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Plus We'd Have to Be Open and Honest About Our Feelings
White mother to teen daughters after black family walks by: I'm so glad you two aren't black! Then I'd have to put all those little beads in your hair and--well I'm just really glad.
Versailles, Kentucky
But We Call Them "American Voters"
American chick #1: Ohmigod! Look at those white cows! I've never seen cows like that before!
American chick #2: Maybe they're albino... Or it could be a special British type of cow.
Guy sitting behind them: ... Those are sheep.
Bus, Southern England
Overheard by: pretends to be Canadian
And Drove Past Your House. And Made Cardboard Cut-Outs of You...
Bimbo #1: Hey I remember you! Oh my god! I haven't seen you in ages!
Bimbo #2: Yeah, I know! I totally stalked you on MySpace!
Sydney
Australia
Terry McAuliffe: Shhhhhh!
Preppy brunette on cell: So did you hear? Hillary won the primaries yesterday! [Pause.] Wait, you mean there's more than one?
JMU Bookstore
Harrisonburg, Virginia
Overheard by: baffled
Golden Showers Count As "Animal," Right?
Mid-20s girl: So, I've been a vegetarian for about six years now and I'm trying to phase out all animal products.
Mid-40s woman: Oh, I could never be a vegetarian, I'd die. I like my potatoes too much.
Mid-20s girl: Umm... Potatoes are vegetables.
Mid-40s woman: Yeah, I guess you're right. But I mean like peas and stuff.
Kokomo, Indiana
Overheard by: Justin
Looks Who's Talking, Mister "The-Pirate-Movie-Was-Rated-Arrr"
Guy #1: What did the bear say when he walked into the bar?
Guy #2: [Blank stare.]
Guy #1: Roarrrr. He's a fucking bear, what else would he say! [Laughs out loud.]
Guy #2: I haven't seen you in two months, and this is what you start with? You are a fucking idiot.
Duluth, Minnesota
Overheard by: Amber
Now I'm Terrified a Cat in a Hat Will Come Mess Up My House
Professor: I thought this was made up, but then I read it in a book, which of course means it?s true.
East Carolina University
Greenville, North Carolina
Categories: Books | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Idiots | Lies | North Carolina | Teachers | Posted 2008-04-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And This Money Isn't Even Green!
Middle-aged American tourist woman: The rooms here have strange plugs, I simply cannot use my curling iron! This is outrageous... I want to see the manager immediately!
Hotel Restaurant
Munich
Germany
Overheard by: Dru
Categories: Clients | Compare and contrast | Germany | Gripes | Idiots | Restaurants | Technology | Tourists | Wishes | Women | Posted 2008-04-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only When I'm Drunk
Chick #1: I miss my car.
Chick #2: I miss my car too. Not like, driving it or anything. But I miss my car. We've been through so much together --four accidents, hitting a mailbox, and a lot of repairs. But I'm not like, a bad driver or anything.
George Washington University
Washington, DC
Categories: Bragging | Chicks | Colleges & Universities | Feelings | Friends | Idiots | Sorority types | Stupidity | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-04-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Mean Geraniums!
Woman #1: Where did you go to college?
Woman #2: University of Cape Town.
Woman #1: Oh, is that in Virginia?
Woman #2: No, it's actually in South Africa.
Woman #1: Ohhhh, sorry, I'm bad with geometry.
Woman #2: ...
Woman #1: I mean geology!
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: Actually, that was my mom.
We're Getting Closer to an Answer All the Time
Guy #1: How much have you had to drink?
Guy #2: Just beers.
Guy #1: But how many?
Guy #2: Just beers.
Guy #1: Yeah, how many beers have you had?
Guy #2: Yeah.
Guy #1: How many have you had though?
Guy #2: I'm only drinking beers tonight.
Pinehaven
New Zealand
Overheard by: Schmitty
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Guys | Idiots | New Zealand | Questions | Stupidity | Words | Posted 2008-04-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Hoping She Stays Out of the Minibar
Blonde on cell: We got a nice hotel room for our cat.
Montgomery and California
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: Animals | California | Default | Holidays | Idiots | On the phone | Stupidity | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-04-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Happy Birthday to You/ Don't Bend to Tie Your Shoe
Girl #1: Hanging out with him on his birthday was so much fun!
Girl #2: Oh, I heard about that! He went to jail, right?
Brooklyn Avenue
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Glad they're not my friends
The More Absurd It Is, the Better. Like Christianity
Gym teacher, during stretches: If you do it this way, it makes it easier and also more challenging.
Henry Wise Wood High School
Calgary
Canadia
At Least He's Stopped Talking About His Turds.
Bitter guy: Girls don't care about men, so I can't relate to them. And men only care about sports, food, video games, and women. I do like to eat, but I hate women. I don't like sports at all, and I'm soooo good at video games that other people can't play with me because I am just too awesome.
Girl sitting at the table with him: Yeah...
University of Massachusetts
Amherst, Massachusetts
Categories: Bragging | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Etiquette | Feelings | Gender issues | Girls | Guys | Idiots | Massachusetts | Pride | Sexuality | Stupidity | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Isn't That Cute?
Man, pointing out the window, to his wife: Look, honey, they even have cars!
Shout-out: zipster.wordpress.com
Overheard by: The Zipster
Categories: Airports & flights | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Geography | Holidays | Hubbies | Idiots | North America | Stupidity | Posted 2008-04-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Playing Dirty-Scrabble with Todd Was Often Tedious
Guy: Yeah, you know that word? Ah, I forget it... Oh yeah, vagina!
Ontario
Canadia
E-U-G-E-N-I-C-S
Loud woman: How do you spell 'taxi'?
1801 Alexander Bell Drive
Reston, Virginia
Where to Begin?
Husband to wife showing him Greek Bible: Honey, if English is good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me.
Barnes & Noble
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: aharon
Categories: Christianity | Couples | Default | Idiots | Language barrier | Ohio | Stores | Stupidity | Posted 2008-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Is It Putting on a Dress and Heels?
Guy in crowd evacuated from theater due to fire alarm: This is all a marketing trick... Just watch -- any minute now one of those fire trucks is going to transform!
Transformers showing, AMC Theatre
Paramus, New Jersey
Overheard by: JoBell
Like Richard Simmons
Bimbette #1: Wait, is a bird a mammal? I don't think it's a mammal...
Bimbette #2: I think a bird is, like, its own species.
B train
Boston, Massachusetts
Feared I Might Inadvertently Become a Lesbian
Girl #1: I know for a fact this year is going to be way better than last year.
Girl #2: Why's that?
Girl #1: Because this year I actually have designer clothes. Last year I didn?t have any, and I was so unhappy!
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Canadia | Clothing | Compliments | Default | Girls | Idiots | Overheard at McGill | Students | Posted 2008-03-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Is All the Government Has Allowed Me to Tell You
Health teacher to class: When you become more adult-like, you start to be more like an adult.
Roanoke, Virginia
And Then Put It Back, Unused
Teen girl #1: Lemur? What the hell's a lemur?
Teen girl #2: Lemur is French for 'light.' You know, like the candlestick on Beauty and the Beast -- lemur.
Teen girl #1: You're so smart. How do you know this shit?
Teen girl #2: I took two years of French.
Lemur Exhibit, Denver Zoo
Denver, Colorado
How the Colonials Felt about John Hancock
Queer en route to Obama rally: Oh my god, he's so cute. Do you think he'll sign my ass for me?
Ohio State University
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Rachel Jane
Categories: Beauty | Colleges & Universities | Compliments | Default | Idiots | Ohio | Queers | Questions | Posted 2008-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Once a Month. Our People Love Dragons and Firecrackers
White girl to Asian guy: So... How often is Chinese New Year?
Shout-out: overheardinumcp.blogspot.com
Overheard by: tom
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Idiots | Maryland | Overheard in College Park | Questions | Students | Stupidity | Time Management | Whiteys | Posted 2008-03-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
ROTFLMFAOAWMP
Middle-aged woman: What the fuck is 'W-T-F'?
Exmouth, Devon
United Kingdom
Overheard by: Bernard
That Itching and Flaking Are Just Jesus Telling You You've Been Naughty
Guy to pals: Dude, seriously -- STDs are just Christian propaganda.
Riverbend Music Center
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: robby gigante
Has He Given You a Satisfactory Answer to That Question?
Thugette, into phone: How it gon' be warm one day, rain the next, and freezin' the next?
Asian guy: It's called a cold front. Take a science class.
Thugette: I don't need no science, nigga! I got God!
Millersville University
Millersville, Pennsylvania
I Am So Sick of Blowing Middle-Aged Poindexters
Sorority girl, crying: I've been working so hard, and I don't feel like I'm being rewarded for it.
Professor: What? What do you mean?
Sorority girl, still crying: I mean, if I work so hard, I'll just die if I don't get an A.
Professor, irritated: Well, it's only four weeks into the semester. Why are you worried about your grade now? I don't guarantee any grades! [Professor leaves.]
Sorority girl, to friend: Damn. I should have saved the tears until at least midterm. Now I'll actually have to do the work. Damn.
University of Nevada, Las Vegas
Nevada
Based Upon My Limited Series of Experiments
Father: My kid broke his face today. He tried to do a back flip and kneed himself in the eye.
Friend: It's fine. Kids are like lizards -- they grow stuff back.
Liberty Mutual
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Dads | Default | Friends | Health & Hygiene | Idiots | Kids | Massachusetts | Posted 2008-02-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Frankly, I Feel the Ethics Committee Should Show Him No Mercy
Professor: I found the same paper that you turned in as your term paper on the Internet, word for word. That's plagiarizing!
Student: All right, I'll tell you the truth -- I didn't have time to write the term paper, so I paid somebody else to do it for me. But honest, I didn't know he'd plagiarize it!
College
New York
Overheard by: DizzyLizzy
Card: I Fear You've Been a Careless Quiff/ Valentine, You've Got the Syph!
Excited blonde: Guess what I'm getting myself for a Valentine's Day present? I'm getting tested for STDs!
Michigan State University
East Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: not surprised
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Health & Hygiene | Holidays | Idiots | Michigan | STDs | Students | Posted 2008-02-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dude, We're So Not Coming Over. Ever.
Drunk guy to two chicks: I was so tanked last night that I don't know if I shit in my bed or if somebody else shit in my bed as a joke, but someone definitely shit in my bed. It was a pretty good party, though.
dcist.com
Snow White Has Strong Feelings about Little People
Guy #1: If I make a lot of money, I'm gonna hire a dwarf to stand on a stool and help me wash in the shower.
Guy #2: Why couldn't you get a full-sized woman to do that?
Nearby chick: I hope neither of you ever make any money.
Stanford, Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Idiots | Jobs & Careers | Stupidity | Posted 2008-02-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Was Essentially Like a Bumpy Car Ride
Movie-goer: It was, like, almost orgasmic... without the orgasm.
Nova Cinema
Carlton, Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Hayley
Why "How Are You?" Can Be a Dangerous Question
Dude: I've been soiling myself for four days playing Guitar Hero.
Drake University
Des Moines, Iowa
Categories: Cleanliness | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Gadgets | Idiots | Iowa | Posted 2008-02-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stacy's Attempt to Milk Them Ended Badly
Recent college grad: Wait, you mean elephants are mammals?!
York, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: not a mammal either
Categories: Animals | Idiots | Pennsylvania | Science | Stupidity | Posted 2008-02-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook