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One Of Your Editors Is Wearing a Cheers Sweatshirt-- True Story.
Guy to cab driver: I just want to go where nobody knows my name.
Cab driver: You mean Cheers, "where everybody knows your name"?
Guy: No.
Logan Airport
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Airports & flights | Conductors | Guys | Massachusetts | Names | Wishes | Posted 2010-05-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
God Bless Chicago.
Train conductor: For those of you who had too much to drink, could you please wake up long enough to present your ticket?
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Conductors | Drinking & drunks | Illinois | Offers and requests | Posted 2010-03-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Being American, in a Nutshell.
Conductor: Everybody please be patient, we have an obstruction on the tracks. Police are working to clear it, we will continue as soon as they finish.
Young suit: We're in a 55-ton battering ram, why did we even stop?
MAX Rail
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Ram Das
Categories: Conductors | Oregon | Public Transportation | Questions | Suits | Train | Posted 2010-02-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Would've Assumed You Could Read
Train conductor, to teenage girl with feet on chair: Can you read? (points to sign)
Teenage girl: What...? Oh, sorry. (takes her feet down, conductor walks away)
Suit: He would have never done that if you were a guy.
New Jersey Transit
Categories: Conductors | New Jersey | Public Transportation | Questions | Sexuality | Suits | Teens | Posted 2009-12-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And If You Have Any Train-Driving Experience, Please Report to the Front Car.
Conductor: Welcome on board the 4:15 service to Wolverhampton, calling at Smethwick, Sandwell and... Oh god, my head... (mic cuts out for a while) Sandwell... and Dudley, and Wolverhampton... (breathes heavily, deep sigh, mic cuts out again)
Birmingham to Wolverhampton Train
England
Overheard by: xSJBx
Categories: Conductors | England | Headaches | Public Transportation | Train | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Assume Everyone's Seen Independence Day?
Conductor, at the end of introductory speech: And, ladies and gentlemen, in the event of an emergency... you all know what to do.
Train
St. Louis, Missouri
Categories: Advice | Conductors | Missouri | Public Transportation | Train | Posted 2009-12-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Then Burst Into the Laverne and Shirley Theme Song
Train operator: Orange line to Vienna. If you are on the platform, you better hurry up. Cause I'm not going to let you slow me down.
Metro
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Reject
Categories: Conductors | Public Transportation | Threats | Train | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-12-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Did You Get Its Consent First?
Conductor, over speaker: Stop touching the train. Yes. You. I can see you on the security cameras.
Sutherland Train Station
Australia
Categories: Australia | Conductors | Public Transportation | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...We've Reached the Train Hub.
Conductor, over intercom: Rub-a-dub-dub!
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Conductors | Illinois | Public Transportation | Stupidity | Posted 2009-10-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In This Case, She Meant to Stun, Not Kill
Taxi cab driver: She ain't big, but she ain't little, you know. (pause) Broke that bottle over Anna head, but she mean well.
Sierra Vista, Arizona
Overheard by: K
Categories: Arizona | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Conductors | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Would Be a Lot Less Creepy If You'd Take Off the Nixon Mask
Driver, with boat in tow: How much?
Toll booth operator, in a sing-songy tone: Seven-fiftyyyyy!
Driver: What?
Toll booth operator, sing-songy: Highway robberyyyyy!
Toll Booth, Florida Turnpike
Sunrise, Florida
Overheard by: Broke Commuter
I Just Did His Horoscope
Conductor: Do not buy anything from the man in the yellow shirt and white tennis shoes. He will be arrested.
Subway
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Advice | California | Clothes | Clothing | Conductors | Crimes | Public Transportation | Train | Posted 2009-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Lest a Fire Hose Become Your Bidet
T conductor, over loudspeaker: Sir! The world is not your toilet!
Park St. Station
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Conductors | Massachusetts | Pee | Public Transportation | Weirdness | Posted 2009-07-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Rappers Moonlight.
Train driver: This train is being taken out of service. Brigham Circle will be the last stop for this train. Don't hate the player, hate the game!
E Train
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: camille
Categories: Advice | Conductors | Gripes | Massachusetts | Public Transportation | Train | Posted 2009-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Not Every Day You Get to Have Your Face Smushed Against a Complete Stranger
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are normally a six-car train. Today they gave us four cars. I cried, I begged, but to no avail. (10 minutes later) Next stop, Secaucus! Hang on, we're gonna make it!
Transit Train
New Jersey
Overheard by: twoferrets
Categories: Conductors | Feelings | New Jersey | Public Transportation | Train | Posted 2009-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Vacations Exist.
Conductor: Next stop, Chiswick. (trailing off) Chiswick... Chiswick... Cheese balls... Cheese balls...balls. (normal tone) Next stop, Chiswick.
B Line
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Stefa
Categories: Balls | Conductors | Food | Massachusetts | Public Transportation | Train | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not Even Sofia Bush?
Trolley driver, approaching Bush Street: Anyone for Bush? Then get off! Anyone? Anyone? (no one moves) Thank god!
San Francisco, California
Categories: Conductors | God | Politics | Questions | San Francisco | Posted 2009-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In and Out, In and Out, All Night Long
Conductor: Mind the gap, doors closing. (train does not move) Those naughty, naughty doors.
London
England
Overheard by: ren
Categories: Advice | Conductors | Default | England | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Train | Posted 2009-01-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...in Exchange for Cooking Lessons
Conductor: This train will terminate at Stratford. The next station is Waterloo. Please change here for the Bakerloo, Northern and Waterloo & City lines. Alternatively you can also change for Waterloo International, catch the next Eurostar, go to Paris and show the French how to play rugby.
London
England
Overheard by: kat
Categories: Conductors | Default | England | Geography | Offers and requests | Pride | Public Transportation | Train | Posted 2008-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Part of the Magic
Tramcar driver in Magic Kingdom: It has come to my attention that people use their panic button to help them find their car. That is cheating. You must wander around aimlessly for a while first.
Disney World, Florida
Overheard by: Kristen
Categories: Conductors | Default | Florida | Offers and requests | Public transportation | Tourist attractions | Posted 2008-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
There Will Be Confetti and Speeches
Conductor: This is not the airport station. You will know it when you see it. I will make a big deal about it when we get there.
BART Station
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Glad my iPod was off
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Conductors | Default | Public Transportation | Public transportation | Posted 2008-11-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Won't You Live Down to My Expectations of You?
Cabbie: Hey, ever get the urge to just whip out your puppies for the driver?
Girl: Um, no. (several minutes later, while getting out) Cabbie whores!
Las Vegas, Nevada
Categories: Conductors | Default | Girls | Guys | Insults | Nevada | Offers and requests | Posted 2008-11-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not As Fun As Quiet Contemplation Of Our Lord's Bounty, But Close
Middle-aged African American bus driver: So what if she is? I wear heels and I'm 5′8". I wear them to church.
Prim-looking Caucasian female passenger: Oh, but at least at church you're sitting down.
Middle-aged African American bus driver: Oh no, honey. I'm up singing and dancing. I go to a black church. We get our praise on.
Prim-looking Caucasian female passenger (after uncomfortable pause): That sounds fun.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: yes it does
Categories: Black people | Compare and contrast | Conductors | Default | Overheard in Minneapolis | Race | Religion | Shoes | Whiteys | Women | Posted 2008-10-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, We're Stopping, but We're Not Stopping-Stopping
Conductor (at tube stop before Finchley Road station): This train will not be stopping at Finchley Road. I repeat, this train will not be stopping at Finchley Road. (train pulls into Finchley Road, slows down and stops) This train will not be stopping at Finchley Road. (pause) I'm aware that we've actually stopped at Finchley Road, but we will not be stopping at Finchley Road.
Jubilee Underground Line
London
England
Overheard by: Tom
Categories: Conductors | Default | England | Public transportation | Train | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2008-10-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Santa Summers in Stamford
Conductor: Stamford, Stamford stop is...ooh, did you see those two baby reindeer?!
MetroNorth Train
Stamford, Connecticut
Categories: Animals | Conductors | Connecticut | Public transportation | Questions | Train | Posted 2008-09-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gambling, on the Other Hand...
Conductor: Next and final stop: Atlantic City, folks!
(several passengers give confused and bewildered looks)
Conductor: Yeah, I changed my mind. I don't like Trenton.
Trenton, New Jersey
Overheard by: passenger
Categories: Conductors | Default | New Jersey | Public Transportation | US Geography | Posted 2008-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Mean Conductors Are Like This Everywhere?
Train conductor: Thank you for traveling on this 3:30 service to Southern Cross. If you need to use the toilet, they are located at the end of each carriage for your convenience. Please remember to both close and lock the door, which will save you from embarrassment and other passengers from blindness.
Train Service to Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Meg
Categories: Australia | Conductors | Default | Offers and requests | Pee | Poop | Train | Posted 2008-07-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least Let Me Tie You to the Roof-Rack
Girl stopped at a gas station refueling: Get out of my trunk now! People are going to think that I kidnapped you!
Charlottesville, Virginia
Overheard by: A Concerned Friend
Categories: Conductors | Crimes | Default | Fears | Girls | Offers and requests | Virginia | Posted 2008-04-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If We Don't Bend Time, the Terrorists Win
Conductor: Welcome aboard to all the new passengers. The time is 9:11. Actually... Let's make that 9:12. That's better, isn't it?
Washington, DC
Categories: Conductors | Default | Time Management | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Yell "Let's Go, Yankees" Instead
Conductor: The worst thing that you can do in an emergency is to pull the emergency cord. Never pull the emergency cord if it is an emergency!
Boston subway
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: daily commuter
Categories: Advice | Conductors | Default | Massachusetts | Public Transportation | Posted 2008-03-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No Headline Could Improve Upon This.
Conductor, as train comes in: Ahem: Quack-quack-quack, quack-quack, quack, quack, quack-quack... A-whoo-whoo!
Eltham
Australia
Categories: Australia | Conductors | Words | Posted 2008-01-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Recommend Not Moving between Them
Conductor over PA after train starts and stops a few times: There are six different kinds of metro cars, all manufactured in different places and different times. This particular train is comprised of three of those kinds. The transit authority says they all work fine together. I'll let you decide that for yourselves...
Blue Line
Washington, DC
Categories: Conductors | Gossip | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-12-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I'm Sorry, Okay?
Conductor over loudspeaker: Diana, I have your clothes... Diana, the head conductor has your clothes.
MBTA Commuter Rail
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Clothing | Conductors | Massachusetts | Posted 2007-12-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When You Work for the City, You Take What Fun You Can Get
India-Indian conductor: We will need to stand by in just a few minutes for some maintenance work. We're having some problems with the brakes, and they will need to be checked... Actually, they're really not working... At all. [Everyone exchanges looks when doors instantly close and train pulls out of station, rounding the next corner at high speed.]
Chicago El, Brown Line
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Comforting words
Categories: Conductors | Illinois | Threats | Posted 2007-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ow! What the Hell?
Conductor: Plenty of seats in the rear, folks!
Old guy, making way through crowd: I'll take one in the rear!
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Overheard by: liz the whiz
Categories: Backdoor | Conductors | Old folks | Overheard in Philly | Posted 2007-09-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Except by Individual Arrangement
Conductor: I don't wee in your house, so you don't wee in my station.
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: Conductors | Etiquette | Overheard in London's Journal | Posted 2007-08-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
