Get the 10 best quotesby e-mail weekly!
Jocks All Categories > People > Jocks
Recent | Best Of
My Heart Will Fucking Go On, Dudebro.
Jock #1: Yo! I've grown accustomed to your face!
Jock #2: Word!
Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Jocks | Minnesota | Weirdness | Posted 2010-09-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whoa, Is My Face Red
Jock: Dude, I went to our professor's office yesterday, and you know what? She has a giant bottle of lube just sitting there on her desk!
(pause)
Friend: You jackass! That's hand sanitizer on her desk, not lube!
University of Colorado
Overheard by: I keep the lube in the drawer
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Jocks | Sex | Stupidity | Posted 2010-02-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Advent Of a New Sport
Sports fan to another: I'm telling you: you swing a wheel of cheese and hit a bird, that bird's going down.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Laure
You're So Full Of Shit, Jason
Jock: Our soccer team's like the colon--it's probably there for a reason but no one knows what it is.
Friend: That's the appendix.
Westminster, Maryland
Categories: Body parts | Compare and contrast | Friends | Health & Hygiene | Jocks | Maryland | Stupidity | Posted 2009-11-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ladies, Please Watch Your Actions.
Female track jock, to friend: So I had this fucking hair up my fucking ass.
Private school football coach, overhearing: Ladies, please watch you language.
Female track jock: I had a hair up my butt.
El Paso, Texas
...When She Complained About Her First Day Of Preschool.
Field hockey jockette: And then I said, "at least you didn't get gonorrhea!"
Ursinus College
Collegeville, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: reading in the lounge
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Jocks | Pennsylvania | STDs | Sex | Students | Posted 2009-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wait'll We Hit Corporate America
Jock #1: I felt like such a whore today.
Jock #2: I can imagine.
Montevallo, Alabama
But I Love It As a Band Name
Jock in business attire #1: Islamic golf carts.
Jock in business attire #2: Sick, dude. Sick.
Georgetown University
Washington, DC
Overheard by: taylor
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Geography | Jocks | Religion | Suits | Washington, DC | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like Putting Mayo on French Fries
Jock on cell: I bet he's a lame fuck. He wouldn't do any of that weird stuff you like.
Barton Springs Pool
Austin, Texas
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Insults | Jocks | Kink | On the phone | Texas | Posted 2008-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Metaphor for Their Entire Life
Jock #1: Yo, dude, so you know how to get there?
Jock #2: Naw, man.
Jock #1: You don't know how to get there?
Jock #2: Where?
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Nik
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Friends | Jocks | New York | Offers and requests | Questions | Stupidity | Posted 2008-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Couldn't You Just Ask for the Air-speed Velocity of an Unladen Swallow?
Bouncer: I don't know... Do you have another piece of ID on you?
Blonde: No, but go ahead, ask me anything!
Bouncer: Why don't your shoes match your skirt?
London, Ontario
Canadia
And You're Not in a Relationship Just because She Says So
Meathead to another: Dude, are you in a relationship? 'Cause if you're not in a relationship, you don't have to call her ever. Do you hear me? Ever!
Safeway
Ellensburg, Washington
Categories: Advice | Default | Jocks | Questions | Relationships | Stores | Washington | Posted 2008-03-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Inevitable Evolution of Zack and Screech's Relationship
College jock: Girls suck. I would so be your gay lover if it weren't for the whole butt-sex thing.
Scrawny friend: Me too, man.
Davis, California
Categories: California | Default | Gripes | Guys | Jocks | Sex | Sexuality | Yeahhh, college! | Posted 2008-02-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Translation: I'm About to Start Crying
Jock #1: Dude, that bitch broke my heart.
Jock #2, eating a burrito: I know, man. You were always so unhappy, and I wanted to, like, slap you around and make you happy.
Jock #1, singing softly and staring blankly at the ground: I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you...
Jock #2: Look, man, we boys, aight? But when you start singing cheesy-ass love songs to a chick that cheated on you, gave you an STD, and shit on top of your car because she's crazier than a fucking monkey on crack with a banana up its ass, something's wrong with you, and maybe we shouldn't hang out anymore.
University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Sam
Categories: Advice | Default | Jocks | Relationships | Washington | Posted 2008-02-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Is Just Like the Time You Confused Earl Grey and Chamomile
Football player to another: Fuck you, dude. These are spirit fingers, and these are jazz hands!
University of Colorado
Denver, Colorado
And It's Totally Real
Professor: This clip is from a documentary about women's professional wrestling in Japan, which is pretty much the--
Football jock, interrupting: --Coolest thing ever!
Kaufman Hall, UCLA
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Not an athlete
Categories: California | Gossip | Jocks | Teachers | Posted 2008-01-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, Everyone Knows That
Jock: Diversity is an old, old wooden ship.
Wilfrid Laurier University
Waterloo, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Ship's Captain
Categories: Canadia | Jocks | Philosophy | Posted 2008-01-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Such a Card, Adolf!
Meathead: That's the type of woman I want to marry. I'll bend her over, then we can have hairy Aryan babies and eat hummus together. God, what I wouldn't do to her!
Pleased girl with him: You know, I'm really glad I decided to invite you instead of Joe!
Cedar Point
Sandusky, Ohio
Overheard by: Ckiska
That's Too Bad, He Was Such a Great Guy
Jock: Wait... Are you talking about Kim? I thought she was dating that guy.
Bimbette: Oh, you mean Fuck-face?
Jock: Yeah.
Bimbette: No, that's over.
Auburn University
Auburn, Alabama
Only to Put Himself Through School
Eleventh grade Health teacher: Sigmund Freud did a lot of studies on that.
Jock: Wait, he was the lion tamer, right?
Plainsboro, New Jersey
Overheard by: Siegfried & Roy
Categories: Jocks | New Jersey | Stupidity | Teachers | Posted 2007-07-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Seem to Be Retaining Coors
Guy: Dude, that is your belly.
Shout-out: nimbleit.21publish.com
Categories: Body parts | Frat boy types | Jocks | North America | Overheard in Utah | Stomach | USA | Utah | Posted 2007-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Be Considerate of the Rest of Us
Jock: No, dude, you totally have to use a condom with a plastic vagina.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: hung
Categories: Advice | Condoms | Jocks | Overheard at Cornell | Vagina | Posted 2007-03-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
