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...In the Soft Porn Industry

Pretty hipster to hipster friend with iPhone: Danny! Stop taking pictures of random girls!
Hipster friend with iPhone: I can't help it, I need them for my work...

Elkhart, Indiana


Categories: Cell phones | Friends | Hipsters | Indiana | Jobs & Careers | Posted 2010-06-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

No More Babysitting for You, Suzanne.

Nerdy girl to Asian friend: I mean, it was pathetic. I could've had my top off and had a sign around my neck that said "free blowjobs" and they wouldn't have noticed. They were all crowded around Mike watching him play Pokemon.

Chicago, Illinois


Categories: Asians | BJs | Body parts | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Friends | Games | Illinois | Posted 2010-06-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And Perhaps Buy a Special Bra.

Girl to friends: Mine is, like, nubby!
Friend: You should probably get that checked out...

Culver, Indiana


Categories: Advice | Friends | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Indiana | Posted 2010-06-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

When Culinary Students Have Orgies

Tiny college girl waiting in line: The cookies are soooooo good!
Tall male friend, confused: The ice cream?
Tiny college girl: The penises!
Tall male friend: Oh!
Tiny college girl: We just didn't let them cool!

Stop & Shop
Manhattan, New York


Categories: Food | Friends | New York | Penis | Sorority types | Stores | Posted 2010-06-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

It's More About the Attitude Than the Plumbing

Gay guy to female friend: Just because I have testicles doesn't mean I'm any less of a woman.

Saskatchewan
Canadia


Categories: Balls | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Friends | Gender issues | Queers | Posted 2010-06-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Divine Intervention?

20-something girl to friend: Why are there needles in my bible?

Orlando, Florida


Categories: Christianity | Florida | Friends | Girls | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2010-05-31 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

We Blame Sex & the City for This Conversation

Fun date #1: I hate it when guys want to cum on your face every time.
Fun date #2: Yeah, it gets in your eyes.
Fun date #1: And in your hair.
Fun date #3: Once in a while is okay, but not every time.

Outside Coffee Shop
Harrisonburg, Virginia


Overheard by: browny


Categories: Bars & Clubs | Body parts | Cum | Friends | Gripes | Time Management | Virginia | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2010-05-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

We're Going to Congress!

Student to friend: Just put the rape stick in the alcohol bag.

American University
Washington, DC

She's All, "This Party Smells Like Salami"

Party goer #1: That girl is wasted.
Party goer #2: Which one?
Party goer #1: The one with the blue shirt and lip ring.
Party goer #2: That's not a lip ring, she's got a piece of meat stuck to her face.

Burlington, Vermont

Overheard by: Tim


Categories: Clothing | Food | Friends | Vermont | Weirdness | Posted 2010-05-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Yet You Won't Swallow Your Husband's Semen?

Middle-aged woman with dog: Oh, she peed on my foot. That's your pee. That's your love juice. Did you put your love juice on me? You gave me your love juice.
Woman's friend: It's on your shirt now.
Middle-aged woman: Oh, she pissed on my shirt? It's okay, it's just love juice. Come here, stinks. Come here, stinky. It's just pee. Come, gimme kisses, stink-stink.
Woman's friend: Here, maybe you should let me hold her.
Middle-aged woman, hissing: Get away from my stinky! She gave me her love juice, not you.

Starbucks
San Diego, California


Overheard by: Pips


Categories: Animals | Body parts | California | Feelings | Friends | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Pee | Questions | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2010-05-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

With Each Revelation, the Female Mystery Only Deepens

Blind old lady to old lady friend: Oh my, you started peeing so fast.
Old lady friend: Yes, it's because I stand up.
Blind old lady: Ohhhh...
Old lady friend: Yes, not a lot of women know how to stand up, you know.
Blind old lady: Yes, that's true. My mother used to stand.

CSULA Women's Bathroom
California


Overheard by: itshahaholly


Categories: California | Disabled | Friends | Gender issues | Old folks | Parenting | Pee | Restroom | Posted 2010-05-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Or Use Birth Control

Woman to friend: So I killed three of them already. I guess that means I should lose some weight.

Kansas City, Missouri

Overheard by: corey


Categories: Diet & weight | Friends | Missouri | Murder | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2010-05-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Now If Only I Could Marry Louis Vuitton

Really skinny sorority girl: I paid my rent and then I spent the rest, $700, on this new Louis Vuitton (squeals and hugs the purse). But now I have 30 bucks to last a whole month. Looks like I'll be dating for dinner or eating crackers.
Sorority friend: You spent twice as much on your bag as you did your rent! At least you paid your rent on time! Don't worry, you'll find dates. That purse is totally worth it!
Really skinny sorority girl: I know, right, I should just live in my purse. I think that is why married women get fat: they can finally afford to eat. You know my ass is getting fat when I get married.

IHOP
Dallas, Texas


Categories: Ass | Diet & weight | Fashion | Food | Friends | Money | Relationships | Shopping | Skinny people | Sorority types | Texas | Posted 2010-05-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Never Drink With Master Debaters, Dear Reader

Guy among friends: This conversation is too logical for me.

Bar
Norway


Categories: Bars & Clubs | Europe | Friends | Guys | Science | Stupidity | Posted 2010-05-19 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And When Did "Baby Got Back" Become a Wedding Song?

Black 20-something guy to friend: Sir Mix-a-Lot killed more black people in the 90s than heart disease and Aids combined.

Phoenix, Arizona

Overheard by: I know his pain


Categories: Arizona | Black people | Compare and contrast | Friends | Maladies | Murder | Race | Posted 2010-05-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...of Death!

20-something girl looking at picture: Isn't he so hot with his nunchucks?"
20-something guy friend: Those are called "muttonchops."

Bar
Connecticut


Categories: Bars & Clubs | Beauty | Connecticut | Friends | Girls | Guys | Hair | Words | Posted 2010-05-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Always Thought a Zeppoli Was That Big Machine on Ice Rinks

Guy: Yeah, this woman over at the Sun-Times building used to make this focaccia bread for us, it was great. But she was Italian-American though, she didn't know, she didn't even know what a cannoli was!
Friend: What!?
Guy: Yeah! And, like, zeppoli, she didn't know what a zeppoli was either! And those are like the two big things, y'know?
Friend: Oh, man!
Guy: That's what happens! That's what happens when you mix up the blood!

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: SOB: Stale Off the Boat


Categories: Food | Friends | Guys | Illinois | Language barrier | Race | Posted 2010-01-21 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Cat Owners Totally Sympathize

Yoga instructor to friend: I've always wanted to throw up on a cat.

Berkeley, California

I'm Saving Those for the Yearbook

Ambiguous boy, yelling to friend across hall: And no pictures of me without pants!

High School
Nashville, Tennessee


Categories: Clothes | Friends | Queers | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Tennessee | Undies | Posted 2010-01-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The "Hugs, Not Drugs" Campaign Has Had Mixed Results

Huge gangsta boy: Maaaan, gimme a hug!
Preppy white friend: What?! No!
Huge gansta boy: What the fuck, man, just gimme a goddam hug!

High School
Nashville, Tennessee

So You're Not Really an Elderly Asian Man?

Girl to friend: Sometimes I lie. (pause) Usually... I'm lying.

Novi, Michigan


Categories: Friends | Girls | Liars | Lies | Michigan | Stupidity | Posted 2010-01-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Being the Midwest Corn Princess Is Not Without Its Benefits

Hot brunette to guy friend: I just really want to get it, you know, so I can fuck it in its ear.
Guy: Ugh, me too!

Liberty State Park, New Jersey

Overheard by: Julia


Categories: Bimbettes | Body parts | Friends | Guys | Kink | New Jersey | Wishes | Posted 2010-01-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The New Party Game That's Sweeping Pennsylvania!

Girl to friend: Which would you rather die first, the dog or your dad?

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Elizabeth Bennet on Her Honeymoon

20-something woman to friend: So, that was how my morning started: waking up with a man I am not overly fond of.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: my morning started a little better


Categories: Feelings | Friends | Overheard in Minneapolis | Relationships | Women | Posted 2010-01-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

These New Refrigeration Bras Are Fabulous

Middle-age woman to friend: We're smuggling beer! We're smuggling beer!

Fisherman's Wharf
San Francisco, California


Categories: Crimes | Drinking & drunks | Friends | San Francisco | Women | Posted 2010-01-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Just Until Dinner, Though.

Wannabe hipster girl: I'm anorexic!
Wannabe hipster friend: No way!
Wannabe hipster girl: No, seriously! I'm anorexic since lunch.
Wannabe hipster friend: Okay.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: the actual hipsters were way more polite


Categories: Food | Friends | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Hipsters | Overheard in Minneapolis | Stupidity | Posted 2010-01-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Geeks and Sexual Experimentation Are Often a Perilous Combo

Student to friend: Could you imagine having a test tube shatter while it is up your ass, or worse? I know a girl that it happened to!

Cabra Dominican College
Australia

My Childhood Dream Is Finally Coming True!

Girl to friend: Like, oh my god! I just got mistaken for a sales clerk at freakin' Levi's!

Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: seastardodell


Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Friends | Girls | Jobs & Careers | Washington | Posted 2010-01-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

At the Time, I Considered a March on Washington.

Girl to friend: The Oscars don't really mean shit. I mean, personally, I feel it was a crime when they overlooked Eddie Vedder for best supporting actor in singles.

Atlanta, Georgia


Categories: Crimes | Friends | Georgia | Girls | Gripes | Movies | Music | Posted 2010-01-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Do I Know You?

Guy on crowded bus to friend: My undies are going to smell like Mexican food for a day and a half.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: I don't want to know

Then He Was Like, "This Is a Job Interview, Tanya."

Black teen girl to friend: He was like "you're so high you don't even know what to do!" and I was like "nigga, this ain't the first time I smoked!"

Columbus, Ohio

Overheard by: Hancock


Categories: Black people | Comebacks | Drugs | Friends | Girls | Ohio | Teens | Posted 2010-01-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Best. Quote Location. Ever.

Male roommate to another: Don't jump on me. I have a boner.

Saint Peter's College
New Jersey


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Erections | Friends | New Jersey | Sex | Posted 2010-01-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...Tha'ts My New Profile Photo!

Girl to friend: Stop! Theirs a picture of his finger in my vagina.

Uninc Loudoun County, Virginia


Categories: Friends | Girls | Hands | Sex | Vagina | Virginia | Posted 2010-01-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

That Still Doesn't Explain Yao Ming

Guy to friend: If one person is about 1.5 meters tall, two people would be three hundred meters.

Shout-out: talovich.blogspot.com

Overheard by: Yugan Dali


Categories: Friends | Guys | Other sites | Science | Stupidity | Posted 2010-01-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And You Thought SpongeBob Was Gay

Teenage girl to friend: Anyway, I think he likes me... He gave me a sponge bath last night.

Victoria
Australia


Overheard by: Ineke


Categories: Australia | Bathing | Feelings | Friends | Girls | Teens | Posted 2009-12-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Doughnuts, at Least, Are Cheaper by the Dozen

Mother to daughter: And soon you'll be having babies...
Daughter's friend: I want a baby.
Daughter: What?!
Friend: Actually I want a doughnut, but no one was listening to me.

Toronto
Canadia


Overheard by: and i want a pony


Categories: Canadia | Family | Food | Friends | Moms | Parenting | Pregnancy | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Ooh, and Some Scrambled Eggs!

Girl to friend: I'm going to order a pint. Or do we just want to split a pitcher?
Friend: I'm pregnant, remember?
Girl: Oh, yeah. But I thought you were planning to abort it?
Friend: I am. (sighs) Okay, let's get a pitcher.

Bar
Zwankendamme
Belgium


Categories: Abortion | Bars & Clubs | Belgium | Drinking & drunks | Friends | Girls | Pregnancy | Questions | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

If You Say "Trouser," This Conversation Is Over.

Girl: I was thrown up on by a snake yesterday.
Friend: What kind of snake?

Subway
Boston, Massachusetts


Overheard by: Robbo


Categories: Animals | Friends | Girls | Massachusetts | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Many Start; Few Are Able to Finish

Guy to group of friends: I don't think I could ever do anything like that.
Girl: Oh, is this about the circle jerk?

Los Angeles, California


Categories: California | Friends | Guys | Kink | Masturbation | Questions | Posted 2009-12-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Ever Dated Anyone from Seattle?

Trendy Asian on crowded platform: It smells like hot ass in here.
Trendy Asian friend: How would you know what hot ass smells like?

Vancouver
Canadia


Overheard by: TrainRider


Categories: Asians | Ass | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Friends | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-12-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

It Wasn't Until Cambodia That Josh Fell Silent

20-something Jewish guy, breaking silence: It ain't easy growing up Jewish in New York City.
20-something friend: Will you stop going on about that to every person we meet?

Boat Tour
Central Vietnam


Overheard by: its not easy growing up


Categories: Asia | Boat/Ferry | Friends | Jews | Questions | Religion | Posted 2009-12-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Is It Too Late for a Teachable Moment?

Manly guy to male friend carrying fake baby for parenting class: So, did Beth* get her period yet?

Wichita, Kansas


Categories: Education | Friends | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Kansas | Parenting | Pregnancy | Questions | Posted 2009-12-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And by "Celebrating Mass" I Mean Exactly What You Think I Mean

18-year-old guy to friend: If I liked kids, I would be celebrating mass at a Catholic church.

Mexico City
Mexico


Overheard by: Kafnut


Categories: Central America | Christianity | Friends | Kids | Teens | Posted 2009-12-19 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And Hides It under All the Ruffles

Woman, pointing to dress: That's nice and flowy. Not for me, but totally something Christine would wear.
Friend, indifferent: Oh yeah, Christine.
Woman: She throws up her food, though.
Friend, trailing off: Oh yeah, that's right.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: alexis


Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Food | Friends | Health & Hygiene | Overheard in Minneapolis | Women | Posted 2009-12-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Not The Lake House Good, But What Is?

15-year-old thug, to thug friends: Hmm... P.S. I Love You. That was actually a pretty good movie.

Promenade de Cathedral
Montreal
Canadia


Overheard by: Reb


Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Feelings | Friends | Movies | Thugs | Posted 2009-12-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Strip Poker Has Sure Changed a Lot Since I Was in College

Girl to friends: I always win, though... and it's pretty easy. I just hit him until he takes it off.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: disturbed onlooker


Categories: Friends | Girls | Overheard in Minneapolis | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And Eventually Re-Tell It in the Feature Film What's Glove Got to Do with It?

Girl to female friend: Yes, if I get the job at the CDC I will celebrate your chlamydia as an inspirational story.

Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com

Overheard by: Ian


Categories: Eavesdrop DC | Friends | Girls | Jobs & Careers | STDs | Posted 2009-12-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

B.D. Wong Discusses His Performance on Law & Order: SVU

Student to friend: I was going for Asian and it came out pedophile.

Otago University
New Zealand


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Friends | New Zealand | Race | Sex | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Remember "Sweaty Boobs"?

Friend #1: I just want a Dance Dance Revolution mat that won't skid around on the floor while I dance on it. I am thinking about covering my old one in an unskiddable material.
Friend #2: Well, you could try human skin.
Friend #1: Does it skid?
Friend #2: Only when wet.

Gamestop
Omaha, Nebraska.


Categories: Advice | Body parts | Dancing | Friends | Games | Nebraska | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Which Has a Built-In Polygraph

Teen, trying to convince friends: He wasn't lying! It was on Facebook!

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: the usher


Categories: Friends | Internet | Lies | Overheard in Minneapolis | Teens | Posted 2009-12-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Why Are You Even Here, Mary Anne?

Teen to friend at urinal: How many people do you think have whacked off into this urinal?

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: seriously?


Categories: Friends | Masturbation | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Restroom | Teens | Posted 2009-12-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I'm Beginning to Regret Making Smoke-Signals Our Primary Form Of Communication

Young woman: And if he's still giving you mixed signals, he can just go suck his own dick.
Frustrated friend: That's the point! If he'd give me a clear sign, I'd do it for him!

Oklahoma City, Oklahoma


Categories: BJs | Friends | Girls | Oklahoma | Penis | Posted 2009-12-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

It'll Keep Your Mother-in-Law Amused for Hours

Woman: Well, they tie the sheep up to a stake and use it as bait.
Man: Really?
Woman: Yeah, just tie it on up and you're set...

San Diego, California

Overheard by: Bait for what?


Categories: Advice | Animals | California | Friends | Posted 2009-12-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

In the Same Way We Fail to Feel Bad for Cher

Coworker, on animal testing: I just can't feel bad for lab rats, cause they're man-made.
Friend: Seriously, dude.

Winter Park, Florida

Overheard by: Cassie


Categories: Animals | Coworkers | Feelings | Florida | Friends | Science | Posted 2009-12-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...As the Terms Of the Game Go for the Black Guys Require.

Girl to friend, heading to bar: I'm going straight for the black guys!

Toronto
Ontario
Canadia


Overheard by: StellaEllaOla


Categories: Canadia | Friends | Girls | Race | Relationships | Posted 2009-12-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

If You've Never Been Forced to Go to Bible Camp, You Can't Judge.

Woman to friend: And her therapist is saying she doesn't need any more therapy sessions. I mean, she was cutting herself at camp a only month ago!

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: not appropriate in the hardware store


Categories: Friends | Mental illnesses | Overheard in Minneapolis | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Alternate Ending to Stand by Me

Guy on bicycle: Hey guys, what should we do when we get home?
Bike friend #1: Hmm... I don't know.
Bike friend #2: Let's masturbate!
Guy on bicycle: Yeah!

University of California
Santa Barbara, California


Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Friends | Guys | Masturbation | Questions | Posted 2009-12-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Dream Big, Kids.

Girl: I want a squirrel.
Friend: I want a cheeseburger.

UT
Austin, Texas


Categories: Animals | Colleges & Universities | Food | Friends | Girls | Texas | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...That's an Erection, Joey.

Teenage boy to friend: Oh, damn, my skin's turning purple again!
Friend: Your skin's turning purple again?
Teenage boy: Yeah!
Friend: Oh, damn!

Charleston, South Carolina


Categories: Body parts | Friends | Sensory experiences | South Carolina | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...Why Do You Think I'm Gay?

Crying girl: I have always wanted to have kids, you know? Now I can't.
Friend: It's really not that bad.
Crying girl: No, the doctor said I can never get pregnant!
Friend: Look at it this way: you can have tons of sex and never have to worry about it. I think it's a pretty sweet deal!
Random guy: I agree with you, sista.

San Francisco, California


Categories: Friends | Girls | Kids | Pregnancy | San Francisco | Sex | Strangers | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Introducing Madame Toussaud's Naughtiest Exhibition Yet

Enthusiastic undergraduate to group of friends: I never knew you could do that with wax!

Oxford
England


Overheard by: Intrigued Grad Student


Categories: England | Friends | Hair | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Moral: Never Ask Someone "Why Are You Walking Like That?"

Girl to friend: It's like karma in the butt, you know?
Friend: (pained expression on face, agreeing)

San Francisco, California


Categories: Ass | Buddhism | Friends | Girls | San Francisco | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Day I Met Charlie Sheen

Dude to friends: So he had this towel spread out on the bed, and he popped a cherry in his mouth...

San Luis Obispo, California


Categories: California | Friends | Fruit | Guys | Mouth | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

That Was the Good News. The Bad News Was, I'd Swallowed It.

Girl to friend: And then, all of a sudden, everything became totally clear. It was like the clouds parted and I just knew. I knew where my purse was.

Columbia, Missouri


Categories: Compare and contrast | Fashion | Friends | Girls | Missouri | Stupidity | Weather | Posted 2009-11-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

When Rappers Teach Geography

Girl to friends: Fuck Europe! I got Tanzania all up on my ass!

Atlanta, Georgia


Categories: Ass | Friends | Georgia | Girls | Gripes | Insults | Posted 2009-11-21 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Or Gave Me Religious Pamphlets. I Forget.

20-something girl: Do you remember that guy last night?
Friend: Oh, him? Yeah, I think he motor-boated me.

Canisius College
Buffalo, New York

It's Hard to Be Fast When You're Really Husky

Chick, seriously: Corn's one of them slow motherfuckers.
Friend, upset: Whores.

Aurora, Colorado

Overheard by: Leevee


Categories: Chicks | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Friends | Insults | Posted 2009-11-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

It's Easier to Write the Paper Than Its Outline

Student, about assignment she's written: It's supposed to be (emphasizes with hands) that, that, then that, then that! But it's all blah blah blah blah! You know?
Friend: Is you introduction all dot, dot, dot at least?
Student: Yeah.

University of South Australia
Adelaide
Australia


Overheard by: fellow stressed out uni student


Categories: Australia | Colleges & Universities | Education | Friends | Students | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-11-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

That's the Last Time I'll Give Her Something for Safekeeping

Bro to friend: Well, that's in your sister's vagina, so I don't know how you feel about that.

High School
Illinois


Overheard by: Chloe

Yesterday When I Hugged Her, She Crumbled a Little

Cute guy: Dude, I have to break up with her.
Friend: Yeah, why?
Cute guy: Cause every time I look at her, I think how nice it would be to have a girlfriend who didn't look like she was born in 100,000 BC.
Friend: Woah, that's harsh. But I see what you're saying.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania


Categories: Age and ageing | Friends | Guys | Pennsylvania | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Many People Feel That Way About Courtney Love

40-something female suit to friends: I just wanted to cover her in Lysol!

San Jose, California

Overheard by: Wondering what the rest of the conversation was...


Categories: California | Cleanliness | Friends | Suits | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-11-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Something Grave, Anyway.

Catechism teacher: Where's Eric today?
Eric's friend: Eric's at the hospital with his mom.
Catechism teacher, concerned: Why?
Eric's friend: Cuz she has a tombstone, or something like that.

Rochester Hills, Michigan

Overheard by: Betsy


Categories: Education | Friends | Maladies | Michigan | Questions | Students | Stupidity | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-11-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Why Is That Always Your Question?

College girl: I really want to go as Superman!
Friend: You aren't going to stuff your crotch, are you?

Melbourne University
Australia

...Let Me Hear the Rest Of That

Jailbait to friends: I just hate being handled, you know?
Giggly friend: Ew!
Jailbait: No, I mean, like... (trails off)
Construction worker, softly, to himself: Oh please, god...

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: do not want


Categories: Construction workers | Friends | Girls | God | Gripes | Illinois | Sex | Posted 2009-11-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

You're So Full Of Shit, Jason

Jock: Our soccer team's like the colon--it's probably there for a reason but no one knows what it is.
Friend: That's the appendix.

Westminster, Maryland

She's Worried I'll Don Their Gay Apparel

Teenage scene girl: I'm going to American Apparel to apply for a job.
Friend: Do you think you'll get the job?
Teenage scene girl: Yeah, but I don't think my mom will let me.
Friend: Why?
Teenage scene girl: There are lesbians there.

McDonald's
Manhattan, New York


Categories: Friends | Girls | Jobs & Careers | McDonald's | New York | Parenting | Questions | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2009-10-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Type Of Question That Should Be on the SATs

Teenage boy to school friend: Dude, why would you buy a pocket vagina and not use it?

High School
Hartford, Connecticut


Overheard by: Murray

...How Were Your Midterms?

20-year-old guy to his friend: So then I finally find my laptop in the dumpster, covered in semen, so that's how that went.

Washington, DC

Overheard by: Vanessa Duguay


Categories: Cum | Friends | Guys | Laptops | Washington, DC | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Adam and Eve Were Initially Quite Confused About Sex

Girl to friend: Yes, but he can't pick it off an apple tree that comes out of my vag.

Dorm
Washington, DC


Categories: Friends | Fruit | Girls | Vagina | Washington, DC | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

He Just Sings Instead Of Talking

Female student to friend at bus stop: So, he was, like, freakishly quiet, but every now and then he would bust out with something that, you know, we would say, you know, like, (bursts into song) "Do you like waffles? Yeah, I like waffles!" (in normal voice) And, you know, I would be, like, "Woah! He is a real person."

University of Oklahoma

Overheard by: becauseobviouslyallnormalpeoplelikewaffles


Categories: Character | Colleges & Universities | Food | Friends | Oklahoma | Singing | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Five-Second Rule Absolutely Applies to Boobs

Girl on birth control: I think my boobs grew!
Friend, grabbing her boob: Really?!
Girl's boyfriend, slapping friend's hand away: Hey, hey, too long!

Jersey City, New Jersey


Categories: Couples | Friends | Girls | New Jersey | Rack | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Terrible Mileage

Guy to friend: Yeah, I don't know what's wrong with it, but my hamster just isn't working right.

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Not-at-all 21


Categories: Animals | Friends | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Pennsylvania | Posted 2009-10-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Plus, Mom and Aunt Betty Stopped Speaking

High school girl to friend: And then I... oh, wait... I heard this from from my boyfriend, and I just can't believe it. I can't believe you stopped dating your cousin!
Friend: I know, but it just wasn't working out.

Colton, California

Overheard by: Kip K.E.H.


Categories: California | Family ties | Friends | Relationships | Students | Posted 2009-10-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

How the Farmers' Market Got Rated NC-17

Lady to friend: I don't care that it's a squash, it's still inappropriate... legs spread everywhere.

Farmers' Market
Oregon


Overheard by: Shea


Categories: Body parts | Food | Friends | Oregon | Stores | Women | Posted 2009-10-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Try Reading to Them or Something

Loud girl to friend: Calm your nipples, bitch!

Huntington, New York

Overheard by: Sarah


Categories: Friends | Girls | Insults | New York | Nipples | Posted 2009-10-19 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

As the Title Of My Autobiography Clearly States

14-year-old boy to punk friends: Jesus loves me, and I don't give a damn.

Portland, Oregon


Categories: Feelings | Friends | Gripes | Jesus | Punks | Teens | Posted 2009-10-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Why Pornographic Snowmen Never Work

Woman to friend: Well, yeah, but then it got wet, so it fell off...

Vallejo, California

Overheard by: Jerod T.


Categories: California | Friends | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-10-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...Where No One Knows My Identity.

Guy to friends: I use condoms in town, but skeet out of town.

Nashville, Tennessee

Overheard by: Eve's dropper


Categories: Compare and contrast | Condoms | Friends | Guys | Tennessee | Posted 2009-10-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Which Has Made Her Extremely Popular

Middle aged woman, casually to friend: And she hasn't worn pants to school since 7th grade.

Woodinville, Washington

Overheard by: The employee washing the window behind them


Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Education | Friends | Washington | Women | Posted 2009-10-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...I Was Born to Be a Reality-Show Contestant

Skinny girl: My sister is on a diet now, I don't like it. First she's taller than me, but that's okay, I got over it. I just don't want her to be skinnier than me.
Guy friend: You should be happy for her.
Skinny girl: No way! I'm below that.

Vancouver
Canadia

Focus, Britney!

Female student: I came home last night and found my roommate sitting on the kitchen floor, crying and holding a bottle of Jägermeister and a recipe for homemade enchiladas.
Dumb friend: I didn't know you made enchiladas with Jägermeister.

University of Colorado, Boulder

Get Thee to a Nunnery!

Strange man to lightly-dressed girls sitting on bench: Thank you! Have a good night!
(leaves)
Girl to friend
: Oh my god. He licked your hand. Ohmigod! He. Licked. Your. Hand!


Montreal
Quebec
Canadia


Overheard by: And it tasted like humus.


Categories: Canadia | Friends | Girls | Hands | Licking | Strangers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...Under "Skills".

Blonde: I have this theory that babies who were born late are like always late to stuff. And babies who were born early, like premature, are always early.
Friend: Really?
Blonde: Yeah, it's like, on my resume.

Brisbane
Australia


Categories: Australia | Compare and contrast | Friends | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Pregnancy | Science | Posted 2009-10-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And the Passengers Know a Lot More About Star Trek

Friend #1: He actually has had sex before.
Friend #2: What! I thought he was on the V-boat with me!
Friend #1: The V-boat?
Friend #2: It's like a U-boat, but sadder.

Montreal
Canadia


Overheard by: Not on the boat


Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Friends | Gossip | Sex | Virginity | Words | Posted 2009-10-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Are You...Part Cat?

Teenage girl to friend: I feel like if you eat my hair, we'll be more connected.

Fair Haven, New Jersey


Categories: Feelings | Friends | Hair | New Jersey | Relationships | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Why Do You Go to Church?

Girl to friend: It's like someone touches your cunt and you get all happy.

Easton, Maryland


Categories: Compare and contrast | Foreplay | Friends | Girls | Happiness | Maryland | Vagina | Posted 2009-10-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Promised My Mom

Girl with friends walking by my door: No, no... sixteen! Sixteen is the age to get pregnant.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: Did I miss something?


Categories: Advice | Age and ageing | Friends | Girls | Overheard in Minneapolis | Pregnancy | Stupidity | Posted 2009-10-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Adam Sandler's Comedy Hasn't Evolved Much

Lady talking to friend: My little boy just loves balls. All I hear is balls,balls, balls...

Wal-Mart
Anniston, Alabama


Overheard by: Tyler


Categories: Alabama | Balls | Friends | Kids | Parenting | Stores | Women | Posted 2009-10-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Alice Passed; Her Liver Failed

Girl, walking across campus with friends: I think two beers and a shot is the perfect amount for that class!

University of Arizona

Sometimes They Play Backup with Paperclip Castanets

Clarinet girl: I have, like, this fetish with office supplies, especially the electric stapler.
Friend: Oh my god! What?
Clarinet girl: Yeah, sometimes my roommate and I dance with it. And the boys above us creep at our window.
Friend: Oh... interesting.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: Glad I don't live near them... And glad I wasn't stuck with either of them as a roommate.


Categories: Dancing | Friends | Girls | Kink | Overheard in Minneapolis | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

At Least He Only Wanted My Clothes.

Teen to friends: Yeah, as if getting mugged isn't bad enough, it's even worse when the dude is naked.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: jfa.

Too Late.

Man to friends: I think I'm finally gonna quit my job and write the sitcom I've always wanted to, about the sassy robot.

Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com

Overheard by: Ian


Categories: Eavesdrop DC | Friends | Jobs & Careers | TV shows | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-09-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Why Genies Are Wasted on Blondes

Red-headed friend to blonde friend: If I had a special power it would be to fly!
Blonde friend, seriously: If I had a special power I would have a microwave in my mouth so that I could cook anything I wanted, whenever I wanted.
Red-headed friend: You could never get salmonella again!
Blonde friend: I know, right? It's my best idea yet!

Canada's Wonderland
Toronto
Canadia


Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Food | Friends | Maladies | Mouth | Wishes | Posted 2009-09-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Evidence That Sex and the City Would've Been a *Lot* More Interesting If It Had Involved Plus-Sized Sistahs

Plus-size sistah: And that damn condom came off!
Friend: Oh, shit, girl! What happened?
Plus-size sistah: I dunno. It's still up in there.
Friend: What? How long?
Plus-size sistah: It's been three days. I can't reach that bitch!
Friend: Girl! That's nasty! And if you askin' what I think you askin', you can forget it!

Restaurant, Chinatown
Washington, DC


Overheard by: Joe


Categories: Biotechs | Condoms | Fat people | Friends | Questions | Restaurants | Vagina | Washington, DC | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Best. Peer Advisor. Ever.

Curious friend: Doesn't your mouth get tired?
Small Asian girl: That's what my hands are for!
Curious friend: Don't your arms get tired?!
Small Asian girl: That's what my mouth is for!
Curious friend: What do you do when both get tired?
Small Asian girl: Oh, that's when he puts it in my butt.

Hoboken, New Jersey


Categories: Asians | Ass | BJs | Backdoor | Friends | Girls | Hands | Masturbation | Mouth | New Jersey | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

An Inflatable Friend

Old guy to friend: He got a new girl who works in the sex industry... and you know his fantasy has always been two women. I told him it'd never happen, but apparently it did. His girl has a friend who was willing to play along...

Holland, Michigan


Categories: Friends | Jobs & Careers | Kink | Michigan | Old folks | Relationships | Posted 2009-09-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Brad's Mistake Was Majoring in Women's Studies

Guy to friend: Why do I have such a small dick?

SUNY Binghamton
New York


Categories: Comebacks | Friends | Girls | New York | Penis | Questions | Posted 2009-09-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Social Norms Are Different in the People's Republic

10-year-old boy to friend, about Austin Powers: Your mom let you watch that movie? She doesn't even let you have sugar!

Cambridge, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Kaitlen


Categories: Food | Friends | Kids | Massachusetts | Movies | Parenting | Questions | Posted 2009-09-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And a Fun and Flirty One

Girl, returning from holidays in America: So yeah, I got put in actual jail.
Friend: For drinking on the beach?
Girl: Yup, got the orange jumpsuit and all.
Friend: Did you get to keep it?
Girl: I didn't like to ask, to be honest. Would've been a savage souvenir, though.

UCC Campus
Ireland

Why Ben and Jerry Are Such Studs

Girl to friend: And he tried to order frozen yogurt, so I didn't sleep with him. If you want to bang me, you have to eat full-fat ice cream!

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania


Categories: Diet & weight | Food | Friends | Girls | Pennsylvania | Sex | Wishes | Posted 2009-09-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Any Questions?

Woman, showing friend around: And this skyline is where I had my first pregnancy test. It was negative.

Ludlow
Cincinnati, Ohio


Overheard by: Alison


Categories: Friends | Memory lane | Ohio | Pregnancy | Women | Posted 2009-09-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Ladies, Please Watch Your Actions.

Female track jock, to friend: So I had this fucking hair up my fucking ass.
Private school football coach, overhearing: Ladies, please watch you language.
Female track jock: I had a hair up my butt.

El Paso, Texas


Categories: Ass | Etiquette | Friends | Hair | Insults | Jocks | Teachers | Texas | Words | Posted 2009-09-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

If You Like Mental Calisthenics, You'll Love This Quote!

17-year-old mom: And she thought that you were my mom!
18-year-old friend, gesturing to baby: Wait... so is this your sister or my grandchild?

Northampton, Massachusetts


Categories: Family ties | Friends | Kids | Massachusetts | Moms | Parenting | Questions | Posted 2009-09-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Global Theologicalear Destruction

Friend to another: Then he dropped the f-bomb of god!

Cleveland, Ohio


Categories: Friends | God | Ohio | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Oh, Now You're a Doctor?

Freshman boy: I think I have gingivitis.
Friend: You can't get gingivitis on your hand!

High School
Amherst, Massachusetts


Overheard by: shiny


Categories: Friends | Hands | Maladies | Massachusetts | Students | Posted 2009-09-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

All He Knows Is "The Girl with the Binoculars"

Eleven-year-old girl to friends: I know him but he doesn't know me.

The Drive
Vancouver
Canadia


Overheard by: Fred


Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Friends | Kids | Relationships | Posted 2009-09-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Told You Not to Pet the Rabbits, Lenny.

Girl: Oh... Unh... Yeah, that's the spot.
Friend: Doesn't it hurt when you rub it so hard like that?
Girl: No, it... oh, that's blood. That's probably not good.

Clark Hall Women's Room
University of Virginia


Overheard by: girl in the stall


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Friends | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Virginia | Posted 2009-09-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Plus I Took a Cab

Skinny chick with cigarette on bike to friend she just met up with: Hey! Guess how I got here so fast?
Friend: How?
Skinny chick, enthusiastically: I drink a tonic of strychnine and brandy! Every day!

Mt. Pleasant
Vancouver
Canadia


Overheard by: Lance Wriststrong

Says the Girl Who Was Caught Humping a Rhino?

Girl to two bald eagles: I will mate with you and you will like it. We will have hot eagahuman babies and you will like it!
Friend: Sarah, sometimes I swear you should have stayed in special ed longer.

Woodland Park Zoo
Seattle, Washington


Overheard by: xhollisterluv1045


Categories: Animals | Birthing | Crazies | Education | Friends | Girls | Washington | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-09-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

As Seen in Good Wool Humping

Irish girl, after sheep show: Well, that wasn't much, was it?
Irish friend: Yeah, just a lot of focking sheep shit.

South Island
New Zealand


Overheard by: fellow tour member who agrees


Categories: Animals | Foreigners | Friends | Girls | Gripes | New Zealand | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-04 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But I Don't Think Becoming a Baller Is a Reasonable Goal, Peewee.

Thug to friend: I ain't no dream killer!

Seattle, Washington


Categories: Friends | Murder | Thugs | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Another Casualty Of the "Math Is Hard" Barbie

Girl to friend: I was like "whatever, bitch! You're not even a real registered nurse. Like you'll be working full time in a doctor's office making $20 an hour, and I'll be a real nurse making $20,000 a year."

Texas State University

Your Editors' Verdict: Shower Yes, Loofah No

20-something chick on cell: Hello? Seriously? It smelled like your balls last time you used it! (pause) Okay, I guess, make sure you rinse out that motherfucker! You too, bye.
Friend: What was that about?
20-something chick: My boyfriend wants to use my shower, and my loofah.
Friend: Oh.

San Antonio, Texas

I Was More Of an Excuse for Two Guys to Have Sex

Girl to friend: Your first time was a three-way?

Cambridge, Massachusetts


Categories: Friends | Girls | Massachusetts | Questions | Sex | Posted 2009-08-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Best Boss I've Ever Had!

Girl: So Jack sucked my thumb today.
Friends: Really?
Girl: Yeah, he sucked my thumb, then wiped his snot on my arm, licked my leg, and told me he wanted to go to the office.

Simsbury, Connecticut

Overheard by: rehreh88


Categories: Body parts | Connecticut | Friends | Girls | Hands | Health & Hygiene | Licking | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Miss America Pageant Regretting Bringing on Marilyn Manson As a Judge

Girl to friend: When I think beautiful, I think green hair.

Burbank, California

Overheard by: Amused shopper


Categories: Beauty | California | Friends | Girls | Hair | Posted 2009-08-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The "Physics Fiesta" Failed to Draw the Crowds They'd Anticipated

Alpha nerd to friends: We should kidnap more people for parties.

Ottawa
Canadia


Categories: Canadia | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Friends | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Ten Bucks Says They're American

Teenage tourist girl to friend: Wanna play connect the dots with my track marks?
Friend: (laughs nervously)
Teenage tourist girl: Also, if you do that stupid thing with your water glass again, I'm gonna strangle you, and throw you in a pit and put a dead dog on top of your grave. Pass me that cheese?

Pizzeria
Rome
Italy

We Can Think Of Better.

Girl #1 to friends: Anybody can be a cell phone.
Girl #2: That's a good t-shirt.

Hampton, Virginia

Overheard by: S. H.


Categories: Cell phones | Clothes | Clothing | Friends | Girls | Virginia | Posted 2009-08-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

File These Documents? Really?

Girl to friend: Well, I guess I could, but my titties would hurt.

Theater Rehearsal
Bradenton, Florida


Overheard by: Hollie Corbitt


Categories: Florida | Friends | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Rack | Posted 2009-08-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Then There Are the Things I Pretend to Forget

Older lady to friend over lunch: When I remember things, I remember them. But when I forget them, I forget them.

Vancouver
Canadia


Overheard by: Having breakfast nearby


Categories: Age and ageing | Canadia | Friends | Memory lane | Old folks | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2009-08-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Homer Simpson: Mmm, Sacrelicious...

Teen girl to friend: You know what I wanna do? Smoke a joint rolled in a page from the bible.

McDonald's
Ohio


Overheard by: Dylan


Categories: Christianity | Drugs | Friends | Girls | McDonald's | Ohio | Questions | Teens | Wishes | Posted 2009-08-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...I Mean, That Would've Been My Default Assumption...

Woman: I felt so bad. I was like, "it's okay, you can leave your pool cue there, come dance with me."
Friend: And then you left him in the middle of the dance floor.
Woman: I didn't know he was blind!
Friend: So you blew him?
Woman: Did I?

Hot Springs, Idaho


Categories: BJs | Dancing | Feelings | Friends | Health & Hygiene | Idaho | Questions | Women | Posted 2009-08-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Thought the Baby Was Just a Really Small Twink

Guy: Are they gay?
Friend: Yes, they're holding hands and wearing the same clothing.
(15 seconds later)
Guy
: Are they gay?

Girl: That's a family.

Hillcrest, California


Categories: California | Clothes | Clothing | Family ties | Friends | Girls | Guys | Questions | Sexuality | Stupidity | Posted 2009-08-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Website?

Girl pointing at caterpillar on floor: Oh my god! What is that?
Friend: Ew, it's a caterpillar!
Girl: It just crawled out of me!
Friend: What?
Girl: Well she was just telling me that there are fish that crawl up your va-j-j if you pee in the lake!
Friend: That's only for guys. And in the Amazon!

Redding, California


Categories: Animals | California | Fears | Friends | Girls | Insects | Pee | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-08-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Except No One's Posing As Gay

Woman, waiting for Two Gentlemen of Verona to begin: This is one of Shakespeare's comedies, right?
Friend: Yes.
Woman: Someone will cross-dress, there will be mistaken identity, and love triangles, and everything will turn out well. All Shakespeare comedies have the same plot.
Friend: Yeah, pretty much.
Woman: They're all just episodes of Three's Company.

Boulder, Colorado


Categories: Books | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Feelings | Friends | Questions | Relationships | TV shows | Women | Posted 2009-08-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Kinds Of Questions Gay People Get Asked in the Midwest

Man to friend, very seriously: Now, when you shower, do you stand up?

Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com

Overheard by: I prefer the fetal position


Categories: Douching | Friends | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Stupidity | Posted 2009-08-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

They Require a Cute, Brightly-Colored Ark.

Little old lady, yelling to friend across the store: The world is flooded with Beanie Babies!

Wauwatosa, Wisconsin

Overheard by: Embarassed at how loud my friend laughed before walking away


Categories: Friends | Old folks | Toys | Weirdness | Wisconsin | Women | Posted 2009-08-10 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Some Children Don't Blend Well

Little girl to friend: You little... Butter, I'm going to whip you up until you smell like rotten juice!

Park Playground
Tacoma, Washington

A Slope Made Slippery by Extra Butter

20-something chick, gravely: I'm having severe intrusive thoughts about buying a medium popcorn.
Friend: So go buy a popcorn.
20-something chick, gravely: No, you don't get it. I'm serious.

Vancouver
Canadia


Categories: Canadia | Chicks | Food | Friends | Sensory experiences | Stupidity | Posted 2009-08-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...That Woman Is Fi Fie Foe Fine!

Crew member to friends: Oh, the gay cooks are nothing. I mean, yeah, they can have their feminine touches, but if you want real weird, you need Angela.
Friend: Angela? She sounds nice!
Crew member: She's head of security. She's two meters tall, and you need to take a step back before you can identify her as a woman.
Friend: Surely she's not that ugly?
Crew member: Oh look, there she is.
Friend: Oh my god!

Gent Jazz festival
Belgium


Categories: Beauty | Belgium | Compare and contrast | Employees | Friends | Questions | Sexuality | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-08-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

While Jabbering Breathless Nonsense Into My Bluetooth Headset

Young woman with cute hair to friends: I like to run through the field and play with my hair!

Lakeside Park
Chicago, Illinois


Categories: Friends | Girls | Hair | Illinois | Stupidity | Posted 2009-08-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

No Wonder Texans Think There's No Energy Crisis

Sweaty girl to friend, watching elliptical machine read 75 rpm: So does this mean I'm going 75 miles per hour?

Gym
Dallas, Texas


Categories: Friends | Girls | Questions | Stupidity | Texas | Posted 2009-08-04 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And I Already Squeal Like a Girl, So...

Band geek, eating lunch, to friends: I've come to the realization that if I were a woman, I'd have amazing breasts.

Rutgers University
Camden, New Jersey


Overheard by: One time at band camp...


Categories: Colleges & Universities | Friends | Idiots | New Jersey | Rack | Sexuality | Stupidity | Posted 2009-08-04 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Though This Is More Like a Guatemalan Mother Of Four

Girl, as friend shows apparently horrible picture of new driver's license: Oh, honey, it's okay! As my sister always says, everyone has their Puerto Rican orphan moment, one time or another...

Arabian Restaurant
São Paulo
Brazil


Overheard by: henrietta


Categories: Beauty | Brazil | Family ties | Friends | Girls | Restaurants | Posted 2009-08-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Piano: "I Had Poison Ivy!"

Girl, bitching to friend: She was scratching my piano! I wanted to throw her down the stairs!

Denver, Colorado

Overheard by: Soko


Categories: Colorado | Friends | Girls | Gripes | Violence | Wishes | Posted 2009-08-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

One Of These Days I'm Gonna Explode

Girl to friend: I ooze talent, like a pimple oozes pus.

Corvallis, Oregon


Categories: Compare and contrast | Friends | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Maladies | Oregon | Posted 2009-08-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Wish I Was a Dog So I Could Pick the Butts Of Others

Woman to group of friends: I wish I was a little kid, so I could pick my butt whenever I wanted.

Disneyland
Anaheim, California


Categories: Ass | California | Friends | Kids | Weirdness | Wishes | Women | Posted 2009-08-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

That's Why Raccoons Wash Their Food First

Guy: When I went down on him, I realized he didn't shower.
Friend: Gross.
Guy: Yeah, I wasn't even gagging because of his dick, but because of his foul stench.

UC
Berkeley, California

They Have No Idea What's Going on

Economics graduate to friend, looking around sadly at subdued crowd: We should go to the poli sci graduation later. I heard it's riotous.

UCLA
Los Angeles, California


Overheard by: Another Economics Graduate

What's More Fun Than Tormenting Vegans?

20-something girl to friend: You should totally eat some meat. Maybe you'll get the meat sweats.

Wedding
Redlands, California


Overheard by: Ruben


Categories: Advice | California | Food | Friends | Girls | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-07-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

That's What I Got You Last Year

Drunk male friend: What do you want for your birthday, baby? I can make it happen, just tell me what you want!
Really, really drunk birthday girl, pointing at someone else: I want in that guy's pants!

Norfolk, Virginia


Categories: Clothes | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Friends | Gifts | Girls | Questions | Sex | Virginia | Wishes | Posted 2009-07-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

That's Your Shadow, Britney.

Translucently pale white girl staring at cop car, to equally pale friend: My god, we've turned into black people!

Aurora, Colorado

Overheard by: Lee


Categories: Colorado | Friends | Girls | Race | Stupidity | Whiteys | Posted 2009-07-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Australian Baseball Is a Bit Different from Ours

Teen boy to group of friends: So okay, all we need to take with us is some glue, feathers, some petrol, and a lighter.
Friend: Cool.

Sydney
Australia


Categories: Australia | Friends | Teens | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Probably Need to Get Out Of Culinary Arts

College girl in workout gear: No, I don't really like to eat. I mean, I don't really like food. I just have to eat it, you know?
College friend: Yeah, I know what you mean. Sometimes I think, you know I could just live off of Gatorade or orange juice or something. You get the same nutrients and stuff from that anyway.
College girl in workout gear: Yeeeeah. Exactly.

Bus
Seattle, Washington


Categories: Anorexics | Bus | Diet & weight | Food | Friends | Students | Stupidity | Washington | Posted 2009-07-21 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Meeting Kevin Sorbo Is Always an Experience

Guy to friend: So he asked "How's the leather work going?" So we went out and got some skins and string and made some loincloths.

Pierce County Annex
Tacoma, Washington


Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Friends | Guys | Questions | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-21 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

When Aesop Tried Peyote

Dude: You fail to see that the rhinoceros is not pleased that you've clogged the bathtub drain with jam and celery. She's quite angry with you. I mean, if you just shit out a canary, it's not going to want to play tonsil hockey.
Friend: How hard would it be to get you involuntarily committed to a mental institution?

Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York


Overheard by: Russ

Add Some Lower-Back Tattoos and She's Hot

Teenage boy, to group of friends: You take an ugly chick, stick her on a bike, and she's okay! (friends nod)

Old Town
Pasadena, California


Overheard by: The Girl, Kat


Categories: Beauty | California | Friends | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...After Thinking About the Poor Children in the World Who Aren't Even Allowed to Poop

Girl to friend eating yogurt: You know, yogurt makes you shit.
Friend, frightened: Does it, really?
Girl: I dare you to take the Activia challenge.
Friend: Nah! I'm not in the mood to poop today.

Fire Island, New York

Overheard by: i laughed at this


Categories: Food | Friends | Girls | New York | Poop | Posted 2009-07-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

It Was Softball League-- We'd Both Been Drinking

Supportive male friend: It's okay! Just remember, you fucked her sister with a baseball bat.
Cute girl: I know, I know...

Ann Arbor, Michigan


Categories: Family ties | Friends | Girls | Michigan | Sex | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Hard to Believe, with All the Japanese Tourists.

Teen at Disneyland, loudly to a group of family and friends: Everyone's butt is obvious!

Disneyland
Anaheim, California


Categories: Ass | California | Compare and contrast | Family | Friends | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Let's Ask the Jews to Be on Our Side, Though

Teen girl to friend: We could be like the next Hitler, but cooler!
Friend: Oooh, awesome!

Toronto
Canadia


Categories: Assholes | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Friends | History | Stupidity | Teens | Posted 2009-07-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Mostly Just Between the Sheets.

Girl: So we decided to be friends.
Friend: Wait, in real life or on Facebook?

Brown University
Providence, Rhode Island


Overheard by: krr

Welcome to San Francisco

Dude to friend: And then I look over, and there's this giant white cock! (holds hands two feet apart)

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Missed the good part


Categories: Friends | Penis | Race | San Francisco | Posted 2009-07-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

For Example, They Blush When You Cook 'em

Sweaty guy: Lobsters are self-aware, man.
(friend #1 and friend #2 nod in agreement)
Sweaty guy
: Yeah, I used to work in this restaurant, and we'd make this lobster soup every day. I'd put one lobster on the counter and one in the boiling water. Dude, as soon as the first lobster hit the water, his buddy would start freaking out. He would put his claws up, like he was pleading for his life.

Friend #1: Yeah, they're smart. My friend's family had a pet lobster. He'd eat with them and everything.
Friend #2: Like on The Simpsons!
Sweaty guy, to himself: Lobsters are self-aware. Crabs, they don't give a shit, but lobsters? They're self-aware.

Portland, Oregon

Overheard by: Karl


Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Food | Friends | Guys | Oregon | Stupidity | TV shows | Posted 2009-07-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Tonight's Movie: How I Got Into Community College

Girl, exiting SAT test: So how'd it go?
Friend, excitedly: I drew a bunny!

SAT Testing Center
Eugene, Oregon


Categories: Animals | Friends | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Oregon | Questions | Stupidity | Posted 2009-07-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Just Hate Arguments, Though

American man: Fish is good in salad.
Australian man: Fish is great in salad!
American man: Do you even like fish?
Australian man: No.

Harvard Square
Boston, Massachusetts


Categories: Compare and contrast | Food | Foreigners | Friends | Massachusetts | Questions | Posted 2009-07-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But She's Saving Her Belching for Marriage

Redneck woman: He said that he could tell she really dug him because she farted in front of him.
Friend: Oh, she'll fart in front of anybody!

Square Mall
Hammond, Louisiana


Overheard by: pull my finger


Categories: Etiquette | Friends | Health & Hygiene | Louisiana | Malls | Rednecks | Relationships | Posted 2009-07-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...Stuck on Your Penis.

Young man to friends: So apparently people get all offended if you walk into the farmers market with a bottle of KY jelly.

Iowa City, Iowa


Categories: Friends | Iowa | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Further Evidence That Missouri Loves Company

Middle aged man power-walking with friend in the park: I wake up, I drink, and I smoke. Then, I go to work, come home, and drink and then smoke. You wanna know why I do this?
Friend: Why?
Middle aged man: I'm fucking depressed, that's why. So I wake up and do it all over again the next day.

Forest Park
St. Louis, Missouri


Categories: Drinking & drunks | Friends | Jobs & Careers | Maladies | Missouri | Questions | Smoking | Posted 2009-07-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Let Him Wonderbra for a While

Teenage girl to friend: Ugh! Eric gets mad at me when I tell people things, you get mad when I don't tell you things...just tell him to fuck off and leave my boobs out of it!

Rumson, New Jersey


Categories: Friends | Insults | New Jersey | Rack | Teens | Posted 2009-07-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And I Knew We'd Stumbled Into a European Sex Fantasy

Girl to friend: And then he said "do you like diapers with your bangers and mash?"

After Trax
Salt Lake City, Utah


Overheard by: I know you're watching


Categories: Food | Friends | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Utah | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-29 EmailQuoteLink