Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | People

No Sword Fights in the Library, Dude

Computer nerd on laptop: See that walking cucumber over there? (pause) Yeah, well, I have a magic sword!

Dartmouth College Library
New Hampshire

Overheard by: Madeleine

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Like When Jim Carrey Became Jamie Kennedy

Nerd #1: What you really must decide is where your evil alter ego came from. Was it a sudden event that caused it to emerge? Or was it always lurking waiting for the right moment?
Nerd #2, nodding in agreement: Yes, yes. So true.

Skagit, Washington

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Mom Put the "C" in "ROTC"

Geek #1: So, was your mom a very loose woman when she was in college?
Geek #2: Well, not really, but back when she was in the military, she was.

Morgantown, West Virginia

Overheard by: Mint

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Why Horror Porn Exists.

Nerdy girl to three friends: Of course you run the risk of showing your underpants, but in the face of zombies, I wouldn't mind so much.

University of King's College
Halifax, Nova Scotia
Canadia

Overheard by:

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Admit It-- You're Strangely Aroused.

Pretty hipster in lab: It's cold in here and it's also not hot outside.
Pretty nerd in lab: Shouldn't the thrill of science keep you warm?
Pretty hipster in lab: That's such a stupid thing to say...

Cornell University
Ithaca, New York

Overheard by: Warm for Science

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Is That Chinese for "You're Hot"?

Balding nerdy guy to cute Asian arty girl: What was your name again?
Cute Asian arty chick: No.

Pioneer Square
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: curtis martin

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No More Babysitting for You, Suzanne.

Nerdy girl to Asian friend: I mean, it was pathetic. I could've had my top off and had a sign around my neck that said "free blowjobs" and they wouldn't have noticed. They were all crowded around Mike watching him play Pokemon.

Chicago, Illinois

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It's Easy to Predict Which Kids Will Suffer Most in School

Four-year-old girl on push scooter, to mum: The steering is counter-intuitive!

Oxfordshire
England

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How Hot That Sounds Depends on How Horny You Are

Nerd guy: Did you get a haircut?
Indie girl: No. Why?
Nerd guy: Your bangs are on the other side.
Indie girl: Oh, I didn't shower today.

Godfrey, Illinois

Overheard by: M

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When You're Greeting a Female Dignitary, for Instance

Nerdy college guy #1: "Bitch" does have a negative connotation.
Nerdy college guy #2: But girls say it to each other, it's like the "n" word!
Nerdy college guy #3: And it can be used as a greeting! "Yo, bitch, what's shakin'?"

USF
Florida

Overheard by: SB

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Why Professors Rarely Ask Students to Introduce Themselves on the First Day Of Class Anymore

Nerd: I don't know about you, but I have trouble being romantic when I'm sweating to death.

Community College
Illinois

Overheard by: adderall driven

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The "Physics Fiesta" Failed to Draw the Crowds They'd Anticipated

Alpha nerd to friends: We should kidnap more people for parties.

Ottawa
Canadia

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Nothing But The Chicken Dance for Me and My Posse

White geek girl: I swear, if it's the goddamn Macarena, I'm gonna cap a bitch!

Highlands Ranch, Colorado

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Is That a "Yes" on the Cleavage Shirt?

Dorky girl: I think when the sugar is visible, that's a good sign.

Sarah Lawrence
Yonkers, New York

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If You're Gonna Fantasize, Go Big or Stay Home

Hot black chick: I don't know why you're so surprised... It's the same way I'd nail Lucy Liu and alt-world Neil Patrick Harris.
Nerdy friend: Alt-world Neil Patrick Harris?
Hot black chick: You know, where he's straight and really into black chicks.
Nerdy friend: Baffling.

New Haven, Connecticut

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Firefighters Often Use the Jaws Of Life to Separate Couples Who Get Velcroed Together

Furry man to girlfriend, loudly: So does your sister, like, *never* shave her legs?

Rutgers University
New Brunswick, New Jersey

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And What About "Punk"?

Punk guy: Man, I hate all these suburban punks.
Dumb girl: "Suburban"? Is that even a word??

Toledo, Ohio

Overheard by: Audrey

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...As My Grandma Always Said to Me.

Calculus lecturer: If I had 20 million dollars to give you as a gift...I would, just to see you fuck up.

Perth
Western Australia
Australia

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Also, "Boner"

Nerdy philosophy professor: The word that comes to mind when I think about grading multiple-choice tests is 'bloodbath'.

Catholic University
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Ditto.

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Well That and Anal Annie the Blow-Up Goddess

20-something geek to friends: I'm telling you guys, The Big Bang Theory is for us what Sex and the City was for lonely, depressed women.

Comic Book Shop
Metairie, Louisiana

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Anyway, Aliens Share a Hive Consciousness and Can't Die

Sophomore #1, during heated debate about zombie safety: Wait! What if there were alien zombies?
Sophomore #2: Shut up! We're talking about realistic stuff, here!

Theatre Class, Rossview High
Clarksville, Tennessee

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He's Gone So Many Places No Man Has Gone Before

Aging dork #1: I like Star Trek, but not Star Wars because they never pay attention to physics.
Aging dork #2: William Shatner is a pimp.

Peterson Air Force Base
Colorado

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Is What I Tell Myself Every Night, Cold and Alone in Bed

American physics lecturer: There's no shame in being fond of Star Trek.

University of Auckland
New Zealand

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...Before You Bleed Them Dry

Clueless girl: My computer has a virus.
Computer geek: You need an external hard drive to transfer the files you want to keep.
Clueless girl: Can't I just transfer it to another computer?
Computer geek: No, the virus will spread.
Clueless girl: (blank stare)
Computer geek: Its like fucking someone with AIDS.

Los Angeles, California

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What With Finding the Area Under My Curve

Dorky calculus prof: And do you want to know why I am going to show you this problem again? Because I have six minutes to kill and if the department head stops by and sees that I let you out early...he is going to spank me! (class laughs) And that's entertainment I am not interested in! (six minutes pass and the prof assigns homework) I bet that spanking sounds awful great right now!

Miami University, Florida

Overheard by: bad mental picture

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'Cause Then I'd Be Playing Dungeons and Dragons with Myself

Teen comic book geek #1: It's a good thing you're not a figment of my imagination. That would just be awkward.
Teen comic book geek #2: Yeah, totally.

Bookman's
Phoenix, Arizona

Overheard by: adult comic book geek

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Well You Do Have a Cozy-Looking Mustache...

Texan hottie: Holy hell, its freezing. My lips are numb.
Nerdy guy: Want me to warm them up with mine?
Texan hottie: Ha, you wish.
Nerdy guy: Well... yeah, kinda.
Texan hottie: Oh.

Washington, DC

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I Can't Explain Why I Continue to Play

Random board gamer: Settlers of Catan was created in the bowels of hell to make otherwise intelligent people say: "I have wood for sheep."

Epoch Coffee
Austin, Texas

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Say Something to Me in C++

Guy trying to impress girl: So then I mastered a few languages, and after that it was pretty easy to get hired.
Girl: Oh wow! What languages?
Guy: C++.

Yellow Line Train
Washington, DC

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I've Practiced on My Lifesized "Seven of Nine" Doll

Nerdy teen #1: So you just sort of put your hands down her pants and rub up behind her.
Nerdy teen #2 (nodding): Yeah. I know what you mean.

Vancouver
Canadia

Overheard by: iloveholidays

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I Mean, He Is on Our Bedsheets

Nerdy freshman talking about philosophy: Well, it depends on what you consider real. Like is Spiderman real?
Kid sitting with him: Uh...
Nerdy freshman: Think about it! Is he?

U Mass
Amherst, Massachusetts

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Perhaps Some Clove Cigarettes Would Help

Geek #1: But I'm a semi-Mac user! I can't have a beard and be a Mac user!
Geek #2: Yeah, I know what you mean...

Memorial University
Newfoundland
Canadia

Overheard by: Beardless Mac User

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Wasn't I Right About 2000-- and 2001?

Goth chick: Don't talk to me about the year 2012. The year 2012 is seriously pissing me off.
Otaku chick: Try to stick around for 2013 anyway. Just trust me on this one.

University Plaza
Colorado State

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I Have a Vague Conception of the Mechanics from Video Games

Nerdy guy: Apparently it somehow involves running, but I've never ran before so I don't know how.

UCLA Ackerman Terminal
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Juanito

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Except for This Headline

Serious girl: Nothing important has ever been typed with the thumbs.

UNT Campus
Denton, Texas

Overheard by: Having a Cigarette Break

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Um, Racoon Mario Is So Much More Useful

Girl playing video game: Some girls just want to get married. I just want fire.

Columbus, Ohio

Overheard by: Kelson

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But Isn't an All-Male Choir Kinda Gay?

Weird Asian guy: You've never heard about the clitoral frequency?! It's a certain frequency that only men can hit, and if they hit it then all the women in the area will simultaneously orgasm.
Weird white guy: I've heard about the clitoral frequency! If you get an all-male choir to all sing as low as they can go, then they hit it.

Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: deb

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At Least He's Stopped Talking About His Turds.

Bitter guy: Girls don't care about men, so I can't relate to them. And men only care about sports, food, video games, and women. I do like to eat, but I hate women. I don't like sports at all, and I'm soooo good at video games that other people can't play with me because I am just too awesome.
Girl sitting at the table with him: Yeah...

University of Massachusetts
Amherst, Massachusetts

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Colorado Libraries Are Full Of the Stuff

Geeky girl: You know, I've still got my ex-boyfriend's mom's library card.
Goth friend: ...We should totally go and check out, like, animal porn with it.

Aurora, Colorado

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Unless She's Natalie Portman

Geek: A pity hug is still a hug, and a pity girlfriend still has boobs!

University of Idaho
Idaho

Overheard by: Rebecca

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You Know Things Are Bad When Canadians Are Laughing at You

Nerd: Wait until I build my synthetic body -- then we'll see who's laughing!

University of Saskatchewan
Saskatchewan
Canadia

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Look, Just Pay the Damn Taxes, Artie

White guy trailing fast-walking lady: So, do you know of any doomsday machines?

Bus stop, Pine and 3rd Avenue
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Andy Christ

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Why "How Are You?" Can Be a Dangerous Question

Dude: I've been soiling myself for four days playing Guitar Hero.

Drake University
Des Moines, Iowa

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Sadly, the Dork Seldom Hears an Answer to His Mating Call

Guy: It's from Star Trek! I know it is! Bet me!

Claremore, Oklahoma

Overheard by: I work with dorks

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Oh! Take Me!

Nerdy American guy to girlfriend: I am a subset of your superset.

Shanghai
China

Overheard by: MF

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We Now Present the Rules of Going Balls to the Wall

Computer science kid on phone: No, do the balls first, then the walls... Yes, the balls -- do the balls. No, not walls first... Balls! Do balls first! Then you can check to see if they get moved and get larger. Yes, you want large balls, so do the balls first!

Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com

Overheard by: probablysaiditall

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And That's My Oral Report on Aretha Franklin

Nerd: She looks like Shrek, but she sings well.

School bus
Northern Virginia

Overheard by: Alanna

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Welcome to Our World

Geek: I can't wait to spend three days sitting in my underwear working on my websites.

Shout-out: www.overheardquote.com

Overheard by:

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Sean Looks for Any Excuse to Buy a Purse

Dude playing Wii: That's gonna be my one year anniversary with my Wii. I should take it out and buy it a purse...

Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York

Overheard by: Russ

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Damnit, Now My Chair's All Wet

Super nerd #1: You look tired.
Super nerd #2: Yea...
Super nerd #1: I bet you were up till three AM playing World of Warcraft.
Super nerd #2: Yeah...
Super nerd #1: Yeah, I just got the new patch. It's downloading right now. Its an 80-gig patch... I mean, 80-meg patch.
Super nerd #2: Phew! [Panting] Don't do that to me!

Virginia Tech
Blacksburg, Virginia

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Buy Her Pinocchio and Have Him Lie to Her

Geek to friend: You need to get her something she can use in bed... Like a puppet.

Gen Con Indy
Indianapolis, Indiana

Overheard by: Matt

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You're a Very Smart and Talented Individual.

Hot nerd chick: So, I didn't sleep with him. He was just too attractive -- I'd feel self-conscious.
Friend: But hot girls sleep with ugly guys all the time! It's your duty to even the score.
Hot nerd chick: Yeah... Wait, you think I'm ugly?

Joplin, Missouri

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Perhaps It's Trying to Escape

Nerd: Someone has the same couch from IKEA as I do... And they have abandoned it in the street!

Amsterdam
Netherlands

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How Do You Think Rush Limbaugh's Lured Three Wives?

Girl #1: Who would you rather sleep with, Dumbledore or Voldemort?
Girl #2: Um, Voldemort.
Girl #1: What?! Why?
Girl #2: I dunno! I mean, Dumbledore's got that beard... Like, it might get all, you know, up in there.
Girl #1: You'd fuck pure evil because he's clean-shaven?

Harry Potter party
Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: harrynhermione

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Um, All I Asked Was, "Which Way Is Campus?"

Nerd: ... And those are just a few of the reasons I've been thinking about taking up the harmonica again.

University of Colorado-Boulder
Colorado

Overheard by: amused prof

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Being Universally Despised

Nerd #1: His dad was in the first white reggae band in San Antonio.
Nerd #2: Wow.
Nerd #1: Yeah. So it's, like, in his blood.

Austin, Texas

Overheard by: texan tempest

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Life Avoidance Is Fairly Inexpensive

Nerd: Just think of how much money I saved over winter break by playing World of Warcraft -- it was 10 dollars a month instead of paying for all the stuff I would have done had I gone out.

Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com

Overheard by: doug

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From the Best-Selling How You Know Your Child Will Never Have Sex

Fat, bike-riding nerd, to no one: Turning on the afterburners... Yeah, baby... Accelerating!

Albertsons
California

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And Stalk Them

Geek girl to another: We need to find someone who's had a lot of sex.

University of Sydney
Australia

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You Know What to Do

40-year-old virgin #1: Did I tell you I beat Mortal Kombat?
40-year-old virgin #2: Uh-uh.
40-year-old virgin #1: Well, I did, and now my life has no meaning.

Birmingham, Alabama

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The Volcano Erupts Once a Month, Though

Lab-mate #1, looking at pictures: Wouldn't that be great if it really existed?
Lab-mate #2: Definitely.
Lab-mate #1: Then people could say, 'Where you going?' and I'd say, 'I'm going to Pussy Mountain.'

Boston, Massachusetts

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And That's How We Got Kicked Out of March of the Penguins

Nerd: She was like, 'That's so cute!' and then I came all over her face!

Baylor University
Waco, Texas

Overheard by: kindaDisgusted

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Sonic's Too Spiky

Dork #1: Yeah, but Super Mario had the princess...
Dork #2: I'd rather fuck the squirrel [in Sonic] than that square-ass bitch!

Shout-out: overheardinumcp.blogspot.com

Overheard by: thomas

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By Cutting a Hole in Your Pancreas and Thrusting Mercilessly

Undergrad #1: Man, it would suck if you died by drowning in molasses.
Undergrad #2: Well, better than being raped.
Undergrad #1: True. Well, unless you were diabetic. Then the molasses would be, like, raping you.

Harvard research lab
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: random person

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When Everything We Do for Them Fails

Nerd #1: Everything men do in their lives is for women.
Nerd #2: Except masturbation -- that's for us.

Gainesville, Florida

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The Feel of Flesh, the Endurance of Metal

Tech enthusiast: Wait, did you say 'cyber sex'?
Dude: No -- cyborg sex.
Tech enthusiast: Cyborg sex? That's even better!

Shout-out: weirdosofwinnipeg.blogspot.com

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Han Solo: Nothing I Do Will Ever Be Enough

Virgin: He has to save the universe! Do you know what that's like? Do you know what that feels like? No! Because you're not Luke Skywalker!

Shout-out: overheardatstanford.blogspot.com

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Okay, Now's Not the Time. Fine.

Nerd #1: You know, we never really have to grow up. We just have to know when to act like we're actually adults.
Nerd #2 with laptop: Shut up, I'm watching Batman: The Animated Series.

Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com

Overheard by: doug

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When He Didn't Respond I Unfriended Him

Nerd: So, what do you think of Hitler?

Overheard at York
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com

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I Lost Big in Pitch-and-Toss

Nerdy chick: The only time you did anything slutty was when you had sex with that carny on my kitchen floor.

Party, Western Michigan University
Kalamazoo, Michigan

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And You Just Know That's His Porn Name

Chick: So, what are your irrational fears?
Dude: Well, I'm afraid of that song. You know, the John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt one. I mean, 'that's my name, too'? What does that mean?! I mean, think about it's larger sociological implications. That just freaks me out.

Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com

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I'm Having Some Now

Geek: Yeah, I'm a big geek, but I still really like sex.

Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com

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I'm More of a Cammy Fan, Myself

Geek #1: I would totally do Chun-Li.
Geek #2: Dude, she's a fictional video game character...
Geek #1: I don't care, she's smoking hot.
Geek #2: Whatever, she's only 16-bit.

Shout-out: overheardina2.blogspot.com

Overheard by: eric

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But a Wise Man Would Have a Paddle Ready

Dude #1: So, you're saying the moon is going to shrink to the size of a ping pong ball?
Dude #2: Yeah, but I'm not a scientist, so I can't tell you how it's going to happen.

Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com

Overheard by: tim

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I Beholdin' a Gram

Beholder: You are not a beholder, buddy.
Non-beholder: Nah, dude. I'm pretty sure I behold.

Duffield
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com

Overheard by: benji

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