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Give Me Directions at Your Own Risk
City bus driver, at the beginning of his shift: My name is Bob, I'll be your new bus driver. I'll be taking this bus down University to... some mall. I don't know where we're going, heh. I'm new. I will drive very carefully... unless you piss me off.
Des Moines, Iowa
Um, Why Is the Horn Down Your Pants?
Bus driver: So, I heard the last 9 bus was full and a lot of you had to wait for this one. If you're angry about it, you can honk this bus' horn. Really. I don't want you leaving here mad at Bloomington transit.
Bloomington, Indiana
Overheard by: Honked the Horn
Categories: Bus drivers | Indiana | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Posted 2010-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Just Wait Here 'til It Melts
Tour bus driver to American girl: So you aren't doing the glacier hike?
American girl: No way! No one is making me walk up some icy hill!
Fox Glacier
New Zealand
Categories: Bus drivers | New Zealand | Questions | Stupidity | Tourist attractions | Posted 2010-02-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Everthing I Hated About High School Is Suddenly Flooding Back to Me...
Eccentric driver's ed student: Sometimes I really just like to sniff my pants. (leans forward and sniffs his pants)
Northport, New York
Overheard by: Jessica
Categories: Bus drivers | Clothes | Creepsters | New York | Sensory experiences | Undies | Weirdness | Posted 2010-01-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Far Will This Bus Token Get Me?
Old lady to female bus driver: I need to get laid.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: exactly
Categories: Bus | Bus drivers | Old folks | Oregon | Public Transportation | Sex | Wishes | Women | Posted 2009-11-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Would Be Cute Except That the Bus Is Empty
Bus driver: Push back, push back! Don't be afraid! Hold somebody's hand, tell 'em you love 'em!
57 Bus
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Smallison
Categories: Bus | Bus drivers | Feelings | Hands | Massachusetts | Public Transportation | Posted 2009-08-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Right Said Fred Could Not Sustain Their Popularity
Guy #1: Just admit it, man.
Guy #2: Admit what? That I'm great and wonderful and perfect in every way shape and form? Alright, I'm great and wonderful and perfect in every way shape and form!
Guy #1: No, admit that you're crazier than me!
Guy #2: Yeah, well...you're just Mr "Too sexy for my shirt," and I'm Mr "Too sexy for my life," but seriously, I'm so smart and everyone loves me.
Guy #3: You're just lyin' to yourself, man.
Guy #2: I'm too sexy for the world! That's just the way it is. I'm the next Albert Einstein. Everyone will soon realize that they love me. You all know that I'm right, so say that I am always right! You're dumb and I'm smart. Everyone loves me.
Bus driver: Will you guys be quiet? No one wants to hear this!
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Lulu
Categories: Bragging | Bringing it back to you | Bus | Bus drivers | Compare and contrast | Guys | Lies | New York | Public Transportation | Questions | Posted 2009-07-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Gospel: In the Beginning Was the Command Line
Male high school student, nonchalantly: I got a new phone; this one can take videos and stuff. It's pretty cool.
School bus driver, in hushed, dramatic tone: Technology is god on earth.
School Bus
Southern California
Categories: Bus | Bus drivers | California | Cell phones | Default | God | Guys | Students | Technology | Posted 2009-04-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Editors' Gumdrop Field Tests Have Been Inconclusive
Bus driver: Folks, this just in from the weather service, I just thought I'd pass it along to you all. Don't let all these clouds fool you, there's a high heat warning in effect for Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, gumdrops, and...snow cones, so if you have any of those items, you'd better keep them inside. That's all.
Bus #17
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: The Redhead
It Takes A Village
Driver to people leaving the bus at the university: Buh-bye, have a great day, kids. Enjoy your lessons...bye now. Do your homework. Work hard on your exams so you don't become a bus driver! Bye-bye, everyone!
56 Bus
Leeds
England
Categories: Advice | Bus | Bus drivers | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Employees | England | Posted 2009-01-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Figure This One Out, Let Us Know
Tayal tribesman bus driver: Sir, do you want to get off at this stop?
Old man: Yes, I want off at this stop, I am going to the dentist's.
Bus driver: What's wrong?
Old man: I have to have a tooth pulled. Can you believe that? I'm 82 but I still have to have a tooth pulled.
Bus driver: If you're going to have one pulled, you may as well have a bunch taken out.
Old man: That won't do, false teeth are expensive.
Bus driver: Then have boar tusks put in.
Old man: Boar tusks?
Bus driver (very earnestly): Yes, you can have two tusks put in on the lower jaw, and when they grow, they'll look great! (uses his fingers to demonstrate how the tusks would look growing out of his mouth)
Old man (laughing): It would take a long time for them to grow.
Bus driver: Not long! You're an old boar, but I'm just a young boar, so yours would grow much faster than mine!
(old man gets off bus laughing cheerfully)
Shout-out: talovich.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Yugan Dali
Categories: Age and ageing | Body parts | Bus | Bus drivers | Default | Guys | Happiness | Health & Hygiene | Old folks | Other sites | Questions | Posted 2009-01-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Show the Driver Your Sippy Cup, Boy
Little boy to tour bus driver: Thank you.
Bus driver: Now that's a sign of good parenting.
Parent, as he steps off bus: Yeah. We're takin' him on a whiskey tour.
Jack Daniels Distillery
Lynchburg, Tennessee
Categories: Bus drivers | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Education | Guys | Kids | Parenting | Parents | Tennessee | Posted 2008-10-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Likes to Go to Parties and Get Fried
Bus driver: So who else is gonna be there?
Passenger: Chicken boy will be there.
Bus driver: "Chicken boy"?
Passenger: Yeah, you know Dave*. That fool always smells like chicken! I always thought it was just me but at a party last week Elizabeth* and her friends all called him "chicken boy" too!
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Dawn
Categories: Bus drivers | Default | Names | Questions | San Francisco | Sensory experiences | Strangers | Posted 2008-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ooo--Indian Burrrnnn!
Drunk girl screaming: No one here cares about any of the issues. None of you are from here. That just makes me sick, none of you are fucking from here.
Bus driver over PA: Sweetie, unless your name is Pocahontas, you're not from here either.
NJ Transit Bus
Categories: Bus drivers | Default | Drunks | Geography | Gripes | Insults | Names | New Jersey | Pop culture | Posted 2008-08-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Can We Start Over?
Girl running for bus: Thank you!
Bus driver: Wait at the right stop.
Girl: Lose some weight.
Bus driver: Get off my bus.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: talks before she thinks
Categories: Biotechs | Bus drivers | Insults | Washington | Posted 2007-09-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Win-Win!
Bus driver: I can't let you off here. You'll get killed.
Thug: It's cool, man. I got insurance!
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Overheard by: anonymous
Categories: Bragging | Bus drivers | Overheard in Philly | Thugs | Posted 2007-09-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Was That Nietzsche?
Man to another, letting him board bus first: I always say, 'Age before beauty.'
Bus driver: I always say, 'Somebody get on the damn bus.'
Bus, Belmont Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Bardley
Categories: Bus drivers | Illinois | Philosophy | Posted 2007-06-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Bus 31, Maintain Blissful Ignorance. Over.
Bus 20 operator to dispatch: Yeah, there are a lot of warning signals on that I've never seen before. Should I be worried?
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: the blankenships
Categories: Bus drivers | Overheard in PDX | Questions | Posted 2007-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
