Overheard Everywhere | The Voice of the Towel" | People

Not the First Time He's Had to Clarify That Today

Guy: That motherfucking cop has driven past here twice in the last fifteen minutes.
Cop (on car's loudspeaker): I'm not a motherfucker.

University of Georgia
Athens, Georgia

Overheard by: Anne

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Are Public Rammings Unusual in San Francisco?

Cop on radio: We've gotten a report from race security that there is a large Viking ship being rammed repeatedly into some garbage cans in the park.

Golden Gate Park
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: geek whisperer

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But the Midget Got Taller, If You Know What I Mean

Police officer to college girls: It turns out there was a midget in the closet.

Downtown Palo Alto, California

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How Jessie Got Us Arrested

[Three intoxicated college girls are walking along the street. One trips, falls, and all three laugh hysterically. An unmarked police van passes by]
Cop, yelling out of the window: Looks like three underage drinking tickets right there!
Girl #1: We're all 21!
Cop: Well, it looks like you're 4!
Girl #2: Looks like you're 37 and looking for a boyfriend!

Madison, Wisconsin

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I'm... Black?

Traffic cop: She said, "Do you like it?" and I was like, "Yeah, it looks really nice." And then she said, "Is it subtle?" and I was like "Jenny*, you're a black woman with orange and yellow hair!"

Plymouth, Michigan

Overheard by: Morgz

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Dude, We Sell That Here

Cop: Have you ever seen a burn victim autopsy?
Security guard chick: No.
Cop: Well, they cut into the guy, and it smelled like cooked meat. It actually made me hungry.

Wal-Mart
Richmond, Texas

Overheard by: Occam's Lady Schick

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It Says Here the Mule Consented?

Cop: You know there's a warrant out for your arrest, right?
Guy with arm in cast: Oh, really?
Cop: Yeah... So we should probably have a chat about that.

Town Court
Duanesburg, New York

Overheard by: 91 in a 65

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I'm Gonna Cuff You Now, 'Kay?

Security guard to girls who set off alarms: It's okay. Sometimes I steal things, too.

Boston, Massachusetts

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Don't Make Me Come Down There and Rescue You

Police helicopter hovering with spotlight on suspect, over loudspeaker: Stop running. You can't get away. Just give yourself up. Stop running... No, don't go in the water. You won't make it across. No, don't-- Yeah, it's fucking cold, isn't it, dumbass? Just get out of the water!

American River Parkway
Sacramento, California

Overheard by: Ree

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And the Republican National Convention Is No Exception

Cop: It's not a party 'til the shirts come off.

Hilton Hotel
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Neon

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Once You Have Kids, Santa Loses All Respect for You

Crazy, bearded old man: Have you seen Bobby lately?
Ohio state trooper: No. His wife just had a baby, so he's on leave for a while.
Crazy, bearded old man: Well, the next time you see him, tell him Santa Claus says [blows a raspberry].

Goshen, Ohio

Overheard by: Michael

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Barney Fife: You Know, Fuck You, Andy!

Sheriff: These are kind of like deputy pickles.

Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com

Overheard by: anonymous

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To Protect and Pass Out in a Puddle of His Own Vomit

Cop #1: C'mon, c'mon, admit it!
Cop #2: Fine! I wish I was on OxyContin right now, okay?!

San Rafael, California

Overheard by: Alex Silver

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I Don't Want to Have to Run You in for Theft, Too

Cop: It better be your own shit you are throwing this time, Martha.

Citadel Theatre
Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia

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