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Everyone in Retail Can Identify
Little boy, in sing-song: I believe I can fly! I believe I can... die!
Sales clerk: That's the sad version.
JC Penney
Columbia, Missouri
And, If You're at All Interested, Napoleon's in the Supply Closet.
Employee #1: It's been such a slow day. I feel like I've been here forever.
Employee #2: I know, right?
Employee #1: How about you? Today been slow for you too?
Employee #3: Nope. I discovered time travel.
Hardware Store
Agoura Hills, California
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Employees | Feelings | Jobs & Careers | Stores | Time Management | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Please Don't Get Angrified.
Cashier: Sorry, your credit card has been declineded.
Woman: Declineded?
Cashier: Um... Yes, the credit card people declineded it. Like, ya know, it's been denieded.
South Florida
Like a Tapir?
Cashier: I never noticed before, but you look like a meerkat.
Customer: Is that another Pokemon?
Yarmouth, Maine
Overheard by: Jade
Happily, Her Default Assumption Is Cancun.
Confused lady on PA: Ladies and gentleman, flight 250... Wait, where am I?
Airport
Salt Lake City, Utah
Categories: Airports & flights | Employees | Public Transportation | Questions | Utah | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Gonna Love Detroit, Sir
Social worker talking to hobo: What can I get for you, sir?
Hobo: How about a 9 mm semi-automatic gun?
Social worker: Well, I can't do that, but do you need bus tickets? Where are you going?
Hobo: Hell.
Social worker: Okay, I'll get those bus tickets then.
Hobo: Your hair's much nicer than mine.
Hospital
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: yooo
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Employees | Evil | Hair | Hobos | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And She Raised Them As Her Own.
Staff man: Yeah, she was freaking out. But the mouse had some babies before it passed...
Warped Tour
Columbia, Maryland
Is It Too Late to Start Over?
Customer: Do you sell Elastoplast?
Shop lady: What?
Customer: Do you sell Elastoplast?
Shop lady oh, I thought you said something about "the last of the Apaches."
Customer: That film was called The Last of the Mohicans.
Shop lady: What film?
Glasgow
Scotland
Overheard by: somedaftlassie
How International Incidents Begin
Gate attendant over PA: This is the final boarding call for Singapore Airlines flight 123.
(announcement is repeated several times over there)
Different voice, over pa: Singapore airlines, could you please not make so many announcements?
Airport
San Francisco, California
Categories: Airports & flights | Employees | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | San Francisco | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If They Nag, You Can Shoot 'em
Clerk: I love women. The only thing prettier than a woman is a deer.
Post Office
South Burlington, Vermont
Overheard by: Sweenan A. Mornstuy
Categories: Animals | Beauty | Compare and contrast | Employees | Gender issues | Post offices | Vermont | Posted 2009-11-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sorry, we don't do special orders, that's Burger King
Woman who's too old to work at McDonald's: So, you want cheese on your sausage, egg and cheese?
Customer: Umm... okay, sure, yeah.
Centereach, New York
And I Lied and Said, "No."
Fireman: And then he asked me if I'd ever covered my hand with a plastic bread bag, and then squished my shit around in the toilet... just to see what it feels like.
Maine
...So You Can Steal Their Social Security Checks.
Hispanic cleaning lady, about being a nurse in Mexico: It's not like over there, like say, if you accidentally kill an old person, you have to buy another one.
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: high school aide
Clay Aiken?
Student: I have that song "Ring My Bell" in my head.
Advisor #1: The one by Diana Ross.
Student: I think so.
Advisor #2, from adjacent cube: It's not Diana Ross.
Advisor #1: Well, who is it?
Advisor #2: I don't know, but not Diana Ross.
Student: And that song "In the Navy."
Advisor #2: That's not Diana Ross either. Just as gay, but not Diana Ross.
El Paso, Texas
Overheard by: Disco Dan
A Bravo TV Contestant!
School counselor, trying to get kids to guess a career: This person might work in fashion, or decorate houses...
Fourth grader: A gay guy!
Raleigh, North Carolina
Categories: Employees | Jobs & Careers | Kids | North Carolina | Sexuality | Posted 2009-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ironically, They Were Dancing to "Walk Like an Egyptian"
Hairdresser to client in salon: I really like Egypt, you know? I feel like I have a connection to Egypt, like I was there in a past life. Like, I was watching this show on the History Channel about Egypt? Or some place? And they have three religions there? The first one was this religion where everybody kisses this wall? Mmm-mm-mm-mm. They were making out with this wall! They loved that wall. And then the next religion, god told Abraham to kill his son? What kind of crazy religion is that? And then the third religion was all these people standing up, and bending down.
Client: They were probably Muslims. They were praying towards Mecca...
Hairdresser: Uh huh. And I said to my boyfriend, "that's good exercise." I was going to watch more, but Dancing with the Stars was on.
Collingswood, New Jersey
Categories: Clients | Employees | Geography | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Murder | New Jersey | Parenting | Religion | TV shows | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Life Gives You Avocados...
Checker, as customer places avocados on the belt: Are these lemons?
Grocery Store
Centerville, Utah
Overheard by: JC
Kid Surprises Are Fun, but Illegal
Woman #1, approaching register counter: Ooh! Kinder eggs! I love those things!
Woman #2: What are they?
Woman #1: They're chocolate! With something inside!
Cashier: They're hollow chocolate eggs.
Woman #1: With a surprise inside!
Woman #2: Ew!
Cashier: It's a toy.
Woman #2: Oh. A toy.
Cashier: Whoa, okay, just imagine you were a kid again, and what a surprise meant when you were a kid.
Woman #2: I know... I know. It's just, adult surprises are never fun.
Woman #1, walking out of store: What were you thinking it was going to be? A penis that would squirt all over you?
Woman #2: You never know! Adult surprises are always bad!
San Francisco, California
What If It's an Acquired Taste?
Woman #1: Hey, check this out.
Woman #2: What? Gross! Is that bacon? Is there really bacon in there?
Woman #1: Looks like it.
Cashier: I haven't personally tried it, but everyone who has says it's really good.
Woman #1: I bet it is!
Woman #2: No way. I mean... that's just too weird. Bacon? In chocolate? That's almost like bisexuality: I want to try it, but, I don't.
San Francisco, California
Categories: Compare and contrast | Employees | Food | San Francisco | Sexuality | Weirdness | Wishes | Women | Posted 2009-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Our Motto: "You'll Probably Be All Right"
Ride operator: This ride goes over 90 miles an hour... in your mind. We don't know if we can actually do that... without killing you. Enjoy.
Six Flags Magic Mountain
Valencia, California
Overheard by: praying the seatbelts don't fail
Categories: California | Employees | Health & Hygiene | Murder | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Mean, They All Act Kinda Retarded
Customs officer to woman with a cat: Can you prove that this cat is Canadian?
Canadian Customs
Pearson Airport, Toronto
Canadia
Misrepresent!
Suit on cell: Where do you think I am? I'm at work.
Ticket taker: All tickets and passes!
Suit on cell: I'll call you back. I have a conference call.
R7 Regional Rail
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: I'm at work too
Categories: Employees | Lies | Pennsylvania | Questions | Suits | Posted 2009-08-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Remember the First Time I Felt the Sting for Forceable Intercourse and the Warmth Of Dirt...
Tour guide: The vestal virgins would be raped and buried alive if they were no longer virgins. If they let the fire go out, they would just be buried alive.
Tourist: I dunno if that's any better.
Little old Japanese woman: Hey, at least the first way you get some thrills.
Colosseum
Rome
Italy
I'm Planning on Staying in New Jersey
Saleswoman: Have a nice day!
Irritated customer: I've already made other plans.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Steve
You're Sending Me a Lot Of Mixed Messages
Cashier: Our credit card machine is down right now. Will that be cash or credit?
Customer: Gee, I guess cash... then.
Fast Food Restaurant
Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Overheard by: Kate
...That Woman Is Fi Fie Foe Fine!
Crew member to friends: Oh, the gay cooks are nothing. I mean, yeah, they can have their feminine touches, but if you want real weird, you need Angela.
Friend: Angela? She sounds nice!
Crew member: She's head of security. She's two meters tall, and you need to take a step back before you can identify her as a woman.
Friend: Surely she's not that ugly?
Crew member: Oh look, there she is.
Friend: Oh my god!
Gent Jazz festival
Belgium
Since the Rain Machine Is Broken
Host to dumb tourist: Would you like to sit inside or in the garden?
Dumb tourist: What's the weather like in the garden?
Host: I'm going to guess that it's the same as outside the front door you just walked through.
Restaurant
Charleston, South Carolina
Overheard by: Crash
Categories: Employees | Idiots | Questions | Restaurants | Science | South Carolina | Stupidity | Tourists | Weather | Posted 2009-08-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Would Be a Lot Less Creepy If You'd Take Off the Nixon Mask
Driver, with boat in tow: How much?
Toll booth operator, in a sing-songy tone: Seven-fiftyyyyy!
Driver: What?
Toll booth operator, sing-songy: Highway robberyyyyy!
Toll Booth, Florida Turnpike
Sunrise, Florida
Overheard by: Broke Commuter
Would Any Other Country Name Its Team "the Patriots"?
Gay Blockbuster employee: I hear the New England Patriots are going to make it to the Super Bowl this year.
Customer: Yeah, I hope. They're my favorite team.
Gay Blockbuster employee: Wait, New England... Are other countries allowed to play in the Super Bowl?
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Are We Late to the Idiom Party or Something?
College therapist to class: Now take deep, slow breaths. We don't want stress to take over, because stress means purple elephants.
Marquette, Michigan
So Just Swear to Me You Aren't a Terrorist, and I'll Let You Through.
Poor overworked guy at counter: Please pardon my ignorance. My computers have collapsed, and that means my brain doesn't work anymore.
International Airport
New Orleans, Louisiana
Overheard by: Meaghan
Categories: Airports & flights | Body parts | Employees | Louisiana | Stupidity | Technology | Posted 2009-08-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...to Our Lord Jesus Christ.
Librarian at info desk: How are you today?
Gloomy guy: Not very well.
Librarian: Why not?
Guy: Oh, my girlfriend's being mean to me... Are you single?
Librarian, unfazed: No, I'm married.
West Lafayette, Indiana
Overheard by: Rachel S.
Wow. Suddenly I Loathe Myself.
Client: So, how will we work it out if I want a custom tattoo designed?
Tattoo artist: Have you ever been shopping with your girlfriend where you just sort of follow her around for a while and point stuff out until you figure out what she wants?
Client: Yeah...
Tattoo artist: It's just like that, except you're the girlfriend.
Americana Tattoo Parlor
Augusta, Georgia
Overheard by: Clarissa St. Tacocrotch
Then Where Are the Coconuts, Brainiac?
Tourist to park ranger: How do I get to Mt. Desert Island from here?
Park ranger: Ummm, you're standing on it.
Tourist: No, I'm not.
Park ranger: Yes, you are.
Tourist: This is ridiculous, I'm going to report you to the government.
Park ranger: No, really, you're on the island.
Mount Desert Island, Maine
AndNone Of Your Trickery Is Going to Get Me to Admit That We Do
Patron: Double cheeseburger and small fries, please.
Counter boy: We don't have small fries.
Patron: What sizes do you have?
Counter boy: Medium, large and extra large.
Patron: Which size is the smallest?
Counter boy: Medium is the smallest.
Patron: Fine. I'll take the smallest, then.
Counter boy: We don't have small fries.
McDonald's
Bloomington, Indianapolis
...If It Were Spelled with a Silent T.
Teenager: Hey, which terminal is baggage claim?
Airport employee: Terminal T.
Teenager: Wait...which one?
Airport employee: Terminal T. "T" as in "Charlie."
JFK Airport
New York City, New York
Overheard by:
Categories: Airports & flights | Employees | Names | New York | Public Transportation | Questions | Stupidity | Teens | Words | Posted 2009-07-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
There's One in Every Family
Little boy: Mommmmmm, I want a pet mouse.
Mother: No.
Little boy: Please? It can live in my room!
Mother: No! You know what will happen. I'll spend a hundred dollars on cages and food and toys, and Terry will just eat the bloody thing.
Pet shop worker to little boy: Is Terry your cat?
Little boy: No, my brother.
Pet Shop
Greensborough
Australia
Overheard by: Suitably Impressed
Elizabeth Berkley Bad?
Employee #1: Yeah, you know the stripper's bad when a married man says, "uh, no thanks, I'm married."
Employee #2, laughing: Man, that's bad.
Zoning Department, City Hall
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Compare and contrast | Employees | Illinois | Relationships | Sex | Posted 2009-06-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just the Check Then?
Waitress: Do you all need anything else?
Black guy: Do ya'll have some salvation back there in the kitchen?
Black girl: Are you for real? You makin' me laugh so much I'm gonna need a bucket, ya'll got a bucket back there too?
Perkins
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Deanna Gustav
Categories: Black people | Christianity | Default | Employees | Girls | Guys | Indiana | Offers and requests | Questions | Restaurants | Words | Posted 2009-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Says This Every Monday.
Tram driver to very black coworker: Have you been on vacation again? You've got a great tan going on!
Gothenburg
Sweden
Overheard by: Dan Sebastian
Howard Stern Had One Custom-Installed.
Server: We need a button on the computer for this...
Boss man: For what?
Server: Balls on your face.
Midlothian, Virginia
Overheard by: bec-uhh
Categories: Balls | Body parts | Default | Employees | Guys | Offers and requests | Questions | Servers | Technology | Virginia | Posted 2009-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or I Would If I Didn't Enjoy It So Much.
Reporter, at man's house after he hit someone at a kids' soccer game: Sir, how do you feel about your behavior?
Man, coming up to the door holding bowl of macaroni and cheese: I am ashamed. I slap my own face.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
But Good Luck Finding Feminist Theory There
Frazzled student at exam pick-up room: Where can I find religion?
Exam worker: The Catholic church across the street?
Smith College
Northampton, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Mary
Categories: Christianity | Colleges & Universities | Default | Employees | Massachusetts | Offers and requests | Questions | Religion | Students | Posted 2009-06-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nothing Reaffirms My Masculinity Better Than Tasting the Rainbow.
Angry male: You don't have a couch! Where are the boyfriends and husbands supposed to think?
Tiny shop assistant #1: I really don't know.
Tiny shop assistant #2: Well, we don't have a couch. But we do have Skittles!
Angry male: That will suffice.
Supre Store
Australia
Are You Allowed to Give Me That Advice?
Student, yelling at no one in particular: I can't believe this stupid book is $52! It's a fuckin' softcover 40-page book!
Bookstore employee: Dude, just photocopy it and return it.
Student: Ohhh! Good idea! Thanks!
Bookstore
Los Angeles, California
But I've Told Them We Don't Negotiate with Terrorists.
Children librarian, about girl scout troop outside: Um...they're throwing rocks at the windows.
Library
Suburbia, Illinois
Overheard by: martha
What Exactly Is on These Stamps?
Postal worker, about upcoming breast cancer research stamps: The scientists and the breasts will be out soon.
Post Office
Brentwood, Tennessee
Overheard by: just want to send a package
On the Plus Side, She Was Doing Some Pretty Nifty Baton Tricks
Security guard to woman who just drove over the curb: Are you drunk?
Woman driver: No, she (points to passenger) was distracting me with my vibrator!
Hospital Parking Lot
Denver, Colorado
Like "Reach Out and Touch Someone" Was Any Better?
Lecturer, about advertisements: A hug that lasts all day? What is that, like bondage?
Urbana, Illinois
Even Nymphs and Satyrs Need a Day Off, Sir
Man wearing cargo pants, on day before Easter: So what's this foolishness about you guys being closed tomorrow?
YMCA staff member: Apparently, we're celebrating Easter.
Man wearing cargo pants: But you guys are pagan!
Naperville, Illinois
Overheard by: Lauren
In the Glass Box That Says "Break in Case Of Emergency"
Guy, walking into Planned Parenthood: Hey, I just locked my keys in my car that's just around the corner. Can I borrow a coat hanger?
Girl working front desk: Uh, do you know where you are?
Guy: No.
Girl working front desk: Well, we keep 'em in the back!
Bloomington, Indiana
Overheard by: Morgan Roddy
Why You're Not Supposed to Return to the Scene Of a Crime
Little girl to store employee: Do you remember us?
Employee: Yes, of course I do.
Little girl: Oh, no! Run away! He remembers us!
Mission Viejo Mall
Mission Viejo, California
Categories: California | Default | Employees | Girls | Kids | Kids | Malls | Memory lane | Offers and requests | Questions | Posted 2009-05-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is That a Multiple Choice Question?
Hooker, yelling at pimp in parked car: Lemme axe you somethin: fuck you!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: rob w.
...Now It's My Turn to Say Something About Cavity Searches
Security: What are you studying?
Girl checking books in X-ray machine: Proper oral technique.
Security: (snickers)
Girl: Dentistry!
Security: Oh.
Airpot
Newcastle
England
Categories: Airports & flights | Candy | Default | Employees | England | Girls | Jobs & Careers | Questions | Posted 2009-05-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Fucking Paperwork
20-something client: How do you spell "Matthew?"
Confused staff: Matthew? As in a person's name? Like "Matthew Perry" Matthew?
20-something: Yeah, it's my middle name and I want to put it on my resume. Does it have two t's or one?
Unemployment Centre
Ontario
Canadia
...After You Put Your Legs Up on Your Desk, Ma'am.
Male lab instructor: So, really, it's totally unnatural for a human baby to pass through such a small birth canal when their heads are so big. But it's also unnatural for us to give birth laying down. We should stand. Then the canal is more open, and gravity does most of the work. We are fighting nature. Now, why am I talking about pregnancy? I lost my train of thought.
Anthropology Class
Kent State University, Ohio
Categories: Body parts | Class | Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Guys | Ohio | Pregnancy | Questions | Posted 2009-05-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Judge Me When You've Walked a Mile in My G-String, Okay?
Stripper, yelling at boyfriend: You don't have to shave your vagina everyday to get tips from bald, fifty-year-old men!
Lincoln, Nebraska
Overheard by: late night studier
Categories: Age and ageing | Default | Employees | Girls | Jobs & Careers | Money | Nebraska | Vagina | Posted 2009-05-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nobody Can Do Sexual Harassment Like the Insane
Crazy bag lady, loudly: I don't suck dick for pussy! I don't suck dick for pussy! I don't suck dick for pussy!
(sits down next to another passenger on the subway)
Crazy bag lady, now in passenger's face: I don't suck dick for pussy!
(female passenger gets up and moves)
Crazy bag lady: Why you jumping? Why you jumping, bitch!? You weren't jumpin' last night when that guy put his long ass dick in you last night!
Female passenger: Excuse me, ma'am, don't say that to me! You don't know me!
(subway train stops)
Conductor: City Hall station!
Female passenger: Excuse me, sir, there's a crazy lady on the subway harassing the other passengers.
Conductor: Oh, could you point her out to me?
(female passenger points to crazy woman yelling)
Conductor: Ma'am, are you bothering people?
Crazy bag lady: Why you tryin' to fuck me standing up!? Why don't you fuck me lying down like a gentleman!
Conductor: Ma'am, I'm calling the police.
Broad Street Line Subway
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Ass | BJs | Compare and contrast | Crazies | Default | Employees | Insults | Offers and requests | Penis | Pennsylvania | Public Transportation | Public transportation | Questions | Sex | Vagina | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Isn't Wellesley
Prospective student's mother: I hear there are a lot of lesbians on this campus.
Student tour guide: Well, it isn't like they jump out of the bushes and convert you or anything.
College, Colorado
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Gossip | Moms | Sexuality | Students | Women | Posted 2009-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Why We Have Matching Engagement Rings
Male tour guide: So, this building is wh...
Sorostitute: Oh my god! Mike! (hugs tour guide)
Male tour guide: Hi...how are you?
Sorostitute: I'm great, but I gotta run, call me!
Mom in tour: I thought you said your name was Josh!
Male tour guide: It is...I don't know who that was.
Eastern Michigan University
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Employees | Girls | Guys | Michigan | Names | Offers and requests | Questions | Sorority types | Weirdness | Posted 2009-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Especially If You Were Into Your Identical Daughter Cells
Microbiology lecturer: If you were a bacteria, this would be a highly pornographic image.
Melbourne University
Australia
Categories: Australia | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Porn | Science | Posted 2009-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, This Is Applebee's.
Intercom: The store will be closing in 15 minutes. Please bring your purchases to the front of the store to the check-out line. We hope you enjoyed your shopping experience. Thank you for shopping at K-Mart... Shit, I mean "Wal-Mart."
Wal-Mart
Massachusetts
Overheard by: Caitlin
Categories: Default | Employees | Massachusetts | Names | Offers and requests | Shopping | Stores | Posted 2009-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So He's More Of a Business Associate Than a Friend
Climbing instructor to terrified new climber being held by another: Is he or is he not your friend? Would a friend drop you?
Terrified new climber: Well, he's my husband, so I don't know!
Climbing Gym
New York City, New York
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | New York | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2009-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like Babies Do
Writer: That guy is so small he could get a job as a stunt midget.
Illustrator: Is that a real profession? I would have thought they did their own stunts.
Greenville Airport
Texas
Overheard by: Mike
Categories: Airports & flights | Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Jobs & Careers | Questions | Texas | Posted 2009-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Translation: "Welcome to New York, Muthafuckaaaas."
MTA worker to tourist mom buying tickets with daughter: 10 dollars.
Mom: Oh, but she's a student.
Worker, looking at daughter: Oh! How nice for you! (looks back at mom) Ten dollars please.
Subway Station
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Glad thats not my cheap-ass mom
Categories: Compliments | Default | Education | Employees | Moms | Money | New York | Offers and requests | Public transportation | Tourists | Women | Posted 2009-04-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Explains the Radiation Suit
Greenpeace employee to college girl: Hey! Are you pro-environment?
College girl: No, sorry, post-apocalyptic.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: rabbit
We've Given the Bin Ladens Enough, Sir
Crazy Polish man: I need a receipt!
Cashier: Sir, you can't have a receipt if you didn't buy anything.
Crazy Polish man: I need a receipt. I need a receipt or I'll kill you...because I am Osama Bin Laden.
Starbucks
New York City, New York
Categories: Character | Crazies | Death & dying | Default | Employees | Foreigners | Names | New York | Offers and requests | Restaurants | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2009-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
While the Dean Is Out Of Town on His Grinding and Shimmying Tour
Undergrad student: Where are the nursing faculty?
University secretary: Pumping.
College
Missouri
Overheard by: rami
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Employees | Missouri | Offers and requests | Questions | Students | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-04-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Is Your Brain on Subway Conducting...
Subway conductor, as train lights go out: Ladies and gentlemen, we are currently experiencing a delay because some yahoo cut the power lines walking at track level at St. George station. (ominously) Do you know where your children are?
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Jtf
Categories: Canadia | Default | Employees | Family ties | Guys | Kids | Public Transportation | Public transportation | Questions | Posted 2009-04-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Will Easier to Explain with a Cone and Two Scoops
Nanny to five-year-old: Look, Stephen, there's a kitty!
Stephen, petting cat: Since boys have short hair and girls have long hair, then this kitty is a boy.
Nanny: Maybe not. Boys can have long hair and girls can have short hair too.
Stephen: Then how do you tell if it's a girl or a boy?
Nanny: How 'bout some ice cream?
Washington, DC
Now Sack Up and Stop That Screaming!
CPR class instructor: So when they sent the babies to us, they forgot to include the faces...
University of Miami, Florida
Overheard by: Zach
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Default | Employees | Florida | Memory lane | Weirdness | Posted 2009-04-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Can See They Have Separate but Equal Cages
Zookeeper: We have three types of penguins: Humboldt, Emperor, and Macaroni.
Small child watching zookeeper: Are there African American penguins?
Zookeeper, clearly flustered: Er...well...there are penguins from many countries and continents...
Milwaukee County Zoo
Wisconsin
Overheard by: Not a penguin racist
...And Scuttling Away, Like a Hermit Crab.
Female shopper, surveying bathing suits: The crotch in this looks a little, uh...narrow. Tiny, actually. I feel like it doesn't provide full coverage.
Sales girl: I know. It's sort of the style now, though.
Female shopper: What do you mean, "style"? My labia showing?
Other shopper, walking up: Yeah, I agree. I don't want my vagina suddenly falling out at the beach.
American Apparel, Capitol Hill
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Celessa
Who Had Means, Motive and Opportunity?
Foreign dressing room attendant, opening all stall doors: It stinks in here! Who pooped? Someone pooped in here, and I'm gonna find it. Where is the poop? Who did it?
Ross
Melbourne, Florida
Categories: Default | Employees | Florida | Foreigners | Offers and requests | Poop | Questions | Posted 2009-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Think It Was the Makeup Sex
Grad student: How did you crack your rib? That's awful.
Administrative assistant: My husband.
University of Delaware
Newark, Delaware
Overheard by: Lisa
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Default | Delaware | Employees | Questions | Relationships | Students | Posted 2009-03-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is That What You Call Your Vagina?
Cashier to woman buying lots of sex toys and lingerie two days after Valentine's Day: Sweetie, you're a little late for Valentine's Day.
Woman: No matter. It's always a good time to freshen up the prop closet.
Touch of Romance
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: awesome
Just Show Me Two Forms Of ID and a Picture Of Your Coronary Arteries
Dramatic teenage girl: Um, we would like an Awesome Blossom, extra awesome.
Unhappy waitress: We don't serve that anymore.
Dramatic teenage girl: Yes, you do. Don't lie to me, lady.
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
In the Nightmares Section
Man to salesperson in hippie bookstore: Hi I'm looking for a children's book about how chemicals and global warming are destroying the earth.
Salesperson: Oh, sure, it's right over here!
The Bookshelf
Guelph, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: The zoe
Yes and Yes!
Female employee, seeing lunch being prepared: Oh, Kielbasa! I love Kielbasa! You know how I like my Kielbasa?
(pause)
Fireman #1: On your knees?
Fireman #2: In your mouth?
Maine
And Lip Rings Are Less Work Than Babies
Customer to cashier with lip rings: Okay, two questions. One, did that hurt?
Cashier: Um, not as much as I thought it would.
Customer: Second question, why did you do that?!
Cashier, speechless: Uhm...honestly...
Friend of customer: Ah, hell man, because she likes it. Shit!
Music Store
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: I've got metal in my face too...
So I've Given Up Country Music
Supermarket cashier: I only use Charmin toilet paper; if a place doesn't have it, I bring my own.
Customer: Wow, you're picky.
Supermarket cashier: I'm picky about my men too; they have to have all of their teeth.
eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Body parts | Customers | Default | Eavesdrop DC | Employees | Health & Hygiene | Names | Posted 2009-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wasn't This a Cheers Episode?
Waitress: Is this the book club? These are your free shots.
Bar
Allston, Massachusetts
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Books | Default | Drinking & drunks | Employees | Girls | Massachusetts | Questions | Posted 2009-03-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or the Pope's Been Using That "Sugar N' Spice" Bodywash Again
Tour guide: Now go up the stairs and take a left at the top. (pause) Wait, do I smell cookies? I smell cookies!
Vatican Museum
Vatican City
Overheard by: Face
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Europe | Food | Questions | Tourist attractions | Posted 2009-03-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sculpted to Look Like a Hamburger
Vegetarian, pointing to pink thing on her plate: What animal is that?
Waitress: That's a pear.
Mt. Vernon, New York
Overheard by: Deek
At This Point in My Life, They're Semi-Precious
Instructor: I may have to open my kimono and give him access to my jewels. (entire class chuckles)
College Lecture
Dayton, Ohio
Overheard by: Mandi
Categories: Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Default | Employees | Euphemisms | Geography | Ohio | Posted 2009-03-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Don't Judge-- As Long As She Tips
Waiter: Table for three?
Middle aged woman: No, four. I know we look like three but...
Waiter: No, I get it. Imaginary friend.
Tasty Thai
Eugene, Oregon
Overheard by: nyssa
Categories: Default | Employees | Food | Offers and requests | Oregon | Questions | Restaurants | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-03-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Smoke It Over the Smoldering Corpses Of Our Enemies
Guy giving out samples: Free sausage! Try some local sausage for free! Made right here in Seattle, no preservatives!
(people walk right past stand without looking)
Guy, in same tone of voice: I will figure out where you live and burn down your houses! Free sausage! Try a sample!
Pike Place Market
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Compare and contrast | Condoms | Default | Employees | Food | Geography | Guys | Stores | Threats | Washington | Posted 2009-03-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Also the Difference Between the Middle Class and Everybody Else
Student: Hey there! How was your Thanksgiving?
Dining hall worker: Meh, I was pretty indifferent. At least I didn't get arrested.
Student: Oh...that's a good way to look at things.
Gonzaga University
Spokane, Washington
Overheard by: its something to be thankful for
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Employees | Food | Questions | Students | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Until He Discovered Super Princess Peach
Flamboyant Starbucks supervisor: I call Princess Peach!
Amused female employee #1: Be gayer, dude.
Flamboyant Starbucks supervisor: That was it. I don't think I can get any gayer.
Amused female employee #2: Yeah, he just plateaued.
Ottawa
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Gays | Girls | Pop culture | Sexuality | Posted 2009-03-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Here's a Coupon for a Complimentary Cavity Search
Irate mother: No, you don't understand. I need to board that plane now!
Stewardess at gate: Ma'm, you cannot board now. There is no airplane at the end of the jetway. Look--no plane out there.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: delayed flights always make me irrational too
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Moms | Offers and requests | Overheard in Minneapolis | Public Transportation | Women | Posted 2009-02-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Knitted Her Own Wings
Female flight attendant on cell: She was the ugliest woman I had ever seen in my life! But I swear she was my guardian angel. (sighs)
Seatac airport
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Airports & flights | Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Girls | Religion | Washington | Words | Posted 2009-02-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Can't Stand the Heat, Stay Out Of Michaels
Motorist at detour: What do you mean I have to go around? I can't go around! What's going on?
Frustrated firefighter: Fire Department activity sir.
Motorist: What kind of Fire Department activity?
Frustrated firefighter: Arts and crafts, sir. Move along.
Morris Plains, New Jersey
Overheard by: Pokey
Categories: Default | Employees | Names | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Questions | Words | Posted 2009-02-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The CIA's Predicting a Win for the USSR
Waitress to guy wearing a Soviet hockey jersey: CCCP? Who's that?
Customer: It's the Soviet Union.
Waitress: Oh, are they playing the Caps tonight?
eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
There Was a Flier in There from a Jimmy Carter Rally
Woman, putting bag on table for security: Ugh, it's really messy, I really need to clean it...I'm sorry.
Security: Ma'am, we're not grading them. (finishes looking through bag) But if we were, I'd give it a c minus.
Hillary Clinton Rally
Honolulu, Hawaii
Overheard by: Kendal
Categories: Cleanliness | Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Feelings | Hawaii | Women | Posted 2009-02-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Not in That Slightly-Homoerotic Kirk Douglas Way
Ice cream lady behind counter: Spartacus?
Man running to get ice cream: I am Spartacus!
Oberweiss
Oak Park, Illinois
Lyle Thinks People Can Hear Him Over His Floor Buffer
Wal-Mart floor waxer: My grandma got bit twice on the leg. And they thought they were gonna have to amputate it. But then it magically healed.
Wal-Mart
Athens, Ohio
Overheard by: Lisa
Categories: Body parts | Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Family ties | Malls | Ohio | Posted 2009-02-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
King Henry V Was Disinclined to Explain
Barber, as 23-year-old boy with bad haircut sits down into his chair: So what's with this bowl cut thing you got going on?
The Barber Shop
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Will
At Least I've Stopped Singing the Score to The Mikado
Asian tranny, bowing to group of exiting patrons: Thank you, puh-rease come again!
Very femme male waiter, exasperated: Oh, shut up!
Restaurant
San Francisco, California
Categories: Asians | Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Guys | Language barrier | Restaurants | San Francisco | Words | Posted 2009-02-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How to Gain Great Face in a Sushi Restaurant
Waiter: Does anyone have a green Firebird?
20-something lesbian: I do, why?
Waiter: It's on fire in the parking lot!
(20-something lesbian and girlfriend go outside and return ten minutes later)
Waitress: Is everything okay?
20-something lesbian, matter of factly: Yeah, my car just caught fire. Can we have another plate?
Girlfriend, unaffected: Also, she ordered tempura.
Sushi Garden
Tucson, Arizona
Even Mothers Don't Really Know Where Babies Come From
60-something woman: He has always been a quiet person. He's been that way for as long as I have know him, and I have known him since he was a little boy.
Car salesman: Yeah. Wait, didn't you give birth to him?
Woman: I guess I have known him pretty much from the beginning, then. Weird.
Car Dealership
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Overheard by: stephen
I'm Afraid Library Regulations Dictate That I Must Give You a Wedgie
Librarian: Watcha doin'?
High school girl: Studying.
Librarian: Nerd.
Bellingham, Washington
It's Not You, It's Us
Southwest Airlines employee: Mr Jones*, only one minute to be at the gate B5. We looove you, but we have to goooo!
Airport
Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Overheard by: Jake Conner
Categories: Airports & flights | Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Feelings | Florida | Public Transportation | Posted 2009-02-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...'s Guide to Astrophysics?
Customer: Excuse me, where is your non-fiction section?
Salesgirl: What type of non-fiction are you looking for?
Customer: Harry Potter.
Bookstore
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
And Fluffy's Even More Fanatical About Keeping Kosher
Woman, purchasing dog treat: Is this beef or pork?
Cashier: It says right here, it's 100% beef.
Woman: Oh good, I don't eat pork.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: slightly concerned.
Early Elvis or Fat Elvis?
Clerk to another: And I woke up two days later by the pool, with Elvis.
Campmor
Paramus, New Jersey
Overheard by: Russ
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Names | New Jersey | Weirdness | Posted 2009-01-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Help Yourself--the Keys Are in It
Announcement: There's a gray car parked outside, four feet into the street.
Older woman: It's mine. I don't park cars; I just sort of abandon them.
Portsmouth, Virginia
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Offers and requests | Virginia | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-01-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And a Paper Cup Full Of Tap Water!
Female gallery worker: There is some concern about how much food you've eaten.
Homeless bum: One cupcake!?
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Jon
...of Color
Elderly woman: I can't believe they let you sell Obama cookies here! Tsk!
Employee: Ma'am, those are just gingerbread cookies.
Stonewall Kitchen
Portsmouth, New Hampshire
Categories: Default | Employees | Food | Names | New Hampshire | Old folks | Politics | Restaurants | Women | Posted 2009-01-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Keeps a Pearl-Handled Revolver in Her Clutch for Just Such Occasions
Cashier: Did you find everything you were looking for?
Old lady: Yes. Actually, no! You don't have any vanilla frozen yogurt! You have every other flavor (getting worked up) I have a coupon for frozen yogurt! (waves it in cashier's face)
Cashier: Uh...I'm sorry! (sends a carryout to look for vanilla frozen yogurt)
Old lady: At least you had flat-iron chicken. You didn't have it last time. (glares)
Old lady's son, in a whisper: I'm glad you had flat-iron chicken, or I don't know what we would have done!
Springboro, Ohio
Overheard by: Never knew frozen yogurt was so important
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Family ties | Food | Guys | Ohio | Old folks | Questions | Women | Posted 2009-01-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now Who Wants Ice Cream?
Administrator (mumbling to herself): Maybe I should just fire everyone here. (opens a drawer) Oh, here's my spoon. Okay, maybe everyone can keep their jobs.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: spoon.
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Gripes | Jobs & Careers | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2009-01-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How You Know It's Time for a Vacation
Waitress: That comes with a side salad.
Woman at booth: I'll have a salad with ranch.
(10 minutes later)
Woman at booth: What is this?
Waitress: Your salad?
Woman at booth, loudly sobbing: I ordered a Caesar salad!
Waitress, at the top of her lungs: We have other salads! We have other salads! They are in the fridge!
Restaurant
Boardman, Ohio
What the Song "Twist and Shout" Really Means
Dining hall worker: When I got my nipples pierced I had an orgasm when the guy was doing the left one.
Student: Really? How did that happen?
Dining hall worker: When he clamped it I just told him to keep twisting that shit, and 20 minutes later I had an orgasm. It was a little Chinese man who did it...I bet his little uncircumcised dick was all bonered out and shit.
overheardatyale.com
Overheard by: overheardatyale
Goldilocks Always Has Trouble Getting It Just Right
Female cashier: I'm tired, and really not sure why.
Man checking out: You want to know what causes tiredness?
Female cashier: What?
Man checking out: Either too much sex or not enough sex. By the looks of you, it must be too much sex.
Albertson's
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Overheard by: Not tired, so I must be getting enough sex
Categories: Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Employees | Girls | Guys | Louisiana | Questions | Sex | Posted 2009-01-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Wouldn't Share!
Lady carrying huge crate of Girl Guide Cookies to campus rent-a-cop: But they're just kids! They were just trying to have fun!
Campus rent-a-cop, genuinely surprised: They were smoking pot on my campus!
McGill
Montreal, Quebec
Canadia
It Takes A Village
Driver to people leaving the bus at the university: Buh-bye, have a great day, kids. Enjoy your lessons...bye now. Do your homework. Work hard on your exams so you don't become a bus driver! Bye-bye, everyone!
56 Bus
Leeds
England
Categories: Advice | Bus | Bus drivers | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Employees | England | Posted 2009-01-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Where Everyone Does It, Isn't It?
Literacy lecturer with thick Russian accent: When you have a guest, you say to them "feel yourself at home."
Monash University
Australia
Just A Small-town Girl // Livin' In This Lonely Worrrrrllld
H&M worker: Hi, how are you?
Customer: Great, thanks, and you?
H&M worker: I'm okay.
Customer: Only okay? You're listening to a Journey remix in H&M! These are great times!
H&M
Toronto
Canadia
Can You Prove Otherwise?
Nanny to 10-year-old girl: So, who commonly uses Celsius instead of Fahrenheit?
10-year-old girl: Penguins.
Brookline, Massachusetts
Overheard by: S
Or Dead-- Whichever
Elevator repair man: Hey, I got a call that someone was stuck in the elevator.
Security guard: Yeah, but I haven't heard any more noise from her in like four hours, so I guess she's fine.
Temple University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Employees | Jobs & Careers | Pennsylvania | Stupidity | Weirdness | Posted 2009-01-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Talking to You, Mary Todd Lincoln
Tour guide: Be sure to stay with the group. The rats are very large and can sense weakness within the herd. (gives hard look to four old women)
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Julia
Categories: Advice | Animals | Default | Employees | Sensory experiences | Threats | Washington | Posted 2008-12-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Chives Are the Respectable Republican Cloth Coat of Herbs
Customer: I'll have a large hot chocolate, a chocolate glazed donut, and a plain bagel with smoked salmon cream cheese on the side.
Drive-thru grunt: What did you say for the cream cheese on the side?
Customer: Smoked salmon.
Drive-thru grunt: Oh, we don't have that kind.
Customer: What kinds of cream cheese do you have?
Drive-thru grunt: We have chive. Chive is like smoked salmon.
Customer: Uh...yeah.
Bangor, Maine
Overheard by: just wanted a coffee
Categories: Compare and contrast | Customers | Default | Employees | Food | Maine | Offers and requests | Restaurants | Posted 2008-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Does It Make a Sound?
Security guard: What do you do with a mailbox? You throw it in the middle of the woods!
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Elaine
I Just Hadn't Met the Right Transsexual
Store clerk: Oh yeah, karaoke. I used to be totally into that shit back when I was gay.
The Video Underground
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Sam
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Massachusetts | Memory lane | Music | Sexuality | Stores | Posted 2008-12-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Butterball Turkey Hotline Gets Flooded With Calls During the Holidays
Parking lot attendant on phone: Whenever I try to do that my nipples just get really stretched out.
Chapel Hill
University of North Carolina
Categories: Default | Employees | Nipples | North Carolina | On the phone | Posted 2008-12-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Joking in Florida Is Always Risky
Lost mother with child to employee: Excuse me, sir? Where can I find the exit?
Employee (bluntly): Um, you have to buy something before you can leave.
Lost mother with child: (blank stare)
Sam Ash
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Stole something instead
He Left, While Singing, "Everybody Was Kung Pao Fighting..."
Guy on phone: Yo, g, I'm gonna go out to the club and get me some Pad Thai chicken. Hell yeah, you know what I'm talking about. K, peace.
Paralegal: What the fuck? Why Pad Thai? Why not Kung Pao?
Guy: Cause I don't want all that attitude up in my chicken. I want my chicken to sit down and shut the fuck up!
Paralegal: Get out of my office.
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Food | Girls | Guys | Illinois | Offers and requests | On the phone | Questions | Wishes | Posted 2008-12-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Would You Just Rob the Fucking Bank, Already?
Bank teller: (nods)
Customer: People have forgotten how to praise the Lord!
Bank teller: (nods)
Customer: Don't complain that you can't find a job! Praise god that there are jobs!
Bank of America
Palm Harbor, Florida
Overheard by: Serena H.
Categories: Compare and contrast | Customers | Default | Employees | Florida | God | Jobs & Careers | Religious fanatics | Posted 2008-12-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well Why Didn't You Say So?
Cashier to woman in express line with 50 items: Ma'am, this is the ten-or-less line.
Woman: Oh, sorry! My son got in trouble and I got on the wrong exercise bike!
Cashier: Oh.
Quincy, Massachusetts
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Kids | Massachusetts | Offers and requests | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No, But I'd Love a Stranger Telling Me How to Live My Life
Impossibly cheerful Australian: I'd like two scoops of coffee coffee coffee buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz, please!
Alarmed counter guy: Uh, do you need it?
Ben & Jerry's
Berkeley, California
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Categories: California | Default | Employees | Foreigners | Guys | Offers and requests | Questions | Restaurants | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like High Explosive, Ignorance Has a Shockwave
Blond cocktail waitress, looking at a t-shirt of George Bush and his dad with Dumb and Dumber under photos: Who is that?
Chef: Excuse me! Are you serious?
Blond cocktail waitress (a few seconds later, with dumbfounded look): Ooooooh! Is that our President? Then who is that? (pointing to the photo of Bush Sr)
Chef (grabbing head in agony): Owww!
Lulu's Restaurant
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Ben
Please Join Mr. Morse and Mr. Braille in the Office
Woman over intercom: Attention, there is an emergency in the ladies' room. There are no more paper towels.
(customers in super long line snicker)
Man on intercom (a minute or two later): Attention Mr. Dewey, we have an emergency in the office. Nobody can understand your decimal system.
Trader Joe's
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Hungry
Categories: Coworkers | Default | Employees | Guys | Offers and requests | Office politics | Stores | Washington, DC | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-11-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mike Hunt Fights the Temptation to Change His Name
Older lady customer: Are you Chris?
Manager guy: No, I'm Mike.
Older lady customer: Are you Carl?
Manager guy: No, I'm still Mike.
Perkins Restaurant
Westfall, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Veronica @ http://everythingisused.blogspot.com/
Categories: Customers | Default | Employees | Guys | Mental illnesses | Names | Pennsylvania | Questions | Restaurants | Women | Posted 2008-11-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Butt End Of the Mississippi Alimentary Canal
Hotel concierge: So, how did you enjoy The Big Easy?
Tourist lady: Oh, New Orleans is a wonderful city. I just wish I knew what it smelled like...
Drunk guy: "Ass." That's the word your looking for. The city smells like ass.
Bourbon Street
New Orleans, Louisiana
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drunks | Employees | Guys | Louisiana | Sensory experiences | Tourists | US Geography | Women | Words | Posted 2008-11-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Can Fiddle With My Gear Shaft Any Time.
Girl cashier #1: So Tom*, how's your love life?
Tom*: My love life's in neutral right now.
Girl cashier #2: Mine's in reverse.
Tom*: That was too funny.
Clinton Crossings, Connecticut
Categories: Compliments | Connecticut | Default | Employees | Feelings | Girls | Guys | Questions | Words | Posted 2008-11-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not As Gross As Mickey Mouse Christmas Ornaments, Honey
Hallmark salesgirl: My stomach really hurts.
Queer: Does your face hurt too?
Hallmark salesgirl (long pause): Oh my god, gross!
McLean, Virginia
Then I'm Afraid There'll Be No Way Around Our Necromany Fee
Woman in cell phone store: I want to change the billing name on this account.
Employee: I'm sorry, we can't allow you to make changes on this account. You're not the primary account-holder.
Woman: Right. The primary account holder died.
Employee: I'm sorry, only the primary account-holder can make changes to the account.
Woman: He's dead!
Verizon Store
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Categories: Customers | Death & dying | Default | Employees | Michigan | Names | Offers and requests | On the phone | Stores | Stupidity | Wishes | Women | Posted 2008-11-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When God Closes a Tomb, He Opens the Doors
Lunching law firm girl #1: Oh god, when it comes to my track record... Seriously, I've dated two vampires and a guy who thought he was Jim Morrison reincarnated.
Lunching law firm girl #2: That's ridiculous. (pause) My junior year high school English teacher was Jim Morrison reincarnated. God!
Quizno's
Tucson, Arizona
Categories: About celebrities | Arizona | Coworkers | Default | Education | Employees | Girls | Relationships | Restaurants | Weirdness | Posted 2008-10-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's for Grandma's Glaucoma
Employee: Hi, can I help you find anything?
Ghetto kid: Yeah, I'm looking for a book called Marijuana Horticulture.
Employee: Yeah, I know that book. I think we are out, though.
Bookstore
Stockton, California
Overheard by: Can I get some of that?
Categories: Books | California | Default | Drugs | Employees | Guys | Offers and requests | Stores | Posted 2008-10-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Fowl Behavior?
Woman: So, I want a small frozen turkey.
Meat guy: Okay, just right over here.
Woman: Ewww... What's wrong with this one?
Meat guy: Sorry?
Woman: Well, is something missing?
Meat guy: Um... No.
Woman: Well, what is this "grain fed" business??
Meat guy: Oh, that means it's fed with grains.
Woman: Oh! (picks up turkey and leaves)
Grocery Store
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Matt C
Mrs. Potato-Head Faces a Unique Set of Problems
Girl, getting wash and cut: Then I was walking around for a few months without an elbow.
Stylist: Wow!
Girl: So finally in July they put my elbow back in.
Stylist: Well, that's good.
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: porkchop on a stick
Categories: Body parts | Compliments | Default | Employees | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Minnesota | Weirdness | Posted 2008-10-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's More of an Orange County Accessory
Customer, browsing selection of charm bracelets: Do you have any Nazi charm bracelets? My daughter loves that stuff!
Craft vendor: Uh...no.
Craft Show
San Diego, California
Categories: California | Customers | Default | Employees | Family ties | History | Offers and requests | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2008-10-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
God Only Knows What Goes on There at Night
Zookeeper, to penguin pecking at her shirt: Am I dirty? Am I a dirty little birdie? Do I need preening?
Mystic Aquarium, Connecticut
But I Always Get It Confused with "Elimidate"
Cashier #1: He's definitely overcompensating for something.
Cashier #2: I do not know what that word means.
Cashier #3: "Compensate?" You don't know what that means?
Cashier #2: "Compensate?" Penetrate--I know what *that* is.
Filene's Basement
Washington, DC
Categories: Compare and contrast | Coworkers | Default | Employees | Questions | Sexuality | Washington, DC | Words | Posted 2008-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm So Glad You Confided in Me
Frumpy middle aged woman: Excuse me, who can I talk to if I'm interested in purchasing a piece of furniture?
Employee: That would be me. How can I help you?
Frumpy middle aged woman: I'm interesting in purchasing a piece of furniture.
Furniture Store
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Customers | Default | Employees | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Shopping | Stores | Women | Words | Posted 2008-09-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The One with Big, Glossy Pictures Instead of Words
Man to store employee: It's one of those real estate investment books, the yellow ones.
Employee: Let's see, follow me... Is this what you were looking for?
Man: No, no, that's the one for idiots, I want the one for dummies.
Barnes & Noble
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Lisa
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Customers | Default | Employees | Offers and requests | Stores | Words | Posted 2008-09-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Isn't That the Title of a Kanye West Song?
Man in mall: Excuse me, where can I hail a taxi?
Mall employee: This is Vermont, dude.
Man in mall: There has to be taxis. There are roads, aren't they?
Mall employee: Nope, no taxis. But lots of guns.
Rutland, Vermont
Overheard by: MeggerzDotCom
Categories: Compare and contrast | Customers | Default | Employees | Malls | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Questions | US Geography | Vermont | Violence | Posted 2008-09-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Are These Bills Sticking Together?
Woman: Sorry, I have to pay in singles.
Cashier: That's okay, people do all the time. (asking innocently) Are you a waitress?
Woman: No, honey. My career is a little less wholesome than that.
Cashier: (stutters and looks at her screen) Alright then, your total is $27.45.
Kroger
Cincinnati, Ohio
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Jobs & Careers | Money | Ohio | Questions | Stores | Women | Posted 2008-09-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Must Be the Sugar-Free Kind
Production assistant on film set: This gaffer's tape just doesn't taste good.
Berkeley, California
Overheard by: bond
Categories: California | Default | Employees | Sensory experiences | Posted 2008-09-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In South Carolina, Getting a Piece of Tail Involves Surgery
Teenage waitress telling baby boomer male customer her medical issues: Yeah, and I got this tail thing right here. (points at lower back) It looks like I'm growing a tail.
Fatz Cafe
Lexington, South Carolina
Categories: Body parts | Default | Employees | Restaurants | South Carolina | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Writing You a Prescription for the History Channel
Customer: Excuse me. I just have to know, are you Polynesian?
Worker: No, I'm Native American.
Customer: Oh. Where are they from?
Utah
The Ones I Do Have Thankfully Have Easy-to-Remember 1-900 Numbers
Salesman to guy purchasing new phone: Yeah, we can totally transfer all your contacts and calendar and stuff to this new phone.
Guy (in English accent): Well, can you do that on this other model?
Salesman: No, you can't transfer your contacts from your old one to this model.
Guy (in English accent): Oh, that doesn't matter. I don't have any friends.
Austin, Texas
Categories: Cell phones | Default | Employees | Foreigners | Guys | Offers and requests | Questions | Texas | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And Later Hired As My Nanny
Receptionist to executive assistant: ...so in conclusion, I got peed on...by a taxi driver...who I dated.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Coworkers | Default | Employees | Overheard in Minneapolis | Pee | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Wanna Do That, the Army's Recruiting Right Down the Block
Customer having lunch: Can I smoke at this table?
Waitress: Honey, you're in Nevada. You can smoke, gamble, drink, screw and cuss. Just don't kill nobody!
Bucket of Blood Saloon
Virgina City, Nevada
Overheard by: Philly Joe
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Crimes | Customers | Default | Drinking & drunks | Employees | Murder | Nevada | Offers and requests | Questions | Smoking | US Geography | Women | Posted 2008-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In the Meantime All of Our Popsicles Taste Like Mr. Waggles
Prof: So, how's everything at home?
Italian cafe worker: My dog died.
Prof: Oh my god, I'm so sorry. Was he old?
Italian cafe worker: Yes. But I can't bury him. The ground is frozen. There's snow.
Prof: You could have him cremated.
Italian cafe worker: I have him in my freezer. I had to clear it out, my freezer. All the food is out. I'm going to keep him there 'til mud season when I can bury him in the backyard.
Prof: Oh.
Landmark College
Putney, Vermont
Categories: Animals | Colleges & Universities | Death & dying | Default | Employees | Foreigners | Teachers | Vermont | Weather | Weirdness | Posted 2008-08-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Right, That Is U.S. Foreign Policy
Waitress talking in the kitchen: I'm going to come back there and smack you till you smile. (now sings loudly) I'm going to come back there and smack you till you smile!
International House of Pancakes
Kansas
I'm Starting to Regret Playing the Trumpet
High CVS employee: Yeah, we went to museums and shit. Took pictures with naked men... and naked women. I mean, that's what you do when you're in chorus.
Garwood, New Jersey
Categories: Employees | Memory lane | New Jersey | Sexuality | Posted 2008-08-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Worse Comes to Worse, We've Rented Some Large Ducks
Airline personnel: We should be boarding the plane at 10:25... If we have a plane.
Airport
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: Burt
Categories: Airports & flights | Default | Employees | Public Transportation | Time Management | Virginia | Wishes | Posted 2008-08-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Little You Wear Under It Is Up to You
Woman holding long sweater: Excuse me, do you work here?
Employee: Yes.
Woman: What is this? Is this a dress?
Employee: It's one of those... long... sweaters...
H&M, Water Tower Place
Chicago, Illinois
Joke's on You--I've Got Some in My Purse
Waitress: What kind of dressing would you like on your salad? We have French, Thousand Island and Italian.
Gorgeous blond: I'll have Ranch.
Waitress: No.
Glenwood Springs, Colorado
Because Stool Analysis Costs Extra
Pharmacy assistant holding phone to pharmacist: This guy on the phone found some prescription bottles in a drawer and wants to know what they are. Can you talk to him?
Pharmacist: Did he eat them already?
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: mmm....mystery pills