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Friends First Is the Only Way to Go With the Godhead
Orange-shirted Lutheran youth: I feel something...
Overcompensating Lutheran chaperon: What did you feel? Is it inside? Maybe it's Jesus. (pause) Is Jesus talking to you? What did he say? (waves hands in air) Praise Jesus!
Orange-shirted Lutheran youth: I think he said you should stop telling people he touches them.
New Orleans, Louisiana
Overheard by: Untouched
Categories: Jesus | Louisiana | Questions | Religious fanatics | Posted 2010-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like His Penis, Once.
Creepy, vacant-eyed hipster, apropos of nothing: Jesus loves you. He made you. He shows me things.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Jen
Categories: Creepsters | Hipsters | Jesus | Overheard in PDX | Religious fanatics | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
There Are Muslims in Utah?
Boy: Why do you wear that on your head?
Muslim girl, indifferently: So the aliens don't read my brain.
High School
Utah
Overheard by: I need one of those!
Categories: Body parts | Clothes | Girls | Guys | Questions | Religion | Religious fanatics | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Utah | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
See the Iron-On Label?
Mormon-looking hick teen: (holds up shirt and looks at his mother)
Hick mom: Gawd, no! That is Satan's shirt!
Wilmington, North Carolina
Overheard by: Amy
Categories: Clothes | Evil | Moms | North Carolina | Parenting | Religious fanatics | Teens | Posted 2009-07-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...I've Been Saving That Up All Semester.
Elderly Bible as Literature professor: People often say things that catch people off guard. Like if I said even Jesus shat.
(entire class goes completely silent)
Professor: Holy shit, huh?
College
Massachusetts
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Jesus | Massachusetts | Poop | Questions | Religious fanatics | Teachers | Posted 2009-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Door Is Somewhere in New Jersey
Bus preacher: Prime time bingo is the key to hell.
Kingston
Jamaica
Categories: Central America | Default | Evil | Games | Religious fanatics | Weirdness | Posted 2009-05-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So You're Saying Sex Is a Game?
Old religious woman to large crowd of highly amused students: Having pre-marital sex is like playing Russian roulette with your genitals!
Alumni Hill
University of Arizona
Overheard by: The girl who likes to live on the dangerous side
Categories: Arizona | Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Old folks | Relationships | Religious fanatics | Sex | Women | Posted 2009-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Don't Let Windows Hit You on the Way Out
Lecturer: You just want to drag and drop this, like you would with your lover the next morning.
Christchurch Polytechnic Institute of Technology
Christchurch
New Zealand
Overheard by: I wish I took this class...
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | New Zealand | Relationships | Religious fanatics | Weirdness | Posted 2009-04-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As a Special Treat, Some Of the Altar Boys Will Play With Him
Pastor: Next week we have something very exciting! We have an organist coming into Sunday school! He will be demonstrating to us how he uses his organ, so make sure to come because you won't want to miss it!
Church
Alhambra, California
Categories: California | Default | Education | Feelings | Guys | Religious fanatics | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-03-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What You Said About Gossip Girl
Drunk episcopal priest in wine cellar: Yes! Yes! Science fiction is like religion, only backwards!
Penn Yan, New York
Overheard by: Liz
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | New York | Religion | Religious fanatics | Weirdness | Posted 2009-01-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Today, Make Jesus Your Main Squeeze
Pastor, during sermon: You never know what's gonna come outta somethin' till you squeeze it.
Methodist Church
Port Norris, New Jersey
Overheard by: stunned organist
Categories: Default | New Jersey | Religious fanatics | Words | Posted 2008-12-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Would You Just Rob the Fucking Bank, Already?
Bank teller: (nods)
Customer: People have forgotten how to praise the Lord!
Bank teller: (nods)
Customer: Don't complain that you can't find a job! Praise god that there are jobs!
Bank of America
Palm Harbor, Florida
Overheard by: Serena H.
Categories: Compare and contrast | Customers | Default | Employees | Florida | God | Jobs & Careers | Religious fanatics | Posted 2008-12-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The ACLU Defends the Constitution? What Kinda Commie Shit Is That?!
Volunteer #1: We can't be selling this music, it's devil worship.
Volunteer #2: Well, that's the ACLU. The ACLU ought to be abolished. They're why there's all this stuff around.
Customer: Why are you getting rid of that? Don't you think people ought to be able to choose for themselves?
Volunteer #2: Harry Potter is a witch!
Customer: I think we ought to get rid of Bush and Cheney, put them in jail--they're mass murderers!
Volunteers #1 & #2: (silence)
Joshua Tree Thrift Shop
California
Overheard by: Celeste Mann
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Coworkers | Crimes | Customers | Default | Evil | Murder | Music | Politics | Religious fanatics | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Don't Get Me Started on the Blood, Dawg
Pastor, placing a piece of bread in guy's hand: The body of Christ, given to you.
Teen girl, just in earshot: The body be stale, yo.
Teen girl's friend: I hear ya.
St. Jude's Church
Oakville, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Feebriel
Categories: Canadia | Default | Food | Girls | Gripes | Jesus | Religious fanatics | Sensory experiences | Teens | Posted 2008-10-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Sorority Initiation Names Are Nicer Than Others
Bible thumper pointing at chick: You're the master baiter!
University Quad
Illinois State
Overheard by: a fellow masterbater
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Illinois | Names | Religion | Religious fanatics | Weirdness | Posted 2008-10-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Friends
White guy: So, is it true that when you die you go to heaven and get forty virgins to do whatever with?
Muslim guy: No, that's wrong. It's heaven: you get as many virgins as you want.
Liberty High School
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Compare and contrast | Guys | Questions | Religion | Religious fanatics | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Whiteys | Posted 2008-10-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
On a Totally Unrelated Topic, Care to Come See My "Special Room"?
(Christian brother professor is chewing on the ice of his drink after lunch)
Student: Hey brother, you know what chewing ice is supposed to signify?
Brother: Yeah...sexual frustration.
Student (chuckling): Yeah.
Brother (shrugging): Occupational hazard.
LaSalle University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Well D'uh
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Jobs & Careers | Pennsylvania | Questions | Religious fanatics | Sexuality | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-09-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Just Our German Chocolate Cake, Ma'am
Little old lady to cashier: Satan puked here.
Rapid City, South Dakota
Categories: Customers | Default | Evil | Old folks | Religious fanatics | South Dakota | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-09-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Kind of Unloaded on Us, If You Follow Me
Religious nut: Go back to the kitchen!
Gay girl #1: We do it in the kitchen!
Gay girl #2: Oh yeah. That's the day we realized our dishwasher had wheels.
Pride Parade
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Overheard by: Cade
Categories: Default | Girls | Insults | Lesbos | New Mexico | Pride | Religious fanatics | Sex | Sexuality | Posted 2008-07-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just the Guy We've Been Looking For!
Scientologist: Excuse me, sir. Would you like a free personality test from the Church of Scientology?
Suit: I don't need one. My wife says I'm an asshole.
Outside Church of Scientology, Yonge Street
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: lauren mcgoldrick
Categories: Canadia | Default | Hubbies | Insults | Offers and requests | Relationships | Religion | Religious fanatics | Suits | Posted 2008-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Doesn't Translate Well
Muslim girl: Ramadan Mubarak!
Girl: What does that mean?
Muslim girl: It means, like, "Yay, it's Ramadan!"
Girl: So, like ... "Yay, I'm not eating or having sex most of the day!"?
Ottawa
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Comebacks | Girls | Holidays | Insults | Language barrier | Questions | Religion | Religious fanatics | Words | Posted 2008-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Conversion in Progress --Please Stand Back
Guy: My cousin got me this Jesus bracelet in like Cuba or something. It was only a dollar!
Jewish girl: Jesus shouldn't have a price!
Montclair State University
New Jersey
Overheard by: oh, jesus
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Geography | Gifts | Girls | Guys | Jesus | Jews | Money | New Jersey | Religious fanatics | Stupidity | Posted 2008-04-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But He Just Unchained Me from the Stove, So I'm Trying Not to Press My Luck
Mitt Romney volunteer: So basically I asked my husband if we could please try not to have a baby this year.
Mackinac Island, Michigan
Overheard by: Glad I Chose Fred Thompson
Categories: Christianity | Michigan | Offers and requests | Offspring | Pregnancy | Religious fanatics | Sexuality | Whiteys | Wishes | Women | Posted 2008-04-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least Take a Bite of This Apple
Boy: I believe in waiting until marriage.
Girl: That's funny, cause I believe in you fucking my brains out.
Bryn Mawr College
Pennsylvania
Categories: Bimbettes | Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Etiquette | Girls | Guys | Pennsylvania | Relationships | Religion | Religious fanatics | Sex | Students | Wishes | Yeahhh, college! | Posted 2008-04-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And That I Was Her Favorite Sunday School Student
Slacker boy: I could tell she was really into me, because she told me, like, three times, how she had given up sex for lent.
PM's
Nashville, Tennessee
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Bragging | Christianity | Compliments | Default | Guys | Religious fanatics | Sex | Tennessee | Posted 2008-04-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Eat Brains! ... Oh, Wait
Lady with mic: Nothing is more powerful than Jesus! He die; he get up!
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: lab
Categories: Jesus | Overheard in PDX | Religious fanatics | Posted 2007-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
