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Think They'll Let Us Go Back and Look for Your Ass, or What?

Black lady #1, after riding Superman: Did you sit on them tree sides?
Black lady #2: No, I didn't.
Black lady #1: You should've! You could see them motherfuckin' trees! And I was like "what the fuck!" I mean, I was cussing my ass off!
Black lady #2: So that was you?

St. Louis, Missouri

Overheard by: Emma


Categories: Black people | Body parts | Gripes | Missouri | Sensory experiences | Posted 2011-08-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Original Screenplay for Waiting to Exhale Left Something to Be Desired

Gay white male, exiting train: I can only go ten stops without smoking a cigarette, otherwise I get angry!
Old black female, entering train: Damn, mo' sugar in here than a tank of Kool-Aid.

Orange Line
Boston, Massachusetts


Overheard by: Cryptic C62

Just Call Me Tweedle Diva

Fat black chick: Yo, real women got curves, nigga.
Black queer: Yeah, bitch, curves. You only got one big curve! (traces circle in air)

Bus
Tallahassee, Florida


Overheard by: Dropper of Eaves


Categories: Black people | Body parts | Bragging | Comebacks | Florida | Gays | Posted 2011-06-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Cunt Remember a Thing

Pretty black girlfriend with super long hair: I have no vaginal memory.

Cornell University
Ithaca, New York


Categories: Black people | Girls | Memory lane | New York | Vagina | Weirdness | Posted 2011-06-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Queen Latifah Never Looked Back

Black girl in workout clothes: So I googled it.
Overweight friend: Googled what?
Black girl in workout clothes: The human skeleton is 20% of your body weight.
Overweight friend: So what?
Black girl in workout clothes: Sooo... Without that, I only weigh like a hundred pounds or something.
Overweight friend: (confused look)
Black girl in workout clothes: I'm just saying I'm not fat anymore.

Michigan

Overheard by: It's that simple?


Categories: Beauty | Black people | Fat people | Girls | Michigan | Stupidity | Weirdness | Posted 2011-03-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

First Time in Massachusetts, Sweetie?

Black girl, after seeing renaissance a cappella group rehearsing: White people be doing the most ridiculous things! No offense...

Williams College
Williamstown, Massachusetts


Overheard by: None taken


Categories: Black people | Girls | Massachusetts | Music | Race | Weirdness | Posted 2011-03-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Crime Really Doesn't Pay

Black guy on side of street to car passing slowly in traffic: Yo, I see you, don' need to roll ya window up, it's just a Honda, only get three stacks for it at the chop shop. (to friends) Shit, I get in the car and have you drive to the ATM machine, pop ya in the face, get ya pin number, withdraw $500. Receipt comes out 'insufficient funds'. Now I got to kill you.

Miami, Florida


Categories: Black people | Etiquette | Florida | Insults | Threats | Violence | Posted 2011-01-31 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Female Blacknerds Can Afford to Be Picky in Choosing a Mate

Hot, black female nerd on phone: No, I don't need you to explain to me why Batman can't be Asian. That's a conversation we only need to have once.

Connecticut

Overheard by: Bruce Lee Wayne

What Do You Mean You're Bringing Potato Salad Instead?

African-American man on phone: Well, now, you just bring your hair... and you be on your way.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: serial forgetter of hair

And Don't Even Get Me Started on Mullets.

Loud black guy at pharmacy counter to friend: You know why they got that, right? (points to sign about restrictions on liquid cough medicine sales) Cos people are using them to make methamphetamine. Mm-hmm, if you mix that up you can make methamphetamine. (looks around, whispers to friend, they laugh) You don't see any brothers doing that shit, that's all I'm saying.

CVS
New Rochelle, New York


Categories: Black people | Customers | Drugs | Health & Hygiene | New York | Shopping | Posted 2010-11-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Said I Hated Black People Enough for Both Of Us

Black guy to white girl: I hate black people!
White girl: You hate yourself?
Black guy: No. I just hate black people. They're always late. And they tell me to wear my pants down. I made friends with a white supremacist.
White girl: But they hate you!
Black guy: He liked me...

Norman, Oklahoma


Categories: Black people | Clothing | Gripes | Oklahoma | Race | Stupidity | Whiteys | Posted 2010-09-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...That's Sick!

Tiny black girl: And then I had to have Buckley's, and you know what? It tastes exactly like jizz.
Asian girl, perplexed: You've had Buckley's?

Pub
Toronto
Canadia

...When He Learns to Make a Decent Sandwich.

Black girl #1: He made me a BLT with avocado.
Black girl #2: And then he passed out?
Black girl #1: No. First, I told him to bang me like a screen door in a hurricane, then he passed out.
Black girl #2: You're always stressing out that skinny white boy.
Black girl #1: Haha, yeah. I should marry him.

Bridgeport, Connecticut

You're Too Kind, Madame

Little girl, in Arabic, as she sits in the train: Smells like cotton candy!
Mother, in French: Yeah, you're right, it smells like cotton candy. (to grandmother) Don't you think it smells like cotton candy?
Young black woman, sitting in the next row, smiling: It's me. It's my perfume.
Mother: Really?! What is it?
Young black woman: Vanilla and cotton candy.
Mother: Really? My girl told me it smells like the amusement park. At first I thought it was the cleaning product they used to wash the train floor. (pause) It smells really good.

C Train
Paris
France


Overheard by: BBM Tm

What Are You Doing in Community College?

Black guy: Hey! What country you from?
Asian girl: Um... America?
Black guy: You look Chinese.
Asian girl: I am?

Community College
Godfrey, Illinois


Overheard by: M


Categories: Asians | Black people | Colleges & Universities | Illinois | Questions | Race | Posted 2010-06-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

So Let a Toothless Smile Be Your Umbrella

20-something Puerto Rican female passenger: God, I hate this weather!
Young black passenger: Man, I love this weather! The rain is good.
20-something Puerto Rican female passenger: I want sunshine!
Young black passenger: No, man, the rain is great... It's perfect meth weather.

Bus
Seattle, Washington


Overheard by: Mia Coleman


Categories: Black people | Bus | Drugs | Feelings | Gripes | Latinas | Washington | Weather | Wishes | Posted 2010-06-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And When Did "Baby Got Back" Become a Wedding Song?

Black 20-something guy to friend: Sir Mix-a-Lot killed more black people in the 90s than heart disease and Aids combined.

Phoenix, Arizona

Overheard by: I know his pain


Categories: Arizona | Black people | Compare and contrast | Friends | Maladies | Murder | Race | Posted 2010-05-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Plus I Feel a Little Gay Riding a Log

Intimidating black man on log flume: This ain't no romantic cruise!

Busch Gardens, Florida


Categories: Black people | Comebacks | Feelings | Florida | Thugs | Posted 2010-05-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

They're Like the IPhones Of People!

Tall black girl with fauxhawk: I don't know why everyone doesn't have an Asian fetish! They're pocket sized and stunning!

New Haven, Connecticut


Categories: Beauty | Black people | Connecticut | Fashion | Hair | Posted 2010-05-09 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

They Need To-- Ever Seen a White Baby?

Asian kid: We don't do a lot of jumping around.
Black kid: Except in the wars, when Chuck Norris has lots of babies.
Asian kid: And white people are marrying everyone.

Babson College
Wellesley, Massachusetts


Overheard by: Bruce

And, in That Moment, I Fell a Little Bit More in Love with Him

Big black lady on cell, while eating: No, girl, you don't even know! He actually said, "do you have a beer in your pocket? Cuz I'd really like to get in yo' pants!"

Irving, Texas

Overheard by: cherryindallas


Categories: Black people | Etiquette | Fat people | On the phone | Questions | Sex | Texas | Posted 2010-03-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Weirdest Episode Of Sesame Street *Ever*

30-something black man on cell: I don't know if I'll finish in time, but I think I can still make it work.
20-something black guy walking past: It's "ain't". As in "I ain't gonna get this shit done, so fuck all y'all!" Damn! You talkin' like a fool, brotha. (shakes head)

Savannah, Georgia


Categories: Black people | Education | Georgia | On the phone | Race | Words | Posted 2010-03-19 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

When Deejays Moonlight

Big black woman acting as bathroom attendant: Welcome, beautiful ladies, to the best urination station in the nation! A big pee at the Big E! Stall 5 is open! Okay, we've got a full house, so I wanna hear some flushin'! Ma'am, go to numba 2, let it flow through! Pee as comfortably as you can, cause we all know this place was built by a man! The stalls are too small, haha!

Bathroom, Big E Fairgrounds
Springfield, Massachusetts


Categories: Black people | Gender issues | Massachusetts | Pee | Restroom | Posted 2010-03-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Which, Ironically, Would Be a Good Title for a Country Song

Black girl to white friends: Black people want to be country, but we don't want to listen to the music.

Harvard Yard
Cambridge, Massachusetts


Overheard by: meems


Categories: Black people | Colleges & Universities | Massachusetts | Music | Race | Posted 2010-03-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Bed, Bath and Beyoobies Stives to Be Inclusive

Crazy black guy, very loudly to himself: That's the factory where they make gay people, but I don't care, because that's also where they make boobies!

Charlottesville, Virginia

Overheard by: tom


Categories: Black people | Compare and contrast | Rack | Sexuality | Virginia | Posted 2010-02-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And You Do, Ashley?

Black clerk: You have no idea what it's like to be a black man and be coughed on.

Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com

Overheard by: lesly


Categories: Black people | Feelings | Overheard Lines | Weirdness | Posted 2010-02-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Then He Was Like, "This Is a Job Interview, Tanya."

Black teen girl to friend: He was like "you're so high you don't even know what to do!" and I was like "nigga, this ain't the first time I smoked!"

Columbus, Ohio

Overheard by: Hancock


Categories: Black people | Comebacks | Drugs | Friends | Girls | Ohio | Teens | Posted 2010-01-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I'm Still Not Having Your Baby, Curtis

Large black male student to tiny white female student: Stretch marks are awesome! They make you look like a tiger! (makes tiger claw gesture) Raaar!

High School
Lincoln Park, Michigan


Overheard by: The teacher

Which Is Sort Of Like Reparations...

Black woman, chuckling gleefully at bad financial news on tv: Oh, some white folks gon' kill themselves now!

Medical Office Waiting Room
Chesapeake, Virginia


Overheard by: Ashleigh


Categories: Black people | Death & dying | Doctor's office | Race | TV shows | Virginia | Women | Posted 2009-11-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Who's Black and White and Back from the Dead All Over?

Black girl, holding up picture she drew of black Jesus: My hero is Jesus Christ.
White kid: Jesus isn't black.
Black girl: Yes, he is!
White kid: No, he's white!
Uncomfortable teacher: Now, now, let's just say Jesus is all colors!

Art Class, Middle School
Maryland

My Train Is Like the Hotel California, Beeyotch.

Black woman #1: I hate when people wait to the last minute to try and get off at a stop.
Black woman #2: Mmm-hmm.
Black woman #1: I don't let them past if they try to do that shit.
Black woman #2: What you do?
Black woman #1: I'll push their mothafuckin' ass back on the train!

Subway
New York City


Categories: Ass | Black people | Gripes | Insults | New York | Public Transportation | Train | Violence | Women | Posted 2009-08-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And Maybe a Blowjob or Two

Black teen employee to teen girl employee: Some of these people, they want to get to know you and make a connection, and I'm like, "man, I don't want to be your friend, I just want to give you a towel."

Marino Center
Boston, Massachusetts


Categories: Black people | Coworkers | Jobs & Careers | Massachusetts | Teens | Wishes | Posted 2009-08-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Gotta Love the New Razr Phone

Freshman girl, gesturing: I bet it's thiiiis tiny!
Big black freshman, barreling up stairs: No! I'll show you!

High School
Skillman, New Jersey


Overheard by: 3 guesses at what they're talking about.

Eventually I Quit My Job and Began Living Off the Settlements

Black man jaywalking into oncoming traffic: I always loved playing in traffic. Ever since I was little. There's something wrong with me, man!

Scranton, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: reluctant scrantonian


Categories: Age and ageing | Black people | Pennsylvania | Stupidity | Posted 2009-07-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Is That Like Asking a Black Guy to Tap Dance? Discuss.

Muscular black man: I'm like, "if you're going to be gay around me, you have to at least be funny."

St. Thomas
Virgin Islands


Categories: Advice | Black people | Central America | Gym rats | Sexuality | Posted 2009-07-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Israelis Will Even Give You an Argument About That

Drunk black gangster guy, on Tel Aviv centennial celebration: I am Moses! I am Moses!
(traffic light changes, he throws arms up in air) Israelis, you may now walk!

Tel Aviv
Israel


Overheard by: E-lad


Categories: Black people | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Israel | Religion | Stupidity | Thugs | Posted 2009-07-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

...So No Standards Apply to You

Black professor to black student: So I hold you to a different standard than the white students. (to white student) Except for you. Because you're from Michigan.

www.overheardatyale.com

Overheard by: Overheard at Yale

Just the Check Then?

Waitress: Do you all need anything else?
Black guy: Do ya'll have some salvation back there in the kitchen?
Black girl: Are you for real? You makin' me laugh so much I'm gonna need a bucket, ya'll got a bucket back there too?

Perkins
Indianapolis, Indiana


Overheard by: Deanna Gustav

Every Now and Then, My Inner Cracker Pops Up and Says Stupid Shit

Black girl in car: God, I wish I was black so I could say things like that.
White girl in car: But wait...you are black.
Black girl in car: I can't believe I just said that!

Detroit, Michigan


Categories: Black people | Default | Girls | Guys | Michigan | Race | Religion | Weather | Whiteys | Wishes | Posted 2009-06-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And That Won't Give Her a Yeast Infection?

30-something black man on cell: Yeah. Put ketchup on it, it tastes like spaghetti!

All Star Cafe
Berkeley, California

You Realize That Means "Highly Pleasant to the Taste or Smell"?

Black girl #1: Girl, it is freezing outside.
Black girl #2: Girl, I know, right?
Black girl #1: Nigga, you know what? I don't have any blood, and since I don't have blood I turn blue all over. All the blood I do have is in my ass, because it is so luscious.
Black girl #2: Oh, nigga, I know that is right!

University of North Carolina at Greensboro

If You're Gonna Fantasize, Go Big or Stay Home

Hot black chick: I don't know why you're so surprised... It's the same way I'd nail Lucy Liu and alt-world Neil Patrick Harris.
Nerdy friend: Alt-world Neil Patrick Harris?
Hot black chick: You know, where he's straight and really into black chicks.
Nerdy friend: Baffling.

New Haven, Connecticut

Especially If I'm Saying, "Faster...Harder...God...Ohhh"

Black guy to friends: I swear, every time I start talking to a girl she gets pregnant. (pause) Fo' real.

Bowling Green, Kentucky

Overheard by: You must have been doing more than talking


Categories: Black people | Default | Guys | Kentucky | Pregnancy | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2009-05-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Softly with Your Song, or What?

Black woman in the ER on cell: You killed him? What do you mean you "killed him"?

Chestnut Hill Hospital
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

He's Singlehandedly Filling the Void Left by Newlyweds

Teacher: If you could be any vegetable, what would you be?
Random black student: I'd be a strawberry.

University of Florida

Overheard by: amused greatly

The Back Of the Shelves?

Black student: Where's the ethnic section?
White librarian: The what?
Black student: The ethnic section...you know, where all the books by black people are.
White librarian: We don't have an ethnic section, dear. You'll have to browse the shelves.

Longview College, Missouri

Overheard by: Sarah

By Show Of Hands, Who'd Give Him the Money Without Hesitation?

Flamboyant black man to woman waiting at crosswalk: Oh, thank god for a sister! I need some money for the bus and I just know you'll help me out, little white barbie sister!

Saint Louis, Missouri

Overheard by: Margie


Categories: Black people | Default | Family ties | Guys | Missouri | Money | Public Transportation | Queers | Posted 2009-03-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But I'll Totally Buy the Kid Tap Shoes

Slightly effeminate black man on cell: Uh-uh, child. If you're pregnant, that ain't my child. You got to talk to my brother.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: Ian

Like People in Kansas Don't Drink Wine

Ghetto black chick: People in Europe don't eat nachos.

Kansas City, Missouri

Overheard by: D-One


Categories: Black people | Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Geography | Girls | Missouri | Posted 2008-12-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

What's More Fun Than a Game Of Hungry, Hungry Hostage?

Black girl #1: Did you hear her? She said she was hungry as a hostage! I mean, how hungry is a hostage?
Black girl #2: Well...probably a lot...
Black girl #1: Yeah, but sometimes they feed yo' ass!

Northern Virginia

Overheard by: nosy roommate


Categories: Black people | Compare and contrast | Crimes | Default | Food | Girls | Questions | Virginia | Posted 2008-12-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

White People: "We're Not Touching This One."

Fat black woman to son running away: Don't make me go African American on your ass, now get back here!

Shafer Dining
Richmond, Virginia


Overheard by: Lacy

Might Even Trump the Popularity of Pregnant or Fat?

Black guy: You keep hearing about how racist Britain's getting, it's pretty scary.
White girlfriend: Oh, totally. I think that before anyone in that country over 40 is allowed to make a public statement they should take a test that's like "is this quaint, or just racist?" and if they fail they shouldn't be allowed to say anything.
Black guy: That would be an awesome game show.

Calgary
Alberta
Canadia


Categories: Black people | Canadia | Couples | Default | Games | Geography | Girls | Guys | Questions | Race | TV shows | Whiteys | Posted 2008-11-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I've Already Gotten You to Cave on Drugs and Rock N' Roll

Older black man: You love sex! You do! Just admit it!
Young black guy: I won't admit it!
Older black guy: Yes you will! Yes you will!

Fremont Street
Las Vegas, Nevada


Categories: Black people | Default | Feelings | Guys | Nevada | Offers and requests | Old folks | Sex | Posted 2008-11-21 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

As Well As a Yumminess Thing

Black girl on one side: We look like an Oreo!
White girl in middle (jokingly): Oh, is that a race thing?
Black girl on the other side: Yes.

Outside Harvard Medical School
Cambridge, Massachusetts

Not As Fun As Quiet Contemplation Of Our Lord's Bounty, But Close

Middle-aged African American bus driver: So what if she is? I wear heels and I'm 5′8". I wear them to church.
Prim-looking Caucasian female passenger: Oh, but at least at church you're sitting down.
Middle-aged African American bus driver: Oh no, honey. I'm up singing and dancing. I go to a black church. We get our praise on.
Prim-looking Caucasian female passenger (after uncomfortable pause): That sounds fun.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: yes it does

Really Brought Down Property Values

Large black woman: They were the finest people on the block, but man, were their kids ugly!

Kohl's
Cherry Hill, New Jersey


Overheard by: Jyoshiki


Categories: Beauty | Black people | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Kids | New Jersey | Women | Posted 2008-10-18 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Grand Theft Auto: Apocalypse May Have Gone Too Far

Teenage ghetto boy: That'd be great, man, if everyone died ... They'd be gone, and we could take all their cars!

Bus
Seattle, Washington


Overheard by: Claire


Categories: Black people | Bus | Crimes | Death & dying | Default | Guys | Teens | Violence | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Oh, That's It-- I'm Blocking BET!

Four-year old black boy, as security car passes: Run, mommy, run! The cops are coming!

Outside of Wal-Mart
Cortlandt, New York


Categories: Advice | Black people | Crimes | Default | Fears | Kids | Kids | Malls | New York | Posted 2008-09-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And How You Spent Your Summer Vacation

Black girl on cell: So, uh? So then, you explain what a cracker is to you...

Tacoma Mall, Washington

Overheard by: Troy


Categories: Black people | Default | Girls | Malls | On the phone | Race | Washington | Words | Posted 2008-09-21 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Your First Mistake Was Trying to Talk to Him

Black girl to girlfriend: He's young, like 24, 25. And get this: I was like, "So, what else do you do?" and he goes "I make beats." I said, "Of course you do."

Subway
New York City, New York


Overheard by: EL


Categories: Age and ageing | Black people | Default | Friends | Girls | New York | Questions | Sexuality | Train | Posted 2008-09-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

A Woman Never Knows When Her Uterus Will Get Gentrified

Black woman to child: You just mama's little white boy, aren't you? Yes you are!
Passing Hispanic woman: Is he really white?

Wal-Mart Parking Lot
Austin, Texas


Overheard by: Walk By Faster


Categories: Black people | Compare and contrast | Default | Latinos | Malls | Questions | Race | Texas | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-09-04 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

That's the Last Time I'll Call the Psychic Friends Network

Ghetto girl on cell: I don't care what the fuck they said... They don't know shit 'bout my coochie!

McArthur Center
Norfolk, Virginia


Overheard by: wes


Categories: Black people | Default | Girls | Gripes | On the phone | Vagina | Virginia | Women | Posted 2008-07-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And Who You Callin' a Dias?

Old man with mullet to brown child in stroller: Buenos dias, niñito.
Woman pushing stroller: We're black. He knows English.

Gallivan Center Trax Station
Salt Lake City, Utah


Categories: Black people | Default | Guys | Kids | Language barrier | Moms | Old folks | Race | Train | Utah | Women | Words | Posted 2008-06-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Mark Penn Offered Us $2 Million for This Quote

Black girl to another black girl wearing Obama t-shirt: Girl, what is that on your shirt? Mmmm, Obama is looking all fine up on your chest.

UNC
Greensboro, North Carolina

We're More Of a Honky Hut Family

Black student to white teacher: So we're going to Sarasota to visit a college up there. Do you know the easiest way to get there?
White teacher: Sure! You can take I-75 straight up, and if you want to stop for something to eat, there's Cracker Barrel all over the place.
Black student: Cracker Barrel? Umm, no, I don't think so...

Design and Architecture High School
Miami, Florida

Not the Demographic to Fear in Colorado

Girl #1: Why does Denzel Washington with a gun freak me out?
Girl #2: Because he's black.

Movie Theater
Colorado


Categories: Black people | Colorado | Fears | Girls | Questions | Race | Threats | Whiteys | Posted 2008-05-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And in a Jar in the Office Fridge

Large black dude on cell: What?!... Okay... His sperm is alive and well and kicking.

BART
San Francisco, California


Overheard by: Nate


Categories: Black people | Cum | Guys | On the phone | Train | Words | Posted 2008-05-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But I Think We All Know What Happened with Monica and That Cigar

African professor: It is up to you to decide whether he was accurately and eloquently speaking BS.

Kalamazoo, Mississippi

Stop Being White in Popeye's!

Black girl #1: Okay, I know what I'm getting. Do you know what you're getting?
White girl: I've never been here before. Let me look for a while. [Pauses, then yells.] Wait a minute! Popeye's a sailor; Why does he sell chicken?
Black girl #2: Oh my god, shut up now or no more vodka for you for the rest of the night!
White girl: Okay. [Giggles.] I'm sorry.
[Black girls start talking to each other.]
White girl, yelling
: Why are there no white people in here?!

Black girl #1: Aww fuck, take her outside to the car. This is her first and last time ever coming here!

Popeye's
Trenton, New Jersey

All I Asked Was, "Does That Come with Fries?"

Light-skinned black woman: I'm just saying, I'd have been in the home and not in the fields.

Taco Mac
Atlanta, Georgia


Categories: Black people | Georgia | History | Jobs & Careers | Race | Restaurants | Women | Posted 2008-05-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Suck His Toes and You'll Be High for Days

Large black woman on cell: Girl! I'm tellin' you, I don't know where I gots them warts on my feets. But they nasty! I don't want to give them to nobody else, so I brought me some lil' socks, you know... Them cushy foots? Not like Earl, who goes barefoot all over the city with them mushroom funguses on his toes. His toenails be like baby powder! They all crumbly and shit.

Detroit Metro Airport
Detroit, Michigan


Overheard by: Trying not to barf (and glad I wore socks)

Isn't That the Title of an Inspirational Children's Book?

Little boy to his mother: Why is everybody white and I'm brown?

Harvard Square
Cambridge, Massachusetts


Categories: Black people | Compare and contrast | Kids | Kids | Massachusetts | Questions | Race | Posted 2008-04-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Then Turn Them into a Headband for Church

Ghetto woman #1: Oooh, I like them shorts.
Ghetto woman #2: I know, girl. My buttcheeks hang all out in them. I'm going to wear them to the club and find me a good man.

Wet Seal
Bradenton, Florida


Overheard by: Rae Crider


Categories: Black people | Bragging | Clothing | Compliments | Default | Florida | Women | Posted 2008-04-02 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Mean, I Am, but That's Neither Here Nor There

Black lady on cell: I said, 'Yeah, I'm black, but dat don' mean I be makin' counterfeit money!'

Food Lion
Sanford, North Carolina


Overheard by: Elizabeth


Categories: Black people | Crimes | Default | North Carolina | On the phone | Race | Women | Posted 2008-04-01 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

A+

Black student, casually: Wait, let me get this straight: he was going to participate, but he was late, so he decided to hate, and that's what started this debate?
Teacher, baffled: Did you just rap that at me?

Columbia College Fiction Department
Chicago, Illinois


Overheard by: flunk_punk

Alphonse Was Sick That Day in Health Class

Middle-aged black man #1: She has a pretty face.
Middle-aged black man #2: I can't fuck a face!

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Tad Allagash


Categories: Black people | Comebacks | Compliments | Default | Gripes | Guys | Illinois | Posted 2008-03-31 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Just When Race Relations Were Improving in Boston

White tourist: I'm really sorry -- I don't have any change. If I did, I'd give you some, but I don't, so... sorry. Good luck with everything...
Black dude: Cracka, I'm ain't homeless!

Hynes Convention Center subway stop
Boston, Massachusetts

At Least Now Jimmy Hoffa Can Have a Decent Burial

Black woman on cell: I'm telling ya, they took everything out of my breasts. Every fucking thing's gone.

Outside Fogg Art Museum
Cambridge, Massachusetts


Overheard by: Don't want to know what.


Categories: Black people | Default | Health & Hygiene | Massachusetts | On the phone | Rack | Women | Posted 2008-03-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Twenty-Year-Old White Guys: That Hurts. Let's Have Sex!

30-something black woman #1: The eye is superficial.
30-something black woman #2: Yeah, like 20-year-old white guys.

Community College
Columbus, Ohio


Overheard by: Madison


Categories: Black people | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Default | Ohio | Race | Women | Posted 2008-03-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And You Wouldn't Believe Some of the Shit I Saw in the Womb

30-ish black woman, emphatically to self: Damn! Life ain't nothin' like I ever seen before.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania


Categories: Black people | Default | Gripes | Pennsylvania | Philosophy | Women | Posted 2008-02-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Black on Black Crime's Hidden Nuances

Fat black woman on cell: Black women are better than white women, because you can beat the shit out of them and the bruises won't be visible!

BART train
Berkeley, California


Overheard by: Gilatron


Categories: Black people | California | Compare and contrast | Default | Fat people | Race | Violence | Women | Posted 2008-02-23 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

How Prince Charming Ended Up with a Glass Slipper Up His Ass

Ghetto chick: It's 10 minutes to midnight -- I'm 'bout to turn into a bitch.

Magic Stick
Detroit, Michigan


Overheard by: Swells


Categories: Black people | Michigan | Threats | Posted 2008-02-16 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Best Pennsylvania Has to Offer

Thugette #1: Girl, you slept wif him?!
Thugette #2: I know -- he ugly and got crabs, but I made him buy me drugs first.
Thugette #1: True dat.

Campus shuttle, Millersville University
Millersville, Pennsylvania


Overheard by: Steveo


Categories: Black people | Chicks | Drugs | Health & Hygiene | Pennsylvania | Posted 2008-02-15 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Mean, Just Look at Those Raggedy-Ass Sneakers

Black kindergartener to white teacher: You know, before you were my teacher, I didn't know white people could be poor.

Atlanta, Georgia


Categories: Black people | Georgia | Kids | Money | Posted 2008-02-07 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Sweetie, All Men Are Transparent

Hobo: Damn, shorty, you lookin' good!
Black girl, groping white boy passerby: I don't like the dark chocolate -- I need a boy I can see my reflection in!

Washington, DC

Overheard by: D.B.


Categories: Black people | Hobos | Race | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-01-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Young Black Guys Need Viagra?

Young black dude to white dude: ... And don't ever use Viagra unless you really need it. My balls were itching like crazy.

Modesto, California

Overheard by: Donster


Categories: Advice | Black people | California | Posted 2008-01-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Auto-Abortion Function Would Be Optional

Loud black lady in long line: Girl, I know how you feel! Every time I try to buy a pregnancy test, there gotta be a big ordeal! The line too long, or there someone you know.
Girl with pregnancy test, embarrassed and chuckling: Yeah...
Loud black lady: I wish I could just go in my toilet, then push a button and have my toilet say, 'Uh-huh, you pregnant today!'

Van Wert, Ohio

Overheard by: Woah, that's not a bad idea...


Categories: Black people | Ohio | Pregnancy | Posted 2008-01-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

He's Talking about Date Rape

Ghetto girl: Yo, I can't wait to get back to my dorm and just take a nap.
Ghetto guy: Heh... Well, you know, just don't let that nap turn into, you know, some sleep... Y'know what I mean?
Ghetto girl: Yeah, I know what you mean.

Rutgers University
New Brunswick, New Jersey


Categories: Advice | Black people | New Jersey | Posted 2008-01-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But the Apple Pocket Desserts Have a Great Personality

Old black guy #1: We can eat here. It's not too busy.
Old black guy #2: Damn! There sure ain't no cutie pies in that motherfucker!

McDonald's
New York


Categories: Black people | Gripes | New York | Posted 2008-01-13 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Attention: Your Street Cred Has Been Revoked

Dude: Yeah, you know how it be. I'll check ya later. Yo, this is Tylenol, I'm out!

Shout-out: ohinmpls.blogspot.com

Overheard by: gee and drew


Categories: Black people | Names | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2007-12-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And It's Scalding -- That Can't Be a Good Sign

Big black lady spilling drink on herself: Oops, I done baptized myself.

Atlanta, Georgia


Categories: Black people | Cleanliness | Georgia | Posted 2007-12-21 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Hey, That Was Just a Freak Picnicking Accident

Black chick: I'm sorry -- I don't have relations with inanimate objects!
Black guy: A rock is not inanimate...

Florida State University
Tallahassee, Florida


Overheard by: Iniego Strangelove


Categories: Black people | Florida | Kink | Posted 2007-12-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

We All Do Our Part, Marcia

Black lady on cell: I mean, I'm out here stealing, too! I got a habit to support, too!

33 bus
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania


Categories: Black people | Jobs & Careers | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-12-17 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

It's Fun to Express Yourself without Risk of Being Understood

Black student #1, to teacher: Ayo, man! Naw, naw [babbles on, but no one can understand].
Teacher: ... What?
Black student #2: Man, I'm black and I didn't even understand that!

Manassas, Virginia


Categories: Black people | Language barrier | Students | Virginia | Posted 2007-12-11 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Last Time We Rented a Movie, I Almost Went Blind

Young black woman #1: What's We Own the Night about?
Young black woman #2: One guy's a cop, and his brother is a gangster or something.
Young black woman #1: Does it have black people in it or white people?
Young black woman #2: White people.
Young black woman #1: Let's see something else.

Columbus, Ohio

Overheard by: Jason Bourne


Categories: Black people | Ohio | Race | Posted 2007-12-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

There Are Black People in Wisconsin?

Black party hostess: So, are there any black people in Nevada?
Drunk white hippie girl from Nevada: No! But we might as well be black, because we're so uneducated and everything, you know? [Room, full of black professionals, explodes with laughter.]
Black suit: I need a very dry martini right now.

Gregory Street
Madison, Wisconsin


Categories: Black people | Race | Whiteys | Wisconsin | Posted 2007-11-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

A Line Uttered by Thousands of Theater-Goers in the '80s and '90s

Big black lady in checkout lane: This place is a hell of a lot better than Wal-Mart.
Companion: Tell me about it.
Big black lady: Last time I was in there, my blood pressure was, like, eight hundred over five hundred.
Companion: Mmm-hm.
Big black lady: I was seeing stars. Pretty colors, though. Man, I should not have seen cats.

Target, Woodruff Road
Greenville, South Carolina


Overheard by: amused cashier


Categories: Black people | Gripes | South Carolina | Posted 2007-10-08 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

They Prefer to Be Called Elephant-Americans

Black guy on cell: Man, I just stepped outside and saw, like, ten elephants walking down the street!

Phoenix, Arizona

Overheard by: John Edward Hills


Categories: Animals | Arizona | Black people | Posted 2007-10-05 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Why Do You Think He Engraved It on This Locket?

Ghetto chick #1: If I was Kobe's wife, I woulda left that nigga's ass.
Ghetto chick #2: Kobe... He fine -- I would hit that shit.
Ghetto chick #3: Oooh, girl, do you daddy know you nasty?!

In-N-Out Burger
Carson, California


Overheard by: Kristina & Friends


Categories: Black people | California | Gossip | Posted 2007-10-04 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Spelled "Shove On"

Blonde: Ohhh my god! How adorable is he! [Her two friends agree, cooing.]
Baby daddy holding infant: Thank you, girls.
Blonde: Can I hold him?
Baby daddy: Yeah, sure... Here you go.
Blonde: Awww, I love him! What's his name?
Baby daddy: Uhhh... Shit, I know this... Shavon? Shavawn?
Blonde: You don't even know your son's name?!
Baby daddy: Shoot, I did earlier. Shavon! Yeah... That's it. Damn, and I helped name this one, too.

Temple University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania


Overheard by: hot child in the city


Categories: Bimbettes | Black people | Dads | Names | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-09-14 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

They Outsource to Aunt Flo

Lanky black guy making sandwiches: Man, I don't understand them girls with long nails! How they clean they ass and they uterus?

Subway, University of South Florida
Tampa, Florida


Overheard by: Don't make my sandwich with those


Categories: Black people | Florida | Questions | Posted 2007-08-06 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

That Will Be on the Final

Professor: Okay, this appears to be advertising for a brand of malt liquor. Who here drinks malt liquor?
Only black guy in class: Me!
Professor, laughing: Okay, Martin drinks malt liquor.
Black guy: Brothers drink malt liquor!
Professor, laughing: That's right, brothers drink malt liquor!

Anthropology class, UCLA
Los Angeles, California


Categories: Black people | California | Class | Drinking & drunks | Teachers | Posted 2007-08-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

What Gets Out Blood?

Black lady #1: So I said, 'What are you gonna do, hit me?'
Black lady #2: Mmm-hm.
Black lady #1: Then he really started to trip...
Black lady #2: Mmm.
Black lady #1: That's when I looked him right in the eye and I said, 'One of us is gonna die tonight.'

Joliet Mall
Joliet, Illinois


Categories: Black people | Gossip | Illinois | Posted 2007-06-03 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Or a First Edition of Great Expectations

Young black man: That's the best gift you can give a brother -- a fine Latina with B cups.

Orange Line bus
San Fernando Valley, California


Overheard by: suzy vapid


Categories: Black people | Bus | California | Race | Posted 2007-05-04 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

... Kindly Fellate Me, You Promiscuous Female Dog

Old black lady to friend: He had shit all fuckin' dumped out all over the goddamned place, so I says, 'What the fuck is you doin', Raphael?' And that mothafuckah says-- [she looks around]. Shit, I forgot they's white people up in here! Sorry, folks. So, Raphael had made such a terrible mess, so I asked him what he was doing, and he said...

Circle Centre Mall Concourse
Indianapolis, Indiana


Overheard by: Shatmandu


Categories: Black people | Gossip | Indiana | Race | Posted 2007-04-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

You Know It's a Leather Apron, Right?

Big black guy on cell: Yeah, I wear the apron. But it comes off at night. Then we'll see who hustles!

301 bus to Shoreline
Seattle, Washington


Categories: Black people | Jobs & Careers | On the phone | Washington | Posted 2007-03-22 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

We Replaced Frank's Regular Fellatrix with a Thumb-Sucker. Let's Watch What Happens

Black woman #1: Did you suck your thumb growin' up?
Black woman #2: No, I don't think so.
Black woman #1: I did. Thumb suckers give the best blowjobs, you know.
Black man: Really?
Black woman #1 : Yeah. Once I was at a party with a friend, and we hooked up with a guy. Well... we went off together and had a test, if... you know what I mean... and he said I was the best -- way better than my friend.
Black man: I'd like to try that test.

Mkt Frankford El subway stop
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com

Overheard by: b&n guy


Categories: BJs | Black people | Overheard in Philly | Posted 2007-03-20 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook