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If He Dies, They'll Probably Let You Cut All the Lines
Eight-year-old kid in line for Universal Studios park ticket: I know how to get a discount ticket.
Eight-year-old friend: How?
Eight-year-old kid: You get your friend to come along with you, then you stab him in the neck and say "My friend's dying, can we have discount tickets?"
Universal Studios
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Death & dying | Default | Friends | Kids | Kids | Money | Offers and requests | Should have used a condom | Tourist attractions | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Roman Polanski's Legacy
Drunken, nostalgic girl #1: So, did you guys end up getting anywhere?
Drunken, nostalgic girl #2: No, I was thirteen!
Drunken, nostalgic girl #1: Yeah, but you didn't do anything? Like, not even touch his dick?
Drunken, nostalgic girl #2: I don't know, I was drunk!
Vincennes, Indiana
Overheard by: 202 Tavern Girl
Categories: Age and ageing | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Friends | Girls | Indiana | Memory lane | Questions | Sexuality | Posted 2008-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Do You Think the Midget with the Butterfly Net Is For?
Loud, obnoxious, pregnant girl in a skirt: I'm not wearing any underwear.
Friend, sarcastically: Aren't you afraid your baby's going to fall out or something?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: what not to expect when you're expecting
I'd Suggest a Rollerblades Tour
Fat American female tourist to new best friend: If ya didn't like the Vatican, you're gonna hate the Louvre!
6th Floor, Hilton Arc de Triumph
Paris
France
Overheard by: Pope Andrew I
There's Never Really a Good Time to Come Out of the Closet
College girl #1: (laughs hysterically)
College girl #2: Yeah, and while he was balls deep in me too, can you believe that?
Pennsylvania
Categories: Balls | Default | Friends | Pennsylvania | Sexuality | Sorority types | Posted 2008-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And He Was All, "But I'm Just the Babysitter!"
Lady to friend: So I told him... ten dollars for a hand job!
Friend: Good for you! What an asshole!
Ashland & North Ave
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Compliments | Default | Friends | Illinois | Insults | Money | Offers and requests | Sex | Women | Posted 2008-06-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Recorded in My Memoirs: What What (The Unibutt!)
Skater guy: I'm not into the unibutt.
Friend: The what?
Skater guy: You know, it's like a unibrow, except a butt.
Friend: What are you talking about?
Skater guy: I am just giving my commentary on how style has affected my life.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Those Were Different Times--There Was a War On
College girl #1: If I'm pregnant, the father is either him or his cousin.
College girl #2: Wait, you slept with David* and his cousin?
College girl #1: It wasn't a big deal, it was a threesome!
Barnes & Noble
Cary, North Carolina
Overheard by: Jennifer
Categories: Bimbettes | Default | Family ties | Friends | North Carolina | Pregnancy | Sex | Sorority types | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If It Could Happen to Lance Armstrong, It Could Happen to Anybody!
Girl #1: I'm all freaked out now! I bet you she's pregnant! My sister's pregnant!
Girl #2: I'm sure she's not pregnant, you're assuming the worst.
Girl #1: Oh my god! What if she has testicle cancer?!
Adelaide
Australia
Overheard by: monkey
Oh Yeah, You'd Like Me to Pour You on My Meat
Guy to friend: My hot sauce packet is talking dirty to me.
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Josh
The Professor Appreciated the Eight-Sided Paper
Excited student: I got a B+ on my Nietzsche paper!
Friend: The one based on a Dungeons & Dragons joke?
Auraria Campus
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Default | Education | Friends | Games | Philosophy | Pride | Questions | Students | Posted 2008-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...When Sinking Your Opponent's Battleship
Teenage to friends: My dad says it's only gay if you make eye contact.
Lacomb, Oregon
Overheard by: lalenalynn
Categories: Body parts | Default | Friends | Oregon | Sensory experiences | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2008-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Gave Me Extra Flotation, Like a Pool Noodle
Girl #1: So I was wearing a tampon to go swimming yesterday.
Girl #2: Didn't that hurt your fluffy bits?
Memphis, Tennessee
Mirror, Mirror on the Hill/ Who's the Sluttiest at McGill?
Girl #1: You are definitely sluttier than I am!
Girl #2: No way. You are!
Girl #1: You are sleeping with two guys!
Girl #2: You sleep with guys and don't call them back...ever.
Girl #1: Is that slutty?
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by: cybertheque
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Friends | Girls | Infidelity | Overheard at McGill | Questions | Sexuality | Posted 2008-06-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Somewhere There's a Live, Cheerful Half of a Rat, and No One Knows How Heavy He Is
Girl #1: And I was like: "How many depressed lab rats do you have to weigh and kill to figure that out?"
Girl #2: What?
Girl #3: 37.5, apparently.
Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota
Categories: Animals | Colleges & Universities | Default | Diet & weight | Friends | Minnesota | Questions | Science | Sorority types | Posted 2008-06-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dating MacGyver Scars You for Life
Chick to friend: Oh, yeah, this doesn't look suspicious. A taco wrapped in a Dollar Tree bag, a baby, and a grill lighter.
16th Street Mall
Denver, Colorado
We Prefer 'Hoboes'-- but Thanks for the Weed!
Stoner #1: The other day I saw this homeless guy, and I felt bad, and I had just bought a stack, so I gave him some weed. He was like: "Thank you very much."
Stoner #2: Are you serious?
Stoner #1: Yeah. I don't care what anybody says, that was the most down shit ever. I fucking love bums.
Chino, California
Categories: California | Default | Drugs | Feelings | Friends | Panhandling | Stoners | Posted 2008-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Perhaps Some Clove Cigarettes Would Help
Geek #1: But I'm a semi-Mac user! I can't have a beard and be a Mac user!
Geek #2: Yeah, I know what you mean...
Memorial University
Newfoundland
Canadia
Overheard by: Beardless Mac User
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Friends | Hair | Shaving | Technology | Posted 2008-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She'll Be All, "Help Me, Dr. Phil"!
Guy #1: I love getting Lisa* Taco Bell.
Guy #2: Why's that?
Guy #1: It's gonna get her fat! I'm going to get extra sour cream and she's going to be all like: "Damn, this is delicious!" Meanwhile, she'll be getting fat.
Kangaroo
Gainesville, Florida
Categories: Default | Diet & weight | Florida | Food | Friends | Guys | Offers and requests | Questions | Relationships | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2008-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Can Always Play Canasta Again Later
Guy to friend returning from bathroom: (distraught) But I wanted to be the one to do it with you! I wanted to be the one to do it with you!
Gables Night Club
Inwood West Virginia
Overheard by: joanna
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Default | Feelings | Friends | Guys | Sexuality | West Virginia | Wishes | Posted 2008-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Pope: Perhaps I Haven't Been Clear...
Cool college chick to friends: Ya know, birth control is the thing that makes sex okay.
Mexican Restaurant
Virginia
Overheard by: KMCV
Categories: Abortion | Default | Friends | Restaurants | Sex | Sorority types | Virginia | Posted 2008-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And He Usually Takes Duct Tape As Well
Girl: Hey, does anyone know if Stu* is still alive?
Guy: What? Why?
Girl, laughing: Because he went out into the woods last night with nothing but a lighter and a can of tomato soup.
Egremont, Massachusetts
Overheard by: lily
Categories: Death & dying | Fears | Food | Friends | Girls | Guys | Massachusetts | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just When You Thought Canadians and Americans Had Nothing in Common
Guy #1: What are you gonna do for your spare?
Guy #2: I don't know, probably get a sandwich and beat off in the library.
High School
British Columbia
Canadia
Overheard by: Nick
Categories: Canadia | Default | Education | Food | Friends | Guys | Masturbation | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Considering Reaching Out to Her With a Fifty Caliber Rifle
Man #1: How's your wife?
Man #2: How should I know?
Man #1: What do you mean: "How should I know?"? She's your wife! Don't you talk to her?
Man #2: Not since she got the restraining order on me.
Huxley, Iowa
Overheard by: Hondo
Wasn't I Right About 2000-- and 2001?
Goth chick: Don't talk to me about the year 2012. The year 2012 is seriously pissing me off.
Otaku chick: Try to stick around for 2013 anyway. Just trust me on this one.
University Plaza
Colorado State
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Default | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Fears | Feelings | Friends | Girls | Goths | Offers and requests | Threats | Posted 2008-06-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nietzsche Was a Shitty Roommate
Boy housemate #1: Ah! I feel so sick, my tummy hurts.
Girl housemate #1: Do you want some soup?
Girl housemate #2: Do you want some toast?
Boy housemate #2: Do you want some "harden-the-fuck-up"?
Gold Coast
Australia
The Slut Recordkeeping System Parallels Major League Baseball's
Drunk girl, loudly, to her drunk friends: I mean, she's slept with or semi-slept with more people than I have!
Clark and Broadway
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: flunk_punk
Categories: Compare and contrast | Creepsters | Default | Drunks | Friends | Girls | Illinois | Sexuality | Posted 2008-06-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Someone's Gotta Inspire Hanson's Next Effort
Guy: What are you showing me? Bruises on your knees? You can't do that with every guy in the band you know.
Girl: I know. But that would be awesome if I could!
Carroll Community College
Maryland
Overheard by: Left Speechless
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Friends | Girls | Guys | Maryland | Questions | Posted 2008-06-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If He Inquires, Just Say "It's Because You're So Big"
American backpacker girl, about her new hostel boyfriend: So, as of this afternoon, he's one step closer to not being a virgin.
Dutch girl, shocked: What about your period?!
American friend, walking up: Don't worry. Just do it. He won't even know what's going on anyways.
Loki Hostel
La Paz
Bolivia
Categories: Default | Foreigners | Friends | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Sexuality | South America | Tourists | Virginity | Posted 2008-06-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Next Time Put the Message in a Bottle
Girl in stall: I have paper stuck in my vagina.
Friend: You might not want to say that, there's people here.
Girl in stall: Why is vagina a bad word?
Ladies Room, Foreplay Bar
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: How did it get there?
Oh, I'm Sorry--Aren't You a Size Queen?
Tall guy: My girlfriend's ex-boyfriend had an eight inch penis.
Younger friend girl: What!? Why would she tell you that?!
Tall guy: I guess she just thought I should know.
Younger friend girl: No, here's a better question. Why would you tell me that!?
Chick-fil-A
Houston, Texas
Categories: Default | Friends | Girls | Guys | Penis | Questions | Relationships | Restaurants | Sexuality | Texas | Posted 2008-06-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is the Range of Gay Sex Really That Limited?
Straight guy: I really need your advice about this girl.
Gay guy: Stick it in her butt!
Straight guy: No. Her mom set us up on this date...
Gay guy: Stick it in her butt!
Straight guy: You just suggested that. I mean, I like her but I definitely don't want to date her, and we're supposed to hang out this weekend, but I don't know what to do with her.
Gay guy: Well, just be like: "Hey, do you want to toss a Frisbee in the arboretum?"
Straight guy: And if she says yes, be like: "Okay, do you want to toss my salad in the arboretum?"
Gay guy: Awesome.
Lancaster, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: $kank
Categories: Advice | Backdoor | Compliments | Default | Family ties | Friends | Guys | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Queers | Questions | Words | Posted 2008-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But "Jews Give Me a Boner" Is Positive
MHS student to another: Emileeeeeeey... You can't say the "boner" word at a Holocaust luncheon!
University 4
Moscow, Idaho
Overheard by: i agree
Your Soul Is Irredeemably Banal
Spaced-out kid: And I think it was some kind of message in that out-of-body experience. Like, it was my soul trying to tell me that after I finished puking, I should take a shower.
Teenage queer: Your dreams are fucked.
St. Andrew's College
Aurora
Canadia
Cats Are Hypersensitive to Comma Faults
Boy: So why did you move here?
Girl: I was gonna go to art school and then I wrote this big essay and my cat shit on it.
Boy: Literally shit on it?
Girl: Yeah, I took it as a sign.
18 Bus
Seattle, Washington
But I Believe That's Your Nipple
Girl, looking down her shirt: I can't tell if that's pork or a hickey.
Friend: You're so awesome!
Bellingham, Washington
Overheard by: Muffler
Categories: Body parts | Compliments | Default | Friends | Girls | Washington | Words | Posted 2008-06-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Will's Parents Sent Him to His Auntie and Uncle in Bel Air
Girl: Jazmin*, what was you doing in the bathroom?
Jazmin: Oh, you know...
Boy across the hall: She was taking a dump!
Jazmin: Yup! That's what we do all day, every day.
Public High School
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: andromeda