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Naturally, It's Huge
Young mom, looking disgusted at a paparazzi photo of Pamela Anderson: That's disgusting.
Four-year-old son: What?
Young mom: Honey, what's wrong with this picture?
Four-year-old son: I can see her penis.
Bowling Alley
Indiana
Overheard by: Aunt Oblivious
And Button Up Your Pants, Sweetie
Little girl: I love you, pole.
[She kisses the pole.]
Father: Don't kiss the pole! Keep it rated G!
Outside a Dim Sum Shop
Alameda, California
Categories: Advice | California | Dads | Etiquette | Girls | Kids | Kids | Movies | Restaurants | Sexuality | Posted 2008-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dad's the Best Gas-Release Coach in the Midwest
Little girl: I farted!
Dad, indifferent: Stop farting.
Little girl: I farted on the dog!
Dad, still indifferent: Continue farting.
Glendale Heights, Illinois
Overheard by: rbmmom
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Dads | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Illinois | Kids | Offers and requests | Pride | Sensory experiences | Posted 2008-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Case You're Curious...
Little boy: Dad, what's a "brer" rabbit?
Father: A rabbit with a lot of brer in it.
Magic Kingdom
Disney World, Florida
Overheard by: Natalie
Do We Have to Drag Bernie Everywhere We Go?
Little boy: But I don't care about the dead guys anymore!
Washington Monument
Washington, DC
Categories: Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Fears | Feelings | Guys | Kids | Kids | Tourist attractions | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Knew Those DJ Lessons Were a Poor Idea
White father: There's Burger King, Subway, Taco Bell.
Six-year-old son: [no response].
White father: There's sushi.
Six-year-old son: Aw shizzle!
Food Court, King of Prussia Mall
Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Carrie
Categories: Compare and contrast | Dads | Food | Kids | Malls | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Whiteys | Posted 2008-04-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Isn't That the Title of an Inspirational Children's Book?
Little boy to his mother: Why is everybody white and I'm brown?
Harvard Square
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Categories: Black people | Compare and contrast | Kids | Kids | Massachusetts | Questions | Race | Posted 2008-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mrs. Claus's Given Name Was Derek
Little boy to big sister walking behind him: Do you believe in Santa?
Big sister: No! Keep walking.
[big sister shoves him].
Little brother: I heard Santa dislikes girls.
County Fair
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: jake
Categories: California | Girls | Kids | Kids | Questions | Santa Claus | Siblings | Tourist attractions | Posted 2008-04-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's More Like a Museum of Strangers' Poo, Honey
Little girl, inside port-a-potty: Mommy! Mommy!
Mommy: Just be quiet and go potty.
Little girl: Mommy, do you know what it feels like in here? It's like a little house where I'll always be protected.
Renaissance Festival
Maryland
Overheard by: Nancy Whiskey
If You're Really Bad, I'll Make You Go in the Ball Pit
Angry father, to young daughter: Do you wanna go to Chuck E. Cheese?
Daughter: [scared silence]
Father: Then stop touching shit!
Wal-Mart
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Molly BOOM
Portrait Of the U.S. Policy Advisor As a Young Man
Small boy running down aisle: Stupid democracy!
Canadia
Overheard by: MNM
Wait-- What Exactly Are You Using As a Volleyball?
Mom to three-year-old son under the table: Whatcha' doin' under there, buddy?
Three-year-old son: Playing volleyball.
Dad: Volleyball? Smells like you're pooping your pants.
Three-year-old son, giggling: I am.
Three-year-old son's sister to friend: See, I told you it wasn't the food.
Los Tres Amigos Mexican Restaurant
Michigan
Overheard by: Scott
Categories: Default | Family ties | Food | Girls | Guys | Kids | Kids | Lies | Michigan | Moms | Poop | Questions | Restaurants | Sensory experiences | Siblings | Posted 2008-04-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, That Self-Actualization Seminar Was a Bust
Nine year-old girl: I want that shirt and you are going to get it for me. Any questions?
Mom: Many. Shut up and put the damn shirt back.
Target
Atlanta, Georgia
And You Stole Me from a Playground!
Little boy, standing next to a car: Daddy, this isn't our car! Daddy, what are you doing? This isn't our car!
Man: Look, buddy, you've got to stop saying that when we're in parking lots. [to a couple walking by] I just got a new car.
Little boy: No you didn't!
AMC Theatres
Owings Mills, Maryland
Overheard by: they steal cars, dont they?
Categories: Advice | Compare and contrast | Dads | Default | Family ties | Fears | Kids | Kids | Lies | Maryland | Posted 2008-04-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Try Not to Taste or Touch Them, Okay?
Automated train station announcement: Castro street station.
Excited little girl: Yay! Castro!
Bystander: The dictator or the district?
Excited little girl thinks for a second: The rainbows!
Castro Street Station
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Dawn
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Kids | Names | Politics | Public Transportation | San Francisco | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2008-04-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And No Finger-Cymbals for You Tonight.
Screaming seven-year-old on the ground: But I want to sing! I want to sing now!
Patient but angry mom: Well, you should have thought about that before. It's too late. Now get your kazoo and get in the car.
Easley High
Easley, South Carolina
...Once I Ran Out of Poop
Daughter: Mommy, mommy, that dress makes you look sixteen years younger!
[Later]
Daughter: Mommy, if you were stranded in the desert without any water, what would you do?
Mother: [No response].
Daughter: [to little sister] I would eat my own blood.
Old Navy
Promenade Mall, California
Overheard by: Claustrophobic
Categories: Age and ageing | Beauty | California | Default | Family ties | Food | Geography | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Malls | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Editors Are Still Giggling about "Beaverton"
Little boy holding a dog leash: OK, I'll be the dog and you be the owner.
Little girl: OK!
Little boy: No, wait, you be the dog and I'll be the owner.
Little girl: Don't even *think* about it!
Beaverton, Oregon
90% of the Time, Your Kids Won't Even Appreciate Your Brilliance
Small child, pointing to an "eat pussy" graffiti painted on the side of a restaurant: Daddy, what does that say?
Father: It's a menu.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Chikara
Categories: Canadia | Dads | Default | Euphemisms | Family | Family ties | Food | Kids | Kids | Questions | Restaurants | Words | Posted 2008-04-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Should We Cut to the Chase and Snort Some Lines?
Six-year-old girl to six-year old boy: Do you want to get a coffee?
Barnes & Noble
Plainfield, Illinois
Overheard by: Tdcompton
Categories: Age and ageing | Default | Illinois | Kids | Kids | Offers and requests | Questions | Relationships | Stores | Wishes | Posted 2008-04-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
His Parents Took Solace in Knowing He Would Be an "Aggressive" Gay
Kid #1, playing with blocks: This robot needs guns!
Kid #2: Pretend his hands are guns. [Pauses, then sings] Everybody dance now!
82nd and State
Kansas City, Kansas
Overheard by: BookVixen
For the Last Time, These Are Tabs of E.
Four-year-old boy to eight-year-old sister: Geez! Just take some Midol and relax!
Six Flags
Maryland
Categories: Advice | Default | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Maryland | Posted 2008-04-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's a BMW, You Little Freak.
Two-year-old, pointing at car: Mercedes!
Putt-Putt Mini Golf
Beverly Hills, California
Overheard by: McF
Categories: California | Default | Kids | Kids | Posted 2008-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dakota Works for Chris Hansen
Little girl singing in the aisle: Hide the wiener, hide the wiener!
Target
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Stephanie
Gonna Work a Little Child-Support-Reducing Magic
Little boy: Daddy, how are we going to get down?
Father: Parachutes.
Top of Space Needle
Seattle, Washington
New Jersey Tourists Are Easily Recognizable
Mother, about a TV: It's really heavy! It's as heavy as--
Four-year-old girl: --A dead body.
Bellingen
Australia
Categories: Australia | Compare and contrast | Default | Kids | Moms | Posted 2008-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's in My Sippy Cup Right Now
Second grade teacher: Okay, so if you are what you eat, what food would you be?
Student #1: Cake!
Student #2: Candy!
Student #3: Beer!
Second grade teacher: No, you can't choose that. It's illegal for you to drink beer.
Student #3: But I drink it all the time!
St. Catharine's
Ontario
Canadia
One Day He Will Write Lyrics for Christina Aguilera
Dad in locker room, to son: Jake, take your pants off.
Five-year-old son, singing: Take your pants off, do the ducky-ducky.
Dad: Jake!
Five-year-old son: Take your pants off, do the something-something.
Newport Athletic Club
Middletown, Rhode Island
Hey, I Told Her Not to Touch the Stream!
Little girl running back from bathroom with her father: Mommy, I got pee on my finger!
Perkins restaurant
Erie, Pennsylvania
Categories: Default | Girls | Gripes | Kids | Kids | Pee | Pennsylvania | Restaurants | Posted 2008-03-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Four-Eyed Men Are Illegal in Oklahoma
Little girl: I'll tell you what my daddy looks like. He has eyeglasses and he's a woman.
Car dealer
Midwest City, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Reiza
NewsFlash: Gender Confusion More of an Issue in Kansas Than Poor Grammar
Little girl, about sleeping baby sister: Him is sleeping? Him is sleeping?!
Mom, exasperated: No! Her is sleeping!
Kansas
As Pimpin' As Anything in This Comic Book Store, Anyway
10-year-old boy to Scrabble players: You guys are playing Scrabble? That's totally pimpin'!
Comic book store
Towson, Maryland
... Without People Getting All Weird about It
Boy: I wish everything in the world was made of chocolate.
Grandfather: That would sure be interesting!
Boy: Yeah. Then I could eat my brother...
Waterford, Michigan
Overheard by: Gary Lewis
Don't They Have, Like, a Three-Day Lifespan Anyway?
Mother: So, what did you learn at nursery today?
Excited four-year-old girl: Fuck! Fuck! Fuck-fuck!
Mother: Every time you say that, one of Santa's elves dies, you know.
London
England
Someone Who Can Afford Better Than Macy's
Little girl: Mom, those boots make you look like a hooker!
Mother: This conversation is over.
Little girl: Okay... What's a hooker?
Macy's, Marley Station Mall
Marley, Maryland
Overheard by: jd
Have the Last Name "Spears"
Four-year-old kid, pickig up magazine: Hey, Dad, it's Britney Spears!
Dad: No, that's Jamie Lynn, her sister.
Four-year-old kid: Ohhh, the pregnant one.
Dad: Yep.
Four-year-old kid: But she's not even an adult!
Dad: You don't have to be an adult to get pregnant.
Four-year-old kid: So then how do you get pregnant?! [Dad puts magazine back.]
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: Cortny
Categories: About celebrities | Dads | Default | Family ties | Kids | Nebraska | Pregnancy | Questions | Posted 2008-02-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Start Fires
Three-year-old girl: Can I open this?
Dad: No. There are two hundred and fifty matches in there, and they're going to fall all over the place.
Three-year-old girl: But I promise I won't eat them.
Harvest Co-Op
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Latency Period, My Ass!
Four-year-old boy: So, girls have 'ginas, and boys have penises?
Mom: Um, yes, hon.
Four-year-old boy: You have a 'gina?
Mom: Yes, honey. Shhh.
Four-year-old boy: Girls at school have 'ginas? Teachers have 'ginas?
Mom: Yes, honey. Now shush.
Four-year-old boy, contemplating: I always wanted to see one of those.
Phoenix, Arizona