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Perhaps You Should Get That Checked Out?
Old man: You got bats in your belfry?
Jaded 20-something: Yeah, I don't know what I've got in my belfry...
Jersey City, New Jersey
Wasn't That a Jason Statham Movie?
Old WWII man to another: If I was President of the United States, before I'd let anyone have a license to drive a car I'd make everyone drive a motorcycle for a year to learn defensive driving.
McDonald's
Southington, Connecticut
Overheard by: Raven
Categories: Connecticut | Old folks | Philosophy | Politics | Wishes | Posted 2011-08-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Like the Tag Promises!
Older lady: This purse is perfect! It has two outside pockets! One for my phone and one for my teeth!
TJ Maxx
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Interesting Use for a Purse Pocket
Categories: Body parts | Georgia | Old folks | Shopping | Weirdness | Posted 2011-06-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Apparently Medicare and Social Security Don't Count
Guy behind deli counter: Does anyone need any help?
Old man #1: What about psychiatric help?
Old man #2: Are you giving or receiving?
Old man #1: I'm on the receiving end of everything. Except taxes!
Gene's Fine Foods
Saratoga, California
Categories: Age and ageing | California | Employees | Health & Hygiene | Money | Old folks | Questions | Posted 2011-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Do You Think They Called It "The Battle Of the Bulge"?
Old man to another, over lunch: And once one of the Germans got constipated, none of us could shit for weeks!
Valparaiso, Indiana
Think Of It As a Cheap Facelift!
Old woman in roller coaster line: Does this one go upside down? I don't like it when they do upside down.
Little boy: You'll be fine, grandma. Come on!
Universal Studios
Florida
Maybe Getting Some Hair Extensions
Elderly lady to another: I wonder what God's doing right now. Probably drunk, celebrating his 400th birthday.
Washingtonville, New York
Overheard by: Trisha
I'd Hoped to Outgrow My Vanity, Too
80-year-old grandmother walking feebly down the stairs: I'm not drunk; I'm handicapped.
Daughter assisting her: She's drunk and handicapped.
80-year-old grandmother: Okay. That's true... I just didn't want to bring my cane.
Turner Field, Braves Game
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Drunk, but Not Handicapped
Categories: Age and ageing | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Georgia | Maladies | Old folks | Posted 2010-11-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're As Big a Disappointment As Your Mother!
Elderly lady to six-month-old baby: Now, I want you to say nice and clearly, "here I am, grandmother," when I ask you where you are.
Oxford
England
Categories: Age and ageing | Bringing it back to you | Family ties | Kids | Old folks | UK | Posted 2010-11-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
There's Never a Truce in the Trench Warfare Between the Sexes
Older lady to complete strangers: So the last guy I dated, all he wanted was sex! We were on the beach and we passed a trench, and he was like "I'll put you in that hole!"
Escondido, California
Categories: California | Old folks | Relationships | Sex | Strangers | Weirdness | Wishes | Women | Posted 2010-09-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Get All Our Leftover Weather, Anyway
Old lady: Are you able to check the weather in Toronto?
Young guy: No, the internet can't reach that far.
Old lady: Oh.
Windsor
Ontario
Canadia
A Stripper Is Born
Middle aged lady in hospital scrubs: It's a lot of fun and great exercise.
Old toothless lady: I really admire you, I don't like to show off my fuzzy-fuzzy to just anyone.
Middle aged lady: Yeah, well, I don't either, but like I said: it's great exercise.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Karl
Categories: Ass | Compare and contrast | Medical personnel | Old folks | Oregon | Posted 2010-09-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Though, to Be Fair, the Bicycle Had No Bell.
Girl #1: My grandfather has won the Nobel Prize!
Girl #2: Really?
Girl #1: Yeah, he has one of those trophies in his bookshelf!
Janitor, walking in: Are you sure it was the Nobel Prize?
Girl #1: Yes, I am! Don't you believe me? I'm gonna call him and ask! (proceeds to call, hangs up sounding disappointed)
Janitor: Well?
Girl #1: Oh, it was not the Nobel Prize. It was only from a bicycle race.
High School
Sweden
Overheard by: Malin
Categories: Bragging | Family ties | Old folks | On the phone | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Sweden | Teachers | Posted 2010-08-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Start With Those Who Have Babies
Older woman to her friend: You just don't ask your mother about your sex life. If you have questions, go ask your friends.
Pigeon Forge, Tennessee
Overheard by: Perplexed
Well, We Will Be Running Around in Diapers Before We Know It.
Older woman: Want to go see the movie Babies tonight at 7:30?
Older man: Mmmmmmmmmmmm...
Older woman: It's too late for it to inspire us!
Coffee Shop
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Greg
A Gal Can Dream
Old woman shopping with friend, picking up jeans: Well, these looked good on George Strait.
Warrenton, Virginia
...In the Immortal Words Of Jack Kerouac
Old lady: I have a roof over me and clothes on my back, but I can't wash my box...
Lowell, Massachusetts
Overheard by: glad I wasn't sitting next to her
Categories: Cleanliness | Clothes | Massachusetts | Old folks | Vagina | Posted 2010-07-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...After Every Meal!
Little old lady to another as they part ways: Have a pleasant day, and don't forget to google!
Little old lady #2: What?
Little old lady #1: Google!
Union Station
Chicago, Illinois
How Hard Is That?
Old woman, yelling: Did you remember to put Viagra on the list?
Old man, yelling, very annoyed: Of course I did!
Old woman, yelling: Well, I don't know! You forgot to put milk on the list!
Mall
New Hampshire
Categories: Food | Health & Hygiene | Malls | New Hampshire | Old folks | Posted 2010-06-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Raise Your Hand If You See Nothing Wrong with This Logic
Old Scottish professor in mid lecture: There happened to be something wrong with the quality of the product from the plant in Belgium, and the company response was: "well, of course you're getting sick, you live in Belgium. What a stupid place to live."
Medford, Massachusetts
With Each Revelation, the Female Mystery Only Deepens
Blind old lady to old lady friend: Oh my, you started peeing so fast.
Old lady friend: Yes, it's because I stand up.
Blind old lady: Ohhhh...
Old lady friend: Yes, not a lot of women know how to stand up, you know.
Blind old lady: Yes, that's true. My mother used to stand.
CSULA Women's Bathroom
California
Overheard by: itshahaholly
Categories: California | Disabled | Friends | Gender issues | Old folks | Parenting | Pee | Restroom | Posted 2010-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight's Movie: The Long Goodbye
Nurse to elderly woman trying to escape from old folks' home: Come on, ma'am, we need to get you back inside.
Elderly woman: I don't need to get back inside, I need to get home! Rape! Rape!
Christchurch
New Zealand
Your Editors Gave Up on Lost During Season One
60-something guy, earnestly, to table full of seemingly level-headed adults: They're going to turn the moon into a weapon, the most powerful weapon ever...
Restaurant
Reno, Nevada
Overheard by: mini-me
Categories: Nevada | Old folks | Restaurants | Science | Weirdness | Posted 2010-04-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Give Me That Seat, I'll Juggle Them for You.
Old man on subway to perfect stranger: So I give this woman three eggs to put in her pocket. You know, crack. And, can you hold this?
(young woman holds coffee for him)
Old man: So I've got these eggs...
Subway
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Eventually He Struggles to the Surface and We All Breathe a Sigh Of Relief
80-something lady to another: I saw Bertie and his lady friend at the state fair. Yes, she's a large woman, tall and quite big. I mean, you could say that about a lot of people, but she's very large. When she hugs him, it's all lady and no Bertie!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: poor bertie!
Categories: Gossip | Old folks | Overheard in Minneapolis | Relationships | Posted 2010-04-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now How About a Nice Tranq Dart?
Confused elderly female patient, trying to punch staff: If you kill me, my family will hunt you down and take all your money!
Nurse's aide, trying to clean up patient: Yeah, we hear that a lot.
Hospital
Burlingame, California
Categories: California | Crimes | Death & dying | Doctor's office | Family ties | Nurses | Old folks | Threats | Posted 2010-04-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Character Was So Lifelike
Older lady: Heath Ledger was The Joker? Boy, I never would have guessed that!
Movie Theater
Champaign-Urbana, Illinois
Categories: About celebrities | Illinois | Movies | Old folks | Posted 2010-04-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That, And, "Do You Take Credit?"
Little old woman to cashier scanning groceries: You're so good and fast! I bet the boys tell you that all the time.
Yarmouth, Maine
Overheard by: Jade
Categories: Compliments | Maine | Old folks | Sex | Posted 2010-03-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
By Marriage, but Still
60-something man: I don't want to be with my first wife for an eternity! She is Satan's sister.
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Fluffy
Categories: Arizona | Evil | Feelings | Old folks | Relationships | Posted 2010-03-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like Fat Elvis!
Grandmother to little boy: Elvis! Come here, we're going. (to store person) His mother was a big Elvis fan, so now he's a little Elvis.
Little boy: I have hair on my back!
Brisbane
Australia
Categories: About celebrities | Ass | Australia | Compare and contrast | Hair | Kids | Old folks | Posted 2010-02-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Don't Even Get Me Started on Jessica Simpson
Elderly man: This abstinence shit the Republicans get on about... Abstinence my ass! I've been looking at girls since I was 11. I mean: come on, the Virgin Mary is crying!
North Haven, Connecticut
Overheard by: Sara
Or They'll Get the Business-End Of Our Canes!
Seriously old lady: Tell the oil companies to piss off... We're taking over!
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: skeeta
Categories: Age and ageing | Australia | Old folks | Politics | Threats | Posted 2010-02-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now If Only She Could Find the U.S. on a Map
Old man, about Jessica Simpson "how I found love again" mag cover: She can't find someone to lighten her roots, but she found love. Thank god.
Mamaroneck, New York
Overheard by: Melissa
Categories: About celebrities | Beauty | Feelings | New York | Old folks | Posted 2010-01-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Okay, You Don't Have to Show Me.
Grandson, watching grandmother hold cigar as if it was a joint: If grandma takes off her bra and burns it, I'm gonna freak out.
Grandma: Oh, Simon! I'm not wearing one.
Spencer, Iowa
Dropping Off Her Kids Again?
Older woman on phone: June* is in jail right now, but she'll be into work a little later.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: o_o
Categories: Crimes | Jobs & Careers | Old folks | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Time Management | Women | Posted 2010-01-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Also Wear Che Guevara T-Shirts and Thinks It's Bob Marley
Old lady to emo girl: Al Gore is really saving the earth.
Emo girl wearing bag that says "go green": Wait... Who's Al Gore?
Ketchikan, Alaska
Overheard by: Claire
No One Expects Me to Understand Technology
Old Midwestern lady #1: All these kids bringing their videos games everywhere!
Old Midwestern lady #2: It's depressing! My son-in-law brings his laptop everywhere. Always on the internet.
Old Midwestern lady #1: Is he using one of those blueberries? Or blackpods?
Old Midwestern lady #2: I don't know, I'm just glad I'm old.
Newark, New Jersey
Overheard by: thankfully on a different flight
Categories: Age and ageing | Family ties | Gadgets | Games | Gripes | Internet | Kids | Laptops | New Jersey | Old folks | Women | Posted 2010-01-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Forever 21 Started Manufacturing Habits...
70-something nun to another: I don't care about the bra straps. It's my boobs that really stand out in this shirt.
Holyoke, Massachusetts
Overheard by: ldiggitydawg
Categories: Christianity | Clothes | Massachusetts | Nuns | Old folks | Rack | Posted 2009-12-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now at Least Describe the Butts to Me, Winifred.
Old woman in wheelchair being driven around busy food court: I hate this place! All I can see are people's butts.
Old man behind her: So why are you having me cart you around the city in a wheelchair for?!
Mall
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: I saw her later stand up...
And I Wouldn't Stop and Smell the Roses, Either.
Old woman: It's like flowers were spitting out of my ass, so don't go telling me how bright and shiny your (makes finger quotes) "effing" life is!
Small Town
Nebraska
Categories: Ass | Compare and contrast | Nebraska | Old folks | Sex | Posted 2009-12-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Telepaths Mate
Old lady, walking up to old man: Hi there. Sorry I was just staring off at you. I had something on my mind and I think you were thinking it too. Bye!
Old man: Bye.
Sacred Heart University
Connecticut
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Old folks | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Elena's the Most Creative Pimp in Canadia
Oldish Ukrainian woman: How you have babies with hips like this? How you do this? So skinny. Tsk, tsk.
Skinny chick: Huh?
Oldish Ukrainian woman: Here, eat my husband's sausage. He fill you up. Eat! Eat!
Edmonton
Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: not so skinny
How Far Will This Bus Token Get Me?
Old lady to female bus driver: I need to get laid.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: exactly
Categories: Bus | Bus drivers | Old folks | Oregon | Public Transportation | Sex | Wishes | Women | Posted 2009-11-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Faux-Posh Accent Never Fooled Me
Old lady #1: I've never liked her!
Old lady #2: She was a shit at school, and she's a shit now.
West Midlands
England
In Alabama It's Kind Of Hard to Tell
Older woman #1: I really need to get my flu shot this week.
Older woman #2: I got mine last week.
Older woman #3: Ya'll better watch out getting those flu shots, haven't you heard that vaccines cause autism?
Birmingham, Alabama
Categories: Advice | Alabama | Health & Hygiene | Maladies | Mental illnesses | Old folks | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2009-11-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For the Same Reason the Tampon Ads Spare Us the Gory Details
Older woman, watching Viagra tv commercial: Why don't they ever show the guy from the waist down with a big ol' boner?
Airport
Atlanta, Georgia
Only on Thursday Nights.
Old man on phone: I am a beautiful woman.
Calgary
Alberta
Canadia
Categories: Beauty | Canadia | Gender issues | Old folks | On the phone | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And That's How Nutella Is Produced.
Greasy old man to wheelchair-ridden woman: And then it drips out of my rectum...
Westchester Airport
New York
When the "Toilet Paper Bride" Game Goes a Little Too Far
Older woman: So I said "Wrap her up. Wrap her up tight!"
Newcastle
Australia
Overheard by: Declan
You're the Only One Who Can See Me, Anyway.
Old guy to total stranger celebrating birthday: When you're young you can make love to six women at a time, but when you're old you can only make love to three women at a time.
Birthday man: Three women is plenty for me.
Old guy: Don't tell anyone I said that to you.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: coco
Categories: Age and ageing | Compare and contrast | Old folks | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sex | Strangers | Posted 2009-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
An Inflatable Friend
Old guy to friend: He got a new girl who works in the sex industry... and you know his fantasy has always been two women. I told him it'd never happen, but apparently it did. His girl has a friend who was willing to play along...
Holland, Michigan
Categories: Friends | Jobs & Careers | Kink | Michigan | Old folks | Relationships | Posted 2009-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Old Age Homes Are a Lot Like Prison...
Grandmother to granddaughter: Who knows? I might become a lesbian!
Arlington, Ohio
Do You Like Origami?
Senior citizen: You should see my dick. I only had a quarter of it circumcised.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: b! X
Categories: Health & Hygiene | Offers and requests | Old folks | Overheard in PDX | Penis | Posted 2009-09-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're the Worst Fairy Godfather Ever.
Sweet old man: How are ya, girls?
Teen girls: Better if we had some whiskey.
Gold Coast Big Day Out
Australia
Overheard by: yo bitch
Categories: Australia | Drinking & drunks | Old folks | Questions | Teens | Posted 2009-09-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Do They Procreate?
Girl: The squid's like an octopus, don't you think?
Older woman: There's no pussy about it.
Birmingham
England
Overheard by: Helz
You've Got Game If You Can Pick Up Girls at the Reading Room
Bearded old hobo: Heyyy, Cinderella.
Teenage girl: Um... hi!
Bearded old hobo: Want me to read the bible to ya?
Teenage girl: No thanks, I'm good.
Bearded old hobo: I know you are. (winks)
Outside Christian Science Reading Room
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Christianity | Hobos | Names | Offers and requests | Old folks | Teens | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-09-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Raising Vampires Is a Thankless Job
Old man on cell: Are they suckling decently? (pause) You might as well get it over with and drown them, if you know what I mean. (pause) Well, yeah, but are they swallowing?
Michigan State University
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Michigan | Old folks | On the phone | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then There Are the Things I Pretend to Forget
Older lady to friend over lunch: When I remember things, I remember them. But when I forget them, I forget them.
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Having breakfast nearby
Categories: Age and ageing | Canadia | Friends | Memory lane | Old folks | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2009-08-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Perhaps a Brandy Snifter Full Of Ocean Water, Then
Old woman at restaurant: What do you have to drink?
Exasperated waitress: Everything except root beer and chocolate milk.
New Brunswick, Canadia
Categories: Baristas | Canadia | Clients | Drinking & drunks | Offers and requests | Old folks | Posted 2009-08-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Broke Something I Didn't Know I Had
Old guy: So did you have hallway sex last night?
Old fat guy: Uh... Yeah... Last night was kinda crazy.
Taco Truck
Visalia, California
Categories: California | Fat people | Old folks | Questions | Sex | Posted 2009-08-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Said It Smells Like Tacos, Not Shit
Gray-haired lady: It smells like tacos in here.
Older blue-haired lady, gesturing toward Latino family several feet away: I think it's those people over there.
Metropolitan Airport
Detroit, Michigan
Categories: Airports & flights | Compare and contrast | Food | Michigan | Old folks | Sensory experiences | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2009-08-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Will Strawberry Shortcake Never Learn?
Old woman to daughter: And now she's got no money cause she blew it all on muffins.
Supermarket
Sydney
Overheard by: Anny
As a Reward for Having Completed That Etiquette Course
Older woman with no inside voice, inside a bus on rush hour: I want a diamond about as big as a horse turd.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: bleep
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Old folks | Overheard in Minneapolis | Poop | Wishes | Women | Posted 2009-08-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Remember the First Time I Felt the Sting for Forceable Intercourse and the Warmth Of Dirt...
Tour guide: The vestal virgins would be raped and buried alive if they were no longer virgins. If they let the fire go out, they would just be buried alive.
Tourist: I dunno if that's any better.
Little old Japanese woman: Hey, at least the first way you get some thrills.
Colosseum
Rome
Italy
They Require a Cute, Brightly-Colored Ark.
Little old lady, yelling to friend across the store: The world is flooded with Beanie Babies!
Wauwatosa, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Embarassed at how loud my friend laughed before walking away
You Don't Know What They're Made Of 'til They Get in Hot Water
Old lady to son: People are like teabags. You know?
Wyoming
I Mean, What Good Is a Briefcase Without Briefs?
Old dude to another, reminiscing: You still got that briefcase with all that underwear in it?
Kansas City, Missouri
Lonely Old People Will Answer to Anything
Boy, to teenage girl: Hi, Lisa.
Old man, entering: Hi.
Cafe
Eugene, Oregon
Something Approximately the Size Of a Baby Carrot
Old lady: I'm not very hungry, I'm gonna have something small.
Old man: If you wanted something small, we would have stayed at home and I would have given you something small.
Lester's Diner
Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Why Law & Order Doesn't Take Place in San Francisco
Young Asian cop easing old Asian man out of police car: My first day on the beat and already I'm finding out about and busting illegal Mahjong parlors! I didn't know they existed!
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: McF
Categories: Asians | Cops | Crimes | Games | Jobs & Careers | Old folks | San Francisco | Posted 2009-07-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Don't Have a Dog, Sir.
Old man: I'll have two scoops of chocolate raspberry truffle in a waffle cone, and a baby cone for my dog. He's the one who made us stop here.
Brusters Ice Cream
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Caylin
I'm Not Even Gonna Ask About Your Leash Collection
Grandmother: So my friend gave me dog biscuits for my birthday.
Teen girl: But you don't have a dog.
Grandmother: She knew I would appreciate them, dear.
Teen girl: And it isn't your birthday.
Grandmother: That doesn't matter. I was going to save them for the Boxer that young man brings around the home, but I got hungry around noon.
Teen girl: Oh no. You didn't.
Grandmother: What? It's not as if I ate them plain. I boiled a cup of coffee and dipped them.
Frammingham, Massachusetts
...Remember When We Used to Talk About Politics?
60-year-old man #1: Do you get the Disney channel?
60-year-old man #2: I sure do!
60-year-old man #1: Do you ever watch Kim Possible?
60-year-old man #2: It's my favorite show!
60-year-old man #1: No way! Me too!
60-year-old man #2, attempting to sing: Call me, beep me, if ya' wanna reach me!
60-year-old man #1: (silence)
60-year-old man #2: I like the naked rat.
Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute
Troy, New York
Overheard by: Bacon
Confucius Was Quite the Misogynist
Old man to another: Well, ya know what they say. Life's too short to dance with ugly women!
Flea Market
Nashville, Tennessee
Categories: Age and ageing | Beauty | Compare and contrast | Dancing | Default | Guys | Old folks | Tennessee | Posted 2009-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...When I Sat on His Face. What?
Girl #1: My 21st birthday was fun.
Girl #2: So was mine, minus the fact that my friends bought stuffed animal beavers at the winery and proceeded to yell about how soft and hairy their beavers were... While my dad was driving.
Girl #2's grandma: What's a beaver?
Girl #2's mom: It's...what some people call the female genitalia.
Girl #2's grandma: Ohhh...your grandfather used to just call it a cunt.
San Francisco, California
Categories: Age and ageing | Animals | Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Girls | Hair | Moms | Old folks | Questions | San Francisco | Vagina | Words | Posted 2009-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Watching a Hannah Montana Marathon Feels Like
Older man to friend: I don't like being murdered! Do you know how it feels like to be murdered? Trust me, you don't want to know. I'm always being murdered.
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: uhh am I seeing ghosts?
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Guys | Murder | New Jersey | Old folks | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Without Menopause, We'd Have an Infanticide Epidemic
Grandmother, about tantrum-throwing child: I think it might be time to put her to sleep.
Mother: Yeah. Come on honey, we'll go home and have a nap!
Grandmother, under her breath: That's not what I meant.
Westfield Shopping Center
South Morang
Australia
NewsFlash: Happy Feet Director's Cut Startles Movie Patrons
Scary-looking older woman with two teenage girls: Well, they only skinned and hung up one man by his ankles.
Movie Entrance, Chapel Hills Mall
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Don't Even Get Me Started About Boo Beret Cereal
Old man to another, looking at soup: I just feel like I'm getting ripped off by the French!
Grocery Store
Maryland
Overheard by: Nic
Whereas Scabies Can Always Keep a Secret
Elderly woman to woman across aisle: You can't trust crabs. Crabs are sneaky.
DMV
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: What about other sneaky crustaceans?
Remember the Days When I Was the Only One?
Old woman to young stranger: Is that your mother?
Young woman: No, bitch. That's my bitch.
Old woman to friend: Kids have way too many bitches these days.
Union Station
Washington, DC
Categories: Default | Family ties | Kids | Old folks | Public transportation | Questions | Strangers | Washington, DC | Women | Posted 2009-05-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Warning: The Michael Jackson Story May Be Unsuitable for Children
Old man to group of kids: And then it turned into a he-she! (kids gasp)
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: paulyy
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Gender issues | Guys | Old folks | Pennsylvania | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2009-05-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So You're Saying Sex Is a Game?
Old religious woman to large crowd of highly amused students: Having pre-marital sex is like playing Russian roulette with your genitals!
Alumni Hill
University of Arizona
Overheard by: The girl who likes to live on the dangerous side
Categories: Arizona | Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Old folks | Relationships | Religious fanatics | Sex | Women | Posted 2009-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sometimes I Go Overboard with My Hoeing
Sweet old lady: I'm a pretty wild gardener.
Bellingham, Washington
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Old folks | Washington | Weirdness | Women | Words | Posted 2009-04-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In an Unrelated Question?
Old woman: They don't make that many good movies nowadays.
Young girl: That's not true! Want to order Daddy Day Camp?
Ontario, California
Overheard by: none
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Movies | Old folks | Questions | Women | Posted 2009-04-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least, I Can't.
Grey-haired grandma to another: Of course, it was worse for him because she left to become a lesbian. (pause) And you can't help thinking of all that licking.
Norfolk Island
Overheard by: kk
As Seen in Douching Miss Daisy
Greenpeace activist to couple walking out of grocery store: Are you guys concerned about our environment?
Elderly couple: Definitely! We recycle, and we take showers together!
Mothers Market
Costa Mesa, California
Overheard by: arie
Categories: Bathing | California | Couples | Default | Old folks | People | Questions | Relationships | Stores | Posted 2009-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If All You Have Is a Hammer...
70-year-old professor, about The Exorcist as example of blasphemy: She used a crucifix as a self-mutilating dildo...
Saint Peter's College
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Christianity | Colleges & Universities | Default | Movies | New Jersey | Old folks | Teachers | Toys | Posted 2009-03-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
TV Has Been Slow to Catch on in Canadia
Older white woman, excitedly: And he just bought the electronic device that's going to save their marriage!
Restaurant
Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: Both disgusted and yet intrigued
Categories: Canadia | Default | Old folks | Relationships | Restaurants | Shopping | Technology | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-03-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This'll Continue Until You Whack the Sides Of Their Heads
Woman: Olivia likes beans.
Older woman: Who likes beans?
Woman: Olivia.
Older woman: What about 'er?
Woman: She likes beans.
Older woman: Who likes beans?
Woman (exasperated): Olivia!
Virginia Beach, Virginia
Overheard by: I also like beans
But I'm Currently Putting David Hasselhoff Through a Rigorous Mentorship Program
Elderly Italian lady to store clerk, while judging jugs of wine: I'm the last of the great drinkers.
Liquor Store
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Steve
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Foreigners | Old folks | Pennsylvania | Stores | Women | Words | Posted 2009-02-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
More Of a Sugar Grandpa
Older man walking into a jewelery store, to another: I'm not a sugar-daddy, am I?
Fashion Valley Mall
San Diego, California
Categories: California | Default | Family ties | Guys | Malls | Names | Old folks | Pop culture | Questions | Words | Posted 2009-02-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Easy for the Deaf to Maintain Friendships
Old woman #1: She tried putting it everywhere, in the lamp and the overhead light, nothing worked.
Old woman #2: The violin is not my favorite instrument. It's too high pitched.
Old woman #1: I'm worried someone might steal the soup from the church, you never know who's in there now.
Old woman #2: Of course Justin never paid that bill, so I covered it for him.
Train
Melbourne
Australia
First Of All, There's Hardly Any Literacism There.
Elderly man to elderly gaggle: Why's everyone wasting their time trying to raise money for Africa? Africa's a wretched country.
Max's German Restaurant
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: Default | Geography | Guys | Money | Old folks | Pennsylvania | Questions | Restaurants | Posted 2009-02-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When the Elderly Are Exposed to Adam Corolla
Old lady to grown daughter: Well you know what your brother's problem is? He's pussy-whipped!
San Jose, California
Categories: California | Default | Family ties | Old folks | Questions | Vagina | Women | Posted 2009-02-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dental Orgasms Are the Norm in Canadia
Kindly older woman on cell: No, no, no, ask him to be gentle, tell him it's your first time...it's beautiful. You're going to love it, Caroline. Okay, love you! Bye!
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Emma Middleton
Categories: Advice | Canadia | Compliments | Default | Feelings | Offers and requests | Old folks | Women | Posted 2009-01-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ad: If Your Chess Game Lasts More Than Four Hours, Seek Medical Attention
Elderly gentleman playing chess: You know, in college, when all of my friends were chasing girls, I was on the chess team...chasing wood.
Barnes & Noble
Augusta, Maine
Overheard by: Fia
That Wouldn't Make a Bad Video Game
Grandmother: I think the cat is pregnant with one kitten or something.
Five-year-old boy: Yeah, and the kitten is like, controlling her from the inside.
Spokane, Washington
Or Come To Office Hours and I'll Show You
80-something religious studies professor: Do you all know what circumcision is? (class stares at him) Okay. Well, if you don't, don't ask here. Wait for an appropriate time and ask a friend outside of class.
Canisius College
Buffalo, New York
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | Health & Hygiene | New York | Old folks | Questions | Teachers | Posted 2009-01-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Is Why I've Named Her "Sids"
Grandma: She doesn't need those...she's getting too big for baby clothes.
Mom: I know, but I don't want her to be too big for baby clothes! I just want her to stay little and not start talking...or moving.
Shop
Buffalo, New York
But at Least She Felt Comfortable Coming Out to Us
Elderly woman #1: And all her chinaware was Royal Worcester!
Elderly woman #2, looking shocked: No! Really? You wouldn't tell by looking at her, would you?
Elderly woman #1, shaking head: No, you would not.
Rural Staffordshire
England
...of Color
Elderly woman: I can't believe they let you sell Obama cookies here! Tsk!
Employee: Ma'am, those are just gingerbread cookies.
Stonewall Kitchen
Portsmouth, New Hampshire
Categories: Default | Employees | Food | Names | New Hampshire | Old folks | Politics | Restaurants | Women | Posted 2009-01-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Keeps a Pearl-Handled Revolver in Her Clutch for Just Such Occasions
Cashier: Did you find everything you were looking for?
Old lady: Yes. Actually, no! You don't have any vanilla frozen yogurt! You have every other flavor (getting worked up) I have a coupon for frozen yogurt! (waves it in cashier's face)
Cashier: Uh...I'm sorry! (sends a carryout to look for vanilla frozen yogurt)
Old lady: At least you had flat-iron chicken. You didn't have it last time. (glares)
Old lady's son, in a whisper: I'm glad you had flat-iron chicken, or I don't know what we would have done!
Springboro, Ohio
Overheard by: Never knew frozen yogurt was so important
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Family ties | Food | Guys | Ohio | Old folks | Questions | Women | Posted 2009-01-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only Sweet, Sweet Kisses
60-year-old woman, spotting a friend walking towards her: Oh, fancy seeing you here!
Friend: How nice to see you! But no hugs below the waist this time.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: curious.
Categories: Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Feelings | Friends | Old folks | Overheard in Minneapolis | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-01-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...While Describing It to Me in Slow, Sultry Terms.
Older woman on phone: There are two dogs having relations on my front yard.
Chief of police: Well, hose them down.
Felton, Delaware
Overheard by: oh dear.
Is That What I've Been Swallowing?
Older male professor, addressing a large lecture hall with only girls: So you see, in my body you will find lots of regular cells, and also you will find cells that are in the process of meiosis; and those are my sperm cells.
Barnard girl: That is so awkward.
Barnard College
New York
Overheard by: Vicksburg
And Your Kicks Were Fast As Lightning
Older man in baggy clothes, waiting in line: You're a Kung Fu master.
College girl (amused): How'd you know?
Older nan: I sensed your Chi.
Burger King
Worcester, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Emily
Categories: Default | Feelings | Girls | Guys | Massachusetts | Old folks | Questions | Restaurants | Weirdness | Posted 2009-01-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Never Take That Option Off the Table
Old man pushing shopping cart, singing happily to himself: Maybe I should get an 8-million-dollar lawsuit against my own family!
Seattle, Washington
Crazy Like a Bunny
Older woman, picking up a bag of peppermints: I still have candy corn out from Halloween. Is it okay to have peppermints and candy corn out at the same time?
Younger woman: What do I look like, Miss Manners? You've been to my house...you know there's still Easter candy out in my candy dishes. And until that goes, I'm not putting anything else out.
Older woman: Now I understand why your children are crazy.
Grocery Store
Hamilton, New Jersey
Overheard by: Currrly!
"Why'd You Come As Yourself,?" They Said
Old woman on bus: I have a skirt like that.
Young professional woman: Really?
Old woman: I can't wear it. I can't wear skirts that short. I'm too old.
Young professional: Oh.
Old woman: But it cost a lot, so I wore it as a halloween costume.
Young professional: Really.
Old woman: Everyone thought I was a hooker.
Portland, Oregon
If You Figure This One Out, Let Us Know
Tayal tribesman bus driver: Sir, do you want to get off at this stop?
Old man: Yes, I want off at this stop, I am going to the dentist's.
Bus driver: What's wrong?
Old man: I have to have a tooth pulled. Can you believe that? I'm 82 but I still have to have a tooth pulled.
Bus driver: If you're going to have one pulled, you may as well have a bunch taken out.
Old man: That won't do, false teeth are expensive.
Bus driver: Then have boar tusks put in.
Old man: Boar tusks?
Bus driver (very earnestly): Yes, you can have two tusks put in on the lower jaw, and when they grow, they'll look great! (uses his fingers to demonstrate how the tusks would look growing out of his mouth)
Old man (laughing): It would take a long time for them to grow.
Bus driver: Not long! You're an old boar, but I'm just a young boar, so yours would grow much faster than mine!
(old man gets off bus laughing cheerfully)
Shout-out: talovich.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Yugan Dali
Categories: Age and ageing | Body parts | Bus | Bus drivers | Default | Guys | Happiness | Health & Hygiene | Old folks | Other sites | Questions | Posted 2009-01-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
See the Truth in the Morning and Die Happy That Night
Old man in hospital bed, to family: I've said it once, and I'll say it again. Tigers are the sharks of the land!
Poughkeepsie, New York
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Default | New York | Old folks | Philosophy | Posted 2008-12-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Made a Great Flotation Device in the Pool
Older woman to younger one: Man, you never spend weekends with your kids! When I was raising my kid I could count the times on one hand that I used a babysitter.
Younger woman: Really?
Eavesdropping young man: Man, I was raised on a babysitter!
Louisville, Kentucky
Overheard by: I'm Adopted
Categories: Advice | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Guys | Kentucky | Kids | Memory lane | Old folks | Women | Posted 2008-12-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unless You Count Vaginal Penetration
Drunk old guy (supported by another): 61 years of celibacy!
Pirate's Alley
New Orleans, Louisiana
Overheard by: Sara
He Died a Happy Man Of Thirty-Five
Old man to teenage girl: Every time he saw an egg he had to eat it.
Melbourne
Australia
And Almost As Many Holes As Most Political Speeches
Old lady: Look at that cheese--such a pretty color! Like one of Hillary Clinton's pantsuits.
Santa Rita Cantina
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Katie
Categories: Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Food | Old folks | Politics | Restaurants | Sensory experiences | Texas | Women | Posted 2008-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Remember This When We Get Back to Detroit
Older man to wife, moving luggage into hotel room: Really, honey? You want to complain about that? You actually want to go to the front desk and tell them that your room is too nice?
Miami, Florida
Overheard by: I'm not complainin'
I've Already Gotten You to Cave on Drugs and Rock N' Roll
Older black man: You love sex! You do! Just admit it!
Young black guy: I won't admit it!
Older black guy: Yes you will! Yes you will!
Fremont Street
Las Vegas, Nevada
Categories: Black people | Default | Feelings | Guys | Nevada | Offers and requests | Old folks | Sex | Posted 2008-11-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And You Didn't Invite Me
Sweet old lady: Well, when we moved to Gilbert we started up a garden and thought we had volunteer tomato plants.
Sweet middle aged lady: Volunteer?
Sweet old lady: You know, they came up without us planting them. So I started watering them and giving them fertilizer, and they got pretty big. Then one day I was eating dinner and I saw a boy jump over our fence in the back, rip out one of the plants, and take off with it!
Sweet middle aged lady: He stole a tomato plant?
Sweet old lady: Well, there was a sheriff down the street a few days later, so I told him about it. He came over to look at them, and told me they were marijuana plants!
Sweet middle aged lady: They weren't tomatoes?
Sweet old lady: I thought they were, but whoever lived there before us must have planted marijuana in their yard, and when I started watering they sprung up again.
Sweet middle aged lady: That gives me a funny feeling, knowing your house had drug users in it.
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Mia
Just to Cite One Example
Grandma: I don't like these halogen lightbulbs. They are ugly, like men's penises.
Calgary
Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: Martha
Freud: See, That's What I Always Thought
Older woman, speaking fondly of her husband: I just want to go home and be with my Dick.
Boise, Idaho
Overheard by: just me
It's More of a Sashay, Really
Older woman to middle aged man walking a dog: Is that how all dogs walk?
Middle aged man: That's how *this* dog walks.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: have you never seen a dog walk before?
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Default | Old folks | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Women | Posted 2008-10-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dunno What All the Fuss Is About
Random old guy: I've been pregnant for 12 months.
Paramus, New Jersey
Overheard by: Russ
Categories: Default | Gender issues | Guys | New Jersey | Old folks | Pregnancy | Time Management | Weirdness | Posted 2008-10-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Like I Was Cleaning My Hand When I Slapped You Just Now
Posh old lady: Well, everyone else said that daddy shot himself, but I still contend that he fell on his gun when he was cleaning it...
Tube, London
England
Overheard by: Wendy Stephens
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | England | Family ties | Feelings | Murder | Old folks | Train | Violence | Women | Posted 2008-10-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Just Our German Chocolate Cake, Ma'am
Little old lady to cashier: Satan puked here.
Rapid City, South Dakota
Categories: Customers | Default | Evil | Old folks | Religious fanatics | South Dakota | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-09-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Golden Girls Had Been a Cable Show
60-something daughter: Mother, your hair looks like crap. You cannot wear your hair like that on Easter.
80-something mother: I do not give a rat's ass what my hair has to do with it. What does Easter have to do with it?
6o-something daughter: Mother! You are going to hell for saying that!
80-something mother: I'm going to hell for saying "Easter"?
60-something daughter: No, mother, for saying "ass"! For saying "ass" on Easter!
80-something mother: Oh, hell, really? Well, most of my family's going to hell anyway, so Easter ass, Easter ass, Easter ass, Easter ass! So, there! Happy?
Grandma's house
Illinois
Got My Own Personal Trail Of Tears Over Here
Crazy old white lady trying on wedding veil: So I always wondered why I didn't look good in these things...until 2004.
Disinterested customer: Oh?
Crazy old white lady: Yeah, then I found out I was part Native American. At least 5%.
Disinterested customer (confused): Oh...?
Crazy, old white lady: Yeah. That's why I don't look good in veils. Cause we Native Americans don't wear them.
Disinterested customer: I got married in a courthouse.
Crazy old white lady: I hate to say it since I am part white, but damn those white people!
Goodwill
Altoona, Pennsylvania
Categories: Clothes | Crazies | Customers | Default | Family ties | History | Insults | Mental illnesses | Old folks | Pennsylvania | Race | Stores | Whiteys | Women | Posted 2008-09-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If It Didn't Grow in Our Garden, She's Not Interested
Cracked out old lady: Yeah, I think it's time for me to get a new dildo.
Cracked out old guy: Oh, really? Why?
Cracked out old lady: I don't know... I'm not getting the same vibrations anymore. You should tell your wife to get one.
Cracked out old guy: Nahh, I don't think she'd enjoy it...
Cracked out old lady: Yeah, true, true.
McDonald's
Surrey, BC
Canadia
We're Not Too Proud to Admit That We Snickered
Granddaughter: Is it wet?
Grandmother: Oh, believe me. It's wet.
Waco, Texas
Overheard by: I need to get whatever they're using.
The Secular Equivalent
Enthusiastic elderly Southern woman: There was BBs flying all through the winders, I was so upset I cried. I wasn't going to church at that time, but I went to Wal-Mart.
McDonald's
Richmond, Kentucky
Overheard by: Akilah
Categories: Christianity | Default | Kentucky | McDonald's | Memory lane | Old folks | Women | Posted 2008-09-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Eddie Murphy Is a Thrilling Public Speaker
50-something gentleman: Honey, the last time I ran was from a drag queen prostitute, and that was ten years ago. I don't run.
Valencia Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: McN
Categories: Default | Memory lane | Old folks | San Francisco | Sexuality | Violence | Posted 2008-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I May Also Be Kin to This Cheeseburger
Slightly crazy lady to older man sitting nearby: Hey! You look like my uncle Smitty! Are you kin to me?
Old man, startled: Um, no, I don't think so.
Lady: Well, you never know. I did that genealogy thing and it turns out that I am kin to Pocahontas, Thomas Jefferson and half the men that died at The Alamo.
Dan's Hamburgers
Austin, Texas
Categories: Compare and contrast | Crazies | Default | Family ties | Old folks | Pop culture | Questions | Restaurants | Texas | Women | Posted 2008-08-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ooo-- Actually, I Forgot I Had These Nunchucks
Policeman opening doors of Social Security office: Before I let you in, does anyone have any weapons?
Tiny old lady jumping the queue: Just my fist!
Wilkesboro, North Carolina
Overheard by: Jen
...After Those Pictures Surface of Him in the Cone-Bra
Middle-aged Jewish lady with thick Queens accent flipping through People magazine: So, what do you think about this whole thing with Madonna?
90-year-old man sitting next to her: Who?
Middle-aged Jewish lady: Madonna.
Man: Who?
Middle-aged Jewish lady: Madonna.
Man: Who?
Middle-aged Jewish lady: Madonna!
Man: Oh! The colored guy! Yeah, I don't think he'll win.
Jetblue Flight
Florida to New York
Overheard by: JoeQ
Categories: About celebrities | Airports & flights | Default | Florida | Jews | New York | Old folks | Questions | Posted 2008-08-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What a Great Piece of Ash
(at the woodcarving tent)
Pretentious old lady to others: Mike does amazing things with his wood. (pause) I just *love* his wood.
Art & Wine Festival
Cave Creeek, Arizona
Overheard by: J-Kap
Categories: Arizona | Default | Drinking & drunks | Euphemisms | Old folks | Posted 2008-08-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The British Pudding Market May Fall to Its Knees
Old bearded man with Eastern European accent: The cost of blood is really going up.
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: Sophie
Now She's Standing on Her Head to Keep It There
Old woman to granddaughter: I saw her the other day, and all the fat from her face has slipped down to her boobs.
Piccadilly Circus
London
England
Overheard by: lola
Though Nicole's Already Tagging and Auctioning Off My Belongings
Old lady to friend: I've been praying for the strength to be friendly with Nicole*, but she makes it so difficult! Goddamit, I am going to heaven, so either she has to shape up soon or I have to try not to die!
San Jose, California
Categories: California | Death & dying | Default | Old folks | Religion | Wishes | Posted 2008-07-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What With Mrs. Butterworth Morally Judging Me
Elderly woman: You know... It's so hard to eat pancakes in the nude!
Winchester, Virginia
Overheard by: SB
I'm Not Pregnant!
Old Russian woman: You very strong girl!
Cashier: Thanks.
Old Russian woman: You will birth very easy!
Cashier: Than... wait, what?!
Hannaford
Yarmouth, Maine
Overheard by: Jade
Unless I Can Have Someone Holding the Train Like a Bridesmaid
Old lady: I've lived with my body my whole life, but I don't want it down around my ankles.
Women's Gym
Studio City, California
Categories: Age and ageing | Body parts | California | Compare and contrast | Default | Old folks | Wishes | Women | Posted 2008-06-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Lady, You Live in the Wrong Fucking State
Older woman working out with personal trainer: I'm almost 70 years old. Ask me how much I care how I look. I don't even have a mirror in my bathroom. I was just interested in a chemical peel. They wanted to roll my skin up over my head, take out the fat, then roll it down again, not to mention take out my liver and kidney. And the woman that's dragging me around to this stuff? She's a gusher. I hate gushers. She says: "We'll go through this together". She says: "Ask the gods." Can you imagine me asking the gods for a facelift? What blasphemy. She says: "Tell me about yourself". I say: "You mean the heroin addiction?" She says: "Really?" I say: "Yeah, it was after my two daughters were born, when I started robbing banks to support us." Honestly, everything has to be so sordid before someone will listen to you. You have to have an incestuous affair or something. When in reality, I work all day, then come home and watch TV like the rest of the human race.
Women's gym
Studio City, California
Overheard by: Trying not to howl with laughter
Categories: Age and ageing | Beauty | California | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Health & Hygiene | Insults | Old folks | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-06-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Really? Now All I Have to Do Is Master Shot Callin' and I Can Die Happy!
Teen cashier at checkout: Are you listening to music on an iPod?
Geriatric customer: It's an iPhone.
Teen cashier: Dude, you're ballin'.
Columbus, Indiana
Overheard by: Hoosier
Categories: Age and ageing | Cell phones | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Customers | Default | Employees | Gadgets | Indiana | Old folks | Questions | Teens | Posted 2008-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Who You Callin' a Dias?
Old man with mullet to brown child in stroller: Buenos dias, niñito.
Woman pushing stroller: We're black. He knows English.
Gallivan Center Trax Station
Salt Lake City, Utah
Their Lips Say "Shut Up" But Their Eyes Say "Play On!"
Young woman, after graphic conversation about sex and drugs: Do you ever think, while we're talking: "Wow, the people on the train are so lucky to get to listen to us on their morning commute!"?
Older woman: Oh my god, all the time.
Train
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: catherine
Categories: Australia | Compliments | Default | Old folks | Pride | Public Transportation | Questions | Train | Women | Posted 2008-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just the Ones That Don't Fly, Kiddo
Five-year-old to grandma: You're just jealous cuz you don't like monkeys.
Target
Virginia
Overheard by: JH
The Chicken Doesn't Count, Sir
60-year-old journalism professor: Oh, the choking game? Heh... I play that all the time.
Emerson College
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: Bragging | Colleges & Universities | Games | Massachusetts | Old folks | Questions | Teachers | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Low-Maintenance People Live Longer, Anyway
Little old lady: I'm not a Pina Colada type. Give me a Coors Light and a nice doobie and I'm good.
Women's Gym
Studio City, California
Overheard by: urzzz
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drugs | Happiness | Offers and requests | Old folks | Women | Posted 2008-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Does "Mountainous Region" Sound Dirty to Us?
Older man walking: I know we live in a mountainous region, but if we lived in a really mountainous region I'd wear pants.
University of Massachusetts
Amherst, Massachusetts
Overheard by: I'd wear pants too...
Categories: Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Geography | Guys | Massachusetts | Old folks | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then Whose Funeral Was I Just Attending?
70-something woman to 80-something woman: Oh hello, so you're still alive?!
Wloclawek
Poland
Overheard by: renia
Categories: Age and ageing | Death & dying | Etiquette | Old folks | Poland | Questions | Women | Posted 2008-05-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Said She's Too Old to Start Wearing Pleather Again
Old lady to another: Mary started crying because she thought they were taking her back to New Jersey.
Pizza Shop
Lima, Pennsylvania
Categories: Fears | Feelings | Friends | Gripes | Old folks | Pennsylvania | Restaurants | US Geography | Women | Posted 2008-05-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let's Hope English Isn't Her First Language and Move On
Old lady speaking to granddaughter: What exactly is a handjob?
Huddersfield
England
Overheard by: your how old and you don't know what?
Categories: Euphemisms | Family | Masturbation | Old folks | Questions | UK | Women | Words | Posted 2008-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is That Why You Keep Flinging Rocks at My Forehead?
Little boy: I don't have a grandma!
Grandma: Yes you do sweetie...
Little boy: No! I don't have a grandma!
Grandma: Yes you do...
Little boy: No, you're a giant!
Grocery Store
Colorado
Overheard by: Not a Giant or a Grandma
Categories: Colorado | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Family | Family ties | Fears | Guys | Kids | Kids | Old folks | Sensory experiences | Stores | Women | Posted 2008-05-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Do You Have to Bring Ross Perot Into Everything?
Old man employee:... So I was at the Cabbage Patch Kid factory in Georgia...
Young trailer trash dude employee: Cabbage Patch Kids?!? I'd rather hold hands with a midget clown than play with one of those things!
Hardware Store
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: kat
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Coworkers | Feelings | Guys | Old folks | Stores | Posted 2008-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Doesn't Smoke, Never Misses a Curfew...
Well-dressed older lady: That's definitely one of the better diphthongs.
Montgomery Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: California | Compliments | Default | Old folks | Women | Words | Posted 2008-03-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sometimes You Do Know What You're Missing
Little old lady to husband: I don't care how many times you've washed it or how clean it is! I've lived 60 years without my tongue making acquaintance with your asshole, and I'm not about to introduce the two of them now!
St. Louis Street
Lebanon, Illinois
Overheard by: AlternknitiveKnitter
Categories: Ass | Body parts | Couples | Default | Gripes | Illinois | Licking | Old folks | Time Management | Posted 2008-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Smokers and Belchers Rise Straight to the Top
Grandpa to grandson: ... And no one but nobody can be a young leader if they crack their knuckles!
Washington, DC
Categories: Advice | Default | Family | Health & Hygiene | Lies | Old folks | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-03-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Our Backyard Squirrels Just Don't Hold the Allure They Once Did
60-ish lady: If it weren't for Dancing with the Stars, I don't know what we'd be watching!
Whole Foods
Ridgewood, New Jersey
Categories: Compliments | Default | New Jersey | Old folks | Stores | TV shows | Women | Posted 2008-03-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Poodleskirtectomy Had Saved Warren's Life
Old man: I recently had surgery. What was it I had removed? Something that starts with a 'P'...
Old lady: Was it your pancreas?
Old man: No... It wasn't my penis, either, because I definitely still have that.
L.L. Bean Outlet
Wareham, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Amanda
Categories: Default | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Massachusetts | Old folks | Questions | Women | Words | Posted 2008-03-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Distant, Constipated, and Lonely, That's the Life for You
Little old lady: Are you here to poop? That's what I just did. Everybody poops. It feels great! Such a relief!
Preschool girl: Yeah!
Girl's mom: Come on, honey... What have I told you about talking to crazy strangers?
Bathroom, Target
Novi, Michigan
So, Why'd God Break Your Hip, Myrtle?
Old lady #1: ... And now he's crippled!
Old lady #2: Well, of course he is. That's what God does to people who get divorced.
Old lady #1: That's true.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Voudou
Categories: God | Maladies | Old folks | Relationships | Wisconsin | Posted 2008-02-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Is Mathilda's Follow-Up Question to Everything
Young girl: Where is your husband?
Old woman: Oh, honey, my husband is up in heaven.
Young girl: I'm sorry... Did he get eaten by a crocodile?
Flight to Bermuda
Overheard by: elizabeth
Categories: Airports & flights | Animals | Kids | Old folks | Questions | Posted 2008-02-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah, I'm the Smart-Ass Who Isn't Out of Insulin
Woman behind counter: The doctor isn't here.
Old lady: What about a nurse?
Woman behind counter: The nurses aren't allowed to write prescriptions.
Old lady: Well, you know, you're a fucking smartass.
Memphis, Tennessee
Overheard by: Jesa
I Mean, Does That Line Ever Work?
Naked old man: You know, they say you really shouldn't hang meats anymore.
Fully-clothed hipster: ... Really?
YMCA locker room
Chicago, Illinois
But All You Have Are Seven Cats and a Yarn Collection!
Grandmother: I had to write you out of my will.
10-year-old grandson: What? Why?
Grandmother: You never called. I can't give you money and things if you never call.
10-year-old grandson: But I love you.
Grandmother: You can't just say it! You have to mean it and show it! I'm keeping you out of the will!
Target
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Death & dying | Family ties | Georgia | Gripes | Kids | Kids | Money | Old folks | Posted 2008-02-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Never Borrowing Your Hankie Again
Old lady to another: I don't like toilet paper. I think it's such a waste.
Mt. Vernon, New York
Overheard by: Not sure if I should laugh or puke
Categories: Health & Hygiene | New York | Old folks | Posted 2008-01-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Keep Walking, Beatrice
Older lady: What's a whiffy?
Man, confused: What's... a whiffy?
Older lady: Right there! It says, 'Free whiffy' -- W-I-F-I.
Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Overheard by: Jen