Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | People

Now Aren't You Glad We Went Through My Daughter's Sock Drawer?

Middle-aged woman, to older woman: Those were some really good drugs!

Dunkin' Donuts
University of Rhode Island

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Drugging Miss Daisy

Old white lady, leaving table with a flourish: Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to the bathroom to shoot up.

Lemongrass
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: Loves Her Some Thai Food

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Typhoid Mary Was Also an Avid Bowler

Woman at table dining with friend: I mean, I love infectious diseases, don't get me wrong, but that's not my life.

Red Restaurant
Nashville, Tennessee

Overheard by: kyndgrrl

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It's No Country for Old Women, Either

Middle aged woman to another: It's not the hot flashes that are so bad... It's the depression.

BeauJo's
Ft. Collins, Colorado

Overheard by: always listening

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I Mean, Priests Know about These Things, Right?

Woman: So then he said either I have to quit smoking, or I have to have a baby.

Outback Steakhouse
Leominster, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Amycakes

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When My God Fills Me Up, I Gain Five Pounds.

Lady #1: This cheese is sooo good.
Lady #2: Mmm, it is nice.
Lady #1: No, but it is really good. I mean, cheese is just amazing. I mean, it's not like you grow it or anything -- it's man-made, from just milk. And a bit of mold! It's incredible!
Lady #2: Wow, you really love it, don't you?
Lady #1: Cheese is my religion.

Palazzo Versace, Gold Coast
Queensland
Australia

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There'll Be No Puss in Boots

Woman, speaking up to friends: My cat is gay, and I'm okay with that... I tell the groomer he wants the pink bow, not the plaid one.

Restaurant
Columbia, South Carolina

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Cracked Rear View

Woman #1: Hey, you look good.
Woman #2: Thanks! I've been working out... Wanna feel my ass? [Protrudes her rear.]

Arlington, Texas

Overheard by: AmadeusMaxwell

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This Big Slab of Steak Brought Them to Mind

Lady to friends: So, have you been to see the cadavers yet?

Restaurant Zoe
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: of bugle be uncouth

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Instead of Just Giving Head, Like Her Classmates

Woman: She's 12 and she's already having candlelight dinners!

Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com

Overheard by: girl in scrubs

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That's So Cute

Lady: ... So she goes, 'I don't even know if it counts as sex. It was just, like, in and out in one second.' And she's only fifteen!

Restaurant, Belltown
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: of bugle be uncouth

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I'm Pretty Sure That's the Way to a Man's Heart

Woman #1: So, how's it going with you and Dave?
Woman #2: Good! He told me that he loved me!
Woman #1: Really?
Woman #2: Well, yeah, but I'm not looking too far into it because he said it when I had his entire dick in my mouth.

Tim Horton's
Buffalo, New York

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Be Wary of Their Explosive Diarrhea

Old woman: That's the problem with men -- they treat kids like little adults instead of like--
Younger woman: --Kids?
Old woman: No. Like terrorists.

Washington, DC

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If So, Have I Got the Portable Fainting Couch for You!

Loud lady to friend: So, have you fallen down in any more parking lots this summer?

Panera Bread
White Marsh, Maryland

Overheard by: just eatin my lunch

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The Castration Can't Have Helped Any of That

Woman #1: I think my new cat is different.
Woman #2: What do you mean by different?
Woman #1: I'm pretty sure he's metro-sexual, because he meows like a girl.
Woman #2: It could be worse.
Woman #1: Well, I don't know -- I'm fairly sure he has abandonment issues, too.

Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com

Overheard by:

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... Somewhere Other Than a Cubicle

50-year-old woman: I can't wait to retire so I can drop acid.

Spokane, Washington

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I Would So Hold Her Hair

Lady #1: I tell you what, I just love that Kelly Ripa.
Lady #2: Oh my god, I know! She's so tiny!
Lady #1: And tan! She must work out every day!
Lady #2: No, she probably just pukes.

Austin, Texas

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They Pretty Much Assume the Shape of Whatever They Sit or Lie on

Loud woman to friend: So, I'm seeing all these people with waistband numbers in the triple digits, and I wonder how they stay in such a shape, y'know?

Norwood, Massachusetts

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Just Like Mother Theresa

Woman #1, to table of friends: Well, I'm getting old, too. I'm getting wrinkles.
Woman #2: The thing is, you're so fucking ugly that no one notices when you get old.

Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com

Overheard by: Me.

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I Don't Think the Porn Mass Is Ever Going to Win Vatican Approval

Woman: ... And he walked down the church aisle and just started licking himself!

King of Prussia Mall
Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Zofie

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With the Lawnmower

Woman #1, wearing an arm cast: Yeah, so my husband broke his hand now, too.
Woman #2: How'd he do that?
Woman #1: I ran it over with my car.
Woman #2: Why?!
Woman #1: Well, he ran mine over first!
Woman #2: I guess I can see that as a good reason...

Shout-out: overheardinlakecounty.blogspot.com

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Oh, Great. Another Starbucks Mug

Lady #1: Oooh... These cups are so cute!
Lady #2: Did you notice they have them set out on the drive-through window? Very smart. All the husbands who forgot to buy presents for their wives will be bringing home Starbucks mugs today.
Lady #1: After 21 years of marriage, I buy my own gifts.

Shout-out: www.overheardinvancouver.ca

Overheard by: erin

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Don't Try to Change Me, Baby

Lady to another: I can't believe it! He's actually getting married! I mean, now he'll have to do normal things like eat and bathe.

Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com

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That's the Nature of the Therapeutic Relationship

Woman: Well, yes, of course I'm making it all up. But you know it's true.
Friend: Oh, yes!

Auckland
New Zealand

Overheard by: Ross

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We've Scheduled an Intervention for Saturday

Woman #1: So... How's your daughter?
Woman #2: She's growing up to be a New Yorker.

Trident Coffee Shop, 940 Pearl Street
Boulder, Colorado

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So Maybe a Woman President Would Be Okay

Lunching ladies to man nearby: Well, we're not crazy, and we have vaginas.

Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com

Overheard by: paul

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What a Judgmental Bitch

Woman #1: Yeah, well, she's really not friends with him anymore. You know, since he held that knife up to her throat?
Woman #2: Yeah.

Thorold, Ontario
Canadia

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And That's When I Knew: Motherfucker Was Dead

Woman #1: Motherfucker knew I was wearin' a thong.
Woman #2: Mmm-hmmm.
Woman #1: Motherfucker knew my booty was shakin'.
Woman #2: Mmm-hmmm.
Woman #1: Motherfucker did nothin'.

The Loop
St. Louis, Missouri

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So I'm Just Going to Assume It's Jesse Jackson

Lady #1: ... And I don't even know who the daddy is!
Lady #2: That's hilarious!

B. Dalton - College Square Mall
Cedar Falls, Iowa

Overheard by: Darcy

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I'm Saving My Mouth for Marriage

Middle-aged woman to friend: I will text the shit out of your ass, but I will not leave you a voicemail!

The Premiere Grill
Valparaiso, Indiana

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