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Judge the Germans.
Mother: Where's Germany?
Daughter: There. (points it out on map)
Mother: That's not Germany! That's Germany! (points to Africa)
Daughter: What? Mom, that's Africa. (points to Germany again) This is Germany. And this is Europe...
Mom: Oh.
Daughter: Holy shit, mom.
Mom: Don't judge me!
Renton, Washington
Categories: Default | Geography | Girls | Moms | Offers and requests | Stupidity | Washington | Women | Posted 2009-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just the Check Then?
Waitress: Do you all need anything else?
Black guy: Do ya'll have some salvation back there in the kitchen?
Black girl: Are you for real? You makin' me laugh so much I'm gonna need a bucket, ya'll got a bucket back there too?
Perkins
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Deanna Gustav
Categories: Black people | Christianity | Default | Employees | Girls | Guys | Indiana | Offers and requests | Questions | Restaurants | Words | Posted 2009-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So I Joined the Rugby Team
College girl: I'm so ready for my first homoerotic experience!
New Paltz, New York
Besides, Wasn't Harmanfadites a King Of Persia?
Male student: We were learning about harmanfadites in my psych class today.
Female student: What's that?
Male student It's when a person is born with boy and girl parts.
Female student: Nasty.
Male student: Yeah. I was wondering, if two of them have sex, are they both gay? Or lesbians?
Female student: I can't talk about this while I am eating.
Wayne State University
Detroit, Michigan
Overheard by: Jonson
Somebody's Husband Wasn't Properly Fed and Watered
Hipster girl to friend: I heard the most offensive thing in Crate & Barrel!
San Francisco, California
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Hipsters | Names | San Francisco | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So You're...a Coxswain?
Girl #1: My two biggest concerns in life are rowing and gays.
Girl #2: Rowing and what?
Girl #1: Gays!
George Mason University
Fairfax, Virginia
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Sexuality | Virginia | Posted 2009-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Only 'Cause You Can't Hear Her
Annoying teen #1, looking at trashy magazine: She's cute.
Annoying teen #2: That's Jessica Simpson.
Annoying teen #1: Well, she looks good red-headed and with her mouth open.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Giggling quietly in the pharmacy sectino
Categories: About celebrities | Beauty | Default | Hair | Mouth | Pennsylvania | Teens | Posted 2009-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Confucius Was Quite the Misogynist
Old man to another: Well, ya know what they say. Life's too short to dance with ugly women!
Flea Market
Nashville, Tennessee
Categories: Age and ageing | Beauty | Compare and contrast | Dancing | Default | Guys | Old folks | Tennessee | Posted 2009-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Elizabeth Taylor Would Soon Realize Her Goal
Girl to friend: If I'm 80 and still alive, I'm going to eat the whole world.
South Bend, Indiana
Overheard by: Carole
Categories: Age and ageing | Default | Euphemisms | Food | Girls | Indiana | Posted 2009-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If That's True, How Come There's Never Been a Real World There?
Flight attendant: Okay, everyone, we're going to be landing soon. We would like to be the first to welcome you to reality...I mean, Cleveland.
Plane over Cleveland, Ohio
Categories: Airports & flights | Default | Flight attendants | Ohio | Public Transportation | US Geography | Words | Posted 2009-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Perhaps I'm Mis-Remembering Sesame Street
Guy, singing: He'll only be your friend if he touches your breast...
Girl: What?!
Guy, not singing anymore: It's like my favorite song.
Metro State
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Squid
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Default | Girls | Guys | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2009-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And They're the Only Place You Have Any Fat
Obviously skinny girl: Do you think I should get lipo?
Friend: No! There's nothing wrong with your boobs.
Rochester, New York
Overheard by: wow!!
Categories: Body parts | Compliments | Default | Friends | Girls | Health & Hygiene | New York | Questions | Skinny people | Posted 2009-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hey, I'm Still Trying to Figure Out the Color Of My Aura
Girl to friend: There's a book you might be interested in, called What Color Is Your Parish.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: mine's ultraviolence
The English Won't Serve Pizza to Just Anyone
Mother to small child: So Paul just has to prove he's a woman now. So that should be fine.
Restaurant
London
England
Overheard by: sneaking a peek
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | England | Moms | Names | Restaurants | Sexuality | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Chemical Element?
Drunk man to another: If I had a nose like fluorine I wouldn't be wishing anyone a merry Christmas.
Bar
Edinburgh
Scotland
Overheard by: Jesse Green
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Default | Drunks | Guys | Holidays | Scotland | Wishes | Posted 2009-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why, Are Crocs Back?
Patron #1: How are you tonight?
Patron #2: Well, I'm currently disappointed in humanity.
Bar
Columbus, Indiana
Overheard by: Projection1234
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Bosses | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Guys | Indiana | Questions | Posted 2009-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Nothing Else, Straight Dudes Know How to Potty.
Angry guy: No! We're going to go to the fucking pisser, and then we're going to leave!
(both start towards the bathroom).
Friend: Wait, I don't have to piss, why am I coming with you?
Angry guy: Fuck you, man!
Friend: Seriously, why do you fucking need my help?
Medford, Oregon
Our Mental Instability Is the Glue That Binds Our Friendship, Sadie.
Purple-haired girl on swing: I love the swings. When I was a kid I used to just sit on them for hours, having panic attacks.
Punk girl on swing: Holy fuck, you too!?
Bakersfield, California
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Girls | Kids | Memory lane | Punks | Posted 2009-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Then Other Times I Vomit
Drunk guy walking past mirror: Man, sometimes I see myself, and I make myself horny.
Hanover College
Hanover, Indiana
Overheard by: Whitney
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Guys | Indiana | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
See How Their Little Ice Caps Are Melting?
Guy wearing Stanford shirt: Hey, look! Manatees!
Friend: Those are polar bears.
San Diego Zoo, California
Overheard by: Dayum
Categories: Animals | California | Compare and contrast | Default | Friends | Guys | Offers and requests | Posted 2009-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So I Hooked Up With His Friend
Coed #1: So we're finally officially dating. I mean it's been, like, six months!
Coed #2: Great! That's moving forward!
Coed #1: Yeah. He said the first six months I was on "dating probation" and now I'm on "girlfriend probation." His friend got drunk at the bar and was all like "what, you haven't made her official yet?" so he's like, "you have my friend to thank for this."
UNCG
Greensboro, North Carolina
Overheard by: Put him on boyfriend probation
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compliments | Default | Drinking & drunks | North Carolina | Questions | Relationships | Students | Posted 2009-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...With My Face Pasted on the Panther.
Chick #1: I met him when I was taking my picture in to be framed.
Chick #2: Was it a naked photo of you?
Chick #1: It was a naked lady on a panther.
Michigan
Overheard by: Meister E
That's Where I Got the Idea for the Woodland-Creatures Baseball League
Girl to friend: So, I was just walkin' along and you know what that squirrel did?
Friend: What?
Girl: It threw a nut at my head!
Southern Illinois
It's Rare to Find a Young Man Who Thinks That Far Ahead
Five-year-old boy: Hey, I got an idea! Let's get naked!
Visiting adult friend: Yeah? And then what?
Five-year-old boy: We'll sit in the street!
Mason, Ohio
Overheard by: Rachel
...As Seen in the Porno Take, Eat, This Is My Booty?
Asian teenage girl: Wait, so did Jesus ejaculate wine?
Starbucks
Red Bank, New Jersey
Categories: Asians | Cum | Default | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Jesus | New Jersey | Questions | Restaurants | Teens | Posted 2009-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight, on Mystery Quote Theater...
Girl #1: She defriended me!
Girl #2: Well, that explains the shoes.
Brown University
Providence, Rhode Island
Categories: Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Internet | Rhode Island | Words | Posted 2009-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I've Been Looking to Trade Up
Skanky 20-something girl: So the crack dealer who beat me up in the third grade keeps asking me for my number.
Alterra Coffee
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Categories: Default | Drugs | Girls | Offers and requests | Restaurants | Weirdness | Wisconsin | Posted 2009-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And He Prefers to Feel His Moon in My Seventh House
Girl #1: I mean, there's condoms for free in the student center! Why don't you guys use protection?!
Girl #2: Sigh. I don't know. I think because I'm a Gemini.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Who has this conversation when I'm sitting right next to them?
Categories: Condoms | Default | Euphemisms | Girls | Massachusetts | Questions | Sex | Stupidity | Posted 2009-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Long Story Short, My Vag Now Has an SPF Of 45
20-something woman to friends: He was putting sunscreen on his dick and got a boner!
Plutos Restaurant
Palo Alto, California
Categories: California | Default | Erections | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Penis | Restaurants | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...When I Sat on His Face. What?
Girl #1: My 21st birthday was fun.
Girl #2: So was mine, minus the fact that my friends bought stuffed animal beavers at the winery and proceeded to yell about how soft and hairy their beavers were... While my dad was driving.
Girl #2's grandma: What's a beaver?
Girl #2's mom: It's...what some people call the female genitalia.
Girl #2's grandma: Ohhh...your grandfather used to just call it a cunt.
San Francisco, California
Categories: Age and ageing | Animals | Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Girls | Hair | Moms | Old folks | Questions | San Francisco | Vagina | Words | Posted 2009-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Thought All the Whack-Jobs Were on Capitol Hill?
Confused tourist lady, looking at anime convention kids in costume: Excuse me? Do you know what all of this is about?
Local: Yeah, the whack-job convention is in town.
Confused tourist lady: The...the..."whack-job" convention? (looks at costumes) Whack-jobs?
Local: (smacks forehead and turns away)
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Sarah Boyd
Categories: Default | Girls | Kids | Names | Offers and requests | Questions | Stupidity | Tourists | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Didn't Start Out As a Skirt
Loud high school chick in back of the bus: Remember when Amanda was wearing that skirt and she farted? It sounded like she dropped a fucking bomb! Wheeee-boom! Everyone applauded, it was that fucking cool.
Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: bitingontinfoil
Categories: Burping & farting | Canadia | Clothes | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Memory lane | Students | Posted 2009-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Always the Elephant in Any Room in a High School
Math teacher: Why is there a baby in the classroom?
Chino, California
It's Almost As Powerful As the Care Bear Stare
English professor: Now don't think you're going to be just one big solid bloc of female voting energy because I won't stand for that.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Mr. Kong's Actually a Tender and Selfless Lover
Girl on phone: No, no, he's not bad news; he's just really tall.
Boulder, Colorado
...In Unrelated News.
High school psychology teacher: As humans, we all walk around on two legs. We're all pedophiles.
Michigan
Overheard by: Did you mean
Categories: Body parts | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Kids | Michigan | Sexuality | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Kind Of a Boy Gives Hugs, Anyway?
Man to son, coming out of restroom: After what you tried to do to Tigger I'm not sure if you deserve that.
Disney World
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Tracy
Categories: About celebrities | Dads | Default | Florida | Guys | Kids | Offers and requests | Pop culture | Tourist attractions | Posted 2009-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All My Children Waits for No Man
Man in stall on cell: Hey! It's me, do you want to talk dirty? (pause) Oh, okay. I'll let you watch your show.
Coral Springs, Florida
He Says This Every Monday.
Tram driver to very black coworker: Have you been on vacation again? You've got a great tan going on!
Gothenburg
Sweden
Overheard by: Dan Sebastian
A Fun and Flirty One
Guy #1: Yo, fathead! Going to prison is just a fact of life. Everybody goes at least once.
Guy #2: I know, man...I'm just gonna miss the daily hustle.
Guy #1: Like I said, you're not a man till you've worn a jumpsuit.
Knoxville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Hannah H
What Watching a Hannah Montana Marathon Feels Like
Older man to friend: I don't like being murdered! Do you know how it feels like to be murdered? Trust me, you don't want to know. I'm always being murdered.
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: uhh am I seeing ghosts?
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Guys | Murder | New Jersey | Old folks | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Just Thought It Would Be a Lot Bigger, Is All.
Little girl in stall with dad: You're silly! This is silly!
Dad, peeing: Nothing is silly in here.
Girl: That's silly. This is silly. Stop.
Men's Bathroom
Hendersonville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Tanner
QED, Girlfriend
Young woman #1: How much time do I waste studying that I could be working out?
Young woman #2: I'd rather be skinny than smart.
Logan Airport
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Airports & flights | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Health & Hygiene | Jobs & Careers | Massachusetts | Women | Posted 2009-06-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wide Chicks Should Be Another Big Hit for the Wayans Brothers
Dude: And then we had to carry Elizabeth *three blocks* back to my place because she was too wide to fit in the car.
University of Arizona
Tucson, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Colleges & Universities | Default | Feelings | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Hamster Was Extremely Sooty
Gay dude: No, they're just too greasy for me.
Fag hag: Says the Mexican...
Gay dude: Excuse me? I'm black by insertion.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: i don't like water
But Now I Understand Why Your Pants Are Always Wet
Tall balding guy: You know how you can eat so much and be so full that when you take a piss you can't even see your dick?
Friend: No.
Greenville, South Carolina
Overheard by: could not stop laughing
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Friends | Guys | Pee | Penis | Questions | South Carolina | Posted 2009-06-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So There Goes My Weight-Loss Plan
Girl: I almost failed my drug test because I couldn't pee in front of the lady. I guess I can never go to prison.
Chico, California
Overheard by: KJ
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Drugs | Girls | Pee | Posted 2009-06-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Gotta Learn How to Pregame
Girl #1: I came really fast, apparently.
Girl #2: Wow, really?
Girl #1: Yeah. (sighs) If only we weren't talking about childbirth.
Auckland
New Zealand
Sleepover!
Mother: These sheets smell weird.
Child, enthusiastically: Yeah, like other people's houses!
Thrift Store, St. John's
Newfoundland
Canadia
Overheard by: Sandy
Every Now and Then, My Inner Cracker Pops Up and Says Stupid Shit
Black girl in car: God, I wish I was black so I could say things like that.
White girl in car: But wait...you are black.
Black girl in car: I can't believe I just said that!
Detroit, Michigan
And She Makes an Excellent Paperweight
20-something blonde: It's just...she can't talk, all she does is scream and cry. She's not even a real person yet. I just don't understand how you can love her so much!
Redhead, lovingly cradling baby: Shit, hon, you have to stop saying things like that. She's your daughter!
Café Nero
London
England
Overheard by: Nit
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | England | Family ties | Feelings | Girls | Moms | Restaurants | Posted 2009-06-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Does Your Mom Find That Out?
Girl to guy she just met: My mom found out I had been having anal sex. She kept repeating "that's an exit, not an entrance." I told her how much fun it was, and that she should try it.
University of Oregon
Categories: Advice | Backdoor | Colleges & Universities | Default | Family ties | Girls | Oregon | Posted 2009-06-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Bitch Is Sweet!
New Jersey guy #1: Dude, I bet Mother Teresa's pussy was like throwing a hot dog down a hallway.
New Jersey guy #2: Is that the bitch from the maple syrup bottle?
New Jersey
Overheard by: Cougar Bear
Categories: Christianity | Default | Food | Guys | New Jersey | Questions | Vagina | Posted 2009-06-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unfortunately, We've Lost Megan
Girl on cell to guy with glasses: Oh! Megan found your pants!
Guy with glasses, doing jazz hands: Yay!
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: What...?
Translation: I Had Lots Of Sex
Guy: So how are you? How was your trip?
Girl: It was sooooo much fun!
Guy: Really? What did you do?
Girl: Oh, I don't know. Nothing really.
Millennium Park
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Sarah
Never-- Thanks, Labia Clamps!
Woman to friend buying panties: So, are you sure these aren't the ones that will give you cameltoe?
Peoria, Arizona
Overheard by: Giggling cashier
Categories: Arizona | Body parts | Clothes | Default | Offers and requests | Questions | Women | Posted 2009-06-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Don't See Either on the Menu
Serious Asian dude: I don't like angry soul food bitches. I like happy soul food bitches.
Maryland
Overheard by: Neither nor
...Then I'll Have Everything Checked Off My Bucket List.
Wine girl #1: We should go get tattoos!
Wine girl #2: We totally should, I'll be divorced by morning!
Open Mic Night
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: only if it's my name on her ass
Categories: Advice | Bars & Clubs | Default | Girls | Illinois | Relationships | Tattoos | Posted 2009-06-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Proudly Present the Year's Dorkiest Sentence
Student: I didn't get to say "bosums"! Dang it!
Seattle, Washington
Ever Wonder What Happened to Gumby?
Woman: He's called "The Anal Man." His ass can bend in 15 different positions. He's a big hit in Europe. (produces rubber toy)
Los Angeles, California
Says It's a Slurpery Slope
Blonde teenager: Look at her. She's either a whore or a dyke.
Friend: That's why my dad doesn't let me drink Slurpees.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Dylan
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Family ties | Friends | Girls | Maryland | Offers and requests | Teens | Posted 2009-06-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Vegan to the End
College girl: Yeah, she had dried cranberries and lettuce in her coffin too.
Atlanta, Georgia
The Contemporary Odd Couple Doesn't Hold a Candle to the Original
20-something guy #1: So you don't have to pee?
20-something guy #2: No man, never. It's fucking weird.
20-something guy #1: Yeah, I have to pee like, every hour. (both laugh)
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
The Hoboes Were Immaculate
Guy walking out of a narrow alley: That was the cleanest dark alley I've ever been in.
Montclair, New Jersey
Overheard by: Maggie
Categories: Cleanliness | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Memory lane | New Jersey | Posted 2009-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Every Guy Needs a Wingdyke
Tall blonde dude: If only she wasn't a butch lesbian, we would be so perfect for each other.
Petite blonde: You need to start thinking outside of those boundaries.
Juniata College
Huntingdon, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: I agree
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Default | Guys | Pennsylvania | Relationships | Sexuality | Posted 2009-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Think You Need to Be Only in Your Panties to Fully Appreciate This Quote
Punk girl: For some reason, everything you do makes sense when you're in only your panties.
Purple-haired girl: I know, right? It makes sense to me too!
Tall greaser guy: In fact, it wouldn't make sense if you weren't only in your panties.
Bakersfield, California
Categories: California | Clothes | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Guys | Punks | Questions | Posted 2009-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or You'll Spill Your Wine
Spanish professor, as class leaves on Friday: Be careful driving when you drink this weekend!
Hanover College
Hanover, Indiana
Overheard by: whitney
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Indiana | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Long-Handled One, If You Follow Me
Drunk student: I want nothing more in life than to be able to turn into a shoehorn.
Vancouver
Canadia
That Would Just Be Icing on the Cake
Woman to friend: I just want a sibling. I don't care if they're into sex.
Marrickville
Australia
Overheard by: Jaclyn
Categories: Australia | Default | Family ties | Offers and requests | Sex | Women | Posted 2009-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Without Menopause, We'd Have an Infanticide Epidemic
Grandmother, about tantrum-throwing child: I think it might be time to put her to sleep.
Mother: Yeah. Come on honey, we'll go home and have a nap!
Grandmother, under her breath: That's not what I meant.
Westfield Shopping Center
South Morang
Australia
Sylvia's Whole Life Is a Word Problem
Annoyingly talkative woman: I got my pumpkin t-shirt at Old Navy eight years ago. I wear it every year. But I've only worn it... eight times!
Commuter Train
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: M@
Nothing But The Chicken Dance for Me and My Posse
White geek girl: I swear, if it's the goddamn Macarena, I'm gonna cap a bitch!
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
Why They Were Kicked Out Of the National History Museum
Gay guy, gesturing at transvestite performing onstage: I don't want to see any more boobs. Show me the dicks!
Gay friends, approving: We want dicks!
DNA Lounge
San Francisco, California
Categories: Default | Friends | Guys | Offers and requests | Penis | Queers | San Francisco | Sexuality | Posted 2009-06-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I'll Film It for YouTube.
Dad to little girl sitting on railing, watching sea lions: You fall down, that's it. If you fall down, I'm not helping you. (pause) And the sea lion's gonna eat you.
Pier 39
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Paulo
At Least She Correctly Identified Them As Birds.
High school girl, looking at seagulls feeding: That ain't crows, them are ducks!
Shout-out: talovich.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Yugan
Categories: Birds | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Language barrier | Other sites | Students | Posted 2009-06-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If It Weren't for Those Compromising Nudie Pics Of You with the Chalupa
Guy #1: (mumbles)
Guy #2: Well, maybe you need to be more white.
Guy #1: What are you talking about? I'm Mexican, you're white!
(pause)
Guy #2: Dude, you would make the best politician.
Bathroom, UC Santa Cruz
California
Categories: Advice | California | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Politics | Questions | Restroom | Posted 2009-06-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Caught Me and Said, "I Got You, Babe."
Random guy: I came out of the womb at Sonny's Bar-BQ!
Gainesville, Florida
Overheard by: heidi
You'd Rather Be Cheated on with Someone Ugly?
Hot girl: So when I finally met the girl he cheated on me with, I was in shock, because she was about a thousand times hotter than she looked on the picture I found.
Guy friend: Yeah. Well, some people are just not photogenic.
Hot girl: No, you don't understand! She's like supermodel hot, he had like no choice, even I would have fucked that Moroccan bitch right then and there.
Guy friend: That's so hot.
Hot girl: Life is not fair.
Starbucks
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Friends | Girls | Guys | Infidelity | Restaurants | Sex | Posted 2009-06-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For the Low, Low Introductory Fee Of Only $9.95
Woman on cell outside Target store: And then he'll pee on your face!
San Jose, California
Categories: Body parts | California | Default | Pee | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He'd Just Gone Off His Meds-- Whew!
Girl: At first, I was really afraid he was cheating on me, but then I called him the next day and asked him where he was the night before...
Girl's friend: Well, where was he?
Girl: Oh, he was having drinks with John Lennon. I was freaking out for no reason!
New York
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Feelings | Friends | Girls | Infidelity | Names | New York | Questions | Posted 2009-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Won't Even Buy "Fancy" Ketchup
Girl, looking at a bag of chips: How about these?
Friend checking for price: They're three dollars.
Girl, putting back the bag of chips: Dayuuummm! We don't need anything that fancy!
Grocery Store
Michigan
Overheard by: just buying some salsa.
Reader Poll: Is This Gross?
Woman to husband: Honey, can you go to the bathroom so the seat is warm when I use it?
Tucson, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Default | Health & Hygiene | Offers and requests | Questions | Relationships | Women | Posted 2009-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But It's All About Confidence and Proper Use Of the Tongue
Gender studies professor: Some people are better at oral than others...
College
Los Angeles, California
Categories: BJs | California | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Teachers | Posted 2009-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Howard Stern Had One Custom-Installed.
Server: We need a button on the computer for this...
Boss man: For what?
Server: Balls on your face.
Midlothian, Virginia
Overheard by: bec-uhh
Categories: Balls | Body parts | Default | Employees | Guys | Offers and requests | Questions | Servers | Technology | Virginia | Posted 2009-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Good Luck with That.
Girl #1: You can't save every animal in the world.
Girl #2: You don't think you could save every animal in the world? We could go to the rain forest!
Girl #3: I want to go to the rain forest and save the monkeys and Chihuahuas!
Merced, California
Categories: Animals | California | Default | Girls | Offers and requests | Questions | Posted 2009-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Predict the Expression "Fantasy Bar" Will Soon Sweep the Nation
Teen girl eating Fantasy Bar brownie: You want some of my Fantasy Bar?
Male friend, suddenly paying attention: What? Heck yes, it's about time!
Union Station
Washington, DC
Categories: Default | Food | Friends | Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Public transportation | Questions | Teens | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This One Used to Be Magic, Until the Bookie Broke It
Dad balancing bird toy on middle finger, to seven-year-old son: This is dad's magic finger. He uses it when driving.
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: Body parts | Dads | Default | Family ties | Guys | Magic | Overheard in Melbourne's Journal | Posted 2009-06-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Pretend He's Speaking German, If You Want to Be Able to Sleep at Night.
Little boy, in sing-song chant, marching around outdoor cafe: Die die, die die, die die, die die!
Santa Monica, California
Categories: California | Death & dying | Default | Guys | Kids | Kids | Words | Posted 2009-06-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Sexual Slang Defies Explanation.
Random guy to friend outside: You're so nasty you eat ravioli!
Abilene Christian University
Abilene, Texas
Overheard by: Ami
It's Currently Banging Your Reasoning and Your Foresight
Guy: My imagination went to college and found new horizons. Your imagination has always been a whore!
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Guys | Insults | Posted 2009-06-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Grim Reaper: "I Duck Into the Bathroom for Two Minutes..."
Flight attendant, after landing: If anyone left a black coat, please come to the front of the cabin to claim it. (pause) Or if anyone would like to take a black coat for free.
Orlando, Florida
Categories: Advice | Airports & flights | Clothes | Compare and contrast | Default | Flight attendants | Florida | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Posted 2009-06-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jerry Springer Expands to Foreign Markets.
Mother to teen son: Your hair needs a cut.
Teen son: Your face needs a cut.
Dad: Your face needs a punch!
Ebdentown
New Zealand
Overheard by: Schmitty
Categories: Body parts | Compare and contrast | Dads | Default | Family | Guys | Hair | Moms | New Zealand | Offers and requests | Teens | Violence | Posted 2009-06-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Especially You, Ma'am.
Bag lady, after no one would give her change: You all have small dicks! Small dicks! Small dicks! Small dicks!
Chinatown Restaurant
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Dan
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Penis | Pennsylvania | Restaurants | Weirdness | Women | Words | Posted 2009-06-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Please Direct Any Questions to That Brick Wall Over There
Flight attendant, doing safety instructions before takeoff: Pull on the tab to inflate the life vest. If that doesn't work, blow it up manually. If that doesn't work...thank you for flying Southwest.
Flight over Providence, Rhode Island
Categories: Advice | Airports & flights | Default | Flight attendants | Names | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Rhode Island | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...About the DVD Release Of Happy Feet
Man: My nipples are exploding with excitement!
Back Bay Station
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Me too
Categories: Default | Feelings | Guys | Massachusetts | Nipples | Public transportation | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Al Gore: "Some Day That'll Be True!"
Afternoon drunk: Nah, man, it's 32. That's freezing. It don't get lower than that.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: colder that him, apparently
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Guys | Illinois | Weather | Posted 2009-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or I Would If I Didn't Enjoy It So Much.
Reporter, at man's house after he hit someone at a kids' soccer game: Sir, how do you feel about your behavior?
Man, coming up to the door holding bowl of macaroni and cheese: I am ashamed. I slap my own face.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
You've All Signed Your Liability Waivers, Right?
Professor: Are there any questions before we begin the final?
Girl: Can we tear pages out of the exam?
Professor: Yes, we have the technology to reassemble it. (waves stapler around)
Managerial Accounting Class
Santa Barbara, California
Overheard by: Ariel
Categories: California | Class | Default | Education | Girls | Questions | Students | Teachers | Technology | Posted 2009-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Re-Enacting the Last Supper with Milk Just Wasn't As Fun
Girl #1: Wanna go to bible study with me tonight? It's really fun! It's gonna be at Stubbs and there'll be free bbq.
Girl #2: You're having bible study at a bar?
University of Texas at Austin
Overheard by: Nicole
Categories: Christianity | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Girls | Offers and requests | Questions | Texas | Posted 2009-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Is It Worth Having to See The Bucket List?
Dude: If you don't come along, I'll have your first-born child sodomized. By a moose.
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Russ
Categories: Animals | Colleges & Universities | Default | Family ties | Guys | Kids | New York | Threats | Posted 2009-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thankfully I've Brought Enough for the Class
Literature professor, after reciting Hamlet's "To be or not to be...": So now you all need a Valium...count on me to ruin your day.
English Lit Class
Anchorage, Alaska
Overheard by: Rosencrantz
Is That a "Yes" on the Cleavage Shirt?
Dorky girl: I think when the sugar is visible, that's a good sign.
Sarah Lawrence
Yonkers, New York
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Feelings | Food | Girls | New York | Posted 2009-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're All Sick Of Hearing You Say That, Holden.
Blonde: I don't ever want to be a baby thrower, but I can't wait to be a baby catcher!
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
But Good Luck Finding Feminist Theory There
Frazzled student at exam pick-up room: Where can I find religion?
Exam worker: The Catholic church across the street?
Smith College
Northampton, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Mary
Categories: Christianity | Colleges & Universities | Default | Employees | Massachusetts | Offers and requests | Questions | Religion | Students | Posted 2009-06-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
NewsFlash: Happy Feet Director's Cut Startles Movie Patrons
Scary-looking older woman with two teenage girls: Well, they only skinned and hung up one man by his ankles.
Movie Entrance, Chapel Hills Mall
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Nothing Reaffirms My Masculinity Better Than Tasting the Rainbow.
Angry male: You don't have a couch! Where are the boyfriends and husbands supposed to think?
Tiny shop assistant #1: I really don't know.
Tiny shop assistant #2: Well, we don't have a couch. But we do have Skittles!
Angry male: That will suffice.
Supre Store
Australia
Are You Allowed to Give Me That Advice?
Student, yelling at no one in particular: I can't believe this stupid book is $52! It's a fuckin' softcover 40-page book!
Bookstore employee: Dude, just photocopy it and return it.
Student: Ohhh! Good idea! Thanks!
Bookstore
Los Angeles, California
...When We Run Out Of Saran Wrap.
Roommate #1: Do you want to go clothes shopping for spring break?
Roommate #2, making disgusted face: I don't wear clothes on spring break.
Roommate #1: (long pause)
Roommate #2: I just wear a bathing suit.
University of Michigan, Ann Arbor
Overheard by: Roommate #3
One Of These Days, We Should Get a Dog.
Woman on cell: No no no...I haven't been doing much shopping at all. The only thing I've bought is a fur dog collar. It was only $300!
Park City, Utah
Her Case Made It to the Supreme Court.
Woman, passing We Will Rock You theater: I mean, how can they *guarantee* to blow your mind?
Yonge Street
Toronto
Canadia
One Of the Reasons We Came to Thailand.
Girl #1, looking at picture: Oh my gosh! Look, the first aider is totally judging her. If I was passed out from crack, I would so not wanna be judged.
Girl #2: Oh, I know, totally!
Thailand
Categories: Asia | Compare and contrast | Default | Drugs | Girls | Offers and requests | Posted 2009-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
On the Way Home, She Drove Up on a Curb Going Two Miles an Hour.
Soccer mom who was just given champagne by lady doing her nails: This is my first drink in ten months! Oh my god, I'm buying some of this on my way home!
Nail Salon
Cumming, Georgia
Overheard by: Caylin
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Feelings | Georgia | Moms | Offers and requests | Women | Posted 2009-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Does That Sound Dirty to Anyone Else?
Teen boy to friends: Wait, how the hell did we start talking about the Swedish mafia?
Teen girl three tables away, leaping out of seat very excitedly: I want a Swedish muffin!
Cafeteria, Corona del Sol High School
Chandler, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Geography | Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teens | Posted 2009-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Bake Dogs?
Woman to friend: Is she aware that we have three Talbots and a dog bakery?
Princeton University
New Jersey
Categories: Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Default | Food | Names | New Jersey | Questions | Women | Posted 2009-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sorry, I Temporarily Lost Consciousness When You Said "Tasty Man Snack"
Goth girl getting stitches: When I want a tasty man snack, I have me a PB&J!
Skyridge Hospital ER
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Goths | Offers and requests | Words | Posted 2009-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...But Who's Up for Porn Instead Of a Lecture Today?
Professor: I am so not professional...
Rowan University
Glassboro, New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Jobs & Careers | New Jersey | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Grabbing Other Women's Butts Is a Cultural Thing.
College girl from England: Hey, whoa, are you drunk?
College girl from Prague: No! I'm Czech!
Royal Holloway University of London
England
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | England | Foreigners | Geography | Girls | Language barrier | Questions | Students | Posted 2009-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And Now She's My Bank Teller!
Angry girl in bank drive-through, on phone: Hey, bitch! That girl you had me with last night? Her cunt tasted like fish!
Bank teller: (speechless)
Coralville, Iowa
Overheard by: KC
Correct-- Yet You Still Manage to Sound Stupid.
Princess: You guys, Johnny Depp doesn't always play dark characters. He was blonde in Secret Window!
Little Bar
Kentucky
Overheard by: Dead Betty
Categories: About celebrities | Bars & Clubs | Character | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Kentucky | Movies | Posted 2009-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Have to Get Away from It As Quickly As Possible
Fast-walking emo kid: There is no slowing down when it comes to me and High School Musical.
Wal-Mart
Roanoke, Virginia
Overheard by: snarky writer
I Slept My Way Into Advanced Paper-Cutting
Art teacher: The size of the square should be 13 inches...
Student #1, interrupting: Is that the length or the width?
Student #2: Uh, Krista, it's a square. The length and width are the same.
Student #1: Well, don't get mad at me just because I'm not all smart like you!
Marathon, Florida
Overheard by: Chey
But Can You Say "Paternity Suit"?
Five-year-old Spanish boy: Court! Court! Court! Court!
Frazzled grandmother: Yes, I know.
Courthouse
Waterbury, Connecticut
Overheard by: Colleen
Categories: Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Default | Guys | Kids | Moms | Women | Words | Posted 2009-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...When She Complained About Her First Day Of Preschool.
Field hockey jockette: And then I said, "at least you didn't get gonorrhea!"
Ursinus College
Collegeville, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: reading in the lounge
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Jocks | Pennsylvania | STDs | Sex | Students | Posted 2009-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Like to Think Of It As Adding a Little More Magic to the Kingdom
Male golfer to 20-something son and his girlfriend: See, that's the problem golfing with a female. If there are no women here, the world is your toilet!
The Magnolia Golf Course, DisneyWorld
Orlando, Florida
Categories: Compare and contrast | Dads | Default | Florida | Games | Guys | Sexuality | Tourist attractions | Posted 2009-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I've Told Them We Don't Negotiate with Terrorists.
Children librarian, about girl scout troop outside: Um...they're throwing rocks at the windows.
Library
Suburbia, Illinois
Overheard by: martha
Makes You Want to Roll Around in Her, Huh?
Cute girl: This lotion is great! I actually have it on now, and keep smelling myself!
Teen boy, dragged in by his mother: Really? Can I smell you?
Cute girl: Sure! Smell me!
Teen boy: Wow, you do smell great! Mom, smell her!
Soap Store
New York City, New York
Categories: Default | Family ties | Girls | Guys | New York | Offers and requests | Questions | Sensory experiences | Stores | Teens | Posted 2009-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Is Quite an Impressive Resume
Woman on phone: Man, you know what open flesh smells like!
BART Station
Pittsburg, California
Overheard by: Hannah
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Public transportation | Sensory experiences | Women | Posted 2009-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Anyone Else Find This Lady Frightening?
Short girl hugging friend: Let's make CocoRosie jokes and spoon.
Basketball Game
Chestnut Hill, Massachusetts
Overheard by: sounds pretty nice to me
Categories: Default | Girls | Massachusetts | Music | Offers and requests | Relationships | Posted 2009-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Raise Your Hand If You Know a Football Player Who Died Of a Heart Attack or Stroke
Football player #1: What are you getting?
Football player #2: I think I'm gonna get four hot dogs.
Football player #1: Dude! You're only supposed to eat three a week! It's like...the sodium or something. Three hot dogs have all the sodium you're supposed to have in a week.
Football player #2: You're fucking retarded! I'm getting four hot dogs and I'm gonna eat all four of them in their sodium goodness. Watch me.
Dining Hall, Ball State University
Muncie, Indiana
Overheard by: Colleen
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Food | Guys | Indiana | Insults | Offers and requests | Questions | Stupidity | Posted 2009-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Smurfette: "I Paid a Lot Of Money to Even-out These Puppies."
Blonde girl #1: It's like we've tried countless times to get her to stop, and she just calls us "anorexic whores" and tells us she'd rather be "doming up" guys.
Blonde girl #2, laughing: You need a ruin Smurf plan.
Blonde girl #1: But we've tried everything! It's like "get over yourself! You look like a 1980s cartoon character, with uneven boobs and a crazy tan!"
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: BJs | Body parts | Canadia | Character | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Offers and requests | Words | Posted 2009-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Don't Even Get Me Started About Boo Beret Cereal
Old man to another, looking at soup: I just feel like I'm getting ripped off by the French!
Grocery Store
Maryland
Overheard by: Nic
Along With Everything I Learned in Grade School
Drunken girl #1: Ah, that tubby boy kissed me.
Drunken girl #2: Doesn't matter, just remember the rule.
Drunken girl #1: "We don't share"?
Drunken girl #2: No, the other rule.
Drunken girl #1: "Your dress can be as short as you like, as long as you're wearing stockings"?
Drunken girl #2: No. The "if you don't remember it, it didn't happen" rule.
Drunken girl #1: Oh, I'm forgetting it now, then.
Sydney
Australia
Categories: Australia | Clothes | Default | Drunks | Fashion | Girls | Memory lane | Politics | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2009-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Probably Just the Breeze from Washington
Enthusiastic little boy, entering restaurant with parents: Smells like snakes in here!
Restaurant
Charlottesville, Virginia
Overheard by: pasquinn
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Kids | Kids | Restaurants | Virginia | Posted 2009-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"Breasto Change-o" Just Might Be the Highlight Of My Week
Big-chested teenage girl: I would hate to date a magician. It would be like, "breasto change-o, I just took your boobs."
Long Branch, New Jersey
Categories: Body parts | Default | Feelings | Girls | Magic | New Jersey | Teens | Words | Posted 2009-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like, in Which Of the Boroughs?
Blonde bimbo: So what part of New York are you from?
Brunette: Manhattan.
Blonde bimbo: Like where is that in New York?
Maine
What Exactly Is on These Stamps?
Postal worker, about upcoming breast cancer research stamps: The scientists and the breasts will be out soon.
Post Office
Brentwood, Tennessee
Overheard by: just want to send a package
Dear Abby-- My Friend Has an "Awkward" Husband...
Woman #1: Oh my god, Jason Statham is so hot! I want to funk him so bad!
Woman #2: I know! When you're done, I'm next!
Hubby of woman #1: And when they're done, I want to smell his cock.
Islip, New York
Overheard by: Who is Jason Statham?
Can't We Just, Like, Phone It In?
College boy #1: Like what does that mean? I don't go to class! Do you go to class?
College boys #2 and #3: No!
Emory University
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: On my way to class
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Georgia | Guys | Questions | Students | Posted 2009-06-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hey, What Are Frenemies For?
Girl #1: It's like putting a band-aid on when you need stitches.
Girl #2: Oh, thats a good one.
Girl #3: Yeah, and then the band-aid falls off and it gets infected.
Girl #1: And then you get gangrene and you leg falls off.
Girl #3: Only we could be trying to be supportive and morbid at the same time...
Belleville, Pennsylvania
Categories: Body parts | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Maladies | Pennsylvania | Posted 2009-06-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Molded It Into the Shape Of a Little Man!
Girl #1: You know it really makes me sad that after all this time you still don't appreciate my art.
Girl #2: That isn't art, you found it in your underwear!
Amarillo, Texas
On the Plus Side, She Was Doing Some Pretty Nifty Baton Tricks
Security guard to woman who just drove over the curb: Are you drunk?
Woman driver: No, she (points to passenger) was distracting me with my vibrator!
Hospital Parking Lot
Denver, Colorado
The Feather Boas Are Confusing
English teacher: Going around is a sheet with some 1920s slang, so you can get used to it before we start reading The Great Gatsby. Okay, so, everyone knows what a flapper is...?
Tenth grader: Oh, like a transvestite, right?
Tinton Falls, New Jersey
Categories: Books | Compare and contrast | Default | New Jersey | Questions | Students | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-06-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What We All Want, Jimbo.
Thug to two others, leaving subway: Yo, let's hurry. I want to get good seats so I can suck her daddy's dick.
Government Center
Boston, Massachsetts
Overheard by: Jchill
Categories: BJs | Default | Massachusetts | Offers and requests | Penis | Thugs | Words | Posted 2009-06-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like "Reach Out and Touch Someone" Was Any Better?
Lecturer, about advertisements: A hug that lasts all day? What is that, like bondage?
Urbana, Illinois
Apparently the Grace Period for Blaming the Potato Famine Has Expired
Irishman to friend, huddling under bar's awning during massive downpour: And people wonder why we drink...
Dublin
Ireland
Overheard by: l_tau
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Guys | Ireland | Questions | Posted 2009-06-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Even Nymphs and Satyrs Need a Day Off, Sir
Man wearing cargo pants, on day before Easter: So what's this foolishness about you guys being closed tomorrow?
YMCA staff member: Apparently, we're celebrating Easter.
Man wearing cargo pants: But you guys are pagan!
Naperville, Illinois
Overheard by: Lauren
I Blame the Vast Fixodent Conspiracy
Guy: I've heard that old people have the stickiest fingers.
Arvada, Colorado
Categories: Age and ageing | Body parts | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Posted 2009-06-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Maybe They Could Just Hold Hands While the Piercings Did It
Bathroom chick #1: So he had three piercings up there and two down there...
Bathroom chick #2: He said he had one that would get her off on her clit if they did it doggie style.
Bathroom chick #1: But what if her clit was pierced too? And his piercings on her clit?
Chilkoot Charlies
Anchorage, Alaska
All Octopus Hymns Have Eight Verses
Chick: I just don't want to sing about suckers with the step family!
Michigan
Overheard by: Meister E.
Categories: Default | Family ties | Girls | Michigan | Offers and requests | Singing | Posted 2009-06-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tommy Was a Shoo-in for the Cast Of Jackass 2028
Enthusiastic two-year-old boy: Mommy, my bottom just burped!
Illinois
Overheard by: martha
Wishes He Had a Girl Who Looked Good He Would Call Her?
White girl to white guy: Oh, I get it. So a baller pops his collar.
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Emmitt
Why Lightbulb-Shaped Buttplugs Exist.
Punk girl: A lamp?
Punk guy: While it was still on.
Punk girl: Didn't that like...burn the colon?
Punk guy: Apparently it wasn't on at first. Someone decided to plug it in as a joke.
Punk girl, giggling: Oh my god...what happened with that?
Punk guy: I don't know--all I know is that it involved the hospital.
California
Categories: Ass | California | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Guys | Punks | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2009-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And That Won't Give Her a Yeast Infection?
30-something black man on cell: Yeah. Put ketchup on it, it tastes like spaghetti!
All Star Cafe
Berkeley, California
Categories: Advice | Black people | California | Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Guys | Offers and requests | Restaurants | Posted 2009-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Like, "Everybody Dies-- Walk It Off!"
Guy with mullet on cell: He's in that "oh, my wife just died" mood. (long pause) Yeah, I know. Boo-hoo, ya fuckin' pussy!
Plantation, Florida
Overheard by: Just wants to buy some Spaghetti-O's
Categories: Death & dying | Default | Feelings | Florida | Guys | Relationships | Vagina | Posted 2009-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Cheez-Its for Dinner Now, Beeyotch!
25-year-old man: Hey, Bella, I got you funyuns!
Five-year-old girl: Ewwww!
25-year-old man: Well, fuck you then.
Lake View Terrace, California
Overheard by: James Jameson
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Girls | Guys | Kids | Kids | Words | Posted 2009-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When I Went Into Insulin Shock, the Joke Was on Her!
Loud fat man on bus: When I first found out I had diabetes, I had my wife go out and buy me a big case of pudding cups. I opened each one up and poured them into a tub with some milk.
Friend: Oh?
Loud fat man on bus: My mother-in-law didn't believe I could eat it, but I sat down in front of her and drank the whole thing, just to spite her.
Portland, Oregon
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Family ties | Fat people | Food | Guys | Maladies | Offers and requests | Oregon | Posted 2009-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Cute Puppets!
Guy to couple: Hey there, what are you doing ?
Man: I'm teaching Nikki sexual sign language.
Hinckley
England
...Did I Just Say That Out Loud?
Businessman on cell: I could barely see over her head, dude! It was like reading Klingon for the first time.
Independence Avenue
Washington, DC
Categories: Body parts | Books | Compliments | Default | Guys | Pop culture | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...to Use the Proper Measurement Units.
50-something man to another: I got a bunion you could hang a hat off of.
Durand Eastman Golf Course
Rochester, New York
You Realize That Means "Highly Pleasant to the Taste or Smell"?
Black girl #1: Girl, it is freezing outside.
Black girl #2: Girl, I know, right?
Black girl #1: Nigga, you know what? I don't have any blood, and since I don't have blood I turn blue all over. All the blood I do have is in my ass, because it is so luscious.
Black girl #2: Oh, nigga, I know that is right!
University of North Carolina at Greensboro
Categories: Ass | Black people | Colleges & Universities | Default | Feelings | Girls | North Carolina | Questions | Weather | Words | Posted 2009-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And She'd Squirtle in Her Pants
Girl #1: Okay, so my sister was watching Pokemon the other day, and asked me a question about it, and I don't know what to tell her.
Girl #2: Well, what is it?
Girl #1: She was wondering, since there are no animals in the show, like cows or anything, if when they ate meat they were eating Pokemon.
Girl #2: Don't tell her the truth, it'll break her nerdy little heart.
Utah
Categories: Animals | Body parts | Default | Family ties | Feelings | Food | Girls | Questions | TV shows | Utah | Posted 2009-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Counting the Nuts, Of Course
Young ice cream customer: I'm going to get a large sundae.
Competitive young ice cream customer: Oh, yeah? I once had a sundae that was so big it was...it was... (thinks about it) up to the top of Jesus!
Dairy Queen
Victoria
Canadia
Overheard by: bemused in Dairy Queen
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Customers | Default | Food | Jesus | Kids | Kids | Offers and requests | Questions | Posted 2009-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And That the Nineties Are Over
Drunk teenage boy: Heyyy, ssssuuuuupp, buddd... (stumbles away)
Sober teenage boy: I guess he's too drunk to notice that we're not friends.
Red Bank, New Jersey
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Guys | New Jersey | Relationships | Teens | Words | Posted 2009-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do You....Want A Hug Now?
Glamorous blonde mother, curiously: Did I pay you enough attention as a child?
Dark haired alternative daughter: Um...how do you mean?
Glamorous blonde mother: Did I not hug you enough?
Daughter: Why?
Glamorous blonde mother: Well, you're not...well...not very mainstream are you?
Daughter, in shock: Well, if there's anything wrong with me, it's your fault, isn't it!
Liverpool
England
Ad: Have You Sustained a U.D.I.?
Bartender to limping girl entering bar: Are you limping? Oh my god! What happened?
Limping girl: Damn, you weren't here last night, I was hoping you'd tell me!
Washington, DC
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Bartenders | Default | Girls | Offers and requests | Questions | Washington, DC | Wishes | Posted 2009-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Urinetown: The Musical in a Nutshell
Boy to friends: C'mon, we're going to watch Johnny pee!
New Jersey
Overheard by: CS
Categories: Default | Guys | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Pee | Weirdness | Posted 2009-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sex with Livestock Is a Close Second.
Professor: Apparently nothin' says lovin' in Louisiana like carving your name into the Bonnie and Clyde monument.
University of Wisconsin, Milwaukee
Overheard by: darkhorse
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Feelings | Names | Teachers | US Geography | Wisconsin | Posted 2009-05-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And You Were There, and You Were There, and You Were There...
Teacher to students: And then you thought we were going to an imaginary place...but it was Louisiana!
High School English Class
Sweden
Overheard by: It was real?
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sweden | Teachers | US Geography |