Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | People

Whatever I Can't Get from Miss Cleo, Anyway.

Professor: Temperature is an example of an invented reality. Temperature doesn't exist. It's all in our minds. It's either hot or cold out, but what are "degrees" really? Nothing!
Student: Actually, temperature is scientifically calculated by... (goes on to give long, technical explanation)
Professor: Really? I'm going to have to go look that up on Wikipedia. I get all of my information from Wikipedia.

University of Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: Glad you're teaching us then...

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This Concludes My Essay on "Who I Admire Most"

High school student: She's a two faced bitch, but not in a bad way.

Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com

Overheard by: emily

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The Professor Appreciated the Eight-Sided Paper

Excited student: I got a B+ on my Nietzsche paper!
Friend: The one based on a Dungeons & Dragons joke?

Auraria Campus
Denver, Colorado

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From What Your Dad Tells Me

Overenthusiastic principal: So, where'd ya guys go for lunch? Huh?
Jaded student (indicating Subway cup): I ate fresh.
Principal: Did you go the 6 inch route? Or the 12 inch?
Student: I, uhhh... 6.
Principal, grinning: Don't worry, Shane* -I think you're man enough to take a 12-inch.

Livingston, Montana

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And It's Important to Know About Paula Abdul's Career Trajectory

Student: If none of this is going to be on the exam, why are we devoting a class to it?
Professor: Because I find it interesting, and you have to listen to me.

Carleton University
Ottawa
Canadia

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Elmer and Mrs Fudd Are Justifiably Proud of Their Daughter

PSU freshman (attempting to flirt): Wow, that's an amazing accent! Is it British?
Cute freshman who says Rs like Ws: Actually, it's a speech impediment.

Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com

Overheard by: ellen

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What the Hell Is Going on in Illinois?

Professor walking through the hall: Well I guess I'd have to be spanked then.
Asian grad student: That's why they're called "accidents"!

University of Illinois

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Which Is Why Men Wear Pink Shirts

Professor: Ever wonder why pink is considered a girl color?
Student: Because vaginas are pink.

UC
Santa Cruz, California

Overheard by: Kelly

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As You Should Know All Too Well, Cuntrella

Teacher: Does anyone know how to spell that?
(silence)
Student: Looks like it's time to whip out the dic!
Teacher: Some words should *not* be shortened.

High School Classroom
Rhode Island

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I Mean, He Is on Our Bedsheets

Nerdy freshman talking about philosophy: Well, it depends on what you consider real. Like is Spiderman real?
Kid sitting with him: Uh...
Nerdy freshman: Think about it! Is he?

U Mass
Amherst, Massachusetts

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Would It Help If I Glued This Viola to My Hand?

Non-Asian student to Asian student: Dude, I keep forgetting you're Asian.
Asian student: I know! Me too!

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: m. Jo.

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It Doesn't Come Up Much, but a Rule Is a Rule

Student: Yeah... I don't really take advice from a kid wearing a winter hat indoors, drinking white grape juice out of a measuring cup.

SUNY Cortland
Cortland, New York

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Yes

Student: I bet half of the kids are still going to show up at the computer room.
Teacher: You think half of them will, or half of them won't?

East Meadow Drive
Palo Alto, California

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And Now the Judge Says I Can't Babysit There?

Girl to fourteen classmates: I do *everything* in the bathroom!

The Melting Pot
New Jersey

Overheard by: supersecret!

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But Don't You Think Toddlers Deserve to Work in Coal Mines?

Student: That's terrible!
Professor: I agree, I'm a horrible person.

Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York

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Stop Eating the Foil Containers, You Tard

Roommate: I don't eat leftovers. They make my throat hurt.

Brandon
Manitoba
Canadia

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Aww, Look at Its Little Fuzzy Valtrex

Girl, observing a display of plush microbes: I want herpes! I think it's so cute!

SUNY
Geneseo, New York

Overheard by: Jeni

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Anybody Have Any Bread?

(student coughs violently into hands, spewing fake blood)
Lit professor: Oh my god! Are you okay?
Student: (coughing up more blood) Can I go to the bathroom?
Lit professor: Oh my god, go, go!
(student leaves)
Lit professor: (realizing it's April 1st) Haha... His consumption smells like raspberries.

Colorado University, Boulder

Overheard by: In the back of the classroom

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The Way I'm Stealing Your Bra

Student: So if I, like, read something in the library and I memorize it, am I, like, stealing it with my mind?
Instructor: Yes. You can steal things with your mind.

Copy Editing Class
Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia

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But "Jews Give Me a Boner" Is Positive

MHS student to another: Emileeeeeeey... You can't say the "boner" word at a Holocaust luncheon!

University 4
Moscow, Idaho

Overheard by: i agree

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With the Possible Exception of the Dominant Chord

Professor: So, how was survey of western music?
Girl: It was terrible: someone would always find a way to bring up gender issues. I mean, I hate to break it to you, but eighteenth century tonal music doesn't give a shit about your vagina.

Sarah Lawrence College
Bronxville, New York

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Now as Lost to Us as the Age of Dinosaurs

Girl #1: You've written "2007" instead of "2008" on your exam sheet.
Girl #2: Yeah, so? It was a better time, ok?

University of Guelph
Canadia

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Which Also Explains the Peanut Butter Smears

College student: That one answer is wrong. You put a nine instead of a six.
Professor: I was probably stoned at the time.

Sussex, New Jersey

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I Suppose I Could Have One of My Concubines Answer Them, Though

Student: Professor, will you be able to answer e-mails while you are away, since our final is in a week?
Uncomfortable Japanese professor with strange British/Japanese accent: No, I will not be able to answer students' e-mails because most of the time I come home I am drunk.
Students: [Incredulous silence. Laughter.]

Philosophy class
McGill University
Canadia

Overheard by: student who hated this prof until this comment...

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The Water-Walking, Fig-Tree-Blasting Badass from Nazareth

Freshman theater student: So we were in acting class and we did this exercise where we had to portray mythological creatures, and afterwards when we were telling the class what we were, this one kid said: "I was Jesus!"

MBTA
Boston, Massachusetts

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Warthogs! Cabbages! Pokemon!

Professor: So, what are most songs written about?
Student #1: Apple bottom jeans?
Student #2: Boots with the fur?

School of Environmental Studies
Minnesota

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Joey Tribbiani As a Kid

Feminist speaker: What does feminism mean to you?
Dude: Lack of delicious sandwich?

Catholic High School classroom
Aurora, Colorado

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I Thought There Was Just Solid, Liquid, and Gas?

Student #1: I went to Mankato State.
Student #2, also a TA: There's a state called Mankato?!

University of Minnesota, Minnesota

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You Just Say That Because You're Failing Calculus

Undergrad: The whole reason I like the book was, like, because Isaac Newton is so badass!
Friend: I thought he was, like, an asshole.
Undergrad: No!

Carnegie Mellon University
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: whatgoesup

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Rain on Your Wedding Day, for Instance, Is Just Good Luck

[At computer lab.]
Student #1: Try looking up "irony-", that might work.
Student #2: Irony isn't even a word, idiot.

Royalton, Minnesota

Overheard by: Lynn

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I'm Thinking, I'm Thinking!

Prof: Do you think that kicking a pregnant woman in the stomach was wrong?
Student: Ummmm... I'm not certain.
Prof: Do you think that what he did was a crime?
[Student pauses for nearly 30 seconds.]
Student #2: Dude, he kicked a baby.

Seton Hall Law
Newark, New Jersey

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While Headbanging, My Mom Broke Her Own Neck

Spanish prof: What's the difference between a stone and a rock, English speakers?
Student #1: A stone is smooth and near water.
Student #2: A rock is big, like you can't pick it up.
Spanish prof: Well, that would make sense. I mean, we stone people to death, we don't rock them to death.
Cute girl student: It's happened before.

De Anza Community College
Cupertino, California

Overheard by: shyinvisiblegirl has a little crush on her

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I'd Heard the Expression "Nose Candy" and Gotten Confused

Female student, looking at Valentine candy display: Oh, I love those little cinnamon hearts.
Male student: Oh, me too. When I was a kid I used to snort them up my nose.

Guelph
Ontario
Canadia

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And I Didn't Notice Until Lunchtime

Blundergrad: I was really irritable today. There was something up my butt. Literally!

Northwestern University
Illinois

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Also to Make Julienne Fries

Freshman #1: I really use a time machine.
Freshman #2: What for?
Freshman #1: Time travel, dumbass.

Northwestern University
Illinois

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Which Was "No Upper-Body Strength"

Female student #1: Eeew, she has a rolling backpack, you know what that means...
Female student #2: Whore?
Female student #1: Absolutely not what I was going to say.

San Francisco, California

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....If There Any Left

College kid: Excuse me, what is the difference between these potato pancakes and a potato latka?
Grocery stocker: Um, I don't know what a latka is, so I couldn't tell you.
College kid: A Jewish potato pancake.
Grocery stocker: Well, those potato pancakes are German.
College kid: I wonder if a German Jew would eat them.

Sendik's Grocery Store
Grafton, Wisconsin

Overheard by: Arthur

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Or the Word "Dyke" Ever Again

Teacher: So, for the final sentence we should get some sort of metaphor for tax cuts helping the US recession.
Student #1: Hmm... Hey, you know like, the commercial where they put gum in the hole in the dam to stop the leak?.
Student #2: Or the finger!
Teacher: Oh, you mean in the dyke!
Student #1: Yeah, so... Tax cuts would be the finger in the hole of America's dyke?
Teacher: Maybe we shouldn't use a metaphor.

English Essentials Class
Waimea, Hawaii

Overheard by: boehmface

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