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I Hear Target Has Moms at Bargain Prices

Little girl, trying to find her mom: Mommy! Mom! Mom!
(she finds her)
Little girl
: Hey, mom!

Mom, totally deadpan: I'm not your mom, you should go find your real mom.
Little girl: Mom...?
Mom: I am not your mom. It's time you go find your real mom.
Little girl: But... Mom...
Mom: Fine, what?!

Bellingham, Washington

Overheard by: Rachel


Categories: Family ties | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2010-06-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Happens After Every NAMBLA Convention

Mom to eight-year-old son: Do you want pizza tonight?
Son: No! I can't eat that, I just got pregnant!

Naperville, Illinois


Categories: Food | Illinois | Kids | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Pregnancy | Posted 2010-06-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Tonight on The Real Single Moms Of New Jersey

Tough, burly, tattooed mom: C'mon, honey, you'll like it!
Tearful four-year-old boy: I don't wanna!
Tough, burly, tattooed mom: Everyone loves the beer store! (pulls boy into beer kiosk)

Collingswood Auction
Farmingdale, New Jersey


Overheard by: not EVERYONE


Categories: Drinking & drunks | Education | Kids | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Parenting | Wishes | Posted 2010-06-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Just Like "Always Have a Cigarette After Cocktails"

Woman to screaming toddler in her arms: I'm not going to let you down unless you hold my hand. Are you going to hold my hand?
(toddler screams something unintelligible)
Woman
: I'm sorry, I don't make the rules. They're the rules of the President of the United States of America.


Outlet Mall
Leesburg, Virginia


Categories: Kids | Kids | Malls | Moms | Parenting | Politics | Virginia | Posted 2010-05-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Little Kids These Days Are Snottier Than Ever

Man to two-year-old daughter: I drew a face with eyes, nose and mouth. Can you tell me what's missing?
Two-year-old daughter: The boogers in the nose!

Faulconbridge
Australia


Categories: Australia | Body parts | Dads | Kids | Kids | Mouth | Parenting | Posted 2010-05-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Grocery Store Is to Me What Internet Porn Is to Your Father

Son: Mom, can we get something?
Mom: No.
Son: Can we get some Life Savers?
Mom: No.
(son walks over with five Hershey bars)
Son
: These?

Mother: No. And if I bought them, I'd eat them all in front of you.

Rocky River, Ohio

Overheard by: Beanah


Categories: Comebacks | Kids | Moms | Ohio | Shopping | Posted 2010-05-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

It's Like Using Sarcasm on a Child, Right?

Father to son spending too long to wipe off boo boo with blankie: Do you know the definition of insanity?
Four-year-old son: Yes.

Mount Vernon, New York


Categories: Comebacks | Dads | Education | Kids | New York | Words | Posted 2010-05-04 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Two or More People, Honey

Ten-year-old: Mom, what's "shagging"?
Mom: Um... It's like shedding. You know, like how the cat sheds hair on the couch?
Four-year-old: No, it's not. It's when two people have sex. Jeez!

Clarksville, Indiana


Categories: Indiana | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Questions | Sex | Should have used a condom | Posted 2010-05-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Wolf Was No Match for Grandma

Dad: Later, we need to find grandma a boyfriend.
Seven-year-old son: Grandma already has a boyfriend, though.
Dad: Really? Who?
Seven-year-old son: She's married to granddad!
Dad: No, no, your other grandma.
Seven-year-old son: Oh yeah, she really needs a boyfriend.

Train
Manchester
England


Categories: Compare and contrast | Dads | England | Family ties | Kids | Relationships | Train | Posted 2010-04-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

You Were Number Six!

Sex-ed teacher: This 16-year-old girl had nine partners.
Kid in the back: I want to be number ten!

Tampa, Florida


Categories: Comebacks | Florida | Kids | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Teachers | Posted 2010-04-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Then My Crush Only Increased.

Ten-year old girl #1: He was pretty cute.
Ten-year old girl #2: I know! I had the biggest crush on him in third grade... until he died.

Santa Fe, New Mexico

Overheard by: Wait. What?


Categories: Death & dying | Feelings | Kids | New Mexico | Posted 2010-04-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...For You, Missy.

Girl to boy: How old are you?
Boy: Two old!

Seattle, Washington


Categories: Age and ageing | Kids | Washington | Words | Posted 2010-04-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

On the Plus Side, We Got Free Flavored Condoms!

Doting, nervous mom: Honey! How was your first day of kindergarten?
Blond little boy, sounding disappointed: My teacher is really thrilled about safety.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: does that mean scissor juggling is out?


Categories: Education | Kids | Moms | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Posted 2010-04-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Have You Seen His Hair?

Indignant little boy: Beethoven is not creepy!
Little girls, in unison: Yes he is!

Melrose, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Rose Fox


Categories: Insults | Kids | Massachusetts | Music | Posted 2010-04-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Frankly, You Should Be More Worried About That Burrito

Five-year-old girl to ten-year-old sister: I don't know what you're so worried about. As long as it's not you who throws the first punch, the principal won't yell at you. That's always what happens with me.

Taco Bell
Plainview, New York


Overheard by: Tina


Categories: Education | Kids | New York | Restaurants | Violence | Posted 2010-03-31 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Their Evil Is More Insidious

Kid, watching glockenspiel chime: Look mommy, a witch!
Mommy: No honey, that's a nun.

Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com

Overheard by: natalie


Categories: Compare and contrast | Kids | Magic | Moms | Overheard in PDX | Parenting | Religion | Posted 2010-03-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

NewsFlash: Hippie Child Lives in Oregon. Film at 11.

Preschool teacher, helping girl go pee: Did you forget your underwear this morning?
Preschool girl: No, I go commando all the time!

Preschool in Oregon

Overheard by: Non-c


Categories: Kids | Kids | Oregon | Teachers | Undies | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Kids Always Get Payback When You Take Them Shopping

Mom to young son: There's a doggie! Do you know what sound a doggie makes?
Son: Mooo.
Mom, distracted by shiny things: Uh-huh. (pause) Hey! Dogs don't say "moo"!

Target
Leominster, Massachusetts


Overheard by: Manda


Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Kids | Massachusetts | Moms | Parenting | Posted 2010-03-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

No, Sweetie, That's "I Can't Believe It's Not David!"

Four-year-old girl, pointing to reproduction of David statue: Is that statue made out of butter?

Small Town
Pennsylvania


Categories: Food | Kids | Kids | Pennsylvania | Questions | Posted 2010-03-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Back Up-- What Does "She Gave Me Her Brush" Mean?

Six-year-old boy: I French-kissed my girlfriend today!
17-year-old girl: What? French kissed? You're six!
Six-year-old boy: I still did it. She gave me her brush!
17-year-old girl: You're six! You shouldn't know what French kissing is!
Six-year-old boy: I watch Family Guy.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Mia


Categories: Girls | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Kids | Kids | Pennsylvania | TV shows | Posted 2010-03-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

It's a One-Dish Meal!

Little boy, watching killer whale: It's a cow made of fish!

Marineland
Ontario
Canadia


Categories: Animals | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Kids | Posted 2010-03-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

That's for Church

Four-year-old boy to group of mothers: Guess what!
Group: What?
Four-year-old boy, excited: I just peed standing up!
Boy's father: That's not something we tell people!

Children's Room, Katonah Library
Katonah, New York


Overheard by: amused librarian


Categories: Dads | Gender issues | Kids | Moms | New York | Pee | Posted 2010-02-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Like Fat Elvis!

Grandmother to little boy: Elvis! Come here, we're going. (to store person) His mother was a big Elvis fan, so now he's a little Elvis.
Little boy: I have hair on my back!

Brisbane
Australia


Categories: About celebrities | Ass | Australia | Compare and contrast | Hair | Kids | Old folks | Posted 2010-02-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Hard to Argue

Four-year-old girl, playing with dinosaurs: Today is the best day ever to eat people!

Cincinnati, Ohio

Overheard by: Miss Ann


Categories: Animals | Kids | Ohio | Violence | Posted 2010-02-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And It's Not So Much "Pick Up" As "Break Out"

Little girl pointing to City Hall: That's where we pick up daddy!
Mom: No, it's across the street at the jail.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: not good


Categories: Crimes | Family ties | Kids | Moms | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Posted 2010-02-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And Maybe Zack Efron Will Win an Academy Award

Seven-year-old child: How do they get sharks into Sea World?
Tutor: I don't know, maybe they use nets.
Seven-year-old child: Maybe a wizard waves a wand and lifts them into the tanks.
Tutor: Maybe.

Gold Coast
Australia


Categories: Animals | Australia | Kids | Magic | Posted 2010-02-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Here, You Drive.

Seven-year-old boy to playmate: Oh, well, I can't. I've had five beers already.

Dallas, Texas


Categories: Drinking & drunks | Kids | Kids | Texas | Posted 2010-02-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Is He Talking About Vagina? Discuss.

Little boy to mother: Mommy, it smells like eating wieners... right?

Walgreens Parking Lot
Port Chester, New York


Overheard by: Ldawg


Categories: Compare and contrast | Food | Kids | Moms | New York | Parenting | Questions | Sexuality | Posted 2010-02-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Wouldn't Going Potty First Be Most Important?

Mother in bathroom stall to small child: We can go soon, but first mommy has to go potty, then put her pants back on. Put her pants back on... That's the most important thing.

Puyallup, Washington

Overheard by: in the next stall...


Categories: Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Pee | Undies | Washington | Posted 2010-01-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Hazelnut Columbian Slave Children Are the Best

Flippy haired kid: Dude, how can you drink coffee? You might as well be like, drinking the tears of Colombian slave children!

Los Angeles, California


Categories: California | Food | Kids | Kids | Posted 2010-01-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Welcome to the Twilight Zone

30-something guy to seven-year-old kid: So even when you get older you will be spending a lot of time in stores waiting for women to shop... It's boring for us, but looking around and not buying anything is somehow fun for them.
Seven-year-old kid: Oh. You aren't American. Where you from?
30-something guy: I'm from Ireland.
Seven-year-old kid: Ireland? What do they speak there?
30-something guy: English.
Seven-year-old kid: You speak English?
30-something guy: Well, we're speaking English now.
Seven-year-old kid, incredulously: We are?

Long Island, New York

Overheard by: Jack


Categories: Foreigners | Gender issues | Kids | Kids | New York | Questions | Shopping | Posted 2010-01-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

It'll Go Great with Your Whine

Mother to toddler son, looking at cheese display: Look, charlie, Gruyere! Can you say "Gruyere"?

Whole Foods
Atlanta, Georgia


Overheard by: GruyereLover


Categories: Food | Georgia | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Stupidity | Words | Posted 2010-01-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

What Does Martin Short Have to Do with Anything?

Five-year-old boys, in unison, about female lion strutting around: The mamacita is awake! The mamacita is awake!
Harried mother: I said let's not say that word... Let's say "elfman" is awake!"

San Diego Zoo
California


Categories: Animals | California | Kids | Kids | Language barrier | Moms | Parenting | Words | Posted 2010-01-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Why the Fairy Always Dies When His Mom Reads Him Peter Pan

Ten-year-old boy: Dad, why are people clapping?
Father: Because the conductor entered the stage. It's respectful.
Ten-year-old boy: I personally don't believe in clapping for someone unless they've done something.

Tanglewood Music Center
Lenox, Massachusetts


Overheard by: Bystander girl


Categories: Dads | Etiquette | Kids | Kids | Massachusetts | Music | Parenting | Questions | Posted 2010-01-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Because He Asked Too Many Questions, Sweetie.

Little boy witnessing a shiatsu massage: Mommy, why are they killing that man?

Toronto
Ontario
Canadia


Categories: Canadia | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Murder | Questions | Posted 2010-01-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Oh Honey, We Feel You.

Little boy, desperately: I need to get out of here!

Kohl's Fitting Rooms
Georgia


Overheard by: Iris


Categories: Georgia | Kids | Kids | Shopping | Stores | Posted 2010-01-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Guess It's Montessori School for You Then

Dad, changing son's diaper: Why don't you want to wear a diaper? You want to run around naked and piss and poop all over the floor?
Son: Yeah!
Dad: What are you, an anarchist?

New Jersey


Categories: Dads | Family | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | New Jersey | Parenting | Pee | Politics | Poop | Wishes | Posted 2010-01-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And They Look Suspiciously Like My Uncles

Five-year-old boy: There are moles in my bed that are all named Leroy. They keep me warm.

Eltham
Australia


Overheard by: martinasnape


Categories: Animals | Australia | Kids | Kids | Names | Posted 2009-12-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...And Pour Some More Bailey's Into My Mug.

Store employee: Would you like to try a free sample of hot cocoa?
Nine-year-old daughter, impatient: Come on, mom! We need to get to your appointment!
Mom: Shut up! There's always time for free cocoa. Here!
Nine-year-old daughter: I don't want any.
Mom: Then just shut up.

Minnetonka, Minnesota


Categories: Employees | Food | Kids | Kids | Minnesota | Moms | Parenting | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

You Are Now Qualified to Work at McDonald's

Five-year-old daughter: Daddy, ask me some math questions.
Father: Okay, what is 4 x 4?
Five-year-old daughter: It's not 9!
Father: That's correct.

McDonald's
Manhattan, New York


Overheard by: Michael Moore


Categories: Dads | Education | Kids | Kids | McDonald's | New York | Parenting | Questions | Science | Posted 2009-12-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

What If You're Pregnant with a Large Tumor That Has Teeth and Hair?

Boy #1: So, I never got what the difference was between liberals and conservatives.
Boy #2: Well, conservatives like big business, and liberals like communism.
Boy #1: Oh. What if I want to be both?
Boy #2: You can't be both. It's an on/off thing. Like, you're either pregnant or you're not. Or like you're Christian or you're Islam.

High School
Minnesota

...In a Non-Sexual Way?

Behavioral therapist, in very serious voice, to child with autism about animal crackers: Jason, put the elephant in your mouth!
Child's mother, laughing: How often do you honestly get to say that?

St. John's
Newfoundland
Canadia


Overheard by: aba therapist


Categories: Animals | Canadia | Disabled | Food | Kids | Kids | Medical personnel | Mental illnesses | Moms | Questions | Posted 2009-12-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Tonight on Graze Anatomy

Little boy to grandmother: My mommy's held a cow brain.

Borders Bookstore
Alameda, California


Overheard by: Lith


Categories: Animals | Body parts | California | Family | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Parenting | Stores | Posted 2009-12-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

It's a Slippery Slope

Concerned father, giving advice to someone else's kid: I would strongly advise against eating gum found in the bathroom.

Madison, Wisconsin

Overheard by: Amanda Postel


Categories: Advice | Candy | Dads | Kids | Kids | Parenting | Wisconsin | Posted 2009-12-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Until She Finds My Letter-Bomb

Six-year-old, matter-of-factly when seeing fireworks go off at Magic Kingdom: They blew up Mickey... Now only Minnie is left.

Disneyworld Bus
Orlando, Florida


Categories: Bus | Florida | Kids | Kids | Murder | Pop culture | Posted 2009-12-19 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...From Your Leash.

Mother, chasing fleeing toddler across library: Stop! Come back! You have separation anxiety!

Christchuch
New Zealand


Overheard by: I suspect it's the other way around...


Categories: Feelings | Kids | Kids | Moms | New Zealand | Parenting | Posted 2009-12-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Everything He Knows About Americans He Learned from Watching Roseanne Reruns

Little boy, pointing to tourist: Mom! I can't get on because the American will eat me!

Philippines


Categories: Asia | Fears | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Posted 2009-12-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Spent a Whole Week in a Broom Closet Once

Boy #1 to boy #2, who is moving his chair: What the fuck are you doing?
Boy #2: I'm moving you out of the way so I can get by.
Boy #1: What? You could've just asked me to move.
Boy #2: Yeah, but I was trying to save you from having to do anything. Don't worry, I was gonna put you back.
Boy #1: Okay.
Boy #2: I hate when people move me and don't put me back.

Student Center, WCC
Valhalla, New York


Overheard by: Princess Diana


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Gripes | Insults | Kids | New York | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And You Say You Use Them As Currency?

Exasperated little boy to mother: No, it's not a version, it's a virgin, with a "g"!

Redlands, California


Categories: California | Kids | Kids | Moms | Virginity | Words | Posted 2009-12-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But This Time You'd Better Not Force Your Brother to Eat It

Eight-year-old boy: Hey dad, can I get deodorant?
Father: Uh, sure.
Eight-year-old boy: Yesssss!

A&P Supermarket
Totowa, New Jersey


Categories: Dads | Happiness | Kids | Kids | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Parenting | Stores | Posted 2009-12-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

It's Times Hard in the Islamic Republic Of North Carolina

Little girl to mother, passing brand new cherry red Porsche Carrera GT convertible: Mama, why is everyone looking at that car?
Mother: Because it's very special.
Little girl: Can I get one?
Mother: Only if you marry well, dear.

Durham, North Carolina


Categories: Feelings | Kids | Kids | Moms | North Carolina | Parenting | Questions | Posted 2009-12-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

What About Those Three Other Kids?

Six-year-old girl: Are you doing your job?
Lifeguard: Are you drowning?
Six-year-old girl: No.
Lifeguard: Then I'm doing my job.

Kiddie Pool
Great Neck, New York


Categories: Employees | Jobs & Careers | Kids | Kids | New York | Questions | Posted 2009-12-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

It's Both My Greatest Joy and My Secret Shame

Babe: Don't look to me to be the voice of reason: I own roller skates!

Newtown
Sydney
Australia


Overheard by: smu


Categories: Australia | Gadgets | Kids | Kids | Posted 2009-12-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But I Imagine It's a Lot Like Victory.

Little boy throwing fit: I've never had dessert in my life! I don't even know what it tastes like!

Outside Cookie Store
Kingsport, Tennessee


Categories: Food | Kids | Kids | Sensory experiences | Stores | Tennessee | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Only Cheap and Tasty Capitalism, Like Starbucks.

Child of privileged hipster: I'm into capitalism too. Just not, like, evil capitalism.

Oakland, California


Categories: California | Kids | Kids | Politics | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But You're the One Who Keeps Calling the Social Worker, Billy.

Mother to screaming child: Look, if it were up to me, you could watch all the porn you want.

Highlands Ranch, Colorado


Categories: Colorado | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Porn | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And a That's So Raven Thermos!

Mom to preteen son: If you don't straighten up your act, I'm sending you back to school with all Hannah Montana notebooks!

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: that'll teach him


Categories: About celebrities | Education | Kids | Kids | Moms | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Threats | Posted 2009-12-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Everyone in Retail Can Identify

Little boy, in sing-song: I believe I can fly! I believe I can... die!
Sales clerk: That's the sad version.

JC Penney
Columbia, Missouri


Categories: Death & dying | Employees | Feelings | Kids | Missouri | Singing | Stores | Posted 2009-12-04 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...But Then It Also Counts As Your Birthday Present.

Hostess: Your son and I were just talking about what he wants for Christmas.
10-year-old boy: Turkey bacon!
Gruff-looking father: You want turkey bacon for Christmas?
10-year-old boy, to hostess: He never buys any!
Gruff-looking father: Hey, if you want turkey bacon for Christmas, I'll get you turkey bacon.

Restaurant
Middletown, Connecticut


Categories: Baristas | Connecticut | Dads | Food | Gifts | Gripes | Kids | Restaurants | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Oh Yes, Mummy-- Ever So!

Mom to two little kids sitting directly behind her on the train: Do you feel a little bit better now that you've got slight independence?

Disneyland
Anaheim, California


Overheard by: They were the best behaved children there that day.


Categories: California | Feelings | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Questions | Train | Posted 2009-12-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Multiple Origami

Little girl: And then we had orgies.
Mother, very calmly: No honey, we had origami.

Florida


Categories: Florida | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Sex | Words | Posted 2009-11-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Really More Of an Epcot Activity

Child eating skeleton fruit snacks: Mommy, look! I'm eating a boner!

Disney World
Florida


Categories: Erections | Florida | Food | Kids | Kids | Parenting | Posted 2009-11-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Nope-- Just My Virginity.

Girl to boy: I thought you lost your voice when you dropped your laptop?

Queens Park Community School
London
England

Portrait Of the Foreign Policy Advisor As a Young Girl

Little girl: Ah, Mexican and Chinese food. Two great European tastes.

Highlands Ranch, Colorado

Overheard by: Julia


Categories: Colorado | Food | Geography | Kids | Kids | Stupidity | Posted 2009-11-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Sadly Wayne Brady Would Never Attain His Mother's Dream

White mother to white toddler son: You're going to be black by the time we leave!

Grand Sierra Resort Pool
Reno, Nevada


Categories: Kids | Kids | Moms | Nevada | Parenting | Race | Whiteys | Posted 2009-11-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Which, As We Both Know, Is More Than We Can Say for Dad.

Little girl to mom: But I am getting real good! Yesterday I didn't get any poop on my hand!

Public Restroom
Iceland


Categories: Compliments | Europe | Hands | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Poop | Restroom | Posted 2009-11-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

At the Hermaphroditic Contortionist Children's Support Group

Five-year-old girl, pointing at store window: Balls!
Young mom: That's right honey, those are balls, but you ate your balls, huh?
Five-year-old girl: I ate my balls!

Buffalo, New York


Categories: Balls | Food | Kids | Kids | Moms | New York | Parenting | Shopping | Posted 2009-11-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Knew This "Ellen" Haircut Was a Mistake

Two-year-old: Mommy!
Tired teen girl: I'm not your mommy.
Two-year-old: Daddy?

Preschool
Denver, Colorado


Categories: Colorado | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teens | Posted 2009-11-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

So It's Likely He's Very Drunk.

Little girl: He's drunk, I swear!
Teenage sister: He's not drunk, he's a foreigner.

Highlands Ranch, Colorado

Overheard by: Julia


Categories: Colorado | Drinking & drunks | Kids | Kids | Language barrier | Siblings | Teens | Posted 2009-11-19 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Guess Everything Really Is Bigger in Texas

New Yorker, trying to get through a crowd of people blocking aisle: Excuse me. Excuse me! Excuse me!
Confused little boy: I already moved.
New Yorker: Oh, I know you have, dear. I was talking to your fat-ass mother.

Grocery Store
Austin, Texas


Categories: Ass | Assholes | Diet & weight | Family ties | Insults | Kids | Kids | Moms | Stores | Texas | Posted 2009-11-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Tonight, on The Little Girls Next Door...

Little boy walking with two little girls: I think we should all hold hands. I think that I should be in the middle so you can both hold my hand.

Keene, New Hampshire


Categories: Hands | Kids | Kids | New Hampshire | Offers and requests | Posted 2009-11-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I've Heard You Play Cello.

Asian kid: Damn, I can't do math.
Non-Asian kid: Somehow I doubt that.

Providence, Rhode Island

Overheard by: Jesse


Categories: Asians | Education | Kids | Rhode Island | Science | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

To Be Fair, She Says the Same Thing About Their Shower at Home

Five-year-old girl, about fountain in outside eating area: Oh! High drama!

Bellevue, Nebraska

Overheard by: Cortny


Categories: Kids | Kids | Nebraska | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Who Is He to Say I Can't Be a Lesbian?

Three-year-old to parents: Jesus is mean.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania


Categories: Jesus | Kids | Kids | Parenting | Parents | Pennsylvania | Posted 2009-11-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

You Were Conceived Right Here in Aisle Four

Father to three-year-old daughter, after she took her shirt off: Just like your mother.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: is that how you met her?

Stop Making Your Eyes Glow This Minute, Missy!

Three-year-old daughter, passing Catholic church: Dead people live there.

Tucson, Arizona

Overheard by: Joe Oxford


Categories: Arizona | Death & dying | Kids | Kids | Posted 2009-11-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Her Weight Gain Cowed the Electorate Into Submission

Mom to five-year-old: I don't like Oprah Winfrey, because it's her fault Obama is President.

Denver, Colorado

Overheard by: David Leech


Categories: About celebrities | Colorado | Gripes | Kids | Moms | Politics | Stupidity | Posted 2009-11-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Soon You'll Be Hitting the Drag Clubs With Daddy

Little boy, wearing high heels: I'm bigger! I'm bigger!

Southern California


Categories: California | Kids | Kids | Shoes | Posted 2009-11-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Doesn't Look Good

Young dude in car to children getting off school bus: You are the future!

Westport, Connecticut

Overheard by: Elisabeth


Categories: Bus | Connecticut | Guys | Kids | Kids | Stupidity | Posted 2009-11-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Don't Worry - I Left My Pocket Knife at Home.

Three-year-old boy to mom, noticing police officers nearby: Don't do anything bad while you're here. Okay, mom?
Mom: Okay.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: an amused barista.

Good to See a Family Do Things Together

Little boy to younger brother: I'm 'bout to choke you!
Mother, to all children: I'm 'bout to choke all y'all!
Little boy: Together, mama?
Mother: Together.

Louisville, Kentucky

Overheard by: Jessica


Categories: Kentucky | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Siblings | Threats | Posted 2009-10-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

According to Mom's New Boyfriend

Six-year-old girl at the zoo: (drops French fries one by one)
Dad: Why are you dropping French fries?
Six-year-old girl: To feed them!
Dad: No one wants your old French fries.
Six-year-old girl: You're an old French fry!

Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com

Overheard by: Dave


Categories: Animals | Comebacks | Dads | Eavesdrop DC | Food | Kids | Kids | Parenting | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-10-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

When Momma Grows Red Fur, Then We'll Talk.

Dad: Does Gracie love momma?
Toddler: Pshnoooooo.
Dad: Does Gracie love Elmo?
Toddler: Yeah!

Target
Nashville, Tennessee


Categories: Dads | Family ties | Feelings | Kids | Kids | Parenting | Questions | TV shows | Tennessee | Posted 2009-10-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

You're a Burkoff, Dad

Little Girl: Look Dad, a buhraff.
Dad: That's "giraffe"--juh, juh, juh.
Little Girl, looking confused: Buhraff! Juh, juh, juh.

Zoo
St. Louis, Missouri


Categories: Animals | Dads | Kids | Kids | Missouri | Parenting | Words | Posted 2009-10-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

So You and the Doctors Keep Saying...

Small child entering restroom: Mom, why can't we go to the boys' room? Because I've got a girl with me?
Mom: You are a girl!

Sushi Restaurant
Kansas City, Kansas


Overheard by: zombie z


Categories: Gender issues | Kansas | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Questions | Restaurants | Restroom | Sexuality | Posted 2009-10-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Limbo Is Not a Man's Game, Son.

Mother to little boy: Stop that! You're gonna hurt your scrotum!

Boston, Massachusetts


Categories: Advice | Body parts | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Massachusetts | Moms | Parenting | Posted 2009-10-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

That's Why We Should Buy You Gelato?

Five-year-old boy: I'm a sensitive soul!

Little Italy
Toronto
Canadia


Categories: Canadia | Feelings | Kids | Kids | Posted 2009-10-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

You've Got a Name Tag Pinned to Your Sweater

Aunt Sherry: You have to hold my hand or else I might get lost. Then, what will happen?
Sassy preschooler: You'll be alright, aunt Sherry.

Northville, Michigan

Overheard by: older sassy girl


Categories: Family | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Michigan | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Jenna Jameson Was a Tough Kid to Raise

Little girl: Tea... cock! (pause) Tea... cock! Cock! Teaaaaaaaa...
Distracted mother: Honey, "peacock" is all one word.
Little girl: Cock!

Leesburg, Virginia


Categories: Birds | Food | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Penis | Virginia | Words | Posted 2009-10-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

That's Why Her Name Is Bjorrjammijjinanan

Shorter kid playing basketball to taller kid: Your dad bought your mom at Ikea!

Watertown, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Ariel


Categories: Family ties | Kids | Kids | Massachusetts | Parenting | Relationships | Shopping | Posted 2009-10-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Did I Stutter?

Six-year-old boy: Hey, look at this piece of bamboo!
Eight-year-old brother, taking bamboo, hiding it behind his back and then brandishing it like a staff: And now, with my mermaid magic, I pronounce you Sir Giraffetail! Ahoy!
Six-year-old boy: What?

Indianapolis Zoo
Indianapolis, Indiana


Overheard by: Emily and Aaron


Categories: Indiana | Kids | Kids | Magic | Names | Siblings | Posted 2009-10-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

For the Last Time, You're Not Getting My American Express Card

Five-year-old boy, calling to mother in bathroom stall: Mom, we need to talk about something.
Mom: Can it wait?
Five-year-old boy: No.
Mom: What is it?
Five-year-old boy: I need more credit. You don't give me enough credit for the things I do, and my feathers are simply getting ruffled by this.

Cincinnati, Ohio

Overheard by: Laughing


Categories: Gripes | Kids | Kids | Moms | Ohio | Parenting | Restroom | Posted 2009-10-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...Mister "I Cut Myself with Safety Scissors"

Son to father, exiting hospital: Dad, what's a disability?
Father: It's like when someone loses their finger in an accident, (pause) which will probably happen to you.

Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com

Overheard by: Jon


Categories: Dads | Eavesdrop DC | Hands | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Parenting | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-10-04 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Yeah, But That's What We Thought About Sweden and Meatballs

10-year-old boy to another, watching air show performers from Canadia: Come on, any country that has its own bacon must be good.

Janesville, Wisconsin


Categories: Compare and contrast | Food | Kids | Kids | Wisconsin | Posted 2009-10-04 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

This Is What Fun Is, Son.

Little boy: Ewww... what's that smell?
Slightly tipsy dad: Prolly barf.
Little boy: Yuck! You're gross!
Slightly tipsy dad: What? It's a twins game. People come to get drunk, then they barf, and you smell it. That's how it goes.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: that's not why I go to twins games.

Having a TV on Every Seat Is Pretty Damn Great

Six-year-old girl: Mum, remember when we went on that airplane?
Distracted mum: Mm-hmm?
Six-year-old girl: Was that paradise?

Train
Melbourne
Australia


Overheard by: Wishing I could go holiday there


Categories: Australia | Happiness | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Questions | Train | Posted 2009-09-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

A Bravo TV Contestant!

School counselor, trying to get kids to guess a career: This person might work in fashion, or decorate houses...
Fourth grader: A gay guy!

Raleigh, North Carolina


Categories: Employees | Jobs & Careers | Kids | North Carolina | Sexuality | Posted 2009-09-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Giant Cock.

Little girl: I'm in love with a boy at my preschool.
Mom: Yeah? What's he like?
Little girl, shrugging: Blue eyes, blond hair, good skin.

Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com

Overheard by: amy


Categories: Education | Feelings | Kids | Kids | Moms | Overheard in PDX | Parenting | Questions | Posted 2009-09-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

In Our Family, We Get Our Pornography from the Internet

Boy, holding bodice-ripper romance novel: Dad, is this a book for fifth-graders?
Distracted father: No. Put it back.
Boy: What is it?
Distracted father: Hardcore pornography. Put it back.

Fairwood, Washington

Overheard by: he was so hopeful


Categories: Books | Dads | Etiquette | Kids | Kids | Parenting | Porn | Questions | Washington | Posted 2009-09-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Social Norms Are Different in the People's Republic

10-year-old boy to friend, about Austin Powers: Your mom let you watch that movie? She doesn't even let you have sugar!

Cambridge, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Kaitlen


Categories: Food | Friends | Kids | Massachusetts | Movies | Parenting | Questions | Posted 2009-09-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

These Are the Moments They'll Cherish Forever

Mom to six-year-old daughter: Naiya, you better not be swimming in that toilet, or I will punch you in the neck!

Restaurant Bathroom
Delaware


Overheard by: Laughing Neighbor


Categories: Body parts | Delaware | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Restaurants | Restroom | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Stop Being Black at the Store!

Mom to child yelling and running around: Quit it! You embarrassin' me in front of the white folk!

Memphis, Tennessee

Overheard by: A white folk


Categories: Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Race | Tennessee | Posted 2009-09-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And They Love Drinking Out Of Coke Bottles

Mother to young son: The sign says that polar bears are carnivores. That means they eat mostly plants, but will eat meat when they can find it.

Henry Vilas Zoo
Madison, Wisconsin


Overheard by: weeping for the future


Categories: Animals | Diet & weight | Food | Kids | Moms | Stupidity | Wisconsin | Words | Posted 2009-09-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

That Means the Chili Was Juuuust Right

Four-year-old child, excitedly, holding mother's hand: My butt is burning!

Maine


Categories: Ass | Kids | Kids | Maine | Moms | Parenting | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-09-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

According to Their Publicists

Passerby to two women getting off elevator with a double stroller with white and black babies: Uh-oh!
Women: Oh, it's okay. They're just friends.

Elevator, Westchester Mall
White Plains, New York


Categories: Kids | Kids | Malls | Moms | New York | Race | Relationships | Strangers | Posted 2009-09-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Today, Young Tommy, You Are a Man.

Panicked child, between gasps: Why... do I... keep... burping?

Vancouver
Canadia


Categories: Burping & farting | Canadia | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Questions | Posted 2009-09-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

All He Knows Is "The Girl with the Binoculars"

Eleven-year-old girl to friends: I know him but he doesn't know me.

The Drive
Vancouver
Canadia


Overheard by: Fred


Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Friends | Kids | Relationships | Posted 2009-09-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

So "Boy" Is Ironic?

20-something woman to little girl's mother: Do you know who is Boy George?
Little girl: He is a boy that would've wanted to be a woman.
Amused mother: I couldn't have explained that better.

Guadalajara
Mexico


Overheard by: passerby


Categories: About celebrities | Girls | Kids | Kids | Moms | Music | Parenting | Questions | Sexuality | Wishes | Posted 2009-09-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

You're Divorced, Mom.

Seven-year-old boy to mom: So, mom, all the kids in camp were making fun of this one boy cuz he was a stinky Yankees fan and we're all Mets fans!
Mom: Honey, if mommy can marry a Republican, than you can be friends with a Yankees fan.

Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: Laura


Categories: Compare and contrast | Kids | Kids | Moms | New York | Parenting | Politics | Relationships | Posted 2009-09-04 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Translation: He's Been Too Happy Lately

Son: Mommy, why are you going through daddy's phone?
Mother: Because I love him!

Panera
Howell, New Jersey


Categories: Cell phones | Family ties | Feelings | Infidelity | Kids | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Questions | Posted 2009-09-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

We Told You It Was a Lousy Safe Word

Little girl on playground: Ow! Ow! Ow! Doesn't this word mean anything to you?

Colorado Springs, Colorado


Categories: Colorado | Kids | Language barrier | Questions | Words | Posted 2009-09-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...By Mixing Glue With Sawdust

Ten-year-old girl walking on cut down tree: Oh, I bet this is what they make wood out of!

Cambridge
Ontario
Canadia


Categories: Canadia | Kids | Kids | Science | Posted 2009-08-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

No One in Paris Ever Pees on Walls or Sits on Steps

Enraged Frenchman to woman and son who is discreetly peeing on wall: What is wrong with you? Find a bathroom, this is a business! (starts walking away and then comes to a woman and her teenage daughter sitting on steps) And you two, get out! What are you, from the mountains? (to himself, walking away) Oh my god! I don't believe this!

Fira
Santorini
Greece


Categories: Europe | Family | Foreigners | Gripes | Kids | Parents | Pee | Questions | Strangers | Teens | Posted 2009-08-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Also, I'm Having Company Tonight, So You'll Have to Find Another Place to Sleep

Young boy to father: Dad, I really wanted that chocolate cereal, did you buy some for me?
Father: No.
Young boy: Why not?
Father: Listen, I'd also prefer it if you stayed at your mom's all the time. But do we always get what we want? No.

Subway
Vienna
Austria


Categories: Assholes | Candy | Dads | Europe | Kids | Kids | Parenting | Questions | Train | Wishes | Posted 2009-08-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

That's What You Said About Uncle Walter!

Little girl: Mommy, can I have a bubble bath?
Mother: No, it makes your vagina hurt.

Plantation, Florida

Overheard by: i guess that's a valid reason.


Categories: Bathing | Florida | Kids | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Parenting | Vagina | Posted 2009-08-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

With My Baby Brother Inside?!

Adorable little blond girl, ecstatically: Did our car get jacked?

Port Washington, New York

Overheard by: Ladle


Categories: Kids | Kids | New York | Questions | Posted 2009-08-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Is There a Toy for Me Anywhere in That?

Small boy: Dad! Dad! Can I have that?
Father: I've told you before, craving leads to attachment.

Toy Shop
Eastern Suburbs, Sydney
Australia


Categories: Australia | Dads | Kids | Kids | Offers and requests | Parenting | Shopping | Stores | Stupidity | Wishes | Posted 2009-08-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...But Only If They're the Horny Type.

Wise eight-year-old boy to brother: Getting a girlfriend is the easy part. But you have to know how to keep them.
Attentive six-year-old: How do you get them to stay?
Wise eight-year-old: You have to find out what kind of food they like to eat. And give them a plastic unicorn.

Nature Park
Tampa, Florida


Categories: Advice | Compare and contrast | Florida | Food | Kids | Kids | Questions | Relationships | Siblings | Posted 2009-08-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

What's Worse Than Abortion, Alex?

Five-year-old girl to little boy: What happened to our baby?
Little boy: Don't you worry about that baby, woman! I threw it in the trash!

National Zoo
Washington, DC


Categories: Kids | Kids | Parenting | Questions | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-08-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

He'll Be Disappointed When He Learns It Has Nothing to Do With Guns

Youngish mom, enthusiastic: I need shot glasses for work!
Eight-year-old son, excited: I want a shot glass!!

Gift Shop
Branson, Missouri


Categories: Drinking & drunks | Kids | Kids | Missouri | Moms | Parenting | Stores | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-08-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Carnie Wilson's Mother Tried, But She Was Not Successful

Little girl in cart: Cheetos! That's my favorite snack!
Mom: No! Fruit is your favorite snack, remember?

Flemmington, New Jersey


Categories: Compare and contrast | Food | Fruit | Kids | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Parenting | Posted 2009-08-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Why Some Kids Wet the Bed

Mother to five-year-old: Keep moving, we don't want to be in the first car. If the train crashes, we'd be done for.

Metro North Railroad
New York City, New York


Overheard by: BOB Sled


Categories: Kids | Kids | Moms | New York | Parenting | Public Transportation | Train | Wishes | Posted 2009-08-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

He'd Only Stop Loving You If I Were a Fetus.

Little girl: And god loves everybody. God even loves you.
Scary little boy: I'm going to kill you.
Little girl: God will love you, even if you do.

Round Rock, Texas


Categories: Feelings | God | Kids | Kids | Murder | Texas | Threats | Posted 2009-08-04 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

No More Scientific American for You, Young Lady.

Teacher: What that show didn't tell you is that ferrets smell like dirty wet dog.
Seven-year-old girl: Well, you know you can get their scent glands removed.
Teacher: Yeah, but is that really good for them?
Seven-year-old girl: I think it's about the same as removing a dog's testicles.

Seattle, Washington

And Let's Hope to God It's Perez Hilton

(little girl is spinning and singing in grocery store line)
Dad, very calmly
: Honey... Next time the gypsies come to town, they're leaving with an extra person.


Severna Park, Maryland


Categories: Dads | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Maryland | Parenting | Singing | Stupidity | Threats | Posted 2009-08-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Are We Giving Or Receiving?

Older man: You kids gonna come out and play?
Kid: Play what?
Older man: Cornhole.

Indiana


Categories: Backdoor | Games | Guys | Indiana | Kids | Kids | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Drag Queens Are Treated Like Livestock in Canadia

Four-year-old boy, dancing happily down sidewalk: I'm like a princess! I'm like Cinderella!
Mother: Except you stink. So more like stinkerella.

Calgary
Canadia

...So Now Joe and I Are Dating.

Nine-year-old: Logan almost got a girlfriend!
Six-year-old: Really?
Nine-year-old: Yep. Remember Courtney?
Six-year-old: With the glasses?
Nine-year-old: Yeah. He asked her out on the bus, but she said no. After that, Joe was like, "I want a girlfriend," and I was like, "yeah, I know. Me, too, buddy. Me, too."

Swimming Pool
Louisiana


Categories: Gossip | Kids | Kids | Louisiana | Questions | Relationships | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-07-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

NewsFlash: Craig Kilborn Lends Name to Chewable Prozac.

Little boy in handicapped stall: I like you... I like you, Craig... You relax me.

Ladies Room, Barnes & Noble
Saugus, Massachusetts


Categories: Feelings | Kids | Kids | Massachusetts | Names | Pee | Poop | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Who Also Sweats Through His Pants

Babysitter: My dog gets hot walking.
Seven-year-old: How can you tell?
Babysitter: He sticks his tongue out, and his fur is really warm.
Seven-year-old: Sometimes when I'm out in the sun my hair feels hot.
Babysitter: Yeah, now imagine you have hair all over your body.
Seven-year-old: Like my dad.

St. Louis, Missouri

...Just Like the Magician Did Yesterday

Three-year-old girl, emerging from woods near campsite: Mommy, there are sticks in my pee hole.
Mommy: That's okay honey, just pull them out.

Kalalau Valley
Kauai, Hawaii


Categories: Hawaii | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Pee | Vagina | Posted 2009-07-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Meet the Science Channel's Number One Fan

Geeky kid: A glass cutter? Oh. My. God. This is a glass cutter! It cuts glass!
(mom tries to shush him)
Geeky kid, whispering
: A glass cutter!


Hardware Store
San Francisco, California


Categories: Kids | Moms | Parenting | San Francisco | Stores | Stupidity | Technology | Posted 2009-07-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Sigh. For the Last Time, I Could Never Date a Top.

Mom, to little kid: Is she your girlfriend?
Little kid: (shakes head emphatically)
Mom: Oh! I don't mean like that, I mean "friend that's a girl." I know Jenny is your girlfriend.
Little kid: Yeah!
Mom: And who's your boyfriend?
Little kid: I don't have a boyfriend.
Mom: But I thought Robert was your boyfriend!

Kennedy Space Center
Orlando, Florida


Overheard by: Isn't he a little young...?


Categories: Florida | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Questions | Relationships | Sexuality | Posted 2009-07-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

In Between and During Periods Of Incarceration

Woman to mother being slapped in the rear by little boy: Oooh, your son is bad!
Mother: Yeah, I think he's gonna be an ass man when he grows up!

Jersey City
New Jersey


Categories: Age and ageing | Ass | Kids | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Parenting | Strangers | Violence | Women | Posted 2009-07-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Later, Steve Would Steal Them, And Have Them Surgically Implanted

Young boy, pointing enthusiastically at a goat: Dad! Dad! Look! That goat has some big ol' balls!
Father, indulgently: Mmm-hmm. I like that one.

San Antonio, Texas


Categories: Animals | Balls | Dads | Kids | Kids | Parenting | Texas | Posted 2009-07-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Perhaps the Most Important Thing We Learn from Our Fathers

Young dad, trying to put struggling kid in high chair: Come on, don't be a dick.

Restaurant
Brisbane
Australia


Categories: Australia | Dads | Insults | Kids | Kids | Parenting | Penis | Restaurants | Posted 2009-07-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

An Equation That Changes After Puberty

Mom to young daughter: No, you don't get a lollipop just because you're wearing underwear.

Dulwich Village
London
England


Overheard by: Didn't get a lollipop either


Categories: England | Food | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Undies | Posted 2009-07-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

What Happens When You Read the Thesaurus at Bedtime

Little girl to dog: Lucy, no! I admonish you!

Perry Square
Erie, Pennsylvania


Overheard by: Kat


Categories: Animals | Kids | Kids | Pennsylvania | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-07-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

We Love This Kid

Mother, to four-year-old daughter looking at birthday party decorations: What kind of birthday party do you want, honey? Princess? Dora?
Four-year-old daughter: Red.

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Sarah


Categories: Illinois | Kids | Kids | Moms | Questions | Wishes | Posted 2009-07-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But It Makes a Cool Gurgling Sound

10-year-old boy to another: Yeah, if you smoke it that way you can still get cancer. But if you smoke it through a water bong... yeah, about the same.

Toronto
Canadia


Overheard by: Lauren


Categories: Advice | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Kids | Maladies | Smoking | Posted 2009-07-19 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

From Stephen King's The Passion Of Christine

Little girl: Where is Jesus?
Bored babysitter: Umm, I don't know... In your heart?
Little girl: Well, then guess what?
Bored babysitter: What?
Little girl: I'm going to punch him! (starts punching herself in the heart)

Toronto
Canadia


Categories: Babysitters | Body parts | Canadia | Feelings | Jesus | Kids | Kids | Questions | Violence | Posted 2009-07-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Gay Babies May Fail to Grasp the Point

Mom with eight-month-old to other parents with small child: Yeah, I've already told his dad he's going to have to give him some sort of remedial breast lessons when he's older...he's bad with the boobies.

Portland, Oregon

Overheard by: Raina


Categories: Age and ageing | Kids | Kids | Moms | Oregon | Parenting | Parents | Rack | Posted 2009-07-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Edgar Allan Poe, You Get Out Of That Crypt This Minute!

Frowning little boy among kids running and playing: I wonder if this building is haunted. (pause) You should really keep an eye out for these things.

University of Washington
Seattle, Washington


Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Fears | Kids | Kids | Magic | Washington | Posted 2009-07-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Woody Allen Was a Tedious Child

Teacher to four-year-old boy: How do you like your teacher?
Four-year-old boy, frustrated: I don't. She's always yelling at me.
Teacher: Well, it will be okay. At least you'll be going home soon.
Four-year-old boy, throwing hands in the air: No, it won't! It's never going to end!

Indianapolis, Indiana


Categories: Education | Indiana | Kids | Kids | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-07-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And Confusing

10-year-old boy #1: You're a douche.
10-year-old boy #2: Oh, yeah? Well, you're a pickle and a radish in a jar full of lemonade.
10-year-old boy #1: That's mean.

Mississauga
Canadia


Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Food | Insults | Kids | Kids | Posted 2009-07-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

There's One in Every Family

Little boy: Mommmmmm, I want a pet mouse.
Mother: No.
Little boy: Please? It can live in my room!
Mother: No! You know what will happen. I'll spend a hundred dollars on cages and food and toys, and Terry will just eat the bloody thing.
Pet shop worker to little boy: Is Terry your cat?
Little boy: No, my brother.

Pet Shop
Greensborough
Australia


Overheard by: Suitably Impressed


Categories: Animals | Australia | Employees | Family ties | Kids | Moms | Money | Offers and requests | Questions | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-07-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...With a Little Plastic Bride and Groom Stuck Inside.

Young boy #1: I want a wedding cake snowball.
Young boy #2: What does a wedding cake snowball taste like?
Young boy #1: Like wedding cake.
Young boy #2: I've never been to a wedding.
Young boy #1: Then it just tastes like cake.

Snowball Stand
Louisiana


Categories: Compare and contrast | Food | Kids | Louisiana | Questions | Sensory experiences | Wishes | Posted 2009-07-04 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Believe the Technical Term Is "Manure"

9-year-old boy, biking: Yo, what kind of flowers are they?
13-year-old brother, also biking: They be poppies an' calla-lilies an' peonies an' oleanders an' hydrangeas an' shit.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Phanatic


Categories: Kids | Pennsylvania | Questions | Siblings | Tweens | Words | Posted 2009-07-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Bet You Don't Know About Her Meth Problem!

Mother: Do you know about the tooth fairy?
Toddler: Yeah!
Mother: No, you don't.

Fleetwood, New York

Overheard by: Deek


Categories: Body parts | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Magic | Moms | New York | Parenting | Questions | Posted 2009-07-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Porky Pig Has Some 'Splaining to Do

Mom to six-year-old: I'm not buying this whole "selective stuttering" thing.

Milwaukee, Wisconsin


Categories: Family ties | Kids | Kids | Maladies | Moms | Parenting | Wisconsin | Posted 2009-06-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Pearls Of Wisdom from How to Raise a Serial Killer

Rich mother: Well, you'll just have to hold it! You can't go to the bathroom around here! They are positively disgusting, you'll die!
Little child, crying: Please, mommy, I need to go!
Rich mother: Don't you value your life?

Annapolis, Maryland

Overheard by: Alex Ello


Categories: Death & dying | Family ties | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Maryland | Moms | Parenting | Poop | Stupidity | Posted 2009-06-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And I'm the Dairy Queen.

Seven-year-old girl #1: Hey! There goes Angus!
Seven-year-old girl #2: Oooh, you are falling in love with him.
Seven-year-old girl #1: I am so not falling in love with him. He's allergic to dairy!

Australia

Overheard by: hahamama


Categories: Australia | Feelings | Food | Kids | Maladies | Posted 2009-06-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Try It and You're Outtie.

Dad to kid: Come back here, or I'll have to beat you!
Kid, indignant: You can't beat me! I'm a belly button!

Wal-Mart
Pasco, Washington


Categories: Body parts | Dads | Kids | Parenting | Stores | Threats | Violence | Washington | Posted 2009-06-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And the State Will Take Both Of Us Away

Woman to four-year-old daughter: Do not touch anything. Do you know what will happen if you touch something?
Little girl: You'll smack me in the face!

Liquor Store
New Jersey


Categories: Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Questions | Stores | Threats | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

It's Rare to Find a Young Man Who Thinks That Far Ahead

Five-year-old boy: Hey, I got an idea! Let's get naked!
Visiting adult friend: Yeah? And then what?
Five-year-old boy: We'll sit in the street!

Mason, Ohio

Overheard by: Rachel


Categories: Clothes | Default | Friends | Guys | Kids | Kids | Ohio | Questions | Posted 2009-06-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Thought All the Whack-Jobs Were on Capitol Hill?

Confused tourist lady, looking at anime convention kids in costume: Excuse me? Do you know what all of this is about?
Local: Yeah, the whack-job convention is in town.
Confused tourist lady: The...the..."whack-job" convention? (looks at costumes) Whack-jobs?
Local: (smacks forehead and turns away)

Washington, DC

Overheard by: Sarah Boyd


Categories: Default | Girls | Kids | Names | Offers and requests | Questions | Stupidity | Tourists | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-06-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Just Thought It Would Be a Lot Bigger, Is All.

Little girl in stall with dad: You're silly! This is silly!
Dad, peeing: Nothing is silly in here.
Girl: That's silly. This is silly. Stop.

Men's Bathroom
Hendersonville, Tennessee


Overheard by: Tanner


Categories: Compare and contrast | Dads | Default | Girls | Guys | Kids | Kids | Offers and requests | Restroom | Tennessee | Words | Posted 2009-06-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Sleepover!

Mother: These sheets smell weird.
Child, enthusiastically: Yeah, like other people's houses!

Thrift Store, St. John's
Newfoundland
Canadia


Overheard by: Sandy


Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Default | Kids | Kids | Moms | Stores | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-06-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Pretend He's Speaking German, If You Want to Be Able to Sleep at Night.

Little boy, in sing-song chant, marching around outdoor cafe: Die die, die die, die die, die die!

Santa Monica, California


Categories: California | Death & dying | Default | Guys | Kids | Kids | Words | Posted 2009-06-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Have to Get Away from It As Quickly As Possible

Fast-walking emo kid: There is no slowing down when it comes to me and High School Musical.

Wal-Mart
Roanoke, Virginia


Overheard by: snarky writer


Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Kids | Kids | Movies | Punks | Stores | Virginia | Posted 2009-06-04 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But I've Told Them We Don't Negotiate with Terrorists.

Children librarian, about girl scout troop outside: Um...they're throwing rocks at the windows.

Library
Suburbia, Illinois


Overheard by: martha


Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Illinois | Kids | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-04 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

That's Probably Just the Breeze from Washington

Enthusiastic little boy, entering restaurant with parents: Smells like snakes in here!

Restaurant
Charlottesville, Virginia


Overheard by: pasquinn


Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Kids | Kids | Restaurants | Virginia | Posted 2009-06-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Tommy Was a Shoo-in for the Cast Of Jackass 2028

Enthusiastic two-year-old boy: Mommy, my bottom just burped!

Illinois

Overheard by: martha


Categories: Clothes | Default | Family ties | Guys | Illinois | Kids | Kids | Posted 2009-06-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

It's Cheez-Its for Dinner Now, Beeyotch!

25-year-old man: Hey, Bella, I got you funyuns!
Five-year-old girl: Ewwww!
25-year-old man: Well, fuck you then.

Lake View Terrace, California

Overheard by: James Jameson


Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Girls | Guys | Kids | Kids | Words | Posted 2009-05-31 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Counting the Nuts, Of Course

Young ice cream customer: I'm going to get a large sundae.
Competitive young ice cream customer: Oh, yeah? I once had a sundae that was so big it was...it was... (thinks about it) up to the top of Jesus!

Dairy Queen
Victoria
Canadia


Overheard by: bemused in Dairy Queen

Just Sign Here and Initial Here

Kindergarten teacher: Hey, what are you doing?
Little girl: Nothing, but I can repair it if you want me to!

Kindergarten
Norway


Categories: Default | Europe | Girls | Kids | Kids | Offers and requests | Questions | Teachers | Posted 2009-05-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

God Decides to Test Out a More Adorable Grim Reaper

Little boy, excitedly: Everybody's dying these days!

Hooksett, New Hampshire

Overheard by: Evee


Categories: Death & dying | Default | Guys | Kids | Kids | New Hampshire | Words | Posted 2009-05-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Nothing Says Spring Like the Scent Of Ice Cream and Urine

Small boy with ice cream cone, trying to get mom's attention: I peed my pants! I peed my pants! Mommy, listen to me, I peed my pants!
Mom, deadpan: I bet that's real uncomfortable for you.
Dad to son: When we get home we are just gonna have to hose you down.
Son to dad: Oh yeah, make me lay on the yard and then spray the hose on me, and on my penis, and down my pants on my penis!
Boy's brother, from minivan: Ew! You can spell the pee!

Bucks County, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: free birth control


Categories: Clothes | Dads | Default | Family | Family ties | Guys | Kids | Kids | Moms | Pee | Penis | Pennsylvania | Women | Posted 2009-05-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Your Karate Instructor?

Little girl, waiting for a ride home from school: What is my mother doing that's more important than me?

Beverly Hills, California

Overheard by: Anon Y. Mouse


Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Girls | Kids | Questions | Posted 2009-05-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

To Be Fair, This Is His Answer to Everything

Instructor to swim class: Okay, who can tell me one thing we can wear to protect ourselves from the sun?
Three-year-old boy, after much thought: Teeth!

YMCA
Easton, Pennsylvania


Categories: Body parts | Default | Guys | Kids | Kids | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Questions | Teachers | Posted 2009-05-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us