Get the 10 best quotesby e-mail weekly!
Grumpies All Categories > People > Grumpies
Recent | Best Of
...But Isn't That Why I'm Here?
Cheerful student: Cheer up! It's going to be okay.
Glum professor: Says who? You?
Cheerful student: Yes!
Glum professor: But you don't know anything.
Cheerful student: True!
UC Berkeley School of Journalism
California
...Or Retarded
Loud woman with arms in air: Happy New Year! Happy New Year!
Grumpy man: Fuckin' drunks!
Loud woman: I'm not drunk, I'm Canadian!
Canal Street
New Orleans, Louisiana
Categories: Character | Drinking & drunks | Foreigners | Gripes | Grumpies | Insults | Louisiana | Posted 2010-02-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Now You Pay Attention?
Teacher holding VCR remote control: I keep hitting play, this stupid thing won't work. Must need new batteries.
(changes batteries)
Teacher: Damn thing still won't work, you'd think they would buy machines that work, how are you supposed to learn with such crappy materials?
Student in front row: Ummm... Is that the tape on top of the VCR?
Teacher: Goddamn it!
Manchester, New Hampshire
Categories: Education | Gripes | Grumpies | Insults | Kids | New Hampshire | Students | Stupidity | Teachers | Technology | Posted 2010-02-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why the Gays Should Run the World
Delightfully gay and snarky flight attendant: Now, ladies, I am impressed with your Louis Vuitton and your coach. I adore your Prada and your Gucci. They are beautiful. But I will be more impressed with all of your bags if you stow them under the seat while we are landing. Now sit back and shut up.
(five minutes later, while plane is taxiing)
Delightfully gay and snarky flight attendant: We are finally here. So please, exit the plane a lot quicker than you boarded it. (plane stops, parks at gate) Get out.
Midway Airport
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Airports & flights | Compliments | Fashion | Flight attendants | Grumpies | Illinois | Offers and requests | Queers | Posted 2010-01-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Crap You Write Proves You Don't Listen to Me
Professor: My job is pretty sweet. All I have to do is show up and talk about something I'm interested in. How sweet is that? It would be even better if I didn't hate all of you.
Columbia College
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Feelings | Gripes | Grumpies | Illinois | Jobs & Careers | Teachers | Posted 2010-01-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...If She Tries to Get Out Of Going to Preschool Again.
Guy on cell, very angrily: Fuck you! (then suddenly calm) Well, that's what I was thinking of saying to her...
Brighton
England
Categories: England | Grumpies | Guys | Insults | On the phone | Relationships | Posted 2010-01-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Traditional Women Expect a High Return on Their Investment
20-something artist: She's pretty puritanical for someone who gets naked for money.
Portland, Oregon
Most Emmy Winners Would've Preferred That Too
Moody college girl on phone: No, I have to go the macro class right now and pretend to be a Republican. If you don't agree with the professor, you're wrong.
(pause)
Moody college girl: Yeah, if I can pull this off I deserve an Emmy, or an Oscar. Hell, I'll take a cookie!
Northeastern University
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | Food | Girls | Gripes | Grumpies | Massachusetts | Politics | Posted 2008-08-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Delta Burke Saw His Point
Bum women: Do you have bus fare? I need bus fare.
Woman: Sorry, I don't have any change.
Bum: Well, fuck you, you fat, scheming, cheap bitches!
Main Street
Hartford, Connecticut
Categories: Bag ladies | Character | Connecticut | Grumpies | Insults | Money | Offers and requests | Public transportation | Women | Posted 2008-05-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Concerns Me When You Talk About Yourself in the Third Person, Mrs. Smith
Old teacher, about middle school student: Johnny's fine until he has an audience. Then he gets all gang-bangy and tries to screw Mrs. Smith.
Young teacher: Please don't ever say that again.
Restaurant
Redlands, California
Categories: Assholes | California | Compare and contrast | Education | Etiquette | Gossip | Grumpies | Guys | Restaurants | Sexuality | Teachers | Posted 2008-04-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Since My Lime Green Mumu Failed to Get Their Attention
Flea market lady: I don't see the big deal about sanitation these days.
Older flea market lady: I know. The other day at work I dropped a cookie on the floor, then picked it up and ate it. You know, just to see what people would do.
Flea Market
Burley Park, Michigan
Overheard by: Amanda
Categories: Cleanliness | Food | Friends | Grumpies | Health & Hygiene | Michigan | Stores | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-04-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How We Feel about Everything West of New York
Man to wife, thoughtfully: Everything south of San Francisco could just... just fall into the water, and it wouldn't really matter.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Catherine
So He Sends Other Stones to Fight in Iraq
Bitter guy: Men and women are like stones in a river that lived next to each other for a long time... But one of the stones is a stupid confused idiot who doesn't ever want to be happy or for any stones anywhere to be freaking happy.
Eugene, Oregon
Carrying around a Dead Cat Also Works
Guy: Have you ever wanted to just die for a day, just so people would leave you alone?
Ursinus College
Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Andrew Nagy
Categories: Grumpies | Pennsylvania | Questions | Posted 2007-08-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Outliving and Outperforming Me and Whatnot
Brat: There's no real chocolate bars in this vending machine. Stupid healthy people!
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: Gripes | Grumpies | Overheard at York | Posted 2007-08-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Roll My Own
Woman: You can't lay a guilt trip on me! I was raised Catholic!
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: Grumpies | Overheard in California's Journal | Religion | Posted 2007-08-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She's Probably Phallucinating
Lone woman at bar, to no one: This is not what I call penis enlargement.
Florian bar
Berlin
Germany
Overheard by: And I used to go out with her
See, Now I'm on Coke, and I Can Tell the Truth
Lady: When I was on morphine I told them I liked Pearl Jam. I hate Pearl Jam!
Eat 'N' Park
Sewickley, Pennsylvania
Categories: Gripes | Grumpies | Music | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Here I Sit with the Stubble of My Dreams
Angry neighbor: Well, obviously he didn't appreciate the shaved vagina, or he would have called.
Elizabeth Street
Derby, Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Grumpies | Shaving | Vagina | Posted 2007-07-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Lucky I'm Coordinated Enough to Thrust
Annoyed guy: You want me to talk to you during sex?! Let's do it on the kitchen counter! That way I can make you an omelet, too, while we're at it!
Cypress Run apartments
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: likes it in the kitchen
The Food Chain's There -- We Just Have to Use It
Girl: I hate geese.
Guy: Because they're Canadian?
Girl: No, the fat white ones. I hate them because they're fat. And greedy.
Guy: Yeah, what's up with that? They always run right up to you if you have bread.
Girl: And they totally harass the ducks, man!
Guy: Yeah, what the fuck?! Stupid geese. Fuck that shit, man. Fuck that shit.
Girl: Yeah!
Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com
Categories: Birds | Grumpies | Overheard in the Valley | Posted 2007-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Food Chain's There -- We Just Have to Use It
Girl: I hate geese.
Guy: Because they're Canadian?
Girl: No, the fat white ones. I hate them because they're fat. And greedy.
Guy: Yeah, what's up with that? They always run right up to you if you have bread.
Girl: And they totally harass the ducks, man!
Guy: Yeah, what the fuck?! Stupid geese. Fuck that shit, man. Fuck that shit.
Girl: Yeah!
Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com
Categories: Birds | Grumpies | Overheard in the Valley | Posted 2007-04-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Left You a Box of Chocolates in a Locker at the Airport
Office grunt: Valentine's Day lunch is for people who are having affairs. I've worked every Valentine's Day. The nights are all couples, but the days are all people who say they're coworkers but then grab each other's legs under the table.
Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com
Overheard by: mk
Categories: Grumpies | Holidays | Overheard Lines | Posted 2007-03-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
