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The Curse Of IHOP
Man: There's Tucson for you, turning a great burger joint into a craphole.
Child: Yeah, I bet if you touched anyone in this restaurant, they would be sticky.
Tucson Arizona
Overheard by: Casey Stendahl
Why eBay Exists.
Man shopping with wife: Well, I recognize that someday I just won't need all my body parts.
Target Store
Augusta, Maine
Categories: Body parts | Clients | Maine | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2010-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Episode Of MacGuyver I'd Pay to See
Weird lady getting her hair cut: The nail just wouldn't stay down on my toe. So because it was all loose, junk kept getting in there. The doctor basically told me that junk would just keep getting in there.
Stylist: Wow!
(a minute later)
Weird lady getting her hair cut: If I could have one of those guys do my wedding, I'd be all like, "here's a doily and a paper cup, see what you can do."
Stylist: Yeah.
Weird lady getting her hair cut: I mean if you can't have a bangin wedding in Puerto Rico, you might as well see what you can get from a doily and a paper cup here.
Stylist: Yeah.
Supercuts
Pennsylvania
Categories: Body parts | Clients | Compare and contrast | Employees | Health & Hygiene | Pennsylvania | Relationships | Posted 2010-06-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Hoping for a Muppet Baby
Middle aged female client: You aren't going to find out the sex? How are you going to know what color to paint the nursery or what kind of baby clothes to get?
Pregnant 30-something hair stylist: Oh, please, like it matters what colors I choose. People aren't going to be wondering if it's a girl or a boy, anyway; they're going to wonder if it's an animal or a baby.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: jenc17
For the Sake Of the Wife and Kids
Obvious minor: Can I get a pack of Marlboro lights?
Mini-mart man: Do you have ID?
Obvious minor, indignant: Yeah, but I don't have it on me!
Mini-mart man: Would you like two packs for $9.45?
Obvious minor: No thanks, I'm trying to cut down.
Greenport, New York
Because They Just Laughed at Me When I Asked at Toys R' Us
Guy, walking up to greeter: You wouldn't happen to have any buttplugs, would you?
Target
Little Falls, New Jersey
Overheard by: harry bohemis
Categories: Ass | Clients | Employees | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Shopping | Stores | Posted 2009-12-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Please Don't Get Angrified.
Cashier: Sorry, your credit card has been declineded.
Woman: Declineded?
Cashier: Um... Yes, the credit card people declineded it. Like, ya know, it's been denieded.
South Florida
Like a Tapir?
Cashier: I never noticed before, but you look like a meerkat.
Customer: Is that another Pokemon?
Yarmouth, Maine
Overheard by: Jade
The R&B Hit That's Sweeping Wisconsin
Man in crowd of bar patrons leaving after last call, singing: It's ti-ime for the pizza store, it's ti-ime for the pizza store... I don't even care where we go, I just got to get some cheese on my dick. I'm just gonna stick it in. I'm serious, let's go, get that in an oven and roast it. Let's get it in an oven... and roast it like a cherry tomato.
Madison, Wisconsin
Is It Too Late to Start Over?
Customer: Do you sell Elastoplast?
Shop lady: What?
Customer: Do you sell Elastoplast?
Shop lady oh, I thought you said something about "the last of the Apaches."
Customer: That film was called The Last of the Mohicans.
Shop lady: What film?
Glasgow
Scotland
Overheard by: somedaftlassie
...Learned That the Hard Way.
Girl: Oh my god, I love their deep-fried mac and cheese balls!
Boy: I got some fried mac and cheese balls for you.
Girl: Tommy, if you tried to dip your balls in a deep fryer, they would probably fall off.
Boy: No they wouldn't.
Waiter, passing by quickly: Yes they would!
Cheesecake Factory
Kettering, Ohio
Sorry, we don't do special orders, that's Burger King
Woman who's too old to work at McDonald's: So, you want cheese on your sausage, egg and cheese?
Customer: Umm... okay, sure, yeah.
Centereach, New York
Ironically, They Were Dancing to "Walk Like an Egyptian"
Hairdresser to client in salon: I really like Egypt, you know? I feel like I have a connection to Egypt, like I was there in a past life. Like, I was watching this show on the History Channel about Egypt? Or some place? And they have three religions there? The first one was this religion where everybody kisses this wall? Mmm-mm-mm-mm. They were making out with this wall! They loved that wall. And then the next religion, god told Abraham to kill his son? What kind of crazy religion is that? And then the third religion was all these people standing up, and bending down.
Client: They were probably Muslims. They were praying towards Mecca...
Hairdresser: Uh huh. And I said to my boyfriend, "that's good exercise." I was going to watch more, but Dancing with the Stars was on.
Collingswood, New Jersey
Categories: Clients | Employees | Geography | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Murder | New Jersey | Parenting | Religion | TV shows | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I'm Sure You'll Locate Your Suitcase-- Bwahaha!
Passenger trying to find lost baggage: Excuse me! Do you work for United?
Airline steward: No! Oh no! Thank god!
P.E. Trudeau Airport
Montreal
Canadia
Categories: Airports & flights | Canadia | Clients | Flight attendants | Jobs & Careers | Public Transportation | Questions | Posted 2009-09-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Life Gives You Avocados...
Checker, as customer places avocados on the belt: Are these lemons?
Grocery Store
Centerville, Utah
Overheard by: JC
Kid Surprises Are Fun, but Illegal
Woman #1, approaching register counter: Ooh! Kinder eggs! I love those things!
Woman #2: What are they?
Woman #1: They're chocolate! With something inside!
Cashier: They're hollow chocolate eggs.
Woman #1: With a surprise inside!
Woman #2: Ew!
Cashier: It's a toy.
Woman #2: Oh. A toy.
Cashier: Whoa, okay, just imagine you were a kid again, and what a surprise meant when you were a kid.
Woman #2: I know... I know. It's just, adult surprises are never fun.
Woman #1, walking out of store: What were you thinking it was going to be? A penis that would squirt all over you?
Woman #2: You never know! Adult surprises are always bad!
San Francisco, California
Salem's Kind Of a Dead Town
Gay hairdresser: Ew, I don't think I could handle seeing dead people all gross and stuff!
Teenage girl getting haircut: You know, it's really not that bad... I kinda like it!
Straight hairdresser: Working downtown scares me sometimes...
Salem, Oregon
Categories: Clients | Compare and contrast | Coworkers | Death & dying | Fears | Oregon | Queers | Teens | Posted 2009-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Perhaps a Brandy Snifter Full Of Ocean Water, Then
Old woman at restaurant: What do you have to drink?
Exasperated waitress: Everything except root beer and chocolate milk.
New Brunswick, Canadia
Categories: Baristas | Canadia | Clients | Drinking & drunks | Offers and requests | Old folks | Posted 2009-08-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Planning on Staying in New Jersey
Saleswoman: Have a nice day!
Irritated customer: I've already made other plans.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Steve
You're Sending Me a Lot Of Mixed Messages
Cashier: Our credit card machine is down right now. Will that be cash or credit?
Customer: Gee, I guess cash... then.
Fast Food Restaurant
Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Overheard by: Kate
Would Any Other Country Name Its Team "the Patriots"?
Gay Blockbuster employee: I hear the New England Patriots are going to make it to the Super Bowl this year.
Customer: Yeah, I hope. They're my favorite team.
Gay Blockbuster employee: Wait, New England... Are other countries allowed to play in the Super Bowl?
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
...to Our Lord Jesus Christ.
Librarian at info desk: How are you today?
Gloomy guy: Not very well.
Librarian: Why not?
Guy: Oh, my girlfriend's being mean to me... Are you single?
Librarian, unfazed: No, I'm married.
West Lafayette, Indiana
Overheard by: Rachel S.
Wow. Suddenly I Loathe Myself.
Client: So, how will we work it out if I want a custom tattoo designed?
Tattoo artist: Have you ever been shopping with your girlfriend where you just sort of follow her around for a while and point stuff out until you figure out what she wants?
Client: Yeah...
Tattoo artist: It's just like that, except you're the girlfriend.
Americana Tattoo Parlor
Augusta, Georgia
Overheard by: Clarissa St. Tacocrotch
They Don't Tell Me to Burn Things! I Swear!
Customer: Hi, I'd like to return these pants.
Store manager: Can I ask why?
Customer: The pants talk.
Store manager: (...)
Customer, frantically: I mean, they pop! They pop!
Burnsville, Minnesota
Overheard by: I had to return a pair of talking pants once too
Do You Do, Uh, Blown Glass?
Old Polish lady, bitching about price of handmade jewelry: So you're paying for the hand job and not the stone?
Bethlehem, Pennsylvania
Categories: Clients | Jobs & Careers | Money | Pennsylvania | Questions | Women | Posted 2009-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
AndNone Of Your Trickery Is Going to Get Me to Admit That We Do
Patron: Double cheeseburger and small fries, please.
Counter boy: We don't have small fries.
Patron: What sizes do you have?
Counter boy: Medium, large and extra large.
Patron: Which size is the smallest?
Counter boy: Medium is the smallest.
Patron: Fine. I'll take the smallest, then.
Counter boy: We don't have small fries.
McDonald's
Bloomington, Indianapolis
Raise Your Hand If You Share His Irrational Love Of Costco
Random male shopper: We're looking at meat accessories!
Costco
Raleigh, North Carolina
Overheard by: Anna
Categories: Clients | Food | North Carolina | Shopping | Stores | Posted 2009-07-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Are You Doing in Albuquerque, Then?
Security officer, pulling out fingernail clippers from carry-on: Sir, what are your intentions with these?
Man in line, deadpan: To take over the world.
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Overheard by: Zombie
Categories: Clients | Cops | New Mexico | Public Transportation | Questions | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-07-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Requiem for a Dream? Really?
Passenger to attendant: Excuse me? They turned the movie off.
Attendant: Yes, we're landing earlier than thought.
Passenger: Oh, but the movie wasn't over.
Attendant: Sorry about that, but we need to turn it off for descent.
Passenger: But I was watching it!
Attendant: I am very sorry, but since we have started our descent...
Passenger, interrupting: But now I don't know how it ends!
Attendant: They all lived happily ever after.
Qantas Flight to Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Seat 14 F
Categories: Airports & flights | Australia | Clients | Flight attendants | Gripes | Happiness | Movies | Public Transportation | Stupidity | Posted 2009-07-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Happened to the Other.... Actually, I Don't Wanna Know
New homeowner: Did you ever find out what was causing that smell?
Worker: Yep.
New homeowner: What was it?
Worker: I'm not gonna tell ya.
New homeowner: Come on, what was it?
Worker, with a serious face and tone: You've got about four and a half to five opossums underneath your house.
Huntington, West Virginia
Overheard by: Jess
Categories: Animals | Clients | Construction workers | Death & dying | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Sensory experiences | West Virginia | Posted 2008-05-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And This Money Isn't Even Green!
Middle-aged American tourist woman: The rooms here have strange plugs, I simply cannot use my curling iron! This is outrageous... I want to see the manager immediately!
Hotel Restaurant
Munich
Germany
Overheard by: Dru
Categories: Clients | Compare and contrast | Germany | Gripes | Idiots | Restaurants | Technology | Tourists | Wishes | Women | Posted 2008-04-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ours Has Mange
Chick #1: Were you the one that just put Fun-Fur-All over her living room ceiling?
Chick #2: Not recently. Why?
Commercial Drive
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Vangirl
Oh, Steam. Got It.
Client: We need a giant steam head rising above the booth.
Agency president: Why?
Client: Because people love steam. They're drawn to it. It's the power and magic of steam I'm talking about here!
Shout-out: adverbatims.blogspot.com
Categories: AdVerbatims | Clients | Technology | Posted 2007-04-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
P Diddy: Just Call It 'Sampling'
Client to design agency, regarding their website: For simplicity's sake, we ripped off a few things.
Shout-out: adverbatims.blogspot.com
Categories: AdVerbatims | Clients | Office politics | Posted 2007-03-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
