Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | People

Is Anyone Else Kinda Aroused?

Bogan guy: Oh, I forgot to get you something for dinner tonight.
Bogan girl: I wish I could walk to the shops. It's alright for you, you wanna walk somewhere, you just go.
Bogan guy: You can't go to the shops, it's not safe.
Bogan girl: I really like walking. You know, I just go out on my own, and I'm outside...
Bogan guy: But it's not safe on your own, and it's so far away.
Bogan girl: Yeah, but I really like walking, walking is really cool. I really like it.
(pause).
Bogan girl: So, what, are you gonna have me eat two-minute noodles for dinner?
Bogan guy: For fuck's sake, I don't care what you eat! Walk to the fucking shops if you fucking want to! Just stop your fucking whinging!

Bus
Perth
Australia

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Last Time I Tried That, I Ended Up at the E.R.

Man gassing up his pickup truck to screaming woman inside: Goddammit, Delores, I cannot unfuck that woman!

Gas Station, Alabama

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It Was All, "What Am I, a Fucking Cow?"

Redneck girl: So do you worship cows?
Hindu boy: Yes, that's part of our religion.
Redneck girl: No, I mean you. Do you worship cows?
Hindu boy: Yes! I do, my people do, it's our religion!
Redneck girl: So when you go to church, there's a cow there?
Hindu boy: No, we don't go to church.
Redneck girl: Have you ever gone cow-tipping?
Hindu boy: What's that?
Redneck girl: It's when you run up to a cow in the middle of the night and push it over and it goes "mooooooooo!" I tried to tip a horse once, too, but it just looked at me.

High School
North Carolina

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And the Liquid Soap Was to Die for

Redneck man with mullet coming out of bathroom: Well, son, that was some mighty fine hand dryer, wudn't it?
Son,excitedly: Yeah, pops, sure was!

Shepherdsville, Kentucky

Overheard by: Chelsea

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The Magic Night Cletus Met Brandine

Male redneck: You can come over, but you can't be shittin' in my bathroom.
(female redneck is silent)
Male redneck: Seriously... I like you and all, but I don't know you good enough for you to be stankin' up my bathroom.
(they leave together)

Project Lounge
Biloxi, Mississippi

Overheard by: these are the people who get to have sex?

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That's Someone in a Mickey Costume, Honey.

Redneck to wife: You'll never see a squirrel like that in Massachusetts!

Disney World
Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: Stephen

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A Man Needs a Cool Head to Eat at Denny's

Cowboy #1, in cowboy dialect: One thing I can tell you, if one of them bites you on the lip, don't panic. Just wait till it starts to let go and then push it off of you.
Cowboy #2: You know, that's right.

Denny's
Willcox, Arizona

Overheard by: Alan B. Barley

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In the Sense That It's Propping Up My Coffee Table

DJ: And we'll be giving away a free DVD of diary of a mad black woman!
Drunk shirtless redneck, sincerely: Wooooooo! That's my movie! That's my movie!

Screen on the Green, Centennial Park
Atlanta, Georgia

Overheard by: Becca

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But She's Saving Her Belching for Marriage

Redneck woman: He said that he could tell she really dug him because she farted in front of him.
Friend: Oh, she'll fart in front of anybody!

Square Mall
Hammond, Louisiana

Overheard by: pull my finger

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That's When I Realized I Was Hog-Tied.

Redneck: So then I woke up, and she was hitting me in the head because I passed out and she couldn't wake me up, even though she pulled my eyelids back and everything. So then I was like "Why are you so mad when we just went to the best rodeo of our life?"

Auburn, Alabama

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Was That What Elvis' Song Was About?

Redneck lady: Here's where they stop believing the bible is true. This is where you end up, the ghetto.

Creation Museum
Petersburg, Kentucky

Overheard by: Going to hell

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You'd Be Lucky If They Were Only Rapists

Rednecks in pickup truck, driving past bus stop: Hey, pretty girl! Want a ride?
(pretty girl waiting for bus shakes her head, truck moves on)
Pretty girl, to male companion: So, is everyone here just really friendly, or what?
Male companion: No, they're creepy. Don't talk to them.

Highlandtown, Baltimore

Overheard by: tourist

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Arlene Was Quickly Eliminated at the Grammar Rodeo

Middle aged redneck woman: Yeah, or I'm gonna get more sicker!
Redneck friend: There's no such thing as "more sicker." It's a double negative.
Middle aged redneck woman: Yeah! Double sicker!

Oneonta, New York

Overheard by: Caroline

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Massah, I Sho Is Happy You Dink I's Ah Nice Negro

Redneck: I'm not racist or anything, I mean, this guy was a pretty nice nigger. He didn't even try to steal my money.

Adrian, Michigan

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If One of Our Editors Doesn't Beat You to It

Middle aged redneck to cute four-year-old girl: You're just as sharp as your great granddaddy! You're gonna grow up to write about public restrooms in America!

Gas Station
Waco, Texas

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If You Have to Tell Her, You're Doing It Wrong

Random guy: Man, you just gotta cowboy the fuck up and tell the dumb bitch you're doing her in the ass!

Moe's Southwest Grill
Norman, Oklahoma

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I Hope to Be the Best Piece of Ash She's Ever Had

Old hillbilly: I love my old lady so much, I told her that when I die, I want her to cremate me, put me in a douche bag and give me one more go 'round...

Athens, Georgia

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When It's Really More of a Truce

Lady: Damn! This dress done makes me look like I gave up on life!

Dressing room
Raleigh, North Carolina

Overheard by: Ursulav

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