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For the Last Time, Destiny, That's a Penis
Wannabe pickup artist: So, tell me your secrets.
Hot girl: I'm not sure...
Wannabe pickup artist: C'mon.
Hot girl: Okay, but you have to promise not to tell anyone.
Wannabe pickup artist: Fine.
Hot girl: I have a tail.
Albany Park
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Ivan Alfaro
Scissors, Ipods, Horses, Pauses...
Dude #1: Hey man, wanna go get some things pregnant?
Dude #2: Um. What? What kind of things?
Dude #1: Just stuff. Whatever we find.
Shout-out: www.overheardatumbc.com
Categories: Guys | Jerks | Leisure | Offers and requests | Overheard at UMBC | Pregnancy | Questions | Sex | Wishes | Posted 2008-04-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or A-Rod's Rod
Obnoxious 20-something chick: We went to a Yankees game and had the worst seats ever. We didn't even see Derek Jeter's ass! ... Or anyone's ass.
IHOP
Green Bay, Wisconsin
Can You Even Use "Oxygen" As a Verb Like That?
Male flight attendant: ... And if you brought more than two children with you today, decide which your favorite is and oxygen that one first.
Southwest Airlines Flight #135
Categories: Advice | Airports & flights | Compare and contrast | Default | Etiquette | Family ties | Flight attendants | Guys | Jerks | Offspring | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Don't Even Bother to Answer Me
Mother: Why do people like you?
Teen daughter: What?!
Mother: I mean, why do people like to talk to you and be your friend? I just don't get it.
Fairfax, California
Categories: California | Default | Family ties | Girls | Insults | Jerks | Moms | Questions | Relationships | Teens | Posted 2008-02-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Can't Bite Me
Huge guy waving Bud Light bottle at old Native American lady: There's a reason I like ladies without any teeth.
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Categories: Body parts | Bragging | Jerks | Minnesota | Posted 2008-01-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And That I'm Getting a Free Dinner
Man to girl he's trying to hit on: [Flashes American Express card] What does this mean to you?
Girl: ... It means you're a douche.
Edendale Grill
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Chicks | Insults | Jerks | Posted 2008-01-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Went on to Become the Nicest Lawyer in Missouri
Girlfriend: Awww, I like this. We should get it.
Boyfriend: What? What 'we'?! I told you, I'm breaking up with you on Monday.
Girlfriend: I know. I mean, I thought you were kidding...
Boyfriend: No! Now that the bar exam is over, I can break up with you and not feel bad about it. Now that the bar is over, I can break up with you and not worry about you failing and me feeling guilty.
Girlfriend: Oh.
Bluestem Crafts
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: Kelsey
Categories: Couples | Jerks | Missouri | Relationships | Posted 2007-11-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Happens to the Best of Us
Man #1: There is literally a whale driving that car. Through some form of magic, a whale was turned into a woman and is now driving a car!
Man #2: I think the whale looks pretty surprised. I would be, too, if I suddenly got turned into a woman and put in a car!
Shout-out: www.overheardquote.com
Overheard by: wyse
Categories: Diet & weight | Jerks | Overheard Quote | Posted 2007-10-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Floppy Ears and Tail Aside
Guy: Amanda, you know how I always say people are dumb?
Amanda: [Blank stare.]
Guy: You are totally 'people.'
Columbus, Ohio
Or So I've Heard.
Guy, as girlfriend walks ahead of him into store: Don't ever get a girlfriend, man. Fucking lunatic bitches! ... She can suck a dick, though.
Gas station
Sacramento, California
Categories: California | Gripes | Jerks | Posted 2007-10-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The "Secret Shopper" Morality Tests Are Getting Aggravating
Dude exiting cab: Oh! Hi!
Girl on sidewalk, trying to hail cab: Hi.
Dude exiting cab: You're hot! Wanna make out?
Girl on sidewalk: Not right now.
Dude exiting cab: Slut!
Huntington Avenue
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Insults | Jerks | Massachusetts | Posted 2007-09-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gonna Be Sticking Your Dick in It?
Man to harried employee: I would like a latte, but please do not steam the milk any hotter than a hundred and thirty degrees...
Coffee stand, Washington National Airport
Washington, DC
Categories: Food | Jerks | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-09-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Take That Back or I'll Give You an Atomic Wedgie Right Here
Late 20s drone in front of train operator's door: Excuse me, can you move forward? The operator said I'm blocking the window.
Late 40s suit: No, you move forward. This is my spot.
Late 20s drone: We're both blocking the window, and I can't move unless you do.
Late 40s suit: I'm not moving.
Late 20s drone, groaning: You're an ass.
Late 40s suit: No, you're an ass.
Late 20s drone, pushing past: Oh, fuck you.
Late 40s suit, mocking: Oh, fuck you.
Late 20s drone: Good luck in third grade.
BART train, Bay Point - Daly City line
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: baby boomers must die
Categories: Insults | Jerks | San Francisco | Strangers | Train | Posted 2007-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Tryin' to Cause a Scene Over Here!
College dude: She needs to get her fuckin' face smashed in. She's such a stupid bitch.
Friend: Who?
College dude: Janet*. I fuckin' hate her. This is fuckin' bullshit. [To other friend across the library] Hey, shut the fuck up down there!
577 Western Avenue
Westfield, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Annie
Categories: Gripes | Jerks | Massachusetts | Posted 2007-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Bureau of Rude Remarks Shall Hear of This!
Dude: You should know -- I'm into government intervention into every aspect of life.
Passerby: Such a fag.
Lambton Quay
Wellington
New Zealand
Categories: Insults | Jerks | Names | New Zealand | Posted 2007-05-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yes, I'd Like a Grande Double Espresso with a Shot of Cocaine
Man: Decaf, please.
MBA guy: Who the fuck orders decaf? That's like having eyes yet walking around with them closed.
Shout-out: overheardatkmc.blogspot.com
Categories: Food | Jerks | Overheard at KMC | Posted 2007-05-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Girl: Yeah, Three Strokes and Out, WTF?
Guy #1: I totally told her I wasn't with anyone else on my cruise, but I clearly slept with another girl!
Guy #2: Victory!
Shout-out: overheardatwestern.blogspot.com
Overheard by: shannon
Categories: Infidelity | Jerks | Overheard at Western | Posted 2007-05-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Doing Our Part to Discourage Self-Righteousness
Dude #1: So, I guess they're selling coffee and samosas or whatever in that hallway in McConnell again.
Dude #2: Oh yeah? That's usually pretty cheap. Hey, is it for charity?
Dude #1: Yeah, I think so.
Dude #2: Oh. Well, fuck that, then.
Dude #1: Seriously.
Shout-out: overheardatmcgill.com
Categories: Food | Jerks | Overheard at McGill | Posted 2007-04-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
