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Also, He's a Cocker Spaniel.
Pilot, on PA system, after a slightly bumpy landing: Ladies and gentlemen, that landing was not me or the plane. That was our co-pilot--he's required to complete one landing a month. And he blew it. Welcome to Chicago.
Airport
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Nonplussed Passenger
Categories: Compare and contrast | Illinois | Pilots | Plane | Stupidity | Posted 2010-02-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Never Underestimate Their Surgical Dexterity
Pilot #1: He flew to Myrtle Beach to meet some girl he met online. We were expecting to find him naked in a bathtub full of ice missing a kidney.
Flight attendant: Who would want his kidney? He's so short!
Pilot #2: Hey, kids need kidneys too! Little kids!
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Flight attendants | Georgia | Health & Hygiene | Internet | Kids | Pilots | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-11-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Another Ticket and I Lose My License
Pilot standing at door to plane after pulling into gate: Shit! I totally didn't mean to park here!
Airport
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Categories: Airports & flights | Colorado | Pilots | Public Transportation | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
NewsFlash: Englishman Has Sense Of Humor. Film at 11.
Pilot, after riding tarmac for 20 minutes: Ladies and gentleman, this concludes our first two miles of our trip from London-Heahtrow International to Newark International. We do hope you enjoyed our lovely tarmac. The flight will commence once air traffic gives the all-clear for takeoff.
Heathrow International Airport
London
England
Overheard by: tired traveler
Categories: Airports & flights | England | Pilots | Public Transportation | Stupidity | Posted 2009-06-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Playing with Myself a Little
Pilot, during severely delayed flight: This is your pilot speaking, no word from air traffic control, but I just wanted to let you know...that I'm thinking of all of you.
Runway
Miami International Airport, Florida
Overheard by: Chelsea
Categories: Airports & flights | Compare and contrast | Default | Florida | Offers and requests | Pilots | Public Transportation | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-04-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We'd Hate to Hear Him in Bed
Pilot over intercom after rough landing: Whooaa, Nessie! (makes galloping sound) Easy, girl! (makes baaing sound) Whoops, wrong animal.
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: kayla
Categories: Airports & flights | Animals | Default | Pilots | Public Transportation | Texas | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And If You Could Pass to the Front Your Wallets and Jewelry, That Would Be Awesome-- Thanks!
Pilot to passengers: Everyone, please make sure your seatbelts are fastened. I'm gonna fly this plane like I stole it.
Flight from Nashville, Tennessee
Categories: Advice | Airports & flights | Default | Offers and requests | Pilots | Public Transportation | Tennessee | Weirdness | Posted 2009-02-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Be Sure to Return Your Babies to the Full Upright Position Before Landing
Airplane pilot: And just for sanitary reasons, please change your babies diapers in the bathroom, not on the pullout table in front of you, because people might stare.
Airport
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: nicole
Categories: Advice | Airports & flights | Default | Florida | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Pilots | Public Transportation | Posted 2009-01-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Economy Hits The Airlines Hard
Captain, over intercom, after lights go out: You are getting veeeery sleeeeeepy... You do not want peaaanuts... You do not want soooodaaa... You just want to sleeeep until we laaaaand.
Southwest Airlines Flight over California
Overheard by: Andrew
Categories: Airports & flights | California | Default | Drinking & drunks | Food | Guys | Pilots | Weirdness | Posted 2009-01-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We'll Be Departing Just As Soon As These Pills Wear Off
Pilot over loudspeaker (riffing on harmonica): This is your captain speaking, (harmonica riff) Welcome aboard, (harmonica riff) Please fasten your seat belts. (harmonica riff) Or we won't be able to leave beautiful Atlanta, Georgia.
(does long, jazzy harmonica riff. Passengers applaud)
Pilot (in Elvis voice): Thank you very much.
American Airlines Flight
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Airports & flights | Default | Georgia | Music | Nipples | Offers and requests | Pilots | Public Transportation | Posted 2008-12-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Fact, He's Delicious
Captain on intercom: Ladies and gentlemen, just wanted to let you know the reason this flight was delayed. The plane collided with a bird upon landing. It's no big deal; it just hit a body part. The bird is okay.
Airport
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Ladle (who is skeptical about the well-being of the bird)
Categories: Airports & flights | Birds | Default | Pennsylvania | Pilots | Public Transportation | Posted 2008-09-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unfortunately My Trail Of Breadcrumbs Is Hard to See in the Snow
Pilot over PA, after taxiing to the gate for ten minutes: Let me know if you guys see something that looks like an airport.
Denver International Airport
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: they're not kidding about being the country's biggest airport
Categories: Airports & flights | Colorado | Default | Offers and requests | Pilots | Public Transportation | Posted 2008-08-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Where You Will Be Directed to a Photo of Me Flipping the Bird
Pilot: And if you have any comments or questions, go ahead and look me up on Facebook.
Vancouver
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Default | Internet | Offers and requests | Pilots | Posted 2008-07-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Smart Travelers Postpone That Recognition As Long As Possible
Pilot over loudspeaker: It's 40 degrees outside and sunny, and we will be landing shortly. Welcome to... Where are we? Oh. Philadelphia! Welcome to Philadelphia!
Flight over Pennsylvania
Overheard by: And he's flying this plane?
Categories: Default | Names | Pennsylvania | Pilots | Plane | Public Transportation | Questions | US Geography | Weather | Posted 2008-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Not Technically a Violation of the Restraining Order If She Boards the Plane
Pilot: Before we start our ascent, an important question: Anyone here from the North Allegheny high school class of '68? [silence] I always ask. I'm hoping at some point I'll find my old girlfriend.
JetBlue flight
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: Airports & flights | Education | Feelings | Guys | Pennsylvania | Pilots | Questions | Relationships | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Stop Masturbating in the Shower -- You're Clogging the Drain.
Pilot to passengers: Welcome to Hawaii! I'm going to tell you all what my mom told me when I turned 18: get your bags and get out.
Direct flight from Seattle, Washington to Oakland, California
Categories: Airports & flights | California | Default | Geography | Memory lane | Offers and requests | Pilots | Posted 2008-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Funny 'til Somebody Loses an Aircraft
Pilot to passengers: If you kids don't calm down right now and stop throwing those damn pillows, I will turn this plane around and I will take you back to Mexico!
1999 flight from Cancun to San Francisco, California
Overheard by: the end of senior trip
Categories: California | Default | Geography | Pilots | Threats | Posted 2008-03-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now Everyone Fasten Their Duct Tape -- We're about to Take Off
Pilot: There is no smoking on this aircraft. The penalty for smoking is two thousand dollars. If you had that kind of money, you'd probably be flying United.
Southwest Airlines flight
Overheard by: broke
Categories: Airports & flights | Pilots | Threats | Posted 2008-01-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Forgive Us If We Find Your Relief Unnerving
Pilot over intercom, as plane touches down: ... And the crowd goes wild! Woo-hoo!
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: errica
Mommy, Why Is the Plane Rearing Up Like That?
Pilot over loudspeaker, while landing plane: Whoa there, big fella!
Delta Airlines flight
Categories: Airports & flights | Pilots | Words | Posted 2007-11-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wait, Wait -- I'm Taking Notes!
Pilot: Sorry for the delay -- we are waiting for the cleaning team. Someone had a problem in the washrooms.
Flight attendant: I'd like to remind everyone that you should poop in the toilet -- not outside of the hole but in the hole. Thank you for your collaboration.
Flight near takeoff
Miami, Florida
Overheard by: Julien
Categories: Advice | Flight attendants | Florida | Pilots | Poop | Posted 2007-10-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Be Ready to Fly the Plane in a Pinch
Pilot: Sit back and relax! We'll be in Indy in about an hour and 55 minutes. [Mic clicks off, then back on.] Uh... We'll be in Boston. You know where you're going.
US Airways flight
Indianapolis to Boston
Overheard by: Anna Mousey
Which They'll Provide in Both the Front and the Tail
Pilot: We'll be flying with our team of flight attendants today, and of course we'll be looking forward to the great service they provide... [Awkward laugh] The great service they provide to you, of course.
American Airlines flight
Overheard by: not that kind of service
Categories: Airports & flights | Jobs & Careers | Pilots | Posted 2007-06-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
To Confuse Any Terrorists Who May Be Flying with Us Today
Captain: Welcome to JetBlue! I am your captain, Greg, and sitting next to me is your co-captain... also Greg.
Flight to Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Chelsea
