Get the 10 best quotesby e-mail weekly!
Friends All Categories > People > Friends
Recent | Best Of
...In the Soft Porn Industry
Pretty hipster to hipster friend with iPhone: Danny! Stop taking pictures of random girls!
Hipster friend with iPhone: I can't help it, I need them for my work...
Elkhart, Indiana
Categories: Cell phones | Friends | Hipsters | Indiana | Jobs & Careers | Posted 2010-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No More Babysitting for You, Suzanne.
Nerdy girl to Asian friend: I mean, it was pathetic. I could've had my top off and had a sign around my neck that said "free blowjobs" and they wouldn't have noticed. They were all crowded around Mike watching him play Pokemon.
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Asians | BJs | Body parts | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Friends | Games | Illinois | Posted 2010-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Perhaps Buy a Special Bra.
Girl to friends: Mine is, like, nubby!
Friend: You should probably get that checked out...
Culver, Indiana
Categories: Advice | Friends | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Indiana | Posted 2010-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Culinary Students Have Orgies
Tiny college girl waiting in line: The cookies are soooooo good!
Tall male friend, confused: The ice cream?
Tiny college girl: The penises!
Tall male friend: Oh!
Tiny college girl: We just didn't let them cool!
Stop & Shop
Manhattan, New York
It's More About the Attitude Than the Plumbing
Gay guy to female friend: Just because I have testicles doesn't mean I'm any less of a woman.
Saskatchewan
Canadia
Categories: Balls | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Friends | Gender issues | Queers | Posted 2010-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Divine Intervention?
20-something girl to friend: Why are there needles in my bible?
Orlando, Florida
We Blame Sex & the City for This Conversation
Fun date #1: I hate it when guys want to cum on your face every time.
Fun date #2: Yeah, it gets in your eyes.
Fun date #1: And in your hair.
Fun date #3: Once in a while is okay, but not every time.
Outside Coffee Shop
Harrisonburg, Virginia
Overheard by: browny
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Body parts | Cum | Friends | Gripes | Time Management | Virginia | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2010-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Going to Congress!
Student to friend: Just put the rape stick in the alcohol bag.
American University
Washington, DC
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Friends | Students | Violence | Washington, DC | Weirdness | Posted 2010-05-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She's All, "This Party Smells Like Salami"
Party goer #1: That girl is wasted.
Party goer #2: Which one?
Party goer #1: The one with the blue shirt and lip ring.
Party goer #2: That's not a lip ring, she's got a piece of meat stuck to her face.
Burlington, Vermont
Overheard by: Tim
Yet You Won't Swallow Your Husband's Semen?
Middle-aged woman with dog: Oh, she peed on my foot. That's your pee. That's your love juice. Did you put your love juice on me? You gave me your love juice.
Woman's friend: It's on your shirt now.
Middle-aged woman: Oh, she pissed on my shirt? It's okay, it's just love juice. Come here, stinks. Come here, stinky. It's just pee. Come, gimme kisses, stink-stink.
Woman's friend: Here, maybe you should let me hold her.
Middle-aged woman, hissing: Get away from my stinky! She gave me her love juice, not you.
Starbucks
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Pips
Categories: Animals | Body parts | California | Feelings | Friends | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Pee | Questions | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2010-05-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
With Each Revelation, the Female Mystery Only Deepens
Blind old lady to old lady friend: Oh my, you started peeing so fast.
Old lady friend: Yes, it's because I stand up.
Blind old lady: Ohhhh...
Old lady friend: Yes, not a lot of women know how to stand up, you know.
Blind old lady: Yes, that's true. My mother used to stand.
CSULA Women's Bathroom
California
Overheard by: itshahaholly
Categories: California | Disabled | Friends | Gender issues | Old folks | Parenting | Pee | Restroom | Posted 2010-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Use Birth Control
Woman to friend: So I killed three of them already. I guess that means I should lose some weight.
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: corey
Now If Only I Could Marry Louis Vuitton
Really skinny sorority girl: I paid my rent and then I spent the rest, $700, on this new Louis Vuitton (squeals and hugs the purse). But now I have 30 bucks to last a whole month. Looks like I'll be dating for dinner or eating crackers.
Sorority friend: You spent twice as much on your bag as you did your rent! At least you paid your rent on time! Don't worry, you'll find dates. That purse is totally worth it!
Really skinny sorority girl: I know, right, I should just live in my purse. I think that is why married women get fat: they can finally afford to eat. You know my ass is getting fat when I get married.
IHOP
Dallas, Texas
Categories: Ass | Diet & weight | Fashion | Food | Friends | Money | Relationships | Shopping | Skinny people | Sorority types | Texas | Posted 2010-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Never Drink With Master Debaters, Dear Reader
Guy among friends: This conversation is too logical for me.
Bar
Norway
And When Did "Baby Got Back" Become a Wedding Song?
Black 20-something guy to friend: Sir Mix-a-Lot killed more black people in the 90s than heart disease and Aids combined.
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: I know his pain
Categories: Arizona | Black people | Compare and contrast | Friends | Maladies | Murder | Race | Posted 2010-05-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...of Death!
20-something girl looking at picture: Isn't he so hot with his nunchucks?"
20-something guy friend: Those are called "muttonchops."
Bar
Connecticut
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Beauty | Connecticut | Friends | Girls | Guys | Hair | Words | Posted 2010-05-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Always Thought a Zeppoli Was That Big Machine on Ice Rinks
Guy: Yeah, this woman over at the Sun-Times building used to make this focaccia bread for us, it was great. But she was Italian-American though, she didn't know, she didn't even know what a cannoli was!
Friend: What!?
Guy: Yeah! And, like, zeppoli, she didn't know what a zeppoli was either! And those are like the two big things, y'know?
Friend: Oh, man!
Guy: That's what happens! That's what happens when you mix up the blood!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: SOB: Stale Off the Boat
Cat Owners Totally Sympathize
Yoga instructor to friend: I've always wanted to throw up on a cat.
Berkeley, California
Categories: Animals | California | Friends | Health & Hygiene | Sensory experiences | Teachers | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2010-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Saving Those for the Yearbook
Ambiguous boy, yelling to friend across hall: And no pictures of me without pants!
High School
Nashville, Tennessee
The "Hugs, Not Drugs" Campaign Has Had Mixed Results
Huge gangsta boy: Maaaan, gimme a hug!
Preppy white friend: What?! No!
Huge gansta boy: What the fuck, man, just gimme a goddam hug!
High School
Nashville, Tennessee
Categories: Feelings | Friends | Insults | Offers and requests | Preppies | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Tennessee | Thugs | Whiteys | Posted 2010-01-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So You're Not Really an Elderly Asian Man?
Girl to friend: Sometimes I lie. (pause) Usually... I'm lying.
Novi, Michigan
Being the Midwest Corn Princess Is Not Without Its Benefits
Hot brunette to guy friend: I just really want to get it, you know, so I can fuck it in its ear.
Guy: Ugh, me too!
Liberty State Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: Julia
Categories: Bimbettes | Body parts | Friends | Guys | Kink | New Jersey | Wishes | Posted 2010-01-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The New Party Game That's Sweeping Pennsylvania!
Girl to friend: Which would you rather die first, the dog or your dad?
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Family ties | Friends | Girls | Pennsylvania | Questions | Posted 2010-01-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Elizabeth Bennet on Her Honeymoon
20-something woman to friend: So, that was how my morning started: waking up with a man I am not overly fond of.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: my morning started a little better
Categories: Feelings | Friends | Overheard in Minneapolis | Relationships | Women | Posted 2010-01-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
These New Refrigeration Bras Are Fabulous
Middle-age woman to friend: We're smuggling beer! We're smuggling beer!
Fisherman's Wharf
San Francisco, California
Categories: Crimes | Drinking & drunks | Friends | San Francisco | Women | Posted 2010-01-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Until Dinner, Though.
Wannabe hipster girl: I'm anorexic!
Wannabe hipster friend: No way!
Wannabe hipster girl: No, seriously! I'm anorexic since lunch.
Wannabe hipster friend: Okay.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: the actual hipsters were way more polite
Categories: Food | Friends | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Hipsters | Overheard in Minneapolis | Stupidity | Posted 2010-01-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Geeks and Sexual Experimentation Are Often a Perilous Combo
Student to friend: Could you imagine having a test tube shatter while it is up your ass, or worse? I know a girl that it happened to!
Cabra Dominican College
Australia
Categories: Ass | Australia | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Friends | Health & Hygiene | Science | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2010-01-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Childhood Dream Is Finally Coming True!
Girl to friend: Like, oh my god! I just got mistaken for a sales clerk at freakin' Levi's!
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: seastardodell
Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Friends | Girls | Jobs & Careers | Washington | Posted 2010-01-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At the Time, I Considered a March on Washington.
Girl to friend: The Oscars don't really mean shit. I mean, personally, I feel it was a crime when they overlooked Eddie Vedder for best supporting actor in singles.
Atlanta, Georgia
Do I Know You?
Guy on crowded bus to friend: My undies are going to smell like Mexican food for a day and a half.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: I don't want to know
Categories: Bus | Compare and contrast | Food | Friends | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sensory experiences | Undies | Posted 2010-01-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then He Was Like, "This Is a Job Interview, Tanya."
Black teen girl to friend: He was like "you're so high you don't even know what to do!" and I was like "nigga, this ain't the first time I smoked!"
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Hancock
Best. Quote Location. Ever.
Male roommate to another: Don't jump on me. I have a boner.
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Erections | Friends | New Jersey | Sex | Posted 2010-01-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Tha'ts My New Profile Photo!
Girl to friend: Stop! Theirs a picture of his finger in my vagina.
Uninc Loudoun County, Virginia
That Still Doesn't Explain Yao Ming
Guy to friend: If one person is about 1.5 meters tall, two people would be three hundred meters.
Shout-out: talovich.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Yugan Dali
Categories: Friends | Guys | Other sites | Science | Stupidity | Posted 2010-01-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And You Thought SpongeBob Was Gay
Teenage girl to friend: Anyway, I think he likes me... He gave me a sponge bath last night.
Victoria
Australia
Overheard by: Ineke
Doughnuts, at Least, Are Cheaper by the Dozen
Mother to daughter: And soon you'll be having babies...
Daughter's friend: I want a baby.
Daughter: What?!
Friend: Actually I want a doughnut, but no one was listening to me.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: and i want a pony
Ooh, and Some Scrambled Eggs!
Girl to friend: I'm going to order a pint. Or do we just want to split a pitcher?
Friend: I'm pregnant, remember?
Girl: Oh, yeah. But I thought you were planning to abort it?
Friend: I am. (sighs) Okay, let's get a pitcher.
Bar
Zwankendamme
Belgium
Categories: Abortion | Bars & Clubs | Belgium | Drinking & drunks | Friends | Girls | Pregnancy | Questions | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Say "Trouser," This Conversation Is Over.
Girl: I was thrown up on by a snake yesterday.
Friend: What kind of snake?
Subway
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Robbo
Many Start; Few Are Able to Finish
Guy to group of friends: I don't think I could ever do anything like that.
Girl: Oh, is this about the circle jerk?
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Friends | Guys | Kink | Masturbation | Questions | Posted 2009-12-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ever Dated Anyone from Seattle?
Trendy Asian on crowded platform: It smells like hot ass in here.
Trendy Asian friend: How would you know what hot ass smells like?
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: TrainRider
Categories: Asians | Ass | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Friends | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-12-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Wasn't Until Cambodia That Josh Fell Silent
20-something Jewish guy, breaking silence: It ain't easy growing up Jewish in New York City.
20-something friend: Will you stop going on about that to every person we meet?
Boat Tour
Central Vietnam
Overheard by: its not easy growing up
Is It Too Late for a Teachable Moment?
Manly guy to male friend carrying fake baby for parenting class: So, did Beth* get her period yet?
Wichita, Kansas
And by "Celebrating Mass" I Mean Exactly What You Think I Mean
18-year-old guy to friend: If I liked kids, I would be celebrating mass at a Catholic church.
Mexico City
Mexico
Overheard by: Kafnut
Categories: Central America | Christianity | Friends | Kids | Teens | Posted 2009-12-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Hides It under All the Ruffles
Woman, pointing to dress: That's nice and flowy. Not for me, but totally something Christine would wear.
Friend, indifferent: Oh yeah, Christine.
Woman: She throws up her food, though.
Friend, trailing off: Oh yeah, that's right.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: alexis
Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Food | Friends | Health & Hygiene | Overheard in Minneapolis | Women | Posted 2009-12-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not The Lake House Good, But What Is?
15-year-old thug, to thug friends: Hmm... P.S. I Love You. That was actually a pretty good movie.
Promenade de Cathedral
Montreal
Canadia
Overheard by: Reb
Strip Poker Has Sure Changed a Lot Since I Was in College
Girl to friends: I always win, though... and it's pretty easy. I just hit him until he takes it off.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: disturbed onlooker
Categories: Friends | Girls | Overheard in Minneapolis | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Eventually Re-Tell It in the Feature Film What's Glove Got to Do with It?
Girl to female friend: Yes, if I get the job at the CDC I will celebrate your chlamydia as an inspirational story.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Eavesdrop DC | Friends | Girls | Jobs & Careers | STDs | Posted 2009-12-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
B.D. Wong Discusses His Performance on Law & Order: SVU
Student to friend: I was going for Asian and it came out pedophile.
Otago University
New Zealand
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Friends | New Zealand | Race | Sex | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Remember "Sweaty Boobs"?
Friend #1: I just want a Dance Dance Revolution mat that won't skid around on the floor while I dance on it. I am thinking about covering my old one in an unskiddable material.
Friend #2: Well, you could try human skin.
Friend #1: Does it skid?
Friend #2: Only when wet.
Gamestop
Omaha, Nebraska.
Which Has a Built-In Polygraph
Teen, trying to convince friends: He wasn't lying! It was on Facebook!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: the usher
Categories: Friends | Internet | Lies | Overheard in Minneapolis | Teens | Posted 2009-12-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Are You Even Here, Mary Anne?
Teen to friend at urinal: How many people do you think have whacked off into this urinal?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: seriously?
Categories: Friends | Masturbation | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Restroom | Teens | Posted 2009-12-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Beginning to Regret Making Smoke-Signals Our Primary Form Of Communication
Young woman: And if he's still giving you mixed signals, he can just go suck his own dick.
Frustrated friend: That's the point! If he'd give me a clear sign, I'd do it for him!
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
It'll Keep Your Mother-in-Law Amused for Hours
Woman: Well, they tie the sheep up to a stake and use it as bait.
Man: Really?
Woman: Yeah, just tie it on up and you're set...
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Bait for what?
Categories: Advice | Animals | California | Friends | Posted 2009-12-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In the Same Way We Fail to Feel Bad for Cher
Coworker, on animal testing: I just can't feel bad for lab rats, cause they're man-made.
Friend: Seriously, dude.
Winter Park, Florida
Overheard by: Cassie
...As the Terms Of the Game Go for the Black Guys Require.
Girl to friend, heading to bar: I'm going straight for the black guys!
Toronto
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: StellaEllaOla
Categories: Canadia | Friends | Girls | Race | Relationships | Posted 2009-12-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You've Never Been Forced to Go to Bible Camp, You Can't Judge.
Woman to friend: And her therapist is saying she doesn't need any more therapy sessions. I mean, she was cutting herself at camp a only month ago!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: not appropriate in the hardware store
Categories: Friends | Mental illnesses | Overheard in Minneapolis | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Alternate Ending to Stand by Me
Guy on bicycle: Hey guys, what should we do when we get home?
Bike friend #1: Hmm... I don't know.
Bike friend #2: Let's masturbate!
Guy on bicycle: Yeah!
University of California
Santa Barbara, California
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Friends | Guys | Masturbation | Questions | Posted 2009-12-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dream Big, Kids.
Girl: I want a squirrel.
Friend: I want a cheeseburger.
UT
Austin, Texas
...That's an Erection, Joey.
Teenage boy to friend: Oh, damn, my skin's turning purple again!
Friend: Your skin's turning purple again?
Teenage boy: Yeah!
Friend: Oh, damn!
Charleston, South Carolina
Categories: Body parts | Friends | Sensory experiences | South Carolina | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Why Do You Think I'm Gay?
Crying girl: I have always wanted to have kids, you know? Now I can't.
Friend: It's really not that bad.
Crying girl: No, the doctor said I can never get pregnant!
Friend: Look at it this way: you can have tons of sex and never have to worry about it. I think it's a pretty sweet deal!
Random guy: I agree with you, sista.
San Francisco, California
Introducing Madame Toussaud's Naughtiest Exhibition Yet
Enthusiastic undergraduate to group of friends: I never knew you could do that with wax!
Oxford
England
Overheard by: Intrigued Grad Student
Moral: Never Ask Someone "Why Are You Walking Like That?"
Girl to friend: It's like karma in the butt, you know?
Friend: (pained expression on face, agreeing)
San Francisco, California
The Day I Met Charlie Sheen
Dude to friends: So he had this towel spread out on the bed, and he popped a cherry in his mouth...
San Luis Obispo, California
That Was the Good News. The Bad News Was, I'd Swallowed It.
Girl to friend: And then, all of a sudden, everything became totally clear. It was like the clouds parted and I just knew. I knew where my purse was.
Columbia, Missouri
When Rappers Teach Geography
Girl to friends: Fuck Europe! I got Tanzania all up on my ass!
Atlanta, Georgia
Or Gave Me Religious Pamphlets. I Forget.
20-something girl: Do you remember that guy last night?
Friend: Oh, him? Yeah, I think he motor-boated me.
Canisius College
Buffalo, New York
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Friends | Girls | New York | Questions | Rack | Sensory experiences | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Hard to Be Fast When You're Really Husky
Chick, seriously: Corn's one of them slow motherfuckers.
Friend, upset: Whores.
Aurora, Colorado
Overheard by: Leevee
Categories: Chicks | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Friends | Insults | Posted 2009-11-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Easier to Write the Paper Than Its Outline
Student, about assignment she's written: It's supposed to be (emphasizes with hands) that, that, then that, then that! But it's all blah blah blah blah! You know?
Friend: Is you introduction all dot, dot, dot at least?
Student: Yeah.
University of South Australia
Adelaide
Australia
Overheard by: fellow stressed out uni student
That's the Last Time I'll Give Her Something for Safekeeping
Bro to friend: Well, that's in your sister's vagina, so I don't know how you feel about that.
High School
Illinois
Overheard by: Chloe
Categories: Family ties | Feelings | Friends | Illinois | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Vagina | Posted 2009-11-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yesterday When I Hugged Her, She Crumbled a Little
Cute guy: Dude, I have to break up with her.
Friend: Yeah, why?
Cute guy: Cause every time I look at her, I think how nice it would be to have a girlfriend who didn't look like she was born in 100,000 BC.
Friend: Woah, that's harsh. But I see what you're saying.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Age and ageing | Friends | Guys | Pennsylvania | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Many People Feel That Way About Courtney Love
40-something female suit to friends: I just wanted to cover her in Lysol!
San Jose, California
Overheard by: Wondering what the rest of the conversation was...
Categories: California | Cleanliness | Friends | Suits | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-11-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Something Grave, Anyway.
Catechism teacher: Where's Eric today?
Eric's friend: Eric's at the hospital with his mom.
Catechism teacher, concerned: Why?
Eric's friend: Cuz she has a tombstone, or something like that.
Rochester Hills, Michigan
Overheard by: Betsy
Why Is That Always Your Question?
College girl: I really want to go as Superman!
Friend: You aren't going to stuff your crotch, are you?
Melbourne University
Australia
Categories: Australia | Colleges & Universities | Friends | Pop culture | Sorority types | Vagina | Wishes | Posted 2009-11-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Let Me Hear the Rest Of That
Jailbait to friends: I just hate being handled, you know?
Giggly friend: Ew!
Jailbait: No, I mean, like... (trails off)
Construction worker, softly, to himself: Oh please, god...
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: do not want
You're So Full Of Shit, Jason
Jock: Our soccer team's like the colon--it's probably there for a reason but no one knows what it is.
Friend: That's the appendix.
Westminster, Maryland
Categories: Body parts | Compare and contrast | Friends | Health & Hygiene | Jocks | Maryland | Stupidity | Posted 2009-11-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She's Worried I'll Don Their Gay Apparel
Teenage scene girl: I'm going to American Apparel to apply for a job.
Friend: Do you think you'll get the job?
Teenage scene girl: Yeah, but I don't think my mom will let me.
Friend: Why?
Teenage scene girl: There are lesbians there.
McDonald's
Manhattan, New York
Categories: Friends | Girls | Jobs & Careers | McDonald's | New York | Parenting | Questions | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2009-10-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Type Of Question That Should Be on the SATs
Teenage boy to school friend: Dude, why would you buy a pocket vagina and not use it?
High School
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Murray
Categories: Connecticut | Friends | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Shopping | Teens | Toys | Vagina | Posted 2009-10-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...How Were Your Midterms?
20-year-old guy to his friend: So then I finally find my laptop in the dumpster, covered in semen, so that's how that went.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Vanessa Duguay
Adam and Eve Were Initially Quite Confused About Sex
Girl to friend: Yes, but he can't pick it off an apple tree that comes out of my vag.
Dorm
Washington, DC
He Just Sings Instead Of Talking
Female student to friend at bus stop: So, he was, like, freakishly quiet, but every now and then he would bust out with something that, you know, we would say, you know, like, (bursts into song) "Do you like waffles? Yeah, I like waffles!" (in normal voice) And, you know, I would be, like, "Woah! He is a real person."
University of Oklahoma
Overheard by: becauseobviouslyallnormalpeoplelikewaffles
The Five-Second Rule Absolutely Applies to Boobs
Girl on birth control: I think my boobs grew!
Friend, grabbing her boob: Really?!
Girl's boyfriend, slapping friend's hand away: Hey, hey, too long!
Jersey City, New Jersey
Terrible Mileage
Guy to friend: Yeah, I don't know what's wrong with it, but my hamster just isn't working right.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Not-at-all 21
Categories: Animals | Friends | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Pennsylvania | Posted 2009-10-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Plus, Mom and Aunt Betty Stopped Speaking
High school girl to friend: And then I... oh, wait... I heard this from from my boyfriend, and I just can't believe it. I can't believe you stopped dating your cousin!
Friend: I know, but it just wasn't working out.
Colton, California
Overheard by: Kip K.E.H.
Categories: California | Family ties | Friends | Relationships | Students | Posted 2009-10-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How the Farmers' Market Got Rated NC-17
Lady to friend: I don't care that it's a squash, it's still inappropriate... legs spread everywhere.
Farmers' Market
Oregon
Overheard by: Shea
Try Reading to Them or Something
Loud girl to friend: Calm your nipples, bitch!
Huntington, New York
Overheard by: Sarah
As the Title Of My Autobiography Clearly States
14-year-old boy to punk friends: Jesus loves me, and I don't give a damn.
Portland, Oregon
Why Pornographic Snowmen Never Work
Woman to friend: Well, yeah, but then it got wet, so it fell off...
Vallejo, California
Overheard by: Jerod T.
Categories: California | Friends | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Where No One Knows My Identity.
Guy to friends: I use condoms in town, but skeet out of town.
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Eve's dropper
Categories: Compare and contrast | Condoms | Friends | Guys | Tennessee | Posted 2009-10-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Has Made Her Extremely Popular
Middle aged woman, casually to friend: And she hasn't worn pants to school since 7th grade.
Woodinville, Washington
Overheard by: The employee washing the window behind them
...I Was Born to Be a Reality-Show Contestant
Skinny girl: My sister is on a diet now, I don't like it. First she's taller than me, but that's okay, I got over it. I just don't want her to be skinnier than me.
Guy friend: You should be happy for her.
Skinny girl: No way! I'm below that.
Vancouver
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Diet & weight | Family ties | Friends | Girls | Guys | Happiness | Skinny people | Stupidity | Posted 2009-10-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Focus, Britney!
Female student: I came home last night and found my roommate sitting on the kitchen floor, crying and holding a bottle of Jägermeister and a recipe for homemade enchiladas.
Dumb friend: I didn't know you made enchiladas with Jägermeister.
University of Colorado, Boulder
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Drinking & drunks | Food | Friends | Idiots | Students | Stupidity | Posted 2009-10-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Get Thee to a Nunnery!
Strange man to lightly-dressed girls sitting on bench: Thank you! Have a good night!
(leaves)
Girl to friend: Oh my god. He licked your hand. Ohmigod! He. Licked. Your. Hand!
Montreal
Quebec
Canadia
Overheard by: And it tasted like humus.
...Under "Skills".
Blonde: I have this theory that babies who were born late are like always late to stuff. And babies who were born early, like premature, are always early.
Friend: Really?
Blonde: Yeah, it's like, on my resume.
Brisbane
Australia
Categories: Australia | Compare and contrast | Friends | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Pregnancy | Science | Posted 2009-10-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And the Passengers Know a Lot More About Star Trek
Friend #1: He actually has had sex before.
Friend #2: What! I thought he was on the V-boat with me!
Friend #1: The V-boat?
Friend #2: It's like a U-boat, but sadder.
Montreal
Canadia
Overheard by: Not on the boat
Are You...Part Cat?
Teenage girl to friend: I feel like if you eat my hair, we'll be more connected.
Fair Haven, New Jersey
Categories: Feelings | Friends | Hair | New Jersey | Relationships | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Do You Go to Church?
Girl to friend: It's like someone touches your cunt and you get all happy.
Easton, Maryland
I Promised My Mom
Girl with friends walking by my door: No, no... sixteen! Sixteen is the age to get pregnant.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Did I miss something?
Categories: Advice | Age and ageing | Friends | Girls | Overheard in Minneapolis | Pregnancy | Stupidity | Posted 2009-10-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Adam Sandler's Comedy Hasn't Evolved Much
Lady talking to friend: My little boy just loves balls. All I hear is balls,balls, balls...
Wal-Mart
Anniston, Alabama
Overheard by: Tyler
Alice Passed; Her Liver Failed
Girl, walking across campus with friends: I think two beers and a shot is the perfect amount for that class!
University of Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Education | Friends | Girls | Sorority types | Posted 2009-10-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sometimes They Play Backup with Paperclip Castanets
Clarinet girl: I have, like, this fetish with office supplies, especially the electric stapler.
Friend: Oh my god! What?
Clarinet girl: Yeah, sometimes my roommate and I dance with it. And the boys above us creep at our window.
Friend: Oh... interesting.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Glad I don't live near them... And glad I wasn't stuck with either of them as a roommate.
At Least He Only Wanted My Clothes.
Teen to friends: Yeah, as if getting mugged isn't bad enough, it's even worse when the dude is naked.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: jfa.
Categories: Compare and contrast | Friends | Overheard in Minneapolis | Teens | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Too Late.
Man to friends: I think I'm finally gonna quit my job and write the sitcom I've always wanted to, about the sassy robot.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Eavesdrop DC | Friends | Jobs & Careers | TV shows | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-09-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Genies Are Wasted on Blondes
Red-headed friend to blonde friend: If I had a special power it would be to fly!
Blonde friend, seriously: If I had a special power I would have a microwave in my mouth so that I could cook anything I wanted, whenever I wanted.
Red-headed friend: You could never get salmonella again!
Blonde friend: I know, right? It's my best idea yet!
Canada's Wonderland
Toronto
Canadia
Evidence That Sex and the City Would've Been a *Lot* More Interesting If It Had Involved Plus-Sized Sistahs
Plus-size sistah: And that damn condom came off!
Friend: Oh, shit, girl! What happened?
Plus-size sistah: I dunno. It's still up in there.
Friend: What? How long?
Plus-size sistah: It's been three days. I can't reach that bitch!
Friend: Girl! That's nasty! And if you askin' what I think you askin', you can forget it!
Restaurant, Chinatown
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Joe
Categories: Biotechs | Condoms | Fat people | Friends | Questions | Restaurants | Vagina | Washington, DC | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Best. Peer Advisor. Ever.
Curious friend: Doesn't your mouth get tired?
Small Asian girl: That's what my hands are for!
Curious friend: Don't your arms get tired?!
Small Asian girl: That's what my mouth is for!
Curious friend: What do you do when both get tired?
Small Asian girl: Oh, that's when he puts it in my butt.
Hoboken, New Jersey
An Inflatable Friend
Old guy to friend: He got a new girl who works in the sex industry... and you know his fantasy has always been two women. I told him it'd never happen, but apparently it did. His girl has a friend who was willing to play along...
Holland, Michigan
Categories: Friends | Jobs & Careers | Kink | Michigan | Old folks | Relationships | Posted 2009-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Brad's Mistake Was Majoring in Women's Studies
Guy to friend: Why do I have such a small dick?
SUNY Binghamton
New York
Social Norms Are Different in the People's Republic
10-year-old boy to friend, about Austin Powers: Your mom let you watch that movie? She doesn't even let you have sugar!
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Kaitlen
And a Fun and Flirty One
Girl, returning from holidays in America: So yeah, I got put in actual jail.
Friend: For drinking on the beach?
Girl: Yup, got the orange jumpsuit and all.
Friend: Did you get to keep it?
Girl: I didn't like to ask, to be honest. Would've been a savage souvenir, though.
UCC Campus
Ireland
Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Colleges & Universities | Crimes | Drinking & drunks | Friends | Girls | Holidays | Ireland | Questions | Posted 2009-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Ben and Jerry Are Such Studs
Girl to friend: And he tried to order frozen yogurt, so I didn't sleep with him. If you want to bang me, you have to eat full-fat ice cream!
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Categories: Diet & weight | Food | Friends | Girls | Pennsylvania | Sex | Wishes | Posted 2009-09-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Any Questions?
Woman, showing friend around: And this skyline is where I had my first pregnancy test. It was negative.
Ludlow
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Alison
Categories: Friends | Memory lane | Ohio | Pregnancy | Women | Posted 2009-09-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ladies, Please Watch Your Actions.
Female track jock, to friend: So I had this fucking hair up my fucking ass.
Private school football coach, overhearing: Ladies, please watch you language.
Female track jock: I had a hair up my butt.
El Paso, Texas
If You Like Mental Calisthenics, You'll Love This Quote!
17-year-old mom: And she thought that you were my mom!
18-year-old friend, gesturing to baby: Wait... so is this your sister or my grandchild?
Northampton, Massachusetts
Categories: Family ties | Friends | Kids | Massachusetts | Moms | Parenting | Questions | Posted 2009-09-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Global Theologicalear Destruction
Friend to another: Then he dropped the f-bomb of god!
Cleveland, Ohio
Oh, Now You're a Doctor?
Freshman boy: I think I have gingivitis.
Friend: You can't get gingivitis on your hand!
High School
Amherst, Massachusetts
Overheard by: shiny
Categories: Friends | Hands | Maladies | Massachusetts | Students | Posted 2009-09-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All He Knows Is "The Girl with the Binoculars"
Eleven-year-old girl to friends: I know him but he doesn't know me.
The Drive
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Fred
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Friends | Kids | Relationships | Posted 2009-09-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Told You Not to Pet the Rabbits, Lenny.
Girl: Oh... Unh... Yeah, that's the spot.
Friend: Doesn't it hurt when you rub it so hard like that?
Girl: No, it... oh, that's blood. That's probably not good.
Clark Hall Women's Room
University of Virginia
Overheard by: girl in the stall
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Friends | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Virginia | Posted 2009-09-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Plus I Took a Cab
Skinny chick with cigarette on bike to friend she just met up with: Hey! Guess how I got here so fast?
Friend: How?
Skinny chick, enthusiastically: I drink a tonic of strychnine and brandy! Every day!
Mt. Pleasant
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Lance Wriststrong
Categories: Canadia | Chicks | Drinking & drunks | Friends | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Skinny people | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Says the Girl Who Was Caught Humping a Rhino?
Girl to two bald eagles: I will mate with you and you will like it. We will have hot eagahuman babies and you will like it!
Friend: Sarah, sometimes I swear you should have stayed in special ed longer.
Woodland Park Zoo
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: xhollisterluv1045
As Seen in Good Wool Humping
Irish girl, after sheep show: Well, that wasn't much, was it?
Irish friend: Yeah, just a lot of focking sheep shit.
South Island
New Zealand
Overheard by: fellow tour member who agrees
Categories: Animals | Foreigners | Friends | Girls | Gripes | New Zealand | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Don't Think Becoming a Baller Is a Reasonable Goal, Peewee.
Thug to friend: I ain't no dream killer!
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Friends | Murder | Thugs | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Another Casualty Of the "Math Is Hard" Barbie
Girl to friend: I was like "whatever, bitch! You're not even a real registered nurse. Like you'll be working full time in a doctor's office making $20 an hour, and I'll be a real nurse making $20,000 a year."
Texas State University
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Friends | Girls | Jobs & Careers | Money | Science | Texas | Posted 2009-09-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Editors' Verdict: Shower Yes, Loofah No
20-something chick on cell: Hello? Seriously? It smelled like your balls last time you used it! (pause) Okay, I guess, make sure you rinse out that motherfucker! You too, bye.
Friend: What was that about?
20-something chick: My boyfriend wants to use my shower, and my loofah.
Friend: Oh.
San Antonio, Texas
Categories: Balls | Bathing | Chicks | Cleanliness | Compare and contrast | Friends | Insults | On the phone | Questions | Sensory experiences | Texas | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-09-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Was More Of an Excuse for Two Guys to Have Sex
Girl to friend: Your first time was a three-way?
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Categories: Friends | Girls | Massachusetts | Questions | Sex | Posted 2009-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Best Boss I've Ever Had!
Girl: So Jack sucked my thumb today.
Friends: Really?
Girl: Yeah, he sucked my thumb, then wiped his snot on my arm, licked my leg, and told me he wanted to go to the office.
Simsbury, Connecticut
Overheard by: rehreh88
Categories: Body parts | Connecticut | Friends | Girls | Hands | Health & Hygiene | Licking | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Miss America Pageant Regretting Bringing on Marilyn Manson As a Judge
Girl to friend: When I think beautiful, I think green hair.
Burbank, California
Overheard by: Amused shopper
Categories: Beauty | California | Friends | Girls | Hair | Posted 2009-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The "Physics Fiesta" Failed to Draw the Crowds They'd Anticipated
Alpha nerd to friends: We should kidnap more people for parties.
Ottawa
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Friends | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ten Bucks Says They're American
Teenage tourist girl to friend: Wanna play connect the dots with my track marks?
Friend: (laughs nervously)
Teenage tourist girl: Also, if you do that stupid thing with your water glass again, I'm gonna strangle you, and throw you in a pit and put a dead dog on top of your grave. Pass me that cheese?
Pizzeria
Rome
Italy
Categories: Animals | Death & dying | Food | Friends | Italy | Offers and requests | Restaurants | Teens | Threats | Tourists | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Can Think Of Better.
Girl #1 to friends: Anybody can be a cell phone.
Girl #2: That's a good t-shirt.
Hampton, Virginia
Overheard by: S. H.
File These Documents? Really?
Girl to friend: Well, I guess I could, but my titties would hurt.
Theater Rehearsal
Bradenton, Florida
Overheard by: Hollie Corbitt
Categories: Florida | Friends | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Rack | Posted 2009-08-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then There Are the Things I Pretend to Forget
Older lady to friend over lunch: When I remember things, I remember them. But when I forget them, I forget them.
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Having breakfast nearby
Categories: Age and ageing | Canadia | Friends | Memory lane | Old folks | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2009-08-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Homer Simpson: Mmm, Sacrelicious...
Teen girl to friend: You know what I wanna do? Smoke a joint rolled in a page from the bible.
McDonald's
Ohio
Overheard by: Dylan
Categories: Christianity | Drugs | Friends | Girls | McDonald's | Ohio | Questions | Teens | Wishes | Posted 2009-08-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...I Mean, That Would've Been My Default Assumption...
Woman: I felt so bad. I was like, "it's okay, you can leave your pool cue there, come dance with me."
Friend: And then you left him in the middle of the dance floor.
Woman: I didn't know he was blind!
Friend: So you blew him?
Woman: Did I?
Hot Springs, Idaho
I Thought the Baby Was Just a Really Small Twink
Guy: Are they gay?
Friend: Yes, they're holding hands and wearing the same clothing.
(15 seconds later)
Guy: Are they gay?
Girl: That's a family.
Hillcrest, California
Categories: California | Clothes | Clothing | Family ties | Friends | Girls | Guys | Questions | Sexuality | Stupidity | Posted 2009-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Website?
Girl pointing at caterpillar on floor: Oh my god! What is that?
Friend: Ew, it's a caterpillar!
Girl: It just crawled out of me!
Friend: What?
Girl: Well she was just telling me that there are fish that crawl up your va-j-j if you pee in the lake!
Friend: That's only for guys. And in the Amazon!
Redding, California
Categories: Animals | California | Fears | Friends | Girls | Insects | Pee | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Except No One's Posing As Gay
Woman, waiting for Two Gentlemen of Verona to begin: This is one of Shakespeare's comedies, right?
Friend: Yes.
Woman: Someone will cross-dress, there will be mistaken identity, and love triangles, and everything will turn out well. All Shakespeare comedies have the same plot.
Friend: Yeah, pretty much.
Woman: They're all just episodes of Three's Company.
Boulder, Colorado
Categories: Books | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Feelings | Friends | Questions | Relationships | TV shows | Women | Posted 2009-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Kinds Of Questions Gay People Get Asked in the Midwest
Man to friend, very seriously: Now, when you shower, do you stand up?
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: I prefer the fetal position
Categories: Douching | Friends | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Stupidity | Posted 2009-08-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Require a Cute, Brightly-Colored Ark.
Little old lady, yelling to friend across the store: The world is flooded with Beanie Babies!
Wauwatosa, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Embarassed at how loud my friend laughed before walking away
Some Children Don't Blend Well
Little girl to friend: You little... Butter, I'm going to whip you up until you smell like rotten juice!
Park Playground
Tacoma, Washington
Categories: Compare and contrast | Food | Friends | Kids | Sensory experiences | Should have used a condom | Threats | Violence | Washington | Posted 2009-08-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Slope Made Slippery by Extra Butter
20-something chick, gravely: I'm having severe intrusive thoughts about buying a medium popcorn.
Friend: So go buy a popcorn.
20-something chick, gravely: No, you don't get it. I'm serious.
Vancouver
Canadia
...That Woman Is Fi Fie Foe Fine!
Crew member to friends: Oh, the gay cooks are nothing. I mean, yeah, they can have their feminine touches, but if you want real weird, you need Angela.
Friend: Angela? She sounds nice!
Crew member: She's head of security. She's two meters tall, and you need to take a step back before you can identify her as a woman.
Friend: Surely she's not that ugly?
Crew member: Oh look, there she is.
Friend: Oh my god!
Gent Jazz festival
Belgium
While Jabbering Breathless Nonsense Into My Bluetooth Headset
Young woman with cute hair to friends: I like to run through the field and play with my hair!
Lakeside Park
Chicago, Illinois
No Wonder Texans Think There's No Energy Crisis
Sweaty girl to friend, watching elliptical machine read 75 rpm: So does this mean I'm going 75 miles per hour?
Gym
Dallas, Texas
And I Already Squeal Like a Girl, So...
Band geek, eating lunch, to friends: I've come to the realization that if I were a woman, I'd have amazing breasts.
Rutgers University
Camden, New Jersey
Overheard by: One time at band camp...
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Friends | Idiots | New Jersey | Rack | Sexuality | Stupidity | Posted 2009-08-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Though This Is More Like a Guatemalan Mother Of Four
Girl, as friend shows apparently horrible picture of new driver's license: Oh, honey, it's okay! As my sister always says, everyone has their Puerto Rican orphan moment, one time or another...
Arabian Restaurant
São Paulo
Brazil
Overheard by: henrietta
Categories: Beauty | Brazil | Family ties | Friends | Girls | Restaurants | Posted 2009-08-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Piano: "I Had Poison Ivy!"
Girl, bitching to friend: She was scratching my piano! I wanted to throw her down the stairs!
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Soko
One Of These Days I'm Gonna Explode
Girl to friend: I ooze talent, like a pimple oozes pus.
Corvallis, Oregon
Categories: Compare and contrast | Friends | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Maladies | Oregon | Posted 2009-08-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Wish I Was a Dog So I Could Pick the Butts Of Others
Woman to group of friends: I wish I was a little kid, so I could pick my butt whenever I wanted.
Disneyland
Anaheim, California
That's Why Raccoons Wash Their Food First
Guy: When I went down on him, I realized he didn't shower.
Friend: Gross.
Guy: Yeah, I wasn't even gagging because of his dick, but because of his foul stench.
UC
Berkeley, California
Categories: California | Cleanliness | Colleges & Universities | Friends | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Penis | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-08-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Have No Idea What's Going on
Economics graduate to friend, looking around sadly at subdued crowd: We should go to the poli sci graduation later. I heard it's riotous.
UCLA
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Another Economics Graduate
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Education | Friends | Offers and requests | Science | Students | Words | Posted 2009-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What's More Fun Than Tormenting Vegans?
20-something girl to friend: You should totally eat some meat. Maybe you'll get the meat sweats.
Wedding
Redlands, California
Overheard by: Ruben
Categories: Advice | California | Food | Friends | Girls | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-07-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What I Got You Last Year
Drunk male friend: What do you want for your birthday, baby? I can make it happen, just tell me what you want!
Really, really drunk birthday girl, pointing at someone else: I want in that guy's pants!
Norfolk, Virginia
That's Your Shadow, Britney.
Translucently pale white girl staring at cop car, to equally pale friend: My god, we've turned into black people!
Aurora, Colorado
Overheard by: Lee
Australian Baseball Is a Bit Different from Ours
Teen boy to group of friends: So okay, all we need to take with us is some glue, feathers, some petrol, and a lighter.
Friend: Cool.
Sydney
Australia
I Probably Need to Get Out Of Culinary Arts
College girl in workout gear: No, I don't really like to eat. I mean, I don't really like food. I just have to eat it, you know?
College friend: Yeah, I know what you mean. Sometimes I think, you know I could just live off of Gatorade or orange juice or something. You get the same nutrients and stuff from that anyway.
College girl in workout gear: Yeeeeah. Exactly.
Bus
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Anorexics | Bus | Diet & weight | Food | Friends | Students | Stupidity | Washington | Posted 2009-07-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Meeting Kevin Sorbo Is Always an Experience
Guy to friend: So he asked "How's the leather work going?" So we went out and got some skins and string and made some loincloths.
Pierce County Annex
Tacoma, Washington
When Aesop Tried Peyote
Dude: You fail to see that the rhinoceros is not pleased that you've clogged the bathtub drain with jam and celery. She's quite angry with you. I mean, if you just shit out a canary, it's not going to want to play tonsil hockey.
Friend: How hard would it be to get you involuntarily committed to a mental institution?
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Russ
Categories: Animals | Bathing | Birds | Colleges & Universities | Food | Friends | Guys | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Mental illnesses | New York | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Add Some Lower-Back Tattoos and She's Hot
Teenage boy, to group of friends: You take an ugly chick, stick her on a bike, and she's okay! (friends nod)
Old Town
Pasadena, California
Overheard by: The Girl, Kat
Categories: Beauty | California | Friends | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...After Thinking About the Poor Children in the World Who Aren't Even Allowed to Poop
Girl to friend eating yogurt: You know, yogurt makes you shit.
Friend, frightened: Does it, really?
Girl: I dare you to take the Activia challenge.
Friend: Nah! I'm not in the mood to poop today.
Fire Island, New York
Overheard by: i laughed at this
It Was Softball League-- We'd Both Been Drinking
Supportive male friend: It's okay! Just remember, you fucked her sister with a baseball bat.
Cute girl: I know, I know...
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Hard to Believe, with All the Japanese Tourists.
Teen at Disneyland, loudly to a group of family and friends: Everyone's butt is obvious!
Disneyland
Anaheim, California
Categories: Ass | California | Compare and contrast | Family | Friends | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let's Ask the Jews to Be on Our Side, Though
Teen girl to friend: We could be like the next Hitler, but cooler!
Friend: Oooh, awesome!
Toronto
Canadia
Mostly Just Between the Sheets.
Girl: So we decided to be friends.
Friend: Wait, in real life or on Facebook?
Brown University
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: krr
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Friends | Girls | Internet | Questions | Relationships | Rhode Island | Posted 2009-07-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Welcome to San Francisco
Dude to friend: And then I look over, and there's this giant white cock! (holds hands two feet apart)
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Missed the good part
Categories: Friends | Penis | Race | San Francisco | Posted 2009-07-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For Example, They Blush When You Cook 'em
Sweaty guy: Lobsters are self-aware, man.
(friend #1 and friend #2 nod in agreement)
Sweaty guy: Yeah, I used to work in this restaurant, and we'd make this lobster soup every day. I'd put one lobster on the counter and one in the boiling water. Dude, as soon as the first lobster hit the water, his buddy would start freaking out. He would put his claws up, like he was pleading for his life.
Friend #1: Yeah, they're smart. My friend's family had a pet lobster. He'd eat with them and everything.
Friend #2: Like on The Simpsons!
Sweaty guy, to himself: Lobsters are self-aware. Crabs, they don't give a shit, but lobsters? They're self-aware.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Karl
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Food | Friends | Guys | Oregon | Stupidity | TV shows | Posted 2009-07-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight's Movie: How I Got Into Community College
Girl, exiting SAT test: So how'd it go?
Friend, excitedly: I drew a bunny!
SAT Testing Center
Eugene, Oregon
I Just Hate Arguments, Though
American man: Fish is good in salad.
Australian man: Fish is great in salad!
American man: Do you even like fish?
Australian man: No.
Harvard Square
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Compare and contrast | Food | Foreigners | Friends | Massachusetts | Questions | Posted 2009-07-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But She's Saving Her Belching for Marriage
Redneck woman: He said that he could tell she really dug him because she farted in front of him.
Friend: Oh, she'll fart in front of anybody!
Square Mall
Hammond, Louisiana
Overheard by: pull my finger
Categories: Etiquette | Friends | Health & Hygiene | Louisiana | Malls | Rednecks | Relationships | Posted 2009-07-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Stuck on Your Penis.
Young man to friends: So apparently people get all offended if you walk into the farmers market with a bottle of KY jelly.
Iowa City, Iowa
Further Evidence That Missouri Loves Company
Middle aged man power-walking with friend in the park: I wake up, I drink, and I smoke. Then, I go to work, come home, and drink and then smoke. You wanna know why I do this?
Friend: Why?
Middle aged man: I'm fucking depressed, that's why. So I wake up and do it all over again the next day.
Forest Park
St. Louis, Missouri
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Friends | Jobs & Careers | Maladies | Missouri | Questions | Smoking | Posted 2009-07-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let Him Wonderbra for a While
Teenage girl to friend: Ugh! Eric gets mad at me when I tell people things, you get mad when I don't tell you things...just tell him to fuck off and leave my boobs out of it!
Rumson, New Jersey
Categories: Friends | Insults | New Jersey | Rack | Teens | Posted 2009-07-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Knew We'd Stumbled Into a European Sex Fantasy
Girl to friend: And then he said "do you like diapers with your bangers and mash?"
After Trax
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: I know you're watching