Celebritywit


Family All Categories > People > Family

Recent | Best Of

 

From Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Giving Head

Girl #1: Well, you know she gave that guy a blow job when three other people were in the room. Someone was bound to find out.
Girl #2: I've never even done it in front of people.
Girl #1: Me either, I'm not that slutty.
Younger girl with them: Oh, guess just me then?
Girl #1: You gave someone a blowjob with people watching?!
Younger girl: Uh, yeah. Back when I was 15 and drunk.
Girl #1: I'm your aunt: should you really have told me that, McSlutty?

Park
San Diego, California

Instead of Prison, Convicts Should Be Sentenced to Host Slumber Parties

Group of little girls to window poster: Hannah Montana! Hannah Montana! Hannah Montana!
Exasperated father: Don't kiss that!

Mall
San Diego, California

Just the Ones That Don't Fly, Kiddo

Five-year-old to grandma: You're just jealous cuz you don't like monkeys.

Target
Virginia


Overheard by: JH


Categories: Animals | Default | Family | Feelings | Kids | Kids | Old folks | Stores | Virginia | Posted 2008-06-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Hugging Is a Chick Thing, Dude

Dude #1, watching TV: That's gross, man... He's hugging a dead person.
Dude #2: It's his brother man. What if your mom just died... Wouldn't you hug her?
Dude #1: Well yeah. I guess I would...
Dude #2: Ewwwww.

Lake View Terrace, California


Categories: California | Death & dying | Family | Family ties | Friends | Guys | Questions | Posted 2008-05-12 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Let's Hope English Isn't Her First Language and Move On

Old lady speaking to granddaughter: What exactly is a handjob?

Huddersfield
England


Overheard by: your how old and you don't know what?


Categories: Euphemisms | Family | Masturbation | Old folks | Questions | UK | Women | Words | Posted 2008-05-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Is That Why You Keep Flinging Rocks at My Forehead?

Little boy: I don't have a grandma!
Grandma: Yes you do sweetie...
Little boy: No! I don't have a grandma!
Grandma: Yes you do...
Little boy: No, you're a giant!

Grocery Store
Colorado


Overheard by: Not a Giant or a Grandma

Someone's Been Reading People at the Dentist's Office

Mom: Did you hear that Harry Lee died?
20-something daughter: Yea, and Sylvester Stallone came to the funeral, I thought that was odd.
Previously uninterested dad: Interesting fact about Sylvester Stallone- he has a penial implant.

Baton Rouge, Louisiana


Categories: About celebrities | Dads | Death & dying | Family | Girls | Gossip | Louisiana | Moms | Penis | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

If You're Really Bad, I'll Make You Go in the Ball Pit

Angry father, to young daughter: Do you wanna go to Chuck E. Cheese?
Daughter: [scared silence]
Father: Then stop touching shit!

Wal-Mart
Long Island, New York


Overheard by: Molly BOOM


Categories: Dads | Default | Etiquette | Family | Food | Girls | Kids | Kids | New York | Offers and requests | Shopping | Stores | Wishes | Posted 2008-04-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

90% of the Time, Your Kids Won't Even Appreciate Your Brilliance

Small child, pointing to an "eat pussy" graffiti painted on the side of a restaurant: Daddy, what does that say?
Father: It's a menu.

Toronto
Canadia


Overheard by: Chikara


Categories: Canadia | Dads | Default | Euphemisms | Family | Family ties | Food | Kids | Kids | Questions | Restaurants | Words | Posted 2008-04-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But Smokers and Belchers Rise Straight to the Top

Grandpa to grandson: ... And no one but nobody can be a young leader if they crack their knuckles!

Washington, DC


Categories: Advice | Default | Family | Health & Hygiene | Lies | Old folks | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-03-21 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

... Without People Getting All Weird about It

Boy: I wish everything in the world was made of chocolate.
Grandfather: That would sure be interesting!
Boy: Yeah. Then I could eat my brother...

Waterford, Michigan

Overheard by: Gary Lewis


Categories: Comebacks | Default | Family | Family ties | Food | Kids | Michigan | Wishes | Posted 2008-03-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook