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Later, They'd Vomit Up Quarters
Drunk girl #1: I'm Wells Fargo!
Drunk girl #2: Really? I'm Wells Fargo, too!
(they gleefully skip off together)
Pearl St Mall
Boulder, Colorado
Roman Polanski's Legacy
Drunken, nostalgic girl #1: So, did you guys end up getting anywhere?
Drunken, nostalgic girl #2: No, I was thirteen!
Drunken, nostalgic girl #1: Yeah, but you didn't do anything? Like, not even touch his dick?
Drunken, nostalgic girl #2: I don't know, I was drunk!
Vincennes, Indiana
Overheard by: 202 Tavern Girl
Categories: Age and ageing | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Friends | Girls | Indiana | Memory lane | Questions | Sexuality | Posted 2008-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What He Said at the ER
Drunk girl applying lip gloss: I can't believe he broke up with me. I gave him the blow job of his life last night!
Napper Tandy's Bathroom
Raleigh, North Carolina
Categories: BJs | Default | Drunks | Girls | North Carolina | Relationships | Restroom | Posted 2008-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Especially the One from Little House on the Prairie
Very obnoxious drunk man to long-suffering waitress: Hey, what's your name, anyway?
Waitress (coldly): Melissa.
Drunk man (softly): Awww, my daughter's name is Melissa.
Waitress: Well, I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but we usually turn out slutty.
Bar
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Bars & Clubs | California | Comebacks | Creepsters | Customers | Default | Drunks | Family ties | Guys | Insults | Names | Questions | Servers | Posted 2008-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Slut Recordkeeping System Parallels Major League Baseball's
Drunk girl, loudly, to her drunk friends: I mean, she's slept with or semi-slept with more people than I have!
Clark and Broadway
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: flunk_punk
Categories: Compare and contrast | Creepsters | Default | Drunks | Friends | Girls | Illinois | Sexuality | Posted 2008-06-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Everyone's a Beautiful Woman After 12 Tequila Shots
Drunk guy on cell: Dad, I can't talk right now, I'm surrounded by FBI agents, but I've got your $100, your beer, and your marijuana. Oh, and your toilet paper. [Pause.] No, dad, FBI agents. [Pause.] I don't know, they're all beautiful women.
B Line
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Beauty | Crimes | Default | Drugs | Drunks | Family ties | Guys | Massachusetts | Money | Offers and requests | On the phone | Sexuality | Train | Posted 2008-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Family Tradition I've Been Staunch about Continuing
Drunk woman: ... And that's how my parents hooked up! My dad was a drunk dialer!
Outside George's
Waco, Texas
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Family ties | Memory lane | Relationships | Restaurants | Texas | Women | Posted 2008-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not Without My Fainting Couch and Fan Nearby
Drunk girl: I went to the University of Alabama, so you don't have to tell me about sex.
Sammy's
Raleigh, North Carolina
Categories: Bragging | Drunks | Education | Girls | North Carolina | Restaurants | Sex | Posted 2008-05-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Was I Awake?
Tipsy girlfriend, playing "Never Have I Ever": Never have I ever done 69 with anyone.
Boyfriend: Ping.
Girlfriend: What?! Who did you 69?!
Boyfriend: You, fool!
Girlfriend: Oh.
Ohio University
Athens, Ohio
Overheard by: outfirst
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Couples | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Games | Girls | Guys | Ohio | Questions | Relationships | Sex | Posted 2008-05-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Have to Earn the Right to Stay in Paradise, Pal
Guido: Dude, I think your girlfriend is going to dump you. You fell off your chair inside and you punched me in the ribs twice when I got up to go to the bathroom.
Drunk Guido: No, she can't dump me. She lets me put it in her ass!
Outside Restuarant
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Lauren
Categories: Ass | Backdoor | Drunks | Guys | Maryland | Pride | Relationships | Restaurants | Posted 2008-05-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Jessie Got Us Arrested
[Three intoxicated college girls are walking along the street. One trips, falls, and all three laugh hysterically. An unmarked police van passes by]
Cop, yelling out of the window: Looks like three underage drinking tickets right there!
Girl #1: We're all 21!
Cop: Well, it looks like you're 4!
Girl #2: Looks like you're 37 and looking for a boyfriend!
Madison, Wisconsin
Categories: Age and ageing | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Cops | Crimes | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Friends | Relationships | Sexuality | Sorority types | Weirdness | Wisconsin | Posted 2008-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Some Cultures, That's the Highest Compliment
Drunk girl yelling to bald guy from car window: You left your toupee in my vagina!
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Paige & Liz
Hey! I'm Not Dying Yet!
Drunk college student: What's up, man?
Tired-looking bum: Allah! Allah always be up.
Drunk college student: True. True. Holla' at your boy.
Green Line
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: On my way to church
This Is What Happens When Harry Potter Fans Grow Up
Extremely drunk chick crying: I love him so much and he doesn't even know! He's my soulmate.
Exasperated sober chick: He's fictional!
Armory Square
Syracuse, New York
Stop Being White in Popeye's!
Black girl #1: Okay, I know what I'm getting. Do you know what you're getting?
White girl: I've never been here before. Let me look for a while. [Pauses, then yells.] Wait a minute! Popeye's a sailor; Why does he sell chicken?
Black girl #2: Oh my god, shut up now or no more vodka for you for the rest of the night!
White girl: Okay. [Giggles.] I'm sorry.
[Black girls start talking to each other.]
White girl, yelling: Why are there no white people in here?!
Black girl #1: Aww fuck, take her outside to the car. This is her first and last time ever coming here!
Popeye's
Trenton, New Jersey
Categories: Advice | Black people | Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Food | Friends | Girls | New Jersey | Questions | Race | Restaurants | Threats | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For One Thing, He Looks Less Like a Gay Man
[Beauty & the Beast sing-a-long.]
Drunk girl: Is it just me... or is the beast-beast hotter than the human beast?
Duke University
Durham, North Carolina
Categories: Beauty | Compare and contrast | Drunks | Feelings | Girls | Movies | North Carolina | Questions | Sexuality | Posted 2008-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"Take, Eat, This Is My Body" Would Actually Work As a Pick-Up Line
Drunk college guy: If I were Jesus, everything would be different!
Duluth, Minnesota
Overheard by: Nic
Categories: Compare and contrast | Drunks | Frat boy types | Guys | Jesus | Minnesota | Students | Wishes | Posted 2008-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Can I Use Your Leg As a Scratching Post?
Patron #1: Keith is really sorry to have acted like that.
Bartender: Does he even realize how drunk he was?
Patron #1: I'm just saying, that is not the Keith we know
Patron #2: [starts laughing].
Bartender: Well, he is a nice guy, he just gets too drunk.
Patron #1: I'm just letting you know, that according to all the cats he knows, you are the meow [makes a pawing gesture].
Bartender: Okay, how drunk are you?
Patron #2: He doesn't even know who Keith is.
Patron #1: Where are we?
Bennigans
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Chris
Categories: Animals | Bars & Clubs | Bartenders | Compliments | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Feelings | Florida | Guys | Questions | Posted 2008-04-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Storytelling Is a Lost Art
Drunk bimbette: Oh my god! I used to like this ugly guy once... Then I realized he was ugly and stopped liking him.
Barbeque
Jundiaí
Brazil
Categories: Beauty | Bimbettes | Brazil | Compare and contrast | Drunks | Feelings | Restaurants | Sexuality | Posted 2008-04-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As I Have Noticed Your Lack of Training Wheels
Drunk girl in bar to bartender: You should be so lucky as to have sex with me.
Bartender: I wouldn't fuck you for practice.
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: warm ups?
But Apparently That's Not How Job Interviews Work
Girl walking to bus stop drunk: I just wanted to walk in, get groped and leave.
Pheasant Run
Harrisonburg, Virginia
Overheard by: Brandon Call
Nala Would Be an Animal in Bed, Though
Drunk college guy: Is that Nala?
Drunk college chick: She is so pretty... Don't you think she's pretty?
Drunk college guy: I'm not really into cartoons...[after several seconds] I gotta say, though, Kim pretty hot.
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Megan
We're Getting Closer to an Answer All the Time
Guy #1: How much have you had to drink?
Guy #2: Just beers.
Guy #1: But how many?
Guy #2: Just beers.
Guy #1: Yeah, how many beers have you had?
Guy #2: Yeah.
Guy #1: How many have you had though?
Guy #2: I'm only drinking beers tonight.
Pinehaven
New Zealand
Overheard by: Schmitty
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Guys | Idiots | New Zealand | Questions | Stupidity | Words | Posted 2008-04-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Won First Prize at the Science Fair
Serious drunk guy: I made babies with a woman!
BrewFest
Jenkintown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Drunk Girl
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Default | Drunks | Guys | Offspring | Pennsylvania | Relationships | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But the Make-a-Wish People Laughed at Me
Drunk guy to two girls: No, really! My ultimate fantasy is to have sex with a ridiculously hot girl while you two are on the futon eating cheetos!
Aburn University
Auburn, Alabama
Which They Got Fucking a Liar
Drunk girl, loudly: Anyone who says they've never had an itchy asshole is just fucking lying.
Cock O the Walk Bar
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Beer Bitch
Or Mechanical Bull -- Whichever's Closest.
Drunk Texan to car with window open: Excuse me, where's the nearest brothel?
Miller Park parking lot
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
So Then He Stabbed Me
Chatty chick: ... And he called me a drunk! I mean, I am a drunk, but I'm a functional drunk. I told him everyone loves drunks but nobody loves a crackhead... I don't even care if I get a beer belly! Someone will still love me and rub my beer belly!
22 Fillmore bus
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: melissa
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Drugs | Drunks | Relationships | Posted 2008-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Expect to Awaken Tomorrow Nauseated, Infected
Tipsy girl: You know what type of night it is? I'm wearing a leopard-print dress and leggings! It's that type of night!
Shout-out: www.overheardatlc.blogspot.com
Guy: Mind! I Said I Wouldn't Mind!
Drunk girl on cell: What? ... I'm so drunk I can't even hear... I want to do naughty things to you... So, you're saying if I were to lick and suck you, you wouldn't care?
Fiddler's Green
Winter Park, Florida
Overheard by: grossed out because she's not even cute
Categories: BJs | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Florida | Girls | On the phone | Sex | Posted 2008-03-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Way There Are Always People around to Help Me with the Big Words
Drunk guy: Well, I'm, like, more of a social reader, you know?
Columbus, Ohio
Every Catholic Wedding, Encapsulated
Drunk girl: I'm filled with the Holy Spirit... and booze!
Michigan State University
East Lansing, Michigan
Categories: Christianity | Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Michigan | Students | Posted 2008-02-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Hold Still, Sir.
Drunk girl: I'm lubed up from my fingertips to my elbow!
99 Restaurant bar
Salem, Massachusetts
Overheard by: sam-a-lamb
Categories: Body parts | Drunks | Massachusetts | Posted 2008-02-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wait! Those Were Unrelated Staaatements!
Drunk guy: Fuck you guys! I am not gay! I love my siiister!
Penn State University
Pennsylvania
Overheard by: truth serum...
Categories: Drunks | Family ties | Pennsylvania | Posted 2008-02-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let's Keep Doing Shots Until It Does
Drunk girl: Oh my god, how can you be wearing a t-shirt right now? It's so cold outside!
Bouncer: I love the cold. In fact, I have the air conditioning on in my apartment right now.
Drunk girl: Wow, so, what are you? Like, from Florida or something?
Bouncer: No... That doesn't make any sense.
Washington Street
Brighton, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Patron
Categories: Drunks | Massachusetts | Stupidity | Posted 2008-02-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Consists Mostly of Panting and Licking Strangers
Drunk girl: You know, me and Jared are a lot alike. We both kind of throw ourselves out there with the same kind of desperation, only mine... is a more quiet desperation.
University of Idaho
Idaho
Overheard by: Funnygirl
Categories: Bringing it back to you | Colleges & Universities | Drunks | Girls | Idaho | Sex | Posted 2008-02-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Am So Through with Jesus
Haggard drunk woman to group of drunk men: He says he loves me but won't even buy me a cupcake!
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Food | Massachusetts | Shopping | Women | Posted 2008-02-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That, and Getting Highlights
Drunk lady: So, like, I haven't been to the bar since five. I really hope this plane comes soon, because I have to get to Jacksonville because my mother-in-law is dying. Hahaha! Isn't that funny? Oh my god, I look awful. I should have never left the house without my eyeliner.
Guy, staring: You're serious?
Drunk lady: Absolutely. I can never step outside the house without makeup.
Guy: I don't think you should step outside without rearranging your priorities.
Drunk lady: It's my New Year's resolution.
St. Paul International Airport
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: Aayin
Categories: Death & dying | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Family ties | Guys | Minnesota | Women | Posted 2008-02-04 | Email |