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Should have used a condom All Categories > People > Kids > Should have used a condom
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Like This Garland That Says "Happy Birthday, Mom"?
Teen son to mother: Whats wrong?
Sulking mother: Well, it's just that it's my birthday and you're all just buying things for yourselves.
Department Store
West Australia
Australia
Overheard by: linda
Categories: Australia | Bringing it back to you | Shopping | Should have used a condom | Wishes | Posted 2010-11-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Is the Happiest Place on Earth?
Dad sitting on a bench, holding misbehaving son: Well, I guess we are going to have to go then. I was really hoping we could enjoy it here...
Son, at the top of his lungs: Whhhhyyyy are you doing this to me!?
Disneyland
Anaheim, California
Overheard by: Mouse Goer
Categories: Family ties | Offspring | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Tourist attractions | Posted 2010-11-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All Of Hef's Kids Have Asked This at Least Once
Little boy: Mommy, can we go back to the giant trampoline where you said you saw sexy daddy?
Sedona, Arizona
Overheard by: J
Categories: Arizona | Names | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Weirdness | Posted 2010-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Two or More People, Honey
Ten-year-old: Mom, what's "shagging"?
Mom: Um... It's like shedding. You know, like how the cat sheds hair on the couch?
Four-year-old: No, it's not. It's when two people have sex. Jeez!
Clarksville, Indiana
I See Rich People
Mourner at funeral: Tut, one of the undertakers left his jacket on that gravestone.
Son of deceased man: We should check it for money... (whispering) Ghost money!
Graveyard
Cork
Ireland
Categories: Death & dying | Ireland | Magic | Money | Should have used a condom | Posted 2010-04-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, That's Just Beer, Sweetie.
Boy, screaming into pregnant mother's belly: We're going to give you up for adoption!
Tanger Outlet
Riverhead, New York
Overheard by: bemused
...According to Perez.
Small child to father: You're a sad puppy that burps. You're a stinky puppy that's sad... and burps.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: elizabeth
Categories: Animals | Burping & farting | Compare and contrast | Family ties | Overheard in PDX | Should have used a condom | Posted 2010-03-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Goal Is to Prevent That, Not Hasten It
Son, in dog food aisle: Why don't we buy this one?
Mom: Because he won't eat it.
Son: But it's cheaper!
Mom: And therefore not good for him.
Son: I don't see what the problem is, he'll be dead soon.
Tesco Supermarket
England
Categories: Animals | Death & dying | England | Food | Moms | Shopping | Should have used a condom | Posted 2010-02-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Woody Allen Was Pretty Much the Same As a Kid
Three-year-old to mom on bus: Mom, can you show me how to play my dvd?
Mom: Sure. Why are you asking me now?
Three-year-old: In case.
Mom: In case? In case of what?
Three-year-old, matter of factly: In case you die.
Madrid
Spain
Categories: Death & dying | Moms | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Spain | Technology | Posted 2010-02-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do You Want Me to Divorce You, Too?
Very well-behaved boy: Mom, I have been so good lately, can I please get a toy?
Very patient mom: Do you have any money?
Very well-behaved boy: Um... no, but you do. I looked in your wallet this morning.
Very patient mom: That's snooping!
Very well-behaved boy: Well, daddy does it all the time!
Salem, New Hampshire
Overheard by: Jenna
Categories: Family ties | Kids | Moms | Money | New Hampshire | Parenting | Questions | Shopping | Should have used a condom | Toys | Posted 2010-01-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Were Only Growing You for the Organs, Anyway
Dad: Buddy, you have to breathe. You can't hold your breath forever.
Son: No! I'm never going to breathe again. I hate it!
Dad: Sounds good.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: kaybay
Categories: Dads | Family | Gripes | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Stupidity | Posted 2010-01-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gin?
Middle-aged father to waitress, about loud toddler daughter: It's an emergency. We need some happy juice.
Restaurant
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: silver
Categories: Baristas | Colorado | Dads | Food | Kids | Offers and requests | Parenting | Restaurants | Should have used a condom | Posted 2010-01-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kids Start Disappointing You As Soon As They Possibly Can
Little girl: Mom, can I buy that doll house?
Mom: No, you don't have enough money.
Daughter: Can't I just use my college money?
Mom: No.
Daughter: But I don't want to go to college, I want the doll house! I don't want to go to college!
Toy Store
Canadia
...With a Real Girl.
Six-year-old boy, firmly groping mannequin's backside: I'm popular! I'm popular! Look, mommy!
Flustered mom: Go be popular over there!
Morganton, North Carolina
Overheard by: Carla
Categories: Kids | Moms | North Carolina | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Posted 2009-12-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Clustered Around the Mayonnaise and Wonder Bread
Aunt: Jared*, put the toy back. We are going to go over to K-Mart, because they have a better selection.
Four-year-old: I don't want to go to K-Mart, auntie! There's too many white people over there!
Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: His (embarassed) Mother
"Don't Jump Off That Building." "Stop Touching That Burner." Nag, Nag, Nag!
Woman to five-year-old daughter in elevator: You're getting off at the wrong floor, sweetie. This is the wrong floor... The wrong floor... The wrong floor! God, do you ever listen to me?
Five-year-old daughter: I'm trying not to.
Mackinac Island, Michigan
Overheard by: laughing
Your Friends Say It All the Time.
Little girl, singing: You got a fat butt, you got a fat butt!
Mother: Now sweetie, that's not nice to say about mommy.
Little boy: But its true!
Dressing Room
Union, New Jersey
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: Ass | Assholes | Comebacks | Diet & weight | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Posted 2009-11-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...For Not Driving a Hybrid.
Four-year-old girl being dragged away by mother: I'll kill you! I'll kill you!
West Hollywood, California
Overheard by: Juanito
Categories: California | Kids | Moms | Murder | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Threats | Posted 2009-10-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Grow Up So Fast
3-year-old in parking lot: Mommy, I want MONEY!
Mother: Yes, honey. Me too.
Gilroy, California
Overheard by: just a cart pusher
Categories: California | Kids | Moms | Money | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-09-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Guns Vs. Butter Model Of Parenting
Dad: Do you want to get McDonald's?
Boy, screaming: No!
Dad: Do you want to get Burger King?
Boy: No!
Dad: Do you want to get ice cream?
Boy: No!
Dad: Do you want to get machine guns?
Boy: Yes.
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: Lacy
I Thought You Didn't Want To?
Mom to toddler girl: What fish should we get today? Salmon or tilapia or flounder?
Toddler girl: Is that "flounder" like in Little Mermaid?
Mom: Well, it's a fish, like flounder was.
Toddler girl: I want to eat flounder! Let's cook him. Mommy, can we eat Nemo too?
Costco
Fairfax, Virginia
Portrait Of the Scat Fetishist As a Young Man
Little boy, gleefully wiping chocolate on his father's white pants: I'm wiping your butt! Haha! I'm wiping your butt!
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Categories: Ass | Candy | Cleanliness | Dads | Kids | Michigan | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Posted 2009-09-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How You Know It's Time to Call Jenny
Mother to three-year-old son: Can I call you "my dear"?
Three-year-old son: Can I call you "my moose"?
Austin, Texas
Categories: Animals | Moms | Names | Offers and requests | Should have used a condom | Texas | Posted 2009-09-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What?? It's Not Like I Told Them About Your Giant, Hammy Thighs.
Little girl in next stall: But what if Old Faithful starts going while we're not out there?
Girl's mother: Well, you'll have to pee really quickly so mommy can pee and then we can go.
Little girl: But you take a long time to pee.
Mother: Yes, I know.
(pause)
Little girl: You take a long time to pee.
Mother: Well, thank you for announcing that to the entire bathroom.
Restroom, Old Faithful Inn
Yellowstone National Park, Wyoming
Categories: Kids | Moms | Parenting | Pee | Restroom | Should have used a condom | Time Management | Wyoming | Posted 2009-09-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Parenting, Encapsulated.
Little boy: Mommy, come here! I have a present for you!
(mom comes over, little boy proceeds to dump a bucket of water over her head).
Little boy: Did you like it?
Mom: No.
(little boy dumps another bucket of water on her head)
Neighborhood Pool
New Jersey
Overheard by: CMac
Categories: Gifts | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Stupidity | Posted 2009-09-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ever Watch Any Of Bush's Speeches?
Four-year-old: Mommy, that girl speaks English!
Mother: Yes, she does.
Four-year-old: But nobody here speaks English. Does she really speak English?
Mother: Of course she speaks English! She's white!
Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com
Overheard by: katie
Categories: Kids | Language barrier | Moms | Overheard Lines | Parenting | Race | Should have used a condom | Posted 2009-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Just on That Lady's Shoes.
Overexcited boy in cafe: Mum, mum, mum! Can I play with my new toy? Can I? Can I? Can I?
Disinterested mum: Sure.
Overexcited boy, holding toy: Look! I'm holding my winkle. And I'm peeing. I'm peeing all over the drinks. There's wee everywhere!
Disinterested mum: No, there isn't.
Kingston-Upon-Thames
England
Overheard by: Ben
Categories: Drinking & drunks | England | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Parenting | Pee | Should have used a condom | Toys | Posted 2009-08-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Babies Learn to Run Away Before They Can Walk
Loud fat ghetto chick to baby: See dat? See dat baby walking? That's what you need to be doing. I'm sick of carrying yo' ass around.
Target Parking Lot
Florissant, Missouri
Categories: Advice | Ass | Chicks | Fat people | Kids | Missouri | Moms | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Stores | Posted 2009-08-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Children Don't Blend Well
Little girl to friend: You little... Butter, I'm going to whip you up until you smell like rotten juice!
Park Playground
Tacoma, Washington
Categories: Compare and contrast | Food | Friends | Kids | Sensory experiences | Should have used a condom | Threats | Violence | Washington | Posted 2009-08-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What You Never Knew About Clark Kent's Upbringing
Daddy: If you don't eat...
Three-year-old boy: You'll hit my butt? I like it when you hit my butt, it feels good on my super wee-wee!
Chick-fil-A
Columbia, South Carolina
Overheard by: Carrie
Categories: Ass | Dads | Food | Kids | Parenting | Restaurants | Sensory experiences | Should have used a condom | South Carolina | Threats | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Don't Accept My Low, Low Introductory Offer Right Now
Mother to kid: Stop that right now, or I'm going to give you to a stranger!
Stranger: Good luck finding one who'll take her.
The Baltimore Aquarium
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Cols
Categories: Family ties | Kids | Maryland | Moms | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Strangers | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Know What "Autoeroticism" Means
Four-year-old in shopping cart: Yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda! (repeated over and over)
Mom: Stop that! Stop saying that!
Four-year-old: (continues)
Mom: You don't even know what that means! Just because you don't know what something means doesn't mean you can just repeat it like that. (turns to man behind her in line) I don't know where he gets this stuff.
Four-year-old: I heard it from you, crazy!
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Lindsay
This Is Why I Divorced Your Father
Mother to child: You need to get up off the floor.
Kid: No!
(small dog approaches, starts licking kid's face)
(kid laughs as mother becomes even angrier, then dog begins humping kid)
Kid: Get him off me, get him off me!
Mother, calmly: See? This is what happens when you lie on the floor. This is why we can't lay down on the floor.
Portland, Maine
It Was the Best Of News, It Was the Worst Of News
Young girl in stall with mother: Mommy, what's that?
Mother to young girl: It's called pubic hair, sweetie...all women have it. When you get older, someday you will get some.
Young girl, mortified: Nooooooooooo!
Mall Restroom
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Monica
Categories: Age and ageing | Hair | Kids | Malls | Moms | Parenting | Questions | Restroom | Should have used a condom | Vagina | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-07-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Penny-Pinchers Are Born, Not Made.
Little girl reading plastic bag: "Value village." Value village? Do you know what that is?
Mother: It's a store.
Little girl: It just makes me so happy.
Toronto
Canadia
At the Family Therapist's, She'll Swear That Was a Term of Endearment
Hyperactive four-year-old: I want ice cream! I want ice cream!
Frumpy mother: Go away, my hair is going to fall all over you.
Hyperactive four-year-old: I don't care! I want ice cream! I'm taking your purse!
Frumpy mother: Ryan, if you touch my purse, I'm spanking you! Now go away, you're annoying me!
Hyperactive four-year-old: No, I'm not, are you kidding me?
Frumpy mother (mumbling): You little rodent.
Hyperactive four-year-old: I am not!
Hair Salon
Cumming, Georgira
Overheard by: Caylin
Categories: Default | Food | Georgia | Moms | Offers and requests | Should have used a condom | Threats | Wishes | Posted 2008-11-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...If I Get Some Flan
Six-year-old boy: I want flan. I want flan, mom. I want flan. I've never tried it before. Can we get flan?
Mother: Okay, you need to stop being so annoying.
Six-year-old boy: Maybe.
Supermarket
Northampton, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Adrienne
Categories: Default | Food | Guys | Kids | Massachusetts | Moms | Offers and requests | Should have used a condom | Stores | Wishes | Posted 2008-10-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Confusion Often Found in Young Big Bad Wolves
Mom: Can you sit there and be mommy's good boy just a little longer? We're almost done shopping.
Boy: No. I'm not your good boy. I'm not your good boy anymore.
Mom: Oh you aren't? Then will you be a big boy for me?
Boy: No, I'm not your big boy! I'm not your big boy, and I'm not your good boy anymore.
Mom: Oh really, then what are you?
Boy: I'm a grandma!
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: kari
Categories: Default | Family ties | Guys | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Overheard in PDX | Parenting | Questions | Shopping | Should have used a condom | Posted 2008-09-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jeffrey the Giraffe Went Chuck Norris on Us
Punk kid to friend arriving in mom's minivan: Dude, you missed it! We just got kicked out of Toys "R" Us! It was so awesome!
Outside Movie Theatre
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Crimes | Georgia | Memory lane | Punks | Should have used a condom | Posted 2008-08-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Oprah, Honey
Harried mom: Get off the stage now! It's time to go!
Obstinate toddler: No!
Harried mom: Who's the boss of you?
Obstinate toddler: ...you.
Harried mom: And who's the boss of me?
Obstinate toddler: Daddy!
Harried mom: No!
Barnes & Noble
Plantation, Florida
Overheard by: That Bookseller Chick
Categories: Default | Family ties | Florida | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Questions | Should have used a condom | Stores | Posted 2008-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If He Dies, They'll Probably Let You Cut All the Lines
Eight-year-old kid in line for Universal Studios park ticket: I know how to get a discount ticket.
Eight-year-old friend: How?
Eight-year-old kid: You get your friend to come along with you, then you stab him in the neck and say "My friend's dying, can we have discount tickets?"
Universal Studios
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Death & dying | Default | Friends | Kids | Kids | Money | Offers and requests | Should have used a condom | Tourist attractions | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Happens When You Breastfeed at Trendy Lounges
Little boy, to stoic mother in shoe aisle: I love the night life! I like the boobies! I love the night life! I like the boobies!
(five minutes later, at checkout lane)
Little boy, to stoic mother: I love the night life! I like the boobies! I love the night life! I like the boobies!...
Kohl's
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Me too, my man.
Categories: Body parts | Default | Illinois | Kids | Moms | Should have used a condom | Stores | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2008-06-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ever Wonder What Happens to the Child Actors on SVU?
Mother to impatient son: Do you want to show me how you count?
Five-year-old: Ok. One. Two. Three. Fuck.
Mother: What!? Adam*, you know you're not supposed to say...
Four-year-old: Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Mother: Adam*, I said stop! That's a very, very bad word.
Four-year-old, putting hands on ears: You fuck, you fuck, you fuck.
Holt Renfrew
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: M
Instead of Prison, Convicts Should Be Sentenced to Host Slumber Parties
Group of little girls to window poster: Hannah Montana! Hannah Montana! Hannah Montana!
Exasperated father: Don't kiss that!
Mall
San Diego, California
Categories: California | Dads | Default | Family | Girls | Kids | Malls | Offers and requests | Should have used a condom | Siblings | TV shows | Posted 2008-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do I Have to Rationalize for Everyone in This Family?
Fat kid: Mom, I wanna go on a diet.
Fat mom: You don't need to go on a diet, you're too young!
Fat kid: You aren't too young.
Fat mom: Shush.
Meat Section at Publix
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Trevor Allen
Categories: Advice | Age and ageing | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Diet & weight | Fat people | Florida | Moms | Should have used a condom | Stores | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Expect Ingratitude. And Sass-Mouth
Mother, shouting at her child: You get mad at me for the things I don't do, and you never appreciate the things I do do!
Little girl: Hahaha, you said doodoo!
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Girls | Gripes | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Words | Posted 2008-04-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Zeus Was Quite the Problem Child
Little boy #1: [Makes peeing sound, pretends to pee.]
Little boy #2: That's nothing! Feel the wrath of my penis!!
Macy's in Fashion Square Mall
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Stephanie
Categories: Bragging | Compare and contrast | Florida | Friends | Guys | Kids | Malls | Pee | Penis | Sensory experiences | Should have used a condom | Posted 2008-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kid Must've Been Horrible to Get Taken to a Fabric Store
Six-year-old kid: Will you come over to our place?
Mom's friend: No.
Six-year-old kid: Why not?
Mom's friend: Because you're annoying.
Mom: See? I told you!
Fabric Store
DeKalb, Illinois
Ummm, We're at a Wal-Mart in Tennessee.
Mom: Do you want to take your coat off?
Toddler: Go to hell!
Wal-Mart
Hendersonville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Tanner
She Didn't Die, but She Did Laugh Until She Wet Herself
Four-year-old boy to girl his age: Boom-chicka-boom-chicka-boom-chicka-boom! I take it out of my pants and then you die!
Christchurch Airport
Christchurch, New Zealand
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: New Zealand | Should have used a condom | Threats | Posted 2008-02-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Does It Sound Like?
Little girl: If you take my Timon and Pumbaa straw, I will kill you.
Mother: Is that a threat?
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Moms | Should have used a condom | Threats | Posted 2008-02-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How You Know You've Raised a Roman
Mother: See that stone sculpture? The lion is attacking the poor man underneath it. The man may get eaten up by the lion!
Eight-year-old daughter: Go, lion!
Mother: No, no, no, no!
www.talovich.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Yugan
Categories: Animals | Massachusetts | Moms | Should have used a condom | Violence | Posted 2008-02-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
From the Runaway Best-Seller Is My Child Goth?
Mother to two laughing children running down sidewalk: Get back here! Hold her hand! Get back here right this instant! [Catches them and grabs their hands, pulling them back towards their house, pointing at a nearby car.] That car is sitting there. What if that man would have backed out and hit you?! What if he couldn't have seen you? What then?
Four-year old boy: Then hooray! Hooray!
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Kids | Moms | Should have used a condom | Stupidity | Posted 2008-02-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dad: You Know, Honey, He's Got a Point
Four-year-old to mom: Mom, you should get a new husband -- one that will do more stuff with us. And Daddy can get a new wife -- a skinny wife.
Orlando, Florida
Categories: Advice | Florida | Should have used a condom | Posted 2008-01-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Can't Imagine How That Made 'em the Dominant Culture
Little Hispanic boy: I want more food.
Dad, calmly: Okay. We just have to get another plate.
Little Hispanic boy: But I want more food!
Dad: Okay! We just need to go get you another plate.
Little Hispanic boy: But I want more food!
Dad, yelling: I said 'okay'! I just have to get you a new plate!
Little Hispanic boy, shocked: You yelled at me...
Dad: Well, I tried speaking to you like a white man, but you wouldn't listen.
Chinese buffet
Reading, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Hole
Categories: Dads | Gripes | Pennsylvania | Race | Should have used a condom | Posted 2008-01-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Going to the Electrolysist.
Three-year-old: I have two daddies! I have two daddies!
Irritated mother, dragging child out of store: Come on.
Target
Merced, California
Overheard by: oh. my. god.
Categories: California | Family ties | Moms | Should have used a condom | Posted 2008-01-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Water You Lookin' At?
Kid looking at periodic table of elements: Isn't H2O up there somewhere?
Bowie High School
Austin, Texas
Categories: Questions | Should have used a condom | Texas | Posted 2008-01-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Once Your Testicles Drop, What Else Is There?
Mom: This is ridiculous! Why are you crying?
Wailing four-year-old: Because I have no reason left to live!
701 Russell Avenue
Gaithersburg, Maryland
But I'm Willing to Share
Three-year-old girl, cheerily scratching at rash: I have excema!
Crowded train
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Eggs
Categories: Maladies | Oregon | Should have used a condom | Posted 2008-01-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Just Like Daddy's!
Five-year-old boy holding red dress: Mommy! Mommy, look! I stealed this for you!
Macy's
Stanford, California
Categories: California | Crimes | Should have used a condom | Posted 2008-01-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Portrait of the Purell Addict As a Young Boy
Little boy at hand-drying machine: Dad, aren't you going to smell my hands so you know they're clean?
Dad: No, it's okay. Let's go.
Little boy, getting angry: Smell them. Smell them! Smell them!
Restroom, Scottsdale Fashion Square
Scottsdale, Arizona
Overheard by: mine were clean
Categories: Arizona | Health & Hygiene | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dear Social Services, Something's Afoot.
Child #1: Let's play house!
Child #2 to child #3: You're the baby! [Children #1 and #2 start slapping child #3.]
Child #3: Stop the game! Stop the game!
Windjammer Inn
Burlington, Vermont
Categories: Should have used a condom | Vermont | Violence | Posted 2007-12-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Over by the Vulvic Republic
Heavy guy looking at atlas: What's a 'labia'?
Son: One of those Eastern European countries.
Barnes & Noble
Peoria, Illinois
Categories: Dads | Illinois | Questions | Should have used a condom | Stupidity | Posted 2007-12-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stop Poking at My Fishnets, Please
Four-year-old girl: You look like a hooker.
Young mom, laughing: That's not very nice. Where did you learn that.
Four-year-old girl: Hooker, hooker, hooker.
Young mom, annoyed: You watch too much TV.
Dressing room
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Because that IS Barneys favorite word...
Categories: Should have used a condom | Texas | Words | Posted 2007-12-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Either That or Drown the Baby When You're Not Looking
Little girl to mom bending over stroller: Fine, to make you happy I'll dress up in my little baby clothes so you'll pay attention to me.
Panera Bread
Lewisville, Texas
Categories: Gripes | Should have used a condom | Texas | Posted 2007-11-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Resist, Brothers, with Your Last Bit of Strength!
Kid: Reading isn't natural.
Taco Del Mar
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: with a friend, listening to her kid talk with another kid
Categories: Philosophy | Should have used a condom | Washington | Posted 2007-11-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's My Upper Lip, Sweetie
Three-year-old boy: Mum, where is your vagina?
Mum: Tom, you know where it is...
Three-year-old boy: Ohhh, is that it, under all that hair?
Ladies' room
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Anna
Categories: Australia | Questions | Should have used a condom | Vagina | Posted 2007-10-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Like a Message from God
Daughter: You sure are being stupid today.
Mom: Duh, I have bird poo in my hair.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Insults | Moms | Poop | Should have used a condom | Washington | Posted 2007-10-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're a One Trick Pony, Lady
Mom: Nathan, stop it! Stop it! Get ov-- [Nicely] Come over here, Nathan...
Misbehaving boy: Nooo! I know you're going to spank me!
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: Glad she's not my mom
Categories: Canadia | Moms | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-09-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Don't You Question the Way I Put Food on Our Table
Mother: Derek, come back here!
Five-year-old: No! You can't tell me what to do! I'm going to go gamble some more! [Runs off.]
CAT ferry from Nova Scotia to Portland, Maine
Overheard by: Misaki
Categories: Boat/Ferry | Games | Moms | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-09-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because If So, You'll Have to Add the Sexy Dance
Little girl, singing: Hey! I'm a crazy bitch, but I fuck so good you're on top of it when you dream of doing me all night...
Father: What the fuck?! Are you trying to get taken by the social worker?!
Food Court, Connecticut Post Mall
Milford, Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Dads | Music | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-09-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For Love, Apparently
Little girl: I need a knife.
Concerned mother: What? Why?
Little girl: So I can cut your fingers off!
Concerned mother: Ashley*! Now, that's not nice!
Little girl: But I'm hungry!
Old Navy
Plainville, Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Moms | Should have used a condom | Threats | Posted 2007-09-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Need All the Street Cred I Can Get
Very serious little boy to distracted mother: Do you know why I want a solar-powered light saber? Because it's dangerous!
Southwest YMCA, Quito Avenue
Saratoga, California
Overheard by: shyinvisiblegirl
Categories: California | Should have used a condom | Violence | Posted 2007-09-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Michael Moore As a Kid
Eight-year-old boy: Don't you know that the Kool-Aid Man doesn't exist?! He's just a tool for marketing!
Norristown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Lan
Categories: Pennsylvania | Philosophy | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-09-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Solid, Liquid, or Gas?
Kid: Mommy, I have to go to the bathroom.
Mom: It's not too late, is it?
Kid: No, I just let out a little stinker.
Shout-out: overheardinlakecounty.blogspot.com
Categories: Moms | Overheard in Lake County | Poop | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-08-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Have You Been Watching FOX Again?
Eight-year-old girl: Asians are ruining everything.
Mother: What?
Eight-year-old girl: Yeah, the Japanese, the Chinese -- they ruin everything.
Georgia
Categories: Georgia | Moms | Race | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-08-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"Little Bishop" Would Also Have Been Acceptable
12-year-old son: Owww! My penis! My penis! She hit me in the penis!
Mom: Please stop yelling that! We're in public!
12-year-old son: But that's the scientific word for it, Mom.
Mom: I understand, but not everyone appreciates hearing that word in public.
12-year-old son: Okay. Owww! My jimmy! My jimmy! She hit me in my jimmy!
Pet aisle, Wal-Mart
North Carolina
Categories: North Carolina | Penis | Should have used a condom | Words | Posted 2007-07-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only on the Surface
Boy, while AC/DC's "You Shook Me All Night Long" plays: Is this song about bacon?
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Categories: Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-07-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No Tuition Payments after High School
Old Jewish lady: ... And what do you want to be when you grow up?
Six-year-old girl: A shampoo girl.
Four-year-old boy: A hooker!
Mother, smoking: I like it when they have low expectations about life.
São Paulo
Brazil
Categories: Brazil | Jobs & Careers | Moms | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-07-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Father Is by Far the Obvious Choice
Five-year-old girl to sister: Who would you rather kill -- Mummy or Daddy?
Mother: I don't want to hear you talking like that.
Auckland
New Zealand
Overheard by: disturbed
Categories: Moms | New Zealand | Questions | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-07-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why You Should Avoid Talking to Your Kids
Son: Dad, how do people have sex with dogs?
Father, philosophical: Same reason people have sex with sheep... Or horses.
Son: Well, how do dogs get pregnant, then?
Father, quickly: Humans can't get dogs pregnant.
Son: But how do the dogs get pregnant from having sex in the ass?
Father, worried: Nobody can get pregnant from anal sex!
Son: Yeah! Doggy-style!
Father, nervous: Bitches get done in the vagina, which you can do from the back. Believe me, it's back there if you look for it. Dogs never do anal sex -- only people do that.
Son: Hmmm...
Bay area, California
Overheard by: I don't wanna look that hard
Categories: Animals | California | Dads | Sex | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-07-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... If You're Unable to Catch Flies with Honey
Encouraging seven-year-old girl to another: You can always use weapons.
Elementary school playground
Mount Vernon, New York
Categories: Advice | New York | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-06-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No. And Stop Snorting That Flour
Little girl at checkstand: Mommy, I want to drink my soda out of a paper bag, just like daddy!
Safeway
Lakeport, California
Overheard by: Corinna
Categories: California | Drinking & drunks | Kids | North America | Should have used a condom | Stores | USA | Posted 2007-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But You Could Do That Now!
Future career counselor: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Future asylum inmate: A crazy person that likes to be alone.
Future career counselor: Like a snarly recluse?
Future asylum inmate: Like the Unabomber.
Wausau, Wisconsin
Categories: Jobs & Careers | Kids | North America | Should have used a condom | USA | Wisconsin | Posted 2007-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He's Still Bitter about the Toilet Training
Three-year-old boy yelling at goats: Stop pooping! No more pooping! I said no more pooping!
Mom: Stop yelling at the livestock.
Petting zoo
Long Island, New York
Categories: Moms | New York | Poop | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's the Last Time Mommy Is Taking You to Work
Four-year-old boy, singing: I'm gonna piss in your mouth, I'm gonna piss on your head...
Mom: Sweetie, who are you talking to?
Four-year-old boy: You.
Mom: Oh, okay.
Publix grocery store
Florida
Overheard by: Amused yet appalled
Categories: Florida | Should have used a condom | Stores | Threats | Posted 2007-06-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, Oh, Did I Say That Out Loud?
Eight-year-old boy to self while looking at China teapots: I just love the stuff in here. It's so breakable -- that's what's great about it. That, and it's shiny.
500 Shawnee Street
Leavenworth, Kansas
Overheard by: Rachel
Categories: Kansas | Shopping | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jason Decides Reality Is Too Hard
Mom: Does Mommy look fat in this?
Toddler: Yes!
Mom: No! You're supposed to say no!
Toddler: [Silence.]
Target
Moreno Valley, California
Overheard by: Lisa
Categories: California | Insults | Moms | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-05-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Best Thing You Can Teach a Kid Is How to Suck It Up
Teen daughter screaming hysterically: Daddy, if you loved me you would have gotten me business class!
Ruffled dad: Are you fuckin' kidding me?
Logan International Terminal
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: feeling conflicted in steerage
Categories: Dads | Gripes | Massachusetts | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-05-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why You Shouldn't Teach Kids New Words
Four-year-old: Mommy, are you having a breakdown? [Bored mother ignores child.] Mommy, I'm having a breakdown!
National Gallery
Edinburgh
Scotland
Categories: Gripes | Scotland | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Girls, Learn Some New Insults. Granny, Get with the Program
Teen daughter: You're a dickwad.
Mom: No, you're a dickwad.
Teen daughter: No, you're a dickwad.
Mom: No, you're a dickwad.
Granny, with English accent: What's a dickwad?
Teen daughter: It's a pile of jism, Granny.
Dad: Okay, family meeting right now!
On the subway
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: jezebel
Categories: Canadia | Family ties | Insults | Moms | Old folks | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-05-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Welcome to Your Career
Mother handing son bag of groceries: Here you go.
Son: Me?
Mother: Yes, you, silly.
Son, pouting: But I'm special.
Mother: No, you're not.
Publix
Melbourne Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Ali
Categories: Florida | Moms | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-05-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Always One for the Scrapbook
Kid to mom in car with windows up: Mom! I peed outside today! Mom! Did you hear what I said? I peed outside today! [Mom doesn't respond.] Mom! Mom! I peed outside today! I peed outside today!
Mom, opening the door: Shut up and get in the car.
Kindercare, 196th Street
Lynnwood, Washington
Overheard by: snickerpants
Categories: Gossip | Parenting | Pee | Should have used a condom | Washington | Posted 2007-05-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Rehabilitation Began with Starship Troopers
Boy watching Indiana Jones: Why are the Nazis always the bad guys?
Thug: Who are they supposed to be?
Flowing Wells High School
Tucson, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | History | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Should have used a condom | Thugs | Posted 2007-05-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Love Something, Set It Free
Toddler: Mommy, I want my boogers back!
Bus
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Gripes | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-05-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But God Has Other Plans for Your Death
Woman: It's like paradise!
Small child, excitedly: A paradise where you get killed!
Woman, happily: I'll kill you!
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: ethan I make whittier prettier park
Categories: Overheard in Minneapolis | Should have used a condom | Threats | Posted 2007-05-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why You Never Tell a Kid You Considered Aborting Him
Five-year-old boy: Mommy, I'm gonna scrape your eye out. I take your eyeball right out! Scrape, scrape, scrape! Take, take, take! I got your eyeball, hahaha!
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Should have used a condom | Threats | Washington | Posted 2007-04-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken
Five-year-old girl, happily: ... And then I did it! I peed right in my pants!
Mom: Honey, you shouldn't be proud of something like that. You should be embarrassed.
Five-year-old girl, even happier: Oh, okay! I'm embarrassed!
Whole Foods
Hadley, Massachusetts
Overheard by: velvin
Categories: Massachusetts | Moms | Pee | Should have used a condom | Stores | Posted 2007-04-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Remembers Who Started It? The Important Thing Is We're Going to Finish It
Five-year-old boy walking past deli: Awww... Why do they have to kill chickens?
Seven-year-old sister: Because the chicken is the natural enemy of man.
Maryland
Overheard by: Gary Lewis
Categories: Animals | Other sites | Philosophy | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yup, Bag Balm
Five-year-old girl in dressing room: Mommy, do you put lotion on your boobies?
Victoria's Secret
Oceanside, New York
Overheard by: Gette
Categories: New York | Questions | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Won't Make That Mistake Twice!
Four-year-old: Mommy? When are you going to marry Daddy?
Mom: Shhh...
Trader Joe's
Brookline, Massachusetts
Categories: Massachusetts | Questions | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Was Cleaning My Fist and It Went Off
12-year-old: It's my birthday! You said you would be nice to me today!
9-year-old sibling: No, I said I wouldn't hurt you today.
Washington, Illinois
Overheard by: Laura
Categories: Illinois | Should have used a condom | Siblings | Violence | Posted 2007-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
