Archive for the ‘Memory lane’ Category

…Which Is a Great Lead-In to My Lecture on Gonorrhea

Blonde girl: I hate horror movies, because then I get scared that those things are going to happen, cause they really do happen.
Teacher: You can't live your life like that! Those things are really rare! Like, I've been in all sorts of sketchy situations, and I'm still here.
Guy: You're just too sheltered.
Teacher: Like, when I was in Rwanda, this guy was giving us a ride and he was like “do you want to stay overnight at my house?” and we were like “okay,” and I immediately regretted that one… Toronto

The Duck and I Were Reenacting the Dunkirk Evacuation!

Chav, showing off in front of group of underage girls: Yes bruv, you don't even know, there was this duck, yeah, and I snapped its neck, innit! It was swimmin' around with its head loose making stupid noises!
Slightly older chav friend: Breds, you're talking shit, man. Number one, if you snapped a duck's neck it wouldn't still be swimming. B, I was there, remember, that fucking duck bit you on the hand, bruv and you screamed like a woman and ran away. Cambridgeshire
England Overheard by: Tim C

What the Hell’s Going on in Hartford?

Professor: I went to college in Montreal, and one day I woke up on, like, the 16th floor of some high rise building with this beautiful Arabian girl next to me, and I didn’t know where I was or what was happening. It was great.
Student: And then you woke up again from your dream.
Professor: Well, then she ruined the next six months of my life. I don’t know why I told you this story. Hartford, Connecticut