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Really? Now All I Have to Do Is Master Shot Callin' and I Can Die Happy!
Teen cashier at checkout: Are you listening to music on an iPod?
Geriatric customer: It's an iPhone.
Teen cashier: Dude, you're ballin'.
Columbus, Indiana
Overheard by: Hoosier
Categories: Age and ageing | Cell phones | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Customers | Default | Employees | Gadgets | Indiana | Old folks | Questions | Teens | Posted 2008-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Usually Have Pretty Cool Stereo Equipment
Customer: My therapist wants me to start thinking of men as friends. Seriously though, if you can't fuck'em, what's the point?
Espresso Drive Thru
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: The Barista Who Loves Her Job
Categories: Advice | Creepsters | Customers | Default | Gender issues | Guys | Mental illnesses | Questions | Restaurants | Sexuality | Washington | Posted 2008-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Especially the One from Little House on the Prairie
Very obnoxious drunk man to long-suffering waitress: Hey, what's your name, anyway?
Waitress (coldly): Melissa.
Drunk man (softly): Awww, my daughter's name is Melissa.
Waitress: Well, I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but we usually turn out slutty.
Bar
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Bars & Clubs | California | Comebacks | Creepsters | Customers | Default | Drunks | Family ties | Guys | Insults | Names | Questions | Servers | Posted 2008-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Humorless Girl Was the Most Depressing Of the X-Men
Victoria's Secret salesgirl to couple: Our bras are 15% off today.
Male: I prefer it when your bras are 100% off.
Victoria's Secret salesgirl: [With a blank look on her face.] That wouldn't make sense. Then they would be free.
Depford Mall
Depford, New Jersey
Overheard by: Philly Joe
Categories: Clothes | Compare and contrast | Customers | Default | Employees | Girls | Guys | Malls | Money | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Stupidity | Wishes | Words | Posted 2008-06-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You've Taught Him Respect
Hubby: Absolute power corrupts absolutely, dear.
Wifey: It's not absolute.
Hubby: It isn't?
Wifey: No. You're not bowing.
Cashier: Ooh, I like you.
Eau Claire, Wisconsin
Overheard by: the girl with the hat
Categories: Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Couples | Customers | Default | Employees | Hubbies | Wisconsin | Women | Posted 2008-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So "Oreo Cook" Isn't a Racial Slur?
Girl: I'll have the chocolate peanut butter car crunch.
Cashier teenage boy: Ummmm... Yeah, the "car" actually stands for "caramel".
Gelato Spot
Scottsdale, Arizona
Overheard by: Fake Blonde
Would You Mind Taking a Picture Of Us With It?
[A young woman in a wetsuit and a young man in normal clothing are standing near the packaged meats.]
Female employee: Can I help you with anything?
Young woman: Oh, no thanks, we're just admiring the bacon.
Female employee: Oh. Okay! Have a nice day!
Vons
Ventura, California
Categories: California | Customers | Default | Employees | Food | Offers and requests | Sensory experiences | Shopping | Stores | Weirdness | Wishes | Women | Posted 2008-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
....If There Any Left
College kid: Excuse me, what is the difference between these potato pancakes and a potato latka?
Grocery stocker: Um, I don't know what a latka is, so I couldn't tell you.
College kid: A Jewish potato pancake.
Grocery stocker: Well, those potato pancakes are German.
College kid: I wonder if a German Jew would eat them.
Sendik's Grocery Store
Grafton, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Arthur
Then Why Are My Hands Silver After Touching It?
Tourist: Is it solid silver?
Salesman: Let me show you. First, do you know how to tell the difference between solid silver and silver plate?
Tourist: No.
Salesman: This is solid silver.
Dodgy Souvenir Shop
Egypt
Categories: Africa | Compare and contrast | Customers | Default | Guys | Offers and requests | Questions | Shopping | Stores | Tourists | Posted 2008-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What You Said During Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Random kid: Oh god! This is going to turn into a pregnancy fetish porno.
While seeing Juno
Peabody, Massachusetts
Good to Know Fast Food Joints Are Just As Classy Outside the U.S.
Crazy hobo in McDonald's line: Does the McDuplo come with fries?
Mcworker: Only if you get the combo. Would you like the combo?
Crazy hobo in McDonald's line: Son of a bitch! This is McDonald's. I want fries with my fucking sandwich. [he throws up on the floor, then walks away muttering.]
Mcworker to other mcworker: I wish I was dead.
McDonald's
Belo Horizonte
Brazil
Categories: Brazil | Coworkers | Crazies | Customers | Death & dying | Etiquette | Food | Hobos | McDonald's | Offers and requests | Questions | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Build Him a Sukkah?
Loudmouthed breakfast patron: I'm not trying to be rude or anything, but what if you keep kosher and someone, like, brings a pig to your house? Like, what do you do with their pet pig?
Toast Two
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Paul
They Told Me to Say That, but Never Trained Me
Grocery store clerk: Did you find everything you were looking for today?
Customer: Yep.
Clerk: Oh good. The last woman said she didn't, and I had no idea what to say. So I just looked at her and kind of shrugged my shoulders. She got so mad.
Customer: Then why do you ask?
Clerk: To be polite.
HyVee
Fort Dodge, Iowa
... Actually, Can I Just Get a Hot Chocolate?
Customer: I'd like some tea... Organic mint, please.
Barista: Okay, we have organic lemon and organic Earl Grey.
Customer: Um... Actually, I wanted the organic mint.
Barista: Oh, we have that, too.
Customer: Okay, then. That's the one I'll have.
Design Coffee shop, University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Just Me
Categories: Baristas | Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Customers | Default | Drinking & drunks | Offers and requests | Washington | Posted 2008-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Doreen Applies the Scientific Method
Dunkin' Donuts chick: All guys are jerks.
Customer: Aw, come on -- I'm a nice guy.
Dunkin' Donuts chick: Well, I haven't tried you yet.
Newark, New Jersey
Categories: Blue collar | Comebacks | Customers | Default | Gripes | New Jersey | Posted 2008-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Father Mike Continues His Downward Spiral
Satisfied customer: They had bacon I would drop-kick a nun for.
Maggie's
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Canadia | Compliments | Customers | Default | Food | Posted 2008-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Certainly, Sir. May I See Your Penis Pilot's License?
Male customer: Do you have any more of those flying penises?
New Hope, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: wait...whaaaat?!
Categories: Customers | Penis | Pennsylvania | Questions | Posted 2008-02-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Guns Don't Kill Old People; Florida Does
Customer: I want that shirt. The one with the cool-looking gun on it.
Employee: Gun? Dude, that's Florida...
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Customers | Employees | Massachusetts | Stupidity | Posted 2008-02-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Didn't Try Very Hard
Eurotrash: Can we sit outside? We want to smoke.
Hostess: Sorry, the patio just closed.
Eurotrash: If I tell you you're pretty, would you let us sit outside?
Hostess: I can't let you do that, sir.
Eurotrash: You are very pretty.
Hostess: I'll see what I can do.
Restaurant
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: flossy.
Categories: Canadia | Compliments | Customers | Posted 2008-01-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Are You Buying a Chocolate Jesus?
Cashier: Merry Christmas.
Customer: You, too.
Cashier: Wait! I gotta be politically correct -- Happy Holidays.
Customer: Yeah, I'm Jewish.
Cashier: Oh my god, me too!
Customer: Then why the fuck are we wishing each other a Merry Christmas?
Cashier: I have no fucking clue.
Wegmans
Manalapan, New Jersey
Overheard by: I celebrate christmas....
Categories: Customers | Holidays | New Jersey | Posted 2008-01-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Still Seems to Be Undercover
Coffee shop employee: Sir, are you a cop?
Customer: No. Why do you ask?
Coffee shop employee looking at badge on customer's shirt: I saw your thingy.
Customer, looking down at his fly: What?!
Covington, Louisiana
Unless You'd Like to Hide a Buck Knife in a Teddy Bear
Woman at counter: [Mumbling.]
Clerk: No, we don't carry weapons here.
Hallmark Store
St. Joseph, Michigan
Overheard by: but if you try the precious moments store...
If I Didn't Know Better, I'd Say You'd Brought Me Fajitas
Woman looking at plate of fajitas: Ummm, I ordered fajitas.
Waiter: Those are fajitas...
Woman: Oh. [Begins eating fajitas.]
Chili's
Oldsmar, Florida
And Who Did Your Tits?
Customer: I'm so sorry about the mess I left in the dressing room -- I just had to be sure I loved what I was buying for the big day!
Sales associate: No problem. A girl only gets married once, right?
Customer: Actually, this is my second marriage... What kind of bra are you wearing?
Dillard's
Denton, Texas
Frosted Tips Are Just Wrong
Bar patron: I might talk about it if I had a few drinks in me... But I'd never let someone do it!
Hawaii Bar
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: McNasty
Categories: Customers | Gossip | San Francisco | Posted 2007-10-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And We Can't Help You
Frazzled female customer: Oh, you have to change my last name on the account, too. I got divorced...
Sales assistant: Congratulations!
Verizon Wireless
Charlotte, North Carolina
Overheard by: i just want my phone upgrade
Categories: Customers | Employees | North Carolina | Stupidity | Posted 2007-10-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And the Cat Keeps Eating It
Customer: I want to return this mouse.
CSR: Okay. May I ask why?
Customer: No, you'll laugh at me.
CSR: I promise I won't.
Customer: Every time I move it around it squeaks.
Saskatoon, Saskatchewan
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Customers | Technology | Posted 2007-09-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
