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Stop Referring to Mom's Cooking That Way
Host: Would you like a booth or table?
Young mom: A booth is fine.
Four-year-old: I don't want a booth!
Young dad: Hey, knock that off or you'll be eatin' out of the trash.
Orange County, California
Overheard by: Poofy
For the Last Time, Tommy, It's Not Even Goat-Stabbing Season
Four-year-old to mother: How do you kill a goat? With a gun?
Mother: Well...
Four-year-old, after epiphany: Or a sword!
Tacoma, Washington
Overheard by: Charlie G.
Not Until You Figure Out Which Wire to Clip, Sweetie.
Mother: Just sit there a minute. I need to go say goodbye to Jamie*.
Three-year-old boy, buckled into stroller, trying to stand: Let me out of this booby trap!
County Fair
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Cat
The Argument Against Exposing Kids to the Arts
Little girl to mother: Mommy, where's Aladdin?
Mother: He'll come soon, sweetie.
(repeats this for ten minutes)
Little girl, seeing Aladdin on the stage: Who is that?
Mother: Aladdin.
Little girl: Where's Jasmine?
Adventure Theater
Anaheim, California
Categories: California | Kids | Moms | Offspring | Pop culture | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2011-07-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Spain They Speak Spainish
Mom doing magazine quiz to teenage sons: Spanish can't be one of the world's top languages. The only Spanish-speaking country is Mexico.
Cincinnati, Ohio
Mom's Been Running That Con on Dad for Years
Little girl, leaving church: We have to go to bed!
Mom: No, we're going home, and then we're going to eat dinner.
Little girl: And *then* we'll go to bed?
Mom: If you're good.
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Hazzenkockle
Here, Try This Adorable Thong.
Mother to child in the girl's clothing aisle: No, you're not wearing a padded bra; you're six!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: me
Categories: Age and ageing | Clothes | Moms | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Posted 2011-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like Hamburger Comes from the Pig Part
Eight-year-old boy to mother browsing meat counter at the grocery store: Mom, what's veal?
Mother: It's just another kind of meat.
Eight-year-old boy: But what kind of animal does it come from?
Mother, motioning to her chest area: Oh, I think it's from the lamb part of the cow.
Toronto
Canadia
Buying Shoes Is Your Answer to Everything.
Girl: So then I was like, "I want a otter for my birthday!"
Mom: Hmmm...
Girl: I thought it was so much more realistic than a platypus. They have poisonous heels, you know. My hand would fall off if I picked it up!
Mom: Why don't we just buy it shoes?
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: Elizabeth
The Old Testament God Rides the MTA With His Mom
Eight-year-old boy: Mommy... I can't wait for my day of vengeance to be at hand.
Mother: I know he's unlikable, but there are quieter ways.
Eight-year-old boy, wielding stick in hand: I wanna use this.
Mother: He'll shush up if you put a bow and arrow through his eye.
MTA
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: PatriotAhckt
And the Law Says I Can't Do That in a Skirt
Teen to mother: Why are you wearing pants?
Mother: Because I gotta get rid of the chilly.
Harrison, Michigan
Overheard by: Lauren
It Takes a Gag Reflex to Raise a Child Never Made It to the Best-Seller List
Flustered mother to screaming toddler: Stop that shouting, or I'll be sick on you!
(toddler shuts up abruptly)
Leeds
England
Overheard by: Magpie
I'll Rescue You, but I'll Also Never Let You Forget It
Young girl from bathroom stall: Mom! There's no toilet paper in here!
Mother: I'd say that represents a failure in planning on your part.
Toronto
Canadia
Your Editors Just Put Monster Beans on Our Shopping List
Little girl: Mommy, can we have the monster beans? Mommy, look, they have monster beans, can we get the monster beans?
Mommy: Honey, I think that is the green giant.
Little girl: ...or monster beans!
Dollar Tree
Nicholasville, Kentucky
Little Lady Gaga Ended Up Proving Them Both Wrong.
Concerned mom: She's either going to grow up to be an assassin or a serial killer.
Concerned guy: What are the parents like?
Concerned mom: Quiet and normal.
Concerned guy: They always are.
Raleigh, North Carolina
Why I Stopped Watching Law & Order: SVU
Mother to son: Don't you talk to me that way! I'll put my finger anywhere I want to!
Turtle Back Zoo
West Orange, New Jersey
Overheard by: lickety-split
Categories: Body parts | Moms | New Jersey | Parenting | Weirdness | Posted 2011-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We'll Never Forget That.
Mom to little girl: No, we are not getting Eliza* a present. She hasn't given you a present ever since the elephant incident.
Disneyland
Anaheim, California
Categories: Animals | California | Memory lane | Moms | Parenting | Weirdness | Posted 2011-04-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Hopefully You'll Have Fewer Trackmarks.
Seven-year-old: Mommy, why is that man going under the train?
40-something woman: Because, sweetie, he works there.
Seven-year-old: He works under the train?
40-something woman: Yes, sweetie.
Seven-year-old: When I get older I wanna work under a train.
40-something woman: Nice, maybe you can pay for my funeral. Not like your older brother...
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Malina
Categories: Death & dying | Georgia | Jobs & Careers | Kids | Moms | Money | Questions | Posted 2011-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...If You Ever Want a Seat in the House Of Commons
Exasperated-sounding woman to small child: If you're not gonna cry properly, then don't cry at all.
Shout-out: www.violaraptor.co.uk
Overheard by: Raptor
Do Shut Up and Finish Your Propofol, Darling
Seven-year-old boy: How did Michael Jackson die?
Mother: He had too many tablets and his heart stopped.
Seven-year-old boy: I'd like that to happen to Justin Bieber.
Hertfordshire
England
Overheard by: Corbin
Categories: About celebrities | Death & dying | England | Kids | Moms | Questions | Wishes | Posted 2011-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Don't Like Feeling Exotic
Little girl to mother: I always get weirded out when we come to Asian markets.
Mom: Why is that?
Little girl: Because there are so many Asian people in one place!
Mom: Why is that weird?
Uwajimaya
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Koley
Remember Daddy's Cousin Chuckie?
Four-year-old: I wanna go in there!
Mother: The small mammal house?
Four-year-old, screaming: Small mammals!
Mother: Do you even know what small mammals are?
Four-year-old now, quiet and embarrassed: No.
The National Zoo
Washington, DC
Why Do They Let Great White Sharks Shop Here?
Mum to small son: Stay with mummy or someone might take you.
Son, very excitedly: And eat me?
Target
Australia
Raise Your Hand If You Think He'd Have Hated Mass
Mother to eldest daughter: You can come have sushi with us for lunch on Sunday, but only if you go to mass with us too.
Eldest daughter: I don't think Jesus would approve.
Mother: It's fine. Jesus loved sushi.
Yorktown Heights, New York
Overheard by: Monty
Categories: Christianity | Food | Jesus | Kids | Moms | New York | Offers and requests | Posted 2011-03-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Save That for Therapy.
Five-year-old girl to hair brush: Mommy doesn't want me to buy you or to talk to you... That makes me sad.
Embarrassed mom: Come on sweetie, let's go home.
(kid keeps talking to hair brush, mom yanks it away)
Mom, leaving store: Now is not the time to talk to hair brushes!
North Carolina
Overheard by: Wondering why mom was embarrassed
Categories: Education | Feelings | Kids | Mental illnesses | Moms | North Carolina | Parenting | Posted 2011-01-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight, on the Pilot Episode Of The Golden-Palace Girls...
Woman to ten-year-old son: When I'm old and feeble, will you take me in and take care of me?
Ten-year-old son: No. I'm going to put you in a home with a bunch of Asian people.
Chesapeake, Virginia
Overheard by: Kids these days.
I'm Beginning to Regret Taking You to Therapy.
Little girl trying on boots: Mom, can I get them?
Mom: Yes, but you have to take them off.
Little girl: Will you help me?
Mom: No, if you don't know how to take your own shoes off by now, I've done something very wrong.
Little girl, in low voice, taking boots off: ...you have.
Target
Bellingham, Washington
Overheard by: Rachel
...I Don't Have Enough Energy to Go Look It Up.
Mother: Honey, you're not lazy.
Four-year-old son: Yes, I am!
Father, smiling: No, you're not.
Four-year-old son: I am! I am lazy! What does "lazy" mean?
Coral Gables, Miami
...Or at Least I Try to Forget.
Daughter: You don't remember his mom?
Mother: Not the one with the cool back hair.
Canton, Ohio
Overheard by: Kaylah
...Now That the Economy's Picked Up a Little
Mom to well-behaved 18-month-old son: You're about to be on eBay!
Washington, DC
Categories: Moms | Parenting | Shopping | Threats | Washington, DC | Posted 2011-01-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tragically, Many Kids Don't Recognize a Vegetable When They See One.
Mom, with neck tattoo reading "ape" to toddler daughter picking produce: Put that back. That is not what you think it is.
Wal-Mart
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Kathyp
We Won't Talk About Liam Ever Again, Okay?
Five-year-old girl: I think we got almost all of the blood out, mommy. You know, Liam's blood? We got almost all of it out of the sheets. That was a lot of blood.
Mom: Yes we did, honey.
Rest Stop,Turnpike South
New Jersey
Overheard by: TM
Categories: Cleanliness | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Parenting | Sensory experiences | Posted 2010-12-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If I Returned You, I'd Only Get Store Credit
Mother to crying newborn: Wah, wah, wah! Your life is so hard!
Target
Australia
I Now Teach Courses in It to Other Moms
Kid: Mom... Mom... Mom! You're ignoring me again!
Mom: Yeah, I know. I've sort of learned to tune you out.
Bellingham, Washington
I'm Too Tired to Hold My Sphincters Shut
Girl: We need to go steal more diapers from Target.
Texas Christian University
Fort Worth, Texas
Your Editors Just Googled Up 34,000 Hits for "Weird Insertions"
Mother to small boy: No, it's a courgette, dear. You can't light a fire with courgettes.
Sainsbury's Supermarket
Cardiff
Wales
Overheard by: Gordinho
Your Editors Would Like to Thank Her for "Balls Deep in Rainbow Town"
20-something girl #1, laughing: Your son is totally gay!
20-something girl #2: He so is! He reminds me of Jack from Dawson's Creek. He's athletic and can play it pretty hetero, but deep down he's balls-deep in rainbow town. Very impressive for a five-year-old.
Roseville, California
Overheard by: MeganMama
Categories: California | Gender issues | Kids | Moms | Sexuality | Posted 2010-11-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do You Date Much?
Mother: Why are you so exhausted?
Chubby teen, out of breath: There... Was... Dog!
Mom: You ran from a dog?
Chubby teen: I ran... From Cerberus, watchdog of Hades.
Pulaski, Virginia
...Brian.
Mother of musical theater fan: Oh, I didn't know Andrew Lloyd Webber wrote that. Well, maybe I did, but you weren't my daughter then.
Canadia
Or Whatever This Is in My Eye
16-year-old: Mom, if you don't have herpes, why'd I find Valtrex in your purse?
Mother, seriously: I got Valtrex from the eye doctor for my yeast infection, Kim*.
Illinois
Categories: Body parts | Health & Hygiene | Illinois | Moms | Parenting | STDs | Teens | Posted 2010-09-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wait 'til You Hear My Story About the Tooth Fairy and Easter Bunny's Gay Orgy
Three-year-old boy: Do Santa and Batman fly in the sky together?
Mom: I hope they're careful if they do, because otherwise... Batmobile crashes into Santa's sleigh, boom! (makes explosion noises) Santa and Batman. Dead.
Three-year-old boy: (laughs hysterically)
Auntie: I'm glad he laughed at that, otherwise you were getting the "worst mom" award.
Antelope, California
Overheard by: Megan
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Family | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Pop culture | Questions | Wishes | Posted 2010-09-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well I Love the Netting.
Woman to son: That's the dress Larry Bird Johnson wore to the inauguration.
First Ladies Exhibit, Smithsonian
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Dave White
Categories: About celebrities | Clothing | Kids | Moms | Sexuality | Stupidity | Washington, DC | Posted 2010-09-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Trust Only Gay Men
Woman with three young daughters: Okay girls, we're spies... On the search for sparkly heels. Look everywhere!
Newbury Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Kids | Massachusetts | Moms | Parenting | Shoes | Posted 2010-09-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Okay, So It Was Technically an Abortion, But Same Principle
Mom to daughter, wandering off: No, come back here, I don't want to lose you in the store. I already lost one of my kids that way, and that's enough.
Dollar Store
Sept-Îles
Canadia
Then You Wonder Why He Becomes an Interior Decorator
Mom: No! We do not throw balls at people! Do not ever let me catch you throwing a ball!
Toy Store
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: huh?
Now People Will Know We're Together
Obese little girl, singing: Where'd you get your body from? I got it from my mama! I got it from my mama!
Really obese mother: Shhh!
Charlestown
NSW
Australia
Categories: Australia | Diet & weight | Fat people | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Posted 2010-09-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Aww, That's Cold.
Obese teenager to mom: I wish I had an ice cream maker built into my steering wheel.
Mother: Stop.
Mobile, Alabama
Categories: Alabama | Diet & weight | Fat people | Food | Moms | Parenting | Teens | Wishes | Posted 2010-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or I'm Sure He Would If We Could Locate Him.
Mother to four-year-old daughter: You're forgetting mummy is mummy and not daddy. Daddy is the one who cares.
Target
Australia
You Always Show Me Up, Peggy
Whiny-voiced 20-something: My period showed up two days early and ruined my weekend plans with that guy I was seeing.
20-something with baby: My period showed up two weeks late, stuck me with this, and ruined my life. Pass me one of those shirts in a medium?
Springfield, Illinois
Overheard by: Katie F
...Faking Its Own Death for the Publicity
Mother: Why did you kill that butterfly?
22-year-old daughter: It wasn't on purpose!
Mother: And what did you do with it?
22-year-old daughter: I put it outside, on the plant...
Mother: Why?
22-year-old daughter: I thought it was just pretending...
São Paulo
Brazil
Overheard by: Teca Arantes
...Assuming I've Successfully Turned You Gay. Now Let's Go Look at Window-treatments.
Little boy on bus: Mom, mom, what's that? (points at Showgirls)
Mom: It's a titty place! Don't worry, no one's going to come out naked, but you won't care about that when you're 20.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Face
Categories: Age and ageing | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Questions | Rack | Sensory experiences | Sex | Washington | Posted 2010-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Too Kind, Madame
Little girl, in Arabic, as she sits in the train: Smells like cotton candy!
Mother, in French: Yeah, you're right, it smells like cotton candy. (to grandmother) Don't you think it smells like cotton candy?
Young black woman, sitting in the next row, smiling: It's me. It's my perfume.
Mother: Really?! What is it?
Young black woman: Vanilla and cotton candy.
Mother: Really? My girl told me it smells like the amusement park. At first I thought it was the cleaning product they used to wash the train floor. (pause) It smells really good.
C Train
Paris
France
Overheard by: BBM Tm
Categories: Black people | Candy | Cleanliness | Compare and contrast | Family | France | Kids | Moms | Sensory experiences | Strangers | Train | Posted 2010-08-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Prematurely
Overweight mom, walking away from grave, to young sons: If you don't start behaving, you are going to be buried here.
Arlington National Cemetery
Arlington, Virginia
Categories: Death & dying | Fat people | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Threats | Virginia | Posted 2010-08-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Just Like Peeing on Sticks
Mom: So tell me the truth. Was that your pregnancy test dad found in the trash?
Daughter: Jesus Christ, mom! No!
Mom: Okay, well, I just wanted to...
Daughter, interrupting: I wish it was my test! At least then I'd be having a good time!
YMCA
Nashville, Tennessee
Don't You Mean "Fabulous"?
Five-year-old boy to mom: Does it feel weird to have a vagina?
Mom: Well, I've had one my whole life, so it feels normal to me.
Five-year-old boy: I wish I knew what it felt like to have one!
Mom: I'm pretty sure you'll be a member of the LGBT community anyway, so maybe you'll find out.
Five-year-old boy: What's LGBT?
Mom: You'll find out soon enough, honey.
Five-year-old boy: That sounds really cool!
Roseville, California
Overheard by: Nature vs Nurture
The Show Could've Used More Salt
Mother to child: Mary*, what was your favorite part of the show?
Child, eating pretzel: This pretzel!
Mother's friend: Of course it is.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Bruce Banner
Categories: Food | Kids | Moms | Pennsylvania | Questions | Posted 2010-08-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Male Equivalent Of the Old Menstrual Cramps Excuse
Mother: Take off your backpack and put it on your lap.
Five-year-old boy: No.
Mother: Put your backpack on your lap.
Five-year-old boy: No! It will hurt my balls.
Streetcar
Toronto
Canadia
Thanks, Superglue!
Daughter: Come look at this booth, mom!
Mom: Just a second.
Daughter: Please, mom!
Mom: Ugh, I have like five things to keep track of, one of which is your two siblings.
Earth Day Celebration
Gresham, Oregon
Categories: Family | Family ties | Moms | Oregon | Parenting | Posted 2010-07-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight on Untrue Blood...
Mother to eight-year-old: Tommy*, get in the picture with your aunt Linda!*
Tommy*: You're hungover!
Mother: Just get in and smile.
Tommy*, indignant: She's not related to me! In what way, shape or form does she share my blood?!
Havre de Grace, Maryland
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Family ties | Kids | Maryland | Moms | Posted 2010-07-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Said You're Fine!
Woman to boy: Put a sweater on!
Boy's mother: No, he's fine.
Boy: I know I'm fat but I still get cold.
Sarajevo
Bosnia
Categories: Clothing | Diet & weight | Europe | Fat people | Kids | Moms | Weather | Women | Posted 2010-07-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oooh, Blood!
Mother: Hey kids, look at that woman. She's puking!
Kid: Mom, it's rude to point!
Mother: Move, she'll puke on you too!
Magic Kingdom
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: lolcopter
Good Job, Guys
Dad: Okay kids, here's a penny for each of you! Throw it in the fountain and make a wish! Mark*, what did you wish for?
Mark*: A cupcake!
Dad: Okay! Joe*, what did you wish for?
Joe*: A garbage can!
Zoo
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Obesity: Explained.
Little boy, pointing to a box of cereal: What's this?
Mom: Cocoa Krispies. It's chocolate-flavored Rice Krispies.
Little boy: Oh my god!
Stop & Shop
Mamaroneck, New York
Overheard by: Diana
Your Editors Can Only Hope That Means Something Different in England
Mother: So where are we going now?
Young son: Poon! Wooo!
Newcastle
England
Overheard by: Cate
I Hear Target Has Moms at Bargain Prices
Little girl, trying to find her mom: Mommy! Mom! Mom!
(she finds her)
Little girl: Hey, mom!
Mom, totally deadpan: I'm not your mom, you should go find your real mom.
Little girl: Mom...?
Mom: I am not your mom. It's time you go find your real mom.
Little girl: But... Mom...
Mom: Fine, what?!
Bellingham, Washington
Overheard by: Rachel
Categories: Family ties | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2010-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Happens After Every NAMBLA Convention
Mom to eight-year-old son: Do you want pizza tonight?
Son: No! I can't eat that, I just got pregnant!
Naperville, Illinois
Tonight on The Real Single Moms Of New Jersey
Tough, burly, tattooed mom: C'mon, honey, you'll like it!
Tearful four-year-old boy: I don't wanna!
Tough, burly, tattooed mom: Everyone loves the beer store! (pulls boy into beer kiosk)
Collingswood Auction
Farmingdale, New Jersey
Overheard by: not EVERYONE
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Education | Kids | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Parenting | Wishes | Posted 2010-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For the Same Reason We Don't Care Who Warthogs Mate With
Daughter: You know, they should put up a warning sign at that camp. "Warning: do not hook up with each other, you are probably second cousins. You will have mutant babies."
Mother: But they're already mutants, so it's okay.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Christianne
...Mine Just Tells Me to Burn Things.
Mother to teenage daughter: Are you sure you don't want anything?
Skinny teenage daughter: Nah. (shrugs) My uterus isn't happy.
(mother raises a quizzical eyebrow)
Skinny teenage daughter: It's all like: "hello, I'm a uterus, and I'm going to bloat my way through for awhile, and push Ms Stomach organ out through Ms Bellybutton."
Mother: Oh.
Burger King
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: i just work here...
Categories: Body parts | Happiness | Moms | New York | Restaurants | Skinny people | Teens | Uterus | Wishes | Posted 2010-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Editors Do Not Want to See the Rest Of the DVD
Drunk mother to son: Look at the two girls at the bar behind you. The one in the blue shirt has huge boobs!
Son to drunk mother: They look familiar.
Foster City, California
Categories: California | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Family | Moms | Rack | Posted 2010-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Steak Knives Are Much More Effective.
Mommy: Let's not attack mommy with a fork.
Salem, Oregon
Overheard by: lauraf
Just Like "Always Have a Cigarette After Cocktails"
Woman to screaming toddler in her arms: I'm not going to let you down unless you hold my hand. Are you going to hold my hand?
(toddler screams something unintelligible)
Woman: I'm sorry, I don't make the rules. They're the rules of the President of the United States of America.
Outlet Mall
Leesburg, Virginia
Who Was Just in a Coma.
Mom: You know, I necked in that funeral home.
Daughter: Mom!
Mom: Oh, honey, it wasn't with a corpse or anything. It was a preacher's son!
West Virginia
Categories: Memory lane | Moms | Religion | Sex | Virginia | Posted 2010-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Grocery Store Is to Me What Internet Porn Is to Your Father
Son: Mom, can we get something?
Mom: No.
Son: Can we get some Life Savers?
Mom: No.
(son walks over with five Hershey bars)
Son: These?
Mother: No. And if I bought them, I'd eat them all in front of you.
Rocky River, Ohio
Overheard by: Beanah
Two or More People, Honey
Ten-year-old: Mom, what's "shagging"?
Mom: Um... It's like shedding. You know, like how the cat sheds hair on the couch?
Four-year-old: No, it's not. It's when two people have sex. Jeez!
Clarksville, Indiana
On the Plus Side, We Got Free Flavored Condoms!
Doting, nervous mom: Honey! How was your first day of kindergarten?
Blond little boy, sounding disappointed: My teacher is really thrilled about safety.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: does that mean scissor juggling is out?
Categories: Education | Kids | Moms | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Posted 2010-04-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Isn't This Fun?
Little girl, excitedly building snowman: Mommy, look, look! This could be his hat!
Mother: No, Shelly.
Little girl, dejectedly: But mommy...
Mother, exasperated: No! It's not even proportionate to the snowman!
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Only in Boston...
How Come You Never Let Me Use That Excuse?
Teenage kid: Awww! Mum, not those, why did you have to throw them out?
Mother: I don't know. Sometimes my hands just do things...
Sydney
Australia
And I Haven't Been Mowed in Quite Some Time
Gay son: I need a sugar daddy.
Mother: You and me both.
Gay son: But I have a booty.
Mother, after long pause, and looking out the window: I have weeds where I once had grass...
Murrieta, California
Overheard by: I hope I don't become my mother
Categories: Ass | California | Compare and contrast | Moms | Money | Queers | Sex | Posted 2010-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Police Will Ask Questions You Don't Want to Answer
Mother to daughter: Just remember, honey, next time you borrow my dildo, don't get blood on it.
Leeds
England
Categories: England | Family ties | Masturbation | Moms | Parenting | Toys | Posted 2010-03-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Their Evil Is More Insidious
Kid, watching glockenspiel chime: Look mommy, a witch!
Mommy: No honey, that's a nun.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: natalie
Categories: Compare and contrast | Kids | Magic | Moms | Overheard in PDX | Parenting | Religion | Posted 2010-03-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
People Don't Know That Binky's Your Vagina
Mother: So, since I've drugged Binky this week, she hasn't made a single sound.
Daughter: This conversation doesn't sound suspicious at all.
Coles
Australia
Kids Always Get Payback When You Take Them Shopping
Mom to young son: There's a doggie! Do you know what sound a doggie makes?
Son: Mooo.
Mom, distracted by shiny things: Uh-huh. (pause) Hey! Dogs don't say "moo"!
Target
Leominster, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Manda
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Kids | Massachusetts | Moms | Parenting | Posted 2010-03-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So "Lehman" Is Out?
Big-haired mother to friends: I like what Sarah Palin did with her kids' names. I mean, I want to give my kids names that are cool, but nothing that would, you know, prevent them from being business majors.
San Antonio, Texas
Overheard by: An East Coast Elitist
Categories: Compare and contrast | Moms | Politics | Stupidity | Texas | Posted 2010-03-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Some Mothers Get Left at Wal-Mart
Daughter: I hate it when things don't have a price on them.
Mother: Oh, how much is it?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: another tired mother
Categories: Gripes | Moms | Overheard in Minneapolis | Shopping | Stupidity | Posted 2010-03-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's for Church
Four-year-old boy to group of mothers: Guess what!
Group: What?
Four-year-old boy, excited: I just peed standing up!
Boy's father: That's not something we tell people!
Children's Room, Katonah Library
Katonah, New York
Overheard by: amused librarian
The Goal Is to Prevent That, Not Hasten It
Son, in dog food aisle: Why don't we buy this one?
Mom: Because he won't eat it.
Son: But it's cheaper!
Mom: And therefore not good for him.
Son: I don't see what the problem is, he'll be dead soon.
Tesco Supermarket
England
Categories: Animals | Death & dying | England | Food | Moms | Shopping | Should have used a condom | Posted 2010-02-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...With a Bastard Vampire Baby
Mom to daughter in Team Edward t-shirt: If you were taking your pill in the first place, you wouldn't be pregnant right now.
New Hampshire
Overheard by: let me kick her in the stomach
Categories: Moms | New Hampshire | Parenting | Preggers | Pregnancy | Posted 2010-02-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Also Happens to Be My Husband.
Teen mum #1 with baby in pushchair: Ah! Lovely baby boy! Who's the father?
Teen mum #2 with baby in pushchair: That scumbag from the pub a few months back.
Clothes Store
Dartford
England
Woody Allen Was Pretty Much the Same As a Kid
Three-year-old to mom on bus: Mom, can you show me how to play my dvd?
Mom: Sure. Why are you asking me now?
Three-year-old: In case.
Mom: In case? In case of what?
Three-year-old, matter of factly: In case you die.
Madrid
Spain
Categories: Death & dying | Moms | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Spain | Technology | Posted 2010-02-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And It's Not So Much "Pick Up" As "Break Out"
Little girl pointing to City Hall: That's where we pick up daddy!
Mom: No, it's across the street at the jail.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: not good
Categories: Crimes | Family ties | Kids | Moms | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Posted 2010-02-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is He Talking About Vagina? Discuss.
Little boy to mother: Mommy, it smells like eating wieners... right?
Walgreens Parking Lot
Port Chester, New York
Overheard by: Ldawg
Wouldn't Going Potty First Be Most Important?
Mother in bathroom stall to small child: We can go soon, but first mommy has to go potty, then put her pants back on. Put her pants back on... That's the most important thing.
Puyallup, Washington
Overheard by: in the next stall...
Categories: Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Pee | Undies | Washington | Posted 2010-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight's Movie: Drunkventures in Babysitting
Young mother on phone: Well, tell him if he's going to stay home and get drunk by himself then he can babysit for me.
Wisconsin
Overheard by: smirkburglar
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | On the phone | Parenting | Wisconsin | Posted 2010-01-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It'll Go Great with Your Whine
Mother to toddler son, looking at cheese display: Look, charlie, Gruyere! Can you say "Gruyere"?
Whole Foods
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: GruyereLover
What Does Martin Short Have to Do with Anything?
Five-year-old boys, in unison, about female lion strutting around: The mamacita is awake! The mamacita is awake!
Harried mother: I said let's not say that word... Let's say "elfman" is awake!"
San Diego Zoo
California
Categories: Animals | California | Kids | Kids | Language barrier | Moms | Parenting | Words | Posted 2010-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do You Want Me to Divorce You, Too?
Very well-behaved boy: Mom, I have been so good lately, can I please get a toy?
Very patient mom: Do you have any money?
Very well-behaved boy: Um... no, but you do. I looked in your wallet this morning.
Very patient mom: That's snooping!
Very well-behaved boy: Well, daddy does it all the time!
Salem, New Hampshire
Overheard by: Jenna
Categories: Family ties | Kids | Moms | Money | New Hampshire | Parenting | Questions | Shopping | Should have used a condom | Toys | Posted 2010-01-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Really Effeminate Little Boys with Long, Flowing Hair
Mother, queuing at nativity play: Well, of course, she was disappointed to be a shepherd. I mean, children are smart these days. She knows full well there weren't any female shepherds back then.
Milton Keynes
England
Categories: England | Jobs & Careers | Kids | Moms | Posted 2009-12-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And Pour Some More Bailey's Into My Mug.
Store employee: Would you like to try a free sample of hot cocoa?
Nine-year-old daughter, impatient: Come on, mom! We need to get to your appointment!
Mom: Shut up! There's always time for free cocoa. Here!
Nine-year-old daughter: I don't want any.
Mom: Then just shut up.
Minnetonka, Minnesota
Kids Start Disappointing You As Soon As They Possibly Can
Little girl: Mom, can I buy that doll house?
Mom: No, you don't have enough money.
Daughter: Can't I just use my college money?
Mom: No.
Daughter: But I don't want to go to college, I want the doll house! I don't want to go to college!
Toy Store
Canadia
Doughnuts, at Least, Are Cheaper by the Dozen
Mother to daughter: And soon you'll be having babies...
Daughter's friend: I want a baby.
Daughter: What?!
Friend: Actually I want a doughnut, but no one was listening to me.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: and i want a pony
...In a Non-Sexual Way?
Behavioral therapist, in very serious voice, to child with autism about animal crackers: Jason, put the elephant in your mouth!
Child's mother, laughing: How often do you honestly get to say that?
St. John's
Newfoundland
Canadia
Overheard by: aba therapist
Categories: Animals | Canadia | Disabled | Food | Kids | Kids | Medical personnel | Mental illnesses | Moms | Questions | Posted 2009-12-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...With a Real Girl.
Six-year-old boy, firmly groping mannequin's backside: I'm popular! I'm popular! Look, mommy!
Flustered mom: Go be popular over there!
Morganton, North Carolina
Overheard by: Carla
Categories: Kids | Moms | North Carolina | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Posted 2009-12-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...From Your Leash.
Mother, chasing fleeing toddler across library: Stop! Come back! You have separation anxiety!
Christchuch
New Zealand
Overheard by: I suspect it's the other way around...
Everything He Knows About Americans He Learned from Watching Roseanne Reruns
Little boy, pointing to tourist: Mom! I can't get on because the American will eat me!
Philippines
A Nightmare I Thought Had Ended in the Mid-90's
Mother: Hey, you could get a job at Build-A-Bear.
Exasperated daughter: No I couldn't, they have to wear khaki pants and denim shirts.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: what?s wrong with that?
Categories: Clothes | Family | Jobs & Careers | Moms | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Posted 2009-12-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And You Say You Use Them As Currency?
Exasperated little boy to mother: No, it's not a version, it's a virgin, with a "g"!
Redlands, California
Then They Both Let Out Super-Sighs.
Fat tourist mom: Nah... I don't wanna eat there.
Fat tourist dad, wistfully: Well, it's not McDonald's.
Outside Marcy's Diner
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: townie knows best
Categories: Compare and contrast | Dads | Fat people | Food | Maine | Moms | Restaurants | Tourists | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Times Hard in the Islamic Republic Of North Carolina
Little girl to mother, passing brand new cherry red Porsche Carrera GT convertible: Mama, why is everyone looking at that car?
Mother: Because it's very special.
Little girl: Can I get one?
Mother: Only if you marry well, dear.
Durham, North Carolina
Then Why Haven't You Helped Me Win Any Grammys?
Female tween, following older brother swimming in restricted area: Mom, can I swim where Dave* is?
Mom: No! Swim back over to the shore.
Female tween, in nasal whine: Oh. Myyyyy. God!
Mom: Hey, I gave birth to you. I am your god!
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: matt.
Categories: God | Moms | Offers and requests | Overheard in PDX | Parenting | Tweens | Posted 2009-12-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"Don't Jump Off That Building." "Stop Touching That Burner." Nag, Nag, Nag!
Woman to five-year-old daughter in elevator: You're getting off at the wrong floor, sweetie. This is the wrong floor... The wrong floor... The wrong floor! God, do you ever listen to me?
Five-year-old daughter: I'm trying not to.
Mackinac Island, Michigan
Overheard by: laughing
But You're the One Who Keeps Calling the Social Worker, Billy.
Mother to screaming child: Look, if it were up to me, you could watch all the porn you want.
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
And a That's So Raven Thermos!
Mom to preteen son: If you don't straighten up your act, I'm sending you back to school with all Hannah Montana notebooks!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: that'll teach him
Categories: About celebrities | Education | Kids | Kids | Moms | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Threats | Posted 2009-12-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh Yes, Mummy-- Ever So!
Mom to two little kids sitting directly behind her on the train: Do you feel a little bit better now that you've got slight independence?
Disneyland
Anaheim, California
Overheard by: They were the best behaved children there that day.
Multiple Origami
Little girl: And then we had orgies.
Mother, very calmly: No honey, we had origami.
Florida
You Could Just Steal the Boxed Set, Sweetie.
Teenage daughter: Mom, I have a plan for my future.
Mother: And what's that?
Teenage daughter: Save someone's life so they are indebted to me and will buy me the complete Twilight Zone boxed set.
Mother: Between this and your brother who I haven't seen in four days, I don't think I screwed up at all.
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
Overheard by: Julia
Categories: Colorado | Compare and contrast | Family ties | Moms | Parenting | Stupidity | TV shows | Teens | Posted 2009-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sadly Wayne Brady Would Never Attain His Mother's Dream
White mother to white toddler son: You're going to be black by the time we leave!
Grand Sierra Resort Pool
Reno, Nevada
That Dog from the Old Navy Commercials?
Mom to adult daughter: Now what you do is you pick an aisle to go down that you think has magic at the end of it.
Dutchess County, New York
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Which, As We Both Know, Is More Than We Can Say for Dad.
Little girl to mom: But I am getting real good! Yesterday I didn't get any poop on my hand!
Public Restroom
Iceland
At the Hermaphroditic Contortionist Children's Support Group
Five-year-old girl, pointing at store window: Balls!
Young mom: That's right honey, those are balls, but you ate your balls, huh?
Five-year-old girl: I ate my balls!
Buffalo, New York
Guess Everything Really Is Bigger in Texas
New Yorker, trying to get through a crowd of people blocking aisle: Excuse me. Excuse me! Excuse me!
Confused little boy: I already moved.
New Yorker: Oh, I know you have, dear. I was talking to your fat-ass mother.
Grocery Store
Austin, Texas
Categories: Ass | Assholes | Diet & weight | Family ties | Insults | Kids | Kids | Moms | Stores | Texas | Posted 2009-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Friends Say It All the Time.
Little girl, singing: You got a fat butt, you got a fat butt!
Mother: Now sweetie, that's not nice to say about mommy.
Little boy: But its true!
Dressing Room
Union, New Jersey
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: Ass | Assholes | Comebacks | Diet & weight | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Posted 2009-11-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Her Weight Gain Cowed the Electorate Into Submission
Mom to five-year-old: I don't like Oprah Winfrey, because it's her fault Obama is President.
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: David Leech
Don't Worry - I Left My Pocket Knife at Home.
Three-year-old boy to mom, noticing police officers nearby: Don't do anything bad while you're here. Okay, mom?
Mom: Okay.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: an amused barista.
Categories: Crimes | Kids | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So No One Will Even See Your Hooker Shoes
Mother to sixteen year-old in booty shorts and Uggs: You can be a geisha girl! It goes all the way down to the floor!
Halloween Store
New Jersey
Good to See a Family Do Things Together
Little boy to younger brother: I'm 'bout to choke you!
Mother, to all children: I'm 'bout to choke all y'all!
Little boy: Together, mama?
Mother: Together.
Louisville, Kentucky
Overheard by: Jessica
So You and the Doctors Keep Saying...
Small child entering restroom: Mom, why can't we go to the boys' room? Because I've got a girl with me?
Mom: You are a girl!
Sushi Restaurant
Kansas City, Kansas
Overheard by: zombie z
Categories: Gender issues | Kansas | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Questions | Restaurants | Restroom | Sexuality | Posted 2009-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Limbo Is Not a Man's Game, Son.
Mother to little boy: Stop that! You're gonna hurt your scrotum!
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Advice | Body parts | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Massachusetts | Moms | Parenting | Posted 2009-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...For Not Driving a Hybrid.
Four-year-old girl being dragged away by mother: I'll kill you! I'll kill you!
West Hollywood, California
Overheard by: Juanito
Categories: California | Kids | Moms | Murder | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Threats | Posted 2009-10-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But We Honor Him Every Time I Buy You a Lap Dance for Your Birthday
Mom tourist: We're going to go see the Washington Monument, do you know who it's named for?
Son tourist: Yes, our first President, George Washington
Mom tourist: That's right. (pause) He's dead now.
Washington, DC
Categories: Death & dying | Family | History | Moms | Names | Questions | Stupidity | Tourists | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-10-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jenna Jameson Was a Tough Kid to Raise
Little girl: Tea... cock! (pause) Tea... cock! Cock! Teaaaaaaaa...
Distracted mother: Honey, "peacock" is all one word.
Little girl: Cock!
Leesburg, Virginia
You Never Know Which One Will Be Your Last One
Drunk young girl: Whatever. She could have had sex whenever she wanted.
Drunk mother: Well, she's beat you by a few years!
Drunk grandmother: I haven't had sex in such a long time.
The Keg
Vancouver
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Drunks | Family | Family ties | Moms | Parenting | Sex | Time Management | Wishes | Posted 2009-10-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Long Island Has Feminists?
Overbearing mother: Let her see you in the bra! She will make sure it fits correctly!
13-year-old girl, buying first bra: Mother, I'm not for sale!
Victoria's Secret
Long Island, New York
For the Last Time, You're Not Getting My American Express Card
Five-year-old boy, calling to mother in bathroom stall: Mom, we need to talk about something.
Mom: Can it wait?
Five-year-old boy: No.
Mom: What is it?
Five-year-old boy: I need more credit. You don't give me enough credit for the things I do, and my feathers are simply getting ruffled by this.
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Laughing
What's More Natural Than Fondling a Relative's Artificial Breast?
Daughter in dressing room: Go ahead, feel them!
Mom in dressing room: No!
Daughter: Really, the point is to feel how natural they feel! I'm going to want to feel yours when you get them.
York, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Kendal
Categories: Family ties | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Moms | Parenting | Pennsylvania | Rack | Wishes | Posted 2009-10-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Having a TV on Every Seat Is Pretty Damn Great
Six-year-old girl: Mum, remember when we went on that airplane?
Distracted mum: Mm-hmm?
Six-year-old girl: Was that paradise?
Train
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Wishing I could go holiday there
What-- Too Soon?
Teenage daughter: I had some caffeine pretty late tonight, so I'm gonna take an extra 50 milligrams of Seroquel.
Mother: I'll be sure to call Mary-Kate if anything bad happens.
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
Categories: About celebrities | Colorado | Family | Food | Health & Hygiene | Moms | Parenting | Teens | Posted 2009-09-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Grow Up So Fast
3-year-old in parking lot: Mommy, I want MONEY!
Mother: Yes, honey. Me too.
Gilroy, California
Overheard by: just a cart pusher
Categories: California | Kids | Moms | Money | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-09-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Giant Cock.
Little girl: I'm in love with a boy at my preschool.
Mom: Yeah? What's he like?
Little girl, shrugging: Blue eyes, blond hair, good skin.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: amy
These Are the Moments They'll Cherish Forever
Mom to six-year-old daughter: Naiya, you better not be swimming in that toilet, or I will punch you in the neck!
Restaurant Bathroom
Delaware
Overheard by: Laughing Neighbor
Categories: Body parts | Delaware | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Restaurants | Restroom | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stop Being Black at the Store!
Mom to child yelling and running around: Quit it! You embarrassin' me in front of the white folk!
Memphis, Tennessee
Overheard by: A white folk
And They Love Drinking Out Of Coke Bottles
Mother to young son: The sign says that polar bears are carnivores. That means they eat mostly plants, but will eat meat when they can find it.
Henry Vilas Zoo
Madison, Wisconsin
Overheard by: weeping for the future
Wait-- Are Periods Supposed to Have Placentas?
Sarcastic teenage girl to mom: Guess who just got their period three days before prom!
Mom, putting hand over heart and exhaling in relief: Oh, thank god!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Jon
Categories: Education | Health & Hygiene | Moms | Overheard in Minneapolis | Pregnancy | Teens | Posted 2009-09-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Means the Chili Was Juuuust Right
Four-year-old child, excitedly, holding mother's hand: My butt is burning!
Maine
According to Their Publicists
Passerby to two women getting off elevator with a double stroller with white and black babies: Uh-oh!
Women: Oh, it's okay. They're just friends.
Elevator, Westchester Mall
White Plains, New York
If You Like Mental Calisthenics, You'll Love This Quote!
17-year-old mom: And she thought that you were my mom!
18-year-old friend, gesturing to baby: Wait... so is this your sister or my grandchild?
Northampton, Massachusetts
Categories: Family ties | Friends | Kids | Massachusetts | Moms | Parenting | Questions | Posted 2009-09-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Thought You Didn't Want To?
Mom to toddler girl: What fish should we get today? Salmon or tilapia or flounder?
Toddler girl: Is that "flounder" like in Little Mermaid?
Mom: Well, it's a fish, like flounder was.
Toddler girl: I want to eat flounder! Let's cook him. Mommy, can we eat Nemo too?
Costco
Fairfax, Virginia
Fabio's Kids Are Quite the Handful
Mother to daughter: I think it's time to cut your hair again.
Daughter: No! I don't want it cut! You only cut it a few weeks ago! It's not fair! Why can't I have long hair? (pointing at passenger) She has long hair! (pointing at girl) She has long hair. Everyone has long hair except for me!
Son, smugly: Except for boys. (pause) But daddy has long hair...
Daughter: Even daddy has long hair! She has long hair, she has long hair--everyone has long hair except for me!
Perth
Australia
Overheard by: Emily B.
Categories: Australia | Compare and contrast | Family | Family ties | Hair | Moms | Parenting | Siblings | Strangers | Posted 2009-09-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Don't Want to Go to Grandma's, Just Say So.
Mom: I'll shoot you, then you'll shoot me, and we won't have to go anywhere.
Daughter: Mom...?
Mom: What? I'm just saying. If we shot each other we couldn't go anywhere, anyways.
Dressing Room in Mall
Pennsylvania
Categories: Family | Girls | Malls | Moms | Murder | Parenting | Pennsylvania | Philosophy | Stupidity | Posted 2009-09-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So "Boy" Is Ironic?
20-something woman to little girl's mother: Do you know who is Boy George?
Little girl: He is a boy that would've wanted to be a woman.
Amused mother: I couldn't have explained that better.
Guadalajara
Mexico
Overheard by: passerby
You're Divorced, Mom.
Seven-year-old boy to mom: So, mom, all the kids in camp were making fun of this one boy cuz he was a stinky Yankees fan and we're all Mets fans!
Mom: Honey, if mommy can marry a Republican, than you can be friends with a Yankees fan.
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Laura
Categories: Compare and contrast | Kids | Kids | Moms | New York | Parenting | Politics | Relationships | Posted 2009-09-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mind If I Feed Her This Pot Brownie?
Sorostitute: Oh my god! Your baby is so cute! How old is she?
Single mom: One.
Sorostitute: Oh my god. She is so precious! I love children, I keep the nursery in church and I used to babysit, like, all the time. Do you think I could...
Single mom: No.
Sorostitute: Hold her?
Single mom: No.
University of Alabama
Categories: Age and ageing | Alabama | Beauty | Biotechs | Colleges & Universities | Compliments | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Parenting | Questions | Sorority types | Posted 2009-09-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How You Know It's Time to Call Jenny
Mother to three-year-old son: Can I call you "my dear"?
Three-year-old son: Can I call you "my moose"?
Austin, Texas
Categories: Animals | Moms | Names | Offers and requests | Should have used a condom | Texas | Posted 2009-09-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What?? It's Not Like I Told Them About Your Giant, Hammy Thighs.
Little girl in next stall: But what if Old Faithful starts going while we're not out there?
Girl's mother: Well, you'll have to pee really quickly so mommy can pee and then we can go.
Little girl: But you take a long time to pee.
Mother: Yes, I know.
(pause)
Little girl: You take a long time to pee.
Mother: Well, thank you for announcing that to the entire bathroom.
Restroom, Old Faithful Inn
Yellowstone National Park, Wyoming
Categories: Kids | Moms | Parenting | Pee | Restroom | Should have used a condom | Time Management | Wyoming | Posted 2009-09-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Translation: He's Been Too Happy Lately
Son: Mommy, why are you going through daddy's phone?
Mother: Because I love him!
Panera
Howell, New Jersey
Categories: Cell phones | Family ties | Feelings | Infidelity | Kids | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Questions | Posted 2009-09-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Parenting, Encapsulated.
Little boy: Mommy, come here! I have a present for you!
(mom comes over, little boy proceeds to dump a bucket of water over her head).
Little boy: Did you like it?
Mom: No.
(little boy dumps another bucket of water on her head)
Neighborhood Pool
New Jersey
Overheard by: CMac
Categories: Gifts | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Stupidity | Posted 2009-09-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ever Watch Any Of Bush's Speeches?
Four-year-old: Mommy, that girl speaks English!
Mother: Yes, she does.
Four-year-old: But nobody here speaks English. Does she really speak English?
Mother: Of course she speaks English! She's white!
Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com
Overheard by: katie
Categories: Kids | Language barrier | Moms | Overheard Lines | Parenting | Race | Should have used a condom | Posted 2009-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's for Him to Decide
New dad: Look! These clothes are cute. Oh, look at this dress!
New mum: You have a boy, not a girl!
Department Store
Melbourne
Australia
That's What You Said About Uncle Walter!
Little girl: Mommy, can I have a bubble bath?
Mother: No, it makes your vagina hurt.
Plantation, Florida
Overheard by: i guess that's a valid reason.
...Just on That Lady's Shoes.
Overexcited boy in cafe: Mum, mum, mum! Can I play with my new toy? Can I? Can I? Can I?
Disinterested mum: Sure.
Overexcited boy, holding toy: Look! I'm holding my winkle. And I'm peeing. I'm peeing all over the drinks. There's wee everywhere!
Disinterested mum: No, there isn't.
Kingston-Upon-Thames
England
Overheard by: Ben
Categories: Drinking & drunks | England | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Parenting | Pee | Should have used a condom | Toys | Posted 2009-08-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...So, Uh, Wanna Talk About Your Period?
Man: So how's your baby?
Young woman: Great. He's three months old now, so he's no longer just a glorified fetus! He has emotions, and everything!
(pause)
Man, awkwardly: Oh. Huh, how about that?
Mohonk Resort
New Paltz, New York
Overheard by: Ali
He'll Be Disappointed When He Learns It Has Nothing to Do With Guns
Youngish mom, enthusiastic: I need shot glasses for work!
Eight-year-old son, excited: I want a shot glass!!
Gift Shop
Branson, Missouri
Some Babies Learn to Run Away Before They Can Walk
Loud fat ghetto chick to baby: See dat? See dat baby walking? That's what you need to be doing. I'm sick of carrying yo' ass around.
Target Parking Lot
Florissant, Missouri
Categories: Advice | Ass | Chicks | Fat people | Kids | Missouri | Moms | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Stores | Posted 2009-08-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Will Strawberry Shortcake Never Learn?
Old woman to daughter: And now she's got no money cause she blew it all on muffins.
Supermarket
Sydney
Overheard by: Anny
Carnie Wilson's Mother Tried, But She Was Not Successful
Little girl in cart: Cheetos! That's my favorite snack!
Mom: No! Fruit is your favorite snack, remember?
Flemmington, New Jersey
Categories: Compare and contrast | Food | Fruit | Kids | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Parenting | Posted 2009-08-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Some Kids Wet the Bed
Mother to five-year-old: Keep moving, we don't want to be in the first car. If the train crashes, we'd be done for.
Metro North Railroad
New York City, New York
Overheard by: BOB Sled
Drag Queens Are Treated Like Livestock in Canadia
Four-year-old boy, dancing happily down sidewalk: I'm like a princess! I'm like Cinderella!
Mother: Except you stink. So more like stinkerella.
Calgary
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Sensory experiences | Sexuality | Posted 2009-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook