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Well, As Long As You've Thought This Through.
Woman #1: So you're going to name your son Jesus?
Woman #2: Why not? People name their kids "Messiah," and it means the same damn thing.
Alabama
Overheard by: Matthew Roberts
As Much As Any Six-Foot-Tall African American
Perky female voice: Do I look like Audrey Hepburn?
Reluctant male voice: Yes.
Perky female voice: Thanks!
Richmond, Virginia
Categories: Compare and contrast | Compliments | Guys | Questions | Virginia | Women | Posted 2009-12-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Rappers Take SAT Prep Courses
Crazy lady to college kids making fun of her: You got finesse, use it! Don't you be so nonchalant.
Krystal
Birmingham, Alabama
Wasn't This a Steven Spielberg Movie?
Lady on the bus: So I was 17 and pregnant! He was a Nazi extremist, but a very nice man. Very charming. I was rebellous (sic) as a teenager. Very rebellous. But now I'm old-fashioned, and I've got lots of morals.
Wellington
New Zealand
Overheard by: dominic
Categories: Age and ageing | Bus | Character | New Zealand | Politics | Pregnancy | Weirdness | Women | Words | Posted 2009-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Is Sort Of Like Reparations...
Black woman, chuckling gleefully at bad financial news on tv: Oh, some white folks gon' kill themselves now!
Medical Office Waiting Room
Chesapeake, Virginia
Overheard by: Ashleigh
Categories: Black people | Death & dying | Doctor's office | Race | TV shows | Virginia | Women | Posted 2009-11-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gotta Love Good Old-Fashioned Southern Courtship
Man in truck to woman in car: Hey there--you want a steak?
Woman: What? No.
Man: Even if it was in a box?
Woman: No, thanks, I'm cool.
Stoplight
Atlanta, Georgia
Which, Coincidentally, Is Also K-Mart's Primary Demographic
Woman loading mini van outside K-Mart: I hate mini vans, the only people that need mini vans are old people, white people, crackheads, and people who need 'em.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Rebecca
Elena's the Most Creative Pimp in Canadia
Oldish Ukrainian woman: How you have babies with hips like this? How you do this? So skinny. Tsk, tsk.
Skinny chick: Huh?
Oldish Ukrainian woman: Here, eat my husband's sausage. He fill you up. Eat! Eat!
Edmonton
Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: not so skinny
According to Paris Hilton's Guide to Science
Woman: My legs are burning. But only because I'm putting more pressure on the gravity.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Just Me
Categories: Body parts | Health & Hygiene | Science | Sensory experiences | Washington | Women | Posted 2009-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Far Will This Bus Token Get Me?
Old lady to female bus driver: I need to get laid.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: exactly
Categories: Bus | Bus drivers | Old folks | Oregon | Public Transportation | Sex | Wishes | Women | Posted 2009-11-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Everyone Deserves at Least One Brush with Greatness
Woman, searching through bargain bin: Do you want this? This woman taught at Bennington!
Girl: Dude, that's old! She teaches at my school now. Her son was in my class. His lab puppy shat on dreadlock, girl!
Borders
Mansfield, Massachusetts
Categories: Animals | Education | Girls | Massachusetts | Offers and requests | Poop | Stores | Women | Posted 2009-11-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, When the Penis Is Erect and the Vagina Is Lubricated...
Gangsta guy: So Brenda had sex with her cousin, but didn't know it was her cousin.
Woman: How do you do that?!
DePaul University
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Family ties | Illinois | Questions | Sex | Thugs | Women | Posted 2009-11-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Audrina from The Hills: Explained.
Woman #1, washing hands: What happened to your chin?
Woman #2: Oh! Uh, Justin head-butted me.
Woman #1: He what?
Woman #2: Oh, well, not like on purpose or anything, just, like, while we were messing around, or whatever.
Woman #1: Mmmmm...
Woman #2: Yeah, I was in like a bad accident when I was a kid so my face doesn't take blunt force trauma very well since then.
Manhattan, New York
Categories: Body parts | New York | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-11-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Government Job?
Woman on cell: Yeah, I'm on my way to work. I gotta stop for cigarettes and a cocktail.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: aaron
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Jobs & Careers | On the phone | Overheard in PDX | Smoking | Women | Posted 2009-11-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Should Schedule a Stroll Around the Grounds
Very elegantly dressed man: I'm trying to remember if I've ever mowed a lawn... No, I don't think I have.
Very elegantly dressed woman: Hang on, do we even have a lawn?
Very elegantly dressed man: Of course we do.
Very elegantly dressed woman: Oh, I remember now. We have a lot of lawn.
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: MaggieB
Categories: California | Guys | Memory lane | Questions | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2009-11-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Delight to Hear, but Generally Incomprehensible
Woman: Ireland was amazing!
Man: Do they have accents there?
Woman: Yes.
Man: Like British accents?
Woman: Like Irish accents.
Man: They have those?
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
That Faux-Posh Accent Never Fooled Me
Old lady #1: I've never liked her!
Old lady #2: She was a shit at school, and she's a shit now.
West Midlands
England
In Alabama It's Kind Of Hard to Tell
Older woman #1: I really need to get my flu shot this week.
Older woman #2: I got mine last week.
Older woman #3: Ya'll better watch out getting those flu shots, haven't you heard that vaccines cause autism?
Birmingham, Alabama
Categories: Advice | Alabama | Health & Hygiene | Maladies | Mental illnesses | Old folks | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2009-11-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At the Bad First Date Olympics
Woman eating Chinese food to man sitting across: Why don't you try some? It's good.
Man in creepy English accent: No, I get equal or more pleasure watching you eat.
Vancouver
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Food | Guys | Offers and requests | Sensory experiences | Women | Posted 2009-11-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For the Same Reason the Tampon Ads Spare Us the Gory Details
Older woman, watching Viagra tv commercial: Why don't they ever show the guy from the waist down with a big ol' boner?
Airport
Atlanta, Georgia
Why You Often See Sneakers Thrown Over Telephone Wires
Woman to man: I ask you for sneakers, and you give me skanky, nasty sneakers? I will never ask you for sneakers again. I would rather go footless.
Boston Common
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: but wouldn't you still need sneakers?
Categories: Gripes | Guys | Massachusetts | Shoes | Women | Posted 2009-11-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is There an Appropriate One?
Crazy lady yelling at bus stop sign: I wish someone would rape me in an inappropriate way!
Chicago, Illinois
The Next Stupid State Referendum
Loudspeaker in airport: Please don't leave your belongings unattended.
Crazy lady, to no one: Did they just say homosexuality isn't allowed in the airport?
Airport
Oakland, California
Overheard by: Kristina
Categories: Airports & flights | California | Crazies | Public Transportation | Sexuality | Weirdness | Women | Words | Posted 2009-10-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How the Farmers' Market Got Rated NC-17
Lady to friend: I don't care that it's a squash, it's still inappropriate... legs spread everywhere.
Farmers' Market
Oregon
Overheard by: Shea
Why Pornographic Snowmen Never Work
Woman to friend: Well, yeah, but then it got wet, so it fell off...
Vallejo, California
Overheard by: Jerod T.
Categories: California | Friends | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No! Haven't You Been Listening?
Lady 1: So they're getting married now.
Lady 2: But I thought she had a baby.
Lady 1: Yes, but it's his brother's. See, her sister wanted to be with him so she told him her sister couldn't have normal children. It turns out she's the one who can't have children.
Lady 2: Oh... so they're getting married?
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: Confused listener
Categories: Birthing | Family ties | Kids | Questions | Relationships | Stupidity | Utah | Women | Posted 2009-10-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You'll Need to Be More Specific.
Woman: Oh, man, I wish I had nuts.
Bellingham, Washington
Overheard by: Amused Friend
Categories: Balls | Gender issues | Washington | Weirdness | Wishes | Women | Posted 2009-10-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sorry, we don't do special orders, that's Burger King
Woman who's too old to work at McDonald's: So, you want cheese on your sausage, egg and cheese?
Customer: Umm... okay, sure, yeah.
Centereach, New York
Crappy Cramps, Cheetos Vamps
Women #1: Oh, I know why I feel crappy--cramps.
Woman #2: Ew! Me too. Very PMS-y. Craving Cheetos.
Woman #1: That's serious.
Rochelle Park, New Jersey
Categories: Food | Health & Hygiene | New Jersey | Women | Posted 2009-10-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Has Made Her Extremely Popular
Middle aged woman, casually to friend: And she hasn't worn pants to school since 7th grade.
Woodinville, Washington
Overheard by: The employee washing the window behind them
We're Imagining the Cat Lady from The Simpsons
Crazy lady to group of girls: Well, there's us and then there's them. And when I was your age I said I was never gonna be like them. And look at me... Do I look anything like them?
Greenfield, Massachusetts
Categories: Age and ageing | Compare and contrast | Crazies | Girls | Massachusetts | Questions | Women | Posted 2009-10-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When the "Toilet Paper Bride" Game Goes a Little Too Far
Older woman: So I said "Wrap her up. Wrap her up tight!"
Newcastle
Australia
Overheard by: Declan
Adam Sandler's Comedy Hasn't Evolved Much
Lady talking to friend: My little boy just loves balls. All I hear is balls,balls, balls...
Wal-Mart
Anniston, Alabama
Overheard by: Tyler
After They Moved Him, I Found Five Dollars Under the Cushion!
Woman #1, at party: Oh, hi, Lisa, how are you?
Woman #2, shrugging: Okay, I guess.
Woman #1: Where's your husband? Did you bring John with you?
Woman #2: Oh, you didn't hear? John died two weeks ago. He died sitting in his chair.
Kentucky
Categories: Death & dying | Family ties | Kentucky | Questions | Relationships | Women | Posted 2009-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or, Put More Eloquently, "What What (In the Butt)?"
Woman on toilet: What the fuck is going on with my ass?
Medford, Massachusetts
Categories: Ass | Health & Hygiene | Massachusetts | Poop | Questions | Restroom | Women | Posted 2009-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Men Are Easily Distracted
Man: You know the black guy from Transformers? You know who I'm talking about?
Woman: Megan Fox?
Man: Yeah.
Holland, Michigan
We Could Spend Hours Complaining to Them About the High Price Of Orange Juice, If We Wanted!
Lady, looking out the window at Mini Cooper: But it's no good for me--it doesn't have any backdoors for the grandkids!
Son-in-law: But that's great! Then they can't get out!
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: Cassie Barlow
Any Questions?
Woman, showing friend around: And this skyline is where I had my first pregnancy test. It was negative.
Ludlow
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Alison
Categories: Friends | Memory lane | Ohio | Pregnancy | Women | Posted 2009-09-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Raise Your Hand If You're Married to Her
Woman, looking at exhibit containing jellyfish: But where are their brains? Where do you think their brains are? Where would they keep their brains? Where are the brains? Where are their brains? The brains? Where do you think they keep the brains? Huh... I wonder where their brains are?
Aquarium
North Carolina
Overheard by: Kellllyyyyy
Categories: Animals | Body parts | North Carolina | Questions | Women | Posted 2009-09-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Anything With Diane Keaton
Woman #1, coming out of movie theater: I want to see Zombieland when it comes out.
Woman #2: That's way too scary for you.
Woman #1: No, it's not!
Woman #2: You couldn't handle Coraline.
Woman #1: Because that movie is terrifying! (shudders)
Denver, Colorado
Or the Redistribution Of Wealth
Woman: I'm all for a reign of terror, but nothing that involves Winnie the Pooh.
Portland, Maine
Hold On-- Lemme Just Wipe It for Her
Annoyed lady on cell in bathroom stall: Mmm- hmmm... uh-huh, mmm-hmm, yep. Oh, before that, can you tell her to lick my ass, too?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: I hope she?s not talking about me.
Categories: Ass | Licking | Offers and requests | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Restroom | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-09-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Where Was It Again?
Woman in next dressing room: Oh my god, I always forget about my tattoo!
The Gap
Ridgewood, New Jersey
Categories: Fashion | New Jersey | Tattoos | Women | Posted 2009-09-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yet You Divorced Your Third Husband for Peeing in Your Shoes?
Woman on cell: I've been through many husbands, but the dog has been with me for 14 years! Men can be replaced but the dog stays!
Bellingham, Washington
Overheard by: sara
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Feelings | On the phone | Relationships | Time Management | Washington | Women | Posted 2009-09-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well I Love the Way You Answer the Phone!
Woman on porch to man on porch: I really like the way you tell Jack to get off the couch!
Pacifica, California
Categories: California | Compliments | Guys | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2009-09-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Do They Procreate?
Girl: The squid's like an octopus, don't you think?
Older woman: There's no pussy about it.
Birmingham
England
Overheard by: Helz
If She Doesn't Want Them, Our Entire System Of Currency Is Shot to Shit
Woman on phone: Well, if she wants the fucking dishtowels, she better!
Murfreesboro, Tennessee
Overheard by: Drew
Categories: Insults | On the phone | Tennessee | Wishes | Women | Posted 2009-09-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Smells Fishy to Me
Lady #1: Yeah, she's going out tonight with some giiiirrrl.
Lady #2: Like... a friend girl... or like... for a date?
Lady #1: Oh, I can't ever tell with kids these days. Probably a date. They were going to the aquarium.
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Overheard by: Vanessa
Categories: Colorado | Kids | Questions | Relationships | Women | Posted 2009-09-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Besides, Greed Stains.
Woman #1 in central Taipei: When she went to the us, she took along several boxes of detergent, because she doesn't like the smell of American detergent.
Woman #2: Yeah, I wouldn't want to smell like an American either.
Shout-out: talovich.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Yugan
Categories: Cleanliness | Compare and contrast | Health & Hygiene | Other sites | Sensory experiences | Taiwan | Weirdness | Wishes | Women | Posted 2009-09-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like in Revenge Of the Dairy Fairy!
Woman on cell: Dude, you guys drink milk like cows!
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Nance
Categories: Animals | California | Compare and contrast | Food | On the phone | Women | Posted 2009-08-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like on That Episode Of Sliders
Woman on cell: Everyone's a Jew, except for the Jews!
Livonia, Michigan
Categories: Michigan | On the phone | Race | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2009-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What If It's an Acquired Taste?
Woman #1: Hey, check this out.
Woman #2: What? Gross! Is that bacon? Is there really bacon in there?
Woman #1: Looks like it.
Cashier: I haven't personally tried it, but everyone who has says it's really good.
Woman #1: I bet it is!
Woman #2: No way. I mean... that's just too weird. Bacon? In chocolate? That's almost like bisexuality: I want to try it, but, I don't.
San Francisco, California
Categories: Compare and contrast | Employees | Food | San Francisco | Sexuality | Weirdness | Wishes | Women | Posted 2009-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Plus, I Prefer Anal. Anal!!
Chronically oversharing blonde woman: If I didn't know better, I'd swear there was a baby up in there, but there are three reasons I know that's impossible. For one thing, I'm on birth control, which is why I've gained twenty-five pounds. Twenty-five pounds! Also, I haven't had sex since (whispers) October, (resumes normal voice) so I'd be overdue. And I got my period today.
Chilango's Mexican Restaurant
Rochester, New York
Overheard by: TARDIS Dyke
Categories: Diet & weight | Health & Hygiene | New York | Pregnancy | Restaurants | Sex | Women | Posted 2009-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then There Are the Things I Pretend to Forget
Older lady to friend over lunch: When I remember things, I remember them. But when I forget them, I forget them.
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Having breakfast nearby
Categories: Age and ageing | Canadia | Friends | Memory lane | Old folks | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2009-08-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's How the Doctor Knows You're Done
Lady: And as soon as the doctor said "stick out your tongue," she knew her goose was cooked!
West Chester, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Theresa
Categories: Body parts | Food | Health & Hygiene | Pennsylvania | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-08-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ah, the Terrible Twos.
Woman on cell, in deadpan voice: Now's not a good time to talk to him about it. (pause) He's got a chainsaw. I really wouldn't talk to him about it right now.
Bus
Amherst, Massachusetts
Categories: Bus | Fears | Massachusetts | On the phone | Violence | Women | Posted 2009-08-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Knew That Would Ever Turn Out to Be a Bad Idea?
Woman #1: Do you want to become a judge?
Woman #2: No way!
Woman #1: Why not?
Woman #2: I have too many naked photos on the internet out there of me!
Coffee Shop
Salt Lake City
Overheard by: Snazzy
My Train Is Like the Hotel California, Beeyotch.
Black woman #1: I hate when people wait to the last minute to try and get off at a stop.
Black woman #2: Mmm-hmm.
Black woman #1: I don't let them past if they try to do that shit.
Black woman #2: What you do?
Black woman #1: I'll push their mothafuckin' ass back on the train!
Subway
New York City
Categories: Ass | Black people | Gripes | Insults | New York | Public Transportation | Train | Violence | Women | Posted 2009-08-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...I Mean, That Would've Been My Default Assumption...
Woman: I felt so bad. I was like, "it's okay, you can leave your pool cue there, come dance with me."
Friend: And then you left him in the middle of the dance floor.
Woman: I didn't know he was blind!
Friend: So you blew him?
Woman: Did I?
Hot Springs, Idaho
I'd Totally Do That If It'd Make Me Young Again
Middle-aged woman, about teenager: She's so beautiful. She could be a model. (pause) I want to run her over with my car.
Bellingham, Washington
Sadly, The Best Laid Plans.....
Woman #1 in bathroom stall: You should have an orgy!
Woman #2 in next bathroom stall: I know, that's what I said!
Bathroom, Bar
Olympia, Washington
Overheard by: H
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Restroom | Sex | Washington | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-08-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Except No One's Posing As Gay
Woman, waiting for Two Gentlemen of Verona to begin: This is one of Shakespeare's comedies, right?
Friend: Yes.
Woman: Someone will cross-dress, there will be mistaken identity, and love triangles, and everything will turn out well. All Shakespeare comedies have the same plot.
Friend: Yeah, pretty much.
Woman: They're all just episodes of Three's Company.
Boulder, Colorado
Categories: Books | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Feelings | Friends | Questions | Relationships | TV shows | Women | Posted 2009-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, I Guess It Depends What He'd Eaten That Day
Female diner #1: I mean, he was awesome. He had a lifeguard body. If he shit, I would eat it.
Female diner #2: (pushes food away)
O'Callaghan's
Chicago, Illinois
How Some Centerpieces Get Eaten
Middle-aged woman #1: I'm putting stuff on my plate and I don't even know what it is!
Middle-aged woman #2: Me too!
Texas de Brazil
Aruba
Overheard by: Why Are They So Stupid?
I Said It Smells Like Tacos, Not Shit
Gray-haired lady: It smells like tacos in here.
Older blue-haired lady, gesturing toward Latino family several feet away: I think it's those people over there.
Metropolitan Airport
Detroit, Michigan
Categories: Airports & flights | Compare and contrast | Food | Michigan | Old folks | Sensory experiences | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2009-08-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Martha Stewart: "It's a Good Thing."
Dominatrix: The best s&m tool of all time is the Williams Sonoma Spoontula.
Good Vibrations
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: Compare and contrast | Kink | San Francisco | Shopping | Women | Posted 2009-08-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Don't Think You Have Much Choice
Woman on phone: So you want me to call her anyway and tell her that I'm not coming to a party that I wasn't invited to?
Park Ave
Long Beach, New York
Overheard by: Christina Federici
As a Reward for Having Completed That Etiquette Course
Older woman with no inside voice, inside a bus on rush hour: I want a diamond about as big as a horse turd.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: bleep
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Old folks | Overheard in Minneapolis | Poop | Wishes | Women | Posted 2009-08-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Another BBC2 Documentary Fails to Thrill
Respectable, middle-aged woman: I have considered becoming an alcoholic.
Devon
England
Overheard by: Jess
Categories: Drinking & drunks | England | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-08-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Require a Cute, Brightly-Colored Ark.
Little old lady, yelling to friend across the store: The world is flooded with Beanie Babies!
Wauwatosa, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Embarassed at how loud my friend laughed before walking away
Why Doesn't He Just Get That Swastika-Shaped Mole Removed?
Woman: Everyone's been asking me why I didn't bring my boyfriend!
Man: Why didn't you bring him? Too many Jews?
Woodstock, New York
Overheard by: Becca
A Tale, Told by an Idiom.
Finnish lady: They waited years to diagnose him so now of course he's got a lot of luggage.
American lady: Wait, don't you mean baggage?
Finnish lady: Luggage?
American lady: Baggage.
Finnish lady: Baggage, luggage.
Brazilian man, totally bewildered: Suitcases?
West Hollywood, California
Overheard by: Sprightly
Categories: California | Foreigners | Health & Hygiene | Language barrier | Maladies | Women | Words | Posted 2009-08-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Smell the Plot Of a Lesbian Road-Trip Movie
Woman to another: But don't worry... I won't give up the boobie, and you can drive.
Bus
Chester, Pennsylvania
Categories: Bus | Pennsylvania | Rack | Sexuality | Women | Posted 2009-08-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But You Don't Want to Go on a Flight Without Warm Nuts
Man, taking seat in airport lounge: Wow, this is the first time I've worn pants since...
Woman with him: Since the last time we flew. Feels weird, doesn't it?
Airport Lounge
North Carolina
Categories: Airports & flights | Clothes | Clothing | Guys | North Carolina | Questions | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-08-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Trendy Nightclubs Are Like, in Bizarro World
Crazy blonde lady on park bench: Because they're all about gluttony. Plus, it's harder for them to get in if you're thin, because they're usually fat, you know? (two heavy ladies next to her nod)
Judiciary Square
Washington, DC
Categories: Compare and contrast | Crazies | Diet & weight | Washington, DC | Women | Posted 2009-08-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Getting Lonely All by Myself in This Little Office
Woman on intercom: Would Joe Smithson please report to the guidance office? (pause) Please? Seriously, please, please, please, just come... please.
High School
New Jersey
Overheard by: Miss Fabulous
Categories: New Jersey | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-08-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Wish I Was a Dog So I Could Pick the Butts Of Others
Woman to group of friends: I wish I was a little kid, so I could pick my butt whenever I wanted.
Disneyland
Anaheim, California
She Has Sex In Very Unusual Places
Crazy drunk lady, whispering: I think I got asbestos on my hands. (in louder voice) Or maybe it's sperm! Heeheeheeheeheehee!
Toronto
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: EdgingAwayFromHer
That's What You Took Away from That Lifetime Movie?
Young woman: I mean, bulimia is easy! But anorexia? That takes willpower!
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Overheard by: Mandy
Categories: Compare and contrast | Health & Hygiene | Maladies | Michigan | Women | Posted 2009-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let Me Guess: You're a Writer?
Loud 50-something woman, happy and upbeat: I'm just sad. And lonely!
Lafayette, Louisiana
Next Step: Getting Rid Of This Mullet
Woman #1, watching hobo in a dress: You know, I finally feel like I'm a metropolitan woman.
Woman #2: Why? Gotten used to the traffic, crowds, pollution and public transportation?
Woman #1: Well, yeah, but that's not why. See that guy in that dress over there? When I first came to the city, I would have been amused or shocked to see something like that. Now, my first reaction is: "Those shoes and socks don't go with that dress--and Macy's isn't that far away. Dude, go get some pumps!" I mean, how often do you think I would have thought to say "dude, go get some pumps" when I was still living in Ohio? I'm living the dream!
Financial District
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: And the jacket didn't match either
In Between and During Periods Of Incarceration
Woman to mother being slapped in the rear by little boy: Oooh, your son is bad!
Mother: Yeah, I think he's gonna be an ass man when he grows up!
Jersey City
New Jersey
Categories: Age and ageing | Ass | Kids | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Parenting | Strangers | Violence | Women | Posted 2009-07-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Love Was Free, Drugs Were Plentiful...
Ecstatic woman: Take me back to the 60s--when I was skinny!
Herman's Hermits Concert
Alexandria, Virginia
Overheard by: serpent queen
Categories: Diet & weight | Virginia | Wishes | Women | Posted 2009-07-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Worst. Job Interview. Ever.
Woman #1: Are you wearing sexy underwear?
Woman #2: No, just cotton.
Arts and Crafts Show
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Karlene Kuhn
It Needs Watering, If You Follow Me
Woman on phone: As long as she can wear it without showing her lady garden, then that's fine by me.
Christchurch
New Zealand
Categories: Clothes | Clothing | New Zealand | On the phone | Vagina | Women | Posted 2009-07-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do You Do, Uh, Blown Glass?
Old Polish lady, bitching about price of handmade jewelry: So you're paying for the hand job and not the stone?
Bethlehem, Pennsylvania
Categories: Clients | Jobs & Careers | Money | Pennsylvania | Questions | Women | Posted 2009-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Being a Bank Teller Rocks!
Guy to woman sitting down: The really great thing is that you'll never have to wear pants again!
Portland, Oregon
Which Is Why the White House Has Stopped Letting Him Make Calls
Woman at diner: So I answer it, and he goes "Hi! Happy 9/11!"
Restaurant
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: of bugle be uncouth
Categories: Happiness | Restaurants | Washington | Weirdness | Wishes | Women | Posted 2009-07-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Don't Know Whether To Laugh, Say "Awww....", Call DSS, Or Puke In My Mouth
Lady on cell: Just because she's wearing big-girl panties doesn't mean she's not your baby.
Target
Midwest City, Okahoma
That's What You Said About the Dentist's Chair!
Middle aged woman #1: I want to see the flag exhibit.
Middle aged woman #2: Me too! I hear it's just like Space Mountain.
Smithsonian National Museum of American History
Washington, DC
Categories: Compare and contrast | Pop culture | Washington, DC | Wishes | Women | Posted 2009-07-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
West Side Story: The Lost Dialogue.
Woman: Jorge, I wanna go to Kmart!
Man: Yeah, and I want chop suey. We all have our dreams, Maria.
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Kate
Lindsay Lohan's Bedside Table?
Lady, looking bewildered at companion: Well, where would you be if you were a sex book?
Bookstore
Birmingham, Alabama
Overheard by: Knows exactly where he would be
Your Editors Badly Want to Hear the Joke for Which This Is the Punchline
Woman to another: And I said to him, "well, if I had oily hands, I wouldn't come into your office and wipe them on your underpants!"
Portsmouth
England
Either Way, Your Old Life Is Over
Woman: I imagine that finding out you have a tumor is very much like finding out you're pregnant.
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Health & Hygiene | Maladies | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2009-07-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Was Alvin and the Chipmunks Banned in Canadia?
Lady #1: So we have these squirrels in our backyard, and I don't know if the rabbits got to them or what, but they don't have any tails, just these stubs.
Lady #2: (laughs loudly)
Union Station
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Animals | Body parts | Canadia | Violence | Women | Posted 2009-07-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'd Pay My Bills Anyway, Sweetie
Woman: If Jesus isn't coming back this week, I just know it's going to be this month.
Edwardsville, Illinois
Categories: Illinois | Jesus | Time Management | Women | Posted 2009-07-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well the Six Nipples Don't Hurt
Woman, excitedly: I hope he thinks I'm a freak!
Michigan
Overheard by: Meister E
The Desire to Flee Rochester Will Overpower Anything
Woman on PA system: Attention. Please disregard the call for wheelchair assistance at gate A-5. Repeat: there is no wheelchair needed at gate A-5. It's a miracle!
Airport
Rochester, New York
Overheard by: Patty Astrolabe
Categories: Airports & flights | Health & Hygiene | Magic | New York | Public Transportation | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Keeps Telling Us He's Not Straight.
Woman on cell: Take him home in a straitjacket, or take him to the psych ward in a straitjacket...either way, he's not going to be happy.
Saratoga, California
Overheard by: Coffee shoppe caffeine junky
Categories: Advice | California | Clothes | Happiness | Mental illnesses | On the phone | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Got Any Bacon Chocolate?
Woman looking at chocolate display case: I don't want any of those. Those aren't death-on-a-stick enough.
Coco Flow
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Reiza
Categories: Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Oklahoma | Wishes | Women | Posted 2009-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Brits Even Make Farting Sound Civilized
British woman: Pardon me, I have to go get meself centered.
Yoga Studio
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Etiquette | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Why Would You Want to Be a Middle-School Nurse?
Tall woman on cell: It's not like I wanted to do it either, but sometimes you just have to grab her, spread her legs, and shove the tampon in there. I mean it's part of the job after all.
Dayton, Ohio
Overheard by: I hope she gets hazard pay!
Categories: Body parts | Health & Hygiene | Jobs & Careers | Ohio | On the phone | Weirdness | Wishes | Women | Posted 2009-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...I Suddenly Had a Brilliant Idea.
Lady #1: My husband and I are going to Vegas tomorrow for four days. Our only trip without the kids. I am ticked because today I got my period.
Lady #2: Oh, what a pain in the ass.
Lady #1: Ahhhh?!
Hamburg, Michigan
Categories: Backdoor | Comebacks | Family ties | Health & Hygiene | Holidays | Michigan | Women | Posted 2009-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And How Do I Get That Job?
Woman on cell, after next bus stop is announced: Did you hear that? The woman giving the announcement? It's the same woman every time. I wonder where she is.
eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Eavesdrop DC | On the phone | Public Transportation | Questions | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2009-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Judge the Germans.
Mother: Where's Germany?
Daughter: There. (points it out on map)
Mother: That's not Germany! That's Germany! (points to Africa)
Daughter: What? Mom, that's Africa. (points to Germany again) This is Germany. And this is Europe...
Mom: Oh.
Daughter: Holy shit, mom.
Mom: Don't judge me!
Renton, Washington
Categories: Default | Geography | Girls | Moms | Offers and requests | Stupidity | Washington | Women | Posted 2009-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The English Won't Serve Pizza to Just Anyone
Mother to small child: So Paul just has to prove he's a woman now. So that should be fine.
Restaurant
London
England
Overheard by: sneaking a peek
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | England | Moms | Names | Restaurants | Sexuality | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
QED, Girlfriend
Young woman #1: How much time do I waste studying that I could be working out?
Young woman #2: I'd rather be skinny than smart.
Logan Airport
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Airports & flights | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Health & Hygiene | Jobs & Careers | Massachusetts | Women | Posted 2009-06-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sleepover!
Mother: These sheets smell weird.
Child, enthusiastically: Yeah, like other people's houses!
Thrift Store, St. John's
Newfoundland
Canadia
Overheard by: Sandy
Never-- Thanks, Labia Clamps!
Woman to friend buying panties: So, are you sure these aren't the ones that will give you cameltoe?
Peoria, Arizona
Overheard by: Giggling cashier
Categories: Arizona | Body parts | Clothes | Default | Offers and requests | Questions | Women | Posted 2009-06-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ever Wonder What Happened to Gumby?
Woman: He's called "The Anal Man." His ass can bend in 15 different positions. He's a big hit in Europe. (produces rubber toy)
Los Angeles, California
That Would Just Be Icing on the Cake
Woman to friend: I just want a sibling. I don't care if they're into sex.
Marrickville
Australia
Overheard by: Jaclyn
Categories: Australia | Default | Family ties | Offers and requests | Sex | Women | Posted 2009-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Without Menopause, We'd Have an Infanticide Epidemic
Grandmother, about tantrum-throwing child: I think it might be time to put her to sleep.
Mother: Yeah. Come on honey, we'll go home and have a nap!
Grandmother, under her breath: That's not what I meant.
Westfield Shopping Center
South Morang
Australia
Sylvia's Whole Life Is a Word Problem
Annoyingly talkative woman: I got my pumpkin t-shirt at Old Navy eight years ago. I wear it every year. But I've only worn it... eight times!
Commuter Train
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: M@
For the Low, Low Introductory Fee Of Only $9.95
Woman on cell outside Target store: And then he'll pee on your face!
San Jose, California
Categories: Body parts | California | Default | Pee | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Reader Poll: Is This Gross?
Woman to husband: Honey, can you go to the bathroom so the seat is warm when I use it?
Tucson, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Default | Health & Hygiene | Offers and requests | Questions | Relationships | Women | Posted 2009-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Especially You, Ma'am.
Bag lady, after no one would give her change: You all have small dicks! Small dicks! Small dicks! Small dicks!
Chinatown Restaurant
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Dan
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Penis | Pennsylvania | Restaurants | Weirdness | Women | Words | Posted 2009-06-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
NewsFlash: Happy Feet Director's Cut Startles Movie Patrons
Scary-looking older woman with two teenage girls: Well, they only skinned and hung up one man by his ankles.
Movie Entrance, Chapel Hills Mall
Colorado Springs, Colorado
One Of These Days, We Should Get a Dog.
Woman on cell: No no no...I haven't been doing much shopping at all. The only thing I've bought is a fur dog collar. It was only $300!
Park City, Utah
Her Case Made It to the Supreme Court.
Woman, passing We Will Rock You theater: I mean, how can they *guarantee* to blow your mind?
Yonge Street
Toronto
Canadia
On the Way Home, She Drove Up on a Curb Going Two Miles an Hour.
Soccer mom who was just given champagne by lady doing her nails: This is my first drink in ten months! Oh my god, I'm buying some of this on my way home!
Nail Salon
Cumming, Georgia
Overheard by: Caylin
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Feelings | Georgia | Moms | Offers and requests | Women | Posted 2009-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Bake Dogs?
Woman to friend: Is she aware that we have three Talbots and a dog bakery?
Princeton University
New Jersey
Categories: Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Default | Food | Names | New Jersey | Questions | Women | Posted 2009-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Can You Say "Paternity Suit"?
Five-year-old Spanish boy: Court! Court! Court! Court!
Frazzled grandmother: Yes, I know.
Courthouse
Waterbury, Connecticut
Overheard by: Colleen
Categories: Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Default | Guys | Kids | Moms | Women | Words | Posted 2009-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Is Quite an Impressive Resume
Woman on phone: Man, you know what open flesh smells like!
BART Station
Pittsburg, California
Overheard by: Hannah
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Public transportation | Sensory experiences | Women | Posted 2009-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dear Abby-- My Friend Has an "Awkward" Husband...
Woman #1: Oh my god, Jason Statham is so hot! I want to funk him so bad!
Woman #2: I know! When you're done, I'm next!
Hubby of woman #1: And when they're done, I want to smell his cock.
Islip, New York
Overheard by: Who is Jason Statham?
On the Plus Side, She Was Doing Some Pretty Nifty Baton Tricks
Security guard to woman who just drove over the curb: Are you drunk?
Woman driver: No, she (points to passenger) was distracting me with my vibrator!
Hospital Parking Lot
Denver, Colorado
Do You....Want A Hug Now?
Glamorous blonde mother, curiously: Did I pay you enough attention as a child?
Dark haired alternative daughter: Um...how do you mean?
Glamorous blonde mother: Did I not hug you enough?
Daughter: Why?
Glamorous blonde mother: Well, you're not...well...not very mainstream are you?
Daughter, in shock: Well, if there's anything wrong with me, it's your fault, isn't it!
Liverpool
England
The Doctor Said You Border on Mumu Fat.
Woman: You should shop at Lane Bryant!
Girl: Mom, that's a fat girls store!
Woman: I shopped there when I was 17, and you're much fatter that I was!
Hendersonville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Tanner
Categories: Advice | Age and ageing | Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Girls | Shopping | Tennessee | Women | Posted 2009-05-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nothing Says Spring Like the Scent Of Ice Cream and Urine
Small boy with ice cream cone, trying to get mom's attention: I peed my pants! I peed my pants! Mommy, listen to me, I peed my pants!
Mom, deadpan: I bet that's real uncomfortable for you.
Dad to son: When we get home we are just gonna have to hose you down.
Son to dad: Oh yeah, make me lay on the yard and then spray the hose on me, and on my penis, and down my pants on my penis!
Boy's brother, from minivan: Ew! You can spell the pee!
Bucks County, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: free birth control
With My Tongue
Asian woman: You know, I'm not normally a lesbian. I was just scoping out the competition last night!
Christchurch
New Zealand
Alice Had Yet to Learn to Scream "Back the Fuck Off Me!"
Terrifyingly cheerful woman, handing out christian pamphlets at bus stop: Hello! Would you like something to read on the bus?
Girl, already reading large book: I'm, uh...I'm already...
Crazy looking hobo, scoffing and muttering to girl: People can be insane.
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Books | California | Crazies | Default | Girls | Hobos | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Questions | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Shouldn't There Be an IQ Prerequisite?
Woman: So when are you guys riding?
Man #1: Three weekends from now, or maybe a month...
Woman: Isn't it too cold outside to ride motorcycles?
Man #2: Not if you're drunk!
Downingtown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Crys
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Guys | Pennsylvania | Questions | Stupidity | Time Management | Weather | Women | Posted 2009-05-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Apparently She Didn't Know That, Either.
Seven-year-old girl with speech impediment: I told everyone in class I was going to the Kentucky Derby.
Mother: Did people know what the Derby was?
Seven-year-old girl: Alicia didn't! She was like "what is the Derby?" but everyone else in the class knew!
Mother: Well, that is because she is from Russia.
Seven-year-old girl: And New Hampshire.
Mother: She's from Russia.
Seven-year-old girl: And New Hampshire?...I told her I was sorry she was adopted.
Southwest Flight above Chicago, Illinois
Why Some Kids Refuse to Come Out Of Their Shells
Little boy: Mommy, if a turtle has no shell is it naked or homeless?
Mother: It would be dead, sweetheart.
Little boy: That's sad, mommy.
Mother: No, it isn't, dear. Come on, this is our stop.
Metro
Washington, DC
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Default | Family ties | Feelings | Guys | Kids | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Public transportation | Questions | Washington, DC | Women | Posted 2009-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whereas Scabies Can Always Keep a Secret
Elderly woman to woman across aisle: You can't trust crabs. Crabs are sneaky.
DMV
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: What about other sneaky crustaceans?
...Because That's Our Thing.
Young mother, in baby-talk: Aren't you excited to meet grandma and grandpa at the park? Do you think they're sad and lonely there waiting for us?
Toddler son: Noooo, they're drinking.
Mother, still in baby-talk: You think they're drinking?
St Charles Streetcar
New Orleans, Louisiana
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Family ties | Feelings | Kids | Kids | Louisiana | Moms | Questions | Women | Posted 2009-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Told Me That Was Medicine!
Kid: I wish I was as fat as you, mummy.
Mother: Mummy should not have had that ice cream.
GAP Fitting Room
Tunbridge Wells
England
Overheard by: Jim Giraffe
A Kayak? Ohhh, a Kayak-- Gotcha.
Middle-aged man: So, how is your husband?
Middle-aged woman: He left me three years ago.
Man: Oh. (awkward/embarrassed laugh) I'm sorry to hear that.
Woman: It's okay, I bought myself a kayak.
Charlottesville, Virginia
Remember the Days When I Was the Only One?
Old woman to young stranger: Is that your mother?
Young woman: No, bitch. That's my bitch.
Old woman to friend: Kids have way too many bitches these days.
Union Station
Washington, DC
Categories: Default | Family ties | Kids | Old folks | Public transportation | Questions | Strangers | Washington, DC | Women | Posted 2009-05-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sometimes Your Words Just Flow Out, Uncontrollably
Little girl: Is there diarrhea here? I love diarrhea!
Mother: I have no idea what you're talking about, but it doesn't sound good, so stop it.
Target
Delran, New Jersey
Overheard by: Amused Employee
Have You Tried Craigslist?
Woman walking Corgi shouting to woman walking King Charles Spaniel: He wants to meet a licky dog.
Brookline, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Aunt Kelly
Categories: Animals | Default | Massachusetts | Offers and requests | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-05-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wasn't This a Scene in Ghostbusters?
Middle-aged woman: The last thing I want to do is get hit by a giant Tastycake!
Princeton, New Jersey
Did You Have to Use a Staple Remover, Though?
Enthusiastic woman, yelling over hand dryer: Circumcision is the way forward!
Women's Bathroom
The Gate, Newcastle
England
Overheard by: Mell
What Passes for Foreplay in Utah
Bored woman on cell: Wow, you have a lot of potatoes.
Airport
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: ... What?!
Categories: Airports & flights | Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Utah | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-05-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nobody Can Do Sexual Harassment Like the Insane
Crazy bag lady, loudly: I don't suck dick for pussy! I don't suck dick for pussy! I don't suck dick for pussy!
(sits down next to another passenger on the subway)
Crazy bag lady, now in passenger's face: I don't suck dick for pussy!
(female passenger gets up and moves)
Crazy bag lady: Why you jumping? Why you jumping, bitch!? You weren't jumpin' last night when that guy put his long ass dick in you last night!
Female passenger: Excuse me, ma'am, don't say that to me! You don't know me!
(subway train stops)
Conductor: City Hall station!
Female passenger: Excuse me, sir, there's a crazy lady on the subway harassing the other passengers.
Conductor: Oh, could you point her out to me?
(female passenger points to crazy woman yelling)
Conductor: Ma'am, are you bothering people?
Crazy bag lady: Why you tryin' to fuck me standing up!? Why don't you fuck me lying down like a gentleman!
Conductor: Ma'am, I'm calling the police.
Broad Street Line Subway
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Ass | BJs | Compare and contrast | Crazies | Default | Employees | Insults | Offers and requests | Penis | Pennsylvania | Public Transportation | Public transportation | Questions | Sex | Vagina | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Isn't Wellesley
Prospective student's mother: I hear there are a lot of lesbians on this campus.
Student tour guide: Well, it isn't like they jump out of the bushes and convert you or anything.
College, Colorado
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Gossip | Moms | Sexuality | Students | Women | Posted 2009-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Aunt Brian Shops Here Before All Her Shows
Mother, digging through prom dresses on rack, to nine-year-old daughter: There's so much glitter here! Did you know that so many drag queens shop at Ross that they call it "cross dress for less"?
Nine-year-old, bored: I know...
Ross Dress for Less
El Cerrito, California
Overheard by: innocent bystander
Now Finish Your Lollipop and Don't Contradict Me Again
Mom: He'll have chocolate ice cream with rainbow sprinkles and gummy bears.
Five-year-old son: But I want the blue ice cream!
Mom: Honey, the blue is cotton candy ice cream. You can't have it...it's pure sugar.
Coldstone Creamery
Carlsbad, California
Overheard by: Amused Employee
Categories: California | Candy | Default | Guys | Kids | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Stores | Women | Posted 2009-05-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...On the Eve Of Our Wedding.
Woman to friend: I don't know what her gender or sexuality is. I just can't believe she'd do that to me.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Freda
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Gender issues | Gripes | San Francisco | Sexuality | Women | Posted 2009-05-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Or Me Having to Give It.
20-something woman preparing turkey to guy: I'm not sure what's worse, pulling all this out of the turkey's ass, or you taking it in the ass last night.
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: At least some one had a happy thanksgiving
My Mother Always Said I Married a Piece Of Trash
Neighbor, talking about busy husband: Yeah, he may take Monday off just to decompose.
Burke, Virginia
Overheard by: Jimmy C
Categories: Death & dying | Default | Jobs & Careers | Virginia | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Just Two Very Misguided People Colliding in Space
Redhead to 30-something man: You like Jason Mraz. I like Jason Mraz. Therefore, we're not having an affair.
Line for Jason Mraz Concert
Hammersmith Apollo, London
England
Overheard by: Tom
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | England | Music | Relationships | Sexuality | Women | Posted 2009-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Pity Hillary and Obama Can't Be Civil
Lady, bumping into man: What? You're so in a rush you have to knock me down?!
Man: Sorry, I was gonna ask you the same thing.
Lady: Watch where you're going!
Man: Please leave me alone!
Lady: No! You leave me alone!
Metro
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Jim
Categories: Default | Gripes | Guys | Offers and requests | Public transportation | Questions | Washington, DC | Women | Posted 2009-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dressed As a Boy!
12-year-old: She's such a slut. She went on a date alone with a boy!
Mother: I don't believe that.
12-year-old: It's true! I was there!
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Compare and contrast | Default | Kids | Kids | Moms | Relationships | Women | Posted 2009-05-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So I Poured a Cosmo Down His Pants.
Excited lady, telling story to group of people: And then he turned the tap on right into my purse!
Seattle, Washington
So You're Saying Sex Is a Game?
Old religious woman to large crowd of highly amused students: Having pre-marital sex is like playing Russian roulette with your genitals!
Alumni Hill
University of Arizona
Overheard by: The girl who likes to live on the dangerous side
Categories: Arizona | Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Old folks | Relationships | Religious fanatics | Sex | Women | Posted 2009-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"Gingivitis" Is Nothing You Want to Hear from Your Dentist
Woman to friend: And then he said the "g" word, which I never thought he'd say...
Footpath
Australia
Overheard by: Genophobia?
Jeez, You're So Literal
Woman, holding up holiday card: This card is perfect! It says exactly what I want! (reads typical greeting card poem)
Man: Wow, it really says that?
Woman: Well, I made part of it up.
Fred Meyer Store
Oregon
But, Oddly Enough, Nine Months Later Sean Preston Was Born
Young professional woman: So, my husband and I decided we were ready to have a baby, but when I got pregnant I sort of freaked out and thought I wasn't ready. So I went out with my girlfriends, ate a bunch of sushi, smoked a pack of cigarettes and drank a fifth of tequila. Sure enough, the next day, I got my period. That shit really is bad for the pregnancy.
Flight over Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Airports & flights | Default | Drinking & drunks | Family ties | Feelings | Food | Georgia | Pregnancy | Relationships | Smoking | Women | Posted 2009-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are the Stories About Martha Stewart As True As They Say?
Angry woman on cell: I want the fucking muffins!
Galleria Mall
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Russ
And Have an Orgy to Celebrate-- Right, Mommy?
Seven-year-old daughter, confused: Mommy, why's the play called Murder on the Ides?
Mom: Well, it's about Julius Caesar, a Roman leader. See, in this country, when we don't like our leader anymore, we vote 'em out. But the Romans...
Seven-year-old daughter, excitedly: Oh! Oh! They kill them!!
Colgate University
Madison County, New York
Overheard by: Jake
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Death & dying | Default | Family ties | Girls | History | Kids | Kids | Moms | New York | Pop culture | Women | Posted 2009-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Translation: "Welcome to New York, Muthafuckaaaas."
MTA worker to tourist mom buying tickets with daughter: 10 dollars.
Mom: Oh, but she's a student.
Worker, looking at daughter: Oh! How nice for you! (looks back at mom) Ten dollars please.
Subway Station
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Glad thats not my cheap-ass mom
Categories: Compliments | Default | Education | Employees | Moms | Money | New York | Offers and requests | Public transportation | Tourists | Women | Posted 2009-04-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sometimes I Go Overboard with My Hoeing
Sweet old lady: I'm a pretty wild gardener.
Bellingham, Washington
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Old folks | Washington | Weirdness | Women | Words | Posted 2009-04-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Softly with Your Song, or What?
Black woman in the ER on cell: You killed him? What do you mean you "killed him"?
Chestnut Hill Hospital
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Black people | Death & dying | Default | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Questions | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-04-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Fact, I Eat Skinny People
Hot girl in line #1: Oh my god, I was so bad today! I had two whole scoops of ice cream for lunch.
Hot girl in line #2: You better watch it or you're not going to be able to fit into that cocktail dress you're buying.
Fat woman behind them: I fucking hate skinny people!
Department Store
Stockton, California
Categories: California | Clothes | Default | Fat people | Feelings | Food | Girls | Stores | Women | Posted 2009-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Excellent Reverse Psychology, Mom
White trash mother, hurrying five-year-old out of bathroom: C'mon, let's go!
Five-year-old: But I want to wash my hands!
White trash mother: (sighs) Fine, but make it quick.
Five-year-old: Yay!
Lamberts Cafe
Sikeston, Missouri
Overheard by: Grossed Out
I Grow Weary Of Cheesy Pick-Up Lines
Lady shopper on cell: I was just told by a Mexican guy that I should eat more cheese, so I'll have a bigger ass.
Value Village
Bellingham, Washington
Categories: Advice | Default | Food | Offers and requests | Stores | Washington | Women | Posted 2009-04-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In an Unrelated Question?
Old woman: They don't make that many good movies nowadays.
Young girl: That's not true! Want to order Daddy Day Camp?
Ontario, California
Overheard by: none
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Movies | Old folks | Questions | Women | Posted 2009-04-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thanks, Gossip Girl!
Woman to friends: Who would have know that shaving my pubes wouldn't get rid of pubic lice?
Chipotle
Towson, Maryland
Categories: Animals | Body parts | Default | Health & Hygiene | Maryland | Questions | Restaurants | Women | Posted 2009-04-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like a Sleep Number Sex Toy?
Guy, about his job: Right now, we are working on a line where you can make a customized branded dildo to fit your needs.
Woman who just told everyone she is pregnant: That's fantastic!
City Vino Restaurant
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: entertained witness
Categories: Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Guys | Jobs & Careers | New Jersey | Restaurants | Toys | Women | Posted 2009-04-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Grandma.
Ghetto lady on cell: Where you at? (pause) Yeah, you better be at work and not out fucking around on me. (pause) You know damn well what the fuck I am talking about, motherfucker! (pause) Bitch, I am making tacos so I gotta get some fucking sour cream. (pause) I said I am making fucking tacos. (pause) Alright, I love you too.
Sun Fresh
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: WesAli