Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | People

You're Just in Time to See the Internet Made Illegible

Soldier: What is that thing?
Passenger #1: An iPhone.
Passenger #2: Man, where the hell have you been?
Soldier: Iraq.

Flight from Minneapolis to Pittsburgh

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Trust Me --That's My Schtick

Overly optimistic girl: He's kinda sketchy, but in a nice way.
Passing stranger: Not possible!

Concordia University
Montreal
Canadia

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Sometimes I Add Light Slapping.

Man: Hey, asshole, get off the cellphone.
Dude: Excuse me...?
Man: The street car is a public space. Get off the cellphone or get off the street car!
Dude: No.
Man: Yes! I don't want to have to hear you yapping away--
Dude: --Why don't you get off, then, buddy?
Man: This is a public space! Stop polluting the space with your hot air!
Dude: No.
Man: Yes.
Dude: No! [Into cell] Oh, nothing, Bruce. Just some loser on the street car...
Man: Hey!
Dude: Yeah?
Man: You're fat and ugly, you know that?
Dude, leaving: Screw you!
Man, to entire street car: I do this every Sunday...

Toronto, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: damn hiatus

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Nor Breed Outside of Our Immediate Gene Pools

Cheerful guard examining passport photo: What, no smile?
Dour Canadian: No. In Canada we do not have to smile.

O'Hare International Airport
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Rose Fox

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Translation: My Kids Are Greedy Little Assholes

Little girl with mother: My birthday's coming up soon, so I don't want to get anything for me.
Woman in opposite aisle: There is no way that child is human.

CVS
Houston, Texas

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The Uncontrollable Urge to Enter Other People's Conversations, for Instance

Guy to girl: Hey, remember when my grandfather went through that phase where he wanted us to be Jewish?
Passerby: It's overrated.
Guy: ... What?
Passerby: Being Jewish -- it's overrated. There's a lot of baggage.

Public Gardens
Boston, Massachusetts

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Geez, I'm Trying

Crew member: Sir, you can't stand here.
Old man, blocking walkway: [Ignores him.]
Crew member: Sir! This is a walkway.
Old man: This is foolishness!
Passerby: Why don't you just die, already?

Disneyland
Anaheim, California

Overheard by: uncomfortably waiting for the damn fireworks

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Gay Passerby: Wait, Now I'm Offended.

Native American woman to lady dressed as Indian: I find your costume very offensive.
Lady dressed as Indian: No... But I'm part of the Village People [points to girls dressed as cop and construction worker].
Native American woman, after long pause: Oh, well, that's okay, then.

Calgary Stampede
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia

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Um, Which Other Parts Would It Be Okay to Comment On?

Guy to girl dancing on street corner: Shake that ass, girl!
Girl: Thank you!
Guy: Sorry, I'm being an asshole.
Girl: It's okay -- I got the goods!

Chicago, Illinois

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By the Bondage Fairies, in Particular

Man browsing anime collection: [Sneezes.]
Bystander: God bless you.
Man browsing anime collection: Yes, yes, I am blessed.

Newbury Comics, Harvard Square
Cambridge, Massachusetts

Overheard by: sinner

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"Excecuting" -- God, I Kill Me!

Express care doctor: Really, I think Kevorkian had the right idea. He just went about executing it the wrong way.

Marquette General Hospital
Michigan

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Who Looks a Little Like Danny DeVito

50-ish guy: ... And now I inherited his twin sister!

Woodstock, New York

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Your Coquetry Piques My Curiosity

Dude: I want to fucking make out with you.
Chick: Yeah?
Dude: Yeah, maybe I will later.
Chick: Maybe.

Troy, New York

Overheard by: Andrew

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Or Simply Take His Hand Out of My Pants?

Guy forcing way through crowded dance floor: Excuse me, you fucking beautiful bitch.
Girl, stepping aside, then suddenly turning to friend: Should I be offended?

Privilege
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: elise

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Oh, This One's for Throwing

Girl: May I have a Long Island Iced Tea?
Bartender: Sure.
80-year-old lady sitting at bar: Giiirl, I hope you took yo' birf control today!

Klondike Kate's
Newark, Delaware

Overheard by: Cols

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They Disagree on What "City of Brotherly Love" Really Means

Scene guy: Come back! I want a hug!
Guy quickly leaving on bicycle: Eat my shit!
Scene guy: I want my hug!
Guy quickly leaving on bicycle: Eat my shit!

22nd and Chestnut Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: catty

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Liberals Can't Believe That Some Plagues Cure Themselves

Liberal #1: Cut off her head!
Liberal #2: No! Then she wouldn't feel any of the pain!
Liberal #1: Yeah, you're right... I suppose you could cut her head off half-way...
Passerby: Um, I don't mean to interrupt, but, um, what are you talking about?
Liberal #1: How to kill Ann Coulter.
Liberal #2: Is that bad?
Passerby: Oh, no, continue! By all means, please!

After concert at Hollywood Bowl
Hollywood, California

Overheard by: Argonath

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Don't Harsh My Mellow

Woman to herself: I love the smell of the subway!
Passerby: You know it's primarily piss, right?

Consolação subway
São Paulo
Brazil

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And As Ghetto As Anyone Gets in Toronto

Man: ... With my wife.
Woman: Oh, you're married?
Man: Yeah, and I have a four-month-old baby girl.
Woman: What's her name?
Man: Widget.
Woman: Oh, that's cute.

Subway
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: Nick B

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I Myself Am an Intel-American

Chick: What's your background?
Girl with laptop: ... Uh, I'm part Korean...
Chick: No, I meant on your computer.

Idyllwild, California

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I Didn't Drop the Other One on the Floor

Dude, approaching table of people: Excuse me? Hi, I noticed you put your salad in the microwave, and I was just wondering... Why?
Asian guy: Why not?
Dude: Well, it's just... you had two... And you didn't put the other one in... I have to know!

Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com

Overheard by: a'da

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Me, Too!

Girl on street: I like your hat!
Man on bike: Thank you!
Girl on street: I was just kidding!

Shout-out: www.overheardquote.com

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Just Your Country

Charity guy: Hello there. I'm Australian, and I'm giving out free hugs.
Girl: Okay then [hugs him].
Charity guy: What about your friends here?
Girl: Oh, they're German. They don't want hugs.

Redhill
Surrey
England

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Some Day That Line's Going to Work

Man: What's your name?
Woman: Juna.
Man: That reminds of me of a tree... A beautiful tree.

Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com

Overheard by: leslie

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David Is a Fully-Functional Dildo As Well

Carpool driver, noticing woman at bus stop: She has art between her legs.

Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com

Overheard by: b!X

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You're Not Still Pregnant?

Enthusiastic lady: Oh, you must be having a boy!
Very preggers: Uh, no... It's actually a girl.
Enthusiastic lady: Really? Because your face has changed!
Very preggers: What do you mean?
Enthusiastic lady: Oh, you know, it just looks bad. I was ugly, too, when I was pregnant with my son.

Clinic waiting room
San Francisco, California

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Wait, No, She's Just Really Tan! Oh My God!

Passerby: Oh my god! Look at that woman's outfi-- Oh, never mind. She's ethnic, it's okay.

Tucson, Arizona

Overheard by: Rasputin

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Of Course!

Teen #1: Dude, gross!
Teen #2: Come on, man! Don't act like that, you've wondered if it was worth it having your asshole licked during sex, too!
Teen #1: Yeah, but not by a fat Asian chick!
Stranger: Was it worth it?

Modern Skate and Surf
Royal Oak, Michigan

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Wasn't That a Super Smash Brothers Character?

20-ish girl #1: Yeah, I was called 'Sweet Pea' all the time when I was little.
20-ish girl #2: To this day my dad calls me 'Peanut.'
Fat lady nearby, to no one: Yeah, I got a nickname, too. They call me 'Jiggly Puff.'

TGIFridays
Palm Beach Gardens, Florida

Overheard by: I can't imagine why.

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I Assume Martha Stewart Makes One

Loud outburst from quiet conversation: What kind of pan do you have that you can cook a head in it?!

8000 Foothills Boulevard
Roseville, California

Overheard by: Drew

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Necessity Is the Mother of Water-Bottle Bongs

Leader of group of nervous teens: Hey, do you sell rolling papers here... for tobacco?
Convenience store clerk: Sorry, man. We've only got ones for pot.

Noland Road
Independence, Missouri

Overheard by: snickering customer behind them

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If You'd Read Any Whorf, You'd Know What I Mean

Pretty lady: You say a lot of bad words. Some people say that happens when you don't have the intelligence to express your self otherwise.
College kid: That ain't the case with me. I got a fuckin' vocabulary, man. I just use words everyone understands, like 'shit' and 'fuck' and what-not, so I don't obfuscate my meaning.

Panama City, Panama

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Mi Gasa Es Su Gasa

Man #1: Are these seats taken?
Man #2: No, they are not, but I have to warn you -- we both had Chinese food for dinner, so we are going to have some major gas in a little bit.
Man #1: That's fine, we had Thai.
Man #2: Oh, then we're even. Have a seat.

Consolidated Theaters
Silver Spring, Maryland

Overheard by: feeling a little gassy myself

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But Impossible Not To

Princess at front of bus: ... And I went through seven laptops in high school.
Passenger: Oh, yeah? I went through ten laptops in high school!
Princess, offended: It's rude to eavesdrop, you know!

5 bus
San Francisco, California

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Who Has Access to All The Sex Manuals Ever Printed

Middle-aged woman to 20-something: I never knew there was that much variety in shape, size, color and girth. I'm talking about butt plugs. Oh, I'm sorry. You look shocked. I forgot -- you're just a librarian.

Wedding reception, Caesar's Palace, 3570 Las Vegas Boulevard South
Las Vegas, Nevada

Overheard by: Sarah

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Take That Back or I'll Give You an Atomic Wedgie Right Here

Late 20s drone in front of train operator's door: Excuse me, can you move forward? The operator said I'm blocking the window.
Late 40s suit: No, you move forward. This is my spot.
Late 20s drone: We're both blocking the window, and I can't move unless you do.
Late 40s suit: I'm not moving.
Late 20s drone, groaning: You're an ass.
Late 40s suit: No, you're an ass.
Late 20s drone, pushing past: Oh, fuck you.
Late 40s suit, mocking: Oh, fuck you.
Late 20s drone: Good luck in third grade.

BART train, Bay Point - Daly City line
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: baby boomers must die

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