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Was That a Racial Slur?
Stoned girl #1, eating mint cookie: This tastes like Oreos.
Stoned girl #2: This isn't Oreos! It's... Oxford Creme cookie.
Stoned girl #1: Sounds like a pretentious Oreo to me.
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Curly
...My Salty, Greasy, Utterly Empty Life
Stoned girl looking at bottom of empty chip bag: Ugh, this is why I hate life.
Elk Grove, California
Overheard by: MelBee
Categories: California | Druggies | Feelings | Food | Gripes | Posted 2011-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Gentleman Doesn't Make You Bleed 'til the Third Date
Stoned girl at party: I don't think I'm gonna call him back, he was fingering me in pretty rapey way.
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Categories: Druggies | England | Girls | Masturbation | Sensory experiences | Violence | Posted 2011-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sometimes Your Editors Feel Like We're Fixin' to Die
Stoner girl to stoner guy: Vietnam was a war, not a country!
Sacramento, California
Categories: California | Druggies | Geography | History | Stupidity | Posted 2011-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And We'll Write It Off As a Business Expense.
Loud 40-something suit on cell: Yeah, let's sit around smoking ganja on a beautiful Sunday afternoon, and you can teach me Swahili.
Giant Eagle Grocery
Medina, Ohio
Categories: Druggies | Offers and requests | Ohio | On the phone | Smoking | Posted 2011-01-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Twinkie Defense Never Works.
College burnout: It has a soft and creamy center!
Friend, looking at computer: I still don't like him.
Thibodaux, Louisiana
Overheard by: Batpam
Categories: Diet & weight | Druggies | Food | Friends | Stupidity | Posted 2010-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Stimulant for Me, a Depressant for Them
Girl #1: What kind of drugs were you on?
Girl #2: I wasn't on drugs!
Girl #1: What kind of drugs do you want to be on?
Girl #2: What kind of drugs do you have?
Girl #1: I have the morning after pill.
Girl #2: That's not a drug.
Girl #1: Yes it is, it kills babies.
Escondido, California
I Still Can't Eat Shirred Eggs
Grungy young man, after loudly prattling on about drinking 12 Smirnoffs a day, weed, and massage therapy: I didn't believe in the inner-spiritual plane until I saw my unborn child's soul whisked away.
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Anon Y. Mouse
Categories: California | Drinking & drunks | Druggies | Drugs | Drunks | Kids | Parenting | Words | Posted 2010-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Though at Least I Can Eat Chips
Guy: It was a teeth-optional place, but hey, I was a drug addict, so I'm not all that and a bag of chips either.
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Druggies | Drugs | Weirdness | Posted 2010-04-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...So He Could Cut Up His Coke.
Confused junkie: There were these two Jewish guys called Gold and Frankenstein, and they gave Jesus a mirror.
Box Hill Central
Melbourne
Australia
My Dad Wants to See Me ASAP
30-something druggie girl: I know my dad's looking down at me, helping me and shit. That's how I got my handbag back.
30-something druggie guy: Yeah? For fuckin serious?
30-something druggie girl: Yeah! I feel like he's telling me shit sometimes. Sometimes I reckon he wants me to stop taking the pills and the smack, but then I'm like, "Nah, that's just the drugs talking."
Train
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: XPIOTOS
Haven't We Established That It's 42?
Dopey girl: I once figured out the secret of life.
Friend: Really? What?
Dopey girl: You see, that's the problem.
Friend: What do you mean?
Dopey girl: I forgot it.
Friend: Well, that sucks.
Dopey girl: Yeah. I would've made a lot of money off of that too.
Friend: Well, if it comes back to you...
Dopey girl: Oh--don't worry. You'll be the first to know.
Running Track
Loganville, Georgia
Or in the Fantasy That Runs on a Loop in My Head?
Guy asking survey questions to people: So, where are you from again?
Really high guy: Do you mean in real life?
Dorm Lobby
Wyoming
If It Didn't Grow in Our Garden, She's Not Interested
Cracked out old lady: Yeah, I think it's time for me to get a new dildo.
Cracked out old guy: Oh, really? Why?
Cracked out old lady: I don't know... I'm not getting the same vibrations anymore. You should tell your wife to get one.
Cracked out old guy: Nahh, I don't think she'd enjoy it...
Cracked out old lady: Yeah, true, true.
McDonald's
Surrey, BC
Canadia
On the Plus Side, You Always Had Somewhere to Hang Your Coat
Druggie talking about Italy: There were dicks coming out the walls everywhere!
Maine
Overheard by: abbitt the rabbitt
Categories: Default | Druggies | Maine | Memory lane | Penis | Posted 2008-07-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Soul Is Irredeemably Banal
Spaced-out kid: And I think it was some kind of message in that out-of-body experience. Like, it was my soul trying to tell me that after I finished puking, I should take a shower.
Teenage queer: Your dreams are fucked.
St. Andrew's College
Aurora
Canadia
Despite What You Guys Promised Me
Professor: I'm on drugs... And they're not fun.
Ohio University
Athens, Ohio
Overheard by: thereallc
Me and My Cocaine Fork Will Be Just Fine
Girl: But I'm graduating soon, so I don't need spoons anymore!
Montclair State University
New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Druggies | Drugs | Education | Girls | New Jersey | Sorority types | Students | Posted 2008-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
One of the Perks of Dating Helen Keller
Smug TA: While I was with her I was doing crack. She had no idea.
Auraria Campus
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Druggies | Drugs | Guys | Lies | Pride | Relationships | Students | Posted 2008-04-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Very Definition of a Fucking Christian
Stoned girl with drink in one hand and cigarette in the other: I'm a fucking Christian, so I know you're wrong!
Northern Ireland
Called Him Jonah
Crackhead lady: I was raised on McDonald's hamburgers until one day I puked up a fish!
McDonald's
Vancouver, British Columbia
Canadia
Categories: Age and ageing | Canadia | Crazies | Default | Druggies | Food | Health & Hygiene | Posted 2008-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now I Only Eat It
Dude #1: So, when the hell did you start smoking cigarettes?
Dude #2: Last week.
Dude #1: Why the hell did you do that?
Dude #2: I wanna stop smoking pot.
University of Miami
Miami, Florida
Overheard by: Stosh
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Default | Druggies | Drugs | Florida | Guys | Questions | Smoking | Time Management | Posted 2008-03-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Like Watching My Mom
Stoner teen girl watching seals: If I ever turn into an animal, I hope I'm not a seal.
Friend: Why?
Stoner teen girl: 'Cause just look at the poor things -- it's so hard for them to, like, move. They just wobble everywhere. No legs to help them. I feel so bad for them.
Camden Aquarium
Camden, New Jersey
Overheard by: maryjane
We Take It Ourselves
Meth user: Am I too late to get my methadone?
Young pharmacist: Yes. After five p.m. we dump all the methadone down the drain.
Meth user, very nervous: Are you kidding?!
Young pharmacist, laughing: Yes, I am.
Fort Erie, Ontario
Canadia
