Get the 10 best quotesby e-mail weekly!
Black people All Categories > People > Black people
Recent | Best Of
And Who You Callin' a Dias?
Old man with mullet to brown child in stroller: Buenos dias, niñito.
Woman pushing stroller: We're black. He knows English.
Gallivan Center Trax Station
Salt Lake City, Utah
Mark Penn Offered Us $2 Million for This Quote
Black girl to another black girl wearing Obama t-shirt: Girl, what is that on your shirt? Mmmm, Obama is looking all fine up on your chest.
UNC
Greensboro, North Carolina
Categories: Black people | Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Compliments | Default | Girls | North Carolina | Politics | Posted 2008-06-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're More Of a Honky Hut Family
Black student to white teacher: So we're going to Sarasota to visit a college up there. Do you know the easiest way to get there?
White teacher: Sure! You can take I-75 straight up, and if you want to stop for something to eat, there's Cracker Barrel all over the place.
Black student: Cracker Barrel? Umm, no, I don't think so...
Design and Architecture High School
Miami, Florida
Categories: Advice | Black people | Fears | Florida | Food | Names | Offers and requests | Questions | Race | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | US Geography | Posted 2008-05-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not the Demographic to Fear in Colorado
Girl #1: Why does Denzel Washington with a gun freak me out?
Girl #2: Because he's black.
Movie Theater
Colorado
And in a Jar in the Office Fridge
Large black dude on cell: What?!... Okay... His sperm is alive and well and kicking.
BART
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Nate
Categories: Black people | Cum | Guys | On the phone | Train | Words | Posted 2008-05-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Think We All Know What Happened with Monica and That Cigar
African professor: It is up to you to decide whether he was accurately and eloquently speaking BS.
Kalamazoo, Mississippi
Categories: Advice | Black people | Compare and contrast | Education | Euphemisms | Foreigners | Mississippi | Teachers | Words | Posted 2008-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stop Being White in Popeye's!
Black girl #1: Okay, I know what I'm getting. Do you know what you're getting?
White girl: I've never been here before. Let me look for a while. [Pauses, then yells.] Wait a minute! Popeye's a sailor; Why does he sell chicken?
Black girl #2: Oh my god, shut up now or no more vodka for you for the rest of the night!
White girl: Okay. [Giggles.] I'm sorry.
[Black girls start talking to each other.]
White girl, yelling: Why are there no white people in here?!
Black girl #1: Aww fuck, take her outside to the car. This is her first and last time ever coming here!
Popeye's
Trenton, New Jersey
Categories: Advice | Black people | Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Food | Friends | Girls | New Jersey | Questions | Race | Restaurants | Threats | Wishes | Posted 2008-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All I Asked Was, "Does That Come with Fries?"
Light-skinned black woman: I'm just saying, I'd have been in the home and not in the fields.
Taco Mac
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Black people | Georgia | History | Jobs & Careers | Race | Restaurants | Women | Posted 2008-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Suck His Toes and You'll Be High for Days
Large black woman on cell: Girl! I'm tellin' you, I don't know where I gots them warts on my feets. But they nasty! I don't want to give them to nobody else, so I brought me some lil' socks, you know... Them cushy foots? Not like Earl, who goes barefoot all over the city with them mushroom funguses on his toes. His toenails be like baby powder! They all crumbly and shit.
Detroit Metro Airport
Detroit, Michigan
Overheard by: Trying not to barf (and glad I wore socks)
Categories: Airports & flights | Black people | Body parts | Clothes | Compare and contrast | Etiquette | Health & Hygiene | Hoochies | Maladies | Michigan | On the phone | Threats | Women | Posted 2008-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Isn't That the Title of an Inspirational Children's Book?
Little boy to his mother: Why is everybody white and I'm brown?
Harvard Square
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Categories: Black people | Compare and contrast | Kids | Kids | Massachusetts | Questions | Race | Posted 2008-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then Turn Them into a Headband for Church
Ghetto woman #1: Oooh, I like them shorts.
Ghetto woman #2: I know, girl. My buttcheeks hang all out in them. I'm going to wear them to the club and find me a good man.
Wet Seal
Bradenton, Florida
Overheard by: Rae Crider
Categories: Black people | Bragging | Clothing | Compliments | Default | Florida | Women | Posted 2008-04-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Mean, I Am, but That's Neither Here Nor There
Black lady on cell: I said, 'Yeah, I'm black, but dat don' mean I be makin' counterfeit money!'
Food Lion
Sanford, North Carolina
Overheard by: Elizabeth
Categories: Black people | Crimes | Default | North Carolina | On the phone | Race | Women | Posted 2008-04-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A+
Black student, casually: Wait, let me get this straight: he was going to participate, but he was late, so he decided to hate, and that's what started this debate?
Teacher, baffled: Did you just rap that at me?
Columbia College Fiction Department
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: flunk_punk
Categories: Black people | Colleges & Universities | Default | Illinois | Music | Questions | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-04-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Alphonse Was Sick That Day in Health Class
Middle-aged black man #1: She has a pretty face.
Middle-aged black man #2: I can't fuck a face!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Tad Allagash
Categories: Black people | Comebacks | Compliments | Default | Gripes | Guys | Illinois | Posted 2008-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just When Race Relations Were Improving in Boston
White tourist: I'm really sorry -- I don't have any change. If I did, I'd give you some, but I don't, so... sorry. Good luck with everything...
Black dude: Cracka, I'm ain't homeless!
Hynes Convention Center subway stop
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Black people | Comebacks | Default | Feelings | Massachusetts | Public transportation | Tourists | Whiteys | Posted 2008-03-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least Now Jimmy Hoffa Can Have a Decent Burial
Black woman on cell: I'm telling ya, they took everything out of my breasts. Every fucking thing's gone.
Outside Fogg Art Museum
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Don't want to know what.
Categories: Black people | Default | Health & Hygiene | Massachusetts | On the phone | Rack | Women | Posted 2008-03-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Twenty-Year-Old White Guys: That Hurts. Let's Have Sex!
30-something black woman #1: The eye is superficial.
30-something black woman #2: Yeah, like 20-year-old white guys.
Community College
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Madison
Categories: Black people | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Default | Ohio | Race | Women | Posted 2008-03-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And You Wouldn't Believe Some of the Shit I Saw in the Womb
30-ish black woman, emphatically to self: Damn! Life ain't nothin' like I ever seen before.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Black people | Default | Gripes | Pennsylvania | Philosophy | Women | Posted 2008-02-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Black on Black Crime's Hidden Nuances
Fat black woman on cell: Black women are better than white women, because you can beat the shit out of them and the bruises won't be visible!
BART train
Berkeley, California
Overheard by: Gilatron
Categories: Black people | California | Compare and contrast | Default | Fat people | Race | Violence | Women | Posted 2008-02-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Prince Charming Ended Up with a Glass Slipper Up His Ass
Ghetto chick: It's 10 minutes to midnight -- I'm 'bout to turn into a bitch.
Magic Stick
Detroit, Michigan
Overheard by: Swells
Categories: Black people | Michigan | Threats | Posted 2008-02-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Best Pennsylvania Has to Offer
Thugette #1: Girl, you slept wif him?!
Thugette #2: I know -- he ugly and got crabs, but I made him buy me drugs first.
Thugette #1: True dat.
Campus shuttle, Millersville University
Millersville, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Steveo
Categories: Black people | Chicks | Drugs | Health & Hygiene | Pennsylvania | Posted 2008-02-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Mean, Just Look at Those Raggedy-Ass Sneakers
Black kindergartener to white teacher: You know, before you were my teacher, I didn't know white people could be poor.
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Black people | Georgia | Kids | Money | Posted 2008-02-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sweetie, All Men Are Transparent
Hobo: Damn, shorty, you lookin' good!
Black girl, groping white boy passerby: I don't like the dark chocolate -- I need a boy I can see my reflection in!
Washington, DC
Overheard by: D.B.
Categories: Black people | Hobos | Race | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-01-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Young Black Guys Need Viagra?
Young black dude to white dude: ... And don't ever use Viagra unless you really need it. My balls were itching like crazy.
Modesto, California
Overheard by: Donster
Categories: Advice | Black people | California | Posted 2008-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Auto-Abortion Function Would Be Optional
Loud black lady in long line: Girl, I know how you feel! Every time I try to buy a pregnancy test, there gotta be a big ordeal! The line too long, or there someone you know.
Girl with pregnancy test, embarrassed and chuckling: Yeah...
Loud black lady: I wish I could just go in my toilet, then push a button and have my toilet say, 'Uh-huh, you pregnant today!'
Van Wert, Ohio
Overheard by: Woah, that's not a bad idea...
Categories: Black people | Ohio | Pregnancy | Posted 2008-01-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He's Talking about Date Rape
Ghetto girl: Yo, I can't wait to get back to my dorm and just take a nap.
Ghetto guy: Heh... Well, you know, just don't let that nap turn into, you know, some sleep... Y'know what I mean?
Ghetto girl: Yeah, I know what you mean.
Rutgers University
New Brunswick, New Jersey
Categories: Advice | Black people | New Jersey | Posted 2008-01-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But the Apple Pocket Desserts Have a Great Personality
Old black guy #1: We can eat here. It's not too busy.
Old black guy #2: Damn! There sure ain't no cutie pies in that motherfucker!
McDonald's
New York
Categories: Black people | Gripes | New York | Posted 2008-01-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Attention: Your Street Cred Has Been Revoked
Dude: Yeah, you know how it be. I'll check ya later. Yo, this is Tylenol, I'm out!
Shout-out: ohinmpls.blogspot.com
Overheard by: gee and drew
Categories: Black people | Names | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2007-12-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And It's Scalding -- That Can't Be a Good Sign
Big black lady spilling drink on herself: Oops, I done baptized myself.
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Black people | Cleanliness | Georgia | Posted 2007-12-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hey, That Was Just a Freak Picnicking Accident
Black chick: I'm sorry -- I don't have relations with inanimate objects!
Black guy: A rock is not inanimate...
Florida State University
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: Iniego Strangelove
Categories: Black people | Florida | Kink | Posted 2007-12-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We All Do Our Part, Marcia
Black lady on cell: I mean, I'm out here stealing, too! I got a habit to support, too!
33 bus
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Black people | Jobs & Careers | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-12-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Fun to Express Yourself without Risk of Being Understood
Black student #1, to teacher: Ayo, man! Naw, naw [babbles on, but no one can understand].
Teacher: ... What?
Black student #2: Man, I'm black and I didn't even understand that!
Manassas, Virginia
Categories: Black people | Language barrier | Students | Virginia | Posted 2007-12-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Last Time We Rented a Movie, I Almost Went Blind
Young black woman #1: What's We Own the Night about?
Young black woman #2: One guy's a cop, and his brother is a gangster or something.
Young black woman #1: Does it have black people in it or white people?
Young black woman #2: White people.
Young black woman #1: Let's see something else.
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Jason Bourne
Categories: Black people | Ohio | Race | Posted 2007-12-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
There Are Black People in Wisconsin?
Black party hostess: So, are there any black people in Nevada?
Drunk white hippie girl from Nevada: No! But we might as well be black, because we're so uneducated and everything, you know? [Room, full of black professionals, explodes with laughter.]
Black suit: I need a very dry martini right now.
Gregory Street
Madison, Wisconsin
Categories: Black people | Race | Whiteys | Wisconsin | Posted 2007-11-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Line Uttered by Thousands of Theater-Goers in the '80s and '90s
Big black lady in checkout lane: This place is a hell of a lot better than Wal-Mart.
Companion: Tell me about it.
Big black lady: Last time I was in there, my blood pressure was, like, eight hundred over five hundred.
Companion: Mmm-hm.
Big black lady: I was seeing stars. Pretty colors, though. Man, I should not have seen cats.
Target, Woodruff Road
Greenville, South Carolina
Overheard by: amused cashier
Categories: Black people | Gripes | South Carolina | Posted 2007-10-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Prefer to Be Called Elephant-Americans
Black guy on cell: Man, I just stepped outside and saw, like, ten elephants walking down the street!
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: John Edward Hills
Categories: Animals | Arizona | Black people | Posted 2007-10-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Do You Think He Engraved It on This Locket?
Ghetto chick #1: If I was Kobe's wife, I woulda left that nigga's ass.
Ghetto chick #2: Kobe... He fine -- I would hit that shit.
Ghetto chick #3: Oooh, girl, do you daddy know you nasty?!
In-N-Out Burger
Carson, California
Overheard by: Kristina & Friends
Categories: Black people | California | Gossip | Posted 2007-10-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Spelled "Shove On"
Blonde: Ohhh my god! How adorable is he! [Her two friends agree, cooing.]
Baby daddy holding infant: Thank you, girls.
Blonde: Can I hold him?
Baby daddy: Yeah, sure... Here you go.
Blonde: Awww, I love him! What's his name?
Baby daddy: Uhhh... Shit, I know this... Shavon? Shavawn?
Blonde: You don't even know your son's name?!
Baby daddy: Shoot, I did earlier. Shavon! Yeah... That's it. Damn, and I helped name this one, too.
Temple University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: hot child in the city
Categories: Bimbettes | Black people | Dads | Names | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-09-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Outsource to Aunt Flo
Lanky black guy making sandwiches: Man, I don't understand them girls with long nails! How they clean they ass and they uterus?
Subway, University of South Florida
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Don't make my sandwich with those
Categories: Black people | Florida | Questions | Posted 2007-08-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Will Be on the Final
Professor: Okay, this appears to be advertising for a brand of malt liquor. Who here drinks malt liquor?
Only black guy in class: Me!
Professor, laughing: Okay, Martin drinks malt liquor.
Black guy: Brothers drink malt liquor!
Professor, laughing: That's right, brothers drink malt liquor!
Anthropology class, UCLA
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Black people | California | Class | Drinking & drunks | Teachers | Posted 2007-08-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Gets Out Blood?
Black lady #1: So I said, 'What are you gonna do, hit me?'
Black lady #2: Mmm-hm.
Black lady #1: Then he really started to trip...
Black lady #2: Mmm.
Black lady #1: That's when I looked him right in the eye and I said, 'One of us is gonna die tonight.'
Joliet Mall
Joliet, Illinois