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Yeah, but We're Also in Boston
Girl #1: And yeah... She had these stains on her teeth.
Girl #2: Ew! Why... We're in America.
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Default | Feelings | Friends | Geography | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Insults | Massachusetts | Mouth | Stupidity | Posted 2008-04-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ironically, the Skirt Has a Silver Lining
Girl in uniform: So when I went to pick up my uniform there were no skirts. So my mom was like "My daughter needs bottoms."
Friend: That sucks!
Girl in uniform: Yeah, the skirt I'm wearing now belongs to this girl who was deported to Trinidad.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Myr
If They've Been Naughty, Santa Brings Them Small Penises.
Female college student: Do boys still really have cooties at thirteen?
Male college student: Nope. That's when they get penises.
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Meghan
Categories: Age and ageing | Arizona | Compare and contrast | Default | Friends | Gender issues | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Penis | Sexuality | Students | Yeahhh, college! | Posted 2008-04-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Almost Like She Thinks I'm a Smartass
Guy #1: I think I fucked up my chance with Jen.
Guy #2: Why? what did you do?
Guy #1: Well she's religious, and she sent me a text today that says, "I get real emotional on Good Friday." so I write back, 'I get real emotional on filet-o-fish Fridays.' She hasn't responded since.
Burbank, California
Overheard by: James Jameson
Categories: California | Christianity | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Friends | Guys | Holidays | Posted 2008-04-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gay Men Can't Drink Coffee? That's Crazy.
Crazy homeless lady to well-dressed businessman: Look at you with the coffee, you faggot, you just love dick in your ass!
Starbucks
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: trying to avoid her wrath
Categories: Ass | Backdoor | Bag ladies | Bars & Clubs | Character | Crazies | Default | Etiquette | Insults | Penis | San Francisco | Posted 2008-04-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As My Plaques and Trophies Will Attest
Dude carrying Subway sandwich: My ass? No, I wouldn't expect a girl to be looking at my ass.
Chick carrying Subway sandwich: Oh yeah. Women will look at your ass. But they can't check out the other thing.
Dude: Well, under certain circumstances . . .
Chick: No, there's nothing equivalent. There's no cleavage shot.
Dude: A girl slapped my ass at the gym the other day.
Chick: Oh yeah. That's right. I have slapped lots of asses.
Howard and New Montgomery
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Cleavage Shots All Around!
Categories: Ass | Bimbettes | Chicks | Default | Euphemisms | Friends | Gender issues | Guys | Penis | San Francisco | Sexuality | Posted 2008-04-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In That She's an American in a Brit's Body
Guy #1, after British tourists leave elevator: Stupid British bitches.
Guy #2: Wow, you hate Brits?
Guy #1: You know it.
Guy #2: But Maggie is British, and you like her.
Guy #1: Yeah, well, that's because Maggie is a tranny.
Hotel Whitcomb
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Adam
Even We Winced at This One
Man #1: So she looks up at me with this, look, right? And she grips my dick real hard and then gets this terrified look as she picks it off on my pubes...
Man #2: Oh, dude, I'm gonna vomit.
Man #1: It was a fucking dingleberry. And it wasn't mine, dude.
Gym
Oregon
From Containing All That Evil?
Girl #1: Do you think anyone's like... Actually a good person?
[long pause]
Girl #2: Ugh, my stomach really hurts today.
Drew University
Madison, New Jersey
Categories: Bringing it back to you | Character | Colleges & Universities | Default | Friends | Girls | Gripes | Maladies | New Jersey | Questions | Sorority types | Students | Posted 2008-04-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Nobody's All That Sold on the Idea Of Heaven
College guy: And then, there would be no more vagina!
Bethesda, Maryland
Overheard by: Laiah and Caitlin
If You're Really Bad, I'll Make You Go in the Ball Pit
Angry father, to young daughter: Do you wanna go to Chuck E. Cheese?
Daughter: [scared silence]
Father: Then stop touching shit!
Wal-Mart
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Molly BOOM
The First Time in History a Bang from Behind Has Resulted in Pregnancy
Middle-aged guy: Yeah, I've been in a couple of accidents before. One time this lady rear-ended me out of nowhere.
Middle-aged woman: Did you sue her?
Middle-aged guy: Of course I did. How do you think we paid for in-vitro?
Newark Airtrain, New Jersey
But Apparently That's Not How Job Interviews Work
Girl walking to bus stop drunk: I just wanted to walk in, get groped and leave.
Pheasant Run
Harrisonburg, Virginia
Overheard by: Brandon Call
Hey, Loaf Quilting Is the Wave of the Future
Student, discussing a character's problems: It's like he's in between a needle and some bread.
Teacher: ... Do you mean a rock and a hard place?
English Class, Hazelwood West High School
Florissant, Missouri
Portrait Of the U.S. Policy Advisor As a Young Man
Small boy running down aisle: Stupid democracy!
Canadia
Overheard by: MNM
If You Have a Very Liberal Definition of "Okay"
Girl on cell phone: So I got a little finger action this week, but I said 'No' so it's okay.
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: Justin
Categories: Default | Euphemisms | Feelings | Foreplay | Girls | Ohio | On the phone | Words | Posted 2008-04-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wait-- What Exactly Are You Using As a Volleyball?
Mom to three-year-old son under the table: Whatcha' doin' under there, buddy?
Three-year-old son: Playing volleyball.
Dad: Volleyball? Smells like you're pooping your pants.
Three-year-old son, giggling: I am.
Three-year-old son's sister to friend: See, I told you it wasn't the food.
Los Tres Amigos Mexican Restaurant
Michigan
Overheard by: Scott
Categories: Default | Family ties | Food | Girls | Guys | Kids | Kids | Lies | Michigan | Moms | Poop | Questions | Restaurants | Sensory experiences | Siblings | Posted 2008-04-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Using a Venus Razor Does Not Make You a Goddess, Ms. Pratt
English teacher: It's a big responsibility to be a goddess, it troubles me all the time.
A.C. Flora High School
Columbia, South Carolina
Categories: Bragging | Default | Gripes | Pride | Religion | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | South Carolina | Teachers | Women | Posted 2008-04-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nala Would Be an Animal in Bed, Though
Drunk college guy: Is that Nala?
Drunk college chick: She is so pretty... Don't you think she's pretty?
Drunk college guy: I'm not really into cartoons...[after several seconds] I gotta say, though, Kim pretty hot.
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Megan
I'm... Black?
Traffic cop: She said, "Do you like it?" and I was like, "Yeah, it looks really nice." And then she said, "Is it subtle?" and I was like "Jenny*, you're a black woman with orange and yellow hair!"
Plymouth, Michigan
Overheard by: Morgz
Or A-Rod's Rod
Obnoxious 20-something chick: We went to a Yankees game and had the worst seats ever. We didn't even see Derek Jeter's ass! ... Or anyone's ass.
IHOP
Green Bay, Wisconsin
Jacoby & Meyers?
Tween: I mean, who just calls to say, how are you, I hear you got punched in the face?
Mom: Totally...
San Diego, California
Overheard by: SaraSmile
Does Your Violin Bow Double As a Crowbar?
Asian boy trying to open locked door: Man, how am I supposed to open this with my super Asian powers?!
Townview Magnet Center
Dallas, Texas
...Full Of Heroin?
Middle-aged black woman to husband: Baby, you remember that time I shot you?
CVS
Indianapolis, Indiana
Categories: Crimes | Default | Hubbies | Memory lane | Questions | Relationships | Stores | Thugs | Violence | Women | Posted 2008-04-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Wonder If the Hospital Would Give Me a Discount If I Produced in Bulk
Black woman, to friend: I love Costco. It makes me like, want to have five kids.
Costco
King of Prussia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Default | Feelings | Friends | Gender issues | Offspring | Pennsylvania | Shopping | Stores | Wishes | Women | Posted 2008-04-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ever Seen a Cooch Do Three Snaps in Z-Formation?
Girl: Ryan, if you had a vagina, what would she wear?
Boy: She? What if I had a male vagina?
Boy #2: Oh, he would be so sassy!
Melbourne, Florida
Overheard by: Livi
I'm Turning Inside Out for Halloween
Girl: I think my ribs are double-jointed.
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: Kelsey
Categories: Body parts | Default | Fears | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Missouri | Science | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, That Self-Actualization Seminar Was a Bust
Nine year-old girl: I want that shirt and you are going to get it for me. Any questions?
Mom: Many. Shut up and put the damn shirt back.
Target
Atlanta, Georgia
And Shoes. Don't Forget Shoes
High school chick #1: Omygod, I totally love him.
High school chick #2: Omygod, me too.
High school chick #1: I mean, he is like easily the hottest guy at our school.
High school chick #2: Oh totally. Like he is soooo cute.
[pause].
High school chick #2: What does he look like again?
High school chick #1: Um, like, I think he wears jeans a lot.
Lambton Quay
Wellington
New Zealand
Categories: Beauty | Chicks | Clothes | Default | Feelings | New Zealand | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Students | Teens | Posted 2008-04-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And You Can Only Show the Video to a Limited Audience
Girl #1: At least he didn't say what JD said to me the other night. He said I was boring in the bedroom because I didn't try new things.
Girl #2: Oh my god!
Girl #1: Yeah and I told him, well how am I supposed to know what to do? I was a virgin before you. Well, not literally a virgin, but close enough!
Girl #2: So what are you going to do?
Girl #1: Well, I told him that when we go on vacation, we can have a threesome. But it has to be someone I'll never see again.
New Brunswick, New Jersey
Overheard by: Slutgers Girl
Categories: Bimbettes | Default | Friends | Girls | Gripes | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Relationships | Sex | Sexuality | Posted 2008-04-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Can You Even Use "Oxygen" As a Verb Like That?
Male flight attendant: ... And if you brought more than two children with you today, decide which your favorite is and oxygen that one first.
Southwest Airlines Flight #135
Categories: Advice | Airports & flights | Compare and contrast | Default | Etiquette | Family ties | Flight attendants | Guys | Jerks | Offspring | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2008-04-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Is That Necrophilia?
Social problems teacher: So what are some social problems that affect us today?
Female student: Murder?
Teacher: Yeah, that's good. [writes it on the white board.] Any others?
Male student: Narcissism?
Teacher: I don't quite understand...
Male student: Well if people are falling asleep all the time and they don't know it...
Grand Rapids Community College
Grand Rapids, Michigan
But He's Our President, So We Have to Listen
Guy in restaurant to female companion: Of course, this is coming from a guy who eats potpourri...
Central Avenue
Cincinnati, Ohio
And Cute Buttplug!
Woman drying her hands, nonchalantly, to woman ball-gagged and tied to a toilet: "Oh, you changed your hair. It looks pretty."
Women's Bathroom, Bondage-a-GoGo
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Beauty | Compliments | Default | Hair | San Francisco | Women | Posted 2008-04-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Getting Closer to an Answer All the Time
Guy #1: How much have you had to drink?
Guy #2: Just beers.
Guy #1: But how many?
Guy #2: Just beers.
Guy #1: Yeah, how many beers have you had?
Guy #2: Yeah.
Guy #1: How many have you had though?
Guy #2: I'm only drinking beers tonight.
Pinehaven
New Zealand
Overheard by: Schmitty
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Guys | Idiots | New Zealand | Questions | Stupidity | Words | Posted 2008-04-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Always a Burning Question
Sensitive soul: Why would I fuck you if you have a rash?
Dining Hall, Stony Brook University
Stony Brook, New York
Overheard by: Slightly amused but scared