Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | People

A Great Solution to All This Would Be to Have One or Two More Kids

Dad, screaming at four kids: Get back here, you little bastards! If you don't behave, I'll make you sleep in the hotel bathroom when we get there! [10-year-old drops his ticket, and it starts blowing away.] Jimmy! What the hell?! How could you do something so fucking stupid?! Well, what are you standing there for? Run and get it!
Mom, screaming at dad: Why don't you relax?! He dropped his ticket -- so what, you son of a bitch?! We'll make it there and then you will relax! Your stress issues are really driving me crazy!
Lady behind them in line, to her own husband: I love you, honey.

Airport
Virginia

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But Isn't It a Little Soon to Start Competing with Her?

Overtired mom, after seeing infant fail to grasp something: See? Their reflexes suck. That's why babies don't drive cars.
Stunned husband: Uh, that and they can't see over the steering wheel.

Wellsboro, Pennsylvania

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Now I'm Too Embarrassed to Lick It

Mother: It's so hot out! My ice cream is splooging.
Father: Yeah, my ice cream just splooged all over my hand.
Teen daughter: Hahahaha.
Mother: Why are you laugh-- Oh.

Syracuse, New York

Overheard by: melissa

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We Believe That's "Poofed"

Little girl looking at display of puffed wheat snacks: What's the difference between puffed and fried?
Mom: Puffed is better for you, so you can eat more of them.
Little girl: But I don't like puffed.
Dad: Puffed is gay.

Crossroads Market
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia

Overheard by: Laura

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Worth a Shot

Mom: I'll have a diet Coke.
Dad: I'll have an iced tea.
10-year-old girl: I'll have a Bailey's coffee.
Waitress: Um... Can I see some ID?
10-year-old girl: Okay, I'll just have coffee, then.

Cheesecake Factory
Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Overheard by: around the corner

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I Think That's a Generous Word for It

Child runs out into busy parking lot.

Mom: Careful! There are old people driving!

Overheard by: Eric Smith

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God, You're Such a Maudlin Drunk

Dad to howling toddler: Stop it! Suck it up! You don't hear anyone else crying, do you?

United flight descending into O'Hare
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Rose Fox

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And You're Too Young for Croquet

Little girl: Mommy, I know where 'em at.
Mom: Where? Show me.
Little girl: Right here -- here are those big things you stick between your legs.
Mom: No honey, I need your dad.

Mansfield, Texas

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The Queen Amidala Headdress Is Really Heavy

Costumed dad to little girl: You need to listen. Understand? You will not take your clothes off!

Star Wars 30th Anniversary Celebration
Los Angeles, California

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Did You Buy the Catastrophic Event Warranty?

Woman: Excuse me, my phone doesn't work. What should I do?
Salesman: What happened to your phone?
Woman: Well, my two year old son poured chocolate syrup on it, so I soaked it in the sink with dish soap to get it off.

Shout-out: overheardinlakecounty.blogspot.com

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Tonight We'll Watch Gentleman's Agreement

Mother to three kids: It doesn't matter if they come from Jewland, they're still Americans.

Shout-out: overheardina2.blogspot.com

Overheard by: Philip

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I'm Taking You to Counseling Unless You Tell Me They're for Robbing Banks

Mother to toddler son in stall: Honey, I really don't understand your obsession with tights.

Arclight bathroom
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: flashback to my boyfriend's childhood

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