You have to have an incestuous affair or something. When in reality, I work all day, then come home and watch TV like the rest of the human race.
Women's gym
Studio City, California
Overheard by: Trying not to howl with laughter
Categories: Age and ageing | Beauty | California | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Health & Hygiene | Insults | Old folks | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-06-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook