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He Fucks an American for Breakfast, an American for Lunch, and Has a Sensible Dinner?
Very drunk 20-something in kebab shop: I'll have... a large chips... with ketchup... and mayonnaise. (pause) A quarter pounder cheese and bacon burger with extra cheese and bacon. Two pieces of fried chicken... with chili sauce... and a ten-inch pepperoni pizza.
Sober friend #1: Fucking hell, mate, that's a lot of food...
Sober friend #2: Aren't you supposed to be on a diet?
Kebab shop guy, in heavy Cypriot accent: Yeah! He's on a fucking American diet!
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Whether This Is a Turn-on or a Turn-off Says a Lot About Her As a Woman
Drunk white guy making out with Indian girl, shouting at a guy with Christian slogans: Oi! Oi! Christians fuck off!
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Categories: Christianity | Drunks | England | Insults | Weirdness | Posted 2011-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Acute Infection's Not All That Cute
Drunk gay guy in pub garden, at top of voice: So I got hepatitis c when I was fisting this guy... There was blood everywhere.
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
...Are You Fingering Me?
Drunk guy: Do you hate me?
Drunk girl: No, no, I really don't.
Drunk guy: I always thought you did.
Drunk girl: No. (pause) I mean you're not my favorite person, but I like you fine.
Drunk guy: So we're friends?
Drunk girl: Definitely friends.
Drunk guy: Hug? To celebrate our new-found friendship?
Drunk girl: Sure (hugs him)
Drunk guy: Awesome! I'm so happy we're friends!
Drunk girl: Me too! (pause) I'm so drunk right now...
Victoria
Australia
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: Australia | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Feelings | Questions | Posted 2011-07-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Must Be How Men Feel About Vaginas
Short, round, drunk girl with British accent: I have to pee! I just hate walking by all these apartments knowing they all have working toilets!
Manhattan, New York
I Was Like, "Did All That Come Out Of Me?"
Drunk 20-something girl with iPhone to friends: Hey, have a look at my photos of me getting done up the arse last night!
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Meanwhile, I'm at Community College on a Ping Pong Scholarship
Drunk girl: I have two sisters. One goes to UPenn, she's really smart. The other one goes to Drexel, she's not very smart...
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Alex Remnick
Categories: Compliments | Drunks | Education | Family ties | Girls | Pennsylvania | Posted 2011-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Just Crazy Enough to Work!
Drunk guy: Yeah, well, you could spunk on her face, then lick your jizz off her dreadlocks.
Pub
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
I Don't Think I Like This Party Game.
Drunk girl: But the whole point is to avoid Aids!
Michigan State University
Categories: Advice | Drunks | Michigan | Philosophy | STDs | Posted 2011-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The One Advantage to Growing Up Next to a Nuclear Power Plant
Drunk man: I just really want a fucking vagina!
Drunk woman: Like sparkly pink neon!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: I'm sure you do
Categories: Drunks | Overheard in Minneapolis | Vagina | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2011-06-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is It Wrong That We're Most Disturbed by the Misuse Of "Ironic"?
Drunk girl to stranger: You're dressed as Juno for Halloween? Oh my god, that's so ironic! I'm pregnant for real!
East Lansing, Michigan
We Fear for Our Submitter's Health
Very drunk 20-something guy: Honestly, I get a pulse in my dick when I talk to you. I'm going to fuck you tonight.
Rough-looking chain smoking 50-something woman: Oh yeah?
Very drunk 20-something guy: I'm so hard right now... Have a feel.
Rough-looking chain smoking 50-something woman, grabbing hold of his crotch: You're totally flaccid.
(very drunk 20-something bursts into hysterical laughter)
Nightclub
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Categories: Drunks | England | Penis | Sensory experiences | Wishes | Posted 2011-06-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Like Me Ignoring That Stop Sign!
Policeman, pulling over drunk guy on bike: License and registration, please.
Drunk guy: I'm on a bike!
Policeman: Sorry, force of habit.
Jefferson City, Missouri
Overheard by: BartMan
Unless You Count Wisconsin Ladies' Upper Thighs
Loud drunk guy on bus: You're from Oklahoma? Oklahoma has the best cottage cheese in the world!
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: I would have believed Wisconsin...
It's Always in the Last Place You Look
Drunk guy: If kiddie porn is such a huge problem on the internet, how come you can't ever find it?
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Why Don't You Have A Seat Over Here...
Reruns Of House *Count* As "Research," Right?
Drunk girl: I teach! I teach AP bio kids. They ask so many smart questions. (thoughtful pause) I make things up all the time.
Friend: You make things up??
Drunk girl: I just say "according to my research." (shrugs, laughs hysterically)
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Bragging | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Education | Girls | Pennsylvania | Questions | Posted 2011-05-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why People Hate Tequila in the Morning, Encapsulated.
Drunk girl: Look! I have salt stains all over my pants. I'm a car.
Saint Joseph's University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
What Kind Of Sorry-Ass Man Drinks at Applebees?
Loud drunk man at bar to attractive woman leaving restaurant: Can I take you out to McDonald's sometime?
Woman: No, I'm married. Thanks for the offer, though.
Drunk man: Married? Well, shoot! Where's your husband at then?
Woman: He's working.
Drunk man: Working? Well, hell! I work sometimes too!
Applebee's
Beaufort, South Carolina
Categories: Drunks | Etiquette | Food | Offers and requests | Philosophy | Relationships | South Carolina | Women | Posted 2011-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Gonna Get Along Swimmingly, Mate.
Drunk #1: I'm telling you man, these fucking guys raped a fish.
Drunk #2: What fucking guys?
Drunk #1: In Africa. They raped a fish. That's why the fish have to wear condoms, so they don't have fish babies with bulging human eyes.
Drunk #3: How the fuck did we get from talking about his (gestures towards drunk #2) sister's hairy vulva to fish rape?
Drunk #4: How the fuck would you even rape a fish anyway?
Drunk #1: Gut it and wank with its corpse?
Drunk #2, knowingly: Or freeze it and push it up your arse.
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Jason's Pick-Up Strategy Is Full Of Holes
Drunk frat boy, yelling to group: Is it someone's birthday?
Cute girl: Yeah! Mine!
Drunk frat boy: How old are you? 19?
Girl: 22.
Drunk frat boy: Oh, I was confused. I was wondering how you could have gotten so drunk if you were 19.
Girl: We're not drunk.
Drunk frat boy: Oh. Well, we are!
Mini Golf Course
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Categories: Age and ageing | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Frat boy types | Girls | Minnesota | Questions | Stupidity | Posted 2011-05-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Was, Like, a Religious Experience
Very drunk girl, loudly and excitedly: That was the longest pee I ever did! Like seriously, I went into the bathroom and started peeing. Gavin came in, washed his hands, then left, and I was still peeing!
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Mandy
Categories: Canadia | Drunks | Pee | Stupidity | Time Management | Posted 2011-04-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Blame the Curry
Drunk man outside curry restaurant, face down on pavement, screaming: I've shit myself! I've shit myself! I've shit myself!
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
You Won't Feel a Thing, I Promise
Long-nosed cute blond girl: So you're basically offering to fuck me in the arse?
Drunk guy: Not in the arse per se, but I can't guarantee that I won't get the wrong hole and just go for it.
Long-nosed cute blond girl: You do know we just met five minutes ago?
Drunk guy: What can I say? I work fast.
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Categories: Ass | Backdoor | Drunks | England | Girls | Offers and requests | Philosophy | Posted 2011-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...The Prostitutes and Junkies Will Think You're Uncouth.
Sleazy 40-something drunk, pointing and laughing at embarrassed 20-something: And then he got poo all over his knob!
20-something: For fuck's sake dad! Shut up!
Red Light District
Amsterdam
Overheard by: Bleep
Categories: Body parts | Drunks | Netherlands | Poop | Stupidity | Posted 2011-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Argh, Is It Back to Work Already?
Drunk guy, spotting friend on street on New Year's Eve: Dude, hi! What day is it?
Friend, also drunk: Uh, Friday.
Drunk guy: Monday! You and me and a mountain of weed!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Terry B
...You're Always Lookin' Out for Me, Grandma!
Drunk 20-something, yelling in a crowd: Because I am a grad student and I don't do anything!
Older woman: You know there are some attractive young men over by the band.
Drunk 20-something: Well, I do do that.
Cincinnati, Ohio
It's 1 A.M., Sir.
Paralytically drunk trainee Russian orthodox priest, lying on pool table, smoking a joint: Fuck! I've got to get to church in two hours...
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
What the Fuck Is Going on in Leamington Spa??
Very drunk 20-something girl in miniskirt #1, singing: Fill my hole, fill my hole, fill my hole, fuh-uh-illlll my hole!
Very drunk 20-something in miniskirt #2#: Becky*! Don't sing that!
Very drunk 20-something girl in miniskirt #1#, singing off key: But I just waaaaant you to fuh-illll mah ho-alll!
Very drunk 20-something girl in miniskirt #2# to passing man: She's training to be a vet. She's not usually like this, she's had a bit too much to drink.
Man: Yeah... She wants someone to fill her hole.
Very drunk 20-something girl in miniskirt #1#: I'm not drunk!
Man: I believe you.
(very drunk 20-something girl in miniskirt 1# holds hand over mouth and impressively sprays vomit in five directions)
Very drunk 20-something in miniskirt #2#: Becky*, I think we're going to have to get a taxi...
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
What the Fuck Is Going on in Leamington Spa??
20-something drunk girl, pointing at traffic lights, to friends: Shhhh! We have to be quiet! This is where the dwarf lives!
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Plus I Can't Color-coordinate a Window-Valence Worth a Darn!
60-year-old drunk in bar: The only reason I've never tried being gay is because I'm afraid I might like it.
Sandy Springs, Georgia
Overheard by: Me too...
Or Renée Zellweger?
Drunk Asian kid entering kitchen at party: I just went to use the bathroom, but there was some weird Asian girl waiting outside the door.
Sober, bitter girl: Are you sure it wasn't just a mirror?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: bitter girl's roommate
Categories: Asians | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Stupidity | Posted 2010-12-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is It Wrong That We Kinda Do?
Drunk girl: So, I wrote a folk song about Christopher Reeves. Post-paralysis, pre-death. So, it's not quite as depressing. Wanna hear it?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: uhhh yes
Categories: Drunks | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Overheard in Minneapolis | Singing | Weirdness | Posted 2010-12-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Else Should I Put on My Resume?
Very loud drunk woman: No, I don't shoot darts, but I'm good at stabbin' people!
Fairborn, Ohio
Overheard by: Monika
I'd Hoped to Outgrow My Vanity, Too
80-year-old grandmother walking feebly down the stairs: I'm not drunk; I'm handicapped.
Daughter assisting her: She's drunk and handicapped.
80-year-old grandmother: Okay. That's true... I just didn't want to bring my cane.
Turner Field, Braves Game
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Drunk, but Not Handicapped
Categories: Age and ageing | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Georgia | Maladies | Old folks | Posted 2010-11-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No Wonder Girls Dream About This Their Whole Lives!
Man, indicating the used wedding dress he's wearing: This was the best $35 I've ever spent. I mean, I could have spent it on Jägermeister!
Old Railroad Square
Santa Rosa, California
Categories: Bragging | California | Clothes | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Posted 2010-11-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A New Grammar Book by Tyra Banks
Drunk girl in bar: Dammit, bitch! Talk legible!
Memphis, Tennessee
Overheard by: James
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Drunks | Girls | Insults | Language barrier | Tennessee | Posted 2010-10-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ad: Kathleen Turner Is... Bendy Vadge, P.I.!
Loud, stoned, drunk guy on train: Dude, I totally saw Melissa pee standing up before.
Loud, stoned, drunk girl: That is impossible! Seriously, that doesn't even make any sense! You'd get piss all over your leg!
Loud, stoned, drunk guy: No way, I saw her just take one leg out of her pants and prop it up against a tree, and it just shot down! She didn't get any anywhere!
Loud, stoned, drunk girl: Do you even understand female anatomy?! It doesn't work the same way as you! We can't do that! Melissa didn't do that!
Loud, stoned, drunk guy: Dude, if you can't pee standing up, then you've just got a bendy vag.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Wizzbiff
Categories: Body parts | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Guys | Illinois | Pee | Stoners | Train | Vagina | Posted 2010-10-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Mick Jagger's So Old
Drunk girl at party: I want to hang off his lips until I die!
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Death & dying | Drunks | Girls | Mouth | Washington | Wishes | Posted 2010-09-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Make Their Own Mayonnaise
Drunk girl: I love the boners that sound like sandwiches! Boner on wheat, boner on rye... That's pretty much it.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Food | Illinois | Posted 2010-09-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight on How I Met Your Motherfucker
Very drunk 20-something girl trying to play darts: So what do I do?
30-something guy #1: Just throw 'em.
30-something guy #2: Failing that, love, just take your top off.
Very drunk 20-something girl: Cheeky motherfucker! Get me a vodka and I'll do it!
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | England | Girls | Guys | Insults | Offers and requests | Sex | Posted 2010-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, Isn't That a Burger King Crown?
Drunk aboriginal man to drunk friends: I just got out of jail. My mum's been crying for me, my dog's been praying for me, my uncle Bob's been praying for me, all to get me back to Narrogin. I tell you, I'm the king of that town.
Fremantle
Australia
Why I Refuse to Visit Texas: Explained.
Drunk girl: We were around the bonfire eating flamin' hot Cheetos, and then his brother ran around with the gas can, naked.
Trailer Park
Central Texas
Overheard by: HaleyJ
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Family ties | Food | Texas | Weirdness | Posted 2010-09-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least This Time We Hit Something Soft
Drunk Canadian to another: I don't get it--every time we drink in the car, something bad happens.
Charlottesville, Virginia
Overheard by: christine
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Foreigners | Stupidity | Virginia | Posted 2010-09-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not During?
Incredibly drunk sorority girl to boyfriend: Sweetie, can we throw up before we do it tonight?
UBC
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: The only sober guy on the bus
Categories: Canadia | Couples | Drunks | Health & Hygiene | Sensory experiences | Sex | Sorority types | Posted 2010-08-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Invited Her?
Drunk guy #1: So what you're saying is, we rip the spine out of a dog?
Drunk guy #2: Yeah, but then you put a robotic spine in. You could get a remote-controlled dog.
Drunk guy #1: Shit, we could control its bark function.
Drunk girl: And make it ski.
Leamington Spa
England
Categories: Animals | Body parts | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | England | Health & Hygiene | Stupidity | Posted 2010-08-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...What's Next-- You Gonna Audit Me?
Drunk girl stumbling outside bar, dropping purse and chasing after boyfriend: You are the ruiner of fun.
Provincetown, Massachusetts
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Comebacks | Couples | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Massachusetts | Relationships | Posted 2010-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why I Stopped Hanging Out with Meatheads.
Straight guy: Why do gay men love boobs but hate vaginas?
Gay guy: Because boobs are pretty and vaginas look like a roast beef sandwich.
Drunk guy: I could so go for Arby's right now.
Huaraz
Peru
Overheard by: Nick
Categories: Beauty | Compare and contrast | Drunks | Food | Gender issues | Guys | Queers | Rack | South America | Vagina | Posted 2010-07-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Have Her Eyes, Patrick
Drunk guy #1: I don't know, I bet she was a nice-looking Irish lass back in her day.
Drunk guy #2: You keep calling my grandma a piece of ass like it's a compliment.
Bar
Syracuse, New York
Overheard by: Mike K.
Categories: Ass | Bars & Clubs | Compliments | Drunks | Family ties | New York | Posted 2010-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As We Learned in Biology Class
Drunk dude to girl: You will get absolutely no penis in your life! None!
Transit Train
New Jersey
Overheard by: Russ
Your Editors Do Not Want to See the Rest Of the DVD
Drunk mother to son: Look at the two girls at the bar behind you. The one in the blue shirt has huge boobs!
Son to drunk mother: They look familiar.
Foster City, California
Categories: California | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Family | Moms | Rack | Posted 2010-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Still Can't Eat Shirred Eggs
Grungy young man, after loudly prattling on about drinking 12 Smirnoffs a day, weed, and massage therapy: I didn't believe in the inner-spiritual plane until I saw my unborn child's soul whisked away.
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Anon Y. Mouse
Categories: California | Drinking & drunks | Druggies | Drugs | Drunks | Kids | Parenting | Words | Posted 2010-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is That Even Possible?
Jersey Shore fan: Can you put on Jersey Shore? It's the reunion!
Bartender: Sure, I was kind of hoping someone would ask.
Female drinker: Wow, I am going to watch this dumbass show in a bar, is this happening?
Jersey Shore fan: You love it, don't try to lie cause your boys are here.
Bartender: These people are crazy, and that's why we watch.
Bar patron: I cant believe I am watching the reunion show without having seen a full episode. You are right: I cant stop watching this. What the fuck? Is her name J-Lo?
Jersey Shore fan: J... Wow! She is awesome, snookie is my favorite. I wish I could be friends with her.
Bartender: You have enough slutty friends.
Bar
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Earnie Hustleton
Categories: Baristas | Bars & Clubs | Drunks | Insults | Pennsylvania | Sexuality | TV shows | Wishes | Posted 2010-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whomever It Is, Thank You!
Drunk sorostitute to group of friends: I'm getting boned in the butt! Who's boning me in the butt?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: pob
Categories: Ass | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sensory experiences | Sex | Sorority types | Posted 2010-04-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Bloated Bellies Are the New Six-Pack
Drunk guy holding a forty: Malt liquor. This is going to get us buff, yo.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Meech
Categories: Canadia | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Stupidity | Posted 2010-04-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Says All My Bad Decisions Cost Her Money
Drunk girl, burying head into boyfriend's arm: I'm upset with my mother. She expects me to take care of me.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Fallon
Categories: Drunks | Family ties | Feelings | Washington, DC | Posted 2010-03-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Psh, Paula Abdul's Been Trying to Get Away with That Excuse for Years
Security guy: You fell down the stairs.
Girl, trying to convince him that she's sober: Okay, have a gander at these heels.
Security guy: You were also making out with a man on the couch.
Girl: I'm promiscuous!? All your evidence is circumstantial! See, I'm using words like "promiscuous" and "circumstantial." Have you ever met a drunk person who uses such vocabulary?
Security guy: You exhibit all the signs of intoxication, you are underage, we must ask you to leave.
Girl: For the last time, I'm not drunk! This is just my personality!
Beta Nightclub
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Character | Colorado | Cops | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Sexuality | Words | Posted 2010-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Didn't Spend 7 Years in Evil Medical School Just to Lose My Midget
Drunk gay guy: Where's my midget? I went upstairs and now I'm down here. Where's my midget? (checks under his shoes)
Feathers, New Jersey
Overheard by: K
Categories: Drunks | Magic | New Jersey | Queers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Suing for Breach Of the Social Contract
Smelly drunk in silent library room: You don't work for me? Man, no one knows that they work for me!
Public Library
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Drunks | Gripes | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least Call It the "Cocktagon," Dude.
Tipsy guy to friend: Of course I have a nickname for my penis. I call it "the octagon."
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Sick Fatty
I Didn't Expect the Irish to Be Such Pussies
Coworker: Where were you? You were meant to be in work at 7!
Drunk Slovakian guy arriving at work: I drank Jack Daniels until 5 this morning, then went to bed. I woke at nine and fucked Jane, then got my brother to drop me off at work.
Craigavon
Northern Ireland
Categories: Coworkers | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Family ties | Foreigners | Ireland | Questions | Sex | Posted 2010-01-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Not Get Two Whores and Make a Sandwich?
Drunk man to another: I don't know if I should get a sandwich or a fucking whore...
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Compare and contrast | Drunks | Food | Illinois | Sex | Posted 2010-01-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
*Facepalm*
Middle aged drunk white lady, seriously: Dude, where's my car?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: unicorn lover
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Whiteys | Women | Posted 2010-01-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, Tina Turner, We Know.
Hungover girl: Oh my god! Look at my hair, it's a mess! I look like a horse's vagina!
Flight above London
England
No. I Said, "Pass the Bread."
Drunk guy to drunk date: So wait, you want us to be in an anonymous relationship?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: justarrivedtothebarsober
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Relationships | Wishes | Posted 2010-01-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Plus, I Learned to Use a Urinal
Barely legal drunk blonde: Oh my god, I just walked into the guys' washroom. There were guys at the urinals!
Barely legal drunk brunette: It's okay, you were just breaking down gender dichotomies.
Karaoke Bar
Canadia
Overheard by: Tiffany
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Bimbettes | Canadia | Drunks | Gender issues | Pee | Sexuality | Posted 2009-12-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She's Awfully Peesnickety
Drunk guy: I'm so happy I'm a guy. I don't have to wipe after I pee.
Tipsy girl: You should really wipe if you want Lisa* to suck your dick.
Bayonne, New Jersey
Categories: BJs | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Guys | Happiness | Health & Hygiene | New Jersey | Pee | Penis | Sexuality | Stupidity | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When I Drink, I Become Fluent in Arabic
Drunk boy, about text message: That doesn't say anything.
Drunk girl: Yes, it does. It says, "hey, what's up?"
Drunk boy: No, it doesn't.
Drunk girl to sober girl: Does this say, "hey, what's up?"
Sober girl: No. It says, "al aloof ah."
Brantford
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Guys | Language barrier | Words | Posted 2009-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Was More Like Milking the Bull
Drunk girl: I thought the first time I had sex it would be like milking a cow. You know: squirt, squirt, squirt... a little at a time.
Kingston
Ontario
Canadia
I Think I've Heard This Bob Dylan Song
Drunk guy to group of teens: If you're on the moon and you ain't got no shoes, man, you're outta luck.
Rye, New York
Overheard by: Grizzzly
But She Didn't Use Their Blood As Paint This Time!
Sober girl: Look, all I'm saying is, I wouldn't fucking mess with her. She's clinically insane.
Drunk girl: But you know, I think she's really smart. There are those people, you know, that are so smart they're like actually crazy... Real mental, and we just think they're weird, but they're not! They have like, an IQ of 200!
Sober girl: You do realize that she drew pictures of her friends decapitated, right?
Wellington
New Zealand
Overheard by: Were they talking about the same person?
Categories: Character | Compare and contrast | Drunks | Girls | New Zealand | Questions | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Criss Angel Makes a Tidy Profit at Parties
Drunk man at next table: Butterflies out the arse! And I wouldn't have bet 10 bucks on the sonofabitch!
Sushi Bar
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Overheard by: Sushi Enjoyer
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Insects | Insults | Louisiana | Money | Posted 2009-11-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In the Sense That It's Propping Up My Coffee Table
DJ: And we'll be giving away a free DVD of diary of a mad black woman!
Drunk shirtless redneck, sincerely: Wooooooo! That's my movie! That's my movie!
Screen on the Green, Centennial Park
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Becca
My Parents Are Native American. What's It to You?
Drunk guy, walking into bathroom: Hey, you are at my pisser!
Sober guy at urinal: I didn't realize your name was "push to flush."
Bar
Michigan
Overheard by: I wasn't looking
Wish I Was a Sociopath Like My Dad
Drunk guy to girlfriend: I care about you a lot. It sucks.
Park Tavern
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Couples | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Insults | New Jersey | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Does China Have All the Time?
Drunk gamer #1, about Warhawk: Those Japanese were amazing!
Drunk gamer #2: But you know, in Japan there's so many people, and so much time.
Boulder, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Compare and contrast | Drunks | Games | Stupidity | Time Management | Posted 2009-11-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why R.E.M. Established an IQ Prerequisite for Their Fans
Michael Stipe to crowd: This next song is set in the state of Ohio.
Drunk dude: Go Chicago, woooooo!
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Geographically Inclined
Categories: Colorado | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Music | Stupidity | US Geography | Posted 2009-10-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Was Just Pointing Out That Most Dogs Don't Have Their Own Bathtubs
Drunk JAP, yelling at boyfriend: I can't deal with your shit anymore! You don't respect me, you ridicule me in front of my friends. You tell me my dog doesn't deserve to live in a house as big as mine! I don't want to live like this!
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Jill and Weenie
Oooh, Lick Your Lips While You Say That!
Drunk girl #1: (blows kiss to construction worker)
Drunk girl #2: You *so* just made his day!
Construction worker: Slut.
Exhibition Street
Melbourne, Australia
Categories: Australia | Construction workers | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Insults | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Posted 2009-10-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Never Know Which One Will Be Your Last One
Drunk young girl: Whatever. She could have had sex whenever she wanted.
Drunk mother: Well, she's beat you by a few years!
Drunk grandmother: I haven't had sex in such a long time.
The Keg
Vancouver
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Drunks | Family | Family ties | Moms | Parenting | Sex | Time Management | Wishes | Posted 2009-10-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Smell a Sitcom Premise!
Drunk tailgater dude: Remember when you paid for that girl I fell in love with?
The Rose Bowl
Pasadena, California
Overheard by: Chad
Categories: California | Drunks | Feelings | Money | Sex | Posted 2009-10-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Happened to the Cro-Magnons All the Time
Drunk girl, very concerned: He's totally going to get fucked in the A! And he has scoliosis, so he's always bent over, so he's definitely going to get fucked in the A!
Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota
I Swear I Was Aiming for the Bed.
Hungover guy: Yeah man, so it was all good until I got so drunk that I pissed in my oven.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: hah!
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Pee | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Meet the Inventor Of Coaster Pasties
Drunk teacher: Those aren't coasters, they're pasties. (holds them up to her breasts)
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Heather
Categories: California | Clothes | Clothing | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Rack | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Explains the Sweatpants
Drunk girl to guy she just met: I'm not having sex with you!
Drunk guy: That's okay, I'm on my period.
Montreal
Quebec
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Health & Hygiene | Sex | Sexuality | Posted 2009-09-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Next Time, Actually Read My Nametag.
Drunk chick: Haha, you're a cheeky queen.
Drunk queer: Don't call me a cheeky queen! I'm a dirty bitch!
Provincetown, Massachusetts
Wait-- Purge First!
Drunk girl: Okay... I had three sausages, I gotta go to bed.
Drunk guy: Three? I had like eight shots earlier!
Drunk girl: No. Not shots, sausages.
Drunk guy: Oh my god! You ate three sausages? Go to bed!
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Pukey
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Florida | Food | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Props for Not Drinking and Driving, Though
Drunk bus rider #1: Damn, this bus is always so slow!
Drunk bus rider #2: I swear, if I was a wizard, I would turn this bus into a rabbit... But that's fantasy stuff, and I'm not that into fantasy.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Animals | Bus | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Gripes | Magic | Public Transportation | Washington | Posted 2009-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
With Just a Hint Of Chlamydia
Drunken teenage girl, dancing down the street: I taste like fucking condoms!
Toronto, Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Condoms | Dancing | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Sensory experiences | Teens | Posted 2009-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In That He's Unavailable to Me
Stoned #20-something: If you could have sex with any fictional character, who would it be?
Drunk #20-something: Christopher Walken.
Stoned #20-something: He's not fictional.
(pause)
Drunk #20-something: He might as well be!
Louisville, Kentucky
Overheard by: Jessica
She Has Sex In Very Unusual Places
Crazy drunk lady, whispering: I think I got asbestos on my hands. (in louder voice) Or maybe it's sperm! Heeheeheeheeheehee!
Toronto
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: EdgingAwayFromHer
A Problem I Can Solve Simply by Getting a Drunker ID
Drunk college dude, explaining how he got kicked out of a club: They looked at my ID, then they looked at my face. My face was not as sober as my ID.
Metro, Orange Line
Washington, DC
Overheard by: funniest Metro ride ever
Categories: Body parts | Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Students | Train | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What I Got You Last Year
Drunk male friend: What do you want for your birthday, baby? I can make it happen, just tell me what you want!
Really, really drunk birthday girl, pointing at someone else: I want in that guy's pants!
Norfolk, Virginia
Let Me Guess-- Rainbow Sherbert?
Drunken girl: I don't know, Luke, I'm just sick and tired of people who want to sit in their rooms and watch YouTube videos and eat sherbert.
Drunken guy: You don't like sherbert?
Drunken girl: No, I like it... but only with adventure.
Drunken guy: I wanted adventure. I feel kind of bad, though, that I didn't experiment enough.
Drunken girl: With what?
Drunken guy: With guys. I don't know, it just hasn't happened.
Drunken girl: Well, don't rush it. If you let it happen naturally, it will.
Drunken guy: But what if I don't like it? And say, "No, this isn't for me"?
Drunken girl: Let's go eat something.
Drunken guy: Sherbert?
Drunken girl: Yep.
Claremont, California
Then There Was the Guy We Stabbed and Stuck in the Dumpster...
Hungover girl #1: I really feel like an ass.
Hungover girl #2: Why do you feel like an ass?
Hungover girl #1: Well I did throw a drink on someone.
Hungover girl #2, nodding: And got kicked out of the bar twice.
Wilmington, North Carolina
Categories: Ass | Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | North Carolina | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Israelis Will Even Give You an Argument About That
Drunk black gangster guy, on Tel Aviv centennial celebration: I am Moses! I am Moses!
(traffic light changes, he throws arms up in air) Israelis, you may now walk!
Tel Aviv
Israel
Overheard by: E-lad
Categories: Black people | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Israel | Religion | Stupidity | Thugs | Posted 2009-07-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...After What Happened Last Time?
Sober sorostitute with heavy smoker's voice: Like o-m-g, I just decided on my Halloween costume!
Drunk sorostitute, stamping feet: Oh my god! What?! What what what?
Sober sorostitute: Wait for it...wait for it... Little ho peep!
Drunk sorostitute: Can we have sex with the little ho sheep?
Duke University
Durham, North Carolina
Overheard by: Disgusted
Categories: Animals | Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | North Carolina | Questions | Sex | Sorority types | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I've Forbidden It from Watching Terms Of Endearment
Queer, after being rushed to play Scrabble: You don't understand what it's like having all vowels!
Drunk girl: You don't understand what it's like having a vagina, so who wins?
Queer: I do! I have an emotional vagina.
Long Beach, California
Overheard by: pucewoman
I Can Only Tolerate the Illusion Of Clean
Semi-drunk girl in pub crawl attire: I hate Windex, but I fuckin' love Febreze!
Toronto
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: History Major
Categories: Canadia | Cleanliness | Compare and contrast | Drunks | Feelings | Girls | Gripes | Health & Hygiene | Posted 2009-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So This Better Be at Least Three Karats.
(drunk boy pulls out diamond ring and offers it to drunk girl)
Drunk girl: Fuck you, Tim! You fell asleep at dinner!
London
England
Overheard by: Tequila Sally
Garfield Would Do Pretty Much Anything for Lasagna
Slightly drunk chick, peering into drink: I think my cat is gay.
Really drunk friend: Hey, heyyyy...
Slightly drunk chick: Or maybe he's just a slut.
The Backdoor
Louisville, Kentucky
Categories: Animals | Bars & Clubs | Chicks | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Friends | Kentucky | Sex | Sexuality | Posted 2009-06-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
With His Big Blue Ox
Drunk girl: St. Patrick's day is celebrating St. Patrick...who drove all the rats out of Germany.
University of Evansville
Evansville, Indiana
Overheard by: matt
The Chemical Element?
Drunk man to another: If I had a nose like fluorine I wouldn't be wishing anyone a merry Christmas.
Bar
Edinburgh
Scotland
Overheard by: Jesse Green
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Default | Drunks | Guys | Holidays | Scotland | Wishes | Posted 2009-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Then Other Times I Vomit
Drunk guy walking past mirror: Man, sometimes I see myself, and I make myself horny.
Hanover College
Hanover, Indiana
Overheard by: Whitney
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Guys | Indiana | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Long-Handled One, If You Follow Me
Drunk student: I want nothing more in life than to be able to turn into a shoehorn.
Vancouver
Canadia
Al Gore: "Some Day That'll Be True!"
Afternoon drunk: Nah, man, it's 32. That's freezing. It don't get lower than that.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: colder that him, apparently
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Guys | Illinois | Weather | Posted 2009-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Along With Everything I Learned in Grade School
Drunken girl #1: Ah, that tubby boy kissed me.
Drunken girl #2: Doesn't matter, just remember the rule.
Drunken girl #1: "We don't share"?
Drunken girl #2: No, the other rule.
Drunken girl #1: "Your dress can be as short as you like, as long as you're wearing stockings"?
Drunken girl #2: No. The "if you don't remember it, it didn't happen" rule.
Drunken girl #1: Oh, I'm forgetting it now, then.
Sydney
Australia
Categories: Australia | Clothes | Default | Drunks | Fashion | Girls | Memory lane | Politics | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2009-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And That the Nineties Are Over
Drunk teenage boy: Heyyy, ssssuuuuupp, buddd... (stumbles away)
Sober teenage boy: I guess he's too drunk to notice that we're not friends.
Red Bank, New Jersey
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Guys | New Jersey | Relationships | Teens | Words | Posted 2009-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wanna Race?
Drunk girl puking in bathroom stall to drunk girl puking in stall next to her: It's okay! I'm throwing up too!
Wake Forest University
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Health & Hygiene | North Carolina | Posted 2009-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Fine-- Just Don't Wake Me
Guy to drunk girl at a party, whispering loudly: Will you have sex with me?
Drunk girl: No.
Guy: Please?
Drunk girl: No.
Guy: Aww...come on!
Omaha, Nebraska
Who Will Punch Me in the Ovaries Regardless.
Drunk punk girl #1: Oh my god! Is that a raccoon? I think it's staring at me!
Drunk punk girl #2: That's a fuckin shirt, you retard.
Drunk punk girl #1: Well, if it bites me, I'm punching you in the ovaries!
Drunk punk girl #2, muttering: I need new friends.
Outside Bar
Niagara Falls, New York
Categories: Animals | Bars & Clubs | Body parts | Clothes | Default | Drunks | Girls | New York | Offers and requests | Punks | Threats | Violence | Posted 2009-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wouldn't You Much Rather Blow Someone Lemon-Scented?
Drunk man: I may not have a home, but I'm not like homeless homeless...I take showers and usually smell good.
Drunk woman: And what does this have to do with blowjobs?
Pub
Orange County, California
Overheard by: Katie
Categories: BJs | Bars & Clubs | Bathing | California | Compare and contrast | Default | Drunks | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Posted 2009-05-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You'd Know Why If You'd Ever Dipped One in the Toilet
Tipsy guy to girl beside him: What are you doing later?
Girl: Going home to Scotchgard my bathrobe.
Duke & Duchess Bar
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Cooper Street Relic
Well I Feel Thin!
Sober girl, enthusiastically, to friend who just threw up: You look cute!
Drunk friend, equally enthusiastic: I just threw up!
Sober girl, still enthusiastic: I bet you feel cute!
Subway Bathroom
Overheard by: tina
Categories: Compliments | Default | Drunks | Feelings | Friends | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Public transportation | Weirdness | Posted 2009-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Notice You Came Up with That Description Awfully Quickly
Dude #1: Dude, are you still drunk?
Dude #2: Maybe a little, how could you tell?
Dude #1: You smell like beer, weed, and hooker spit!
Lecture Hall
University of Tennessee
Overheard by: bluecollarbelle
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drugs | Drunks | Guys | Questions | Sensory experiences | Tennessee | Posted 2009-05-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
According to Wiki
Drunk girl at pub table: It's just that guys get sex changes all the time and then realize it's not so fun. They just think it'd be awesome to have boobs.
London
England
Overheard by: Grew her own boobs.
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Default | Drunks | England | Girls | Sex | Posted 2009-05-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wouldn't Steel Birkenstocks Be Uncomfortable?
Drunk girl: I want to be lesbionic!
Georgia Tech
Overheard by: YellowJacketGals
Categories: Default | Drunks | Georgia | Girls | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Technology | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Could You Leave Me Alone with This for a Few Minutes?
Drunk man to man holding rolled-up newspaper: There's a kind of phallic-ness about it, a sort of masculine quality...
The Ship Inn, Southbank
Brisbane
Australia
Categories: Australia | Compare and contrast | Default | Drunks | Gender issues | Guys | Penis | Posted 2009-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Except for My Dog, Who's Gunther.
Drunk guy at bar: My life is an episode of Friends, only there's no girls, and everyone's Chandler.
Bar
Dayton, Ohio
Overheard by: Kristin
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Character | Compare and contrast | Default | Drunks | Guys | Ohio | TV shows | Posted 2009-05-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Her Shirt Says "Jesus Is My Homeboy"
Fat drunk guy: I really like your shirt. It's very intellectual.
Girl: Uh, thanks.
Fat drunk guy: I mean, I'm in college, I like to think deep, you know? I want to make films. Deep films.
Girl: Yeah, that'll be cool.
Fat drunk guy: How old are you?
Girl: I'm 16.
Fat drunk guy: Oh, I'm 18. Well...I mean, I'm 23.
Shreveport, Louisiana
Overheard by: Elle
Categories: Age and ageing | Clothes | Compliments | Default | Drunks | Fat people | Girls | Guys | Louisiana | Offers and requests | Questions | Posted 2009-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Girl Is My New Best Friend
Drunk girl in painful-looking heels to tour group of incoming freshmen: This is your future!
Michigan State University
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Education | Girls | Michigan | Posted 2009-04-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah, Stop Emailing Me Those Photos.
Drunk girl: Guess whose shirt I'm wearing!
Sober friend: Whose?
Drunk girl, without missing a beat: What?
(15 minutes later)
Drunk girl: I'm not even wearing a shirt!
Dorm Room
Wisconsin
Categories: Clothes | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Offers and requests | Questions | Wisconsin | Posted 2009-04-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Unrelated News, Could I Get a Ride to the Emergency Room?
Drunk guy #1, finishing rant: Plastic trees do not produce oxygen!
Drunk guy #2, retorting: They do if you eat them!
Bloomsburg, Pennsylvania
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Food | Guys | Pennsylvania | Posted 2009-04-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Wasn't Well Bread
Drunk guy to friend: I didn't respect her because she didn't respect the sandwich.
Scooter's Bar
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Kate
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Compare and contrast | Default | Drunks | Food | Guys | Oregon | Relationships | Posted 2009-04-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And I'm Oddly Aroused.
Sober girl, crossing street: So what happened?
Tipsy girl: Well, everything was fine, I guess, but then the sex got really boring, so I had to let him go. Oh god, was that really loud?
Random stranger: Yup.
Dupont Circle
Washington, DC
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drunks | Girls | Questions | Sex | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-04-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Time My Penis Had a Break
Very drunk girl: I'm going to go pee with my vagina.
Venice, Florida
How Is a Dorm Room Like a Crime Scene, Alex?
Drunk girl: Oh! So you're not going to go home with your girlfriend when she is asking you and her roommate isn't even home! Oh! Oh! (boyfriend whispers something to her) I don't care if I'm on my period or not!
University of Dayton
Dayton, Ohio
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Drunks | Gender issues | Girls | Ohio | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2009-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thanks, Make-a-Wish Foundation!
Drunk girl in bar during Rose Bowl: It's official--I'm going to be ovulating on my wedding day.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Double V
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Default | Drunks | Gender issues | Girls | Illinois | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Plus, Concrete Shoes Are the New Black
Drunk woman #1: I shoulda been in the mafia.
Drunk woman #2: Why?
Drunk woman #1: I hate loose ends.
Bar
Louisiana
Overheard by: soprano
So Sad That It Has to Come Back Down
Drunk girl, pointing to apartment across the street: Look! The elevator goes up and down! It's so cool!
Sober girl: Yeah...they tend to do that.
Drunk girl: Shut up! (pause) But this one lights up! Oh, look! There it goes again!
London
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: The D.D. for the night
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Technology | Posted 2009-03-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ride My Big Thunder Mountain, If You Catch My Drift
Drunk girl to hot guy in "if you lick them they will come": Nice shirt!
Hot guy, turning around: How about you "come" with me tonight, baby?
Downtown Orlando, Florida
We Talking Pecker Snot Here, Carlo?
Very drunk male friend to very sober, pregnant, married friend: Can I phlegm on your cleavage?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: a connoisseur of terrible pick-up lines
Categories: Clothes | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Friends | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2009-02-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Also See Many Things That Aren't Actually There
Very drunk girl, exiting party: Oh my, it's dark outside!
Sober girl: Oh, are you gonna need help back to your dorm or anything?
Very drunk girl: Oh, no. Wine gives me night vision.
University of Kentucky
Overheard by: Emmatastic
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Kentucky | Offers and requests | Questions | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Posted 2009-02-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Yet, the Unexamined Ring Is Not Worth Wearing
Girl sucking down Smirnoff Ice: The longer I look at my engagement ring, the smaller the diamond gets...
Berklee Performing Arts Center
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Massachusetts | Relationships | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-01-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Cool
Drunk girl looking at digital camera: Sometimes I'm having such a good time I look Chinese.
Saint Joseph's University
Philadelphia, PA
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Drunks | Feelings | Geography | Girls | Happiness | Pennsylvania | Technology | Posted 2009-01-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Along With "Old Too Soon" and "Smart Too Late"
Decked-out tarot card reader, eyes closed, acting all mystical: I'm getting the feeling of a friend, a female presence that seems to be around you quite often. I get this feeling, this strong feeling, that she tries to help you in certain ways but her help isn't the good kind. For some reason, a phrase keeps popping in my head. This one phrase.
Drunk seated hipster girl: What is it?
Tarot card reader: The words (dramatic pause) "party too hard."
Alcove Gallery
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Body parts | Counselors | Default | Drunks | Feelings | Georgia | Girls | Hipsters | Questions | Posted 2009-01-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
According to Sister Mary Bernice
Drunk girl: You only get pregnant if you want to.
Ohio
No
Happy hour drinker: My menstruation looks like meat. Is that normal?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: no, good heavens no!
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drunks | Gender issues | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...But the Security Guard Was All, "Public Fountains Aren't Toilets!"
Drunk guy to friend: And it was like a mini-orgasm. I swear, it was the best pee ever.
Monash University Dorms
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Australian L
Categories: Australia | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Drunks | Guys | Orgasm | Sensory experiences | Posted 2008-12-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unless You Count Vaginal Penetration
Drunk old guy (supported by another): 61 years of celibacy!
Pirate's Alley
New Orleans, Louisiana
Overheard by: Sara
Sounds Great. Really. My People Will Call Your People
Drunk girl: You cough up a ring, and I'll cough up my vagina.
Sacramento, California
Categories: California | Default | Drunks | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Vagina | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Meet the Only Guy in Kansas Secure Enough to Say He Doesn't Like Pussy
Drunk girl, walking over and planting big kiss on guy's forehead: I kissed you like I kiss my cat!
Guy: I don't like cats.
Emporia, Kansas
Overheard by: Very Disturbed
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Default | Drunks | Feelings | Girls | Guys | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Kansas | Posted 2008-12-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Keebler Elves Say They Need the Yeast
Drunk girl to drunk friend: Unless you live in my vagina, you wouldn't know!
Springfield, Illinois
Overheard by: Random Bar Guy
Even in Metric Drinks
Bartender: I've never seen someone drink ten Jägerbombs in 15 minutes before...you must be from hell.
Slightly drunk girl: No! I'm from New York. 10? That was 10? Oh, crap, 10 is a lot more than 3.
London
England
Categories: Bartenders | Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | England | Geography | Girls | Posted 2008-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Plug and Play-- What Could Be Easier?
Drunk girl #1, in bathroom: So I told her she just needed to remove her vagina, put on a cock and man up!
Drunk girl #2: Totally.
Bathroom, Rocket Bar
Washington, DC
And Since Your Sister Got Crushed by That House, You're All I've Got!
Drunk guy outside window: I didn't storm the beaches of Normandy so you could fly around on pieces of wood!
Montague Street
Glasgow
Scotland
Overheard by: sarah (trying to sleep here!)
Practically the Only Thing in Ottawa You Haven't Done
Slutty teen in very short skirt (yelling): Yo,what time is it?
Drunk passerby : (shows watch on wrist)
Slutty teen (indignantly): Like, I don't do analogue, bitch!
Ottawa
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Default | Drunks | Insults | Questions | Strangers | Technology | Teens | Time Management | Posted 2008-11-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Thin Line Between Martha Stewart and MTV Backup Dancers
Restaurant server on smoke break: How were the ladies at the bar?
Drunk man: Those bitches were hot. And I mean "bitches" in the best possible way.
Server: When I say "bitches," I mean "hoes."
Plano, Texas
The Butt End Of the Mississippi Alimentary Canal
Hotel concierge: So, how did you enjoy The Big Easy?
Tourist lady: Oh, New Orleans is a wonderful city. I just wish I knew what it smelled like...
Drunk guy: "Ass." That's the word your looking for. The city smells like ass.
Bourbon Street
New Orleans, Louisiana
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drunks | Employees | Guys | Louisiana | Sensory experiences | Tourists | US Geography | Women | Words | Posted 2008-11-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wherever I Sit, It's Still Fucking Kansas
Drunk #1: It is loud in here.
Drunk #2: No, it isn't.
Drunk #1: Well, you aren't sitting over here.
Drunk #2: What?
Olathe, Kansas
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drunks | Kansas | Sensory experiences | Posted 2008-11-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do You Need More Evidence That McDonald's Is Hell?
Drunk guy to group of teenagers at McDonald's: Demon? Demon? Demon? Demon...
Florianópolis
Brazil
Overheard by: Marlon
This Happens a Lot at Hippie Sex Retreats
Drunk guy: Oh my god! Everyone in this room is so ugly!
Irish Pub
Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Jackie
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Default | Drunks | Feelings | Guys | Pennsylvania | Weirdness | Posted 2008-10-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I've Now Been Hired As a Paper Shredder
Drunk bride: One time, I broke my dildo into two pieces. With my...you know. (other girls look at her in disbelief) What? I was horny!
Bridal Shower
Norway
Overheard by: Hege
Eli Whitney: I Swear, Sir, That Was Never My Intention!
Drunk college girl: She doesn't use tampons because she doesn't want anything up there except her husband's dick? So, if she used tampons she'd be like, "Oh, I'm sorry honey, I lost my virginity to a cotton stick?" What a retard!
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Megan
Categories: Default | Drunks | Health & Hygiene | Insults | Penis | Relationships | Sorority types | Stupidity | Tennessee | Posted 2008-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Kids Never Get Me the Right Christmas Gift
Chunky drunken woman shouting to friend and waving her arms wildly: I don't want no peepshow! I wanna dildo!
Downtown Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Bowtie Daddy
The Training Begins in the Womb
Drunk guy: Excuse me assholes, pregnant woman coming through.
Drunk pregnant wife: I fell down the stairs yesterday, my baby is like one of the warriors from 300.
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: MN
Weren't We Fencing?
30-something male drunk: You're not my mother!
20-something female drunk: I'm not your mother. I'm just telling you that it's not okay to grunt and lunge at people.
Pacifica, California
Overheard by: Slightly
Categories: Advice | California | Default | Drunks | Etiquette | Family ties | Girls | Guys | Posted 2008-10-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Three Beers Is O'Doul's
Assumed alcoholic: You didn't have alcohol. One beer isn't alcohol. Six beer is alcohol!
St. John's
Newfoundland
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Mental illnesses | Posted 2008-10-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You've Foiled Me for the Last Time, Levi Strauss!
Very loud drunk guy, standing at a urinal while he tries to open his zipper: How the fuck do they do this?
Las Vegas, Nevada
And Did You Use All Of the Holes?
Drunk man to girlfriend: So, it's like Swiss cheese, okay? All the women I've ever slept with are like Swiss cheese.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: wow, where do you pick up girls?
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drunks | Food | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sexuality | Posted 2008-09-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And I Drink Twelve Beers in Celebration
Drunk girl: Sometimes I think I'm an alcoholic, but then I watch Intervention and I realize I'm just a love machine.
Syracuse University, New York
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Maladies | New York | Sexuality | TV shows | Posted 2008-09-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Singer Of "Hey There, Delilah" Eventually Had to Hire a Bodyguard
Young drunk guy: ...but everything will be better once I break his jaw.
Friend: Yeah, word.
Toronto
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: bex
I'll Bet Oscar the Grouch Would Be Into Flogging
Drunk girl to friends: Dave and I were talking about which Muppet is hottest. I said the Count. He says Cookie Monster.
Dave: The Count would count every thrust! One... Hahaha... Two... Hahaha...
Drunk girl: But the Cookie Monster would get crumbs in the bed!
Downtown Grill and Brewery
Knoxville, Tennessee
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drunks | Friends | Girls | Restaurants | TV shows | Tennessee | Posted 2008-09-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...On the Advice of That Fortune Cookie
Drunk man dragging a giant ten-foot stick down the middle of the street: I have to lift this over my head and spin around to see if I will be getting into a pool naked tonight.
Capitol Hill
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Celessa
Categories: Default | Drunks | Guys | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Oft-Forgotten Second Lyric to "Do You Hear What I Hear?"
Drunk girl: I hear Michael Caine peeing!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: About celebrities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Illinois | Pee | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Disney May Have Crossed the Line With Whinny the Poo
Drunk girl: I've seen a horse sit on a goddamn toilet!
Pimlico Race Course
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Rachel Isadora
Greater Love Hath No Girl
Underage drunk girl in bathroom to another: Do you need me to wipe?
Varsity Theatre
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Are You Hunting Wabbits?
Drunk girl stumbling down the street with open umbrella on a sunny day: Shhhh, we have to pretend to be sober.
Leeds
England
Ooo--Indian Burrrnnn!
Drunk girl screaming: No one here cares about any of the issues. None of you are from here. That just makes me sick, none of you are fucking from here.
Bus driver over PA: Sweetie, unless your name is Pocahontas, you're not from here either.
NJ Transit Bus
Categories: Bus drivers | Default | Drunks | Geography | Gripes | Insults | Names | New Jersey | Pop culture | Posted 2008-08-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Question Asked. Question Answered
Drunk blonde girl #1: I love those shoes. Where did you get them?
Drunk blonde girl #2 (in a haze, looking at drunk girl #3): I don't know. (to drunk girl #3) Gail, where did I get your shoes?
Frat Party
UC Berkeley, California
Overheard by: Uncle Salty
Categories: California | Clothes |