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Why Girl Engineers Don't Invite Boy Engineers to Their Slumber Parties
Engineer #1: We're playing my little ponies?!
Engineer #2: Oh, god.
Engineer #1: Dude, we're gonna fucking kill them! [Laughs maniacally].
Northwestern University
Evanston, Illinois
Good Thing Pluto Didn't Hear That
Chocolate store girl: You're a dicksucker. You know that? I mean, why bother with you? You seen my ass, you know I'm good-looking. You're-.
Guy in Goofy costume, muffled: Whatever. There are other tits. I'll be just fine regardless. And just so you know [lowers voice as kids approach] you're gonna get us both fired if you keep this shit up.
Chocolate store girl, loudly: Fuck you, and fuck your fucking ass! I hope you get fired! Then you can go home and suck your asshole!
Guy in Goofy costume, losing it: Better than sucking your ex's dick when you're supposed to be working.
Chocolate store girl, stunned: Who told you that?!
Guy in Goofy costume: Jen, after I fucked her!
[Girl walks into the shop quickly and goes into back room looking like she's going to cry. Goofy goes back to wandering around aimlessly, waving to little kids.]
Disney World
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: after that, my g/f and i applied for jobs there
Categories: BJs | Couples | Coworkers | Florida | Girls | Guys | Insults | Jobs & Careers | Relationships | Sex | Tourist attractions | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Good to Know Fast Food Joints Are Just As Classy Outside the U.S.
Crazy hobo in McDonald's line: Does the McDuplo come with fries?
Mcworker: Only if you get the combo. Would you like the combo?
Crazy hobo in McDonald's line: Son of a bitch! This is McDonald's. I want fries with my fucking sandwich. [he throws up on the floor, then walks away muttering.]
Mcworker to other mcworker: I wish I was dead.
McDonald's
Belo Horizonte
Brazil
Categories: Brazil | Coworkers | Crazies | Customers | Death & dying | Etiquette | Food | Hobos | McDonald's | Offers and requests | Questions | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Do You Have to Bring Ross Perot Into Everything?
Old man employee:... So I was at the Cabbage Patch Kid factory in Georgia...
Young trailer trash dude employee: Cabbage Patch Kids?!? I'd rather hold hands with a midget clown than play with one of those things!
Hardware Store
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: kat
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Coworkers | Feelings | Guys | Old folks | Stores | Posted 2008-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Case You Were Wondering
American construction worker: See, you escaped communism. All I ever did was join the disco demolition night at Comisky park.
Polish construction worker: I didn't escape communism, I got kicked out. Big difference.
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Compare and contrast | Construction workers | Coworkers | Default | Foreigners | Geography | Guys | History | Illinois | Politics | Words | Posted 2008-04-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Answer Was Both Better and Worse Than They Anticipated
Coworker #1: I don't even know what on a penis you would even pierce.
Coworker #2: I don't, either. Let me text my brother-in-law and ask him. Maybe I can get him to send us a picture of his.
Eye clinic
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: also interested
Must Be Blowfish
NASA intern guy #1: I think your fish are gay... Like, 99 percent sure. Look, they've got vertical bars.
NASA intern guy #2: They so want each other.
NASA intern guy #1: They do. And it's not unrequited. Look, they both have vertical bars!
NASA Ames Research Center
Silicon Valley, California
Categories: Animals | California | Coworkers | Default | Sexuality | Posted 2008-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Guess Which One's the "Naughty Librarian"
Library worker #1: Do I have to lick it?
Library worker #2: ... What?
Library worker #1: The envelope. Do I have to lick it?
Library worker #2: You could tape it, I guess...
Library worker #1: Great, because after last night, I am totally out of saliva.
Main Library, Kent State University
Kent, Ohio
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Coworkers | Default | Gripes | Health & Hygiene | Ohio | Questions | Posted 2008-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sends Me Puppies, One Piece at a Time
Quartet member #1: ... And now for some delicious candy from my stalker!
Quartet member #2: I love her! She's so sweet!
Musicians' lounge, Kohl Mansion
California
Categories: California | Coworkers | Gifts | Posted 2008-01-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No, Man, I Just Went Skiing
Chef #1: So, were you on the old devil's dandruff over the weekend? The old Colombian marching powder? [Chef #2 stares blankly and silently.] Is that a yes?
Belfast City Centre
United Kingdom
And People Who Use Them Poorly
Worker, about Administrative Professionals' Day: We don't have administrative professionals here... Just computers.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Coworkers | Eavesdrop DC | Idiots | Stupidity | Posted 2008-01-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Marcia, from Accounting
NASA intern guy: So, is frosting evil, too? Just like something was evil yesterday... What was it? Something fluffy and ugly... Like flamingos, or something.
NASA Ames Research Center
Moffett Field, California
Overheard by: shyinvisiblegirl
Categories: California | Coworkers | Questions | Posted 2008-01-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Friends Don't Let Friends Come to Work Sober
Guy: Yo, Jimmy*! You're doing a great job!
Jimmy, backing a U-Haul out of a tiny alley: I'm totally drunk!
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Overheard by: anonymous
Categories: Coworkers | Drinking & drunks | Overheard in Philly | Posted 2007-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Have a Relatively Explosion-Free Day, Everybody!
TSA guy #1: Why aren't you patting everyone down?
TSA guy #2: That's what the machines are for.
TSA guy #1: Do you see the machines working?! Do you see anyone walking through the machines?!
TSA guy #2: Oh. Oops. Oh, well, it happens.
Denver International Airport
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Stephanie
Categories: Colorado | Coworkers | Technology | Posted 2007-12-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Is When She's Blowing Me While I Cook
Dish hand: Did you fuck it all up again, chef?
Chef: Sure did.
Dish hand: You do this every fucking shift.
Chef: Yeah, but my wife's hot.
Dish hand: That is not a valid defense!
Adelaide
Australia
Awww... Is Somebody Jealous?
Worker: My wife is pregnant!
Boss: Do you have a project plan for this?
Worker: Uh...
Boss: What's the planned date of completion?
Worker: ... May?
Boss: Hope you've done a risk analysis.
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: Coworkers | Overheard in Melbourne's Journal | Time Management | Posted 2007-12-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unless You'd Like to Hide a Buck Knife in a Teddy Bear
Woman at counter: [Mumbling.]
Clerk: No, we don't carry weapons here.
Hallmark Store
St. Joseph, Michigan
Overheard by: but if you try the precious moments store...
Everyone Knows after the First Trimester, You Move on to Goat Enzymes
Cashier #1: So, do you think Ms. Rachel is pregnant, like Missy said?
Cashier #2: No, Missy is always so full of it.
Cashier #1: Yeah, that's what I thought. I mean, if Ms. Rachel was pregnant, she wouldn't be messing around with pig's blood still.
Target
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Overheard by: In agreement, although disturbed
Grandma Brought Me the Wrong Bag Lunch
Chick: I got, like, suspended three times in five days.
Coworker: I only got suspended once, but that was just 'cause I cut this bitch with a razor.
Chick, to customer: Thank you, sir.
McDonald's
Dunwoody, Georgia
Overheard by: blur
... By Us.
Male cashier: There's just something about Trina that I don't like...
Female cashier: She just gets robbed too much.
Convenience store
Hendersonville, Tennessee
Enough to Keep Me in Sneakers for Chasing Ambulances
Lawyer to another: So, how much do you charge for a malicious wounding?
Party
Charleston, West Virginia
Categories: Coworkers | Questions | West Virginia | Posted 2007-10-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Britney Spears Has Become Amorphous
Worker #1, to guy checking watch repeatedly: God! You're such a spaz!
Worker #2: I'm a spaz? You're the one who has to sort your rubber bands by color, size, and shape.
Worker #1: Shape? Rubber bands only come in one shape!
Worker #2: Well, you sort the broken and unbroken ones.
Worker #1: ... Broken isn't a shape.
Monsanto break room
Waterman, Illinois
With Lettuce?
New male employee: You shouldn't open the lettuce like that.
Old female employee: Don't tell me how to do my fucking job!
Manager, yelling from across store: Watch out! She'll cut you!
Jimmy John's
Charleston, Illinois
Overheard by: I just want my sandwich
And I Said, "I Can Do This without a Woman!"
Sleazy white employee: Yeah, man, black girls know how to work it.
Black employee: Uh-huh.
Sleazy white employee, whispering: Yo, man, I was doin' one one time, though, and I was about to go on her chest and she was like, 'Nuh-uh,' and pointed it at me and it went on my chest!
EB Games
Plymouth Meeting, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: works downstairs
Categories: Coworkers | Gossip | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-09-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What an Extroverted Engineer Looks Like
Engineer #1: What's the deal with you and your two friends? What do you need two for?
Engineer #2: Hey! I like my friends! Both of them.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: charlie
Categories: Coworkers | Overheard at Cornell | Relationships | Posted 2007-09-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unless She Shares Her Legal Pot
Dutch employee: Well, I don't like your American style and I don't like your American way, and I don't want to speak English anymore [walks off].
American chick, to colleagues: Keep that bitch away from me or she's dead.
Major bank
Amsterdam
Netherlands
Categories: Biotechs | Coworkers | Gripes | Netherlands | Posted 2007-09-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Got Her So Dirty!
Ebullient coworker on phone: The last thing I saw of Jane* was a nude picture of her taking a bath. It's her dad's fault.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: sxoidmal
Categories: Coworkers | Gossip | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2007-09-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Meet the Creators of the Rice-Cake Meatloaf
Employee #1: Do you know what the problem is with rice cakes?
Employee #2: What?
Employee #1: There's no meat in them.
Super Target
Virginia
Overheard by: Brian
That's Where They Belong
Female airport screener to male coworker: I swear I've only ever touched one in a bag!
Long Beach, California
Overheard by: Evil Penguin
Categories: California | Coworkers | Gossip | Posted 2007-08-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Further Proof of the "Many Worlds" Quantum Interpretation
Gas station worker #1, pointing to arm: ... And right here is where I got stabbed.
Gas station worker #2: No way! That's the exact same place I got stabbed! Same arm, too!
Pittsford, New York
Overheard by: Rook
He Would, Too, If It Wasn't Attached
Bellhop #1: Oops... Almost forgot to bring my blueberry and honey-flavored tea!
Bellhop #2: Don't forget your vagina.
The Cliff House
Manitou Springs, Colorado
Overheard by: AR
So I'm Almost Always Sore, N-4
Bingo number caller: I pick up lots of chicks, G-56. But when I don't, I masturbate, B-8.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: bingo player
Categories: Coworkers | Masturbation | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-05-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
By the Way, Sorry about Scaring Your Daughter Like That
Bathroom-bound tech woman: Are you following me? Not that many people follow me at my age.
Tech guy: No. I'm more of the 'call-is-coming-from-inside-the-house' kind of guy.
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Overheard by: 2catchapredator
Categories: Coworkers | Creepsters | Euphemisms | Overheard in Philly | Posted 2007-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Four Legs: Good. George Clooney's Acting: Baaad.
MBA guy: Did you see that George Clooney's pig died?
MBA gal: I'll be his pig if he wants. Oink, oink!
Shout-out: overheardatkmc.blogspot.com
Categories: About celebrities | Coworkers | Death & dying | Overheard at KMC | Posted 2007-05-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Streetcar Only Works Nights
Taxi dispatcher to taxi driver: You don't have to say, 'Taxi 41 calling.' I know you're a taxi. You're not the streetcar named Desire.
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Thanks for clearing that up
Now, Here Are the Answers for Tomorrow's Ethics Test
Person #1: But isn't that lying?
Person #2: Don't worry about it, it's only for your security clearance.
Shout-out: www.overheardquote.com
Categories: Coworkers | Jobs & Careers | Lies | Overheard Quote | Posted 2007-04-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And He's Not Getting Out 'Til He Learns the Combo
Male coworker: So, wassup?! You holding down the third trimester? You got that thang on lock?!
Preggers coworker: Hell yeah!
Oakland, California
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: California | Coworkers | Overheard in California's Journal | Pregnancy | Posted 2007-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Didn't Fit
Man on phone: Where's Joey? [To someone at the table] Where's Joey? [Into phone] He's in the bathroom trying on a dress.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: bananna lee fishbones
Categories: Coworkers | Gossip | Overheard in PDX | Posted 2007-03-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
'I Believe You Have My Stapler,' He'll Say
National Science Foundation lady #1: He said my behavior was willful professional misconduct.
National Science Foundation lady #2: And then what?
National Science Foundation lady #1: I told him to suck my fat black dick.
National Science Foundation lady #2: Creative. What'd he say to that?
National Science Foundation lady #1: He was real calm. He said, A) my comment was vulgar, rude, and highly unprofessional, and B) completely illogical.
National Science Foundation lady #2: Well, he's got a point, yeah.
National Science Foundation lady #1: If he says another word to me, I'm gonna bust him with a stapler...
Food court, Ballston Mall
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
