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Make the Solution Come to You
Nursing lab instructor: You don't go down when you're suctioning.
College
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Yoshi
Categories: Advice | Maladies | Massachusetts | Nurses | Words | Posted 2010-11-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight's Movie: The Long Goodbye
Nurse to elderly woman trying to escape from old folks' home: Come on, ma'am, we need to get you back inside.
Elderly woman: I don't need to get back inside, I need to get home! Rape! Rape!
Christchurch
New Zealand
Now How About a Nice Tranq Dart?
Confused elderly female patient, trying to punch staff: If you kill me, my family will hunt you down and take all your money!
Nurse's aide, trying to clean up patient: Yeah, we hear that a lot.
Hospital
Burlingame, California
Categories: California | Crimes | Death & dying | Doctor's office | Family ties | Nurses | Old folks | Threats | Posted 2010-04-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Trust Me-- I Saw It on Ellen.
Nurse: We had the father bless the house when we moved in, but weird stuff keeps happening. I don't think the spirits are happy.
Secretary: Happy? You need the priest to exorcise your house! You want the spirits to be gone, not just happy!
Hospital
Burlingame, California
Overheard by: Just here for the paycheck
Categories: California | Doctor's office | Employees | Happiness | Magic | Nurses | Religion | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2010-01-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Cardiac Arrest Is Just Your Body Saying "Thank You"
Woman in nurse scrubs: It's like my brother says, "bread is merely a vehicle for butter to enter the body".
Italian Restaurant
Toms River, New Jersey
Categories: Food | New Jersey | Nurses | Restaurants | Science | Posted 2009-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
With a Little Cinnamon and Some Splenda. What?
Nursing student #1, about absent classmate: If she'd have kept her fucking mouth shut and not been a motherfucking snitch we wouldn't be in this mess!
Nursing student #2: Why'd she snitch on us?
Nursing student #1: I don't know, but she think she the best thing since apple sauce!
(long pause)
Nursing student #1: I really like applesauce!
Marian College
Indianapolis, Indiana
When Halloween Safety Goes Too Far
Bored school nurse: Valerie, do you remember the name of the little girl who ate the glowstick last week?
Elementary School
Utah
Unless You're Dying, You Have a Better Life Than This Guy
Nurse: Is there any chance you're pregnant?
Lady, looking at husband in disgust: No, you have to have sex to get pregnant.
(husband looks at floor and shakes his head)
Hospital
Tennessee
Overheard by: the guy behind you
After I Rolled Your Lungs and Smoked the Tar Out of Them
Nurse #1 (during break): I hope you don't mind, I took one of your cigarettes from your purse because I was really craving one.
Nurse #2: it's no problem. (pause) Wait. Was it my last one?
Nurse #1: Yeah...is that a problem?
Nurse #2 (furious): Are you fucking kidding me?!
Nurse #1: Yeah, yeah, relax! I was just kidding. There's two more in there.
Nurse #2: Oh my god. Don't joke about things like that.
Nurse #1 (nervously): Hahaha. I'd be lying if I told you I wasn't scared for my life just now.
Nurse #2 (seriously): And I'd be lying if I told you I wasn't thinking of places to hide your body.
Geneva General Hospital
Geneva, New York
Overheard by: molly guns
And I Had Seventeen Ping Pong Balls Ready for Exvagination
Nurse #1: How was your weekend?
Nurse #2: It was great, except Heather* got kind of wild. I mean I've never seen anyone be...first drink they're fine, second drink they're fine, third drink they're naked and pole dancing.
Nurse #1, shaking head: Wow.
Nurse #2: Yeah, it was probably a mistake to go drinking at the bar she used to work at.
Heather*: I don't remember any of it, but when I got home my bra was filled with twenties.
Albany General Hospital
Albany, Oregon
Categories: Clothes | Default | Drinking & drunks | Jobs & Careers | Money | Nurses | Oregon | Women | Posted 2009-01-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah, I'm the Smart-Ass Who Isn't Out of Insulin
Woman behind counter: The doctor isn't here.
Old lady: What about a nurse?
Woman behind counter: The nurses aren't allowed to write prescriptions.
Old lady: Well, you know, you're a fucking smartass.
Memphis, Tennessee
Overheard by: Jesa
Must Be One of Those Quaint Maine Colloquialisms We've Been Hearing About
Nurse: Wow! That's quite some rash you have there.
Patient: Yeah, I feel like a used condom.
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: devulgari
Categories: Health & Hygiene | Maine | Nurses | Posted 2007-10-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
