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If He Dies, They'll Probably Let You Cut All the Lines
Eight-year-old kid in line for Universal Studios park ticket: I know how to get a discount ticket.
Eight-year-old friend: How?
Eight-year-old kid: You get your friend to come along with you, then you stab him in the neck and say "My friend's dying, can we have discount tickets?"
Universal Studios
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Death & dying | Default | Friends | Kids | Kids | Money | Offers and requests | Should have used a condom | Tourist attractions | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Happens When You Breastfeed at Trendy Lounges
Little boy, to stoic mother in shoe aisle: I love the night life! I like the boobies! I love the night life! I like the boobies!
(five minutes later, at checkout lane)
Little boy, to stoic mother: I love the night life! I like the boobies! I love the night life! I like the boobies!...
Kohl's
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Me too, my man.
Categories: Body parts | Default | Illinois | Kids | Moms | Should have used a condom | Stores | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2008-06-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ever Wonder What Happens to the Child Actors on SVU?
Mother to impatient son: Do you want to show me how you count?
Five-year-old: Ok. One. Two. Three. Fuck.
Mother: What!? Adam*, you know you're not supposed to say...
Four-year-old: Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Mother: Adam*, I said stop! That's a very, very bad word.
Four-year-old, putting hands on ears: You fuck, you fuck, you fuck.
Holt Renfrew
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: M
Instead of Prison, Convicts Should Be Sentenced to Host Slumber Parties
Group of little girls to window poster: Hannah Montana! Hannah Montana! Hannah Montana!
Exasperated father: Don't kiss that!
Mall
San Diego, California
Categories: California | Dads | Default | Family | Girls | Kids | Malls | Offers and requests | Should have used a condom | Siblings | TV shows | Posted 2008-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do I Have to Rationalize for Everyone in This Family?
Fat kid: Mom, I wanna go on a diet.
Fat mom: You don't need to go on a diet, you're too young!
Fat kid: You aren't too young.
Fat mom: Shush.
Meat Section at Publix
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Trevor Allen
Categories: Advice | Age and ageing | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Diet & weight | Fat people | Florida | Moms | Should have used a condom | Stores | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Expect Ingratitude. And Sass-Mouth
Mother, shouting at her child: You get mad at me for the things I don't do, and you never appreciate the things I do do!
Little girl: Hahaha, you said doodoo!
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Girls | Gripes | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Words | Posted 2008-04-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Zeus Was Quite the Problem Child
Little boy #1: [Makes peeing sound, pretends to pee.]
Little boy #2: That's nothing! Feel the wrath of my penis!!
Macy's in Fashion Square Mall
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Stephanie
Categories: Bragging | Compare and contrast | Florida | Friends | Guys | Kids | Malls | Pee | Penis | Sensory experiences | Should have used a condom | Posted 2008-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kid Must've Been Horrible to Get Taken to a Fabric Store
Six-year-old kid: Will you come over to our place?
Mom's friend: No.
Six-year-old kid: Why not?
Mom's friend: Because you're annoying.
Mom: See? I told you!
Fabric Store
DeKalb, Illinois
Ummm, We're at a Wal-Mart in Tennessee.
Mom: Do you want to take your coat off?
Toddler: Go to hell!
Wal-Mart
Hendersonville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Tanner
She Didn't Die, but She Did Laugh Until She Wet Herself
Four-year-old boy to girl his age: Boom-chicka-boom-chicka-boom-chicka-boom! I take it out of my pants and then you die!
Christchurch Airport
Christchurch, New Zealand
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: New Zealand | Should have used a condom | Threats | Posted 2008-02-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Does It Sound Like?
Little girl: If you take my Timon and Pumbaa straw, I will kill you.
Mother: Is that a threat?
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Moms | Should have used a condom | Threats | Posted 2008-02-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How You Know You've Raised a Roman
Mother: See that stone sculpture? The lion is attacking the poor man underneath it. The man may get eaten up by the lion!
Eight-year-old daughter: Go, lion!
Mother: No, no, no, no!
www.talovich.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Yugan
Categories: Animals | Massachusetts | Moms | Should have used a condom | Violence | Posted 2008-02-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
From the Runaway Best-Seller Is My Child Goth?
Mother to two laughing children running down sidewalk: Get back here! Hold her hand! Get back here right this instant! [Catches them and grabs their hands, pulling them back towards their house, pointing at a nearby car.] That car is sitting there. What if that man would have backed out and hit you?! What if he couldn't have seen you? What then?
Four-year old boy: Then hooray! Hooray!
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Kids | Moms | Should have used a condom | Stupidity | Posted 2008-02-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dad: You Know, Honey, He's Got a Point
Four-year-old to mom: Mom, you should get a new husband -- one that will do more stuff with us. And Daddy can get a new wife -- a skinny wife.
Orlando, Florida
Categories: Advice | Florida | Should have used a condom | Posted 2008-01-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Can't Imagine How That Made 'em the Dominant Culture
Little Hispanic boy: I want more food.
Dad, calmly: Okay. We just have to get another plate.
Little Hispanic boy: But I want more food!
Dad: Okay! We just need to go get you another plate.
Little Hispanic boy: But I want more food!
Dad, yelling: I said 'okay'! I just have to get you a new plate!
Little Hispanic boy, shocked: You yelled at me...
Dad: Well, I tried speaking to you like a white man, but you wouldn't listen.
Chinese buffet
Reading, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Hole
Categories: Dads | Gripes | Pennsylvania | Race | Should have used a condom | Posted 2008-01-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Going to the Electrolysist.
Three-year-old: I have two daddies! I have two daddies!
Irritated mother, dragging child out of store: Come on.
Target
Merced, California
Overheard by: oh. my. god.
Categories: California | Family ties | Moms | Should have used a condom | Posted 2008-01-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Water You Lookin' At?
Kid looking at periodic table of elements: Isn't H2O up there somewhere?
Bowie High School
Austin, Texas
Categories: Questions | Should have used a condom | Texas | Posted 2008-01-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Once Your Testicles Drop, What Else Is There?
Mom: This is ridiculous! Why are you crying?
Wailing four-year-old: Because I have no reason left to live!
701 Russell Avenue
Gaithersburg, Maryland
But I'm Willing to Share
Three-year-old girl, cheerily scratching at rash: I have excema!
Crowded train
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Eggs
Categories: Maladies | Oregon | Should have used a condom | Posted 2008-01-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Just Like Daddy's!
Five-year-old boy holding red dress: Mommy! Mommy, look! I stealed this for you!
Macy's
Stanford, California
Categories: California | Crimes | Should have used a condom | Posted 2008-01-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Portrait of the Purell Addict As a Young Boy
Little boy at hand-drying machine: Dad, aren't you going to smell my hands so you know they're clean?
Dad: No, it's okay. Let's go.
Little boy, getting angry: Smell them. Smell them! Smell them!
Restroom, Scottsdale Fashion Square
Scottsdale, Arizona
Overheard by: mine were clean
Categories: Arizona | Health & Hygiene | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dear Social Services, Something's Afoot.
Child #1: Let's play house!
Child #2 to child #3: You're the baby! [Children #1 and #2 start slapping child #3.]
Child #3: Stop the game! Stop the game!
Windjammer Inn
Burlington, Vermont
Categories: Should have used a condom | Vermont | Violence | Posted 2007-12-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Over by the Vulvic Republic
Heavy guy looking at atlas: What's a 'labia'?
Son: One of those Eastern European countries.
Barnes & Noble
Peoria, Illinois
Categories: Dads | Illinois | Questions | Should have used a condom | Stupidity | Posted 2007-12-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stop Poking at My Fishnets, Please
Four-year-old girl: You look like a hooker.
Young mom, laughing: That's not very nice. Where did you learn that.
Four-year-old girl: Hooker, hooker, hooker.
Young mom, annoyed: You watch too much TV.
Dressing room
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Because that IS Barneys favorite word...
Categories: Should have used a condom | Texas | Words | Posted 2007-12-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Either That or Drown the Baby When You're Not Looking
Little girl to mom bending over stroller: Fine, to make you happy I'll dress up in my little baby clothes so you'll pay attention to me.
Panera Bread
Lewisville, Texas
Categories: Gripes | Should have used a condom | Texas | Posted 2007-11-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Resist, Brothers, with Your Last Bit of Strength!
Kid: Reading isn't natural.
Taco Del Mar
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: with a friend, listening to her kid talk with another kid
Categories: Philosophy | Should have used a condom | Washington | Posted 2007-11-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's My Upper Lip, Sweetie
Three-year-old boy: Mum, where is your vagina?
Mum: Tom, you know where it is...
Three-year-old boy: Ohhh, is that it, under all that hair?
Ladies' room
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Anna
Categories: Australia | Questions | Should have used a condom | Vagina | Posted 2007-10-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Like a Message from God
Daughter: You sure are being stupid today.
Mom: Duh, I have bird poo in my hair.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Insults | Moms | Poop | Should have used a condom | Washington | Posted 2007-10-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're a One Trick Pony, Lady
Mom: Nathan, stop it! Stop it! Get ov-- [Nicely] Come over here, Nathan...
Misbehaving boy: Nooo! I know you're going to spank me!
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: Glad she's not my mom
Categories: Canadia | Moms | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-09-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Don't You Question the Way I Put Food on Our Table
Mother: Derek, come back here!
Five-year-old: No! You can't tell me what to do! I'm going to go gamble some more! [Runs off.]
CAT ferry from Nova Scotia to Portland, Maine
Overheard by: Misaki
Categories: Boat/Ferry | Games | Moms | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-09-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because If So, You'll Have to Add the Sexy Dance
Little girl, singing: Hey! I'm a crazy bitch, but I fuck so good you're on top of it when you dream of doing me all night...
Father: What the fuck?! Are you trying to get taken by the social worker?!
Food Court, Connecticut Post Mall
Milford, Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Dads | Music | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-09-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For Love, Apparently
Little girl: I need a knife.
Concerned mother: What? Why?
Little girl: So I can cut your fingers off!
Concerned mother: Ashley*! Now, that's not nice!
Little girl: But I'm hungry!
Old Navy
Plainville, Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Moms | Should have used a condom | Threats | Posted 2007-09-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Need All the Street Cred I Can Get
Very serious little boy to distracted mother: Do you know why I want a solar-powered light saber? Because it's dangerous!
Southwest YMCA, Quito Avenue
Saratoga, California
Overheard by: shyinvisiblegirl
Categories: California | Should have used a condom | Violence | Posted 2007-09-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Michael Moore As a Kid
Eight-year-old boy: Don't you know that the Kool-Aid Man doesn't exist?! He's just a tool for marketing!
Norristown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Lan
Categories: Pennsylvania | Philosophy | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-09-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Solid, Liquid, or Gas?
Kid: Mommy, I have to go to the bathroom.
Mom: It's not too late, is it?
Kid: No, I just let out a little stinker.
Shout-out: overheardinlakecounty.blogspot.com
Categories: Moms | Overheard in Lake County | Poop | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-08-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Have You Been Watching FOX Again?
Eight-year-old girl: Asians are ruining everything.
Mother: What?
Eight-year-old girl: Yeah, the Japanese, the Chinese -- they ruin everything.
Georgia
Categories: Georgia | Moms | Race | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-08-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"Little Bishop" Would Also Have Been Acceptable
12-year-old son: Owww! My penis! My penis! She hit me in the penis!
Mom: Please stop yelling that! We're in public!
12-year-old son: But that's the scientific word for it, Mom.
Mom: I understand, but not everyone appreciates hearing that word in public.
12-year-old son: Okay. Owww! My jimmy! My jimmy! She hit me in my jimmy!
Pet aisle, Wal-Mart
North Carolina
Categories: North Carolina | Penis | Should have used a condom | Words | Posted 2007-07-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only on the Surface
Boy, while AC/DC's "You Shook Me All Night Long" plays: Is this song about bacon?
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Categories: Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-07-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No Tuition Payments after High School
Old Jewish lady: ... And what do you want to be when you grow up?
Six-year-old girl: A shampoo girl.
Four-year-old boy: A hooker!
Mother, smoking: I like it when they have low expectations about life.
São Paulo
Brazil
Categories: Brazil | Jobs & Careers | Moms | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-07-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Father Is by Far the Obvious Choice
Five-year-old girl to sister: Who would you rather kill -- Mummy or Daddy?
Mother: I don't want to hear you talking like that.
Auckland
New Zealand
Overheard by: disturbed
Categories: Moms | New Zealand | Questions | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-07-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why You Should Avoid Talking to Your Kids
Son: Dad, how do people have sex with dogs?
Father, philosophical: Same reason people have sex with sheep... Or horses.
Son: Well, how do dogs get pregnant, then?
Father, quickly: Humans can't get dogs pregnant.
Son: But how do the dogs get pregnant from having sex in the ass?
Father, worried: Nobody can get pregnant from anal sex!
Son: Yeah! Doggy-style!
Father, nervous: Bitches get done in the vagina, which you can do from the back. Believe me, it's back there if you look for it. Dogs never do anal sex -- only people do that.
Son: Hmmm...
Bay area, California
Overheard by: I don't wanna look that hard
Categories: Animals | California |