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So Gay Men Aren't the Target Demograpic for That?
Straight girl: So then we were making out, and it was really good...
Gay guy #1: Wait, isn't this story supposed to be about how good he was at going down on you?
Straight girl: Oh, I'm getting there.
Gay guy #2: Yeah, okay, but this is really taking too long. Get to the point.
Gay guy #1: Seriously. I mean, we don't really like hearing about straight hookups anyway. It's gross. We're just humoring you.
Guy guy #3: This is like the longest pussy-eating story I've heard all day.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: TMI
Categories: Fag hags | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Licking | Queers | San Francisco | Sex | Sexuality | Vagina | Posted 2010-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least It's My Tuxedo Speedo.
Flamboyantly gay guy in teeny Speedo, looking at bride in hotel lobby: Ummmm... Is there a wedding here?
Front desk agent, also looking at bride: Yup.
Gay guy, disgusted: God, I feel so silly in my Speedo.
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: proud to be... an idiot?
Categories: Arizona | Clothing | Employees | Queers | Relationships | Posted 2010-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's More About the Attitude Than the Plumbing
Gay guy to female friend: Just because I have testicles doesn't mean I'm any less of a woman.
Saskatchewan
Canadia
Categories: Balls | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Friends | Gender issues | Queers | Posted 2010-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Gay Man Who Looks at a Straight Man Sees Only His Anima
Young gay guy #1: Dude! You were like so throwing yourself at him. What happened?
Young gay guy #2: I think he's a lesbian.
College of Western Idaho
Overheard by: Another lesbian traped in a mans body
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Idaho | Queers | Questions | Sexuality | Posted 2010-05-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stop Wearing That Lavender Perfume and We'll Revisit the Issue, Okay?
20-something girl to gay male friend: It really creeps me out when you call me "grandma" when we do drugs together.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: MuffinW
Categories: California | Drugs | Fag hags | Family ties | Names | Queers | Posted 2010-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Don't Flirt With the Homeless, Dude
Gay guy to hobo: Good morning. Did you get a hair cut?
Hobo: (mutters about spare change)
Gay guy: I know you got a hair cut! See, if you would have said hi to me, maybe I would have given you a dollar or something! (starts walking down street) Why do people have to be so ignorant on such a sunny day?
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Meater Maid
Categories: Assholes | Bragging | Hobos | Money | Panhandling | Pennsylvania | Queers | Posted 2010-05-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Says the Woman Who Has a Crush on Those Twins in The Suite Life Of Zack & Cody?
Queer dad at the back of the line: Ohmigod! There's Rebeca, from cheerleading.
Woman friend: Oh yeah! I hate her, she's so perky.
Queer dad: And irresponsible, she always leaves her kids on the car when she goes anywhere.
Woman: Oh, really?
Queer dad: I mean, who leaves a top of the line Escalade with a smoking hot nine-year-old idling in the parking lot? Especially in this neighborhood!
Woman dad: That is so wrong!
Queer dad: I know!
Woman: No, that you said "smoking" hot nine-year-old.
Queer dad: Oh...
Dunkin Donuts
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Billy Splatts!
The Zac Efron Movie That Should Be Made
Teenage boy, shrieking: He touched my penis! He touched my penis! And I'm gay! I'm gay!
Charleston, South Carolina
Categories: Penis | Queers | Sexuality | South Carolina | Teens | Posted 2010-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Not Their Worlds I Want to Enter
Girl: So I think he's taken our relationship a step further.
Gay friend: Oh! What, did he ask you out?
Girl: No.
Gay friend: Did he finally tell you he likes you?
Girl: No! Nothing like that.
Gay friend: Then what?
Girl: He started talking to me exclusively in D&D jargon!
Gay friend: See, this is why we have different tastes in men.
Burlington, Vermont
Overheard by: Doesn't play D&D
Categories: Compare and contrast | Fag hags | Games | Queers | Relationships | Vermont | Words | Posted 2010-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Haven't Been Mowed in Quite Some Time
Gay son: I need a sugar daddy.
Mother: You and me both.
Gay son: But I have a booty.
Mother, after long pause, and looking out the window: I have weeds where I once had grass...
Murrieta, California
Overheard by: I hope I don't become my mother
Categories: Ass | California | Compare and contrast | Moms | Money | Queers | Sex | Posted 2010-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Didn't Spend 7 Years in Evil Medical School Just to Lose My Midget
Drunk gay guy: Where's my midget? I went upstairs and now I'm down here. Where's my midget? (checks under his shoes)
Feathers, New Jersey
Overheard by: K
Categories: Drunks | Magic | New Jersey | Queers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why the Gays Should Run the World
Delightfully gay and snarky flight attendant: Now, ladies, I am impressed with your Louis Vuitton and your coach. I adore your Prada and your Gucci. They are beautiful. But I will be more impressed with all of your bags if you stow them under the seat while we are landing. Now sit back and shut up.
(five minutes later, while plane is taxiing)
Delightfully gay and snarky flight attendant: We are finally here. So please, exit the plane a lot quicker than you boarded it. (plane stops, parks at gate) Get out.
Midway Airport
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Airports & flights | Compliments | Fashion | Flight attendants | Grumpies | Illinois | Offers and requests | Queers | Posted 2010-01-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...I Was Thinking Of a Nice Outing to Pottery Barn.
Girl: Booze!
Masculine gay dude: Fuck, yeah. I just finally finished my antibiotics. I'm gonna go fall off a stripper stage into some tits or somethin'.
Straight friend: Uhhh.
Bangkok
Thailand
I Was Hoping to Avoid the Disney Store
Queer: I told you they wouldn't have nipple stars!
Girl: Why the hell would they not have nipple stars? It's a hot topic, they should have nipple stars!
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Shopper
I'm Saving Those for the Yearbook
Ambiguous boy, yelling to friend across hall: And no pictures of me without pants!
High School
Nashville, Tennessee
They Proceeded to Link Arms and Skip Off Into the Sunset
Obnoxious panhandler: Spare change if you give a shit! Spare change if you give a shit!
Sassy gay man walking by: I don't.
Obnoxious panhandler: Me neither!
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: RP
Categories: California | Comebacks | Hobos | Panhandling | Queers | Posted 2010-01-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Boobies Don't Make You Gag??
Gay professor: He's saying, "I like men and women," and I'm like, "Ew!"
Godfrey, Illinois
Overheard by: M
Hard to Imagine I'd Ever Get Sick Of Being Objectified
Gay guy: Then we can talk about boys more openly because I'll have long hair, and be pretty and have boobs!
Girl: They're not that fun...
Gay guy: Boobs aren't that fun?
Girl: No!
Pleasant Grove, Utah
Overheard by: Weskimo
How Come We Didn't Have Logic Questions Like This in High School?
Jeff: If I was gay I would whip out my dick right now... which I'm about to do.
Plainsboro, New Jersey
Overheard by: Scott
Categories: New Jersey | Penis | Queers | Sexuality | Posted 2009-12-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Playing Boggle Again?
Gay goth kid: Diana Ross, what are you doing in my mouth?
Dunkin Donuts
Worcester, Massachusetts
Overheard by: hootinanny
Categories: About celebrities | Goths | Massachusetts | Mouth | Music | Queers | Questions | Stores | Posted 2009-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Editors Can't Wait for That Sitcom
Very short gay man: It's so hard being a vegetarian. My parents can't accept my sexuality or my religion... I'm living in a toilet!
Guernsey
England
Overheard by: Catie
...That's a Terrible Marketing Slogan.
Gay man: Listen, we've all shat, we've all farted, we've all touched ourselves, and we've all used a dildo.
Girls: Ummm... no.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Burping & farting | Girls | Masturbation | Pennsylvania | Poop | Queers | Toys | Posted 2009-10-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All the Good Men Are Either Straight or Extinct
Gay man: I find Neanderthals really attractive. If there were Neanderthals around now, I would be all over that.
Hyattsville, Maryland
Overheard by: prefers guys with smaller noses
When a Couple's Goals Conflict
Flamboyant gay guy #1, whispering discretely: I'm going to do you so hard when we get home.
Flamboyant gay guy #2, not whispering: I'm going to shit in your mouth.
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: MB
U.S. Citizens Will Either Not Understand This or Be Hurt by It
Gay guy to another: Yeah, cuz there's nothing like listening to Americans talk about their feelings to let you know what's really going on in the world.
Starbucks
Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Canadia | Feelings | Queers | Stupidity | Posted 2009-09-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Next Time, Actually Read My Nametag.
Drunk chick: Haha, you're a cheeky queen.
Drunk queer: Don't call me a cheeky queen! I'm a dirty bitch!
Provincetown, Massachusetts
Salem's Kind Of a Dead Town
Gay hairdresser: Ew, I don't think I could handle seeing dead people all gross and stuff!
Teenage girl getting haircut: You know, it's really not that bad... I kinda like it!
Straight hairdresser: Working downtown scares me sometimes...
Salem, Oregon
Categories: Clients | Compare and contrast | Coworkers | Death & dying | Fears | Oregon | Queers | Teens | Posted 2009-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or When You Pull the Tampons Out Of Your Butt?
Gay boy to girl posse, seeing commercial for panty liners with extra sticking power: So, like, doesn't it hurt when they stick to your vag?
Fargo, North Dakota
Categories: Girls | Health & Hygiene | Queers | Questions | Sensory experiences | USA | Vagina | Posted 2009-08-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Would Any Other Country Name Its Team "the Patriots"?
Gay Blockbuster employee: I hear the New England Patriots are going to make it to the Super Bowl this year.
Customer: Yeah, I hope. They're my favorite team.
Gay Blockbuster employee: Wait, New England... Are other countries allowed to play in the Super Bowl?
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
...She Put Two Drinks Up There?
Sorority girl to another, sitting in booth: Girl, I was double-fisted all night long last night!
Gay dude #1, quite loudly, to gay dude #2: Oh my god! That is so nasty! Who on earth would ever say something like that out in public! I wouldn't want anyone to know that anyone could do anything like that to me, let alone enjoy it! Nasty bitches!
Gay dude #2 to gay dude #1, very quietly: Um, I think she meant she had a drink in both hands, you idiot.
Gay dude #1: Oh.
Chinese Restaurant
Lexington, Kentucky
Overheard by: j-we
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Insults | Kentucky | Masturbation | Queers | Restaurants | Sorority types | Wishes | Posted 2009-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ooo, or Hand Puppets!
Gay man, pensively: I bet vaginas make excellent hand-warmers.
Disneyland
Anaheim, California
I've Forbidden It from Watching Terms Of Endearment
Queer, after being rushed to play Scrabble: You don't understand what it's like having all vowels!
Drunk girl: You don't understand what it's like having a vagina, so who wins?
Queer: I do! I have an emotional vagina.
Long Beach, California
Overheard by: pucewoman
The Etymology Lesson You'll Wish You Never Had
Effeminate boy #1: And he said "my penis is so big I can't control it."
Effeminate boy #2: Oh, god. Really?
Effeminate boy #1: Yes, his mother uses really scientific terminology.
Effeminate boy #2: Oh. Oh, I see.
Effeminate boy #1: Mhmm. Well, he's only four, too. He's already peed on himself because as he says "it's not long enough go down." I just call it a pee-pee. That's where the word "pee" comes from. Mmhmm.
Effeminate boy #2: Really! Huh!
Friendship Heights
Washington, DC
Overheard by: aimc
Categories: Age and ageing | Compare and contrast | Pee | Penis | Queers | Science | Stupidity | Washington, DC | Words | Posted 2009-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yet You Know When Jennifer Aniston Changes Her Hair Color?
Mexican drag queen hosting a show: It's St. Patrick's day tomorrow...
Crowd: It's today!
Mexican drag queen: Is it tonight? I never know these things, I don't watch the news!
Gay Bar
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Canadia | Latinos | Queers | Strangers | Stupidity | TV shows | Time Management | Posted 2009-06-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Hamster Was Extremely Sooty
Gay dude: No, they're just too greasy for me.
Fag hag: Says the Mexican...
Gay dude: Excuse me? I'm black by insertion.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: i don't like water
Why They Were Kicked Out Of the National History Museum
Gay guy, gesturing at transvestite performing onstage: I don't want to see any more boobs. Show me the dicks!
Gay friends, approving: We want dicks!
DNA Lounge
San Francisco, California
Categories: Default | Friends | Guys | Offers and requests | Penis | Queers | San Francisco | Sexuality | Posted 2009-06-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We've Now Lost Brain Cells Just Talking About Texas
Queer: You should move to Texas. You haven't been there yet.
Chick: Are you kidding? I am in no way hot enough to live in Texas. For one thing, I'd need way bigger boobs.
Queer: Oh, honey. That's what plastic surgery is for!
The Castro
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: lucy
Categories: Advice | Body parts | California | Default | Girls | Offers and requests | Queers | Questions | Posted 2009-05-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hey, Some Shoes Aren't Virtuous-- Crocs? Wingtips?
Young gay man: Whereas, lacking the virtue of shoes, men must content themselves with being jerks.
Female friend: A poor consolation, and unfashionable.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Bethany
Nobody Ever Wins the Which-Sex's-Sex-Is-Best Argument
Straight girl: Butt sex, butt sex, butt sex!
Gay guy: You really love saying that, don't you?
Straight girl: Yes!
Gay professor: Do you prefer anal to vaginal!
Straight girl: Ewww, fuck no! I don't want anything in my asshole! See, I have a vagina. I have options, unlike gay men.
Gay professor: Ah, you'll never know the pleasures of prostate stimulation.
Westchester, New York
I Named My Cat "Velutinous."
Teenage queer: How do you say 'fluffy' in science?
Random young boy: Fluffology?
Pretty woman: What?
Teenage queer: Velutinous?
Random young boy: Oh, that's sciencey.
Aurora
Ontario
Canadia
Sweetie, I'm a Bottom.
Asian girl, holding out fist: Pound it?
Queer: Do I look like someone who pounds it?
Asian girl, giggling: Ummmm...
West Lafayette, Indiana
Overheard by: Kole
Are There No Gay Cougars?
Fratty-looking queer #1: I need some lip balm. My lips feel all dried up, like...old fruit.
Fratty looking queer #2: You are an old fruit. (pause) No, really, you're 25, which means you're almost 30, which means you're almost dead.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: gymbo
Categories: Age and ageing | Body parts | Death & dying | Default | Feelings | Fruit | Massachusetts | Queers | Posted 2009-04-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Just Wanted Permanent Safe Sex.
Flamboyant guy to another: There are just some things you can't laminate.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Kate
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Pennsylvania | Queers | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-03-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Gay Guys Have No Idea How to Woo Each Other
Upset gay boy: This is awful. I just wanted you to see the giant vagina made of sand.
Virginia Tech
By Show Of Hands, Who'd Give Him the Money Without Hesitation?
Flamboyant black man to woman waiting at crosswalk: Oh, thank god for a sister! I need some money for the bus and I just know you'll help me out, little white barbie sister!
Saint Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Margie
Categories: Black people | Default | Family ties | Guys | Missouri | Money | Public Transportation | Queers | Posted 2009-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In High School I Got So Depressed, I Dated Girls
Queer #1: You have so many ringtones!
Queer #2: Yeah, when I get depressed I buy ringtones. It's my thing!
Queer #1: When I get depressed I but chocolate and underwear.
Queer #2: Holla!
(they high five)
West Hollywood, California
Overheard by: Big Al
Categories: California | Candy | Cell phones | Clothes | Default | Feelings | Guys | Queers | Posted 2009-03-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Hear the Russian Judge Gives Extra Points for That
Flaming gay over speakerphone: Just like that boy from Miami last night, I tried to suck his dick like I was trying to win an Olympic gold medal. And that's the only ass I would lick even if it wasn't clean.
Washington, DC
Categories: Ass | Compare and contrast | Default | Geography | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Penis | Queers | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-02-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Will
Teen gay guy: Hey, do you ever color your nipples?
Teen girl: Huh?
Teen gay guy: When you get bored you, don't take a Sharpie and color your nipples? (pulls up shirt and points) See, this one's pink and this one's blue.
Teen girl: Um...no, I don't.
Oregon
Overheard by: nyssa
Given Time
Queer #1: I can adjust to change, I think.
Queer #2: Yeah, but can your sphincter?
Leon High School
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: Deathly Confused
Categories: Ass | Compare and contrast | Default | Florida | Guys | Queers | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Posted 2009-01-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Chad and Jeremy Break Up
Gay guy #1, walking down the street: Oh, this place is cute. Your parents should stay here when they visit.
Gay guy #2: That's a funeral home.
Market Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Ray
Categories: Compliments | Death & dying | Default | Family ties | Guys | Queers | Relationships | San Francisco | Weirdness | Posted 2009-01-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Have to If I Want to Be Prom Queen
High school boy: From now on, I'm going to do everything as homosexually as possible.
Bellingham, Washington
Turns Ordinary Clothes Into an Ensemble
Gay man on cell in big crowd: Where are you? I'm wearing a gray sweater, a black jacket, and a faggy scarf. A really faggy fag scarf.
Nuit Blanche
Toronto
Canadia
But I'll Totally Buy the Kid Tap Shoes
Slightly effeminate black man on cell: Uh-uh, child. If you're pregnant, that ain't my child. You got to talk to my brother.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Black people | Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Offspring | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Pregnancy | Queers | Posted 2008-12-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Should Put the Top Up in the Boxster, Though
(it is raining extremely hard outside)
Gay guy #1: So wet. Whatever, I guess we can make this look work.
Gay guy #2: We totally can.
Outside Macy's
Burlington, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Emma W.
Categories: Clothes | Compare and contrast | Default | Fashion | Massachusetts | Queers | Stores | Weather | Posted 2008-12-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...When She Told Me the Soup Of the Day Was Split Pea
Possible transvestite: And I said, "Either you take a lie detector test at the American consulate or I'm packing my things and going!"
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
...Rainy Days, and Men Who Aren't Afraid to Cuddle.
Girl in red: I was telling my husband about you.
Guy in jeans: What were you telling him?
Girl in red: That you liked power bottoms.
Las Vegas, Nevada
Ballplayers' Demands Get Stranger Every Year
Young man to two female friends: If we go on that ride and his underwear aren't wet at the end, I am making him trade me.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: it's a deal!
Whatever, Mister Finding Nemo
Artsy queer: You masturbated to the soundtrack of The Nightmare Before Christmas?!
Houghton, Michigan
Overheard by: Midget Goldfish
But Leave Out the Part Where He Blew and Said "Haha, Fooled Ya!"
Gay man: So, did you end up fucking that guy from eHarmony?
Blondie: Sort of. When I was blowing him he told me to stop and I said, "No way, I'm just getting started!" And then he said, "Seriously, stop, I don't want to blow in your face."
Gay man: That's like true love. You should use that story for your eHarmony commercial.
Central Illinois
Not As Gross As Mickey Mouse Christmas Ornaments, Honey
Hallmark salesgirl: My stomach really hurts.
Queer: Does your face hurt too?
Hallmark salesgirl (long pause): Oh my god, gross!
McLean, Virginia
First, Imagine You Don't Admit Guests Back There
Very gay man: I need to sit like a man...wait, how do I do that?
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Overheard by: almost a lawyer.
In Every Job That Must Be Done, There Is an Element of Fun
Gay male flight attendant: If you'll be requiring wheelchair assistance when we get to Cleveland, please remain seated. Because, if you stand up, we'll assume you've been healed by the Holy Spirit and no longer need our help.
Passengers: (laughter)
Flight attendant: And please keep your seatbelts fastened until we've reached the gate and come to a complete stop.
(man in front row unbuckles his belt)
Flight attendant: Stop it, cheater!
Southwest Airlines Flight
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: Erica
Categories: Airports & flights | Default | Flight attendants | God | Offers and requests | Ohio | Public transportation | Queers | Posted 2008-10-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Let's Let Liquor Decide
Layer-wearing college student: We went to Ikea in a Zipcar, and some jerk had left all their Starbucks trash in the front seat.
Queer: You are such a trendy bitch I don't know whether to hug you or puke on your shoes.
Newbury Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: i'd go with puke
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Insults | Massachusetts | Queers | Students | Yeahhh, college! | Posted 2008-10-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So I Won't Be Voting for Him for President
Gay man to friend: He's not hot enough to have AIDS!
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: Rachel Kaiser
And Tucked in Your Gunt
Lesbian bartender: I am so mad right now.
Gay bartender (affectionately touching her cheek): Awwww...honey... You shaved!
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Bartenders | Default | Lesbos | Massachusetts | Queers | Posted 2008-10-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah, But Not My Fancy Fist
Queer to date: Do you have a fist up your ass?
Center City, Philadelphia
Overheard by: keeeeem
Just Obeying That Big "P" Sign Over There
Guy #1: You smell like urine.
Guy #2: Good!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: time for a shower?
Categories: Default | Overheard in Minneapolis | Pee | Queers | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Has Everything I've Always Wanted, and a Little Something More
Suit on cell: Oh, did I tell you I met someone? (pause) Her name is Brian.
Civic Center Farmer's Market
San Francisco, California
Categories: California | Default | Names | On the phone | Queers | Questions | Sexuality | Stores | Suits | Posted 2008-09-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Dallas Vacation Really Makes You Appreciate New York
Queer to friend: It's pretentious, it's stupid, it sucks, and I love it.
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: keeeem
Oh, the Hora! The Hora!
Queer #1: I remember you! Are you Jewish?
Queer #2: No! I'm from Charleston!
Gay Strip Club
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Oh, thank god!
But Variety Is the Spice Of Life
Redhead gay in short shorts: Did you ever imagine yourself falling in love with a ginger vegetarian?
Smoking gay in short shorts (taking drag from cigarette): Not in a million years.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Default | Food | Overheard in Minneapolis | Queers | Questions | Relationships | Smokers | Posted 2008-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Don't Get Me Started About The Daily Show
Pissy gay man: I don't like The Onion. They just make up all their stories. It's not the real news.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: that's sort of the point
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Overheard in Minneapolis | Queers | Stupidity | Posted 2008-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm at the Far End Of the Gay Continuum
Obviously gay guy: I mean, I'm not surprised at all that people think I'm gay. I've got this high voice, I'm bitchy, and I like to wear dresses.
Friend: (nods in approval)
Dining Hall
UNC Chapel Hill
And So Short-Sighted
Girl to gay man: Well, if you're going to be a whore, be a classy whore!
Gay man: That's so hot.
Grand Junction, Colorado
The I Love Lucy Episode You'll Never See on TV
Gay guy #1: So does he have a boyfriend?
Gay guy #2: Yes.
Gay guy #1: Is he easy to kill?
Gay guy #2: Yes.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Default | Murder | Queers | Questions | Relationships | Washington | Posted 2008-08-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Ass Is Always Greener on the Other Side
Queer: You're a virgin!?
Girl: Yeah.
Queer: How do you sleep at night?
Girl: I really don't, I stay up all night dreaming about sex and pleasuring myself.
Queer: I want to be a virgin too!
San Diego, California
Nice Try-- No Homosexual Calls Himself "Homosexual"
Stoner guitarist: I got shot in the dick with an Airsoft. Seriously, check this shit out. (unzips his pants)
Guy: Just to let you know, before you do that, I am a homosexual.
Local Show
Gulfport, Mississippi
It's Not Gay If I'm the Boomer
(around a D&D table)
Boom: Boom the Barbarian is going to swing his sword.
Walk-in kid: Dude, your character sheet says he's a fighter.
Boom: Yeah. But his name is Boom the Barbarian.
Walk-in kid: That's gay.
Boom: It won't be gay when I boom all over your face.
Openly gay DM: Actually, it would.
Gaming Center
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Granted, I Cut Her, but They Still Owe Me Ten Bucks
Gay guy: I told them not to have hip-hop night cause a bitch would get cut. And what happened? A bitch got cut!
Outside The Hippo
Mt. Vernon, Mayrland
So Anyway, Are the Cheerleaders All Okay?
Queer #1: You said: "Oooh, girl, you can't build a pyramid on top of a pyramid."
Queer #2: Did I say: "Oooh, girl"?! I did not say "Oooh, girl"!
Memphis, Tennessee
Overheard by: The Faghag
Is the Range of Gay Sex Really That Limited?
Straight guy: I really need your advice about this girl.
Gay guy: Stick it in her butt!
Straight guy: No. Her mom set us up on this date...
Gay guy: Stick it in her butt!
Straight guy: You just suggested that. I mean, I like her but I definitely don't want to date her, and we're supposed to hang out this weekend, but I don't know what to do with her.
Gay guy: Well, just be like: "Hey, do you want to toss a Frisbee in the arboretum?"
Straight guy: And if she says yes, be like: "Okay, do you want to toss my salad in the arboretum?"
Gay guy: Awesome.
Lancaster, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: $kank
Categories: Advice | Backdoor | Compliments | Default | Family ties | Friends | Guys | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Queers | Questions | Words | Posted 2008-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Soul Is Irredeemably Banal
Spaced-out kid: And I think it was some kind of message in that out-of-body experience. Like, it was my soul trying to tell me that after I finished puking, I should take a shower.
Teenage queer: Your dreams are fucked.
St. Andrew's College
Aurora
Canadia
Most of Life's Problems Can Be Solved with a Pair of Tweezers and a Bottle of Wine
Emo guy to friends: He loves me. He wants my children. He says to me: "Andrew, let me have sex with you so I can have your children." I would do it if I didn't have hairy nipples.
Library
Plano, Texas
I Like to Think of My Mouth As a Protective Pouch
30-something guy to friend: Yeah, but you teabagging me does not mean you're concerned about my safety!
Durham, North Carolina
Overheard by: good thing i'd already finished my taco
Categories: BJs | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Guys | North Carolina | Queers | Sexuality | Posted 2008-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Straight Men: Dammit, You Guys Ruin Everything!
Gay sports fan to table of gay sports fans, while watching Packers game: So, are you a packer or a packee?
Washington, DC
Categories: Compare and contrast | Queers | Questions | Sexuality | Washington, DC | Words | Posted 2008-05-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Christian Discovers He Has a Vocation for the Priesthood
Gay boy: ... And I woke up and my room was filled with red buttons and ears of corn, then my comforter turned into a giant lake, and three purple rhinoceroses just like rose out of it! And--
Girlfriend #1: No, Christian, there is no such thing as rhinoceroses. The plural of "rhinoceros" is "rhinocerii".
Girlfriend #2: Stacy... I don't think that's right... I think it may be "rhinos-"
Girlfriend #1: Courtney, that's ridiculous, we're being serious here...
Gay boy: Okay, guys! It doesn't matter. Anyway, back to the story... The weirdest part is, after all that happened, I thought I liked girls...
Girlfriend #1 and girlfriend #2: Wow... That is strange...
Huntington Movie Theater
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Mo
But at Least She Throws It Up
Queer on cell: Stop it. She's too chicken to be anorexic. It's like, she'll starve herself for two days, then eat a huge cookie.
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Default | Food | Gripes | Health & Hygiene | On the phone | Queers | Posted 2008-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
From Now On, I'm Smoking with the Other End
Korean queer, smoking: I heard oral sex gives you more throat cancer than cigarettes.
Dida's Bar
Sao Paulo
Brazil
Categories: BJs | Bars & Clubs | Brazil | Compare and contrast | Default | Maladies | Queers | Stupidity | Posted 2008-03-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How the Colonials Felt about John Hancock
Queer en route to Obama rally: Oh my god, he's so cute. Do you think he'll sign my ass for me?
Ohio State University
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Rachel Jane
Categories: Beauty | Colleges & Universities | Compliments | Default | Idiots | Ohio | Queers | Questions | Posted 2008-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Hold His Penis and Ask Him
Fruit fly: Does he like me?! I think he might, but if he doesn't... He has to know that I like him! Or am I being too obvious?
Queer friend: Ugh! Heterosexual relationships make me queasy!
Montreal
Canadia
Save That Kind of Behavior for Old Navy
Queer #1: He punched him in the face right in the middle of Banana Republic.
Queer #2: That is so damn rude.
University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Gossip | Gripes | North Carolina | Queers | Violence | Posted 2008-02-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Need to Know More about What You Tried
Queer #1: Ugh. All I know is that pussy smells like ass. I tried once in high school, and I was all, 'Oooh, that smells like ass!' and so I tried one more time, and it still smelled like ass.
Queer #2: Well, we know one thing for sure -- your ass must smell like pussy.
Cleo's, Chicago Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: EEE
Categories: Ass | Compare and contrast | Default | Illinois | Queers | Sensory experiences | Vagina | Posted 2008-02-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now If Only Someone Would Pick Up My Screenplay for Baroque Back Mountain
Queer: They're putting out a film about Mary, Queen of Scots. This is, like, the best year ever. I just saw a documentary about the Tudors. I am so excited.
University Co-Op Outlet
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Merey
I Think You'd Be Surprised
Cute queer #1: Yeah, but aren't you worried about the sodomy laws around there?
Cute queer #2: No, not really.
Cute queer #1: My god, why not?
Cute queer #2: I don't think that a fleshlight really counts as sodomy.
Grand Avenue
Saint Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Confused Dyke On The Corner
Are Those Fangs on the Clasp?
Girl: So, my boyfriend couldn't take off my bra. I told him I'd wear the front-clasp one next time. He was like, 'I don't want your pity bra!' Wanna try?
Queer pal, trying to remove bra: Oh my god! This is not a pity bra! This is the meanest bra in the whole world!
Montreal
Canadia
Let's Just Say I Felt the Earth Move
Queer #1: I bruised my pelvis once during sex. It was the last time I had sex with a woman. Remember?
Queer #2: Right.
Queer #3: I don't know this story.
Queer #1: Well, to be more exact, I woke up to having sex with a woman. Or, rather, I regained consciousness to discover a woman fucking me. That was the same day as the bulldozer.
Queer #2: You don't have to say anything else for this to be a perfect story.
Queer #3: Wait... A bulldozer?
Wine bar
Baltimore, Maryland
Hello? Decepticons
Queer to fag hag, after Transformers preview: I thought they were, like, good guys...
Regal Cinemas
Greenville, South Carolina
Overheard by: Trying not to laugh hysterically
Categories: Movies | Queers | South Carolina | Posted 2008-01-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Lines Are More Important Than Others
Queer to another: Wait -- you traded Botox for coke?!
Universal CityWalk
Hollywood, California
Overheard by: Gluey
Categories: California | Drugs | Gossip | Queers | Posted 2007-12-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Would've Meant More If You'd Had It All with Me
Flamboyant art boy: So all that anal sex meant nothing to you?!
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: voltaire
... As This Science Experiment Demonstrates
Queer: No amount of chocolate or Fosse will bring back my ass virginity.
Indiana University
Bloomington, Indiana
Overheard by: spunky
Although I Do Like the Nightlife
Queer, when Bible-thumping lady splashes him with holy water: I'm a faggot, not a vampire. There's a difference.
San Luis Obispo Gay Pride Festival
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Rish
Categories: California | Gossip | Queers | San Francisco | Posted 2007-11-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh Honey, Nobody's Buying Middle-Aged White Guys
Queer answering cell: Jesus Christ, where have you been? I thought you were sold into the sexual slave trade!
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: The Megster
My Poor Cat Needs Something to Poop On
Queer: ... And I was like, 'Honey, it's not like I have a subscription to Town and Country to look at the dresses!'
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: widget
Just Your Average Red Sox Fan
Queer: I just got into an argument with that guy because I'm wearing a Red Socks hat. Little does he know that I fuck men -- I don't give a shit about baseball. Ha.
Bar
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
If You'll Refer to the Third Bullet-Point on My Resume
Drunk queer: I can pick up a shot glass with my ass!
Outside Grand Central
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: widget
And She's Not Even Getting Out of a Limo. Tacky.
Queer: Oh my god, that girl's dress is so short. I swear her outer labia were hanging out.
Sunset Grill and Tap
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Massachusetts | Queers | Vagina | Posted 2007-10-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're in Luck, because It's Got Yeast Today
Queer to fag hag: I'm so hungry I could eat your pussy.
Restaurant de Anton
Netherlands
Categories: Netherlands | Queers | Vagina | Posted 2007-10-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
From the New Testament Cutting-Room Floor
Queer: Oh my god, look, it's Mary. Mary! Maaary!
Mary: Heyyy, bitches! What's going on?
Queer: Did he love it, Mary? Did he absolutely love it? Where's Basil? Where is Basil, Mary?
Mary: He's in the bag, baby, he's in the bag.
Union Station
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Aly
Just Dip It in the Jar, Dude!
Queer: Wouldn't it be great if penises tasted like Nutella?
Fag hag: Unfortunately, oral sex doesn't give you an evolutionary advantage, so we'll probably never evolve that way.
Montreal
Canadia
Overheard by: premed
Or Maybe He's on the Evening News -- Whatevs
Queer #1: I saw this guy here yesterday who looked super familiar, and I couldn't remember from where...
Queer #2: Oh, yeah?
Queer #1: Well, finally I just gave up and walked over there and said, 'Hey, you look familiar. Didn't we have sex before?'
Queer #2: Oh, yeah?
Queer #1: He didn't answer, but I'm totally right about it. I think he was with his girlfriend or something, too, so maybe that's why.
Abbey Coffeehouse
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: can i use that as a pickup line?
The Trick Is Finding a Cobbler Who'll Do the Repairs
Queer: So, that pretty much sums it up.
Fag hag: Wow.
Queer: It's actually pretty usual for gays, I'm just not into it.
Fag hag: Wow. I am so scared of gay men right now.
Queer: Sweetie, it's not like a hamster wearing galoshes is [bus goes by so rest is inaudible].
Fag hag: Like summer camp.
Bus stop
Gainesville, Florida
Not Really -- Your Hair Looks Like Shit
Fashionista: Why are you so late?
Queer in hat: I ran out of money and had to give the cabbie a blowjob to pay the fare.
Fashionista: Oh my god! Really?!
Queer in hat: No. I had a hair emergency... But wasn't that a much better answer?
Ellus fashion show line
São Paulo
Brazil
How Do I Get a Title Like That?
Queer ranting on cell: You pissed your bed, now marinate in it, Mister Magical!
14th Street and Grand Boulevard
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: Auds
Categories: Gripes | Missouri | On the phone | Queers | Posted 2007-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thanks to the Mylar Diet
Queer #1: Is that pastrami? That was the best pastrami I've ever had.
Queer #2: Did you just ejaculate confetti?
Maryland and Euclid Avenue
St. Louis, Missouri
You Might Want to Consider a Laxative
Queer on cell: I think I broke my nail inside your asshole.
Augusta
São Paulo
Brazil
What History Says of Me Is Another Matter
Queer: At least I can say I did not die naked eating JELL-O.
House of Erika Palomino, Vila Madalena
São Paulo
Brazil
He and the Cat Have Never Been in a Room at the Same Time
Queer: I love my boyfriend, but I really think he might be a shapeshifter.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Categories: Pennsylvania | Philosophy | Queers | Posted 2007-05-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Fat People: Can't Argue. Eating.
Queer: If gay people can't get married then fat people shouldn't be allowed to have lunch breaks!
Carson Street
Muncie, Indiana
Overheard by: Cassie
Categories: Indiana | Philosophy | Queers | Posted 2007-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then Who'll Be the Man in the Yellow Hat?
Queer guy to queer friend: I'll be the monkey if you'll be the old lady.
Melbourne
Australia
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: Australia | Overheard in Melbourne's Journal | Queers | Roleplay | Posted 2007-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That, and the Jar of Lube He Keeps Waving Around
Queer: Oh my god, did you see Andy in that hat?
Fag hag: Yeah!
Queer: Doesn't he know that a cowboy hat that big is an unequivocal call for anal sex?
New Haven, Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Fag hags | Fashion | Queers | Posted 2007-04-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Suspect Your Testimony Is Biased
Lesbian: ... So then she freaked out and her vagina got so tight it bruised my finger.
Queer pal: See? More proof that vaginas can't be trusted.
Border's
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: Protogarrett
Categories: California | Gossip | Lesbos | Queers | Vagina | Posted 2007-04-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
