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As Seen in Drilling Miss Daisy
Girl, flabbergasted: Everyone's birthday is in March?
Boyfriend: Yeah. My grandma's birthday is in June. It's the only time she really has sex. It's her birthday present.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Couples | Family ties | New Jersey | Sex | Posted 2010-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Some Point, One Gets Full Of TV
Middle-aged woman: What's on TV tonight?
Middle-aged man: I think Chuck is.
Middle-aged woman: Oh, do we watch that?
Middle-aged man: I don't know.
Boone, North Carolina
Categories: Couples | North Carolina | Questions | TV shows | Posted 2010-05-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And What Do You Mean by "Had"?
Wife: Oh, my cousin Danielle just had her baby!
Husband: You have a cousin Danielle?
Mount Vernon, New York
Categories: Birthing | Couples | Family ties | New York | Questions | Posted 2010-04-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Girls Need Extra Nuts on Their Hot Fudge Sundae
Girl to boyfriend: By the way, I'm cheating on you.
Edwardsville, Illinois
Overheard by: M
Categories: Comebacks | Couples | Illinois | Infidelity | Posted 2010-02-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Even Circumcising Them Is Dicey
Man to wife: The only reason it's an aphrodisiac is because it takes huge balls to cut the penis off a tiger.
Burough Market
London
England
Overheard by: Justyn Egert
Everybody's Dated a Mustache Girl-- Just Not Publicly
Boyfriend: Baby, you have to shave that mustache.
Girlfriend: Shut up! I keep telling you I'm getting it waxed.
New Jersey
Overheard by: Rebecca
Categories: Beauty | Couples | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Shaving | Posted 2010-02-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They're As Thick-Skinned and Adorable As Kardashians
Girlfriend to boyfriend: What I want to know is why the hell people haven't domesticated the rhino yet!
Royal Ontario Museum
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Surprised
Categories: Animals | Canadia | Couples | Questions | Tourist attractions | Posted 2010-02-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"Thou Shalt Not Gelati," It Says
Wife in line at water ice stand: I want a gelati!
Husband: They don't have any gelati. What do you want?
Wife: I want a gelati!
Husband: But they don't have any gelati!
Wife, pointing to menu, where it says gelati: What's this?
Husband: Rules.
Ambler, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Gracie
Categories: Couples | Food | Pennsylvania | Shopping | Stupidity | Posted 2010-01-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Men Die Before Women: Explained
Angry boyfriend: I'm not off gallivanting around town!
Girlfriend: (indistinct mumbles)
Angry boyfriend: I don't hang out with anyone!
Girlfriend: (more mumbles)
Angry boyfriend: I'll just lie to you from now on.
Kent, Ohio
Our Sex Life Is Gaggleicious
19-year-old girlfriend: You're a silly goose!
19-year-old boyfriend: You are too!
19-year-old girlfriend: That's why we are dating!
Memphis, Tennessee
Or High School Guidance Counselor.
Blonde girl to boyfriend: I think I'd make a good drug addict.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: uhh
Categories: Couples | Drugs | Jobs & Careers | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2010-01-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Make Us Sleep in Wood-shavings Again
Guy to girlfriend: Next break I'm going to hug you like a retard squeezing a hamster!
Burnaby
Canadia
Overheard by: Doesn't Like Hamsters Anyway
But I Still Have That Restraining Order Against the Koosh Kins
Man to wife: You can bring the Beanie Babies if you really want.
Brighton
England
Overheard by: Randy
Now I Smell Like Paris Hilton!
Girlfriend to boyfriend, after emerging from bathroom: Hahaha! I peed on my hands!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: that's disgusting. Really.
Categories: Couples | Hands | Overheard in Minneapolis | Pee | Restroom | Posted 2010-01-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Every Political Marriage, Encapsulated.
Boyfriend: Remember when you used to love me?
Girlfriend: Yeah...
Boyfriend: That was nice.
Mall
Biloxi, Mississippi
Overheard by: good times
Categories: Couples | Feelings | Malls | Mississippi | Questions | Posted 2010-01-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Used to Let You Be on Top, Too
Wife to husband bagging groceries: Make sure you don't squish my bread.
Husband: You used to like it when I did that!
Waukesha, Wisconsin
And I Just Took a Tab Of E=mc2
Girlfriend: I'm gonna grab a beer, you want anything?
Boyfriend: Uhhh, not now. I've got to be a penny-pincher.
Girlfriend, laughing at own comment: Maybe you ought to pinch it so hard it turns into a dollar.
Boyfriend: That's stupid. That doesn't make sense. How would that even happen?
Girlfriend, indignant: I don't know! I'm a physicist, not a scientist!
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Feynman
Categories: Canadia | Couples | Drinking & drunks | Money | Offers and requests | Questions | Science | Posted 2009-12-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Difference Between Long-term and Short-term Thinking, Encapsulated
Girlfriend: How would you feel if I told you I was pregnant?
Boyfriend: Are you pregnant? Because if you are, I'm cumin' in you.
Indianapolis, Indiana
But It'll Ruin That Perfectly Good Wii Controller
Annoyed guy walking with his girlfriend: Whatever... We can do it anally tonight if you want.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Backdoor | Couples | Eavesdrop DC | Offers and requests | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Reader Survey: What's Going on Here?
Man, chasing girlfriend after party was busted: Bitch, where is my money? Bitch! Where is my money?
Girlfriend: You can't go to jail again, get in my trunk!
Bloomington, Indiana
Like We Did to That Little Make-a-Wish Girl
Boyfriend to girlfriend: Yeah, I'd throw a snowball at the Princess of Sweden. Knock that tiara right off her fucking head.
Girlfriend: Totally. You'd be like, "who's Princess now, bitch?"
Vancouver
Canadia
...So, No-- I'd Just Cheat on You with One.
Girlfriend: Would you ever date a playboy bunny?
Boyfriend, after long pause: I feel like this is a trap.
UMass Dorm
Amherst, Massachusetts
Categories: Animals | Couples | Massachusetts | Questions | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Check Your Calendar and Get Back to Me
Woman to husband: Can you run me over on Saturday?
Train
Sydney
Australia
Wish I Was a Sociopath Like My Dad
Drunk guy to girlfriend: I care about you a lot. It sucks.
Park Tavern
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Couples | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Insults | New Jersey | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're That Guy Every Day.
Girlfriend: I'm gonna get a black wig and a skirt, and I'm putting body-glitter on you and doing your hair like you're in 90210 and you're going as Edward. It'll be like ironic.
Boyfriend: I'm gonna put some mayonnaise on my pants and go as that "jizzed in my pants" guy.
Girlfriend: No, you're not.
Gainesville, Florida
The Five-Second Rule Absolutely Applies to Boobs
Girl on birth control: I think my boobs grew!
Friend, grabbing her boob: Really?!
Girl's boyfriend, slapping friend's hand away: Hey, hey, too long!
Jersey City, New Jersey
Now Explain Why You're Defecating on That Statue
Boyfriend on train: I always wanted to be a pigeon.
Incredulous girlfriend: What?
Boyfriend: Oh shit, I just thought that out loud.
Melbourne
Australia
This Would Explain a Lot About Our Foreign Policy
Boyfriend: I couldn't get a new movie. The good ones were all out. I got this other one, though. The guy told me it was really good.
Girlfriend: What's the name of it?
Boyfriend: Just Cuz!
Girlfriend, looking at jacket: You mean Just Cause?
Norwich, Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Couples | Movies | Names | Questions | Posted 2009-10-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Bambi Was a Boy!
Girlfriend to boyfriend: Honey, don't you think I've got Bambi eyes?
Boyfriend: No!
Girlfriend: A lot of people think so.
Boyfriend: You don't have Bambi eyes.
Denmark
Categories: Body parts | Couples | Europe | Movies | Questions | Posted 2009-10-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Kind Of Scandinavian Thinking That Produced Ikea
Girlfriend to boyfriend: I did the most useless thing today. I stuck something into another thing and pretended it had feet.
Trondheim
Norway
Overheard by: Knowbuddy
Categories: Body parts | Couples | Europe | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Yada Yada Yada, E. Coli.
Guy to girlfriend: I thought it would be funny to eat an O'Henry while pooing.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Alywishus
Categories: Canadia | Couples | Food | Poop | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-10-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only If You Leave Your Driver's License As Collateral
Goth guy to goth girlfriend: Can I borrow your blood?
Rochester
England
Overheard by: Bewildered Techie
Categories: Couples | England | Goths | Health & Hygiene | Offers and requests | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Guess I Have to Unbutton My Pants Now, Huh?
Boyfriend: You ask too many questions! For every question you ask, you have to give me a blowjob!
Girlfriend, happily: Okay!
Boyfriend: Damn it!
Jersey City, New Jersey
Are You Pregnant?
Girlfriend: You still have Jack Daniels in my fridge! All nice and frozen. Well, it's not frozen because alcohol has a high freezing point, but it's been in there for months so it's as "frozen" as it's gonna get, well, not really because...
Stressed-out boyfriend: Woman! Too many words in that sentence!
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Couples | Drinking & drunks | Gripes | New Jersey | Science | Words | Posted 2009-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Hate This Country and Its Degenerate Cinema!
Frustrated man with heavy Arabic accent to wife: I got the most chicky-flick movies I could find!
Supermarket
Connecticut
Categories: Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Couples | Gender issues | Movies | Stores | Posted 2009-09-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or the Bomb on This Bus Will Explode!
Girl to boyfriend: Hold on, sweetie, I need to give my sister a call.
Boyfriend: No. I can't stop making out with you.
Cherry Hill, New Jersey
Categories: Couples | Family ties | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | New Jersey | Posted 2009-09-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
With His Seductive Banjo Music?
Hispanic girlfriend: Why the hell do you get Cesar Chavez Day off of work? Do you even know who Cesar Chavez is?
White boyfriend: Didn't he drive the snakes out of Mexico?
Orange County, California
Overheard by: Hispanic girlfriend
No Licking Above the Waist!
Girlfriend: Hold my hand, Eric. Please.
Boyfriend, yelling: No! Just stop it, okay?
Girlfriend: Come on. Just hold my hand.
Boyfriend: No! I'm not doing that again.
Girlfriend, laughing: Aw, why not?
Boyfriend: Because last time you licked my face!
Lawrenceville, New Jersey
Overheard by: Jake
Categories: Body parts | Couples | Hands | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, I Named the Breast "Sketchy Bastard"
Guy to girlfriend after late-night party: You name a breast after me, but you don't trust me?
West End
Portland, Maine
Propelled by Airbrush, Like a Playboy Bunny
American tourist to girlfriend: No, it's a special species of blue rabbit that can survive in space.
Girlfriend: Wow!
Kaaba Cafe
Prague
Czech Republic
The Little Pig Is Self-Conscious About Her Chinny Chin Chin
Girlfriend: I have to shave every single day.
Boyfriend: Oh, yeah?
Girlfriend: Yeah... do I have any hairs sticking out on my chin right now?
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: Ian
I Think I've Heard This Country Song...
Guy to girlfriend: If I go to jail for you, you better get your tits done.
Viewmont Mall
Dickson City, Pennsylvania
Categories: Couples | Crimes | Health & Hygiene | Malls | Pennsylvania | Rack | Posted 2009-08-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Probably Pregnant With Rain
Husband, while driving: Wow, look at those cool clouds over there.
Wife: Where? Oh, those, the one that looks like it is going up?
Husband: Yeah.
Wife, after long pause: That one looks like a uterus.
Michigan
Overheard by: T
Categories: Compare and contrast | Couples | Michigan | Uterus | Weather | Posted 2009-08-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Could Always Force You to Sit through The Bucket List Again
Pretty blonde snuggling with Asian boyfriend: Honey, I'm sorry I was so crazy earlier.
Asian boyfriend: It's okay, sweetie, but I am going to have to punish you when we get home.
Pretty blonde, smiling: A spanking?
Asian boyfriend, kissing her forehead: Whatever you want, sweetie.
Las Vegas, Nevada
Out Of What?
Middle-aged woman shopping with husband: If we weren't so old, I would say "let's go into the parking lot and make a baby."
Target
Hackensack, New Jersey
Categories: Age and ageing | Couples | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Sex | Stores | Posted 2009-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Guys Find Eating Disorders Profoundly Unattractive
Cute boyfriend to girlfriend: I am so glad you eat!
Washington, DC
Categories: Couples | Food | Happiness | Health & Hygiene | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Portland Boasts a Rich Frottage Subculture
Boyfriend: Ow! Stop twisting my mole.
Girlfriend, singing quietly to herself: Looking for rub in all the wrong places.
MAX Train
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Amy Achterman
Categories: Body parts | Couples | Oregon | Relationships | Singing | Train | Posted 2009-08-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's All the Hair in Their Ears.
Husband, reading aloud from newspaper: Honey, did you know that women use an average of 30,000 words a day, while men only use 15,000?
Wife: That's probably because we have repeat everything to men.
Husband: What?
Australia
Overheard by: Mikyla
Categories: Australia | Compare and contrast | Couples | Language barrier | Questions | Science | Sexuality | Words | Posted 2009-08-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, I'm Sorry I Made You Kiss Her Feet...
New Yorker, on cell to fiancée: Honey, all set here for our wedding, when you coming over? I got both of our rings, in nine-carat gold! (appalled silence in carriage) Yeah, your finger's gonna go green and fall off or something? What the hell's wrong with nine-carat gold? Hey! Of course I love you more than I love my mom! Come on! What is this about?
Train
Dublin
Ireland
Categories: Compare and contrast | Couples | Feelings | Foreigners | Hands | Health & Hygiene | Ireland | Money | On the phone | Questions | Relationships | Train | Posted 2009-08-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
More Important Than You Knew
Brazilian guy to American: Pleeeeeaaase? Say it. Say it. Say "fucker de matriz" in English.
Brazilian girlfriend: He wants you to say (whispers) "motherfucker".
American guy: Okay. (blandly) Motherfucker.
Brazilian guy: No! Like an American, please!
American guy: Huh? Oh, "muthafucka!"
Brazilian guy, laughing giddily and clapping: Yes! Yes! Muthafucka, excellent!
ViaRail Train
Canadia
Overheard by: Jim
Categories: Canadia | Couples | Foreigners | Insults | Offers and requests | Train | Wishes | Words | Posted 2009-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let the Nitpicking Begin!
Guy to girlfriend: You know, I got the crabs.
Girlfriend: Emm... okay.
Guy: Guess what?
Girlfriend: What?
Guy: You got 'em too, stupid!
San Francisco, California
Not Even by New Jersey Standards?
Guy, tenderly hugging girlfriend: You're right, you're not worthy.
Red Bank, New Jersey
Categories: Compare and contrast | Couples | New Jersey | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Obviously the Isaiah Washington Memorial
Middle-aged wife: Oh, honey, look! It's the George Jefferson memorial.
Middle-aged husband: Seriously. You are such an idiot.
eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Couples | Eavesdrop DC | History | Insults | Stupidity | Posted 2009-07-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hugh Grant Sparkles in Four Curries and a Ridicule
Man to patiently smiling girlfriend: Well...uh...I make quite a *mean* tuna fish curry. Uh...*or* a sardine curry. Uh...and have been *ridiculed* for it.
Clifton
Bristol
England
Overheard by: Sarah
And the Local Deer Keep Trying to French-Kiss Me
100-pound, totally fit wife: I am pretty sure I have elevated sodium levels.
Husband: Your sodium levels are fine, honey.
100-pound, totally fit wife: No, I really think they are high enough to put me in the at-risk category.
Husband: What are you basing that on, exactly?
100-pound, totally fit wife: My tongue feels oversalted.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: kingdubby
Categories: Canadia | Couples | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Sensory experiences | Stupidity | Posted 2009-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So This Better Be at Least Three Karats.
(drunk boy pulls out diamond ring and offers it to drunk girl)
Drunk girl: Fuck you, Tim! You fell asleep at dinner!
London
England
Overheard by: Tequila Sally
No Matter Where I Take You, You're Still You
Tourist, yelling at husband who went to magazine kiosk : Get the magazine! Not the paper! Magazine! (husband comes back with paper) *Sigh* Men...they're the same everywhere.
Kuala Lumpur
Malaysia
Categories: Compare and contrast | Couples | Family ties | Malaysia | Pop culture | Tourists | Posted 2009-06-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In the Recurrent Nightmare Of Christianity
Girl, at beginning of Jesus Christ Superstar: Are they going to kill Jesus?
Boyfriend: Well...yes, Sarah. That's sort of how it works.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Categories: Couples | Death & dying | Default | Girls | Guys | Jesus | Movies | New Jersey | Questions | Posted 2009-05-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Difference Between Quality and Quantity Eludes Many Americans
Pouting newlywed wife: I feel like we don't spend enough time together.
Seething newlywed husband: (grinds teeth)
Pouting newlywed wife: Enough quality time.
Seething newlywed husband: (remains silent)
Pouting newlywed wife: Would you like me to tell you what quality time is?
Seething newlywed husband: (about to speak, thinks better of it)
Pouting newlywed wife: 23 hours a day.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: good, that leaves one hour for him to think of a response
Categories: Couples | Default | Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2009-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Once He Walks Through JoAnn's Door, a Man Starts to Die
Girlfriend, holding up scrapbook thing: Do you like this?
Boyfriend: Yeah, it's nice.
Girlfriend: "It's nice," because it's nice, or "it's nice," so we can get the fuck out of here?
JoAnn Fabrics and Crafts
Tacoma, Washington
Overheard by: baker98391
Categories: Compliments | Couples | Default | Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Questions | Stores | Washington | Words | Posted 2009-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Imagine That.
Smokin' hot Filipina girlfriend: My friend said that I should use Photoshop and imagination to do this. I have Photoshop, but where can I get imagination? I've never heard of it.
White boyfriend: You're kidding me, right?
Smokin' hot Filipina girlfriend: What?
White boyfriend: There is no software called "imagination." Just use your imagination. Duh!
Smokin' hot Filipina girlfriend: You're so not getting a blowjob tonight.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: The white boyfriend
And Then People Will Comprehendify You.
Husband: Yeah, I think that's because of the...the...
Wife: The what? Spit it out!
Husband: I know, I've been having so much trouble lately coming up with the appropriate word for what I'm trying to say.
Wife: Yeah, that's your problem. You just need to be able to think of what you need to say in advance so you can articulize it.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: King Dubby
Their Humps Are Actually Human Skulls
Boyfriend looking at stone sculpture of camel: Yo, what do camels eat?
Girlfriend: Camels eat people.
Boyfriend: I think they eat grass.
Girlfriend: No. Camels eat people.
Boyfriend, turning to passersby: Excuse me, what do camels eat?
Passerby #1: Uhh...I think they eat plants.
Girlfriend: No! Camels eat people!
Passerby #2: But, look, they don't have any claws or fangs. They can't eat people.
Passerby #1, disgusted: They eat plants.
Girlfriend, scoffing: There's no plants in the desert! That's why they eat people. Camels eat people!
Royal Ontario Museum
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Camels should eat some people...
Translation: Sex With You Isn't Worth the Annoyance Of Your Company
Emo chick: So then she glared at me. In a mean way, not a happy way.
Normal looking boyfriend: I don't think that word means what you think it means.
Emo chick: Huh?
Normal looking boyfriend: You know, I just don't think this is going to work out.
Emo chick: Wait. You're breaking up with me? Here? Why?
Normal looking boyfriend: Well, I wasn't planning on it, but honey, you didn't like Watchmen and you've never read or seen The Princess Bride. Clearly we're just two very different people.
Flagstaff, Arizona
Overheard by: nayvera
As Seen in Douching Miss Daisy
Greenpeace activist to couple walking out of grocery store: Are you guys concerned about our environment?
Elderly couple: Definitely! We recycle, and we take showers together!
Mothers Market
Costa Mesa, California
Overheard by: arie
Categories: Bathing | California | Couples | Default | Old folks | People | Questions | Relationships | Stores | Posted 2009-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Even Though It's Shaped Like St. Peter?
Girlfriend, excited: I know exactly what I'm going to get you for your birthday this year.
Boyfriend: Oh yeah? I know exactly what I am going to get you for your birthday.
Girlfriend: Really? Are you going to get that thing cut off your back?
Cafe
Sydney
Australia
Categories: Age and ageing | Australia | Couples | Default | Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Questions | Restaurants | Posted 2009-03-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Real World's Sadly Lacking in Noble Causes Worth Fighting for
20-something girl to boyfriend: You're such a nerd.
Boyfriend: We prefer "Men of Gondor."
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Corey
Categories: Books | Couples | Default | Education | Girls | Guys | Massachusetts | Pop culture | Words | Posted 2009-02-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Clearly You've Never Been to Wellesley
Boyfriend: What, forty dollars for a bra?!
Girlfriend: That's quite cheap for one.
Boyfriend: I'm glad I'm not a girl.
Girlfriend: Me too.
Boyfriend: Why's that?
Girlfriend: Because you'd be the dirtiest girl I know.
Farmers
Masterton
New Zealand
Categories: Clothes | Couples | Default | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Money | New Zealand | Questions | Posted 2009-02-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...by Color
Earnest fellow: And then I watched Scrubs, and then I watched Blade Runner, the movie. And then guess what I did?
Girlfriend: What?
Earnest fellow (proudly): I organized my receipts.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: the girls by the elevator.
Can I Still Have My Period on Your Face?
Girlfriend to boyfriend: So should I stop peeing in front of you ?
Boyfriend to girlfriend: No, I don't mind. I don't care...just don't let me see you poop, that's just too fucking weird.
Michigan
Overheard by: da da
To Avoid Shopping Tantrums, See That Your Husband Is Properly Fed and Watered
Husband trying on sandals: There's too much bullshit. What is all this bullshit on here?
Wife: I don't know...there's a lot of stuff.
Husband: It's too much bullshit. I'm not paying for all this bullshit.
Leesburg Corner Outlet Mall
Leesburg, Virginia
Overheard by: Nat
Like the Dirty Little Republican You Are
(attractive couple are making out against a car. The girl's phone goes off.).
Girl: Hello? Hey, mom. No, I'm still at school. Rehearsal's going to be late today. Yeah, I'll call you. Bye!
Guy: I love when you lie.
Houston, Texas
Categories: Couples | Default | Education | Family ties | Girls | Guys | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Lies | Texas | Posted 2009-01-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades
20-something guy that obviously just woke up: So, do you think we'll have enough money to apply for college later today?
20-something girlfriend, also still bed-headed and yawning: Are you kidding me? It's 5 am and we're stoned. We'll talk about this later.
Bus
Dallas, Texas
Now He'll Turn This Into a Song and Record It in Eight Languages
Woman (talking on the phone about a friend): She's happy as a clam since she had her uterus removed...
Husband (in the background): Happy as a clam without a uterus.
Woman: (glaring at him, keeps talking)
Husband: Happy as a clam without a uterus!
Dresden, New York
Overheard by: Rachel Bz.
Let's See If She'll Be Trying with You After This
Cute chick in line: Oh! I want Haribo gummi bears! I need a snack to study effectively. There are lots of things I don't do effectively without snacking.
Boyfriend: Maybe you should try snacking next time we have sex. You know, maybe a little popcorn...a candy bar...
Cute chick: Are you saying my sex isn't effective? Well, maybe there won't be a next time.
Boyfriend: You know, you're not responding very well to constructive criticism. The solution is to keep trying, not to give up.
CVS
University City, Philadelphia
Overheard by: justtryingtowaitinline
Two Great Tastes That Taste HorribleTogether
Seventeen-year-old girl to boyfriend: You can't do anything right! I send you in there to buy me some porn and you come out with hermaphrodites? It's called Real Chicks with Real Dicks, for fuck's sake.
Boyfriend (in thick accent): I'm sorry... My english...it is not too good. I saw chicks, I saw dicks...I just grabbed it.
Manchester, New Hampshire
Overheard by: taylor
Categories: Couples | Default | Girls | Guys | New Hampshire | Offers and requests | Porn | Sexuality | Teens | Words | Posted 2008-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Might Even Trump the Popularity of Pregnant or Fat?
Black guy: You keep hearing about how racist Britain's getting, it's pretty scary.
White girlfriend: Oh, totally. I think that before anyone in that country over 40 is allowed to make a public statement they should take a test that's like "is this quaint, or just racist?" and if they fail they shouldn't be allowed to say anything.
Black guy: That would be an awesome game show.
Calgary
Alberta
Canadia
Hard to Imagine You Two Have Time to Read
(40-something man was hitting on young clerk when his wife comes up)
Man: I honestly think man wasn't meant to be faithful. We're all so sexual.
Wife: Did you forget I was here?
Man: I'll be in the car in a second.
(she leaves store)
Man, after looking back at clerk: Please. She loves getting pimped out to my friends.
Bookstore
Ocala, Florida
Categories: Books | Compare and contrast | Couples | Default | Feelings | Florida | Gender issues | Guys | Infidelity | Questions | Sexuality | Stores | Women | Posted 2008-11-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do I Question the Priest in Church?
Husband: How can women spend so much money on purses?
Wife: Shhh!
Coach Store
Pennsylvania
Categories: Couples | Default | Gender issues | Guys | Money | Pennsylvania | Questions | Stores | Women | Posted 2008-10-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Promised We'd Watch Action Movies and Fuck Me in the Butt Tonight
Yuppie boyfriend (excitedly): Let's have an Ashton Kutcher movie marathon night!
Yuppie girlfriend (whispering): Honey, we've already talked about this...
Blockbuster
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Pallas
Categories: About celebrities | California | Couples | Default | Girls | Guys | Movies | Stores | Posted 2008-10-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Consider Your Face Sucked
Boyfriend: If we were in person right now, I would totally suck your face right now.
Girlfriend: We *are* in person.
Boyfriend: Oh, yeah.
(they walk on casually)
Memorial City Mall
Houston, Texas
This Is the Same Girl Who Checks Out the Basement in Horror Movies
Crying girl to boyfriend: But I love you! You love me!
Boyfriend: Listen very carefully to me. I fucked her. You shouldn't have been a bitch to me about your friends. Now you can get over this and stop being a bitch and we can go get dinner and ice cream and then go home and fuck like sexy little drunk bunnies, or you can keep it up and find yourself without a boyfriend. Your call. Move on and be in love with me, or be a bitch and get dumped.
Girlfriend, still crying: I'm sorry.
Boyfriend: I know. It's okay.
Atlanta, Georgia
The Training Begins in the Womb
Drunk guy: Excuse me assholes, pregnant woman coming through.
Drunk pregnant wife: I fell down the stairs yesterday, my baby is like one of the warriors from 300.
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: MN
The One It Was So Easy It Was a Piece Of?
Guy to girlfriend: And after that, I was just done. It took the icing on the cake...or whatever.
Girlfriend: What cake?
Aloha Highschool
Oregon
And You Thought Picking Up Girls at Funerals Was Bad
Girlfriend on packed, stopped train: I'm bored. Tell me a story.
Boyfriend: I remember the first time I saw you...you were crying...sitting outside the abortion clinic. I gave you my hankie.
Yellow Train
Washington, DC
Overheard by: entertained next to them
Categories: Abortion | Couples | Default | Feelings | Girls | Guys | Memory lane | Offers and requests | Relationships | Train | Washington, DC | Weirdness | Posted 2008-10-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, I Suppose You're Worthy
Waitress: Can I get you something to drink?
Boyfriend: Uh yeah, a Sprite please.
Waitress: Is 7 Up okay?
Boyfriend: Uh...sure.
Waitress: And for you?
Girlfriend: Can I get a Sprite?
New Market
Canadia
Overheard by: meggler
Categories: Canadia | Couples | Default | Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Questions | Restaurants | Servers | Stupidity | Posted 2008-10-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only Because They Found the Kiddie Pool Filled with It
Girl to boyfriend: Why'd you go and tell all the guys on the fifth floor that I have some crazy fetish with lubricating foods?
Guy: I didn't say anything!
Girl: Well, they were talking about the Nutella.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Laura G.
Religious Differences Are Best Resolved Before Marriage
Girlfriend: So, you don't believe in vampires, right?
Boyfriend: Nope.
Girlfriend: Okay, but do you believe in ghosts?
Boyfriend: No, I told you I don't believe in that stuff.
Girlfriend: But you at least believe in witches, right?
Boyfriend: No!
Girlfriend (exasperated): Now you're just being naive!
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: kingdubby
Video Might Be More Helpful
Woman to boyfriend: Get back here so I can take a picture of you lying to me!
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Trying not to spit soda from my nose
Still Think It Would Be Sad If California Fell Into the Ocean?
Bimbette in line for concert: Wait, like, when is New Year's Eve? Is it the 30th or the 31st?
Boyfriend: It's the 30th. New Year's Day is the 31st.
Chain Reaction
Anaheim, California
Overheard by: oldest person at the show
Something Like That Is Close to a Man's Heart
Girlfriend: This is your out-of-town toothpaste.
Boyfriend: So?
Girlfriend: Look how fucked up it is!
Boyfriend: Don't start talking shit about my toothpaste!
Shelby, Michigan
Categories: Couples | Default | Gripes | Health & Hygiene | Insults | Posted 2008-08-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Professional Jello Wrestling Has Its Pratfalls, Sweetie
Girl: But I showered for you this morning!
Boyfriend: So you don't want to go?
Girl: I didn't say that, but you made me get cleaned up this morning, and now I'm just going to get dirty. You better pay my water bill, for all these showers you make me take.
Quiznos
Miami, Florida
Overheard by: Believes in no-strings-attached hygene
Yeah, So Anyway, I'm in This Hobo's Bed, So I've Gotta Go
(girl sits down on curb to talk on her phone)
Hobo: Excuse me, but that's where I sleep.
Couple walking by: It is, he was there first.
London
England
Categories: Couples | Default | England | Hobos | Offers and requests | Posted 2008-08-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Try Not to Speak
Large, beefy boyfriend: Wow babe, what you said was really extinct... wait, doesn't "extinct" mean dead and not here anymore? I think I mean "distinct" or something.
Nerdy girlfriend: I love you.
Georgetown University
Washington, DC
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compliments | Couples | Default | Stupidity | Washington, DC | Words | Posted 2008-08-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's the Greatest Thing Since... You Know
Girlfriend: I think my butt has gotten bigger.
Boyfriend: If that's true, hallelujah. I love big booties.
Girlfriend: David*, this is serious! I think I have been doing so many squats that my butt has lifted and risen... like bread.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: MoMo
Instead, I'll Discuss Your Pain With This Complete Stranger
Boyfriend to gas station attendant: She slept with the entire football team in high school.
Girlfriend: Maybe, but I still wouldn't have slept with you.
Boyfriend: Yeah? Really? How's your butt feel? Ha! I haven't even told my friends about that yet!
Richmond, Virginia
Enough with the Empire-Waists Already, People
Chick: Do I look pregnant in this dress?
Boyfriend: Nah, I told you. It just looks like something a pregnant person would wear.
Lakeline Mall
Austin, Texas
When Shown That They Do Exist, He Fainted
Grungy dude, pointing to expensive vacuum: You should get this one. It sucks up everything!
Girlfriend: Yeah, but I don't have much carpet. I need, like, a Broom Vac or something.
Grungy dude: A Broom Vac?! Put down the crack pipe!
Target
Baltimore, Maryland
Categories: Advice | Compare and contrast | Couples | Default | Drugs | Girls | Guys | Maryland | Stores | Technology | Posted 2008-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You've Taught Him Respect
Hubby: Absolute power corrupts absolutely, dear.
Wifey: It's not absolute.
Hubby: It isn't?
Wifey: No. You're not bowing.
Cashier: Ooh, I like you.
Eau Claire, Wisconsin
Overheard by: the girl with the hat
Categories: Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Couples | Customers | Default | Employees | Hubbies | Wisconsin | Women | Posted 2008-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Was an Olsen Twin
Teenage girl: Ohmigod, guess what!
Boyfriend: What?
Teenage girl: I just ran over a possum and it humped my car!
Chattanooga, Tennessee
Especially If, Instead of the G-Spot, There Was a Little Plastic Prize
Guy: But I hate wearing condoms! I can't feel anything. I might as well put my dick in a cereal box.
Girl: I think my vagina is a bit different from a cereal box.
Dude, excitedly: If your vagina had cereal in it, I'd eat you out all the time!
Davidson, North Carolina
Categories: Compare and contrast | Condoms | Couples | Food | Foreplay | Girls | Gripes | Guys | North Carolina | Sensory experiences | Posted 2008-05-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No Good Ever Comes of Communication
Wife: Do you like my new hairstyle?
Husband: Yep.
Wife: That's it? Just "yep"?
Husband: Looks very different. It'll be like having sex with another woman.
Wife: Asshole! Should have kept my mouth shut.
Husband: Yep.
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Was I Awake?
Tipsy girlfriend, playing "Never Have I Ever": Never have I ever done 69 with anyone.
Boyfriend: Ping.
Girlfriend: What?! Who did you 69?!
Boyfriend: You, fool!
Girlfriend: Oh.
Ohio University
Athens, Ohio
Overheard by: outfirst
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Couples | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Games | Girls | Guys | Ohio | Questions | Relationships | Sex | Posted 2008-05-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Good Thing Pluto Didn't Hear That
Chocolate store girl: You're a dicksucker. You know that? I mean, why bother with you? You seen my ass, you know I'm good-looking. You're-.
Guy in Goofy costume, muffled: Whatever. There are other tits. I'll be just fine regardless. And just so you know [lowers voice as kids approach] you're gonna get us both fired if you keep this shit up.
Chocolate store girl, loudly: Fuck you, and fuck your fucking ass! I hope you get fired! Then you can go home and suck your asshole!
Guy in Goofy costume, losing it: Better than sucking your ex's dick when you're supposed to be working.
Chocolate store girl, stunned: Who told you that?!
Guy in Goofy costume: Jen, after I fucked her!
[Girl walks into the shop quickly and goes into back room looking like she's going to cry. Goofy goes back to wandering around aimlessly, waving to little kids.]
Disney World
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: after that, my g/f and i applied for jobs there
Categories: BJs | Couples | Coworkers | Florida | Girls | Guys | Insults | Jobs & Careers | Relationships | Sex | Tourist attractions | Weirdness | Posted 2008-05-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Translation: I'm Still a Little Stoned
Girl, frantically looking through fridge: Shit, I'm gonna be late for work... What the hell? Why is your rice in my freezer?
Boyfriend: Because then it will be happy and prosperous.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Nic
You're My Last White Boyfriend, I'll Tell You That
Angry guy to girlfriend at an art festival: How can you be allergic to a color?
Tempe, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Couples | Feelings | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But It Was a Planned Incarceration
Obese John Wayne wannabe: I can't believe we are not hanging out tonight.
Gap tooth hootchie: I told you I made plans with my friends a month ago!
Obese John Wayne wannabe: Well you're supposed to be hanging out with me. We never hang out anymore and we are boyfriend and girlfriend!
Gap tooth hootchie: We were supposed to hang out this past Saturday and Sunday but we didn't! You were not fucking there.
Obese John Wayne wannabe: I had a change of plans!
Gap tooth hootchie: Change of plans?! Muthafucker you were in jail!
Bus
Iowa State University, Iowa
Overheard by: Casey
Categories: Bus | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Couples | Crimes | Euphemisms | Fat people | Girls | Gripes | Guys | Hoochies | Iowa | Leisure | Relationships | Posted 2008-04-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But He's Our President, So We Have to Listen
Guy in restaurant to female companion: Of course, this is coming from a guy who eats potpourri...
Central Avenue
Cincinnati, Ohio
Wait, It's Fall? How Long Was I Playing That Wii?
Boyfriend, looking around suspiciously: ... It smells funny...
Girlfriend: It's the outside!
Webster City, Iowa
Overheard by: Phoebe
Categories: Compare and contrast | Couples | Default | Girls | Guys | Iowa | Sensory experiences | Threats | Posted 2008-04-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Are Currently in Place
Well-dressed man to female companion, in crowded tasting room: Did you remember the dildo?
Elegant lady companion: Yes, I brought both of them.
Napa Valley wine Auction
St. Helena, California
Categories: California | Couples | Default | Etiquette | Guys | Offers and requests | Questions | Relationships | Suits | Toys | Women | Posted 2008-04-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sometimes You Do Know What You're Missing
Little old lady to husband: I don't care how many times you've washed it or how clean it is! I've lived 60 years without my tongue making acquaintance with your asshole, and I'm not about to introduce the two of them now!
St. Louis Street
Lebanon, Illinois
Overheard by: AlternknitiveKnitter
Categories: Ass | Body parts | Couples | Default | Gripes | Illinois | Licking | Old folks | Time Management | Posted 2008-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Where to Begin?
Husband to wife showing him Greek Bible: Honey, if English is good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me.
Barnes & Noble
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: aharon
Categories: Christianity | Couples | Default | Idiots | Language barrier | Ohio | Stores | Stupidity | Posted 2008-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Probably Should Just Finish Up the Bottle
Husband: Can I have one of my pills?
Wife: Didn't you just take two a little bit ago?
Husband: Just the two you told me I took.
Frankenmuth, Michigan
Categories: Comebacks | Couples | Default | Health & Hygiene | Michigan | Offers and requests | Posted 2008-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is That a Lip-Liner and EpiPen in One?
Hottie: Here ya go -- put this in your man-purse for me, please.
Indie boyfriend, indignantly: It's not a man-purse! It's a medical evac bag!
Hottie: Okay. You got any bandages or sterile alcohol in there?
Indie boyfriend: ... No.
Hottie: Yeah, right -- it's a man-purse. [Guy sullenly puts item in bag.]
Target, Saint Matthews
Louisville, Kentucky
Who Are You?
Guy to girl: What? Your tummy hurts? Let's make out!
Auburn, Alabama
Categories: Couples | Default | Foreplay | Maladies | Offers and requests | Posted 2008-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Roger Often Wonders If He Made the Right Choice Going Straight
Preggers snapping at hubby: He said they don't have it! That means they don't have it!
Husband, pushing cart with two-year-old in seat: Get over yourself, babe. We'll be in the car.
Two-year-old: Mama!
Husband, under his breath: Your mom better hurry up and have that kid, dude.
Fred Meyer
Issaquah, Washington
Overheard by: Bryan
Don't Crazy Canadians Just Become U.S. Citizens?
Hipster chick: Did I ever tell you about my childhood Princess Leia obsession?
Hipster dude: No, you never told me about a Princess Leia thing. Oh, wait, maybe you did. Did it involve pastries on your head to simulate hair buns?
Hipster chick: No, that must have been another girlfriend.
Hipster dude: No! Or maybe the pastry buns was me. I repress so many memories.
Hipster chick: Probably smart.
Hipster dude: It's working okay so far.
Hipster chick: Yeah. You barely need therapy.
15th Avenue SW
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compliments | Couples | Default | Hipsters | Memory lane | TV shows | Posted 2008-03-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But That Uterine Rumbling Was All You, Baby
Girl: Okay, what other weird noises have I made? ... I queefed...
Boyfriend: I helped.
Athens, Ohio
God, I Love You.
Guy: Well, how could you tell I was drunk?
Girl: Because you were actually funny.
Guy: Well, you were actually attractive.
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Super Mike
Categories: Comebacks | Couples | Drinking & drunks | Insults | New York | Posted 2008-02-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Adult Version of "Got Your Nose"
Hot guy to hot girlfriend: I really liked it when you humped my face today... I think my nose even disappeared for a few seconds.
Whataburger
Plano, Texas
Overheard by: C.D.
Categories: Body parts | Compliments | Couples | Licking | Texas | Posted 2008-02-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Tell You It's Yours, Regardless
Girl, after showing of Juno: I want a baby.
Boyfriend: [Raises eyebrows.]
Girl: Not by you, but, you know...
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
I Lost Three Boyfriends to Trek Addictions
Old man holding up movie to old woman: How about this one?
Old woman, exasperation: You know I don't like outer space!
Video store
Illinois
Don't Worry, Sweetie, You'll Love the Gym Membership
Wife eating cheeseburger: I know what my New Year's resolution is going to be...
Distracted husband: To lose weight?
Wife: What? No! Why would you say that?! Do you think I'm getting fat?
Husband: Oh! No, no, no -- you're not fat. You're perfect! I love you so much just the way you are.
Wife: Whatever. I better be getting a good fucking Christmas present, and you definitely won't be seeing me naked for a very long time.
Wendy's
New Hartford, New York
Categories: Couples | Diet & weight | Insults | New York | Posted 2008-01-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Once Money's Been Spunt, No One Else Will Touch It
Man: You spunt all our money!
Woman: Fuck you! You spunt the money -- that's who spunt the money!
Wal-Mart
Wichita, Kansas
Belinda Describes Herself As "Passionate"
Guy: You really need to stop driving by my house and calling me 20 times a day.
Ex-girlfriend: Whatever. You're acting like I'm a crazy stalker or something... And I don't drive by your house all the time.
Guy: Well, every time I or my dad or my roommate leave the house, you're driving away. It's kind of creepy.
Ex-girlfriend: Oh, what? Like, I mean, I would never shoot you!
Murfreesboro, Tennessee
Oooh, Coal! What about Coal?
Girlfriend: I have a great idea for an alternative energy source!
Frustrated boyfriend: You'd better not say 'the sun'...
Girlfriend, after a pause: Oh...
UC Davis
California
Overheard by: student on the bus
Categories: California | Couples | Stupidity | Posted 2007-12-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why His Family Has Stopped Drinking at Christmas
Dude drawing names and heart in wet cement: Done.
Girl: Oh my god, that's awesome. I'm gonna take a picture with my phone so it can be the image that comes up when you call. Right now it's your dick in a box.
Dude: Yeah, this is-- Wait, you have a picture of my dick in a box?
Girl: Yeah. Remember?
Dude: Oh, yeah, that's right...
UC Berkeley
Berkeley, California
Overheard by: nathan
Categories: California | Couples | Memory lane | Posted 2007-12-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Can Wear It with the John Lovitz Flats
Woman modeling outfit from fitting room: What do you think?
Husband: That outfit makes you look like Garry Shandling!
Ann Taylor, Cherry Creek Mall
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: lauren
When Martha Stewart Has Nightmares
Naked guy with cock ring and whip: So, what are we doing later this evening?
Boyfriend with nipple rings, dog collar, padlock, and leash: We're going to my parents' for dinner, remember?
Naked guy: Oh, right. Your dad asked me to help him with the aquarium.
Boyfriend, looking at huge dildos: And I want to help my mom finish the quilt she's working on. And we should mulch the rose garden while we're there, too.
Folsom Street Fair
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: cultural tourist
Categories: California | Couples | Family ties | San Francisco | Posted 2007-11-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because I Plan to Smile the Whole Fucking Way Home
Husband: Do you want any strawberries?
Wife: No.
Husband: Do you want any pears?
Wife: No.
Husband: Do you want any peaches?
Wife: No [walks away].
Husband, to clerk: I'll take some strawberries, pears, and peaches.
Payson, Arizona
I'll Take "People Who Deserve Each Other" for $200, Alex
Girl: I always clean the sheets. You never notice, but I always clean the sheets.
Guy: What? We don't even have sheets on the bed right now.
Girl: And do you want to know why we don't have sheets on the bed? Because the other night, after you'd bled on them--
Guy: --I bled on them because you kicked me.
Girl: I did not kick you! It was that mole -- that mole that started bleeding, which I'm very concerned about, by the way. Your mole shouldn't just start bleeding like that. But anyway, I had just cleaned the sheets, and then your mole bled on them, and I went to clean them again and I thought, 'Why don't I see how long it would take him to notice there aren't even sheets on the bed?' So that's why we haven't had sheets on the bed for a month.
12th and Locust
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Couples | Pennsylvania | Relationships | Posted 2007-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Kind with Compassion Supplements in Every Bite?
Fireman: Yeah, so we were all standing around waiting for this suicidal guy to do whatever, and then we got hungry.
Girlfriend: So what did you all do?
Fireman: We went back to the station and made hot dogs.
Girlfriend: What about the guy?
Fireman: I mean, the cops were still there, and we got back before anything happened. Or, well, before anything eventful happened.
Girlfriend: What kind of hot dogs were they?
Target line
Atlanta, Georgia
Translation: Can We Have a Threesome with Her?
Man to woman: Is it weird that we've watched your mother having sex?
Pensacola, Florida
Overheard by: Are you serious?!
That's a Judgment -- I Asked for Your Perception
Ironman contestant's wife at mile 10 of the run leg: Honey, how are you feeling?
Ironman contestant: This was a stupid idea!
Vineman Ironman triathlon
Santa Rosa, California
Categories: California | Couples | Questions | Posted 2007-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Disneyland Really Is More for the Kids
Mid-50s man: Is this another parade, Barbara?
Wife: Yeah.
Mid-50s man: Aw, shit.
Disneyland
Anaheim, California
Categories: California | Couples | Gripes | Posted 2007-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Went on to Become the Nicest Lawyer in Missouri
Girlfriend: Awww, I like this. We should get it.
Boyfriend: What? What 'we'?! I told you, I'm breaking up with you on Monday.
Girlfriend: I know. I mean, I thought you were kidding...
Boyfriend: No! Now that the bar exam is over, I can break up with you and not feel bad about it. Now that the bar is over, I can break up with you and not worry about you failing and me feeling guilty.
Girlfriend: Oh.
Bluestem Crafts
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: Kelsey
Categories: Couples | Jerks | Missouri | Relationships | Posted 2007-11-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Cardinal of Contempt? The Deacon of Disdain?
Wife: Honey, be nice...
Husband: No, I refuse to be nice. It's against my religion.
Wife: Oh, sure, you should get your own title... Archbishop of Jackass.
Home Depot
Rancho Cucamonga, California
Categories: California | Couples | Etiquette | Jobs & Careers | Posted 2007-11-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yummy, Delicious Evil? Of Course.
Boyfriend: Oooh, look, they have a Starbucks!
Girlfriend: Starbucks is evil.
Boyfriend: What?
Girlfriend: Starbucks is evil!
Boyfriend: Want to get some?
Prince Edward Island
Canadia
You Fell in While Looking for a Missing Lamb
Boyfriend: Let's get you all liquored up, and I can throw it in your butt.
Girlfriend: No! That's not even how it happened the first time.
Trader Joe's
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Jummy Bear
This Wasn't Covered During Pastoral Counseling
Woman: How would I know if you just found out?
Man, her fiancé: Well, shouldn't you know before I know?
Woman: I never do that to myself -- you do that for me!
Man: Well, it was all over my finger afterwards and under my nail -- you must be on your visitor.
Woman: I didn't know I was getting my visitor until you had some on your hand.
Man: Well, don't you look inside yourself?! Go look inside yourself and tell me what you see!
Winking Lizard Tavern
Cleveland Heights, Ohio
I Can't Figure Out Where It Should Go
Boyfriend: You want to hang out after your last class?
Girlfriend: I can't. I have to get a Tetris shot.
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: Emily
Categories: California | Couples | Stupidity | Posted 2007-10-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Loved Her Colored Braces
Husband, after girl he knew left table: That was Joe's* little sister's friend.
Wife: The one he fucked in the ass?
Husband: No, that was somebody else. This one only blew him.
Wife: Oh. She seems nice.
Diner
Long Island, New York
From Jane Austen's Nonsense and Insensibility
Guy: Hello, pot, this is the kettle! You're black!
Girl: I am not black. What are you talking about?
Guy: It's a metaphor. Do you know what a metaphor is?
Girl: Yes -- it's a giant flaming rock that comes out of the sky. You never make any sense.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Couples | Stupidity | Washington | Words | Posted 2007-10-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
There's None of That Coming Out of My Penis, Though
Dude: I want to give you a baby.
Chick: I don't want a baby, I just want rent.
Bayswater
Australia
Go Fuck Yourself?
Wife of fat guy: Y'know, honey, I heard on Oprah that every 35 pounds you lose, you gain an inch in penis length.
Fat guy: I know I could stand to lose 70 pounds, but what am I gonna do with a 22-inch dick?
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: Couples | Diet & weight | Overheard in California's Journal | Penis | Posted 2007-10-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Already Do
Girlfriend pointing at guy in kilt: Look, he's wearing a skirt! What a freak!
Boyfriend, releasing her hand: That's a kilt. I'm Scottish. Fuck you!
Tacoma, Washington
Categories: Couples | Stupidity | Washington | Posted 2007-09-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Works for The White House Budget Office
Girlfriend: Oooh! Baby, we should get a dozen donuts!
Boyfriend: Okay. Do you wanna pick six, and I'll pick six? [Girlfriend gives icy stare.] Fine, you pick all twelve. I don't care.
Girlfriend: Twelve? I said I want a dozen.
Boyfriend: Um, honey, twelve is a dozen.
Girlfriend: I know what a dozen is, and it's not fucking twelve! I'm not fucking stupid, you know!
Boyfriend: You're, like 25 years old! How can you not know what a dozen is?
Girlfriend: I know what a fucking dozen is! [Looks around] What the fuck are all of you laughing at?!
King Soopers Dairy
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: We were right to point and laugh
And Had Roosters Tied to Your Nipples
Girl: You were being cocky!
Upset ex-boyfriend: No, I wasn't!
Girl: You couldn't get any cockier if you had dicks coming out of your ears and eyeballs.
Elkhart, Indiana
Overheard by: ashley
Not If That Requires Fucking
Chick: I just don't want any commitments right now.
Dude: Can we still be fuck-buddies?
Caribou Coffee
Mendota Heights, Minnesota
Categories: Couples | Minnesota | Relationships | Posted 2007-09-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No Need for the Nuclear Option
Girl, almost running into parking meter: Whoops.
Guy: Holy crap! Did you really just do that?
Girl: Shut up. [Guy gradually edges her off to the side.] ... Are you trying to make me actually run into one?! [Guy laughs.] Ughhh, I am so withholding sex.
Guy: Wait, wait! I didn't mean it!
Church Street and 7th Avenue
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: pedestrian
I Think We Should See Other People
Boyfriend: Do you still have my keys?
Girlfriend: Yeah, I stopped by your house to bring them back, but I couldn't get in.
Boyfriend: What do you mean you couldn't get in?
Girlfriend: Well, you weren't home, and no one else answered the door.
Boyfriend: ... You had my keys!
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: kgm
Categories: Couples | Overheard at Cornell | Stupidity | Posted 2007-09-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Preferably Not Even by You
Girl straddling guy on student lounge sofa: I want to suck your face off.
Guy: I'm just trying to get laid.
Boston University Central
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Vomiting in mouth
Categories: Couples | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Massachusetts | Sex | Posted 2007-08-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
High School Cafeteria Goes Up in Flames, Population Scientists Say, "Excellent!"
Chick: Look, if you're out sniper-ing hobos, it's not assassination!
Boyfriend: Nope, it's population control.
High school cafeteria
Englewood, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Couples | Philosophy | Posted 2007-08-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And This Is a... Bad Thing?
Man: I feel it more in my shoulders than in my colon.
Woman: I don't feel it in my colon either!
Shout-out: overheardinjxn.blogspot.com
Categories: Couples | Gossip | Overheard in Jackson | Posted 2007-08-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Still Love You, Even with the Scars
Guy to girlfriend: I wasn't rooting for you. I was rooting for the hyenas.
Monterey, California
Overheard by: me too
Categories: California | Couples | Insults | Posted 2007-08-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Better to... Ah, Fuck It.
Black guy kissing his girlfriend, looking into her eyes: Mmm... Your vagina's so juicy.
Leaning on a school bus
Alabama
Overheard by: Joe
Although Now I'm Seeing Pink Bears Holding Hands and Chanting
Old lady: Do you want to drive?
Old hubby: I guess so. My eyes aren't quite as blurry as they were.
Cadillac, Michigan
Overheard by: mags
Categories: Couples | Health & Hygiene | Michigan | Posted 2007-08-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's a Good Thing You Love My Dangling Participle
Blonde: Oh, I've heard of that restaurant! Where is it at?
Boyfriend: No, 'where is it'?
Blonde: No, that's what I'm asking you! Where's it at?
Boyfriend, shaking head and sighing: It's by the mall. This is ridiculous.
Virginia Beach, Virginia
Overheard by: Cringing English major
How to Say "I Love You" Like a Chicago Native
Man in t-shirt and jeans: Wait. Can I just be myself for one minute here? Can I?
Woman in classy cocktail dress: I don't know, can you?
Man in t-shirt and jeans: [Farts loudly.]
Halsted Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Bardley
Categories: Burping & farting | Couples | Illinois | Posted 2007-08-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Still Not Telling
Chick pointing at port-a-potty: Well, I guess I'm going to the bathroom now.
Dude: Do you fold or crumple?
Chick: This conversation has gone too far for me.
Dude: I fold. Well, depends on my mood.
Union Park
Chicago, Illinois
You Could Finish It for Your 100th Birthday
Girlfriend: Have you ever touched another man's armpit hair?
Boyfriend: No.
Girlfriend: Well, yours are really gossamer-y. If you shaved them off, you could weave a little swatch of, like, satin... And then you could make a quilt!
Boyfriend: Or a patchwork jacket!
Ypsilanti, Michigan
But He Proved You'll Be Easy to Have
Dude: What's fourteen plus nine?
Chick, confidently: Twenty-one.
Dude: Damn, you're fast.
Chick: Haha, you thought you almost had me there!
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Categories: Couples | Overheard at McGill | Stupidity | Posted 2007-08-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Takes the Stigmata You're Given
Boyfriend: But baby, I don't want bloody arms!
Girlfriend: Then talk to me about my feet!
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Categories: Body parts | Couples | Oklahoma | Posted 2007-08-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Couldn't Jar My Uvula!
Annoying girl: Are you ignoring me? Mike. Mike. Mike. Mike. Mike. Mike. Mike.
Mike, apparently: God, I wish chivalry was dead.
Annoying girl: What's chivalry?
Mike: It's what's keeping me from smashing your head open with my cock.
Diner
Washington, DC
Categories: Couples | Gripes | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-08-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because Movies Are the Most Real Part of Our Lives
Girlfriend sipping frappuccino: We should be, like, writing screenplays in here.
Boyfriend, half ignoring her: My dog's probably gay.
Girlfriend: Instead of just sitting here like posers, I mean.
Boyfriend: I guess if he had a girlfriend he'd fuck it instead of guy dogs.
Girlfriend: I dunno.
Boyfriend: What?
Girlfriend: What?
Boyfriend: What? What were we talking about?
Girlfriend: Movies.
Starbucks
Gainesville, Florida
Categories: Couples | Florida | Relationships | Posted 2007-08-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Told You about the Hole? Was It My Ex?
Boyfriend: You know what happens when you get between me and something I want, right?
Girlfriend, on his lap: I go in the hole?
Boyfriend, puzzled: No... I... I move you out of the way...
Westfield State College
Westfield, Massachusetts
Overheard by: It was a brownie he wanted
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Couples | Massachusetts | Threats | Posted 2007-07-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Back Up -- They Kicked Him Out for Dressing As a Pirate?
Woman: Did you hear about the lawyer in England who wouldn't take a Muslim woman as a client because she wore a burkha and the lawyer said she couldn't hear her?! [Holds piece of paper over her mouth] Hello! You can still hear me, right?
Boyfriend: Yeah.
Woman: I can't believe this! They have that happen, but when a kid dressed up as a pirate and the school kicked him out he said he was a Pastafarian and they let him back in.
Boyfriend: Pastafarian?
Woman: You know, flying spaghetti monster as God, pirates are sacred...
Boyfriend: Oh, yeah.
Starbucks
League City, Texas
Overheard by: JustWantsCoffee
Do You Need Some More Napkins?
Girl to boyfriend: I'm sorry I stabbed you after you took me to the circus.
Denny's
Novi, Michigan
And Whose Wingtips Were Those Next to the Door?
Girlfriend: I'm telling you, you definitely came inside my pussy last night.
Boyfriend: But I was fucking your ass!
Girlfriend: No, sweetie, that was my pussy.
Boyfriend: Then how come my dick had shit all over it this morning?
Train station
Paterson, New Jersey