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I Hear Target Has Moms at Bargain Prices
Little girl, trying to find her mom: Mommy! Mom! Mom!
(she finds her)
Little girl: Hey, mom!
Mom, totally deadpan: I'm not your mom, you should go find your real mom.
Little girl: Mom...?
Mom: I am not your mom. It's time you go find your real mom.
Little girl: But... Mom...
Mom: Fine, what?!
Bellingham, Washington
Overheard by: Rachel
Categories: Family ties | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2010-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Happens After Every NAMBLA Convention
Mom to eight-year-old son: Do you want pizza tonight?
Son: No! I can't eat that, I just got pregnant!
Naperville, Illinois
Tonight on The Real Single Moms Of New Jersey
Tough, burly, tattooed mom: C'mon, honey, you'll like it!
Tearful four-year-old boy: I don't wanna!
Tough, burly, tattooed mom: Everyone loves the beer store! (pulls boy into beer kiosk)
Collingswood Auction
Farmingdale, New Jersey
Overheard by: not EVERYONE
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Education | Kids | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Parenting | Wishes | Posted 2010-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Like "Always Have a Cigarette After Cocktails"
Woman to screaming toddler in her arms: I'm not going to let you down unless you hold my hand. Are you going to hold my hand?
(toddler screams something unintelligible)
Woman: I'm sorry, I don't make the rules. They're the rules of the President of the United States of America.
Outlet Mall
Leesburg, Virginia
Little Kids These Days Are Snottier Than Ever
Man to two-year-old daughter: I drew a face with eyes, nose and mouth. Can you tell me what's missing?
Two-year-old daughter: The boogers in the nose!
Faulconbridge
Australia
The Grocery Store Is to Me What Internet Porn Is to Your Father
Son: Mom, can we get something?
Mom: No.
Son: Can we get some Life Savers?
Mom: No.
(son walks over with five Hershey bars)
Son: These?
Mother: No. And if I bought them, I'd eat them all in front of you.
Rocky River, Ohio
Overheard by: Beanah
It's Like Using Sarcasm on a Child, Right?
Father to son spending too long to wipe off boo boo with blankie: Do you know the definition of insanity?
Four-year-old son: Yes.
Mount Vernon, New York
Two or More People, Honey
Ten-year-old: Mom, what's "shagging"?
Mom: Um... It's like shedding. You know, like how the cat sheds hair on the couch?
Four-year-old: No, it's not. It's when two people have sex. Jeez!
Clarksville, Indiana
The Wolf Was No Match for Grandma
Dad: Later, we need to find grandma a boyfriend.
Seven-year-old son: Grandma already has a boyfriend, though.
Dad: Really? Who?
Seven-year-old son: She's married to granddad!
Dad: No, no, your other grandma.
Seven-year-old son: Oh yeah, she really needs a boyfriend.
Train
Manchester
England
Categories: Compare and contrast | Dads | England | Family ties | Kids | Relationships | Train | Posted 2010-04-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Were Number Six!
Sex-ed teacher: This 16-year-old girl had nine partners.
Kid in the back: I want to be number ten!
Tampa, Florida
Then My Crush Only Increased.
Ten-year old girl #1: He was pretty cute.
Ten-year old girl #2: I know! I had the biggest crush on him in third grade... until he died.
Santa Fe, New Mexico
Overheard by: Wait. What?
Categories: Death & dying | Feelings | Kids | New Mexico | Posted 2010-04-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...For You, Missy.
Girl to boy: How old are you?
Boy: Two old!
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Age and ageing | Kids | Washington | Words | Posted 2010-04-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
On the Plus Side, We Got Free Flavored Condoms!
Doting, nervous mom: Honey! How was your first day of kindergarten?
Blond little boy, sounding disappointed: My teacher is really thrilled about safety.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: does that mean scissor juggling is out?
Categories: Education | Kids | Moms | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Posted 2010-04-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Have You Seen His Hair?
Indignant little boy: Beethoven is not creepy!
Little girls, in unison: Yes he is!
Melrose, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Categories: Insults | Kids | Massachusetts | Music | Posted 2010-04-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Frankly, You Should Be More Worried About That Burrito
Five-year-old girl to ten-year-old sister: I don't know what you're so worried about. As long as it's not you who throws the first punch, the principal won't yell at you. That's always what happens with me.
Taco Bell
Plainview, New York
Overheard by: Tina
Categories: Education | Kids | New York | Restaurants | Violence | Posted 2010-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Their Evil Is More Insidious
Kid, watching glockenspiel chime: Look mommy, a witch!
Mommy: No honey, that's a nun.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: natalie
Categories: Compare and contrast | Kids | Magic | Moms | Overheard in PDX | Parenting | Religion | Posted 2010-03-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
NewsFlash: Hippie Child Lives in Oregon. Film at 11.
Preschool teacher, helping girl go pee: Did you forget your underwear this morning?
Preschool girl: No, I go commando all the time!
Preschool in Oregon
Overheard by: Non-c
Kids Always Get Payback When You Take Them Shopping
Mom to young son: There's a doggie! Do you know what sound a doggie makes?
Son: Mooo.
Mom, distracted by shiny things: Uh-huh. (pause) Hey! Dogs don't say "moo"!
Target
Leominster, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Manda
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Kids | Massachusetts | Moms | Parenting | Posted 2010-03-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No, Sweetie, That's "I Can't Believe It's Not David!"
Four-year-old girl, pointing to reproduction of David statue: Is that statue made out of butter?
Small Town
Pennsylvania
Categories: Food | Kids | Kids | Pennsylvania | Questions | Posted 2010-03-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Back Up-- What Does "She Gave Me Her Brush" Mean?
Six-year-old boy: I French-kissed my girlfriend today!
17-year-old girl: What? French kissed? You're six!
Six-year-old boy: I still did it. She gave me her brush!
17-year-old girl: You're six! You shouldn't know what French kissing is!
Six-year-old boy: I watch Family Guy.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Mia
Categories: Girls | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Kids | Kids | Pennsylvania | TV shows | Posted 2010-03-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's a One-Dish Meal!
Little boy, watching killer whale: It's a cow made of fish!
Marineland
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Animals | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Kids | Posted 2010-03-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's for Church
Four-year-old boy to group of mothers: Guess what!
Group: What?
Four-year-old boy, excited: I just peed standing up!
Boy's father: That's not something we tell people!
Children's Room, Katonah Library
Katonah, New York
Overheard by: amused librarian
Like Fat Elvis!
Grandmother to little boy: Elvis! Come here, we're going. (to store person) His mother was a big Elvis fan, so now he's a little Elvis.
Little boy: I have hair on my back!
Brisbane
Australia
Categories: About celebrities | Ass | Australia | Compare and contrast | Hair | Kids | Old folks | Posted 2010-02-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hard to Argue
Four-year-old girl, playing with dinosaurs: Today is the best day ever to eat people!
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Miss Ann
And It's Not So Much "Pick Up" As "Break Out"
Little girl pointing to City Hall: That's where we pick up daddy!
Mom: No, it's across the street at the jail.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: not good
Categories: Crimes | Family ties | Kids | Moms | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Posted 2010-02-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Maybe Zack Efron Will Win an Academy Award
Seven-year-old child: How do they get sharks into Sea World?
Tutor: I don't know, maybe they use nets.
Seven-year-old child: Maybe a wizard waves a wand and lifts them into the tanks.
Tutor: Maybe.
Gold Coast
Australia
Here, You Drive.
Seven-year-old boy to playmate: Oh, well, I can't. I've had five beers already.
Dallas, Texas
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Kids | Kids | Texas | Posted 2010-02-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is He Talking About Vagina? Discuss.
Little boy to mother: Mommy, it smells like eating wieners... right?
Walgreens Parking Lot
Port Chester, New York
Overheard by: Ldawg
Wouldn't Going Potty First Be Most Important?
Mother in bathroom stall to small child: We can go soon, but first mommy has to go potty, then put her pants back on. Put her pants back on... That's the most important thing.
Puyallup, Washington
Overheard by: in the next stall...
Categories: Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Pee | Undies | Washington | Posted 2010-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hazelnut Columbian Slave Children Are the Best
Flippy haired kid: Dude, how can you drink coffee? You might as well be like, drinking the tears of Colombian slave children!
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Food | Kids | Kids | Posted 2010-01-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Welcome to the Twilight Zone
30-something guy to seven-year-old kid: So even when you get older you will be spending a lot of time in stores waiting for women to shop... It's boring for us, but looking around and not buying anything is somehow fun for them.
Seven-year-old kid: Oh. You aren't American. Where you from?
30-something guy: I'm from Ireland.
Seven-year-old kid: Ireland? What do they speak there?
30-something guy: English.
Seven-year-old kid: You speak English?
30-something guy: Well, we're speaking English now.
Seven-year-old kid, incredulously: We are?
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Jack
Categories: Foreigners | Gender issues | Kids | Kids | New York | Questions | Shopping | Posted 2010-01-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It'll Go Great with Your Whine
Mother to toddler son, looking at cheese display: Look, charlie, Gruyere! Can you say "Gruyere"?
Whole Foods
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: GruyereLover
What Does Martin Short Have to Do with Anything?
Five-year-old boys, in unison, about female lion strutting around: The mamacita is awake! The mamacita is awake!
Harried mother: I said let's not say that word... Let's say "elfman" is awake!"
San Diego Zoo
California
Categories: Animals | California | Kids | Kids | Language barrier | Moms | Parenting | Words | Posted 2010-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why the Fairy Always Dies When His Mom Reads Him Peter Pan
Ten-year-old boy: Dad, why are people clapping?
Father: Because the conductor entered the stage. It's respectful.
Ten-year-old boy: I personally don't believe in clapping for someone unless they've done something.
Tanglewood Music Center
Lenox, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Bystander girl
Because He Asked Too Many Questions, Sweetie.
Little boy witnessing a shiatsu massage: Mommy, why are they killing that man?
Toronto
Ontario
Canadia
Oh Honey, We Feel You.
Little boy, desperately: I need to get out of here!
Kohl's Fitting Rooms
Georgia
Overheard by: Iris
Guess It's Montessori School for You Then
Dad, changing son's diaper: Why don't you want to wear a diaper? You want to run around naked and piss and poop all over the floor?
Son: Yeah!
Dad: What are you, an anarchist?
New Jersey
And They Look Suspiciously Like My Uncles
Five-year-old boy: There are moles in my bed that are all named Leroy. They keep me warm.
Eltham
Australia
Overheard by: martinasnape
...And Pour Some More Bailey's Into My Mug.
Store employee: Would you like to try a free sample of hot cocoa?
Nine-year-old daughter, impatient: Come on, mom! We need to get to your appointment!
Mom: Shut up! There's always time for free cocoa. Here!
Nine-year-old daughter: I don't want any.
Mom: Then just shut up.
Minnetonka, Minnesota
You Are Now Qualified to Work at McDonald's
Five-year-old daughter: Daddy, ask me some math questions.
Father: Okay, what is 4 x 4?
Five-year-old daughter: It's not 9!
Father: That's correct.
McDonald's
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Michael Moore
What If You're Pregnant with a Large Tumor That Has Teeth and Hair?
Boy #1: So, I never got what the difference was between liberals and conservatives.
Boy #2: Well, conservatives like big business, and liberals like communism.
Boy #1: Oh. What if I want to be both?
Boy #2: You can't be both. It's an on/off thing. Like, you're either pregnant or you're not. Or like you're Christian or you're Islam.
High School
Minnesota
Categories: Compare and contrast | Kids | Kids | Minnesota | Politics | Pregnancy | Questions | Religion | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...In a Non-Sexual Way?
Behavioral therapist, in very serious voice, to child with autism about animal crackers: Jason, put the elephant in your mouth!
Child's mother, laughing: How often do you honestly get to say that?
St. John's
Newfoundland
Canadia
Overheard by: aba therapist
Categories: Animals | Canadia | Disabled | Food | Kids | Kids | Medical personnel | Mental illnesses | Moms | Questions | Posted 2009-12-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight on Graze Anatomy
Little boy to grandmother: My mommy's held a cow brain.
Borders Bookstore
Alameda, California
Overheard by: Lith
Categories: Animals | Body parts | California | Family | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Parenting | Stores | Posted 2009-12-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's a Slippery Slope
Concerned father, giving advice to someone else's kid: I would strongly advise against eating gum found in the bathroom.
Madison, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Amanda Postel
Until She Finds My Letter-Bomb
Six-year-old, matter-of-factly when seeing fireworks go off at Magic Kingdom: They blew up Mickey... Now only Minnie is left.
Disneyworld Bus
Orlando, Florida
...From Your Leash.
Mother, chasing fleeing toddler across library: Stop! Come back! You have separation anxiety!
Christchuch
New Zealand
Overheard by: I suspect it's the other way around...
Everything He Knows About Americans He Learned from Watching Roseanne Reruns
Little boy, pointing to tourist: Mom! I can't get on because the American will eat me!
Philippines
I Spent a Whole Week in a Broom Closet Once
Boy #1 to boy #2, who is moving his chair: What the fuck are you doing?
Boy #2: I'm moving you out of the way so I can get by.
Boy #1: What? You could've just asked me to move.
Boy #2: Yeah, but I was trying to save you from having to do anything. Don't worry, I was gonna put you back.
Boy #1: Okay.
Boy #2: I hate when people move me and don't put me back.
Student Center, WCC
Valhalla, New York
Overheard by: Princess Diana
And You Say You Use Them As Currency?
Exasperated little boy to mother: No, it's not a version, it's a virgin, with a "g"!
Redlands, California
But This Time You'd Better Not Force Your Brother to Eat It
Eight-year-old boy: Hey dad, can I get deodorant?
Father: Uh, sure.
Eight-year-old boy: Yesssss!
A&P Supermarket
Totowa, New Jersey
Categories: Dads | Happiness | Kids | Kids | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Parenting | Stores | Posted 2009-12-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Times Hard in the Islamic Republic Of North Carolina
Little girl to mother, passing brand new cherry red Porsche Carrera GT convertible: Mama, why is everyone looking at that car?
Mother: Because it's very special.
Little girl: Can I get one?
Mother: Only if you marry well, dear.
Durham, North Carolina
What About Those Three Other Kids?
Six-year-old girl: Are you doing your job?
Lifeguard: Are you drowning?
Six-year-old girl: No.
Lifeguard: Then I'm doing my job.
Kiddie Pool
Great Neck, New York
It's Both My Greatest Joy and My Secret Shame
Babe: Don't look to me to be the voice of reason: I own roller skates!
Newtown
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: smu
But I Imagine It's a Lot Like Victory.
Little boy throwing fit: I've never had dessert in my life! I don't even know what it tastes like!
Outside Cookie Store
Kingsport, Tennessee
Only Cheap and Tasty Capitalism, Like Starbucks.
Child of privileged hipster: I'm into capitalism too. Just not, like, evil capitalism.
Oakland, California
Categories: California | Kids | Kids | Politics | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But You're the One Who Keeps Calling the Social Worker, Billy.
Mother to screaming child: Look, if it were up to me, you could watch all the porn you want.
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
And a That's So Raven Thermos!
Mom to preteen son: If you don't straighten up your act, I'm sending you back to school with all Hannah Montana notebooks!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: that'll teach him
Categories: About celebrities | Education | Kids | Kids | Moms | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Threats | Posted 2009-12-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Everyone in Retail Can Identify
Little boy, in sing-song: I believe I can fly! I believe I can... die!
Sales clerk: That's the sad version.
JC Penney
Columbia, Missouri
...But Then It Also Counts As Your Birthday Present.
Hostess: Your son and I were just talking about what he wants for Christmas.
10-year-old boy: Turkey bacon!
Gruff-looking father: You want turkey bacon for Christmas?
10-year-old boy, to hostess: He never buys any!
Gruff-looking father: Hey, if you want turkey bacon for Christmas, I'll get you turkey bacon.
Restaurant
Middletown, Connecticut
Categories: Baristas | Connecticut | Dads | Food | Gifts | Gripes | Kids | Restaurants | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh Yes, Mummy-- Ever So!
Mom to two little kids sitting directly behind her on the train: Do you feel a little bit better now that you've got slight independence?
Disneyland
Anaheim, California
Overheard by: They were the best behaved children there that day.
Multiple Origami
Little girl: And then we had orgies.
Mother, very calmly: No honey, we had origami.
Florida
Really More Of an Epcot Activity
Child eating skeleton fruit snacks: Mommy, look! I'm eating a boner!
Disney World
Florida
Nope-- Just My Virginity.
Girl to boy: I thought you lost your voice when you dropped your laptop?
Queens Park Community School
London
England
Categories: England | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Laptops | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2009-11-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Portrait Of the Foreign Policy Advisor As a Young Girl
Little girl: Ah, Mexican and Chinese food. Two great European tastes.
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
Overheard by: Julia
Sadly Wayne Brady Would Never Attain His Mother's Dream
White mother to white toddler son: You're going to be black by the time we leave!
Grand Sierra Resort Pool
Reno, Nevada
Which, As We Both Know, Is More Than We Can Say for Dad.
Little girl to mom: But I am getting real good! Yesterday I didn't get any poop on my hand!
Public Restroom
Iceland
At the Hermaphroditic Contortionist Children's Support Group
Five-year-old girl, pointing at store window: Balls!
Young mom: That's right honey, those are balls, but you ate your balls, huh?
Five-year-old girl: I ate my balls!
Buffalo, New York
I Knew This "Ellen" Haircut Was a Mistake
Two-year-old: Mommy!
Tired teen girl: I'm not your mommy.
Two-year-old: Daddy?
Preschool
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teens | Posted 2009-11-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So It's Likely He's Very Drunk.
Little girl: He's drunk, I swear!
Teenage sister: He's not drunk, he's a foreigner.
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
Overheard by: Julia
Categories: Colorado | Drinking & drunks | Kids | Kids | Language barrier | Siblings | Teens | Posted 2009-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Guess Everything Really Is Bigger in Texas
New Yorker, trying to get through a crowd of people blocking aisle: Excuse me. Excuse me! Excuse me!
Confused little boy: I already moved.
New Yorker: Oh, I know you have, dear. I was talking to your fat-ass mother.
Grocery Store
Austin, Texas
Categories: Ass | Assholes | Diet & weight | Family ties | Insults | Kids | Kids | Moms | Stores | Texas | Posted 2009-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight, on The Little Girls Next Door...
Little boy walking with two little girls: I think we should all hold hands. I think that I should be in the middle so you can both hold my hand.
Keene, New Hampshire
Categories: Hands | Kids | Kids | New Hampshire | Offers and requests | Posted 2009-11-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I've Heard You Play Cello.
Asian kid: Damn, I can't do math.
Non-Asian kid: Somehow I doubt that.
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Jesse
To Be Fair, She Says the Same Thing About Their Shower at Home
Five-year-old girl, about fountain in outside eating area: Oh! High drama!
Bellevue, Nebraska
Overheard by: Cortny
Who Is He to Say I Can't Be a Lesbian?
Three-year-old to parents: Jesus is mean.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
You Were Conceived Right Here in Aisle Four
Father to three-year-old daughter, after she took her shirt off: Just like your mother.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: is that how you met her?
Categories: Clothes | Compare and contrast | Dads | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Posted 2009-11-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stop Making Your Eyes Glow This Minute, Missy!
Three-year-old daughter, passing Catholic church: Dead people live there.
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Joe Oxford
Categories: Arizona | Death & dying | Kids | Kids | Posted 2009-11-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Her Weight Gain Cowed the Electorate Into Submission
Mom to five-year-old: I don't like Oprah Winfrey, because it's her fault Obama is President.
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: David Leech
Soon You'll Be Hitting the Drag Clubs With Daddy
Little boy, wearing high heels: I'm bigger! I'm bigger!
Southern California
Categories: California | Kids | Kids | Shoes | Posted 2009-11-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Doesn't Look Good
Young dude in car to children getting off school bus: You are the future!
Westport, Connecticut
Overheard by: Elisabeth
Don't Worry - I Left My Pocket Knife at Home.
Three-year-old boy to mom, noticing police officers nearby: Don't do anything bad while you're here. Okay, mom?
Mom: Okay.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: an amused barista.
Categories: Crimes | Kids | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Good to See a Family Do Things Together
Little boy to younger brother: I'm 'bout to choke you!
Mother, to all children: I'm 'bout to choke all y'all!
Little boy: Together, mama?
Mother: Together.
Louisville, Kentucky
Overheard by: Jessica
According to Mom's New Boyfriend
Six-year-old girl at the zoo: (drops French fries one by one)
Dad: Why are you dropping French fries?
Six-year-old girl: To feed them!
Dad: No one wants your old French fries.
Six-year-old girl: You're an old French fry!
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Dave
When Momma Grows Red Fur, Then We'll Talk.
Dad: Does Gracie love momma?
Toddler: Pshnoooooo.
Dad: Does Gracie love Elmo?
Toddler: Yeah!
Target
Nashville, Tennessee
You're a Burkoff, Dad
Little Girl: Look Dad, a buhraff.
Dad: That's "giraffe"--juh, juh, juh.
Little Girl, looking confused: Buhraff! Juh, juh, juh.
Zoo
St. Louis, Missouri
So You and the Doctors Keep Saying...
Small child entering restroom: Mom, why can't we go to the boys' room? Because I've got a girl with me?
Mom: You are a girl!
Sushi Restaurant
Kansas City, Kansas
Overheard by: zombie z
Categories: Gender issues | Kansas | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Questions | Restaurants | Restroom | Sexuality | Posted 2009-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Limbo Is Not a Man's Game, Son.
Mother to little boy: Stop that! You're gonna hurt your scrotum!
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Advice | Body parts | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Massachusetts | Moms | Parenting | Posted 2009-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Why We Should Buy You Gelato?
Five-year-old boy: I'm a sensitive soul!
Little Italy
Toronto
Canadia
You've Got a Name Tag Pinned to Your Sweater
Aunt Sherry: You have to hold my hand or else I might get lost. Then, what will happen?
Sassy preschooler: You'll be alright, aunt Sherry.
Northville, Michigan
Overheard by: older sassy girl
Jenna Jameson Was a Tough Kid to Raise
Little girl: Tea... cock! (pause) Tea... cock! Cock! Teaaaaaaaa...
Distracted mother: Honey, "peacock" is all one word.
Little girl: Cock!
Leesburg, Virginia
That's Why Her Name Is Bjorrjammijjinanan
Shorter kid playing basketball to taller kid: Your dad bought your mom at Ikea!
Watertown, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Ariel
Categories: Family ties | Kids | Kids | Massachusetts | Parenting | Relationships | Shopping | Posted 2009-10-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Did I Stutter?
Six-year-old boy: Hey, look at this piece of bamboo!
Eight-year-old brother, taking bamboo, hiding it behind his back and then brandishing it like a staff: And now, with my mermaid magic, I pronounce you Sir Giraffetail! Ahoy!
Six-year-old boy: What?
Indianapolis Zoo
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Emily and Aaron
For the Last Time, You're Not Getting My American Express Card
Five-year-old boy, calling to mother in bathroom stall: Mom, we need to talk about something.
Mom: Can it wait?
Five-year-old boy: No.
Mom: What is it?
Five-year-old boy: I need more credit. You don't give me enough credit for the things I do, and my feathers are simply getting ruffled by this.
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Laughing
...Mister "I Cut Myself with Safety Scissors"
Son to father, exiting hospital: Dad, what's a disability?
Father: It's like when someone loses their finger in an accident, (pause) which will probably happen to you.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Jon
Categories: Dads | Eavesdrop DC | Hands | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Parenting | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-10-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah, But That's What We Thought About Sweden and Meatballs
10-year-old boy to another, watching air show performers from Canadia: Come on, any country that has its own bacon must be good.
Janesville, Wisconsin
Categories: Compare and contrast | Food | Kids | Kids | Wisconsin | Posted 2009-10-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Is What Fun Is, Son.
Little boy: Ewww... what's that smell?
Slightly tipsy dad: Prolly barf.
Little boy: Yuck! You're gross!
Slightly tipsy dad: What? It's a twins game. People come to get drunk, then they barf, and you smell it. That's how it goes.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: that's not why I go to twins games.
Categories: Dads | Drinking & drunks | Kids | Kids | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-10-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Having a TV on Every Seat Is Pretty Damn Great
Six-year-old girl: Mum, remember when we went on that airplane?
Distracted mum: Mm-hmm?
Six-year-old girl: Was that paradise?
Train
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Wishing I could go holiday there
A Bravo TV Contestant!
School counselor, trying to get kids to guess a career: This person might work in fashion, or decorate houses...
Fourth grader: A gay guy!
Raleigh, North Carolina
Categories: Employees | Jobs & Careers | Kids | North Carolina | Sexuality | Posted 2009-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Giant Cock.
Little girl: I'm in love with a boy at my preschool.
Mom: Yeah? What's he like?
Little girl, shrugging: Blue eyes, blond hair, good skin.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: amy
In Our Family, We Get Our Pornography from the Internet
Boy, holding bodice-ripper romance novel: Dad, is this a book for fifth-graders?
Distracted father: No. Put it back.
Boy: What is it?
Distracted father: Hardcore pornography. Put it back.
Fairwood, Washington
Overheard by: he was so hopeful
Social Norms Are Different in the People's Republic
10-year-old boy to friend, about Austin Powers: Your mom let you watch that movie? She doesn't even let you have sugar!
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Kaitlen
These Are the Moments They'll Cherish Forever
Mom to six-year-old daughter: Naiya, you better not be swimming in that toilet, or I will punch you in the neck!
Restaurant Bathroom
Delaware
Overheard by: Laughing Neighbor
Categories: Body parts | Delaware | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Restaurants | Restroom | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stop Being Black at the Store!
Mom to child yelling and running around: Quit it! You embarrassin' me in front of the white folk!
Memphis, Tennessee
Overheard by: A white folk
And They Love Drinking Out Of Coke Bottles
Mother to young son: The sign says that polar bears are carnivores. That means they eat mostly plants, but will eat meat when they can find it.
Henry Vilas Zoo
Madison, Wisconsin
Overheard by: weeping for the future
That Means the Chili Was Juuuust Right
Four-year-old child, excitedly, holding mother's hand: My butt is burning!
Maine
According to Their Publicists
Passerby to two women getting off elevator with a double stroller with white and black babies: Uh-oh!
Women: Oh, it's okay. They're just friends.
Elevator, Westchester Mall
White Plains, New York
Today, Young Tommy, You Are a Man.
Panicked child, between gasps: Why... do I... keep... burping?
Vancouver
Canadia
Categories: Burping & farting | Canadia | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Questions | Posted 2009-09-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All He Knows Is "The Girl with the Binoculars"
Eleven-year-old girl to friends: I know him but he doesn't know me.
The Drive
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Fred
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Friends | Kids | Relationships | Posted 2009-09-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So "Boy" Is Ironic?
20-something woman to little girl's mother: Do you know who is Boy George?
Little girl: He is a boy that would've wanted to be a woman.
Amused mother: I couldn't have explained that better.
Guadalajara
Mexico
Overheard by: passerby
You're Divorced, Mom.
Seven-year-old boy to mom: So, mom, all the kids in camp were making fun of this one boy cuz he was a stinky Yankees fan and we're all Mets fans!
Mom: Honey, if mommy can marry a Republican, than you can be friends with a Yankees fan.
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Laura
Categories: Compare and contrast | Kids | Kids | Moms | New York | Parenting | Politics | Relationships | Posted 2009-09-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Translation: He's Been Too Happy Lately
Son: Mommy, why are you going through daddy's phone?
Mother: Because I love him!
Panera
Howell, New Jersey
Categories: Cell phones | Family ties | Feelings | Infidelity | Kids | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Questions | Posted 2009-09-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Told You It Was a Lousy Safe Word
Little girl on playground: Ow! Ow! Ow! Doesn't this word mean anything to you?
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Kids | Language barrier | Questions | Words | Posted 2009-09-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...By Mixing Glue With Sawdust
Ten-year-old girl walking on cut down tree: Oh, I bet this is what they make wood out of!
Cambridge
Ontario
Canadia
No One in Paris Ever Pees on Walls or Sits on Steps
Enraged Frenchman to woman and son who is discreetly peeing on wall: What is wrong with you? Find a bathroom, this is a business! (starts walking away and then comes to a woman and her teenage daughter sitting on steps) And you two, get out! What are you, from the mountains? (to himself, walking away) Oh my god! I don't believe this!
Fira
Santorini
Greece
Also, I'm Having Company Tonight, So You'll Have to Find Another Place to Sleep
Young boy to father: Dad, I really wanted that chocolate cereal, did you buy some for me?
Father: No.
Young boy: Why not?
Father: Listen, I'd also prefer it if you stayed at your mom's all the time. But do we always get what we want? No.
Subway
Vienna
Austria
That's What You Said About Uncle Walter!
Little girl: Mommy, can I have a bubble bath?
Mother: No, it makes your vagina hurt.
Plantation, Florida
Overheard by: i guess that's a valid reason.
With My Baby Brother Inside?!
Adorable little blond girl, ecstatically: Did our car get jacked?
Port Washington, New York
Overheard by: Ladle
Is There a Toy for Me Anywhere in That?
Small boy: Dad! Dad! Can I have that?
Father: I've told you before, craving leads to attachment.
Toy Shop
Eastern Suburbs, Sydney
Australia
...But Only If They're the Horny Type.
Wise eight-year-old boy to brother: Getting a girlfriend is the easy part. But you have to know how to keep them.
Attentive six-year-old: How do you get them to stay?
Wise eight-year-old: You have to find out what kind of food they like to eat. And give them a plastic unicorn.
Nature Park
Tampa, Florida
Categories: Advice | Compare and contrast | Florida | Food | Kids | Kids | Questions | Relationships | Siblings | Posted 2009-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What's Worse Than Abortion, Alex?
Five-year-old girl to little boy: What happened to our baby?
Little boy: Don't you worry about that baby, woman! I threw it in the trash!
National Zoo
Washington, DC
Categories: Kids | Kids | Parenting | Questions | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-08-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He'll Be Disappointed When He Learns It Has Nothing to Do With Guns
Youngish mom, enthusiastic: I need shot glasses for work!
Eight-year-old son, excited: I want a shot glass!!
Gift Shop
Branson, Missouri
Carnie Wilson's Mother Tried, But She Was Not Successful
Little girl in cart: Cheetos! That's my favorite snack!
Mom: No! Fruit is your favorite snack, remember?
Flemmington, New Jersey
Categories: Compare and contrast | Food | Fruit | Kids | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Parenting | Posted 2009-08-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Some Kids Wet the Bed
Mother to five-year-old: Keep moving, we don't want to be in the first car. If the train crashes, we'd be done for.
Metro North Railroad
New York City, New York
Overheard by: BOB Sled
He'd Only Stop Loving You If I Were a Fetus.
Little girl: And god loves everybody. God even loves you.
Scary little boy: I'm going to kill you.
Little girl: God will love you, even if you do.
Round Rock, Texas
No More Scientific American for You, Young Lady.
Teacher: What that show didn't tell you is that ferrets smell like dirty wet dog.
Seven-year-old girl: Well, you know you can get their scent glands removed.
Teacher: Yeah, but is that really good for them?
Seven-year-old girl: I think it's about the same as removing a dog's testicles.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Animals | Balls | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Education | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Questions | Students | Teachers | Washington | Posted 2009-08-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Let's Hope to God It's Perez Hilton
(little girl is spinning and singing in grocery store line)
Dad, very calmly: Honey... Next time the gypsies come to town, they're leaving with an extra person.
Severna Park, Maryland
Are We Giving Or Receiving?
Older man: You kids gonna come out and play?
Kid: Play what?
Older man: Cornhole.
Indiana
Drag Queens Are Treated Like Livestock in Canadia
Four-year-old boy, dancing happily down sidewalk: I'm like a princess! I'm like Cinderella!
Mother: Except you stink. So more like stinkerella.
Calgary
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Sensory experiences | Sexuality | Posted 2009-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...So Now Joe and I Are Dating.
Nine-year-old: Logan almost got a girlfriend!
Six-year-old: Really?
Nine-year-old: Yep. Remember Courtney?
Six-year-old: With the glasses?
Nine-year-old: Yeah. He asked her out on the bus, but she said no. After that, Joe was like, "I want a girlfriend," and I was like, "yeah, I know. Me, too, buddy. Me, too."
Swimming Pool
Louisiana
NewsFlash: Craig Kilborn Lends Name to Chewable Prozac.
Little boy in handicapped stall: I like you... I like you, Craig... You relax me.
Ladies Room, Barnes & Noble
Saugus, Massachusetts
Who Also Sweats Through His Pants
Babysitter: My dog gets hot walking.
Seven-year-old: How can you tell?
Babysitter: He sticks his tongue out, and his fur is really warm.
Seven-year-old: Sometimes when I'm out in the sun my hair feels hot.
Babysitter: Yeah, now imagine you have hair all over your body.
Seven-year-old: Like my dad.
St. Louis, Missouri
Categories: Animals | Babysitters | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Hair | Kids | Kids | Missouri | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-07-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Just Like the Magician Did Yesterday
Three-year-old girl, emerging from woods near campsite: Mommy, there are sticks in my pee hole.
Mommy: That's okay honey, just pull them out.
Kalalau Valley
Kauai, Hawaii
Meet the Science Channel's Number One Fan
Geeky kid: A glass cutter? Oh. My. God. This is a glass cutter! It cuts glass!
(mom tries to shush him)
Geeky kid, whispering: A glass cutter!
Hardware Store
San Francisco, California
Categories: Kids | Moms | Parenting | San Francisco | Stores | Stupidity | Technology | Posted 2009-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sigh. For the Last Time, I Could Never Date a Top.
Mom, to little kid: Is she your girlfriend?
Little kid: (shakes head emphatically)
Mom: Oh! I don't mean like that, I mean "friend that's a girl." I know Jenny is your girlfriend.
Little kid: Yeah!
Mom: And who's your boyfriend?
Little kid: I don't have a boyfriend.
Mom: But I thought Robert was your boyfriend!
Kennedy Space Center
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Isn't he a little young...?
In Between and During Periods Of Incarceration
Woman to mother being slapped in the rear by little boy: Oooh, your son is bad!
Mother: Yeah, I think he's gonna be an ass man when he grows up!
Jersey City
New Jersey
Categories: Age and ageing | Ass | Kids | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Parenting | Strangers | Violence | Women | Posted 2009-07-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Later, Steve Would Steal Them, And Have Them Surgically Implanted
Young boy, pointing enthusiastically at a goat: Dad! Dad! Look! That goat has some big ol' balls!
Father, indulgently: Mmm-hmm. I like that one.
San Antonio, Texas
Perhaps the Most Important Thing We Learn from Our Fathers
Young dad, trying to put struggling kid in high chair: Come on, don't be a dick.
Restaurant
Brisbane
Australia
An Equation That Changes After Puberty
Mom to young daughter: No, you don't get a lollipop just because you're wearing underwear.
Dulwich Village
London
England
Overheard by: Didn't get a lollipop either
What Happens When You Read the Thesaurus at Bedtime
Little girl to dog: Lucy, no! I admonish you!
Perry Square
Erie, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Kat
We Love This Kid
Mother, to four-year-old daughter looking at birthday party decorations: What kind of birthday party do you want, honey? Princess? Dora?
Four-year-old daughter: Red.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Sarah
But It Makes a Cool Gurgling Sound
10-year-old boy to another: Yeah, if you smoke it that way you can still get cancer. But if you smoke it through a water bong... yeah, about the same.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Lauren
From Stephen King's The Passion Of Christine
Little girl: Where is Jesus?
Bored babysitter: Umm, I don't know... In your heart?
Little girl: Well, then guess what?
Bored babysitter: What?
Little girl: I'm going to punch him! (starts punching herself in the heart)
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Babysitters | Body parts | Canadia | Feelings | Jesus | Kids | Kids | Questions | Violence | Posted 2009-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gay Babies May Fail to Grasp the Point
Mom with eight-month-old to other parents with small child: Yeah, I've already told his dad he's going to have to give him some sort of remedial breast lessons when he's older...he's bad with the boobies.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Raina
Edgar Allan Poe, You Get Out Of That Crypt This Minute!
Frowning little boy among kids running and playing: I wonder if this building is haunted. (pause) You should really keep an eye out for these things.
University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Fears | Kids | Kids | Magic | Washington | Posted 2009-07-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Woody Allen Was a Tedious Child
Teacher to four-year-old boy: How do you like your teacher?
Four-year-old boy, frustrated: I don't. She's always yelling at me.
Teacher: Well, it will be okay. At least you'll be going home soon.
Four-year-old boy, throwing hands in the air: No, it won't! It's never going to end!
Indianapolis, Indiana
And Confusing
10-year-old boy #1: You're a douche.
10-year-old boy #2: Oh, yeah? Well, you're a pickle and a radish in a jar full of lemonade.
10-year-old boy #1: That's mean.
Mississauga
Canadia
There's One in Every Family
Little boy: Mommmmmm, I want a pet mouse.
Mother: No.
Little boy: Please? It can live in my room!
Mother: No! You know what will happen. I'll spend a hundred dollars on cages and food and toys, and Terry will just eat the bloody thing.
Pet shop worker to little boy: Is Terry your cat?
Little boy: No, my brother.
Pet Shop
Greensborough
Australia
Overheard by: Suitably Impressed
...With a Little Plastic Bride and Groom Stuck Inside.
Young boy #1: I want a wedding cake snowball.
Young boy #2: What does a wedding cake snowball taste like?
Young boy #1: Like wedding cake.
Young boy #2: I've never been to a wedding.
Young boy #1: Then it just tastes like cake.
Snowball Stand
Louisiana
Categories: Compare and contrast | Food | Kids | Louisiana | Questions | Sensory experiences | Wishes | Posted 2009-07-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Believe the Technical Term Is "Manure"
9-year-old boy, biking: Yo, what kind of flowers are they?
13-year-old brother, also biking: They be poppies an' calla-lilies an' peonies an' oleanders an' hydrangeas an' shit.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Phanatic
Bet You Don't Know About Her Meth Problem!
Mother: Do you know about the tooth fairy?
Toddler: Yeah!
Mother: No, you don't.
Fleetwood, New York
Overheard by: Deek
Categories: Body parts | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Magic | Moms | New York | Parenting | Questions | Posted 2009-07-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Porky Pig Has Some 'Splaining to Do
Mom to six-year-old: I'm not buying this whole "selective stuttering" thing.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Pearls Of Wisdom from How to Raise a Serial Killer
Rich mother: Well, you'll just have to hold it! You can't go to the bathroom around here! They are positively disgusting, you'll die!
Little child, crying: Please, mommy, I need to go!
Rich mother: Don't you value your life?
Annapolis, Maryland
Overheard by: Alex Ello
Categories: Death & dying | Family ties | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Maryland | Moms | Parenting | Poop | Stupidity | Posted 2009-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I'm the Dairy Queen.
Seven-year-old girl #1: Hey! There goes Angus!
Seven-year-old girl #2: Oooh, you are falling in love with him.
Seven-year-old girl #1: I am so not falling in love with him. He's allergic to dairy!
Australia
Overheard by: hahamama
Try It and You're Outtie.
Dad to kid: Come back here, or I'll have to beat you!
Kid, indignant: You can't beat me! I'm a belly button!
Wal-Mart
Pasco, Washington
Categories: Body parts | Dads | Kids | Parenting | Stores | Threats | Violence | Washington | Posted 2009-06-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And the State Will Take Both Of Us Away
Woman to four-year-old daughter: Do not touch anything. Do you know what will happen if you touch something?
Little girl: You'll smack me in the face!
Liquor Store
New Jersey
It's Rare to Find a Young Man Who Thinks That Far Ahead
Five-year-old boy: Hey, I got an idea! Let's get naked!
Visiting adult friend: Yeah? And then what?
Five-year-old boy: We'll sit in the street!
Mason, Ohio
Overheard by: Rachel
I Thought All the Whack-Jobs Were on Capitol Hill?
Confused tourist lady, looking at anime convention kids in costume: Excuse me? Do you know what all of this is about?
Local: Yeah, the whack-job convention is in town.
Confused tourist lady: The...the..."whack-job" convention? (looks at costumes) Whack-jobs?
Local: (smacks forehead and turns away)
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Sarah Boyd
Categories: Default | Girls | Kids | Names | Offers and requests | Questions | Stupidity | Tourists | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Just Thought It Would Be a Lot Bigger, Is All.
Little girl in stall with dad: You're silly! This is silly!
Dad, peeing: Nothing is silly in here.
Girl: That's silly. This is silly. Stop.
Men's Bathroom
Hendersonville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Tanner
Sleepover!
Mother: These sheets smell weird.
Child, enthusiastically: Yeah, like other people's houses!
Thrift Store, St. John's
Newfoundland
Canadia
Overheard by: Sandy
Pretend He's Speaking German, If You Want to Be Able to Sleep at Night.
Little boy, in sing-song chant, marching around outdoor cafe: Die die, die die, die die, die die!
Santa Monica, California
Categories: California | Death & dying | Default | Guys | Kids | Kids | Words | Posted 2009-06-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Have to Get Away from It As Quickly As Possible
Fast-walking emo kid: There is no slowing down when it comes to me and High School Musical.
Wal-Mart
Roanoke, Virginia
Overheard by: snarky writer
But I've Told Them We Don't Negotiate with Terrorists.
Children librarian, about girl scout troop outside: Um...they're throwing rocks at the windows.
Library
Suburbia, Illinois
Overheard by: martha
That's Probably Just the Breeze from Washington
Enthusiastic little boy, entering restaurant with parents: Smells like snakes in here!
Restaurant
Charlottesville, Virginia
Overheard by: pasquinn
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Kids | Kids | Restaurants | Virginia | Posted 2009-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tommy Was a Shoo-in for the Cast Of Jackass 2028
Enthusiastic two-year-old boy: Mommy, my bottom just burped!
Illinois
Overheard by: martha
It's Cheez-Its for Dinner Now, Beeyotch!
25-year-old man: Hey, Bella, I got you funyuns!
Five-year-old girl: Ewwww!
25-year-old man: Well, fuck you then.
Lake View Terrace, California
Overheard by: James Jameson
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Girls | Guys | Kids | Kids | Words | Posted 2009-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Counting the Nuts, Of Course
Young ice cream customer: I'm going to get a large sundae.
Competitive young ice cream customer: Oh, yeah? I once had a sundae that was so big it was...it was... (thinks about it) up to the top of Jesus!
Dairy Queen
Victoria
Canadia
Overheard by: bemused in Dairy Queen
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Customers | Default | Food | Jesus | Kids | Kids | Offers and requests | Questions | Posted 2009-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Sign Here and Initial Here
Kindergarten teacher: Hey, what are you doing?
Little girl: Nothing, but I can repair it if you want me to!
Kindergarten
Norway
God Decides to Test Out a More Adorable Grim Reaper
Little boy, excitedly: Everybody's dying these days!
Hooksett, New Hampshire
Overheard by: Evee
Categories: Death & dying | Default | Guys | Kids | Kids | New Hampshire | Words | Posted 2009-05-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nothing Says Spring Like the Scent Of Ice Cream and Urine
Small boy with ice cream cone, trying to get mom's attention: I peed my pants! I peed my pants! Mommy, listen to me, I peed my pants!
Mom, deadpan: I bet that's real uncomfortable for you.
Dad to son: When we get home we are just gonna have to hose you down.
Son to dad: Oh yeah, make me lay on the yard and then spray the hose on me, and on my penis, and down my pants on my penis!
Boy's brother, from minivan: Ew! You can spell the pee!
Bucks County, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: free birth control
Your Karate Instructor?
Little girl, waiting for a ride home from school: What is my mother doing that's more important than me?
Beverly Hills, California
Overheard by: Anon Y. Mouse
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Girls | Kids | Questions | Posted 2009-05-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
To Be Fair, This Is His Answer to Everything
Instructor to swim class: Okay, who can tell me one thing we can wear to protect ourselves from the sun?
Three-year-old boy, after much thought: Teeth!
YMCA
Easton, Pennsylvania
Categories: Body parts | Default | Guys | Kids | Kids | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Questions | Teachers | Posted 2009-05-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |