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Times Are Tough in Michigan, Dear Reader
Architect, describing high school renovations to student body: And these will be new bathrooms.
Boy: Fuck yeah! New bathrooms!
(thunderous applause)
St. Joseph, Michigan
Why Would I Wipe It Off?
Suit: So yeah, I found out how my boss's boss takes his tea, and I took him a cup this morning, along with a muffin.
Non-suit: And did you remember to take a napkin to wipe his feces from your nose?
London
England
Overheard by: Eastender
...And She Won't Even Go Out with Me!
Suit #1: So, you heard who the new VP in my division is?
Suit #2: Yeah. She's... a character, I'll say that.
Suit #1: The Brits came to meet with her, and they left looking like... totally stunned.
Suit #2: Yep, she's a force of nature, all right.
Suit #1: I just can't believe they'd give her that job... That they want her dealing with all that political sensitivity when...
Suit #2, interrupting: When she's a maniacal feral wild woman?
Suit #1: And she openly admits that she doesn't think men should be in this division! She keeps making jokes about how we have no idea what the ladies want, and I'm like, how would she know either? She's not a lady, she's a monster!
Suit #2: She's like a Hindu goddess of fire and destruction!
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Felicity Thistle
Categories: Beauty | Bosses | Canadia | Compliments | Gossip | Posted 2011-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are You a Happy Cramper?
Girl, bursting into meeting: I just caught my period, yo!
Administrator, looking up: Congratulations?
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Me
Categories: Bosses | Girls | Health & Hygiene | New York | Weirdness | Posted 2010-10-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Good Thing You Issued That Disclaimer, Bob
Middle aged shop owner, as female vocalist sings pop song on the radio: I ain't no queer or nothing, but the first time I heard this song, I thought it was pretty as hell.
Waco, Texas
Categories: Bosses | Compare and contrast | Gender issues | Music | Texas | Posted 2010-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is This More Of Your Zen Crap?
Patron #1: Yeah, but everything's different in Hawaii. You can't even buy land there unless you were born there.
Patron #2: Actually, you can.
Patron #1: Yeah, but all their laws are different than ours.
Patron #2: You know that Hawaii is a state, right?
Starbucks
California
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Bosses | California | Compare and contrast | Geography | Money | Posted 2010-09-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Right Now, Looks Like It's All in Your Hair.
Director to actress playing Johanna in Sweeney Todd: I just want to see a little spunk on your face.
Reno, Nevada
Overheard by: CarvingMyNiche
In Unrelated News, Want Some Homemade Cookies?
Manager of restaurant to guy leaving restroom: I know we don't have paper towels in there. I am getting some right now.
Guy: It's okay. I never wash my hands anyway.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: that guy's girlfriend
Categories: Bosses | Guys | Hands | Health & Hygiene | Overheard in Minneapolis | Restaurants | Restroom | Posted 2010-01-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, What?
Tired restaurant patron: Why would Reese's Pieces put out rhesus monkeys? That's just wrong!
Restaurant
Ocala, Florida
Overheard by: Fully aware restaurant patron
Categories: Animals | Bosses | Candy | Florida | Restaurants | Posted 2010-01-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At the Pachydermatologists' Convention
Scruffy, hurried foreman with clipboard, on Bluetooth: It's the elephants. You've got to dial in the elephants. It's interfering with your microphone!
Financial District
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: PerplexedPachyderm
Which Is Why I Had You Guys Do Those Practice Drills Earlier
Volunteer director to group of teenage volunteers: Now, ya gotta be careful or the tractor tires will catch on fire.
Teenage volunteers: (incredulous laughter)
Volunteer director: No, seriously! Last year they caught on fire and I totally had to pee on them!
Sonoma County, California
Overheard by: where was I last year?!
Today's Young Woman Is Proud to Display Everything She's Got
Library worker girl: That's a cute bag.
Library worker girl with clear purse: Thanks!
Boss man: But then everyone can see everything you have!
Library worker girl with clear purse: It's not like I got a gun or anything... I can always hide things between the books...
Library worker girl: Like your gun?
Kent State University Library
Kent, Ohio
Categories: Books | Bosses | Colleges & Universities | Compliments | Coworkers | Fashion | Ohio | Questions | Violence | Posted 2009-11-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Especially When You're Black.
Manager: Pants off is the new black.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: fool
Categories: Bosses | Clothes | Clothing | Overheard in PDX | Race | Posted 2009-10-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Can I Direct You to the Braille Section, Sir?
Library patron: I'm a molecular biologist. I don't care about things I can see with my eyes.
UC Berkeley
Berkeley, California
Overheard by: MaggieB
Categories: Bosses | California | Colleges & Universities | Science | Stupidity | Posted 2009-10-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is That What This Is?
Male patron, hitting on girl at bar: Not gonna lie, when I get drunk, I get charming.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: friends of both
Categories: Bosses | Bragging | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Lies | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2009-09-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Was in the Boy Scouts.
Mover and shaker: I went to a military academy, I know about anal sex. I went to a military academy.
Austin, Texas
Dear O.J. ...
Businessman: I know! Because what was I supposed to kill him with---my driver? Can you even use a golf club for that sort of thing?
Arlington, Virginia
So I Bought This Tape Recorder
Indian entrepreneur: I am tired of listening to people talking. I want to listen to me talking.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: rich
Categories: Bosses | Bringing it back to you | Gripes | Overheard in PDX | Wishes | Posted 2009-09-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Cuckoo As a Table-Saw Today.
Director of the office of judicial affairs: It was a blizzard. It was snowing so much, it was snowing like a pig. (pause) I have no idea why I just said that.
Orientation
University, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Emurii
Categories: Animals | Bosses | Compare and contrast | Massachusetts | Weather | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Don't Tell Me to Burn Things! I Swear!
Customer: Hi, I'd like to return these pants.
Store manager: Can I ask why?
Customer: The pants talk.
Store manager: (...)
Customer, frantically: I mean, they pop! They pop!
Burnsville, Minnesota
Overheard by: I had to return a pair of talking pants once too
Why, Are Crocs Back?
Patron #1: How are you tonight?
Patron #2: Well, I'm currently disappointed in humanity.
Bar
Columbus, Indiana
Overheard by: Projection1234
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Bosses | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Guys | Indiana | Questions | Posted 2009-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Little Candy Chlamydia
Woman with two toddlers, ordering cake: I need a P-E-N-I-S cake...
Manager, walking in, gleefully oblivious: Ohhh, a penis cake! We can put fake hair on it. Last time, we had fake semen shooting out...
Huntington, California
Debbie Does Dallas, Eh?
Bar manager: So, did you watch that film I gave you?
Bouncer: Yeah, man -- I couldn't get past the opening credits without a box of tissues.
Bar
Westchester, New York
Overheard by: Tom
Cowering in Surrender?
Newbie: How do I know when the French toast is done?
Supervisor: When it looks like French toast.
Oceanview Terrace dining hall, UCSD
San Diego, California
Categories: Bosses | California | Colleges & Universities | Employees | Food | Questions | Time Management | Posted 2007-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
