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But I'm the One Who Lobbied the Administration for a Pole!
RA: You guys went stripping without me?
Swarthmore College
Swarthmore, Pennsylvania
Categories: Feelings | Pennsylvania | Questions | Sexuality | Students | Posted 2011-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are We Weird for Assuming They're Discussing Abortion?
Chatty female college student to friends: So it was sort of like that, except instead of a q-tip, it was a vacuum. There was no scraping at all.
Friend: Wow... that's crazy.
Harrisonburg, Virginia
Categories: Friends | Health & Hygiene | Sensory experiences | Students | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2011-08-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Before Harry Hole Joined the Police Force
Sheepish-looking PhD student coming out of washroom: Oh yes! I wasn't taking a shower with a glass of chardonnay! By "wasn't" I mean "was", by "taking a shower" I mean "taking a dump", and by "glass" I mean "bottle". (long pause, looking down the hall) I was taking a dump with a bottle of chardonnay!
University of Northern Norway
Norway
One Way Or Another, I'm Getting Laid in College
Student in English class: Does anyone know the difference between romantic poems with a capital R and lowercase r?
Reston, Virginia
Categories: Education | Offers and requests | Students | Stupidity | Virginia | Posted 2011-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Trust Me-- I Gave Derek His First Blow Job.
Sophomore girl #1: Did you hear Matt and Derek are going out now?
Sophomore girl #2: No way! I totally gave Matt his first blow job. He can't be gay! (pauses) Oh my god! Do you think I turned him gay?
Passing junior guy: Yeah, that'd do it.
High School
Annapolis, Maryland
Why Don't You Start and I'll Go Out for a Cigarette Break
Student #1: There are an infinite number of answers?!
AP calc teacher: Yeah, there are.
Student #2: Do you want us to write them all down?
High School
Boiceville, New York
Overheard by: Toasted
...And They Have Cats
Female student #1: Can you ride me piggyback after class?
Female student #2: Can *he* ride *you* after class?
Female student #1, giggling: That's not what I meant!
Male student: Wait, don't you have, like, 20 cats?
Female student #1: (slaps him)
Female student #2: You do have a lot of cats...
Simmons College
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Yoshi
Categories: Animals | Massachusetts | Offers and requests | Sex | Students | Posted 2011-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let Me Give You the List Of Questions Now
Student, after class spent 25 minutes arguing answers to midterm: I have a question. Not about this test, but about future tests.
Professor, wearily: I think the final will just be take-home.
Class: Really?
Professor: Whatever.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Education | Fears | Pennsylvania | Questions | Students | Posted 2011-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nine Months Later, I Had You.
Student: So then I turned round and there was a snake in my bacon!
Birchwood Community High School
Warrington
England
Now Everyone Calls Him "The Puree Papa"
Student: Because my dad didn't consider mac and cheese or ground beef as food that you could chew.
Biola University
La Mirada, California
Overheard by: lydia parsons
Categories: California | Character | Family ties | Food | Students | Posted 2011-06-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Like in The Sweetest Thing?
Student #1: Hey, did you notice the huge black wooden sign that's blocking the entrance to the girl's bathroom due to vandalism?
Student #2: Yeah, I heard someone stole one of the urinals.
Student #1: It's a girl's bathroom, though.
Student #2: Don't they use them too?
High School
Gavette, Arkansas
A Plan That Cannot Possibly Fail
Student: Did you know that you can live off of student loans?
Professor: No, you can't.
Student: Yeah. All you do is just keep going back to school, and they'll pay for everything.
Professor: But eventually you'll have to pay them back.
Student: Not if you die.
Nicholls State University
Louisiana
And Should I Be Buying One Immediately?
Yale polo player #1: What are all those people doing on old campus?
Yale polo player #2: Probably "Soccer for Darfur" or something. I hate fake activism like that.
Yale polo player #3: You mean "S'mores for Darfur," right?
Yale polo player #1: I keep hearing that word, "Darfur." What does it even mean?
overheardatyale.com
Overheard by: Overheard at Yale
Categories: Overheard at Yale | Questions | Sex | Students | Words | Posted 2011-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Plus, Skinny Girls Won't Sit Still
Male student during history class: Why are the women in these nude paintings so plump?
Professor: Because the artists had good taste.
Female student: That's right!
University of Missouri
Overheard by: Kathryn Bjornstad
Laziest. Robbers. Ever.
Student: No, we're not wearing clown masks. I don't want to have to make the effort.
Sixth Form College
England
Overheard by: Becca
...Trust Me
Student: The trophoblast looks like a teething ring!
Sex ed teacher: Yes. It looks like a teething ring, but it's not.
UW Rock County
Janesville, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Akuaku
If Anyone Was Like Jesus, It Was Trotsky
Freshman: My professor just compared Karl Marx to Jesus. I am not feeling it.
Claremont Colleges
Claremont, California
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Education | Feelings | Pop culture | Students | Posted 2011-01-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who's Thinking Of the Baby Ruth Scene from Caddyshack?
Aikido student: Um, Sensei, I think there's spit on the mat...
Sensei: There's sweat on the mat?
Aikido Student: No, spit.
Sensei: Oh, spit! That's gross!
Humboldt State University
Arcata, California
Overheard by: Eli
Categories: California | Cleanliness | Feelings | Students | Teachers | Words | Posted 2011-01-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Not What I Meant When I Asked "What's Your Position?"
Eastern European delegate in back row: And that was by far the biggest thing that has ever been in my ass!
College of William & Mary Model United Nations Conference
Williamsburg, Virginia
Overheard by: The Georgia delegate now regretting her seat choice
Ever Since I Realized I Can Get My Legs Behind My Head
College girl: You would be amazed by what I can do with the English language.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: and what else can you do?
Categories: Bragging | Education | Overheard in Minneapolis | Students | Stupidity | Posted 2010-12-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Before My Sister Was Like, "Get Out Of My Room!"
Bearded college guy: I almost saw a high school girl's vagina today!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: a. lil
Categories: Bragging | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sensory experiences | Students | Vagina | Posted 2010-12-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thank God We Live in a Country Where the Popular Vote Is Irrelevant
Female student during welcome week: My uncle doesn't believe in recycling. You know, cause it's like a democratic principle...
Male student: Oh, yeah, totally.
Cornell University
Ithaca, New York
Overheard by: Actually, it's more communist...
Categories: Family ties | New York | Politics | Students | Posted 2010-12-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Always Thought She Seemed a Bit Fuzzy for a Girl
Girl student: Her family is so weird.
Guy student: How so?
Girl student: Her dad, like, goes in her backyard and catches squirrels.
Guy student, after long pause: Wait, what does he do with them?
Girl student: Raises them?
Starbucks
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: Ashlie
Meet Berkeley's Best Improvisational Lear
Furious hobo in tie-dye to frightened college student: You know why girls wear perfume and makeup? Because they're ugly and they stink! God bless you.
Berkeley, California
Categories: Advice | California | Health & Hygiene | Homeless | Questions | Students | Posted 2010-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Suspect Richard Simmons Is Gathering Strength Somewhere, Waiting for His Next Moment.
Physical therapy student: So he's gotten a *lot* more fit in the last 300 years, right?
Simmons College
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Yoshi
Categories: Beauty | Health & Hygiene | Massachusetts | Questions | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2010-11-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...But Isn't That Why I'm Here?
Cheerful student: Cheer up! It's going to be okay.
Glum professor: Says who? You?
Cheerful student: Yes!
Glum professor: But you don't know anything.
Cheerful student: True!
UC Berkeley School of Journalism
California
You'll Understand When You Have to Watch Your Mother Being Raped by a Rotini Noodle.
Girl #1: So pasta, like, traumatized you?
Girl #2: Yeah, I hate pasta! Pasta ruined my life!
Frary Dining Hall, Pomona College
Claremont, California
At Least in My Case
Female law student #1: You don't have to know that. You can just 69 it.
Female law student #2: Wait... What?
Female law student #1: You know, 69 it. Get rid of it.
Female law student #2: No honey, it's "86" it. That thing you said is something dirty.
Mississippi College School of Law
...No Offense If Your Parents Are in Prison, Keisha.
Feminist student, about discussion: No, this is completely wrong! We shouldn't be congratulating men for not having affairs!
Teacher: Yes, that's exactly right! I mean, it's like when we congratulate black people for staying out of prison!
(stunned silence)
Kendrick School
Columbus, Georgia
Overheard by: MJH
Translation: That's Lazy Screenwriting
Student: This morning I watched Walker, Texas Ranger. They're always going around talking to Native Americans.
Professor: That's good.
Decorah, Iowa
It Just Pops Out
Law student: She just gets all boner-fied about civil procedure.
Mississippi College School of Law
The Winners Of the Sluttiest at McGill Contest
Physics major #1: Well, I lost my credit and debit cards, so I had to call and cancel them.
Physics major #2: Oh yeah, those girls who took off your pants, right?
McGill University
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Clothes | Clothing | Relationships | Students | Posted 2010-11-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Is This, Degrassi?
Female student: Uh... I think we left off on the hymen.
Sex ed teacher: Oh, we're going there.
Janesville, Wisconsin
...Because I Won't Make That Mistake Again.
Student, during class: Are we talking about real prostitutes or a guy who duct tapes everything back and puts a skirt on?
Stockton College
New Jersey
Overheard by: Charlie
Categories: Body parts | Clothing | Gender issues | Jobs & Careers | New Jersey | Students | Posted 2010-10-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Since Daddy Officially Took the T-Bird Away
Boy: Let's play Heads Up, Seven Up!
Girl #1: Let's play Around the World!
Girl #2: Let's play Mum Ball!
Boy: Let's all play Strip Solitaire!
Teacher: I told you: there's no fun allowed in here!
Penn Yan Academy
New York
Overheard by: Rachel Bz.
Categories: Education | Girls | Guys | New York | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Posted 2010-10-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Girls Have a Gift for Spilling Their Mountain Dew
Gossipy high school girl to others: I don't think she was faking it. The couch was all wet when they got up!
Ice Cream Shop
St. Louis, Missouri
Even the Preachers in Oregon Are Weirdly Crunchy and Alternative.
Freshman girl, emphatically to strangers: Roller derby saved my life! Roller derby saved all of our lives!
Eugene, Oregon
Overheard by: You've been playing for a month, shut up
Why Christian Siriano Has Difficulty Getting Dates
College girl: We blew a fuse in our room last night. Just in our room, not the rest of the hall.
Science professor: And what did you do to solve this problem?
College girl: I cried.
Professor: That doesn't solve the problem!
College girl: Well, half of my hair was dry and the other half wasn't!
Professor: You were not bilaterally symmetrical. That can be a problem.
Keuka College
New York
Overheard by: Rachel Bz.
...And I'm Usually Into 20-Something Honduran Men...
Law student: So, listen. He went to get a manicure the other day and I was like, you know, "how was it?" He was like, "oh, it was good and all, but she was rubbing my arm and I kinda started getting turned on." And I was like, "what?" He said "yeah, and it was kinda weird because she was this 50-year-old Asian woman."
Mississippi College School of Law
Categories: Age and ageing | Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Erections | Health & Hygiene | Mississippi | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2010-09-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then She Turned Him Gay With Her Womanliness
Female professor: She was a lesbian...
Male student: Yeah, she was.
Female professor: But he turned her straight with his manliness...
Male student: Yeah, he did.
Appalachian State University
Boone, North Carolina
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Gender issues | North Carolina | Sexuality | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-09-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not Even with All the Wood and the Nailing?
Super peppy freshman orientation guide: What was your favorite Halloween costume?
College freshman: Well, I was a construction worker once.
Super peppy freshman orientation guide: Was it a sexy construction worker?
College freshman: Well, I was five years old... so no.
Harrisonburg, Virginia
Categories: Age and ageing | Clothing | Compare and contrast | Students | Virginia | Posted 2010-09-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...According to This Snapple Cap.
Teacher to class: You never know what you're going to find stuffed in the head of a mummified crocodile.
Metro State College
Denver, Colorado
Have You Ever Felt the Stinging Shame Of a Violin Bow on Your Behind?
High school girl #1: I hate how everyone judges you based on your grades.
High school girl #2: What?
High school girl #3: Well, okay. By "everyone," I mean Asians.
Walter Johnson High School
Maryland
To Be Fair, at Least She Won't Be a Cop.
Fat female student: I'm thirty-eight years old with a criminal justice degree, and I still can't find nothin' to do in this valley. Nobody's hirin', nothin'.
Skinny female student: Couldn't you just be a cop?
Fat female student: I can't be a cop. They give me a badge an' a gun, I'd be shootin' at fags and wetbacks. I mean, in this day in age... Not to be rude or anything...
Bookstore
West Virginia University
Categories: Age and ageing | Colleges & Universities | Education | Fat people | Jobs & Careers | Skinny people | Students | Violence | West Virginia | Posted 2010-09-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...With My Hand Down My Pants Like This.
English teacher to class: Apostrophes and semicolons really turn me on.
Class: (horrified silence)
English teacher, to self: Maybe I shouldn't have said that.
High School
Wisconsin
And Just a Heads Up That Your Grades Will All Suck
Professor: We are going to talk about tea rooms. Which involve no tea. Unless by "tea," you mean "cock."
Columbus,Ohio
Overheard by: Em
Or Wokker, Texas Ranger
Student to friend: Of course meat and veggies on a plate aren't supposed to touch each other! If they were then they'd be called... Uh... Uh... Starsky and Hutch!
Hillerød
Denmark
Overheard by: ?
Though, to Be Fair, the Bicycle Had No Bell.
Girl #1: My grandfather has won the Nobel Prize!
Girl #2: Really?
Girl #1: Yeah, he has one of those trophies in his bookshelf!
Janitor, walking in: Are you sure it was the Nobel Prize?
Girl #1: Yes, I am! Don't you believe me? I'm gonna call him and ask! (proceeds to call, hangs up sounding disappointed)
Janitor: Well?
Girl #1: Oh, it was not the Nobel Prize. It was only from a bicycle race.
High School
Sweden
Overheard by: Malin
Categories: Bragging | Family ties | Old folks | On the phone | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Sweden | Teachers | Posted 2010-08-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sort Of Like a Human Centrifuge. Any Questions?
Professor, in monotone voice: I think we're all familiar with merry-go-rounds. They're objects in playgrounds that rotate at relatively high speeds, and we put our children on them.
Millersville University
Millersville, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Tyler G
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Kids | Pennsylvania | Science | Students | Teachers | Posted 2010-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Kierkegaard Water Park Encourages That
Young girl, about dragonfly on water slide: It can't be alive because it's dead!
College guy: Kids are so philosophical.
Hackettstown, New Jersey
Categories: Death & dying | Kids | Kids | New Jersey | Philosophy | Students | Posted 2010-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For Good Teachers, Even Stupid Arguments Beat Silence
Tutor to quiet class: Are you normally this talkative? (silence) Rightie-o, then. You know, when I went to university I practically didn't say a word for four years. It was good.
University of Western Sydney
Australia
With This Little Thing?
30-something male student to teacher: I keep having sex with these girls, and I go for 30 minutes... or sometimes and hour. They don't come. What's wrong with me? What's wrong with them?
Female professor, confidently: It sounds like you're rubbing 'em raw!
Community College
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Oklahoma | Orgasm | Questions | Sex | Students | Teachers | Time Management | Posted 2010-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So, Regardless, We're Going Green.
Student, as professor walks into classroom: Tomorrow's Earth Day!
Professor: Yesterday was 4/20!
Classroom, College of Marin
Marin County, California
All Teachers Want Is to Fit in
Student: Hey bruh, can I ansuh?!
Teacher: Yeah, sure... Wait, what did you call me?
Student: Bruh?
Teacher, grining: That made my day!
Nashville, Tennessee
Mary Kay Letourneau Always Knew What She Wanted
Kid: Woah, you just blew my mind!
Teacher: That's not all I'll blow.
High School
Pennsylvania
Categories: BJs | Education | Kids | Kids | Pennsylvania | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sensory experiences | Students | Teachers | Posted 2010-08-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thankfully the Stupid Seem to Always Die Off First
Environmental science teacher: What, in your opinion, is the most pressing environmental issue our planet faces today?
Clueless redhead, raising hand unsurely: Is it... The birds?
Environmental science teacher: Excuse me?
Clueless redhead: Isn't there something up with birds? Like, aren't they dying or something?
Environmental science teacher: Um... Thousands of different animals are dying...
Clueless redhead: Oh. I thought it was just birds.
High School
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Animals | Birds | California | Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Stupidity | Teachers | Posted 2010-08-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why You Shouldn't Wait to Have Sex 'til Marriage
Med student #1: You broke up with her because of a facial expression?
Med student #2: Man, if you saw her "o" face you'd would've done the same. (makes contorted face with mouth wide open)
Med student #1: Oh, hell yeah... that's some ugly shit to come to.
Med student #2: I would have never been able to get off... and all those sounds!
Med student #1: Sexy?
Med student #2: Jungle. Primal.
School of Medicine
University of Maryland
Overheard by: Mykl
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Maryland | Questions | Relationships | Sensory experiences | Students | Posted 2010-08-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or More Accurately, Not Having Sex With White Girls
White student #1: Yeah, it's a good thing I'm not going to that preppy high school anymore.
White student #2: Yeah, I agree.
White student #3: You'd probably still be having sex with white girls.
Deerfield Beach High School
Florida
Hence The Taming Of the Jew
Girl at history class: Ohhh, I get it! So, Shakespeare got his ideas from Hitler!
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: Toya Lah
I Would Enjoy Crying During My TV News Interview
High school senior girl #1: Where's Meg*?
High school senior girl #2: Getting her wisdom teeth out.
High school senior girl #1: Don't some people die from that?
High school senior girl #2: Maybe she will die.
High school senior girl #1: You'd like that, wouldn't you?
New Jersey
Categories: Body parts | Death & dying | Health & Hygiene | New Jersey | Students | Posted 2010-07-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And the Shittiest!
Boy in AP English class, reading "The House on Mango Street": This is the most realistic book I've read since "Everybody Poops"!
New Jersey
Categories: Books | Compare and contrast | New Jersey | Poop | Students | Posted 2010-07-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Everybody Respects a Gentleman Bandit
Professor: I could go to Mark*, for example, and say, "hey, you have to do this or I'm going to shoot you." (to Mark*) Uh, sorry.
Mark*: Well, at least you're polite about it.
Emerson College
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: S.m. Torres
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Etiquette | Massachusetts | Murder | Students | Teachers | Threats | Posted 2010-07-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But With Bottled Water
Male college student, about 30-town boil water order: I feel like I'm in Mad Max!
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Jean
Categories: Compare and contrast | Feelings | Massachusetts | Movies | Students | Posted 2010-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Get Me Some Of That Time-Travel Pussy
Law student: I can't wait for the future, man... I'm going to specialize in time travel law!
St. Paul, Minnesota
Overheard by: Minneapolitan
Categories: Education | Minnesota | Students | Time Management | Posted 2010-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Can't Shame Me Into the Army
College guy: I'm scared!
College girl: Just do it!
College guy: No, I'm scared!
College girl: Be a man!
College guy: I don't wanna!
Salisbury, Maryland
Probably Time for Another Field Trip
Teacher: So what gets left behind when sea water evaporates?
Student: Fishies!
Melbourne
Australia
I Just Barely Care About People
Philosophy student #1, about biomedical ethics: Yeah, we just don't know enough yet to go around screwing with genetic manipulation. Like, cloning people. That creeps me out.
Philosophy student #2: That sheep they cloned, Dolly. She died recently, didn't she? She was like five or six years old.
Philosophy student #1: Yeah. I don't think she lived very long.
Philosophy student #2: What's an average sheep lifespan?
Philosophy student #1, in defensive tone of voice: I don't know! I don't care about sheep!
Vancouver
Canadia
Categories: Age and ageing | Animals | Canadia | Death & dying | Philosophy | Science | Students | Posted 2010-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Final Solution to the School Year
Enthusiastic teacher: We're doing a scavenger hunt today!
Student, dubiously: A scavenger hunt?
Enthusiastic teacher, nodding: Yeah, it's like ... It's like a Nazi Easter egg hunt.
North Carolina
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | History | North Carolina | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Close Enough.
Female student: It's a Wonderful Life... That's the one about the Holocaust, right?
Clarksville, Maryland
Overheard by: Jimmy Steward played Hitler
...When I Asked Them to Unplug the Faxierphone.
Ditzy new student: People don't think I'm smart. But I just don't, like, like big words. I don't use them. I used one of them once at work and no one knew what I was talking about!
University of South Australia
Categories: Australia | Colleges & Universities | Jobs & Careers | Students | Words | Posted 2010-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only If They Don't Squeak
Student: Is it okay to wear leather trousers to a funeral?
Hull University
Hull
England
Categories: Clothing | Colleges & Universities | Death & dying | Etiquette | Students | UK | Posted 2010-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Didn't Back Up Over It. That's Gay.
English major #1: So, I totally ran over a snake today.
English major #2: Was it an anaconda?
English major #1: I don't know... It was a snake!
English major #3: Was it a grass snake?
English major #2: Was it a trouser snake?
English major #1: Yes. I ran over a penis.
Southern Illinois University
Edwardsville, Edwardsville, Illinois
Overheard by: M
Categories: Animals | Colleges & Universities | Illinois | Penis | Students | Posted 2010-06-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Internet Audiences *Loved* Two Girls, One Copy
Teacher: Please staple again. Please, if there is a god, staple again. Do it! Staple! Push it down hard! I want to hear you staple!
Middle School
North Carolina
Categories: God | North Carolina | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2010-06-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Going to Congress!
Student to friend: Just put the rape stick in the alcohol bag.
American University
Washington, DC
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Friends | Students | Violence | Washington, DC | Weirdness | Posted 2010-05-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kirk Cameron: "No."
Student in library: Could you forget that Jesus died for your sins for like five minutes?
Smith College
Northampton, Massachusetts
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Death & dying | Jesus | Massachusetts | Offers and requests | Students | Posted 2010-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why "Special" Classes Exist.
Teacher: Why are you guys talking back there?
Student: Oh, Roy*'s just talking to his eraser.
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Education | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Editors Are a Bit Worried About the Lard
Culinary student #1: I could really go for some duck stuffed with foie.
Culinary student #2: And lard? And berries? (pause) I'll masturbate to that tonight. I hate you!
Culinary student #1, defensively: I live with you, I know your poultry!
Stockholm
Sweden
Categories: Food | Gripes | Masturbation | Students | Sweden | Posted 2010-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is This Sexual Harassment? Discuss.
Male English teacher to female student: You know, for the last 30 minutes I've been thinking of... The holy city that is your face.
High School
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: ShouldThisBeReported?
Categories: Body parts | Compliments | Education | Georgia | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Posted 2010-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Too Much, Too Much!
Overzealous personal trainer to neophyte trainee: Touch yourself in the butt!
Gym
West Long Branch, New Jersey
Overheard by: Robert
Categories: Ass | New Jersey | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-05-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dude, When You Go to Work You're Totally Gonna Shit
High school freshman #1: Sometimes I wish I didn't live somewhere so industrialized. Why can't I live somewhere where people are hunters and gatherers?
High school freshman #2: I know, we waste so much time in school getting an "education." I could learn so much more out in the world.
High school freshman #1: Yeah, and I don't understand why people go to work and shit.
Train Station
Chicago, Illinois
This Is Long Island, Bitch!
Composition professor: So, by the way, this is how your do the top of the paper--title, dash, name, just like this paper here. I don't want a four-page paper which is three and a half pages long, with a half-page heading.
Student: But it's standard MLA citation practice for that heading to be like that.
Professor: Fuck MLA.
Hofstra University
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: I hate MLA
You Seem to Have No Friends, Only Interests
European history professor, discussing WWI: And of course, with Germany's resumption of unrestricted submarine warfare, the United States had its reasons to join the war against Germany.
World-weary student: Not to mention all the loans American bankers needed England and France to win to pay back.
Professor: Some of you are too cynical for your own good.
Montevallo, Alabama
It Was Lovely Talking to You
Grad student #1, receiving a detailed explanation of the theory of evolution: Well, you seem to know much more about the subject than I do...
Grad student #2: I have creationist parents.
Oxford
England
Categories: Compare and contrast | Education | England | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2010-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why the Taliban Exists
Teacher: From an evolutionary perspective, what do you have more time to do if you don't need to find a mate?
Female student: Build an army!
South Eugene High School
Eugene, Oregon
College: In a Nutshell.
Freshman girl to friends: Guys, I really need to ask you a huge favor. I think I might be pregnant and you guys might have to punch me in the stomach to get rid of it.
North Bay
Ontario
Canadia
Though Usually I'm Being Flogged at the Time
Student to teacher who just made a mistake finger-spelling on board: Finger!
Teacher, erasing board: If I had a nickel every time someone said that to me.
Hampden, Maine
Categories: Body parts | Education | Maine | Masturbation | Sex | Students | Teachers | Words | Posted 2010-04-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Eh, They Were Station Wagons.
College girl: Last night I dreamed that everyone got a car for free... except for you.
College guy: Even in your dreams, I can't get a fucking break!
Boone, North Carolina
Categories: Compare and contrast | North Carolina | Students | Stupidity | Posted 2010-04-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like Cats
Student on bike to another: The problem with string theory nowadays is that everyone just wants to get into it.
Cambridge
England
Overheard by: Anti-Math
No Wonder Everybody Has Herpes
Freshman guy: In health today, we were looking at pictures of vaginas with herpes, and it made me want pizza...
High School
Steilacoom, Washington
Overheard by: Meredith
Categories: Compare and contrast | Food | STDs | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Vagina | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2010-04-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Not During School Hours, Please.
Chemistry professor to student who recognized a sketch of the periodic table on whiteboard: You understand my art.
Student: I feel you, Mr K.
Chemistry professor: That is indeed true.
St Paul, Minnesota
Overheard by: MAC
My Professor Said It Was the Best Paper He's Gotten in Years
University student: But it must be true... I read it on the internet! I read it on Wikipedia!
Auckland
New Zealand
Overheard by: Louise
Categories: Internet | New Zealand | Students | Stupidity | Posted 2010-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
One Which Perhaps the Parrot Can Answer.
Female student to another: So, are you a pirate or a ninja?
Teacher: That's a great question!
Brisbane
Australia
Overheard by: I took a test and I'm both.
Prison Pretty Much Takes Care Of That, Anyway.
Teacher: So... then, what should happen to the guy?
Student #1: I think he should be sent to jail.
Student #2: I think that since he killed his neighbor, he should have to be killed himself. Get the death penalty. Ya know... "eye for an eye".
Student #3: That's the stupidest thing in the world. It doesn't work in all situations.
Student #2: Yes it does! Let's say some guy molests a kid, then the guy should... (pause) Ok... Nevermind.
High School
Illinois
Categories: Compare and contrast | Crimes | Illinois | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sex | Students | Stupidity | Teachers | Posted 2010-02-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The School Needs All Its Federal Funding
Student teacher: All right, guys, let's try that again. But this time with 30 to 40% less child death.
Clarksville, Maryland
Categories: Death & dying | Kids | Maryland | Students | Teachers | Posted 2010-02-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
NewsFlash: Community College Student Has Intimate Drug Knowledge. Film at 11.
Student: My girlfriend's theory on smoking is that it's good for you because it's natural.
Professor: Yeah, it's not like that crystal meth. That stuff's all chemicals.
Voice from the back: True dat!
Community College
Michigan
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Drugs | Health & Hygiene | Michigan | Smoking | Students | Teachers | Posted 2010-02-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Now You Pay Attention?
Teacher holding VCR remote control: I keep hitting play, this stupid thing won't work. Must need new batteries.
(changes batteries)
Teacher: Damn thing still won't work, you'd think they would buy machines that work, how are you supposed to learn with such crappy materials?
Student in front row: Ummm... Is that the tape on top of the VCR?
Teacher: Goddamn it!
Manchester, New Hampshire
Categories: Education | Gripes | Grumpies | Insults | Kids | New Hampshire | Students | Stupidity | Teachers | Technology | Posted 2010-02-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yay! I've Been Trying to Outdo Myself for Weeks!
Student: How do you spell "wear"? W-e-a-r? (pause) That is the stupidest thing I've ever said.
San Diego, California
Larry Is a Girl?
College student #1: Larry's rug is a trap!
College student #2: Her rug has a penis?
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Larissa
College Exists to Prolong Adolescence
Female Brown student #1: That lab class is so stupid.
Female Brown student #2: Yeah. Harry Potter had the best labs.
Female Brown student #1, sighing: I wish this was Hogwarts.
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Sadie
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Pop culture | Rhode Island | Students | Posted 2010-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jo Introduces Herself to Blair for the First Time
College student to roommate: My family heirloom is a neon beer light. And a coffee mug.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Larissa
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Family ties | Food | Oregon | Students | Posted 2010-01-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Just Want to Graduate, I Don't Want to Know Anything
Undergrad on cell: And the paper has to be, like, 10 to 12 pages long! (pause) I know! I'm like, "I'm not writing my freaking thesis here!"
Bus
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Unless It Was in Vegas, in Which Case It Stays There.
Defense lawyer, teaching trial advocacy: But remember that in real life, nobody charged with marijuana possession is actually going to go to trial.
Law student: Last summer when I was working at the legal clinic I had a client who was charged with possession go to trial!
Defense lawyer: What? In fifteen years of practice, I've never seen it go to trial.
Law student: Yeah, the prosecutor was being a dick about it too--he wanted jail time.
Defense lawyer: Who was the prosecutor? Tell me his name, I'll tell you if I ever got high with him.
Law School
Canadia
Overheard by: Law student
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Crimes | Drugs | Memory lane | Names | Stoners | Students | Teachers | Posted 2010-01-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yay! Let's All Join the Army!
Girl #1, loudly in quiet library: And we thought we were going to the lecture on reasons to join the army, but we accidentally went to the wrong lecture theater, and it was a medical lecture on burns patients!
Studying girl: Shhhhh!
Girl #1, loudly: And this med guy who knew we weren't med students goes "This is a good lecture to come to! Lots of gory pictures!" and we were both thinking "Shit! Are these army people going to show us photos of people who have been blown up or something!?"
Studying boy and girl: Shhhhhhhh!
Girl #2: Can't be as bad as that lecture from first year. Remember the photo of the person's head who'd been run over by a train?
Girl #1, even more loudly: Yeah! And they showed us photos of a penis which had been bitten off!
(everyone in library, including studying boy and girl, burst out laughing)
Griffith University Library
Australia
Categories: Australia | Colleges & Universities | Death & dying | Education | Penis | Science | Students | Violence | Posted 2010-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Need My Face for Other Things
Flamboyant grad student, on ice skating: I went years ago... and fell flat on my face. Then I decided that I was too important for this!
Oxford
England
Categories: Body parts | Bragging | Compare and contrast | England | Leisure | Pride | Students | Posted 2010-01-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Hillary Clinton Dreams
Man in trench coat to group of students: Follow me, and I'll take you to a magical woman.
Newport
Wales
Overheard by: Can I come?
Try Turning the Paper Right Side Up.
Student, raising hand: I can't read...
Professor: I'm sorry.
San Francisco State University
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: The Only One Laughing?
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | San Francisco | Students | Stupidity | Teachers | Posted 2010-01-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Judging from the Residue I Discovered on One Of Your Quizzes
Professor: Here you are, every day, sitting in this little cave which is evolutionary very stupid. You're not reproducing while you are in here. You aren't even trying to... Well, maybe that's not true.
Psychiatric Physiology Class
Pomona, California
Overheard by: Whats He talking about again???
Which Was Also Wrong, But Seemed So Right at the Time
Girl, about test: Um, I got number 34 right and it's marked wrong!
Rest of class: Yeah.
Professor: I know. I already gave you all credit. Just ignore that, it must be some leftover meth use from my college years.
Auburn, Alabama
...As General Custer Clearly Stated at the Time.
Student: But why would someone do that?
Teacher: For the LOLs.
High School
Englewood, Colorado
Overheard by: Lee
Geeks and Sexual Experimentation Are Often a Perilous Combo
Student to friend: Could you imagine having a test tube shatter while it is up your ass, or worse? I know a girl that it happened to!
Cabra Dominican College
Australia
Categories: Ass | Australia | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Friends | Health & Hygiene | Science | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2010-01-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stop Wearing Those Stiletto Boots and Bra-tops and We'll Talk
Communications professor: I mean, I can offer you a dollar for sex or I can offer you a million dollars. You're still a prostitute. We're just haggling over price.
(some female students giggle)
Communications professor: What? Oh, you're laughing because I called you whores?
Otago University
New Zealand
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Insults | Money | New Zealand | Offers and requests | Questions | Sex | Students | Teachers | Posted 2010-01-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
After MC Skat Kat, Paula Abdul's Career Went Into the Toilet
Student: What's "scat"?
Professor: Poop.
Student: Oh, shit!
Godfrey, Illinois
Overheard by: M
And I Enjoy Mocking Your Working-Class Accents
Student, after teacher announced students would take turns to read: Erm, excuse me... Why can't we read quietly for ourselves?
Teacher, with mock shock: Because... We're here together! This is a room full of communion and harmony!
University of Zurich
Switzerland
Overheard by: Stephie
Furniture Stripping
First grade teacher to colleague, in front of first graders: And so I walked into the living room and he was there, naked, standing on the coffee table.
Portland, Maine
The Spontaneous Admission to Grad School Is Just a Myth
Philosophy professor: He chose this example because it had sex appeal. It turned people on.
(changes PowerPoint slide to picture of bacterial flagellum)
Male student: Ohhhhh!
Professor: Please don't have an orgasm in my class.
Lycoming College
Williamsport, Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Orgasm | Pennsylvania | Philosophy | Science | Sex | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-12-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Really, Who Wants to Lay Eggs and Have a Guy Shoot on Them?
Student #1: My friend's mom didn't let him watch The Little Mermaid because she was half naked.
Student #2: Yeah, Ariel was such a ho-bag.
Student #1: You know she just wanted those legs so she could spread 'em.
Loma Linda, California
Categories: Body parts | California | Movies | Parenting | Students | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Mormon Missionaries Were Only Too Happy to Obey
Female college student: Why are you wearing underwear? I don't wear underwear. I'm a dancer. You are not a dancer. What are you even doing here? You're not a real dancer. You're an elf. And you're going to wear panties like an elf.
Chicago, Illinois
Smart Money Says She Prefers Teaching Gymnastics
Teacher: Who was right in the American Revolution?
(silence)
Student: We were?
Teacher: We were! God, I thought you were all communists for a minute.
Kalamazoo, Michigan
And What Kind Of a Lame-Ass Answer Is "Energy"?
Tutor: So what are some things you associate with lemons?
Student #1: Yellow!
Student #2: Energy!
Student #3: Gin-an-tonic!
Tutor: What? Genitalia? Who said genitalia?
Massey University
Wellington
New Zealand
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Fruit | New Zealand | Questions | Students | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-12-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I'm Not Sure the Koala Enjoys It
Male student #1: Man, you can't get pregnant doing that.
Male student #2: Oh.
Monash University
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Assilem
Categories: Advice | Australia | Colleges & Universities | Pregnancy | Students | Posted 2009-12-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Beginning to Regret Teaching You How to Use Anthrax
Teacher to chattering students: Quit discussing biochemical warfare!
Biology Classroom
Auckland
New Zealand
B.D. Wong Discusses His Performance on Law & Order: SVU
Student to friend: I was going for Asian and it came out pedophile.
Otago University
New Zealand
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Friends | New Zealand | Race | Sex | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They're So Cute-- I Want One
Junior girl, watching group of new freshman and shaking her head: I swear they keep getting smaller.
Weber State University
Utah
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Students | Utah | Posted 2009-12-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like How to Talk Out Of Your Butte
Freshman #1, reading from textbook: Butte. What is a butte exactly?
Freshman #2: A fancy way to say "butt."
Freshman #1: God, you learn so much at college.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: kbay
Though Every Drunken Brawl Is Like a Snowflake.
Female college student: My new thing is going to bed at a decent time when I have class in the morning.
20-something college dropout: My new thing is binge drinking every day. But I guess that's not really new.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: passing out at a decent hour
Categories: Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Education | Overheard in Minneapolis | Students | Time Management | Posted 2009-12-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But with a Better Sense Of Meter.
Student: I think that Eminem is like a modern-day Hamlet, you know?
Memorial University
Newfoundland
Canadia
Categories: About celebrities | Books | Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Music | Students | Posted 2009-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kindly Accept This Sperm As a Token Of My Sincerity
Art school hipster girl, in the middle of different conversation: Oh my god! I got my goddamned hair cut yesterday!
Art school hipster guy: I was gonna say in the car!
(art school hipster girl smiles with crazy eyes and mouth agape)
Art school hipster guy: No, seriously... It is so fresh.
Savannah, Georgia
Categories: Compliments | Georgia | Hair | Hipsters | Students | Posted 2009-12-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yes, Yes and Yes
Professor: What do you think my fantasy is?
Student: Armpit sex... in a park. No, wait. Menage a trois. All-male in a... ballroom?
Godfrey, Illinois
Or I'll Be Red with Embarassment.
Professor: The emotional impact of one story is greater than the story of many people.
Student: Isn't that what Stalin said?
Professor: Um. Sort of the same sentiment. But I really hope that is my last parallel to Stalin.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Compare and contrast | Education | Feelings | Questions | Students | Teachers | Washington | Posted 2009-12-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Rappers Take SAT Prep Courses
Crazy lady to college kids making fun of her: You got finesse, use it! Don't you be so nonchalant.
Krystal
Birmingham, Alabama
Ever Been to the U.S., Suzy?
Psych class guy: Dolphins are the second smartest animal.
Psych class girl: What's the smartest?
Psych class guy: Humans.
Psych class girl: Wait, humans are animals?
Psych class guy: Yep.
Psych class girl: Really?
Psych class guy: For real.
Hamilton
Canadia
Overheard by: Jayme
...You All Have Your Paper Mache Assignment.
Professor: Okay, guys, let's stop talking about penises.
Metro State College
Denver, Colorado
...Bong Hits All Around!
Professor: I have no idea how we got onto this discussion, class. Does anyone know what we're supposed to be talking about?
Class: (silence, then soft giggles from back of the room)
Professor: Well, we accomplished nothing today. But it's okay!, 'cause (raises his voice in excitement) I had fun!
Richland Center, Wisconsin
Overheard by: CollegeIsn'tSoBad
We Warned You About Drinking from the Open Bottles
NYU guy in audience during group skits: PBR doesn't taste as good on a Sunday morning as it did last night at the party.
NYU girl in audience during group skits: Yeah, I'm like, "someone might as well just piss in my mouth instead."
Rock Hill, New York
Overheard by: I think I'll still go with the PBR
The Gay Guys Just Criticize Your Outfit
Prof: Ladies, I'm just gonna give it to you straight: I guarantee you that almost every straight guy you see today is going to picture you naked.
Techie guy, fixing projector: Fuckin' A!
University of Calgary
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Education | Gender issues | Sexuality | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Depression's Always in Style in Virginia
Studious student: You know she would tell her students that she's far too sick to make it out to campus, and then curl up in a ball on her couch with a cup of tea so she can watch the rain fall and weep.
Virginia Commonwealth University
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Feelings | Food | Health & Hygiene | Maladies | Students | Virginia | Weather | Posted 2009-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Introducing Madame Toussaud's Naughtiest Exhibition Yet
Enthusiastic undergraduate to group of friends: I never knew you could do that with wax!
Oxford
England
Overheard by: Intrigued Grad Student
I'm Still Not Having Your Baby, Curtis
Large black male student to tiny white female student: Stretch marks are awesome! They make you look like a tiger! (makes tiger claw gesture) Raaar!
High School
Lincoln Park, Michigan
Overheard by: The teacher
Categories: Animals | Black people | Compare and contrast | Fat people | Health & Hygiene | Michigan | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Whiteys | Posted 2009-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well What's Spanish for "Cornholing"?
Spanish teacher, teaching tenses: If your parents were away, what would you do?
Student: I would do Jeff!
(class laughs)
Student: No, I mean I would invite Jeff over!
Spanish teacher: That doesn't make it sound any better.
High School
Concord, North Carolina
Overheard by: Mary
Categories: Family ties | North Carolina | Parenting | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sex | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-11-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In the Immortal Words Of Khrushchev.
Chick giving presentation: Because this is Russia, bitch.
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Overheard by: Julia
I Had Two Cups Of Earl Grey This Morning!
Student: How can you tell that it's "the walls have ears" and not "the ears have walls"? I mean, I guess that would make sense if you were drugged up...
Professor: Are you implying that I'm not drugged up?
Latin Class
Denver, Colorado
Homie Also Has a Hard Time on Armed Forces Career Day
Flamboyant, very white math teacher: Alright, we have a test on Tuuuuseday, which is also, guess what, the blood drive! So don't donate blood before the test and please, please, do not donate blood during the test. You'll be writing with one arm and bleeding with the other, and then you'll get paler and paler... and keel over and die. Homie can't fly that. Homie can't.
Math Classroom
Hawaii
Categories: Body parts | Death & dying | Education | Hawaii | Health & Hygiene | Students | Teachers | Whiteys | Posted 2009-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All Those Slip-and-Fall Accidents Are Smitings
Religion teacher to class of girls: And remember girls, always wear a bikini in the shower, because god is always watching you.
Dublin
Ireland
Now Squint, Damn Your Eyes!
History professor: You know how I said that this class wouldn't have a lot of text-heavy PowerPoint slides? Sometimes I lie to you, because that's funny.
Community College
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Overheard by: i love this school
Um, of State Security?
Art student: He told me he really relates to my organs.
University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Feelings | Relationships | Students | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Easier to Write the Paper Than Its Outline
Student, about assignment she's written: It's supposed to be (emphasizes with hands) that, that, then that, then that! But it's all blah blah blah blah! You know?
Friend: Is you introduction all dot, dot, dot at least?
Student: Yeah.
University of South Australia
Adelaide
Australia
Overheard by: fellow stressed out uni student
You Altar Boys Know What I'm Talking About
English professor: I know what you're thinking. Two pages! I can write that with half a bottle of whiskey in me and my hands tied behind my back!
Cardinal Stritch University
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
When You're Greeting a Female Dignitary, for Instance
Nerdy college guy #1: "Bitch" does have a negative connotation.
Nerdy college guy #2: But girls say it to each other, it's like the "n" word!
Nerdy college guy #3: And it can be used as a greeting! "Yo, bitch, what's shakin'?"
USF
Florida
Overheard by: SB
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Florida | Insults | Students | Words | Posted 2009-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What You Said About Menstruation!
Professor: How does a microwave work?
Student: Electromagnetic waves.
Professor: Oh, "electromagnetic waves"! That's a fancy way of saying "magic."
University of Delaware
Overheard by: Magician
It's All Fun and Games 'til Somebody Pokes a Baby Out
Loud eighth grader: Michael's such a douche, all he wants to do is get in my pants.
Even louder teacher: You're in eighth grade, you shouldn't be letting anybody in your pants!
Potomac, Maryland
Overheard by: Math is my new favorite subject...
Why Show and Tell Is Discouraged After Elementary School
Short girl: I studied the wrong vagina!
Curlie: Me too, but I studied the right penis.
Chem teacher: Uh...
Onteora, New York
Something Grave, Anyway.
Catechism teacher: Where's Eric today?
Eric's friend: Eric's at the hospital with his mom.
Catechism teacher, concerned: Why?
Eric's friend: Cuz she has a tombstone, or something like that.
Rochester Hills, Michigan
Overheard by: Betsy
Who's Black and White and Back from the Dead All Over?
Black girl, holding up picture she drew of black Jesus: My hero is Jesus Christ.
White kid: Jesus isn't black.
Black girl: Yes, he is!
White kid: No, he's white!
Uncomfortable teacher: Now, now, let's just say Jesus is all colors!
Art Class, Middle School
Maryland
Categories: Black people | Education | Jesus | Maryland | Race | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Whiteys | Posted 2009-11-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Just Slip Into Something More Comfortable
Evolution professor: So why can't humans have more then just two sexes? Man, that'd be a lot of fun, wouldn't it?
Class: (uncontrollable laughter)
Evolution professor: Oh, I can see. (pause) I shouldn't have said anything, let's continue...
UC
Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: I'm glad he said it
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Education | Gender issues | Questions | Sexuality | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-11-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Just Sings Instead Of Talking
Female student to friend at bus stop: So, he was, like, freakishly quiet, but every now and then he would bust out with something that, you know, we would say, you know, like, (bursts into song) "Do you like waffles? Yeah, I like waffles!" (in normal voice) And, you know, I would be, like, "Woah! He is a real person."
University of Oklahoma
Overheard by: becauseobviouslyallnormalpeoplelikewaffles
Mr. Cheney's Office Failed to Return Our Calls
Student: I think the result of this case means that people are worried that government officials can be held just as accountable as normal citizens.
Law School
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: MaggieB
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Crimes | Politics | Students | Posted 2009-10-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Pregnancy? Absofuckinglutely.
Student: The form told me that there's a 2% chance that it will happen to me, but if it does happen to me, there's a 100% chance that it will happen to me.
UCLA, California
Overheard by: MaggieB
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Science | Students | Stupidity | Posted 2009-10-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
....Ooo, Chocolate Pudding!
Large chick in group of students: I like science, music, dance, and you know what else I like? Anal.
Community College
Virginia
Categories: Backdoor | Chicks | Colleges & Universities | Dancing | Fat people | Music | Science | Students | Virginia | Posted 2009-10-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And Bring Out the Visual Aids.
Student, about the economy: Well, what if I just took my big stick and made them give me their resources?
Professor: Well, let's just imagine that your stick isn't big enough to extract the resources you want. (chuckles) Sometimes there's no pleasure in the big stick. Okay, I'm gonna stop talking about sticks now.
Classroom
UC Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: Kelly
Plus, Mom and Aunt Betty Stopped Speaking
High school girl to friend: And then I... oh, wait... I heard this from from my boyfriend, and I just can't believe it. I can't believe you stopped dating your cousin!
Friend: I know, but it just wasn't working out.
Colton, California
Overheard by: Kip K.E.H.
Categories: California | Family ties | Friends | Relationships | Students | Posted 2009-10-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's a Prerequisite for Graduation.
Professor: How old are you?
Visiting high school student: Seventeen.
Professor: And you're not married? Well, you've come to the right place!
Freed-Hardeman University
Henderson, Tennessee
Overheard by: Lisa
Categories: Age and ageing | Colleges & Universities | Education | Questions | Relationships | Students | Teachers | Tennessee | Posted 2009-10-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Have You Been Doing to That Poor Puppy?
College girl #1: You know, just because I want to hit it doesn't mean you have to, too.
College girl #2: But now that it's shaved, it's so much better!
Cornell University
Ithaca, New York
Categories: Colleges & Universities | New York | Shaving | Students | Wishes | Posted 2009-10-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But This New Biography Proves Me Wrong!
Freshman boy: I don't think Helen Keller was too concerned about dick.
High School
Colorado
Overheard by: clur
Categories: About celebrities | Colorado | Health & Hygiene | Penis | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Posted 2009-10-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Ahem, "Sylbs"
Female college student: Yeah, I tod did that too!
Guy college student: Did you just say "tod" instead of "totally"?
Female college student: Yeah, I never say any words that are more than two syllables!
College
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Cat
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Students | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-10-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Her Anti-Drug: Crime
Goth schoolgirl: So, I bought 500 feet of police crime scene tape today. Heheheh!
Adelaide
Australia
Overheard by: A vaguely worried teacher
Portrait Of the Sound-Effects Guy As a Young Man
Biology teacher: Parvo disease is a disease in mammals that can be fatal; squirrels, cats and dogs can all get it.
Kid, whispering quietly to himself: Ruff! Ruff ruff! Kaboom!
Florida
Instead Of Herpes
16-year-old student: Ah, those were the days... people talked on the phone, and phones got phone calls...
High School
Binghamton, New York
Categories: Memory lane | New York | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Stupidity | Posted 2009-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just When You Were Starting to Miss College...
Freshman girl on phone: You're not gonna get HIV from kissing some random... (pause) What? (pause) Well, does he have sores on his lips?
UCSB Dorms
California
Overheard by: KLaugh
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Maladies | On the phone | Questions | Students | Posted 2009-10-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
JC Penney Bra Catalogs, on the Other Hand...
Senior boy: I have no capacity for porn!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: I doubt that
Categories: Overheard in Minneapolis | Porn | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Sure Law Enforcement Will Understand
Female law student, after declining jello shot: No, I have to drive you home.
Male law student: I don't want a cranky sober person driving me home!
St. Petersburg, Florida
Mr. Miyagi Taught Him How, in the First Movie.
Student: What would Elvis say?
Professor: What would Plato say?
Student: What would Butler say?
Campbell: What would Foucault say?
Girl in back row: All I know is he broke a table.
University of Mary Washington
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Overheard by: elvis eavesdropper