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Let's Just Say, I'll Never Try Shrooms Again.
Guy: Oh I've slept in a field before. One time I slept with a sheep. I was interrupted in the middle of the night by a fox, though. The fox was like "grr!" and I was like "woah!", but then I remembered that I had garlic bread in my bag.
An Cheathru Rua
Galway
Ireland
Overheard by: what happens in an cheathru rua...
I'll Put Them on Ice for You 'til After the Exam
Guy to another: Dude, just study your nuts off and you'll be fine.
Binghamton University
New York
Was He on Dancing with the Stars?
Girl: Wait, who's Hitler?
Guy: Are you serious?
Girl: I don't watch a lot of tv...
Peabody, Massachusetts
Categories: Girls | Guys | History | Massachusetts | Pop culture | Questions | Posted 2011-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Dr. Heimlich Invented His Maneuver
Guy, chuckling: Can you give me a blowjob?
Girl, also chuckling: No! Why would I do that?
Guy: Come on! Please?
Girl: No! (laughs)
Guy: Why not?
Girl: Just... No. Guy, please, there has to be some reason, just, why not?
Girl: There is no reason, I'm just not giving you a blowjob.
Guy: Oh. Come on! Please? There has to be a reason why.
Girl: I'm not giving you a blowjob because... (sighs) My mom says you would be a choking hazard, and I don't want to choke.
High School
Canadia
Categories: BJs | Body parts | Canadia | Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Weirdness | Posted 2011-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Given That We Shoot Burglars on Sight
Guy: So you still living in Yeoville?
Girl: Yeah. I love it. I've got great rent. And last time I checked crime stats, our house break-ins were way lower than other places.
Johannesburg
South Africa
Overheard by: Kingmo!
And She Was All, "This Isn't JDate, Neil"
Disembodied male voice from next door: And I was like, "hey, do you wanna see my circumcision scar?"
Sitka, Alaska
Overheard by: Hailey
Categories: Alaska | Guys | Offers and requests | Penis | Sensory experiences | Posted 2011-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...She's a Good, Honest Whore
Angry guy, loudly: My sister is not a fetish model!
Greenport Harbor Brewery
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: Family ties | Guys | New York | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2011-08-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Canadia, That's Like Being the Youngest Person in the Nursing Home.
Skinny guy with pink hair: I don't think I could be any more bad-ass.
Ottawa
Canadia
Categories: Bragging | Canadia | Character | Compliments | Guys | Posted 2011-07-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Where Canadian Bacon Comes From?
60-something man, watching obese woman board bus, loudly: So fat!
30-something woman, quietly: Yeah, sometimes it might be genetics or something. Not just cured by exercise, you know?
60-something man, loudly: I try to avoid getting too close to people who are that fat. I'm scared they'll just explode and innards will get all over me!
30-something woman: (disgusted look)
London
Canadia
Overheard by: On the bus
Bella Has Yet to Date Anyone Who Meets Her Father's Approval
Guy on phone: Hold on a minute, I just have to cut something off my daughter...
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Character | Guys | New Jersey | On the phone | Parenting | Relationships | Posted 2011-07-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Postal Service Has Really Stepped Up Its Game
Man to woman at post office: Oh, I must be hallucinating.
Post office lady: Congratulations, that's lovely.
Austin, Texas
Categories: Compliments | Employees | Feelings | Guys | Sensory experiences | Texas | Weirdness | Posted 2011-07-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Alcohol Helps You Deal with the Strange.
Guy in pub, having just arrived at the table where his friends are: I have had the strangest day, and I'm not even drunk yet.
Canterbury
England
Overheard by: Noel
Categories: Drinking & drunks | England | Feelings | Guys | Weirdness | Posted 2011-07-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, Charlie Sheen, Never Change!
Abusive downstairs neighbor to girlfriend trying to break up with him: I haven't called you a bitch or a cunt in ages and I am proud of that!
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Nicole
Categories: Bragging | California | Guys | Insults | Relationships | Posted 2011-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then Follow Me!
Screechy woman: We need to figure out what the frack we're doing for Canada day!
Quiet man: Probably sit around and watch the fireworks.
Screechy woman: Noooo, that's such a waste!
Quiet man: (silence)
Screechy woman: I have the day off, yeeeaahhh!
Quiet man: (silence)
Screechy woman: Do you think pigs would eat other pigs?
Quiet man, after long pause: I really don't know.
London
Canadia
Overheard by: Watcher of Fireworks
We All Know How to Push Our Parents Right Over the Edge
Man pushing his mother in wheelchair: It's all designed to kill you, mother.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Categories: Death & dying | Family ties | Guys | Pennsylvania | Wishes | Posted 2011-07-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Is It Anything Like "Walk Like a Prescription"?
Guy in Pirates jersey: Just another planet Monday... Wait, how does that go?
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Flab Treesports
Unlike Most Of the San Antonio Spurs
Girl: And I was all "his mom is a slut" I mean, she sleeps with everyone.
Boy: Don't talk about my mom that way.
Girl: Why not? I mean, she's my mom, too.
Boy: No, she's not.
Girl: Well, you never know! You weren't there!
San Antonio, Texas
Paul McCartney and Heather Mills Hammer Out a Payment Plan
Girl: So if you won £100,000,000 on the lottery what would you do?
Guy: Settle some scores. There'd be a few guys from school who'd be going to work one day and suddenly find themselves being bundled into the back of a van with a black bag over their head.
Girl: Then flown out over the north Atlantic, tied up, thrown out of the plane?
Guy: I like the way you think. We should have kids.
Girl: Nah, to get into my pants you'll need to do better than that. £2,000 of jewelery would do it. (cackles hysterically)
London
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Who Says Today's Young Men Aren't Philosophers?
Guy #1: Yo, dawg, you got herpes. You got herpes, dawg!
Guy #2: Well, you got HIV!
Guy #1: Herpes is worse, dawg!
Guy #2: No, it ain't!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Guys | Health & Hygiene | Pennsylvania | Philosophy | STDs | Posted 2011-06-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Was Actually Dead, So the Joke Was on Me
Guy #1: So how was work?
Guy #2: I didn't go.
Guy #1: Oh, take a day off, did you?
Guy #2: Well, I went to Erin*'s house to see if she wanted to talk to my boss about getting a job but she was still asleep, and she looked cute, so I joined her.
Guy #1: Good excuse.
Bayonne, New Jersey
Categories: Beauty | Guys | New Jersey | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2011-06-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Make-a-Wish Foundation Refused to Honor Robert's Request
Guy: I wish I had some big ol' titties so I could whack you in the face with 'em.
Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com
Overheard by: ladyoftheice
Categories: Guys | Overheard Lines | Rack | Violence | Posted 2011-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well I Can't Help It If Yours Is a Bigger Target
Guy going up escalator to friend: Did you see that? That guy just tried to touch my butt.
Friend: Don't complain, he succeeded in touching mine!
Washington, DC
Categories: Ass | Friends | Guys | Sensory experiences | Washington, DC | Weirdness | Posted 2011-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"The Literature Of Drug Prescriptions" Was a Popular Course at UMass
Guy: I can't tell if he's being poetically ambiguous or if he just has really bad handwriting.
UMass
Amherst, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Beth
Categories: Character | Compliments | Guys | Massachusetts | Sensory experiences | Posted 2011-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Men Won't Be Men, Then Women Will
Emo boy to mother in women's clothing store: I'm more feminine than anyone in here!
Coffs Harbour
Australia
Mom Harvests My Pockets When She Does My Laundry
Guy: Do you have any money left?
Chunky 40-something man: 60 bucks, that should be enough to get me by until my mother gives me more.
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: Kristin
Categories: Family ties | Guys | Money | Nebraska | Questions | Posted 2011-06-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Their Baby Was Born in a Booth at Popeye's
Guy #1: Hey bro, your woman fat?
Guy #2: No. Fuck, man! What you talkin'? She my baby momma, that the baby in her bump!
Guy #3: You sure? She sure look fat to me.
Coralridge Mall
Iowa City, Iowa
And I Do Mean Everything
Boy #1: I'm gonna take out my iPhone and post these pictures on YouTube.
Boy #2: You can't post photos on YouTube.
Boy #1: Fine, I'll post them on Facebook.
Boy #2: You don't have a Facebook.
Boy #1: I'll e-mail them to your mom. She posts everything on Facebook.
Central Islip, New York
Overheard by: Val
Categories: Family ties | Guys | Internet | New York | Threats | Posted 2011-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, It's a Shit Party in Your Pants, Dude
Girl at party: For the last time: I am not interested in you. You're too short, too fat and too drunk!
Guy, defiantly: I'm not drunk! If I was drunk, I wouldn't think you were so fucking ugly!
(girl storms off angrily)
Guy, to himself: It's a shit party when the ugliest bitch at the party ain't a sure thing!!
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Scotty
That's What He Calls His Penis.
Man at urinal, peeing, to no one in particular: This toilet smells like my sadness.
Bar
London
England
Overheard by: Dirty PJ
Categories: England | Guys | Pee | Philosophy | Sensory experiences | Posted 2011-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Will You Put Your Hand Down My Pants?
Guy: I will get you anything you want, and I mean anything, if you walk back from lunch with your hand down my pants.
Girl: But we are already walking back from lunch, silly.
Guy: Starting now, if you walk back with your hands down my pants, I will get you anything.
Girl: Anything?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: really?
Categories: Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Sex | Posted 2011-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well It Works in Her Favor!
Girl: I'm hanging out with Claire today, that's why I can't stay later.
Guy: Is Claire the one with the awesome accent?
Girl: She has a speech impediment.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Leonard
Categories: Girls | Guys | Language barrier | Maladies | Questions | Relationships | Washington | Posted 2011-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Last Lecture Will Be Difficult to Top, Professor
Guy to others: There had better be another exploding chicken!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
The New Children's Book That's Sweeping the Nation
Young 20-some male to another: Any friend that tells you not to smoke crack isn't a friend.
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Travis N.
Categories: Character | Drugs | Guys | Nevada | Philosophy | Posted 2011-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh Honey, I Would Put Your Marlboro Out With My Tongue
Obviously-not-18-year-old girl, handing man money: Go get me a pack of Camels number nine, please.
20-something man: Are you serious? They're going to think I'm fruity. (walks into store, immediately walks back out) I can't buy them. That girl is working.
Obviously-not-18-year-old girl: I'm sorry, would you like me to buy Marlboro Reds? That's a manlier cigarette.
20-something man: That'd be great. (goes back in and returns with Marlboro Reds): Sorry about that. Uh, if I don't get my type of cigarettes then I think they'd get suspicious.
Obviously-not-18-year-old girl: You don't even smoke.
Akron, Ohio
I Was Like, "You're Skirting the Issue Again, Mom."
Boy: So I said, "No, I'm not gonna do that! I wanna go to science camp!" (unintelligible) So, then she threw down her skirt and ran away.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Clothes | Gossip | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Science | Posted 2011-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Wouldn't Miss the Creepy, Animatronic Way in Which He Solicited Your "Friendship"?
20-something guy to friends: Yeah, I had a Teddy Ruxpin and I loved it but it made me feel sorta weird having it in my room and stuff, so I sold it on eBay. I regretted it instantly.
Atlanta, Georgia
Let Us Never Speak Of This Again.
College guy, watching little girl in husky cheerleader outfit: What's with all these cheerleaders everywhere? I like it!
Female friend: Dude, that sounded kind of wrong, she's like six.
College guy: Yeah... I just realized that.
UW Husky Tailgate
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Face
Categories: Age and ageing | Feelings | Guys | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2011-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ask John Wayne
Man playing fantasy board game: You can have as many pilgrims as you want!
Wegmans
Woodbridge, New Jersey
Categories: Feelings | Guys | New Jersey | Religion | Weirdness | Posted 2011-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Many Questions, So Little Time.
Boy #1: I shot my friend in the foot once.
Boy #2: What! How?
Boy #1: Well, we were really high in the woods, and my friend was wearing bunny slippers. He stuck his foot out of a bush and I thought it was a real rabbit... so I shot it!
Boy #2: What the fuck?!
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: McKenzie
Categories: Guys | Memory lane | San Francisco | Stupidity | Violence | Posted 2011-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And Nobody Bakes Like the Jews, Am I Right, Avi?
Guy in leopard-print cowboy hat to woman holding homemade desserts and guy in yarmulke: I've been eating nothing but crap all week and every time I say I don't want to eat anymore! Someone put a brownie in front of me!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Burbgirl
Categories: Food | Gripes | Guys | Illinois | Offers and requests | Posted 2011-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Did You Really Just Say That?
Guy #1: I've been talking to this chick lately. It's kinda awkward, her last boyfriend killed himself, she found him dangling on the noose. What do I say to that?
Guy #2: Tell her you're well-hung.
Delaware
Overheard by: Dave
Categories: Death & dying | Delaware | Guys | Relationships | Words | Posted 2011-06-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well They're Part Silicon
Dude at bar: And they're real housewives? That's awesome!
The Highlander
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Herr Professor Doktor
Instead Of Silently Filming It, Like I Do Currently.
Guy to friend talking during movie: Dude, shut the fuck up! I'm gonna walk in while you're having sex and go, "aw, look, she's moaning!"
overheardattcnj.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Overheard at TCNJ
Categories: Feelings | Guys | Other sites | Sex | Threats | Posted 2011-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's So Hard to Find Cheap Storage in the City
Guy reading iPhone: IT sez here some gal in Fort Meyers was arrested and later found to have a knife hidden in her vagina.
Friend: I could go with that...
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Café con leche
"Remember?" Are You Fucking Kidding?
Guy sitting on bench: So can I borrow your crack pipe tomorrow?
Girl sitting next to him: No, it's dirty, remember? I still need to wash it out.
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Travis
Categories: Arizona | Drugs | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Offers and requests | Posted 2011-05-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
One Nation, Under Beer...
Guy #1: This root beer is really... inspirational.
Guy #2, thoughtfully: Canadians like all types of beer...
Hot Docs Festival
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Felicity Thistle
Categories: Canadia | Drinking & drunks | Feelings | Guys | Philosophy | Posted 2011-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Little Lady Gaga Ended Up Proving Them Both Wrong.
Concerned mom: She's either going to grow up to be an assassin or a serial killer.
Concerned guy: What are the parents like?
Concerned mom: Quiet and normal.
Concerned guy: They always are.
Raleigh, North Carolina
How Was Your Mother's Day, Philadelphia?
Guys on bench to kid on phone: No, we're not gonna pee on you, we're just gonna give you a shower!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Guys | Pee | Pennsylvania | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2011-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wasn't This an Alanis Morissette Song?
Man walking down the street: I ordered a dress online and got a raincoat.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Laura
Categories: Clothes | Guys | Internet | Pennsylvania | Shopping | Posted 2011-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'd Try Men If I Could Find One to Clean Up After Me
Man #1: How you been?
Man #2: Pretty good.
Man #1: How's your wife?
Man #2: Aggravating.
Church
Thibodaux, Louisiana
Categories: Family ties | Guys | Louisiana | Maladies | Questions | Posted 2011-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Even If You Do Look Adorable in Communist Colors
Guy on phone: Look, now that you're an American you can't be doing that kind of stuff...
University of Central Florida
Overheard by: Michelle
As My Mom Used to Say to Us When We Were Little Kids
Boy #1: Why do you have all your stuff with you?
Boy #2, carrying oversized bag of athletic equipment: I have class at 3:50, then I have to ride straight over to practice.
Boy #1: Oh, that sucks.
Boy #2: Well, it could be worse. I could have syphilis.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: lilly
Categories: Guys | Maladies | Overheard in PDX | Questions | Time Management | Posted 2011-05-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Your Answer to Everything
Man #1, after hurricane: I'm trying to decide if I should hook up my freezer to the generator or wait a while longer.
Man #2: Well, squeeze your meat, and see if it's hard.
Houston, Texas
So, All in All, It Was a Successful Party.
Girl: I look retarded!
Guy: My balls hurt.
George Mason University
Fairfax, Virginia
Mary Magdalen and Jesus Had This Misunderstanding All the Time
Guy to friend: So, when you shouted "god!" you really meant "whore", right?
University of Maryland
Marlon Brando's Dream Would One Day Be Realized.
Girl, pulling bills from strapless dress: Yeah! They's my stripper dollars.
Boy: Man! Sure wish I had titties!
Portland, Oregon
Masturman Rarely Dates
Guy: We're talking heroic amounts of porn.
Girl, laughing hysterically: Oh my god, what?
Guy: What?
Girl: How is "heroic" a unit of measurement?
Guy: No. I mean: if you met the guy, he'd be your hero.
Girl, still laughing, walking away: I can't.
Connecticut
Overheard by: LunaFish
...According to the Latest Edition Of Chicken Soup for the Canadian Soul.
Guy to another: Running naked with a sword is just not a good idea.
Guelph
Canadia
Categories: Advice | Canadia | Guys | Philosophy | Weirdness | Posted 2011-05-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Many Things Are Wrong With This Quote? Show Your Work.
Guy: Ohmigod, you don't look Jewish, I wouldn't have known if you didn't tell me.
Girl: Awww, thanks!
Guy: So what are you doing for the holidays?
Girl: Christmas isn't about Jesus...
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Bernadette
Categories: Christianity | Girls | Guys | Holidays | Jesus | Questions | Washington, DC | Posted 2011-05-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So None Of That Unpleasantness Was Personal?
30-something artist: It's not that everybody hated the Jews, it's that the Catholics were crazy.
Art Studio
Rochester, New York
Ten Bucks Says She's Fucking Other Guys on It.
Shaven-headed guy #1, while pissing: So she says to me, "can you take out the rubbish?" I said no. Then she asked me, "can you change the cat litter?" I said no. Then she asked me, "can you fix the back door..?"
Shaven-headed guy #2, while pissing: And you said no?
Shaven-headed guy #1: Yeah. Anyway, so for Valentine's Day she gets me a ping pong table. I didn't get her anything. And now I won't let her use the ping pong table.
Shaven-headed guy #2: You're the fucking man, mate!
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Categories: England | Gifts | Guys | Offers and requests | Relationships | Posted 2011-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Tempted to Remove My Diaper
Guy at party #1: Hey, hold on, did that baby get naked?
Guy at party #2: Yeah, man, it's hot in here.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Meech
Also the Argument Against the Nuclear Family
Guy: I wonder if any of these bombs are still functional. That way, we know where to go for supplies in the zombie apocalypse.
Girl: What? You idiot, you don't use nuclear power against zombies! They're already dead, so they can't get cancer and die! You would just wind up with a bunch of radioactive zombies!
Guy #2: Yeah, then it's just like Spiderman, but with radioactive zombies instead of Tobey Maguire and spiders!
Atomic Power Museum
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Overheard by: Amred
Categories: About celebrities | Animals | Girls | Guys | New Mexico | Stupidity | Zombies | Posted 2011-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Barely Have Time to Throw a Fuck Into You
Guy holding another in headlock and punching him in the face, shouting across road to immensely fat girlfriend: Charl! Get that fucking taxi! We gotta get home or the babysitter'll want extra pay.
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Alphonse Is a Great Wall Of Misinformation.
Man: Of course, back in the '70s, we didn't have China.
Chino, California
Categories: California | Geography | Guys | History | Stupidity | Posted 2011-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Thanks to All That Community Fingering at the Lakes.
Guy #1: So what I'm not clear on is how the penis and vagina work.
Guy #2: Well, how are you doing on STDs?
Guy #1: I'm still a little unsure about some, but I have syphilis down pat!
Finger Lakes Community College
New York
Watch Your Tongue, Missy!
Guy: I'm not sure that rocking up and offering cunnilingus is going to help my cause.
Girl: Worth a try, though...
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
But I Want to Be the Straight-shooter, If You Know What I Mean.
Male mountain biker: All we ever did was make out. And that's not what I want in a relationship. If I wanted a hook-up buddy I'd at least get one who would suck my dick. I mean, there's like 14 girls I could go to right now. So that's why I broke up with her.
Female mountain biker: Yeah... She was pretty straightforward though, wasn't she?
Crafton Hills, California
Overheard by: they didn't even notice I was wearing hiking in slippers
Categories: BJs | Bragging | California | Guys | Relationships | Posted 2011-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Chicago Has Two Types Of Bears, Ma'am
Guy #1: I loved the way you fucked me last night.
Guy #2: I can't wait to do it again, tonight.
Guy #1: Mmmm, I'm getting hot just thinking about it.
Annoyed woman sitting in front of them: You two fools do realize everyone on the bus can hear you, don't you?
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: CTA bus rider
But If Your Only Other Choice Is Golf...
Roommate, through wall: Oh, Ellen*, not naked psychology again...
St Andrews
Scotland
Categories: Guys | Relationships | Scotland | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2011-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Bon Jovi Song That Everyone Forgets
Guy, about girl crying at the bar: You can't cry and wear leather!
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Clothes | Feelings | Guys | New Jersey | Philosophy | Posted 2011-05-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Time to Invest in Some Bose Headphones, Dear Reader
Female heard through the wall, after giving blow job: That's all you have to say? "Thanks?"
Male, through wall: Moshi-moshi.
Female, exasperated: See, that's your problem! Half the time you don't even speak English anymore!
Male: That was "thank you" in Japanese.
Female: Oh.
Norman, Oklahoma
Gay Cruising Slang Gets More Cryptic by the Minute.
Guy on phone: That sounds awesome. (pause) Did he kill the bear? (pause) Wellllll, fuck him!
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Coral
Well, Did I Enjoy It?
Hot girl: Wait, we just had sex?
Hot guy: We just finished having sex like five minutes ago, do you not remember any of it?
Hot girl: Nope.
Hot guy: Actually, we just finished like thirty seconds ago...
Oxford
England
...Oh, That. Subway, Why?
Girl, after hugging friend: Um, why do you smell like a scrotum?
Guy: Wait, what?
Manhattan, New York
Categories: Body parts | Girls | Guys | New York | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2011-04-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Further Evidence That It's Damaging to Let Your Kids Watch Too Many Cartoons
Muffled male voice, through the wall, at the end of an increasing crescendo of sex noises: Thunder! Thunder! Thundercats hoooooooooo!
Hotel
Nottingham
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Only One Of Us Actually Uses Our Noodle.
Twin guy #1: This pillow smells like my dreams!
Girl, smelling pillow: Beef Ramen noodles?
Twin guy #1: I am awesome at dreaming!
Twin guy #2: This is why I hate that we have the same face.
Milford Mall
Milford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Layla
Categories: Connecticut | Feelings | Food | Girls | Guys | Sensory experiences | Posted 2011-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gotta Love the Church Bake Sale.
Young dude: Man, my jaw hurts.
Chick: Must have been all that sucking last night.
Young dude: Gotta be from something. Plus, I don't remember anything, so...
Quakertown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Ken
Categories: BJs | Body parts | Feelings | Guys | Memory lane | Pennsylvania | Posted 2011-03-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Draw the Line at the Elephant Man, Though
Guy #1: Wow, you like them big.
Guy #2: No, I can do fingers. As long as it's a Chernobyl mate with, like, fifteen of them.
England
Overheard by: Noel
Categories: Body parts | Character | England | Guys | Weirdness | Posted 2011-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Ultra-boring Game Show Prickle Factor Was Canceled After Just One Episode.
Guy#1: I just don't like shaved vaginas. They creep me out. I got down there and I was like "Oh"!
Guy#2: Yeah, you have the prickle factor.
Guy#1: There was no prickle factor...
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Josh
Aren't You Glad We Can Talk Like This?
Girl: Woah, when did you get here?
Boy: Everywhere.
Girl: I asked when.
Boy: Oh. Uh. All the time.
Spokane, Washington
Categories: Girls | Guys | Language barrier | Questions | Stupidity | Washington | Posted 2011-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...But Occasionally Grind My Hips. What?
Guy: So yesterday I totally got paid $10 an hour to lay on the floor and do nothing!
Liberal Arts Building, Utah Valley University
Orem, Utah
Some S'more Than Others
Handsome guy: He's always speaking in code, like "my son's so flaming he could toast a marshmallow," or "my son's so flaming he has toasted a marshmallow," which I don't really get, because everyone toasts marshmallows.
MetroNorth Train
Connecticut
I Have the Sense to Be Grateful
Guy, sweetly to girlfriend: Hey, honey!
Guy friend: Did you know your voice changes when you talk to her?
Guy: Of course! She's the one who fucks me.
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Character | Guys | New Jersey | Questions | Relationships | Sex | Posted 2011-03-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm All, "Cholesterol Be Damned!"
Tenor-voiced guy on cell: So I hung out at the pie shop after that for about half an hour. And I stole a quiche. Yeah, I totally stole it. And a croissant. Just walked up to the counter and bagged them for myself and walked out. It's my reckless streak.
Streetcar
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Felicity Thistle
Is a Prejudice Bad Even When It's Good? Discuss.
Former roommate: Arabs smell good... No, I don't talk to stinky Arabs. All my Arab friends smell fantastic.
Bloomington, Indiana
Overheard by: Rachel S.
Categories: Guys | Indiana | Race | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Posted 2011-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...So, Logically, We Should Fuck Their Assholes.
Guy to another: You know we're dating the nicest girls in the world, right? And we took their virginities! So you know that if we break up with them we're gonna be the assholes. We're fucked.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Guys | New Jersey | Relationships | Sexuality | Virginity | Posted 2011-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Although If Girls Had Dicks, I'd Be All Over 'em
Guy #1: Do you like Guns 'n' Roses?
Guy #2: Yeah.
Guy #1: In a strange sort of way, I know Slash. Well... Slash's mom used to be my TA, you know, my teacher's assistant, when I was a kid.
Guy #2: You gotta get me his autograph. I'll suck your dick if you get me his autograph.
Guy #1: Do you prefer guys?
Guy #2: Yeah.
Spokane, Washington
Categories: BJs | Guys | Music | Offers and requests | Questions | Washington | Posted 2011-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Can't Talk. Orgasming.
Girl hottie: Do they give out medals for chronic female masturbators? Because if so... (points to self with thumbs) Super star. I'm talking gold medal, national treasure.
Guy hottie: You're not deterring me! We're getting turkey bacon!
Wegmans
New York
Overheard by: Bronze Medalist
Finishing a Woman's Sentences Is Risky Business, Gentlemen
Woman wearing puffy coat: Wearing a puffy coat makes me feel like ...
Man also wearing a puffy coat: It makes me feel like dancing.
Woman: ...punching people.
Quebec City
Canadia
Raise Your Hand If You'd Watch Their Reality Show.
30-something woman: I will never find true love.
Barely legal guy: Well, you've got a husband, you've got me, and you've got the two other guys you're sleeping with, so it's not for lack of trying!
Clarksville, Indiana
Categories: Compliments | Feelings | Guys | Happiness | Indiana | Relationships | Women | Posted 2011-03-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Even Though They Put the "Ass" in Potassium?
Guy: I'm going to sneeze!
Girl, getting in his face: Think about bananas! Think about bananas! You won't sneeze.
Religion professor: Just like thinking about bananas won't get you pregnant...
College
Rock Island, Illinois
Overheard by: I like bananas....
You Said You Loved My Steak Fry With the Skin on
Guy: Man, there's too much ketchup on my plate, it looks like my fries committed suicide.
Girl: I often think about that before I stick you in my mouth, too.
Guy: Fuck off , Andrea.
Northern Alabama
Isn't That a Song from Rent?
Guy #1: Yeah, getting crabs would suck.
Guy #2: Totally. But Aids would suck worse. There's no shampoo for Aids.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: too soon? I think so
Categories: Feelings | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Overheard in Minneapolis | STDs | Posted 2011-02-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Watched the Baby Play with a Plastic Bag
Office building tenant: Oh, and I just wanted to let you know there was a fire in the dumpster last week. I looked for the security guard in the building, but couldn't find him. I didn't know who else to notify, so I just went home.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: how about 911?
Categories: Character | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Philosophy | Stupidity | Posted 2011-02-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Don't Even Get Them Started on the Pussy Products.
Little girl: Can I have the nose now?
Guy: Yeah, sure, it probably has everyone's snot on it now, though.
Older girl: Ew! Oh my gosh, mental image!
Guy: What do you want me to say? I'm speaking their language.
Older girl: Say "nose... products." It has "nose products."
Guy, laughing hysterically: Nose products?
Older girl: Yes, nose products.
Little girl, holding out fake vampire teeth: Here, take my mouth products.
Kids' Playground
Manhattan, New York
Categories: Body parts | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Language barrier | New York | Questions | Posted 2011-02-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Mustache?
30-something to another: Yeah, it's the same way I can tell you're a hipster. I can tell he's anti-semitic.
Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com
Overheard by: siobhan
Categories: Bragging | Guys | Overheard Lines | Politics | Sensory experiences | Posted 2011-01-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Limit Themselves to Christian Side Hugs, Like We Do
Guy: Well, the Republican party is doing that right now.
Easily offended girl: I don't generalize!
Guy: Well then, what about homosexuality?
Easily offended girl: Oh, they should all burn in hell!
West Texas A&M University
I Still Hate to Buy Her a Two-Year Planner, Though
Guy on one side of the store: So how's your friend who has cancer?
Woman in queue, thirty feet away: Oh, she's getting better!
Guy: Really?
Woman: Yeah, they put her on this herbal diet and now she's getting better.
Guy: Wow.
Woman: Yeah, it's amazing.
Guy: So what sort of cancer is it?
Woman: I'm not sure...
Guy: Is it terminus cancer?
Woman: Yeah, I think that's it.
Guy: Terminus cancer, yeah?
Woman: Yeah, yeah, but she's getting better.
London
England
Overheard by: Irongate
It Isn't Easy Buying Green.
Guy: So I got there, and they were out of the green ones, so I had to get two of the green ones to get one of the green ones!
Nikki's Cafe
Beloit, Wisconsin
Same Way I Learned Massage Therapy
Dude #1: I'm a massage therapist and an electrician.
Dude #2: Oh yeah? Did you go to school to learn how to be an electrician?
Dude #1: Naw, I hooked up with this guy who had been doing it for four years and owned a five million dollar house. He just handed me a drill and told me to go for it.
Petaluma, California
Overheard by: lith
Is That a Baby Bird in Your Bangs?
30-something #1: Last night I was brushing my hair, cause you know I haven't owned a hair brush in a year... And all these sticks and grass and dirt kept falling out.
30-something #2: You are a dirty hippie, you need to use some soap!
30-something #1: I don't like labels, man. I don't have soap.
30-something #2: True, man, labels are whack. But dude, you smell.
Hostel
New Mexico
Overheard by: Alex
Categories: Advice | Guys | Health & Hygiene | New Mexico | Sensory experiences | Posted 2011-01-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Michael Kors Drunk on Vacation Is Pretty Much What You'd Expect.
Man in the street, yelling: I need more pockets! Cargo pants!
Miami, Florida
You're Lucky You Have Me, Melina
Guy: If you had to suck a bag of dicks, would you want them to be hard or soft?
Girl: Soft! So I can fit them all in my mouth.
Guy: Well, I'd rather have them erect.
Girl: Oh! Uh. Why?
Guy: Cause there'd be less dicks in the bag.
Girl: What?! Why didn't I think of that?! Now I just sound like a whore!
Guy: You are.
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
...With a Hatred Of Great Strengthiness
Girl: You know, I'm usually a very wise person. Recently, with my situation, I lost a lot of my wiseness, but this trip has brought back that wiseness.
Boy: So, your wiseness never informed you it was called "wisdom"?
Girl: I hate you.
Banora Point High School
Australia
...Um, I've Heard.
Man: All cocaine really does is make you want more of it.
Woman: Not necessarily. If that were true, what's to stop people from snorting dog shit?
Man: That rule doesn't apply to dog shit. If you snort dog shit, you will definitely never, ever, want to snort it again.
Oakland, California
I Would Do Anything for Love, but I Won't Do That, Timmy.
Man: What do you want for Christmas?
Chubby boy: Meatloaf.
Brownstone Diner
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Fat people | Food | Guys | Holidays | New Jersey | Questions | Wishes | Posted 2010-12-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sesame Street Has Really Diversified Its Curriculum
Guy: It was mostly about fucking goats, but I also learned a lot about libel law.
Miami, Florida
Overheard by: Nick
Stupid SPCA
20-something to another: If you want to sacrifice a horse, do it in your backyard.
Metro State College of Denver
Denver, Colorado
The Best Part Is, He's Recording His Voicemail Away Message.
20-something man on cell: I've got women. I started my own religion. I don't give a shit if hipsters don't think I'm cool. (pause) I know in my heart I'm a fucking genius. If I died tonight, there would be a massive white trash orgasm. (pause) If you're so bad, your soul goes into a wax museum. We should make our own rap music. We'll be so good they'll put us in a mausoleum, like Stalin.
Norman, Oklahoma
Showed Me Their Union Cards
Kid-faced guy in suit on cell: Yeah, and then those malicious evildoers told me I shouldn't be there. (pause) They were the minions of the Antichrist. (pause) I'm serious, dammit!
King of Prussia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Carrie
Categories: Christianity | Evil | Gripes | Guys | Pennsylvania | Posted 2010-12-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Are Guys So Afraid Of Making a Full Colon Committment?
Bearded guy: So, I've been really getting into, like, semicolons.
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Education | Guys | Philosophy | Weirdness | Posted 2010-12-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Match.com Steps Up Their Game
Guy #1: So I sent her a picture of my junk.
Guy #2: Right.
Guy #1: Problem solved.
Sandusky, Ohio
Categories: Guys | Ohio | Penis | Relationships | Sex | Posted 2010-12-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Last Time I Tried That, I Ended Up at the E.R.
Man gassing up his pickup truck to screaming woman inside: Goddammit, Delores, I cannot unfuck that woman!
Gas Station, Alabama
Why Do People Keep Marrying Danny Bonaduce?
Guy on Bluetooth: They took the two most aggressive animals and bred them together. What did they think was going to happen?
Oxford Valley Mall
Langhorne, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Tom
Categories: Animals | Guys | On the phone | Pennsylvania | Questions | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2010-12-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
There Were Complaints About My Moaning
Girl: My boobs are fun to play with.
Guy: You're just now figuring this out, after 30-some years?
Girl: Hey, I haven't had my boobs that long!
Guy: Okay, 20-some years?
Girl: No, I remember discovering they were fun in the 6th grade. I was in the middle of class, though, so that was kind of awkward.
Denver, Colorado
Now Ask Me How to Say "Pizza"!
Guy #1: I can speak Italian.
Guy #2: How do you say "cheese" in Italian?
Guy #1: Ha! That's easy, "mozzarella"!
Italian Restaurant
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Chloe
The Miracle Of the Loaves and the Bitches
Volleyball player, preaching to teammates like a church minister: And she said she haaaaad no hoes... So I gaaaaave her... Some of mine.
Volleyball Tournament
Texas
Overheard by: LuLu
Yadda Yadda Yadda, Now He's a "She"
Bro #1: What a douchebag move!
Bro #2: Seriously. He glued it to the car. He could have just taped it!
Suburbia, Maryland
Didn't You Read the Welcome Sign at the Airport?
Tourist: Wait, so you can't smoke cigarettes, but you can smoke pot?
Local guy: Welcome to California!
Golden Gate Park
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Arielle
If No One Hears Them, Are They Really Dead?
Man: There are mutes dying all over the world, and they can't say anything! So here I am...
Providence, Rhode Island
Categories: Death & dying | Guys | Language barrier | Rhode Island | Weirdness | Posted 2010-12-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Poop in Little Rock, Arkansas.
Tough guy at urinal: So you live around here?
Tough guy at different urinal: Nope, just pee here.
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Overheard by: Cameron
Now I Know How the Earth Feels
Girl: It seems like every time I see you these days, you're being raped.
Guy: I know... And now I'm not even getting paid for it.
University of Northern Colorado
Why Pepper Spray Exists.
Man to bundled up girl who sat down ten minutes before: Whoa, whoa, whoa! You're a lady? I mean, when you sat down, I totally thought you were a man. I can see you're a lady now, but I could've sworn...
Girl: Uhmmm... Yeah, thanks.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Clothes | Gender issues | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Weirdness | Posted 2010-12-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Must Be It!
Guy #1: These glasses hurt my eyes.
Guy #2: But there aren't even any lenses in them!
St. Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Fashion | Guys | Health & Hygiene | New Jersey | Stupidity | Posted 2010-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How to Enjoy Epcot: Explained
Man #1: Are you having fun?
Man #2: Yeah. Are you having fun?
Man #1: Yeah.
Man #2: Why?
Man #1: 'Cause this is the most sober we're going to be all night.
Epcot
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Maddie
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Florida | Guys | Leisure | Questions | Posted 2010-11-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Curse Of IHOP
Man: There's Tucson for you, turning a great burger joint into a craphole.
Child: Yeah, I bet if you touched anyone in this restaurant, they would be sticky.
Tucson Arizona
Overheard by: Casey Stendahl
And Yet We Soldier Bravely On
Suit #1: Yeah mate, it was fucking wild...
Suit #2: Oh yeah?
Suit #1: Yeah, took her back to mine. She's a skank. I swear there were spiders crawling out of her vag.
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
I Give It Five Fist-Pumps.
Man #1: You don't watch it?
Man #2: It's beneath me.
Man #3, under his breath: Jersey Shore is a good fucking show!
AMC Theatres
Toronto
Canadia
Ad: Kathleen Turner Is... Bendy Vadge, P.I.!
Loud, stoned, drunk guy on train: Dude, I totally saw Melissa pee standing up before.
Loud, stoned, drunk girl: That is impossible! Seriously, that doesn't even make any sense! You'd get piss all over your leg!
Loud, stoned, drunk guy: No way, I saw her just take one leg out of her pants and prop it up against a tree, and it just shot down! She didn't get any anywhere!
Loud, stoned, drunk girl: Do you even understand female anatomy?! It doesn't work the same way as you! We can't do that! Melissa didn't do that!
Loud, stoned, drunk guy: Dude, if you can't pee standing up, then you've just got a bendy vag.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Wizzbiff
Categories: Body parts | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Guys | Illinois | Pee | Stoners | Train | Vagina | Posted 2010-10-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
9 Out Of 10 Dentists Disapprove Of Their Relationship
Guy: I was really pissed off. Then you bit me on the shoulder. Three times.
Girl: (laughs hysterically)
DePaul University
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: University Peon
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Girls | Guys | Illinois | Violence | Posted 2010-10-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Since Daddy Officially Took the T-Bird Away
Boy: Let's play Heads Up, Seven Up!
Girl #1: Let's play Around the World!
Girl #2: Let's play Mum Ball!
Boy: Let's all play Strip Solitaire!
Teacher: I told you: there's no fun allowed in here!
Penn Yan Academy
New York
Overheard by: Rachel Bz.
Categories: Education | Girls | Guys | New York | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Posted 2010-10-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Was Like, "Sorry, I'm Trying to Cut Down"
Skinny guy: He's coming to the party tonight? Wasn't he hitting on your girlfriend last time?
Big burly bearded guy: No, she texted me last night. She talked to his roommate: turns out he wasn't inviting her to a threesome 'cause he likes her. He was inviting us to a foursome 'cause he likes me.
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Guys | Infidelity | Questions | Sex | Sexuality | Skinny people | Posted 2010-10-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Beaver + Ton = Beaverton
Man on cell, laughing: You don't need a chair! Your ass is so big you can sit on the ground! (pause, then enamored) Aw, I love that laugh. You know I wanna marry that laugh. (defensive) Why do you do that? You always do that when I try to share my feelings with you!
Beaverton, Oregon
Overheard by: facepalm
Categories: Ass | Comebacks | Guys | On the phone | Oregon | Relationships | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2010-10-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is It or Is It Not the High Holy Days?
Boy #1: Dude, you know what the best time to get high would be? Right before temple.
Boy #2: No, dude, it's Yom Kippur. You'll be so hungry...
Private High School
New York, New York
Overheard by: so many things wrong with this
Categories: Drugs | Guys | Jews | New York | Questions | Religion | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Time Management | Posted 2010-09-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Guys See Life Itself As a Huge Taco Party
Guy: What are you all doing?
Teen girl #1, waving taco: We're having a taco party.
Teen girl #2: Taco party!
Guy: Awesome! Keep on keeping on!
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: I want a Taco Party
...Has The Times Told Us Whether or Not We Like It?
Middle-aged woman: So, what's on tv tonight?
Middle-aged man: Chuck.
Middle-aged woman: Oh, do we watch that?
Middle-aged man: I don't know.
Charlotte, North Carolina
Categories: Guys | North Carolina | Questions | TV shows | Women | Posted 2010-09-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Getting a Piece Of Tail Is Always a Problem in Ohio
Woman to man: She fucked the lobster?
Cincinnati, Ohio
Tonight on How I Met Your Motherfucker
Very drunk 20-something girl trying to play darts: So what do I do?
30-something guy #1: Just throw 'em.
30-something guy #2: Failing that, love, just take your top off.
Very drunk 20-something girl: Cheeky motherfucker! Get me a vodka and I'll do it!
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | England | Girls | Guys | Insults | Offers and requests | Sex | Posted 2010-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Every. Single. One.
Girl: So do you just know everyone because you're... (pauses awkwardly)
Guy: Yeah. Well, everyone in New York is Jewish, so that's how I know them all.
Portland, Oregon
Their Relationship Is Sweet but Sticky
Guy: I bet you taste like cotton candy. (pause) Is it okay, sometime, if I'm hungry, if I take a little nibble...
Girl: No!
Bellingham, Washington
Categories: Candy | Compare and contrast | Girls | Guys | Sensory experiences | Washington | Posted 2010-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because That's What My Therapist Said
20-something guy, browsing toys: So... Do I have a penis face?
Edinburgh
Scotland
Overheard by: Lena
Categories: Body parts | Guys | Penis | Questions | Scotland | Posted 2010-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Ooo, There's That Smell Again!
Very annoyed guy eating breakfast: I love the smell of hatred in the morning.
Confused girl sitting next to him: Is it anything like coffee?
Very annoyed guy eating breakfast: What? No, it's nothing like coffee. God, you're so stupid.
College Dining Hall
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Food | Girls | Guys | Insults | New Mexico | Sensory experiences | Stupidity | Posted 2010-09-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Put It Away!
30-something dude: I didn't circumcise my son.
20-something dude #1: Are you circumcised?
20-something dude #2: Woah!
Cincinnati, Ohio
They Get All Our Leftover Weather, Anyway
Old lady: Are you able to check the weather in Toronto?
Young guy: No, the internet can't reach that far.
Old lady: Oh.
Windsor
Ontario
Canadia
...And the Hendersons
Finely bearded man, loudly and distinctly among crowd: Big. Hairy. Ballsack.
University of Illinois
Overheard by: Kelsey
Raise Your Hand If You Know This Guy
Loud annoying guy, gesturing toward himself: Who has two thumbs and is ready to go? This guy!
Saratoga, New York
Overheard by: Ready to Go
Categories: Body parts | Guys | New York | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2010-09-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Not Writing Your Own Vows, Are You?
Person #1: What's that movie with Tom Hanks and the volleyball?
Person #2: Castaway.
Person #1: Oh, I'm so bored... You're like the volleyball to me. I don't necessarily like you, but you're there and I'm alone.
Guam
And I Thought Old Ladies Loved Tea.
Bicyclist: So I guess your grandma didn't like the joke about your balls.
Rockland County, New York
Categories: Balls | Family ties | Guys | New York | Posted 2010-09-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like I Did That Time You Asked Me Out
Emo kid: Old people see me on the street with my bright pink hair and my studded collar and my eyeliner, and they hate me!
Girl: If I was old and I saw you, I would just laugh.
Amherst, Massachusetts
Overheard by: shay
Categories: Age and ageing | Fashion | Girls | Gripes | Guys | Hair | Massachusetts | Posted 2010-09-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And We All Vomited Discreetly Into the Shrubbery
Guy #1: Isn't there something wrong with getting smashed at a baby shower?
Guy #2: Well, it wasn't exactly a kosher baby shower...
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: intheback
One Of the Perils Of Being Raised on AIM
Young guy on cell: Man, I don't know nobody by they real names, yo.
Framingham, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Shifty
Categories: Guys | Massachusetts | Names | On the phone | Weirdness | Posted 2010-08-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I'll Happily Let You Ride Me in the Water
Man on cell in grocery store: As long as you don't call me "flipper," that's okay.
Gresham, Oregon
Look, an Erection!
Small-chested hiking girl: Damn! Hey, you'd wipe the sweat off my boobs, right?
Busty hiking girl: Only if you wipe mine.
Small-chested hiking girl: Somehow I think I'm going to have to do a lot more work.
Hiking boy: Uhhh...
Fort Boreman Park Hiking Trails
Parkersburg, West Virginia
Categories: Compare and contrast | Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Rack | Sensory experiences | West Virginia | Posted 2010-08-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What With the Muffin Top, Camel Toe, and Side Ponytail
Guy to girl: You just give off that vibe that says "make fun of me!"
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: marisawin
The "Trick Question" on the C.I.A. Exam
Guy: I'm thinking of doing heroin, but just once. Do you think that's cool?
Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Tim
Categories: Drugs | Fashion | Guys | Overheard Lines | Stupidity | Posted 2010-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Why Do We Always Go to Gay Bars?
Guy: I told him to stop buying me shots.
Girl: That don't mean you got to drink em'!
Bar
Charlotte, North Carolina
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Guys | Money | North Carolina | Posted 2010-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Claimed the Pasties Were Medicinal.
Guy: So she lied to me. She said she wasn't eighteen.
Girl: How old was she?
Guy: Nineteen. And she said she wasn't a stripper.
Berkeley, California
Categories: Age and ageing | California | Girls | Guys | Lies | Sex | Posted 2010-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dude, I Still Haven't Forgiven You for the Tijuana Debacle
Man describing play: You've never seen anything better then two sock puppets diddling each other.
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Compare and contrast | Guys | Illinois | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2010-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Straight Guys Are Forced to Watch Martha Stewart
20-something loud man: I would not put my dick in her ear. That's how not interested I am.
Norman, Oklahoma
Categories: Body parts | Guys | Oklahoma | Penis | Posted 2010-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, What's the Big Deal About Cunnilingus??
Guy jogging around track with friends: Well, if it's still alive we can't eat it, can we?
Robbinsville High School
New Jersey
Categories: Food | Friends | Guys | New Jersey | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2010-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Do I Always Gotta Be the Burrito Holder?
Dude: Hold this burrito, I gotta take my clothes off.
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Clothes | Food | Guys | Illinois | Offers and requests | Posted 2010-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Guy Is Always Purple Raining on Our Parade.
Museum employee: I'm from Minnesota, originally.
Guy: I lived in Minnesota for a while, a long time back. Nice place, but there was way too much of that one guy. You know, that guy? The little guy? With "purple ..."?
Museum employee: ...Prince?
Guy: Yeah, that's the one.
Art Museum
Denver, Colorado
And Start Talking Like Ray Romano
Super smart, nerdy-looking guy: No! If you hit a mammoth with a comet, it will freeze!
High School
North Dakota
Overheard by: marisawin
Categories: Animals | Guys | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | USA | Weirdness | Posted 2010-08-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Steve Miller: "Same Here."
Girl: How do you choose a good peach?
Guy: I go with whichever would make the prettiest vagina. Seems to work pretty well.
Produce Market
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Dr. Banana Grabber
You Can't Make This Shit Up.
Dude at bar: So wait, after her husband left her here by herself--completely shitfaced--she then fucked a total stranger in the bathroom?
Bartender: Yep.
Dude at bar: And then she came back out here bragging about getting banged in the ass?
Gay dude, sidling up: Sounds like an awesome night.
District Bar
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Big D
Categories: Backdoor | Bars & Clubs | Bartenders | Bragging | Gossip | Guys | Illinois | Queers | Relationships | Sex | Posted 2010-08-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Lord Hates a Lazy Hitman, Son
Man in large custom-painted SUV, rollin' up: Hey! Lil' Jojo in there? (gestures toward apartment building)
Woman on front steps: I don't know!
Man: Will you go in and see if he there?
Woman: The door open. Whassamatta, you ain't got no legs?
Man: Shit! I don't know what apartment he in!
Woman: Well, you might be comin' to kill him...
St. Paul, Minnesota
Overheard by: Melissa
...And No Sharesies!
Guy walking into bathroom: Hey, is that your beer on top of that urinal?
Guy using urinal: You know it!
Prince Edward Tavern
Hamilton
Canadia
Overheard by: M@
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Canadia | Drinking & drunks | Guys | Pee | Questions | Restroom | Posted 2010-08-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Both Swear They're Straight
Middle aged man: Hey, Jesse! Wanna wrestle?
Shirtless young man: I'll wrestle you if you give me a Jägerbomb!
Middle aged man: You better hurry, we're running out!
Traverse City, Michigan
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Guys | Michigan | Offers and requests | Violence | Posted 2010-08-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And It Goes "Bloop Bloop Bloop" When You Pour It
Girl: Do you want this in your coffee?
Boy: What is it?
Girl: It's half and half.
Boy: No. I don't know what that is.
Coffee Shop
Madison, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Don
Categories: Food | Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Wisconsin | Posted 2010-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Meant SkyMall Magazine, but Whatever
Newbie guy on airplane: What's this?
Female friend: For your entertainment.
Newbie guy: Ooooh! Barf bag!
Washington International Airport
Baltimore, Maryland
Categories: Friends | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Maryland | Public Transportation | Questions | Posted 2010-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And My Analyst Will Hold You While I Do So
Man on cell: I've never shown hostility towards women, but if you ever call that transvestite my mother, I will beat you senseless.
Savannah, Georgia
Categories: Family ties | Gender issues | Georgia | Guys | On the phone | Parenting | Threats | Violence | Posted 2010-08-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Don't Expect a Hungry Man to Make Sense
Man to woman: The name "Pizza Hut" is so perfect, because it has "pizza" in the name, and they sell pizza!
Busch Gardens
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Faye
Yeah. I Guess.
Guy: Men are bastards. I'm a man.
Girl: Then what does that make you?
Guy: Huh?
Girl: You said men are bastards. So then what does that make you?
Guy, not paying attention: Wanna dance?
Norman, Oklahoma
Categories: Dancing | Gender issues | Girls | Guys | Insults | Offers and requests | Oklahoma | Posted 2010-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Threesome-Resistant Boys Are Sadly Common in Oregon
Whiny girl to female friend, showing a polka-dotted bra: Come on! I'm trying to show you my boobs!
Boy, lifting his shirt: The only boobs she wants to see are mine!
Eugene, Oregon