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It's Not Gay If I'm the Boomer
(around a D&D table)
Boom: Boom the Barbarian is going to swing his sword.
Walk-in kid: Dude, your character sheet says he's a fighter.
Boom: Yeah. But his name is Boom the Barbarian.
Walk-in kid: That's gay.
Boom: It won't be gay when I boom all over your face.
Openly gay DM: Actually, it would.
Gaming Center
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Granted, I Cut Her, but They Still Owe Me Ten Bucks
Gay guy: I told them not to have hip-hop night cause a bitch would get cut. And what happened? A bitch got cut!
Outside The Hippo
Mt. Vernon, Mayrland
So Anyway, Are the Cheerleaders All Okay?
Queer #1: You said: "Oooh, girl, you can't build a pyramid on top of a pyramid."
Queer #2: Did I say: "Oooh, girl"?! I did not say "Oooh, girl"!
Memphis, Tennessee
Overheard by: The Faghag
Is the Range of Gay Sex Really That Limited?
Straight guy: I really need your advice about this girl.
Gay guy: Stick it in her butt!
Straight guy: No. Her mom set us up on this date...
Gay guy: Stick it in her butt!
Straight guy: You just suggested that. I mean, I like her but I definitely don't want to date her, and we're supposed to hang out this weekend, but I don't know what to do with her.
Gay guy: Well, just be like: "Hey, do you want to toss a Frisbee in the arboretum?"
Straight guy: And if she says yes, be like: "Okay, do you want to toss my salad in the arboretum?"
Gay guy: Awesome.
Lancaster, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: $kank
Categories: Advice | Backdoor | Compliments | Default | Family ties | Friends | Guys | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Queers | Questions | Words | Posted 2008-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Soul Is Irredeemably Banal
Spaced-out kid: And I think it was some kind of message in that out-of-body experience. Like, it was my soul trying to tell me that after I finished puking, I should take a shower.
Teenage queer: Your dreams are fucked.
St. Andrew's College
Aurora
Canadia
Most of Life's Problems Can Be Solved with a Pair of Tweezers and a Bottle of Wine
Emo guy to friends: He loves me. He wants my children. He says to me: "Andrew, let me have sex with you so I can have your children." I would do it if I didn't have hairy nipples.
Library
Plano, Texas
I Like to Think of My Mouth As a Protective Pouch
30-something guy to friend: Yeah, but you teabagging me does not mean you're concerned about my safety!
Durham, North Carolina
Overheard by: good thing i'd already finished my taco
Categories: BJs | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Guys | North Carolina | Queers | Sexuality | Posted 2008-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Straight Men: Dammit, You Guys Ruin Everything!
Gay sports fan to table of gay sports fans, while watching Packers game: So, are you a packer or a packee?
Washington, DC
Categories: Compare and contrast | Queers | Questions | Sexuality | Washington, DC | Words | Posted 2008-05-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Christian Discovers He Has a Vocation for the Priesthood
Gay boy: ... And I woke up and my room was filled with red buttons and ears of corn, then my comforter turned into a giant lake, and three purple rhinoceroses just like rose out of it! And--
Girlfriend #1: No, Christian, there is no such thing as rhinoceroses. The plural of "rhinoceros" is "rhinocerii".
Girlfriend #2: Stacy... I don't think that's right... I think it may be "rhinos-"
Girlfriend #1: Courtney, that's ridiculous, we're being serious here...
Gay boy: Okay, guys! It doesn't matter. Anyway, back to the story... The weirdest part is, after all that happened, I thought I liked girls...
Girlfriend #1 and girlfriend #2: Wow... That is strange...
Huntington Movie Theater
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Mo
But at Least She Throws It Up
Queer on cell: Stop it. She's too chicken to be anorexic. It's like, she'll starve herself for two days, then eat a huge cookie.
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Default | Food | Gripes | Health & Hygiene | On the phone | Queers | Posted 2008-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
From Now On, I'm Smoking with the Other End
Korean queer, smoking: I heard oral sex gives you more throat cancer than cigarettes.
Dida's Bar
Sao Paulo
Brazil
Categories: BJs | Bars & Clubs | Brazil | Compare and contrast | Default | Maladies | Queers | Stupidity | Posted 2008-03-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How the Colonials Felt about John Hancock
Queer en route to Obama rally: Oh my god, he's so cute. Do you think he'll sign my ass for me?
Ohio State University
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Rachel Jane
Categories: Beauty | Colleges & Universities | Compliments | Default | Idiots | Ohio | Queers | Questions | Posted 2008-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Hold His Penis and Ask Him
Fruit fly: Does he like me?! I think he might, but if he doesn't... He has to know that I like him! Or am I being too obvious?
Queer friend: Ugh! Heterosexual relationships make me queasy!
Montreal
Canadia
Save That Kind of Behavior for Old Navy
Queer #1: He punched him in the face right in the middle of Banana Republic.
Queer #2: That is so damn rude.
University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Gossip | Gripes | North Carolina | Queers | Violence | Posted 2008-02-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Need to Know More about What You Tried
Queer #1: Ugh. All I know is that pussy smells like ass. I tried once in high school, and I was all, 'Oooh, that smells like ass!' and so I tried one more time, and it still smelled like ass.
Queer #2: Well, we know one thing for sure -- your ass must smell like pussy.
Cleo's, Chicago Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: EEE
Categories: Ass | Compare and contrast | Default | Illinois | Queers | Sensory experiences | Vagina | Posted 2008-02-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now If Only Someone Would Pick Up My Screenplay for Baroque Back Mountain
Queer: They're putting out a film about Mary, Queen of Scots. This is, like, the best year ever. I just saw a documentary about the Tudors. I am so excited.
University Co-Op Outlet
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Merey
I Think You'd Be Surprised
Cute queer #1: Yeah, but aren't you worried about the sodomy laws around there?
Cute queer #2: No, not really.
Cute queer #1: My god, why not?
Cute queer #2: I don't think that a fleshlight really counts as sodomy.
Grand Avenue
Saint Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Confused Dyke On The Corner
Are Those Fangs on the Clasp?
Girl: So, my boyfriend couldn't take off my bra. I told him I'd wear the front-clasp one next time. He was like, 'I don't want your pity bra!' Wanna try?
Queer pal, trying to remove bra: Oh my god! This is not a pity bra! This is the meanest bra in the whole world!
Montreal
Canadia
Let's Just Say I Felt the Earth Move
Queer #1: I bruised my pelvis once during sex. It was the last time I had sex with a woman. Remember?
Queer #2: Right.
Queer #3: I don't know this story.
Queer #1: Well, to be more exact, I woke up to having sex with a woman. Or, rather, I regained consciousness to discover a woman fucking me. That was the same day as the bulldozer.
Queer #2: You don't have to say anything else for this to be a perfect story.
Queer #3: Wait... A bulldozer?
Wine bar
Baltimore, Maryland
Hello? Decepticons
Queer to fag hag, after Transformers preview: I thought they were, like, good guys...
Regal Cinemas
Greenville, South Carolina
Overheard by: Trying not to laugh hysterically
Categories: Movies | Queers | South Carolina | Posted 2008-01-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Lines Are More Important Than Others
Queer to another: Wait -- you traded Botox for coke?!
Universal CityWalk
Hollywood, California
Overheard by: Gluey
Categories: California | Drugs | Gossip | Queers | Posted 2007-12-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Would've Meant More If You'd Had It All with Me
Flamboyant art boy: So all that anal sex meant nothing to you?!
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: voltaire
... As This Science Experiment Demonstrates
Queer: No amount of chocolate or Fosse will bring back my ass virginity.
Indiana University
Bloomington, Indiana
Overheard by: spunky
Although I Do Like the Nightlife
Queer, when Bible-thumping lady splashes him with holy water: I'm a faggot, not a vampire. There's a difference.
San Luis Obispo Gay Pride Festival
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Rish
Categories: California | Gossip | Queers | San Francisco | Posted 2007-11-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh Honey, Nobody's Buying Middle-Aged White Guys
Queer answering cell: Jesus Christ, where have you been? I thought you were sold into the sexual slave trade!
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: The Megster
My Poor Cat Needs Something to Poop On
Queer: ... And I was like, 'Honey, it's not like I have a subscription to Town and Country to look at the dresses!'
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: widget
Just Your Average Red Sox Fan
Queer: I just got into an argument with that guy because I'm wearing a Red Socks hat. Little does he know that I fuck men -- I don't give a shit about baseball. Ha.
Bar
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
If You'll Refer to the Third Bullet-Point on My Resume
Drunk queer: I can pick up a shot glass with my ass!
Outside Grand Central
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: widget
And She's Not Even Getting Out of a Limo. Tacky.
Queer: Oh my god, that girl's dress is so short. I swear her outer labia were hanging out.
Sunset Grill and Tap
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Massachusetts | Queers | Vagina | Posted 2007-10-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're in Luck, because It's Got Yeast Today
Queer to fag hag: I'm so hungry I could eat your pussy.
Restaurant de Anton
Netherlands
Categories: Netherlands | Queers | Vagina | Posted 2007-10-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
From the New Testament Cutting-Room Floor
Queer: Oh my god, look, it's Mary. Mary! Maaary!
Mary: Heyyy, bitches! What's going on?
Queer: Did he love it, Mary? Did he absolutely love it? Where's Basil? Where is Basil, Mary?
Mary: He's in the bag, baby, he's in the bag.
Union Station
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Aly
Just Dip It in the Jar, Dude!
Queer: Wouldn't it be great if penises tasted like Nutella?
Fag hag: Unfortunately, oral sex doesn't give you an evolutionary advantage, so we'll probably never evolve that way.
Montreal
Canadia
Overheard by: premed
Or Maybe He's on the Evening News -- Whatevs
Queer #1: I saw this guy here yesterday who looked super familiar, and I couldn't remember from where...
Queer #2: Oh, yeah?
Queer #1: Well, finally I just gave up and walked over there and said, 'Hey, you look familiar. Didn't we have sex before?'
Queer #2: Oh, yeah?
Queer #1: He didn't answer, but I'm totally right about it. I think he was with his girlfriend or something, too, so maybe that's why.
Abbey Coffeehouse
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: can i use that as a pickup line?
The Trick Is Finding a Cobbler Who'll Do the Repairs
Queer: So, that pretty much sums it up.
Fag hag: Wow.
Queer: It's actually pretty usual for gays, I'm just not into it.
Fag hag: Wow. I am so scared of gay men right now.
Queer: Sweetie, it's not like a hamster wearing galoshes is [bus goes by so rest is inaudible].
Fag hag: Like summer camp.
Bus stop
Gainesville, Florida
Not Really -- Your Hair Looks Like Shit
Fashionista: Why are you so late?
Queer in hat: I ran out of money and had to give the cabbie a blowjob to pay the fare.
Fashionista: Oh my god! Really?!
Queer in hat: No. I had a hair emergency... But wasn't that a much better answer?
Ellus fashion show line
São Paulo
Brazil
How Do I Get a Title Like That?
Queer ranting on cell: You pissed your bed, now marinate in it, Mister Magical!
14th Street and Grand Boulevard
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: Auds
Categories: Gripes | Missouri | On the phone | Queers | Posted 2007-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thanks to the Mylar Diet
Queer #1: Is that pastrami? That was the best pastrami I've ever had.
Queer #2: Did you just ejaculate confetti?
Maryland and Euclid Avenue
St. Louis, Missouri
You Might Want to Consider a Laxative
Queer on cell: I think I broke my nail inside your asshole.
Augusta
São Paulo
Brazil
What History Says of Me Is Another Matter
Queer: At least I can say I did not die naked eating JELL-O.
House of Erika Palomino, Vila Madalena
São Paulo
Brazil
He and the Cat Have Never Been in a Room at the Same Time
Queer: I love my boyfriend, but I really think he might be a shapeshifter.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Categories: Pennsylvania | Philosophy | Queers | Posted 2007-05-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Fat People: Can't Argue. Eating.
Queer: If gay people can't get married then fat people shouldn't be allowed to have lunch breaks!
Carson Street
Muncie, Indiana
Overheard by: Cassie
Categories: Indiana | Philosophy | Queers | Posted 2007-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then Who'll Be the Man in the Yellow Hat?
Queer guy to queer friend: I'll be the monkey if you'll be the old lady.
Melbourne
Australia
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com