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He Fucks an American for Breakfast, an American for Lunch, and Has a Sensible Dinner?
Very drunk 20-something in kebab shop: I'll have... a large chips... with ketchup... and mayonnaise. (pause) A quarter pounder cheese and bacon burger with extra cheese and bacon. Two pieces of fried chicken... with chili sauce... and a ten-inch pepperoni pizza.
Sober friend #1: Fucking hell, mate, that's a lot of food...
Sober friend #2: Aren't you supposed to be on a diet?
Kebab shop guy, in heavy Cypriot accent: Yeah! He's on a fucking American diet!
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
You Have to Put Balls in a Lot Of Faces Before Your Find Someone Who Likes It
13-year-old boy in pool: Guys, let's play water Pokemon!
Friends: Okay!
13-year-old boy: I'll be Scuba Scott. Scuba Scott uses ball-to-face! (hits friend in face with ball)
Friend: Owwww! Scott, why'd you do that?!
13-year-old boy: It's super-effective!
Recreation Center Pool
Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Friends | Pop culture | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2011-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are We Weird for Assuming They're Discussing Abortion?
Chatty female college student to friends: So it was sort of like that, except instead of a q-tip, it was a vacuum. There was no scraping at all.
Friend: Wow... that's crazy.
Harrisonburg, Virginia
Categories: Friends | Health & Hygiene | Sensory experiences | Students | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2011-08-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well I Can't Help It If Yours Is a Bigger Target
Guy going up escalator to friend: Did you see that? That guy just tried to touch my butt.
Friend: Don't complain, he succeeded in touching mine!
Washington, DC
Categories: Ass | Friends | Guys | Sensory experiences | Washington, DC | Weirdness | Posted 2011-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well That's What the African Kids in Those Charity Videos Are Always Whining About!
Skinny Asian girl: These shorts are way too big.
Plus-sized white friend: Oh no, I have skinny-ass legs. My life sucks. What am I going to do?
Skinny Asian girl: (laughs)
St. Joseph, Michigan
...I Want a Postcard!
Woman, dropping friend off at airport, then heading to doctor's office: Enjoy your two weeks in France.
Friend: Thanks, enjoy your colonoscopy.
Airport
Ithaca, New York
It Said It Needed a Witness for the Lawsuit
Girl to friend going back into lecture hall: But it's just a pen, Kelly!
Friend: I just wanna see where it fell!
Toronto
Canadia
We'll Admit It: We Laughed.
Unhappy girl: He left and said he couldn't work on the project because he had stuff he had to do.
Aggravated friend: But he left with his girlfriend? Stuff, my ass!
Calm friend: I'm sure that's what his girlfriend said.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: is that sanitary?
Categories: Etiquette | Friends | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Sex | Posted 2011-05-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Gave Me Relationship Advice
40-something driver to friend: So I saw some interesting roadkill the other day...
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Another chupacabra?
Categories: Death & dying | Friends | Sensory experiences | Texas | Weirdness | Posted 2011-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Question Mark.
Teen: I couldn't tell if he meant "stop, exclamation point," "don't, exclamation point," or if he meant "don't stop, exclamation point."
Friend: What did you do?
Teen: Look, that handjob wasn't going to finish itself, and I have a reputation, so I had no choice.
Friend: You're a goddamn trooper.
Syracuse Mall
Syracuse, New York
Overheard by: Just Exclaming!
Categories: Friends | Language barrier | Masturbation | New York | Words | Posted 2011-05-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Rip Taylor Was Born That Way
Guy about his brother: His only emotion is glitter.
Friend: That's true of all eight-year-olds.
Guy: No, dude, you don't get it. One. Emotion.
Fairfield, Connecticut
Overheard by: Harry
Categories: Character | Connecticut | Family ties | Feelings | Friends | Posted 2011-04-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As I Learned at the Birth-a-Bear Workshop
Boy to friend: I'm totally capable of giving birth to a live teddy bear.
High School
Clarksville, Maryland
She Always Comes Through in the Clench
Roommate #1: But if she has a denty-face?
Roommate #2: Well, that has no bearing on her sphincter.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: roommate #3
Categories: Ass | Friends | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Vagina | Posted 2011-01-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Maybe "Pedophile" Is a Hot New Non-Alcoholic Cocktail?
Young woman to another: Oh, you could pull that off, but *I* would like a pedophile.
Passer-by to friend: I don't think that means what she thinks it means... We can only hope.
Phildelphia, Pennsylvania
Is That a "Yes" on Hiring Her?
Man to friend: She makes me want to cheat on my wife in front of my wife.
Exchange Place, New Jersey
Overheard by: John
Categories: Friends | Infidelity | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Stupidity | Wishes | Posted 2011-01-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Santa Sure Has Changed Over the Years.
Girl to friend: He's like the crocodile hunter of smoking cigarettes and really slutty girls.
Plymouth, New Hampshire
Overheard by: Liz Nelson
Categories: Animals | Compliments | Friends | Girls | New Hampshire | Sexuality | Smoking | Posted 2011-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just a Matter Of Time, Inge
Female friend: I think there are no nude pictures of me... (pause) ...On the internet.
Münster
Germany
Things Nobody Else Tells You, Dear Reader
Man to friend: I think the worst part about this whole cancer thing is that his smell has changed.
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Friends | Health & Hygiene | Maladies | Massachusetts | Sensory experiences | Posted 2010-12-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just a Little Trick I Learned Working on the Senate Floor
Male friend to female friend: Yeah, I've found that when they start to get out of hand you just put a little whiskey on the nipple.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: context, please?!
Categories: Body parts | Friends | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2010-12-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
One Of the Many Reasons I Miss College
Guy friend: I'm super excited to have couscous and sausage for lunch.
Girl friend: Yeah, I'm always kinda down till I get some sausage in me.
Guy friend: Whoa!
Bangor, Maine
Overheard by: Sarita
Your Editors Could Also Use a Cup Of Java
Ditzy cute girl: Look at the clouds! They're blue!
Friend, deadpan: You mean the sky.
Ditzy cute girl: Yeah! Ohmigod, kittensssss!
Jakarta
Indonesia
Overheard by: I only want my coffee
In Cambridge? Perish the Thought.
Girl to friend: We're under a bridge! I feel like a crack dealer.
Midsummer Common
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Anti-Math
The Twinkie Defense Never Works.
College burnout: It has a soft and creamy center!
Friend, looking at computer: I still don't like him.
Thibodaux, Louisiana
Overheard by: Batpam
Categories: Diet & weight | Druggies | Food | Friends | Stupidity | Posted 2010-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just for Coffee, Not for Abduction
Girl eating pizza to friends: Like, do I want to meet aliens? Yes!
Pizza Place
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Felicity
Grandma Does Have Her Own Fragrance Line
Sentimental girl, about her grandmother: She went all loopy last time!
Comforting friend: No, I am sure she'll be alright.
Sentimental girl: Last time she thought she lived with David Beckham!
East London
England
Overheard by: Luna
Categories: About celebrities | Age and ageing | Friends | Girls | UK | Wishes | Posted 2010-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
While Muscular Christianity's More Of a Gay Gym Boy
Tall girl to short girl: You make religion sound like the skinny kid you didn't go to prom with.
Ithaca, New York
Overheard by: Lissette
Categories: Compare and contrast | Dancing | Friends | New York | Religion | Posted 2010-11-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stoned Friends: Oooo...
Guy to friends: In his backyard were six tortured dogs. (pause) And those dogs were us!
York University
Canadia
Overheard by: that guys cat
Categories: Animals | Assholes | Canadia | Euphemisms | Friends | Posted 2010-11-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Mistake Was Shaking His Hand
20-something to friend: I can't believe you asked if he was the handjob guy!
Norman, Oklahoma
Are These Heels Clear? I Don't Think So!
Girl #1 to friend wearing tank top, booty shoes, and 3-inch heels: Girl, I don't know what they be sayin. You do not look like no hoe.
Girl #2, passing by, to friend: Hoe.
High School
Washington State
Categories: Clothing | Compare and contrast | Friends | Girls | Insults | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Washington | Posted 2010-10-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"Tulsa" Spelled Backwards Is "a Slut"-- Coincidence?
Teen girl to friend: I'm too sexy for my vulva.
Tulsa, Oklahoma
And I'm Washing It Down with Laxatives!
Model scout, handing out card to hot tall teen: I know you're probably modeling already, but take my card anyway.
Shorter teen girl to friend, after scout has left: Fuck you. The only reason he gave you his card instead of me was because I'm eating a cookie. But it's the only thing I've had to eat today!
Starbucks
Studio City, California
Overheard by: Urz
Categories: Bars & Clubs | California | Employees | Food | Friends | Insults | Jobs & Careers | Stupidity | Teens | Posted 2010-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Most Girls Fear Being Gaynablers
Young boyfriend, trying to weasel out of seeing Legally Blonde 2: I... I just don't think I'm emotionally ready for the uncut version. Do you think I'm ready? I don't.
Young girlfriend: You should have pulled the "it might make me gay" card.
Friend: I think his way was more gay.
Young girlfriend: Which concerns me...
Scotrun, New York
Kim Jong-il: "Wait, What?"
16-year-old male in office waiting room, to friend: You can't just solve all your problems by causing a nuclear holocaust, man!
Whatcom Community College
Bellingham, Washington
Overheard by: littlegirlmonkey
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Friends | Teens | Violence | Washington | Posted 2010-09-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, Isn't That a Burger King Crown?
Drunk aboriginal man to drunk friends: I just got out of jail. My mum's been crying for me, my dog's been praying for me, my uncle Bob's been praying for me, all to get me back to Narrogin. I tell you, I'm the king of that town.
Fremantle
Australia
Excellent Neck Rotation-- I Commend You
Middle-aged woman to group of friends: I was possessed once, too.
Group, murmuring: Really? When? What happened?
Middle-aged woman: Oh yeah, when I was in hospital. And I know because I went like this: wluuuhhhhh!
Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: Jane
Categories: Canadia | Friends | Health & Hygiene | Religion | Women | Posted 2010-09-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Wokker, Texas Ranger
Student to friend: Of course meat and veggies on a plate aren't supposed to touch each other! If they were then they'd be called... Uh... Uh... Starsky and Hutch!
Hillerød
Denmark
Overheard by: ?
Oh, What's the Big Deal About Cunnilingus??
Guy jogging around track with friends: Well, if it's still alive we can't eat it, can we?
Robbinsville High School
New Jersey
Categories: Food | Friends | Guys | New Jersey | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2010-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Meant SkyMall Magazine, but Whatever
Newbie guy on airplane: What's this?
Female friend: For your entertainment.
Newbie guy: Ooooh! Barf bag!
Washington International Airport
Baltimore, Maryland
Categories: Friends | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Maryland | Public Transportation | Questions | Posted 2010-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Threesome-Resistant Boys Are Sadly Common in Oregon
Whiny girl to female friend, showing a polka-dotted bra: Come on! I'm trying to show you my boobs!
Boy, lifting his shirt: The only boobs she wants to see are mine!
Eugene, Oregon
Bad Things Happen When Housemates Mate
Guy to crowd of housemates: See, this is the kind of toilet we want--it's rated to be able to flush one kilo of material at a time.
Girl: How many kilos does a newborn weigh?
Home Depot
Oakland, California
Overheard by: Alchemist George
They Call Him "The Baconator"!
Twelve-year-old boy in lunch line: So I think I have a new arch-nemesis... He's like, Canadian, or something.
Friend: Cool!
Brown University
Providence, Rhode Island
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Friends | Relationships | Rhode Island | Tweens | Weirdness | Posted 2010-08-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Beware Of Canadian Estheticians, Dear Reader
Teenage girl to friend, giggling: So then she said she was going to put diarrhea on my face!
Toronto
Canadia
The Cautionary Tale That Elizabeth Taylor Has Taught Us All
Girl to friends: I mean, think about it: a girl that's pretty now could be ugly in ten years.
Crested Butte, Colorado
Overheard by: Wow.
Start With Those Who Have Babies
Older woman to her friend: You just don't ask your mother about your sex life. If you have questions, go ask your friends.
Pigeon Forge, Tennessee
Overheard by: Perplexed
You Know It's Creepy When You Call Your Mom That, Right?
Guy going on holidays to friend: If the opportunity presents itself, could you please not fuck my girlfriend?
Vancouver
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Friends | Guys | Holidays | Infidelity | Offers and requests | Sex | Posted 2010-08-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...I'd Prefer Not to Be Thought Of As a Person.
Bad egg in sweater-vest: Gandhi was a Marlboro man, not Newport.
Friend in tight polo: You're the worst sort of person.
Bad egg in sweater-vest: That hurts.
New Haven, Connecticut
Categories: About celebrities | Assholes | Comebacks | Connecticut | Feelings | Friends | Smoking | Posted 2010-08-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Also How He Chooses a House Of Worship.
20-something guy, entering taqueria with friends: There better be a midget in a sombrero offering me salsa as soon as I get in the door, or I'm gonna be pissed.
San Francisco, Calfornia
Overheard by: Alex
Categories: Food | Friends | Guys | Restaurants | San Francisco | Stupidity | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2010-08-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Also Why Children Love the Berenstein Bears
Teen girl to teen friends: I wish I was mixed race--not really black. I mean, you're brown all year round.
Nottingham
England
Overheard by: Johnny
...Which Is What I Look For in a Gay Best Friend.
Lady who lunches to friend: He's very smart, but he's not ruthless.
Westport, Connecticut
Categories: Compare and contrast | Compliments | Connecticut | Friends | Ladies who lunch | Posted 2010-07-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's an Excellent Movie, Excellent Movie
Boy: Have you seen Rainman?
Friend: Nah.
Boy: Ohmigod, I can't believe you haven't seen Rainman! I mean I haven't seen Rainmanbut I can't believe you haven't seen Rainman!
Newcastle-Sydney Train
Australia
And Test the Theory Of Post-Menopausal Invisibility
Woman to friend: I'd really like to take off my dress.
Shopping Area
Kansas City, Missouri
I'm the NRA and I Vote
Midwestern guy to friend: So, I'm out shootin' in my yard and I saw this pipe stickin' out the ground! So I shoot it. Now, the minute I shoot I know I shouldn't have done that. So the damn pipe explodes!
Flight over Utah
A Gal Can Dream
Old woman shopping with friend, picking up jeans: Well, these looked good on George Strait.
Warrenton, Virginia
That's What You Said Outside That Jonas Brothers Concert!
Girl to friend, after unsuccessfully trying to open locked front doors: Maybe they'll let us in if we bang hard enough.
High School
San Francisco, California
Categories: Advice | Friends | Girls | San Francisco | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Weirdness | Posted 2010-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like Julie & Julia, but Without Food
Hot gay guy: My boyfriend won't let me watch porn that doesn't have a story.
Sympathetic gay friend: Poor baby.
Hot gay guy: All porn is acting... Intense acting.
New Haven, Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Friends | Porn | Queers | Relationships | Posted 2010-07-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Of Condoms?
College guy, shouting out window: She makes me jealous. She's so hot!
Friend, mumbling: 48-pack!
Bloomington, Indiana
Overheard by: Rachel S.
Categories: Beauty | Feelings | Frat boy types | Friends | Indiana | Posted 2010-07-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
America: Encapsulated.
Slightly obese lady on cell: Of course I'm at the gym, honey! I promised to go to the gym today, so I'm at the gym! (hangs up, talks to friend) What an idiot. I want some ice cream.
Ice Cream Shop
Missouri
Overheard by: jeeves
Categories: Diet & weight | Fat people | Food | Friends | Insults | Lies | Missouri | On the phone | Stores | Wishes | Posted 2010-07-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Being a Termite Must Suck
Grungy teenager to group of grungy friends: And then I ate half of a cardboard box!
Olympia, Washington
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Diet & weight | Food | Friends | Teens | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2010-07-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Treat It in Much the Same Way.
Indian girl to friend: When I have a baby, I'm going to name it after my pet rock.
King of Prussia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Amanda
...So I Requested a Different Waiter.
Girl to friends: He looked like a Mexican vampire, and it did not work for me.
Clarksville, Maryland
Overheard by: I can see why
Categories: Compare and contrast | Friends | Girls | Maryland | Weirdness | Posted 2010-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...You're in for One Miserable Ride.
Angry girl to group of male friends: You can sleep with my mother, you can kill my father, you can burn down my house, but if you fuck with my bike...
Harvard University
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Veli Velo
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Family ties | Friends | Girls | Massachusetts | Murder | Sex | Violence | Posted 2010-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight's Movie: Good Will Cunting
Girl to friend doing geometry worksheet: If the answer's 27.5, my vagina is a genius.
Tampa, Florida
...In the Soft Porn Industry
Pretty hipster to hipster friend with iPhone: Danny! Stop taking pictures of random girls!
Hipster friend with iPhone: I can't help it, I need them for my work...
Elkhart, Indiana
Categories: Cell phones | Friends | Hipsters | Indiana | Jobs & Careers | Posted 2010-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No More Babysitting for You, Suzanne.
Nerdy girl to Asian friend: I mean, it was pathetic. I could've had my top off and had a sign around my neck that said "free blowjobs" and they wouldn't have noticed. They were all crowded around Mike watching him play Pokemon.
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Asians | BJs | Body parts | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Friends | Games | Illinois | Posted 2010-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Perhaps Buy a Special Bra.
Girl to friends: Mine is, like, nubby!
Friend: You should probably get that checked out...
Culver, Indiana
Categories: Advice | Friends | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Indiana | Posted 2010-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Culinary Students Have Orgies
Tiny college girl waiting in line: The cookies are soooooo good!
Tall male friend, confused: The ice cream?
Tiny college girl: The penises!
Tall male friend: Oh!
Tiny college girl: We just didn't let them cool!
Stop & Shop
Manhattan, New York
It's More About the Attitude Than the Plumbing
Gay guy to female friend: Just because I have testicles doesn't mean I'm any less of a woman.
Saskatchewan
Canadia
Categories: Balls | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Friends | Gender issues | Queers | Posted 2010-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Divine Intervention?
20-something girl to friend: Why are there needles in my bible?
Orlando, Florida
We Blame Sex & the City for This Conversation
Fun date #1: I hate it when guys want to cum on your face every time.
Fun date #2: Yeah, it gets in your eyes.
Fun date #1: And in your hair.
Fun date #3: Once in a while is okay, but not every time.
Outside Coffee Shop
Harrisonburg, Virginia
Overheard by: browny
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Body parts | Cum | Friends | Gripes | Time Management | Virginia | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2010-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Going to Congress!
Student to friend: Just put the rape stick in the alcohol bag.
American University
Washington, DC
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Friends | Students | Violence | Washington, DC | Weirdness | Posted 2010-05-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She's All, "This Party Smells Like Salami"
Party goer #1: That girl is wasted.
Party goer #2: Which one?
Party goer #1: The one with the blue shirt and lip ring.
Party goer #2: That's not a lip ring, she's got a piece of meat stuck to her face.
Burlington, Vermont
Overheard by: Tim
Yet You Won't Swallow Your Husband's Semen?
Middle-aged woman with dog: Oh, she peed on my foot. That's your pee. That's your love juice. Did you put your love juice on me? You gave me your love juice.
Woman's friend: It's on your shirt now.
Middle-aged woman: Oh, she pissed on my shirt? It's okay, it's just love juice. Come here, stinks. Come here, stinky. It's just pee. Come, gimme kisses, stink-stink.
Woman's friend: Here, maybe you should let me hold her.
Middle-aged woman, hissing: Get away from my stinky! She gave me her love juice, not you.
Starbucks
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Pips
Categories: Animals | Body parts | California | Feelings | Friends | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Pee | Questions | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2010-05-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
With Each Revelation, the Female Mystery Only Deepens
Blind old lady to old lady friend: Oh my, you started peeing so fast.
Old lady friend: Yes, it's because I stand up.
Blind old lady: Ohhhh...
Old lady friend: Yes, not a lot of women know how to stand up, you know.
Blind old lady: Yes, that's true. My mother used to stand.
CSULA Women's Bathroom
California
Overheard by: itshahaholly
Categories: California | Disabled | Friends | Gender issues | Old folks | Parenting | Pee | Restroom | Posted 2010-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Use Birth Control
Woman to friend: So I killed three of them already. I guess that means I should lose some weight.
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: corey
Now If Only I Could Marry Louis Vuitton
Really skinny sorority girl: I paid my rent and then I spent the rest, $700, on this new Louis Vuitton (squeals and hugs the purse). But now I have 30 bucks to last a whole month. Looks like I'll be dating for dinner or eating crackers.
Sorority friend: You spent twice as much on your bag as you did your rent! At least you paid your rent on time! Don't worry, you'll find dates. That purse is totally worth it!
Really skinny sorority girl: I know, right, I should just live in my purse. I think that is why married women get fat: they can finally afford to eat. You know my ass is getting fat when I get married.
IHOP
Dallas, Texas
Categories: Ass | Diet & weight | Fashion | Food | Friends | Money | Relationships | Shopping | Skinny people | Sorority types | Texas | Posted 2010-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Never Drink With Master Debaters, Dear Reader
Guy among friends: This conversation is too logical for me.
Bar
Norway
And When Did "Baby Got Back" Become a Wedding Song?
Black 20-something guy to friend: Sir Mix-a-Lot killed more black people in the 90s than heart disease and Aids combined.
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: I know his pain
Categories: Arizona | Black people | Compare and contrast | Friends | Maladies | Murder | Race | Posted 2010-05-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...of Death!
20-something girl looking at picture: Isn't he so hot with his nunchucks?"
20-something guy friend: Those are called "muttonchops."
Bar
Connecticut
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Beauty | Connecticut | Friends | Girls | Guys | Hair | Words | Posted 2010-05-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Always Thought a Zeppoli Was That Big Machine on Ice Rinks
Guy: Yeah, this woman over at the Sun-Times building used to make this focaccia bread for us, it was great. But she was Italian-American though, she didn't know, she didn't even know what a cannoli was!
Friend: What!?
Guy: Yeah! And, like, zeppoli, she didn't know what a zeppoli was either! And those are like the two big things, y'know?
Friend: Oh, man!
Guy: That's what happens! That's what happens when you mix up the blood!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: SOB: Stale Off the Boat
Cat Owners Totally Sympathize
Yoga instructor to friend: I've always wanted to throw up on a cat.
Berkeley, California
Categories: Animals | California | Friends | Health & Hygiene | Sensory experiences | Teachers | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2010-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Saving Those for the Yearbook
Ambiguous boy, yelling to friend across hall: And no pictures of me without pants!
High School
Nashville, Tennessee
The "Hugs, Not Drugs" Campaign Has Had Mixed Results
Huge gangsta boy: Maaaan, gimme a hug!
Preppy white friend: What?! No!
Huge gansta boy: What the fuck, man, just gimme a goddam hug!
High School
Nashville, Tennessee
Categories: Feelings | Friends | Insults | Offers and requests | Preppies | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Tennessee | Thugs | Whiteys | Posted 2010-01-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So You're Not Really an Elderly Asian Man?
Girl to friend: Sometimes I lie. (pause) Usually... I'm lying.
Novi, Michigan
Being the Midwest Corn Princess Is Not Without Its Benefits
Hot brunette to guy friend: I just really want to get it, you know, so I can fuck it in its ear.
Guy: Ugh, me too!
Liberty State Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: Julia
Categories: Bimbettes | Body parts | Friends | Guys | Kink | New Jersey | Wishes | Posted 2010-01-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The New Party Game That's Sweeping Pennsylvania!
Girl to friend: Which would you rather die first, the dog or your dad?
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Family ties | Friends | Girls | Pennsylvania | Questions | Posted 2010-01-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Elizabeth Bennet on Her Honeymoon
20-something woman to friend: So, that was how my morning started: waking up with a man I am not overly fond of.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: my morning started a little better
Categories: Feelings | Friends | Overheard in Minneapolis | Relationships | Women | Posted 2010-01-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
These New Refrigeration Bras Are Fabulous
Middle-age woman to friend: We're smuggling beer! We're smuggling beer!
Fisherman's Wharf
San Francisco, California
Categories: Crimes | Drinking & drunks | Friends | San Francisco | Women | Posted 2010-01-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Until Dinner, Though.
Wannabe hipster girl: I'm anorexic!
Wannabe hipster friend: No way!
Wannabe hipster girl: No, seriously! I'm anorexic since lunch.
Wannabe hipster friend: Okay.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: the actual hipsters were way more polite
Categories: Food | Friends | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Hipsters | Overheard in Minneapolis | Stupidity | Posted 2010-01-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Geeks and Sexual Experimentation Are Often a Perilous Combo
Student to friend: Could you imagine having a test tube shatter while it is up your ass, or worse? I know a girl that it happened to!
Cabra Dominican College
Australia
Categories: Ass | Australia | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Friends | Health & Hygiene | Science | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2010-01-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Childhood Dream Is Finally Coming True!
Girl to friend: Like, oh my god! I just got mistaken for a sales clerk at freakin' Levi's!
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: seastardodell
Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Friends | Girls | Jobs & Careers | Washington | Posted 2010-01-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At the Time, I Considered a March on Washington.
Girl to friend: The Oscars don't really mean shit. I mean, personally, I feel it was a crime when they overlooked Eddie Vedder for best supporting actor in singles.
Atlanta, Georgia
Do I Know You?
Guy on crowded bus to friend: My undies are going to smell like Mexican food for a day and a half.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: I don't want to know
Categories: Bus | Compare and contrast | Food | Friends | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sensory experiences | Undies | Posted 2010-01-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then He Was Like, "This Is a Job Interview, Tanya."
Black teen girl to friend: He was like "you're so high you don't even know what to do!" and I was like "nigga, this ain't the first time I smoked!"
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Hancock
Best. Quote Location. Ever.
Male roommate to another: Don't jump on me. I have a boner.
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Erections | Friends | New Jersey | Sex | Posted 2010-01-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Tha'ts My New Profile Photo!
Girl to friend: Stop! Theirs a picture of his finger in my vagina.
Uninc Loudoun County, Virginia
That Still Doesn't Explain Yao Ming
Guy to friend: If one person is about 1.5 meters tall, two people would be three hundred meters.
Shout-out: talovich.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Yugan Dali
Categories: Friends | Guys | Other sites | Science | Stupidity | Posted 2010-01-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And You Thought SpongeBob Was Gay
Teenage girl to friend: Anyway, I think he likes me... He gave me a sponge bath last night.
Victoria
Australia
Overheard by: Ineke
Doughnuts, at Least, Are Cheaper by the Dozen
Mother to daughter: And soon you'll be having babies...
Daughter's friend: I want a baby.
Daughter: What?!
Friend: Actually I want a doughnut, but no one was listening to me.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: and i want a pony
Ooh, and Some Scrambled Eggs!
Girl to friend: I'm going to order a pint. Or do we just want to split a pitcher?
Friend: I'm pregnant, remember?
Girl: Oh, yeah. But I thought you were planning to abort it?
Friend: I am. (sighs) Okay, let's get a pitcher.
Bar
Zwankendamme
Belgium
Categories: Abortion | Bars & Clubs | Belgium | Drinking & drunks | Friends | Girls | Pregnancy | Questions | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Say "Trouser," This Conversation Is Over.
Girl: I was thrown up on by a snake yesterday.
Friend: What kind of snake?
Subway
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Robbo
Many Start; Few Are Able to Finish
Guy to group of friends: I don't think I could ever do anything like that.
Girl: Oh, is this about the circle jerk?
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Friends | Guys | Kink | Masturbation | Questions | Posted 2009-12-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ever Dated Anyone from Seattle?
Trendy Asian on crowded platform: It smells like hot ass in here.
Trendy Asian friend: How would you know what hot ass smells like?
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: TrainRider
Categories: Asians | Ass | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Friends | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-12-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Wasn't Until Cambodia That Josh Fell Silent
20-something Jewish guy, breaking silence: It ain't easy growing up Jewish in New York City.
20-something friend: Will you stop going on about that to every person we meet?
Boat Tour
Central Vietnam
Overheard by: its not easy growing up
Is It Too Late for a Teachable Moment?
Manly guy to male friend carrying fake baby for parenting class: So, did Beth* get her period yet?
Wichita, Kansas
And by "Celebrating Mass" I Mean Exactly What You Think I Mean
18-year-old guy to friend: If I liked kids, I would be celebrating mass at a Catholic church.
Mexico City
Mexico
Overheard by: Kafnut
Categories: Central America | Christianity | Friends | Kids | Teens | Posted 2009-12-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Hides It under All the Ruffles
Woman, pointing to dress: That's nice and flowy. Not for me, but totally something Christine would wear.
Friend, indifferent: Oh yeah, Christine.
Woman: She throws up her food, though.
Friend, trailing off: Oh yeah, that's right.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: alexis
Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Food | Friends | Health & Hygiene | Overheard in Minneapolis | Women | Posted 2009-12-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not The Lake House Good, But What Is?
15-year-old thug, to thug friends: Hmm... P.S. I Love You. That was actually a pretty good movie.
Promenade de Cathedral
Montreal
Canadia
Overheard by: Reb
Strip Poker Has Sure Changed a Lot Since I Was in College
Girl to friends: I always win, though... and it's pretty easy. I just hit him until he takes it off.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: disturbed onlooker
Categories: Friends | Girls | Overheard in Minneapolis | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Eventually Re-Tell It in the Feature Film What's Glove Got to Do with It?
Girl to female friend: Yes, if I get the job at the CDC I will celebrate your chlamydia as an inspirational story.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Eavesdrop DC | Friends | Girls | Jobs & Careers | STDs | Posted 2009-12-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
B.D. Wong Discusses His Performance on Law & Order: SVU
Student to friend: I was going for Asian and it came out pedophile.
Otago University
New Zealand
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Friends | New Zealand | Race | Sex | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Remember "Sweaty Boobs"?
Friend #1: I just want a Dance Dance Revolution mat that won't skid around on the floor while I dance on it. I am thinking about covering my old one in an unskiddable material.
Friend #2: Well, you could try human skin.
Friend #1: Does it skid?
Friend #2: Only when wet.
Gamestop
Omaha, Nebraska.
Which Has a Built-In Polygraph
Teen, trying to convince friends: He wasn't lying! It was on Facebook!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: the usher
Categories: Friends | Internet | Lies | Overheard in Minneapolis | Teens | Posted 2009-12-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Are You Even Here, Mary Anne?
Teen to friend at urinal: How many people do you think have whacked off into this urinal?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: seriously?
Categories: Friends | Masturbation | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Restroom | Teens | Posted 2009-12-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Beginning to Regret Making Smoke-Signals Our Primary Form Of Communication
Young woman: And if he's still giving you mixed signals, he can just go suck his own dick.
Frustrated friend: That's the point! If he'd give me a clear sign, I'd do it for him!
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
It'll Keep Your Mother-in-Law Amused for Hours
Woman: Well, they tie the sheep up to a stake and use it as bait.
Man: Really?
Woman: Yeah, just tie it on up and you're set...
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Bait for what?
Categories: Advice | Animals | California | Friends | Posted 2009-12-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In the Same Way We Fail to Feel Bad for Cher
Coworker, on animal testing: I just can't feel bad for lab rats, cause they're man-made.
Friend: Seriously, dude.
Winter Park, Florida
Overheard by: Cassie
...As the Terms Of the Game Go for the Black Guys Require.
Girl to friend, heading to bar: I'm going straight for the black guys!
Toronto
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: StellaEllaOla
Categories: Canadia | Friends | Girls | Race | Relationships | Posted 2009-12-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You've Never Been Forced to Go to Bible Camp, You Can't Judge.
Woman to friend: And her therapist is saying she doesn't need any more therapy sessions. I mean, she was cutting herself at camp a only month ago!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: not appropriate in the hardware store
Categories: Friends | Mental illnesses | Overheard in Minneapolis | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Alternate Ending to Stand by Me
Guy on bicycle: Hey guys, what should we do when we get home?
Bike friend #1: Hmm... I don't know.
Bike friend #2: Let's masturbate!
Guy on bicycle: Yeah!
University of California
Santa Barbara, California
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Friends | Guys | Masturbation | Questions | Posted 2009-12-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dream Big, Kids.
Girl: I want a squirrel.
Friend: I want a cheeseburger.
UT
Austin, Texas
...That's an Erection, Joey.
Teenage boy to friend: Oh, damn, my skin's turning purple again!
Friend: Your skin's turning purple again?
Teenage boy: Yeah!
Friend: Oh, damn!
Charleston, South Carolina
Categories: Body parts | Friends | Sensory experiences | South Carolina | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Why Do You Think I'm Gay?
Crying girl: I have always wanted to have kids, you know? Now I can't.
Friend: It's really not that bad.
Crying girl: No, the doctor said I can never get pregnant!
Friend: Look at it this way: you can have tons of sex and never have to worry about it. I think it's a pretty sweet deal!
Random guy: I agree with you, sista.
San Francisco, California
Introducing Madame Toussaud's Naughtiest Exhibition Yet
Enthusiastic undergraduate to group of friends: I never knew you could do that with wax!
Oxford
England
Overheard by: Intrigued Grad Student
Moral: Never Ask Someone "Why Are You Walking Like That?"
Girl to friend: It's like karma in the butt, you know?
Friend: (pained expression on face, agreeing)
San Francisco, California
The Day I Met Charlie Sheen
Dude to friends: So he had this towel spread out on the bed, and he popped a cherry in his mouth...
San Luis Obispo, California
That Was the Good News. The Bad News Was, I'd Swallowed It.
Girl to friend: And then, all of a sudden, everything became totally clear. It was like the clouds parted and I just knew. I knew where my purse was.
Columbia, Missouri
When Rappers Teach Geography
Girl to friends: Fuck Europe! I got Tanzania all up on my ass!
Atlanta, Georgia
Or Gave Me Religious Pamphlets. I Forget.
20-something girl: Do you remember that guy last night?
Friend: Oh, him? Yeah, I think he motor-boated me.
Canisius College
Buffalo, New York
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Friends | Girls | New York | Questions | Rack | Sensory experiences | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Hard to Be Fast When You're Really Husky
Chick, seriously: Corn's one of them slow motherfuckers.
Friend, upset: Whores.
Aurora, Colorado
Overheard by: Leevee
Categories: Chicks | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Friends | Insults | Posted 2009-11-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Easier to Write the Paper Than Its Outline
Student, about assignment she's written: It's supposed to be (emphasizes with hands) that, that, then that, then that! But it's all blah blah blah blah! You know?
Friend: Is you introduction all dot, dot, dot at least?
Student: Yeah.
University of South Australia
Adelaide
Australia
Overheard by: fellow stressed out uni student
That's the Last Time I'll Give Her Something for Safekeeping
Bro to friend: Well, that's in your sister's vagina, so I don't know how you feel about that.
High School
Illinois
Overheard by: Chloe
Categories: Family ties | Feelings | Friends | Illinois | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Vagina | Posted 2009-11-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yesterday When I Hugged Her, She Crumbled a Little
Cute guy: Dude, I have to break up with her.
Friend: Yeah, why?
Cute guy: Cause every time I look at her, I think how nice it would be to have a girlfriend who didn't look like she was born in 100,000 BC.
Friend: Woah, that's harsh. But I see what you're saying.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Age and ageing | Friends | Guys | Pennsylvania | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Many People Feel That Way About Courtney Love
40-something female suit to friends: I just wanted to cover her in Lysol!
San Jose, California
Overheard by: Wondering what the rest of the conversation was...
Categories: California | Cleanliness | Friends | Suits | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-11-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Something Grave, Anyway.
Catechism teacher: Where's Eric today?
Eric's friend: Eric's at the hospital with his mom.
Catechism teacher, concerned: Why?
Eric's friend: Cuz she has a tombstone, or something like that.
Rochester Hills, Michigan
Overheard by: Betsy
Why Is That Always Your Question?
College girl: I really want to go as Superman!
Friend: You aren't going to stuff your crotch, are you?
Melbourne University
Australia
Categories: Australia | Colleges & Universities | Friends | Pop culture | Sorority types | Vagina | Wishes | Posted 2009-11-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Let Me Hear the Rest Of That
Jailbait to friends: I just hate being handled, you know?
Giggly friend: Ew!
Jailbait: No, I mean, like... (trails off)
Construction worker, softly, to himself: Oh please, god...
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: do not want
You're So Full Of Shit, Jason
Jock: Our soccer team's like the colon--it's probably there for a reason but no one knows what it is.
Friend: That's the appendix.
Westminster, Maryland
Categories: Body parts | Compare and contrast | Friends | Health & Hygiene | Jocks | Maryland | Stupidity | Posted 2009-11-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She's Worried I'll Don Their Gay Apparel
Teenage scene girl: I'm going to American Apparel to apply for a job.
Friend: Do you think you'll get the job?
Teenage scene girl: Yeah, but I don't think my mom will let me.
Friend: Why?
Teenage scene girl: There are lesbians there.
McDonald's
Manhattan, New York
Categories: Friends | Girls | Jobs & Careers | McDonald's | New York | Parenting | Questions | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2009-10-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Type Of Question That Should Be on the SATs
Teenage boy to school friend: Dude, why would you buy a pocket vagina and not use it?
High School
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Murray
Categories: Connecticut | Friends | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Shopping | Teens | Toys | Vagina | Posted 2009-10-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...How Were Your Midterms?
20-year-old guy to his friend: So then I finally find my laptop in the dumpster, covered in semen, so that's how that went.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Vanessa Duguay
Adam and Eve Were Initially Quite Confused About Sex
Girl to friend: Yes, but he can't pick it off an apple tree that comes out of my vag.
Dorm
Washington, DC
He Just Sings Instead Of Talking
Female student to friend at bus stop: So, he was, like, freakishly quiet, but every now and then he would bust out with something that, you know, we would say, you know, like, (bursts into song) "Do you like waffles? Yeah, I like waffles!" (in normal voice) And, you know, I would be, like, "Woah! He is a real person."
University of Oklahoma
Overheard by: becauseobviouslyallnormalpeoplelikewaffles
The Five-Second Rule Absolutely Applies to Boobs
Girl on birth control: I think my boobs grew!
Friend, grabbing her boob: Really?!
Girl's boyfriend, slapping friend's hand away: Hey, hey, too long!
Jersey City, New Jersey
Terrible Mileage
Guy to friend: Yeah, I don't know what's wrong with it, but my hamster just isn't working right.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Not-at-all 21
Categories: Animals | Friends | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Pennsylvania | Posted 2009-10-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Plus, Mom and Aunt Betty Stopped Speaking
High school girl to friend: And then I... oh, wait... I heard this from from my boyfriend, and I just can't believe it. I can't believe you stopped dating your cousin!
Friend: I know, but it just wasn't working out.
Colton, California
Overheard by: Kip K.E.H.
Categories: California | Family ties | Friends | Relationships | Students | Posted 2009-10-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How the Farmers' Market Got Rated NC-17
Lady to friend: I don't care that it's a squash, it's still inappropriate... legs spread everywhere.
Farmers' Market
Oregon
Overheard by: Shea
Try Reading to Them or Something
Loud girl to friend: Calm your nipples, bitch!
Huntington, New York
Overheard by: Sarah
As the Title Of My Autobiography Clearly States
14-year-old boy to punk friends: Jesus loves me, and I don't give a damn.
Portland, Oregon
Why Pornographic Snowmen Never Work
Woman to friend: Well, yeah, but then it got wet, so it fell off...
Vallejo, California
Overheard by: Jerod T.
Categories: California | Friends | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Where No One Knows My Identity.
Guy to friends: I use condoms in town, but skeet out of town.
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Eve's dropper
Categories: Compare and contrast | Condoms | Friends | Guys | Tennessee | Posted 2009-10-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Has Made Her Extremely Popular
Middle aged woman, casually to friend: And she hasn't worn pants to school since 7th grade.
Woodinville, Washington
Overheard by: The employee washing the window behind them
...I Was Born to Be a Reality-Show Contestant
Skinny girl: My sister is on a diet now, I don't like it. First she's taller than me, but that's okay, I got over it. I just don't want her to be skinnier than me.
Guy friend: You should be happy for her.
Skinny girl: No way! I'm below that.
Vancouver
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Diet & weight | Family ties | Friends | Girls | Guys | Happiness | Skinny people | Stupidity | Posted 2009-10-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Focus, Britney!
Female student: I came home last night and found my roommate sitting on the kitchen floor, crying and holding a bottle of Jägermeister and a recipe for homemade enchiladas.
Dumb friend: I didn't know you made enchiladas with Jägermeister.
University of Colorado, Boulder
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Drinking & drunks | Food | Friends | Idiots | Students | Stupidity | Posted 2009-10-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Get Thee to a Nunnery!
Strange man to lightly-dressed girls sitting on bench: Thank you! Have a good night!
(leaves)
Girl to friend: Oh my god. He licked your hand. Ohmigod! He. Licked. Your. Hand!
Montreal
Quebec
Canadia
Overheard by: And it tasted like humus.
...Under "Skills".
Blonde: I have this theory that babies who were born late are like always late to stuff. And babies who were born early, like premature, are always early.
Friend: Really?
Blonde: Yeah, it's like, on my resume.
Brisbane
Australia
Categories: Australia | Compare and contrast | Friends | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Pregnancy | Science | Posted 2009-10-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And the Passengers Know a Lot More About Star Trek
Friend #1: He actually has had sex before.
Friend #2: What! I thought he was on the V-boat with me!
Friend #1: The V-boat?
Friend #2: It's like a U-boat, but sadder.
Montreal
Canadia
Overheard by: Not on the boat
Are You...Part Cat?
Teenage girl to friend: I feel like if you eat my hair, we'll be more connected.
Fair Haven, New Jersey
Categories: Feelings | Friends | Hair | New Jersey | Relationships | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Do You Go to Church?
Girl to friend: It's like someone touches your cunt and you get all happy.
Easton, Maryland
I Promised My Mom
Girl with friends walking by my door: No, no... sixteen! Sixteen is the age to get pregnant.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Did I miss something?
Categories: Advice | Age and ageing | Friends | Girls | Overheard in Minneapolis | Pregnancy | Stupidity | Posted 2009-10-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Adam Sandler's Comedy Hasn't Evolved Much
Lady talking to friend: My little boy just loves balls. All I hear is balls,balls, balls...
Wal-Mart
Anniston, Alabama
Overheard by: Tyler
Alice Passed; Her Liver Failed
Girl, walking across campus with friends: I think two beers and a shot is the perfect amount for that class!
University of Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Education | Friends | Girls | Sorority types | Posted 2009-10-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sometimes They Play Backup with Paperclip Castanets
Clarinet girl: I have, like, this fetish with office supplies, especially the electric stapler.
Friend: Oh my god! What?
Clarinet girl: Yeah, sometimes my roommate and I dance with it. And the boys above us creep at our window.
Friend: Oh... interesting.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Glad I don't live near them... And glad I wasn't stuck with either of them as a roommate.
At Least He Only Wanted My Clothes.
Teen to friends: Yeah, as if getting mugged isn't bad enough, it's even worse when the dude is naked.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: jfa.
Categories: Compare and contrast | Friends | Overheard in Minneapolis | Teens | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Too Late.
Man to friends: I think I'm finally gonna quit my job and write the sitcom I've always wanted to, about the sassy robot.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Eavesdrop DC | Friends | Jobs & Careers | TV shows | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-09-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Genies Are Wasted on Blondes
Red-headed friend to blonde friend: If I had a special power it would be to fly!
Blonde friend, seriously: If I had a special power I would have a microwave in my mouth so that I could cook anything I wanted, whenever I wanted.
Red-headed friend: You could never get salmonella again!
Blonde friend: I know, right? It's my best idea yet!
Canada's Wonderland
Toronto
Canadia
Evidence That Sex and the City Would've Been a *Lot* More Interesting If It Had Involved Plus-Sized Sistahs
Plus-size sistah: And that damn condom came off!
Friend: Oh, shit, girl! What happened?
Plus-size sistah: I dunno. It's still up in there.
Friend: What? How long?
Plus-size sistah: It's been three days. I can't reach that bitch!
Friend: Girl! That's nasty! And if you askin' what I think you askin', you can forget it!
Restaurant, Chinatown
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Joe
Categories: Biotechs | Condoms | Fat people | Friends | Questions | Restaurants | Vagina | Washington, DC | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Best. Peer Advisor. Ever.
Curious friend: Doesn't your mouth get tired?
Small Asian girl: That's what my hands are for!
Curious friend: Don't your arms get tired?!
Small Asian girl: That's what my mouth is for!
Curious friend: What do you do when both get tired?
Small Asian girl: Oh, that's when he puts it in my butt.
Hoboken, New Jersey
An Inflatable Friend
Old guy to friend: He got a new girl who works in the sex industry... and you know his fantasy has always been two women. I told him it'd never happen, but apparently it did. His girl has a friend who was willing to play along...
Holland, Michigan
Categories: Friends | Jobs & Careers | Kink | Michigan | Old folks | Relationships | Posted 2009-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Brad's Mistake Was Majoring in Women's Studies
Guy to friend: Why do I have such a small dick?
SUNY Binghamton
New York
Social Norms Are Different in the People's Republic
10-year-old boy to friend, about Austin Powers: Your mom let you watch that movie? She doesn't even let you have sugar!
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Kaitlen
And a Fun and Flirty One
Girl, returning from holidays in America: So yeah, I got put in actual jail.
Friend: For drinking on the beach?
Girl: Yup, got the orange jumpsuit and all.
Friend: Did you get to keep it?
Girl: I didn't like to ask, to be honest. Would've been a savage souvenir, though.
UCC Campus
Ireland
Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Colleges & Universities | Crimes | Drinking & drunks | Friends | Girls | Holidays | Ireland | Questions | Posted 2009-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Ben and Jerry Are Such Studs
Girl to friend: And he tried to order frozen yogurt, so I didn't sleep with him. If you want to bang me, you have to eat full-fat ice cream!
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Categories: Diet & weight | Food | Friends | Girls | Pennsylvania | Sex | Wishes | Posted 2009-09-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Any Questions?
Woman, showing friend around: And this skyline is where I had my first pregnancy test. It was negative.
Ludlow
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Alison
Categories: Friends | Memory lane | Ohio | Pregnancy | Women | Posted 2009-09-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ladies, Please Watch Your Actions.
Female track jock, to friend: So I had this fucking hair up my fucking ass.
Private school football coach, overhearing: Ladies, please watch you language.
Female track jock: I had a hair up my butt.
El Paso, Texas