Get the 10 best quotesby e-mail weekly!
Teachers All Categories > People > Teachers
Recent | Best Of
Any Working Girl Knows That.
Crazy, overweight French prof: Ma boîte est dans un endroit très triste.
Student: Your box is in a sad place?
Crazy, overweight french prof: Oui, but which box?
Student: (giggles)
Crazy, overweight French prof: Box is another word for office!
Simon Fraser University
Canadia
Overheard by: so that's what they're calling it these days
Categories: Body parts | Canadia | Crazies | Language barrier | Teachers | Words | Posted 2011-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, Why Does Your Sippy Cup Smell Like Martini?
Two-year-old, holding plastic dinosaur up to ear: Uh-huh, mommy, it's been a really hard day.
Teacher: It's been a hard day, huh?
Two-year-old: Excuse me, I'm on the phone!
Preschool
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Lee
According to This Late-breaking Report from Fox News
Professor: Obama is a white supremacist just like all of you and me and everyone else.
University of Colorado
Overheard by: I missed something
Why Don't You Start and I'll Go Out for a Cigarette Break
Student #1: There are an infinite number of answers?!
AP calc teacher: Yeah, there are.
Student #2: Do you want us to write them all down?
High School
Boiceville, New York
Overheard by: Toasted
The Casino?
Volleyball girl: How come you have a painting of a football helmet on the wall but nothing for us?
Athletic trainer: I don't know. Maybe I'll paint something for you guys.
Volleyball girl: Yeah! You should paint a whole mirage!
Gustavus Adolphus College
Minnesota
Or Is It "Giving Head"?
Professor: Suppose a woman goes in for a haircut. No, that's not right! What are they called if they're for women? Blow-something. Blowjobs?
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by: econ 208
Categories: BJs | Hair | Overheard at McGill | Teachers | Words | Posted 2011-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Was College Ever About Learning?
Lecturer, about exam questions: I mislead you on purpose. I have to get some sense of perverse pleasure out of designing these questions. I sit at home going "aahahahahahaa!" (rubs hands gleefully)
Irish Culture Lecture
University of Zurich
Switzerland
In Totally Unrelated News, Which Of You Left an Earring in My Carpet Last Night?
Biology prof: So the dinosaurs were eating all the iridium poisoned plants, and dying of drug overdoses. That's why you find them in all these weird positions, they were having bad trips and just... dying.
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Overheard by: Danielle
Categories: Animals | Death & dying | Drugs | New Mexico | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2011-06-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
There's One Poking Out Of Jane's Skirt Now!
Prof: Life is a game of chance. There may not be a tomorrow. Or, it may not be the tomorrow you expect. You might go home tonight and die. Or you might go home tonight and have a baby!
Carelton University
Ottawa
Canadia
Overheard by: if i gave birth tonight, my biggest concern would be how my pregnancy went undetected for nine months.
Categories: Canadia | Death & dying | Education | Offspring | Philosophy | Teachers | Posted 2011-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Might Not Make Sense, But Just Beer with Me...
Spanish teacher: "Corona" means "crown," but mainly it means "Corona."
High School
Calgary
Canadia
...Cultured
English teacher, on how language features are used in advertisements: So in the end, this advertisement is making all the single women of the world think "hello? I wanna be like the yoghurt!"
English Class
Christchurch
New Zealand
Categories: Education | New Zealand | Teachers | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2011-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Of American Debt
Professor: China's a sausage fest.
Murray State University
Kentucky
A Plan That Cannot Possibly Fail
Student: Did you know that you can live off of student loans?
Professor: No, you can't.
Student: Yeah. All you do is just keep going back to school, and they'll pay for everything.
Professor: But eventually you'll have to pay them back.
Student: Not if you die.
Nicholls State University
Louisiana
You Only Think Threesomes Are Exciting, 'til You Encounter One.
Bearded man, teaching math: ...which is gonna give you nine over nine over four, which is horribly ugly. Does that terrify you greatly? It should.
UW Rock County
Janesville, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Akuaku
But, in the Future, Please Confine Your Questions to Topics in English Literature
Professor: And so in REM sleep you'll get penile erection and vaginal lubrication. You know, the fun stuff. (class laughs) Well, your eyes aren't the only things that are moving!
York University
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: studious student
I Thought You Said Your Family Was Functional?
Math professor #1: Don't derive like my brother.
Math professor #2: No, don't derive like my brother!
Northampton, Massachusetts
Overheard by: TARDIS Dyke
Categories: Advice | Education | Family ties | Massachusetts | Teachers | Posted 2011-05-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Original Miracle Worker Screenplay Was Less Than Inspiring.
Male teacher talking about student: Yeah, that ear infection made her go deaf. She wears one of those things in her head. The implant.
Meanest lady ever: Her life is over. You can't be deaf and ugly. That is too many things.
Male teacher: She's five!
Meanest lady ever: By six she'll barely be a person.
Fairfield, Connecticut
Categories: Age and ageing | Beauty | Connecticut | Gossip | Maladies | Teachers | Posted 2011-05-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Plus, Skinny Girls Won't Sit Still
Male student during history class: Why are the women in these nude paintings so plump?
Professor: Because the artists had good taste.
Female student: That's right!
University of Missouri
Overheard by: Kathryn Bjornstad
I Hope to Graduate Magma Cum Laude
Teacher: That would make such a great scene in a movie: A volcano smoking, then it erupts, and thousands of ninjas spout out of it and run forth and populate the earth!
Student: This is the best class ever!
Memphis, Tennessee
...Preferably That Squirmy, Hairless Guy in the Back Row.
Dumb freshman girl: Why does being castrated make your voice high?
Friar professor: Talk to someone after class.
Seattle University
Washington
Overheard by: facepalm
Categories: Body parts | Girls | Questions | Teachers | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2011-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...As Some Of You Guessed on the Midterm?
Veterinary pathology professor: The client's Samoyed had puppies, and the last pup came out green. So what happened? Did the bitch get raped by a martian?
Washington State University
Pullman, Washington
Categories: Animals | Questions | Teachers | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2011-03-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Worst. Midterm. Ever.
Humanities prof: Where were we? (pause) Dead babies!
Murray State University
Kentucky
Categories: Death & dying | Education | Kentucky | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2011-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...the Last Time I Was Truly Happy.
Sexy baseball coach: I was shooting pheasants, naked, in Boise, Idaho.
Columbia, South Carolina
Overheard by: Saywhat?!
Categories: Animals | Leisure | South Carolina | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2011-02-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Even Though They Put the "Ass" in Potassium?
Guy: I'm going to sneeze!
Girl, getting in his face: Think about bananas! Think about bananas! You won't sneeze.
Religion professor: Just like thinking about bananas won't get you pregnant...
College
Rock Island, Illinois
Overheard by: I like bananas....
No Worries-- He Was Just Cutting My Brake Lines.
Frazzled principal addressing group of volunteers in library: Sorry I'm a little late everybody, I had to pull a kid out from underneath my car.
Weslaco, Texas
Tyra Banks, During Every Taping Of America's Next Top Model, Encapsulated.
Black professor: Actually, it wasn't neither... Excuse me, I had an Ebonics moment. Please forgive me.
Millsaps College
Jackson, Mississippi
Categories: Education | Language barrier | Mississippi | Stupidity | Teachers | Words | Posted 2011-02-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Trust Me
Student: The trophoblast looks like a teething ring!
Sex ed teacher: Yes. It looks like a teething ring, but it's not.
UW Rock County
Janesville, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Akuaku
According to WikiLeaks
Professor: And, as you know, Sweden has the strictest rape laws in America.
UCLA, California
Who's Thinking Of the Baby Ruth Scene from Caddyshack?
Aikido student: Um, Sensei, I think there's spit on the mat...
Sensei: There's sweat on the mat?
Aikido Student: No, spit.
Sensei: Oh, spit! That's gross!
Humboldt State University
Arcata, California
Overheard by: Eli
Categories: California | Cleanliness | Feelings | Students | Teachers | Words | Posted 2011-01-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Surpised, but Not Offended
English poetry professor: Would you be offended if I hanged myself right now?
University of Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: awesomepossum
Categories: Canadia | Death & dying | Education | Questions | Teachers | Posted 2011-01-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And That They're Ladies
Econ professor: Now, if you'll look to the upper-right corner of the handout, you'll see some pretty ladies. Since this handout is somewhat blurry, you can't see them very well, so you'll just have to take my word that they're pretty.
UW Rock County
Janesville, Wisconsin
Or Were Those Internet Images Photoshopped?
Psychology teacher, collecting test papers: Do I have all the testes?
High School
Chesapeake, Virginia
Overheard by: Slips of the Freudian variety
...Shall I Demonstrate on This Turkey?
EMS instructor, about female reproductive system: Backing away from this now... We don't want to get too deep into it.
Bergen County SMS Academy
New Jersey
Overheard by: Emt student
Categories: New Jersey | Sensory experiences | Sexuality | Teachers | Uterus | Vagina | Posted 2010-12-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Here's Stephen Jay Gould to Explain
Professor: Do you ever wonder why men have nipples? Men use their large chests to attract women, like peacocks. But why the nipples? It's not like someone's going to be sucking on my nipple...
Oswego, New York
Categories: Body parts | New York | Questions | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Shit, That's What the Bible Says
Professor, discussing sperm's passage to egg: "Come and chase me!" That's what the woman says.
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Body parts | Euphemisms | New Jersey | Sex | Sexuality | Teachers | Uterus | Posted 2010-11-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Assignment: Fill That Cavity
Sex ed teacher, drawing something in red marker: It looks like a tooth, but... (continues drawing) ...it's supposed to be a uterus!
UW Rock County
Janesville, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Aku
Categories: Education | Health & Hygiene | Teachers | Uterus | Wisconsin | Posted 2010-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...No Offense If Your Parents Are in Prison, Keisha.
Feminist student, about discussion: No, this is completely wrong! We shouldn't be congratulating men for not having affairs!
Teacher: Yes, that's exactly right! I mean, it's like when we congratulate black people for staying out of prison!
(stunned silence)
Kendrick School
Columbus, Georgia
Overheard by: MJH
...Now Who Wants to Play "Hang the Sock"??
High school student: People are often uncomfortable when they're naked...
Male professor: Now, that's just not true, because I'm never uncomfortable when I'm naked, and you wanna know why? Because whenever I am naked, fun ensues.
Charlotte, North Carolina
Categories: Body parts | Bragging | Bringing it back to you | Creepsters | Education | North Carolina | Teachers | Posted 2010-11-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Translation: That's Lazy Screenwriting
Student: This morning I watched Walker, Texas Ranger. They're always going around talking to Native Americans.
Professor: That's good.
Decorah, Iowa
What Is This, Degrassi?
Female student: Uh... I think we left off on the hymen.
Sex ed teacher: Oh, we're going there.
Janesville, Wisconsin
Laser Pointers Are for Girls!
Australian lecturer: Nakedness wasn't good until now. Now it's great.
College
Portland, Oregon
Categories: Advice | Body parts | Oregon | Sensory experiences | Teachers | Posted 2010-10-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Since Daddy Officially Took the T-Bird Away
Boy: Let's play Heads Up, Seven Up!
Girl #1: Let's play Around the World!
Girl #2: Let's play Mum Ball!
Boy: Let's all play Strip Solitaire!
Teacher: I told you: there's no fun allowed in here!
Penn Yan Academy
New York
Overheard by: Rachel Bz.
Categories: Education | Girls | Guys | New York | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Posted 2010-10-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And, in Our Lab Session, We'll Demonstrate It.
Professor: And tomorrow, we'll talk about the suck knob.
University of Hartford
Connecticut
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Connecticut | Education | Sensory experiences | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-09-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Christian Siriano Has Difficulty Getting Dates
College girl: We blew a fuse in our room last night. Just in our room, not the rest of the hall.
Science professor: And what did you do to solve this problem?
College girl: I cried.
Professor: That doesn't solve the problem!
College girl: Well, half of my hair was dry and the other half wasn't!
Professor: You were not bilaterally symmetrical. That can be a problem.
Keuka College
New York
Overheard by: Rachel Bz.
...On Local Dining Options.
Ditzy college girl, interrupting class: Do you live in Penn Yan?
Professor: No, I live on Bluff Point.
Ditzy college girl: Oh... Did you know that Sarassin's delivers?
Professor: No, I didn't, but do you mind if I get back to my lecture?
Keuka College
New York
Overheard by: Rachel Bz.
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | New York | Questions | Sorority types | Teachers | Posted 2010-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then She Turned Him Gay With Her Womanliness
Female professor: She was a lesbian...
Male student: Yeah, she was.
Female professor: But he turned her straight with his manliness...
Male student: Yeah, he did.
Appalachian State University
Boone, North Carolina
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Gender issues | North Carolina | Sexuality | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-09-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...According to This Snapple Cap.
Teacher to class: You never know what you're going to find stuffed in the head of a mummified crocodile.
Metro State College
Denver, Colorado
...With My Hand Down My Pants Like This.
English teacher to class: Apostrophes and semicolons really turn me on.
Class: (horrified silence)
English teacher, to self: Maybe I shouldn't have said that.
High School
Wisconsin
And Just a Heads Up That Your Grades Will All Suck
Professor: We are going to talk about tea rooms. Which involve no tea. Unless by "tea," you mean "cock."
Columbus,Ohio
Overheard by: Em
Though, to Be Fair, the Bicycle Had No Bell.
Girl #1: My grandfather has won the Nobel Prize!
Girl #2: Really?
Girl #1: Yeah, he has one of those trophies in his bookshelf!
Janitor, walking in: Are you sure it was the Nobel Prize?
Girl #1: Yes, I am! Don't you believe me? I'm gonna call him and ask! (proceeds to call, hangs up sounding disappointed)
Janitor: Well?
Girl #1: Oh, it was not the Nobel Prize. It was only from a bicycle race.
High School
Sweden
Overheard by: Malin
Categories: Bragging | Family ties | Old folks | On the phone | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Sweden | Teachers | Posted 2010-08-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Also a Major Problem at Chimpanzee Schools
Teacher to girl picking lint off her boobs: Pay attention, please.
Girl: I can't! I'm cleaning!
Potomac, Maryland
Sort Of Like a Human Centrifuge. Any Questions?
Professor, in monotone voice: I think we're all familiar with merry-go-rounds. They're objects in playgrounds that rotate at relatively high speeds, and we put our children on them.
Millersville University
Millersville, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Tyler G
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Kids | Pennsylvania | Science | Students | Teachers | Posted 2010-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For Good Teachers, Even Stupid Arguments Beat Silence
Tutor to quiet class: Are you normally this talkative? (silence) Rightie-o, then. You know, when I went to university I practically didn't say a word for four years. It was good.
University of Western Sydney
Australia
With This Little Thing?
30-something male student to teacher: I keep having sex with these girls, and I go for 30 minutes... or sometimes and hour. They don't come. What's wrong with me? What's wrong with them?
Female professor, confidently: It sounds like you're rubbing 'em raw!
Community College
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Oklahoma | Orgasm | Questions | Sex | Students | Teachers | Time Management | Posted 2010-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So, Regardless, We're Going Green.
Student, as professor walks into classroom: Tomorrow's Earth Day!
Professor: Yesterday was 4/20!
Classroom, College of Marin
Marin County, California
B-
Fine arts teacher: Michelangelo and Donatello. They were both brilliant, they were both homosexual, they were both... Both...
Girl: Ninja turtles!
Ohio
All Teachers Want Is to Fit in
Student: Hey bruh, can I ansuh?!
Teacher: Yeah, sure... Wait, what did you call me?
Student: Bruh?
Teacher, grining: That made my day!
Nashville, Tennessee
That Would Make Your Ears Ring, Sir
Lecturer, about over-sized earrings left behind in class: Yes, you put one around the left testicle...
Christchurch
New Zealand
Categories: Balls | Fashion | New Zealand | Teachers | Posted 2010-08-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mary Kay Letourneau Always Knew What She Wanted
Kid: Woah, you just blew my mind!
Teacher: That's not all I'll blow.
High School
Pennsylvania
Categories: BJs | Education | Kids | Kids | Pennsylvania | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sensory experiences | Students | Teachers | Posted 2010-08-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thankfully the Stupid Seem to Always Die Off First
Environmental science teacher: What, in your opinion, is the most pressing environmental issue our planet faces today?
Clueless redhead, raising hand unsurely: Is it... The birds?
Environmental science teacher: Excuse me?
Clueless redhead: Isn't there something up with birds? Like, aren't they dying or something?
Environmental science teacher: Um... Thousands of different animals are dying...
Clueless redhead: Oh. I thought it was just birds.
High School
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Animals | Birds | California | Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Stupidity | Teachers | Posted 2010-08-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Everybody Respects a Gentleman Bandit
Professor: I could go to Mark*, for example, and say, "hey, you have to do this or I'm going to shoot you." (to Mark*) Uh, sorry.
Mark*: Well, at least you're polite about it.
Emerson College
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: S.m. Torres
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Etiquette | Massachusetts | Murder | Students | Teachers | Threats | Posted 2010-07-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Probably Time for Another Field Trip
Teacher: So what gets left behind when sea water evaporates?
Student: Fishies!
Melbourne
Australia
It Keeps Me from Biting Myself
Teacher, about Thoreau: Who's heard about the cone of silence?
Kid: I know about the cone of shame!
Concord Museum
Concord, Massachusetts
Categories: Education | Kids | Massachusetts | Questions | Teachers | Posted 2010-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Final Solution to the School Year
Enthusiastic teacher: We're doing a scavenger hunt today!
Student, dubiously: A scavenger hunt?
Enthusiastic teacher, nodding: Yeah, it's like ... It's like a Nazi Easter egg hunt.
North Carolina
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | History | North Carolina | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
God Bless the USA!
English professor: "My wife, Bob, is pregnant." Polygamy, pregnant men, gay marriage--it's got it all!
University of Rock County
Wisconsin
Overheard by: Aku
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Pregnancy | Relationships | Sexuality | Teachers | Wisconsin | Posted 2010-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Internet Audiences *Loved* Two Girls, One Copy
Teacher: Please staple again. Please, if there is a god, staple again. Do it! Staple! Push it down hard! I want to hear you staple!
Middle School
North Carolina
Categories: God | North Carolina | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2010-06-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Raise Your Hand If You See Nothing Wrong with This Logic
Old Scottish professor in mid lecture: There happened to be something wrong with the quality of the product from the plant in Belgium, and the company response was: "well, of course you're getting sick, you live in Belgium. What a stupid place to live."
Medford, Massachusetts
...Because Most Of You Got That Wrong on the Midterm.
US History professor, angrily: I don't put up stuff on the overhead for me to masturbate to! I do that at home. Pay attention!
Georgia State University
Overheard by: Kat
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Georgia | Masturbation | Teachers | Posted 2010-06-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why "Special" Classes Exist.
Teacher: Why are you guys talking back there?
Student: Oh, Roy*'s just talking to his eraser.
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Education | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is This Sexual Harassment? Discuss.
Male English teacher to female student: You know, for the last 30 minutes I've been thinking of... The holy city that is your face.
High School
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: ShouldThisBeReported?
Categories: Body parts | Compliments | Education | Georgia | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Posted 2010-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If It Doesn't Happen Soon, We'll Get the Sack for Sure.
Male teacher to another: Hey, I still haven't gotten those wiener cages from you.
High School
West Linn, Oregon
Overheard by: scott
Categories: Food | Oregon | Penis | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Posted 2010-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Too Much, Too Much!
Overzealous personal trainer to neophyte trainee: Touch yourself in the butt!
Gym
West Long Branch, New Jersey
Overheard by: Robert
Categories: Ass | New Jersey | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-05-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Marijuana Wouldn't Be Any Fun Without It.
History professor: In New York the exit signs are red. They're like, "Fire! Get out!" In California the exit signs are green. They're like, "Dude, if you wanna get out, cool. If you like fire, if that's your thing, that's okay, too."
Aurora, Illinois
Categories: Compare and contrast | Illinois | Teachers | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2010-05-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Does Everyone Keep Telling Me That?
Guy with soul patch: Don't German people always drive at 200 miles an hour all the time?
Girl in front row, sarcastically: I think you mean 200 kilometers per hour.
Guy with soul patch: It doesn't matter, they're the same thing!
Professor, calmly: If I go crazy and start a killing spree, you'll be the first one I get.
George Washington University
Washington, DC
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Death & dying | Education | Stupidity | Teachers | Washington, DC | Words | Posted 2010-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Too Aroused to Think Straight
Women studies professor, during discussion about nymphomaniacs: Ladies, are there any of you who are in a constant state of arousal?
Class: (uncomfortable silence)
Professor: Let me rephrase that. Are you constantly ready to engage in sex?
Student, alarmed: Professor, I don't think any of us are comfortable with answering this question.
Saint Peter's College
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | New Jersey | Questions | Sexuality | Stupidity | Teachers | Women | Posted 2010-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Until Paul Blart: Mall Cop
Lecturer, laughing manically: Okay, guys! I promise that is the last time I will mention poop this semester. (under her breath) Probably.
Film Class
Perth
Australia
Here, I'm Using Sarcasm to Make a Teaching Point
Political science professor: Our president is black. Some of you may have noticed this. Some of you probably haven't yet.
California State University
San Marcos, California
Overheard by: I knew it
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Politics | Race | Stupidity | Teachers | Posted 2010-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Some Top-Drawer Fucking Right There
TA: I fucked that little guy from my class again. But I left a drawer in my desk open. He found a Sudafed and I came.
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Categories: Getting off | Health & Hygiene | Massachusetts | Sex | Teachers | Posted 2010-05-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Is Long Island, Bitch!
Composition professor: So, by the way, this is how your do the top of the paper--title, dash, name, just like this paper here. I don't want a four-page paper which is three and a half pages long, with a half-page heading.
Student: But it's standard MLA citation practice for that heading to be like that.
Professor: Fuck MLA.
Hofstra University
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: I hate MLA
"Ethics Of Video Games?" Excuse Us.
Ethics of video games professor: And that's why they stoned women in the middle ages. Brunette, whispering: I think he gets off on video games.
Blonde, whispering: Ham?
Brunette, whispering: Him!
Blonde, whispering: I am not a ham!
(both girls start laughing)
Professor: Excuse me?
DePaul University
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Margo
You Seem to Have No Friends, Only Interests
European history professor, discussing WWI: And of course, with Germany's resumption of unrestricted submarine warfare, the United States had its reasons to join the war against Germany.
World-weary student: Not to mention all the loans American bankers needed England and France to win to pay back.
Professor: Some of you are too cynical for your own good.
Montevallo, Alabama
Oh, I Didn't Even Get to That Part!
Overly loud tween boy: Yeah, but at least he put it in.
Teacher: Shut up back there.
Monticello, New York
Overheard by: Not the right thing to accidentally shout out during a breif silence
Um, That's a Magic Eye Picture.
Architecture tutor critiquing students' poster: When you look at it, it starts making some irrational type of sense.
Unitec Polytech
Auckland
New Zealand
Categories: Education | New Zealand | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Guessing IT Teachers Hear This Joke a Lot
IT teacher: So if the CPU usage is really high, choose "end process tree" to kill the process.
Student in back, mumbling: That's what she said...
IT teacher: Damn right that's what she said!
Waterloo
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Sunny
Categories: Canadia | Education | Teachers | Technology | Weirdness | Posted 2010-04-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Can't Answer. Crashing.
Skinny boy at the back of the classroom: I had a Pop-Tart for breakfast!
Teacher, horrified: Why? Oh my god, why?!
Middle School
North Carolina
Categories: Food | Gripes | North Carolina | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Skinny people | Teachers | Posted 2010-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Day Bernice Wet Her Desk
Professor, eyeing student in class: Watch out, snuggie-girl. I'm on to you!
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Why the Taliban Exists
Teacher: From an evolutionary perspective, what do you have more time to do if you don't need to find a mate?
Female student: Build an army!
South Eugene High School
Eugene, Oregon
Though Usually I'm Being Flogged at the Time
Student to teacher who just made a mistake finger-spelling on board: Finger!
Teacher, erasing board: If I had a nickel every time someone said that to me.
Hampden, Maine
Categories: Body parts | Education | Maine | Masturbation | Sex | Students | Teachers | Words | Posted 2010-04-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, Wharnk?
Irritated English professor: I think I'm just going to change all my paper assignments to "create an inscrutable utterance."
Ursinus College
Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Pennsylvania | Teachers | Words | Posted 2010-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Were Number Six!
Sex-ed teacher: This 16-year-old girl had nine partners.
Kid in the back: I want to be number ten!
Tampa, Florida
Instant Coffee: Explained
Philosophy teacher: So, I've created a robot that knows how to go into my office and make me a coffee. But what if something goes wrong? What if the coffee's in a different place, or there's no milk? What if there's bees in the sugar?
Perth
Australia
Categories: Australia | Philosophy | Teachers | Technology | Weirdness | Posted 2010-04-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...So Everyone Got That Wrong on the Quiz.
Professor: To shake hands you have to make sure the wedge of your hand fits in the other person's wedge, and that your skin touches, and then give it a good two or three pumps.
London
Ontario
Canadia
Or Tigger or Eeyore
Lecturer: No, seriously! I promise I won't talk about poo next week!
Perth
Australia
Overheard by: ellie.
When Camel Toe Becomes Hammer Toe
Teacher: Pants so tight it could snap your vagina off!
Sex-Ed Class
Tampa, Florida
That, or Being Attacked by Giant Serpents.
Teacher to class: What is your number one fear surrounding public speaking?
Student: Assassination.
Universtiy of Colorado
Overheard by: Owl is a hairstyle
Isn't Saying "We're Texas Lutherans" Sufficient?
Professor: Everyone who thinks it's this answer jump up and say, "I'm brilliant!"
(nobody moves)
Professor: Everyone who thinks it's this answer jump up and say, "I'm not so brilliant, yet."
(nobody moves)
Professor: Everyone else jump up and say, "I'm inhibited!"
Organic Chemistry Class
Texas Lutheran University
Overheard by: Kimberly
Categories: Class | Offers and requests | Teachers | Texas | Weirdness | Posted 2010-04-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Imagine Steve Martin in This Role
Dentist instructing dental students: And if it's your first time doing a certain procedure, don't tell the patient. Just do it without them knowing it's your first time. Don't ask them, 'cause they'll probably say no. It's just easier for everyone. (awkward pause) Am I the only one that does that?
Queensland
Australia
Just Not During School Hours, Please.
Chemistry professor to student who recognized a sketch of the periodic table on whiteboard: You understand my art.
Student: I feel you, Mr K.
Chemistry professor: That is indeed true.
St Paul, Minnesota
Overheard by: MAC
Or Your Sex Blog
Stodgy, old-fashioned professor: It's your birthday? I didn't know, you must not have put it on Facebook.
St. John's
Newfoundland
Canadia
Overheard by: Mel
Categories: Canadia | Stupidity | Teachers | Technology | Posted 2010-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Believe Fingerpainting and Paste-Eating Are Down the Hall
Dumb blonde: Wait, wasn't Columbus the first president? That's why we have Columbus day!
Professor, calmly: Get out, please.
University of Michigan
Overheard by: getout
For Example, Say This Beaker Is My Vagina
Lab TA, chatting during break: So I live alone, and I have a lot of trouble opening bottles. Have you guys ever heard of the plastic husband?
(entire class laughs)
Lab TA: No! I didn't mean it like that! I just meant I need help opening things up!
(class laughs again)
University of Pittsburgh
Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Pennsylvania | Sex | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And, More Importantly, What Is Up with the Name "Dallin"?
Drama teacher to students: Okay, I want you all to close your eyes and imagine the most painful thing you can think of. Okay?
(a few moments pass)
Drama teacher: Okay, who wants to share? Dallin, how about you?
Dallin: Umm... Well, I imagined giving birth to a cactus baby.
Girl next to him: What is with you and cactus babies?
High School
Utah
Overheard by: Weskimo
Sentence Fragments Baaaad!
Professor: I want to please you... Not with goats, but with sentences.
Greek Class
UCLA, California
Overheard by: shepherd
Categories: Animals | California | Class | Colleges & Universities | Education | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Peristalsis? Beyonce? Linoleum?
Teacher: Okay. Quick review: which Greek gods did we cover on Friday?
Student, seriously: Hermaphrodite? Herpes? Asbestos?
High School
Michigan
Read Your Bible
Drama teacher to girls playing whores in Les Misérables: Come on ladies, skank it up! There's no shame in being a whore!
High School
Utah
Overheard by: Weskimo
Categories: Pride | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Teachers | Utah | Posted 2010-03-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not Even Drag Queen Bingo?
Religion professor: Contrary to popular belief, bingo is not a sacrament!
North Central Michigan College
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Games | Michigan | Religion | Teachers | Posted 2010-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whether Real or Imaginary
Professor: It's like trying to make a deity out of a bottle of Stoli at the height of the cold war.
Class: (laughter)
Professor: I know plenty of people who've done that, by the way... And so do you.
Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | History | Minnesota | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
NewsFlash: Hippie Child Lives in Oregon. Film at 11.
Preschool teacher, helping girl go pee: Did you forget your underwear this morning?
Preschool girl: No, I go commando all the time!
Preschool in Oregon
Overheard by: Non-c
...Ain't That a Bitch?
Professor, sighing: Every computer program has its glitches. This one certainly has a glitch, and the glitch is me.
Maine College of Art
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: Misaki
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Maine | Teachers | Technology | Posted 2010-03-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Sure Those Of You in Sororities Know Exactly What I'm Talking About
Professor: In the work-a-day world we work a lot through our mouth.
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Categories: Education | Jobs & Careers | Michigan | Mouth | Teachers | Posted 2010-03-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Had a Rockin' Sweet 16
Male ethics professor: I was generally seen as a spoiled little bitch.
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Categories: Memory lane | Michigan | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Guess Somebody Wants to Go to College
Teacher to chatty class: Everyone, quiet, we have to go over this!
(class continues chatting)
Guy in the back: I will kill you all.
(class falls silent)
High School
Chesapeake, Virginia
Categories: Education | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Threats | Thugs | Virginia | Posted 2010-02-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Life Is Sweet; Don't Fuck It Up
Professor: No drinking and driving this weekend! No drugs! ...and no babies.
Ball State University
Muncie, Indiana
Overheard by: Sara
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Drugs | Indiana | Pregnancy | Sex | Teachers | Posted 2010-02-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, Why Are They Playing Naked Leapfrog?
Professor, showing slide: And here we have another example of a seal or stamp, with a procession of men along the bottom. However, they could be aliens. (pause) Anyways...
Art History Class
University of Alabama
Overheard by: Bennett
Categories: Alabama | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-02-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then He Sneezed and We Solved Fermat's Last Theorem
Professor: The boy had all of the mathematical truths in his head and I was just pulling them out through his nose or something.
Swarthmore College
Swarthmore, Pennsylvania.
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Education | Pennsylvania | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-02-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
One Which Perhaps the Parrot Can Answer.
Female student to another: So, are you a pirate or a ninja?
Teacher: That's a great question!
Brisbane
Australia
Overheard by: I took a test and I'm both.
Prison Pretty Much Takes Care Of That, Anyway.
Teacher: So... then, what should happen to the guy?
Student #1: I think he should be sent to jail.
Student #2: I think that since he killed his neighbor, he should have to be killed himself. Get the death penalty. Ya know... "eye for an eye".
Student #3: That's the stupidest thing in the world. It doesn't work in all situations.
Student #2: Yes it does! Let's say some guy molests a kid, then the guy should... (pause) Ok... Nevermind.
High School
Illinois
Categories: Compare and contrast | Crimes | Illinois | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sex | Students | Stupidity | Teachers | Posted 2010-02-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Any More Questions About Your Paper Topics?
Psychology professor: Sex is best. Money is second best. Domestic violence is pretty cool.
Los Angeles, California
Edna Krabappel Really Needs a Man
Teacher: These are the most... sensual... shells and peppers... that I have ever seen.
Ithaca, New York
The School Needs All Its Federal Funding
Student teacher: All right, guys, let's try that again. But this time with 30 to 40% less child death.
Clarksville, Maryland
Categories: Death & dying | Kids | Maryland | Students | Teachers | Posted 2010-02-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
NewsFlash: Community College Student Has Intimate Drug Knowledge. Film at 11.
Student: My girlfriend's theory on smoking is that it's good for you because it's natural.
Professor: Yeah, it's not like that crystal meth. That stuff's all chemicals.
Voice from the back: True dat!
Community College
Michigan
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Drugs | Health & Hygiene | Michigan | Smoking | Students | Teachers | Posted 2010-02-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Now You Pay Attention?
Teacher holding VCR remote control: I keep hitting play, this stupid thing won't work. Must need new batteries.
(changes batteries)
Teacher: Damn thing still won't work, you'd think they would buy machines that work, how are you supposed to learn with such crappy materials?
Student in front row: Ummm... Is that the tape on top of the VCR?
Teacher: Goddamn it!
Manchester, New Hampshire
Categories: Education | Gripes | Grumpies | Insults | Kids | New Hampshire | Students | Stupidity | Teachers | Technology | Posted 2010-02-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Crap You Write Proves You Don't Listen to Me
Professor: My job is pretty sweet. All I have to do is show up and talk about something I'm interested in. How sweet is that? It would be even better if I didn't hate all of you.
Columbia College
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Feelings | Gripes | Grumpies | Illinois | Jobs & Careers | Teachers | Posted 2010-01-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unless It Was in Vegas, in Which Case It Stays There.
Defense lawyer, teaching trial advocacy: But remember that in real life, nobody charged with marijuana possession is actually going to go to trial.
Law student: Last summer when I was working at the legal clinic I had a client who was charged with possession go to trial!
Defense lawyer: What? In fifteen years of practice, I've never seen it go to trial.
Law student: Yeah, the prosecutor was being a dick about it too--he wanted jail time.
Defense lawyer: Who was the prosecutor? Tell me his name, I'll tell you if I ever got high with him.
Law School
Canadia
Overheard by: Law student
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Crimes | Drugs | Memory lane | Names | Stoners | Students | Teachers | Posted 2010-01-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Cat Owners Totally Sympathize
Yoga instructor to friend: I've always wanted to throw up on a cat.
Berkeley, California
Categories: Animals | California | Friends | Health & Hygiene | Sensory experiences | Teachers | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2010-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Try Turning the Paper Right Side Up.
Student, raising hand: I can't read...
Professor: I'm sorry.
San Francisco State University
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: The Only One Laughing?
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | San Francisco | Students | Stupidity | Teachers | Posted 2010-01-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But That Doesn't Mean I'll Tolerate Flogging and Spanking in My Class
Music teacher: Tenors like to dominate.
School
Western Australia
Australia
Categories: Australia | Jobs & Careers | Music | Roleplay | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Posted 2010-01-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, It's Not Messy-- It's Calligraphy.
Preppy white boy: You're both women, and you're Asian! How can you have messy handwriting??
Professor: Wait, did I really just hear that?
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: The non-asian woman
Categories: Asians | Compare and contrast | Gender issues | Indiana | Preppies | Questions | Race | Stupidity | Teachers | Whiteys | Posted 2010-01-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Judging from the Residue I Discovered on One Of Your Quizzes
Professor: Here you are, every day, sitting in this little cave which is evolutionary very stupid. You're not reproducing while you are in here. You aren't even trying to... Well, maybe that's not true.
Psychiatric Physiology Class
Pomona, California
Overheard by: Whats He talking about again???
Which Was Also Wrong, But Seemed So Right at the Time
Girl, about test: Um, I got number 34 right and it's marked wrong!
Rest of class: Yeah.
Professor: I know. I already gave you all credit. Just ignore that, it must be some leftover meth use from my college years.
Auburn, Alabama
...As General Custer Clearly Stated at the Time.
Student: But why would someone do that?
Teacher: For the LOLs.
High School
Englewood, Colorado
Overheard by: Lee
Not As Lame As Saying "No" to Drugs, But Close Enough.
Government teacher: The finance committee is sexy. Who wants to be part of the education committee, anyway? They're lame.
High School
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Education | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-01-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Don't Remember the Plot Of Of Mice and Men Going Quite That Way
Teacher: So, he gets this chick to marry him and she leaves her princess life in wherever, and now he's dreaming about mud!
Columbia, Missouri
Categories: Education | Family ties | Missouri | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-01-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stop Wearing Those Stiletto Boots and Bra-tops and We'll Talk
Communications professor: I mean, I can offer you a dollar for sex or I can offer you a million dollars. You're still a prostitute. We're just haggling over price.
(some female students giggle)
Communications professor: What? Oh, you're laughing because I called you whores?
Otago University
New Zealand
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Insults | Money | New Zealand | Offers and requests | Questions | Sex | Students | Teachers | Posted 2010-01-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
After MC Skat Kat, Paula Abdul's Career Went Into the Toilet
Student: What's "scat"?
Professor: Poop.
Student: Oh, shit!
Godfrey, Illinois
Overheard by: M
And I Enjoy Mocking Your Working-Class Accents
Student, after teacher announced students would take turns to read: Erm, excuse me... Why can't we read quietly for ourselves?
Teacher, with mock shock: Because... We're here together! This is a room full of communion and harmony!
University of Zurich
Switzerland
Overheard by: Stephie
You Lithuanian Girls Know What I'm Talking About
Anthropology teacher: All women are beautiful, whether they're tall and skinny or not. Including female Sasquatch.
USF
Florida
Categories: Beauty | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Florida | Teachers | Posted 2009-12-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What My Gymnastics Coach Used to Say!
Biology teacher: Today we are going to learn to make a wet mount.
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: the one chortling in the back
Rather a Creature Who Hates All Happiness
Professor, on Dante's version of the devil: This is not like one of those vampire things that are good-looking and want to suck your blood, and that makes you happy.
University of Pittsburgh
Pennsylvania
Categories: Beauty | Books | Colleges & Universities | Evil | Happiness | Pennsylvania | Teachers | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Furniture Stripping
First grade teacher to colleague, in front of first graders: And so I walked into the living room and he was there, naked, standing on the coffee table.
Portland, Maine
...Boobies Don't Make You Gag??
Gay professor: He's saying, "I like men and women," and I'm like, "Ew!"
Godfrey, Illinois
Overheard by: M
The Spontaneous Admission to Grad School Is Just a Myth
Philosophy professor: He chose this example because it had sex appeal. It turned people on.
(changes PowerPoint slide to picture of bacterial flagellum)
Male student: Ohhhhh!
Professor: Please don't have an orgasm in my class.
Lycoming College
Williamsport, Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Orgasm | Pennsylvania | Philosophy | Science | Sex | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-12-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Smart Money Says She Prefers Teaching Gymnastics
Teacher: Who was right in the American Revolution?
(silence)
Student: We were?
Teacher: We were! God, I thought you were all communists for a minute.
Kalamazoo, Michigan
...So Most Of You Got That Wrong on the Midterm.
Psychology professor at all-women college: Personality disorders are the people you end up married to.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Sabrina
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Family ties | Maryland | Mental illnesses | Relationships | Teachers | Posted 2009-12-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And What Kind Of a Lame-Ass Answer Is "Energy"?
Tutor: So what are some things you associate with lemons?
Student #1: Yellow!
Student #2: Energy!
Student #3: Gin-an-tonic!
Tutor: What? Genitalia? Who said genitalia?
Massey University
Wellington
New Zealand
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Fruit | New Zealand | Questions | Students | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-12-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Beginning to Regret Teaching You How to Use Anthrax
Teacher to chattering students: Quit discussing biochemical warfare!
Biology Classroom
Auckland
New Zealand
After You Get Your Rocks Off
Geology teacher: That is dew that is on your glass of joy juice.
Olympia, Washington
Categories: Cum | Drinking & drunks | Teachers | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Its Subtitle: "I Was Too Drunk to Prepare a Lesson for Today"
Professor, pulling blue scarf out of pocket for magic trick: Now that... that is what I like to call... a blue scarf.
Villanova University
Villanova, Pennsylvania
Categories: Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Education | Magic | Pennsylvania | Teachers | Posted 2009-12-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Though I Would Advise Against Googling the TA. *Shudder*
Professor: So I was looking through your online homework and I tried out the first question and I got it wrong. So I suggest you google the answer. You can find anything on google.
Bellingham, Washington
Overheard by: Condones This
Yes, Yes and Yes
Professor: What do you think my fantasy is?
Student: Armpit sex... in a park. No, wait. Menage a trois. All-male in a... ballroom?
Godfrey, Illinois
Or I'll Be Red with Embarassment.
Professor: The emotional impact of one story is greater than the story of many people.
Student: Isn't that what Stalin said?
Professor: Um. Sort of the same sentiment. But I really hope that is my last parallel to Stalin.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Compare and contrast | Education | Feelings | Questions | Students | Teachers | Washington | Posted 2009-12-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Though Not As Shitty As If You Had Rampant Syphilis. Trust Me.
Biology professor: This Friday I'm going to talk about STIs, and you're all going to have a shitty weekend.
Alton, Illinois
Overheard by: M
I Thought That Was Only Possible in Thailand?
Professor: Here, let me make you some flesh. You know, you can buy flesh in the school store!
Maryland Institute College of Art
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Painting with Mr. Lector
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Maryland | Shopping | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Prostitutes Will Be Right on Time.
Substitute teacher: Because your teacher is gone today, your prostitutions... Wait! No! Prosecutions... No, not that one either. Presentations. Yes, that's the one! Your presentations will be postponed.
High School
Kuna, Idaho
Overheard by: Girl in the back of the class
...You All Have Your Paper Mache Assignment.
Professor: Okay, guys, let's stop talking about penises.
Metro State College
Denver, Colorado
...Bong Hits All Around!
Professor: I have no idea how we got onto this discussion, class. Does anyone know what we're supposed to be talking about?
Class: (silence, then soft giggles from back of the room)
Professor: Well, we accomplished nothing today. But it's okay!, 'cause (raises his voice in excitement) I had fun!
Richland Center, Wisconsin
Overheard by: CollegeIsn'tSoBad
The Gay Guys Just Criticize Your Outfit
Prof: Ladies, I'm just gonna give it to you straight: I guarantee you that almost every straight guy you see today is going to picture you naked.
Techie guy, fixing projector: Fuckin' A!
University of Calgary
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Education | Gender issues | Sexuality | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When You Have "Dick" in Your Name, You Have to Expect That.
Professor: When I was learning about Emily Dickinson in high school, I wasn't really paying attention. I was just wondering what she looked like without her clothes on.
Missouri
Well What's Spanish for "Cornholing"?
Spanish teacher, teaching tenses: If your parents were away, what would you do?
Student: I would do Jeff!
(class laughs)
Student: No, I mean I would invite Jeff over!
Spanish teacher: That doesn't make it sound any better.
High School
Concord, North Carolina
Overheard by: Mary
Categories: Family ties | North Carolina | Parenting | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sex | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-11-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Had Two Cups Of Earl Grey This Morning!
Student: How can you tell that it's "the walls have ears" and not "the ears have walls"? I mean, I guess that would make sense if you were drugged up...
Professor: Are you implying that I'm not drugged up?
Latin Class
Denver, Colorado
Homie Also Has a Hard Time on Armed Forces Career Day
Flamboyant, very white math teacher: Alright, we have a test on Tuuuuseday, which is also, guess what, the blood drive! So don't donate blood before the test and please, please, do not donate blood during the test. You'll be writing with one arm and bleeding with the other, and then you'll get paler and paler... and keel over and die. Homie can't fly that. Homie can't.
Math Classroom
Hawaii
Categories: Body parts | Death & dying | Education | Hawaii | Health & Hygiene | Students | Teachers | Whiteys | Posted 2009-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Really Get a Little Something Extra When You Go Away to School in San Francisco
Professor: It's hard to have an orgy without orgasms. What? It's true! What're you gonna do, play video games?
University of San Francisco
San Francisco, California
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Games | Orgasm | Questions | San Francisco | Sex | Teachers | Posted 2009-11-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All Those Slip-and-Fall Accidents Are Smitings
Religion teacher to class of girls: And remember girls, always wear a bikini in the shower, because god is always watching you.
Dublin
Ireland
Now Squint, Damn Your Eyes!
History professor: You know how I said that this class wouldn't have a lot of text-heavy PowerPoint slides? Sometimes I lie to you, because that's funny.
Community College
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Overheard by: i love this school
Think Of Purgatory As a Drive-Through Soul Wash
Professor: So, basically god has to suppress the gag reflex when he looks at you; but it's okay because he loves you anyway.
University of Akron
Akron, Ohio
Overheard by: Rebecca
You Altar Boys Know What I'm Talking About
English professor: I know what you're thinking. Two pages! I can write that with half a bottle of whiskey in me and my hands tied behind my back!
Cardinal Stritch University
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
...Let's Relax with Some Margaritas.
Russian professor: Grammarlicious definition makes them "gringo locos." (pause) Now that you've all been permanently scarred...
Arizona State University
Categories: Arizona | Colleges & Universities | Education | Language barrier | Teachers | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Pets Being the Obvious Exception
British individual rights professor: States can't go around cutting people's bollocks off because they've been naughty.
Law Class
St. Louis, Missouri
That's What You Said About Menstruation!
Professor: How does a microwave work?
Student: Electromagnetic waves.
Professor: Oh, "electromagnetic waves"! That's a fancy way of saying "magic."
University of Delaware
Overheard by: Magician
It's All Fun and Games 'til Somebody Pokes a Baby Out
Loud eighth grader: Michael's such a douche, all he wants to do is get in my pants.
Even louder teacher: You're in eighth grade, you shouldn't be letting anybody in your pants!
Potomac, Maryland
Overheard by: Math is my new favorite subject...
Why Show and Tell Is Discouraged After Elementary School
Short girl: I studied the wrong vagina!
Curlie: Me too, but I studied the right penis.
Chem teacher: Uh...
Onteora, New York
Almost As Rude As Answering Your Cell Phone in Class
Pol-sci professor: Nuking other countries is kind of rude.
University of Memphis
Memphis, Tennessee
Something Grave, Anyway.
Catechism teacher: Where's Eric today?
Eric's friend: Eric's at the hospital with his mom.
Catechism teacher, concerned: Why?
Eric's friend: Cuz she has a tombstone, or something like that.
Rochester Hills, Michigan
Overheard by: Betsy
Who's Black and White and Back from the Dead All Over?
Black girl, holding up picture she drew of black Jesus: My hero is Jesus Christ.
White kid: Jesus isn't black.
Black girl: Yes, he is!
White kid: No, he's white!
Uncomfortable teacher: Now, now, let's just say Jesus is all colors!
Art Class, Middle School
Maryland
Categories: Black people | Education | Jesus | Maryland | Race | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Whiteys | Posted 2009-11-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Just Slip Into Something More Comfortable
Evolution professor: So why can't humans have more then just two sexes? Man, that'd be a lot of fun, wouldn't it?
Class: (uncontrollable laughter)
Evolution professor: Oh, I can see. (pause) I shouldn't have said anything, let's continue...
UC
Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: I'm glad he said it